#firjii writes

[firjii]

Words: 2,233 Fandom: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game) Rating: Mature Warnings: Major Character Death Characters: Jiran, Avad Additional Tags: Canon Related, Canon Death, Patricide, Regicide, Implied Murder, Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Missing Scene, Mentions of Mass Murder, Red Raids, Carja, rated M FOR MURDER, Meridian (Horizon: Zero Dawn), Canon Divergent, Angst, ALL THE ANGST, Brief Violence, brief implied/referenced non-sexual family abuse

Summary: With Meridian under siege and loyalists scattered and distracted, Avad seizes the only opportunity left to stop Jiran.

[Exactly what it says on the tin. I wanted to write Jiran’s death scene. Semi-purple prose. Slightly canon divergent because Ersa is not included. I don’t consider this a particularly graphic story but used an M rating because, y’know, assassination]

Plain text under the cut.

The light on Avad’s face doesn’t judge. It brings neither warmth nor cold. It carries no threat or encouragement. It only watches. Avad stares back at it for a moment. Eventually, dancing threads cloud his sight, pain not far behind.

But he doesn’t hear a booming voice or a wise missive. There is only the distant cacophony of Oseram weapons, a stray explosion, kestrels too foolish or scared to abandon their empty words yet.

He draws a deep breath, but it does little good. His lungs slowly catch on something. Today, sunset stretches on forever. Is it so red because of the smoke from battle? Is it a reflection of the blood in the streets? Is it just a sandstorm scattering itself from another mesa?  

He shakes the waking dream from his head and rubs his eyes. It must be done. No more delays. No more pleas. Begging for a hold or hesitation is as useful as crying out for help in a plundered, empty shell of a ruin left behind by the Old Ones.

His father is already long dead anyway. The man walking around in his body is someone else with his face and voice. He cannot come back from the lines he has crossed – and what’s far worse, not one person knows when exactly it happened. Everything is long past pity. Jiran wields a different weapon for each word spoken to him, and how ruddy they have all become.

Avad blinks. He sighs. For an instant, he is only another corpse among so many other anonymous corpses, except he is still alive. No. He is still alive, something both terrible and tormenting. It has fallen to his shoulders. But why wouldn’t it? Surely it isn’t surprise muddling his path. Surely he didn’t think he could make his way to the end of his lofty days without paying a price.

Of course it would’ve fallen to him eventually, sooner or later, when no others were left to try or were far too precious for greater plans to be wasted on this moment that no one else would remember – that no one should remember. Grief is for the innocents, not Jiran – and certainly not for the hand responsible for ending him.

One thought is not sufficient to brace for the moment, to blot out the needful deed. One thought alone would be too heinous a way to It must be weighed as the entire accounting of one life, not one individual thought amongst the accounting. There is only one singularity, and it is all the more numerous because no soul will ever know what happened in the hours leading to it – not one soul.

And after all, this is a formality – nothing more or less, which only serves to taunt Avad about the gravity of the choice anew. But it is Avad’s and only Avad’s to make. Too many have failed, and he has not blamed them. Too many have wavered at the last moment short of action – and he has not blamed them. Titans are titans for a reason, even if none dare give breath to that reason.

The solarium is vast, but today the formidable plants do little to clean the air. The herbs do little to scent the room. Every breath Avad draws is as sour and strange as the shadow that has kept him from living for as long as he can remember. His sandaled feet make little noise, but he flinches at the tiny echo of every step.

Jiran is alone, as usual for this time of day, his prostration before the last rays of light his only remaining gesture that is even a vague echo of humility. Avad blinks. Unusually, his father’s frame is calm. His worship is as fervent as ever tonight, but not frantic, not kinetic. He is nearly silent, but his mouth darts and twitches, racing through the same prayers he has uttered in vain for years. It is the only vestige left of his beliefs – and it is not much of a vestige at that.

Avad watches him longer than is needed. He uses the time to check for the dagger again. The man before him is only a man. But is the silence a trick? Has he guessed at Avad’s return? Is this a new rage to unleash in a burst when he sees fit? Is it exhaustion that might make a fight easier? Some machines are the most ferocious when the last two strikes are not yet delivered. It has been a very long time since he dared strike Avad, but perhaps today is finally the day for it again.

Or is this–

No. It cannot be the last. Avad doesn’t let the thought fully take shape. His jaw tightens. Jiran has had many chances before now and wasted all of them. He is weak, but his resolve isn’t. Avad’s cannot be either. He swallows. He leaves the dagger in its scabbard but keeps a hand close around it. Today must be the end of something.

He must not fail. He must not fail. He must not fail. The resolve lent from others drums over and over in his head. He knows what to do. It must be done. He must not fail. It must be done – but not with others’ words goading him on. He must not fail. He must not fail. He must–

Jiran gathers himself up from the polished floor.  

Avad’s throat catches on the air and he immediately scolds himself. He is not a child. He is frightened. He is not a child. He is not a slave. He is not prone before a machine. He is a man before another man, no more or less. They are alone. They are equal. They can both bleed, scream, hate, die. Only chance or the Sun can unbalance the scales.

The dagger is poisoned – of course it is. It will not take a flourishing flail or a severe jab to kill Jiran. The slightest cut will do. It has been planned as such deliberately. The slightest cut will do. All loyal advisors knew to make it so. They expect bravery, not invincibility. The slightest cut will do. Hesitation will not rule the day this time because the slightest cut will do. The dagger is poisoned. Of course it is.

His bow is both slight and spastic. “Father,” he murmurs, but the word is not a word. It is not faith for an incarnate. It is not respect for a king. It is not love for a parent. It is barely a noise with barely any breath, as metallic to his tongue as the uncountable machines of the world.

Jiran turns around, slowly – too slowly.

Avad’s innards writhe and tighten so fiercely that he cannot understand how he is not bleeding.

But Jiran only sweeps a palm inward rhythmically, the sort of benign gesture that only a menace can turn into a form of torture. “Come.”

Avad’s limbs rage against the command, but he steps forward – to spite his fear, not to obey a leader. He has the dagger. He is of whole mind and body. He has position that has given him the opportunity of this moment. He has the will. Even if guards come upon them now, he has every right to be there. They would not stop him unless they saw the dagger. He has the will. He has the will. He–

“My men could not find you.” The voice is small, oiled, sickly, like a half-gutted machine removed of its weaponry but not yet its contempt to live. “They searched and searched.”

The gentle singsong makes Avad’s breath catch worse than before, hooks upon hooks keeping his lungs from behaving like someone unburdened by plotting. “I was in private meditation and prayer.”

Jiran’s face scrunches. “For the entire siege?”

“A great deed requires great prayer. A great injustice requires great beseeching of the One Who Warms All The Earth.”

“Not from the faithful.”

He must not fail. “Is it such a crime to offer more favor than what is required?”

Jiran’s hand moves in a flash – only once, but a rush of pure ferocity. Avad winces too late at the cuts from his father’s fingernails, momentarily transformed into the claws of a forgotten beast in the Forbidden West – a strange reward for a strange pact.

Jiran sneers. “Your silence is all the answer I need.”

A sickly sweat forms near Avad’s eyes – or are they tears? The day is too warm to know the difference, thank the Sun. He swallows. “Only my words speak for me. If I do not speak, it is because I have nothing to say.”

“Liar.” The ragged roar cuts deeper than the strike. Jiran jabs a finger out at the empty air. “Liar,” he whispers.

“If I have wronged you, why have you not done anything?”

Jiran squares his shoulders, a fraction calmer than a moment before. “You are a child of the Sun.”

“So are the children you made orphans to keep a steady pace of sacrifices.” No, there is no doubt now. Tears corrode riverbeds in his face like machine blood on careless flesh.

Jiran’s ears do not hear. “It is my duty to educate you before taking any drastic action.”

“I am not a child anymore, nor am I a fool. I am already well and truly educated. You see to that every passing month.”

“There is little point in illuminating your errors if you aren’t alive to see them in the light of day.” Jiran’s brow leaps and soars with every word now.

Avad’s throat rises long before he speaks. “Did the Sun not give you enough mercy to spare for others in the same way?”

Jiran’s fists beat his chest, “It is the Sun’s business to decide what the Sun wants!” Jiran’s face blooms in a rush, almost ruddier than all the sacrifices he has had charge of.

“But you are not the Sun.”

“I am your king! I am the future of the Sundom!”

“Kadaman was the future.”

“I am your father.”

“You stopped being a father when you killed your own son.”

Jiran paces a tight zigzag. “Kadaman should have been stronger. When I found him wanting, he still served our god in the end. He still served his king.”

“You’re not a king anymore.” Avad abandons his civilized speech patterns, as useless as pleas to the madman before him. “You’re nothing.”

A vein rises in Jiran’s temple. Its telltale shadow in the dusk light almost threads as far as the vast, dark rims around his unpainted eyes. “I did my duties ten times over.” His voice somehow winds its way back to quietude. “I taught Kadaman as he should have been taught. I ruled as I should have ruled. The Carja are still alive because I had the radiance to protect them.” His palms fly generously, generous benedictions to none who see them.

“Allies to none and heirs of a blight.” The knife is poisoned. He must not fail.

Jiran’s mouth twists open like a Thunderjaw’s maw and he moves in close to Avad.

Avad braces. He knows what comes next.

“Everywhere you look, the people scramble over themselves to kneel down and kiss my feet in thanks – as they should!” Jiran’s voice is far bigger than his mind. His fists pump with every syllable.

Avad’s ears sting. He must not fail. He must not. He must not – but not yet.

Jiran beats his chest. “The Carja are still strong because of my deeds. We need to be strong – for the Sun God. What are a few lives against the future of a kingdom? What’s a little blood against the balance of the world? What right do a few traitors have to call me a tyrant?”

“The Sun God didn’t put thousands to the blade or make them fight to the death.” Avad’s voice cracks on every other word. “The Sun God didn’t make children into hopeless specks of dirt to be scorched away at noon and wither alone in the night. The Sun God didn’t hunt men as if they were machines. The Sun God didn’t tell Kadaman to fail you or betray you. You did all that. Only you.”

“The weakness of others can be just as useful as a tutor’s lessons.” Jiran strides about in a hurry, his feet aimless but emphatic. His arms fly to the fading sky. “It can impart wisdom in an instant that would have otherwise taken a lifetime to grasp.” His voice softens with each passing moment, as if his thoughts calm the further out he looks from the city. “But weakness always takes the same path.” He stares out at something that Avad cannot see. “It always ends in the same place.”

Avad’s head rings like the inner circle of the city’s priests calling a chant to the day, loud and audacious.

The dagger flashes into the sunlight with blessed silence. His quiet steps are loud again in the strained and pulsing quiet. He moves in close enough to be able to hear Jiran’s breathing.

“You’re right,” he murmurs. “It does.”

He has practiced and studied for weeks. His hand aims true. He moves sure and fast – but with closed eyes.

Yes, it is his task and his alone – but he cannot watch the knife do its work.

He is not his father.

#firjii writes #firjii on ao3 #horizon zero dawn

[effelants]

ok let's see what you do with this title: "I Don't Even Know Anymore"

For some reason, my brain is really wired for angst right now. Actually, come to think of it, maybe that’s just how is always is. Anyway...

We see a ragged, curly-haired blond man wandering the streets of Kirkwall, scavenging around in barrels of trash, just trying to get anything that’s worth even something, because he needs something to trade. He hobbles up to a merchant and asks him for a single piece of bread. The merchant just spits at his feet and walks away, and the man slumps down in the dirt, entirely defeated, and buries his face in his hands. His hands are shaking, and, soon enough, his entire body is quivering.

He’s startled by a voice, one that he is absolutely certain he should recognize -- but he doesn’t.

“Cullen?” it asks, so quietly it seems like it’s almost afraid to hear the answer.

“I don’t even know anymore,” he responds.

And that’s how that fic would go.

Give me a made up fic title, and I’ll tell you what I’d write for the title!

#ask meme #meme queen #axe me a question #effe writes #dragon age #cullen #tw: addiction #woot woot it's almost writing #you guys are fixing my writer's block ?? #firjii

[urdnotcadash]

Navy, aaaagghhhh, always navy!

Yes! Absolutely, I adore your blog! and i’d love to talk more. c: 

Post reference here

#firjii #ask answered #i know i haven't posted as much but i'm definitely planning on being online more c: #and hopefully writing again

[dragonageficrecs]

Ship rec list: Fenris/Hawke, Canon and Canon AU

So this list was getting too long as there are a LOT of Fenris/Hawke fics; survey shows that it's the most popular DA2 romance. These are some of the fics I've enjoyed but I am definitely working on more FenHawke lists! Asterisks mark fics I've re-read in part or whole.

-

WC <10k

Mrs. Teanettle & Friends* by jenny_of_oldstones. Gen, Fluff, Angst. Refreshing premise. Separate fic rec post here.

like the leaves after a long winter by JadeLavellan (Jadestone). F!Hawke. Breathtaking and atmospheric. Deals with the fallout after All That Remains.

The Smell of Desperation* by vivisextion. M!Hawke. Hold my beer! Humorous fic. Kirkwall gang shenanigans is strong in this one.

Not a Compromise* by firjii. Touch-starved Fenris, F!Hawke. An ex-slave re-learns touch as something that is gentle, as something that is given and not taken. My heart ached for Fenris.

Jealousy by astolat, sequel to The Rest of His Armor. When I saw the author for this fic I almost screamed with joy; Astolat's written some really good M/M fics in other fandoms. The turning point in the fic hinges on an ephemeral glimpse into Fenris' perception of his own personhood. DLC Mark of the Assassin spoilers.

that I ever did see by seventhswan. Oblivious!Fenris and Pining M!Hawke. Hawke gets Fenris a ring.

-

WC 10-25k

Lateral Valence* by glisteningceruleaneyes. Fenris learns how to read, and how to make a home. Nonbinary Hawke, Trans Fenris. Separate fic rec post here.

A Little Bit of Ink by abstractconcept. M!Hawke. A light, funny fic. Good thing Hawke's not branching out into writing, romance or otherwise, because his love letter writing is truly awful.

Were We Not Called* by loquaciousquark. F!Hawke. Soulmate-identifying mark fic, explored in SUCH a satisfying manner because Fenris' given name is Leto and he can't read! Ugh it's like the game hand-delivers the premise! Mutual Pining, Romance.

-

WC 25-50k

Did I Hear by MinionRipley. A fic exists to highlight Fenris' absolutely delectable voice. It is this fic. F!Hawke swoons.

-

WC >50k

Worth Life* by loquaciousquark. F!Hawke. Mutual pining, reunion. Separate fic rec post here.

I Remain at Your Side* by Lourdes23. F!Hawke. Launches right after fleeing Kirkwall. Angst, depression, pregnancy. History of Anders/F!Hawke. Fenris' loyalty and thoughtfulness really shows.

By The Still Waters* by orphan_account. M!Hawke, DAI spoilers, mutual pining, reunion. Very strong character voices, including Varric, Merrill, Solas, and Lavellan. Separate fic rec post here.

-

Bonus! WC >100k!

A Tangled Web by monkeycat. I do like the premise, that Hawke has learned to fight with daggers and not her magic.

Fire, Walk with Me by Khirsah. The fic that launched the Voice!Verse iirc. A good, long read if you're looking to be whisked away. M!Hawke wins a gold medal for pining in this fic.

October and April* by Roarkshop. F!Hawke. Separate fic rec post here. Was also rec'ed on r/dragonagefanworks.

-

#fenris x hawke #hawke x fenris #dragon age fic recs #da2 fic rec #da2 fic recs #less than 10k #oblivious fenris #mutual pining #over 50k #over 25k #representation matters #pregnancy #voice-verse #ship rec list #soulmate-identifying marks #au: canon divergence #canon compliant #over 100k #isabella #aveline #bethany #anders #varric #admin favorites #reunion #dai fic recs

[buttsonthebeach]

Hello darling! I need some Dragon Age blogs to follow (aside from you, of course). Are there any you would recommend?

Oh my goodness so many! I am confident that I am forgetting some at this very moment, so please forgive any omissions!

@hansaera, @scharoux, @dickeybbqpit, @kauriart, @ladylike-foxes (who also writes!), @niceguar, @nipuni, @smuttine, @rhunae

@dadrunkwriting is an excellent place to see a lot of content from a variety of authors, as is @writingdragonage!

@thevikingwoman, @wardsarefunctioning, @ellstersmash, @ket-mofo, @solverne-02,  @ocean-in-my-rebel-soul​, @littleblue-eyedbird​, @kagetsukai, @idrelle-miocovani, @pikapeppa, @jawsandbones, @galadrieljones

@empresstress13, @fandom-age, @firjii, @underthedreadwolfsgaze, @elfsplaining

And oh god so many more, everyone reblog and add more people please!

[protect-him]

WIP meme

Oh no! It happened! I was tagged in this by @firjii and I am a bit terrified to see how many wips I have.

Art:

Commissions for only one of the best Fenders fics of all time by @nikki-66 (I apologize profusely for how slow I have been. I am a terrible person)

A series of the Kirkwall gang in dresses I started mid-last year

A pair of pieces with Faun Fenris and Angel Anders

Writing:

A collab fic with @dovabunny, Baker Guide You. I love, love this adorable Fenders fic!! <3

A collab fic with @goatbazaarofdragons, And We Run. This is the mythical creatures Fenders au with angel Anders and faun Fenris.

My nsfw prostitute Fenris fic, No Strings Attached. Fenders with some angst.

My little Fenders fic, The Day When. A younger Anders and Fenris meet and Anders decides he wants to give Fenris the best day he’s ever had.

My Tevinter soulmates au, You Did Not Know Me. Fenders where Fenris never escaped, Anders went to Tevinter, and spots his soulmate at a slave auction.

A sequel to my merfenders fic, Through Glass.

A rewrite of a fenhawke Anastasia fic I wrote once upon a time.

A fic where Fenris is an immortal naga deity and Anders stumbles into the cave where Fenris was imprisoned. Not ready to post yet.

A fic where Fenris is a paramedic and watches Anders every morning on the train. They finally meet when Fenris answers a call and Anders has attempted suicide. Not ready to post yet.

An ace Fenris Fenders soulmate au. I absolutely can’t wait to write this one. Still in the outlining stage.

A pacific rim Fenders au. I started it a long time ago and I still really love the concept and want to continue/rewrite it.

Not to mention the ones that are still in early concept stage:

Beauty and the Beast Fenders AU, Sea World Cecaelia Fenris AU, ABO breeding stock Fenris AU, Dancer Fenris AU, Painter Fenris AU, Clockmaker Fairy Tale Fenders, ABO Fenders AU where Fenris has a baby, a Fenders story where Anders is Fenris’s secretary, and a Fast Food AU

Non DA WIPs:

The Novel

#i feel like i have a lot of stuff i need to work on #i need to stop beginning new projects #look at all of #good gracious #wip meme #it lives

[inconspicuous-cupcake]

Music Tag

I got tagged by @firjii, thanks for the tag! ♥ 

Put your music on shuffle and write the first 10 songs that come on, then tag 10 people to do the same.​  

Alright... Welcome to the random hell that is my ipod:   

1. Falling in Love - Aerosmith

2. Finale - Steve Jablonski (Gears of War 2 soundtrack)

3. One Day More - Les Miserables (this is starting to get a really random list XD)

4. Hey Ya - OutKast

5. It’s My Life/Confessions - Glee (omfg I should clean out my ipod)

6. Vamo’ alla Flamenco - Nobuo Uematsu (Distant Words version)

7. Time is Running Out - Muse

8. Great Balls of Fire - Jerry Lee Lewis

9. Beautiful Days - Venus

10. Truth - Ramin Djawadi (GoT soundtrack)

I’m tagging:  @blu-spectre, @amandacatarsi, @xxinquisiladyxx, @katnisshawke, @elfleed, @myprecimypreciousdao2i4cargo [not letting me tag, not going to stop me >:) ] @athdhea

#meme #thing #I love being tagged :D #Who's a soundtrack hoe #that's right #owning it #you should see the full tracklist #lol

[empresstress13]

BOLD

1ST RULE: tag 9 people you want to get to know more! 2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

Tagged by the wonderful @dreadhobo , the fantastic @dragynfox , and amazing @shift-shaping!

APPEARANCE - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo- I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality ABILITY - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping  - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing math in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority - I do some form of martial arts

EXPERIENCES - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite bands concerts

MY LIFE - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily- I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I speak at least two languages - I have made a new friend in the past year

ADULTING - I have finished High School - I have a Bachelor’s Degree - I have a Master’s Degree - I have a phD - I have quit a job - I have been fired - I have fixed a leaky faucet or toilet - I have been/are married - I have been divorced - I have at least one kid - I have called the police - I have served/are in the military - I have a pet

Tagging: @scurvgirl, @dokuhana , @katalyna-rose, @knightenchanteur , @firjii, @zanidragon, @inquisitorialbusiness, @savvylittleminx, @stormofteacups

 As always:  Feel free to ignore! Only do this if you have the time and/or inclination.♥ Love y’all!

#tag #about me #I'm currently in grad school

[eldritchbeauty]

Music Tag

Put your music on shuffle and write the first 10 songs that come on, then tag 10 people to do the same.

@lonaru​ tagged me in this forever ago, sorry for taking so long to get to it! I tend to switch between playlists, so I’ll use the entirety of my phone’s music.

Unbreakable Heart- Three Days Grace

Ready For It- Taylor Swift

No Surprise- Daughtry

Love?- Nothing More

The Times They are a Changin- Blackmore’s Night

Lost in Despair- Ensiferum

O Come, O Come Emmanuel- Pentatonix

Fuck Away the Pain- Divide the Day

Take to the Sky- Van Canto

Pressure- Paramore

My music is sort of all over the place, but this is just a taste of what I have! I think I’ll tag...

@princessbatteringram, @effelants, @weirdpine, @thejetblackcrow, @keeperlefae, @firjii, @machatnoir, @valkyrieraisingcain, @softalistair, and @inquisitorsmabari

Feel free to do this if I didn’t tag you!

#ask meme #music #lonaru #princessbatteringram #effelants #weirdpine #thejetblackcrow #keeperlefae #firjii #machatnoir #valkyrieraisingcain #softalistair #inquisitorsmabari

[ao3feed-fenhawke]

Unwritten In Plain Sight

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2GnVfdU

by firjii

Still struggling to articulate his feelings for Hawke in the midst of his newfound literacy, a perfectionist Fenris labors over writing her an affectionate letter as indirect thanks for her tireless efforts to teach him.

Words: 1810, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Dragon Age II

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M, Gen

Characters: Fenris, f!Hawke (implied)

Relationships: fenris x f!hawke

Additional Tags: writing a love letter, Nervous Fenris, literacy struggles, Mild Angst, Happy Ending, Early Relationship

read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/2GnVfdU

#fenhawke #fenris/f!hawke #fenris/hawke #f!fenhawke #IFTTT #ao3feed

[firjii]

@simplymiraakulous you must have known you’d pay for your crimes sooner or later, so let’s just get this over with.

(@partyatsanguines have fun getting hurt 😈)

Prompted by this.

"Forsaken”

He waits for the blow.

It might be from a weapon, it might be a shout, it might be a kick to the head.

The world holds its breath – or is he? His sight reels from the exertion. He doesn’t even try to coil away. He knew it would be a hard fight, a long one, a desperate one. No one else could have taken his place here. No other mortal has his power. And perhaps this is how it should have been, he fleetingly thinks.

He waits for the blow. What form it takes is of little consequence.

The snare tightens around him. He’s not sure where exactly, but it’s there just enough that he can feel it.

It pulls. It’s slow at first, and hardly more than a numbing little tug. Even broken, he’s far stronger than it. It settles snugly against and amidst the pain, the exhaustion, the smashed will and smashed bones and split sinew. He knew it was coming.

Something sharp rattles and sizzles through his skull. He wakes. Was it a stupor? Was he sleeping? It doesn’t matter. He wakes enough to remember what it means. He wakes enough to try one last time.

He thrashes once. He cries out. His throat makes the ground shudder anew, but not with shouts. This time, he begs in the dragon tongue to the dragon father. “Forgive me. I was a foolish child, but I am still your child. You are still my father. Help me. Break whatever is left of me, but help me. Save me.”

Something jostles his mask partway off, enough for something to scrape against his face. Grime and blood mingle in a patch of raw flesh near an eye, but he doesn’t feel it. He weeps for another reason. He weeps, though his body is too far away from him to lament anything. The snare is too strong, though he did not feel its first touch.

A thread of blood intertwines with tears and slinks down his neck. He cries out again. “Please. Help me.”

But the loudest noise is his body dragging across the site, the place that distant generations in the future will either call cursed or blessed ground. No presence appears. No voice answers.

“Father.”

The whimper is smaller than the residual trembling in the earth. His voice is spent. His lungs are spent. His breath is spent. The stenches of battle waft thick on a breeze. They cloud his head a little more, accustomed though he is to them. Even broken, he’s far stronger than it.

But it only takes one good fall to break a mortal, and he knows. He knows in the way that all dying things know. The world is watching and not watching. He feels the weight of its eyes and the weight of its indecision, its inability to stop what will happen.

“Father.”

The world is speeding and slowing and jolting all at the same time – like him, like whatever is left of his body, his free will, his moments left on Nirn. He tries to catch himself mid-twist in the air more than once. Maybe he’s not moving, maybe he can’t move, but he’s falling all the same.

He scrambles, but internally. His limbs can barely twitch. He isn’t a carcass. He isn’t an ordinary mortal. He can rise above it. Even broken, he –

The snare smothers his sight.

#i'm gonna get so much shit for this but i don't care - he's an interesting character #firjii writes #not da #skyrim #miraak #angst #skyrim fanfiction

[buttsonthebeach]

8 People I’d Like to Get to Know Better

Tagged by @thevikingwoman and @segadoraa! Thanks guys!

Name/Alias: buttsonthebeach, but you can call me Beach!

Birthday: October 15

Zodiac Sign: Libra

Height: 5′3″

Hobbies: writing, reading, video games

Favorite Color: dark blue

Favorite Book: This is an illegal question to ask a former English teacher!!!

Last Song I Heard: “The Black Parade” by My Chemical Romance and I SHOUTED EVERY WORD AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS

Last Film I Watched: Aladdin - the new live action one. Not as bad as I was expecting but I am still angry by the whitewashing that went on behind the scenes and Disney’s lackluster response to the allegations.

Inspiration for my muse(s): It’s hard to say. I tend to discover my characters one piece at a time. My favorite metaphor for it is reaching blindly into a box and feeling around for what shapes are inside - the shapes have always been there, I am just getting to know them.

Dream Job: Full time writer!

Meaning Behind the URL: The short version: I am have the sense of humor of a 12 year old, and I always demand to name everything my husband creates “Butts” and also I once changed the words of a song to be “butts on the beach” instead of “sex on the beach” and one day he decided it was his turn to name my AO3 account and so I finally reaped what I sowed. But it totally fits me and I love it :)

Tagging with no pressure of course: @laskulls, @zeetao-hime, @smuttine, @spookyvellan, @firjii, @sassyseeker, @sasshole-for-rent, @im-calling-the-lord

#beach rambles

[firjii]

Fandom: Dragon Age: Inquisition Rating: Teen And Up Audiences [just to be on the cautious side] Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Female Lavellan x Solas (implied) Characters: Female Lavellan (Dragon Age), Dorian Pavus Additional Tags: brotp, coming out, friend fiction, asexual character, female lavellan, implied female lavellan/solas, supportive dorian, dorian pavus, light angst, implied trauma, Implied abuse, swearing

Summary: Unsettled by Halward Pavus's past actions and haunted by his confrontation with Dorian, Inquisitor Lavellan reflects on something she's been avoiding thinking about for a very long time. No longer able to banish some crippling feelings but barely able to articulate what she's known for years, she hesitantly entrusts a secret to Dorian. Dorian responds with some unexpected advice.

(Plain text version under the cut.)

Dorian’s finger grazed the edge of a thick, pulpy page in a tome a little too quickly.

His surprised hiss echoed surprisingly far throughout the library, the paper’s stiffness quite altogether deceptive and its bite stronger than some poor-quality wines. He glanced up as he licked the cut. In the past, the Inquisitor had gotten wide-eyed over far smaller disturbances.

But her stare out the window was steady and unbroken, as it had been for most of the day – several days, actually. He cleared his throat a little louder than was necessary. She still didn’t react. He watched her a moment longer. Her shoulders weren’t as tense as they had been at other times, but her elbows were rigid and crossed in front of her. Her hands didn’t clench and unclench as they were so often in the habit of doing, but their constant erratic twitches betrayed busy thinking.

“Something on your mind?” he lilted.

Her hands went on twitching.

“It’s just that you’ve been hounding me for weeks to learn more about runes, and truth be told, we’ve barely started yet.”

Only the drone of crows’ and ravens’ wing flaps answered him.

He closed the books on the table – but quietly. Magical study was pointless and even dangerous if the mage in question couldn’t concentrate on the task at hand.

“I never took you for a daydreamer.”

She sighed, barely.

“I know it might sound cheeky to ask, but is something wrong?”

She shifted her weight, barely.

“In my experience, quiet people are normally the most worried. It’s not that they don’t want to talk about it, they – just don’t know where to start.”

“What do they worry about?”

His brow relaxed: speech. It was a timid little rumble, but the thought was certain. She wasn’t as bad off as she could be, then. “Mm. With ordinary people, it might be anything. But with leaders, I’ve found that it’s either death or a lover’s quarrel.”

“I’m used to death.”

“Ha! I know. We all are. Saving the world is a damned bloody business.”

She didn’t react.

He stood after a long moment. “I’ve heard the chatter, you know. It’s – a little difficult to avoid, even in Skyhold. I’m seen as the worldliest fellow here apart from the Orlesian set. It’s not entirely wrong. I’m rather pleased that they came to the right conclusion about something. Did you know, some southerners consider Tevinter to be a feeble little desert with quaint little ways.” His head bobbed along with his words. He cast his eyes downward. “But I’m sorry to dash your hopes.” He shrugged. “I’m not much use with affairs of the heart.”

“You’re still more use than me.”

“I very much doubt that. I-”

She turned around. Her face was immovable and stoic, but her eyes shimmered by the candlelight and lanterns.

He paled. “What happened?”

“I shouldn’t ask. I’ve seen of the others – they come for advice. You always find something to say to shut them up even though you’re bluffing. I know you are. I wouldn’t ask if I had another choice.”

Her voice had decayed a little more with each sentence. He gathered his breath very carefully. “What choice?”

“I can’t get your father out of my head.”

“Oh? That’s a common affliction among those who meet him.”

Her jaw tightened around a tense swallow. “Are there –” She flicked her eyes about. “I-I don’t know how to say it well. Are there a lot of people like you in Tevinter?”

“Ha! Depends who you ask, really.”

“But you’re not the only one. You can’t be.”

He made himself still. “No. I’m not. Of course I’m not.”

“Women too?”

“Certainly.”

She closed her eyes and frowned tightly for an instant. “No, what I meant was – I –”

He waited. The tension was hers, not his. He could at least see that much. So he waited. He watched the words swim and dance in the mind that made her seem equally baffling and brilliant to strangers.

She took a deep breath, but the resolve that was probably meant to brace her crumbled before she finished exhaling. “Do you think it’s possible for someone to – to want and not want? In that way, I mean.”

His thoughts simultaneously accelerated and slowed. Was she saying what it sounded like she was saying? “You-”

She shook her head in quick little jerks. “I’m not a – it’s not that I don’t know what happens. I do. But that was different. That was –” Her face contorted. Dorian waited for a sob but no noise came. She recovered herself, barely. She glanced at everything and everywhere but Dorian. “That was so different. And my clan acted strangely after that – more so than before, I mean. But I think it happened because I didn’t – I don’t know, I didn’t care about that. Even before it happened, I didn’t care. And the others must’ve seen that, and-”

He raised a hand gently to silence her. “I understand.” He shook for an instant, but he stifled it. Outrage wouldn’t help her just now. “And in that case, Inquisitor, I have a favor to ask.”

She quieted her frame and waited.

“Beyond this sentence, don’t take any advice on this matter – from anyone, even me.”

Her eyes glazed a fraction. “Isn’t it worth some worry?”

“Only if you go on trying to be something that you don’t feel you are.”

Her shoulders bounced twice and she hugged herself a little tighter.

Dorian struggled to hide his cringe at seeing such angular movements. Had she been skipping meals again?

“It’s silly, I know. The world’s still in danger and there’s still so much left undone. This is the last thing I should think about. I’ll find someone eventually anyway.”

“You might. You might not. That’s all anyone can know for certain, really. ”

“Are you angry?”

“Why would I be?”

She looked away and moved for the railing. She leaned her elbows on it and tented her fingers. “I’ve met people who don’t mind which path someone takes as long as it means sharing the path with someone else.”

“Then they were wrong.”

“How can they be wrong?”

“You didn’t decide to be the way you are any more than you decided to be a mage.”

“That’s not enough for some people.”

“Well it damn well should be.” He copied her pose and stared out at nothing in particular. “Here we are again,” he grinned. Despite her somberness, a smirk tugged at the very edges of the Inquisitor’s mouth, just as he knew it always did when he said it. “Here we are, some of the brightest scholars and strongest warriors in the world, trying to save this damned shithole that’s tried to kill us Maker knows how many times. If we succeed, it shouldn’t matter who or what we are. The rest is just gossip. Remember that, Inquisitor.”

She frowned again and paled. “Ameridan almost said something like that.”

“There you are, then: two votes of confidence.”

A lull settled over them, the birds still the only company on this particular afternoon.

“But if you don’t mind me saying, I don’t think you need to worry about finding someone.”

“Why?”

Dorian casually pointed down at the empty rotunda. “I’ve seen how you are with Solas. I’ve seen how he is with you.”

She turned around suddenly and folded her arms up again. “I know. It’s not fair.” She leaned her waist against the railing. “I can’t go on thinking what I’m thinking and draw closer to someone.”

“Why not?”

A dozen sharp lines and shadows crossed her face. “But it’s not – that’s not-”

“Why…not?” He drew the words out as he smiled in earnest.

“He would never agree to something like that. No one would.”

He slowly clasped his hands together. “The one thing I’ve learned from all that I’ve seen in the world is that no two situations are alike. They might end in the same way, but they don’t always start the same. No two people are entirely alike. No two pairings are entirely alike.”

She blinked hard several times and stared over her shoulder down below. “Do you think he and I could be a – pairing?”

“That’s not for me to say. I only see what I see.”

“But you see something between us?”

He rested a palm on her hand. “You’re right. There’s not a lot I can say. There’s not a lot I can do to help.”

She swiped a rogue tear away as if jabbing a gnat off of her face. She nodded and lowered her head.

“There’s not a lot I can say because it’s none of my business. That doesn’t mean there isn’t anything to consider – and it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try looking if that’s what you want.”

“I wish someone would tell me what I wanted.”

“There’s a certain old piece of Tevinter wisdom. It’s been twisted to mean many things, but that doesn’t make it any less true than whatever lucky soul put it into words in the first place.”

“And what’s that?”

“‘Above all else, know thyself.’”

“I don’t think that’s something I could ever follow.”

“Knowing that you don’t know is still knowledge. It’s still more than the average damned fool in the street can understand.” He snorted. “It’s still more than I know sometimes.”

The Inquisitor shot him a frown.

“Yes, even I’m surprised that I said that,” he lilted.

They both let out patchy, quiet chuckles, the Inquisitor’s a fraction more uncertain than Dorian’s but no less sincere.

#friendfic #asexual inquisitor #dragon age fanfic #f!lavellan and dorian (brotp) #light angst #dragon age inquisition #solavellan #ace positivity #asexual character #firjii writes #firjii on ao3 #sfw fanfic

[firjii]

presenting......

16 years ago today, at about 1:30PM, I started writing a silly little story. It eventually became…whatever this is. Let me be VERY clear: I don’t expect anyone here to read it because I very openly admit that it’s not for everyone. Buuuut I’d be remiss not to mention it at least once.  ;)

👉 Enter if you dare 👈

(MATURE CONTENT, MANY TRIGGERS)

Synopsis:

Abandoned a decade ago in a sprawling, decaying city and fostered by a brutal merchant, Sóra Lightfoot's life is filled with silent agonies. Free to wander but bound by strange promises, she is little better than a slave. With few joys and fewer allies, she sustains herself with the simple goal of spiting evil by outlasting it. Her magic, only a trickle since her abandonment, can no longer maintain her health - and the ever-looming charnel air is never merciful.

When a strange child comes to her one day with an abstract offer of a reprieve, Sóra's path spirals into one marked by dazzling light and unspeakable darkness. Abruptly removed from Krócia's panic and squalor, Sóra finds herself in a tranquil mountain refuge. A kindly but scattered family's secrets give way to equal - and equally unexpected - measures of both healing and shadows.

But perseverance has a steep price, especially when magic is both an enduring savior and a volatile traitor. No longer a slave, she instead faces the burdens of choices that could destroy as easily as protect those around her - and some consequences are too acute for her to fathom. With the help of mercenaries, an exiled monk, and the survivors of a century-long civil war, Sóra learns more about the past than she ever dared to find - including hope.

But despite her newfound freedom, her mind is not her own yet. Something stalks her in dreams and visions too vivid to be coincidental.

And now for the other important answers:

a longish read (at least 100K words)

Multiple POV

Multiple narratives

Dystopian future and all that jazz (approx. 18th/19th-century inventions and 20th century scientific knowledge at the most)

Elemental magic; a rare inborn gift in extreme decline (most people in the world haven’t seen it in action and some haven’t even heard of it)

No dragons

No romance 

No fluff*

A really cranky protag who will pick a fight with anyone and everyone

Orphans

A hell of a lot of family drama

Warring gods and demigods

Secrets

Mercenaries

Refugees

Angst

Just…a tire fire’s worth of angst

Seriously, it’s weightier than lead

Did I mention the angst?

*I interpret “fluff” to mean happy characters, not just shippy stuff

#idk if I'll share updates here but I can say I shared it here #firjii writes #original fic #fantasy fic #original fantasy fic #firjii on wattpad #not da