#ferrari you will always be my number one bad bitch

[topnotchquark]

#ferrari you will always be my number one bad bitch #come hell or highwater #or the weirdest fucking driver pairing #lewis Hamilton #charles leclerc #scuderia ferrari #mercedes amg petronas #lewis to ferrari 2024 #fred Vasseur #f1 #formula 1

[silvervioletvalentine]

Never too much to someone that can’t get enough of you.

Pairing : Charles leclerc X Cherrie (fem!)

Word count : 8k

Warnings: fluff . So much love it’ll make you sick. Lovesick Charles. A lot of the colour red. Idk that’s it I think?

I can’t believe the amount of love I got on my recent kylian mbappe fic!! I’m so happy you guys liked it. So here’s a Charles one!! Hope you like it xoxo

Charles tried and failed miserably to acted casual and uncaring as he asked the unspoken question of the night , clearing his throat and gently nudging Pierre's arm from where he was sat next to him at the table . Waiting to be served their overpriced food for the night .

He had spent the last half hour nursing a glance of wine and sending the occasional anxious glance towards the restaurant door , hoping to catch a glimpse of her familiar wild hair and pretty face , or even just to catch the sound of her loud voice that he often heard before he even caught a glimpse of her.

But as the minutes past buy and the rest of the guys at the table began to mutter impatiently about how hungry they were and how unfair it was for them to have to wait like this , he felt himself grow restless.

Unable to take it anymore , his worry and curiosity got the best of him.

"Where's cherrie? Is she still coming?" He asked Pierre quietly , not wanting to draw attention to himself by asking the unspoken question.

It was bad enough that every time he saw Cherrie , he turned the colour of her name. He didn't need to the rest of the drivers to pick up on his ridiculous little crush either . He would never hear the end of it.

Pierre looked over at him with a small smirk , being the only one to know about Charles infatuation with the loud mouth troublemaker of the grid .

After being the only one there to hear Charles drunkenly ramble on about how beautiful and strange she was , a few bottle of wines had him almost crying as he told Pierre about how much she scared him and how fucked up it was that he liked it.

Now every time he mentioned her , his friend would get a smug little knowing look on his face . One that said 'I know everything' and wasn't afraid to rub it in his face .

Charles really should be carefully about who he drinks around in the future .

"How would I know?" He answered with a small smirk , shaking his head at him in amusement .

He thought it was funny that his quite , kind and always polite friend was infatuated with a woman the complete opposite of him. One that enthralled him yet scared the absolute shit out of him at the same time .

Charles didn't even know why he had gotten so obsessed with her so quickly . Maybe it was because she was everything that he wasn't . Perhaps he liked the fact that he could never guess what she would do next.

Because Cherrie was loud , obnoxious and blunt. Always saying whatever came to her mind without any thought to filter the good from the bad beforehand. She just didn't give a shit .

If you told her yes , she would say no.

If you told her not to do something , she would do it.

If you said she wasn't capable of doing something , she would do it and then do it again just to hit the mark and rub it in peoples faces .

She was fearless. Confident and she never took anyone's shit. Charles really did admire that about her.

However to others she could also come across as rude , mean and a complete and utter bitch. A title that she wore proudly , uncaring of what anyone thought of her .

Because at the end of the day she was a winner . She was the one bringing in the points for Ferrari , she was the one that was permanently on the podium. If she wasn't number one , she was never below the top three .

So what did it matter if she partied every night? If she ran around the hotel lobby in her underwear , drunk and serenading the poor guests there with a terrible version of welcome to the jungle?

And what did it matter if she never had a serious boyfriend? If she was seen with a new man each month? From footballers , to actors and musicians . She wasn't particularly picky. Because they never lasted long anyways.

And so what if she got into public fights all the time? As long as she didn't fuck up her knuckles too much , she could still drive and she could still win. Just like she always did. It was no big deal.

Being her teammate was a rollercoaster . Because while Charles admired and was envious of her driving skills , wanting to know more and wanting to know just how she did it. There was the small problem of how she made him feel.

He wanted to talk to her. Wanted to ask her a thousand and one questions that sprung to mind . He wanted to know her , he wanted to know everything .

He wanted to be her friend . Definitely wanted to be more . But unfortunately for him , he had never been very lucky. On the track and off the track apparently.

Because as soon as she looked at him and flashed him her pretty smile , it was like his brain shut down and he turned into a red coloured zombie who suddenly could no longer form a sentence or even return her smile.

So instead , he blushed and ran away like a coward each time . Mumbling some excuse about how he was needed elsewhere or that someone was calling him, even though his phone never rang.

So no. Because of this, Cherrie and himself weren't particularly close despite being partners on the track. And he only had himself and his own nervousness to blame for that.

Because she did try. She always shouted a pleased hello at him when she passed by. Always tapped the top of his helmet in good luck . Always told him that it would be him on the podium with her next time , giving him hope after yet another failure from his team.

She invited him to parties with her. Yet He always declined because he was a stupid , scaredy cat who was so scared of fucking up and saying something wrong to her , that he was was fucking it up by not doing anything at all.

He was certain that she must think that he had a problem with her by now.

Because lately those happy greetings had stopped and no longer did she invite him to hang out with her anymore . And he knew it was his fault , but what was he to do? He just couldn't help it.

She turned him into a stammering , blushing teenage mess again.

"You talk to her don't you?" Charles finally muttered to his question . Frowning back at Pierre in pure annoyance .

He knew for a fact that Pierre was close to Cherrie . Had seen the multiple posts and photos of them together at random parties and clubs , they had even gone on holiday together with a few other drivers too. They looked like they had the time of their lives together , meanwhile he had bitterly scrolled past their posts with a pout on his face . Having told Cherrie that he couldn't go with them because he had stomach flu.

He didn't have stomach flu but it felt like he did when he saw pictures of her in a tiny dress and sitting on his best friends lap in Hawaii .

Pierre gave him an amused glance . Watching his anxious friend taking another sip of his wine while talking another glance towards the doors.

"Yes I do. We're good friends . Something that you could be with Cherrie if you simply stopped being such a whimp." He simply replied . Getting out his phone and pulling up their texts . Humming to himself as he read the newest one she had sent him ten minutes ago.

"She's running late . Apparently she's had a wardrobe malfunction." He told him.

Charles scowled at him , inhaling deeply as he fiddled with his glass between his fingers .

“Not that simple mate. She must think there's something wrong with me. She doesn't invite me out anymore." He muttered , upset with himself .

Pierre sighed at that. Shooting him a sympathetic glance , yet the amusement in his eyes wasn't fading at all.

"There is something wrong with you. It's called being in love." He stated matter of factly .

He said it So bluntly that Charles choked on his gulp of wine in shock, coughing loudly as he slammed his fist against his chest. Staring with wide, terrified eyes at his friend just as the woman of the hour stumbled in.

Perfect timing .

Cherrie came strutting over to their table In dark red , six inch heels that showcased her tanned and toned legs . Small leather shorts hugging her hips and ...

No shirt. Charles felt like he was going to pass out as he continued to splutter on the droplets of wine that were now trying to kill him.

Pierre snickering beside him as he looked between the two of them happily , as though he was watching his own personal comedy show.

"You won't believe the day I've had!" Cherrie exclaimed as she through her clutch down onto the table with a huff . Nothing but a small , black lace bra covering her upper body.

Then she took note of Charles choking to death at the end of the table and glanced over at him in concern .

Raising a perfectly arched brow in worry as she strutted over to him and starting patting him on the back in hopes to help him.

Kneeling down slightly so that she could see his reddening face , her large chest now in his eyesight from her lack of shirt .

Dear god. Charles thought in misery as he tore his eyes away from her chest and squeezed his eyes tightly shut. I'm being tortured .

"Are you good?" She laughed as she patted the top of his head as well before getting back to her feet and sliding into the chair opposite him. Eyes still glancing curiously at him as his coughing fit finally came to an end . Although the red on his cheeks wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Unable to look her in the eyes , instead settling to glare back at his giggling friend beside him.

He hummed tensely "yeah. Just- the wine-" he motioned helplessly to his now nearly empty wine glass . Beyond mortified now.

He could see lando and Daniel grinning at him from the other side of the table , Carlos simply shaking his head at him with a smile full of pity .

So , perhaps he wasn't as discreet with his infatuation with her as he had previously thought .

lovely . Fucking lovely .

Cherrie nodded along as though she understood . Grabbing her own glass that had been waiting for her and taking a swig , kissing her teeth afterwords with a slight grimace .

"Mmm. Yeah no wonder you choked. Not the best. Anybody want some vodka?" She said with a grin as she opened up her clutch and pulled out a red flask with her name engraved on it .

Daniel whooped happily as he made grabby hands at the flask. Cherrie chucking it to him with a laugh as the waiters finally began bringing out their food now that she had arrived .

It was Carlos who brought up the elephant in the room. Glancing down at her bra that hardly covered anything with a curious look on his face , titling his head .

"Cherrie?" He called over to her just as the waiters left , getting her attention again .

She just hummed as she looked down at her plate of mushroom and chicken pasta , nodding her head happily to herself as she picked up her fork.

"Yeah?" She shoved a spoonful of heaven into her mouth. Raising a brow at Carlos impatiently as her flask was passed around the table . Everyone brightening up now that food was served with the option of pure vodka too.

He glanced again at her chest and then over to Charles who had his eyes glued down to his plate , seemingly in a staring contest with his own food.

"Where is your shirt? You do know that it is missing right?" He asked her kindly . Wondering if she simply had forgotten to wear one . It wouldn't be the first time .

Cherrie just sighed and glanced down at her chest with a slight pout on her face , frowning a little in annoyance .

"I got my shirt caught caught in the elevator door and it ripped off. I couldn't be bothered going back home . The bra covers what it needs to." She muttered around a mouthful of pasta , utterly starving and not giving a shit about manners then.

Charles swallowed roughly. He didn't think that it covered what it needed to at all.

Taking another quick glance up from his plate to confirm his thoughts , he chewed on the inside of his cheek and quickly averted his eyes again.

Yep. Didn't cover much at all.

Lando grinned over at her "I think you look great Cherrie! You're making a fashion statement . Next new trend hopefully!" He cheekily joked as he reached over the table to high give her .

Cherrie just giggled as she slapped his hand and rolled her eyes at him with a grin.

Pointing her fork at him playfully "oh lando. Dear little lando. You wouldn't last a minute if all the women in the world started to look like me and dress like me . You wouldn't be able to handle it." She teased as she took another swig of the wine to wash down her pasta with.

Lando gasped , offended . "I would too!" He exclaimed.

Daniel laughed loudly "spoken like a real man. You sound like a five year old! I would too!" He mocked him , giggling as he ducked out of the way of the incoming smack.

As the others began to banter between themselves , Cherrie took the chance to tap her heel against Charles ankle .

Making him flinch so hard he smacked his own arm against pierres who gave him a amused shake of his head. Feeling sorry for his friend now. This was utterly pathetic.

Cherrie let out a chuckle as she gave him a curious glance . Wondering why he looked so flustered and red.

"Are you sure you're okay? You look a little ..." she twisted her lips not wanting to accidentally insult him . "Like your car." She instead settled on making , Pierre snort loudly .

Frowning at him curiously before turning her gaze back to Charles who had , if it was possible , gone an even darker shade of red .

Clearing his throat , he gave her a nervous smile and nodded his head. Clenching his fork in his hand as he twirled his spaghetti around on his plate , finally meeting her eyes and keeping them there.

He wondered then if Axl rose had written that verse just for Cherrie. It seemed fitting .

'She had eyes of the bluest skies as if they thought of rain , I'd hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain.'

Her eyes were just as beautiful as the rest of her. Because of course they were . There wasn't anything ugly about her . She was perfect in his eyes.

Even as she sat there , missing a shirt and taking a swig from a flask of vodka . Eyeliners smudged beneath her eyes and her painted nails all chipped and messy. He still thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world .

Fucking hell. He was absolutely screwed. There was no coming back from this was there?

"I'm okay." He quietly confirmed . Trying to gather every ounce of courage he had to just talk to her like a normal human being for change .

“Er-how's your cat? Sirius right?" He asked.

Pierre gave him a look. Letting out a long , pitiful sigh. Horrified at the lack of game his best friend had. He really needed to school him on the art of flirting. Desperately in fact .

Cherrie let her smile fall from her lips, letting out a dramatic sigh as she widened her eyes at him like she was suddenly really sad .

"He died." She said keeping a straight face as she watched Charles’s face go white . His mouth parting in shock while his face displayed nothing but horror , seemingly having lost his voice .

As he just continued to blink at her in disbelief , his mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish. She couldn't hold it back any longer, feeling bad , she burst out into laughter .

Reaching over to flick at his hand , she shook her head with a teasing grin.

"I'm kidding! I'm just joking char! He's alive and well. Can't you tell from all the cat hair on me?" She giggled as she picked a ginger hair from her bra strap with a smile.

Charles couldn't stop himself from exhaling loudly in relief . "Oh mon dieu! Shit.." he breathed out a shaky chuckle.

Clutching his hand over his anxiously racing heart . Having thought that he had really fucked up, again.

"He's alive?" He repeated just to be sure . Eyes still wide from the shock of her little joke. Sure that she was trying to kill him.

Cherrie just nodded her head as she sucked the pasta sauce from her fork slowly , popping it out of her mouth once she was done with a sly little grin.

Seeing the way Charles eyes were glued to her lips , she ran her tongue against the bottom of her glossed lip just to tease him some more .

"Mmm. He's so fucking fat. I've tried dieting him but nothing is working ." She told him with fondness in her voice as she pulled out her phone and pulled up a picture of her cat. Turning it around to and leaning over the table so Charles could see it clearly .

Charles couldn't help but laugh at the sight of the obese fluffy cat on her screen. It's face so scrunched up it made it look like a moody old man.

"Aww. Fitting name though. He does look really Sirius." He muttered in amusement .

His eyes flickering back up to watch her as she laughed loudly at his joke. Pride filling him at the sight of her beaming smile as she looked at him with bright eyes.

"Finally! Someone gets it!" She exclaimed happily . Almost bouncing on the edge of her seat in excitement .

"The amount of times I've had to explain his name is ridiculous.." she rose a brow at him , biting down on her lip in glee as she watched him giggle at her pun.

Charles felt some of his confidence return to him , like magic. Unable to believe that she was a Harry Potter nerd too. Who would have thought?

"Good one." He grinned shaking his head in amazement . Running a hand through his hair as he watched her suddenly stand up and drag her chair to the end of the table so that she was sat right beside him instead .

Resting her elbow on the table right beside his , she held up her phone between them as she flicked through her photos and stopped at one in particular .

"Oh my god. I knew you'd be a slytherin!" He laughed as he looked at the photo of her in slytherin uniform . Broomstick and all as she posed beside her cat who was also wearing a Hogwarts jumper , looking as unimpressed as ever .

Cherrie clicked her tongue . "Pretty obvious huh? And you're ..." she squinted her eyes at him thoughtfully . Tapping her finger against her lips as he grinned over at her shyly . Feeling a little self conscious from how intently she was looking at him.

"A Hufflepuff." She stated confidently. Nodding her head along with her words as she locked her phone and gave him her full attention instead .

Charles sighed long and hard . "Yeah. I'm not gonna ask how'd you know . I scream Hufflepuff don't i?" He mumbled with a sheepish smile .

Cherrie just laughed and nudged his shoulder with her own.

"You'd look good in yellow . Little badger." She whispered to him , wiggling her eyebrows teasingly . Before reaching over to fill another glance of wine , easily moving on like she hadn't just turned his world upside down .

Instead she got back up and wandered down the table to Daniel and lando who wanted to show her a new card trick they had learned on the way there.

Leaving Charles to exhale shakily and lean back

Against his chair. Pressing his hand against his rapidly beating heart .

A lovesick smile tugging at his lips as he watched her laugh at something the guys had said . Roasting them like no tomorrow as she easily guessed how they had done their trick .

Pierre glanced at his friend with a smirk , taking in his red face and heart shaped eyes as he watched her. Wondering what it would take for Charles to admit that he was in love .

The final time that Charles knew he was in too deep was a random Saturday night when he had finally picked up the phone and let Cherrie persuade him to hang out with her .

After making her promise him that there would be nobody else that he would be forced to socialise with and that she wasn't tricking him just to drag him out to some club she was always at . He finally agreed .

With his heart in his mouth and firmly telling himself over and over again that this was just a casual hangout between budding friends. That he could totally act like a normal guy and not embarrass himself for once . That everything was going to be okay .

He arrived at her apartment with a bottle of bubblegum wine that he had found after hearing Daniel rave about it to him one time . He figured Cherrie would like it. Even if she didn't she would still drink it . It wasn't in her nature to turn down alcohol . So that was one thing he didn't have to worry about .

But as she let him in with her blonde hair sectioned into two pieces and holding up a bottle of bright red hair dye in her hands. He felt his face fall. Oh god.

"Cherrie please don't tell me that you've brought me here to change careers." He pleaded as he placed the bottle of wine and chocolates he had also brought for her down onto her coffee table.

Standing in the middle of her front room with his hands pressed against his hips, staring fearfully at the bottle of hair dye that she was thrusting in his direction with a gleeful smile upon her pretty face . Dressed in just a baggy Ferrari shirt and nothing else . Charles wondered how much more his heart could take.

Giggling like a crazy person as she dashed to her front door and locked it so he couldn't escape . Returning to him to see him looking exasperated, pressing his hands over his face with a groan . Knowing that he had no choice but to go along with whatever crazy shit she wanted to do now.

"What's wrong with being my impromptu hairdresser? Fuck me. Bubblegum?!" She suddenly squealed as she picked up the bottle of wine and held it up to her eyesight . Looking like a kid at Christmas .

Charles grinned as he gently took the bottle from her hands and opened the cap.

"Where's your wine glasses?" He asked her while glancing over to her kitchen curiously . It was a mess. He wasn't surprised . She didn't seem like the neat and tidy type of woman anyways.

Cherrie just scoffed and gave him a judgemental look. Grabbing him by the arm of his sleeve and dragging him down the hallway and into her bathroom where her temporary salon would be.

"What are we? Old? We drink from the bottle like champions Charles!" She tutted at him as she took the bottle from his hands and took a long swig. Pulling it back from her lips after she had swallowed, letting out a impressed hum.

Licking her lips at the sweet taste  "wow that was really nice." She murmured in actual surprise.

"Where'd you get this from? I want more."

Charles took the bottle back from her and took a small sip for himself . "Daniel. He's got a load of it. It's his favourite wine ." He mumbled taking another long sip as he watched her pull out a small stool right in front of the large mirror  and sit herself on it . Once against thrusting the hair dye at him impatiently .

"Cherrie.." he groaned warily as he carefully took the bright red bottle from her hands . Glancing at her long blonde hair worriedly .

"Are you sure? I don't know what I'm doing and I don't want to be the one responsible for fucking your hair. You'll hate me if I mess up." He muttered nervously as he stood behind her . Taking another large gulp of wine because there was no way he could do this totally sober .

Cherrie just sighed as she tilted her head back so that she was looking up him upside down , Charles quickly reaching out to place his hand on the back of her neck to stop her from toppling off the stool and onto the floor .

"I could never hate you Charles . You're too cute to hate." She simply told him before straightening herself up again. Giving him another blinding smile that had his stomach feeling like a damn zoo.

"Just think of it as paint . You just need to cover all the blonde and then it's done . It'll look good." She said confidently as he began to gently take out one of the hair ties in her hair . Softly running his fingers through the strands to make sure there was no knots .

He sighed, heart fluttering in his chest at the trust she had in him  "okay. You're right. Pass me the gloves." He mumbled . Quickly pulling them on and glancing nervously at the hair dye in his hands .

Hesitating long enough that Cherrie groaned and rolled her eyes at him playfully .

“Come on babe. It's not that hard I promise! Don't you think I’d look good In red?" She teased him . Wiggling her eyebrow at him once he looked up to catch her gaze in the mirror .

Flushing slightly, he looked back down at the bottle and pulled off the cap. Clearing his throat quietly as he started to squeeze the dye onto her hair , the bright red standing out against her usual white blonde .

"Of course you do. Red suits you best." He muttered honestly. Beginning to work more of it into her hair . Quickly catching on and getting through it all.

Cherrie smiled "see? You're doing so good! I knew you could do it Charles ." She praised him.

Watching with a keen eye as his skin lit up the same colour as her hair . Clearly he liked being praised. She'd keep That in mind for another time.

Taking another swig of the wine . She glanced into the mirror and looked at the matching red Ferrari tracksuit he was wearing . His hair all messed up and face soft and boyish as he concentrated on doing her hair .

Feeling her eyes soften as she took in how relaxed he looked now. He was always so jumpy around her . She could barely speak to him without him looking like he was going to run away. She hasn't actually expected him to agree to come to hers that night anyways . She just thought she'd try her luck .

Pierre told her it was because she made him nervous . That he didn't know how to act around her sometimes .

Cherrie knew that she could be too much sometimes . A little too loud. A little too chaotic . A little too much of everything .

But her dad had always told her that you could never be too much for someone who wanted all of you . So she wasn't going to change herself for anybody.

She just had to wait for the right person at the right time. She was sure of it . Someone would love her someday.

"Reds your colour too ya know.." she whispered to him after a couple of minutes of comfortable silence between them. Something else that was rare for her too.

She had always had a problem with silence . Always felt the need to fill in the gaps by running her mouth and chatting shit all the time.

But with Charles it was different . She didn't feel uneasy with the silence. She felt safe and at ease . She felt like she didn't have to put on a act or play up for him. She could just be herself .

She just liked being around him. He made her difficult mind go quiet. He made her feel calm. She didn't know why.

Charles peered up at her with a soft smile tugging at his mouth . Nervously Biting down on the corner of his lip once he noticed the honesty written all over her pretty face . She meant it.

"Thank you." He let out a shy chuckle . Finally finished with her hair. He carefully made a bun and wrapped a random hair tie around it to keep it in place at the back of her head . Pulling off his red gloves he placed them into the bin in the corner of the room . "All done. How long do we wait?"

She hummed as she took another swig of the nearly empty bottle . Passing it over to him so that he could have what was left .

Slowly getting up from her seat with a yawn, stretching out her back . Raising her arms above her head and till she head a click. Feeling her shirt raise above her hips and no doubt giving him an eyeful of lace . She didn't care .

"Half hour. Shall we open another bottle of wine up?" She asked him already heading to the kitchen anyways .

Charles grinned as he followed her out only to stop by the couch and gasp happily at the sight of the fat cat staring back at him.

"Sirius!" He exclaimed to the fat ginger cat who just meowed at him. Hurrying to kneel down on the floor beside him, he slowly put out his hand in front of him for the car to sniff .

"You're just as fat as your mommy said. So cute .. yes you are .." he said in a baby voice as he gently scratched behind his ears . The cat purring loudly as it closed its eyes in bliss.

"Hey! Don't call him fat! It's a secret!" She giggled as she came back into the room with another bottle of wine opened up.

Charles looked up at her with a grin "you mean he doesn't know that he can't fit through the cat flap?" He carefully stood to his feet before picking the cat up into his arms with a little difficulty.

"Sorry." He said to Sirius before taking his seat on the couch and putting the cat down on his lap. Stroking his fingers through its endless fur .

Cherrie shook her head with a smirk as she collapsed onto the couch beside him. Taking a drink from the bottle before she passed it over to him. Leaning over to grab the chocolates from the table , she flipped the lid and groaned in delight .

"Charles I could marry you. Wine and chocolates? Fuckin perfect." She sighed out happily . Missing the look of adoration he shot her as she shoved the biggest one into her mouth .

Sucking on the chocolate she leant back against the cushions and got comfortable . Turning her head to look at Charles who has done the same .

"Which one do you want?" She asked him nodding towards the chocolates .

He didn't look away from her smile . Still stroking Sirius in his lap.

“I want Cherry." He simply answered .

Cherrie paused for a second before giggling . Picking

Up the cherry flavoured chocolate and bringing it to his lips .

Shaking her head and feeling a little flustered as Charles leant forward and took the chocolate from between her fingers with his teeth.

"That could have went both ways. Cheeky Charles." She teased him as she flicked the end of his nose before turning on the tv and putting on Harry Potter on.

"Fuck yeah." He mumbled once he saw what she had put on . "The first movie is the best one." He said.

Cherrie thought then that she might be in love.

"It is. God. It's just perfect . The vibes are immaculate In this one . You know I used to have this huge crush on snape when I was growing up." She told him as she took another long swig from the bottle of wine . Her belly feeling warm and fuzzy as she blinked her eyes over at him with another giggle.

Vodka made her crazy. Wine made her giggly and tequila would get her pregnant . So strange.

Charles looked at her in disbelief , pulling a face at her as he reached for another chocolate from the box in her lap.

"Really? Why?" He laughed , eyeing her judgementally .

Cherrie simply shrugged . "Dunno. Think I liked the whole bad guy thing. I also had a thing for Draco

And Tom riddle too. So..." she trailed off grinning.

Charles looked at her like she was insane . "I don't get it . If there bad people or if they do bad things why does that make you want them? Why do you go for the Badboys?" He asked her curiously . Also hinting towards her real love life too.

She had a terrible track record of dating assholes. Or guys that looked like they could kill you in one go.

If that's what she wanted , then he stood absolutely no chance . He wasn't a bad boy. He hated staying up past midnight . He hated being stuck in crowds . He had cried when he accidentally stood on a ladybird .

He had also cried when a bird had smacked against his car window and died.  Would she like that? Could he somehow spin his emotional sensitivity to be attractive? He didn't know how but he was willing to do anything to try.

Cherrie hummed as she thought about it. Her eyes scanning his face as she took in the soft freckles and pink tint of his lips. He looked so soft and cozy , she just wanted to melt into him.

"The thrill maybe? I'm not sure . I've never dated that type for more than a few weeks though .. so I don't think I'll date the bad boys ever again." She murmured to him before taking another swig of wine.

Her words were like music to his eyes . Hope filling him quickly . No more Bad boys to compete against . Amazing.

"I want true love. Ya know , the I can't live without you true love . I want want my mom and dad have." She told him as she stumbled up to her feet . Charles reaching out to press his hand against her back and arm as she swayed. The alcohol rushing to her head .

"It's time?" He asked while glancing at the clock to see that half an hour had passed . Gently ushering her into the bathroom , he pressed the button and carefully pulled off the shower head .

Cherrie giggled as she knelt down in front of him. Gazing up at him with rosy cheeks and glassy eyes.

Charles wasn't doing much better either as he laughed as he looked down at her. Putting his hand under the water to feel the temperature , flicking specks of water at her face once he was done.

Hiccuping she gripped his knees as she let him turn her around so that her back was facing the tub.

"Ya know I've been in this position many times before but never like this.." she smirked up at him. Giggling as she wiggled her eyebrows at him. Gently pinching his thigh just because she could.

Charles was confused for a moment , wondering what she was talking about , before finally glancing down at her on her knees in front of him and understanding .

Flushing red , he rolled his eyes with a drunken grin. The two bottles of wine really helping his confidence as he gently pushed her head back to hang over the tub.

"Well you need something new to spice up your life. I won't leave bruises , I'll only leave red hair." He slurred a little , blinking heavily to focus his eyes as he began to rinse out the dye from her hair .

Putting his own knees on either side of her hips as he leant over her , Cherrie watching from underneath heavy lids .

Scrubbing at her scalp to get the red out , he grinned down at her . Leaning down to bump the tip of his nose against her own just to hear her laugh again.

"What if I want bruises and red hair?" She cheekily asked him. Laughing loudly as he splashed her in her face again.

Tutting In fake disapproval , pursing his lips to try and contain his own sly grin. He shook his head .

"I could let you fall into this tub. That'd leave some

Bruises." He joked as he ran his fingers through her hair again. Making sure it was all out.

She pouted up at him . Feeling him grab her elbows to pull her back up to her original height. Closing her eyes for a moment as her head spun , she grimaced.

Charles watching her in concern as he gently ran his hand over the back of her head. Reaching over to grab a soft towel , he carefully wrapped it around her wet hair .

"You okay? Head rush?" He asked her quietly. Softly rubbing at her shoulder till she opened her eyes again.

Humming tiredly , she nodded her head . Rubbing the towel against her head .

She smiled. "You're so pretty." Was all she mumbled better staggering back Up to her feet and stumbling her way into her bedroom.

Leaving Charles to blush and run his hands over his face , giving himself a moment to gather himself before following her into her room.

Seeing Cherrie sat at the end of the bed as she hummed a song to herself , he looked over to her dressing table and picked up a de-tangle brush before walking over to the bed .

Crawling behind her so that he was leaning against the headboard before he spoke up, gently nudging her back with his foot to get her attention.

"Cherrie. Come here ." He softly said as she finally let the towel drop from her hair . Making his eyes widen in amazement .

"Wow it's so bright! Just like out cars. It looks amazing." He gushed In awe at the sight of her now bright red hair. 

Cherrie grinned happily as she crawled over to him and slotted herself between his open legs so  that her back was to his chest. Feeling him carefully section her hair before began he began to brush through it.

It was quite between them for a few minutes as Charles continued to brush out her hair till it was silky smooth .

Then he set the brush aside and simply wrapped his arm loosely around her neck and chest, sliding further down the bed so she was able to cuddle into his chest.

Turning on her front so that she could rest her chin on his chest , she slid one arm around his waist and hooked her leg up over his hip to get comfortable.

Yawning tiredly , feeling so safe and warm with him

As he carefully pulled up the cover so that it was over the both of them.

"How do you like your eggs Charles?" She asked him quietly after a few moments of them just looking at each other smiling .

He leant his head back against the pillow with a sigh of contentment . Unable to believe his luck.

Heart hammering in his chest so fast that he knew she must have heard it. Yet he was too drunk to care.

Gently running his fingers up and down her spine  as he gazed down at her in awe. Taking in the soft slope of her nose and way her lashes naturally curled up towards her sharp eyebrows.

Before his eyes were finally drawn down to her softy and pouty lips that were tinted from the wine.

Swallowing quietly , he exhaled a little too shakily.

"Scrambled ." He finally answered . Low trembling.

"How do you like Your coffee?" He asked her just as quietly . Planning on running To the local cafe in the morning.

He felt her lips curve up against his chest. A soft giggle escaping her as she reached up to cup the back

of his neck in the palm of her hand. Squeezing gently.

"Sweet. Really sweet." She murmured softly before before titling her chin up and closing her eyes .

Charles just smiled as he tilted his head down to meet her halfway , pressing his lips against her softly . Tasting the sweetness from the wine and the chocolates they had consumed .

Humming against her mouth as he gently cupped the back of her head in his hand , scratching his nails against her scalp in a soothing motion that had her moaning against his lips .

Flicking her tongue up to taste the roof of his mouth , she titled her head to deepen the kiss before nibbling teasingly at his bottom lip. Pulling it back before finally pulling away enough so that they could breathe.

"I want pancakes for breakfast. With fresh fruit and syrup." She whispered to him as she softly traced the shape of his lips with her fingertip . Feeling him exhale shakily beneath her .

"An I prefer hot chocolate to coffee." She added as an after thought . Giggling.

Charles breathed out a giddy laugh . His heart so full it felt like it could explode . He could only hold her closer and tuck his face down into her neck. Kissing under her ear and against her jaw over and over again.

He was going to kiss her in every place on her soft skin that he had dreamed about .

He was going to caress her in ways that he had fantasied about since the moment he had met her .

Feeling his emotions bubble up , he swallowed down the lump in his throat as he kissed her again . Just because he finally could now.

"I'm in love with you." He finally admitted to what he had been denying for so long .

Pierre was right . He was a man in love.

Cherrie didn't seem too surprised . Only pleased as she kissed the corners of his mouth before kissing her way down to his chest , then pressing a kiss over his pounding heart .

"I know. You're not very subtle ." She breathed out a laugh of adoration before gently tapping his chest three times . "Luckily for you neither am I."

His smile lit up his face as he gazed up at her like she was his own personal heaven. "Yeah?"

She giggled at the look of disbelief on his face . As though he couldn't believe what she was saying. As though it was impossible for it to be true .

I love you

I’ll love you forever If you let me.

I want you . I want every part of you . The good , the bad. The promises. The dreams. The hopes.

He wanted to be her best friend .

She could never be too much for him, not when he wanted every piece of her.

He wanted her mornings , he wanted her evenings, he wanted her midnights .

He just wanted her. Bathed in the afterglow of their love.

"Yeah." She nodded her head softly in confirmation .

"Cause I'm in love with you too. I had to be. I've never waited this long for anyone in my entire life!" She joked , although it was true .

Patience really was a virtue she supposed .

Sometimes you’ll spend a lot of time chasing the wrong person when your light was their all along. Just waiting to guide you home.

Charles flushed with love before laughing loudly In total happiness . Pulling her back down to his chest and holding her close . Never planning on letting her go again.

Because she loved him. Him. Just him. All this time he had wasted being so afraid .

He would never let fear control him again. He was going to give her the world. He had plenty of lost time to make up for after all.

"I'm gonna get you the best damn pancakes and hot chocolate I can find." He promised her then. Making her giggle again.

"I'll hold you to it. I'll scramble those eggs too. And maybe in the morning you can give me the bruises too …now that you've given me the red hair." She teased him.

Charles just sighed blissfully , kissing her again. And again and again .

"Oh mon dieu. Je t'aime. pour toujours.."

#Charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc #Charles leclerc x reader #f1 imagine #formula one x reader #Charles leclerc fanfic

[castle-dominion]

c4x13 an embarrassment of bitches I have actually seen this one before! I didn't realize that! I also didn't really like it all that much & got it mixed up with another episode of another show but idk which.

boring ew lmao as if who cares lmao who cares

buttons is nonbinary Castle is right, be safe AC: We were going to take your Ferrari and hook up with some boys we met on Craigslist. buttons dutton lmao they are SO nonbinary RC: Please don’t call me that.

the girls are fightingggg

nice red coat on becks there autism or smth

Yeah keep the dog out of the room but dogs are the silent witness. ryan lookin pretty today as always. Purple shirt, top button undone but wearing a tie

this man is upset lol What was he into? On the take as in bribes? it's a dog... Ok this was funny: Just look at that mutt. XP Now back to my Max. UwU Now the mutt. XP That’s all the proof I need.

Oh gosh this lady is... something. Why'd she take a vid tho?

Next day? Different clothes it seems.

RC: Even more perplexing, why in almost every photo is she posed like this? *Castle strikes a ridiculous “sexy” pose in front of the paparazzi and they flock to snap his photo.* Paparazzo: Hey, that’s not Jason Bateman. Paparazzi: awwwwww

Love the music.

Reggie Starr: You two must be the, uh, soft drink people, right? KB: Actually, no. "We" are NYPD. We’re here to speak with Kay Cappuccio. RS: Oh, my bad. Uh…why don’t you just grab a squat right over there? KB: Excuse me? RS: Phoebe will bring you a goji berry juice. KB: You know what? I think I have a better idea. [Beckett steps forward into the photoshoot.] KB: Everybody, take five. RS: Whoa. Hold on a second. Kay Cappuccio doesn’t have five to spare. RC: How about 15 to 20? [That catches Reggie’s attention.] RC: And that goji berry juice sounds delightful.

Little dogs are just like that. RS looks sus there KC: Fine. We didn’t talk about anything, because he was already dead. KB: You found the body? KC: Yeah. KB: And you didn’t call 9-1-1? KC: No, I did as soon as I got into the limo. No harm, no foul, right? KB: You fled a crime scene. KC: All right. (chuckles) Have you heard the phrase, “There’s no such thing as bad press”? Having your picture taken with a dead guy is the exception. [idk if that is true, dead body doesn't seem so bad.] I have to be so careful with my image. My image is all I have. RC: Yeah. No, we were just talking about that.

Kate is pretty, turtleneck with a blazer. Rick is pretty, grey shirt with a blazer. Ryan is pretty, dress shirt+tie with a sweater. Espt is kinda grungy but I like it well enough. lol underdog? *hits espt* *espt looks at him bc "nobody touches me"* dr barker? Really? Lanie coming up with the doggo! They all look so happy to have the dog up here. RC: Or…we could keep him here at the precinct. I mean, we could use a mascot. JE: I thought that’s what you were. *dying laughing* RC: Thatwhat’s that? What’s that, buddy? Esposito’s sense of humor fell down a well and can’t get out? JE: ??

LP: Then you better find out what kind of food he eats, because he’s not touching the stuff I put out. KB: Well, there’s gotta be some food for him at Francisco’s place. Who wants to make a run for it? JE: To go get dog food? KB: [all three sort of at the same time] JE: Castle RC: Ryan KR: Esposito JE: *looks at ryan in betrayal bc they could have teamed up to send out castle* Ok the filipinos are right when they have that up hand down hand game that I don't understand. It's like evens & odds which is a game that I DO understand. Everyone puts in their hands & on three they put out a number of fingers, usually one or two. The odd one out is the winner. In this case they would be the loser though. Then once you eliminate that person you can do rock paper scissors. It works with three people or more but it might need a few rounds. You will always get rid of more than half of the people when playing odd one out. settle it like men lol. They don't count tho, rock paper scissors shoot. Espt: Snip

How did they not know who they were talking about? lmao She might still be a doctor! Yeah! Let the canine therapist talk to the dog! KB: Of your time, sure.

Becks has some crazy hair rn

RC: Tell me…did Francisco ever observe you during your sessions? PB: No. He waited outside. Why? Because either he was paying you too much or he had a pet play kink

Nice especkett is heading out here, love it. Espt has a nice scard rn btw. rly love it.

Oh no Growl right back at them bro.

Girl dogs are scary af running like obelix & asterix.

lmao dog breeding? srs? it was honest work <3 that guy passed away recently. the bug finder that ryan found

It could have been ANY time this morning ryan didn't specify.

Wow music. Wow people. Wow her walk. Ryan & espt's mouths lol. Royal sad. Booty. Ryan's device. Ooh & the way he picks it up nice nice.

ew dogs. RC: Tell me, does the phrase “corporate espionage” mean anything to you? KC: No RC: KC: No, seriously. I have no idea what it means. Why is ryan interrupting so awkwardly?

JE: Dude, look at that outfit. Where is she gonna put a wire? RC: Well, if I had to be creative, I’d guess— KB: RC: That’s rhetorical. KR: We went into the tech room [Ohhh so they have a tech room that's probably what that room with the tv is!] to isolate the frequency that the bug was transmitting on, and we found, uh, well… JE: Show ‘em. KR: All right. *turns on TV to get a good view of boobs, like real bazongas*

KC: Oh, well, I mean, it’s not just any celebrity video— I mean, TMZ’s offered, like, a million bucks for the first naked picture of me. JE, being horny: You ask me, that number’s on the low side. KB:

KB: And then there might be a trail that leads back to the guilty party. So we’re gonna have to find somebody to pull all those photos-- JE: I’ll do it. RC: Got a little case of, uh…puppy love there, Esposito? <3 they love making fun of him RC spotting royal in the conference room: Aw. Looks like Esposito isn’t the only frustrated dog in the precinct. Who closed him up in there?

*starts rubbing her hand intimately* GIRL This reminds me. When they had the murder suspect amnesiac they let him crash on the couch. The dog tho is going home with castle or beckett. Then later espt takes home that kid. & we finally get to see his apartment.

KC: I never thought I would say this, but I am so sick of looking at myself right now. I can’t even imagine how you must feel. JE, enjoying looking at pics of pretty women: Don’t worry about me. WHY are they going thru the pics so SLOW? Wow there's humanity here now. Weird. She's all depressed bc she feels talentless. You can be talentless tho bc skills are things you can build. ofc it takes more work bc talents just come naturally & skills take time & effort but shush.

Hyatt is such a name. I remember he sent a dead body to brackenreid once & john almost opened up the chest. Espt is being really protective of kay rn. Bro chill.

My dad's cat has a grease spot on the window from where her cat tree is & she puts her face on the window. it's so adorable. RC: Who’s a good boy, huh? Who’s a good boy? Is Marcus a good boy? No, he’s not a good boy. He’s a bad boy. Man has a bit of a lisp that makes it sound like he's shitting here not sitting here lol Could be dog trafficking, not necessarily drugs

Ah he's a US customs agent lol. Get ryan on the job he was a drug cop. Should have given him the hella fancy coffee

Beckett's on drugs lol Essence of poppyflower ohhhhh These are real narcotics, they are from poppyseed or smth. Not all street drugs are narcotics & ppl tend to forget that.

omg ryan is wearing a blue suit (kind of striped) with a pink shirt & no tie omg y'all I might be a lesbian. (Yes I'm only half woman, yes I'm also half man, yes he's also a man, but he's the kind of guy lesbians say are attractive even if they are not attracted themselves. Like I find him cute as a lesbian. Not as a straight girl not as a gay boy not as a straight boy but as a lesbian. it's complicated shut up.) Oh & while we're at it espt has a nice jacket too & it looks good on him, it has like the leather jacket looking bit (probs polyester or vinyl, tho in some lighting it looks almost denim) & then the fabric sleeves, I love it. Oh esposito is so sad that she's the one.

KB: So, we have reason to suspect that our killer was wearing your perfume. KC: Well, that’s impossible. It wasn’t even out yet. I’m the only person that had it. KR: Does she realize she just incriminated herself? JE: I said she was nice. I didn’t say anything about smart.

Looking thru the window like that? v sus. HOLY MOLY well as soon as my little bro is gone I am watching that fight scene again & posting the clip!

KB: Yeah, and, um, you know, I was wrong about something, too. Turns out having a mascot in the precinct can be pretty useful. Me: You mean rick or royal?

All the cops watching them fight over royal KC: Oh, yes, Lolita and I need a big strong man around the house, JE:

AC: You said, you’d be the one who’d wind up having to feed it, and it was hard enough remembering to feed me every day. RC: Yeah, I…I don’t remember that last part. AC: It was subtext. Barely. theyre so cute: So…this dog you want o get, you know, for me…this wouldn’t be an enticement to come home from college more often, would it?

Maybe I hadn't seen this one before. Regardless, it was fun enough.

#castle 4x13 #castle 4x13 spoilers #castle 4x13 quote #the dog show episode

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE UNDOING

You guys. Remember that time I said I was going to try to watch new movie releases and do more wig reviews in preparation for the weirdest Oscar season ever? Well instead I watched a lot of prestige TV. So. Here we are! Movies be damned, there are a lot of tv shows with women in bad red wigs and I watched them! The Undoing is one of those shows. Having already suffered through two whole seasons of Nicole Kidman in another David E. Kelley prestige HBO show (AND THE HORROR OF HER WIGS!) I wasn’t sure if I could stomach another one, but you guys - this one is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. It’s in NYC and her wig is curly not straight!!! Let’s discuss (and a whole lot more!) I will be going episode by episode...

Episode 1: The Undoing

First off, I love that this episode name is just the same name as the show. I can already tell we are in for some real creativity with this show! Anyway, we meet Nicole Kidman who probably has a character name but who cares! She is super rich and married to Hugh Grant which I absolutely love as a fan of the Paddington movies - she is the villain in the first one and he is in the second - and this show already feels like a villain supergroup movie because I definitely hate both of them. They’re both doctors, their palatial house looks like a magazine, and they have a seemingly well adjusted tween who doesn’t look like either of them (but he is the kid actor from A Quiet Place and Ford v Ferrari so ok I guess he can act?) Their one problem is that said kid wants a dog but they can’t have one because Nicole Kidman tells the kid that Hugh Grant once accidentally allowed his family dog to run into traffic and his family blamed him and that definitely sounds like a lie! A big little lie!!!

Speaking of which, Nicole Kidman’s wig. As we know from my harrowing journey through her Big Little Lies wig, David E. Kelley likes her as a redhead and I hate all her wigs. This wig harkens back to the 90s when she was still a scientologist and didn’t wear wigs all the time (what a different time!) Unlike back then, Kidman now has a new terrifying face to match her terrifying wigs. Truly, I don’t know what plastic surgeon she pissed off but her mouth is in a constant Joker grin and she is barely able to move parts of her face anymore? The wig is a tangled mess but the true horror is the seamwork - the part is from places not real and also imagined and the texture is something close to a Halloween fright wig.

Which brings me to the real theme of this show: Nicole Kidman’s addiction to midweight duster coats. She owns them all, y’all. We first see her in this green velvet number which looks like a robe, spans no seasons, and also carries you nowhere. BUT paired with this red curly mess, it does look like she is paying homage to Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus, and for that I say: amen. And also: PLEASE PUT A HEX ON THIS ENTIRE SHOW PLEASE.

Now to the plot??? Nicole Kidman sends her kid to a fancy schmancy private school and she is on some fundraiser committee with her only gal pal, Lily Rabe (praise be!) plus some other harpies that definitely won’t matter to the rest of this show at all. Also present is a new interloper of indeterminate ethnicity who has the audacity to be young, attractive, bearing curly hair WITHOUT a wig, and a small child who she has to feed from her own perfect bosom. THE HARPIES ARE SO PISSED BY BREASTFEEDING Y’ALL.

Anyway, this interloper chick is definitely weird and shows up at Nicole Kidman’s gym (where she does rigorous foot pointing exercises and somehow tames her wig back, kind of). The chick approaches Kidman in the buff with a combination of aggressiveness and openness that makes Nicole Kidman really uncomfortable though I definitely choose to believe that she’s mainly intimidated by bitch’s non-wigged hair.

Fast forward to the school fundraiser where Nicole Kidman switches up her midweight duster coat obsession for a friggin cape IF YOU CAN EVEN and all the harpies are present in their best dresses which could all definitely be worn to the Golden Globes and somehow the interloper is there also in a gown. HOW DARE SHE! THE HARPIES ARE PISSED! So is the vile Donald Sutherland (Nicole Kidman’s dad who just HATES Hugh Grant for reasons unknown). 

But Hugh Grant leaves for a medical conference just as....dun dun dun....the interloper is murdered!!! ALSO NICOLE KIDMAN CAN’T REACH HUGH GRANT. Also he left his cellphone in a random junk drawer! I refuse to believe this magazine apartment has a junk drawer! Kidman’s wig magically stays halfway up without use of pins or elastics because that is just how horrifying this wig is! This show is so stupid!

Episode 2: The Missing

So Hugh Grant is fully on the lam and mainly NOT at that medical conference which may or may no exist but Nicole Kidman is not interested in googling it and that hot interloper remains to be murdered. Also Nicole Kidman’s wig is still a tangle of complete and utter nonsense AS IS THIS SHOW. Also this wig has two settings: dried out desert or oily sweat lodge. This episode starts on sweat lodge. Anyway, Nicole Kidman goes looking around for Hugh Grant and only finds more questions at his hospital and then goes to her job where she is kind of an ineffectual couples counselor. Also David E Kelley/Nicole Kidman prestige HBO shows I guess always require some couples counseling that is highly questionable.

ANYWAY! I forgot to mention that the lead investigator in this murder is Edgar Ramirez who is hot but also kind of shifty. He starts questioning Nicole Kidman about all kinds of crap involving Hugh Grant and then lays down some hard truths: HUGH GRANT SUCKS!!! He got fired from his hospital job curing children’s cancer after he got too close to one of his patients’ moms and DUH IT’S THE HOT INTERLOPER. Nicole Kidman has to gather a calming circle of midweight duster coats to even deal with this new development. 

I really love that Hugh Grant is basically just starring as himself in the mid 90s (REMEMBER DIVINE BROWN?) and I’m kind of here for it. Regardless, Hugh Grant is now the prime suspect in this whole mess and Nicole Kidman’s beautiful magazine apartment is now being completely pulled apart and all she can do is look at her terrifying face and touch it with her terrifying talons and pack up all her midweight duster coats and get the eff out of there. BUT TO WHERE?! 

DUH NICOLE KIDMAN OWNS A BEACH HOUSE OBVS. So she drives out there and is somehow able to braid her damn wig! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE. THE WIG IS VERY UPSET ABOUT IT AS AM I. She and her tangled tiny braid (she has so much hair in that wig - why is the braid so small??) stare out into the ocean a lot and ignore her child. Also new coat alert and this one is PLAID!!!

And then Hugh Grant shows up and is super creepy and chokey. He tries to explain his actions and confirms his affair with hot interloper which is basically just all a plot synopsis of Fatal Attraction but says that he definitely did NOT murder her. WE SHALL SEE ABOUT THAT. Nicole Kidman calls 911 anyway. 

Episode 3: Do No Harm

OMG GUYS THIS EPISODE STARTS WITH EDGAR RAMIREZ SHOWING UP AT NICOLE KIDMAN’S BEACH HOUSE IN A HELICOPTER. How much money is the NYPD really willing to spend on Hugh Grant? All of it? Anyway, Hugh Grant ends up in jail (which is not as fabulous as his prison time in Paddington 2) and we find out that he fathered that baby the hot (murdered) interloper had and willfully breastfed in front of those harpies in episode 1. THIS SHOW IS WILD AND ALSO STUPID.

Speaking of wild and stupid, Nicole Kidman visits Hugh Grant at Rikers and we are led to believe that Rikers Island has a COAT CHECK?!?!?! Look: she shows up in one of her millions of midweight duster coats and in the visiting room she has none. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, SHOW?!?!?! THIS ALSO HAPPENS TWICE BECAUSE THEY CHECK BOTH HER AND HER SON’S COATS THE SECOND TIME WHAT.

Hugh Grant maintains his innocence and somehow Nicole Kidman’s bent ass wig is convinced and they hire a fabulous defense lawyer which the vile Donald Sutherland is none too thrilled about paying for and spends lots of quiet time at the Frick Museum about it also WTF show you’re willing to pay for the Frick and not frickin wigs. Also Nicole Kidman is confronted by the hot interloper’s husband and it does not go over well. No social interactions in this show make any sense, also.

In the end, Nicole Kidman gets ANOTHER midweight duster coat, Edgar Ramirez questions Nicole Kidman AGAIN but this time with video surveillance footage of her walking outside the hot interlopers studio...the night she was murdered and YES IN THAT DAMN CAPE. WAIT WHAT?! Also even in surveillance footage, Nicole Kidman’s wig is a mess.

Episode 4: See No Evil

This episode introduces the idea that Nicole Kidman really likes taking walks. Long walks, nighttime walks, sleepwalks? Nobody knows, especially Nicole Kidman. When asked why she was walking near the murdered interloper’s studio, Nicole Kidman just kinda shrugs and says “I take walks!” AND EVERYONE BELIEVES HER!!! WTF IS THIS SHOW. It should be noted that this long walks are taken in her usual midweight duster coats (WHICH ARE SUBTLY DIFFERENT COLORS AND FABRICS FROM OTHER MIDWEIGHT DUSTER COATS SHE OWNS) and very not sensible boots. Her walks can last between 10 minutes and 10 hours and who is to say where she even goes and who she is followed by? Maybe the interloper’s husband follows her around or maybe it’s in her head? Maybe she murdered the interloper and didn’t quite remember it? Regardless: it’s a lot of walking and it is EXHAUSTING for us all and finally Nicole Kidman just passes out in Central Park after minutes or hours of walking around and a bunch of kids form a literal calming circle around her and my eyes rolled into the reservoir.

This episode is also all about money, hunny! Nicole Kidman has a lot of it - so much that it was revealed in the last episode she didn’t even notice that a lot of it was missing from that time Hugh Grant lost his job and didn’t tell anyone for a few months except the vile Donald Sutherland who loaned him $500K AND NO ONE KNOWS WHERE THAT MONEY WENT!!!! Well I hope you kept your check book out, Donald Sutherland because now you need to pay $2 MILLION DOLLARS to get Hugh Grant out of jail. Ok? OK. ALSO DO YOU JUST OWN THE FRICK MUSEUM????

So now Hugh Grant just lives in his old magazine apartment which has somehow returned to magazine status after Edgar Ramirez and a thousand cops completely ransacked it. Also now Nicole Kidman and the son live at the vile Donald Sutherland’s house so all is...well? Well no not really because Nicole Kidman STILL HAS THAT DAMN WIG. 

AND THAT ISN’T EVEN THE MOST HORRIFYING PART OF THIS EPISODE! That came when Hugh Grant, now free from jail and left to his own devices, visits the interloper’s widow and children! WHAT IS HE DOING!! Somehow, interloper’s husband lets Hugh in and lets him hold the baby which he fathered. AND THEN HUGH REVEALS HE’S MET THIS BABY BEFORE AND OFFERS TO TAKE CARE OF IT! WHILST ON TRIAL FOR MURDER! THIS SHOW!!!!!

Episode 5: Trial by Fury

WHAT IS EVEN DONALD SUTHERLAND’S APARTMENT?!?! It has a balcony, and it seems to have a balcony cover because no one gets wet when they go out on the balcony and it’s raining. Rich people really live in a different climate zone than the rest of us garbage people. Regardless, Nicole Kidman’s frizzy wig is at PEAK FRIZZINESS on this balcony.

Anyway, the trial of the goddamned century is finally here!! And Nicole Kidman’s wig part still remains an elusive mystery. What is being kept in there? NO ONE CAN SEE ACTUAL SCALP OR ANSWERS. Another question: why did everyone bring their kids to the trial where they could see very upsetting pictures (that I didn’t even look at!) of the murdered interloper. CHILD ABUSE! ALSO! WOULD EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED CABLE NEWS NETWORK REALLY COVER THIS CASE SO CLOSELY??? I guess it’s not an election year in this alternate reality.

Which makes this scene where the whole family dines out and no one bothers them at all the more improbable. Also completely insane? At one point, Hugh Grant just storms out of the dinner and into the bar area of the restaurant (omg remember restaurants?) and Nicole Kidman follows him there and they have a very intense conversation about family secrets literally in the entrance of a busy restaurant. WHAT REALITY IS THIS SHOW IN?!?!?! The family secret? Remember that time Nicole Kidman told their son that he couldn’t have a dog because Hugh Grant accidentally killed his family dog? IT WASN’T A DOG IT WAS HIS 4 YEAR OLD SISTER. WHAT IN THE DAMN HELL!!!!

Nicole Kidman attempts to corroborate this insane story that she has never ever heard before with Hugh Grant’s family who don’t return her calls but do facetime her out of the blue in the middle of the night. Sure! And who is Hugh Grant’s mom? TONY AWARD WINNING ACTRESS ROSEMARY GODDAMNED HARRIS. WHAT. Not only does she confirm that Hugh Grant definitely accidentally killed his sister, but he also was never ever upset by it! Sure looks like Hugh Grant is a sociopath! MMkay!

Oh and then in the final moments of this episode Nicole Kidman finds the murder weapon - a sculpting hammer - in her son’s violin case. THIS SHOW IS A FRIGGIN LUNATIC.

Episode 6 - The Bloody Truth

So at this point in this show, I have fully gone. I don’t even know what is real or fantasy at this point: all I know is that Nicole Kidman’s wig is my nightmare. ALSO! She has a new midweight duster coat and it is the absolute most outrageous - a silk embroidered number you can literally wear NOWHERE EXCEPT FOR THE MURDER TRIAL OF HUGH GRANT.

The main concern in this episode is how Nicole Kidman’s son happened to get ahold of the murder weapon. So he just found it....in the beach house fire pit?!?!?! WHAT A DUMB PLACE TO PUT A MURDER WEAPON WHEN YOU HAVE AN OCEAN INCHES AWAY TO FLING IT INTO! Even dumber: this show wants you to believe that this 12 year old kid would have the wherewithall to put this murder weapon through the dishwasher - TWICE!! Vulture and I both say NAH to that. 

Anyway, Nicole Kidman’s wig which is somehow pushed back with clips unknown spends a lot of time in a robe (or a coat? WHO KNOWS AT THIS POINT) making secret phone calls to Lily Rabe (who I am happy is back because she’s kind of the only fun part of this show). WHAT IS NICOLE KIDMAN UP TO?!?!?!

Much like Big Little Lies season 2, it all comes down to Nicole Kidman taking the stand. BORING! Hugh Grant is all but gonna win this thing and then Nicole Kidman gets up there and totally backs him up...until she is cross examined by the prosecuting attorney (WHO IS OLD PALS WITH LILY RABE) and magically knows all about Rosemarry Harris’s facetime! Now everyone knows that Hugh Grant is a child murderer and sociopath! AND HE IS PISSED!

The final sequence of this show is just far too insane to even fathom BUT basically before definitely being found guilty, Hugh Grant texts his son and they meet for breakfast but then breakfast turns into a car chase upstate! It is never explained how Nicole Kidman would allow her son out of her sight OR how Hugh Grant wouldn’t already be tailed by cops but whatever! Also not explained: how Nicole Kidman is able to issue an Amber alert for her kid and then get into a GODDAMNED HELICOPTER and follow Hugh Grant north and then land on the very bridge he’s about to jump off of but WHO CARES!! THIS WHOLE SHOW IS WHO CARES BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT HUGH GRANT WAS THE MURDERER ALL ALONG JUST LIKE WE THOUGHT IN EPISODE 1 AND EVERYTHING ELSE HAS JUST BEEN A MIDWEIGHT DUSTER COAT FASHION SHOW!!! ALSO THE WIG SUCKED! GOODBYE YOU TERRIBLE STUPID SHOW! 

Verdict: Doesn’t Wurq

#undoing #undoinghbo #nicolekidman #hughjackman #donaldsutherland #helicopters #edgarramirez #midweightdustercoats #nightmarewigs

[kyogos]

kimi:) for the driver opinion

Raikkonen is a very underappreciated driver by fans. Maybe not by general audience or older fans, but I will say within the fandom and among newer fans

Going back to Ferrari in 2014 was a mistake in my opinion. Not because I don’t think he was good enough, but because he was better than just a number 2 driver. But lets go back to the start

He joined F1 with Sauber in 2001 after just 23 races in lower series. 23 races. He would never get a super licence these days, and he almost didn’t back then either. But when he tested for them, he was lapping half a second quicker than their regular driver (who’s name escapes me). Not bad for a very inexperienced driver. He finished his debut season 10th in the standings. not bad for a rookie in a Sauber

I think he was very unlucky to not win a title with McLaren, especially in 2005 - .12 podiums in 19 races. Or even 2003 - 10 podiums in 16 races. I will never forget Japan 2005 where he went from P17 to P1. Simply incredible and I think that really solidified him as a good racer for people. 

2007 was very overshadowed by Hamilton v Alonso and the spygate drama. But he genuinely had a very impressive season and fully deserved the title. 12 podiums, 6 wins. Even though he came 3rd in 2008 and no one remember his season, again he had 9 podiums. But (imho) by this point he was already being shuffled out the door by Ferrari (but thats for another time)

2009 was a very strange year and Ferrari were far from good, but Kimi still managed to get 5 podiums, including a race win. And then he just...left. And I was very sad. Similar to Alonso, he likes racing, regardless of what it is. He just isn’t necessarily good. He spent 2 years doing Rally and just living his best life.

And then 2012. Lotus. God it was like he had never been away. 7 podiums and a race win. In what was essentially a midfield car. Iconic. I think his time at lotus really proved he was a great driver to everyone who still had doubts; dragging that shitbox into points and podiums. (2013 was also a pretty good season; 8 podiums and a race win; until he had back surgery and missed the last 2 races)

And then we have the shit years at Ferrari. I’m not calling him shit, not at all. I’m calling Ferrari shit. Ferrari simply do not deserve rights. We’ll skip 2014 because that was just a shit show

Raikkonen was signed as a number 2 driver. Which is whatever, it happens even if I don’t always like it. But the way he was treated by the team was appalling. He was (and still is) their last World Champion and they treated him like a glorified traffic cone for an inferior driver. (Okay maybe that bit is my bias but he was treated like a traffic cone)

The fact he only got one win in those 5 years is appalling imo. He’s a world class racer, a natural talent, and only one win. And looking at that, it sounds like he’s just bad. But it’s not, because he could have won so many more races had he been treated at least close to fairly. And when he got pole at the teams home race, his team mate was less than graceful about it (Italy 2018). But he didn’t bitch about it (and continues to have nothing but praise for his ex team mate). The mans a true team player in a sport that doesn’t value it these days

I think his off track personality puts (newer) fans off, and because of these recent years being treated like a traffic cone and then driving in a midfield shitbox, people just don’t understand how good he is. 

He might not be a total great like Hamilton or Alonso. But he’s a solid, reliable talent. Its very rare he makes mistakes, even now at the ripe old age of 40 after 18 seasons. I wish more people would watch his older races in a good car when he was treated like a driver because I promise you, he is a talent. 

I will die mad about his lack of titles and the treatment he faced at Ferrari during both stints

tl;dr This man is a good driver, an extremely good driver and no one recognises this. He’s either the walking meme or “that guy with the bad attitude”. This is a Raikkonen appreciation blog

#Kimi's career makes me both sad and mad #he deserved better #and I don't usually say that bc you dont deserve what you dont earn #but I think its true in kimis case #anyway sorry this took like 2 days #I get distracted #F1 #long post #Anonymous

[khaosfm]

          ‘sup  my  dudes   !  it’s  ya  boy  yves  sliding  into  the  group  after  eyeing  this  bad  boy  for  quite  some  time  ,  and  i’m  super  excited  to  be  here  .  i’m  not  even  gonna  lie  to  ya’ll  ...  this  intro  is  headass  as  fuck  and  my  son  is  hell  in  a  hand  basket  (  maybe  that’s  why  his  name  is  khaos   ?   lmao  ) .  anyways  ,  i’m  super  excited  to  be  here  and  to  introduce  ya’ll  to  my  son  ,  and  i’ll  be  sharing  my  discord  𝐝𝐨𝐣𝐚 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝑐𝑎𝑡 .#4437 just  in  case  anyone  would  prefer  to  plot  there  .  uhhh  ,  ya’ll  should  be  warned  that  this  intro  is  pretty  long  and  also  kinda  link  heavy  ,  but  you  don’t  have  to  click  them  if  you  don’t  want  to  !  it’s  mainly  because  i’m  an  extra  bitch  and  wasn’t  to  provide  ya’ll  with  VISUALS  .  

           chicago’s  very  own  khaos  banks  has  been  spotted  on  madison  avenue  driving  a  frozen  blue  metallic  2020  porsche  taycan  ,  welcome  !  your  resemblance  to  keith  powers  is  unreal  .  according  to  tmz  ,  you  just  had  your  twenty - fourth  birthday  bash  . your  chance  of  surviving  new  york  is  uncertain  because  you’re  austere  ,  but  being  debonair  might  help  you  .  i  think  being  a  virgo  explains  that  .  3  things  that  would  paint  a  better  picture  of  you  would  be  diamond  encrusted  grills  glistening  underneath  the  glow  of  club  lights ,  back  to  back  shots  of  patrón  with  pineapple  juice  chasers ,  and  the  swipe  of  an  american  express  centurian  card  out  of  boredom  .  (  his  parents  had  his  criminal  record  expunged  to  protect  the  family  name   .  ) 

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜  𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧  .

NAME :  khaos  maurice  banks  .

NICKNAME(s) :  kai  ,  or  nothing  . he’ll  gut  you  like  a  fish  if  you  try and  come  up  with  anything  different  . 

BIRTHDAY / AGE  :  september  17th  ,  1995  /  twenty - four  .

ZODIAC  :  virgo  .

GENDER  :  cismale  .

PRONOUNS :  he / him / his  .

NATIONALITY  :  american  .

ETHNICITY :  african - american  .

HEIGHT :  6′2″ ( six  foot  ,  two  inches ) .

LABEL(s)  :  the  lothario  ,  the  trust  fund  baby  ,  the  connard  ,  the  black  sheep  ,  and  the  sybarite  .

ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION  :  biromantic  .

SEXUAL  ORIENTATION  :  bisexual  .

FAMILY  NET  WORTH  :  $3.67  billion  .

LANGUAGES  SPOKEN  :  english  and  portuguese  .

CHARACTER  TROPES  :  the  quarterback  ,  spoiled  brat  ,  millionaire  playboy  ,  socialite  ,  and  the  casanova  .

CHARACTER  INSPO :  ambrose  spellman  ,  daniel  king  ,  spencer  james  ,  aaron  jackson  ,  and  chris  mckay  .

𝐢. 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 .

          born  in  a  moderately  comfortable  home  in  chicago  ,  il  ,  marcus  banks  never  really  knew  what  he  wanted  to  do  .  he  could  have  been  the  first  in  his  family  to  go  to  college  ,  especially  since  his  father  went  into  the  army  right  after  high  school  and  his  mom  worked  at  a  mac  counter  in  the  mall  to  give  herself  something  to  do  instead  of  being  a  stay  at  home  mom  .  when  he  was  in  high  school  ,  marcus  was  the  quarterback  for  his  school’s  team  ,  but  he  had  no  interest  in  playing  football  in  college  .  he  does  end  up  going  ,  and  manages  to  get  himself  into  prestigious  hbcu  morehouse  college  in  atlanta  ,  georgia  .  marcus  discovered  that  he  was  unhappy  at  morehouse  and  dropped  out  ,  so  like  most  twenty  year  olds  with  nothing  to  his  name  and  a  single  ticket  to  new  york  ,  marcus  somehow  managed  to  get  a  position  as  an  intern  at  uptown  records  .

          marcus  worked  his  way  up  from  intern  and  eventually  became  a  talent  director  ,  and  this  is  when  he  discovered  his  own  passion  for  music  as  well  as  how  exciting  it  was  to  help  develop  talent  .  while  at  uptown  records  ,  marcus  had  a  hand  in  developing  a  lot  of  the  talent  from  the  90s  ,  such  as  jodeci  and  mary  j .  blige  .  marcus’s  time  at  uptown  came  to  an  end  when  he  decided  that  he  wanted  to  start  his  own  label  ,  which  he  called  kingdom  records  .  through  those  years  ,  he  helped  to  manage  and  produce  tons  of  popular  artists  from  the  late  90s  and  early  2000s  .  although  marcus  enjoyed  his  time  as  a  producer  and  he  watched  as  his  wealth  grew  ,  he  also  knew  that  he  wanted  to  have  a  wife  and  children  .

           he  married  his  wife  ,  jada  long  ,  after  they  met  when  she  came  in  with  her  girl - group  to  become  the  next  big  trio  .  while  the  trio’s  career  didn’t  take  off  ,  jada  managed  to  find  love  with  marcus  and  they  married  after  six  months  of  dating  .  after  being  married  for  three  years  ,  they  welcomed  their  first  child  ,  a  son  named  isaiah  born  in  1993  .  in  1995  ,  jada  and  marcus  were  originally  expecting  twins  ,  but  one  of  them  absorbed  the  other  ,  so  that  explains  why  the  couple  decided  to  name  their  second  son  khaos  .  the  couple  had  one  more  child  ,  a  daughter  they  named  mariah  ,  in  1999  .  marcus  and  jada  settled  with  their  family  in  los  angeles  ,  where  their  company  expanded  and  marcus  started  his  own  music  career  .

          originally  ,  critics  were  skeptical  because  he  was  known  for  managing  and  producing  ,  not  rapping  ,  but  he  released  his  debut  album  in  2001  and  let’s  just  say  that  critics  were  floored  .  the  album  debuted  at  number  one  and  went  2x  platinum  ,  earning  him  his  first  grammy  nomination  .  marcus  continuously  released  music  throughout  the  2000s  and  even  into  the  2010s  ,  which  has  earned  him  18  grammy  wins  and  received  the  commemorative  ‘ salute  to  industry  icons  ’  in  2017  .  marcus  has  since  retired  from  music  after  touring  a  few  times  ,  and  now  mainly  cites  himself  as  a  businessman  .  he  is  the  head  of  banks  enterprises  ,  which  is  the  umbrella  com[any  for  his  restaurants  ,  fashion  line  ,  liquor  brand  ,  and  he  eventually  went  into  television  production  as  well  .

          as  for  their  son  khaos  ,  he’s  got  a  sick  case  of  middle  child  syndrome  .  while  growing  up  ,  he  always  felt  overshadowed  by  his  brother  who  went  into  the  music  industry  and  even  by  his  younger  sister  as  she  had  a  natural  talent  for  gymnastics  .  when  he  was  in  high  school  ,  khaos  played  football  because  it  made  sense  ,  but  he  wasn’t  as  passionate  about  it  as  his  father  .  football  was  never  an  interest  to  khaos  ,  and  he  never  had  an  interest  in  attending  college  for  it  either  (  sound  familiar  ?  )  he  wanted  time  to  figure  out  who  he  was  and  things  of  the  sort  ,  but  his  dad  was  a  stubborn  man  who  barely  let  him  decide  what  he  wanted  despite  the  fact  that  he  allowed  it  for  his  other  children  .  khaos  never  really  knew  how  to  tell  his  dad  that  he  didn’t  want  a  life  as  some  pro - baller  ,  so  he  started  hanging  around  the  wrong  people  .

          when  it  started  , khaos  primarily  hot - boxed  in  his  car  with  his  friends  ,  stayed  out  for  far  too  long  ,  and  occasionally  got  busted  in  the  mansions  that  were  up  for  sale  in  their  neighborhoods  .  to  him  ,  it  was  all  fun  and  games  ,  but  the  laughs  came  to  a  halt  when  his  father  picked  him  up  fueled  with  rage  and  his  mother  had  tears  in  her  eyes  because  he  was  ‘  headed  down  a  dark  path  ’  .  of  course  ,  khaos  never  took  heed  to  what  his  parents  had  to  say  about  anything  ,  so  he  continued  to  act  up  (  you  can  get  snatched  up  )  and  when  he  was  eighteen  his  parents  had  had  enough  when  he  was  placed  on  probation  for  two  and  a  half  years  for  reckless  driving  and  drag  racing  .

           the  heads  of  the  banks  household  decided  that  they  would  have  khaos  complete  his  probation  in  chicago  ,  and  was  made  to  stay  with  his  grandmother  for  the  duration  .  of  course  ,  khaos  was  mad  about  it  ,  but  he  decided  that  he  wouldn’t  stay  in  chicago  once  it  was  over  .  he  was  supposed  to  return  to  california  ,  but  somehow  managed  to  convince  his  parents  that  he’d  be  better  off  moving  to  new  york  ,  and  so  they  let  him  . 

𝐢𝐢. 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 .

now  ,  he  lives  in  new  york  and  pretends  like  he’s  the  ‘ changed ’  son  that  his  parents  want  .  in  reality  he’s  just  doing  whatever  the  hell  he  wants  because  his  parents  made  sure  that  the  media  didn’t  discover  that  he  was  going  in  and  out  of  jail  and  on  probation  for  a  period  of  time  .  he  mainly  lives  the  life  of  a  socialite  ,  taking  random  excursions  around  the  world  when  he  feels  like  it  and  popping  up  in  the  tabloids  because  he’s  having  another  club  night  escapade  .  

𝐢𝐢𝐢. 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲  .

khaos  is  pretty  much  the  epitome  of  a  spoiled  rich  boy  .  he’s  really  arrogant  ,  and  thinks  highly  of  himself  but  he’s  not  really  in  your  face  about  it  .  it  mostly  can  be  seen  in  his  aura  /  his  energy  as  he’s  not  much  of  a  talker  in  the  first  place  .  he  doesn’t  brag  or  boast  about  himself  or  his  family’s  wealth  because  well  ...  there’s  no  need  for  that  .  as  soon  as  people  hear  the  ‘ banks ’  last  name  ,  they  automatically  know  who  he  is  .

he’s  the  most  charming  man  !  he’s  really  chill  and  he  really  likes  conversation  ,  so  watch  as  he  fills  it  with  compliments  but  mainly  to  get  what  he  wants  .  if  he’d  being  honest  ,  he  gets  his  charm  from  his  father  ,  even  though  he  doesn’t  really  want  to  admit  it  ,  and  he  gets  his  incredible  sense  of  humor  from  his  mother  so  chances  are  ,  he’s  gonna  get  what  he  wants  .  

uh  ,  he’s  an  asshole  ,  too  ?  like  he  tends  to  think  he’s  not  ,  but  he  doesn’t  really  care  for  his  dad  and  borderline  would  beat  his  ass  if  he  had  the  chance  to  .  he’s  not  an  asshole  outright  where  he’s  a  standoffish  dick  face  ,  but  khaos  does  have  his  moments  where  his  temper  won’t  be  as  mellow  as  it  usually  is  .

𝐢𝐯. 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬  .

his  family  owns  a  few  houses  around  the  united  states  .  they  have  their  main  house  in  hidden  hills  ,  their  house  in  chicago  ,  two  vacation  homes  in  aspen  and  southampton  ,  and  a  more  ‘ modest ’  home  in  beverly  hills  .  khaos  lives  in  a  loft - style  duplex  condo  in  greenwich  village  .

it’s  my  dream  car (  rip  to  tesla  ig  lol )  ,  but  khaos  drives  primarily  a  porsche  taycan  .  it’s  the  main  car  he  drives  in  nyc  ,  but  back  home  in  california  he  has  a  fleet  of  cars  ranging  from  a  range  rover  ,  bentley  bentayga  ,  rolls - royce  phantom  ,  a  ferrari  548  italian  spider  ,  and  the  beautiful  bugatti  chiron  .

his  fashion  sense  is  primarily  streetwear  .  he  likes  to  dabble  into  luxury  sportswear  as  well  ,  but  mainly  sticks  to  brands  like  supreme  ,  commes  des  garcones  ,  balenciaga  ,  vetements  ,  supreme  ,  off - white  ,  alexander  wang  ,  etc  .  

this  is  so  headass  and  it  fits  his  aesthetic  lmao  ,  but  khaos  wears  a  an  eight  tooth  grill  (  both  top  and  bottom  )  every  single  day  .  ofc  he  takes  them  out  to  be  cleaned  /  brush  his  teeth  ,  but  he  never  leaves  the  house  without  them  and  they’re  valued  at  $45k  each  .

mostly  because  he’s  annoying  ,  his  favorite  thing  to  eat  is  cronuts  and  he’d  literally  fly  back  to  los  angeles  for  the  vegan  cronuts  at  donut  farm  .  that  being  said  ,  he  is  vegan  but  not  annoying  about  it  ...  at  least  i  don’t  think  he  is  lmao  .

a  feminist  !  specifically  ,  an  intersectional  feminist  and  he's  gone  to  the  women’s  march  in  nyc  every  year  since  he  made  the  official  move  ,  and  uh  ,  probably  got  arrested  during  a  peaceful  protest  when  the  ab*rtion  bill  became  a  thing  .

#wealthyhq:intro #i still have HELLA to do #so i'll be messaging and / or responding to mssgs #after i do my theme and such !

[talistheintrovert]

Author Tags

Tagged by some incredible writers and wonderful humans whom I adore:  @eyessharpweaponshot @marauders-groupie @clarke-the-spooky-ferrari @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @probably-voldemort @kombellarke @pawprinterfanfic and possibly a couple others, but tumblr’s been dropping notifcations lately, thx tumblr. Anyway, everyone should go read all these angels’ fics!

Fandoms You Write for: The 100 at the moment, but I also write Pride and Prejudice, North and South, and I’ve got one or two Broadchurch and Good Omens fics in the works. I’ve also written for Supergirl in the past, but I don’t do that anymore. 

Where you post: AO3! and I’m currently moving over some old fics from ff.net

Most popular one shot: Based on both kudos and comments, The Bruise Won’t Heal (the stain stays put) which is about Clarke finally snapping and giving spacekru a piece of her mind, which I literally only wrote as catharsis for myself and then it turned out a lot of people agreed with me :’)

Most popular Multi-Chapter: I Don’t Need Your Love (I Just Need You Now) which is a fic about Clarke being stuck in a bad relationship and Bellamy trying to help, and involves a lot of mutual pining. Although Set The Dark On Fire is pretty close behind it, and was the first fic of mine to really take off and be “popular”, and I’m pretty damn proud of that one too. 

Favorite story you wrote: I mean, just for my own personal sake, I’m so in love with my Good Omens Bellarke AU all this, and love too, will ruin us because I love Good Omens so much, and I love Bellarke so much, and doing the research for all the periods of history they appear in was just SO MUCH FUN. I’m such a slut for research, you guys. 

But also, if I could sneak another one in there - Right Hand Slugger, because I’ve had the entire fic planned out from start to finish from around halfway through writing IDNYL, and I actually wrote the ending before i wrote anything else :’) and I’m slowly working my way towards it. It’s the fic I pick up and write when I’m in a good mood. It’s my happy place.

Story you were nervous to post: I feel like I’m always nervous to post my stories? But especially anything with smut - because it’s so far out of my comfort zone - or something that I’m viscerally emotionally attached to, like STDOF. 

How do you choose your titles: Song lyrics my dudes. And lines from poetry! Richard Siken is a GOD.

Do you outline: I outline all my fics like i’m writing some kind of bizarre crackpost. Dotpoints of important plot elements, chapter breakdowns, but all worded like a tumblr starsign breakdown from 2012. 

Complete number of stories: 35 on ao3!

In progress: 11 published (but some of those are oneshot prompt fills), and about,,,,,,,, i dunno, fifty? unpublished adlksjfhdkjadfshdsfkdsajl

Do you accept prompts: I do for my follower celebrations, but especially since my 666 Celebration, I’ve still got about 15 prompts to fill, so I’m really not taking any at the moment. 

Upcoming story you are most excited about: I mean I’ve got a couple of surprise blarke fics in the works, but other than that I’m pretty excited to post my first Good Omens fic. Nervous, but excited. 

Tagging some absolutely fabulous humans! @fen-ha-fuck-you @clarkgriffon YOU KNOW YOU WRITE BITCHES! also, @chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky @detectivebellamyblake @carrieeve @chants-de-lune @grumpybell AND THERE ARE DEFINITELY OTHER INCREDIBLE WRITERS OUT THERE SO JUST CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED AND SELF-ACTUALISE BITCHES!!

#bellarke fanfiction #the 100 fanfiction #bellarke #things i'm tagged in #tag games #my fics #talis rambles #mutuals tag

[sorrymomandcat]

Wed. November 6 2019

12:21AM I need a new lighters 

8:09AM 

I woke up with that feeling. 

Surprisingly not tired. 

I might be after I cry. 

Goodbye past.

4:33PM I'm starting this in my car on my anxious pressured 'break' at the ever busy Budapest. I'm gonna not. Brb.

4:55PM Okkkk, I’m going to be real with you.

I had a lot of clever ways to open this conversation but I have forgotten them since sitting in my Ferrari having not 1, but 2 smokes. You ever feel like you’re chewing on your own teeth? No? Good, that means you haven’t smoked meth for the past 255 days. To be clear- Cobain, Lampwick & The Joke are all synonyms for a former co-worker. Although the same person, they’re sort of not #mentalhealthawareness. TLDR; the more evolved part of me really hopes this guy is just a mean, jaded fucking asshole because the alternative is that they’re deeply psychotic and likely the permanent kind. Both leave little hope for improvement but the former at least KNOWS that. KNOWS I know. I could do a whole bullet-point slideshow fucking presentation on the red flags I had been seductively blindfolded to through exploitation of deepest nature and a stubborn unwillingness to accept pain and anger & I just might. I might. I might need to! I processed most of it as it was happening, denial was a bitch though. If you come from a place of; neglect, abuse and chaos but decided to assess your damages rather than project them on to innocent and typically pretty wonderful people.. then you need to equip yourself. Even if you took the more outward approach, leaving everyone in your path as empty useless collateral damage.. you could benefit as well. Tell yourself 'I’m only self-improving to gain further access and a tighter hold of my victims’ It doesn’t matter. Educate yourself on the impact of trauma/abuse/upbringing. See what happens to you. @ me. 

5:53PM There’s a lot of Construction Boyz here tonight. They hit on me and I’m all like ‘omg I smoke crystal meth and I’m in an over-sized hoodie at work with obviously contrasting roots growing in.. you have no idea how much I needed this’ hahah. Still, it’s nothing quite like the validation I get from making humble jokes to myself in my neurotic head! Where was I? Oh yeah. The Joke; Lampdick. This motherfucker fucking pulls out a REAL LIFE meth pipe, Chief Leaf right there. Of course CL is through-n-through up to date and real time a best friend without judgement, so it doesn’t reflect on me, but I’ve been fighting tooth (lol) and nail against obvious (but not blatant) disapproval toward this endeavor with Joke.. (of course gaslit with remarks like ‘fuck the haters’ ‘you’re really going to care what they say’ ‘it isn’t their relationship’ .. you’re the hater.. they treat me with consistent respect so duh.. you’re absolutely fucking right-it’s ours-and it fucking sucks because you’re an abusive psychopath.. shove that isolation groundwork technique up your) ? No respect. To pull out a fucking meth pipe after:

Day 1 appreciating we had a different DOC (drug of choice) and agreeing that use needs to be controlled in the best harm reduction sense possible & I firmly disclosed that I am 100% in no fucking way ever going to be okay with anyone-ever smoking meth near/with me. I still barely forgive the fuckers that ever let me do it - and I know full God damn well it was my choice/fault/willing action. I barely forgave myself! For letting them let me! Or that I even let me let them do it! So. No. It was immediately made clear. Day 1.  

Throughout this treachery The Joke made here-and-there comments about like “pass it this way” and “why don’t you save me any” and other repulsively ignorant and juvenile comments and my stance toward the matter remained firm. Which he always met with “yeah I know! I’m obviously joking! I agree! I would never do that to you” Like I was crazy for hardening my responses. Fucker, fucking fucker.

Seeing/hearing what I have vulnerably shared and experienced since the first day I made this choice (and I know not everyone who has/will make that choice is going to have MY experience. I’m not claiming that. I’m claiming ‘I don’t give a fuck what another person’s experience may be - I am not fucking here for it’ - ‘it’s a no from me dawg’ 

Knowing how desperately I am trying AND want AND try to want (some days it really do be like that) to stop smoking crystal. To end-all repair the damage it has done to myself, my relationships and my life. To prevent the inevitable damage that waits if I don’t. 

Not to mention all the attempts at ‘crazy making’ by exploiting my guilt and fear of potential harm: caused by crystal meth. ie; “you’re definitely sleep-stealing my keys and/or moving things because YOU’RE smoking crystal meth, and that shit is BAD bad + your traumatic childhood,’ (that he doesn’t give a fuck about unless using it against me in similar scenarios) ‘so come on. You can’t deny engaging in these behaviors, that I refuse tell you about. You meth-trauma black events out.. you’re not conscious of it because of YOUR big bad drug.” (which it is and I don’t intend to downplay it)

Seriously. These are real events & that’s just scratching the fucking surface. Note: this blog intentionally has NO followers and is ran anonymously. My intention is only to self-vindicate the man made madness I've enabled. Yet STILL it manages to drag into a month and a half of my God damn precious and OBVIOUSLY seriously fucking sensitive time. I feel NO shame for that; for struggling right now. For falling the fuck on my ass/face/faceassfuckhands onto a SERIOUSLY cemented floor! that manages to also be falling upwards into my fucking face! So instead of ceasing upon impact; continuously bashing my fucking FACE in. It fucking happens man. I fucking know that and I fucking own it as shamelessly as is safe to. Not as a way to justify where I am right now - but to foster a belief that I am worth the insidiously meticulous effort that's required to be better. In a better position to improve the quality of how I serve myself and thus actually beginning to serve those around me. Jesus shit what a Joke. I can’t believe I let myself: be treated this way, be ignorant to it, be willing to entertain the idea that maybe it was OK (even warranted).. but between you and me: I find it even harder to believe that another human being - one who has clearly been deeply wounded as well - can see the genuine sincerity of another human being’s soul and heart.. compulsively bleeding from a profundity raw enough to captivate a nihilist.. and humbly exposes it.. with nothing but purity in the regard of inherit human good.. and could intentionally stick their dirty fucking arms vigorously inside and tear at the exposed gauge made faithfully available. I’m not innocent here. But there’s no blood on my hands. I won’t point my fingers but my eyes are staring right at you. I know what you did to me. I did not agree to it. I agreed to taking the risk. Do you know what you did to me? Educate yourself. Wash your fucking hands. 

I didn’t bring any crystal to Budapest today. I didn’t know I was going to begin opening this, or I would have.

= I’ve got to go for a smokes. 

That’s enough for now. 

7:55PM I don’t know wtf but Doug offered me to get stoned and so I did outside but the guys who needed to switch rooms came back and then outside too because they insisted on my break.. Golf was looking for tape and offered me a Tim Horton’s, I said hot chocolate. Then Striped Vest guy also forever chatted and offered me a Tim Horton’s; I said hot chocolate. Still no tape and I tell him about Striped Vest and hot chocolate. He says ok. Meanwhile, Doug and his friend Chevy Lover are shooting the shit too and Doug asked for my number. Well first he asked if I was single. He asked if I was dating anybody LOL first of all I’m stoned and second of all the literal words out of my mouth were ‘everybody’ sincerely believing it as a reflection of my innocent love for life and immediately realizing that was a stupid answer so on reflex I said “no, myself. ha ha no. nobody. nope. that’s a. this guy who was my boyfriend died once. like a long time ago. no. weird. yeah it was wicked. wait what? why? but no. I don’t. not.” and I’ll never forget that or this hot chocolate. 

8:03PM Golf asked me to put his poppy on (dude you’re 51, you’ve definitely done this more than me and I HATE war) so I asked him like, when the war was and what it was called - “Oh no, I don’t know a lot about history” meanwhile a second ago he was like “I guess I should put one on because my Grandpa fought in the war” no that was you. anyways so I’m learning about WW1. You say you remember so much, name 5 of our veterans? #therealneverforget 

Disclaimer: I still haven’t read anything about it, I’m sorry to all relatives of dead soldiers I deeply condolence and RIP. No disrespect. We out here.

8:07PM Damn I really wish I had another hot chocolate.

8:39PM How is it not midnight?

#fuckyou #inhumane #livingtumbstonefeels #enemiesnotfriendsintokyovibe

[southernconundrum-blog]

Making a Case for 13 Going on 30.

I can still remember my Wednesday evening History of Film class in Film school. (Yes I went to film school, we can still like cheesy rom-coms) And the night my professor, a former DP for Columbia during the “golden age of film” stood in front of the entire class and proclaimed we were about to view, what most experts call the greatest film of all time. You guessed it, Citizen Kane. 

He went on to explain that what made it so great was the technicality and the innovation of it. The first film to use flashback and continuous wide shots, blah blah. I thought it was a snooze fest of straight white male nonsense. Yeah technically it’s cool they did all that with cut and paste film. I respect that shit, I do. But Citizen Kane is one of the most un-relatable stories ever. At least to me as a gay woman. It’s like the Catcher in the Rye of film. I have a hard time identifying with rich white dudes who feel like they don’t belong in a world created for and by them. If anyone actually read this blog I bet I’d get ALL the haters up in here leaving me comments about how oppressed men are now. Do it. I masturbate with male tears.

ANYWAYS. Fuck Citizen Kane in it’s boring ass face. I’m here to talk about the greatest movie of all time. The movie that is best picture every year in my heart and soul always and the one movie by which every other movie is measured. 13 Going on Motherfucking 30.

Yes it’s entertaining. Yes it’s a feel good romish-com with a cute cast. Yes it has Judy Greer. But what makes it the best? I’ll break it down for you.

CAST:

We all know about JGar and MRuff, and before we get to Judy Greer, let’s talk about the supporting cast: 

Christa B Allen 

For you true Jgar fans you’ll note that this was not Christa’s only time playing a young Jen. She also does in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (another one of my faves but more problematic). Christa’s got the looks and the chops. She’s not only a dead ringer for the younger Rink, she’s also actually a great actress. Here’s what she looks like now BTW.

Pretty fucking spot on from the casting director I’d say. So if Christa B. Allen was the homerun, Sean Marquette (young MRUFF) is the grand slam. 

Then and now:

Yeah that could be Mark Ruffalo in the early 2000′s. And Sean does a great job himself in the younger role. Moving on.

BRIE OSCAR WINNER CAPTAIN MARVEL LARSON

In a bit part with ONE freaking line. She nailed it by the way. That’s how extra this movie is. Oscar winners as basically extras.

FUN FACT THAT ONLY A PSYCHO WOULD KNOW:

When Jenna is looking at her yearbook with Matty years later, it flashes this picture of the Six Chicks:

Notice Jenna is now “practically their leader” and Brie Larson is nowhere to be found. Presumably she has already been kidnapped and is in ROOM. Too dark? Or too REAL.

ANDY FUCKING SERKIS

You can use IMDB to go through this guy’s laundry list of amazing credits. And don’t stop at Gollum in LOTR because he was basically just getting started in this bitch. He’s also an accomplished director. He plays Jenna and Lucy’s (tom-tom) boss and the editor of Poise magazine. He’s also gay bc representation in 2004 hella mattered.

KATHY BAKER (Jenna’s mom)

Where have you seen her? Bitch, everywhere. She has a staggering list of nominations and awards from film, tv and stage where she’s had a phenomenal career. My favorite roles are between that gem up there in Edward Scissorhands and the woman of many marriages in the Jane Austen Book Club. She’s a legend and she’s NOT EVEN THE STAR OF THIS FILM.

Marcia DeBonis (Jenna’s admin asst)

It’s easier to tell you what she HASN’T been in. Like Kathy Baker, she’s made a career out of small, scene stealing roles. She also has a pretty impressive career in casting. 

I’m not going do Jen and Mark because we all know all of their shit. I’m the biggest JGar fan on earth so don’t get me started, but they are obviously mega stars and I need to save some room for.......here it comes...it’s finally here...you know it was coming..and here WE. FUCKING. GO.

JUDITH THERESE EVANS GREER

If Judy BAD BITCH OF LIFE Greer is in a movie? I’m seeing it. Why? BC SHE’s in EVERY MOVIE. Judy Greer is a brilliant silky chameleon with ferrari engine precision comedic timing. I would say she ties with Melanie Lynksey for all time underrated actress in history, but I think she pushes just past her since her body of work is unbelievably large. She has done indie, rom-com, sci-fi blockbuster, you name it. She can and has done anything and everything and I love her with every sad and broken cell in my fangirl body. She doesn’t support scenes, she carries them. And the only reason you think someone else is the star is because Judy wants you to think that. There are like 2 people on this Earth I love as much as I love Judy Greer and they are basically my mom and Claire Danes. She is an angel we do not deserve sent to us straight from a place we can never know. I legitimately worry that not enough people know what a treeey zzzurrre we have in Judy. I will do whatever I can to always spread the Gospel of Greer in this flaming shit bag of a world. If you haven’t seen Addicted to Fresno, please excuse yourself from whatever meaningless nonsense you’re doing right now to go watch it. Thanks.

STORY

A perfect cast, and yes this is one, does not a good film make on it’s own (see all those shitty Gary Marshall vignette films). 

Lucky for us we also have a perfect story.  This film has everything: redemption, friendship, love, betrayal, materialism, capitalism, competition, fucking TIME TRAVEL. And a dance number to goddamn Thriller. 

This movie created the catch-phrase, “Fabuloso”, which would eventually become the best smelling cleaning product of all time. It brought back Razzles, no doubt saving that entire brand from bankruptcy. It has complicated parental relationships, complex female friendships, a pre-wedding love confession scene, an NYC fall photoshoot montage, an accidentally fall-down kiss scene, a popular high school guy now a balding loser scene, a heroine saves the magazine scene, and a Pat Benetar slumber party pillow fight. 

SETTING

NEW. MOTHERFUCKING. YORK. CITY. Is there any other place where a 30 year old can be the editor of a fashion magazine and live in an $8 million apartment???

SOUNDTRACK

I mean, you’ve got The Go-Go’s, Whitney Houston, Madonna, Billy Joel, Liz Phair, Rick Springfield, Talking Heads, Soft Cell, I COULD ON AND ON. 

CONCLUSION

I am a rom-com SLUT. I have seen all of them, but this one is the stand out. Instead of limiting Jenna to the “she falls in love and finally changes her life” trope, it explores ALL the reasons Jenna’s life went off track. Not just because she lost her best friend along the way, but because now she’s dishonest, disloyal, and though she has the trappings of the life she dreamed of, she isn’t the person she thought she would be. In fact, Matty is not even the main thread of all of it. 

The takeaway here is that being present is more important than worrying and wishing about the future.Which is actually some intense deep Buddhist shit. 

By living in the moment we’re in, we can shape our lives however we want. Jenna was so intent on creating her idea of a perfect life, that she missed what was right in front of her. When she got a glimpse of what she thought she wanted, she realized how empty it was. The money, the cool job, the $8 million apartment doesn’t mean shit when you don’t have any real connections to anyone. And is there any better moment then when she goes back to her closet birthday party, kisses Matty and slams Tom-Tom’s drink in her face and calls her a “Biatch”? NO. It’s the most satisfying moment in American cinema. 

TWO THINGS

1.This movie has 0 diversity and is 100% straight white people problems. I acknowledge it. It is problematic. I don’t know what to say. It was the time, I didn’t make the movie, and thank the lorde things are changing.

2.Lucy’s take on Poise re-branding was 100,000% better than that Abercrombie bullshit Jenna came up. Don’t @ me.

JUDY GREER 2020

#13goingon30 romcoms judygreer jennifergarner markruffalo fashionsuicide fabuloso razzles billyjoel

[pilotedstreamofconsciousnes-blog]

ATTENTION: THIS POST CONTAINS SUBTLE ADVERTISING THAT YOU MAY NOT HAVE NOTICED WITHOUT THIS DISCLAIMER, ACTUALLY, IT IS PROBABLY PRETTY OBVIOUS ON IT’S OWN, BUT FOR THE SAKE OF TRANSPARENCY HERE IS THIS GIANT MESSAGE IN CAPITAL LETTERS PRECEDING WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ, ASSUMING I HAVEN’T DRIVEN YOU AWAY AT THIS POINT, WHICH I WOULD NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO, BY THE WAY, BECAUSE I GENERALLY HATE BEING ADVERTISED TO WITH A FEW EXCEPTIONS FOR WHEN IT IS DONE IN AN ENTERTAINING OR OTHERWISE MEANINGFUL WAY, WHICH IS WHAT I HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH HEREIN. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ THIS POST WITHOUT PRIOR KNOWLEDGE OF THE ADVERTISEMENT WITHIN, YOU ARE SHIT OUT OF LUCK AT THIS POINT LOL.

Holy shit, I’m glad we got that out of the way, because half of me thinks it’s necessary to write something like that because I don’t want to seem like a slimy capitalist swine or whatever, but the other part of me is just like fuck it, everybody needs money to live, it’s not like I’m out here buying Ferraris or something, although obviously I would be if I had that kind of money, but who wouldn’t? Except for people who don’t want a Ferrari, which I would imagine is a large portion of people. Actually, come to think about it, even if I had the kind of money required to purchase a Ferrari, on top of the additional money I’d need to support my Ferrari owning self, which would probably be a lot, because if I’m buying a frickin’ Ferrari I’d imagine I have pretty excessive standards of living to begin with which would get expensive, I would probably do some research into what kind of sports car I’d want to spend my cash on in the first place. Nothing against Ferraris, but I don’t really know anything about expensive cars except that they’re fast and look cool. No idea which one offers the most bang for your buck or whatever, so I’d probably end up looking into that before I go out just spending my ridiculous fortune willy nilly.

And that, dear reader, brings me to the main point of this post: Incest.

I’m a huge fan of incest because I don’t like the hassle of candles. Candles require a lot of commitment. Unless you’re buying those tiny ones which typically look like shit just sitting there on their own unless you have one of those candle holder apparatuses, you’re going to be stuck with a large candle that probably comes inside(lol) it’s own glass jar or whatever that you’re going to end up throwing away because seriously, what are you going to reuse a small oddly shaped jar with no lid for? It’s not like most people make their own candles, I’m sure some do but they are NOT the majority and should never think of themselves as such. Also, the problem with big candles is they might not smell the same when they burn as they do when you sniff them at the store. I can’t tell you how many times (never) I’ve bought a candle and ended up never using it because it smelled like ass whenever it was burning even though in the store it smelled great. What is the solution, you ask, to shitty candles and all the bullshit involved with them?

Incest.

Incest comes in tiny little sticks or sometimes those little cone things that you place on or inside of a burner and then you light those lil fuckers up. I’ll be honest, I’ve never really fucked with the cone ones because change is scary to me and I’ve always been familiar with the sticks ever since before I can even remember, I didn’t learn about the cone ones until well into my teens. So what I tend to do is buy a variety pack of incest (like this one) and try out all the different flavors because for one, it’s pretty cheap, and for two, you get way more flavors for the price than you would if you bought shitty candles. Obviously incest doesn’t burn as long as most candles, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Candles you have to worry about blowing out, lest an errant cat or something burns your house down, or if you don’t have a cat or indoor pets in general, possibly a squirrel or raccoon who found his/her way into your attic and ended up falling through an improperly fastened air duct or something and then FREAKING OUT because it’s now trapped in the foreign and terrifying alien environment that is your house, now in a panicked frenzy, shitting everywhere and destroying your property, and your dumbass left a candle burning and in a fit of jealousy over the fact that you can create fire and he can’t, this now trapped and angry opossum or whatever goes straight for the candle and knocks it onto your 100% hemp fiber rug which blazes into a massive dank af  inferno and burns your whole house down. Also, even though the intruding armadillo or something is a pest and a total bitch for burning your house down, in this hypothetical scenario he or she escapes unharmed from the burning building because to be honest, the whole thing was an accident, and he has no real understanding of the value of someone’s home and possessions anyway, he’s just a fox, and he doesn’t deserve to burn to death for one small mistake which really can be blamed on you, the irresponsible homeowner, for leaving the candle burning in the first place and having an improperly enclosed attic space and sketchy air vents.

My point is this: incest is superior to candles in just about every way you can think of, except for one.

THE FUCKING SHIT GETS EVERYWHERE.

Like, the ashes? You know? The stick burns down slowly producing a great number of heavenly scents you can choose from, but while it does, it turns to ash which falls, in theory, onto the incest burner/holder thing that you’re using unless you’re one of those people who doesn’t use one at all. I’ve seen some people just lay the burning part of the stick over a sink and place a counterweight on the other end so that all the ashes fall into the sink and can just be washed away later. That’s a pretty frugal way to burn incest and I definitely recommend it if you can’t afford a proper holder, but for those of you who can afford a proper holder/burner, or who want to burn it somewhere besides a room with access to a sink, you’re who this entire post is intended for.

Look at this. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? It’s a pretty flower with included symbolism of peace and harmony at no extra charge and it’s a wonderful way to create lovely smells in your home by being the only incest burner you’ll ever need, right?

WRONG.

SHIT. SUCKS.

I bought this thing. It’s terrible. First of all, the hole isn’t tight enough to keep the stick standing up straight, which is exactly what she said, and causes it to lean over and drip ashes on the table or window sill or wherever you’re choosing to burn it at. There isn’t really a second of all except that the pictures give you no sense of scale, It’s much smaller than it looks, and entirely incapable of catching the falling ash, even if you can manage to prop up the stick completely straight. So no matter what you’re going to have to clean up ashes from wherever this thing sits, which is incredibly annoying because ashes are very unstable (same) and turn to an extremely fine dust as soon as you touch them or even breathe on them, (same) creating an even bigger mess for you to have to deal with. It’s awful. Don’t ever buy this incest holder unless you have really short incest sticks or you break the long ones in half, which is annoying and a mess in itself and something that nobody should ever have to deal with.

THIS is the incest holder you want. It’s perfect in every way. I’ve got it sitting right next to me in the window sill as we speak (Read? Communicate textually?) and I think I’m going to burn some right now. Ahhhh, yes. The sweet smell of incest. I’m not sure which flavor I picked just now but it’s the yellow box from that variety pack from earlier and it smells great, very warm and welcoming type smell. Anyways, more about the holder: It’s solid wood, plenty big enough to catch ALL of the ashes no matter what, and it even has two holes, one on each end, so you can burn two sticks at once. I really love this thing. I wasted plenty of money on trying to find the perfect incest burner and at first I thought this one was way too expensive to bother with, but I wouldn’t change a thing about it. Honestly, I plan to buy a couple more for other rooms of the house and even as gifts to people because it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

So yeah, if you’re into incest, or if you’ve never tried it but would like to, check that thing out, and also that variety pack I mentioned, it’ll give you an idea of which smellz you like the most. I hope this has been helpful, and if it has, or even if you just like this blog or my personality or whatever and want to support me, the amazon links here are the affiliate ones which I still am not entirely for sure how they work exactly but apparently I get a percentage of whatever you buy on amazon for like 24 hours after you click them. So even if you don’t want to buy incest, if you were planning on buying something from amazon anyway, click through one of those links first and send some cash flow my way. I’ll use it to buy and review more products that you might like. Or don’t support me, cause I’m gonna do this shit anyway whether I have your help or not. Not trying to be rude, just saying. Regardless, I do appreciate you reading this, and I wish you the best in your life and travels and whatever else you do with your time. See you next time.

#text #product review #talking shit #subtle advertising #my soul is for sale as well #not much left of it at this point #but contact me for details