#felt good to let that out <3

[milf-louis]

.

#this is a rant #x #this has been the worst academic year for me ever lmao i need it to end so badly #just submitted an assignment that is sooo bad I cringe just thinking about it #and ofc I turned it in late. it was the stupidest thing ever but i still managed to do bad #i try to reassure myself with words like yeah! it’s ok this is just not your strength! you’re good at something else! #but even then i feel like im lying to myself #procrastination is my worst enemy and it Killed me this year lol #I barely got anything done completely. did little to no homework #i guess that explains why even when I study for a test the night before #i still dont get a good grade #anyway idk i like to think that if i had done at least half of the homework and daily studying that i should’ve done I would be in a better #position. that I would get academic validation #it’s almost over anyways but I’ll try and do everything i can for my finals. and then im free #and im gonna do better in general for next year #felt good to let that out <3

[journey-to-the-attic]

the rest of the cast got their new song covers, so i wanted to try putting the others in a band :>

i did want to make it look a bit like an album cover but i have no idea how those are designed so eh?? i also couldn't think of any band or album/song names so. if anyone has any ideas...

#art #obey me #obey me raphael #jtta ik #obey me mephistopheles #obey me thirteen #from left to right they are: lead singer/rhythm guitar - drummer - lead guitar - bass #tbh any of them could've taken any role but bassist girl thirteen spoke to me and raph canonically sings well so that felt like it fit #i did consider ik as lead but she'd absolutely shred on the drums. she has so much pent-up rage to let out... #in context this is for a music festival diavolo's putting on but it'd be a fun au as well #i like to think thirteen is the overwhelming favourite of all the fangirls #also in terms of band name... #i was thinking something based on the fact that there's one of each species (human/demon/angel/reaper) but what word can i use for that #jo has suggested something involving the numbers 3 and 4 for 3 realms and 4 members #3.4HZ Harmony was the best we could come up but it feels like there should be a sorta other-world element to it #then again if it's an au then i guess they'd all be humans anyway #ah whatever #life and work related obligations have been growing so naturally i've been starting a bunch of creative endeavours to try to get away from #is this a long term good thing for future career prospects? probably not. but i'd rather be happy

[crescentfool]

having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!

#persona 3 spoilers #minato arisato #hc and au nonsense #lizzy speaks #happy international asexuality day to my fellow aces out there i hope you know that you are loved!!! 🎊🎉🥳 #i like viewing minato with the lens of him being gay / ace. esp bc it stems from my own experiences so it's fun to look at- #him from that perspective even if that's not what was intended by atlus y'know? #and im sure others have other hcs from me that are informed by their own life experiences and i think that's great ^_^ #something that i found interesting while playing FES was how. stilted? minato's animations felt when hugging the girls #you could definitely go with the perspective that it's a graphical limitation or they didn't have time to polish the animations #and that's def true!! but sometimes i see the hug @ yakushima beach + the other hugs and then i compare it to the sou/yo hug in p4 #and there's like... a noticeable difference to me with how intimate and close together the hugs are... #that said i do know that the animations for reload are updated and the hugs are much more natural (good on them tbh!) #the other thing is (pensive sigh). the way you couldn't reject any of the girls when doing their social links in FES #objectively speaking i'm glad that they did away with that and i like how the rejections were handled in reload. it feels naturally written #but also a part of me enjoyed looking at the “hey atlus what the FUCK” moment and thought of how to interpret it differently #specifically with the idea of minato having like.. little to no autonomy and kind of going along with the relationship #it kind of reminded me of myself tbh with like going along with the rship without considering what you want bc #it's what others want or expect out of you... LOL. i dont think atlus intended for someone to interpret it this way but #eh i think that's the fun part of hcs and looking at characters with certain lenses! #regardless of how you perceive minato i do think there's something to be said about him being the kind of guy who molds himself- #into someone that is needed. not wanted. but needed. important distinction here. #the one caveat my brain runs into when im like “minato is ace!” is when i remember thanatos exists and i go #“you know what these ideas can exist simultaneously” GKLHFHDFHD when in doubt schrodinger's headcanons #anyway that's all i've had this thought in my brain in awhile and haven't sat down to share it properly until now 👍 #have an excellent weekend everyone !!! lizzy loves you all lets all nurture our inner yippee!!! 🥺💙

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

they say that if a murderer kills a murderer, the amount of murderers in the world remains the same. this is not applicable to Assassins Georg, who kills twenty murderers each day-

#This Post Is About John Wick. #hes so funny... #im watching the movies finally and theyre comedies lets be honest #adding him to my blorbos list... #i love how he's Genuinely so fucking badass #and keanu plays wick like a pathetic wet cat #like you've got this guy that has everyone scared shitless. he's baba yaga. he's death itself #hard cut to Death Itself and he looks like he's on the verge of tears #he looks like someone killed his do- #killed his- #well. You Know. #he's hyper competent and so cool and he's also just so pathetic somehow? #the ultimate meow meow... #dead wife... dead dog... dead friend... everyone out to get him #everyone so mean to him 💅 #absolutely unprompted #sorry. im watching movies again #(valley girl voice) yah so eyeve just reeely been into moovays latelay <3 #yall ever seen a movie? theyre So Good. movies my beloved #until theres a bad move. then its agony like never before felt #but there are so many good ones... #and i feel the need to Let The World Know every time i watch one! i will proceed to do so!

[lokh]

oughh i wanted to do a cute laishuro take on the blu ray extras (what if laios had been eaten instead) but lets be honest. they absolutely would not have made it as far without laios

#they wouldve died. badly. #unfortunately ive lost the link saw it on twitter but i think laios gets knocked unconscious and imagines that it had been him that got ate #and not falin. and falin is the only one to advocate for them going back #but no one wants to go along with her presumably because they dont care for laios that much #(or at least this is laios' perception as this is just his imagination) #but also because she doesnt know as much about monsters and couldnt come up with a good argument for going back in #<- didnt know about prolonged digestion in red dragons and marcille assumed the interval was the same as in humans (1-3 days) #BUT...................... when everyone leaves falin turns back and goes in herself. and laios realises that shes always been that sort #of person and theres no point in ruminating over what could have been. #now. i want to believe that had they known falin would turn back without them. that at the very least shuro would have gone in with her. #theres no way he would have let her go on her own. and frankly i dont think he would have assembled his retainers #to go save laios rip... #marcille would have gone if she had known falin would turn back. and honestly i think she mightve known her well enough to guess this irl #anyways what i was GOING to say was maybe as they venture thru the dungeon shuro gets to learn more about laios thru falins view #maybe they get to know each other more and he opens up more about how he thinks of laios and like. falin is able to explain more about him #diffuse tension and give him a better understanding. like yeah hes still annoyed at him but he has a better view of how laios is #they get close and become better friends but maybe it also helps falin make up her mind and let him down gently............................ #and maybe they go and save laios but the dragon thing still happens to him #and its again a 'you felt like that all along??' situation irt him wanting to be a monster but it turns out ok and they (laishuro) #open up to one another in the end......................... #but. again im gonna be real. they would not have made it that far LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO laios the goat for real

[thedreadvampy]

My housemate is moving out in January

She told us this a week or two ago, when she sat down and, after sitting with us watching TV for over an hour, said "hey so I bought a house and I'm moving out. We agreed on 2 months notice so I won't move until the end of January."

The last time she talked in the immediate terms about buying a house was in 2021, when the sale she was working on fell though and she was unemployed so it was a "when I'm back in a position to look I'll start looking again." Since then I've occasionally asked her how she's doing on the house buying front and she's been like "oh I'm getting there financially" but hasn't mentioned anything concrete.

She didn't tell us she was looking at places. She didn't tell us she had put in an offer. She told us when the offer was finalised. A week AFTER she emailed the letting agent about getting out of her part of the lease. And, it increasingly feels like, only because the letting agent's response was that we had to agree to change the lease.

The letting agent's response (which our housemate obviously didn't copy us into; we had to follow up separately and they copied us into the email chain) also includes that when we change the lease, they're empowered to change the rent, quote, "no cap". Rent was already going up in January - there's no possibility of Sam and I paying her share of the rent.

The really fucking upsetting thing is we're not strangers. This isn't a casual "housemate we found on flatshare" thing. She and Sam have lived together literally their entire adult lives. Me and her have known each other well over a decade. I lived in her and Sam's flat when I was homeless. We were the first people she came out to as trans. We're not super close but I thought we were fucking friends. And she's literally gone out of her way to not talk to us about this for what must have been months while the sale completed - which means she's lied to my face at least once cause I've asked her about her finances in that time (cause she's in a job she hates that she only took to get the house money, so it's like. when we've been commiserating about work stuff I'm often asking 'are you almost free?'). she literally went out of her way to talk to the letting agents before talking to us about putting us in a situation where we could lose our fucking home.

And she keeps. trying. to pretend nothing's happened. Every time I've seen her since then she's not mentioned anything or apologised or anything, she just keeps chatting away and offering hugs and fistbumps like nothing's happened. Like we're still fucking friends.

All it would take for us to still be friends and to be happy for her would have been one fucking sentence in the groupchat like "hey, just put an offer in on a house" or "I'm looking at properties, just so you know, that might happen in the next few months". Like nobody begrudges her for buying a house! It's very cool for her! She's 31 she's worked really hard to get the money I would love to be happy for her! Unfortunately she decided avoiding conflict is more important than giving the people she fucking LIVES WITH (who btw fronted her a month on the rent here while she was unemployed and agreed to take on a larger proportion of the move-in cost back in 2021, if we're still holding ourselves to shit we said 2.5 years ago), so no, you are not entitled to our friendship or to going back to normal.

like if she'd been honest with us it would have been something to process but we'd have had time to figure out our next steps. instead she's left us in a position where we have to find a new roommate before she gives her one month notice, which means finding someone by the end of December, which oh look that's the middle of the fucking Christmas holidays. and she didn't tell us anything until the START of December, or copy us into her conversation with the letting agent, meaning we still don't know what the rent on that space will be so we aren't yet in a position to advertise it. Has she offered to help find a roommate? Has she fuck. Has she offered to help out by moving her move-out date? Nah, she's moving as soon as she gets the keys because, quote, "that means her finances won't have to change". SOUNDS LOVELY. NOT HAVING YOUR FINANCES SUDDENLY CHANGE. I THINK THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY REASONABLE FUCKING GOAL.

Thirteen fucking years she's lived with Sam. Four fucking weeks over Christmas she's left us to figure out a way to not turbofuck our living situation. And she's got the fucking nerve to try and pretend we should be interacting like nothing's changed. Jesus Christ. What a fucking unhinged way to treat...anybody, honestly. never mind the friends-your-entire-adult-life part. literally cannot imagine a scenario in which I would buy a house without telling the people I lived with.

(haha actually this is what my parents divorced over so apparently it's not unusual. although at least my dad had the decency to tell the woman he shared finances with at the point he put in an offer not the point the fucking sale went through.)

Like we'll be fine. It's a huge city centre flat with decent rent and queer housemates, hopefully even when the rent goes up it'll be an easy sell in a city with a huge housing shortage and big queer community. We've got a couple of people interested already, sight unseen - worst case scenario we have to live with someone we don't get on with. And it's given Sam and me a push to look at our own finances and as of today, we've got a mortgage decision in principle and can start looking at flats in the area - mind, we'll be transparent upfront and tell any prospective housemates that yeah, we're looking to buy and move out in the next 6-12 months, and we'll tell them if we put an offer in, because we're decent fucking people who aren't going to spring that on someone out of the blue.

But it's been I think 2 weeks and I'm so fucking angry I could spit. It's such a fucking betrayal. And frankly you know selfishly like. I just had a breakup a couple of months ago, I'm in the middle of moving jobs, both me and Sam have a history of housing instability and this has been the first decent, stable, safe, not-mouldy not-freezing home I think any of us have had, and this is so fucking triggering and upscuttling I could just start biting. like I was talking to my friend about it last week and it's just like. Can I have One Fucking Thing of the three main tentpoles of survival - home, work, relationships - that are fucking stable right now? because shit has been In Flux lately. and at least the work and relationship stuff has changed because of my decisions. going through all that work to make myself short-term unstable to gain long-term stability has been really hard and draining and then just as I was reaching the crisis point with work stuff BOOM, IT'S HOUSING INSTABILITY WITH A STEEL CHAIR. fuck. seriously fuck this and fuck her. we're going to make something good come of it but what a deeply, unbelievably shitty thing to do.

#red said #the other thing that bugs me about it is. ok and again this is old shit dredged back to 2021 when we moved in together #but i had my housemate. and Sam had her. and each of us were really close pairs who'd lived together a long time #and we tried looking for flats as a four but a) a flat with 4 good sized bedrooms in Edinburgh is hens teeth #and b) my housemate was pretty happy to live with me and Sam but increasingly felt like a 4 man flat was going to be a lot for him #and so in the end we talked about it. and through a combination of that and same housemate being in a pretty #unfavorable position housing wise. cause she was unemployed and had shit credit at that moment. #we agreed she'd move with us and Joe went and found a one bed #and in the end that's been really great for him tbh he's a lot happier and more confident and we were pretty sick of each other by then #and so we get on much better now #but at the time it was a real heartache i felt like I'd let Joe down i felt like our friendship was over #and honestly I have never been a huge fan of living with our current housemate. even before we lived here #like when i was staying with her and Sam too. she's incredibly messy and takes up a lot of space in conversations #I've always liked her as a person but she's exhausting and often unpleasant to share space with #and there's a bit of me that's like. we bent over backwards to accommodate you when you were precarious. #like it would have been WAY easier for us to look for a 2-bed during 2021. and if it was a 3-bed I'd have rather stayed with Joe. #but we moved with her for her sake. and she left Sam to clean up their old place (and there were Literal Rats) #and she got really pissy about driving the moving van even though a) that was her idea and b) she's the only person with a license #and c) i walked all MY shit over by hand anyway and the only reason she hired the van was to move her tv #me and Sam found all the core furniture. me and Sam sorted out all the viewings. me and Sam did all the planning. Sam set up all the bills. #we spotted her for rent!we took a bigger share of the costs! because we fucking cared about her and wanted her to have a fucking home! #and she can't even do us the courtesy you'd offer a fucking lodger you found on fucking gumtree

[rosenfey]

okay not to like get real or anything (I'm def gonna get real, sorry), but one of the reasons why gale is so important to me is that I've learned to just. like something without feeling guilty over it. like I used to believe having strong feelings for a fictional character is cringe, that oc x canon is cringe and daydreaming abt pixels is cringe when it is. not? I mean I only thought its cringe when I do it, not anyone else, but you know how it is. but hey. I'm learning to just. love. unconditionally. lichrally fictional characters are designed to be liked and related to. gale has gone through a lot of things that I personally went through, like the resemblance is uncanny. feeling like one is not enough and throwing yourself into love so readily, not realising the problem is in the lack of self-love? not being loved in turn and feeling the fault is in you, that you need to be better, that you need to impress, that you need to prove yourself worthy without realising that none of that matters to someone who truly loves you? believing the world will be a better place without you in it? ouch ouch ouch. I know these feelings so well and going through his romance has helped me heal, something I strived to do for so long. I know he isn't real, I know he is a bunch of pixels, but I am real, and my feelings are too, and I am forever grateful for this game because it has opened my eyes and let me process my past as an abuse victim, in a safe and healthy way. I'm not the same person I was before I played the game and I never will be. and that is such a comfort to me.

#ambie.txt #I ugly cried about gale today again fam but it was like. good tears. I'm doing so much better and I'm so proud of myself #for realising I am enough and never need to impress anybody. #so yeah ;; just wanted to get this off my chest #because I've heard there's some onions going around and maybe someone can feel better knowing i felt the same way #loving a fictional character doesn't make you cringe fr fr #I'm gonna get gale's orb tattooed because hey. his story helped me process my abuse. and that's not a small thing #and if any of y'all wanna do sth similar but are scared ppl will judge. I promise I support you and love you a lot #anywhooo I'm gonna get back to normal ambieposting soon <3 sowwy just needed to let this out

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

i keep thinking about this scene and sydney talking about how all she wants is to cook for people and make them happy and season 2 when sydney says she wants a michelin star and carmy goes ??

like is it 1) her actual dream to have a star and she just kind of didn't think it was possible bc she was consumed with her catering failure and working with carmy made her think it could actually happen

or is it 2) the highest level of success in the food industry but not acTUally what she wants (and what she wants is actually much more in the vein of michael jordan's steakhouse which is not a michelin star place) ??

#i guess season 3 will reveal which one is the case #cause ngl i was disappointed with the food aspect bc it felt like such a different vibe than the cola braised rib thing #up until she made that omelette for nat and put chips on it #that's when i was like !!!!!!!! #cooking for people to make them happy isn't the same as cooking to try and get a michelin star........ you know?? #the bear #i think they can have really good food without the pressure that makes syd throw up out of anxiety #you know? and i want that for them #added thoughts: jaw saying he provides sydney with inspiration #maybe..................... she needed the inspiration to get past her feelings of imposter syndrome and feel like she's capable of more tha #just the steakhouse type food.............. you know? not that there's anything wrong with more rustic or chill restaurants #but. i can see young syd be naive and hopeful and then get knocked down by gross old men and kind of resign herself to catering or somethin #else less high pressure and with less prestige...... but carmy's like 'sure yeah you can do that. let's do it' bc he believes in her #and sees her skill.................... anyways

[miodiodavinci]

good news: we have water again ! ! ! a pipe had burst somewhere up the street so the city came out and fixed it today (we still need to run the tap to get rid of the air and muddy water but. it's something.)

bad news: i had to go to my partner's to do laundry and shower so i missed out on work time today (bad) (anxiety inducing) (i don't need this right now)

worst news: i have a killer headache and my throat is suspiciously stiff 👁 👁

#please please please for the love of god ; ; ; #i am begging and pleading do Not let this be a repeat of last semester ; ; ; ; #this is exactly how i felt last time i got sick with covid and i Cannot afford another late start ; ; ; ; #i am. suddenly stuck by The Unwelcome Guest last week cryptically asking me when you're supposed to test for covid #and then saying 'hmm. okay. good to know.' and then refusing to elaborate #i swear. to god if she got me sick i'm #i. can't even say. i'm suddenly struck by such helpless grief thinking about how little i can do to keep her from being in my life ; ; ; ; #we literally Evicted her she all but threatened my older sibling into letting her visit weekly to take care of her potted plants #and then in october last year she was like 'my roommate has covid and i don't have money for a hotel i have nowhere to go :'(' #so the agreement was she could stay for One Week #and basically she has been. on and off our couch since then. #like. only going back to her apartment for 1 to 3 days at a time before spending another two weeks in our house. #with new excuses every time. #and literally Every Time I Say No And Put My Foot Down older sibling begs on her behalf because she's busy hounding and guilt-tripping them #so like. what can i even do if it turns out she infected me with covid because she didn't care to disclose that she was feeling sick #(and decided to come over anyway) #i'm just. overwhelmed ; ; ; #i feel like crying ; ; ; #i'm already busy pre-mourning the loss of my mental health and down time with my internship starting back next week #i don't need to worry about whether or not i'm going to be bed ridden for 2 weeks #and suffer Even More lasting lung and brain and blood and fatigue issues on top of that ; ; ; ; #a a a a a i just. feel like crying a lot ; ; ; ; #i'm already behind ; ; ; #i should ; ; ; try to work more tonight before the inevitability of it all hits me tomorrow ; ; ; ; ;

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really? #ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious. #i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

[hauntingblue]

Yabushige count your fucking days. I am so mad

#the fucking flash forward. insane #toranaga in the fucking forest... ALL YOU HAVE LEFT IS THAT FUCKING EAGLE!!!!! NO SON NO FRIENDS!!!! #ishido blaming toranaga...... you should seppuku yourself...... shameless.... #so all out war now??? no toranaga invasion???? mmm..... #yabushige has lost it.... all that for nothing... oof #oshiba and her kid finishing marikoa poem..... i think i huave covid #HIS SHIP?????? #toranaga did this to keep him here knowing he wont stay now that mariko is dead.... i know it #the christians???? mariko???? to keep him here too?? #omg fuji......... #toranagas baby is so big ajdhaksj 'i have more sons thanks to you' hello???? #OSHIBA TURNED!!! ISHIDO ITS SO OVER!!!! #NO!!! LEAVE FUJI ALONE LET HER BECOME A NUN!!! ANJIN YOU ARE ON THIN ICE #toranaga is sucha bad bitch #i feel like anjin really felt ashamed about his first intent to arrive to japan and that mixed with marikos death... he said fuck it #and then toranaga turns it around and says nah... I am using YOU!! get your pussy up!! get your ships up!!! #'que la muerte le sea leve' thats what me and my friends say when we say goodbye to go to class ajshajanaakak i love this guy #favourite secondary character #this shot is so pretty... with the tree and the sea... the framing.... #SEE how toranaga burned his ship!!!! bc he wants to keep him!!! thats his foreign pet!! #he makes him laugh and distracts his enemies ajdhajdjsj.... his jester... #beef squashed with my girlfriends husband 🤝🏻 now we hold respect for each other #that was so good #i said yabushige better count his days and here we are.... #i post about someone and they die. 3/3 sobfar #if i reach far enough shogun is about a daimyo and the psychosexual relationship between him and his foreign pet... #he makes me laugh... and the last scene is the anjin laughing while looking at him... okay..... #talking tag #watching shogun #also!!! toranaga wanting to be shogun!!! this man is so complex!!! i hate him!!!

[schmweed]

#Gerri Kellman #Roman Roy #Coming in all brash and joking about her 'tiny name' and asking abt her daughters #when he's really actually worried he wasn't good enough for her #and she was about to realize it and worry she'd tethered herself to him. #He not only felt worried about that but he also went ahead and voiced his fears to her. #He would NEVER be that vulnerable with anyone else #and the trust and faith goes both ways -- I love how later in the episode #she leveled with him that he and his siblings could actually bring Logan down even though it would NOT be in her best interests #Succession #my gifs #I also obviously love the totally necessary tongue thing -- he's just worried and serious and lost in serious thought #nothing to do with gazing at her of COURSE :D #I love them so much. I miss them SO MUCH! #I can't get over the fantastic finale. The amazing door it left amazingly WIDE OPEN for anything and everything to happen down the road. #They will get their happy ending. She will rescue him. He will believe she's doing it because she wants to #and he will let her and he will be rescued #and she will get all the drawn-out groveling and apologizing she more than deserves from him #and I don't think there's ever been a couple better suited to be together. <3 #also can anyone with serious giffing prowess do these gifs properly please PLEASE and thank you? #the gifsets people make using Photoshop are GORGEOUS #uploading videos to a site will never reach that level.

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates

[clumsycapitolunicorn]

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#it's so sad seeing the t/r tag goddd #it really ended up like the kabby tag #forever mad at these men for actually turning out to be the most basic writers after all #who for all the preaching about romance couldn't let the big ships that made sense and felt like a natural endgame happen #but hey at least we got the iconic love story of beard with the woman who ripped up his passport...jumpscared him...stalked his friends...- #-didn't want him around his friends...threw his keys away and sent all those gross messages to him *sarcasm* #honestly it's worrying BH didn't see how bad that was and the message was nooo don't butt into your friend's ab*sive relationship- #-possibly saving them from a terrible fate and pain...(like you're just butting into a minor disagreement) just leave them be! what a- #-sh*tty thing to take from that... #and acting like they love their female characters but keeley who they gave a 'girlboss' ending (because oooo can't be both a girlboss and- #-in a relationship) but didn't show her being a boss in her own plot or anything really... #plus how last minute they made rebeccas plot and it didn't make sense and laughing at people who saw the t/r potential #they aren't sh*t and i mostly take back my praise (there were some good eps ofc which makes this mess worse) #hi im still mad about tl almost 3 months later #i try not to focus on it tbh i don't want to spend any more than 5 minutes thinking about it #the fact even when the strikes are done js will never own up to his sh*t #and i swear if that ep wins an emmy (when the other eps s3 and previously nominated were right there) im done #that'll be the sh*tty icing on the sh*tty cake

[trashbaget]

#wrote a fucking poem #because a bitch is fucking feeling things #cue venting in the tags because this is where i'm feeling comfortable to do it right now #a while back i caught the love bug for a friend and tbFCKNh it was the very second time i'd ever actually fallen In Love with someone and.. #the first time it didn't end well. long story short: i asked him out and he turned me down but we stayed friends and it actually made us.. #grow closer regardless. a little while later i'd realized my feelings were Different and it just came out one night when we were having a.. #really deep conversation. and i'm glad i told him because it helped me get over him and we got better and things weren't weird at all. we.. #stayed really good fucking friends. now i didn't get to see him for a summer and i definitely don't have feelings for him anymore and i'm.. #sincerely happy for him and his now partner. i consider him (and always have) my best friend. (among others but he's definitely Up There.. #like no. 2 probably) but way too soon after Talking was summer and we were both farthest from everybody and are both the kind of ppl who.. #pretty much don't text anyone except like 2 ppl and we are not one of each's 2. today i got to see him and a bunch of our friends for the.. #first time since fucking april and god have i missed them all. but seeing him again kinda fucked me up a second. threw me for a massive loop #i got Weird (neg) and i was NERVOUS as HELL at the start and for a few minutes i couldn't figure out what it even WAS because i hadn't felt. #that way in a long time. and i am not about to catch those feelings for him again because No. i chilled out after like 3 minutes bc i got.. #reacclimated to being around ppl My Damn Age again and things weren't Weird (neg) anymore. we talked we joked we sincerely said our I Miss.. #Yous and we hung out. with everyone and alone for a bit because ppl had gone out and come back and it was FINE it was NORMAL () and we.. #were GOOD. we ARE good. and i don't love him in that way anymore. i love him as a friend. and that love is definitely more intense than with #other friends because we have a deeper bond and yes because i Loved him. but the fact is i don't and it's ANNOYING to react like i still do. #and getting nervous like i still do. and i kept worrying that something i'd do might make it seem like i do and i don't and just UGH having. #feelings is annoying. i've never been able to stay friends with someone after having feelings for them at all let alone INTENSE IN LOVE FEEL #INGS!! like wtf!!! and this is sincerely one of the best friendships i've ever had and i don't want to and Won't. lose him especially for.. #this but god DAMN am i not having it right now. and my head's been spinning like a fucking tornado in the 5min ride home and i accidentally. #wrote it out in a poem because the words wouldn't go anywhere when i just tried to brain dump about it because Of Course They Did. because i #can't think about this man in anyway except poetically and i can't write a poem unless it's about love in some degree and just UGH love is #and i'm gonna leave it there because i'm running risk of repeatin myself. #if you read all this i positively adore you and also you need to touch some grass bc reading the vents of internet dwellers is for suckers #i am just kidding i really do sincerely appreciate you and love you very very much thank you for caring #please ignore the following organizational tags: #writing #poetry

[americanrecord]

hey Kelsey!! I’m just catching up on the Californian motel series that u sent over and I’m currently reading the chapter “feel the void”

wow. what a heavy chapter,, i read the words ‘call izzy’ and SOBBED this is the last thing i was expecting but as always your writing is so beautiful and so respectful - hope your okay and cannot wait for when you release your book!

#submission #replying in tags because it’s a submission but — #that was such a terrible chapter to write lol! i scrolled through it briefly and i remember sitting in the kitchen of my college apartment #& i had the place to myself for the weekend so i cranked out this and the chapter before it #and i remember specifically with feel the void - i was like sweating while writing it #it was very intense! even for me! because it was a scene i would’ve been envisioning for like 3 years at that point #and the book was so drastically different from what i envisioned when i developed this plot (which was actually before i even wrote RQ) but #the scene was still something like what i’d always pictured even if it was so dark and nauseating #i did try my best to be careful and respectful and not graphic however!! i always felt like letting implications do the heavy lifting for #this sort of stuff was always the way to go #so glad you’re enjoying it & apologies in advance for the misery fest of king nothing #sorry that i left it on such a terrible note #i sometimes wish i could go back to it but i don’t think i could do it on good conscious anymore #or bc of how my writing has developed #also i’m doing well!! just busy and trying to push suicide blonde into something publishable <3 #thanks for your support !! 🩶 #✉︎ — confessions. #save