#ever since running this blog and getting those compliments myself

[roguemonsterfucker]

Hey y'all

compliment people more

it really does wonders

I complimented my nurse today's hair and she was thrilled (she had really pretty dyed pink and yellow and orange hair that she said was partially an accident but it looked STUNNING)

plus she'd had a really bad day because a patient had yelled at her for something that wasn't her fault so I made sure to let her know she was doing great and it really seemed to help her feel better.

Just. Please. Find opportunities to compliment people.

#i don't know i've just been a lot more willing to tell people how much i appreciate them #or how cool they are #ever since running this blog and getting those compliments myself #like they make you feel really good to get! #so i wanna make people feel that way too! #and some of these people like nurses are in such stressful jobs #they're treated horribly by the system and by patients #and helping them feel better will ultimately help them *do better* #not to say there aren't people that totally suck #but there are a lot of good people who get overlooked #so please acknowledge them #tell them you appreciate them #thank them #and if you can try to compliment them #this planet is so demoralizing #we need to lift each other up where we can

[sm-writes-chaos]

words are wording

“Good cannot exist without evil.”

That’s the saying correct? That was rhetorical. I know I’m correct. Some may have stooped to calling me evil, maybe even the devil incarnate himself. But their prissy heads are stuck in the clouds. They wouldn’t exist without me, I keep them in line so we all don’t become mushy crybabies who can’t stand up for themselves. Everyone’s a pushover and everyone’s a listener. But being a listener doesn’t get you anywhere, nor does being a pushover. So when people ask me how I became so successful in such a short amount of time I tell them, “because I make it known what I want and when I want it. I don’t rest until everything I need is in order.”

That’s what got me into five blockbuster hits, one ongoing tv show, and many many interviews.

They had no right to take that from me.

People often ask whether I believed they ever existed, and I always answered the same way every time, “no.”

Turning nineteen does not make you a better person, and it won’t happen to me. I’m the best I can be, there’s no way they’ll take me. But I don’t even believe that so it’s double guaranteed to never happen.

Higher beings taking our souls at nineteen and replacing us if we’re not good enough is just another conspiracy theory.

And like I said, I’m more than good enough so it’s never going to happen.

Those thoughts replayed in my mind, almost trying to torment me. I can’t make sense of any of it. But I’m here now so my only thought should be escape.

AMBIGUOUS AMOUNT OF TIME EARLIER:

“Zaria Kasic, the first teenager to shoot up to fame this quickly since (Other famous person), has been silent on her upcoming projects. Many speculate her working with Matias Loren, the young director whose films have won two Oscars up to now. More news after the break.”

I smirked. Little did they know I was going to work with Matias’ brother, Lukas, a much more successful guy than he ever was. I was listening to the tv from behind me while I busied myself with enjoying breakfast. Fresh pancakes and strawberries topped with three dollops of whipped cream. Just how I liked it. How mom made it too, but she never let me have more than two dollops. I chuckled a bit. She’s probably scolding me from heaven right now. I wiped the smile off my face with my first bite of the pancakes. Look at me mom! I looked around my apartment. Big enough to not even be considered an apartment. I smirked again, knowing that I proved her wrong.

I made it after all.

But I wasn’t done yet, I had so much more to do. I lazily draped myself on the back of my chair, risking it falling. Now looking at the ceiling I imagined the fame I could chase next.

Relationship scandals were already developing, them all being false of course. They were just like headless chickens running around my finger, throwing whatever theories they could at me. The thrill of it all drove me to be better, to be more. Whether that was to demand for more pay or a different co star who didn’t hate me.

When I finished my pancakes I went over to my computer. I didn’t have a meeting until after noon so I had plenty of time to mess around.

I went to my blog, my fake one that is. Updating my fans on my amazing breakfast. Then I went to my real one, Annabelle Cristi. It was there that I posted about myself in the third person. Others too, but me especially. I posted about Matias, driving up the rumor about us working together just so they would be more crushed when it turned out to be false. No matter how many fake rumors I spread though, they always came crawling back. The audience, that is. They craved caricatures of their idols, and I gave it to them.

I finished up my first post of the day and scrolled through my other socials for a while. Just boring compliments in my dms and comments.

“Your so amazing-“

“Collab with me-“

“How are you so beautiful-“

“Your acting brought me to tears-“

“They’re coming for you-“

“Queen-“

I stopped. That didn’t seem right. I clicked on one dm and read the rest.

“They’re coming for you soon Zaria. If you want to keep your life you need to listen to me. Meet me at Ridge field Park this Saturday at 4:30 pm. Wear a disguise.”

I shuddered a bit. This wasn’t like the other hate dms I got. Was this even a hate dm? What kind of person just leaves a menacing message like that? I deleted it and decided to get off my computer. Crazy people I swear. Think they can just get an exclusive meeting with me. But the start of the message hung in my mind. I loaded my computer back up and tried to recover the message. No dice, it was gone forever. I probably just misread it, I’m forgetting its contents already. So I should just forget about it.

I need to focus on my birthday party next week.

I was turning nineteen, a pretty big milestone. A whole year of being a legal adult, although I knew I was much more mature than just a nineteen year old. I was going to hold a big party for the fans. With a cap of 5,000 people it was going to be a war trying to get tickets. Just the kind of chaos my birthday deserved. Then after that I was going to hold a more private party for the people lucky enough to call me their friends. Only 500 people. I rolled my eyes, I expected there to be at least 1,000 worthy of being invited to it, but society is often disappointing.

I took out my planner. Nearly every detail was complete, all I had to do now was show up. I had people to decorate, they were probably doing it right now. With what I had planned it would probably take days to set up.

I did whatever I could to occupy my mind until the time for my meeting came up. I drove over to Lukas’ house. We decided it’d be more private than an office, and less likely for spy’s to leak our project online.

I knocked on the door and moved my hand in a way to create a more pleasant thump than the boring knock knock.

He answered almost immediately and opened the door in a way that said he didn’t want me to see inside. I put my hand around the door so he couldn't slam it in my face.

“What are you doing let me in Lukas.” I moved forward as to come in but he stood firm. He was only one year older than me but sometimes I swear he treated me like a child.

“Now Zaria, don’t kill me-“

“What did you do.” I narrowed my eyes.

“If you can just keep an open mind, maybe we can all get along..”

“We?” I pushed past him and walked in. I looked around for another person and saw Matias sitting at the counter. Smiling nervously and waving awkwardly. I put my hand on my hip and didn’t return a wave or a smile back.

Lukas ran up to me and smiled apologetically, seriously could he stop trying so hard already. Maybe he wasn’t any better than Matias.

“Zaria, why don’t you sit down.”

“Yes! Good idea, let's all sit down civilly.” Matias said.

“I can’t believe you’d do this to me Lukas, I trusted you.” I didn’t sit down and stood over the boys on the couch.

“Come on Zaria, I think the director brothers could make magic! Especially with you involved, we could create something so amazing it would dominate the Oscars” Lukas tried smiling but he looked desperate. Matias just nodded in agreement.

He was trying to appease me, but he may have not been completely wrong. Although Lukas won more awards than Matias, Matias had still won Oscar’s before. I paced across the living room and glanced between them.

“What were you thinking?” I sat down on a chair on the side of the couch.

Lukas exhaled, obviously relieved. Matias smiled.

“I knew you’d come around! So we were thinking about a sci-fantasy movie right?”

I nodded.

“Well Matias was thinking we could add-“

They droned on for hours while I nodded every few minutes. With those two nerds out of the way I drove back to my apartment to prepare for my run. A body like mine doesn’t come easy, you have to work for it. So I got my running outfit and drove to Ridge Field park. That name tugged at me. Didn’t that dm say to meet them there? I almost didn’t want to go there to not run into them somehow, but I wasn’t going to let some crazy fan stop my routine. I hadn’t before and I wasn’t going to stop now.

I jogged along the path and listened to my music, glancing at the people around me. I calculated that they got about five minutes of exercise every day. And that was from walking to get to the refrigerator. One person caught my eye however. I was used to staring, in fact it was nearly just my life now. Which wasn’t a bad thing of course. But this girl wasn’t just staring, she was glaring. She was full on glaring at me. Not uncommon either, jealous people were inevitable. But something was different about this girl. I only saw her for a second before I passed her, but I felt this chill. Like she just took a look into my soul. I tried to shake it off and jogged a little faster. Suddenly wishing that my running routine was a little shorter.

I feel like I switched between past and present tense...

#guess what its happening this is a thing now #writeblr #writing #my writing

[fallingforel]

arabella pt12-there’ll be a riot cos i know you

SERIES MASTERLIST   BLOG MASTERLIST

“hello?” I say

“hello. Is this Y/N L/N.”

“It is how can I help.”

“it’s matty.”

“what about him?”

“he’s disappeared”

“okay. I’m coming I’ll be there soon.” I say ending the phone before screaming

“FOR FUCKS SAKE”

⋆｡°✩

⋆｡°✩

Words: 1932

⋆｡°✩

2 years later... 2014... dee’s coffee bar 

“thank you for coming we didn’t really know who to call when he gets like this” 

“yeah no worries, delilah I get that. Couldn’t really call his mum. I appreciate you.” 

“yeah I felt that way and G and ross weren’t picking up either so...” she pauses not meaning to make it awkward.

“Their phones probably died” I say knowing it was true but they don’t really know delilah like Matty and I do so it’s understandable. 

“yeah...well he’s just through here. come on I’ll take you to him” 

We walk into the room and he’s slumped over the coffee bar, with his head hung. He turns to look at who was working through the door and you could see how run down he was. Eyes red rore, from all the crying.

“hey sweetheart.” He says straining his voice. “shhh, don’t make your pretty voice worse than it already is. Just answer me with nods shakes of the head and thumbs up and down and in the middle okay pretty boy” I ask which earns me a nod and a thumbs up. 

“Were you having problems again?” he nods. “did you mean to shout at me?” he shakes his head accompanied by a thumb down. “do you want to take again?” he nods and puts his thumb up “did you do the exercises you were taught” he nods 

I brace myself for the final question I’m about to ask “did you take anything?” he pauses, drops his head momentarily before bringing it up and shaking it with a thumbs down following suite. “That’s so good Matty I’m awfully proud of you. You’ve been in and out of rehab for the past 2 years I am so so so proud of you darling boy” I say before bringing him in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. 

2 years earlier... (2012) manchester general hospital. 

“you’re here finally. we’ve been waiting for your arrival” A nurse joins me at my side in the opioid overdose ward, where matty had been residing ever since he was bought in 3 weeks ago. 

“I recieved a call earlier that Matty had gone? disappeared from his room?” 

“yes. yes. he has but those people from the rehab centre have just arrived their wanting to speak to you about the plan after Mr Healy’s discharge. Mrs Healy.” She had incorrectly made an assumption that I was Matty’s wife. Taken aback by this I paused stopping directly in the walkway causing the nurse behind me to trip up on me. “What is it? Is something wrong? Have I said the wrong thing?” “Nothing don’t worry. Shouldn’t the main focus be on finding Matty and not these rehab people he’s not in the right frame of mind at the minute to be speaking about any of this.” 

“yes but you see Mrs Healy, the thing is these people don’t like to wait around and want to get him admitted straight away it’s their motto ‘the longer you leave it the more worse it’ll get‘” “Look I appreciate your trying to keep your cool I really do. But I really couldn’t care less about the plan after Matty’s discharge. I really couldn’t my main focus is on finding my bestfriend. Oh and you got it wrong I’m not Matty’s wife, just his bestfriend but I appreciate the compliment I really do but I need to find him. Now if you’ll be so kind I’m going to find dr. Inverness” I say before walking off to dr inverness’ office. 

“Ahhh, Y/n it’s so good to see you” “yeah enough with the niceties what happened?” “I don’t know after you left one of our nurses (little on the skittish side if you ask me) Jenny, her name is, went to go do Matty’s obs and found the window cracked open and an empty bed, she checked the bathroom too but he wasn’t in there so clearly he still has his adventurous streak.” “ahh that’s Matty for you I think I met Jenny on the way in she was saying about those rehab people were here for me?” “yes, yes. Don’t you worry about them. You just go find Matty that’s our main concern here. Do you need a ride I can get nurse jones to help.” “No no I’ve got my own search party team, I’ll bring him back”

⋆｡°✩

After what felt like 3 days (merely 3 hours) we had finally searched all the places he could be so George ross and I all decided to stop for coffee in the new place that had opened up in town it was called dee’s coffee bar. And there right through the window I had found Matty slumped over the bar at the front. His unruly curls and the hospital gown making him easy to recognise out of anyone. 

“Look all I’m saying is why don’t you just sort things out with Ads it would make it so much easier on all of us Matty included” 

“Matty?” 

“yes Matty. Were you not following along or something?” 

“No. G look. It’s Matty.” I say pointing in the direction of where Matty was sat and George follows my finger to where I’m pointing to the window. 

“thought you had gone crazy for a sec, Y/n/n. Why is it always you that finds him huh?” 

“I’m just that good G” I say walking up to the door of the coffee bar and opening it which causes a chime to run through the shop. Matty looks up and then looks away rather quickly, presumably because he didn’t want to be found. I run up to his side. 

“Matty, we’ve been looking for you for ages your maccies has gone cold. What were you thinking running out on us like that” He’s silent. doesn’t say anything. 

George is next to speak “Matty come on mate talk to us. We only want to help” 

Then a woman comes out she’s around our age couldn’t have been more older than thirty she donned a soft pink and baby blue striped apron and her name tag read “delilah” in cursive swooping letters 

“It’s no use I tried to make him talk. He wouldn’t. I ended up having to use the shake head thumbs system to find out what he wanted.” 

“the what?” Ross asks. 

“it’s where you ask a question to someone who doesn’t speak or doesn’t want to and they give you an answer using a thumbs up or down and a shake of the head or a nod. really solidifies the answers. Used it on my little sister when she went mute, worked wonders. Came up with it myself at 16″ 

“Ahh I see, Matty mate we’ve all been worried sick about you. Y/n/n here only went and found you thought she had gone mad for a sec.” George said 

“G, Ross. Just go sit down for a sec. Delilah not to be rude but could you go out the back for a sec.”  “yeah no worries. I understand lovely” and she disappears out the back while George and Ross go sit down in a booth furthest from where matty and I sat at the bar. 

“matty. I understand you don’t want to talk but can you at least communicate with me using that system that delilah taught you” 

he puts his thumb up. 

“good. Now did you run away from the hospital because you’re scared of going to rehab” 

He puts his thumb up again. 

“Matty, Honey I understand that Rehab is a scary place and I really do get that. Remember when my dad went in in 2005, he was really scary back then. the band had just started up, we were finishing school  And you had all helped me through it all” 

⋆｡°✩

7 years earlier may 2005 

“y/n are you even listening to me?” Matty speaks up

he snaps me out of my daydreaming. 

“huh? yeah.” 

“what did I say then?” 

“Were all going to your house after school to practice” 

“wrong actually, theres a party tonight, at deans house. We’re all invited. You coming” 

“No, I’m not I have better things to be doing. I am not obligied to hang around with you idiotic losers that attend this school , specially dean ” I get up and walk off. 

That quickly earns an ooh from george ross and hann that were lying on the grass outside on the field of the school. 

Mattys hot on my heels. 

“WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU? YOU’RE ACTING BIZARRE Y/N, this isnt like you” he finally catches up to me trying to grab my arm, which I shrug off. turning around to Matty 

“YOU KNOW, YOU FUCKING NOW. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHATS GOING ON WITH MY DAD. BUT YOU ACT CLUELESS AND IT KILLS ME MATTY. YOU TELL ME IM ACTING BIZARRE BUT IM NOT IM ACTING RIGHT FOR A GIRL WHOS FATHER IS GOING TO FUCKING REHAB MATTHEW TIMOTHY HEALY” 

“oh, that’s today. that’s why you’ve been acting distant more than usual today. because he’s going today isn’t it?” 

“yeah, he is. he’s gone already. went this morning straight this morning before I had even woken up. didn’t even say goodbye. To his OWN FUCKING DAUGHTER” I say tears welling up in my eyes eventually turning into sobs. 

“hey, hey, hey. Come ‘ere Y/n, you don’t deserve that you know you don’t but he’ll be back in 6 months. You know he will. He always comes back. He’s your dad. sure he’s not the greatest one in the world. But that’s why he’s going to get better for your sake. I over heard my mum and yours talking about it in my kitchen” He says pulling me in for a hug and resting his head on top of mine. 

“look, I know it’s a nice moment and all but Matty mate i was wondering if i could have a quick chat with Y/n here” Colson asked Matty

“Yeah. Yeah go for it”

and that was the start of mine and colsons relationship.

⋆｡°✩

PRESENT

Matty gets up and seems to start to walk his way to the door. George manages to stop him

“NO MATTY. YOU ARENT GOING ANYWHERE. I DONT CARE. YOU HAVE GOT TO SORT YOUR SHIT OUR MAN. it’s either the drugs and the drink or us. me, ross, hann and Y/n. poor Y/n can’t take it anymore, she doesn’t get any sleep, she’s held off her career for you. she’s held off her relationship with Alex for this. It’s caused problems between her and Adam. you don’t get to do this anymore. Sort your shit out or this band and the whole friendship is do-“

“NO! Don’t you dare G. You’re not the only one that calls the shots here. ross, hann and I do too. you act like you’re the one that calls the shots these days. What happened between Hann and I has nothing to do with Matty. you have no idea about what’s going on between Alex and I. We talk everyday. just because you don’t see that doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Matty is our main focus right now. Not the band. Not hann and I. Not Alex and I. so don’t you even dare George. The band doesn’t matter right now” I say before storming out of the cafe leaving a £20 note on the side for delilah as a sorry and payment for Mattys coffee. Matty and Ross following hot on my heels leaving G still inside the coffee shop

#alex turner x reader #matty healy #adam hann #alex turner x you #matty healy x reader #george daniel #matty healy x you #alex turner x y/n #ross mcdonald #matty healy x y/n #the 1975 #the 1975 fic #the 1975 fanfic #the 1975 band #matty the 1975 #trumanblack #ross macdonald #at their very best #the 1975 smut #the 1975 tour #Youtube

[desiredcaramellatte]

Captain Ice x Child reader

Platonic! Hcs

Greetings my comrades!

I usually do Cookie Run Kingdom, but I have also gotten into Cookie Run Oven Break as well! Sadly, I do not know all the characters as well as I do Crk characters, so I will only be writing for a select few, which will be listed at the end of this post, as well as my rules blog.

Like all your local Crob noobies, I got Captain Ice and she meta at the moment, but I found her love for returning lost children home a d o r a b l e !! So, I wondered what it would be like to be her child!

At first I thought of asking a blog, but then I realized, “Hey, I am a blog!” And so, after conversing with myself, I decided it would be a good idea.

But you’re not here for my rambling, you’re here for the cute fuzzies! Onto the Headcannons!

~| I see Captain Ice Cookie as a very stern, no-nonsense mother figure- kind of like how she is with her crew. You have to be up at 8:00 AM sharp, have your bed fixed, and have eaten a balanced breakfast before she even comes in to tell you good morning. Very stern on having good manners “Yes ma’am” “No, ma’am” “Please” “Thank you” and those sorts of things.

~| She will NOT allow you on the Icepeircer until shes 110% sure you will not get hurt in any way, shape, or form. Very overprotective in every mannor possible. You won’t be allowed to help her fight pirates until you’re 80 :).

~| Despite her stern nature and overprotectiveness, she is very loveing towards you. Often gives you hugs or cheek kisses and smiles at you. If you do something correct, Captain Ice will always be there to give you a pat on the back, wether it be taking down a pirate ship (to which she’s pretty much freaking out the whole time that they’re attacking with you on board her ship), hoisting a sail, or even tying your shoe, she’ll be there to compliment you.

~| Don’t care how old you are, she will tuck you in at night and give you a good-night kiss. She will even sing or read a book to you if you request it. If you get up later at night, she’ll shoo you back to bed no matter your reasoning with a cup of water, and will sit beside you until you fall asleep. Captain Ice Cookie will help comfort your nightmares as well, you can tell her anything.

~| Makes sure that you eat 3 meals a day and drink lots of water. Will literally stop whatever she’s doing to come find you. “How much water have you drank today?” “Come on, you need some lunch, snacks are not filling enough.”

~| Loves it when you call her mom or any type of form. It solidifies your relationship that you’re not just a crew-mate, you’re her child. She likes it when you follow her around, as well (unless she’s doing something dangerous), since that means she will always know where you are and that you’re safe. If you’re ever out of her sight for long, even 2 minutes, she’ll start to get worried for your safety.

~| Captain Ice will 100% set a curfew, doesn’t matter if you don’t go out or if you do. If you miss the curfew then you’re not allowed to go out without her for a month <3. If you continuously miss the curfew then you’ll see your mom literally b r e a k d o w n in tears and rant to you about how much she worries for your safety and well-being every second of the day that you’re not with her. Don’t make your mother sad :(.

~| She supports you completely and fully! You gender, sexuality, your beliefs, everything! She may not always understand them (she’s a bit old and was raised differently :() but she’ll try her best to! You may have to sit down and explain them to her (Captain Ice will probably ask some questions as well, just out of pure curiosity), but she will support you through thick and thin. If someone puts you down for your beliefs, then she’ll go on full mama-bear. You may have to stop her from committing an assault.

~| Despite wholly supporting you, she will always come off as cold if you start dating someone. She wants you to have the best in life, and will always see others as not fit for you. She will start to warm up to them if you’re genuinely happy, and she sees they’re a good person who will take care of you. But if they’re not, if they touch you in a bad manner or abuse you then she’s p i s s e d. She will get the cleaver and start chasing them around town.

~| God I wish she could be my mom.

Crob characters I will write

- Captain Ice Cookie

- Pitaya Dragon Cookie

- Earl Grey Cookie

- Chess Choco Cookie

- Wind Archer Cookie

- Raspberry Mousse Cookie

This is just as of posting this! If you’re looking at this later, it may be outdated- make sure to check my rules post to find out! ↓

https://desiredcaramellatte.tumblr.com/post/687997896104280064/rules-and-information-about-me

~ Feel free to request, my inbox is always open! Also, if you have any Earl Grey requests, I feel like writing for him but I have no clue what to base his off of, so please send any ideas or requests you have for him in as well!

#Cookie run x reader #cookie run oven break x reader #cookie run #cookie run oven break #captain ice x reader #platonic #child reader #headcannons #captain ice cookie #requests open #I want to write for Earl Grey so much rn but braindead bloop

[theprincientist]

How are you so confident? Like when I was younger I never received complements on my look and so I thought i was ugly and with my dad calling ever name but a child of God, what can I do to start feeling confident? Especially since I'm going to be 21 in couple months 

I completely understand you. I have been through the exact same thing. Insults and everything.

As I don't know you in person all I can do is tell you what has worked for me.

Two things you need to know.

- Confidence is practised and anyone can learn it. Scientists have proved this. It is not just my opinion.

- What other people think is not that important.

Here's what worked for me.

1. Change your standards of beauty. Feeling beautiful is more of a conscious decision than a feeling.

Right now you have your own beauty standard. Think about it. When you look in the mirror what do you think? Really think about it. It is probably something like this:

I would be beautiful if... " I was thinner", My nose was smaller" "My hair was different".

Those thoughts are your standard of beauty. You should change your mind about this standard.

How? First, create a new standard that looks more like you. And second, take steps toward reinforcing that standard.

On your social media start following people who look like you.

The idea is that every time you open any app you will see many people who look like you living amazing lives. Being loved, in happy relationships, good jobs and looking beautiful on top of that.

You will understand that the way you look, although important is not a deterrent to living a happy and fulfilling life.

Find people who have similar jobs, similar height, similar weight, similar body type, and similar hair.

Don't take this step lightly. Seeing is believing. That is why we are all fighting so hard for positive representation. Because it matters. Because it changes the narrative and has the power to change your mind.

If those people look like you and you think they are beautiful you will start feeling beautiful too. That is a fact.

To me, it was following black girl pages and then skinny black girls and then introverted black girls. All of a sudden all parts of me were fully and beautifully represented. They were beautiful and so was I.

First, you will see. Second, you will love it. Third, you will copy. So find people like you so you can see yourself in a positive light.

2. Change your story.

I learned this year in a book that we all live in a narrative we created in our minds.

As you are turning 21 yo, I recommend this book to you. It is called

- the defining decade, by Meg Jay. You can listen to the audiobook for free. I leave the link to my blog post here:

https://www.theprincientist.com/4-free-audiobooks-for-personal-development/

Basically, you have been telling yourself the same story for many years and that story has had an impact on how you feel about yourself and how you present yourself to the world.

Mine was something like this: Because the kids at school told me I was boring and ugly I lived many years believing that I was unattractive and bad company to keep around.

I would refuse invitations, avoid new friendships and run from boys because that belief was still with me.

I, by myself, reinforced this story every time I refused anything that could change my mind.

So I learned to create a new story: I am a beautiful, young black women who was bullied in school by mean kids. What they said is not necessarily a reality.

I decided to believe that reality and now I don't. My story did not end there and will not be defined by those people.

And then you act to refute those bad comments you've heard in your life.

Create solid evidence that what they said is not true.

Dress cute. Try that hairstyle that makes you feel like a goddess. Take photos as evidence of your beauty.

Compliment yourself. Practice confidence every day in different ways.

Read. Read. Read. - The world gets so much bigger with books. And your perceptions of what is beautiful, confidence will change with time and knowledge. Books teach you how to stand up for yourself when anyone makes you feel - less than others.

Hope it helped.

#answered asks #how to be confident

[eddington-suggestions]

Hi. I dunno know how to start this since your blog has been inactive for years, and I'm really hoping you get this. I just wanna say thanks for all the time and effort you invested here. I had fun reading it. I want you to know, I used your blog, sloansuggestions (also you?) and damarsuggestions for a coursework piece on contemporary literature forms, and you guys got me an A. So, thanks. You guys told a really great story spontaneously without tons of explicit narrative or wish fulfilment. You told a quriky humourous story and still made poignant points about war and friendship. Thanks for being not like the other fanfic writers, I guess.

Hi there, friend,

Thanks so much for your letter. I can assure you that despite my absence (likely due to some kind of temporal fluctuations caused by proximity to the wormhole) I have not yet forgotten the good ol' days I spent with my dearest friends @damar-suggestion and @sloan-suggestion . So, it's fair to say you can always reach me here, should you ever feel like a little reminiscence. I still feel plenty of fond nostalgia towards my time spent on these channels, after all.

It gives me great pleasure in knowing that our antics on subspace could keep you and others like yourself, entertained. Believe me when I say, it was a joy for us as well; all those jokes, all those heists, and all those moralistic arguments I had with my former crewmates made every moment truly worthwhile. I wouldn't call a single moment wasted, especially if there were others who we could lighten the days of or offer a moments distraction for. After all, it's sometimes the small things that bring us the biggest smiles.

Whilst I'd like to take credit for the opinions and discourse from @sloan-suggestion (especially as you've complimented them highly too) I can't; the channel @sloan-suggestion is in fact run by my dear friend Wendell Greer, and they are truly their own man and not merely an alias used by myself as a cover. This is also true of my dear friend Corat Damar, who (as you correctly guessed) is the owner of the channel @damar-suggestion .

I guess I may be as bold to speak for the three of us when I say, that we're all deeply flattered and take it as astoundingly high praise that you would wish to feature our tomfoolery in your important coursework. That you were able to get an A grade is a testament to your own great skills, but I am grateful that I could make such a meaningful contribution.

The subspace posts we made were true to the lives of us individuals, that given a second chance and opportunity to exonerate ourselves, had chosen to make. I wanted to tell my story, not as the naysayers would have me painted, but in my own words, as to reflect my own thoughts and feelings. Instead of those perceived by the bias of others, who quickly read into my actions what they wish to see without allowing for an opinion in opposition to their own. I am sure that is the truth for all of us. But, truly, if there was any wish fulfilment involved, it was the wish to be heard with equity. Of course, it wasn't entirely about the heavier topics, or else we'd have struggled to entertain anyone. And, I can't stress enough, we had plenty of fun in our journey together too. Sometimes, you find that truer words are spoken in jest than with intent. I guess that was the way with all of us.

Well, would you look at me rambling on. This was supposed to be a little nice acknowledgement of your kind letter, but I suppose I got a little carried away. Truly, thank you for your letter. It really made my day to here that our bantering and storytelling, however frivolous, was genuinely worthwhile. I speak from the heart when I say, there is none more touching a sentiment. And if there's ever anymore I can do to help, don't be a stranger. Drop me a line here on subspace.

All the best, your pal,

Michael Eddington

#eddington suggestions #replies #anon answered #sloansuggestions #damarsuggestions #greer & damar #thanks for asking #anons #asks

[autixel]

Ok. I'm going to preface this by saying that I have submitted the following writing on someone else's blog via anon, but it is my work. (Proof is under the cut.)

The premise is in post game Last Legacy, MC and Co. has won against the Lord of Shadows. Fascinated by Astraea's magic, Mc has gone down the path of research on magic. They've made some, interesting developments over the years; some magical developments have their side effects... This is Felix's version.

Felix:

I could feel the beast inside of me warbling again. I excused myself from the room and desperately ran to my lab. The large iron circle in the alcove would hold me for now, hopefully. I could feel the loudening vibrations of Felix's footsteps echo in my skull.

"Elixer... God," I snarled under my breath, "where is it?"

Everything was loud. Everything was too close. I could feel it crawling under my skin. It was already blackening. Feathers urged to rip out of my back. My head grew heavier under the weight of horns. Everything hurt.

My world felt silent as the wooden door creaked open. I fled to the hole in the wall where Felix would be safe, from me. Dread gripped my throat as I begged whatever entity hadn't discarded me to not let my love see me. Not like this.

"Mc?"

He said it like I was human then. I stayed silent.

"Mc, I know you're here."

The wings were now fully sprouted again, I used them to cover myself. Whatever that would do. I felt the circle break slightly. Shuffling limbs, both mine and his, brought us deeper into the hole. He was probably less than a foot away.

I forgot how soft his skin was. I forgot how warm it was. I forgot he loved me. Gentle touches opened my wings. I feared that when he saw me he'd see me for what I was. No, not in the slightest. He looked at me with such care in his face. I would have reached out to him if it weren't for the claws that replaced finger nails. "Why do you still run after me?" I asked, I didn't dare look him in the eye. "Didn't you do that for me? Ever since we met? All those times I went off and did something stupid; you went for me," he smiled like the moon, "what makes you think I wouldn't do the same?"

I felt tears well at my eyes. He brought me into his arms. His hair still smelled earthy, like petrichor, like it always had before.

Out of nowhere Felix said, "Your fur is really soft, you know?"

And I laughed. The body I currently had didn't get my usual across but Felix laughed with me all the same.

"Out of all things," I wheezed, "all things to say, you chose to compliment my monster fur?"

"Yes."

That made me laugh more. My head felt lighter. I didn't realize it before but I was holding his hands. I finally looked at him, his beautiful eyes. A beam of moonlight. Stella trotted in sometime, I guess Felix and I were too busy looking at each other. She came purring and rubbing up against me.

"Hi Stella," I said.

"Mrow"

My hands scratched her ears and cheeks. When I looked back at Felix I saw a look of what could possibly be pride, I smiled. Everything was alright.

I submitted this work to @/poisonouswritings under an alias. Their posting of my work happened on October 13, I last edited my work on October 6. I have also submitted to them Anisa's version of a "monster" MC. To which I am sharing a brief showing of here,

Last edited Oct 14. This post is going up at around 19:41 on October 17, please do be kind.

#last legacy #last legacy felix #autixel's writings

[kenobster]

honestly I wouldn’t put too much stock in follower counts and activity pages. obviously we have no idea how many followers users have but I’d wager it’s around 50 for most people, and depending on how long you’ve been on here, a good chunk of them might be inactive or lurkers.

furthermore, this used to be the reblogging things site, which has since been plagued with likes only. it’s like that for a lot of posts, big blog or otherwise. but the problem with that is, if no one reblogs things, there’s less opportunity for more notes in the first place.

the moral of this story is, do whatever you want and don’t worry about adding your voice on anything! the numbers do not matter at all

Thanks so much anon, that's very kind of you to say!!! I love every single one of my followers, even the inactive ones and even the scandalously dressed ladybots that I haven't reported & blocked yet. XD Like, I seem to be miscommunicating lately, and it feels like maybe I'm coming across as upset/stressed out/angry without meaning to? So I'm gonna take this chance to needlessly describe my activities for the last 24 to 48 hours to prove a point lmfao.

Yesterday morning, I was reintroducing my grumpy timid cat to a super friendly cat I will be cat-sitting for the next month or so, which was super fun and one of my special interests. After that, I was chillin with my fandom homies while we played Jackbox and heard each other's voices for the first time ever (voices that were audibly referencing Vader's Uterus lmfao so I was pretty ecstatic). After that, I played around with my INCREDIBLE Vader bop-it toy that I bought yesterday based on a friend's recommendation. My first Hasbro merch ever. :) I'm in love and I still can't believe it's a real thing that exists.

At that point, I checked Tumblr and... yeah, admittedly I panicked a little because I was a bit scared I'd soon get a bunch of angry asks screaming at me for being a meanyhead (to beat a horse dead, this is just a regular run-of-the-mill anxiety of having a fandom blog and it is absolutely nobody's fault). So I spent an hour or so chatting with a friend until I felt better and then I quickly made the post in question regarding my follower count so that, despite the bewildering attention Five Peggats Each has gotten, everyone would know the truth about my lack of influence lmao. (This is a compliment. From me to me. I like my lack of influence. I'm not fucking kidding lol. I actually have panic attacks sometimes about the idea of becoming internet famous. I literally don't want that lmao. Fifty to a hundred followers is an A+ amount imo, so it's about time I guess it's about time I start losing those pornbots lmfaoo.) Anyway, last night was probably the first time I've checked my follower count in the entire history of this blog tbh. So like, you're being super sweet, anon, and I'm hoping other people will see this too because it's absolutely true and I think your words would be very encouraging and reassuring to anyone who sees this!! But I promise you that my activity log statistics and teh amount of followers I have are not things I spend time thinking about.

Once that was all taken care of, I wrote/edited a little bit for my fic for QuinObi week (SO EXCITED! Literally just a few more days!). Then at around 4am, I woke up with middle-of-the-night epiphanies on how to phrase a couple things/finish/tidy up my thoughts for that Fox opinions post, and I lay in bed working on that for an hour or so. After that, I went back to sleep, woke up, chatted with the fandom homies again, and then, ever since, I've been playing a video game I've been dying to play all week. Until about an hour ago, I literally had no idea what may or may not have been going down on Tumblr, and I wasn't thinking about it at all. And now that I've enjoyed myself on Tumblr for the day, I'm probably gonna invite my mom up tonight so she can spend time with the cats while I use her as a captive audience to talk about Vader's Uterus lmfao. And then at about 10pm, I'm gonna head bed because I work for a living and I forgot to ask if I get the holiday off.

All of this to say I am fine!! I'm just chilling, living my life, doing my own thing. For me, Tumblr is like a fun thing to check out every once in a while, the same way I spent time playing my video game, enjoying my Vader bop-it toy, hoarsing around with the cats, or anything else that strikes my fancy. Kidney stones and abusive ex-bosses are the things I worry about, not like.... a pixelated number on a screen lmao. In other words, this is a hobby to me, not a livelihood, and if I wasn't enjoying my time here, I literally would not log on (and sometimes I don't log on! For days and days at a time. Because I'm enjoying other things more!)

But anyway, I will say that the thing that makes it the most fun for me here? People like you!! Who send me asks. Who share their thoughts on my posts. Who became friends that give me the confidence to make the posts that I wanna make. Who have other fun lil interactions with me. So (1) Please don't worry about me. I'm fully medicated, my back is sore, and I'm too old to be upset over fandom things lmao. And (2) I really cannot thank you and everyone who makes my fandom experience so enjoyable!!! :D Y'all are great and I'm thrilled to be able to have fun here. I'm living my best life.

#personal #answer #anon

[fahrni]

Why do companies hire me?

TL;DR

• I bring a lot of industry experience • I know how to ship software • I can work at all levels of the Software Development Lifecycle • I’ll do the work people don’t care to do • I’ll get down in the mud to get things accomplished • I’m not the best developer in the room, ever • I love mentoring younger developers • I’m collaborative • I’m empathetic • I don’t give up • I tell random stories, like the one you’re reading

That is a really good question. My answer is, I don’t know. My amazing wife — whose put up with me for over 36 years — would say something like ”Because you’re smart and know what you’re doing.” She’s always been my biggest supporter and I love her dearly for it. Anywho, I’ve always been my biggest critic and I can get down on myself, especially as I’ve aged.

After a failed attempt to run my own consulting company in 2014 I was really down and found it difficult to pull myself out of the funk that followed. Agrian saved me and I’m forever grateful for that and will never forget.

Moving forward to getting my gig here at WillowTree I was absolutely thrilled to make it through the interview process. I am a horrible interview. Sure, I do fine with the basic stuff; interacting with the interviewers, talking about general software development things, but the white boarding sessions are MURDER for me. There no other way to put it, I suck at them. They’re nerve wracking. I’m a slow coder, always have been, so that is an instant strike against me. I’m pragmatic and iterate on code until I’m happy with it. That often means I will chose an easier implementation that doesn’t go right to the best algorithm, but it written in a way that would allow for that later, perhaps during code review, perhaps in the next release. Maybe never if the code is easy to read, maintain, and is performant. Remember, premature optimization is not a good thing.

I can point to my feed reader Stream as an example of how I work. It took me two years to complete the first release of it and it’s a very bare bones app. As one reviewer said of it:

Very basic, unintuitive app, lika an experiment of a beginner de­vel­op­er

At first I was devastated by that. After some time to think on it and some encouragement from friend I came to realize it was a compliment in some regards. I’d made the app ”Very basic.” Yes, that was my intent from the beginning. I can fix the unintuitive bit and I believe I know what they’re talking about.

I’ve worked on and succeeded at developing large scale software projects. Two I can think of right off the top of my head are Visio, I was the 19th employee there, and worked on the project in various capacities for over 10 years. The second was Pelco where day one I was put on the embedded Linux version of our video decoding and viewing software. I was only there for five years, the first time, but feel like I accomplished a lot during my tenure.

Those were my heydays. I wrote a lot of C++ code on top of the Windows API and at Pelco the C++ code was shared between Windows and Linux. We had some really amazing devs there who I helped build a video decoding and encoding pipeline and base class framework for Windows and Linux. Those were good times.

But time marches on and so did my thirst for knowledge. At the end of 2008 I sat down to learn Xcode, Objective-C, and Cocoa/UIKit so I could become a mobile developer. After much frustration I shipped my first iOS app in mid-June of 2009 and it was approved on July 4th. It was a great day.

Since then I’ve learned Swift and various frameworks and as of this writing I’m just starting to dip into SwiftUI (worst technology name ever.) I may even have some Roku in my future, which I welcome! Yes, the one constant in Software Development is change. Embrace it!

Some select blog posts:

• Confessions of an Old Developer • A Kind Word • Reusing your code investment • Stream 1.0 • Scripting iOS • Old C++ Code

[bvidzsoo]

White Lilies

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x female reader

 Warning: swearing, violence, mentions of death, stalking, breaking in, borderline toxic relationship, allude to some mental health conditions but never named

 Word count: 26, 815

 Summary: Your brother, Kim Doyoung, works for the police. Ever since you finished high school, you moved away from home with him and now you live in a big city. You struggle with different things, but the worst one is the tendency to stalk others. And one day when you walk inside a coffee shop and come across a very handsome stranger, you can’t help yourself, he becomes your next target. Jeon Wonwoo. But he isn’t innocent, you find that out the hard way.

 Taglist: @chal-kagyu​ @taeyongandfree​ @minkwans​ @itsdnguyenxoxo​ @rjsmochii​

 Unable to tag: @cheolliehugs @3rachaonlyfans @leahxxiong

 A/N: Here it is! The spin off to Poison, it can be read as a stand alone, if not check out the mini-series: Poison. Minor things will make more sense. I hope it doesn’t bother you that I tagged you for this too, since it’s connected in some ways. Now, there’s things I have written in this oneshot that are totally not okay and I am very conscious of them, so please, if you ever come across a stalker or someone who harassess you, please report them, your safety is very important. But this is fiction, and I’m allowed to write whatever I want to. All the sentences in italics are the voices that Y/N hears. Enjoy now and don’t forget to leave feeback!

           All mornings were usually the same, it was a routine I became accustomed to a long time again. Five years ago, actually, when Doyoung and I moved away from home. There is only a two-year difference between us, so it was easy for me to follow him, having been already done with high school. Doyoung completed the police academy and he was being promoted, brought to Seoul, so I packed up and left my old life in our hometown. Nothing tied me to that place, I never liked it there. My parents were hot headed and they always argued with me, trying to convince me to become a house wife, to find myself a wealthy man that would care for me and for our family. But it wasn’t what I needed; I had always been a free spirit. I liked to explore and disappear from civilization from time to time. Like in eleventh grade, when I sneaked out and disappeared for ten days, the whole city was looking for me. However, I was living in the woods, by the outskirts of the city, in a small hut with a nice, old lady. She moved there after she gave up her job, because she wanted a peaceful life, surrounded by nature only. When she saw me wandering around, she offered me some tea and I accepted it, surprised to see someone living there. The hut wasn’t deep inside the woods, but it still took me by surprise that a lady like her wasn’t afraid inside there all alone. I wasn’t a big fan of forests, but being surrounded by trees and the green scenery always calmed my erratic nature. It was hard for me to stay still sometimes, that’s why Doyoung and I would regularly go on runs, to try and use up my energy on something. In school, I didn’t do very well, but it didn’t bother me. I was able to finish high school and get a diploma, but I didn’t want to go to college. I found it a waste of time and money, I decided I would find something that I liked doing and would excel in it. And with the help of the old lady from the hut, I realized I had a passion for photography. I got my first camera from her, and ever since then I didn’t stop taking pictures. It became my passion and my hobby, it earned me money. I was known for taking nature pictures, sometimes even of animals, and I had my own little blog where I posted all of my works. Sometimes I’d have my pictures put up in galleries for expositions, I earned well during those events. The small house Doyoung and I lived in, was full of all the pictures I took. We lived in a homey, quiet neighborhood, deep inside the heart of the city. Doyoung earned well and my salary always fluctuated, that’s why I decided to stay with my big brother, at least until I had gathered enough money to live on my own.

The house smelled of bacon and peppermint tea as I opened the window of my room, letting the fresh morning air in. I was already dressed for the day, camera packed safely inside my bag, waiting for a call. I wore dark velvet cotton pants and an oversized grey sweater with a deep V, due to which it fell off my shoulders. Ankle high heel boots and a few necklaces I used as accessories complimented the look. It was becoming warmer and warmer outside, which was great, because I never liked wearing coats. Besides, I rarely needed them, I had the unusual trait of not exactly feeling the cold. I was always underdressed during winter and it scared some people, especially Doyoung because he had the impression that I’d catch a cold, but it’s just how my body was, always too hot. I checked my phone to be sure that Mark didn’t decide to text me instead of calling me, but seeing there was nothing, I closed the window and took my bag, leaving my room. I closed the door after me, a habit I had, and headed inside the kitchen. Doyoung was in his police uniform already, moving around quietly the kitchen.

“Good morning!” I called loudly, sitting at the table, with my chin in my hand.

“Good morning.” Doyoung greeted, quieter, and turned around with a plate and mug in his hands. He placed them in front of me and I grinned, thanking him. I took the fork and dug into my breakfast, humming at how tasty it was. Even if our mornings were always the same, the breakfast wasn’t. Doyoung always had something up his sleeves, either trying out new recipes he searched up late at night, or just trying to replicate mother’s old recipes. I took a sip of the peppermint tea and pursed my lips, giving Doyoung a thumbs up as he closed the stove and turned to sit with his own plate and mug in his hands. He chuckled and mirror my thumbs up, before starting to eat too. We ate in silence, it’s how we were in the mornings, quiet. It was the only time Doyoung could savor the silence, because it was the only time I was silent. My hyperactivity followed me through all stages of life, I still struggled with staying still…that amongst other things.

Doyoung cleared his throat and I glanced at him, before checking my phone again, “What are your plans for today?”

“Ah, the usual.” I answered with a smile, trying to look nonchalant, so that he wouldn’t realize I was lying, “I’ll just go to the park and take some pictures if I find something I like.”

Doyoung nodded and took a bite of his bacon, “Don’t you think it’s time to…find a more stable work?”

“Like what?”

“Getting employed at a studio, maybe? You know…you could go to weddings, birthdays…all kinds of events to take pictures.” Doyoung’s suggestion was friendly, but it still angered me. I left home because I didn’t want to hear the constant nagging of our parents, but here he was, doing the same thing.

“I’m a nature photographer. And I wouldn’t like working inside a studio, or whatever.” I said a little harshly, making Doyoung sigh.

“I’m not judging you or trying to tell you what to do,” He knew how I could react to these things, he knew how much anxiety my parents induced when they would try and tell me what to do with my own life, “It was just a brotherly advice, because I worry about you.”

“You don’t have to!” I exclaimed cheerily, my phone ringing at the same time. I shot my hand out to grab it and answered the phone, already knowing who the caller was.

“Target is getting ready to leave, he’ll be at the same Coffee Shop he was for the past week.” Was all the person said before I hung up, stuffing the rest of the food inside my mouth hurriedly. I scrambled up from the chair and clumsily threw my phone inside my bag, trying to chug down the peppermint tea at the same time.

“Who was that?”

“Just some person trying to sell me something—” A burp I couldn’t control surfaced and Doyoung’s eyebrows furrowed in displeasure, but I just gave him an apologetic smile, “I’ll see you after work.”

I pressed a hasty kiss against his cheek, then raced to my car and unlocked it, throwing my bag inside before getting in. I would have to get to the Coffee Shop before the target gets there, to choose a good spot. This is what Doyoung didn’t know about me. I wasn’t just a nature photographer, I worked together with his colleague, Mark, whose job was to gather information about the targets the police had. He was really good at it, but sometimes he couldn’t gather enough information by sitting behind a computer. That’s where I come in play, I go out and stalk his targets. A year ago, Doyoung had a gathering with the colleagues he was closer to and I was invited too. Mark got really drunk and I offered to drive him home, that’s when he started telling me about his work. About how he already almost got fired twice, because his information wasn’t good enough or it was lacking. And because I was always seeking new experiences and new adventures, I proposed to help him. Of course, he’d have to pay me, but I’d stalk the targets for as long as he’d need me to. Until all information that was needed was gathered for him, which he could turn into a report and pass onto the higherups. He accepted without a second thought in his drunken haze and I was beyond happy; but I asked him to keep it a secret, especially from Doyoung. If my brother were to find out, he’d definitely either lock me up in our basement or send me back home, both were things I wouldn’t be able to survive. And being in this city was good for me, it was big enough that it distracted me from my other issues. Back in my hometown, everyone knew almost everyone and it was too easy to find someone you wanted to know. Which was bad for me, bad for someone who had stalking tendencies. That’s why I have been working with Mark for a year now, I was just too good, no one ever discovered me or my identity. I knew how to stay low-key and I knew how to work around the targets without them noticing that someone was trailing them almost 24/7. Having this job, it distracted me from getting infatuated with anyone, I didn’t have the time anymore. And it was a lot more thrilling to be trailing different people each month. It was a distraction from the dark voices in my head, which tried telling me that the next man that appeared around the corner could have been the love of my life. Or the woman that I ran into at the flower shop, could have been my soulmate. I hated those thoughts, and I battled with them my whole life. I used to take medication, it silenced them while I was a teen, but it still didn’t stop me from stalking others. So, as I grew older, I stopped taking them and I started spending more time in nature, where I was alone. Photography wasn’t just a job for me, it was my own therapy.

           Everything was set up perfectly, I grinned widely as I leaned back in my seat. My bag was on the chair next to me, the camera placed on the table. For this to work, I needed as many people as there were inside the Coffee Shop to see it. Thankfully, traffic wasn’t bad and I got here five minutes before the target. I sat close to the exit, from where I could see the whole shop well and could run away too if something happened. The target too was really transparent, he sat at the same table he’s been sitting at for the past week. Next to the big windows, behind his table there were a bunch of plants decorating the place and a painting of flowers was hung above it. Which was perfect for me, my plan was coming together. The target has already ordered his coffee, so now it was my time to do something. I took my wallet and walked up to the barista, having hung the camera around my neck. The weight of it was comforting, having worn it for so long, that it became something familiar. I smiled at the barista and looked over the menu behind her, acting like I was thinking of what I wanted, offering her enough time to take in my attire closely.

“I’ll have Caramel Macchiato.” Finally, I told her and she nodded, returning the smile, as I handed her the money.

“A name?” I was glad this wasn’t the barista who took my orders the other times, I didn’t want them to recognize me. I wouldn’t come to this Coffee Shop either way anymore after I was done with this job.

“Y/N.” I answered the barista and she nodded, passing the cup with my name written on it, to her colleague. She printed the receipt and handed it to me, her eyes falling onto my camera. As there was no customer behind me at the moment, she looked at me curiously.

“You’re a photographer?” She asked as the coffee brewer started making loud noises.

“A nature photographer!” I told her with excitement and the barista nodded her head, offering me a friendly smile.

“I tried it once, it wasn’t made for me.” We chuckled at her words and I just shrugged.

“It requires patience and technique, for sure.” I said and she nodded her head in agreement, “By the way…this floral arrangement—”

And then I turned my body sideways, eyes falling on the target. He was just a few feet away, I made sure to speak even louder, so that he would hear me, “The floral arrangement is so pretty! Do you mind if I take pictures of it?”

The barista thought about it as my drink was done and handed to me by the other worker, “I don’t think it’s a problem, go ahead!”

“Thank you!” I bowed my head a little and she bid me farewell. My plan was working, I just needed to do one more thing. So, with the most innocent expression I could muster up, I approached the target. I knew he heard the conversation between me and the barista, but I wanted to make sure he understood what I was about to do.

“Sir, excuse me—” I spoke softly, almost shyly, “Do you mind if I take pictures of this floral arrangement? You won’t be in frame at all.”

“Go ahead.” He answered me with a very uninterested shrug, the wrinkles around his eyes made him look older than the age Mark told me. I bowed my head and placed my Caramel Macchiato on top of his table, turning on my camera. I kneeled on one knee and started snapping photos of the plants, pursing my lips, trying to get the perfect angle. Then I rose to my feet, and took another one, the painting above it being included in the shot too.

“I’ll take some more from my own table, just letting you know…” I spoke up again, but the man wasn’t paying attention to me. I smirked a little, grabbing my drink from his table, cradling it in both of my hands. With a victorious look on my face, I turned with enthusiasm and took a step forward blindly. My body slammed into another body, and we both yelped loudly. Mine was high pitched, but the other one was deep and almost guttural. My heart started thumping in my chest loudly, taken aback by the accident, and hopeful that I didn’t spill my drink on my favorite sweater nor on the person I ran into.

“I’m so—” But when I looked up, I was left breathless. The man standing in front of me was frowning, looking over himself, to check if anything got spilled on him. Thankfully, the lid of the drink was put on really well and the way I was holding the cup stopped it from spilling out. The thumping of my heart became deafening and all I could see suddenly was the man standing in front of me.

He’s the one. Don’t let him slip past your fingertips.

The dark voice, however, quickly snapped me out of the state I almost got lost in. The target, I’m here on a very serious mission, Mark’s counting on me. But the man’s eyes would be forever ebbed inside my mind, I knew I would think about his sharp, fox like eyes before going to sleep tonight…or every night. Round glasses sat on his long nose and he pushed them up with his long fingers, they almost fell off at the impact. When his lips started moving, all I could see was the redness of them and how deep his Cupid’s bow was. Then I snapped out of it, eyebrows furrowing as I totally missed what he just said.

“Uh—I’m really sorry.” I said awkwardly, stepping back when I realized how close our bodies were to each other.

“It’s fine, you didn’t spill any on me…or you.” His eyes went to the sweater I was wearing for a second before he looked back up. His deep voice sent goosebumps down my skin and I very visibly shivered, but I wasn’t cold. The dark blue hoodie this handsome stranger wore seemed to be alright.

“Yeah, I didn’t spill it…” My mind felt like it was made out of gum, I had no coherent thoughts and it made me feel awkward. Taking a last glance at the handsome stranger, noting how his black hair was clumsily parted above his left eye, I bowed, and then willed myself to move away.

He’s everything you’ve ever wanted.

I walked back to my table and took a seat, taking a deep breath in. I can’t let myself get distracted. I run into strangers all the time; this handsome, deep voiced man wasn’t different at all. I couldn’t let the voices get to me, I had to focus on the target. So, I took a big gulp of my Caramel Macchiato and then looked at the target. He was tapping the table almost nervously, so I turned on my camera again and took two pictures of him, then one of the floral arrangement to make sure it didn’t look suspicious. I looked around the Coffee Shop and my eyes fell on the handsome stranger, who was laughing with the barista. What could they have been talking about? The jingling of the door snapped me out of my own thoughts and I watched as a tall woman, wearing a business suit, walked inside. Her hair was in a low ponytail and she looked fairly young, I almost lost interest in her, but then she sat across from the target. I took another picture of the floral arrangement and then snapped a bunch of pictures of the two, making sure the woman’s face could be seen well in all. There was movement in the corner of my eyes and I saw the stranger sitting at a table close to the front desk.

You should snap a picture of him too.

I cleared my throat and took another sip of my drink, the target and the young woman got up from their table, and I quickly went to grab my bag and pushed my camera inside. As I stood up, a name was called.

“Wonwoo?” And I saw the handsome stranger stand up and walk up to the barista to take his drink. Wonwoo, that’s his name. But I shook my head and waved at the barista with a cheerful smile as I quickly left the Coffee Shop, eyes narrowing to see the couple. To my luck, they were walking on the other side of the road, so I remained on this side and fished out my camera.

So, you’ll leave Wonwoo for that pathetic old man and the woman? He’s not more important?

I shook my head and snapped a few pictures as I walked on the sidewalk, getting to a cross. I crossed the road and cursed when they disappeared around the corner, I had to speed up; and threw the cup in the trash bin as I have finished my drink. I looked around once I turned the corner and panicked for a second, thinking I lost the target. But suddenly, I spotted them sitting on a bench in the park, so I headed that way. I started taking pictures of the river and the few birds sitting by the shore, then of the trees that have blossomed already. The white cherry blossoms were beautiful and I smiled to myself as a light breeze brushed my hair. Then I willed myself to focus again and turned the camera towards the target and the woman, who had decided to take a walk. There was a decent distance between them and I, and to anyone else, it would look like I’m taking pictures of the nature; which I was still kind of doing. The couple walked around for at least five minutes, and I decided to sit on a bench and watch them from there, putting on my shades as the sun was directly in front of me. I was just about to snap a picture of a little duck family, but the woman leaned in towards the target and I quickly started snapping pictures of them. It looked like she whispered something in his ear and then a kiss was pressed against the target’s cheek and the woman walked the opposite way they have come in. I snapped pictures of her alone too before turning back towards the target, who was on his phone. He was on the other side of the river, and I couldn’t have reached him in time, or follow him, my car was ten minutes away from here. So, I just continued snapping more pictures, and my eyebrows furrowed when someone got into the frame. The black hair covered the side of the picture, and I moved a little to the left, leaning against the trunk of a tree. I snapped pictures of the license plate and of the target as he got inside the car, seeing someone already inside of it. I smirked to myself as the car drove away and pulled my phone out, going to my contacts. I pressed the icon next to the name ‘Money Bag’ and it dialed the number.

“Anything?” Mark picked up on the first ring.

“A young chick showed up, but they split up and I lost both. My car wasn’t close enough.”

“That’s fine, where are you now?”

“At the park, by the river.”

“Okay, meet me in front of the town hall.” I hung up and placed everything inside my bag as I started walking back to my car, enjoying the weather and the warm sunlight. Spring was finally around the corner, it was the perfect time to snap pictures of nature, or at least, my favorite time. As a second thought, I took my camera into my hands and turned it on, curious of how the nature pictures turned out. I scrolled past the ones of the target and woman, and chuckled when the one with the ducks came into view. They were cute, people would like this. As I continued looking through the pictures, the ones where someone got into them, made me frown. I was about to delete them, but my finger paused. Black hair, sharp jaw, long nose, round glasses.

You know you can’t delete it. You can’t fight the urge, can’t you? Wonwoo’s the one, listen to us!

           The town hall wasn’t far from the park, so I didn’t bother driving there. Besides, I liked taking walks. It helped with calming me, even though I was desperately in need of a run right now. After waking up, Doyoung and I go straight for a run, but I slept in this morning and I’m sure Doyoung woke up later too as he worked until late last night. He said his boss, Sana, was making him work extra hours because she was sniffing around a very powerful mafia leader. I was aware of the illegal things some people did, sometimes the people I had to stalk for Mark weren’t the brightest, I was well aware of that, but I was never offered information about them. It was Mark’s way of protecting me from harm, which I didn’t think did much. If I was caught, they wouldn’t care if I knew or not things about them, I probably would have been still tortured. Which is why I asked Mark to keep the details to himself, if I knew that I was stalking a mafia leader or some other gang member, I probably would’ve been too scared to go through with the procedure.  

I was shifting my weight from one leg to another as I stood waiting around for Mark, pouting when I looked down at my wrist watch. I’ve been standing here for ten minutes; I was becoming really bored. I took my phone and sent a text to Doyoung, checking up on him.

From Doyoung: Just had my lunch break, I’ll be heading back to work. It’s possible I’ll be back late once again.

To Doyoung: No problem, I’ll leave some dinner for you.

From Doyoung: What are you up to?

To Doyoung: I’ll be going for a run in a few minutes, see you at home!

From Doyoung: Take care of yourself!

I smiled and as I looked up, Mark was walking towards me. I started waving at him with a big grin, my phone almost fell from my grip, but I managed to steady it. Mark was wearing dark jeans and a black hoodie, with a black baseball cap on his head. If this was him trying to be casual, he was failing.

“Stop drawing attention to us!” He said with a hiss as he came to a stop in front of me and I frowned.

“That’s not how you should treat someone so important to your team.” I said and Mark rolled his eyes, extending one hand. He was gripping some cash and I took it with a grin, quickly placing it inside my bag.

“Well, since you asked so nicely…” I said teasingly and Mark rolled his eyes again, I handed him the memory card, “Take good care of it! And don’t delete the other pictures I took; some came out really well!”

“I won’t.” He said with a grin and then looked down at the card, “Your job is done here, wait until I contact you again. You could go on a vacation or something.”

I laughed quietly, giving Mark a look, “Yes, captain, I might just do that.”

Mark shook his head before taking off with a wave, I waved back and then turned to walk inside the second-hand shop. I greeted the lady and told her I just wanted to change inside the cabin, so she left me alone. I changed my normal attire into my running one. Yoga pants and adidas, a black top with a fluffy hoodie over it. I pulled my hair in a low bun and stuffed everything inside my big bag, it’s why I carried it around. Random runs were the best, always exciting as I never knew where I felt like going for one. I smiled at the lady from front desk as I left the shop, heading for my car. The walk was quick because I tried to hurry up, excited to go for the run. Once I got to my car, I placed my bag inside and then locked it, having my phone and keys in the pocket of the hoodie. I headed back to the park where I took the pictures of the target and woman, and first did a little warm up. I stretched my legs out and back a little, and then started running. I took steady breaths as I ran down the path, my pace not very fast but not slow either. My heartrate picked up as I continued running and I marveled in the peace around me. The scenery brought a smile onto my lips as I ran past some couples; I willed my mind to stop thinking. It was a hard thing to do at first, I was always thinking of something, but I had to learn due to the dark voices that would sometimes push me into doing things. I could ignore them, now better than when I was younger, but it was still difficult. The problem was, they could drive me crazy, I couldn’t ignore them forever, and in times like those, I would disappear. Doyoung hated it when I did that, but I haven’t had an episode like that in long.

But you can’t stop thinking about Wonwoo. You want him, you know it. You can’t lock us away anymore, Y/N, we are here. Wonwoo wants you too. Didn’t you see the way he looked at you? He fell for you, Y/N, listen to us once again. Do it. Just ask Mark. He’ll find him in a second for you. You didn’t delete his picture; you have his name—

A loud shout left my lips as I tumbled over some rocks that were on the path, but thankfully I didn’t fall. My eyebrows furrowed as I crouched down to hug my knees against my chest. I can’t let the voices get to me. I can’t let one stranger fuck up what I built up with so much struggle. I couldn’t let a stranger rule my life. I wouldn’t let the voices get to me, no matter what. I was stronger than that. With a deep breath, chest rising and falling quickly, I turned around and started running back. The energy burst I had this morning seemed to have disappeared, which was a good sign. I would have to take a bath at home and then cook some dinner, edit the pictures I took today after Mark drops off the memory card and post them on my blog. Well, that settles it then, I smiled as I came to the end of the path. I slowed down to a walk and took deep breaths, leveling my breathing. I turned to walk on the sidewalk and felt the breeze brush my hair once again, making me shiver a little bit. My body was warm from the run and I concluded that sitting inside my warm car while I was sweaty was probably a better idea than spending more time outside, in the cold breezy weather. But my mind went numb when I saw the black-haired man sitting on a bench with a book in his hands. My feet were still moving, but it felt like I wasn’t in control of it anymore. The Universe was really testing me today. I bit my lower lip and unconsciously grabbed my phone inside my pocket.

No, the Universe is doing for you what you didn’t want to do, Y/N. He’s right there, sitting on that bench, waiting for you. How could you let this opportunity slip past your fingertips? You want it, so do it.

I didn’t realize it until it was too late, my finger had already pressed the button, a picture of Wonwoo having been taken. I hated myself for doing it, but it felt like all stress finally left my body. I felt at ease, I wasn’t fighting with my thoughts anymore, with the dark voices. In the end, I really didn’t have a choice but to fall back into my old habits. And I was doing so well, until Wonwoo showed up. What will Doyoung think if he finds out? I can’t be sent to a psychic ward again, it wouldn’t help. They never help; I hate the medication they give me. I can survive without them too. Maybe if I stalk him for a week or two, I can get rid of the voices and go back to how I was before meeting him. But I pressed the button again, another picture snapped of Wonwoo. I wasn’t walking anymore, I was rooted in one place, mouth hanging open as I gazed at Wonwoo in awe. I must have looked hilarious, crazy even, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t look away; I couldn’t even move. But then suddenly, he didn’t flip the page of the book like he was planning to do, instead, he looked up. And his eyes fell on me, as if he felt that I was looking at him, and I jumped. His furrowed eyebrows snapped me out of my delirium, his sharp gaze sent a shiver down my spine and suddenly I found myself running away. I didn’t care what he thought, I was ashamed that I let the voices control me; it was time I headed home. It would be safer for everyone else if I just stayed at home.

That’s our girl, you’re doing amazing.

           The first thing I did once I got home was clean the house, my blood was boiling as I lost grip of the voices, which kept celebrating for I have taken those two pictures of Wonwoo in the park. In that rage, I deleted them from my phone and threw my phone in the trash bin I had in my room, slamming the door shut as I went to the bathroom to grab what I needed to clean the house. I turned on music, played it loudly too, blocking out the noises coming from outside, but the voices in my mind too. Due to my rage, I was done in almost two hours, it usually would take longer if someone tried to clean the house alone, we had a lot of stuff despite it not being a big house. Once I calmed down, I went to the kitchen and made some ramen, sweet potatoes made in the oven, and some seasoned pork. I went and bought beer for Doyoung and myself, and after putting them in the fridge, I decided to check my phone to see if anyone tried looking for me. It was six in the afternoon and I hoped Doyoung didn’t think that I was kidnapped…well, he’d actually know that. For my own safety, he installed an app on my phone that could track me. I only accepted it because I knew he worried a lot about me, Doyoung and I had a strong bond and the episodes I had always broke him mentally, I tried to be a better person for him too.

From Doyoung: I don’t think the ramens in the cupboard are still edible. Text me if you get home!

To Doyoung: Well, I cooked those ramens, so now they are edible! Sorry, I cleaned the house so I wasn’t around my phone…

From Doyoung: Cleaned the house? Are you feeling alright?

I chuckled at the fast reply, no surprise Sana made him stay plus hours if he hung on his phone while on duty.

To Doyoung: Don’t worry, I’m feeling perfectly fine! I hope Sana pays you well if you stay after working hours!

From Doyoung: Don’t worry about that, she stays with me.

To Doyoung: Oh! Someone’s getting it!

I laughed as Doyoung started typing back, imagining his angry and flustered face.

From Doyoung: Don’t be silly, Y/N!

To Doyoung: Okay, bye!

I laughed as I walked to the bathroom, turning on the warm water to have a bath. After the long day I had today, I deserved a warm, relaxing bath. I got a message from Mark, a thumbs up, and I knew the memory card was in the mailbox, so I quickly jumped into some shoes and ran outside to retrieve it. I locked the front gate, Doyoung had keys too, and then hurried back inside the house. I placed the memory card on my desk and then proceeded to undress while walking back to the bathroom. I turned the faucet off and threw some bath salts into the water, pulling my hair in a high bun. I shut the blinds of the bathroom and sighed, biting my lower lip. Would it be so bad if I asked Mark to look up Wonwoo a little bit? I wouldn’t try to do anything, I just wanted to know him better? I wasn’t doing anything wrong, right? I picked up my phone reluctantly as I sat on the side of the bathtub, easing my legs into the water. I went to my gallery and to the pictures I deleted, they didn’t get instantly deleted from my phone, they were stored there for another month before finally getting deleted off the device. I selected the two pictures of Wonwoo and sent them to Mark.

To Mark: His name is Wonwoo. Remember that favor you have going on? Return it by looking this guy up.

I threw the phone onto the clothing pile that was on the ground by the bathtub and lowered myself into the water, feeling bad that I couldn’t resist the urge. It was too easy with Mark, when I was a teenager, I would do everything by myself. It was thrilling to run after someone, watch them from a distance not knowing if they would notice you or not. And if they indeed noticed you, you could always play it off somehow. But this was safer, I couldn’t risk falling back into my old habits. It was like gambling or drugs…you needed rehabilitation from it, but the yearning never really goes away. I hated myself for doing this, but without the medication I so refused to take, I wasn’t strong enough. I wouldn’t admit that to others or myself, living in a lie was always easier. But tonight, I would allow myself to live in a fantasy.

·       Name: Jeon Wonwoo

·       Birth date: 1996. 07.17.

·       Height: 1,82 m

·       Siblings: Kim Mingyu, apparently they are both adopted

·       Job: Chauffeur of a business man

·       Places he’s frequently seen at: National library, Sunday Gym, Red Corner bookstore, various parks around his neighborhood, hiking trails around the forest, Soul BBQ, Sky Blue headquarters

·       Car: red Mercedes CLS class

·       Additional things I found about him: It seems like he has thirteen close friends, he lives with his adopted brother; but I couldn’t find the address anywhere. Surveillance cameras say that he usually goes to read in the park, by the river, and he drinks a lot of coffee. I’m pretty sure he wears glasses, but there’s few pictures of him wearing it. I’m sorry, Y/N, for some reason this is everything I could find about him. He’s got a clean record, and even the little information I gave you I could barely find. Something’s fishy, but maybe he really isn’t that interesting. I wouldn’t bother with someone like him. P.S. Don’t tell anyone I helped you gain information on him, they’ll fire me!

       The birds chirping were the first thing I heard as I woke up, then the hurried knocks on my door. I groaned loudly, voice hoarse from having just woken up, and the knocking stopped.

“Get up, it’s almost 9 am!” Doyoung’s voice called from the other side of the door and I sighed, burying my head in my pillow, “I’m heading in to work later. I can drive you to wherever you want to go, if you want me to.”

That definitely got my attention as I raised my head, “Okay!”

I cleared my throat and jumped up into a seated position, looking around my bed. Printed pictures lingered scattered around the blanket and my laptop was on the verge of falling off, so I grabbed it and got out of bed. I walked to my desk and placed it on top of it, leaning against the edge of the glass. I looked down at the pictures that were on my bed and decided, that I would do this. I stayed up until late night to research myself as much as I could about Wonwoo, but he had no social media. I found a few yearbook photos of him, but they didn’t help with much. Mark was right, he seemed to be a very boring person…he almost felt like a ghost, like his real identity was buried deep down. And that was exciting, so, if Doyoung had already offered to give me a lift, I could just head to the Red Corner bookstore and check it out for myself. Hopefully, Wonwoo would be there. I still don’t know his schedule, but if I start lurking around the places Mark told me about, I can very easily follow Wonwoo around once he shows up.

After having breakfast with Doyoung, we both got dressed and I gave him instructions to the Red Corner bookstore and we were off, rolling down the busy streets of the city. My fingers were tapping against my knees in excitement as I tried to stay still, trying not to alert Doyoung that I was feeling excited about something. But he was my brother, and he noticed.

“I didn’t know going to a bookstore could make you excited.” He raised an eyebrow and I chuckled, shaking my head.

“It’s not that, I’m just in a good mood!” I tried to lie, but Doyoung just shook his head; I knew he didn’t believe me.

“So…now you suddenly like to read?” He asked with a teasing grin and I scoffed, turning to look at him.

“What do you mean?” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms in front of my chest, “I always liked to read!”

“Fashion magazines, maybe.” I huffed and it made Doyoung laugh as he drove through an intersection. Once Doyoung was done laughing, he cleared his throat and briefly glanced at me.

“You wouldn’t be so excited about books unless you’re stalking someone.” I failed to pick up on the playfulness in his voice, the way he bit his lower lip to try and stay serious. My heart started suddenly beating really fast and my grip tightened around the seatbelt, my whole body became tense. How did he realize? Did he walk inside my room while I was sleeping? Was it something in my words that gave it away? Did I get worse at hiding my feelings? I could feel Doyoung’s gaze on me, but I couldn’t move out of fear. I was scared of what was coming next and ashamed. But then, Doyoung gasped and I had to look at him.

“I’m sorry!” He exclaimed, panic lacing his words, and I became confused, “I didn’t mean to say that—I—I worded that so badly, Y/N—”

“Oh,” I chuckled, trying to collect myself, “No, it was a joke! I totally get it!”

I couldn’t believe I almost gave myself away. He had no idea; he was just teasing me! I chuckled again, feeling at ease as I turned to look at Doyoung again. “Seriously, I totally got your joke!”

“I’m still sorry—” My laughter interrupted Doyoung and he just shook his head, still looking guilty.

“I could become an actress if my reaction made you react like this.” But in truth, my reaction was genuine and I was so thankful that Doyoung didn’t realize that. He could read people very easily, but maybe as he was driving he couldn’t focus fully, which was great for me. Doyoung sighed and he pulled up to the sidewalk, looking at the Red Corner bookstore, which was just across the road. I smiled and unbuckled the seatbelt; I pressed a kiss against Doyoung’s cheek then got out. He offered me a small wave before driving away. I took a deep breath and smiled, looking around the street. It didn’t look like a very busy neighborhood; a few people were walking here and there. To my right there were many narrow alleys that lead to the main road, and I took off down the street. Why would Wonwoo come to a bookstore in this side of the city if he could go to the big one at the mall? Wonderingly, I crossed the street and carefully approached the bookstore. It wasn’t open yet, so I figured I could go to the coffee shop I saw while Doyoung drove us here. The bookstore would only open in half an hour, I still had time. I walked down the street with a skip in my steps, smiling widely. I had a feeling today was going to be a successful day, but for that I needed Mark to leave me alone. I was hoping he wouldn’t get a new case for at least a week, the potentiality of following Wonwoo around without him knowing had me in a very good mood. Sleeping on the choices I took yesterday definitely did well, I wasn’t feeling as bad about as I was yesterday. Yes, it was still wrong what I was doing, but as long as no one got harmed, it wasn’t something very bad!

I entered the coffee shop and walked to the front desk, ordering my usual drink of choice. When it was done, I walked to a table and took a seat, it was by the window, and took a sip of the Caramel Macchiato. I watched the people who passed by and took another sip, relaxing in the chair, feeling content. The melody playing in the shop was pleasant and I bobbed my head to the rhythm. The bell chimed and I watched the beautiful girl that walked in, her hair was dark brown and wavy. She had bangs and she was tall, definitely a beauty.

You could follow her too, she’s your type. If Wonwoo backfires, you have an alternative.

I almost laughed out loud at the words whispered to me by the dark voices, feeling truly entertained. It was so easy to find someone, like I said, it could be literally anyone. If I found them attractive, nothing was stopping me from stalking them. But I shook my head, took another sip of the drink, and ignored the voices. I wouldn’t let them take full control over me. And as the beautiful girl waited at the front desk, my back straightened as a very familiar red Mercedes came into view. It was Wonwoo’s car. My heart started thumping quickly and for a second I didn’t know what do to, so I relaxed into the seat, trying to stay low-key. The beautiful girl saw my sudden reaction and she looked at me concerned, but I just smiled at her, trying to show her that I was fine. When she turned her back on me, I grabbed my phone and quickly went to the camera, snapping a picture through the window. Wonwoo couldn’t be seen, all windows of the car were tinted, but he didn’t get out. I quickly locked my phone when I heard the heels of the girl getting closer as she walked by me and I waited patiently until she was out of the shop before I sprung onto my feet. My knees accidentally knocked into the table and it took the barista off guard, I hurriedly went up to her and handed back the now empty glass, thanking her for her services. She gave me a funny look but I ignored her as I almost ran out of the coffee shop.

“Bye!” I called to her with a wave before exiting, and stopped for a second, taking a deep breath. Wonwoo’s car was still there, but I didn’t know if he was in there or not, so walking up to it would have been too risky.

Oh, here comes the fun we’ve been all missing.

My whole body was shaking in excitement as I thought of my next move, deciding to walk by the bookstore. I could peek inside and see if Wonwoo was in there or not, the windows were big enough to see everything from the outside. So, I started moving, fingers tapping against my palm anxiously, heart thumping wildly. This was always exciting, but also nerve wrecking. I had to move without being seen…or recognized. But, I was sure Wonwoo had already forgotten my face, I was just an ordinary, clumsy girl who almost spilled her coffee on him.

No, the image of your face has been forever printed into his mind, Y/N. He’s watching you, just like you are watching him.

I stopped walking, the woman behind me almost ran into me as she was taken off by my sudden lack of movement. She gave me a glare, but I ignored her. I was right in front of the bookstore and my heart was beating even faster. What did the voices mean? Does Wonwoo know that I’m stalking him? That can’t possibly be true…why would he…

Are you the only person that stalks in this world?

I shook my head and closed my eyes for a second, trying to block the voices. The thought of that creeped me out and I didn’t want to think about being possibly stalked. Then I mustered the courage and looked inside, seeing two girls at the front desk. No trace of Wonwoo, however, as I looked around the place. Not wanting to draw too much attention to myself, I walked by and rounded the corner, leaning against the red cobblestone wall. Well, if Wonwoo wasn’t inside, he must still be in his car. Which is bad, because Doyoung drove me here. I didn’t think I’d have success on my first day of keeping my eyes on him, so I didn’t find coming with a car necessary. But now, I regretted my decision. With a sigh, I took my phone in my hand and was about to search for a cab, but then I heard laughter. Deep laughter. Coming from around the corner. My heart skipped a beat as I peeked around the corner, he was standing there. Wearing light blue jeans and a turtleneck, his dark hair in his eyes and round glasses sitting high up on the bridge of his nose. I quietly exhaled, taken by the sight in front of me. Wonwoo laughed again, his voice was still deep, his laughter was short but warm. The way his lips pulled up into a huge smile it melted away the cold expression I’ve seen him have in the pictures I found of him. His eyes didn’t look as menacing anymore. Not even realizing that I was doing it, I snapped a few pictures, hopeful that I caught his smiling face. But he was with the beautiful girl, and she was touching his arm. So then does Wonwoo have a girlfriend? And it’s the beautiful girl from the coffee shop? It isn’t impossible.

You could have both…or you could get rid of one…

“Shut up!” I hissed, and quickly ducked back behind the red cobblestone wall, scared that they heard me. They were a good distance away, and there was noise on the street, but I could never be too sure. I hated the dark voices, especially when they suggested getting rid of someone. I could never do it; I didn’t want to. I would go too low, I would disappoint Doyoung so much. If I killed someone, he’d be the one putting me behind bars. I didn’t want to see the pain on his face, pain I caused for him. I didn’t want him to suffer or worry for me anymore, he’s had enough of it while we were still young kids.

The slamming of the bookstore door snapped me out of my thoughts and nervously, I peeked around the corner again, seeing Wonwoo walking away. He was headed towards his car, so I didn’t bother following him at first, but when he went past it without getting in, I grinned. He wasn’t leaving just yet, that means I can follow him around! Fixing my hair and keeping my phone in my hand for comfort, I took off after Wonwoo, keeping a safe distance between us.

And I had a very successful day. Wonwoo stayed in the neighborhood for three hours, just walking around. I snapped plenty of pictures of him, ones I would have to copy on my laptop the second I got home and delete them off my phone. He did go and had breakfast at a tiny local restaurant, which had amazing food by the way. They had some traditional cake that I haven’t eaten before, and I made a mental note to return there from time to time. Maybe with Doyoung, he’s always had a sweet tooth. Then Wonwoo went for a short walk in the park, before he went back to the bookstore. He came out with a book and then went behind the bookstore, to a playground, sat underneath a big willow tree and read. For two hours, he didn’t move from there. His hair was moved by the breeze from time to time, his lips pursed sometimes, and eyebrows furrowed every once in a while. His glasses kept falling off and he had to push them up every five minutes. I’m assuming when something was interesting or tense, he’d bite his lip or thumb, eyes running over quickly the words on the white pages. I took a picture and I was able to see the title of the book, ‘I’ll be gone in the dark’. So, he was into crime books, I looked up and smiled in his direction. He just became more and more mysterious. I was aching to know who he truly was, what he truly liked, I was yearning to hear his beautiful laughter again. And as if Wonwoo finally noticed that someone was watching him, he looked up. And he looked at me. We made eye contact, my heart started beating like crazy, my hands shook.

What will you do now Y/N? Isn’t this just thrilling?

But suddenly a tap on my knee made me jump. I looked down confused and saw a little boy grinning up at me. My eyebrows rose as I watched him; he had his hands behind his back.

“Hello?” I asked confused, glancing around to see if he was with anyone. A couple elderly people were by the entrance of the playground, chatting. He was probably with one of them.

“Hi!” The boy said shyly and I offered him a warm smile.

“Can I help you? Are you lost?” I asked him, making sure that he wasn’t here alone.

“No.” He shook his head with a chuckle, then looked down. I chuckled and looked at him confused; he was shifting his weight from one leg to another.

“You’ve been sitting here for a long time,” He suddenly said as he looked back at me, “Aren’t you cold?”

I didn’t know how to answer him, he took me off guard. What was a little boy doing, talking to a stranger?

“My jacket is thick, I’m not cold—”

“Do you like that man?” When the little boy suddenly pointed at Wonwoo, my heart jumped into my throat. I was praying he wasn’t looking my way anymore, and thankfully; he wasn’t. Actually, he was gone. Disappointment settled in and my eyebrows furrowed as I looked around, trying to spot him.

“He’s gone.” I whispered, standing up abruptly. My legs were sore, my ass actually hurt. I should have moved around, not sat there unmoving for two hours straight.

“This is for you.” The little boy chuckled and I looked back down at him; he was holding a little white flower. I took it from him confused, but he just grinned at me and then ran off. What a strange encounter that was. But after that, I went back to the bookstore, and Wonwoo’s car was gone. He had left. That meant I was done for the day, he could’ve been anywhere, and I was actually really cold. So, I called a cab and went home, changed and then went for a long run. I needed to clear my mind, block the voices that were so violently trying to dictate me my next move. I wouldn’t let them rule over me, I was the one in charge of myself and my actions.

After I got home, I showered and cooked some dinner, then I sat in the living room with the TV on as I copied all the pictures I took of Wonwoo onto my laptop. My cheeks felt warm as I looked at them again. I printed two, one where Wonwoo was smiling and one while he was sitting underneath the tree. The breeze had picked up and his hair was blown all around, he was pushing up his glasses, his lips in a tight line. The pictured offered me calmness and as I was looking at it, the front door got unlocked. Franticly, I closed my laptop and threw the two pictures into the folder I was using to store everything I had on Wonwoo. Doyoung looked tired as he walked inside and I was standing very awkwardly in the middle of the living room.

“Hi!” I called out loudly and he looked up, taken aback by my presence there.

“Uh, hi.” He greeted back, giving me a questioning look but I just giggled.

“I cooked dinner!” I tried to diffuse the awkwardness and Doyoung started grinning.

“Thank God, I didn’t have lunch today, I’m starving!” He said as he pushed his shoes off.

“It’s important to have lunch.” I said as I walked to the fridge, taking out the food I had prepared.

“Yeah, but according to Sana, so is raiding the Sky-Blue headquarters.” Doyoung said defeated and my eyebrows furrowed. Where have I heard that name before?

“Why? What’s there?” I asked curiously as Doyoung took off towards his room.

“The mafia Sana is sniffing around.” And with that he went inside his room to change and come to have dinner. But the report from Mark said that Wonwoo frequents that place often. Why? Does he maybe know there’s a mafia inside there? Or is he oblivious to it?

And you thought he was boring? Aren’t things getting more and more interesting?

“How was your day?” I slammed the plates on the table and it made Doyoung wince. I gave him an apologetic grin as I placed two forks and some napkins too next to the plates.

“Uneventful,” I said with a sigh, going to the living room to grab my stuff, “I’ll be right back, I’ll just put these in my room.”

Doyoung hummed as he took a seat at the table, placing food on his plate. I hurried to my room, clutching the file tightly to make sure it wouldn’t open and free its contents onto the floor as I carried the laptop in my other hand. I entered my room and went towards my desk, placing my laptop on top of it. The file I placed on a shelf of my bookcase and as I was about to leave I noticed how the temperature was a bit colder than in the other rooms. Looking around, I noticed my window was slightly open and with a sigh, I went and closed it and locked it. It wasn’t unlike me to forget to close it back if I happened to open it up. And just as I turned around to leave the room for good, my eyes stopped on my nightstand. Five white lilies were placed in a tall glass with water. I remained rooted to the spot, warmness spreading in my chest. It’s been long since I got flowers from someone. How did Doyoung get these in here without me noticing the flowers when he got inside the house? I chuckled and shook my head as I went to have dinner, stomach churning loudly. It felt nice to get flowers. Even if they were from my brother.

           I should have taken Mark’s offer and went on that vacation he proposed, but my mind wouldn’t let me do that. I had a new mission, and it was following Wonwoo around. For a whole week I was vigilant enough that he didn’t notice me and now I knew his habits. In the mornings, he’d take that beautiful girl to the bookstore and then go buy himself coffee. Sometimes he’d go back to that park and read for a few hours, other times he’d leave and go to the gym. He would spend a lot of time at the Sky-Blue headquarters and drive his boss to less or more sketchy places. His boss was Kim Mingyu, it crossed my mind to research him too and follow him around for a day or two, but he was giving me bad vibes. When I trailed after Wonwoo’s car when he was with Mingyu, I felt like the two knew I was there. Sometimes, they’d drive around in the same neighborhood twice and I would have to take different turns in order to make it seem like I wasn’t following them…but it almost always led me to lose them. After Wonwoo was done with his work, he’d go to the national library and spend hours there, so much, that I was starting to worry that he’d fall ill from not eating and drinking enough. In fact, he barely ate anything all day, maybe he did it somehow when I wasn’t watching, otherwise I can’t explain how he remained energetic and standing for the whole day. On the third day of watching him, I decided to enter the library myself and try and find a book that I would enjoy. He switched from the book he was reading to a different one, in fact, every day he read something different. It was confusing, and I was dying to ask him why…but the right moment hadn’t come for it yet. One day, I got so immersed in my own book that I totally forgot about keeping my eyes on Wonwoo too and when I looked up from my book, Wonwoo was gone from his usual spot. I looked around a little too frantically, my knees bouncing fast. I waited for two more minutes before I sprung up onto my feet and took off towards the section I took the book I was reading from. I heard hushed laughter coming from nearby but I was busy trying push the book back in its place, so busy, that I totally missed the deep tone of the laughter. When I finally had the book in its original place, I turned and took off pretty much running, which led me into stumbling forward as my shoes got caught in the carpet. I gasped and ran into the bookshelves in front of me, barely catching myself from falling.

“Are you alright?” A feminine voice asked, and as I turned to answer them, my heart stopped beating. The woman was standing next to Wonwoo and they were both looking at me confused and concerned. I gulped and suddenly my throat was dry as my eyes jumped from the woman to Wonwoo and then back at the woman and then again to Wonwoo. I was waiting for him to point at me and yell that I’m a psycho stalker, but he just looked confused and I quietly sighed.

“Yeah, sorry!” I said awkwardly and bowed my head quickly before turning around and running away embarrassed. It was good that Wonwoo had no recollection of my face, it means that he didn’t pay much attention to me at the Coffee Shop and he also didn’t know that I was pretty much stalking him. As much as stalking Wonwoo made my week better and definitely uplifted my mood, the highlight of my week were the daily white lilies I was finding in my room each evening. I didn’t know how Doyoung was doing it, I could swear I saw him enter empty handed each evening, but maybe he was turning into a magician and was trying his tricks out on me. I didn’t say anything to him, wanting to act oblivious to his nice act if he wouldn’t say something first. But I had my concerns regarding Wonwoo and the relationship between him and the beautiful girl from the bookstore. She worked there and seeing them each morning together gave me the impression that they were on really good terms…possibly even dating, even though I’ve only seen them hugging. So, for that, to check it myself, I had a plan. I bought a copy of the book I saw Wonwoo reading in the park and one morning, on a Tuesday when I knew Wonwoo wouldn’t be the one giving a lift to the beautiful girl, I headed inside the bookstore.

The bell chimed loudly and it was warm inside. The radio was playing through the speakers at a low volume and the girl I was here for was at the front desk. My eyes fell on her and I noticed how she hasn’t had curly hair ever since that day I saw her in the Coffee Shop. She was concentrated on her phone, smiling as she typed quickly. I cleared my throat and walked up to the front desk, leaning against it. It took her a second to realize that someone was standing there, looking at her.

“Oh, hi!” She had a powerful voice; it didn’t take one long to realize she was a confident person. I smiled at her kindly and tapped my fingers against the counter.

“Hi…” I looked around quickly, feigning nervousness, “I’m sorry to bother you here…”

Then I looked at her name tag and read her name, “Hyemi, pretty name! Anyways…uhm, this book…”

I grabbed it out of my bag and placed it on top of the counter, “Wonwoo borrowed it to me and well…I’ve had it for too long and I want to return it.”

“Oh, you know Wonwoo?” Hyemi’s eyebrows rose as she took the book from me and looked at it, “I’ve seen this one laying around in his house.”

Oh, so she knows where Wonwoo lives. And she was there too. You knew this was coming, Y/N, but are you ready to face the consequences? What if you have to give up both? You can always get rid of one of them…you know it’s not hard…

“I’ve met him at the library, sometimes we talk,” I said with a shrug and took the book back from Hyemi, “he recommended it to me.”

I was hoping she didn’t see the tightness of my jaw as I tried to ignore the evil voices. They were urging me to grab the girl by the hair and drag her away. I couldn’t do that; I wasn’t like that anymore. And nothing was sure yet. They can be friends; friends hang out together in their apartments all the time. I can’t jump to conclusions just yet. And I’ve never seen Wonwoo spend time with her except for when he drops Hyemi off in the mornings.

“He really likes doing that!” Hyemi said with a roll of her eyes and I chuckled, putting the book away.

“He does, but it’s fine, I don’t mind.” She hummed and we looked behind her when there was a click. Another breathtakingly beautiful woman walked into the room and I couldn’t help but gape at her. Her lips were red and her long brown hair was in a low ponytail, eyeliner on her eyelids. She looked amazing, I cleared my throat and quickly read her name tag. Irene.

“Everything alright?” She asked with authority in her voice and I found myself nodding very quickly, but Hyemi just chuckled.

“Yes, I was just talking to—” Then both women looked at me and I was lost for a second, feeling flustered. My fingers tapped against the counter quickly and I realized they were waiting for me to tell them my name.

“Y/N!” I exclaimed and my cheeks became warm, “Uhm, my name is Y/N.”

“Wonwoo borrowed Y/N a book and she wants to return it.” Hyemi said with a smile and Irene hummed, looking me over quickly. Then she offered me a small smile and her stern expression melted away. It eased my nerves a little and I offered her a similar smile.

“Right, so…could you give me his address?” I asked, very innocently, as I looked Hyemi in the eyes. She knows where Wonwoo lives, I’m a little bothered by that but at least now I’ll find out his address too. But her eyebrows furrowed and she looked at me apologetically.

“Sorry, I don’t think I should just tell you that…without Wonwoo’s consent at least—”

“Oh, right!” I exclaimed and looked down embarrassed, “That was really…a dumb request, don’t worry! I totally get it!”

“Not to be mean—”

“No! It’s fine, you’re right!” I waved my hands in the air and Irene chuckled as she watched the exchange between us. I took a step back and played with my fingers as I tried to keep on an embarrassed expression.

“I’ll give it back to him when I meet him at the library.”

“Are you sure? You could give it to me and I’ll—”

“I’m sure.” I interrupted Hyemi and walked backwards towards the door, “Have a nice day, ladies!”

“You too!” Irene called out as Hyemi’s eyebrows furrowed a little bit.

“Bye.” She muttered as I hurried out the door, heart beating fast. What if she realized I was lying? Now all I could hope for was that she wouldn’t tell Wonwoo and throw me off from the progress I’ve been making.

And that day when I arrived home, I found more white lilies sitting on the little table that we had on the front porch. I took them and inhaled their scent, a smile appearing on my lips. And as a breeze passed by, I felt eyes on me. So, I straightened up and looked around, but the fence was high enough that no one would see inside, so I shook the feeling off and unlocked the front door, walking inside the house and headed to the kitchen to take a vase for the new lilies.

           A few days passed since I’ve been to the bookstore and I had realized that I needed a different approach. Yesterday, Hyemi and Wonwoo didn’t show up to the bookstore and as I went on with my day, I found Wonwoo nowhere he’d usually be at. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, so, I figured they must have taken a day off. But that thought didn’t sit well with me, so, I decided that it was time I took serious actions. A more straightforward approach. One that would set off the start of something between Wonwoo and I.

I woke up a little earlier than I usually would to be able to get ready. We had only one bathroom, and for once, I put a little effort into my appearance. I usually didn’t doll myself up, but today I wanted to look pretty. So, I put on minimal makeup and decided to be a bit bold and use red lipstick too. I pulled my hair out of my face and clipped the front strands back and then I cooked breakfast for Doyoung and I, wanting to surprise him. He was always the one that got up early and made sure we ate well, but I felt like returning this little favor to him since he’s been bringing me white lilies for almost two weeks now. I even turned his morning alarm off, wanting to give him a little extra time to sleep, which was always welcomed as he worked late and had to wake up really early. After breakfast was ready, I went back to my room to get dressed and spent at least ten minutes thinking of an outfit. In the end, I settled on high waist mom jeans and a long-sleeved colorful crop top as yesterday it was rather warm. Then, I grabbed my bag and went to Doyoung’s room to wake him up. He was in a good mood once I told him I cooked breakfast and that I let him sleep in, his laughter echoed in the house as he told me a funny story that happened at work. Breakfast was pleasant and tasty and once we were done, I didn’t wait for Doyoung, I headed out. I told him that I found a new path in the forest that lead to a beautiful clearing with a spring and that I wanted to take pictures while the sun wasn’t high up in the sky, which unfortunately was a lie. I did find a place like that, but it was last month and I had already taken plenty of pictures of it. But Doyoung didn’t have to know that I was back to stalking again, especially not today, when I was so excited about my plan. Before going to the library, I grabbed a cup of coffee, Americano this time as I didn’t have in mind drinking it and it would’ve been a waste to buy Caramel Macchiato. By the time I got to the library it was nearing noon and I was hopeful that wherever Wonwoo went, he’d be back by today, otherwise, I did all of this for nothing. When I entered, the librarian gave me a glance and her eyebrows furrowed as they fell on my coffee, but I hid it behind my back and offered her a warm smile. She shook her head but didn’t say anything and I bowed my head, hurrying further inside. The coffee wasn’t hot anymore, but it was still warm, at least it wouldn’t burn him. I cleared my throat and took in a deep breath, about to round the corner and head to the reading area. My heart was pounding quickly in my chest and I feared that others would be able to hear it in the calming silence of the library. But as I rounded the corner, my mind went blank.

There he is.

I could feel excitement enter my whole body and my fingers started tapping quickly against the cup of coffee I was holding, I had to force myself to stay as still as I could and not take off towards Wonwoo. He was sitting at his usual spot, in the middle of the area and at the edge of the table. He had a book on the table in front of him, his glasses were close to falling off and his black hair was a bit messy. He was wearing a black t-shirt and a silver necklace hung around his neck. My eyes got glued to his muscly arms as he flipped the page and I gulped, trying to focus on my plan once again.

He is a sight for sore eyes, isn’t he, Y/N? No surprise you can’t handle the thought of someone else having him.

I shook my head a little and then started walking. My heels clicked against the wooden floor, but it was a dull sound, and thankfully Wonwoo didn’t look up. His eyebrows were furrowed as his eyes ran over the words in the book, and he sighed loudly as I got closer and closer. I glanced around, but there weren’t many people, and those who were, they were too busy studying or reading. Knowing that no one was looking my way, I knew what I was about to do wouldn’t look suspicious to anyone. I was two tables away from Wonwoo, and as I was watching him so closely, I noticed the sudden tensity of his muscles. How his palms clenched into fists and it almost looked like he was reading the same thing over and over, but I wouldn’t be actually able to tell that. My plan was to accidentally run into the corner of the table he was sitting at and spill the coffee on him. Like that, I had an excuse to talk to him and hopefully he’d even agree to me buying him a new shirt. I wasn’t able to decipher his personality as he was mostly by himself, but I prayed to every God out there that he’d comply to my wishes. And just as my eyes fixated on the corner of the table, to make sure that the front of my shoe would get stuck in it, Wonwoo abruptly stood up. And I jumped and panicked. The sound his chair made was loud and I lost all train of thought as his eyes fell on me and the heel of my shoe got stuck in the edge of the carpet. And suddenly, I was falling forward, eyes widened in horror. Wonwoo didn’t even blink, he just stood there, looking almost taken aback. And then our bodies collided into each other, and I felt the warm coffee spill not just on his chest, but on my own too. I gasped loudly, Wonwoo remained silent and suddenly I felt the eyes of the people who were around us, on us. Wonwoo was tense as he quickly gripped my forearms to steady me, the empty cup of coffee fell against the ground and I felt like it made the loudest sound I have ever heard. But in reality, it barely even made a thudding sound. My eyes remained wide, heart beating fast as I remained rooted in Wonwoo’s arms.

He smells so good. And his body is so firm. Do you hear how loud his breathing is, Y/N?

The evil voice made me shiver and I sprung out of Wonwoo’s hold, looking at him wide eyed. He looked frozen for a second, but then he lowered his arms, and gulped, glancing down at his damp t-shirt.

“Oh my God,” I muttered, looking down at my own damp shirt, this didn’t go as planned, he was the only one supposed to get coffee spilled on, “I am so sorry!”

My voice was quiet as I tried not to disturb the other people in there and Wonwoo finally looked at me. His sharp eyes offered no warmness and suddenly I felt small under his intense gaze. I felt embarrassed and as if I was caught in the act, but it’s him who stood up. This was supposed to happen differently.

“At least it wasn’t burning hot.” Wonwoo’s deep voice reached my ears and I did everything I could to memorize the deep vibration of it.

“Yeah, I got it a while ago…” I mumbled and looked down embarrassed, unable to maintain his intense eye contact.

“Accidents happen,” I could see him shrug as he ran his hands down his abdomen, “And it’s my fault, I was the one who stood up so abruptly—”

“Oh, no—” I looked up and shook my hands quickly, “I shouldn’t have walked so close to the table, it’s really my fault—”

“Don’t worry about it,” His lips pulled into a small smirk and I knew I was going to blush, “I’m not mad at you.”

My cheeks were hot and I felt at a loss of words all of a sudden, almost forgetting why I even planned on doing this.

“I feel guilty though—” I managed to get out, trying to avoid looking at his lips, “Let me make up for it!”

Someone towards the back of the reading area cleared their throat and I realized I was starting to speak too loudly; my leg was tapping against the wooden floor anxiously. I wanted to insist, but I didn’t know what to say next. I needed Wonwoo to co-operate, but I wasn’t sure he would just yet. His expression didn’t give away anything and I bit my lower lip nervously.

“How can you make up for it?” His eyebrows rose and my heart jumped in my chest.

“Uhm, I—I can just, uh—buy you a new shirt?” I hated myself for stuttering, but this was more nerve wrecking than I remembered it being. Has it been really that long since I’ve done this?

“I have plenty of shirts…” Wonwoo’s deep voice made me look back at him and I tried to stay calm. I couldn’t decipher his expression, but he looked like he was teasing me. I smiled softly and played with my fingers, glancing away from him before looking back.

“The mall is literally across the road…and…if you let me buy you this shirt, you’ll never forget that a stranger spilled their coffee on you on a very nice Wednesday…” Suddenly, all tension left my body when a wide smile appeared on Wonwoo’s lips. For the first time, I noticed how his nose scrunched up when he smiled, and how soft he seemed like this. When Wonwoo smiled, he wasn’t intimidating anymore, it was as if I was looking at a different person. My heart started beating quickly again and I felt at peace as I gaped at him, hopeful that he didn’t find it creepy. If only he knew…

“You might need a new shirt as well…” Wonwoo said once he was done laughing and I looked down at my shirt, eyebrows furrowing. Well yeah…that wasn’t part of the plan.

“If you insist.” I said with a shrug and Wonwoo chuckled, shaking his head.

“I’ll put this book back and then we can go.” Wonwoo said as he closed the book he was reading and picked it up from the table. He gave me a glance before he turned and walked towards the tall bookshelves, disappearing between them. I bit my lower lip, trying to contain my victorious smirk in case Wonwoo returned. I remembered the abandoned cup and turned around to pick it up, chuckling to myself. My plan didn’t work, but worked at the same time. It played out a little different than what I had in mind, but in the end, I still got what I wanted.

“Let’s go?” I turned my head and Wonwoo was by my side, eyebrows raised as his eyes fell on the empty cup. I nodded my head and we took off towards the mall from across the road, about to buy some new shirts.

Once we got to the mall I made Wonwoo choose a shop he likes and I’d buy him a t-shirt from there, only if he likes it, of course. In the end, he lead us to the cheapest shop and said that I should choose something for myself as well and he’ll buy it, because it was his fault too that the coffee was spilled as he got in my way. When he pointed towards the shop and said that he wanted to choose from that one, I gave him a look.

“Are you sure?” I asked as I followed after him, “Because I might look poor, but I’m not. So, if you want to wear something fancy, I totally can get it for you—”

“I don’t need anything fancy.” Wonwoo interrupted with a chuckle and I shrugged, walking inside the shop.

“Well, good for you then.” I muttered, looking around. To the left was the men section and to the right the women section, I pointed towards the men section, “Let’s go.”

Without thinking, I grabbed his wrist and noticed how warm his skin was against mine. I didn’t realize it was inappropriate to hold someone you just met, let alone drag him after you. But I was too happy that my plan actually worked out and that he didn’t recognize me at all. Even though he’s seen me twice before.

What if you aren’t remarkable enough? You could get Hyemi instead of Wonwoo, since he doesn’t even remember your face.

I shook my head and stopped in front of racks of various colored t-shirt and simple shirts, “Well, choose one!”

Wonwoo came to stand next to me and his eyebrows furrowed a little bit as he started moving the racks with his left hand. My right leg was tapping against the ground as I looked at his profile. His jaw was sharp and lips jutting out as he tried to choose one. Suddenly, I became aware of the hold I had on his wrist still and released it, clearing my throat awkwardly. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and looked ahead when Wonwoo glanced at me. I could feel my cheeks burning in embarrassment, but from the corner of my eyes I could see him smirking. It made my leg tap faster against the floor and I wished that something would happen that would save me from the embarrassment I was currently feeling.

“This one will do.” He suddenly spoke up, as if he could read my thoughts, and I turned to look at him. He was holding an almost identic t-shirt to the one he was wearing, except this one had longer sleeves. My eyes lingered on it before I gave him an affirming nod, and Wonwoo smiled.

“Your turn.” This time, he grabbed my wrist and started pulling me towards the women section. My heart suddenly picked up its pace and my free hand turned into a fist as I tried to contain my wide grin once again. His grip felt like it was on fire and burned away on my skin, but I was enjoying it, it was a nice feeling. He released me though the second we got to the shirts and I didn’t even look, just picked up a brown see through shirt.

“This one!” I exclaimed and grinned at Wonwoo, holding up the shirt. His eyes fell on it and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Are you sure?” He asked and I could almost hear a certain discomfort in his tone, but I thought I was just making things up. So, I just nodded my head with a wide smile and Wonwoo sighed, pointing towards the changing rooms.

“Let’s change then.”

“Shouldn’t we pay first?” I asked surprised as Wonwoo took off.

“No, take the tag off, we can still pay.” My eyebrows furrowed at Wonwoo’s words but I didn’t say anything as I went inside a cabin and quickly changed into the shirt I picked. Once I was dressed, I gulped. Well, I certainly should have looked first at what I was picking out, you could see my black bra through the material. And it was a bit too thin for this weather, but if we stayed inside the mall for longer I wouldn’t be bothered. And my car was around the corner, hopefully I wouldn’t catch a cold. I pulled the curtain back and my eyes fell on Wonwoo who was leaning against the wall casually. He was wearing black jeans and black combat boots. The t-shirt he picked was tight around his chest and I couldn’t look away. It was a mouthwatering sight and I gulped, snapping out of it. But the silence stretched on for longer as Wonwoo continued looking at me with an unreadable expression, jaw just a little tight. He kept his eyes on my face, but I didn’t miss the split second they lowered towards my see-through shirt. It made me fidget as I cleared my throat.

“Let’s—let’s pay!” I quickly hurried past Wonwoo, feeling embarrassed for the nth time today. I could hear a deep chuckle behind me, but I ignored it and approached the front desk.

“Hi, we bought these two shirts we are wearing, the tags are here—” I started speaking as I placed the tags on the counter.

“I’m sorry Miss, that’s against the rules.” The cashier very rudely interrupted and gave me a glare.

“Uhm…we still intend to pay though…”

“It’s still against the rules to do that, I have to call security—”

“Maybe you should just scan the tags and proceed on with your life, Kelly.” Wonwoo’s deep voice boomed next to me and I looked at him, his jaw was clenched and he was glaring at the cashier, whose name was Kelly. She seemed to shrink a little under Wonwoo’s gaze and she hesitated for a second, but then scanned in the tags.

“We are paying separately.” Wonwoo proceeded to say when he saw that she put the shirts on the same bill and Kelly apologized quickly. I looked at Wonwoo, eyebrows furrowed at the sudden change in his attitude. He looked stern and demanding, I probably would’ve done instantly what he told me, if he looked at me like that. This is how I imagined Wonwoo’s personality to be like, yet it didn’t sit well with me. Something felt off about his attitude, this wasn’t the first time he was being like this. And it was very obvious that he knew what effect it would have on the one targeted.

“Here.” The girl muttered once she handed Wonwoo the change back and then it was my turn to pay, which went by quickly as both of us were trying to move quickly under Wonwoo’s scrutinizing gaze.

“Uh, bye!” I called out as Wonwoo and I walked out with a bag each and our stained shirts inside them. I stopped walking once we were out of the shop and Wonwoo stopped too, looking back at me confused.

“Something wrong?” He asked confused and I shook my head.

“Not at all…I’m just glad we are even now…” I shrugged and he nodded with a hum, looking around. I tried to shrug off the sudden uncertainty I was feeling. Wonwoo didn’t seem as safe anymore as I had imagined him to be.

“Do you want to grab some lunch?” My heart jumped into my throat instantly and my mind went blank. How do I answer that question? That was definitely not what I had planned, but it was turning even better. But I couldn’t, I felt like it would be too much. Yes, I wanted to get to know him, but I already felt like an intruder. This happened only because of me, I didn’t want Wonwoo to feel like he had to do this. And I wanted to sort out my thought first and analyze our interaction.

“I would love to, but I have to help out my brother.” I lied through my teeth, with a smile on my face.

“Ah…” He nodded and neared me, I felt small under his strong gaze. It looked like he was looking right into my soul, reading my mind. It gave me the impression that he knew I was lying, “You don’t have to feel guilty for spilling the coffee on me, I told you, accidents happen.”

“I know!” I laughed nervously, my leg tapping against the ground once again, “I feel like I should wash that t-shirt…to actually stop feeling guilty…”

And that was the second stage of my plan. Get him to give me his t-shirt so that I can wash it, that way I get his phone number and I have an excuse to meet up with him again. Wonwoo’s eyebrows rose at my words and he chuckled, reaching inside his bag for without saying anything.

“Here.” He said and handed me his stained t-shirt.

“Really?” I asked gaping and he chuckled as I took it from him, “I thought you’d be against it…”

“I’m not,” He said with a casual shrug and then fished his phone out of his pocket, “I’ll need your number in order to get back my t-shirt…unless you’re a t-shirt thief.”

I started laughing as I took his unlocked phone and typed in my phone number, trying to hide the tremble of my fingers, “Shhh, no one knows.”

I winked as I handed him back his phone with my number saved and Wonwoo chuckled, ringing me. That way I had his number too, which I would save the second I got to my car. And then, he took another step and I was taken aback by the closeness between us.

“Tell me…” He muttered, his voice deep and I gulped nervously, “Have we met before?”

He knows, Y/N.

I froze up for a second, looking at him with my jaw having fallen open, “What? I—I don’t think—where—You know, maybe at the library—No! We have never met before!”

I knew I fucked up with my stuttering and the way Wonwoo suddenly started smirking like he was proud of himself for making me react like that. Maybe he really does know and the voices aren’t wrong.

“You go to the library often?”

“Lately, yeah.” I cleared my throat and stepped back, acting like I was looking at the shop behind Wonwoo.

“I see.” He nodded and then stepped back too, holding his hand out, “We haven’t introduced ourselves, I’m Wonwoo.”

My eyebrows rose as I realized we really didn’t, even though I already knew his name. Thank God it didn’t slip from my lips, that would’ve been really bad.

“I’m Y/N, nice to meet you!” I smiled at him widely and shook his head excited, trying to ignore how hot his hand was once again. His grip was firm and I decided to ignore how our hands touched for a little bit longer than they were supposed to.

“Nice to meet you too.” Wonwoo chuckled and we let go of each other’s hands finally.

“I have to go now…” I pointed behind me and Wonwoo gave me a nod and a small wave, “Bye!”

“See you soon, Y/N.” I shivered at how low his tone got and quickly hurried away, feeling embarrassed, excited, nervous and confused by the vibes he was giving me. Why is it that I feel like there’s something going on with him?

           I was eager to get home after the day I had, ready to get lost in my thoughts and analyze every little detail about the exchange between Wonwoo and I. I even considered texting him, but I didn’t want to come off as creepy, or give him the wrong impression. If I wanted things to work out, I had to be smooth and careful about everything I said and did. As I parked my car in its usual place, I noticed how the lights were on inside the house and realized Doyoung was already home. Doyoung was home early! I quickly got out of the car and locked it, almost running to get inside the house faster. It was rare that Doyoung was home before nightfall and I missed spending time with him and going out with him. We haven’t gone on a run together in a long time and I was hoping that Doyoung was up to it. I knocked on the front door first to let Doyoung know that it was me, and then pushed the door open and walked inside.

“Doyoung!” I shrieked, seeing that he wasn’t in the living room nor kitchen, “Hi!”

Doyoung didn’t answer right away and as I closed the door behind me and locked it, I heard the water running in the bathroom. Doyoung was washing up, so I walked to my room and changed out of my clothes and wore something comfortable. I quickly removed my makeup and sighed as I pulled my hair in a low bun, feeling at ease once again. I opened my window to let in some fresh air and as I was about to walk away, I noticed the white lilies on the windowsill. I chuckled at Doyoung’s creativeness and picked them up, taking them inside with me. It was smart of him, to be honest. He parked his car behind the backyard, where the wall of my bedroom was too. So, in order to get to the front of the house he’d have to pass by my windows and that would explain how he was able to sneak in the flowers inside my room without me seeing them. But as I held the lilies, I realized that there were ten pieces this time and I bit my lower lip as a wide smile spread onto my lips. I glanced at the bag that contained the shirts that got coffee spilled on them and I walked up to it, grabbing Wonwoo’s t-shirt. I took it in my hands and, having placed the lilies on my bed, and felt the soft fabric of the black t-shirt. It was bigger than my own torso as I held it against my frame and chuckled as I walked towards my mirror. So that’s what I would look like wearing Wonwoo’s shirts.

You look lovely, Y/N, we bet Wonwoo can’t wait to see you like this. If you proceed carefully, he’ll be yours in a blink of an eye.

I chuckled, letting the image the voices created linger in my mind. I brought the t-shirt up against my nose and reveled in Wonwoo’s cologne. It was masculine and it carried a musky scent and something that I have only felt on Doyoung, the smell of gunpowder. My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at the t-shirt, lowering it back inside the bag. Why would Wonwoo’s t-shirt smell like gunpowder? Does he go to the shooting ranges? Is it a hobby of his? No, if it was, I would’ve known already. But before I could dwell on it longer, the bathroom door closed and I jumped, taking the white lilies as I left my room.

“Y/N, are you home—”

“Doyoung!” I exclaimed and threw my arms around my brother, giving him a back hug. Doyoung chuckled and tapped my arms, softly peeling them off himself.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be home so early!” I said as I walked around him, wandering if we had any free vases for the lilies.

“I wasn’t either…” Doyoung muttered and I heard him sigh as I opened some cabinets until I found a blue vase. I smiled in victory and filled it with water, placing the lilies inside before putting the vase in the middle of the dining table. Doyoung was lounging on the couch with a frown on his face and as I looked at him, about to rant about my day, I realized something was wrong. He looked drained; his eyes even looked red.

“Doyoung…” I muttered with a frown and approached him slowly, arms hugging around my torso, “Are you okay?”

He looked up at me and tried to put on a smile, “Yeah! I’m fine—”

But his voice broke a little and I quickly sat next to him, throwing my arms around him as I pulled him into a tight hug.

“Hey, talk to me.” I whispered as I rubbed his back reassuringly. His arms went around me and he sighed loudly, sniffing.

“Well…I was sent home early because the higher ups are in meetings…” He sighed again and I just hummed as I waited patiently for him to continue.

“Sana was found dead this morning—” His voice broke again and I froze. Doyoung’s boss was dead? Who could have done such thing? And why?

“Oh, Doyoung, I’m so sorry…” I whispered, tightening my hold around him. He nodded his head and then rested his cheek against my shoulder. We remained silent as I tried offering comfort to my brother, knowing how much Sana’s death affected him. Not many liked Sana, sometimes even Doyoung hated her, but they spent a lot of time together. And inevitably they bonded, she still meant something to him.

“She was shot in the head once, it killed her instantly—” I wanted to tell him to stop thinking about it, to not tell me anything about her death, but he had to get it off his chest. And I was there to listen, I would always be there for Doyoung, no matter what he needed.

“There were signs of other altercations before her death…” Then he stopped for a second and scoffed, “She attacked a girl, Y/N, a simple, innocent, girl. She just—broke inside her apartment, trashed it and—and tried killing her? I don’t understand—”

“People do all sorts of things,” I interrupted Doyoung’s rambling, “You can never truly know what a person is capable of until it’s done.”

Doyoung sniffed again and then gently pulled back, rubbing his eyes. I let my hands rest in my lap as I watched my brother trying to pull himself together.

“She did it because of a guy—I don’t understand. She was obsessed with this—Kim Mingyu and she attacked Hyemi for being with him, I—” Doyoung shrugged and fell back against the couch, looking up at the white ceiling. My eyebrows furrowed as I watched my brother. Kim Mingyu? It’s the guy Wonwoo works for. Wait…does Wonwoo know anything about this? Why was he missing yesterday? Hyemi…it can’t be the girl from the bookstore, right?

“Is Hyemi alright?” I found myself asking quietly and Doyoung hummed.

“Her friends found her just in time, before she could get hurt seriously. But Sana…”

“She got what she deserved.” I couldn’t hold my words back and Doyoung’s head snapped in my direction, “She tried to kill Hyemi, Doyoung. And she was a cop. Attacked a simple civilian. I understand your pain and struggle but—”

“I know,” Doyoung offered me a reassuring smile and patted my hand, “but it’s very stressful. They want me to replace Sana.”

My eyes widened as I sat up straighter, “Wait…you’ll become head of police then…?”

Doyoung’s lips formed a thin line and he sighed, looking away from me, “I guess Kim Mingyu really does achieve whatever he wants…”

“Kim Mingyu?” My eyebrows furrowed as I looked at Doyoung once again confused hearing his name, “What does he have to do with this?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about that.” Doyoung quickly said and ran his fingers through his damp hair, “I just wanted to be the first one to tell you all of this, and not Mark.”

Before I could press more about who Kim Mingyu was, I froze and looked at Doyoung surprised, “Mark?”

“Yeah,” Doyoung gave me a small glare and it seemed like he was quick to repress the feelings towards Sana’s death, “I know about what you do with Mark.”

“I don’t do anything,” I shrugged defensively, “I don’t even know who that is!”

Doyoung scoffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest, “Please, you think people didn’t notice Mark’s sudden success this year? Everyone knew he was close to getting fired, until he suddenly turned into this super detective he never was—”

“And how is that my fault?!” I exclaimed, unable to keep it inside anymore. My legs were bouncing quickly and I gave Doyoung a glare, “I wanted to help. I wanted to do something else besides running my blog and taking pictures of nature, alright? This is fun and exciting—”

“And fucking dangerous, Y/N!” Doyoung exclaimed, standing up as his eyebrows furrowed, “Do you have any idea who you even follow around? Gang leaders, mafia heads, powerful business men! These people are shady! If you were ever caught, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything—”

“I know!” I exclaimed and stood up too, feeling desperate for Doyoung to understand me, “But this helped! It really did, Mark offered me an escape, Doyoung. An escape from falling back into my old habits and stalking people. Ever since I started doing this, I—I had no tendencies to stalk others—” Besides the sudden infatuation I had with Wonwoo, but it would pass. I hoped that it would. I wanted Doyoung to be proud of me.

“You just need a good therapist, Y/N—” Doyoung’s words were triggering as my parents would say this often to me and I couldn’t control myself, I shoved him back. He stumbled a bit, taken aback by my sudden outburst. Until he realized what he said, and he turned pale.

“Thanks a lot, big brother.” I snapped and turned around, storming towards my room, “You know therapists did shit and never helped me! The medication only made feel worse after a while!”

“I didn’t mean to say that, I’m sorry—” Doyoung tried to apologize as he followed after me.

“Save it, okay?!” I entered my room and blocked Doyoung from coming inside, “I—I know I’m a burden to you. I hate being a burden. But I can’t live on my own, and I hate that. I want to offer you a normal life, but instead, I’m just hanging on your neck—and I don’t need you to remind me that!”

“That’s not true!” Doyoung looked offended by my words as his eyebrows furrowed, “You were never a burden to me. I love you and I want you with me, Y/N—”

I raised my palm to stop him from talking, “Stop, I don’t care. Thankfully, helping Mark out pays well and I’m close to having enough money to move out. Give me three more months, and I’ll be gone.”

“What?!” Doyoung’s face fell and he went to grab me, but I slammed the door shut quickly, “I don’t want you to leave! We moved in here together because we both wanted to! You can’t just leave—”

“Watch me!” I screamed and I heard Doyoung sigh loudly as I crossed my arms in front of my chest. This wasn’t the time to act childish nor to drop something like that on him, not when his boss just died and he was in grief. But I couldn’t help it, he pissed me off. He would never understand what I had to go through daily and therefore he had no rights to try and tell me what to do. What Mark offered me was a life saver and Doyoung would never understand how much it helped, right up until I met Wonwoo.

“Y/N, I’m sorry.” Doyoung said loudly and knocked on my door, but I quickly locked it. I knew he was sorry and he didn’t want to hurt me, but I needed time to get over his words. By tomorrow morning I would be fine, but I needed to be left alone tonight.

“Whatever!” I called out and rolled my eyes, “Don’t bring me any white lilies anymore!”

I waited for an answer but Doyoung remained silent and I really wanted to see his expression, was he mad that I told him that?

“What?” My eyebrows furrowed at his confused tone, “You’re the one who buys them daily—”

The rest of his words got swallowed by my loudness. My heart started thumping wildly as I unlocked the bedroom’s door in a hurry and threw it open, “What?!”

Doyoung’s eyebrows were furrowed too as we looked at each other confused, “You…aren’t the one buying the lilies?”

“And it’s not you who’s been giving them to me?” Doyoung and I seemed to realize what this meant at the same time and as I scampered to shut the window of my room closed and lock it, Doyoung hurried to take on some shoes as he turned on the lights outside around the house. He threw on a jacket and hurried outside as I remained shivering in the middle of the room. Goosebumps covered my skin as I remained staring at the flowers on my nightstand that I got yesterday. Who was giving me these flowers then? And why was this person breaking inside our house?

Aw, does our little Y/N have a secret admirer? Who could it be?

“No!” I shook my head and hurriedly shut all blinds in my room and then went around the house, shutting each one of them. Doyoung came inside looking distressed and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’ll talk to the boys, and they’ll start patrolling around the neighborhood. Tomorrow a search team will come and search the house for any foreign DNA, alright?” Doyoung spoke with a serious tone as he locked the front door and turned to look at me, “Nothing will happen, alright?”

“They have been breaking in for two weeks, Doyoung—” I bit my lower lip and started tapping my leg against the floor anxiously, “Do they want something from me?”

Doyoung walked up to me and held onto my shoulders, “We’ll catch them before they can do anything, yes?”

I sighed and nodded my head, looking around the house to see the white lilies everywhere. They made me feel sick to my stomach, so I walked past Doyoung to take the trash bin and started throwing all of them inside it, cursing under my breath. I should have known that it wasn’t Doyoung. I’m so stupid!

           Sleeping was hard last night and after struggling for a while, I somehow fell asleep towards the morning hours. I didn’t have the energy to go and watch Wonwoo today, I was too paranoid to even wear headphones on my run. I kept glancing behind me, until I noticed the police car parked around the curb and two of Doyoung’s colleagues chatting as they had coffee in their hands. I quickly greeted them before running past them, deciding to change my running route out of fear that if someone indeed was watching would already know I would head that way and do something to me. Doyoung kept messaging me every half an hour and I got irritated so I told him to just watch the app where it showed him my location, and at least that made him stop. I was halfway down the path when my phone started buzzing in my back pocket, tickling my butt cheek. I stopped running and unzipped the pocket, taking my phone in my hand. My lungs were screaming for air and I had sweat a lot as I pushed myself in order to try and forget the whole stalker deal. But when my eyes fell on the caller ID, I felt excited.

“I hope you went on that vacation and enjoyed yourself,” Came Mark’s voice through the phone and I chuckled, still trying to catch my breath, “Because I’ve got a new job for you.”

I hummed and breathed loudly, waiting for Mark to continue.

“Am I…interrupting something?” His voice was hesitant and it made me laugh.

“Yeah, my run.” Mark chuckled and I turned around, walking back towards the house, “Tell me everything.”

“It’s a one-day job, but it’s very important. The names are Wen Junhui and Xu Minghao. I’ll send you the details in a message on your other number, delete it once you had it memorized.”

“What exactly will I have to look out for?” I wondered as I passed by the police car again, the officers were gone this time.

“Those two are planning a heist, just take pictures of each jewelry place they go inside and send them to me straight when you think it’s clear.” I pursed my lips and thought a little.

“Fine, but don’t say a word to Doyoung. He knows about us and he’s very mad.”

“I know,” Mark cleared his throat, sounding awkward, “He very much wants to fire me right now. Maybe you heard, but Sana is dead, so he’s the big boss now…”

“I know,” I muttered and walked down the street, looking around before crossing onto the other side, “Doyoung told me. Seems like she was nuts or something…”

“She had it coming,” Mark scoffed and it peaked my interest, “Anyone who works against or turns on Kim Mingyu ends up being dead.”

My eyebrows furrowed and I was about to ask who this man was, but Mark gasped, “Shit, your brother is coming—keep your eyes on your phone!”

He hung up and I sighed as I locked my phone, wondering if I would find anything about Kim Mingyu on the internet. Since Wonwoo worked for him, I’ve seen him a few times, his business seemed pretty serious. Lost in thought, I didn’t notice the guy approaching me and gasped when their shoulder collided with mine. I hissed and stopped, turning around to shout at them, but the person didn’t even acknowledge me.

“Asshole!” I shouted after them, noticing their hunched form. The person seemed tall and looked like he was trying to hide his actual height. I turned to walk when the scent hit me. Musk and gunpowder. I quickly turned around, but the man in the black clothes was already gone.

Was that your secret admirer?

I shivered and quickly ran the rest of the way home, only being around the corner. I quickly unlocked the gate and as I walked inside, my eyes fell on the white lilies that I threw in the dumpster this morning. I felt bad for them because they were very beautiful, but I didn’t want them inside the house anymore.

After showering and getting ready, I checked out Mark’s message and memorized the information quickly, deleting the message. I grabbed my laptop and put it inside my bag together with my camera as I pulled on my tennis shoes and left the house, locking everything after me. I had an hour until the targets would show up to the city center to check out all shops, so I decided to take a walk there, try to use up the energy that didn’t go away while I was running due to it being cut short. I let Doyoung know that I was going out and to an agglomerated area, so that he didn’t have to worry, besides he had the tracker on. I snapped a few pictures as I walked and reveled in the silence around me as I took the back streets, where less people walked. I wondered what Wonwoo was doing, and suddenly I felt bad that I didn’t follow him around today. He’d be at his work place right now, having already been to the gym earlier this morning after he dropped Hyemi off at work and bought his coffee. What was interesting about Wonwoo was that each time he ordered coffee, he bought something different. My phone dinged as I turned onto the main street, getting lost in the crowd of people as I opened my phone and almost shrieked when I saw whom the message was from.

From Wonwoo: Hey…I hope I’m not bothering you…I was just wondering when we could meet up? You know…to give me back my t-shirt.

I struggled for a second to hold the phone in both hands and also not walk into others as I typed back.

To Wonwoo: Hi! You’re not bothering me at all! I washed it this morning…so if the weather is nice, it’ll be totally dry by tomorrow! Is tomorrow good for you?

I was about to put my phone away, but Wonwoo started typing back instantly and soon came his answer.

From Wonwoo: I can’t tomorrow, I won’t be in town and will only get back late. The next day…is it good for you?

I looked around me, noticing that I was in the area Mark instructed me to. I noticed the first jewelry shop and found a bench right across from it, so I hurried to take a seat there.

To Wonwoo: Sure, at noon? We can have lunch, since I turned it down last time…

My heart was pounding in my chest as I waited for Wonwoo’s answer, which seemed to take ages, and in fact only took a few seconds.

From Wonwoo: Fine, but let’s go to a restaurant. The food is better than the one at the mall.

He wasn’t wrong, besides this was sounding an awful lot like a date. I giggled and looked around before typing back.

To Wonwoo: Tell me the location and time?

From Wonwoo: 1 o’clock, but I’ll pick you up. Give me your address.

I hesitated for a second, knowing better not to give away my address to a complete stranger. My parents warned me about bad people, and so did Doyoung numerous times…especially since he became a cop and had to work on many cases that ended badly due to naïve girls going on dates with guys from Tinder. But I didn’t meet Wonwoo on Tinder…and I’ve already been watching him for weeks, I know what he’s like.

Honestly, you would pass on an opportunity like this one, Y/N? Isn’t this what we’ve been working for? Getting Wonwoo? Why did you even bother if you’re about to refuse him?!

When I saw Wonwoo typing, I quickly sent him my address, scared that he thought I was about to refuse him after I was the one who proposed getting lunch.

From Wonwoo: Alright, I’ll be there then.

To Wonwoo: Can’t wait to see you!

I instantly regretted sending that, but it was no use deleting it as he had already read the message.

From Wonwoo: Me too.

I giggled again and as I looked up; I saw a black Ferrari pulling up. I quickly scrambled to get out my camera from my bag and turned it on at lightning speed. I snapped pictures as the targets got out of the car. They were the same guys from the pictures Mark sent me, Minghao and Junhui. Both dressed pretty fancy and I knew they were the targets. I remained seated as they walked inside the first jewelry shop and snapped a picture of it. They didn’t spend much time in, quickly headed to the next one. I followed them from the bench as long as I could, but as they started walking towards the end of the street, I had to move too to be able to catch them. My phone and Wonwoo were forgotten, but just as I got up from the bench, throwing my bag over my shoulder and camera in my hand, my phone buzzed. As the targets were still inside the shop, I quickly checked to see that I had another new message from Wonwoo.

From Wonwoo: What are you doing right now?

I paused a little bit, finding his wording a little weird, but shrugged it off. I looked up just as the targets walked out of the shop and placed my phone in my pocket, snapping pictures as they talked and looked around. I wasn’t afraid that they’d see me as there were lots of people around us, but it still felt like I was being watched. They didn’t move from that spot, so I quickly answered Wonwoo.

To Wonwoo: Nothing much, just working. You?

I looked up to see the targets moving across the street, headed to a simple gardening shop. What could they be doing there? I started quickly walking towards it and snapped a picture just as I passed by in front of it, hopeful that no one saw me. Especially the targets. Then they walked out and headed down the street, towards the bench I was sitting at previously. I trailed after them, keeping a good distance as I pretended to look around and snapped a few pictures of the things that were displayed in the windows, trying to act normal and as if I was a tourist. I felt my phone vibrating again, so I checked it with a sigh. This isn’t how I’m supposed to be doing my work.

From Wonwoo: Working too, waiting for my boss.

So Wonwoo was with Mingyu then, probably sitting in his red Mercedes, waiting for Mingyu to show up and order him around. I didn’t react to the text message as the targets started moving again, headed for the Ferrari they have arrived in. Hastily, I snapped a few more pictures of the car, getting the license plate, and once they sped off, I took a deep breath. Well, I wasn’t caught, so that was amazing. Now I just have to send Mark all the photos and then have some lunch, my stomach is screaming for food.

I found a nice restaurant just around the corner and sat at a table at the back, opening my laptop. I copied all pictures on it and then sent Mark everything through an e-mail before deleting everything off my camera and laptop. No traces of what I had done, perfect as always.

To Mark: Everything good?

From Mark: Perfect, thanks again. I’ll pay you later, wait around a little bit.

To Mark: Fine, I have to eat either way!

And then I put my phone away and ordered food, which thankfully came quickly, as I was really hungry. I bobbed my head to the songs played on the radio while I ate, my legs bouncing underneath the table, unable to sit still. Not that it was something unusual. I was slurping up the rest of the soup when Doyoung messaged me and told me he would be home early again and that he could pick me up if I wanted him to. But I couldn’t as Mark had to pay me still, so I told him that I wanted to stay out alone for a little bit longer. And after almost two hours of me sitting at the restaurant, Mark finally called me that he was in front of the gardening shop, waiting for me. Paying for the food and greeting the lady, I left the restaurant in a hurry, glad that Mark finally showed up. In truth, I wanted Doyoung to pick me up, but he was at home by now and I didn’t want to bother him. I would just take a cab as it was getting dark and I didn’t want to walk home anymore. The exchange between Mark and I was brief as usual and I quickly found a cab for myself. I got in and told the driver where to take me and got comfortable against the beige leather seats. I sighed and started tapping my thigh with my fingers, looking out the window at the bright billboards and lights of the city. We went past the first intersection, but traffic was getting bad as everyone was headed home or out to have fun, so we caught the next red light. The cab driver turned the volume of the radio up a bit as he started bobbing his head to the beat and I found myself tapping along it too; the song was catchy. Police car sirens could be heard in the distance, but it wasn’t something unusual. Then suddenly, there was a commotion a few cars behind us and as I twisted my neck to see what was happening, four figures in all black and masks covering their whole faces ran up to the car. The cab driver panicked and before he could lock the doors, his door was ripped open and he was pulled out. I jumped and opened my own door in a hurry, wanting to get out, but I couldn’t as all four doors of the cab were now ripped open and the four men jumped in. I got pushed into the middle by my head by the man on my right and squeezed there as I gripped my bag to my chest. All doors were shut closed and only the driver put on his seatbelt. Suddenly, he started reeving the engine and then crashed into the car in front of us. The car jolted and I gasped as I was sent forward, eyes wide as my heart pumped loudly. God damn it, I should have just accepted Doyoung’s offer and asked Mark to pay me tomorrow. The cab driver was holding onto his head and screaming for help as the sirens got closer and the driver started honking, trying to make space for us to pass. I remained silent and shocked, gripping onto my bag and hopeful that they wouldn’t do anything to me. They seemed too stressed about leaving and getting away from the approaching police.

“For fuck’s sake!” Suddenly the one in the passenger seat shouted, his voice raspy, as he threw his door open and got halfway out. And then a silver thing glinted in his hand and I made myself small as I knew he was about to pull the trigger. The gunshots were loud as people started screaming around, suddenly the cars in front of us started moving aside, the light had turned green too.

“Floor it!” The man to my left shouted and the one in the passenger seat hopped back in as the driver pressed the gas pedal and we were sent flying forward. I yelped and held onto the headrest of the passenger seat tightly, looking ahead. The driver was honking constantly until every car started moving out of the way and we were flying down the road, but the sirens were closer too. So close, that the red and blue lights could be seen from inside the car. My breathing started to pick up as my left leg was bouncing very fast, and I was trying to remain as calm as I could. It seemed like they didn’t want to bother with me, so if I remain silent, maybe nothing will happen to me. I might as well blindfold myself so that I know nothing about where they are taking me and then they can let me free as I haven’t seen their faces.

The light turned red in front of us, but the driver wasn’t paying any attention to the traffic lights as he was speeding and switching lanes frantically, even going into the opposite lanes, making me squeeze my eyes shut. If we were about to run into any car, I didn’t want to see it. My bouncing leg knocked into something and I opened one eyes, becoming aware that these criminals were holding black bags that seemed to be heavy. They must have robbed some place and now were running away, just fucking perfect that they chose this cab! I gasped again as the car was jerked to the right and I was sent into the person on my left, making them hiss. I was expecting a slap or them to scream at me, but they just gently adjusted me back into the middle seat, turning their head towards me as if they realized for the first time that I was in the car too. I could see their brown eyes, and they widened. Mine widened too out of fear and I quickly ducked my head, holding onto my bag tightly. By now, the police was full on chasing these criminals, they were right behind us and the car was jerked to the left this time.

“Fuck this shit car!” A very deep voice suddenly shouted, making me jump, “I can’t outrun the fucking police in this old ass piece of shit—”

“Calm down!” The man on my right snapped, voice tense and raised. My left leg was bouncing so fast that I was getting a cramp in my thigh, but I couldn’t stop, I was on the brink of passing out from how anxious I was feeling. I stopped breathing normally a long time ago and I even started sweating, if only someone would’ve rolled down a window…

“Where the fuck do I go if they are trailing us? I can’t lose them here!” The deep voiced man continued shouting and he honked again as the sirens seemed to become deafening. But the more I concentrated on his deep voice, the more familiar it became. My body felt like it was made out of rock already, but it seemed like I could tense up even more. My breath got cut off for a second as my head snapped up, my whole body sitting up straight. My eyes bore into the back of the driver’s head. I knew that voice, but it can’t be. My brain is just making up things, I’m under so much stress that I started making up things.

“Take the back streets!” The man from the passenger seat answered him, “Boss is waiting at the docks.”

“The docks are fucking half an hour away from here! Start shooting at their cars tires, you idiots!” The driver’s deep voice boomed in the car and I shivered as three windows were rolled down. The three men suddenly all had weapons in their hands and they started shooting at the police car that was speeding beside the cab. I remained staring at the driver as my brain was screaming at me that the voice belonged to Wonwoo. Suddenly, the guy looked in the rearview mirror and our gazes connected. My mouth fell open when I saw foxy eyes staring back at me with the intensity I was used to seeing from Wonwoo, their brown seemed to be even darker as I gaped at Wonwoo. This can’t be happening, no. This must be a joke. But Wonwoo’s eyes narrowed and he quickly looked back at the road, taking another sharp turn as the rest managed to get rid of that one police car, but at least three more were still chasing us. Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket and I let go of my bag with one hand, only now noticing how badly I was shaking. I knew no one was paying attention to me, so I curled up into a ball and sneakily placed the phone against my ear after hitting the green button.

“Y/N?!” Doyoung’s voice was frantic and the sirens were even louder through the phone, “Why the hell are you in the car we are chasing—”

Suddenly, the phone was ripped from my hands and I shrieked, trying to reach for it, “Doyoung!”

But the guys on each of my side held me down and the man in the passenger’s seat had the phone against his ear.

“Listen here—” But he was cut off by Doyoung, I could hear him screaming through the phone, but I didn’t understand what he was saying as all I could hear were my own loud heart beats as I struggled against the men holding me. Finally, my flight or fight kicked in, and I chose to fight as I didn’t really have the opportunity to run. Only God knows what was about to happen, I wasn’t going to sit around anymore. I elbowed the man on my right in the stomach and he cried out loudly as I finally freed my right arm. The man on my left was very skinny, but despite that he was very strong and my arm was turning numb, that’s how hard he was squeezing me. I started fighting against him too, punched him in the face with my free hand, even though he tried dodging it. My left arm was free too and I lunged for the guy in the passenger seat, knowing that I’d kill all of us if I started choking Wonwoo. So instead, my hands went around the other guy’s neck from behind as I started squeezing, the words he was about to say to my brother dying away in his throat. My phone fell from his hand and he gripped my wrists, trying to claw at me with his nails, but he was wearing glows. I started squeezing even harder as Wonwoo started swerving the car around violently.

“Get a fucking grip on her!” He shouted as with his right hand he gripped my bicep and started yanking on my arm. I cried out in pain, trying to elbow him as suddenly hands around my waist and forearms were pulling me back harshly. The guy I was choking started fighting back too, probably close to passing out as his struggling became less and less. But these guys were very strong, and two were pulling me back while one was squeezing so hard on my bicep that it felt like someone was trying to rip my arm off, I had to let go of the guy in the passenger seat. He started coughing and wheezing loudly as he fell forward. I screamed as I was restrained, this time the guys were almost sitting on me to stop me from fighting back. Wonwoo looked at me through the rearview mirror and I knew that he knew I recognized him, his deadly glare made me still instantly. I was rooted against the leather seat as he reached for my phone and hit a button, no doubt calling my brother.

“You want your sister? You play along with me.” Was all he said before hanging up and throwing the phone back at me, hitting my knees as it fell onto the ground. The guys still held me tightly, even though I stopped struggling. The one in the front stopped coughing, but he was still leaned over, holding onto his head as he was breathing loudly. My lungs were rising and falling at an alarming pace as my legs started bouncing again. But then suddenly Wonwoo took a sharp U turn and the police cars stopped following us. The sirens stopped blaring, all you could see were the lights, lights that were getting farther away from us. Doyoung was getting farther away from me, he was in one of those cars! I bit my lower lip and tried to keep the thoughts about me dying out as for once in my life I focused on the voices.

Look at that, Y/N is having the most fun she’s ever head. Don’t worry, you won’t die. Wonwoo won’t kill you, he’s into you. And he probably knows that you know it’s him. Isn’t he just so hot? The way he screamed, the way he’s driving…and you thought he was boring?! His burning gaze makes you feel all sorts of ways, Y/N, admit it. Now calm down, you are getting out of this alive.

The voices weren’t helpful as they were rambling about Wonwoo, but I did take a deep breath and noticed that until I was zoned out, he stopped driving at a crazy speed. We were downtown, but nowhere close to the docks. Wonwoo pulled up into the parking lot of a poorly lit convenience store, where a police car was already there. But all lights were off and only one man was there, walking around the car anxiously. It was Doyoung and my heart almost jumped out of my chest when Wonwoo stopped the car just next to Doyoung’s police car. The doors were kicked open again and I jumped when the guy on my left held onto my bicep, Wonwoo squeezed me so hard that my whole arm was on fire, it would bruise so ugly. I was pulled out of the car, but not manhandled, as Doyoung came to a stop at the back of the car. The guy let go of me and I took two hurried steps, but someone blocked my path, and I ran into their hard chest. Musk and gunpowder. I didn’t look up at Wonwoo, only stared at his chest as I held my bag against my stomach, my whole-body trembling.

“Say a word to anyone about this, I know where you live and I won’t hesitate to find you.” His deep voice was low as he whispered to me, radiating anger. I bit my lower lip and said nothing as I knocked into him hard and walked past to get to Doyoung. He was quick to pull me into his arms and I clung onto him, telling myself that I was finally safe. It was silent as no one dared to say anything; Doyoung was so tense, he felt like I was hugging a rock.

“If you ever again put my sister into danger, I won’t hesitate to continue what Sana started. You’re lucky I’ve known Mingyu since we were kids, otherwise you’d be laying in jail for life right now.” Doyoung was so angry, his voice trembled and it even raised a few octaves as he spoke to the criminals. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. He was just letting them off like that? They were criminals!

“Your generosity will be always returned, you know that, Doyoung.” The guy I choked could barely speak, his voice was a low rasp and then I heard something colliding against the concrete. Doyoung moved us a little as car doors were closed and the engine of the cab started again as Wonwoo pulled out of the parking lot with the tires screeching. I let go of Doyoung and looked at him disappointed, lips trembling.

“You’re a corrupt cop?” I managed to say as a few tears fell from my eyes. He looked down at the bag and picked it up, remorse showing on his face.

“You weren’t supposed to find out, but it’s a complicated story—”

“Nothing about this is complicated!” I shouted, angrily wiping the tears off my cheeks, “You just let four criminals run off like nothing happened! Like I couldn’t have been killed in that chase or afterwards by them! If people like you are the ones protecting this city everyone should be afraid for their own lives!”

Doyoung’s face got red and he pointed a finger at me, “You don’t get to tell me what’s wrong and what’s right! I’m not perfect; you think you’re the only one with flaws, Y/N?! Wake up! I’m not the perfect brother you always make me out to be! Once you start working for the mafia there’s no way out—”

“You work for the mafia?!” I screamed, seeing Doyoung in a different light for the first time. He really wasn’t the person I thought he was. The innocent Doyoung never existed, at least not since he’s been working for the mafia apparently.

“No, but I help them out sometimes. Mingyu and I made a pact a long time ago—”

“Kim Mingyu is the mafia leader?”

“Yes—”

“Who is Jeon Wonwoo?” Doyoung paused for a second, eyebrows furrowing. I raised my eyebrows at him as I waited for an answer. Oh, and he was going to give me all the answers I wanted.

“A very skilled getaway driver, Mingyu’s closest and most trusted friend, and his chauffeur.” Doyoung answered me after he took a deep breath, searching my face for a reaction. But it never came, I surpassed it. I felt tired and I was aching all over, I need a warm bath and sleep. I didn’t even want to know anything anymore, that was enough.

“Let’s go home.” I said with a sigh and walked up to the police car, “I’m very tired.”

“Y/N—”

“Now, Doyoung.” I snapped and opened the door, sitting inside angrily. Doyoung shook his head before following suit, remaining silent for the rest of the night.

Isn’t Wonwoo just the most amazing person you’ve ever—Shut up, I shouted in my head, closing my eyes tightly. I was done listening to the voices. I wanted nothing to do with them anymore. No, Wonwoo was a criminal and he made it very clear what he’d do if I said anything about what happened. I was going to ask Mark to return that damned t-shirt to him and I never wanted to see Wonwoo again or talk to him again. I blocked his number and deleted all pictures I had of him in my phone. In the morning, when I was home alone, I was going to burn every single thing I had collected about him, every single picture I snapped. He was a criminal and I wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

           Ever since last night Doyoung was acting like I was an alien. He didn’t speak to me; he didn’t even look at me! He quietly greeted me when I walked to the kitchen to have breakfast, but before I could thank him for making breakfast or ask him how he slept, he was out of the front door. He barely checked up on me all day, and when I gave him a call to ask him if he’d come home for lunch as I cooked food, he didn’t answer but sent a text saying that he couldn’t speak to me at the moment. It was pissing me off. I didn’t want him to make this harder for us. What I found out was a lot to take in and I wasn’t proud of him, but he was my brother and he was the only person who stood by my side since day one without judging me. I loved him very much and I needed him next to me. I needed him to understand that nothing changed between us, besides the fact that currently I was very pissed off and scared. The police were still patrolling around the neighborhood as no DNA was found inside the house that didn’t belong to us, and honestly, I was on the verge of inviting the officers inside the house as I jumped at every sound. Sleep came easily as I was very stressed, but my eyes opened at five in morning and I haven’t been able to go back to sleep, so I got to work. I gathered everything I had on Wonwoo and threw it in the fireplace in the back garden and watched it as it burned away in the morning light. It eased my nerves a little bit as I clutched the blanket tighter around me, knowing that Wonwoo was out of town today. But tomorrow he wouldn’t be, and I had a feeling that he was still going to want to meet up with me. But I didn’t want to, not anymore. Knowing that Mark wasn’t sleeping at that hour, I called him, and told him everything that happened. He was very sorry and felt really guilty and promised to never send me off to watch mafia members, I was content with that. Watching shady business men was alright, but following mafia members wasn’t fun anymore. I stayed inside the whole day after I went on my run and just cleaned and cooked even more. I updated my blog and accepted a request of someone to put up my photos in their gallery next month. Since Mark wasn’t going to contact me for a while now, I started looking for vacation destinations. I really needed it, I had to get away from the city for a while. The voices went quiet and even when I listened closely, I only heard intangible whispers. It was good, it meant I was over Wonwoo. Even if I wasn’t really. The fairytale I was living in was shattered and as I glanced at his folded t-shirt, I sighed. I was hoping that for once I finally found someone who would be good for me, but it turned out I was very wrong. Usually my hunches were good, but this time I was totally blinded by his attractiveness and the voices that never knew better. Shaking my head, I remembered the old lady from the woods and wondered if she was still alive…or if she’d recognize me if I showed up. She told me she’d welcome me anytime again, but I didn’t visit her very frequently as my family was keeping a close eye on me after I ran away, and it was fine. But now, I craved to be engulfed in total silence and the green nature around me.

Nightfall came and I was eating on the couch as I watched a reality show, laughing loudly when something was amusing. It wasn’t very late, but the sun still set early as we haven’t passed the spring solstice yet. I just bit into the meatball I made for lunch when the front door was unlocked and I heard Doyoung’s keys.

“Hi!” I called out with my mouth full, raising the hand with which I was holding the fork to wave at him. Doyoung hummed and went to the fridge directly and opened it.

“Oh, I made a lot of food today,” I said as I turned around, resting both legs on the couch, “Meatballs, found some spaghetti too so I made some sauce for it. I made a salad with the veggies we had and lentil cream soup, your favorite!”

But Doyoung didn’t react and my eyebrows furrowed as I chewed the food I had in my mouth. This had do end right now, I wasn’t going to let my brother treat me like I was invisible just because I found out that he’s a corrupt cop.

“Hey!” I snapped, placing the plate on the coffee table forcefully, “Stop being a pussy and face me!”

Doyoung sighed and threw a glance at me as he took out the soup and I spoke again, “Aren’t I the one supposed to be giving you the silent treatment?!”

Doyoung just shrugged as he took a bowl and poured soup into it, “I don’t know…”

“Nice to hear you are still able to speak—”

“Are you not mad?” Doyoung cut me off before I could finish my sarcastic remark and I glared at him.

“I’m very mad, but it doesn’t mean that I’ll stop acknowledging you, yeah? What kind of shit person does that?” I rolled my eyes and Doyoung chuckled, throwing a glance at me as he sat at the table to eat.

“The me kind of shit person apparently.” I chuckled and resumed eating as Doyoung did too. I lowered the volume of the TV a little bit and turned back towards him again, taking in his attire. His uniform changed; I didn’t notice it this morning.

“You have a new uniform?” I asked with a grin and Doyoung nodded, looking down at himself.

“Yeah, I got it today.” I nodded and bit into the meatball.

“Well, congratulations—next time lock the mafia guys up, yeah?” Doyoung paused and I knew it was too soon to joke about this, but I wasn’t exactly joking. My tone wasn’t playful at all and Doyoung sighed, wordlessly nodding as he started slurping his soup.

“Were you that hungry? You didn’t even change…” I wondered as Doyoung finished eating and stood up.

“No, but I have to go to the funeral house. It’s Sana’s watcher…” My lips formed a thin line as I nodded, finishing my dinner wordlessly as Doyoung moved around the kitchen. He squeezed some lemon in his water and drank it, closing his eyes for a second. His body seemed tense and he was hunched a little forward as he washed away the dishes he used.

“Don’t come too late, you should rest more.” I said as Doyoung nodded and put on his shoes, taking his keys.

“You too, don’t wait for me.” He said and I nodded, watching him leave the house. The locked the door and I sighed, getting up from the couch. I walked to the sink and washed the plate and fork I used, putting them away. I left the TV on as I just wanted to change into my pajamas and go back to watch something before bed. But as I reached my door, I heard footsteps outside the front door and knocking. Rolling my eyes, I walked to the front door and unlocked it, ready to tease Doyoung for forgetting something at home again. But it wasn’t Doyoung. I froze as I stared at Wonwoo’s face, goosebumps suddenly covering my body. Then I realized it was Wonwoo and quickly tried to slam the door closed, but Wonwoo was quick to react and he started pushing it back. I hissed and put all of my weight against it, struggling to close it as Wonwoo was pushing just as hard to open it up. I was wearing socks and my right leg slipped on the tiles and Wonwoo gained advantage as my weight shifted. He was able to push it wide enough to slip inside and I quickly abandoned the thought of trying to keep him out of the house and ran to the cupboard full of knives. I quickly opened it and took out the sharpest knife we had and turned around, just in time as Wonwoo almost reached me.

“Stay away!” I pointed the knife at him and he stayed rooted, his sharp eyes gazing into mine, “What do you want? I didn’t say anything to anyone—Doyoung already knew about you! You want your bloody t-shirt?! It’s in my room!”

Wonwoo remained silent and I jerked my hand slightly, showing him that I wasn’t afraid to stab him. I wouldn’t go down without a good fight, in case he thought I was scared of him. Which I was, but I was angrier right now and it ruled over my fear.

“I just came to talk.” Wonwoo said calmly and I chuckled dryly, rolling my eyes.

“Oh, nice talking. This is how you usually do it? You break into someone’s house and get threatened by a knife and then just…talk?”

“I usually don’t get threatened.” Wonwoo answered with a shrug and I huffed, eyes darting towards my phone that was on the coffee table. If I outsmart Wonwoo, I can get to my phone and run inside my room and jump out the window. Then he can try and talk to me, but I won’t be here anymore.

“Well…less stressful for you, I guess.” I tried stalling, gripping the knife tighter, “But I’m not in the mood to talk.”

“Just listen to me, I’m not here to hurt you.” Wonwoo’s voice softened and his eyes did too as he tried pleading me with his gaze. I rolled my eyes and then lunged towards him, without the intention of stabbing him. I just wanted to take him off guard, to distract him. And it worked as he jumped back with a gasp, his sharp eyes widening. I dropped the knife and pushed him hard, making him fall onto his butt. I quickly ran around him and got to the fridge when I was grabbed. Well, obviously my plan wasn’t a smart one and this is why Doyoung checked on me regularly. I really needed someone to look after me. I yelped as Wonwoo’s arms went around my waist and roughly yanked me back, pinning me against the table with his body. He didn’t look very pleased and my heart started beating quickly, thinking of a way to free myself from his grip. I could either kneel him or just try and headbutt him, but it seemed like Wonwoo guessed what I was thinking as his lean and muscular body molded into mine. My wrists were pinned to the table and I shivered, his cologne hitting my nose hard. He smelled like musk and gunpowder again and he was so close I could count his lashes if I wanted to. I craned my head back and tried to move around, but it only made me feel more parts of body and that was too much just yet.

Look at this compromising position, Y/N. All you have to do is lean in and open your knees, isn’t that what you’ve wanted all along? We are guessing Wonwoo wants the same thing…not that we are complaining.

I tried to remain unexpressive as the voices suddenly returned and were very loud, of course they’d come back in a situation like this one.

“Well, this is very uncomfortable.” I said quietly, maintaining the eye contact with Wonwoo. My heart was beating fast and I could feel the heat in my cheeks. This wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. Why do I still like him? After yesterday…how can I still like him?

“Well, you didn’t give me a choice.” Wonwoo muttered, his low voice vibrating against his chest and I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, sure,” I scoffed and then glared at him, “why would I want to talk to a criminal? Let alone give him a chance to explain himself?”

“Did you let your brother explain himself?” Wonwoo’s eyebrows rose and I glanced away, trying to free my wrists again.

“Kind of…” Wonwoo just hummed and lessened his hold on my wrist so that it didn’t hurt anymore. The bicep he squeezed so hard was now a beautiful shade of green and purple.

“Then it’s my turn—”

“Whatever Wonwoo, I really don’t care. You’re part of the mafia and you robbed the jewelry shops Mark asked me to watch yesterday. And then you had to run away because Mark alerted the police thanks to me and then very sadly you got in the same cab with me. And look at my bicep, you did that.” I snapped, looking down at the bruise as Wonwoo’s gaze followed. His eyebrows furrowed and he sighed, looking back up at me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.” He muttered with remorse as he looked at it again. His words and reaction were genuine but I just rolled my eyes.

“A little late for that, now—” I shoved myself into him, but it did nothing, “Let go of me.”

Wonwoo’s lips pulled in a straight line and he shook his head, seemingly thinking about what to do next. But I started struggling and trying to move him back so that I would be able to knee him. But he probably knew that was what I was trying to do and squeezed my legs together between his.

“God, the second I get out of your hold I will beat you up so badly, Wonwoo, no one will be able to recognize you—” Wonwoo’s deep laughter echoed in the house as I looked at him menacingly. I wasn’t joking, I really wanted to beat him up and I would, but I needed to free myself first.

“I love how you underestimate me; the shock will be bigger once I’m done—” But Wonwoo’s laughter was so contagious that I had to fight back my own. His nose was scrunched up and I just noticed how he wasn’t wearing glasses. His hair was styled back and he seemed to be wearing some fancy clothes, his pants were silky. He was very attractive, but I tried to ignore my sudden thirst for him. So, I looked away and he slowly stopped laughing, my eyes fell on the front door as I tried coming up with another escape route. But on the ground were five white lilies and I felt my mind go blank as I stared at them. There’s no possible way anyone brought those in, Doyoung and I never buy white lilies, and Wonwoo is the only one that just barged in. Wonwoo.

“Oh my God,” I muttered in despair, looking at Wonwoo all frantic, “Did you—bring those flowers? Wonwoo?!”

Wonwoo looked at the flowers and cleared his throat, looking back at me, “Yeah.”

“Oh my God.” I muttered again and felt like a deer caught in headlights. It was Wonwoo all along? What is happening? I don’t understand anything anymore!

Well…at least you found out who your secret admirer is. And it’s Wonwoo, you should be happy it’s him and not some old creep—

“Shut up!” I exclaimed, squeezing my eyes shut, “This can’t be happening. No fucking way.”

Wonwoo looked confused when I opened my eyes and looked at him, “You were breaking in our house for two weeks?!”

“You’re the one to make a scene, huh?” Wonwoo suddenly raised his voice and his eyes narrowed as he started glaring at me, “You’ve been stalking me for two weeks.”

I gaped at him and blinked, taken off guard, “I—I wasn’t—what?”

“Yeah, you really thought I wouldn’t know?” He chuckled unamused, “I’m surprised it took you this long to realize it was me bringing the flowers.”

My eyebrows furrowed and I looked at him confused, “How was I supposed to know?! I thought you had no idea I was watching you—”

“Stalking me.”

“Stalking you, whatever,” I rolled my eyes, trying to make sense of the situation, “It doesn’t give you the right to break in my room and—were you marking your territory or some shit mafias do? Were you showing other mafias that you were to be the one to kill me—”

“What nonsense are you talking about?” Wonwoo’s eyebrows furrowed and I tried to push him away again, my back was becoming numb, “You fantasize too much. Mafias don’t do that, but—”

“But what?!” I snapped, eyes widening.

“I did think of killing you in the first three days of you stalking me.” Wonwoo finished with a smirk. My heart skipped another beat as I started breathing faster, his musky scent made me feel dizzy.

“What?!” I exclaimed and started struggling against Wonwoo again, trying to free myself, “For God’s sake, I can’t feel my back anymore, Wonwoo!”

He gave me a look that said if I tried running away again he’d tie me to a chair and leave me there until Doyoung returned, he probably would’ve gagged me too, so I just sighed and let go of all muscles, softening my body. Wonwoo’s eyes gazed into mine intently and his hold slowly loosened as he seemed to lean in subconsciously. My eyes fell onto his lips and realized how plump his upper lip was, but we both snapped out if at the same time as he stepped back and I jumped away from the table, breathing hard. I massaged my lower back as best as I could as I licked my lips and looked at Wonwoo with a glare.

“I don’t like what I’m about to say—” And I took a deep breath and watched as Wonwoo started smirking again, “But what if…we both just forget about all the shit we did and…go on and live our lives like we never met. And, I don’t know, get some therapy as we both apparently need it badly.”

My words made Wonwoo laugh again and I actually smiled this time too, feeling tired after all the new information dumped on me.

“I can’t do that,” Wonwoo said once his laughter died down, “I can’t continue living like I never met you.”

I shrugged and ran my hands through my hair, looking away from him, “Well, I can and I will. So, you better do the same or else I’ll tell Doyoung about everything and he’ll be really pissed and won’t care about Mingyu or whoever, yeah?”

Look at our Y/N lying like that, as if all of this didn’t happen because of her.

I felt Wonwoo move closer to me and his fingers ghosted over the bruise on my left bicep, “Can you really pretend I don’t exist? When you started this?”

“I didn’t start shit!” I snapped and turned my body away from his, “I stalked you for two weeks and I won’t do it anymore because I got over you. I always do. It never lasts for long, you’re not special.”

But he is Y/N, you know it. He knows it.

“Really?” Wonwoo muttered with a small smile and I just shrugged, avoiding his gaze, “Because I watched you the whole time we were in the same Coffee Shop. You were following that businessman, working for Mark, I assume. I noticed how you couldn’t stay still and how you whispered things to yourself. How the barista lit up when she saw you and talked to you. If you wouldn’t have stalked me after that day, I would’ve still found you.”

I just gulped and felt all the anger, frustration, fear melt away as I slowly looked at Wonwoo, “But you broke inside my bedroom…to give me flowers…”

My voice was small and he nodded as he stepped closer, placing his palm on my cheek. I almost jumped at how warm his palm was again and tried to ignore the rapid beat of my heart, “And I was wrong to do that…sorry.”

“Sorry for stalking you.” I muttered and a small grin appeared on Wonwoo’s lips as he closed the distance between our bodies again.

“I’m also sorry for the other bad things I did.” Wonwoo added.

“Yeah, fuck you.” I said with a chuckle and his grin widened into a smile.

You’d love that, wouldn’t you, Y/N?

I rolled my eyes at the voices but Wonwoo didn’t react as he leaned down and his red lips pressed against my cheek, making me blush instantly. Why did I forgive him so easily? Maybe because both of us fucked up big time this time.

“I still expect to see you tomorrow at lunch for our date, so tell Mark to stay at home.” My eyes widened as Wonwoo stepped back, letting go of my cheek.

“How do you know—”

“I’m in the mafia, remember? I know everything.” He winked and walked towards the front door.

“And you called me the stalker.” He chuckled as he opened the door and stepped outside.

“Don’t tell Doyoung just yet, he’s very mad for what I did yesterday—”

“Yeah, me too.” I cut him off and Wonwoo gave me an apologetic smile.

“Sleep well.”

“Don’t break in my room anymore!” I called out as he walked down towards the gate, turning around to wave at me. I rolled my eyes and closed the front door, locking it. Jesus, this really is not how I expected things to turn out. I don’t think I need to watch any TV to feel sleepy. This is my cue to rest and worry about what to wear tomorrow for lunch.

You can wear whatever, Wonwoo is head over heels for you, Y/N. And as we’re seeing, you’re too for him.

#bvidzsoo #seventeen scenarios #seventeen oneshot #seventeen smut #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen mini series #choi seungcheol #yoon jeonghan #joshua hong #wen junhui #kwon soonyoung #jeon wonwoo #lee jihoon #lee seokmin #kim mingyu #xu minghao #boo seungkwan #hansol vernon chwe #lee chan #seventeen ot13 #seventeen wonwoo #wonwoo pairing #wonwoo angst #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo smut #seventeen gang au #seventeen mafia au #wonwoo oneshot #seventeen university au

[troubatrain]

adore you - m. tkachuk

a/n: when i asked for fics to bring back i had a few people ask me for this one - i have the biggest soft spot for this fic because it was the first one that ever got a decent amount of notes on my old blog so I hope you guys love it a second time :)

Matthew Tkachuk was the bane of your existence. He was egotistical, a little dumb and flat out annoying. But, no matter what you did you could never get rid of him. You were forced to spend time with him because your best friend, Hannah, was dating his teammate, Noah. You actually liked Noah, he was kind and extremely good to Hannah. You couldn’t understand how he put up with Matthew and you honestly had a second thought about your friendship when he explained to you that they’d played together on US teams when they were younger too. 

Matthew had been a nightmare since the first night you met, when Hannah went on and on about how she thinks you guys should meet because you’d be perfect together. As usual, you told her you weren’t looking for anything right now, because you were just too busy for it. But, you went along anyway and Hannah introduced the two of you. You’d never met a more annoying human being in your life, who was so sure you were going to sleep with him that night that you ended up chewing him out in the middle of the bar. When you’d finally finished ranting, he just went on about how cute you looked when you were mad at him and you felt your blood boil. That was two months ago, and in those two months he’d spent every waking moment of his day trying to bother you about something.

Which would explain why, as you were home catching up on some work, there was a knock on the door of your apartment and you already knew who it was. You’d opened the door and like you’d received once a week for almost a month, there was someone delivering a bouquet of flowers for Mrs. Tkachuk. You’d signed for them, not bothering to explain to yet another random delivery man that you were not in fact married and tossed them immediately in your garbage. Snapping a picture and sending it to Matthew like you’d done every other time.

Glad you signed that contract, because you’re going to go broke sending me flowers.

You’re worth every penny wifey ;)

You rolled your eyes at the nickname, annoyed with how often this went on. You called Hannah who’d been the cause of all of this in the first place, and waited for her to pick up the phone.

“Hey Y/N what’s up?” Hannah asks.

“If Matthew sends me another bouquet of flowers you can tell Noah he’s going to have one less teammate,” You practically growl into the phone, hearing Noah’s laugh in the background.

“Give Chucky a chance Y/N, the kid wants to marry you,” Noah says, taking the phone from his girlfriend’s hand.

“He’s a nightmare Noah,” You say, sighing into the phone.

“He ADORES you,” Noah explains, “He literally never stops asking about you, speaking of, are you coming to Sean’s party with us tonight?”

“Will you keep Matthew away from me?” You ask, deciding that’s the only way you’d want to even go.

“Yes, I will try and keep Chucky away from you,” Noah promises and you reluctantly agree to go to the party, earning a cheer from Hannah through the phone.

--

When you get to the party, it’s in full swing. The room is filled with people you knew and didn’t and you were honestly shocked Sean knew this many people. You were thankful though, because you knew it would be extremely easy for you to avoid Matthew all night. 

You were doing great with your initial plan of avoiding Matthew. You were having a good time, dancing and drinking with your friends. You definitely were drunk but so was everyone else at the party. You’d escaped to go to the bathroom, walking down the hallway to one of the bathrooms in Sean’s large home. You stopped in front of his wedding photos, looking at the pictures from his nuptials that happened the summer before. 

“When we get married it’ll be even better than Sean’s,” You hear behind you and instantly knew was standing behind you, “Think about it you can plan one of those pinterest weddings, we’ll get hitched, I’ll take us on a sick honeymoon and we can hang our wedding photos in some big old house together.”

“You’re insufferable,” You say, turning around to face the pest behind you, but when you turned your heel caught the edge of the rug you were standing under and you stumbled, falling directly into Matthew in front of you.

“And you’re drunk,” Matthew says, holding you up so you don’t hit the floor.

“I’m fine,” You say, your words slurring together more than you’d intended, you push yourself away from Matthew to stand up yourself.

“No you’re not, I saw you, you had like 4 shots with Hannah,” Matthew says, knowing just how much you’d had to drink.

“How do you even know that, stalker,” You say back, crossing your arms across your chest.

“I was keeping an eye on you, there’s a lot of people here, and you’re absolutely oblivious,” Matthew says and just as he was saying something genuinely kind, he had to ruin it.

You shook your head at his comment, “You’re honestly the worst.”

“I know, can I get you home now?” Matthew says, holding up his keys.

“I can get home myself,” You say, stumbling over your own feet when you try and move down the hallway.

“Y/N please let me just get you home safe, no funny business I swear,” Matthew promises, wrapping his arm around your waist to keep you still.

You push his arm off of you, “You’ve never done anything funny in your life, and fine.”

Matthew smiles at the insult, “Thank you, c’mon wifey we gotta get you home.”

He grabs your hand and laces his fingers with yours, pulling you out of the house and down the street to where his car was parked. He opens the door of the black Audi, letting you slide in. Hopping into the driver’s seat, he starts the car to head to your apartment.

“You drive a less douchier car than I thought,” You say, taking in the views of Calgary as you drove through the city.

“I think that was almost a compliment,” Matthew says, laughing.

“Your taste in music is terrible though,” You say, pointing to the top 40 story that was playing on the radio.

“There it is,” Matthew says, pulling in front of your building, turning his car off.

“I can get up to my place myself,” You say, opening the door to get out of the car.

Matthew sighs, “Please Y/N.”

“Whatever,” You mutter, not in the mood for an argument. You both ride up the elevator to your floor in silence, walking down the hallway to your apartment.

“Thank you by the way,” You say, opening the door to your apartment.

“Anytime,” Matthew says, heading back down the hallway, “By the way, I meant it, I’m marrying you one day.”

You shake your head and shut the door, heading to get ready for bed.

--

The next week Matthew and yourself had gone back to your normal bickering. You didn’t think much into the weird conversation you’d had in Sean’s house, unsure of why Matthew was so concerned with getting you home safe. It bothers you for a small amount of time, until you heard him compliment your ass from across Noah’s kitchen and you knew things had gone back to normal. With the All Star break over and Matthew flying back to Calgary you knew your small vacation from his pestering would be over.

But, you were packing to head to Edmonton with Hannah to go see your parents. The two of you were both from Edmonton, moving to Calgary to go to college together. While Hannah's hockey loyalty switched over to the Flames the day Noah asked her to be his girlfriend, you were still a big Oilers fan, only cheering for the Flames because of your friends with Noah and his teammates. But, after the game right before the break, in which Matthew couldn’t stop being a rat and running his mouth in the media, you were almost excited to go to the game. Looking forward to watching him get roughed around a little bit. You pack the Kassian jersey you’d bought recently, knowing you’d be going to the game with Hannah and looking forward to pissing Matthew off beyond belief. 

--

You’d spent the first couple of days in Edmonton, catching up with your family and friends that lived there. You were excited to have had the couple of days home, spending time with your parents and reaping the benefits of having your mom take care of you for a few days. 

You were standing in your childhood bedroom, packing up some stuff to bring back with you on your drive back to Calgary the next morning. You finished packing and slipped on your outfit for the game, putting on the Kassian jersey you’d packed. You hear Hannah beep her horn outside of your parents house, and you head out the door to see her.

“You didn’t actually buy that,” Hannah shakes her head in disbelief, thinking you were kidding when you’d told her about the jersey a couple of weeks prior.

“If Matthew gets to spend every waking moment of his life irritating me, I’m going to do the same back,” You shrug, “Plus we’re in Edmonton, it’s fine.”

Hannah sighs, “I wish I understood you guys.”

The rest of the car ride is spent catching up on how you’d both spent the last few days. Arriving at the arena, you both head in, sitting at the seats Noah had gotten for the both of you. You were right against the ice, on the Flames side of course, watching them skate for pregame warm ups. You see Noah spot you, shaking his head at your choice in jersey. You see him skate over to Matthew and point in your direction, the curly haired menace turning his attention over to you. His nostrils flare out, and he skates directly into the boards in front you, knocking your beer on the ledge to the ground.

“I cannot stand you,” You say, annoyed you’d have to go get another drink.

“Look at what you’re fucking wearing,” You hear him say before skating away, spending the rest of warm ups away from you.

“He’s mad Y/N,” You hear Hannah say, pointing to Matthew across the ice.

“Good,” You say, sipping on the beer you had to go get after Matthew knocked the first one over.

The game was off to a hot start, and hits were flying in true Battle of Alberta fashion. The entire crowd was waiting to see if Matthew would finally drop his gloves with Kassian after the media circus that ensued after their last meeting. When he finally does, you feel Hannah grab your arm, taking your attention away from your phone and you look up watching Matthew square up against Kassian. You watch him throw punch after punch, finally knocking him to the ground, Matthew looking over at you as he skates over to the box.

The rest of the game was intense, ending in a 3-4 shootout win for the Flames. You head to the locker rooms, waiting outside for Noah. The team starts to roll out one by one, looking exhausted from the hit heavy game they just played.

“You’re not actually wearing that right now,” You hear Johnny say, laughing as he comes up to you, “You must have put Chucky’s mind in a blender.”

“I’m sure he’ll recover,” You say, spotting Matthew leaving the locker room, making a beeline over to you.

“Sorry I had to give your boy a beating tonight,” He says, still a little mad at you.

“Yeah I just love him, the whole team actually,” You say, trying to rile him up.

He glares at you, before leaning down and whispering in your ear, “Nineteen’s a better number for you don’t you think?”

You ignore the chill that climbs up your spine when he places his hand on the small of your back, “Over my dead body.”

Matthew shakes his head and walks down the hallway to head back to the team’s hotel, not letting you know that seeing you in that Oilers jersey made his skin crawl.

--

When you arrive back in Calgary, you’d gotten four texts from Matthew, asking you if you’ve gotten back to your apartment yet. When you finally do, there’s a box at the door, a large red bow on top. Your gut says it’s from Matthew, and your suspicions were confirmed when you opened the box and revealed a Flames jersey, the number nineteen glaring at you. You pick up the card and nearly gag at the writing

Looks better than orange and blue babe - Matty

You think about tossing the jersey in the trash like you’d done with every bouquet of flowers he sent you, but you something wouldn’t let you. You leave the box on the island in your kitchen, deciding you’ll do something about it later. You set down the box and look at your phone, checking your texts to see Hannah had texted you to see if you were going to meet her out after Noah’s game tonight. You debate it internally for a moment, but decide to go out.

--

Later that night, you arrive at the bar and instantly spot the large group of hockey players standing in the corner. You walk over and immediately hear the sound of Matthew’s laugh, giggling at some stupid joke he probably told. You catch up with everyone and head over to the bar to grab a drink. While you’re waiting to get the bartender’s attention, you feel a hand on the small of your back and turn around to see Matthew standing behind you.

“You look incredible tonight,” Matthew whispers in your ear, flagging down the bartender with ease.

“I can’t believe you followed me over here,” You say, turning your back to him.

“I can’t believe you don’t want to be with me,” Matthew says, “We’d make such cute babies.”

Matthew drones on about how if you guys had kids, they’d probably have his hair but he wants them to have your smile. It would be cute if you didn’t know he was doing it to get under your skin. Your eyes scan the bar, seeing a group of girls pointing to Matthew and whispering, probably about the Flames resident pest being out at the bar. 

“Don’t you have a fan club to entertain,” You say, nodding your head towards the girls.

“I could talk to you all night and I’d still take one of those girls home,” Matthew smirks back at you and while you’d usually feel your blood boil at the comment, you felt something different. A pang of jealousy washes over you at the thought of Matthew giving his attention to someone who wasn’t you. You’d had it for so long, and something in your gut said you didn’t want anyone else to have his attention the way you did. You look at him for a moment, taking his blue eyes and crooked smile, and relishing in the way his hand on your back feels.

You sigh, “You could just take me home.”

You see Matthew choke on his beer, “I can - I - what?”

You giggle at his reaction, his usually cocky demeanor diminishing as you finally decide he can have what he wants, “You can take me home,” you repeat again, running your fingertips along his arm.

“You’re fucking with me,” Matthew says in disbelief.

“I’m not, but you have to promise me something,” You say and he nods, prompting you to finish your statement, “I can still plan the wedding.”

Matthew laughs at the reminder of what he told you at Sean’s party, “You can have whatever you want babe.”

You grab his hand and lace his fingers with yours, leading him out of the bar and into his car. Matthew knew that once he finally got you, he wasn’t going to let you go.

#matthew tkachuk #matthew tkachuk imagine #my writing #nhl imagine #nhl imagines

[bondedtrauma]

send a url and i’ll tell you what i think of them!    /    ACCEPTING let me talk about u!!!!!

   @yallcoping​​  asked  :   ❤ / thru , gritted teeth: yallcoping

THIS MAY BE BIASED but leo, yallcoping, is my favorite blog on this entire hellsite :) your writing has always scratched an itch in my brain, no matter the character you were playing ! i’m so happy to see you running this multimuse, because i know that so many soloblogs would get you tired after the inital burst. everytime i see your muse roster, it leaves me SO tempted to put my other ocs on a separate blog just so they can interact on tumblr LOL. if only my laptop had the storage,,,,,,,, 

you’re genuinely so nice with me and we are on such the same wavelength with all of our plots ! i find myself feeling bad for mutuals outside of you because literally all of my verses intertwine with your own LOL. you’re so creative and brilliant and it’s such a treat that ur still interested in writing new AND old stuff after like six years. i love u ❤ ❤ 

as for the muses, OH MY GOODNESS ok ill go down the list so this’ll probably end up under a read more. ALEKS  :  the number one. the absolute darling of tumblr. elli’s other half. i love him as a creation! + it’s even better for us to plot because he and sekiko go hand in hand. he has the most gut wrenching backstory, and you display it so well in your writing. he’s so beautifully complicated and i love seeing him crack in other threads. all of these compliments will be TAKEN BACK if you end up keeping his inevitable young death canon. 🔫

LEO is my favorite besides milo methinks, but that’s probably because he was the first muse of yours i got to interact with :) !! ive loved watching him grow and shift into the nasty he is today. i felt like we grew a lot with him + elli as well pffft. i ask for his threads too much i just love him ;w; ISAAK is my WORST FEAR in an oc. i have an irrational fear of losing my significant other suddenly and traumatically and tbf isaak took it WELL i would’ve shot myself if i found u like he found traci. fuck that shit. he’s so well crafted and his backstory is so beautifully haunting and realistic. i wanna say that i wanna go back and give him a proper hug or some shit like “ i could fix him “ but hes genuinely one of the only characters that i dont believe can be Fixed(tm) and i actively stan keyaru redo of healer. on the same note because they’re pretty connected : JAYNE is so fine. i love her. sekiko loves her. elli would probably be scared of her but thats okay because ill just force her to love her anyways. russ hates jayne tho 0/10.

MILO is, despite all you say about him, one of the ocs you hold that has such untapped potential! maybe its because i’m a greys anatomy buff, but he is such a realistic depiction of a person and you can just see it in his interactions. maybe it’s because he’d older so he had more time to learn the what/why/how of recovery and such, but he’s grown SO MUCH since he was first created! i absolutely love he and sekiko’s dynamic. he balances her out so well and really is the perfect opposite half for her. i literally dropped all of her ships as soon as he came to fruition because i just had a FEELING!! and i was right c: i love milo let me hold him gentlly.....

TRACI is one of those characters that i am DYING to see more of. her and isaak’s dynamic is so iconic and parallels the bonnie and clyde relationship that i’ve always enjoyed seeing. i love her aesthetic and the representation she offers to trans women. her threads are such a treat, and i absolutely adore the one we have on my multi with her and ellie. give more pls.... RIVER is a character that i see and worry greatly for ur mental health. no i will not elaborate. what i WILL elaborate on is that i love supernatural characters and hes a very nice boy. wish he didnt give leo a lobotomy tho LOL

ROZKLAD has one of my favorite aesthetics EVER. i love their just....inevitable rot that always follows him around. they’re so perfectly disgusting and sekiko HATES him. he has way too much gossip on his mind and he needs to be stomped into a small brown stain. ANA is the best scp oc on this website. i dont take criticism, i just know the truth, and i’m ready to say it. shes so sweet and so is her relationship with mama elli! we don’t write the au enough anymore ;w; we should rework it!

tldr: leo is my favorite person in the whole wide world c:

#( ignore how long this got i just love ) #i. ⊱ writer. › ooc.

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

The Way You Lie

A prequel to Wicked Games co-written by @bleepyassbitch on wattpad. Not sure what her blog is on here. Enjoy some some toxic relationship Erik.

♡

“Ow, shit!” Erik hopped back when a piercing pain shot up his leg, initiating at the sole of his right foot. “SHIT!” His lip curled in anger and when he lifted his socked foot up he noticed a silver tool laying on the tile. “The fuck? TRIN,” he growled with a shake of his head to calm himself. The eyelash curler that had likely spilled off of the mess of a bathroom counter laid on the bathroom floor as a sign that Trin would be leaving soon to visit her secret side nigga. Erik was no fool. He knew Katrin like the back of his hand.

“When you buy that? You look like you headed to Sunset Boulevard. You look like a straight hoe."

"I look like your $2 crackhead mama," she glared over her shoulder. It was a low blow and she was proud of it. He walked closer, squinting like he hadn't heard what he'd heard. In her face, he dared her to say it again.

"Mention my moms one more time.."

"Your. Mama. Is. A. Hoe," she enunciated with a smile. "Remember? ..She left you for some dick? Like I'm about to? Why? You ain't worth shit."

He gripped her neck fast and her heels raised three inches from the ground as she slid up the nearest wall, gripping his wrist, but he could still see smugness in her face. "I ought to shake the shit out you."

"Do it, you brainless ape," she muttered.

"Oh I'll a slap the shit outta you," he nodded, but on second thought he released her.

"All you do is prove my damn point of how worthless you are, brainless ass beast," she smirked when he dropped her to her feet.

He eyed her suspiciously, his lip curling. She wore lightwash denim bootyshorts with the bottom of her ass cut out and a tube top with tall heels.

"That shit wasn't in your closet, I'd have burned it.”

“Don't worry about it,” she rolled her eyes flipping her long black ponytail. “It ain't for you.”

“Run that by me again? Who's it for?”

“Me, nigga.” She snatched her arm away pushing her hand into his stomach to shove him back.

"Wrong, it's for the streets cuz that's where yo ass belong. The fuck you think you going?" He caught her wrist before she could walk out, snatching her from the doorway to slam the door back shut and lock it.

"Get yo skinny ass upstairs," he gritted through bared teeth as she stood firm on her heels.

"Woo," she laughed. "Nigga I don't know what you thought this was. You don't own me. Now move up out my way." She stepped forward in challenge, shoving his hand when he pushed her back. He knew what was coming.  "Don't," slap, "touch me." Slap. Getting away with two hard slaps in his face, she tried to do it again, but he grabbed her wrist firmly.

"I'm not bout to play with you."

"I said don't touch me." She tried again, wrestling to hit him in the face before settling for a knee to his crotch. When his knees sank a little from the impact, she punched him in the cheekbone and scratched him, her nails getting dangerously close to his eye. She was aiming for it lowkey. He grabbed both of her wrists and pinned her to the wall with weight on her legs, deciding to kiss her in an effort to calm her down. Sometimes it worked. This wasn't one of those times. She bit his lip to the point of it bleeding and he slammed her lightly to make her let go.

Hellbent on fighting him, she struggled in his grasp and he let her tire herself out as she called him anything she could think of from "bitch" to things he couldn't repeat.

"Why you in a rush to give my pussy away."

"Yours? Oh it ain't ever been yours, cupcake," she smiled when she saw his lip curl.

"That ain't what you said when I was in it." He shifted his knee between her thighs to give her some friction.

"I regret ever knowing you and soon as you let me go I'm calling the police," she threatened as if she wasn't the one attacking him. His knee dropped.

"Bitch, I don't give a fuck. It's still fuck 12, let 'em come," his head shook in irritation. He let her go. "Call 'em. Go ahead." Getting close enough for her to feel his breath on her face, he made sure he was clear when he whispered "My foot will be up your ass before you get to the second 1."

She took a step away and pulled out her phone to dial, putting it to her ear. He let her talk, telling them that her boyfriend won't let her leave the house and she needs someone to come move him. When she hung up, she dropped her phone in her little purse, fixed her shorts, and stared at him to move.

"That's gone scare me?" He glared right back.

She flew at him with a tight fist that he redirected. She was still able to bite him since he wasn't expecting it and she didn't hold back which made him fling her across the floor. She bumped her head. His goal wasn't to hurt her, but she was pushing it. He let her come at him so he could restrain her again.

"Bitch I'm out here working to build you a better life. You think I'm a let you leave me for a broke nigga?"

"Ain't no letting me, I'm grown," she struggled. She was losing strength. "I'll fuck with whoever I want."

"No. You won't," his head shook. "I don't know what part of me gave you that impression but you belong to me and that go on forever."

"I belong to myself, fuck you."

"Fuck me? Yeah, you can fuck me."

She finally chilled enough for him to let her go. "You can't stop me from leaving you, you gotta know that..," she frowned and deep down he knew. It was at the point where they hardly spoke about anything substantial if it wasn't money he was bringing in. Whenever he'd go out of his way to speak, she'd give short answers. He'd already cracked her little phone code and read her messages. He knew the nigga's name and face. He'd seen the pics. Knew about their escapades.

He didn't respond.

"I'm going to continue seeing other niggas," she stressed as he watched her, so stubborn in her decision. Only way he could stop her was to strap her down.

"Whatever man, do what the fuck you gon do," he relented. He could feel depression pulling him down again, a feeling he'd grown used to.

"You don't need to tell me that. I'm leaving and I suggest you get your ass on somewhere too before the police come."

Good idea. He called a number from his phone, a girl who'd plugged it in one day at the gas station after complimenting the wraith. She didn't seem to care that he had a girl, in fact it only made her more interested. It had been a few weeks, he didn't halfway expect her to answer but she did.

"Hey Nicki. It's Erik.. We met a few weeks back at the gas station... Yeah, the Rolls Royce," he chuckled repeating her words back to her. She wanted to ride. "We can make that happen," he smiled. "What you doing now?"

"Who's that," Trin stopped on her way out, glaring as he made plans to meet Nicki and give her a ride in the wraith.

"I'm a come scoop you up, text me your location," he finished, hanging up before addressing her. "Don't worry about it, babygirl. You go ahead and do you."

"Don't tell me what to do. Where you going?"

"Don't worry about it," he repeated using one of her favorite phrases.

"I ain't even surprised." She looked him up and down. "Talking about my outfit when being a hoe seems to be genetic. Like son like thot ass mama."

"Still ain't your business," he mumbled grabbing his keys. He wondered briefly why she hadn't left, but he knew why. It was for the same reason he'd called Nicki in the first place.

"Who's that bitch and why you got her number in your phone? This why I don't fuck with you 'cuz you ain't shit. Who's the bitch, Erik?"

"Look, I'm 'bout tired of this shit. You can go foreal foreal. I can have a bitch in your spot fast, a bitch who actually wanna be here. Matter fact, take yo shit with you.. Yeah," he nodded feeling emboldened. He went up the stairs to find her suitcase and started pulling her clothes down from her closet, stuffing them in. She was beside him within a minute, trying to snatch her stuff back.

"I'm not going nowhere!"

"You getting the fuck outta here," Erik challenged grabbing more clothes to stuff into the bag. "I pay the bills. We ain't married. My name is on the deed. If you wanna slut around Cali, turn in your keys to the house and the keys to the beemer."

"It's my car! You gave it to me which means it's a gift and if I gotta take you to court, I will," she snapped angrily shoving her clothes back into the closet.

"Bitch with what money? You bout broke as the niggas you cheating with."

Irate, she started throwing his things which led to him being rougher with hers and throwing her makeup, jewelry, and shoes down the stairs with the rest of her clothes leaving a mess on the floor and furniture below. She tried to fight him, getting a few hits but he mushed her face and twisted her arms behind her back. 

"I paid for it," he reminded her in her ear since she'd obviously forgotten. He couldn't be home most days because of his work and when he was home, he was tired, but she never went without a thing she wanted if it was in his power to get it. "It's in my name, like all this shit because I don't trust you and I never have! You can take yo other shit and what you came with and walk yo ass out." At that, he shoved her. "See if that nigga you running to let you live with him."

She wrestled and clawed him for her suitcase, leaving small red marks on his skin before he threw it from the top of the stairs. She shoved him like she was purposely trying to send him over the banister with all of her strength and he pushed her back sending her stumbling flat against a wall.

"Try that shit again, I dare you," his lips stretched over his teeth. He was at his limit for patience. Panting with anger, she came at him and he threw her over his shoulder as if he'd toss her headfirst over the balcony. He wanted to at this point. "You wanna keep coming at me like a grown man, bitch. I'll flex yo ass man to man." He loosened his grip letting her slip and she panicked, holding onto him. "Nah, get the fuck off me and fall, you got insurance."

He let go and she screamed bloody murder, before he caught her just as quick. She wouldn't die if she fell, but she could get some neck, back, or leg injuries.

"Don't forget I'm stronger than you. I'm smarter than you, while you calling me brainless," he reminded her as he stood her on her feet. "Get your shit."

"I ain't going nowhere," she growled heading back into the room and he followed her, grabbing her up by the waist. She was mid-way through grabbing an armful of her clothes from the bedroom floor when he tossed her on their bed, doubling down over top of her.

"Since you wanna fuck someone so bad."

"Get the fuck off me," she snapped digging her nails into his hand when he tried to wrestle her arms from her and over her head. He fought to get the button on her shorts free before deciding  to pull it off. Her short shorts already had rips so he ripped them more and he yanked them from her ignoring her rough kicks. The heel her shoe dug into his chest before he pushed her leg back, pinning her with ease, his breath in her ear.

"You ain't leaving me. You hear that?" He looked her in the eye.

"Get the fuck off me," she grunted struggling in his hold.

He grabbed her neck as her wrists remained firmly in one palm and he slid into her with full eye contact, set on reminding her of his ownership. Deep and consistent strokes while she panted in his ear, biting her lips and holding her moan. She couldn't though.. She was wet and tightening around him, pulling him in. He moved his hips, touching every part of her internally as she stared up at him, mouth agape. This time when he kissed her, she let it happen and he released her wrists feeling her arms surround him tightly like a boa constricting its prey.

"You belong to me," he repeated with no rebuttal from her. They didn't have sex a lot, but when they did, it was like this and afterward, she'd be tamed for three days to a week. She'd be real amenable then, borderline romantic even though she ain't love him. He could feel it. He could see it happening again, the brief calm coming. "Stay there, I'm a get a wet cloth," he said when they were done and he'd painted her stomach and chest. There was a ring at the doorbell, the police responding to the call. They'd been called a few times in the past but neither Trin nor Erik would press charges against each other. She didn't get up as he walked away and when he came back, he leaned over her with their kink play handcuffs. A quick click had her cuffed to the bed.

"Did I say you could cuff me," she eyed him as he lifted ignoring the cops at the door. Without a word, he left the room and went downstairs to grab any newspaper, magazine, spam mail, and he brought it up throwing it in the wastebasket he pulled from the bathroom. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?"

Setting it on the bedroom floor for her viewing pleasure, he lit it on fire and watched her eyes as the flame grow with black smoke. The smell grew strong and she started to panic when she saw he wasn't putting it out even when the smoke alarm was triggered. He walked away instead and set fire to the curtains, one of his shirts. He let it spread, zoned out mentally.

She screamed at him, coughing in the back smoke for him to put out the fire that was spreading. He coughed too, inhaling smoke as he sat there at the foot of the bed. He didn't care if she didn't love him.

"You ain't leaving me," was his reply and when the officers broke in and climbed the stairs, they grabbed him, pulling him from the room and taking the key to free her. Outside of the house they all stood in wait of the firetruck that they could hear coming up the street. Katrin wouldn't address the cops, only Erik, calling him every name she could until the cuffs went on his wrists then it was, "Get off my man!"

She promised she'd get him released, yelling that he'd done nothing wrong, it was a mistake, and that she'd beat his ass and he had all the marks to prove it. She held her wrists out and she was taken in too. Erik chuckled when they put her beside him in the police car.

"Guess yo side nigga on his own," he teased with her taking it in stride.

"And Nicki staying right where she at," she responded. He shook his head. She didn't care about him, she wanted to run him and she'd go this far. Still, at least she was there.

@thadelightfulone @mszrenee @woahitslucyylu @badgalbrix1 @supersizemeplz @idont-know-shit @ladymac82 @xsweetdellzx @chaneajoyyy

#original #erik killmonger #killmonger #erik stevens #erik killmonger fanfiction #erik stevens au #erik killmonger smut #black panther killmonger #black panther fanfiction

[ramblinganthropologist]

Fictober 2021 (3) - “I’ve waited for this”

Fanfiction

Fandom: Mass Effect (Actor AU)

Summary: Macen Virius was supposed to be breaking things off with his costar. Instead, he’s pretty sure he might have just caught feelings. Damn it, it was just supposed to be a sex thing...

---

There was nothing like the end of a long day of filming to make Macen want to go to fucking sleep.

Every muscle in his body ached as he left the set to change out of his costume. Moments before, he had been in the blown out remains of a battlefield. Post would add the effects, but his hands still ached from holding his prop rifle and clicking the useless trigger button. Honestly, if he had been human, he would have expected an imprint there.

He was going to have to ask his costar about that later…

“Where is he anyway?” Macen’s mandibles twitched as he glanced around. Everyone was heading off, but there was no sign of Mass Effect’s leading man. Usually, he stuck around to talk to his costar – then again, he didn’t see the other ‘Commander Shepard’ either. They must have both taken off early…

He envied that about humans. They got out of costume and makeup way too quickly.

In the end, he too was back in his regular clothes. As he walked, he rubbed his right mandible, trying to get the feeling back. Part of playing Garrus meant that he needed fake implants to imply he’d had half his face blown off. With how numb that mandible got, it certainly felt that way. No doubt about it, he was looking forward to the final season where all he would need is scar tissue. At least he’d be able to move better in that.

A beeping drew his attention to his wrist as he left the set. His omnitool was letting him know he had a message from a certain fake redhead. As humans put it, curiosity killed the cat (don’t ask him, he didn’t even know what a cat was) so he opened it.

Alex Jones: Hey, rehearsal at my place tonight?

Alex Jones: I can get takeout from that levo-dextro place again. You liked their noodles.

He had liked their noodles. What he didn’t like was… well, this.

“You’re getting too attached, Virius. This is just supposed to be about sex.” He shook his head, half considering calling things off so he could have the night to himself. Problem was that his stomach had started to growl at the thought of those noodles. Besides, tomorrow’s shoot was supposed to involve a lot of emotional moments – he needed all the feedback he could get.

With any luck, he’d end the night in his own bed without fucking the human. After all… he was a turian of self-restraint and control. He could totally handle this.

…

Yeah, he was just going to keep telling himself that and hope for the best. Damn sexy human…

---

An hour later, Macen found himself standing in front of his costar’s door, frowning as he stared at the metal. As hard as he tried to talk himself into ending things, doubt still gnawed at his stomach.

He should end things. It never ended well when he got too into somebody.

“He should understand… it’s just sex… he’s my costar, and it’s just sex.” Macen shook his head again, frowning as he started to key in the human’s door code. Alex had given it to him a month prior, mostly so if he was going to be late he could get in.

That probably wasn’t a good sign, but he had elected to ignore it.

The door clicked opened, and he stepped in. Much to his surprise, the sound of upbeat music met him in the hallway. Not only that, but someone was singing to it if his translator was anything to go by. The damn thing was working overtime as he sidled closer to the entrance to the living room, holding his breath as he peaked in.

Lucky for him, Alex’s back was to him. The human had cleared a space in his living room in order to have room for what he was doing then. However, Macen was having a problem processing what “that” was. Well, he knew it was dancing – a somewhat odd version of it – but it was just so… old fashioned.

Also, since when did Alex dance?

“Let’s chase the dreaming light, and I’ll truly be myself…”

Dancing wasn’t the only thing on the menu. Macen’s jaw dropped as he realized the soft, sweet voice he had heard in the hallway was coming from Alex himself as he worked through the song with flowing, easy moves. Something about it was so painstakingly familiar, yet he couldn’t put his finger on it as he stood mutely in the hallway, watching the scene in front of him.

He had to wonder… what did it look like from the front?

“There’s a scene I want to show you. You have to wait for it… so let’s make a promise!”

Alex moved into a different position, holding out his hand to an imaginary audience that Macen couldn’t see as he took a step up. Every one of his moves were precise, even though he was doing nothing more than dancing around his apartment in his socks. Clearly, he had been practicing…

But for what?

“There’s a gentle wind wrapping around me… isn’t it warm?”

Macen knew a bridge when he heard one, and he felt himself holding his breath as he watched. Alex was getting closer to his imaginary audience now, probably for whatever was going to come in the final chorus. Maybe it was because he was so focused on the man that he hadn’t noticed his heart had begun to beat faster, but it thudded all the same.

“They’re overflowing, these endless hearts…” The man suddenly turned on his heel, facing the entry way. “Please carry them to tomorrow!”

And then no more singing happened as the precursor to the final chorus played behind him. He was fixed on the turian standing in his living room, looking rather shocked as if he hadn’t given him the door code. Macen wasn’t doing much better, mind you – he still hadn’t managed to shut his damn mouth.

And people thought they were cool. If only the blogs could see them now.

At least Alex shut the music off as he regained sense. He reached for a towel to dry off his apparently sweaty face, cheeks a slight pink from exercise. Maybe it was the sweat that had made him shine in that moment. For all Macen knew, it had caught the overhead light when he spun around like that.

Meanwhile, his heart wasn’t slowing down. Still…

“Uh… I guess my text didn’t make it.” At least his mandibles were starting to work. “I didn’t miss the noodles yet, did I?”

The human put his towel down as he started towards his phone propped up on a stand. “They’ll be here in 15 last I checked.”

The music started playing on his phone as he frowned. “Damn, I knew I spun the wrong way…”

This caused Macen to cock his head to the side. “Were you recording yourself for social media or something?”

Doubtful; this kind of thing definitely wasn’t in the human’s wheelhouse. After all, he was supposed to be playing Commander Shepard. While the man had some oddities, he probably didn’t dance around like that.

…

Then again, who fucking knew. Dude was weird.

Alex was still checking his phone as he spoke. “No, just recording my practice to see where I need to improve for filming next week.”

Surprisingly, he was grinning as he looked up. “I’ve waiteda for this for a long time, so I want to get it right.”

Something about the way he smiled did awful things to Macen’s stomach. However, the statement set his mind whirring. While he wasn’t a complete Reaper War freak like some of his coworkers, he at least knew enough to be sure something like that hadn’t happened. After all, there’d be videos, right?

Definitely videos, no way Joker would’ve let that slip by.

“Ok, you’re going to have to fill me in on this one… since when did Shepard do a little dance?”

Alex chuckled – again, there went his stomach. “2185, to be exact. The Normandy ran into a rogue AI that accidentally found its way into Shepard’s music collection. They needed to distract it, so he wound up putting on a little show. He disabled the cameras beforehand, but he wrote about it in his journal, so we know it happened. And now I get to do it on TV and make all the people who think he was just a military guy hate me. I’m thrilled.”

Clearly – he was sparkling again, and this time it wasn’t from the sweat. Macen felt his heart beat harder again, and he tried to distract himself by looking towards the door. If those noodles could save his ass, he’d marry them.

Besides, he was supposed to be calling things off with the guy.

Alex was still looking through his phone as he spoke. “It’s been such a long time since I’ve done a dance routine for TV, I was worried I forgot how. I’m definitely a little rough, but it’s better than I thought it would be. Good thing the director let me know early so I could practice a bit more.”

Macen started to open his mouth to ask, but then the memory came to the surface. He knew where he had heard the voice before, and honestly he was surprised he had forgotten about it. Back then, he had secretly loved to watch it.

Secretly, of course, because Citadel Idol Heart was really more of a girl’s show. The popular teen drama about idols competing in a Citadel-wide talent competition in hopes of seeing their dreams come to life had run for a few years, and he had seen every episode. More importantly, he had once crushed on the main character, a blonde idol with blue eyes and the sweetest voice he had ever heard. Whenever she took the stage, he had been unable to look away.

Just like he couldn’t look away now…

“You… I forgot you were on CIH.”

It was now Alex’s turn to blink back surprise as he looked up from his phone. “You watched that?”

“Kind of…” His eyes darted. “Your voice hasn’t changed much. I mean it’s gotten older sounding but I’m glad to know it wasn’t autotune or anything…”

Things had officially gotten awkward. There he was, with the crush from his teenage years… and he was fucking the guy without even knowing it. Life was weird, and it was getting worse by the second. If only teenage him could see him now…

The man’s cheeks turned a light pink at the compliment. “Well, it’s not like I’ve gone on T or anything, so no big surprise there…”

He got up, probably to check for the noodles. “I take it you were part of the Melody fan club then. Unless you were an edge lord and went with Black Rose. Her fan club was the absolute worst and insisted we hated each other, but I was the best man at her damn wedding last year…”

The rest of his statement was drowned out by the opening of a door and the ruffling of a paper bag. At last, the noodles had arrived. Unfortunately, Macen realized he didn’t have much of an appetite. His stomach refused to calm, and his heart still pounded as he sat there, processing everything.

At least the application of a warm box to his mandibles helped.

“Macen, your noodles are going to get cold.”

He blinked and realized Alex was nudging him in the face with his food. That shot him back to reality as he took the box and proffered plastic fork that went with it. The human then settled in next to him – not across! – and started to dig into his own box.

Right… food. And they were supposed to be rehearsing. And he was definitely supposed to be breaking up with his costar.

“I had the pin.”

His comment left silence in his wake. Alex had stopped eating and was giving him a rather incredulous look. This caused Macen to duck his head in lieu of eating noodles. After all, it was hard to do so politely when you had a face like his. Really, he should have sworn them off… but they were just so damn good he couldn’t resist.

Damn humans and their noodles, they were out to get him.

“You had the fan club pin?”

Yep – there went his mandibles, flapping in the breeze. “I was a big fan, ok? What can I say, everyone loves an underdog story… and you maybe… looked good in that one outfit. The orange one…”

Melody in the orange outfit had been taped to his bedroom wall until he left for basic. Hell, it might still be there…

“God, you’re such a nerd.”

Alex was chuckling though as he put his fork down. It was a nice sound, though it did horrible things to Macen’s stomach once more. Thoughts of noodles evaporated as he sat there, taking in the sound of the human’s mirth. He really needed to laugh more often… maybe he should work on making that happen.

“Well… I can’t exactly let a fan down, now can I?”

He stood and crossed the room to the open space he had created. The music was soon queued up to where he had last stopped, and Alex took position once more. The smile on his face made Macen’s heart want to stop as he sat there, a noodle still hanging from his mandible.

“I can take off into the dreaming sky… because I’m not alone.” Alex winked as he moved, following the song. “Wherever it is, I feel like I can go across the distant sky…”

Then the music swelled as it led into the final chorus. Macen forgot how to breathe in that moment as he watched his costar dance and sing along to the ancient song. All he could think of was how much better he had gotten since the days of CIH…

And how much he wanted to kiss him.

“It’s not enough to put into words, so I’m putting it into a song I’m wishing will reach you.” Another smile as Alex twirled, then began his final pose as the song began to wind down. “Beating my heart~”

The last pose, with his head cocked to the side and hands clasped together, held as the music faded. Then there was silence in the living room as Macen struggled to remember how to function. Right then, there was nothing there but Alex and the table in front of him that kept him in place.

Shit.

“It probably needs some work, but I think I’ve got the basics considering it’s only been a couple hours.” Alex landed back on the couch, picking his food back up. “What do you think, Macen? Got anything you noticed?”

Yeah… his heart was still beating like crazy.

“Macen?”

The turian shook his head – probably launching the noodle in the process. At least it didn’t hit the man next to him, so he could thank his lucky stars for that. However, it was hard to think then as so many feelings and thoughts crashed together.

He was supposed to be calling it off… that was why he came over. This was just supposed to be a sex thing… but every bone in his carapace was telling him to grab the other man and kiss the daylights out of him. They hadn’t even ever kissed outside of sex or prepping for scenes…

What the hell was wrong with him?

“I uh… I don’t know the song, but maybe hold the last pose a bit longer. They might be able to make your eyes light up a bit more.”

Alex nodded at this. “I’ll make a note. Also, don’t you hate cold noodles? Last time you wouldn’t stop complaining when the delivery guy was late…”

Right then, Macen wasn’t sure what he hated or liked as he shoveled the food into his mouth. He just needed something, anything to keep him away from the thoughts currently blooming in his mind.

He knew this path – he hated it. It never ended well. And long ago he had told himself he was never going to walk down it again if he had any sense in his head. This was nothing more than a rehash on an old teenage crush… he could overpower it.

“We need our energy to practice.” He slurped down the last noodle, glad that none were sticking to his face this time. “Tomorrow’s going to be hell if we’re not ready.”

At least his costar nodded as he worked to finish his dinner. “Tell me about it, I have a damn imprint on my trigger finger from that damn gun…”

Well, at least on the bright side that question got answered. It did nothing to quell the bubbling feelings Macen was trying so desperately to beat down, but at least his curiosity was sated for the moment. Maybe that would get him through filming.

One thing was for sure… he was fucked. No way about it – he was just plain fucked. The universe was laughing at him, and he only had himself to blame. All he could do was hope he could hold back and wait for the feelings to pass.

If they didn’t… see the previous statement for clarification. Fuck… he was supposed to be a turian sharpshooter, not a lovesick puppy. He didn’t sign up for this.

#fictober21 #ramblinganthropologist's writing #that mass effect actor au #shakarian #Well shakarian actor AU #but they're also gonna get together lo #I mean they're fucking but they caught ~feelings~