#even tho I’ve been here for a year | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

silly-little-mann · 1 year

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about me stuff

🤷🏻-words

🏳️‍🌈-identity stuff

🦋-brain stuff

❤️-interests

‼️-DNI

currently skipping class and got bored so I’m gonna make one of these 🤷🏻

🤷🏻hi, my names mattea. I go by q bunch of different nicknames and stuff (Mattie,Matteo,Matthew) so js use whatever (if ur alex yu can call me matpat😽)

🏳️‍🌈I’m bi+demisexual and genderfluid (i think?)

🏳️‍🌈I mainly use any pronouns but obviously since I am genderfluid my main preferred pronouns changes pretty often

🏳️‍🌈today I am using: all/any pronouns!

🦋I have adhd and anxiety (possibly something else as well but I don’t like self diagnosing myself with things so I’ll js keep with what I’m professionally diagnosed with)

🤷🏻I like to draw and make kandi so sumtimes I’ll post pictures or little things about that

❤️INTEREST LIST(also specifying what each thing is cuz I’m awesome)

❤️bungo stray dogs (anime), omori (video game), ddlc (video game), Jackson’s diary (webtoon), the walten files (analog horror series), the Mandela catalog (analog horror series), be more chill (musical), camp camp (series), dear evan hansen (musical), five nights at freddy's (video game), hamilton (musical), heart stopper (show), heathers (musical), helluva boss (series), lemon demon (band/singer), my chemical romance (band/singer), newsies (musical), project sekai (video game), ride the cyclone (musical), sanders sides (series),the arcana (video game), the guy who didn't like musicals (musical), the last of us (video game/show), the smiths (band/singer), the walking dead (video game/show)

❤️(Whoever acc reads all of that I’ll marry u)

‼️DNI LIST

‼️homophobes+transphobes (why r u guys even here??), ablists, racists, basic DNI criteria obvs, proshippers, furry haters, dsmp ppl (if ur on here..), and Alex (/j Ofc)

that’s pretty much it, bye bye ❤️❤️

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imaybe5tupid · 19 days

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Why bother? (Why bother?) It's gonna hurt me. (It's gonna hurt me.) It's gonna kill when- (Why bother!) -You desert me! (Gonna hurt me!)

Set after Nightmare. Laios is reminiscing and contemplating.

#laishuro #laios touden #i make a lot of jokes on here since part of the fun of this blog for me is limiting myself to only expressing ideas via drawings #as much as I can to try to see what I can try to convey in the limited time I have to draw each day which is sometimes like 15minutes #but laios idea of who shuro was to him and who he continues to be and how it ties into his own feelings of self worth and self hatred #not to mention being so thoroughly defined by having never been indulged before by the men in his life #are so compelling to me #and then of course you mix in toshiros own mind prisons #and their established dynamic of him begrudgingly putting up with him because he feels he has to and bc hes cursed with obedience #whilst laios genuinely thinks shuro does it because he likes it and likes laios because why else would anyone act like that #when everyone else in his life has not hesitated to Let Him Know #this is what is so fun about relationships like this…forever passing by each other’s true feelings like ships in the night #and on toshiros side umineko said it best People are riddles. They want someone else to solve their riddle #they live life wanting someone to solve the riddle that they are #the most difficult riddle in the world #without love the truth cannot be seen sighhhh many such cases #sometimes i get embarassed how deep i get for some of the characters in this series it really is that deep sometimes but not always #but WHATEVER #i never even engaged in or was interested in shipping the several years i read dunmeshi EXCEPT laishuro lol #which i sadistically wanted to stay one sided and miserable forever. I rarely get fed such genuinely fraught dynamics as their one in manga #so i became obsessed #and walked through the desert alone for 40 years and then checked in as anime started airing that other people ship this and gaf #and decided to unleash the jokes and ideas that my like 2 friend who like anime previously suffered alone as though they were jesus christ #now tho as much as I still enjoy tragedy and pain and emotional suffering I’ve let love and peace and requited fulfilled yaoi into my life #with laishuro. and its great!#my comics

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strawberri-draws · 6 months

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Messy raeda animatic WIP I’m being possessed to make..

#my art #fanart #strawberridraws #toh #raeda #toh fanart #the owl house #the owl house fanart #toh raeda #lol. I’ve been listening to Paul by big thief on loop the past hour #I should be doing my homework and responsibilities #that many of are. overdue #but here we are #anyways sorry im bad at recording lmao my camera hates me #older iPhones cannot record shit #even tho mines only like. 4 years old at most 💀#Apple hater squad fr

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the-woman-upstairs · 3 days

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It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.

#this unfortunately hits way too close to home for me #let’s not even get into Claudia’s anger at never being enough #iwtv spoilers #interview with the vampire #armand #this is just me speaking from personal experience…but there is definite manipulation at play here from Armand #and I don’t necessarily mean that pejoratively- when you’re desperate for people to like/love you you’ll become whatever they want #or whatever you think they’d want and you give it to them so they’ll want to keep you around #I’ve done it so often with the people in my life- and make no mistake it’s also a survival tactic #you give someone what they want they won’t hurt you #and when that’s how you survive for years and years it becomes the default method of interacting with others #even with normal people who genuinely mean you no harm you revert to that people pleasing mode #as a means of control both external and internal #this is what i see armand doing- his way of surviving that he’s never truly broken out of #armand ceding coven control to Louis and curating the Dubai penthouse for Louis are part of the same pattern of behavior #and even tho it’s ultimately harmful and will only end badly for armand and Louis’ relationship #idk if armand knows how to not exist that way with someone he loves/desires #all of this also ties into louis and daniel #because of course Armand will lose it over Louis finding connection and interest with someone else aside from him #someone HUMAN no less #and I can see Armand taking out his anger on Daniel as a way of expressing his own frustration at still not being enough for Louis #breaking daniel’s mind in a desperate attempt to understand why this human could reach Louis in ways he couldn’t #not saying any of this to excuse Armand and his behavior obviously (I’m very upset and worried over the trial looming on the horizon)#but I do understand this impulse and how you’ll throw ANYONE under the bus in order to preserve your place with loved ones #it’s all horrifying but unfortunately I empathize #like even if Louis is right to walk out on him when he learns/remembers the truth of what happened to Claudia #I’ll probably still find myself saddened by Armand’s fate because I’ve absolutely been there myself #it’s a tragedy of his own making- his fear and desperation birthing manipulative and controlling behaviors #that ultimately result in your own abandonment #god this fucking show

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batfossil-fr · 1 month

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I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art

#my mental health is starting to improve a bit #took a couple years but I found some meds that finally work better for me #ofc things aren’t 100% but I was really in a pit for a while #like ‘did not leave my house in months and slept 14 hours a day’ kind of pit #so. any improvement is better lol. but nah I’ve been making real improvement and im doing better. a lil shaky sometimes but that’s expected #diagnosed with chronic fatigue too. which is unfortunate but not unexpected. i am indeed god’s sleepiest soldier #i feel like a raisin slowly rehydrating but considering i was in a desert before any hydration is welcome #just learning how to enjoy things again overall #one thing I just couldn’t get myself to do (and enjoy) was art. doodles here and there but nothing to post #and it’s kind of funny because I feel like that downtime actually gave me a chance to think about what I wanted to work on #even when I wasn’t actively practicing #just paying attention to things I guess. enjoying art styles #i genuinely think my experimenting with stained is helping me learn colors #i spend hours in the scryshop im glad it’s paying off lmao #i want to tackle bigger things but i just gotta ease myself into the hang of things again #for now im having fun and that’s coooool. thank you all for your nice comments #i read all tags while kicking my feet and giggling. thank u all #that’s the update on Me tho. more to come hopefully #starting next month/julyish I will have a significant amount of time to dedicate to drawing which i intend on doing #so who knooowwwsss #rambles #funny enough coloring has become my favorite part of the process now. it used to be lineart. now lineart annoys me LOL #i also feel like i kinda lost my ability to write which has been frustrating but im focusing on art first #anyways that’s a whole different tangent rant over

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kissmefriendly · 2 years

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Never since Infinity War has there been such a cast

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rrxindrops · 1 month

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Your sister is finally done with here studies😭

I have graduated, alhamdulillahi rabbil alamin❤️

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kulliare · 2 months

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yippeeee the dices

#this dice collection is so pretty but i’m giving most of it to my friends…#ive been playing dnd or pathfinder with this group for literal years and i’ve like spent so much time with them LOL #and i’m finally seeing some of them this summer #so this is the gift. i still have to get a set for the dm but like i think i’ve already spent ~200 on the dice here so im like oh my god #but im like fuck it lmao they have given me so much happiness lol 😭#also since im already typing i was listening to one of the celebs from my hometown and sometimes it hits me how strange it is #tht i am vaguely interested in this man even though i literally like saw him for 5 seconds #he is like so incredibly famous #i know like 90% of people experience this but it does annoy me so much that i treat famous ppl diff in my brain differently even tho ik #they just want to be treated like normal people lmao 😭#i think its bc my brain goes ‘oh theyre so loved i wish that were me!’ even tho theyre not really experiencing love #w the masses of ppl online #i have a headache from all the plum wine i drank but plum wine is soooo tasty guys #idk what they put in it #probably plum but wow it is so good. lol 😭#i think i will let this headache go away for a little and then go to bed. gn everyone 🐈🐈

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psychoticwillgraham · 26 days

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well. was delivering a meal and accidentally walked in on two old people having sex right there. the dude is 90 something and a serial womanizer in the neighborhood and he was just about zip up his pants and she was buck ass naked in her motorized wheelchair and I accidentally saw a boob. the guy just stared at me and the woman (who loves me) didn’t even miss a beat and went ‘oh thank you!! have a good weekend!!’ and I dropped that meal so goddamn fast and barely even said goodbye and shut that door so quick and ran my ass back to the car. btw, the door was halfway open and that man is definitely an exhibitionist and he stared at my ass as I ran out.

THEN the last woman on the route opens up with ‘are you married? are you looking?’ and I just go ‘nope. I’m fine being by myself :)’ and she goes ‘oh :( that’s a shame’ and I’m pretty sure she was confirming that I was single bc she probably has a grandson she’s trying to get a woman for and like. come on man, it’s Friday, I’m nearly done with work, and what do I get for helping this week? walking in on old people sex and being grilled about my relationship status by a client (she was well meaning, but I can’t exactly tell her I don’t date at all and don’t like men). what a goddamn day

#in her 11 years of working there mom’s never walked in on clients having sex #but I’ve been helping for barely a year and I’M the one who finds this??#I don’t even work here and I’m not even getting paid to deal with this shit???#I’m getting a gift card today from the bosses tho so. yay

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sydchan · 4 months

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My bitch ass like a year ago: “I don’t know how people can make ship/character playlists that are like, 7+ hours long. Surely one can’t find that many songs that fit something.”

Me now that the Billdip playlist is over 5 hours long: “Aight, I take it back and I get it now. Combo of brainrot and cumulative effect. One really can find that many songs that fit when one listens to enough songs.”

#Syd rambles #this is a very Twitter post but am over posting stuff there so just doing it here now #Spotify #brainrot making any song fit a ship one is obsessed with really does take one far #In my defense I’ve been building that playlist for like 3 years and add as I find something. Have just hit a recent surge.#really do get it now tho #the 24 hour ones still throw me a bit but I’m sure even those make sense when one hunts for enough music

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ilyuu · 5 months

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HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

#alright time for me to sleep now #ALKSKSKS #IM KIDDING IM KIDDING #this year has been uh a lot on me for a lot of reasons #some in the worst of ways #but in the best of ways too #and it’s the latter that had a more positive and prominent part of this year #i’ve met a lot of amazing moots on here #a lot of who i call as friends #i’ve been slowly improving myself in so many ways too!!#may it be writing drawing or coding #or just me myself #when it comes to a few issues i have #it’s slow #and sometimes i may even backtrack #but i’d always jump back in #and it’s what makes me happy #oh but it’s definitely my moots too tho #most of which i look forward to every day #and some times the one thing i look forward too when the days start to grow harder and harder #so thank you #to oli #to melon #to rei #to vi #to so many others too #even if we don’t talk as much #you all became a part of my familiar in a way that i didn’t notice at first #but am grateful at the end of the day #i love you all so much

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goldenhypen · 9 months

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i randomly found my old blog again and WOW ,,,, TELL ME WHY IM SAD i even stalked my old moots’ blogs too and i- 😭 the way so many things have changed since then :(

#it’s getting close to 5 years i’ve started writing fanfiction which is kinda crazy how time FLEW BY #it’s like reminiscing or looking back at old pictures #we’ve come a long way yall 🥲#NO BUT DONT EVEN BOTHER LOOKING FOR THAT BLOG #WE DONT TALK ABOUT HER #and smth that scares me is that at least one of my old moots from that blog follows me on here so #like every time i see her in my notifs i freak out wondering if she knows it’s me 😭#i abandoned that place and ran away for no reason 😭#and ik to never make that mistake again 🫡#but idk why going through my old blog makes me wanna transform this one or make a side blog #i think i’ve just been rlly wanting to start writing for other groups in addition to enha again #if i do tho it’ll v likely be on a new blog #cuz ik a lot of my followers only look for enha content on here #and that’s ok w me #ahhh i feel sad for some reason 😭#maybe that’s cuz it’s 1:30 am rn 😐#and this is the time of the day i get more emotional so 🧍🏻‍♀️#no but pls don’t search for my old blog 😭🙏🏻#i think if you search hard enough you’ll be able to tell it’s me #but it’ll be a hard task that’s not worth taking on i can promise you that #but hmmm thoughts are thinking rn #em speaks

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arolesbianism · 1 month

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I’ve been having a rough few days, but I’ve been feeling a bit better so I decided to make some lil thingies for some spiraling upwards kitties :3

#keese draws #warrior cats oc #spiraling upwards #I’ve posted art of ratstar and pigeonbillow before but the other three I haven’t I think #but yeah these are some more of the minkclan founders #and by that I mean two of them are and one of them was a kitten at the time #lightning is haveniris’ mom but she didn’t trust herself to raise him so her clanmates sort of collectively raised him #and by that I mean mostly pigeon and two other old ppl that aren’t included here #light did end up opening up to him more and acting as more of a mom after he chose to become a medic tho #the two have a complicated relationship for sure but they still care abt each other a lot #oh yeah and literally all of these guys are dead by the time murtle rolls around except for haven #pigeon died about two years before the other two and raincinder has been dead since before minkclan was properly founded #which is unsurprising given she’s such an old withering woman #she mostly made it that long because she was given a guide sponsor life #so long story short not all starclan cats actually get to use the cool starclan powers and those who do are usually ‘sponsored’ with an #extra life and a cool star like marking #this isn’t a well known thing tho and even within starclan only higher ranking cats rly know anything beyond knowing that every now and #then new guides are chosen #now usually what’s supposed to happen is that the sponsored cat has a close eye kept on them and if they are deemed worthy they’re allowed #to keep their mark and become a guide once they die the second time #the main flaw in this system is that the cat who sponsored them has to be the one to revoke it #so if they refuse to revoke it for whatever reason there’s not much that can be done about it #or in raincinder’s case her sponsor ended up fading before they could judge her fully #so even though by all means even the most rebel friendly guides would revoke it easily she managed to keep her mark til death #this was ofc largely helped by her living til 19 fucking years dear god woman #but hey I guess it means minkclan gets a guide even though she’s a rly shitty one #rly that mostly only matters for the sake of nine lives and the sake of travel between starclan and the living territories #which actually does cause a lot of problems when all the guides decide to go haunt a child instead #oh also guides also pass on their mark to leaders who’s life ceremony they hosted #not the guide role tho each guide gets a new mark

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bonelessratss · 2 months

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I’m so proud to be Texan

#even if I’m lowkey a transplant lmfaooo #I’ve been here for years tho so idk if I #I’m a transplant?? Lmao

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danielnelsen · 3 months

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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon #although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great #whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time #kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around #the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one #the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni #and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal #i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months #so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point #obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again #i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time #BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT #‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately #personal #but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12 #so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes #wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health #and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder #so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test #i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing #might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained

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housewifebuck · 5 months

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I kinda did want all that info but didn't know how to word it correctly. So thank you for sharing.

Ur SO welcome <3

#well if u really wanna know #I joined in 2014 and didn’t understand the app for a while and then accidentally stumbled into the spn fandom #and as detrimental as that was to my forming psyche #it’s also how I met some of my oldest and closest friends #then I joined marvel tumblr which was somehow even more insane and toxic (back then anyway)#and then I was offline for a few years #and then in like 2021 ish I finally watched schitts creek which brought me back #and also is the reason I started posting fic #my first fics on ao3 were for SC #don’t read them tho they’re awful LMFAOOO #and then I fell into shameless and then in may I watched 911 and well now I’m stuck here #this is the longest and most invested I’ve ever been in a fandom #usually my interest in fandoms fades in like 1-3 months max #ANYWAY.#asks #anonymous #office hours

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