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miselblog · 4 years

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10 Most Popular Pets In The America

In this article we go thru what are the most popular pets in america? Pets have been providing companionship to humans for centuries. Having a pet you can cuddle, care for or take a walk with occasionally has been found to be one of the most effective ways to cure boredom, loneliness, and depression.

Therapists and counselors even recommend you cuddle your pet at the end of your daily work or when going through a traumatic time in your life. In senior homes, pets help the elderly get the love and affection they need to feel wanted and relevant.

There are different types of animals people use for pets depending on individual preferences. In this post, we will look at some of the most popular pets you can find anywhere today:

1. Dogs

Dogs have always been the most popular pets in the United States and most other places. Many families prefer using dogs as pets for some very obvious reasons. Dogs known to be man’s best friends are excessively protective and loyal. According to researches, nothing beats a dog’s loyalty to his owner. Some dog species can be trained to be more affectionate and caring than kids.

A dog knows when his master is moody and unhappy and will try to initiate some games as a way of distracting the master from surly thoughts. Caring for a dog is relatively easy as they do not require any special care apart from feeding, walking them around and keeping them neat.

2. Cats

The English introduced the first domesticated cats into the United States several decades ago. Cats were initially brought in to keep rampaging rodents in check. No one ever thought cats would later become one of the most popular pets in America. Cats are very playful animals but can be quite curious and selfish at times.

Your cat can chat with you all night long if you give it attention. It just loves asking questions about many things and would love to always sleep close to you.

3. Fish

There are more than 25, 000 fish species identified so far. In the United States, fishing is one of the most popular hobbies people love to engage in. Keeping a fish is something several people love to do due to the companionship and relaxation it brings.

People with hyperactive minds can relax and stay calm by watching the slow movement of their fish pets in their home aquarium. Kids with very high energy levels can also benefit from watching fish swimming around. Fish are popular pets because they are not expensive to purchase and maintain. Among the known fish pet species, goldfish have always been the most popular.

4. Birds

Birds were first caged for their beauty over 4,000 years ago. There are several bird species used as pets in different countries and cultures. The most popular bird pets are the parrots and canaries. Other popular bird species you can keep as pets include doves, pigeons, budgerigars, cocktails, etc. Birds can be very good companions when properly cared for. They can live for several decades before bowing out.

5. Hamsters

According to the legend, hamsters were first found in Syria by a traveling zoologist and sent to labs around the world for scientific grouping. The first group of hamsters arrived in the United States in 1938 while a second group was brought in in 1971.

Hamsters are known to be disease-free and can reproduce at a very fast rate. Though they are considered a nuisance by farmers who try to learn or kill them. Some farmers can be as cruel as drowning these harmless little animals. They do not require any special diets and care when you use them as pets.

6. Ferrets

Ferrets gained their popularity during Queen victoria’s reign when he ordered that some special cages be built for these ferrets and started gifting the ferrets to visiting heads of state. According to a 1994 report, about 7 million ferrets live in homes as pets in the United States alone. Ferrets have remained popular all these years because they have the combined qualities of both dogs and cats.

These small animals are one of the most playful animals you can find anywhere. Ferrets are litter trainable and extremely social. They can sleep about 15-20 hours daily, which means they require very minimal care all their lives. Unlike dogs, you don’t need to give them any special care like walking them in the woods occasionally.

7. Iguanas

Iguanas can be very phenomenal pets despite their scary appearances. These pets have the reputation of helping the owner become more responsible. With adequate care, these pets can live for 2 decades.

These pets love sunbathing since they are desert animals. If there are no natural sun lights coming into your home, you can provide artificial light for them.

8. Snakes

Snakes can live up to 40 years if given adequate care. The demand for snake pets has been on the increase in recent times. Docile species like corn snakes and python are among the popular pet snake species known today.

You don’t need to feed your make pet frequently. Snakes can eat once every 5-14 days. Snakes require very low maintenance making them an inexpensive pet to keep.

9. Guinea Pig

The first Guinea Pigs were brought into the United States by immigrants from Britain in the early 1900s. Guinea Pigs have remained popular species ever since. Guinea Pigs have a very friendly temperament and do not bite.

Their caging requirements are easy to handle and they have no ability to jump or climb. These are easy to breed because their newborns arrive fully developed. They have very few health problems and are inexpensive to maintain.

10. Mice

The mice were first domesticated in China where they were kept in Chinese Royal Palaces. However, you can find these sophisticated mice all over the world today. Mice can live up to 3 years in your home as your favorite pet.

According to available results from reputable researches, mice remain the most widely distributed mammals after humans. Mice that live in homes feed on seeds, small plants, and insects. A female mouse can produce 4-7 younglings every 30 days but the high number of predators do not allow these younglings to survive for long.

#pets

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nortromthesilencer · 6 years

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GET TO KNOW YOU QUESTIONS MEME

Doing this for my Nort boy

1. What is your favorite time of year? “Harvest, due to the over-abundance of baking available.”

2. Do you have a favorite season? “Spring.”

3. What is your favorite holiday? “I tend to ignore holidays.”

4. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? “I haven’t tried many, but will say vanilla.”

5. What is your favorite thing to eat? “Venison and pastries.”

6. Where were you born? “At the Aeol Drias compound.”

7. Do you have any siblings? What are they like? “Yes. We were more alike than I would care to admit.”

8. What is your middle name? “I have none.”

9. Where are you from? “I was raised in the Hazhadal Barrens.”

10. What were some of your favorite things to do growing up? “Not being yelled at or goaded..”

11. Where did you go to school? “A cantonment in the Barrens.”

12. What was your favorite subject? “Oddly enough, physical training.”

13. What was your least favorite subject? “Magic studies.”

14. Did you have any fashion faux pas in high school? “I wore a uniform. No.”

15. What did you like to wear when you were growing up? “I didn’t care so long as it fit.”

16. Were you more of a rebel, jock, or nerd in high school? “Er... An outcast? A nerd? I am unsure.”

17. Do you still keep in touch with anyone from school? “Unfortunately yes, due to necessity in duty.”

18. Were you ever a teacher’s pet? “Hardly.”

19. Have you ever accidentally seen someone naked? “Yes.”

20. Has anyone ever accidentally seen you naked? “Yes.”

21. What is the most trouble that you got into at school? “Can I skip this question? I would think it rather obvious...”

22. If you could do high school all over again, would you? “No.”

23. Do you play any musical instruments? “No.”

24. Do you know any other languages? “Yes.”

25. Do you have a famous role model? “No.”

26. Have you ever lived in another country before? “I have made temporary stays in many areas around the world.”

27. What is the longest amount of time that you spent in another country? “A few years.”

28. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? “Alone. Besides that, my requirements are rather lax.”

29. What is one thing on your bucket list? “The visit the Vale of Augury.”

30. Where would you like to retire? “I doubt that will ever happen.”

31. Do you have kids? “No.”

32. Do you want kids one day? How many? “No.”

33. Do you have any ideas for baby names? “No.”

34. What kind of parent do you think you’d be? “A bad one.”

35. Do you like to dance? “No, though I was required to learn formal dancing for etiquette reasons.”

36. Do you like to sing karaoke? “No.”

37. Do you like to cook? “No.”

38. Do you have a favorite author? “There are too many I enjoy to select just one.”

39. What kind of music do you like? “Most harp music.”

40. What do you like to do in your free time? “Read, carpentry and wood carving, going for walks, meditating.”

41. Where is the last place you traveled to? “The Ruelands.”

42. What was your last vacation like? “I don’t tend to take vacations.”

43. Do you have any pets? “Yes. A cat.”

44. Do you like cats or dogs? “Cats, though I have nothing against dogs.”

45. Are you afraid of mice? “No.”

46. Are you afraid of spiders? “As of recently, yes.”

47. Do you have a nickname? What is it? “... Ugh. Some fools have started to spread ‘Nortie’ around, and I despise it.”

48. What is your favorite color? “I don’t have one.”

49. What is a big pet peeve of yours? “Being called ‘Nortie’, loud chewing, people making noise for no reason, and many others. I’m an irritable person.“

50. Do you have any guilty pleasures? “I am unsure what would count here. I find guilt in many of my pleasures, as they distract from my duties.”

51. Do you have any favorite TV shows? “Favourite what now?”

52. What is your favorite movie? “You’ve lost me.”

53. Do you know how to swim? “Yes.”

54. Are you athletic? “Yes.”

55. What are your favorite stores to shop at? “I tend not to shop much for anything but the essentials.”

56. What is one of your most embarrassing moments? “I would think having the entire damned population told that they should ‘fuck me’ followed up by knocking myself unconscious in frustration would rank fairly high.”

57. What is your favorite food? “You’ve already asked this in a different manner of wording.”

58. Are you an adventurous eater? “Not really.”

59. Would you ever participate in an eating contest? “No.”

60. What is something that you eat on a regular basis? “Root vegetables, as they keep for long periods.”

61. What would you want your last meal to be? “A rare prime rib with-- oh, now what was that called? Hmm... I have no idea at all what the meal was, nor how to cook it, but during one of the more formal dinner gatherings hosted by one of our allies I accompanied the HeadMaster and whatever it was we ate it was simply divine.”

62. What is the most unusual thing that you have eaten? “A tree.”

63. If you could be a superhero, what superpower would you want? “Invisibility perhaps, so that none could see nor bother me.”

64. Would you rather be able to turn invisible or be able to fly? “See above.”

65. What is the longest that you have gone without sleep? “Nearly a week. It was not pleasant.”

66. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? “A few minutes? Putting on clothing and running a brush through my hair isn’t exactly time consuming.”

67. What is one of your recent accomplishments? “Er... Surviving another day?”

68. How old were you when you learned the truth about Santa Claus? “About who now?”

69. Did you have a favorite TV show when you were growing up? “There is that word again. I don’t know.”

70. Do you like to collect anything (i.e. coins, stamps, rare books, etc.) “No... Wait, no, that’s a lie. I collect gags of various types and colours.”

71. What are 3 things that you would take with you on a deserted island? “My glaive, A flint and steel fire starter, and a large bearskin blanket.”

72. Who was your first celebrity crush? “Does a princess count?”

73. Who is your current celebrity crush? “See above.”

74. Have you ever met a famous person? “Many.”

75. If you could see one band or musician in a concert, who would it be? “I don’t know.”

76. Have you ever had front-row seats to a show (play or concert)? “No.”

77. Have you ever failed to return a library book? “... ... ... ...yes.”

78. Have you ever had (orthodontic) braces? “No.”

79. Do you have any phone numbers memorized? “Any what?”

80. What is something you have done that you would never do again? “Get in to a relationship with a daemon.”

81. Do you have any irrational fears? “I would think them all rational, but failure is the closest I can think of.”

82. What kind of childhood did you have? “A strict and tumultuous one.”

83. What is one of your biggest accomplishments? “Graduation.”

84. What is the first website that you go on at the beginning of the day? “Website?”

85. Besides your e-mail, what are 3 websites that you always check every day? “E-mail? Website?”

86. Do you think that you spend more than 1 hour a day on the internet? “I’m starting to feel like you’re speaking another language at times.”

87. Do you like to play video games? “... Still confused.”

88. How many people have you dated? “2.”

89. If you got engaged, how long would you want to wait before getting married? “As long as needed. I’m in no rush.”

90. What kind of wedding would you want? “A simple one.”

91. What is your idea of a good proposal? “I don’t know. Something overly sappy, and most likely would end up involving me tripping over my words in utter bashfulness. The usual.”

92. If you are a guy, would you ever want a girl to propose to you? “I would be fine with that.”

93. If you are a girl, would you ever propose to a guy? “...”

94. Have you ever been with the same gender? “Not by choice.” *shudder*

95. What is your favorite pair of shoes? “My combat boots.”

96. Have you ever won an award for anything? “No.”

97. Do you think you are like your parents? How so? “I wouldn’t know, I’ve never met them.”

98. Have you had any big life changes recently? “How recent are we talking?”

99. What is something that you feel passionate about? “My Order and my duty to them.”

100. What kind of animal would you be? “Oddly enough this has come up before. I think a mountain lion was the ultimate decision.”

101. What is something that can make you really mad? “Arrogance.”

102. Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? “I see it as not mattering.”

103. If you had to give up one of your five senses for the rest of your life, which one would it be: sight, sound, touch, taste, or smell? “While many might think I would pick sound, it is useful in combat and many of my duties. I would have to go with taste, as it is the least useful of my senses for what I do.”

104. Would you rather be blind or deaf? “Deaf.”

105. If you could live in a book, what would it be? “Something peaceful. I am unsure.”

106. Which family member are you closest to? “This hurts me.”

107. What would you do if you had a million dollars? “Same thing I do now: Not spend it.”

108. What is something that holds you back in life? “Myself.”

109. What is a perfect day for you? “Brutalizing members of the Fold, eating a good meal, then relaxing in a hot-springs to wash away the blood.”

110. What is something that you would love to learn how to do? “I guess cooking would be useful, but also a waste of time? Perhaps something more suited to my duties, something combat related.”

111. Do you prefer the countryside or an urban setting? “The Countryside is much quieter.”

112. What is your favorite kind of candy? “I don’t have one.”

113. What do you like to eat for breakfast? “Eggs, bacon, and an apple.”

114. If you had one week left to live, what would you do? “Take as many Fold members down with me as I could.”

115. If you could get into a time machine, would you rather travel back in time to the 1900’s, 1920’s, or 1950’s? “This dating convention doesn’t match my world.”

116. Do you ever sing in the shower? “No.”

117. If you could choose how it would happen, how would you want to die? “From exhaustion after I have taken out Obelis himself.”

118. Would you ever want to be famous? What for? “No.”

119. What qualities do you look for in a friend? “Loyalty.”

120. What qualities do you look for in a boyfriend or girlfriend? “See above. I would like that we share a sentimental bond and attraction for one another as well, both emotionally and physically. I am more interested in women who have their own lives, their own interests, their own hobbies, than ones that merely live life day by day doing whatever those near them tend to do.”

121. How much do you care about looks when it comes to finding a boyfriend or girlfriend? “I will admit, I do care somewhat. In time, however, and knowing an individual, this may change. I wouldn’t know, as the situation has never come up.”

122. When dating someone, is weight a big deal to you? “I want a partner that is healthy.”

123. Do you like to go to the gym? “I tend to work out at home.”

124. Do you like to go to concerts? “No.”

125. Do you like to go see plays? “Rarely.”

126. Do you like to go to the movies? “...”

127. Are you close to your family? “No, by no choice of my own.”

128. When is the last time you cried? “Sooner than I would like to admit.”

129. If you died tonight, would you have any regrets? “Many.”

130. If your house was on fire, what is one possession (not a person or pet) that you would save? “The memorial to my brother.”

131. Do you prefer to dress up or dress down? “Dress down.”

132. If there was one event in history you could prevent, what would it be? “It’s hard to choose. Stop the Mad Moon from cracking? Stop the Fold from being created? Save my brother before he descended into madness? Hmm...”

133. Name a celebrity that you would want to be best friends with. “I ask again, does a Princess count?”

134. How do you think the world will be different in 50 years? “If we think the conflicts now are bad, just wait until technology and magic evolve.”

135. What is something that draws you to people? “Intelligence, and positivity.”

136. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Do you think he or she knew? “No.”

137. Do you remember who your first crush was? “Yes. No other comment.”

138. What is one place that you have traveled to? “One? Er, Elze?”

139. Would you ever date someone who has been married before? “I suppose.”

140. Would you ever date someone who is still married? “No.”

141. Would you ever date someone who has kids? “Most likely not; Well, if the kids were still with them.”

142. How many kids would you want? “You asked this on 32.”

143. Do you like to sing karaoke? “Again, a repeat. See 36.”

144. Do you have any favorite karaoke songs? “I don’t have one.”

145. If you had your own holiday, what would be a required activity? “Being silent for the entire day.”

146. What would a holiday named after you be called? “I don’t know. The day of silence and listening?”

147. Were you brought up in a particular religion? “No, but I was raised in strong compliance to my Order.”

148. Are you religious? “No.”

149. Do you believe in an afterlife? “Given what I’ve seen, yes.”

150. Do you believe in God? “Which one?”

151. Do you like rainy days? “Yes.”

152. Do you like snow? “To a point.”

153. Tell me about your worst weather experience. “Traveling across the mountains and getting chased down by a mud slide due to heavy rains, that then made it too slick and sticky to even climb over the pass.”

154. Have you ever ridden a horse? “Yes.”

155. Do you like rollercoasters? “I am unsure what that is.”

156. Have you ever gone scuba diving? “No.”

157. Have you ever gone rock climbing? “I’ve climbed, but not for sport.”

158. Have you ever climbed a mountain? “Yes.”

159. Do you know how to bake? “No.”

160. Do you know how to cook? “No.”

161. What is your favorite dish to make? “Anything I can’t screw up easily.”

162. What do you usually do for the holidays? “Stay inside and relax.”

163. What are your parents like? “I feel like you asked this already... Or something similar.”

164. What are/were your grandparents like? “Again, never met them, wouldn’t know.”

165. What was your first job? “For pay? Soldiers work.”

166. What was your worst job? “Being liaison to another kingdom’s duchess... A very flirty, very prone to drinking, duchess.”

167. What was your first car? “I’ve never had one.”

168. How old were you when you got your driver’s license? “Er...”

169. How many times did you have to take your driving test? “Errr......”

170. Have you ever gotten a driving ticket? “Errrrrr.........”

171. What is your dream car? “I don’t have one.”

172. What is your dream home like? “Smaller, but with enough space for crafting, a small study and book nook, a large storage cellar, and away from most distractions. Preferably somewhere I can be self sustaining for the most part.”

173. Who is the last person you spoke on the phone with? “Phone?”

174. Where would you want to retire? “See number 30. You really should be more careful about repeating questions.”

175. How do you like to exercise? “Mostly using nature around me to act as weights and stands.”

176. Are you double jointed? “No.”

177. Are you a lefty, righty, or ambidextrous? “Left handed.”

178. If you could change your first or last name, what would you change it to? “I wouldn’t.”

179. If you could, would you want to be immortal? “Given that I--- No, nevermind. It’s not a pretty fate, to be sure, but a necessity.”

180. What would be the title of your autobiography? “Silent musings. The pages would be all blank.”

181. When did you have an experience that ultimately made you a stronger person? “I would say graduation cemented my will.”

182. What is one of the best meals that you have ever had? “See 61.”

183. What is something that you learned recently? “That Keen’s hate having their technology compared to magic.”

184. Do you have a favorite restaurant? “No.”

185. What is your least favorite food? “I dislike oranges.”

186. What is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to you? “I-- I don’t know.”

187. What is the meanest thing that anyone has ever said to you? “Any comment about being useless tends to cut deep.”

188. How would you describe yourself in one word? “Sardonic.”

189. What instrument would you want to play? “I find the harp most agreeable, but doubt I could ever learn.”

190. What music did you like to listen to as a teenager? “None.”

191. What would you do if you were a millionaire for one day? “The same thing I do now.”

192. Do you like public displays of affection or do they bother you? “By others? I care not, so long as I’m not involved.”

193. How do you show someone that you care about them? “By attempting to be there for them, and protecting them.”

194. What is one fashion trend that you like? “I don’t care much about fashion.”

195. What is one fashion trend that you don’t like? “Likewise.”

196. Do you have any weird talents? “I can bend my feet over my head.”

197. What is your favorite dance move? “The one where I don’t have to dance.”

198. How do you know when you like someone? “I don’t always. It’s complicated.”

199. What is your favorite childhood movie? “?”

200. What is your favorite thing from your closet? “A simple pair of beige slacks.”

201. Do you have any phobias? “Due to recent traumas, Spiders. Besides that? Abandonment and betrayal.”

202. Would you ever want to live with your parents again? “I never did in the first place.”

203. What is your favorite way to eat an egg? “Would it be disgusting to say raw?”

204. What is your favorite way to eat a potato? “Baked?”

205. Do you have a favorite condiment? “No. Maybe mustard.”

206. Do you prefer hamburgers or hot dogs? “Hamburgers.”

207. Who is someone that you really miss? “... I think it would be obvious if you knew me.”

208. What is something that you wish you could change about yourself? “Less irritable.”

209. Who is the worst neighbor you ever had? “Some asshole who insisted on hosting drunken parties every week.”

210. Would you ever go bungee jumping? “Maybe.”

211. What is your favorite movie genre? “Again, Movie. I don’t know that word.”

212. Have you ever milked a cow? “Yes.”

213. Do you know how to sew? “Barely. Just enough to temporarily patch things, or fix buttons.”

214. Do you follow politics and current events? “Only as duty dictates.”

215. What are your favorite pajamas? ��My underwear.”

216. What is the worst thing that you ever cooked? “Everything.”

217. Pick one thing that you would love to win a lifetime supply of. “Whetstones.”

218. Have any of your views changed over the years? “Changed, not so much. Softened? Yes.”

219. What was your hometown like? Is it any different there now? “Dusty. Warm during the day, cold a night. Quiet, but I liked that. It’s been some time since I’ve returned there.”

220. What is the funniest prank that you have ever done? “With Jin’jakk I dropped a wasp nest into Invoker’s home through his chimney... Well alright, it was funny until he destroyed my own house with fire in retaliation.”

221. Did you ever do anything to earn money when you were a kid? “No. I was provided for so long as I continued my studies.”

222. How do you spend your birthdays? “I only just recently learnt that those were things to be celebrated.”

223. Have you ever had a surprise party? “No.”

224. What did you do for your last birthday? “Rahovart brought me a small pie and we shared it.”

225. Do you remember the first time that you were away from home? “If I count the Cantonment as my home, then yes. We traveled in town for both lessons and trade.”

226. Do you have any funny stories about your family? “My brother once waxed all of my body hair against my will. He thought it was hilarious. I hated every second.”

227. Have you ever been to summer camp?” “No.”

228. Have you ever gone camping before? Would you do it again? “Most of my patrols and travels are spent camping.”

229. What was one of your best dates? “While a few come to mind, the aftermath of events leave such memories jaded. I am sorry, but I would rather skip this question.”

230. What was one of your worst dates? “Being abducted and forced to ‘enjoy myself’ despite being tied up and there against my will.”

231. What was your high school mascot? “My what?”

232. What was/is your dream university? “All of my schooling was done by my Order. There were no options.”

233. If you could participate on a game show, which show would it be? “I wouldn’t.”

234. If you could be in a T.V. show, which ones would it be? “T.V?”

235. Would you rather stand out in the freezing cold with just a bathing suit on or stand out in the hot sun with layers of clothing and a coat? “Hypothermia or hyperthermia. Heatstroke or frostbite. What wonderful choices. I guess the heat, as I could easily remove clothing, where as procuring clothing in the cold would be more difficult.”

236. What is your favorite animal? “Cats I guess.”

237. What is usually your first thought when you wake up in the morning? “Where my pants are.”

238. Do you believe in aliens? “I’ve seen creatures from other worlds and spaces. So, yes?”

239. Do you believe in magic? “This is a stupid question, of course given that it’s not a matter of belief: Magic just is.”

240. Have you ever had your fortune told? If not, would you do it? “Yes, by Nerif.”

241. Do you believe in psychics? “Given the array of powers that exist, yes, I could see it.”

242. Do you believe in paranormal creatures? “Again, I’ve met some, so yes.”

243. How do you like to spend the weekend? “Reading, working on side projects, in quiet.”

244. If you could get a completely new wardrobe, what would you buy for yourself? “Nothing beyond what I already have really.”

245. Do you have any exciting plans coming up? “That’s confidential.”

246. Would you ever get someone’s name tattooed on you? “No.”

247. Would you get a face tattoo that covers half of your face and never have it removed for $10,000,000? “No.”

248. Have you ever kissed someone at midnight on New Year’s? “Once.”

249. How do you like to spend Valentine’s Day? “As of right now? Alone. If I were in a stable relationship, I’m sure that would change.”

250. Do you like to dress up for Halloween? “No.”

251. Have you ever dressed up in a couples costume or a group costume? “No.”

252. If you lost your job today, what would you do? “In this case, my job is my duty and honour to my Order. If I lost that, I doubt I would find my life with much meaning or worth.”

253. Have you ever lived with a significant other? “No.”

254. Have you ever had to share a room with someone? “Yes.”

255. Have you ever had a roommate? “Yes.”

256. Have you ever kissed on the first date? “Yes.”

257. Have you ever done more than kiss on the first date? “No.”

258. What is the most casual date that you have been on? “Getting ice-cream and just sitting outside and enjoying eachother’s company.”

259. What is the fanciest date that you have been on? “Carriage and coach, fine dining, outdoor hotsprings, followed by a night in a private lodge overlooking the woods.”

260. How do you like to celebrate anniversaries (if you have had any)? “I don’t.”

261. How much does it matter to you that your family and friends like your significant other? “They would have to get along with my Order, or it wouldn’t work.”

#meme #headcanon #Nortrom answers #long

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funface2 · 5 years

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101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade

Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends and family will have you saying, “So true!” because, well, they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments.

Take a much-needed break from your day to check out the 101 funniest quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle.

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” —David Letterman

5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.” Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” —Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” —Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” —Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’” —Anonymous

15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

16. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” —Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

17. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” —Anonymous

18. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” —Les Dawson

20. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.” —Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

21. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” —Steven Wright

22. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.” Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley” —Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

24. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers

25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” —Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

27. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel

28. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” —Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

29. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” —Lessons from the Minivan

30. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

31. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.” —Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

32. Usher: “Bride or groom?” Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!” —Four Weddings and a Funeral

33. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.” Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.” —Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

34. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld

35. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.” Fred: “Your feet?” —Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

36. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous

37. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?” Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.” —Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

38. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” —Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

40. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” —Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

41. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” —Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

42. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous

43. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” —Graham Norton

44. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

45. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” —George Carlin

46. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” —Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm

47. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom

48. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.” —Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

49. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman

50. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” —Neil DeGrasse Tyson

51. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

52. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” —Jay Leno

53. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin

54. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” —Dave Barry

55. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” —Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective

56. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.” —Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns

58. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” —Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda

59. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?” —Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

60. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” —Ellen DeGeneres

61. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?” Clouseau: “The exploding kind.” —Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again

62. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” —Tina Fey, Bossypants

63. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” —Anonymous

64. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams

65. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” —Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory

66. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.” —Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters

67. Police officer: “Pull over.” Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.” —Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber

68. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope

69. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.” —Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night

70. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” —Anonymous

71. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” —Mark Twain

72. “Woke up today. It was terrible.” —Grumpy Cat

73. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.” —Anonymous

74. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.” —Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal

75. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” —Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors

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76. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck

77. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” —Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

78. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.” Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!” Individual: “I’m not!” —Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian

79. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids

80. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” —Oscar Wilde

81. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.” —Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally

82. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.” —Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

83. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City

84: Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.” Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?” —Waitress, the Musical

85. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” —Anonymous

86. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White

87. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” —Maria Bamford

88. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” —Jarod Kintz

89. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” —Dorothy Parker

90. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.” —Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail

91. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” —Lin-Manuel Miranda

92. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.” —Anonymous

93. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” —Groucho Marx

94. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” —Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

95. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” —Shonda Rimes

96. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” —Damien Fahey

97. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.” —Anonymous

98. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall

99. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” —Noel Coward

100. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

101. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” —Zach Galifianakis

Want more great quotes? Check out… 50 Thinking of You Quotes 150 Good Morning Quotes 100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes 50 Friday Quotes 50 Monday Motivation Quotes

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Bài viết 101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/101-funny-quotes-hilarious-quotes-to-make-you-laugh-parade/

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jobsearchtips02 · 4 years

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arkiivlll · 4 years

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https://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/26/books/26paul.html

BOOKS

On the Road and Between the Pages, an Author Is Restless for Adventure

By ANNE GOODWIN SIDESAUG. 26, 2006

WHITE OAKS, N.M. — “I can’t live in towns anymore,” Gary Paulsen says, enjoying the view from his 200-acre ranch on the outskirts of an old ghost town in the Jicarilla Mountains, 40 miles from the nearest grocery store.

Living like a fugitive from society, the 67-year-old author says, is the only way he can think clearly. “I bought a house in a town near here, and a nice guy, a neighbor, came over to say hi,” he says, wincing. “It was too close.”

For generations of young, mostly male readers, Mr. Paulsen is one of the best-loved writers alive. With more than 26 million books in print, his name is practically synonymous with the wilderness adventure genre. He has won three Newbery Honor awards: for “Dogsong” (1985), “The Winter Room” (1989) and perhaps his best-known work, “Hatchet” (1987), about the only survivor of a plane crash in the Yukon.

“Gary Paulsen’s writing is very authentic, and kids sense that,” said Margaret Tice, coordinator of children’s services at the New York Public Library and a member of the Newbery committee. “He’s always lived his life on the edge and survived true adventures, but he’s not just an action man; he also knows how young people feel and think.”

Teri Lesesne, who teaches children’s literature at Sam Houston State University in Huntsville, Tex., has noted a special power in Mr. Paulsen’s work. “If I have a kid who’s a reluctant reader, all I have to do is hand him one of Gary Paulsen’s books,” she said. “It’ll change his life.”

Continue reading the main story

Mr. Paulsen receives hundreds of letters a day. But his publisher can barely keep track of where to forward them, since Mr. Paulsen restlessly ricochets around the globe: training horses in New Mexico, running dogs in Alaska, riding his Harley across the American West, gunkholing around the South Pacific in his beat-up sailboat.

It’s deliberate: Mr. Paulsen is an unapologetic misanthrope, children excepted. “I don’t have anything against individuals,” he says. “But the species is a mess.” His throat tightens. “The last time I was up in Santa Fe, I wasn’t there 20 minutes before I brewed up, almost slugged a tourist on the steps of my wife’s gallery.” Ruth Wright Paulsen, his third wife, illustrated four of his picture books and a prose poem about an early American farm. “Now I try to be alone,” he says, pointedly.

Compulsively prolific, Mr. Paulsen produces a fresh book for young adults every few months, the vast majority of them novellas. His latest, “The Legend of Bass Reeves,” was published this month by Wendy Lamb Books, an imprint of Random House. It is identified as “the true and fictional account” of a slave who became the most successful federal marshal in American history.

“He’d ride alone into the center of hell and bring the men out, alive, if possible, or, if necessary, draped dead over a horse,” Mr. Paulsen writes. “He did this 3,000 times. Miraculously, he was never wounded. He rejected countless bribes, and when his own son killed his wife, he tracked his son down, brought him to justice and sent him to prison for life.”

All true. But Mr. Paulsen’s book is a novel, and he openly fictionalizes his protagonist, imbuing Bass Reeves with some of his own traits and experiences. The best writing, he says, is “like carving pieces off your self.” An outcast who survives abuse and a hardscrabble upbringing, Reeves is an expert shot with a sixth sense for tracking and a shamanlike kinship with animals. “Reeves was honest and honorable, and just flat tough,” Mr. Paulsen says, as if he’s fiercely defending a friend’s good name.

Compact, with wolf-blue eyes set in a grizzled face, Mr. Paulsen strongly resembles Ernest Hemingway. There are other parallels. Mr. Paulsen’s prose is spare and well acquainted with death. At various points in his life, he has been tormented by Papa-like demons: too much anger, too much drink, too much emphasis on virility, too many wives, too much loneliness.

Receiving the first overnight guests he’s allowed onto his desert ranch, Mr. Paulsen seems wary but not unfriendly. He wears tall boots and walks gingerly along the overgrown path beyond his door, pointing out rocks and crevices where he’s spotted five rattlesnakes in recent days.

This is bear and mountain lion country, which is why he often carries a snub-nosed .38. “Cats kill you before they eat you,” he says. “Bears like to hold you down and rip your buttocks while you’re still alive.”

All right then.

“Shall we eat?” Mr. Paulsen asks, pulling a few bloody steaks and a plastic vat of potato salad out of the fridge and opening a can of beans.

He is wearing the Iditarod belt that he earned in 1983 on his first try at the brutal 1,049-mile dog-sled race across Alaska, when he finished 42nd in a field of 73. Since then, his love affair with sled dogs has been one of the few constants in his peripatetic life.

“The dogs have affected me in all ways,” he says. “In my understanding of people, in my understanding of love and hate. Once you break down the interlock between species, it’s astonishing.”

Mr. Paulsen also keeps a 40-acre spread north of Willow, Alaska, where he breeds and trains dogs for the Iditarod (which he ran for the third time last March). “From the northwest corner of my land, there’s nothing for 4,000 miles,” he says, his voice quickening with excitement. “There’re no towns, no roads, no people all the way to Siberia.” And few of the provocations of modern society that make him “brew up.”

Mr. Paulsen is a prodigious ranter of the Luddite persuasion; it takes little to set him off. The Internet: “It’s just stupid, faster.” Lawyers: “Miserable human beings.” Organized sports: “Mindless dreck!” Television: “Intellectual carbon monoxide, but hey, TV’s are fun to shoot!”

He grew up poor and lonely in the small town of Thief River Falls, Minn. “My folks were the town drunks,” he says. “We lived in this grubby apartment building. My parents were brutal to each other, so I slept in the basement by an old coal-fired furnace.” He pretended to sell newspapers in pubs, raking the drunks’ money off the bar into his pockets when they were good and juiced. “I became a street kid,” he says. “Occasionally I’d live with aunts or uncles, then I’d run away to live in the woods, trapping and hunting game to survive. The wilderness pulled at me; still does.”

He said he was 13 when he stepped into a library for the first time. It was a frigid winter night. The library stayed open until 9 p.m., and its gold-tinted windows looked invitingly warm.

“The librarian typed my name on a card,” he remembers. “I looked at it and somehow that made me somebody.

Mr. Paulsen became a voracious reader, but not much of a student. “School didn’t work for me. I hated it,” he says. At 17, he forged his father’s signature to join the Army. Once, while he was testing missiles at White Sands, N.M., a Nike Ajax missed its target, locking onto a tagged buzzard instead.

In early 1965, he packed his Volkswagen Bug and drove to Hollywood, where he helped write dialogue for the television series “Mission: Impossible,” and the 1969 Steve McQueen film “The Reivers.” Then Mr. Paulsen left. “I started to like it too much,” he says.

In 1966, he checked himself into a cabin in the Minnesota woods, where he wrote his first book, “Some Birds Don’t Fly,” a collection of humorous essays about the missile industry.

Mr. Paulsen has lost count of how many books he has written since then. His Web site, garypaulsen.com, puts the tally at more than 175. Whether his subject is a slave who risks his life to teach others to read in “Nightjohn” (a book he adapted for a 1996 television movie), or an orphan on the streets of Juárez, Mexico, in “The Crossing” (a film version is now in preproduction), Mr. Paulsen is always writing to conquer his own dark, painful experiences.

“I’m a teller of stories,” he says. “I put bloody skins on my back and dance around the fire, and I say what the hunt was like. It’s not erudite; it’s not intellectual. I sail, run dogs, ride horses, play professional poker and tell stories about the stuff I’ve been through. And I’m still a romantic; I still want Bambi to make it out of the fire.”

Mr. Paulsen stopped writing for adults 10 years ago. “It’s artistically fruitless,” he fumes. “Adults are locked into car payments and divorces and work. They haven’t got time to think fresh. Name the book that made the biggest impression on you. I bet you read it before you hit puberty. In the time I’ve got left, I intend to write artistic books — for kids — because they’re still open to new ideas.”

A version of this article appears in print on , on Page B7 of the New York edition with the headline: On the Road and Between the Pages, an Author Is Restless for Adventure.

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biofunmy · 4 years

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Greeting the New Year in Earth’s Northernmost Settlement

On the flight from Oslo to Svalbard, the sun gave way to night as we crossed the Arctic Circle; for one magical moment, the plane’s wing bisected light and dark perfectly. This would be the last natural light I would see for a week. For half the year, Svalbard, the northernmost inhabited place in the world, is lit by the midnight sun. The other half of the year, the Norwegian archipelago is plunged into the purple darkness of polar night.

Few people have heard of Svalbard and even fewer have seen it. The isolated group of islands is an old mining settlement turned glacial adventuring outpost located 1,200 miles north of mainland Norway, one of the closest landmasses to the North Pole, along with Greenland and Nunavut. The approximately 2,200 inhabitants dotting the desolate tundra are itinerant, a mix of climate scientists, miners and globe-trotting explorers mostly from Russia, Scandinavia and Canada. There are more polar bears than people.

Historically, this archipelago was the isolated purview of turn-of-the-century airship explorers obsessed with finding the Northwest Passage; more recently Svalbard served as the fantastical setting for Phillip Pullman’s “His Dark Materials” trilogy. Today, it is poised to be the next extreme vacation destination for tourists obsessed with climate change, wilderness and chasing the Northern Lights.

Svalbard is an Arctic desert. Its permafrost makes it the ideal home for the Global Seed Vault, an underground repository for the world’s most vital crops (and likely Svalbard’s most famous tourist attraction, though no tourists are allowed inside). But this permafrost also means nothing can take root, giving the place an eerily lunar landscape, with no trees and few animals.

The extreme isolation and hardness of the landscape is what drew me here, too. I took the trip with my partner Noah. Both of our marriages had recently ended, and in our 40s, we were suddenly rootless, dislocated in a way neither of us had expected. It was as though we’d sat on the shoreline, watching a glacier crumble into the ocean. We’d found each other, but our relationship was still new and untested. Perhaps we’d been drawn to the Arctic to see if anything permanent in the world still existed.

And so, at the end of December, after spending a few days in Oslo exploring Grünerløkka’s record shops and the Viking Museum’s ships, we took a direct morning flight to Svalbard. I imagined stepping off the plane into a sea of phosphorescent green aurora, but when we arrived, the sky was cloudy. Noah had seen the Northern lights many times, mostly in Iceland, but this would be my first experience. I loved the idea of the sun setting off a solar flare 92 million miles away, and having it appear here in all its eerie ectoplasmic beauty, like some ghostly atomic postcard.

A set of stairs was rolled up to the plane’s exit door and along with everyone else we wrapped our bodies in our serious coats and hats and mittens before stepping out into the icy air. At the bottom of the slippery staircase, a woman in a reflective flightsuit directed us toward the airport with hand-held lantern flares. A silver foil tiara spelled out Happy New Year on top of her white-blond bun. It was 10 in the morning on New Year’s Eve and pitch black.

Longyearbyen, Svalbard’s main settlement, is essentially two roads in a giant T. This once untouchable frontier has evolved into a study in contrasts, a balance of scarcity and opulence, some of the world’s roughest terrain inexplicably mixed with luxury. For a long time, Svalbard was reserved for the tourist elite because of the difficulty and cost of travel, not to mention the expense of outfitting yourself with the right boots, parka, layers and more to withstand the cold. Visitors tend to be either young adventurers working their way across the world or high-end travelers checking off their bucket lists, and most of the lodging and restaurant options fall into either the budget or splurge category. There is little middle ground.

We booked a room at Funken Lodge, a modern hotel with clean lines and Scandinavian efficiency, where we were welcomed with drinks by the fireplace at the hotel bar (rooms are currently about $150 to $180 a night, breakfast included). We’d made New Year’s Eve dinner reservations at Huset, the highest-end of the handful of restaurants in town, and that evening took a taxi to the unassuming building tucked dramatically at the foot of a towering glacier, where the row of snowmobiles parked out front made it look more ski-lodge than fine Nordic dining. The building has, at various times served as the island’s post office, church, school and airport terminal, as well as a miner’s boardinghouse. Today it is also the understated home to one of the largest wine cellars in Scandinavia with 15,000 bottles and a Two Wine Glass distinction from Wine Spectator magazine.

Huset’s staid interior was in stark contrast to the decadence of the plates. Our five-course meal (1,200 Norwegian krone each, or about $131 per person) started with an appetizer of woody chanterelles that had been foraged locally. Glistening cuts of Isfjord cod and roe were nestled atop beds of lichen and ptarmigan feathers. The main course showcased local reindeer two ways (tartare and made into hearty sausage), accompanied by strands of salty kelp harvested from the island’s shoreline and microgreens provided by the island’s sole greenhouse, a pink geodesic dome visible from the main road. The structure’s neon blink was the only colored light on the island, like a pair of neon Wayfarers in a sea of mirrored Aviators.

The waiter told us that the restaurant turned into a local’s nightclub after dinner, so we stayed in our corner, sipping from our many half-glasses of wine as the demure dining room changed over to flashing lights and techno. A few minutes before midnight, Noah and I pulled our coats and boots on and half-stumbled, half-skated to the edge of the parking lot between the restaurant and the high wall of the glacier. Some of the kitchen staff lit off fireworks, holding the cardboard containers as the flares launched into the air, refracting off the towering wall of glittering ice until everything was bathed in flame. They were not Northern Lights, but these man-made sparkles of color had their own kind of otherworldly beauty.

We woke to the first day of the new year and nursed our hangovers, grateful for the dark. Months earlier, we’d booked a Northern Light Safari with Dog Sled (2,780 krone for two). In the safe glow of a computer screen at home, this had sounded whimsical and romantic. Now, it was mildly terrifying.

Our guide picked us up in a cube van from the hotel, and as we drove farther out of town the streetlamps disappeared, replaced by polar bear warning signs. From a distance, Green Dog Svalbard looked more like a maximum-security prison than a dog-sledding outfit, but the guide explained the chain-link fence and floodlights were needed to keep the dogs safe from polar bears. This was comforting, until I realized the point of our trip was to take the dogs from camp out onto the glacier.

Before sledding, we hung up our fancy parkas and shouldered into bulky jumpsuits that smelled like dog and hooked oversized sheepskin mitts on a string around our necks. This reminded me sweetly of a child’s mittens, until the guide warned us that unguarded our hands would get frostbitten in less than five minutes.

From the hut we followed the guide into the open-air kennel. Names were painted onto each of the dozens of doghouses, and dogs whimpered and leapt with excitement, pulling on their chains staked to the frozen ground. Each sledge held two people and the dogs were organized into teams of six. The guide shouted some general directions over the deafening howling; I tried to listen while wrestling our dogs into formation, sweating profusely under my layers, goggles completely fogged. “Here is your anchor!” He held up a heavy ball of spiked metal attached to the sled. “Make sure you secure your anchor, or it will flop around dangerously and claw you in the leg!”

Noah and I got our bearings on the sledge, essentially a roughhewn Flexible Flyer with a high back, which I sat against and he stood behind. With no fanfare, the guide’s whistle pierced the night, and our six huskies were running, the lights and safety and noise of the kennel disappearing behind us.

Even with a hood, balaclava and goggles, the wind froze my breath in my chest. We were racing through the Bolterdalen Valley, but we could have been on the moon, and I felt like an astronaut floating in space. Our path was lit only by my headlamp, though the dogs clearly knew where to go, and although Noah held reins in his hands, we were just passengers. A few minutes in, we were so completely alone on the ridge of the glacier, so completely in the middle of nowhere, that I began to feel panicky. I concentrated on the dogs’ rhythmic breathing echoing into the icy silence and tried to calm down.

By the time we returned to camp more than an hour later, I could not feel my jaw or feet. Noah and I worked at unhooking our dogs and returning them to their doghouses, and suddenly I was a sweaty mess again, jaw and feet tingling back to life.

In the van on the way back to the hotel, Noah cracked a handwarmer to life and slipped it between our palms. “Did you see the Northern lights?” he asked, flushed. Apparently they’d appeared in the middle of the trip, but I’d been so focused on the dogs, and keeping my balance on the sledge, I’d completely missed them.

Going inside the glacier

The next few days blended into one long night. We ate elaborate meals of Arctic char and gravlax at our hotel restaurant and handmade chocolates from Fruene, the world’s northernmost chocolate shop. We slept late and took long walks through town, wary of bears. Everywhere we went, our snow pants made a shush-shush sound.

One night, we layered up for an evening glacier hike. Our guide Martin drove us to a cluster of miner’s cabins at the edge of town where he handed out headlamps and springy-teethed crampons for the bottoms of our boots.

Martin was tall and trim and he secured his rifle to his back with an embroidered strap of red and green and gold. He cautioned us to stay together — our group of six could only go as fast as the slowest hiker to stay safe from polar bears since he was the only one with a gun. His husky, Tequila, joined us on the two-hours of precarious ice trekking, until we arrived at an unassuming hole the size of a sewer grate on the top of the glacier. We took turns sliding down a tunnel into the dark.

The ice came alive under our headlamps, and the glossy gray ribcages of stalagmites and stalactites made me feel like Jonah inside his whale. The swirls of sediment made wavy marbled ribbons in the wall, and the clicking of our crampons echoed through the tunnels. It felt like walking on teeth and bone and glass.

Summer snowmelt created these caverns. We’d been hiking above a network of underground tunnels. Martin passed around cookies and cups of syrupy blackcurrant juice, leaving purple stains on a makeshift ice bar, and after an hour of wandering inside the tunnels, we crawled back out to Tequila and into a snowstorm. We trekked downhill in an ebullient line, giddy despite the icy crevices and drop-offs that lurked beyond the pale light of our headlamps under the cloudy night sky. There were no Northern Lights, but as we hiked back, a small triangle of light appeared between the glaciers. Town.

I spied the strange pink glow of the geodesic dome, the island’s unlikely greenhouse. As my crampons gripped the ice, I thought about the beds of tender green leaves that I imagined populated it. Why try to grow something in an Arctic desert, a place that by nature is uninhabitable to anything with roots? No one can be born in Svalbard — pregnant women are required to leave the island weeks before their due date — and you cannot be buried there because of the permafrost. And yet, this neon dome pulsed, a pink heart on an otherwise blank slate, offering the promise of new growth where none was expected, roots where otherwise there were none.

Hot dogs and the aurora

Noah’s birthday arrived on the final day of our trip, and I packed our hotel towels and slippers into a bag and told him I’d arranged for a surprise. I’d reserved space on an excursion called “Sauna Meal & Aurora Borealis,” and soon, after driving in a cube van to an isolated campsite on the tundra, we were helping our guide Misha stretch a canvas cover across the crisscrossed spines of a tent frame over a portable sauna. Misha made hot dogs over an open fire in a steel caldron on the ice while we waited for the sauna to heat up. This was the least glamorous meal we ate in Svalbard, and yet it managed to still feel extraordinary as we sat together around the fire, drinking tea and eating hot dogs in the Arctic.

After the barbecue, we stripped off layer after thermal layer, scuttling the 20-foot distance between tents in just a towel and slippers. Once the sauna tent’s flap was securely zipped, we sat in lawn chairs on the ice in the small dark space, listening to the hiss of the water on the rocks. We sweated, luxuriating in the heat, pawing snowballs from the floor and running them against our bare skin. This was the strangest but perhaps most fitting way for our time in the Arctic to end, I thought, huddled together with full bellies on the tundra, Misha patrolling the perimeter for polar bears.

After some time, I wiped the fog from the small slice of clear plastic in the side of the tent and realized the stars were ablaze in the sky, and as I scanned the edge of the glacier I saw something forming: like a cloud, but more ghostly. I grabbed Noah’s arm and we ran outside.

We stood, staring, in slippers and towels on the tundra, as the milky wash of the aurora sparkled across the sky. The lights weren’t green; they weren’t any color, really, but I’d never seen anything like it. My sweat felt like all the stars in the sky were wrapped around my body in a blanket, little spears of heat and ice, and when I turned to Noah his skin was bathed in silver, as if his body was part of the aurora itself.

52 PLACES AND MUCH, MUCH MORE Follow our 52 Places traveler, Sebastian Modak, on Instagram as he travels the world, and discover more Travel coverage by following us on Twitter and Facebook. And sign up for our Travel Dispatch newsletter: Each week you’ll receive tips on traveling smarter, stories on hot destinations and access to photos from all over the world.

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