#even if its not necessarily the ones that worked for me. and vice versa

[rigelmejo]

Things you might want to know about duolingo (and lingodeer unless they ever actually updated) before relying on it as your main study tool:

These apps can work fine as study tools, but you still need to be doing the study time per day for your long term "how many years to get go X progress." So a good starting suggestion would be at least half an hour of a language similar to yours per day (ex: if you know english and learn spanish), and at least 1-2 hours a day of a language less similar to yours (ex: if you know english and learn korean)Korean.

Alternatively, cram these apps. Like 1-2 hours per day, or much more, and aim to do new material mandatory and review option. The next point is why cramming may be appealing to you:

For most languages Duolingo covers A1 material, maybe A2 material. And if youre extremely fortunate (Spanish learners) it may cover just enough to get you to the beginning of B1. If you don't know what this means: A1 and A2 are from a language test CEFR and basically mean "beginner" level classes in college, B1 and B2 mean "intermediate" level in college and you often are expected to have B2 level language skills to work/go to school in a language. So: duolingo only covers beginner stuff. That's 2 semesters of class material, if you're lucky and the duolingo course isn't too sparse. So if you spend more than 2 semesters worth of weeks on duolingo, it would've been faster to just take a class. And unlike a class, duolingo will not teach you how to write essays or speak in creative discussions with others or how to read/listen to long texts. So duolingo covers grammar and some vocabulary (usually 3000 words or less). So you'll want to go through duolingo FAST to make sure it's not taking longer than 2 school semesters, and you'll likely want to eventually be adding a half hour to 2 hours of additional outside study where you read/listen/write/speak. Some people prefer to do those after they finish duolingo for a basic foundation, and that's fine, just get through it quickly enough for it to be useful for you. Yes, that means 5-15 minutes of duolingo will cause such slow progress you'll likely want to do anything else to make progress faster (and it's fine to use something else instead). But if you DO want to use duolingo, then plan on a significant amount of time daily if you want to make progress that feels fairly timely.

Last time I checked out Lingodeer (2021), it had japanese and Chinese courses that also only covered beginner material, and also only had about 3000 vocabulary words. So for these languages, while lingodeer explains their grammar a bit better than duolingo, ultimately both apps have beginner material only. Plan to get through lingodeer faster than 2 semesters of school study if you want to see timely progress. For languages less like ones you know, again, plan to study 2x to 4x more than the .5-1 hour you'd spend per day on a language similar to ones you know.

Let's talk Beginner and Intermediate levels some more! Beginners (A1 and A2) are generally what you think of in high school classes, tourists - how are you, I want to buy X, I like to X, my family is X, I'm from x, I ran home, I don't want that. Intermediate (B1 onward) is when people start to read novels, watch shows, have simple conversations about many ideas (with less grammar mistakes and more in-depth as they move into B2). And Upper Intermediate (B2) is when people are writing sufficient essays, can read textbooks and follow lectures, communicate a bit about in depth ideas - so they can work/study in the language. Some people can push into doing B1 stuff when they're still A2, some people can push into doing B2 stuff when they're still B1, it depends on how tolerant the learner is of ambiguity and is willing to problem solve to communicate/understand when things get difficult and unknown. So, say you want to learn by reading novels or watching shows, or talking to people. You're going to want to get as close to Intermediate as possible asap, so you can start to study the way you prefer. This is why you'll want to push through duolingo or lingodeer asap! If you get through them faster, you'll have an A2 base which you can Squeeze by on starting to study by reading, watching, or chatting with people instead. But you won't have that A2 base until you're totally done with the course on the app. So make that course worth your time, and finish it relatively timely.

Alternatives? Are some options better than duolingo? Oh yes, for sure! But... if you truly WANT to use duolingo/lingodeer, I think you should. I think the apps work perfectly fine to cover Beginner level material and if you know how many hours you need to put into them, they'll work as well as anything else. But if you only put in 5-15 minutes a day, you'll make progress so slow you may not get to reading or speaking with people for years. That's true of these apps, and of any study method! Pick something (anything) that you will do that regularly gives you new challenging unknown stuff to learn in the language, do it .5 hours-4 hours a day (consult "time it takes to learn X language" and figure out the study hours you need for your given language to see progress in the time frame you want - it's going to be a minimum of .5 hours in similar language and up to 4x more than that in very different languages). And you'll make progress. (Ex: an English speaker can study Japanese 4x as long per day as they study French per day and both will progress at the same rate, OR they can study both for the same amount of time daily ans their japanese will progress 4x slower days wise. Which might be fine! It depends on your progress goals).

So, are there things that teach Better than duolingo, since you're going to have to study a decent chunk of time every day regardless? Yes! As you can see above, the goal is to get through Beginner level material asap, if your long term goal is to do more in the language than Beginner level things. Some materials will do this faster than duolingo. For example, duolingo has around 3000 words per course but NOT all of those words are common words and the Most Common Words will increase your overall comprehension of the language. So any textbooks/self study books apps courses which prioritize common words may teach faster. If you learn grammar better from explicit study (like me) then reading a grammar guide summary in 3 weeks (then referencing later as desired) may benefit your grammar comprehension more than 9 months of duolingo. Memrise user made courses, and anki user made courses, contain a plethora of content suited to different people. I made high N5-N3 (A1 to A2 so i made it to upper beginner/just enough to start pushing into reading to study instead) progress in a few months using some well made Japanese Memrise user-made decks. I got to HSK 4 (A2 or very low B1 which again was enough to push into reading and watching shows and chatting with people to learn) in a year using a mix match of Tuttle Hanzi books, Ben Whatley memrise decks, graded readers, and grammar guide summary sites - studying about 1-2 hours a day. I've still never finished a lingodeer or duolingo chinese or Japanese course and I'm already far beyond what they cover. French I did a lot of messy study plans trying to make somrthing stick and still could break into reading and chatting in 6 months, meanwhile I tried duolingo app for 1.5 years until realizing I'd never run into new content on there I'd moved past it (and it was so slow paced I procrastinated ever investing time in the app). Clozemaster also helped in some of those lol. Free audio courses online helped. My point is: with a little digging through web search, you can find a material that covers beginner grammar and vocabulary in a way most suited to your study style, often free, often something you can better focus 1-2 hours per day on doing and therefore Get Through Faster. And again: if duolingo/lingodeer IS the study material that most motivates you and you enjoy most, then make sure you're still putting in decent amounts of study time daily to see the progress in X years you are aiming for. Do not spend over 2 years in the beginner zone by accidently barely putting in any study time (15 minutes or less per day) or by hoping duolingo will get you into Intermediate because it probably wont. (if you're doing small study time per day on purpose then continue on).

All this applies to MOST apps you may use for language study by the way. Hello Chinese, Babbel, Memrise's official courses, Clozemaster if you only do 15 minutes a day. A MAJORITY of language learning apps only cover up to A2 material, some significantly less. Apps which do actually include B1 study material like Clozemaster or anki/memrise if you find certain user made courses, are still going to seem like you only need to use them 5-15 minutes a day. But your overall study time per day you will want longer than that (on the app or app-plus-other-study-content that regularly teaches new stuff) if you want to see timely progress.

Sometimes, a cheap 8 dollar book (or free from the library) book like Teach Yourself really is a bargain. That book covers around 2000 vocabulary, a chunk of it common, and basic grammar, preparing you as much as duolingo but in a few weeks or a couple months if you're a fast reader (and if you do the exercises or not). Assimil books similarly cover the beginner level well and quickly (if you study enough time per day - as with all these), Glossika (the old files I've used) cover a good foundation if you get through them within a year (you can take longer but then like duolingo progress starts to become slower than if you took a college class). LanguageTransfer and Coffee Break French and LanguagePod101 all cover decent beginner foundations if you supplement with additional vocab (perhaps from a common word list or anki or memrise or clozemaster or book etc), Ayan Academys videos with The Nature Method books cover a TON up to a B1 foundation if you can get through them in a timely manner. What I'm saying is: f you dig there are some GREAT very dense informational study materials for languages out there, and plenty of cheap and free ones work as well or better than paid stuff. And tend to be paced faster (well... duolingo and most apps simply try to target the "quick bite sized lessons" angle of people using phone apps in short bursts, making the pacing of course become a bit slower since it's in tiny pieces).

A note on pimsleur: they're decent, though they tend to cover LESS vocabulary than duolingo or glossika, so I highly recommend additional vocabulary study asap if using pimsleur or speed through the pimsleur course so you can move onto additional vocabulary.

So go on! Use duolingo or lingodeer or whatever app you like, or use something else! I just wanted to give new learners a heads up. A LOT of popular language learning apps primarily teach only Beginner level materials, you'll want to move into Intermediate level asap to read/watch stuff you like and talk/write about a variety of things on your mind. So if you use any particular app know it may cover only the Beginner stuff, and you'll want to study per day at a pace to get you through Beginner material stuff as fast as you want to.

#rant #take this with heaps of salt though #jn that ANY study method you can reliably do is gonna be best for YOU #even if its not necessarily the ones that worked for me. and vice versa #but yeah. a lot of beginners think Babbel or Duolingo and thehll be fluent #no. its semester 1 and 2 beginner language xlasses but less activities

[heysawbones]

Let's Talk about Xyrem.

Xyrem ("oral sodium oxybate" or the sodium salt of gamma-hydroxybutyrate) is used in the treatment of narcolepsy, as well as (sometimes) idiopathic hypersomnia. Even if you don't have narcolepsy or any related conditions, you may find this run-down interesting. Here's why:

Gamma-hydroxybutyrate is roofies. That's right. Date rape drug. Right here.

The drug is so tightly controlled that there is one pharmacy in all of the United States that can fill it. Doctors must be approved and participate in a special program to even prescribe it.

Nobody really knows how it works in the treatment of narcolepsy.

I was prescribed Xyrem quite some time ago - at this point, nearly a year back. It took six-plus months of insurance, doctor's office, and central pharmacy wrangling to get the drug to my door. The whole time, I wondered: what should I expect from Xyrem? How do I know if it's working? How do I know if it's not working? What's it like? Lists of side effects and contraindications are readily available online, but I couldn't find a single detailed testimonial. This bothered me.

I've been on Xyrem for about a month and a half now. Here's what I can tell you about it.

You have to wake up at night to take a drug that's meant to improve your sleep. Everybody I explained this to found it funny. The standard practice is to split your dose in two - to take one half at bed, and the other half two to four hours later. If you're on Jazz Pharmaceuticals brand Xyrem and not the generic, they send you a tiny little alarm clock with a light on it to facilitate this. I have never needed it.

It takes 3 weeks to titrate up to the "full" dose, which is also the maximum dose. From there, you can titrate back down to a lower dose if you're experiencing unpleasant side effects. I'm in the process of doing this myself.

It doesn't necessarily knock you out. From the way the drug is described, one might get the impression that the moment it kicks in, you're going to be unconscious. I didn't find this to be the case. Your mileage may vary; I don't always fall asleep at all on the first dose, but it does at least get me sleepy enough to fall asleep on the second.

You have an unusual amount of agency in how you take Xyrem. This surprised me, especially given how tightly controlled possession of this drug is. For example, I metabolize Xyrem really fast. If I take it in two doses, I will sleep a maximum of 6 hours. I take the same amount of medicine and split it into three doses instead to compensate for how fast I metabolize it. That way, I'm more likely to sleep about 8 hours. This isn't just accepted, it's encouraged. You can even take a bigger dose first and a smaller one second, or vice-versa. The only hard and fast rule is: do not go over the max dose.

If you take it with alcohol, or within 4-6 hours of alcohol, it could kill you. A lot of drugs warn you not to take them with alcohol. I cannot stress enough that if you have ignored that warning in the past: do not ignore it here. Do not. Xyrem is a powerful CNS depressant. Alcohol is a CNS depressant. It really can kill you.

It works(?) Like many drugs that act on the brain, nobody is really sure how Xyrem works. It doesn't affect the most common (known) cause of narcolepsy (a lack of orexin/hypocretin). It's theorized that the drug acts on GABA receptors in a way that "consolidates" the fragmented sleep architecture of narcolepsy.

Narcolepsy can be thought of as an autoimmune disorder of sleep architecture. The sleep architecture of a narcoleptic is irregular, both within itself and from night to night. People with narcolepsy tend to have less of the deep sleep stages than they should. Narcoleptics also have a high percentage of stage 1 (light) and REM sleep. It's theorized that excessive REM occurs because it is of poor quality/does not serve its intended function, so the brain spams REM in an attempt to compensate. A diagnostic trait of narcolepsy is the ability to enter REM within 8 minutes of falling asleep - if sleep architecture is normal, this does not occur. While not all people with narcolepsy have cataplexy, cataplexy itself is actually REM intrusion into waking life. The narcoleptic brain is that screwed up about REM. Xyrem appears to regulate shifts between sleep stages and reduce the nightly percentage of REM sleep. I used to dream nightly. Subjectively, I do not dream at all on Xyrem.

The only difference between Xyrem and Xywav is salt. A full 9g dose of Xyrem contains 1,640mg of sodium. The maximum sodium intake recommended by the American Heart Association is 2,300mg. One of the few things I saw said about Xyrem prior to taking it was that it was disgustingly salty. It is very, very salty. I don't mind it, though. I've seen it said that Xywav tastes much worse, but I can't attest to that.

Subjective experience

Xyrem comes Priority Air Mail in a sizable cardboard box. An adult with ID must be present to sign for it. The first month's prescription comes with a light-up alarm clock. This kit and all subsequent kits come with:

The medicine, in however many bottles are required

A number of syringes, marked with common doses

A number of pill bottles

You put water in the pill bottles. They tell you to put about 60ml, but as far as I can tell, this is to make the saltiness tolerable. I made a little game of this - I try to put the same amount of water in each pill bottle, gauged by nothing but sound. I've gotten pretty good at this. I have my nightly dose split 3 ways. After adding the drug to the water, I close each bottle and swirl it a bit. I don't know if this actually does anything.

Xyrem works best if you're already tired when you take it. Hilariously, I have ADHD in addition to narcolepsy. Nighttime sleepiness isn't a thing I Do naturally. Consequently, the first dose of Xyrem only puts me to sleep about half the time, and it takes a while even when it does. I know myself well enough to know that if I wait until I'm actually "sleep for the night" tired to take it, I might be up until 3 or 4 AM. Instead, I take the first dose at around 11 PM. Even if it doesn't put me to sleep, it DOES make me sleepy enough that the dose I take 2-3 hours later will definitely work.

I was very careful to set alarms the first week or so of taking Xyrem, but I've never needed them. For reasons that are unclear to me, I always wake up when Xyrem is fully metabolized. Without more Xyrem, there is no urge to go back to sleep. When I've run out of doses for the night, I'm up for the rest of the day. There's no napping.

Some people have pretty nasty side effects with Xyrem. Headache and nausea are the most common. I had both of those, once each. The headache lasted all day but was otherwise unremarkable; the nausea was genuinely awful. The only persistent side effect I have, is tremors.

While I was waiting for Xyrem, my sleep specialist put me on Adderall. Nobody would prescribe this for ADHD, but you'll do it for narcolepsy? Sure, whatever I'll take it. I mention this because I thought it was possible that Adderall was causing tremors. I ran a little experiment: I took Xyrem but no Adderall one day and still had tremors. I took Adderall, but no Xyrem the night before, and the tremors subsided. It's definitely the Xyrem. While this is a known possible side effect, I can't find any information on how or why Xyrem, a CNS depressant, would cause something that seems very much the opposite of a depressed central nervous system. I am currently titrating back down from the max dose in an attempt to see if a lower dose will mitigate the tremors. If that doesn't work, I'm not... entirely sure what to do. Xyrem is a weird drug. It's strange not to dream at all; it's strange to wake up twice a night and still get better sleep than I ever have. Executive function has improved considerably, given that both neurological issues that cause executive dysfunction are being treated. Still: the tremors are, I will not lie, distressing. Not as bad as they were on Wellbutrin, which I was forced to discontinue! But - disruptive and distressing, nonetheless. I'm hoping that the tremors will stop eventually, or that dose adjustment will help.

Overall: would recommend if you have narcolepsy. You wouldn't think that a drug that obligates you to wake up multiple times a night could improve your sleep! Well, bucko, if your sleep architecture is already so disordered that you have narcolepsy: it can.

#I said I'd do a writeup on xyrem and here it is #took a long time because xyrem is weird #xyrem #narcolepsy #idiopathic hypersomnia #xywav

[balioc]

Holiday Engineering: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I wasn't actually planning to make a dedicated post about Christmas. In most ways, it isn't a helpful reference point for a would-be holiday engineer. The things that make Christmas really noteworthy, and most of the things that make it really good, are not things that are within your power to replicate.

But, judging by the notes on my last Holiday Engineering post, it seems clear that my take on Christmas is a thing that is worth discussing and explaining. And, moreover, this is probably a fine pretext for some discussion of what it means for a holiday to be good or bad.

To start with: no holiday is for everyone. No thing is for everyone. No matter what kind of festival you make, a lot of people are going to be annoyed by it, and a lot more people are going to be pretty indifferent.

That basic truth has a number of ramifications. One of them is that -- as with any other kind of design -- when you're thinking about holiday design in abstract conceptual terms, it behooves you to distance yourself from your own preferences and passions at least a little bit. The best thing for you isn't necessarily the best thing in general, and vice versa. It's important to be able to understand when your own idiosyncrasies are pulling you away from good craftsmanship.

I have a strong antipathy towards Halloween, for Reasons. But I have enough perspective to be aware that those Reasons aren't going to be relevant to most other people, no matter how important they seem to me; and, in fact, I believe that Halloween is generally a very well-constructed festival in an "objective" sense.

Whatever else you want to say: there are definitely a lot of people who really don't like Christmas. And it's worth talking about why that is, because some of those reasons are widespread, and they matter. But that, in itself, is not an indication of bad design or low-quality content.

So, without further ado: I believe that the modern Western instantiation of Christmas is probably the greatest holiday of all time.

The core of the holiday's excellence is its theme. The short and simple version of that theme is peace on earth and goodwill towards men, which is -- pretty much the best possible theme that a holiday can have, A+, no notes. It is a high ideal of human living, so obvious that anyone short of a Spartiate can appreciate its value, rendered so straightforward that a tiny child can understand it. But in fact the situation is more complex than that, because Christmas is a complicated holiday, and it's worth digging a bit deeper.

Christmas is, in theory, God's birthday. Which is to say, it is a festival celebrating the entrance of the sacred into a profane world. It is something more than the commemoration of a mystery or a miracle; it is a commemoration of the fact that we get to have mysteries and miracles. And so the essential nature of the holiday is a fully-general "this is the special-time and the sacred-time," but that thing isn't just a bare assertion, it's fully rooted in the myth. The holiday spirit of Christmas is the spirit of everything that humans really think a holiday ought to be, put in a blender. Which tends to work out to something like, well, light and love and joy, letting our worldly strivings and animosities fade away in the face of the celebration, peace on earth and goodwill towards men. Christmas truces can develop spontaneously because Christmas is the festival, the moment at which it becomes powerfully obvious that there is something more powerful and more profound than whatever-you're-fighting-over-this-week.

And, crucially, this is framed in a deeply universal way. At its deepest roots, Christmas is all about Jesus, which just by itself raises a lot of hackles in certain quarters...but who is the Jesus of Christmas? He's not arguing with Pharisees or cursing fig trees or talking about how he came to bring the sword. He's not even tending to the poor, or dying horribly for your sins. He is a baby. The cult figure of the festival has no agenda, no politics or judgments, only wonder and potential and promise. The miracle of the season is often described as "a child is born," which is the most universal kind of celebratory event known to humanity.

----------

At this stage of its development, Christmas-as-she-is-practiced is really three almost-distinct holidays, each with its own vibe and its own canon of traditions.

Christmas A is the religious festival celebrating the birth of Christ, the one with the angels and the magi and the Latin. Christmas B is the not-necessarily-godly-but-solemn-and-sacred festival of peace and togetherness -- the Christmas of A Christmas Carol and "Good King Wenceslaus," the Christmas of fetishized family dinners. Christmas C is the tinsel-y consumerist holiday, the one that's all about how winter is fun and magical, with "Frosty the Snowman" for the kids and "Santa Baby" for the grownups and big holiday-sales displays for everyone.

(Crucially: Christmas C is still a real holiday, even just taken on its own terms, and has its own sacred narratives etc. Often these are weirdly romantic, but, well, at least in America, courtship is more sacred than pretty much anything else. See: appx. one hojillion Hallmark Channel movies.)

(There are also some more-minor quasi-independent holidays kicking around in there, like the remnant pagan stuff that you see in "The Holly and the Ivy." These are outside the scope of this discussion, but, y'know, they're interesting.)

This weird structure gives Christmas a lot of flexibility, because these three pseudo-holidays are capable of functioning more-or-less independently, but each of them is strongly connected to the others and therefore capable of providing reinforcement. If you don't want Christmas to be about Jesus, then fine, forget about him, there's still a practically-infinite amount of Christmas in which you can participate. But if you do want Christmas to be about Jesus, then your celebration of the nativity borrows sparkle and mojo from both Charles Dickens and the Coca-Cola Corporation. I myself have a strong dislike for the tinsel-y kind of celebration, for "Jingle Bells" and "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" etc. -- but not only am I capable of enjoying Christmas A and Christmas B, I am capable of enjoying a world made Christmassy in large part by people who are doing the Christmas C thing, and their celebrations are constantly shading into the things that I like more.

----------

Relatedly: Christmas is one of the vanishingly-few modern holidays that is capable of feeling like a festival in the old sense, in a more-than-tiny-and-localized context. By which I mean that it consumes and alters the entire world. It's not just a thing you might choose to do, it is a thing that is happening around you, it is a season of the world. It feels real, to me and to many, in a way that most lesser holidays don't, because it pervades.

----------

...and we haven't even yet touched on the actual-factual nature of Christmas's power, which is just pure snowball effect: because Christmas is what it is, because it is the biggest and most important holiday, it is constantly becoming more that thing as ever more people add to it.

I said in my last Holiday Engineering post that Chanukah had two decent songs. You could possibly talk me into raising that number to five, maybe even ten if you're willing to accept some real deep cuts. Christmas has amazing songs, and it has so fucking many of them, because "writing new Christmas bangers" is a thing that medieval monks did and it's a thing that top-shelf musical geniuses are still doing today. You can fill days' worth of soundtrack with excellent Christmas music even if all you like is sacred stuff in Latin, and the same thing is true if you hate sacred stuff in Latin but you love Mariah Carey and Taylor Swift.

"Classic Christmas movie" is a genre, and not a small one. Practically every noteworthy long-running TV show made in the West has done a Christmas thing at some point, and many of them have done Christmas things every season.

Christmas is not particularly a sweets holiday, but nonetheless there are a million Christmas candies and Christmas cookies etc., because 'tis the season and it's worth randomly doing that thing, in a way that it is not worth randomly doing that thing for any lesser festival.

Even myths and rituals accrue in this way. Eight flying reindeer with cutesy names? Awesome, that poem was cool, let's make that canon. A ninth reindeer with a light-up red nose? The kids will love it. Krampus? Sure, why not, let's (twist the Alpine tradition a bit and) give Santa an evil opponent in the form of a goat demon with a taste for kidnapping.

And all of these things provide foundation for future ones.

----------

(I am not going to spend a lot of time listing high-quality Christmas foods and drinks, explaining why Santa Claus is a punchy and compelling bit of myth, etc. I think you can probably construct those points on your own.)

(...I suppose I will take the time to point out, briefly, that in additional to everything else, Christmas has so many good and distinctive symbols. The manger scene, the magi on their camels, the Christmas tree, Santa in his sleigh, the wreath, the wrapped gift box, the colors red and green...)

----------

It is true, of course, that Christmas is a family holiday. And that alone is enough to ensure that many people, especially around these parts, despise it.

There is, of course, a version of Christmas suitable for wholly-independent adults. Which matters. You can have a very Christmassy Christmas, full of lights and festival music and gifts and myth, celebrated entirely in the company of your peers. But, yeah, the world kinda expects you to Go Home (if your family celebrates Christmas) and you'll have to deal with various kinds of trouble if you choose not to do that.

I refuse to deduct points for that. It is not inherently bad to be a family holiday; in the end, holidays are probably more important for kids than for anyone else; if for some diabolical reason I had to choose between having only family holidays and having only independent-adult holidays, I'd choose the former, even though I personally enjoy the latter more most of the time. The fact that you don't like spending time with your family is not a knock on the holiday, any more than your being allergic to cheese is a knock on cheese.

----------

It is also true that Christmas is kind of inescapable. As I said above, it pervades. Which means that, if you don't like it, you still have to deal with it quite a lot, and that's probably going to make you like it even less.

I don't blame anyone for feeling that way. But, like, that is inherently an outgrowth of the holiday's success and popularity.

Being popular doesn't necessarily mean that something is good. You can even be legitimately annoyed that something is over-popular or overhyped. In the end, however, anything is going to cater to the people who love it and not to the people who hate it, especially if catering to the people who hate it primarily means "existing less." This is double-plus true for a holiday, where (as discussed above), being really widespread and close-to-universally-adopted provides a power and a value all its own.

#holiday analysis

[synthwayve]

The Micolaurence text post ever.

Shoutout to the people in my replies, I blame all of you in the most positive way possible.

Poorly formatted “essay” about the connections they have that make my brain spin because yes :} new years is a time of lawlessness impulsivity: keep in mind I don’t own the actual game to confirm some things, most of this is compiled from item descriptions, cut content, reading the wiki over and over, and my own analysis. I could be totally wrong about some things + this is just my own analysis/interpretation**, have mercy upon my soul 🙏

The biggest thing about them, and the thing I simply do not shut up about if you happen to hear me talk about them, is that both Micolash and Laurence’s respective obsessions/virtues/main associated game mechanics (Insight and Blood respectively) directly influence each other. Not only do they influence each other, they also relieve the negative effects of the other stat. Why is this such a big deal to me? WELL:

Beasthood, the negative effect of taking too much blood, scales negatively depending on your Insight. The more Insight you have, the less Beasthood, and vice versa. Contrarily, Sedatives, crafted from blood(yes, Sedatives are stated to be thick ‘human’ blood and will reset your Beasthood as well, but this does not necessarily reduce it- more on this later*)

Will relieve Frenzy as their primary purpose, which is the main negative side effect of having high Insight i.e going mad.

I think this is very intentional outside of just pure game mechanics and design: there is a running theme in Bloodborne, that being that every enemy you face has succumbed to one side too heavily. BSB, the half-beast Yharnamites, Gascoigne, Amelia, Laurence, and all the other beast enemies you face have relied too much on the blood and fallen to its curse. Brainsuckers, Rom, Winter Lanterns, Micolash, and arguably other insight-heavy enemies like the Celestial Emissary are heavier on the Insight side. What makes YOU, the player, different? It is your ability to balance both.

The creatures that have gotten closest to ascension are ones that we can assume have undergone the effects of blood and insight, but still haven’t gotten there all the way. Rom is probably the biggest example, along with other Kin/Great One enemies. They are physically transformed, as the blood will do, but they are not beasts. Rather, they often have the numerous eyes that are granted with Insight.

The ending that allows the Hunter to ascend reads to me as an ending where you have successfully balanced both mediums: using Blood to tame the negative effects of Insight and vice versa. What I interpret from this in regards to Micolash and Laurence specifically is that they could have come SO CLOSE to achieving what they wanted!! If they had just worked together, and the schism hadn’t happened, perhaps Micolash would not have gone insane with steady treatments of Blood and Laurence would not have transformed with the help of his Insight being steadily raised.

Maybe it’s just me being insane but I don’t know, there’s something pretty gay to me about being in charge of/cursed by an obsession with something that only someone equally as obsessed with its opposite can cure.

I honestly think Micolash and Laurence might have even ended up in a sort of prisoner’s dilemma situation: they both think their own method is correct, and refuse to give in to the other’s perspective. In doing so, they actually end up royally screwing themselves over at the same time whereas cooperation would have led to the best outcome. Laurence, the general posterboy for the blood in general(and most other blood related things) is not someone who I imagine would be keen on giving up his faith in the substance. Especially when he’s being told this by a man who’s sanity is hung by a thread. But if only Micolash listened to HIM, his insanity would be relieved and he would go back to the mostly sensible man he might’ve been- only of course, Micolash would not see it that way. Why would he take something that is quite literally killing Laurence? I find it interesting that Sedatives are a hint of insanity(like with Edgar) yet Micolash doesn’t drop any. Perhaps he’s not the type to invest in Blood, especially if he had to watch it slowly chip away at Laurence’s health who was too stubborn to listen to him instead. You see where I’m going with this- around and around they go.

*while Sedatives are stated to be thick human blood, I have three theories about this.

1. “Derived” from Byrgenwerth implies to me that the formula has undergone some modifications. I would not be surprised if holy blood is used as a thickener.

2. I imagine most “human blood”, at the point that Sedatives are distributed more abundantly, is already tainted with holy blood. I mean, come on. This is Yharnam. Blood is the name of the game.

3. Sedatives reset Beasthood, but for you the PLAYER, your beasthood remains at more of a net neutral than your Insight which the game relies on to progress the story. I imagine that for a scholar like Micolash, who does not fulfill the role of a hunter or a soldier, beasthood would be less of a concern.

OKAY THAT ONE POINT GOT REALLY LONG I’M SORRY so I’ll rapid fire some other things about them:

-Micolash seeks to abandon his humanity in his boss form, Laurence seeks to retain it in his boss form. Micolash seeks a blessing from Kos like that which was granted to Rom, you know, the giant very not human spider. Laurence wants his memories and his head back. Neat!!

-while there seems to be clear animosity between Mensis and The Healing Church later in the timeline, I think it is often overlooked that they DID work together at some time. I can imagine The School of Mensis to be research and science heavy: looking for ways to perfect ministration technology, understand the specifics of the blood, and research what else can be made of it to further humanity. The Healing Church distributes it, covers. The School’s reputation(presumably), and uses that research to further their own ideas of ascension. Bloodborne likes to do things in threes: Willem, Laurence, and Micolash are respective leaders/founders of Byrgenwerth, The Healing Church, and The School of Mensis. Interesting note that the latter two originate from the former, who is the only still “living” character amongst the 3 as far as I can gather. He warned those morons and it meant absolutely nothing LMAO.

-There is something so satisfying to me in how Micolash is generally associated with the dark and dim: Kos- a goddess born from the watery depths, an infinite labyrinth of dust and old tomes, and dark robes of Byrgenwerth. Laurence, on the other hand, is associated with all that is bright: fire, a bright pale moon, white and blue robes of the Choir, and the candlelit cathedrals that are more wax than they are pews. Parallels! Beloved!

-fellas is it gay if we both destroy a city for our own ends. YES yes Old Yharnam specifically was destroyed by the Powder Kegs- but I have a complete crack theory that Laurence saw the Ashen Blood poisoning go down, thought “ah, that is terrible for our reputation”, and sent the then-still loyal Powder Kegs to kaboom the issue away. The Powder Kegs then begin to protect the very beasts that Laurence is trying to sweep under the rug(because panic never leads to anything good), so the Healing Church Workshop as a whole denounce them as heretics.

…but also crack theory aside I still hold him half-responsible for the fall of Yharnam as a whole. And Micolash fucking obliterated all of Yahar’gul so. Yeah. Do NOT let these 2 work together, I think they would destroy all of Yharnam if they could.

-Consider: academic rivals that end up side-by-side, foraying into the brand new promising field of human ascension with matching ambitions and stars in their eyes. That is, until a cost that neither is willing to pay(the health of the other) shows up, and they end up splitting apart in a violent schism that brings them right back to where they started. CONSIDER. For me 🥺

-The Mensis cage obscures everything BUT the eyes, the uniform of the Choir allows for mobility (even enough to fight- like with Yurie) but it blinds the user. Also: Micolash, weird crazy guy who was probably not adored, or at least not as adored as Laurence, dies surrounded by people. Laurence, the guy who put Yharnam on the freaking map, dies completely alone in a big empty room. At least, that’s how we find their bodies in the nightmare!

- “We were friends! How could you?” Is tragic to me in any interpretation

-WHY DOES MICOLASH HAVE A CALL BEYOND. That is a CHOIR SPELL TO THE CORE!! And also, iirc, shared only amongst the higher ranks. I understand him having stolen it from Laurence is the general interpretation- but I like to think that perhaps it was a gift. A show of good faith, even? 😏 to wield the very stars in one’s hands seems like a very apt gift for a guy who is obsessed with the cosmos.

-Laurence 100% stole some of Micolash’s homework on contacting Great Ones imo and the effects of insight. I don’t actually have anything to back this outside of speculation I just think it’s very funny. Endless loop of copying homework. Micolash has more insight naturally, Laurence uses this to learn of the ritual, Laurence does his ritual, Micolash copies his ritual. No credit in sight.

-Micolash has an interesting line of cut dialogue where he claims he “was the head…of this treatment church”. I don’t have the original Japanese text, but I wonder if perhaps Micolash was meant to be an NPC, still fulfilling his role as both the headmaster of Mensis AND the main scholar overlooking all scientific and arcane research on behalf of the Healing Church? If he was the head of the healing church, did an earlier version have Laurence fulfilling his theorized role as a re-incarnated hunter?

-Micolash’s ritual, which I gather(and this is where my knowledge is the most shaky so BEAR WITH ME) summoned the blood moon, seems to be a direct copy of Laurence’s ritual to summon Flora. Whereas Flora took Gehrman as a host, Mergo took either Micolash as a host, or sacrificed the rest of the school in his place. Keep in mind: The Moon rune(found at the bottom of the stairs in Micolash’s boss arena, also eerily similar to the Communion Rune that I imagine would be a big hit with Laurence) DIRECTLY states that the Great Ones are sympathetic in spirit, and answer when called upon. I don’t think Mergo nor Flora are intentionally malicious. I just think these two idiots didn’t know what they were bargaining for, or with. Fellas is it gay if we both change the sky, both sacrifice something we didn’t necessarily mean to, and both suffer in the Nightmare for our sins? Asking for a friend.

-Micolash’s first move is running away from you, Laurence’s first move is to lunge directly at you. Ah, they would have made such a horrendously destructive pairing if the divorce hadn’t happened.

-bonus note!! I have ANOTHER crack theory that the “Moon” and “Communion” Runes have some neat parallels :smear:

Moon Rune is blood red like Micolash’s blood moon, Communion is pale white like Laurence’s pale moon. Moon allows for more blood echoes, Communion for more vials. Moon focuses on the Great Ones answering when called, Communion focuses on Blood Ministration. Moon has the eye in the center surrounded by lines, almost forming another circle(perhaps, and this is a stretch, even the dias that the catalyst is meant to be at the center of?), Communion is surrounded by 3 distinct dots(Laurence, Gehrman, and…Flora? Still not certain who the 3rd dot would be). Reading runes is fun! “Beast’s Embrace” may be closer to Laurence as a character(I mean, you obtain it from him) but since Micolash has no rune to drop as a counterpart(probably because he isn’t a DLC boss), I went with striking parallels between Communion and Moon instead.

-Fellas. Final question. Is it gay if my mild interest in that which lies beyond humanity (POSSIBLY) turns into a rapid obsession/a race against time to save you from yourself and reverse the effects of this poison you so adore, only to realize you won’t hear me, you will never hear me, and it is too late for both of us to turn back? Just wondering. JUST. WONDERING. Maybe trying to stop the other’s descent got too frustrating, Micolash and Laurence both sort of strike me as stubborn pricks in their own ways. Hence the big divorce. “If you won’t see things my way then you can sit with the consequences” (said both of them, equally suffering from consequences). I can only imagine Micolash did not expect for Laurence to prove him right so soon. (It’s funny, because they’re both dead, so really neither was right.)

**(Also I just like relating my headcanons back to canon for fun, I’m not trying to say how ‘canon’ something is should influence how people make hcs. Bloodborne’s not a very romantic game in a traditional sense so this is all mostly me rambling around anyway x,D)

OKAY SORRY IM FINALLY DONE. HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYBODY. I THINK THEY HELD HANDS MAYBE. I also think they would actually literally maul each other to death if given enough reason.

#bloodborne #micolash host of the nightmare #laurence the first vicar #micolaurence #bloodborne theory #bloodborne headcanons #I could actually go on for pages I may be insane #I dunno me personally I think it is a little bit gay to have an immoral science guy at your beck and call to do immoral science for you #while you maintain a pristine and holy image that also happens to provide him with materials #imagine you’re some guy in Yharnam and now Thing 1 and Thing 2 want your eyes and blood respectively #personal hc: Micolash is anemic af(sickle cell) and Laurence is so so pissed off that he doesn’t like transfusions #I think they hate each other(bonded together by fate) #okay its 5:00 am goodnight

[thethiefandtheairbender]

Hiii, I really love your ATLA analyses. I'm genuinely interested, what can you say about this take? I mean, it sounds pretty logical, and I'm really interested to know what objections there might be to that view of EIP?

https://www.tumblr.com/writer-rider-dirty-thirties/744225630324965376?source=share

There's a few main things that meta like this one, I think, miss out on. That said beyond the two paragraphs I'm not really discussing their meta in particular. Everyone's entitled to their opinion, but it does play into why I think EIP gets blown out of proportion while ignoring the more... grounded subtext there? Which is what the rest of the meta response here is about as follows. Please refrain from sending me specific metas in the future - discrediting other people's work is not what I'm about, even I don't necessarily think it's always well argued.

They acknowledge the Doylist perspective... and then completely ignore the actual, textual Doylist perspective they have going on. The writers' intent was to, very evidently, use Ember Island Players to acknowledge their own and fans' reactions to the show (which is why the Great Divide, an episode that the writer of EIP wrote, gets the shaft in the play) by exaggerating and making fun of their own characters and plot points. Grounded in their portrayals yes (Katara does indeed make speeches about hope) but so heavily distorted; just look at how they portray this Katara and Jet, who are completely remorseless about drowning a town ("Oh Jet, you're so bad~").

But the distortion is key. The play pretty glaringly says "Canon Katara would never like Zuko" or vice versa, "because to do so would be a great distortion of her character and characterization." Furthermore, for Katara to only see Aang "like a little brother, and that you don't have feelings for me" is also a distortion, which is why Katara outright states on the balcony, "I didn't say that. An actor said that". It's also worth noting I think that the play itself also erases Aang's romantic feelings for Katara ("I wouldn't want it any other way!"). He doesn't make his feelings plain and be rejected in the play; they just don't exist. So even the play itself isn't saying that there's a love triangle, they're saying that a distorted version of these characters would feature a Katara and Aang that don't have feelings for each other, and a Katara and Zuko that would.

Now, I don't think the play is meant to be that dismissive of fans, either. Like I said - it's meant to poke fun, and the ZK faction had always been quite large and vocal. The crossroads of destiny and its associations with Oma and Shu (which serve the basis for Kataang's love theme) are the bulk of what the ship tends to stand on, 'canon' wise. It makes sense if you're going to do a ship tease with them to do it there, and it's also the last instance you can really make actor Katara 'like' anyone.

It's also a misread to assume Aang would get this angry over jealousy, as well, given that Katara was very obvious with Jet both times, and Aang was very sparingly jealous in Book 1 and only slightly so in Book 2. EIP is one of the rare instances where Aang projects onto other people, a trait more usually seen from his friends.

What makes him upset - and we Know this, because he repeats it outright when they actually Talk about it - is this exchange between actor Katara and Zuko:

EIP!Zuko: I thought you were the Avatar's girl. EIP!Katara: [Laughs] The Avatar? Why he's like a little brother to me. I certainly don't think of him in a romantic way.

That's what makes him potentially upset, which fair enough: it can be upsetting when someone doesn't like you back, especially when Katara previously has given plenty of indications that she does. But he's not mad at her on the balcony. He doesn't take his frustrations over her not seemingly returning his feelings out on her. He's mad because Katara can't, or won't, give him a straight answer.

Aang: You said that I'm just like a brother to you, and that you didn't have feelings for me. Katara: I didn't say that. An actor said that. Aang: But it's true, isn't it? We kissed at the invasion and I thought we were going to be together, but we're not. Katara: Aang, I don't know... Aang: Why don't you know?

AKA "if you don't like me, which I just gave you a perfect out to acknowledge, can you at least confirm it for me?" And she won't even do that.

Katara is usually a very openly emotional person, which is why when it comes to whether she has feelings for him or not (and he has very good reasons to think that she does, given if you remove the Aang's POV we see, Katara is wayy more obvious with her affection than he is), it's accordingly frustrating that she won't just come out and say it. When does someone like Katara hold back? Well... normally when she's concerned about Bigger Things (i.e. not initially pushing with Pakku because Aang learning waterbending is more important to her) or when she's not sure what to do (when Aang rejects her comfort in The Serpent's Pass).

Conversely, his feelings for Katara also makes Aang more likely to stop evading or dodging and to stick his landing. He's the one who tries to confess on two different occasions. He's the one who kisses her first. And he's the one who wants to actually discuss their relationship now. (These are all reasons why I think, if they ever did break up, Aang would actually be the one with the guts to say it out loud, just FYI.)

Alternatively, if we wanna talk about Framing, let's talk about the actual balcony scene, namely Katara's dialogue, and the placement of the moon:

Not only does this balcony scene take place on a balcony like their infamous finale kiss, with parallel framing of Katara walking up behind Aang and seeking him out to talk (if Katara hadn't approached him, it's likely neither would've happened either time) but like

When Yue finds herself in a similar situation with Sokka - a young man she loves, has kissed, but finds herself unable to be with for a variety of reasons - she says almost beat for beat what Katara says here about her feelings and reasonings for wanting more distance. But like both Yue and Katara say, there's more important things going on:

I say this because everyone ignores the aspect of Katara's bond with Aang that is informed by her own trauma and fear of losing people. Aang kisses her because "What if I don't come back?" Katara literally watched him die and brought him back to life. She watched her father mourn her mother and Sokka mourn Yue (The Swamp), which the play likewise gives her an ample reminder of. She watched Jet die too. Katara has faith that Aang will be different ("I knew you'd come" from CoD and "He's gonna come back; he has to" in Sozin's Comet) but that doesn't mean she's not scared. Everyone else going on is complicating her feelings for Aang, and that's perfectly valid -- but like I said, it's a 1 for 1 with Yue.

Which is why she kisses Aang first after the war, on another balcony, because now it is the right time.

This isn't even touching on the in-universe canonical reading of EIP being Fire Nation imperialist propaganda, but that's a meta for another day.

Not to mention: EIP also teases Zukaang through Aang and the Blue Spirit, has them similarly react in distaste, you can equally read Zuko wanting to sit in between them as wanting to sit next to Aang, and Zuko and Aang's dialogue is a lot more ship teased in canon, Anyway.

June: What happened? Your girlfriend run off on you? Zuko: It's not the girl I'm after. It's the bald monk she's travelling with.

Zuko doesn't even correct June for implying a romantic connection, only who he's looking for (love you Avatar "Zuko I want you to dance with me" Aang).

I also personally think that basically any episode that has 'strong' Zuko-Katara subtext actually has far stronger Zuko-Aang subtext, but that's a meta for another day.

I do always think the ZK fandom is a fascinating example of what can happen to a fandom when they only have maybe 5 episodes to work with, nor does ship teasing make something implied canon, otherwise The Dragon Prince (also created by Aaron Ehasz) would have a very different endgame ship (to the point that every Soren/Rayla shipper I've seen also ships ZK, funnily enough, because neither of those are remotely canon).

People have gotta stop taking the bone they're thrown and acting like it's a feast.

#antizutara #atla meta #thanks for asking #pro kataang #atla #analysis series #kataang #otp: penguin sledding

[heres-to-all-that-is-mine]

zor and pheonix swap bodies. what happens?

(for a possibly less chaotic choice, its handler and zor)

I assume a race to dismantle their respective operations from inside either via wanton violence and arson, clever thought out strategies or just exposing each other's organisations, or some other equally devastating course of action.

(Okay this turned longer than I expected so I'm just gonna put the rest under a cut here.)

And I mean like depending on if it's long term or short term body swap there's a lotta stuff that could happen differently? The good doctor could certainly set up some... clever plan to unravel all of the Agency without risking their own exposure or whatever, but it would take time and resources to set up, so possibly they just collect vital intel for later use? Actually you could probably make an intriguing story out of "Phoenix and Zor wake up in each others' body - and they are forced to act as each other to avoid exposure" and whatnot. Like. Stepping into your greatest enemy's shoes...

Of course the fun part isn't that, like, they "learn how hard the other one has it" and "grow a new appreciation for each other" no those two would absolutely kill each other with Zero hesitation given the means motive and opportunity. Like yes Dr. Zor tends to not directly kill Phoenix, just. Death traps. I'm somewhat sure they even banned Juni from taking the Agent out while he had them unconscious? Don't quote me on that I have terrible memory abilities anyway what I was saying was they might prefer to toy with Phoenix but they still want them dead and if the Agent was right in front of them they would pull that trigger no hesitation, especially because the Agent would very likely be gunning for them, too. So. No hesitation there's no fondness between them. Or at least nothing to outweigh the desire to see the other dead.

Okay that ramble out of the way - the only reason they don't walk that borrowed body off a cliff is 1. It would kill them too, 2. They have the opportunity to royally screw the other's life up, annnd 3. The other guy (presumably) has their body and can royally screw them up, too. Which is a problem that they need to deal with. So what do they do? Consider it undercover work, I suppose. Plus, no better way to get to know your enemy than being your enemy, right?

Oh the wonderful chaos of "infamous secret agent forced to act as an evil mastermind" and vice versa. They might get a little lucky in that I assume the Doc has things set up to mostly flow smoothly without them, and Phoenix is already so strange that Zor being a lil weird might slip under the radar... problems arise in that Reg knows Phoenix, and Zor is still needed for resolving the petty conflicts and snags in the plans, of course - nothing can just be that easy...

Also, Zor and Reg swapping wouldn't necessarily be less chaotic. The Handler has just as much of a grudge against Zoraxis as Phoenix does, was definitely about as chaotic as them in his field days, and probably definitely wouldn't pass up the opportunity to tear Zoraxis down entirely from the very core. Then there's the issue of Reggie being a decently important Agency employee as we know, which means he might have some sway in the organisation - you think Zor wouldn't abuse the hell out of that?

Hmm. Might add more later I need to collect my thoughts,, I woke up not even two hours ago

#purples rambling #ieytd #dr. zor #agent phoenix #the handler

[tangledbea]

I know you already talked about Adira, but what are some other things that felt like they'd be a bigger deal when they debuted but kinda got shafted? I, for one, think of the scroll, which kinda served its purpose, got destroyed, and left more questions than answers, and Varians connection to the brotherhood most of all. I don't even think we got a scene of Quirin telling Varian about the brotherhood, but by the season 3 finale, Varian already knows. That was a conversation we missed.

I agree about the scroll. There is so much in the design that I thought was going to be touched upon. Like this section:

What does all that mean? Control over plants and animals? I thought the combined Sundrop and Moonstone were going to represent this whole... power of creation thing, or something.

Frankly, I've never been particularly interested in the "Varian's connection to the Brotherhood" angle. Quirin's life as a member of the Brotherhood is well and truly behind him, and Varian isn't actually "connected" to them at all. They're people his dad used to work with, long before he was born. Does this mean I don't think they'd be interested in getting to know him and vice versa? No. At least, not necessarily. But while Adira was clearly aware of Varian, she made no attempt to make contact, even when the kid was completely alone. But I never thought that would be a big deal in the story, which is what you're asking me.

I thought Lady Caine was going to be a much bigger deal than she turned out to be. As the primary villain of the pilot movie -- and with a very good point and driving force behind her -- I definitely thought there'd be more to her than the occasional escape and needing to be stopped and returned to prison. (Ever think how she and the other criminals took over the prison barge, but there's not a guard to be seen? She killed those people, or had them killed, and threw them overboard.) I thought she was going to join forces with Andrew in jail, since they had a common goal. (And yeah, by the end of S1, I thought Varian was going to be involved in that gang as well.)

I know I've talked about it recently, but I thought the hourglass in "No Time Like the Past," the shell in "Day of the Animals" and the dragon egg in "Pascal's Dragon" we all pointing toward Matthews laying a subtle attack of chaos on Corona, trying to weaken it from the inside. I thought he and Sugracha were going to make a return, even if it was just because they were still trapped in the Lost Realm, and would spend part of the finale making the lives of the heroes who got trapped there hell (instead of the goofy nonsense we got instead). I expected this so much that every time they weren't used or mentioned, I expected them to show up farther along down the road.

I thought we were going to learn what exactly Gothel's role was with the Disciples of Zhan Tiri. I thought they'd explain why she split from them (if she split from them) and talk about how her greed over the Sundrop flower resulted in her not getting a powerful spirit form or something. I thought the fact that she was one of them was going to be a bigger deal.

I thought Cassandra's burned arm was going to be a bigger deal, especially considering how it was the catalyst that caused Cassandra to close herself off from Rapunzel and let Zhan Tiri in. But once it served its purpose to cause a rift between them, it didn't even matter that it had been so severely injured. That's even the hand she grabbed the Moonstone with, and the glove on that side was blue, making it stand out. I thought the decay was going to be spreading over her body under the suit, and the Moonstone was going to be the only thing keeping her strong and well. But the injured arm didn't even matter anymore.

I thought Eugene's past was going to be a bigger deal. He knew Lady Caine. His best friend from the orphanage and thieving days returned as a supporting character. He has an ex-fiancée, who is the daughter of the most powerful man in the criminal underworld outside of Corona. But the next time we saw Stalyan, she didn't even have anything to say about her dad who, the last time we saw him, was dying from a spider bite. Not only did she not mention him, she was even semi-reformed (and not by Eugene). Eugene's entire past was only really touched on here and there. I appreciate that they shed any light on it at all, but it was much less than I was anticipating.

There's probably more, but I slept terribly last night and I've got a headache, so this is all I can think of right now.

#Tangled #Tangled the Series #varian #the scroll #Lady Caine #eugene fitzherbert #cassandra #mother gothel #stalyan #the baron #Andrew #matthews #sugracha the eternal #TTS #Answered #The Brotherhood

[littlecourse]

im gonna be real with yall theres no inherent difference between being a fictive and being fictionkin in a system. im not saying that there is no difference at all between fictionkin and fictive, because the subcultures (fictionkin spaces+ fictive-centered system spaces) have their own trends and folks without community overlap,

but the only reasons i see people separating them as concepts so strongly is to avoid the “trading card culture” common in kin-for-fun circles and to try and get people to understand that their identity is important to them or is static/their only source of identity (or vice versa, that they would be reduced if seen as only their source)

but you know. bookending is common in fictive spaces too. otherkin can also have important and/or static identities or a fictionkin identity that’s their only source of self, and fictives can have unimportant and/or fluid sources and identity outside of their source(s)

the overlap is fine imo, it’s the lack of respect for normal divergent evolution associated with no longer being in your source’s situations and the dehumanization of “you are nothing more than a fictional character to me” in bookending/“trading card culture”

…as well as the lack of acknowledgement that static and important connections to fictionhood exist and that it’s not necessarily good to force separation on someone who’s often like that for a reason and needs to grow/change at a healthy pace

like. to get “i am in a system with a dissociative disorder that has goals around healing from that” for a moment, i think people so often assume the identity-shared-with-a-fictional-character part of being a fictive is the dissociative part targeted by healthy source separation, and not the mental separation from your current life and body, and the pressure to stay static and “perform” your source’s identity

im a dave strider fictive/kin and i got into rap music because it was something i enjoyed in my source. when i tried it in my current life, i realized that i still love rap actually and half my playlist is rap based. i still use a lot of post-irony and apathy to get by in life. i still think vulture culture is cool as fuck. i still call myself dave despite (de)transitioning. i love and seek out homestuck related material/media

but shit man. im in a completely different situation from my source and ive changed as a result of it. i use a lot more punctuation now because im not “dave strider from homestuck” anymore and its hard sometimes but i gotta remind myself that i dont have to stay like that. i dont have to try and “out-dave” other daves like i did when i first formed because we’re just different people all (originally) named dave with similar issues and interests, instead of one “real dave” with a bunch of fakes

that and also i can see myself as both the white haired, red eyed girl i am in-system while also seeing my body (and it is my body now, not “the” body, and not even “our” body^), a brown haired, brown eyed white man as me. i would recognize myself in the mirror in either forms. im working on loving and connecting to my body as it is and not as it “should” be

^ (im not saying my body is mine and belongs to nobody else in my system, im saying that for us, everyone in my system (including me) using “my” for my body, my life, and my system, is the next step to getting closer to each other and the life we fought so hard to live)

#syscourse #dave speaks #fictivecourse

[magicrainbowkitties]

Ya know, having grown up a fat girl who later realized I wasn't one, and now being a fat enby most people gender as a man, I really feel comfortable with postulating this here theory:

Fatness is reviled in society because it's "failed" gender.

A fat woman has "failed" as a woman bc she's unappealing and weird for men to be in the same space as her (not to mention she is literally, physically taking up more space), and thus she must correct her "failure" by whatever means necessary to maintain her image and her womanhood.

A fat man, by the same token, has "failed" as a man because he's "lazy" and unwilling to put the work on himself to be as strong and smart as he could possibly be. He must always be improving his physical prowess, not just necessarily for the "attraction of a mate" (as many internet weirdos I've seen put it), but because a man has to always LOOK successful and hard-working.

Granted this can go vice versa. But this is the larger mentality I've seen in regards to fatness. Either way, it's also important to mention that the way we view fatness and gender in society today finds its roots in white supremacy. People of color are similarly seen as a "failed" gender, and our conception of fatness as a moral failure in general is deeply rooted in hatred of black bodies specifically, especially those of black women.

The way it is right now, you are only truly succeeding at gender if you're white, skinny, and conforming. And that's a load of bullshit, obviously, but it certainly explains a lot of how misogyny, trans/queerphobia, racism, and fatphobia overlap and inform each other (thus also reinforcing why intersectionality is so important).

It also goes even further to prove that no matter how hard we try, no matter who we exclude, or how much we conform, we will STILL never be enough for them. I could try all day to "just not do trans shit" (actual words spoken by an actual person to me, a trans person, unironically), and yet by simple virtue of being fat, AFAB, and trans, I will still be on the chopping block bc I'm not gonna be able to succeed at playing the gender game correctly. Granted, I'm a very long way behind black trans folks in that regard, but it's still important for folks to realize that-

1. Non-queer gender is a game

2. You have to win the genetic lottery or you loose

3. Even if you win that, you loose if you step a toe out of line of what your agab is supposed to do/act/look like

4. Loosing means you've failed gender, which means you will be shamed and bullied and discriminated against until you can figure out how to not fail (you can't)

5. Things should not be this way

6. Fuck this whole game and do whatever you want forever

Would love to hear other marginalized folks' opinions on this, and do let me know if my analysis is lacking in some areas. I'm just trying to learn shit really XD. Thanks for reading, have a lovely day <3

#trans #gender #lgbtq #misogny #racism #fatphobia #fat liberation #terfs dni #istg if i see any of you in here it's ON SIGHT #transphobia #queerphobia #gender nonconforming

[resonancewitness]

facets of relationships (2)

continuing from here

...What I think is what we like to see in yizhan and reconstruct from crumbs is the presence of all the aspects-to-be-celebrated in their relationship.

in the first post I talked about "providing" and allowing the other person to rest assured; domestic partnership and life-supporting everyday service; the experience of sharing something we give value to, and trust on one side, and believing in/ cheering for, on the other side.

in this post I will tell more about being the ignition key for someone else's engine and vice versa; the heart attention and heart memory, and being companions in exploring life, studying life, and transforming life.

The facet of relationships where one of the partners has a powerful engine, but no ignition key for it, — and the other has the ignition key, or the other is the ignition key, in some sense, but not the engine. This facet is often asymmetrical, meaning that it is very rare when both persons play the same roles for each other at the same time. 

If they are lucky to meet (not necessarily in the same spot in time, or place), and recognise that the key fits, the engine of the one with the engine starts working and produces an unbelievable amount of something — in best cases, something good :) The person watches the work of his/her engine with delight and gratitude, and watches how the product of the engine works in his/her own life and, possibly, in the lives of others. 

If the person who has (or is) the key, sees the value in the way the engine works and in what it produces, — this person can also be happy. But if they are oblivious (which sometimes is the case), this does not devalue this facet of relationships. These are the relationships between the muse and the poet, or maybe even more precise description would be — the relationships between the Fair Lady and the troubadour, especially of the style trobar clus, the closed worship-song, when everyone knows the songs but only the troubadour and his closest friends know whom they are inspired by and dedicated to. The gender combinations, though, can be of any possible kind :) 

One other obvious metaphor of this facet of relationships is begetting — and bearing — children. In both literal and symbolic sense. This is the facet of relationships when the life of at least one partner is irrevocably changed — something is born that did not exist before, and it brings more life, joy and meaning into life. And as in case of biological fatherhood — the more the "father" acknowledges the consequences of his contribution and takes part in the life of the offspring, the more joy and meaning he gets from it. 

In some sense, it is the day of Emmanuel Steel from Alexander Greene's story "The Heart of the Wild Land": 

“You have a gift of artistic imagination, — of course there was no settlement in the heart of the wild land, I understood that you had played a prank on me, but the image was beautiful, the settlement should have been there, so I went and created it, would you like to go there with me to see if it looks like you had imagined it?" 

"You are an engine. Do you know that you are an engine? This is not an insult". 

In some sense, this is the ripple effect relationship, like the one between a star and their fans, but even more so. It is quite possible that some of the genuine, not specially-made, natural expressions of our being would become to some persons the missing piece of the puzzle — and now this piece is found, fits in, and the image is complete, it comes to life and creates its magic. And we might not be aware of it at all — and that is okay too :) 

The unexpected heart attention — and heart memory. This is the facet of relationships that comes to the forefront, when we have something important to us, which we possibly don't talk about much — or often, — but the other person (our partner, colleague, or friend, etc.) notices, marks it for him/herself, remembers and includes in his/her plans and daily activities. When the other person's "importances" are as important for us as our own. 

The heart attention and heart memory happens when the other person remembers the dates that are important to us (those that Facebook cannot remind them of...), and s/he writes and asks, how we are. When it is enough to say or write just once that you like something, and the person would remember and keep this in mind, choosing a gift or an activity to do together. When a person "interrogates" his/her friend who has many food allergies, what the friend is actually able to eat, and then invites the friend over and cooks — and all the delicious foods are edible and not a cause for worry. When the person who makes collective selfies in the group, always keeps in mind the shyest member of the group, who is turning his/her face away from the camera, — and chooses such a point of view to make a shot, so the photographer's own face is also half-turned from the camera. 

"I saw this article and thought — it is just on the crossover of your interests. Have you seen it already?" 

"I am in the bookshop and I see here the latest book from your favourite series, do you have it? — or I can pick it up for you". 

"I remember a couple of months ago you told me that you would have a hectic week with lots of medical appointments, — it is this coming week, right? Do you need a ride, or a few, to the clinic? Do you have anyone to babysit the kids? If not yet, I can do it, I have freed my schedule for this purpose". 

"This candle is here in memory of your mother. Today is 8 years since she passed away, isn't it? My condolences". 

And of course, it is absolutely magical when heart attention and heart memory in a relationship is mutual :) 

Being companions on the path of exploring life, studying life and transforming life — the immediate life of each of us, and not some kind of "external" life in general. 

When we decide not to let our life slip, because we are aware that if we do, it is not going to slip in any good direction, we decide to start experimenting on ourselves and to go against the current of entropy. We know that it is hard to move against the current alone. It is much, much, much easier to do it together. We are co-researchers. We are driven by curiosity — and we give each other support by means of doing what is important for ourselves and for the other person. 

To get up at five a.m. ("who wakes up first, phones the other"), to go for a run (the one who finds it easier to get out of the house, runs to the other's house and waits outside... and then they take turns), to meditate ("let's sit for 15 minutes at 7 p.m."), to study some kind of system and apply it to life. “Have you already done the assignment for today? No? Let’s do it now, at the same time, together in time, even if apart in space”. To let go of some kind of bad habit, to look for an answer to the question "what happens if...”, to explore and understand what it means to be (...to be together, to be a parent, to be an adult person, to be the author of one's own life, etc.). 

Each one of us walks on our own path, but knows that the other is walking, too. Sometimes we meet up and talk — maybe every day, maybe quite seldom. Maybe each of us keeps our own "expedition journal", and then we swap notes, and maybe we have a shared journal where we both write from the start. Maybe we have started our journey together from the same starting point, and maybe from different ones. Sometimes just knowing that you are walking with someone, and someone is walking with you, is a very powerful antidote against loneliness. When you know that someone knows what you are up against — that sometimes you feel lazy, or it is so hard, or you feel very unwell, and still you do not lose sight of your path and you don't abandon it. The other person knows what you are up against so well, because on his/her way s/he also encounters obstacles. When you are tired, and the other person becomes your pacemaker; and when s/he is tired, you become his/her pacemaker. When the other person celebrates with you the smallest of your achievements, your tenacity and your persistence, and you celebrate with them. In a certain sense, it is our shared secret. And in a certain sense, we are accountable to each other, not because somebody forced us to be, but because we have freely chosen this commitment. Each of us can be in solitude, but experience a very powerful sense of togetherness and participation, the feeling that our own life touches the life of the other very meaningfully. This is what this facet of relationship is about — being a team working on projects together, where the projects are the unique individual lives of each of us. 

I am "grok-ing" (remember Heinlein's "Stranger in a Strange Land"?) the feeling of curiosity, the explorer's enthusiasm, the commitment to be accountable to the other person, the feeling of lives touching each other, the support, the shared rejoicing. And I am celebrating with gratitude our contribution to each other's lives, our openness, trust and togetherness. 

(to be continued)

#yizhan #witnessing something precious #bjyxszd #how reconstructing an untold story transforms us? #resonance #we are made to love #finding ourselves in their story

[rust-bearer]

Stopping after this (I think), but I have one or two small headcanons based on your zombie au:

1. First of all, I do sorta hc that First Aid is probably transmasc. In addition to that, I imagine he’s probably relieved to finally be free of his shitty family members. No shade to anyone’s political party, but coming from a small town myself, I imagine Aid’s zombified family probably held some super traditional political views and had strong opinions about “transgenderism” and marriage roles and all that shit. Long story short, they probably didn’t support him in any way, shape, or form, and likely bashed his “choices” every chance they got. Anyway, he’s relieved—not necessarily happy, since they were his family, and… well, he does still love them—to be free of such an oppressive presence of people in his life.

2. On that same note, I can imagine Aid probably takes advantage of the newly abandoned church buildings in the area. Lots of storage for food and shelter (it was probably used to house homeless individuals for short periods of time, anyway), and the pews make excellent rows for survivors to stretch out and sleep. The doors are heavy, too, and with lots of windows, you can easily see or even hear danger from a distance. Oh, and the pastor-turned-zombie was a horrible man behind closed doors, so Aid was MORE than happy to take over the church as his own (again, no shade to any of the religious folks out there. Small town mindsets, you know? It’s ironic how often the same story plays itself out.)

3. I said I have two small hcs but I have a sort of half hc to follow. First Aid probably had a big family, and Vortex DEFINITELY has a reasonably sized family as well. Vortex is extremely loyal to his family, and he finds it a little strange that First Aid seems so callous about his own deceased (well, not deceased, but—you get the point) family members. That’s to say, Vortex probably had a bit of a different upbringing than First Aid. His family is all he’s got; they’re all they’ve got, really. Maybe they’re a little privileged, given the farm all but dropped into their hands and the bountiful resources. Still, unlike First Aid, who had to struggle his way through his own self-discoveries (and medical school) all on his own, Vortex has the support of his small family/siblings, and vice versa. It’s an interesting dynamic, almost like a sort of yin and yang.

That was much longer than I’d intended it to be (it always is, though), so I apologize for the lengthy message. Still, I hope this helps bring you some inspiration, or at least gives you something to pick apart. Also, if you’re like “dear god please stop dragging out this zombie au idea,” just let me know and I’ll put an end to it. I have to say, though, you’ve got me hooked.

I appreciate hearing different headcanons, it’s interesting to see what other people interpret stuff as. Though I think from the sounds of it, you have some pretty unique ideas that could make their own story

Personally, I’ve always viewed First Aid’s family (gestalt I suppose) as supportive, though they don’t exactly get much screen time in IDW together; in G1, off the top of my head, they do chafe sometimes but ultimately are supportive of First Aid as well (then again, it’s G1, so we don’t have much to work with). It definitely could be interesting to write them as not supportive, but it’s not my thing personally, being trans myself.

As for Vortex and the farm, I actually have a funny idea for it that my fiancé and I cooked up. Again basing Vortex’s family off of his gestalt here, we figured Swindle bought it for tax evasion and money laundering, except now that money doesn’t exist, he is insisting they stay there so he can “get his money’s worth on it” (“but money isn’t real anymore” “SHUT UP ITS ALL I HAVE”). So they go from what amounts to larping as farmers to actually having to farm

#first aid #vortex #hungry tag #zombie au

[mqfx]

i think i would need to see mqfx in an entirely different light before i would believe they would enjoy being humiliated. possibly because its also just not my thing although i have thought about what must be appealing about it (the joy, the release of understanding that someone sees you as imperfect but is still interested in a relationship with you? the realization that even if someone does believe these things they're saying they still want to at the very least have sex? feel free to correct me if this isnt actually the appeal ive just come to this conclusion on my own)

ANYWAY. i think i'd have to view their squabbling in an entirely different light, like one or both of them doesn't have their heart really in it and are keeping up their side of the argument for pride's sake or! maybe everyday life behaviors have absolutely no connection whatsoever to what one enjoys sexually (<- totally possible, what do i know)

tldr im on your side the fighting might be homoerotic but perhaps not in that flavor exactly

good morning anon <3 i'm awake now (kinda) and my lawyer can't do shit to meeeeeee so let's talk about it

ok for everyone who didn't see the post i deleted, the tldr of what i said was: "i don't think any of the xianle 4 would be into degradation. hc bc he'd kill himself before being mean to xl, xl bc he wouldn't keep a straight face, and mq/fx would literally just argue. on the other hand i think if either mq or fx were somehow sincere enough to tell the other person "you are good" they'd finish too fast (crass! my lawyer disapproved!!) so. can't praise each other bc they'd both like it too much, can't insult each other bc then they'd have to pause sex for a fistfight break. sad!" <- paraphrasing but it was funnier last night

i'm not qualified to address the first thing bc i didn't take kink studies in college (we DID have one, hashtag liberal arts!! but i was busy doing REAL work pestering my old man and drinking in stats class) but that's probably true at least for some people bc everyone always has a different reason for these things. it's subversive, it's pain under control in a safe environment, it's reaffirming, it's addressing trauma, sometimes even self harm so watch out! (sex, like any action, can be detrimental if you're not careful, but that is not the action's fault)

the second thing i CAN address (points to my nametag) SO: i don't think either mq or fx are the type to do anything by halves they're both passionate (fx obviously, mq within the many layers of his artichoke* heart) so i do think every argument they have is real and not just for pride's sake. if either of them didn't wanna argue they just wouldn't and the other guy would be like "um......what's wrong w u 🤨 (concern disguised as suspicion)"

i Wouldn't say that daily life has no connection at all to kinks but that's a discussion i'm not having on my sideblog (tldr: these european fuckos have been arguing about sublimation** and libido longer than i've been alive. Scholar Charlie assumes that whatever doesn't get sublimated finds its way into one's sex life and vice versa but don't quote me on thiiiiiisss i should've taken that damn class fr)

as a sidenote: what we might find hot is not necessarily what the characters might find hot. not to lend personhood to the narrative devices (especially when fanfiction is literally the "play with them like paper dolls" genre of writing) but it's an important distinction to make as readers and writers. like do i think for example that mq's emotional repression and torment is hot? very. do you think He's enjoying it??? jury's out (though with melancholic types one Must assume they derive some relief, even if harmful, from flagellation)

back to the important matter of mqfx's hypothetical sex life: in canon they insult each other in equal measure and there's no one in that situation who is actively/consistently made to feel lower than the other (whether they actually do is incidental). it's not that their squabbles Wouldn't make it to the bed but it simply doesn't count as degradation. argument (equal) ≠ degradation (power dynamic). am i saying it's impossible for them to have ANY S/M thing going on?? also no bc as mentioned before i think mq views Everything as a power struggle, but fx also strikes me as the type of guy who would really really like getting called good boy but he doesn't know this about himself. for that matter mq would probably like some praise too he's just way more roundabout with it

this is aaaaaaallllll a very convoluted way of saying "yes the fighting is still homoerotic, not on the basis of unequal standing but because they're equals. i don't think they specifically find the insult aspect of fighting hot, and in fact some mutual kindess would be nice. would they do it that way though? idk"

ok gotta get ready for smth this took me 2 hours to think. byeeeee

*here i got distracted looking for artichoke facts bc i saw on my gramma's cooking show that it's basically a thistle and it's got a spiny center you gotta scoop out before eating. anyway it's from the mediterranean! so don't use it in canon-compliant fic lol

**death in venice is in that wiki article :( why did my ex-mutual leave meeeeeeeee (<- divorced)

#hewwo #asks #anonymous #LONG POST #new rule is i shouldn't talk while either sleepy or caffeinated. aaaaaand post

[dyed-red]

hello! a wincest wednesday ask for you, if you're interested. :) Do you have any fic tropes that you normally are into, but don't really like in wincest -- or vice versa?

Happy Wincest Wednesday ❤️ and ahh thank you for such an interesting ask!

I'm pretty flexible on tropes in general but one that I love in other fandoms but doesn't do anything for me in wincest is a captivity narrative?

Like short-term "bad guys made them do it" is definitely my jam even in wincest, but longer term where one of them has been a captive for an extended period of time, from several days to weeks or longer? Those just don't spark joy when it comes to wincest.

I'm not sure if it's because I struggle to suspend my disbelief at one of them being a long-term captive (based on their experiences of captivity in canon) or just don't like them apart for a while or just how I've seen the trope and its fallout handled in the (admittedly very few) wincest fics I've tried that use this story conceit , but something doesn't click.

For vice versa...

Something I can't imagine liking in any other pairing but am perfectly pleased by in wincest is what I've seen referred to as "happily unrequited" or what I call "semi-unrequited".

It's sort of a gencest or weirdcest lean for me, where I can see plenty of situations where they engage in sexual activity for whatever reason but aren't necessarily sexually attracted to one another, or one of them is attracted to the other and the other is just happy and fulfilled by being able to be close to his brother and make him feel good, and thus is able to enjoy the sex and/or other dimensions of a relationship through that love and closeness, even if the feelings aren't necessarily reciprocal in the same way.

I think it works for me with wincest because the foundation is so powerful and entrenched and their dynamic is both codependent and enmeshed. I can actually see either of them being like "if you're happy I'm happy" and meaning it and feeling it genuinely. At base it's sort of "doing this makes you happy and I am in no way uncomfortable sharing this with you so I want to have this with you" straight through to "I get off on giving this to you not because of attraction but because it feeds something at my core so I enjoy having this with you".

There's ways this does/doesn't work for me depending on where an author takes it, but that's true of any trope. Meanwhile I can't imagine enjoying any of my other fave ships having anything even close to this dynamic.

(realize now that's not a trope so much as a relationship dynamic so I'll also say that I don't like infidelity tropes in any other fandoms but they work totally fine for me with wincest)

#wincest wednesday #semi-unrequited #but happy and ideally in some version of together #seriously it's only a hair's breadth from canon in my mind

[somebirdortheother]

I think I would've enjoyed it much more if we the audience knew from the start that he was being Sareth's family's assassination. I mean… I was 99% sure it was him, but the tone would've been very different. Instead of this false mystery, we would've had tension over who else knew, is there really no trail leading back to him, is Sareth going to uncover the truth and how will this affect the rest of the story… Instead we spend a whole lot of time wondering with her. It's bothersome, especially when the wondering doesn't bring anything to the table.

I mean, if we thought that Cleon was an alright guy who would never do that, it could be a shocking surprise. But we already know they're dickheads. There is literally no shock. When they confirmed it, it was so underwhelming. I didn't even have a little heartjump about it.

Demerzel is a lot goofier this season. It's a very strange change. I'm still hopping that we'll get an explanation on that front, and perhaps that it's connected to her meltdown at the end of S1…

Anyway, I don't really like telepathy in general because it seems like a crutch and there's barely any sense to it. The rules are bent over backward to fit the plot at any given time and often enough, what worked before suddenly doesn't work anymore, or vice versa. We're just suppoed to accept that whatever they say goes and hmm nope. He did not draw the Prime Radiant in such great details without also knowing where it's hidden exactly. If Gaal thought about it, she necessarily thought about where it's hidden. Inception 101! But I can't be too harsh just yet, because they haven't explained much about it.

I guess I'm still just very angry about Hugo. It was a very sick ploy to play Salvor, for one, and secondly, even though my mind immediately sent alarm bells, I wanted to believe.

Alright, ranking episodes…

Episode 1: 5/10. I enjoyed the dive into Hari's mind and I was shocked to realise that he was stuck inside the Radiant. I didn't remember that part. Like, at all… As far as I remembered, he was still on the ship on its way to Helicon. Perhaps I missed something. Anyway!

Episode 2: 5/10. I grade it such simply because I laughed at the Cleons having a movement coach. This was comical. And I loved to see the new state of the Foundation. I'm not surprised that it devolved from idealists to a military based operation. Salvor's role had always seemed to me like a self appointed mission more than a true appointment. Now it felt like an actual military grade. They're pro war when first season Foundation was only about preserving the future. Very unsurprising, and very sad.

Episode 3: 6/10. The banter between Hari and Gaal was off the charts and I loved it. Mallow is an idiot but the actor has a certain charm that helps alleviates the inevitable annoyance. Also can anyone tell me who was the statue supposed to be of?! The disgraced general is very interesting. He's an honestly good man in a world of snakes. It's fun to root for the enemy's team. Also Hari's back and I'm glad for it.

Episode 4: 4/10. I could not care less about old Cleon's proclivities. I'm sure he knew that there's a little more to it than sticking the pointy thing inside the hole but I find him lacking in venom compared to Cleon XII. He's very soft. I do like his relationship with Cleon XVIII though. Ah and also, the guard spilling the tea after like two phrases of reassurance was a bit silly to me. I'm sorry but if i'm betraying my Emperor, I need more than just "don't worry dude, we got the goods to make sure you're not found". Please.

Episode 5: 6/10. Ok it was hard. I loved seeing what truly happened between Raych and Hari. It broke my heart. I didn't really care much for Raych and Gaal as a couple but I did like Raych as a character. And I'm still pissed at how he was thrown under the bus. Demerzel's "think of me" made me laugh for a solid 30 seconds and I had to pause so there's that. I do love the mystery about the erasing of Cleons memories. Demerzel is probably behind a lot of it to be honest. But I don't really like the Metallica Crew so far.

I feel like i'm being awfully harsh but I've tried to be generous where I could. (I had fun with the little colours and such. I didn't know we could do that!)

FNG

Oh hello!

First of all, I'm giving up on putting the commentary under the cut; instead tagging these posts with "Foundation spoilers" in case anyone would like to skip!

I very much agree with your thoughts on the Sareth/family assassination plot. Had we been properly introduced to it, it would have been interesting to have more weight to her character rather than what we got.

Re: Demerzel... YEP. And couldn't agree more - I am curious to see if by the end of the season, we will get more insights on... why... And I feel like we will, but who knows!

Hari/Gaal/Salvor/Mentalics - I'm with you on this one. We'll have to see what happens. And yes, likely, the telepathic gang probably already knows about the Prime Radiant, unless Gaal was surprisingly twisty and clever in her brain. As an aside, I think that Hari now having a body likely means that he could have a bit more protection against the Mentalics? Maybe his mind is TOO COMPLICATED to read???

Yes.... the Hugo thing was a near-immediate gut-punch!

By the way, I am absolutely howling at your episode ratings - you need to do these for everything! I think, for me, 1 and 5 were the most enjoyable, with 3 (except for the priceless "RAT IN A HANDBAG") and 4 being my lowest, though I know that a bunch of folks really enjoyed them.

#foundation spoilers #fng foundation watch #foundation season 2

[mylifeincinema]

My Best of 2022: My Top 10 Films!

Finally! It’s time for My Top 10 Films of 2022! This year was not a necessarily good year for film. Sure, there were a handful that I really took to, but aside from them, there a whole lot more that I merely enjoyed, rather than loving or thinking were amazing pieces of cinema. Anyway, this Top 10 works because - and this goes as a quick reminder -  My Top 10 Films isn’t necessarily a list of the ‘best’, or ‘my favorite’, but rather a mix of the two that takes both sides of the A&E into as equal consideration as humanly possible. So definitely keep that in mind, especially the fact that how re-watchable each film is weighs in significantly, as well. (Which definitely explains the positions of at least a couple of these.)

Okay... before we dive into things, here are some Honorable Mentions (in no real order), most of which spent some time in the Top 10: Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio; Jordan Peele’s Nope; Graham Moore’s The Outfit; Akiva Schaffer’s Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers; Luca Guadagnino’s Bones and All. Ask me in a few months and any of these could’ve overtaken any of the bottom half of this list, really.

And one last thing, although they aren’t labeled as such below, and I don’t really do ties, my picks for 2 and 3 ARE indeed tied. Depending on my mood, I love each one every bit as much as the other.

Finally, without further ado…

My Top 10 Films of 2022!!

10. Rian Johnson’s Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

It’s got a stellar cast, it’s a ton of fun, and it chooses an approach and sticks with it. If you’re underwhelmed with the ‘twists’, that’s kinda the point; that’s why it works so damn well as a whole piece.

9. Edward Berger’s All Quiet on the Western Front

This is one bleak, filthy, visceral, and brutal anti-war film. It’s focus on the people fighting makes even the bigger set-pieces feel intimate, yet no less exhausting. The direction and camera work is just stunning, patient and unforgiving and technically impressive. The makeup is so effectively grimy it had me wiping mud out of my eyes sitting warm and comfortable on my couch. And the performances were chock-full of a hope-tinged desperation that made each and every inevitable death all the more soul-shattering.

8. Tom Gormican’s The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

Hilarious. Just magnificent. A batshit crazy and shockingly vulnerable view into the mind of a man who’s become lost in the industry. Cage and Pascal are downright brilliant together, working off of each other with natural ease and unpredictability. I missed this in cinemas and can’t stress enough how badly I regret that. So fun. So good... Just so, so good.

7. Todd Field’s Tár

It’s rare to see direction as patient as Todd Field’s is here never lose any tension or momentum throughout its film. No wonder this film so completely understands the role of a composer. Tár is a balanced, wholly effective powerhouse of a piece; an orchestra of power, control, and the struggle to maintain the former while losing the latter, and vice versa. And that’s all before we even get to Cate Blanchett. She is an absolute revelation, here. Her drive, her obsession, her control over even the most minuscule aspects of this character. It’s all so beautifully brought to life with cold detachment veiling unrestrained passion. What a performance. What a film.

6. Steven Soderbergh’s Kimi

Fantastic. Easily Soderbergh’s best directorial work since Contagion, or at the very least, Side Effects. David Koepp’s screenplay is incredibly taut, intriguing and paired with Soderbergh’s work, superbly paced. And Zoë Kravitz is just so damn good; her frustration and fear blend and transform throughout in a manner as riveting as it is authentic. This not only does its inspirations justice, but does so in a way that makes it stand up tall on its own.

5. Mark Mylod’s The Menu

Not at all what I was expecting, and I couldn’t be happier for it. Chock-full of pitch perfect pitch black humor that makes some amazingly shocking moments. Anya Taylor Joy is fantastic (as always), but this is Ralph Fiennes’ show. Just a wonderfully twisted, detached performance that’s a delight to experience. And bravo to Nicholas Hoult and John Leguizamo for their scene-stealing performances. The ending might (maybe, probably not, but definitely close) be my favorite of the year. Such a perfect final course to all exceedingly decadent dishes by which it’s preceded.

4. Martin McDonagh’s The Banshees of Inisherin

Significantly more depressing than I thought it would be, but not in a bad way. This is a film about the madness of the world, changing times and one’s reaction to those things being forced upon them, and in exploring the relationships on this island, McDonagh unveils poignant insight into not only the natural flow of change, but how the individual copes with it. It’s shocking and sad and so often hilarious, but mostly it’s a moving portrait of simple folk getting by in an exceedingly complex world, or not getting by at all.

3. Daniels’ Everything Everywhere All at Once

This is such an utterly insane, silly, wildly creative, genuinely heartfelt sci-fi film. Michelle Yeoh is a powerhouse, embodying our protagonist’s complacency and reluctance with a depth beautifully nuanced as it is hilariously bizarre. Daniels’ vision is as weird and messy as it gets, and nails every single note as it ambitiously tackles everything from family and fate to love and regret to taxes and beyond.

2. Joseph Kosinski’s Top Gun: Maverick

A perfect blockbuster sequel. Everything works. It’s equal parts over-the-top spectacle and a heartfelt reflection on aging out of the game. But best of all, all of its pieces work together to create an overwhelming adrenaline-rush of a cinematic experience. Sure, the writing can be paper thin and/or predictably hokey at times, but - if anything - even those aspects add to the straight-forward, crowd-pleasing, damn-near perfect action film this ultimately is.

And My Favorite/The Best Film of 2022 is…

1. Steven Spielberg’s The Fabelmans

Steven Spielberg is my all-time favorite director, and this is the film he’s been destined to deliver ever since he broke out in the ‘70s.

Sure, this is a celebration of cinema. But even more than that it’s a celebration of whatever it is that grabs hold of our imaginations and hearts and refuses to let go, and a love-letter to the people who encourage us to give in to that passion, for better and worse. It’s a personal, reflective piece of cinema by the all-time greatest cinematic storyteller... and it’s beautiful.

Thank you for reading…

Enjoy!

-Timothy Patrick Boyer.

More of My Best of 2022...  

#film #movies #best of 2022 #the fabelmans #top gun: maverick #everything everywhere all at once #mybestof2022 #the banshees of inisherin #the menu #kimi #Tár #movie #cinema #lists #top 10 movies #the unbearable weight of massive talent #all quiet on the western front #glass onion #top 10 movies of 2022

[cookinguptales]

Kind of related to that last post, kind of related to a couple messages I’ve gotten lately...

Just as a PSA, I do not read in the same fandoms I write in. This isn’t because I don’t like other fanfic writers or I want to slight their work or anything; it’s just not conducive to my own writing process if I read others’ work on the same subjects. It’s a complicated mess of reasons why... I think at its heart, I have one of those brains where I have two modes: consume or create. If I’m being fulfilled by the consumption, I will not create, and vice versa.

If I read a lot of work by other people, I think that fills a need in me that I would otherwise be fulfilling by creating something myself, maybe? Sometimes that’s a good feeling, like “oh, I feel creatively fulfilled by seeing someone else do this so I feel no drive to do it myself” and some of it is not so good, like “if I write this now I’ll feel derivative and useless” kind of vibes. I know the two cakes theory and I believe in it, but I can’t say that my creative process is necessarily logical.

To put it bluntly, if I read stuff in a fandom, I’ll no longer want to write it. I know that some people feed off of reading other people’s takes and ideas, but I’m not one of them! lmao. We all work differently, I suppose. I have a damnably one-track mind, and I think that hurts me in these situations. Once something is Done in my mind, I just move on to something else.

So I guess I’m just saying that if you send me a fic rec in a fandom that I also write for, I will not read it. If you want to talk to me about your fic, I will avoid the conversation. Please don’t ask me to beta your stuff; it’ll just be an awkward conversation for us both. Hell, if you write me a fic, I mostly likely will not read it. I don’t mean to be an asshole. I just can’t do it.

Being real with you, I don’t even want to know what subjects other people are writing about! If you send me a message about something I’m writing like “oh, I know that X wrote a fic about this, too!” you... might have just killed my fic in the water. It wouldn’t be your fault!!! I know this is a Me Thing! But I’ll still have a much harder time writing that fic going forward. So I’d really appreciate it if y’all would um. Maybe not do that.

(and yes, all this also means that conversely, if you see me reading fic for a fandom that’s pretty much a guarantee I’m never gonna write for it. lmao)

#this is mostly for fanfic but I've noticed it veering into meta too in wwdits #so I've been avoiding some of that as well #it took me several years to realize the patterns in my own consume/create cycles #and I think I realized it for good when I was big in a fandom about 8 years ago under a different pseud #EVERY time I'd read a fic I wouldn't be able to write for at least a week #so I learned to... stop doing that lmao #just me #writing liveblogging