#especially my online friends

[watersofblueisland]

"I prayed for you at the temple" "I told my mom about you" "I think you'd look good in this dress" "This reminded me of you" "We'll bake this together one day" "I think you'll like this place" "I took pictures of moon for you" "Look at this sky" "This is a beautiful song, you should hear it" "Ofc I remembered"

#I'm totally not emotional rn #I love my friends sm #especially my online friends #distance doesn't matter when people love you #ah but maybe it does #I wanna meet them #People can be good #thank god for them

[un-pearable]

ngl one of the most useful things i’ve internalized from doing art online is never tell people what to criticize. don’t preemptively apologize for things or point out where you think you fumbled, it’s just priming people to notice minor issues that might not actually matter and hit you where you’re sensitive and throw you off your game. don’t tell people your weak points. if it’s a genuine problem they’ll point it out

#especially not if they’re the professor grading your assignment!!!!!!!!!! feel so bad for my friend #i cant tell him it now bc it’ll come across as mean but i feel so bad :( he kept apologizing for things he didn’t need to and it made him #seem unprepared. when he actually had 95% of what he needed and apologizing made it LOOK like he didn’t #text✨ #i’m making it sound very dramatic here but it’s straight up helped me so much with my anxiety #the above doesn’t apply if you’re looking for constructive criticism kr any thing #i’m very specifically talking about stuff like posting art online or giving a presentation or whatever

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

Just to minimize my chances of being genuinely misunderstood OR deliberately misinterpreted, and crucified for something I don't think, How Dare You Say We Piss on the Poor website etc...I'm gonna say this right up top. I absolutely understand why people don't like Thessaly as a character, if anyone does completely unironically stan her as some kind of feminist hero who Did Nothing Wrong uwu, I personally see it as a bit of a red flag. I don't like terfs real or fictional. In a vacuum, I could even completely sympathize and agree with the people who want her cut.

HOWEVER.

It's really something to me to see people clamoring for her to be cut, because she carries and expressed an ugly indefensible prejudice (transphobia) in words towards (1) person. Meanwhile Hob fucking Gadling enacted one of the most violent forms of antiblack racism I can even think of against thousands no, millions of people, the ripple effects of which still affect billions more today. Just a little light idk, profiting off the fucking slave trade and had to be told by someone else that it was bad...and he's a fan favorite.

People are saying Thessally being Dream's love interest reflects badly on him or is somehow endorsement by the narrative (?!?!?!?!?!? Didn't she (SPOILER ALERT AS IF IT MATTERS BY NOW) help participate in his extended assisted suicide? She's not painted as a great person to me just another character what are y'all SMOKING whatever fine. It's fine this is fine.) But shipping Dream with Mr. Former Slaver is not only not verboten or frowned on widely in the fandom but its THEE most popular pairing by far. So...why the difference?

Like where are the same fans who are saying Thessaly shouldn't just be more clearly shown to be wrong, she shouldn't even be in the show at all when it comes to Hobert's crimes??? Yes, transphobia is indefensible. Isn't racism?

And I hear the cries of "it's fiction!!!" Already rallying (if anyone who needs to hear this even sees it lol) to which I say:

HORSESHIT. I KNOW you don't, deep down, really agree because if you did, why get upset about Thessaly being included??? Why does what she said to one person matter if it's Just Fiction You Guyze. Fictional characters are allowed to do bad things and fiction isn't reality sweaty....except when you only apply that standard to fictional racists you like and simp for, but fictional transphobes you don't are SO HARMFUL they shouldn't even be portrayed in fiction.

Like. Give me a big fat BREAK. This looks like bullshit, no? I'm sorry, but I'd love for someone to try and give any other explanation besides one personally offended you or hit home for you, and the other doesn't.

And if that bothers you or you feel like it says something negative about you...idk what you want me to say??? You can't control how other people perceive you and that's how people outside this majority-of-the-fandom bubble see it. You don't need to respond, I just wish and genuinely hope this gives you a moment to think about why fans who ARE bothered by both (and not just paying lip service to being bothered by the one but railing against the other) are so frustrated with people saying everyone is welcome but in practice only bending over backwards for the comfort and emotions of themselves, and people they can easily relate to.

You don't have to like Thessaly (I don't. I find her an interesting antagonist, I don't stan her. And frankly that's not the point of her character) but you'll pardon me for feeling more than a bit cynical and side eying people's motivations for what seems a...pretty obvious double standard, on what fictional crimes related to real world issues matter to y'all, and which clearly don't. Either actually bring the same energy to the table for fictional people who committed atrocities, even if against a group you're not part of and thus don't feel the need to empathize with, or just carry on, but accept that you don't have the SLIGHTEST room to talk about cutting characters who do immoral things. And you also need to accept that you look like a hypocrite when you do.

#thessaly #wanda the sandman #hob gadling #I could've cried sexism!!! Problematic Male vs Female Characters except 1) I don't actually think that's the main reason *here* #2) there are WAY better examples of that particular double standard in this fandom #also i can admit when I'm a bit of a hypocrite or was. #i used to dip my toes into the dreamling stuff too early on #but idk. It just got too sour seeing ppl whitewash (lol I know I'm a comedian) #what he did over and over. And I genuinely had started to wonder #if the show hadn't included that particular crime and I'd just imagined it from the comics because #my memory is shit sometimes and I guess I was naive. I *wanted* to believe someone would talk aboutit #if it had made it in. but ultimately i went back and checked and no #and seeing how the whole fandom behaving affected my non-white mutuals some of whom... #like these are my friends man or ppl I just respect and I can't just. Ignore their feelings and their pov #and act like they werent making points or it doesn't matter #like it's all just fun and games for everyone on the same terms. And seeing how easy it was #for everyone to ignore was so unsettling. I couldn't keep pretending it was just fiction and didn't affect anyone real #Call me a bully a t3rf apologist (fuck you and for the record. no) #a puritan or a Fancop (actually stop comparing #people disagreeing with you online to what cops do. For fucks sake you just make it look like nothing is really real to you outside fandom) #whatever man. Whatever helps you sleep. I'm just gonna block you #if you're clearly sticking your fingers in your ears. engaging with you is a waste of time and energy then #Hell I have sympathy for anyone who doesn't like thessaly #especially trans fans. Especially rn. But lbr that sympathy for a lot of the white trans/queer fans only goes one way!!! #never gets extended to anyone else's issues. Like THATSthe issue. And it's shitty! #(sorry this post is not about me in the confessional lol that's why I put this at the bottom #I just had feelings to get out and yes its my blog but i didn't want to clog the airways)

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

#seriously another shout out to my mutuals #id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being #and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting #bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!' #hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over #and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic #sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭 #okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals #like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful #so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up #than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess #they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds #so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW #okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE #SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES #if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends' #then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context #but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic #and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF #okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this #ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day

[unovaslankiite]

Prolly gonna be my one and only rwde post (cus the fanbase is rancid and I'm not rlly a rwby fan, just a person who watches the show): some of you rwby fans are too comfortable using your queerness as a shield to silence BIPOC voices about the racist writing and your 'precious' bigoted CRWBY. You guys unironically act/think that just because you have to deal with queerphobia; you are IMMUNE to being bigoted yourself and you are INCAPABLE of parroting bigoted beliefs. Cus I know there will be a dumbass ant1-rwde posters who will try to drown out this post by saying its 'lies from the EVIL RWDE!!!': You would rather weaponize your queerness to bash on BIPOC voices, while claiming to care about our voices. You would rather be complicit with the racist writers and their racist writing, just because your racist writers gave you a queer ship. There is no shame nor issue in projecting the abused you suffered onto the characters, however you refuse to see through the characters and their writing through a BIPOC lens. You do not get the right to impose your perspective of the characters at the expense of BIPOC voices, you do not get to twist our voices to be alt-right bigots because we called out RWBY's rampant racism. You do not get the right to say you give a shit about BIPOC and have #BLM in your bio when you fervently defend your bigoted company. You do not get to pretend to care about racism when you buy merch off of your bigoted company. My fellow BIPOC (especially the queer BIPOC): why are you guys so comfortable dismissing your fellow poc about their discomfort with RWBY's racist writing? BIPOC are not a monolith with the same opinions about racism in media; but some of you guys are weirdly comfortable with turning a blind eye to your fellow BIPOC getting dogpiled by the white fandom. We can and will disagree, you not agreeing as a BIPOC about RWBY's racist writing is not what I take issue with. The issue lies within you upholding the racial colourblindness in the fandom; like how the fandom was ok with throwing the racism under the bus in favour of queerness, you are ok with throwing your BIPOC peers under the bus for white queerness. Sincerely, a POC who has been watching the fandoms rampant racism problem ever since 2019.

#rwde #bitches be like: 'yeah we know that rwby handled racism bad :)))' #then get fucking furious when you say 'adam taurus being retconned from a minority rights fighter to an abusive ex was kinda bad' #go watch unicornofwar's white fang video and think about it holy shit. listen to the white guy if u dont wanna listen to poc #white fans get furious when you say that rwby has a racism problem TO THIS DAY #you dare mention how the 'villains' are all poc with visible ethnic traits/darker skin tones #while our heroes are white as fucking paper with zero ethnic traits #they would scream to the heavens that ruby and yang are chinese #despite being very much modelled off of white women/afabs #while also be giddy about whitewashing james to fit their evil facist dictator narrative #despite james being modelled off of an ACTUAL asian man unlike ruby and yang #and is one of the few characters who have visible ethnic features unlike ruby and yang #fandom racism goes unchecked over here and i have never felt so unsafe in a fandom #at the end of the day: ig white ppl will always prioritize themselves at the expense of bipoc #'omg we're ur allies #i totally understand how it feels like to be discriminated against 🥺' #<- not even a week later you borderline gaslight a poc rightfully saying its fucking weird to be making animal jokes about blake #at this point? call me a slur #dont pretend you give a shit about me as a poc #dont even fucking bother being my friend as a white queer if ur just gonna spout the same shit i see online #rwby fans you guys are one of the most racist fandoms out there #btw if you guys are gonna come at me with racism and harassment #you will be blocked <3 #especially if u are as slavic as the vikings #do not bother lecturing a poc about how ur racist anime isn't that racist

[steakout-05]

after rewatching TADC 2, i noticed that Gummigoo's lads were sitting on top of a Tim Tam log, which is a chocolate-covered biscuit that is very beloved and popular over here in Australia :D

#tadc #tadc episode 2 #tadc gummigoo #do gummigoo's friends have names? or are they just ''the lads''? #i fucking LOVE tim tams!!! they're literally one of my favourite foods ever #are tim tams well-known in america? if not they definitely should be they're delicious #to every american reading this post: go get a pack of tim tams trust me you will not regret it #i'm not sure where they'd sell them in america cause i obviously don't live there but you could grab some online #i'd suggest getting them directly from australia actually. i bet they'd taste better and we have more varieties #not to dunk on american confectionaries but some of them just taste nastyyy..... especially your chocolate... im sorry #reeses pieces are good though they go hard #anyway yeah awesome reference to a popular australian biscuit :D

[splatoon-confession-box]

I love splatoon but GOD is it expensive for a game I feel like you can't do all that much in. Like 200 dollars for a switch, plus 60 dollars for the 3rd game, plus 20 for an online service, plus 25 for the dlc, that's 105 DOLLARS without the switch. I'm lucky a friend is helping me get access to the series because I'd never be able to play it. Trillion dollar company moment ig

#splatoon confessions #splatoon #nintendo #nintendo online is a fucking joke #especially since the connection is still dogshite just now we're paying for it #i would have never had a switch if it wasn't for two old friends that surprised me with it #that was literally the happiest day of my life when i could finally plat splat 2

[skybristle]

maybe this is just me being annoyed but whenever i try to talk abt my ocs here [which i very rarely do for this exact reason] it always gets zero engagement whatsoever. like i dont come here for Attention i come here for interaction which do kind of go hand in hand but. getting like 7 likes any time i pour my heart out about my guys is. disheartening. and it sucks because talking abt them is part of the way to get people to care! but i dont have the motivation for comics all the time [and when i do they dont get much attention either]. i feel like i should just stick to discord but im soo desprate to be heard and i feel like its hard to find The Right People to talk to

#especially when some of the people i wanna rant to dont use disc much. so i just yell into the void #this is abt sparks in particular but im miffed in general. with the response i get. #sky rambles #its just. frustrating. not mad at anyone in particular ofc !!!!!! #i need a friend who is online all the time who is always willing to hear me talk about stupid shit /SILLY #im actually Deranged about sparks rn i wish someone who Clicked With Autism was online on disc rn . so i could yap . #whatever. #sorry. #i just don't get what my guys don't have ????/ i guess probably constant art #i wish i could explain things concisely so people would care at all

[mwagneto]

any time i remember time lord victorious arc i start shaking like a sick fucking dog

#having an extraordinarily hard time watching waters of mars rn literally episode of all fucking time #they dont make them like this anyMOOOOOOOOOORE OHHMY GODDDD #icould talk abt it for hours istg it's so. grips you shakes you shakes you shakes you shakes you sh #the WAYYDYDYDHDHDJDJDJDUJDJDHDJDUDJD THHHEEEE THE THE THE . HTHHEHEH #the way u can see glimpses of what's to come in all 4 seasons but especially in voyage of the #damned and then s4 onwards but u dont realise JUST how much he went insane until now #like there's echoes of this in votd but you might not even pick up on it if you dont Know #n here he's just fully gone it's sooo. IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOO. CHARACTER OF ALL TIME #man so profoundly tragic his entire story is abt speedrunning losing everything and #going insane and dying. and yet he still spends like 20 entire minutes crying and begging not to die. okay #i cant rank drs they're my best friends so idk who my fave dr is but 10's is easily my favourite story it's so. it's SOOO. #anyway sorry. stops shaking you and pats your arms down awkwardly. carry on #doctor who #dw lb #10th doctor #the waters of mars #time lord victorious #i was today years old when i learned there's apparently a whole audio series about it that #came out in the past few years. well i aint listenin to that. everything i need is on my screen already #also. the way most ppl havent even seen these specials coz they're impossible to find online.. #even tho waters of mars is like. not just extremely important but also yknow. extremely good

[sso-montana]

Question bc I'm curious and bored but how much do your OCs take care of their hair? ༼ つ ◕◡◕ ༽つ

Because Montana for sure has to have at least a 5-step hair care routine, she dyes and bleaches her hair regularly and on top of that has wavy/curly hair (2c or 3a depending on what ref bc those are confusing LOL) so she has to take care of it for it to be some form of healthy

#sso #ssoblr #sso oc #star stable online #especially the ocs who also dye their hair #but just generally curious bc I only learned how to take care of my own hair in the last 2 years or so #somehow kid me didn't realize we had curly hair #I think it's wavy but my friends say it's more curly doe ehhh still not so sure abt that part but whatever

[dezimaton]

My trust in social media/art sites has been dwindling for a while now

Witnessing dA steal a whole site's worth of art to train it's image generator, informing everyone in post- Knowing that twitter and instagram are likewise training their own generators- and now seeing tumblr implement an opt-out for training data

It's very disheartening to watch the internet communities I've found home bend and twist under the force of scraping for "AI" training

There is just so much bad, but making and sharing art is still one of my favorite things to do. I will still be drawing my freaks, but I'll need time to think about what to do with my personal work...

This blog will change to be fanart only & I'll put more time into finding a comfortable workflow for glaze/nightshade

#dezchatters #it takes my computer over an hour to glaze a tiny 500x600px image so i stopped out of concern over the long term effects on my cpu/gpu #having them run at full blast for over an hour on a regular basis cant be good #especially when its like 8yrs old now #hoping webglaze works out so i can spare my toaster #and do my civic duty to online art posting #as for personal work im mostly sharing on a friend to friend basis these days #my art make speed is slow as always but if you want a trickle of tive doodles n oc art in ur inbox I'm open to try connecting on discord #lastly- stay strong friends #the world may be cold and harsh but hope is a skill we train #there will be better times #we do what we can when we can

[averlym]

pleaaase may i have 28 and 29 aramour angst ✨ i crave it

28: “Move out of my way before I make you.” // 29: “You deserve better.” (prompt list here)

click for better quality!

#the brainrot!!! so strong. anyways. fellas is it gay to confront the woman dating your ex when there's super high tension #anyway!!! highschool(?) modern au where the popular girl/ queen bee is whoever resident king henry is dating.. hm.. #oh the tension between someone who used to serve you. now having taken your place. and you knowing the ins and out of that position.. #especially that it's not all it's cooked up to be!! lots of thoughts about this au #art-wise i drew these as storyboards before i realised i cant video format well without audio so they're just here in storyboard form #i drew these in sketchy drafts and then in sketchbook then spent 2h lining them digitally bc the scans were yikes. anyways. i lost a frame #somewhere and it was before the “you deserve better” and it was like. “take it from someone who knows #fun fact!! i showed this to multiple irl friends without dialogue as i was drawing it. neither of them know the characters but. #immediately pinpointed exes vibes. and enemies to lovers. and basically homoerotic arguing tension. #remarkably pleased at how that was conveyed (and also amused. i love my friends). anyway if i were to do this again? then i'd draw in the #frames instead of re-doing the sizing after tracing. yikes that was an experience. #anyway!! (x3) anon i hope you enjoy the aramour angst. i hope it has something. i craved it a lot as i was drawing this #six the musical #six the musical fanart #catherine of aragon #jane seymour #also the characterisation was lowkey based off how mean girl seymour is absolutely a thing in the show. some of her lines. savage. #parallels!!! in show the "oh boohoo [..] i DIED'' and attacking aragon.. the rivalry here.. aaaagh #also!! the last line is a slightly paraphrased letter from aragon to her father(?) i think. found it online while looking for how she wrot #because i wanted her to sound more queenly... you also see it in how she's unbothered and rather unimpressed throughout seymour's posturing #the confidence in herself. meanwhile jane is defensive and a bit more prone to being flustered <parallels emotion in show script> #i'm just. very proud of these drawings together. narrative can be so very nice. the last two frames are kinda like a postscript. #sometimes the brainrot really gets you!! alright have a nice day.. comms are open and the fact that no one is taking them up rn feels a bit #sobering. but it's okay! i'm not in a rush.. it's more for the experience. hm. i wonder who wrote yes in the poll though #(can you. tell my ego is a little bruised?) nvm onwards!! eventually i'll get good enough to actually sell my stuff :OOO #oh an addendum: lowkey inspired by all the bathroom girl-on-girl confrontation scenes. one off the top of my head is the one from heathers #but there's quite a lot of those tbh #aramour

[koko2unite]

#you know how there are ppl that either act shady and hateful or supportive of peoples success #but im the secret third that will punish myself over peoples success #like i be seeing my friend having lots of growth #art get lots of notes #lots of comms #all the good stuff #and im likee yayy congrats #but then a minute later im like #you have done this longer and you cant even achieve the same thing consistenly #you are horrible you are disgusting #and im like what the fuck is wrong with my brain #normal people wouldnt be this affected #especially as negative as thag #i fucking hate my stupid brain its my biggest enemy i need it fucking removed and replaced with normal brain with no issues at all #by the way #can yall see any of my posts #esp the art one #i have a feeling im no longer visible #classic koko online moment. getting shadowbanned and hidden by the website for simply being openly gay #oh wait its ok for everyone else to be hay the problem is me being gay #apparently those are two different thinfs

[parchmentknight]

CHARLES SMITH RED DEAD 2 UHHH

charles smith redemption two is just like me fr

#what is it called when u really vibe with a character and see urself in it #charles isnt my fav fav character but he is definitely the one that is most ME #i dont know what term tumblr uses anymore #anyways. #IM POC SEASIAN K. DONT GET ME WRONG IM BROWN #i too think about conserving nature and the ecosystems and the inportance of animals especially ones that resonate with my family #and the protection of cultural animals that are being killed off by poachers #and how silence is comfortable and doesnt always need to be filled and how my closest friends are comfortable with it too #and how hard it is to be good but u strive to be good in a cruel world anyways #and becoming a better person despite your traumas and the environment around you #and im hoping for a good ending... maybe a better one than charles' but a good one nonetheless #also his dry humour. miss throwing deadpan lines around my highschool teachers. doesnt happen in online asynchronous school :/ #also he has body goals. man is BUILT and MAJESTIC i wanna be like that so freaking bad #rivera writes #charles smith #rdr2 #just personal rambles before i hit the hay #comic expo is in two days!!! tryna cop some red dead merch yk

[kyofsonder]

Hey I'll support practically anybody with "sonder" in their username, but what does "Ky" mean?

Thank you for the supportive ask, and the appreciation of sonder as a concept. It's always good to see other people understanding and liking sonder.

I rambled a little, as usual, but the TL;DR is that Ky doesn't stand for anything and is just the name of the guy running the blog. The whole username is a set of chosen names, actually.

For the rambling version, it's a combination of my own chosen name and my system's chosen group name. I picked the name "Ky" for myself because every name I put into every video game and book as a kid that wasn't my deadname would invariably start with "ky" and in games that had limited letter slots it would often just be those two letters on their own. I've considered changing the spelling to "Kai" because it's more recognizable in most places, but the history of "Ky" as a thing I picked for myself still has a lot of meaning to me.

The "Sonder" part of my username is actually also a chosen name. It refers to my tendency to experience sonder on a daily basis and my admiration of the concept itself, of course, but it also functions as a reference to my system. While I don't talk about it very often, and typically keep it to tags when I do, I do have it in my bio that I'm plural. Most systems choose collective names to help differentiate between when it's the host/usual person speaking, another named system member speaking, someone who doesn't know their name speaking, or the system as a whole speaking together.

Our chosen system name is "Sonder" because it not only references what I just mentioned about my experience of Sonder, but also acts as a reminder that even when I'm the only one speaking to my followers on this blog or even when it's quiet for us internally and we're not speaking much to each other as a system, we all are and deserve to be treated as people with lives and stories of our own -- to whatever extent makes each of us feel most comfortable and respected. It's been a nice reminder for us to have.

The "of" part of my username is also a reminder. It means this blog belongs mainly to me, Ky, but I'm inevitably Ky of the Sonder System. Most posts and tags are mine, but there's inevitable bleeding through of other Sonders -- and some posts are entirely theirs. All original writing tagged #sonder stories is mine, I write it, but we know there's influence from Sonders whether we plan it or talk about it amongst ourselves or not. This blog contains reblogs, posts, replies, and writing by Ky. Ky of Sonder. The username reflects that.

#sonder speaks #well in this case we should clarify #ky speaks #specifically #also yes using my chosen name is very close to putting unsafe information on the internet #but I never share my legal last name or deadname #and I never share my exact location #I'm being fairly safe about that I think #also it has meaning to me to use this username on this blog #especially since not many people offline were using my chosen name yet when I started this blog #and only online friends and my long-distance partners use our system name #it's nice to use them for myself here #I'm reluctant to ever give that up #also yes I'm painfully aware that there are many many other asks I should be answering #I'll get to them #I know I will

[fembutchboygirl]

I just learned something so incredibly fucked up

#i am trembling #i cannot let this enable my issues with paranoia further! haha! oh my fucking god #im not joking btw im literally physically trembling. how did this happen oh god oh GOD nononono dont let it get to you #i just need to know. was someone like. double dealing? was someone telling him about it #i wouldnt give a shit if they were stalking me online occasionally (well id care a little bit but honestly itd just be kinda fucked) #but if someone was telling him about me and my personal stuff? #stop. i dont want to think about it. i dont want to think it happened. i have to get this out of my head #but still. absolutely fucking deranged. #ESPECIALLY bc apparently he's been saying i “made him think he was abusive'' and that doing that was shitty of me bc he actually #just has bpd?????? #sol if you're reading this listen closely: one of my best friends has bpd. diagnosed and everything. so shut the fuck up #much like you've been saying i blamed my adhd for being neglectful (read: not meeting your sky-high standards for Truly Loving You 24/7) #you cannot blame your bpd for what a shit person you've been #repeatedly asking you to work on a flaw that's been hurting me is not telling you you're abusive you fucking prick #get a life‚ learn to care about other people away from what they can do for YOU‚ #and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. #p.s. imagine being mad that people who were friends with both you and your partner didnt suddenly cut the other one off after you broke up #like actually angry at these people. what the actual fuck. you're like a divorced parent upset that their child still talks to their ex-wife #my posts