#endometriosis is so fucking evil

[thebusylilbee]

saw someone say "endometriosis is not fully linked to having a uterus so people without one can still have it" and I thought they were lying bc I didn't see how that was possible but I looked it up and... well i'll be damned !?!

still an extremely rare occurence as there are only 20 cases reported for AMAB people (all cis men from what I read) so far, against around 180 million AFAB people, but I'm assuming that with transfem and transwomen now having access to proper hormonal treatment in way more places in the world than ever before in history the probability of this issue occuring will increase. it'll probably remain extremely rare though but damn... you do learn things every day in this world

#endometriosis is so fucking evil #endometriosis #amab #transfem #transwoman #I think this is knowledge that should be spread just in case. based on the probability no need to fear this too much but u never know #medical issues #bee tries to talk

[millacm]

"She's trying to kill me"

"Who?"

"My uterus"

"You're nonbinary but you refer to your uterus as she?"

"Yeah cus she's the enemy. Evil, murderous, wants me dead in the street"

#my uterus is trying~ to kill me~ /she wants me dead in the streets~~ #vent #i have both hormonespiral And birth control pills but like the evil villain she is nothing stops her #fucking another wave off pain hit as i was writing this. i hate her #the amount of times ive dreamed of just getting rid of it all since it has no use for me and only bribgs pain #but hormones are fucking confusing as it is so itd only get worse? #endometriosis #period pain #menstruation #i call it the moon curse cus thinking of werewolves helps a little #might delete

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

ngl i'm obviously grateful for the fact that medication exists that can make me function as a human without the extreme period cramps once a month and without the vomiting due to pain.

but the fact that the medication instantly and very obviously also made me. like. fully numb to life. is really not fun and i really don't think it's fair that those are the two like........... options... that exist

#i stopped birth control after i had a panic attack in a shop in london bc i'd felt increasingly anxious for years #and it just completely ruined my holiday #and after the first 3 ish years without any hormones my body reverted to my teenaged troubles #rn we're taking this birth control to keep the cyst from growing even more until it's my time for surgery #so i'm like. it's acceptable and i'm okay like this #bc it's not nearly as bad as it used to be #and i'm allowed to stop taking it if i want but if i have to choose rn between the two evils #i'd rather be a lil numb #also means i'm less actively upset at my job that i hate. bc i'm just kinda numb. win win ?? #it's gonna be an interesting follow up appointment though bc i cannot live longterm on birth control #if it comes to that i'm just gonna be like 'bro we'll just call it quits on the uterus situation' #bc i'm not trialing the spiral or the other invasive and scary option #when hormones alrEADy fuck me up #it's either migraine city or anxiety city or apparently now depression city #and i would just like none of those thx #i'm not having kids with this body so like. i don't need ovulation #i've had 16-17 years of it. i think i can be done now #my endometriosis journey is slow rn but we're just holding out until november #me and my 10 cm cyst............ that's like. a tennis ball. inside my body. waiting to cause me more pain. can you even comprehend ?? #this is so tmi but i'm just like. so tired of this numbness ? #i'm not usually an emotional person but considering that i was kind of like this back when i was 18-22 #no wonder my mum used to comment on me never crying at films #insane to think i actually socialized at uni #anyways #time to go to sleep to wake up early and go teach at a place i really don't wanna be at ✌🏽🤪

[closetradfem]

having endometriosis as a TRA was a wild time because how are you going to say, with your full chest, that maybe I should tone down my complaining of pain, bleeding etc because it’s insensitive to those who desperately want a period? maybe I should be grateful I was born in the right body? that my pain is easily cured compared to the mental anguish of being trans? that somehow I’m mocking trans women by making a TikTok about being in pain? that I am tone deaf for posting about getting my hormone injections because it’s not fair it’s so easy for me to get hormonal treatment when in fact it took me 12 years to be taken seriously?

I spent 2 whole years letting TRAs invalidate the pain that I fought so fucking hard to validate because I was brainwashed to believe I was lucky. this evil disease is a sign of luck. I gaslit myself that maybe I was the issue and I should work to make the endo community more inclusive and considerate of TiMs.

all for what?

#radblr #radical feminist safe #radical feminists do interact #radical feminists do touch #radical feminism #radfem #radical feminist #feminism #gender critical #terfblr

[sexy-opium-ravioli]

hiya!!! mind writing a fern x gender neutral! reader scenario? maybe the reader is a wizard n they need to get some stuff from a dungeon, so fern comes with n they both have some fun moments together!! maybe its vault of bones styled? thank u!!! [also btw, the anon button is off!!]

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry! Anon feature is now switched on babes, so feel free to send in requests to my decrepit, dank and dusty inbox.

Anyways, here you go!! I hope you enjoy you freakin honey bun.

This work has vulgar language, moderate, nondescript violence and descriptions of menstruation and endometriosis. Dw, reader is still gender neutral.

Note: This and other works (unless directly specified) are to be as inclusive as possible. If there is any sort of undue coding for any race, gender or sexuality that has not been requested, please tell me! :)

Title: Dungeons and Fern

Considering how many things there were in Ooo, one would think that there could be a cure-all potion for cripplingly low self-esteem. Or, at least some sort of medication for said problem.

Alas, Glob was more detail oriented than goal oriented. You could see sentient mountains whining at violence and grow rock-scale skin from drinking gruel, but intrinsic personal problems? Those were still a mystery.

You wish you could give Fern a potion to make him happy. A tincture for all the wounds eyes cannot see. You feel like your boyfriend has done so much for you, and seeing your favorite grass man spiral does a number on your own self-esteem, to be honest.

Anyways, that's codependency for another day. Right now, a dungeon needed exploring.

A cave. A little darkness, and then, light. Being a wizard was handy sometimes. Fire in your palm, you lit the way.

Walls were lined with red words, little orange cones and yellow stripes on the ground that were just at the threshold of ditches with long, metal tubes. You knew what trains were, but the trains down here looked more like metal coffins. They were eerie. So were all the skeletons at your feet.

You looked back at Fern. You smiled, and he blushed. His eyebrows were furrowed.

Ah! A map, how handy. It wasn't too hard to figure out, too!

'You Are Here,' Follow the red dot, and then the blue line, and you could get where you're going. You jumped into the pit, and vanished into the dark tunnels. Fern trailed behind you.

"You're quiet today. Anything wrong?" It was a hushed question you spoke. There was A Vibe in these old tunnels you did not want to mess with too badly. After awhile, you learned to appreciate them, all the colorful graffiti scrawled on them too.

"I'm evil," His words crept to your ears like perfume. It was there, and then gone.

"We've been over this. You're not,"

"There's literally a demon inside of me," A little louder this time. Perfume turned to smoke.

You stopped in your tracks and turned around fast enough to see Fern's pupils still having to adjust to the lighting change. There was a moment of tenseness you both felt, slightly predatory and preylike on both ends.

"That demon does not constitute who your whole self is. A part of you is formed by the new experiences you go through, and some of that in your personality is completely isolated from what you've been born as," Your wizard mind liked to go on tangents and force your mouth to voice them. Sometimes they helped Fern in his journey, and sometimes they did not.

He still looked conflicted, damn.

"I'm evil," Smoke turned into a thick fog.

"Prove it, kill me." A gamble, sure. But you knew your bet had won when Fern's face went from anger to shock.

"I-I'd never!-" His voice got a lot higher when you said quick stuff like that. When you disarmed his defenses in less than a second. To be fair, you do the same thing when roles are reversed.

"Then you aren't evil, dingus. C'mon," You grabbed his hand, interlaced his fingers with yours, and gave him a kiss. You always liked how his grassy lips tickled yours. He's such a sweet man, how you've fallen in love with him. "Let's go explore the rest of this stupid station,"

...

'Oh my GLOB what the FUCK is that-' This is your first thought. There is no time for a second.

The thing, made of shiny steaming hot tar swung at you. You had enough wits to dodge, but you still screamed in terror while doing it.

Fern was immediately at your side. A grass sword, mighty and green as he, grew out of his arm and before one could blink, a chunk of tar monster was separated from the host.

'Tar, tar, dude what spell is even good against tar?' This was the forefront of your thoughts against the backdrop of Fern holding the thing at bay.

"Hey, babe, mind retreating for like three seconds? Gonna teleport this thing to the Fire Kingdom," Such important words spoken in such a casual tone. There was a moment where Fern wondered how much life you had been though to earn such eccentricity in such a stressful situation. He loved you.

When Fern stepped away, you did as you said. The last thing you heard before closing the portal was a fire guard screaming "What the GLOB-"

"...I, I didn't go too far this time, did I?" His voice, back to perfume.

"No! No, not at all!" You gave him a forehead kiss that he would appreciate more than you would ever know.

You both giggled to yourselves before continuing.

...

"Ah! Finally!" The joy in your voice was palpable enough to grab out of the air and eat. Fern turned towards you and-

"...Train tickets?" There was a hint of annoyance in there. You simply knew it.

"Yeah, I know, right?" You chuckled nervously before continuing, "I need it for a potion for Marceline. Endometriosis is really a fucker sometimes and this can help with that,"

You both walked in silence as you felt sunlight on your faces. Smelling fresh air after breathing in so much stale made you feel a special type of joy. "That really wasn't too much for you? I know you need to photosynthesize every once in awhile and I just don't want-" He kissed you. It was your turn for your face to get warm.

This silence was peaceful, as you two walked to your home in the forest. It overlooked grassy plains and was just at the edge of a thick line of trees.

"My love?"

"Yeah?" You adored his nicknames for you.

"What's endometriosis?"

#fern the human x reader #fern #fern the human #gender nuetral reader #blondie's adventure time series #adventure time #fern mertens #fern mertens x reader #fern x reader

[threelights]

endometriosis is fucked up and evil but now i'm on a medication that de-estrogenizes me and i didn't even have to tell anyone i'm nb so that's kind of cool

[rebeccacoen]

ANYWAYS I have a resident evil oc and her name is Valerie Bright. I made her like three years ago so I had no clue that Resistance was gonna have a character named Valerie as well, but I'm not changing her fucking name. Just know that if I'm talking about a Valerie, it's almost 100% of the time going to be my oc, not the canon character.

Basically what you need to know about Dr Valerie Bright is that she was undercover at Umbrella in order to steal samples of the T and G viruses and also worked on the project that would produce Nemesis. Her reasoning for stealing the samples was to manipulate their regenerative properties herself, hoping to regenerate her own organ tissues that are damaged by severe endometriosis and her parents' lung damage caused by a chemical accident.

She joined Hunk's alpha team after seducing him to get in, then stole a G virus sample during Operation NESTWRECKER, then escaped. Next she was on a journey to the hospital to steal a T virus sample, but ran into Nikolai, who wanted her samples and initially would kill her to steal them.

However, Valerie had the samples locked away in a pair of golden earrings containing vials, which only open with her fingerprints in a specific pattern, requiring her to be alive. She then bargained with Nikolai that she would give him half of her samples if he helped her escape Raccoon City and protected her.

So, reluctantly, that's what the mercenary did, and the two ended up bonding more than expected and formed a romantic relationship. They got out of the city with samples and information intact, then retreated to Nikolai's safehouse until his employer was ready to retrieve the information.

That's really all I feel like sharing rn. But yeah. Valerie Bright is my oc, made three years before Resistance was announced. She's Nikolai's partner and girlfriend and she loves her leather boots (which get damaged during Raccoon City).

#my ocs #valerie bright #nikolai zinoviev #pairing: sangre por sangre

[placesthatchangedpeople]

A former resident about Eating Recovery Center

Hi! I'm new here. I've procrastinated for ages wrt joining reddit because I generally don't like it very much, but some communities speak to me. This is one of them.

The place I was sent to wasn't as bad as some of what I see here, I think because it was (purportedly) single-issue, rather than "treating" all kinds of teen trouble. They were hand in hand with wilderness camps and boarding schools, though. Their marketing directors - the people who gussy up the website and advertise their 97% parent satisfaction rate - were trained by, and have past experience at, CRC Health. They run Aspen education programs, and a whole bunch of other ones. They regularly sent kids off to wilderness camps or schools after they finished with ERC. It was like the "next step".

The place that I was was called Eating Recovery Center (ERC) and it's located in Denver, CO, although they have off-shoot locations in Texas, California, and more. They do have an adult treatment center as well, but I believe it is less abusive.

The child and adolescent inpatient and residential facility is awful, but incredibly popular. They've spread to something like ten states, luring families in with their garbage website. The whole thing is written like "Parents, you're so stressed, and it's because your child is a Gigantic Problem. We know how hard it is to have horrible kids. Please, send them to us, and we'll rehabilitate them while you get to relax and connect with the fun parts of life, which you haven't been able to do with your lil problem child over here." It's marketing genius. Whenever a kid says "hey, this is abusive", not only do they say that the kid is a dirty liar who just wants to leave, they actually say that this is proof that it's working. Like, "Your child has been taken prisoner by their Evil Disorder. As we cure your child from the Disorder, the Disorder gets scared and lashes out. Your true child is waiting underneath, and they're very excited to be healing. The more that your child fights our program, the closer to recovery they are. Claiming that we are abusive is, in fact, a sign of recovery." That's a summary, but you get the gist. It's like a god damned exorcism.

I was a patient there in 2013, in September. I wasn't there for long, because I made a fuss about their abuse, and I was 18 and they knew they couldn't fully shut me up, so they transferred me to a lower level of care. They did, however, convince my parents (who, to their credit, were just desperate and didn't want me to die; they've since acknowledged that they fucked up) that if I signed myself out of treatment, I should not be allowed home, and should be left to live on the street. The idea, I think, was that this would "shock" me into getting better. Yet they (the RTC staff) also told me that they didn't care if I was any better when I left so long as I followed their rules in the meantime. But, details. So.

They were emotionally and psychologically abusive, as well as neglectful and I'd say perhaps physically. Psychiatrically, too. The shittiest thing they did, in my opinion, was lock my twelve year old friend in isolation for 14 hours as punishment for exercising (I do not know how much she'd been exercising, but since this place considers standing up from a seated position to be 'excessive movement', it was probably nothing - standing up without permission was considered an infraction). She wasn't allowed so much as access to a bathroom, and wound up defecating on herself. Staff didn't see this as a problem. They told her it was her fault, and that she needed to make better choices.

The threat of isolation as a punishment for ignoring behavior warnings (three "redirections" and you're punished) was always there, and this room was called the "quiet room", if I remember correctly. During my stay there, there was one patient who was eleven years old and had some sort of developmental disability, and they kept him in isolation for what I think was days. I remember that he regularly wound up in there and that we could often hear him crying and screaming. How therapeutic /s

Patients were given NG (nasal gastric) tubes if they refused a meal. I had an NG tube put in, which didn't bother me very much, but it made my nose run like no other and made it really hard to swallow solid food. It wouldn't stop dripping during nighttime snack, but we weren't allowed Kleenex or napkins. I asked a staff member for a napkin due to literally not being able to stop the deluge of snot from my nostrils, right, and she kept refusing and said she wouldn't help me until I finished my snack. I kept asking and eventually, she gave me a really bitchy look and threw the napkins at my face. This isn't particularly abusive, I think, because napkins don't hurt, but that's just not the kind of behavior that should be shown by somebody working in a treatment facility. The staff would regularly scream at kids who didn't finish snacks or meals.

I, along with several of the kids, regularly didn't finish meals. And by regularly, I mean over the course of my first day or two, so not much of a precident, imo. This issue was brought up after dinner, when the group gathered for a post-meal check-in. Patients were encouraged to name the patients who were not finishing meals, explain how said patient was bothersome to them, and then the staff would shame the patients who were named, and ask the other patients to help come up with an appropriate "response" (punishment). The staff decided that we should be made to sit at a separate table, in a separate room, during meal times, and not be permitted to speak to each other, nor communicate in any other way. If we made prolonged eye contact or started giggling, we were reprimanded. Talking at meal times was one of the ways that patients coped with having to eat large meals, and it kept morale up, and they took it away as a punishment. It certainly doesn't make anyone eat better. When we had downtime, we were closely monitored so that we never discussed our grievances re: the program, with each other. We managed to anyway, by whispering and speaking as quickly as possible, by writing notes which we then had to dispose of (since they went through all of our belongings and journals, and withheld these things whenever they arbitrarily deemed them inappropriate - my journal was confiscated because I wasn't displaying the proper mindset). But staff were always looming, and it was stressful.

I don't remember exactly, but I'm pretty sure that I wasn't allowed contact with my parents for the first three days of my stay. I could be conflating it with some other hospital or center, but I don't think so. All parents of patients were encouraged to stay in the Denver area for as long as possible, and my parents rented a condo (while also forking out some $30,000 per month) and came in for family therapy a couple of times a week. Family therapy consisted of my "therapist" (she was licensed, but I've no clue how) encouraging my parents to complain about me, and when I said that I didn't like something my parents had done, she just said, "well, I don't think they're doing that. That's not what I see at all. Maybe you should change your behavior/perception/etc." She gave me these ridiculous assignments a few times each week, and I never completed them, because they were stupid and I was on Mission: Get Myself Kicked Out of Here, but I found the way she handled this to be a red flag. She was /so/ disappointed that I hadn't done the assignments, and looked at me all sad, and said "[name], that hurts me. It hurts me when you ignore these things that I've worked so hard on for you. I want to help you. This is hurtful, can you see that?" The fact that she was so manipulative without a single qualm really worries me, because the majority of the patients were younger and less defiant than I was, and bought into all of the brainwashing and manipulation that these people touted.

The majority of them came from abusive homes, but the RTC's whole philosophy is that mental illness treatment has been centered on parental flaws for too long, that parents are perfect, and that kids are bitchy little problems for no good reason. This is a tempting philosophy both for parents like mine who aren't abusive and don't want to be told that they are, and for abusive parents who want to be validated and excused.

Everyone there was deprived of sleep (I used to fall asleep on the concrete floors), water (only one cup with meals), and the right to use the bathroom when we needed to. Staff actually bragged about having had patients pee on the floor before, like this was some kind of accomplishment, not letting children pee.

The psychiatrists would keep children on medications that the children complained about, things that didn't help, and I was personally fine with my meds but I had friends who were being kept on awful medications. They eventually just started doing that thing where they move the pills to that little pocket between their teeth and cheek, swallow the water, pass the "swallowed pills" check, and then spit them out.

Somehow, at one point, the staff got it into their heads that I wasn't changing my underwear every day. I have no clue how this happened, but they implemented a policy where I had to show them my clothes each day so that they could "make sure" I was changing all of them. Like, what? That doesn't even make sense to me, because wtf, but it was just really degrading. This might be slightly TMI, but when I was on my period (and I have endometriosis, so it's really heavy and makes me nearly pass out/vomit when I'm not on 'round the clock birth control), they still wouldn't let me use the bathroom except on Their Schedule. I had to beg to be allowed to use it, and they got so mad at me. Like, sorry? I can't actually do anything about this?? That was really degrading too. As if I wanted to tell a whole bunch of hostile, abusive near-strangers that I'd bled through my clothes again, damn.

I don't remember ever having a phone call. I saw my parents on weekends for an hour, but there wasn't much communication. When they kicked me out of residential and put me in partial hospitalization (a ten-hour-a-day every day outpatient program in a nearby building, also run by them - it was a "step down" thing), they told my parents to never let me have my cell phone for longer than thirty minutes, and to watch me (and its screen) the entire time I had it. To go through all of my electronics and journals to make sure I was Doing It Right. They told my parents that withholding everything I enjoy until I recovered was completely reasonable, and that it was okay (even good) to kick me out on to the street if I was noncompliant. Hilariously, I'd nearly been sold into sex trafficking not two months before I went to ERC, when I was 17, and I'm like, y'all, if you'd kicked me out I'm absolutely sure I would have been trafficked for real. Like, damn, talk about a bad idea. The whole reason I developed the eating disorder, self harm, suicidal behavior etc was because I was sexually abused as a kid, but we weren't ever allowed to discuss anything of any real import in therapy groups, and anyway, I was just A Problem Child, not traumatized /s

To this day, I still can't handle the word "manipulative". I use it very occasionally myself, but for the most part, seeing it used to describe anyone just makes me bristle. Even genuinely manipulative people. I just can't handle it. I was branded as manipulative so many times just for hurting and wanting real help.

I know that most other patients there went through worse things than I did, but I don't know the extent at all. It seemed like the younger the kid, the worse the abuse. Some of the young kids were able to quickly adapt and become The Perfect Patient, but those who didn't, got it bad.

I'm glad that I was relatively lucky (a three month stay, a somewhat less abusive center, being older). But all of these places just piss me off so much. The general public knows nothing about it. I've lurked on this subreddit before and finally decided to bite the bullet and post on it. I know my RTC experience wasn't anywhere close to as bad as it gets, but it still screwed me up for a long time. Luckily, I'm 100% mentally healthy and happy these days, but it took a lot of work and was only ever made worse by ERC and abusive therapists like them.

#Colorado #Eating disorder

[aphroditeslesbian]

The fact that trans activists are achieving so much politics-wise only confirms to me how little regard the world has for women, and how truly and unabashedly the trans movement is a man-made man-ruled movement, and by man I mean male, dick person, inverted dick person, XY chromosomes.

If this were a movement run by women or primarily supported by women, it would have gotten nowhere, because women's voices are often silenced, we are called feminazis, TERFs, evil, witches, harpies, loveless, self absorbed, selfish, simply because we choose to fight for women's rights.

Even people who call themselves feminists do not respect and recognize the work put in by 2nd wave feminists, strong, valiant, doughty women who fought for our rights and managed to squeeze some change.

If this were about female rights, the progress would be snail-paced, it would take hundreds of years, just as feminism has been taking ages.

But the trans lobby started in recent, modern times and it has achieved so fucking much it has left women's rights desolated and in pieces.

While women are raped, killed, abused physically and mentally and emotionally, TRAs talk about their so called oppression, for having the privilege of living in a first world country and getting access to doctors and blowing their money on cosmetic surgeries.

Not once do I hear prominent figures questioning the normalcy and integrity of the trans movement, not once do they question the children involved, the ones pushed to the limit.

Not once do I hear about the correlation between homosexuality, corrective therapy, and transgenderism.

Not once do I hear about the women.

The women who have walked this Earth and had the bodies we have, women whose bodies are owned by selfserving men to such an extent they're not even allowed to remove an unwanted fetus from their wombs.

Meanwhile men buy silicon bags and hide them in their chests, while we die of breast cancer. Men talk about uterus transplants, while we suffer through the pain of endometriosis. Men talk about being mothers while we are tied down and raped in order to be forced into pregnancy. Men take estrogen while we struggle to cope with PCOS. Men pretend they can have "cycles" while we're sentenced to menstrual huts. Men disfigure their sexual organs out of choice while Female Genital Mutilation scars us physically and emotionally for life.

Women's bodies have been public domain for so long, we can barely make it out the doors of our houses (some of us literally cannot).

Living in a female body is being born into a prison, and the trans movement dares to pretend men could ever understand what we feel like. As if you could choose this, as if we had chosen this, as if our foremothers had chosen this.

The trans movement is extremely disrespectful to each and every female who has been or will be born onto this Earth.

And we get death threats for saying that. We get punched out, statements of violence against us are commonplace on public platforms.

So yeah, congrats to men for finally finding the best excuse to publicly hate us as women born women, congrats on the ultimate excuse for your misogyny and disgusting actions. Congrats on convincing teenage females to protect you even as you step on their necks and walk all over them. Congrats on forcing us out of our bodies for your financial benefits, for your social status.

They always did say "if you can't beat them, join them". And men finally have. They forcibly joined us, pretend to become us, so they can beat us with even less consequences.

#misogyny #homophobia #lesbophobia #male violence #mtf misogyny #august rants

[agentemo]

i need to devise a plan in which i have weed money

cuz like. FUCK IT i’m not gonna pretend like it’s this evil thing!!! weed takes away my pain and motivates me past my anxieties!!!!!!

and like! every time i’m productive it’s cuz of weed and idc it helps me so much, i finally got to a place like yesterday where i was doing okay and on a definite upward swing, and then my mom stayed home from work today and it FUCKED ME UP SO BAD

and sure okay i know ya bitch shouldn’t be dependent on Drugs or whatever but like... what are these bone-weakening pills i’m taking to prevent my period and the endometriosis pain that comes with it? what about these anti-depressants that don’t make me anti-depressed? them is drugs and them has not helped at all the last 5 years.

i just. need to be able to smoke a couple times a day to get through the burden of living under this fucking roof. otherwise shit’s gonna happen like today when i was finally FINALLY cleaning out my room and my mom was CRITICIZING my every move, telling me what to do and what not, taking my power and making me feel stupid and wrong and like she’s gonna get angry cuz

right, i have to justify how terrible my mom makes me feel by making it about anger right so yeah i’m always scared she’s gonna get angry that’s how trauma and emotional abuse works i guess lmao

she makes this moment that originally felt so good, i’m finally undertaking the large project of cleaning out my uncles’ shit in my room i have found the energy, into... just another fucking reason i’m wrong and shitty lol

idk how i’m gonna survive her

and i don’t think i should feel bad for wanting to microdose in the meantime

this is reasonable and understandable and i’m gonna die in november whatever

#prev agentemo #drugs cw

[raptor-redd]

In which Red vents and acts like a bitter child

(I am giving this a general content warning for slurs because I'm fucking upset right now and know full well I slip back into old, bad habits when I'm upset.) Right before the election, I had a confrontation with a woman who was running around insisting we should all write in Bernie Sanders' name instead of voting for Trump or Hillary. She kept babbling about ethical opposition because Hillary might have covered for her husband's sexual assaults and multiple people were arguing with her, explaining why it was not going to work, that she was going to do more harm than good, and giving very good reasons that the lesser of evils was vitally important to keep Mango Mussolini out of office. At the time, I was already a wreck because my partner and I both rely on Obamacare's pre-existing conditions rule to survive. I have endometriosis. He has Alpha-1. Both of us will be fucked if that law goes away. She just kept bitching about how we were attacking her and how we were evil people for even thinking of electing Hillary. Her total detachment from reality would have been fucking hilarious if it had been almost any other situation, but when someone decides that their moral superiority is more important that the wellbeing of millions of people, including my loved ones and probably a few of theirs, the humor kind of stops. Now, thus cunt is still part of the group this confrontation happened in. Every time I see her now, every time the buffoon does something else, every time my partner gets sick, all I want to do is ask her how her fucking write in vote campaign went. I regularly find myself hoping she chokes on one of her precious fucking vegan dishes. (Because, of fucking course, she's one of THOSE vegans, too. Post a picture of food? "Is it vegan?" Talk about a health problem? "If you ate vegan-" Make an offhanded analogy about sexualities as bacon "*Five paragraph tirade about the evils of bacon*") And she's always posting these obnoxious links to some podcast thing she and some other guy do instead of actually responding to posts. Oh, and let's not forget the pages and pages of moralist, one-sided "discourse" on why celibacy is vital to spiritual and physical health and how sex is ONLY for procreation in marriage and fuck this bitch. I admit that there are a lot of people I hate, but this goddamn space cadet is the first one that's managed to make me so goddamn angry that the mere sight of her name can send me into a rage six months after having any interaction with her. Dumb, selfish, immature little brat. Okay, done venting now.

#ignore this #personal rant #people like you are the reason everyone hates vegans

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #47

“and our scars remind us that the past is real.”

which dinosaur is your favorite? spinosaurous! have you ever been fishing? i live in north carolina. guess, lol. have you ever broken the law? if yes, what did you do? yeah, like illegal downloading and drinking underage. what is your favorite candy to receive in your trick-or-treat bag? reese's! would you ever play with a ouija board? no. idk if i believe in ouija boards, but i do enough to not fuck with them. what is your favorite foreign cuisine? italian, i guess. have you ever wondered if deep down you’re evil? i have. considering there's one person whom i'd kill if i didn't have the guilt factor, i've wondered it. i know without a doubt i'd beat the shit out of her if i saw her, and that should say enough about me. ugh. i just lose all self-control when i merely THINK about her. who do you still need closure from? jason how did you find out what sex was? how did you think it worked before? i actually learned in the 5th grade from sex ed. before that, i had no theories, i didn't know it was a thing. when did you last see an attractive member of your preferred sex? did you speak to them? do you think you’ll see them again? i saw this SUPER cute guy on christianmingle, but i didn't talk to him (you can't talk to people on there 'less you have a subscription, which i don't have yet). who knows if i ever will. what exactly did you eat for your last meal? have you any idea what you’ll be eating your next meal? i had honey nut cheerios. my next meal will be at 12:00, but because we have no bread, i'll probably just like have a cookie. we barely have anything right now. have you ever tasted baby food? how about pet food? no. pet food, i did have a guinea pig treat once lol. if you found out that your ex was having a child with someone else, how would you feel about that? fucking NO find 5 people on your facebook friends list, whose name begins with k. who are these people, and how did you meet them? kelly: met in art class in high school. she is now a mother to a daughter named jasey. katherine: we met via youtube, i think? she just lost her dad. :( katelynn: jacob's ex. very sweet lady. kathleen: high school friend. she moved away after school. kenesa: my hair stylist. if you wear glasses, are they dirty right now? eh, kinda. are you good at wrapping presents? nope. do you put your hair up when you cook? i don't really cook, but i never have in the cases where i have. do you prefer mountain dew or sprite? mountain dew. i don't like sprite. funny how it was my fave soda as a kid. what is your favorite unisex name? hm, not sure. have you ever deleted anyone from your facebook friends list? if so, why? yes, either because we don't talk, i have no interest in keeping up with you anymore, or you've done something to piss me off. time for a random question about the person you love/like. what’s his/her favorite food? probably pizza, but i'm not sure, actually. do you regret any of your past relationships? no. what is your best friend’s middle name? colleen. she goes by her middle name. have you ever liked someone that your friends didn’t like, or considered to be unattractive? if your friends have an opinion on someone you like, or are in a relationship with, do you take that into account? juan didn't like jason because jason once dated rachel, whom juan liked. i'm pretty sure one of my friends called jason weird-looking before, too?? and no, i don't care what my friends think of those i like much, honestly. it's my business, no theirs. do you plan on having children in the future? i think so, yeah. at the same time though, i'm VERY scared of having another life to watch after besides my own. i can barely take care of myself, for heaven's sake. i don't want a child if i can't appropriately take care of them. do you believe that the world will actually end? it's biblical, yes. if you could choose to be any mythical character, which would you choose? dragon!! what is your favorite animal and why? meerkats!! they're the second-most social animal in the world and would give their lives for their families. do you find yourself on youtube a lot? i always have it open. are you satisfied with your gender? yep. do you know any strippers? not to my knowledge. would it intimidate you if your crush was smarter than you? maybe a slight bit, maybe. who’s the biggest whore you know? rachel what do you want to get for your first tattoo? if you already have tattoos, what was your first one? my first tattoo was a butterfly with a semi-colon body. it represents the butterfly and semicolon projects. ever had a feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? yep. i "knew" jason was going to break up with me like less than a week before he did. when was the last time you cried? last night. when was the last time you walked more than five miles? how come you did it? holy shit dude, i couldn't tell ya. what was the last flavor of ice-cream you had? french vanilla have you ever gone to any ridiculous extremes to lose (or gain) weight? i haven't, but i'm like five seconds from starving myself to lose weight. have you ever witnessed a birth? only by animals. do you think age matters in relationships? yes. as a general rule, an adult should not be with a minor. i personally draw the line for adults around a 10-year age difference. you should just... be in similar stages of your life, y'know? do you ever actually drink milk alone? yeah, milk is my go-to drink. have you ever been in your kitchen naked? no. the kitchen is at the other end of the house, and i'm very uncomfortable naked. do you like the smell of coconuts? eh... i'm neutral. can you play pool? yeah. we used to have one of those leveled gaming things where you could change the top of the thing to create a different game, ex. air hockey to pool. do you think that christians (and other religions) can believe in evolution? i mean... i guess?? but as a christian, it wouldn't make much sense. do you wear socks to sleep?   hell no, that's just uncomfortable. have you ever kissed just a friend?  no, and i wouldn't do that, because i wouldn't lead someone on like that?? would you rather own a snake or a rabbit? snake ugh i want one so badly!!!! what does your town's name begin with? n are you a seafood fan? not generally do you like pickles?  hell yeah! do you have a class ring?  no... i wanted one, tho. we just didn't have the money. do you prefer gold or silver jewelry? gold. i can't wear silver, i'm allergic. have you ever shaved your arms? nope. what about your stomach? i shave the dark hairs were you a nancy drew reader when you were younger? nah. would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? of course i would. sex is just such a minute part of relationships. what's the last piercing you got?   hmmm.  i think my anti-tragus. have you seen your best friends naked?   just about.  she is totally not self-conscious about doing whatever in public; i mean consider it.  the woman's had surgery on her breast, had a surgery for endometriosis, she's married, her sister like barges in on her when she takes a shower.  i WISH i was like that.  there was one time she needed me to zipper clothes for her, so we were in the dressing room together.  i have so much respect for her. what's the last wedding you've been to?   i was the fat bridesmaid for ashley and nick. do you wear colored contacts?   i wish. one word to describe the last person you kissed?   perfect. are you counting down for anything?   my birthday!! does your hair have layers?  yeah.  ugh they gotta be trimmed. does anyone call you babe or baby?  on the VERY rare occasion juan and i talk, he calls me that sometimes. do you have or want your bellybutton pierced?   i WANT it pierced, but only after i lose weight.  i don't think plus-sized people look good with it pierced, honestly. how skilled are you at photoshop?  not at all.
 how well can you handle vulgar things (i.e. gore, disturbing images, etc)?
   general gore, no problem.  that's an aesthetic of mine.  disturbing images, like, say, a bone jutting out of someone's arm, fuck that. what part of your body would you like to change?   number one thing?  i want my stomach to be smaller. has anyone ever tried to ruin your relationship?  yeah, rachel.  too bad i ruined it myself, bitch. fess up, who was the last person you thought about kissing?   ugh.  jason. ever sang to the person you liked?   no.  after three and half years, i was too shy to sing in front of him, except for ONCE at church. are there some songs you can't listen to because they remind you of someone?   yes.  "stairway to heaven," "all or nothing," "easy to love you," and i'm on the verge with "have faith in me."  i have a hard time listening to ANY bvb or motionless in white, but i do anyway. do you believe that there's good in everybody?   nope. do you still speak to any of your classmates from elementary school?   ummm i don't think so. what if you/the last person you were seeing found out you/they were pregnant tomorrow?   i'd be impossible because it's been over a year since i've seen him? if you knew you couldn't get caught, would you rob a bank?   no.  couldn't live with the guilt. if you could discover one medical cure, what would it be for?   alzheimer's have you ever dated someone in the military?  no, and i honestly don't think i would unless i just so happened to really like him.  i could NOT live happily and contentedly knowing my boyfriend/spouse was always on the verge of being killed. what are you listening to?   "scars" by papa roach.  lol i'm having an emo streak. do you like to go out in the rain?   NO.  i hate being wet. do you think you'll ACTUALLY live a happy life with somebody?   lmao no.  this is why i cried last night. how many people have the ability to hurt you emotionally?   literally everybody. have you ever kissed someone who smokes?  nope, and i never will. do you have any brothers?  a half-brother. who did you go to the movies with last?  colleen and chelsea (: would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?   no, because i don't fancy prison. have you changed this year?   i'm more of a calloused bitch. have you ever been in a real moshpit?   nope.  i know it's a big part of metal culture, but i don't think i ever will.  i just... i'd get so scared being pushed and stuff. taco bell or olive garden?  og.  no competition. has your best friend ever seen you naked?   no.  way too shy to let that happen. how old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?  late 20s have you ever snuggled with someone you weren't dating?  no. would you prefer a baby boy or girl?  a beautiful little girl named alessandra quinn. are looks in a boy/girl important?   you know what, i don't entirely know anymore.  so if you read my last survey, you know i joined christian mingle a few days back.  well, thinking about it, i didn't really look into people's pages that weren't at least what i call "neutrally attractive," which is like, not really attractive, but not unattractive.  maybe i was wrong to say all these years that they don't matter.  but then again, if i befriended an unattractive guy irl and developed feelings for him, i wouldn't deny them, so i wouldn't say they're very important. you go home with a hickey, what does your mother say?   i'm 20, she can't really say much, but i'm sure she'd be a bit concerned.  i'm not in a relationship, so to randomly have a hickey?  yeah, she wouldn't like it. do your parents know EVERYTHING about you?  mom thinks she does, but sorry to inform her that she doesn't. would you consider painting your bedroom purple?  hm.  dark purple, i suppose. do your parents approve of the music you listen to?  most of it.  some of the heavier stuff or things that sing about highly negative things, notably arch enemy and otep, mom doesn't like, but of course lets me listen to it. do you keep in touch with your cousins?   no. have you ever had a best friend that moved away?  she wasn't really a BEST friend, but she meant a lot to me. do you wish you had an older, protective brother?  i guess not.  after all, when i imagine said figure, i can't imagine he'd let jason have slept with me.  i'd'a pitched a fit. name some things you would never tolerate in a relationship?   any kind of abuse.  any illicit drug use.  smoking.  obsessive drinking.  i know there's more, but i'm not gonna dwell on this question forever 'til i remember. is it easy for you to accept loss?   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH- what's in your underwear drawer?  underwear, bras, bathing suit, fingerless gloves kiss with eyes open or closed?  who on earth kisses with their eyes open?  freaky.

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