#edit: there was a system update so it closed i will never know what happens when u leave acnh open for months KJHKLGFD

[hydrus]

Version 502

windows

Qt5 zip

Qt6 zip

Qt6 exe

macOS (updated links, first version had boot trouble)

Qt5 app

Qt6 app

linux

Qt5 tar.gz

Qt6 tar.gz

I had a good week fixing bugs and improving UI quality of life.

highlights

First off, the tag autocomplete dropdown has some important behind the scenes changes. The way it is stored and drawn is better, the same updates the popup toaster and media viewer hover windows have had recently. In general, it means a lot less flicker and jank. If you have set autocompletes to embed in normal search pages because of bugs, try letting them float under options->search this week!

Unfortunately, as a consequence of this change, I am disabling autocompletes floating in dialogs. Outside of normal search pages, they now always embed. There are hard technical reasons for this, and design ones too--I never liked how they overlapped apply/cancel--so if you were floating before and liked it, please bear with it for now and let me know if and where it is most inconvenient.

I put some work into the system:time edit predicate dialog. Rather than the confusing '<' and '~=' radiobox, it now says proper english 'since' and 'before' and so on. Some of the calculations behind this are also improved.

'sort files by import time' now works between files that were imported in the same second. If you had a some small-image manga you wanted to sort by import time because it lacked page tags, this now works properly.

I fixed some stupid mistakes that broke a part of the Client API (and Hydrus Web) in v501. Sorry for the trouble!

full list

autocomplete dropdown:

the floating version of the autocomplete dropdown gets the same backend treatment the media hovers and the popup toaster recently received--it is no longer its own window, but now a normal widget floating inside its parent. it should look pretty much the same, but a variety of bugs are eliminated. clients with many search pages open now only have one top level window, rather than potentially hundreds of hidden ones

if you have turned off floating a/c windows because of graphical bugs, please try turning them back on today. the checkbox is under _options->search_.

as an additional consequence, I have decided to no longer allow 'floating' autocomplete windows in dialogs. I never liked how this worked or looked, overlapping the apply/cancel buttons, and it is not technically possible to make this work with the new tech, so they are always embedded in dialogs now. the related checkbox in _options->search_ is gone as a result

if you ok or cancel on the 'OR' buttons, focus is now preserved back to the dropdown

a bunch of weird interwindow-focus-juggling and 'what happens if the user's window manager allows them to close a floating a/c dropdown'-style code is cleared out. with simpler logic, some flicker jank is simply eliminated

if you move the window around, any displaying floating a/c dropdowns now glide along with them; previously it updated at 10fps

the way the client swaps a new thumbnail grid in when results are loaded or dismissed is faster and more atomic. there is less focus-cludge, and as a result the autocomplete is better at retaining focus and staying displayed as changes to the search state occur

the way scroll events are caught is also improved, so the floating dropdown should fix its position on scroll more smoothly and capably

.

date system predicates:

_this affects system:import time; :modified time; and :last viewed_

updated the system:time UI for time delta so you are choosing 'before', 'since', and '+/- 15% of'

updated the system:time UI for calendar date so you are choosing 'before', 'since', 'the day of', and '+/- a month of' rather than the ugly and awkward '<' stuff

updated the calendar calculations with calendar time-based system predicates, so '~=' operator now does plus or minus one month to the same calendar day, no matter how many days were in that month (previously it did +/- 30 days)

the system predicate parser now reassigns the '=' in a given 'system:time_type = time_delta' to '~='

.

misc:

'sort files by import time' now sorts files correctly even when two files were imported in the same second. thanks to the user who thought of the solution here!

the 'recent' system predicates you see listed in the 'flesh out system pred' dialogs now have a 'X' button that lets you remove them from the recent/favourites

fixed the crash that I disabled some code for last week and reactivated the code. the collect-by dropdown is back to refreshing itself whenever you change the settings in _options->sort/collect_. furthermore, this guy now spams less behind the scenes, only reinitialising if there are actual changes to the sort/collect settings

brushed up some network content-range checking logic. this data is tracked better, and now any time a given 206 range response has insufficient data for what its header said, this is noted in the log. it doesn't raise an error, and the network job will still try to resume from the truncated point, but let's see how widespread this is. if a server delivers _more_ data than specified, this now does raise an error

fixed a tiny bit of logic in how the server calculates changes in sibling and parent petition counts. I am not sure if I fixed the miscount the janitors have seen

if a janitor asks for a petition and the current petition count for that type is miscounted, leading to a 404, the server now quickly recalculates that number for the next request

updated the system predicate parser to replace all underscores with whitespace, so it can accept system predicates that use_underscores_instead_of_whilespace. I don't _think_ this messes up any of the parsing except in an odd case where a file service might have an underscore'd name, but we'll cross that bridge if and when we get to it

added information about 'PRAGMA quick_check;' to 'help my db is broke.txt'

patched a unit test that would rarely fail because of random data (issue #1217)

.

client api:

/get_files/search_files:

fixed the recent bug where an empty tag input with 'search all' permission would raise an error. entering no search predicates now returns an empty list in all cases, no matter your permissions (issue #1250)

entering invalid tags now raises a 400 error

improved the tag permissions check. only non-wildcard tags are now tested against the filter

updated my unit tests to catch these cases

/add_tags/search_tags:

a unit test now explicitly tests that empty autocomplete input results in no tags

the Client API now responds with Access-Control-Max-Age=86400 on OPTIONS checks, which should reduce some CORS pre-flight spam

client api version is now 34

.

misc cleanup:

cleaned up the signalling code in the 'recent system predicate' buttons

shuffled some page widget and layout code to make the embedded a/c dropdown work

deleted a bunch of a/c event handling and forced layout and other garbage code

worked on some linter warnings

next week

I think I have caught up on the biggest Qt6 crashes and other emergencies. I regret the bumps that happened over the past couple of months, but we got there in the end. Next week will probably be the last with a Qt5 release, so there will be some updates to the help for that.

I am due a 'medium size' job week, so I also want to get my teeth into something. I recently overhauled how tags in .txt files were imported/exported, and I would like to do more work there. It would be nice to have URLs and/or more than .txt file formats.

#release

[punkcherries]

holy shit i just pulled out my switch for the first time in idk how long and,,,,, acnh is still open,,,,,,

#cherryz txt #I APPARENTLY FORGOT TO QUIT THE GAME LAST TIME I PUT IT BACK INTHE DOCK.................. #WHICH WAS PROBABLY LIKE A MONTH OR 2 AGO.......... HM #edit: there was a system update so it closed i will never know what happens when u leave acnh open for months KJHKLGFD

[lokilickedme]

1/19/2022

I suddenly remembered I started editing The Department for publication back in November (October? SEPTEMBER?? Who even knows anymore, the last few months have been a cyclone) and miracle of all miracles, the manuscript is actually on this notebook tablet instead of locked away in my I DUNNO WHERE IT IS laptop computer.  So yay me, I have no excuse now not to edit and get that thing up on Kindle :/  So yeah, I worked on that last night, starting over from the beginning because I don’t know who started editing this thing before but it obviously wasn’t me.  Three chapters in, Greta just woke up next to Shag-and-Bag Burns and YES this is the stuff eternal friendships are forged of, ill-advised drunken sex and the stupidly self destructive urge to ride to work together the next morning.

I also worked a bit on The Empty Arms Hotel and Rancho de La Luna and am thinking about doing something with The House Next Door at some point today.  Once we close on the house and start moving again I’m not going to have this kind of time, so the more I crank out now the better.  I think.  I dunno, it could all be a disaster, would you guys notice?  I mean, it’s all kind of like that anyway...god I need to start something unhinged again like Jack Montague and get all this weirdness worked out of my system.  I said I’d never do another whackass Loki longfic but I’m starting to consider calling myself a liar on that one.

Great, now I want to work on book 2 of The Carmichael Addendum because that’s kinda exactly what I’m in the mood for.  NEWLY BADASS AIDEN!!  QUESTIONABLE LOYALTIES FAUSTO!!  CLARISSA AND KAINE LOVEHATING EACH OTHER INTO OBLIVION!!  Okay yeah it’s all about the weaponry and the fight scenes for me, I admit it.  But there does happen to be an angry sex scene that takes place in The Gravedigger’s lair and the male half ISN’T Kaine.  Heh.  Get it archaeology boy.  And the manuscript is on this tablet, hmm...imagine that.  How lucky.

Anyway, here’s your update on my lollygagging life at the moment...hopefully something comes of it in the form of a postable chapter sooner or later.

#writing stuff #updates and stuff

[laurentspup]

Friends... Is that what we are? (Lamen AU) Part 7.5

Masterlist

Author’s note: 

Hey it’s been so long since I updated this! It still takes a lot of me to think of dialogue and edit the messages, so this isn’t new content. It is, however, what really happened in part 7 (when Damen went to Laurent’s house and read him a book, and kissed his forehead). I always thought this was better in paragraphs than soc med format, so here it is. I actually drafted this before part 7 and I finished it now! 

I hope you all enjoy this new chapter and I promise I will be back with a new update soon. I just have to get used to driving (just passed my license a month ago), college (it’s my last year), and work (first year in person). 

Okay that was a lot, now onto this chapter full of sweetness and pining.

Part 7.5

It’s past midnight, but Laurent still has a big smile on his face since his call with Damen. It has been a few hours after Damen simply talked about his day, about his brother, about the yacht his parents bought because they had too much money and nothing more to spend it on, anything he could think of. Laurent was more than happy to sit there and listen to his voice. He liked the man too much to do anything else about it.

He is currently studying for his upcoming biology exam on Tuesday. It’s not too bad of an exam, but there are endless terms, endless body functions, and he hates that all he can do is memorize everything. It’s not learning but it does result in an A. His phone buzzes beside him, and welcoming any distraction, he picks it up to see a text from Damen. He’s downstairs.

Laurent runs to his window to check if it’s true. Damen, knowing exactly what Laurent does every time he surprises Laurent with a visit, is looking up at him, waving. Damen’s at Laurent’s door. He isn’t supposed to be home yet, back in this city, but here he is, glowing under the porch light, gorgeous in his hoodie, and everything Laurent ever wanted. He’s speaking but Laurent, shaking his head with a look of disbelief, can’t hear him. 

“Wait one sec.” He whispers with a gesture and turns around to go downstairs in a hurry. Before opening the door, he fixes his hair and assumes a relaxed position, as if his heart isn’t pounding miles a minute at the prospect of Damen outside his house, at midnight. As if this doesn’t happen almost everyday.

Once he’s face to face with Damen’s kind eyes, with the smile that can only be read as extremely happy to see him, his heart hammers harder in his chest.

“What are you doing here?” Laurent breathlessly asks him with wide eyes, confusion and excitement evident on his face, try as he might to mask it.

Damen is also breathless, though Laurent can’t think of any reason why.

“I missed you.”

It’s a punch to all the right places in Laurent’s heart. It’s something he can never say to Damen out loud, but he feels it all the same, right down to his bones. It’s something he didn’t know Damen had the nerve to say out loud to him. 

“I mean-” Damen begins and Laurent’s face twitches. Damen must have caught it because he stops. “I mean yeah. I missed you so I drove back since there’s nothing to do at my parent’s anymore. And I got you this.”

Laurent doesn’t see the Target plastic bag in Damen’s hand until he lifts it. 

“It’s from my mom. She insisted I give you a home-cooked meal since she knows you’re mostly alone nowadays. She doesn’t stop hinting at my dad that she wants to go on a European tour too, see Paris- what? Why are you smiling?”

Laurent doesn’t know he’s smiling. He tries to school his expression even though it’s too late.

“Nothing. You’re here. No- it’s just- I don’t know what I’m saying. Come in.” He quickly says the sentences after the other, making Damen laugh and his cheeks flush. “Shut up.”

“I wasn’t saying anything!” Damen enters behind him, shaking with happiness. 

Laurent leads him to the kitchen, so he can put the food in the fridge. It’s too late to eat right now and he has a few more chapters to read.

Damen gives him the plastic bag and sits on the stool by the island. He stares at Laurent as he unpacks the tupperwares, then puts it in the fridge. A comfortable silence surrounds them, but Laurent is too conscious of Damen’s stare. It’s as if he can hear the dangerous somersaults Laurent’s heart was doing. 

“You still studying tonight?” 

“Yeah. Bio’s kicking my ass.”

“I’ll stay up with you. Nik’s not home yet, anyway. He visited his parents too since he was there already.”

“You don’t have to stay up.”

“No, I want-”

“But you can stay.”

“Well, I’m staying up and you can’t stop me.” Damen is right in front of Laurent's face when he turns to face him. He steps back quickly. “Cool?”

“Do whatever you want.” Laurent replies, heart in his throat, rushing to leave the kitchen and get to his room before Damen sees his face turn dangerously red. 

**

Laurent’s head is bent, back to Damen, busy reading the last chapter for his exam. Nothing is entering his brain anymore, but he has to read all of these at least two times to store it in his brain until his test. He’s been yawning since the third paragraph, and he has a massive headache which began in the previous chapter. 

It has been two hours since Laurent started studying and let Damen just be in the background. He would hear Damen’s little laughs, gasps, or groans at whatever game he was playing on his phone. He feels Damen’s gaze on his back, conscious of him being conscious of his every move. It was a normal routine for them at three am, but somehow, today, it was more. 

Laurent yawns again. This chapter about the reproductive system is very intriguing, but exasperating. He would rather do it himself than read about it. If only the man currently on his bed knew how much he has been thinking about him and this. He sighs at the idea, then hears Damen shuffle on his bed.

“I think you need to take a break.”

“Be quiet. I’m studying.”

“Take a break, Laurent. You’ve been reading nonstop for two hours. I got so bored I started counting how much you’re yawning. It's thirty-seven by the way.”

“That’s weird. Stop staring at me while I’m studying.”

“But I like looking at you all concentrated.” 

Laurent ignores him. “Just shut up. I have five more pages to go.”

Damen stands up and takes Laurent’s book. He holds it up above his head. Laurent rolls his eyes but doesn’t stand up.

“Give it back to me right now.” He crosses his arms like a stubborn child.

“Nope. You can try to grab it though.” The real stubborn child says.

“Just because you’re half a foot taller than me, doesn’t mean I can’t reach it.”

“Bet.” 

“I’m not in the mood for your games, Damen.”

“I’m not playing. Take a break.”

“Dude, I wanna sleep too. Just let me finish.”

“Dude?” Damen says, offended. Laurent ignores his tone again. He stares at Damen with eyebrows raised, trying to be intimidating, knowing well that it won’t work on Damen. “Fine. If you go to bed I’ll give it back to you. Even if you look super sleepy.”

“I’m not sleepy.” Just as Laurent finishes the last word, he yawns. 

Damen raises his eyebrows at him. “Thirty-eight.”

“Ha ha. Give me back the book.”

“When you go to bed.”

“I’m not falling for that.”

Damen falls back on Laurent’s bed. Maybe if he offered something else, Laurent might say yes. Maybe Laurent is just tired. 

“You gotta get this book one way or another.” Damen shrugs. 

Laurent stubbornly stays on his chair, staring daggers at Damen. What the hell is his problem? He didn’t ask him to stay up with him, he told him not to!

Laurent watches Damen flip through the book, knowing he hates it because he’s going to lose his spot. Still, he notices how Damen's index finger remains on the page he’s reading. It’s sweet, but Damen still sucks for making him take a break.

“Ugh.” Annoyed, Laurent stands and goes beside his bed. “I’m here. Hand it back.” 

“I have an idea.” Damen answers, not looking at him.

“Damen.” Laurent says, getting more aggravated by the second.

“Look, your eyes are so tired right now.”

“You’re not looking at me, and I can’t see my own eyes.”

Damen ignores him. “Did you even sleep last night?”

Laurent flushes when he remembers the reason why he hasn't slept well at all yet. It’s because of this annoying, clueless brute lying on his bed and he doesn’t even know! All the hours he spends pining for him, yet this is all that ever happens to them. 

“See? You haven’t.” Damen answers, interpreting Laurent’s expression as guilt and embarrassment. “Lie down right now and close your eyes.”

“Stop telling me what to do. I have to finish studying.” 

Laurent can just take the book, but he knows Damen will pull him and force him to lie down. God, if only Damen is going to do that for other reasons, he’d have done it the moment Damen told him to go to bed.

“I’ll read it to you.” 

“You’re going to what?” Laurent asks, genuinely taken aback.

“I'm gonna read to you while you rest your eyes. Saves time. You rest while you still learn. It’s a win-win.” Damen looks at him and smiles expectantly.

“That’s stupid, Damen. It’s five pages long. And it won’t go into my brain.” Laurent is exasperated. He’s losing patience. Hell, he doesn’t even know why he’s still keeping up this conversation. He could kick out Damen anytime. This is his house.

“Yes it would. You take in everything you hear fast.” Laurent opens his mouth to spit a vicious remark but Damen talks first. “Just let me help you. Please.”

Laurent closes his eyes, trying so hard, even though he doesn’t know why, to keep calm. He equally hates and loves Damen for making him take a break and for offering to read five pages of the reproductive system. He grits his teeth because he’s going to say yes, and he’s going to hear Damen talk about sex and sex parts without knowing what it will do to Laurent.

“You’re so annoying.” Laurent sits on the bed. Damen scoots to give him space with a wide smile on his face. “Why can’t I say no to you?” 

“It’s because secretly you really like me.”

He wants to strangle Damen. He wishes he could shake him and look him in the eye and scream “YES I FUCKING DO. DO YOU LIKE ME BACK, ASSHOLE?” Fuck him. It’s true. It’s so true, but Laurent is never going to admit that… first.

“Just read. Annoying prick.” He mumbles and makes himself comfortable on the bed. He makes sure there’s at least a foot gap between him and the idiot beside him.

“You can come closer. I don't bite.” Damen says, staring at Laurent with that glint in his eye, patting the space next to him.

“So fucking bossy.” Laurent says angrily and still scoots over. He’ll get over feeling Damen’s warmth and not being in his arms instead. “If I sleep, you better wake me up or I'm killing you.” 

He huffs as his head hits the soft pillow and his eyes close. It feels good. He thinks he hasn’t closed his eyes to blink in the past hours. 

“Can’t kill me if you’re sleeping.” Damen answers with confidence, settling back on the bed. Laurent feels him move until their shoulders touch, despite the purposeful one inch gap that Laurent left so this won’t happen. Now, he’s really annoyed and conflicted. But he doesn’t move away.

“Give me back the book.” 

“Kidding!”

“Just start.”

“So fucking bossy.” Damen teases. 

Laurent opens his eyes, ready to smack Damen or kick him out or maybe kiss him too, but he opens the book and starts reading loudly. “The penis is part of the male reproductive system. See Damen’s for ref-”

“I’m pretty sure it doesn't say your-” Laurent cuts him off.

“Shh, I’m reading.”

“Read properly, then. And I’m on the top of that page, first paragraph.”

Damen hushes him again. Laurent rolls his eyes but stays quiet. When Damen begins once more, he reads what Laurent told him to. Laurent feels his heart leap at that, desperate to reach out to Damen, put his head on his shoulder and listen from there. But he keeps his hands to himself. 

As Damen reads about functions of the reproductive organs, Laurent soaks in his voice and his warmth. Maybe, this isn’t such a bad idea. He can actually focus better. His eyes don’t hurt as much now, and he can picture the words that Damen reads. His deep voice compels him to listen, and it tugs at his heartstrings at the same time. He can’t even fathom how amazing it is to have Damen read a Biology book to him. 

This can’t be just a friendly gesture, Laurent’s brain nags at him. But he quickly kicks all thoughts of more because he knows Damen. Damen has probably done this with all of his friends. He’s just a nice guy who brings Laurent food and makes him take a break and reads his book for him, and Laurent just happens to like him. There’s nothing more.

He listens to Damen flip to the next page, and shuts off the part of his brain that continues to pine for the man beside him. He’ll take this right now and he’ll think about the repercussions tomorrow. Right now, he’ll let himself feel the warmth and comfort of Damen. Right now, he’ll listen to Damen’s voice, soothing him like a lullaby.

**

Laurent opens his eyes. It’s not dark, his lights are left on, and there’s an unfamiliar warmth beside him, something he’s unaccustomed to when he wakes alone. His head is on a harder surface, not on a pillow but- 

He shifts his eyes to the left and sees Damen's clothed chest. The chest his head is resting on right now. The chest his head rested on while he slept. The chest that’s steadily falling and rising. 

He slept and somehow, he ended up on Damen’s chest. He asked to be woken up if he slept, but he should have never trusted Damen. 

Damen, annoying, clueless Damen, whose clothed chest is under his head right now. 

He wants to move away, badly, but also, he can't. Because he wants to be here too, badly. 

Physically, there were no obstacles stopping Laurent from moving away. Damen’s arms aren’t even enveloping him. Somehow, he slept without touching Laurent, probably because he knows Laurent doesn’t like to be touched without permission. God, why is Damen so?

For a few moments, he imagines this is real. That Damen is his to sleep on, to cuddle with. That if Damen wakes right now, he’ll kiss Laurent sleepily, a lazy smile spreading across his face. So he stays for a few seconds, tempted to move his arm on top of Damen's torso and snuggle closer. He wants this to be what they are. But it’s not.

Before Laurent could do anything that he can’t explain to Damen without spilling his heart open, he sighs and prepares to move away. He no longer wants to hurt and delude himself further. He doesn’t want to think of this as a mistake, but it is. Damen doesn’t feel the same way he does. Damen is his best friend and he should stay that way. 

He moves back a little, but Damen shifts. He abruptly stops moving for a second to not wake him, but Damen puts his arms on top of him and brings him closer. 

“Don’t go.” A sleepy voice whispers as a kiss is pressed on Laurent’s forehead.

Laurent freezes. He must still be dreaming. There’s no way in hell or heaven that Damen just kissed him on the forehead, asleep or not. He swallows, too afraid to look up and find out if Damen did this on purpose or in his dream. In this position, Laurent’s head is even closer to Damen’s clothed chest and he can hear his steady heartbeat, can see the rise and fall of his chest, and can determine Damen isn’t awake at all. 

Laurent is going crazy. That’s it. He needs to leave, right now, but he can't move anymore. What the fuck is Damen doing to him? What the fuck is he dreaming about? Why can’t he just tell Laurent now that he likes him too, that nothing is ever simply friendly between them?

Once more, he tries to leave the embrace but Damen hugs him tighter. 

“Don’t go.” Damen whispers again. “Laurent, I love you.”

Laurent cannot move, cannot breathe, cannot close his eyes. He’s sure now. He’s the one dreaming.  

#Captive Prince #college au #lamen #modern lamen #modern lamen au #modern au #college au part 7 #college au part 7.5 #damen x laurent #laurent x damen #yes i have an article response due tomorrow so this is what i did first #when i procrastinate i write ha #that is just how it goes and i think it is actually good lmao #lamen fic by me

[sweetestlamb]

Bring Me To Life

Summary: Kang Sujin has never had anyone to turn to, hiding behind a façade her entire life. Someone begins to peek behind the mask. 

Author’s note: My two favorite characters in TB are Seojun and Sujin, both characters who are honestly treated like trash by the writers. I cannot begin to tell how upsetting it was to see Sujin’s character assassination or how painful it is to watch her being physically abused knowing that the writers will not give her therapy or a true happy ending. She’s just here to be beaten and vilified. Seojun, I won’t even rant everyone knows what the problem is (idk who told them we wanted to see Start-Up the high school edition.) So I wrote this after watching the most recent episode and hating most of it for these reasons. I don’t know how far it’ll go or how often I can update, but I need my two babies to have a happy ending preferably together because the visuals are just a dreammmm. 

The rain crashes down loudly from aggrieved storm clouds bellowing above her in the sky, the chilled condensation plastering her thin satin pajamas to her trembling body. She had to get out, the pain in her cheek numbing and electrifying all at once.

How dare she tell him that she didn't want to get married, want to stand on her own two feet without a man giving her value?

His hand had flown across the room before she could sidestep the blow, the fragile glass filled with water in her hand- the very reason she'd left her room in the dead of night- shattering into jagged pieces as it collided with a greater force. Just like her.

She hadn't been trying to eavesdrop but it was hard not to hear him chuckling deeply on the phone, offering up his only child like she was an item on a menu.

"Yes we should set them up. It seems Suho isn't interested and she should marry young, that's when women are worth the most."

Nausea rolled like waves in the pits of her stomach and before she could think logically, her feet were sprinting into the living room, air barely filling her lungs as she stared at the man she'd never once thought of as a father. The last time she'd made the grave mistake of calling him daddy he'd smacked her so hard that was how she lost her first tooth. He'd been father ever since or Mr. Kang. She tried her best to avoid him at all cost, she would never be good enough and it was getting harder to hide the marks he left behind.

It was difficult to remember clearly what occurred seconds after her refusal to marry a man she didn't know left her lips, his fist connected and she was knocked back onto their coffee table the sharp edge cutting at her cheek. As she looked at him, anger painting his face a demonic red, fear crippled her and her hands twitched desperately wanting to wash them raw. Then he grabbed a thick marble ashtray from the table and her instincts took over and she was out the door, running as fast as she could, knowing her life was at stake and she couldn't afford to stop.

When the cloud in her head cleared that was when she found herself at the bus stop.

Judgmental whispers breeze by her ears as people passed by with umbrellas, shocked to see the young girl crying in her pajamas at the stop, but none stopped to offer her help or inquire about her situation, happy just to pass judgement. She ignores them all, panicking racing through her blood until she's unable to breathe, choking on nothing as she twitches in the harsh air. Her throat constricts as she screams at herself, breathe. 

Breathe.

BREATHE! 

But it's useless as her body shuts down, forgetting how to do the basic function, she sways as she starts to feel light headed from the lack of oxygen and with a final wheeze she collapses. 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He signs as he weaves past cars moving far too slowly, adrenaline rushing through his veins as he marginally misses nipping a car to the left of him, easily dragging his motorcycle away with the fluid movements of his body. He glares up at the sky before cursing, "Fucking weather report didn't say anything about a sudden rainstorm." If he'd known he would have stayed home, always hating the rain. It brought back bad memories.

Halting at a red light, he puts his leg down for balance bouncing slightly in place. Pulling the shield up on his helmet he glances around, recognizing the area easily, before something in his peripheral catches his attention, a lump on the ground. Tilting his head he revs his trusty iron steed to live, riding over to the direction of the mysterious mass on the wet ground. As he gets closer his heart falters, it's too evident now. 

It's a person.

Jumping off his bike and pushing out the kickstand he flings his helmet off, his hair immediately drenched under the downpour as he races over to help. As he nears the figure, it becomes clearer it's a woman wearing what looks like sleep clothes. Momentarily he wonders if this is a crazy person and if he should just mind his business but a frightening image of his little sister unconscious on the ground and no one coming to her aid flashes in his mind.

"I'll just check if she's breathing and call an ambulance. That's all, if she tries to attack me I'll just ride away." He takes a deep breath, collecting his courage before closing the gap between him and the unconscious woman.

Crouching beside her, he reaches out a hand hesitating before sighing and shaking at her cold shoulder. No response. He shakes harder now, watching the motion quake through her entire body, but still she is unresponsive.

"Hey! Hey! Are you okay? Wake up, you're scaring me!" He starts to jiggle her with both hands, before he crawls into her space not caring about his safety any longer, the idea that this unknown woman might be dead is making him nauseous. People are always dying without his permission. It's so frustrating.

"Wake up! Come on!" He shouts at the figure now holding both her shoulders and turning the woman over, lifting her face from its place on the ground, cradling her limp body in his lap. After two more vicious shakes, she starts to cough and groan in his arms. Relief swims through his veins as he watches her come back to life, anxiously watching as her dewy long lashes flutter open and he's caught in a lifeless deep gaze.

"Han Seo-Jun?"

It takes a long pause for him to register that the woman has said his name and then a longer moment to recognize who she is.

"Kang Su-Jin?" He replies in genuine shock, taking in the wom--young girl in his arms. She's shivering so violently that it's becoming difficult to hold onto her, vibrating out of his hold before he grips her tighter, whipping off his jacket without second thought and wrapping it around her. Goosebumps raising on his skin as his body mentally berates his lack of survival skills.

"What are you doing here?" She looks at him bewildered as if the stranger occurrence is his presence and not her own.

He squints his eyes looking back at her, "I could ask you the same thing. I found you unconscious here. I thought you were...." He trails off unable to utter the rest of his sentence.

"You should have left me here. Maybe I would have. If I was that lucky."

"What? Are you crazy, you want to die? Did you do this to yourself, what are you on?!" He roars at her, rage flooding his system as he shouts at the stupid girl, how dare she try to kill herself and leave her body for him to find? He wishes he had taken a different route, that he'd never come across her. He was in no state to comfort someone who was suicidal, still too raw and hurt. What was so hard about living that made people want to do that? Hot tears gather in his eyes as he abruptly pulls away from Sujin, unapologetic as she tumbles to the ground without his support.

She starts at him, stunned before righteous fury twists her features and she roars back at him.

"Who are you to judge me! I didn't ask you to help me, leave me alone!"

He glares back at her ready to yank his jacket away and run away from her but a small movement stops him, as she's screaming at him a small muscle twitches in her cheek bringing his attention to said cheek. It's nearly purple, standing out obscenely on her pale skin and then he notices the split lip and the bruises on her neck and he's so ashamed of himself he could bawl.

He deflates before speaking to her, "What happened to your face? Who did this to you?"

He doesn't know what kind of look he has on his face but before his questions can even settle between them she's sneering and twisting away from him, throwing his jacket on the ground before making her escape. Unprepared for her sudden departure he reacts too late, before chasing after her. It's easy to close the distance separating them with his long legs and within seconds she's merely inches in front of him, he reaches out a large hand to grab her wrist but hesitates recalling the bruises littering her frame. Instead he races past her, blocking her with his body swerving to the left and then the right when she tries to dodge him. They play this cat and mouse game before she finally gives up, glaring up at him with moist enraged eyes.

"Why do you care? We aren't even friends!"

Her piercing shout rings in his ears as he looks down at her passively. He can't answer that question, doesn't know what brought him to this area so late and not understanding why he was the one to find her in this condition. He doesn't know why he cares. But maybe things could have been different if Se-Yeon had someone to chase him. Maybe he'd still be alive...

So he answers her honestly.

"I don't want anymore people to die."

To his complete shock she starts to cry, tears falling rapidly from her eyes before she crumples to the ground, the rain pounding on her head and he stands still unsure of what to do before he drapes the jacket he'd rescued from the ground over her head, shielding her from most of the thunderous downpour. When she looks up to see the jacket protecting her, he almost falls backwards as her head slams into his chest, her tears simmering hot on his chilled body. It's almost painfully uncomfortable but he doesn't move away. Letting her cry on his chest, his shirt is soaked anyway this makes no difference.

He doesn't know how long they are crouched there on the ground, so dark that the sidewalk is completely devoid of anyone else, it feels like they are the only two people left on Earth.

"If we stay here you're going to get a cold."

He voices his concern but the only reply he receives is a gross sounding sniffle and he grimaces, knowing that his poor shirt is probably damaged beyond repair covered in snot and tears.

Sighing he starts to repeat himself before she whispers, "I don't have anywhere to go."

"I can take you home." Her fists tighten in his drenched shirt, he can practically feel the fear wafting off her, he'd assumed the marks on her face were from a possessive unhinged boyfriend but her reaction makes him uneasy. He tries to push those unpleasant thoughts to the corner.

"What about your friends? Why don't you call Su-ah or Ju-Kyung, I’m sure they’ll help you.” 

She stiffens in his arms before shaking her head in decline.

"No. I can't let anyone else see me like this. I don't need them looking at me the way you did, like I'm a sad pitiful puppy. I never want anyone look at me like that again."

He can respect that, he never wants to appear weak in front of others. It was easier to become angry and lash out rather than showing your true heart, nobody could hurt you that way.

"Then what? Where do you want to go?"

"I have nowhere to go. I'll stay here until morning. I'll be fine, you can go."

He looks at her dumbfounded, what kind of man would leave a battered woman alone in the rain? He wasn't raised by animals, damn it.

"Let's go." He makes a point not to touch her, their only point of connection are her hands twisted in his shirt.

"What?"

He bulldozes past her confusion, looking at her with what he hopes are comforting eyes.

"I'm taking you to my house. I can't just leave you here."

"Are you crazy? Don't you live with your mother and sister, what will they say?"

He winces at the logical inquiry, he had already considered that himself, thinking of his mother's subsequent smacks and his sister's teasing once they learned what he'd done but still deciding that he has no other choice. He can't just leave her here.

He shrugs, "That's my problem to worry about. I'm not leaving you here, I'd really like to get out of his rain. Let's go." He repeats himself harder, pleading with her.

She looks away and he's prepared to throw her over his shoulders and face the consequences when he hears her response, "Okay. Let's go."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It's a quiet ride back, the engine rumbling through the aching bones of her frozen body. Han Seojun. The last person she ever expected to see after being roused from her panic induced collapse. Her arms tighten around his thin waist as he swerves around a car, adrenaline and fear battling for dominance in her body. When her fingers accidentally brush across wet bare skin she quickly moves her hands higher, fighting the embarrassment that washes over her.

If he notices she can't hear his reaction over the roar of the motorcycle.

When they finally pull up to a small apartment, she loosens her hold on him cracking her frozen digits.

"You didn't need to hold that tightly, I wasn't going to let anything happen to you. I ride this everyday you know."

She doesn't reply focusing on getting off the bike, swinging her leg over and hopping off not graceful but effective, a small proud smile spreads on her face before she gazes back at him.

He stares back before shaking his head, as if lost in a daze before he stomps off for her to follow.

Wordlessly she trails behind him, feeling foolish in her duck pajamas, a gift from Su-ah.

When he pushes his front door open, letting her in first she steps out of her sopping wet house slippers standing awkwardly looking around.

"Stay here. I'll get towels so we don't trail too much water."

She nods at his command, gazing at the floor and seeing how much water is already pooling around her feet.

"Here." He hands her a fluffy pink towel, she raises an eyebrow at the color.

"It's the guest towel. I wouldn't give you my towel."

That makes sense, sharing towels is far too intimate for the relationship they have. That being none. 

She rapidly towels at her hair, before running the towel down her body and wrapping it around her waist.

"You can use the bathroom. It's the second door on the right. I'll bring you dry clothes."

She steps cross the doorway, finally entering his home. Before she turns back to him staring directly into his eyes, "Than.... You didn't have to do this." She loses her confidence but his answering smirk lets her know he understood enough, with that she walks to the bathroom locking herself inside.

The sight of her bruised face in the mirror makes her pause, reaching up to finger at the stark purple mark on her cheek. She's crying before she can control her emotions, tears dripping into the sink as she remembers her night, how close she was to the end despite what she said to Seojun she wanted to live. As her father stood above her ready to snuff her out like a mere nuisance in his life, she realized with a burning passion how desperately she wanted to live.

A soft knock drags her back to reality as she rapidly wipes her tears away.

"I'm leaving clothes by the door. You can come out whenever you're ready. I'm making tea."

When she hears the light steps of his feet moving away from the door she opens the door a crack, picking up the neatly folded pile of clothes. Sending the boy a mental thank you before closing the door quietly.

It's clear that these clothes belong to Seojun, draping off her body, too large for her frame, a black T-shirt with a microphone on the center and sweatpants that cover her feet as well, he'd even remembered to bring her socks. Instantly she feels her body warming as her body temperature returns to normal. 

Folding her wet clothes and splashing water on her face then using the towel to rub it dry, she exits the bathroom walking towards the light she sees assuming that's the kitchen.

"The water's almost done boiling. Sit down."

His deep voice greets her as she follows his orders and takes a seat.

"Are these your clothes?"

"What? Oh yeah they're mine, sorry my sister locked her door. They're very old though, I haven't worn them in years I thought they would fit you better." He eyes her as he says the last sentence, "I guess it didn't make much of a difference I'm just too tall and manly for my own good."

She scoffs at his narcissistic comment rolling her eyes "Tall and manly my foot. You're so skinny I could probably pick you up with one arm."

He immediately turns at her comment, affronted look on his face, "Shut up! It's hard for me to put on weight, I'm not that skinny."

He places his hands on his hips, looking down at himself before puffing his chest out to make himself appear broader, it's so ridiculous that she can't control her reaction.

Sudden uncontrollable laughter.

She laughs breathlessly, folding onto her lap trying to contain her giggles but his scandalized look makes her laugh harder and she has to stuff her face in her elbow to prevent herself from waking his family.

After a few minutes of random spasms of laughter she finally peers back up at him.

He looks just like he did outside when she'd smiled after successively getting off his motorcycle.

"What? What are you looking at?"

"Nothing. I just never see you smile at school."

"Well you never do anything worth smiling about." She quips back, wondering if she'd gone too far but he doesn't reply beyond a slight smile that's gone too fast to even be titled that, he places her steaming cup of tea before her sipping at his own after blowing on it.

They drink in comfortable silence.

She's the first to rapture the silence, "I don't need pity."

"I don't pity yo--"

"But thank you. Thank you for stopping. Thank you for this, thank you."

He stares wordlessly before nodding, a slight blush on his cheeks before he hides his face in the cup of tea. She doesn't bring attention to it.

"You can sleep in my room. It's the door next to the bathroom."

Humming she looks up, fatigue hitting her like a brick at the mention of sleeping.

"Where will you sleep?"

"I have a perfectly good couch, don't argue you're sleeping in my room. That's final. It's better that my mother doesn't see a strange woman on the couch when she wakes up."

Well, she can't argue with that logic.

"Okay." Drinking the last of the soothing beverage, she stands up walking over to place the cup in the sink.

"Good night." She starts to walk back in the direction of the bathroom, seeing another door next to it. Seojun's room. Twisting the doorknob she pushes it open, before she hears his voice from behind her.

"If you need anything I'm right outside."

Blinking her tears away, she nods without looking back, too vulnerable with his palpable concern.

When she lays her head down on his pillow, his scent fills her senses and she falls into a deep restless slumber feeling safer than she has in long time.

Tomorrow will be horrible.

But tonight, she will allow herself to breath easy knowing that someone is on her side.

#true beauty #kang sujin #han seojun #sujin deserves better #redemption fic #healing each others wounds #the visuals #true beauty kdrama #slow burn

[eatyourchancletas]

SUMMARY |  y/n l/n; the trauma surgeon who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and is taken hostage by the terrifying mafia known as ateez. despite their situations, love arises between the doctor and san; but when an enemy comes in between the group, breaking trust and belief between the members, what will san choose to save; his newfound love or his brothers?

PAIRING | choi san x male reader

INFO/CATEGORY | mafia au, angst

WARNINGS | violence, weapon usage/mention, adult language

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AUTHOR’S NOTE | chapter 2 is finally up! it was written by monnie, a sweetheart 😙 edited by alex! we hope you enjoy! please leave feedback, we really encourage it and enjoy it!

WORD COUNT | 1.7k

TAG LIST :; @jonghoshoe​ if you’d like to be added to the list, please say so in out inbox/ask box!

at this point y/n wondered why he followed his instincts. had he known it was a mafia on the other side of where he was, he could have gotten in his car, gone home to enjoy a cup of ramen, and then go to sleep. then again he didn’t know, so he blamed life’s cruelty.

“hey, good morning.” a soft voice brought him out of his thoughts. he glanced over at the familiar voice that belonged to the only person he’s seen in the past few days.

y/n said nothing, watching the other slide in a tray of steamy fresh food. “i noticed you eat a few things more than the others so i tried to give you bigger portions.”

“thanks,” y/n accepted the tray with no expression and seonghwa pursed his lips at the short answer. 

at the tense atmosphere, seonghwa excused himself. he wasn't sure if he felt pity for y/n, but either way, he just wanted y/n to grow used to this new environment because one thing was certain and that was that y/n could never go back to his old life.

seonghwa sighed softly, "good morning."

y/n tilted his head at him, looking up at the second in command with dull eyes. he simply hummed in greeting, clearly not in the mood during the past five days. 

the blonde gripped the tray, his patience running low with the older’s behavior. he's meaning well, he understands y/n, he does, but no one will get anywhere if there’s constant passiveness between the two.

 “i threw in an extra cookie,” he gestured to the pastry, “i figured you’d like some extra sugar in your system.”

once more, y/n hummed, nodding his head lightly.  it made seonghwa's blood boil—clearly, y/n wasn't vibing with him, and the last thing he thought of in this situation was the way y/n was being affected.

"hey, listen. your little silent treatment isn't gonna do jack here. you either socialize or stay down here, which isn't gonna happen because sooner or later they'll drag you up there. keep in mind you won't have anyone else to socialize with—forget your friends, family, everyone you had around before this. you'll be around us for as long as needed, maybe until your last breath."

y/n scoffed, looking away from seonghwa, something the older didn't take very nicely until he heard y/n’s meek reply, "you say that like it's easy."

the younger sputtered, handing y/n the tray of food, "i know it's hard, but just know each of us gave something up too. but, eventually, we all learned how to live with it,” seonghwa squatted to y/n’s level, “and you will too." 

the doctor swallowed, taking the tray and finally making eye contact with seonghwa. they shared a small pained smile, and seonghwa made one last comment before heading back, "make sure you eat up—don't want you dying on me after i took all that time to make such delicacies." 

y/n smiled to himself as he heard seonghwa shuffle to turn around. "thank you…i'll see you later…"

"sure will…” seonghwa’s chuckle ricocheted off the walls as he walked down the hall to the metal door. he pushed it open, making his way up the stairs and to the living room where a few of the others were gathered.

“hyung! just on time, we were talking about this upcoming mission we might have in a few days,” san commented as soon as he saw the older.

“is that so?” seonghwa mumbled in response as he sat down next to hongjoong, the other sipping iced bourbon from a glass cup.

“i’m not sure about it yet,” hongjoong set the glass down on the coffee table in front of him, “wooyoung still needs to gather more info before i verify anything. can’t be careless, remember?”

“totally, hyung. i’ll dig more into the client and have the info needed before morning.” wooyoung gave a reassuring smile to their boss, who simply hummed in return.

“by the way hwa,” hongjoong glanced at his boyfriend, leaning back into the leather couch and crossing his legs, “how’s the doctor?”

seonghwa blinked, “he’s fine, a bit down but he’ll get over it. so, in short, he’s behaved well these past days.”

hongjoong nodded, “that’s good, we’ll let him out tomorrow then. but right now i need you to go with san to the mechanic shop, make sure business is flowing well—which i don’t doubt. maybe visit mingi and yunho and see how well the loaning business has been. if i recall correctly, mingi said something about a few people not paying back on time; tell them not to get aggressive, we aren’t monsters after all.” there was a playful lilt to his tone, but they picked up on the seriousness behind it.

san got up, nodding at hongjoong’s orders, “we’ll tell yeo if anything happens.”

seonghwa followed suit, “we’ll see you later then,” he waved farewell without looking back at them.

wooyoung slid the folder over to hongjoong, the older raising a brow while taking it in his hands. “i gathered some info, it’s all in there—but to put it simply, i think we’ll gain lots of benefits after signing a deal with him. his name is yoo dongwoo, lives in seongnam.”

“that’s a bit too close to us, don’t you think?” hongjoong hums as he sets the folder down, resting his elbow on the armrest and his chin on the palm of his hand. 

“yeah, it is. but i think it’d be worth it. he seems to have lots of connections, and so far he’s never had an issue with payments, transportation and business—” wooyoung’s attention is taken when the door leading to the basement is pushed open.

“people!” yunho blocks y/n, capturing the attention of the others in the room. the tallest holds his arms out in a way of grand gesture, bowing, “i present you, y/n-”

“that’s...not necessary…” y/n can feel his skin grow warm under the tense and awkward atmosphere. luckily it’s broken by the one and only choi san.

“well we haven’t properly introduced ourselves if you think about it,” he pushed himself into y/n’s space, the doctor tensing up a bit at the close intrusion. yunho watched san, stepping aside to give the two some more space,“i’m san! nice to meet you! i’m sure we’ll get along just fine.”

the cheerful boy grinned widely, dimples making an appearance while his eyes did the opposite. y/n blinked, processing how close san was before taking a small step back. he didn’t reply verbally, giving a small smile and a nod instead,

“you know me already,” yunho said while taking a seat at the table.

"you know me too," seonghwa walked in with a tray of cookies, baking gloves protecting his hands.  "and take a seat."

y/n glanced at the table, not sure where to take a seat, but he guessed it didn't matter as long as he didn't sit near the boss.

"i'm hongjoong, the boss in case you didn't know," hongjoong watched the tray seonghwa placed on the table, waiting to grab a pastry.

"i'm mingi!" said male smiled as y/n hastily took the seat next to him. 

"i'm wooyoung, but call me woo if you want!" wooyoung was on the other side of y/n, making the doctor sandwiched between him and mingi.

"yeosang," the said male sat across from y/n, an intensely bored expression taking over his features. 

"did we miss anyone?" seonghwa rose a brow while taking off the gloves. 

"oh right, jongho! he's our bodyguard," san gestured at the buff male that stood by the door. 

y/n turned to look at him, jongho gently nodding his head at him and y/n doing the same. 

hongjoong clapped his hands, capturing everyone's attention. "great, now with that out of the way, let's get down to business."

everyone nodded at his words, taking a cookie from the tray seonghwa placed on the table. y/n accepted the one san handed to him, smiling a bit at how caring the male had shown to be so far. 

"we're heading out in the morning, i need everyone to get back to their usual jobs by evening so we'll try to make the exchange as quick as possible. everyone except y/n and yeosang will go, we need info and updates from the outside. 

before we leave i need yunho and mingi to make sure all the parts we'll hand over are correct. i don't want mistakes. wooyoung and i will take care of the talking, san and seonghwa will stand by the nearest exit to make sure everything is in order. jongho you'll be with me and woo." 

all nine of them nodded at hongjoong's orders. y/n voluntarily nodded, remembering seonghwa’s earlier words, “each of us gave something up too. but, eventually, we all learned how to live with it.” he knew he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, so he figured he’d make it a bit easier for himself.

"and i need you all to wear bulletproof vests under your clothes just in case. your guns must be locked and loaded, got it?" 

"guns?" y/n blinked, capturing everyone's attention, "why are you guys willing to blow your organs out?" 

wooyoung smiled, his head tilting a bit, "why are you willing to work for people who’s organs have been blown out?” 

y/n opened his mouth before closing it and nodding in defeat, "fair point. i get paid for it, at least..."

they were all quiet before chuckling, the atmosphere feeling more warm and calm than what it was when they first gathered.

"has anyone seen y/n?" 

his peers shook their head, speaking of the last time they saw said male. the doctor he worked with mentioned something that made the nurse worry even more. 

"last thing i knew was that his car was towed since he never picked it up. didn't hear anything else though, but don't worry heeseung, maybe he picked it up afterwards." 

heeseung, the nurse that had asked about y/n's whereabouts, sighed. "right...i hope so...see you guys tomorrow!" 

his peers returned the smile and farewell. 

as heeseung took a seat on the bus, he pulled out his phone. the first thing he did was go to the messaging app and open his and y/n's chat. 

'hi :] 

how are you?

#t.k chapter #tinted kisses #ateez #choi san #ateez x male reader #mafia ateez #ateez mafia au #kpop x male reader #top male reader #male reader #kpop imagines #kpop fics #kpop reactions #ateez x atiny #male atiny

[heraldofzaun]

This is my “Viktor has never been a stereotypical evil villain, you guys are just mean” post.

Hi. Well. That says it all, really, but I guess I should elaborate. I think that Viktor has always been a victim of society [cue Joker meme], it’s just that what society has shifted over the course of his lore update.

With new lore, it’s very clearly Piltover casting him out for his (in my opinion, pretty unethical from the get-go) ideas on free will/worker safety/etc. and that subsequently making him worse. But with his previous lore - what I run off of on this blog - I’ve seen a lot of commentary about how he’s always just been “evil”, or that his motivations weren’t defined, etc. And while I can agree that his old lore certainly has less of a word count (5x less, actually) and doesn’t make his motives crystal-clear, it’s just not true that his original incarnation was just a villainous scientist. (Nor is it true that he was perceived as one by his old fans!) It takes a little bit of looking at Blitzcrank’s lore, and the Journal of Justice (hey, remember that?) to see, but it’s there... So, here goes. I’m sorry for how long this ended up being (2k words!) - it ended up touching on a lot more than just Viktor.

Viktor’s always been stolen from. (Except for Blitzcrank’s newest lores, which contradict Viktor’s new lore, which... That’s a topic for another time.) It’s always been Professor Stanwick Pididly (now Professor Stanwick) who’s done the stealing - originally, he was a professor at Zaun’s “prestigious College of Techmaturgy”. In new lore, he’s a professor at an unnamed academy in Piltover. I think the best way to track the new/old changes is bullet-points, rather than writing this all out. Tumblr doesn’t allow T-charts, sadly.

Professor Pididly in old lore:

Zaunite professor.

Stole Blitzcrank (well, the accolades for developing Blitz’s sentience) from Viktor and Viktor’s doctoral team. (While this is headcanon, I’ve always assumed that Stanwick was Viktor’s (and Viktor’s team’s) doctoral advisor. I can’t quite imagine how else he’d pull off stealing a group project like that.) Viktor subsequently withdrew from the college and “barricaded himself in his private laboratory”. (Which is his house in my personal take, because really - what sort of doctoral student can afford a lab?)

Blitzcrank’s case reached Zaun’s legal system, resulting in a “legal maelstrom” (Blitz’s original lore) that ended with Stanwick presumably being legally declared Blitzcrank’s creator.

Blitzcrank’s lore states that “most now know the truth” in regards to who his creator is. This is important for later, so stick that in your back pocket.

Pididly is referred to as “Professor Pididly” in JoJ issues 3, 18, and 23, which are given the dates of August of 20CLE, March of 21 CLE, and June of 21 CLE.

Side note: According to Orianna’s judgment, which is dated May of 21 CLE - stay with me here, it’ll make sense - Blitzcrank entered the League “years before”. As League at this time was mostly running in time with the real world, this makes sense - Blitzcrank was a 2009 champion and Orianna was released in 2011. Judgments seem to be dated to a few days before a champion’s release, in order to tie with the lore - one had to be “Judged” before made a champion... but I’m rambling. Anyways, years before, back pocket.

Is referred to as “Chairman Pididly” in JoJ issue 27, dated August of 21 CLE. “Chairman” seems to be a title given to those in political power in Zaun. Another example is Chairman Magnus Dunderson, Zaun’s “Chief Executive” (issue 5). (I could’ve sworn that there is canonically a “Board of Executives” in old lore Zaun, but scrubbing through the JoJ on the wiki hasn’t turned it up - just Blitzcrank’s lore mentioning the “Council of Zaun”. Maybe it was fanon? Anyways.) Back pocket!

Also stole some work from Viktor in order to revive Urgot. Urgot’s revival was reported on in issue 3 of the JoJ, and the confirmation that it was from Viktor’s work is in Viktor’s original lore.

Professor Stanwick (Pididly? I feel like they ditched his last name because it was “too silly”, also because Stanwick sounds British-adjacent anyways and that’s Piltover’s “thing” - but anyways) in new lore:

Piltovian professor.

Stole Blitzcrank from Viktor alone, who made the robot to help clean up a specific chemical spill. Viktor went to Zaun for a few weeks and came back to find that Stanwick had “held a symposium on Blitzcrank and presented Viktor's research as his own”. Viktor subsequently continued on his studies, culminating with him later being expelled for “violating basic human dignity”. Viktor returns to a laboratory that he had in Zaun.

Blitzcrank’s case is solely a university matter. Viktor petitions Jayce to help support his claim, but Jayce is Jayce and doesn’t help out. The “matter [is] decided in Professor Stanwick’s favor”.

Blitzcrank’s lore doesn’t really say anything about if people know that Viktor made him (them, technically, but Riot doesn’t get to make the robot non-binary), but I guess it’s implied in the 3rd iteration? (That would be the first new one, after the IoW retcon making most champions’ 2nd lores being the same lore with any reference to the titular League of Legends removed.) He works with Viktor in that one. It doesn’t fit with Viktor’s updated lore at all, actually, because it mentions Stanwick absolutely zero times. (A post for another day...)

Has nothing to do with Urgot, since Urgot’s different now.

So, the general plot of “professor rips off a student” is there, it’s just got an added layer of “professor rips off a foreign/out-group student” in new lore to tie into the overarching idea of Piltover exploiting Zaun. (Is Zaun considered foreign? Yes? No? It’s sort of textually implied sometimes to be another city, but can it actually be when it’s physically underneath Piltover? Is the metaphor in new lore a class thing, then? Is it both? Am I supposed to take Viktor’s Russian accent into account when reading this text? I don’t know.) Anyways, so far so... same, in the broad strokes. Unless Viktor’s villainy in old lore is specifically because someone from his city ripped him off, I don’t know how you can compare new/old lore and say that old painted him as a villain.

But what about the everything else I put there? We’re getting there - that’s part of Viktor’s in-universe stuff. I’m taking a quick detour out of universe, to Jayce’s very first lore...

Which had Viktor stealing a techmaturgical device from Jayce. While I can’t cite this, sadly - thank you, Riot deleting the old forums and me not having the patience to look through archives at the moment - there was a backlash around this on the forums. Why would Viktor, a character who’d been stolen from, steal in turn? So Jayce’s second lore, the one that most people were familiar with before the new lore update, was made. Now Viktor stole a crystal after trying to partner with Jayce, Jayce was less well-established as an inventor, he had a bit more character... All good things. (Also, this is probably where the new lore direction of them being former college colleagues come from.)

Also, as an aside: this is the first use I can see of crystals specifically being described as arcane power sources... The only other discussion of magical crystals was the Brackern... which was then merged into magical crystals having to be from the Brackern... Which means that...

But anyways! Clearly Viktor fans didn’t see him as a villain in 2012, or at least not one that would victimize others in the same way that he’d been hurt. They made such a fuss about it that Jayce’s lore was changed to paint Viktor more sympathetically! (When’s the last time that there’s been that much backl- oh. It’s Seraphine again. Anyways.) So, again, Viktor’s perception as an evil scientist mostly seems to have come from people who weren’t really familiar with his lore. So... case closed?

Except that I also want to talk about in-universe things! Everything that I told you to put in your back pocket! Because this post is already over a thousand words and I have thrown myself firmly into this vortex.

Viktor’s victimization by society [Joker meme] is actually probably worse in old lore, which is a fact that I think has been pretty overlooked. While new lore Viktor gets kicked back down to Zaun and gets his work stolen in academia - with Stanwick presumably never being questioned on whether or not he made Blitzcrank, because there’s that whole “Zaunites are bad” thread that is both in and out of universe... Old lore Viktor sure does get it worse, although I admit that this requires some interpretation of canon. His thing with Blitzcrank was, again, a “legal maelstrom” - and with Blitzcrank being considered a Zaunite celebrity before this court case, it seems relatively easy/logical to infer that this maelstrom was a very public case.

So all of Zaun gets to see Viktor crash and burn in court. I’d say that’s a bit worse than just academia seeing it, as is the case in new lore.

And then there’s Blitzcrank’s lore flat-out saying that “most now know the truth” about who made him. (While this lore does predate Viktor’s existence - isn’t it odd to think about a Blitzcrank made by a faceless team of generic doctoral students, rather than Viktor... and a faceless team of generic doctoral students? - I see no reason not to take it as canonical for Viktor’s original lore. There’d been minor lore touchups before, so if Riot wanted Viktor’s creation of Blitzcrank to be an unknown... they could have edited Blitzcrank’s lore.) But Viktor’s still on the fringes, and nothing in his lore (which, again, was written years after Blitzcrank’s) seems to acknowledge that by the time he enters the League we have confirmation, date-wise, that it’s been years since the truth came out. (Orianna Judgment, etc.) That’s to say: people knowing that Viktor made Blitzcrank does nothing for him - he gets no apologies or anything like that.

Of course, if you take League lore as happening concurrently and nix the Judgments and the League, I guess that this is tenuous - but working within the framework of when he was released, it seems clear to me that the implication of all this lore is (whether it was intended by Riot to be read this way or not) that no one in Zaun cares that Viktor was stolen from. It’s an open secret. No one’s seeking justice for him. But it gets worse...!

So, it’s generally known that Stanwick didn’t make Blitzcrank by the time that the JoJ is running. And he’s just a professor for most of the run of that part of the lore, until... Issue 27. In which he becomes Chairman Pididly, someone who is now implied to have political power. (I have to assume he gets the position due to the political goodwill from Noxus that his revival of Urgot must have brought Zaun, but that’s just interpretation.) But! Even though most people know that Stanwick didn’t make Blitzcrank - that he stole Blitzcrank - he ends up not losing his university job (he’s still Professor Pididly for most of the JoJ, after all) but... gaining political office!

All of this is to say that Zaun is so crooked that you can have the fact that you stole from someone and ruined their life revealed... and get a promotion to government! You can shatter an idealistic man who had a “hope to better society” and make him into someone like the Machine Herald and face absolutely zero repercussions. I think that that is significantly worse than how new lore Viktor’s victimization by Piltover consisted of an academia-only dispute that left him with just some bitterness... New Viktor was, after all, kicked out of Piltovian academia for ethics violations, not for Blitzcrank.

Everything surrounding old lore Viktor is a bit harder to piece together, since you have to look through a few lores and make a few inferences, which is why I think that people don’t realize exactly how bad he had it... (That and time erasing memories, or people being new to the fandom, or people not being interested in Viktor, or...) But he had it bad, and I’m honestly disappointed that we never got to explore much of Zaun’s particular brand of corporate corruption in canon. Now they’re the perpetual underdogs, both victims and villians, and Riot isn’t quite sure how to write them beyond constant exploitation from Piltover. (Even the chem-barons have taken somewhat of a backseat lately in new lore, from what I’ve seen - Piltover seems to be the primary cause of Zaun’s ills, because the combined region is now an upper city/lower city metaphor about class. The chem-barons just seem to be written as a result of Piltover’s ignoring of Zaun - because Zaun seems to be more of an undercity than a sovereign city or state, but that varies depending on whatever piece of lore you’re reading and... Another post, another time.)

So. TL;DR: Viktor’s always been a character who was victimized by a city, be it Zaun or Piltover. Viktor’s always been a character more complex than just a maniacal villain, although it takes more work to see that in his old lore as compared to his new. (His new pretty much screams “we are trying to make him and Jayce morally grey”, after all.) This victimization is arguably worse in old lore, as it’s implied that he went through a very public legal case that ended with Stanwick taking credit for Blitzcrank. In addition to that, Stanwick’s subsequent shift to politics implies that Zaun is so corrupt that most everyone knowing that he’s a thief isn’t an issue at all. He’s untouchable.

Viktor’s always been the result of an idealistic man being crushed by a society that doesn’t care for him and his dreams. That’s nothing new.

#headcanons | beneath the mask #worldbuilding | a smog shrouded city #//lightly seasoned with 'i have my qualms about new lore' seasoning. #//all quotes are from respective lores. i am not fully citing them because if i use apa format for a league meta post i'll simply expire. #//oh also fun fact ionians are referred to as 'peaceniks' by zaunites in that same JoJ issue i pulled the dunderson info from. #//which is cool because that's somewhat canon info (other than zaun being german for fence and some other vague name choices) that... #//zaun was probably intended to be somewhat eastern european flavored from the getgo. so. hc validation. #//admittedly the nik suffix as it is used there is an english variant borrowed from russian/yiddish so... you could argue against me i guess #//but i think that's a much further stretch than my interpretation. anyways i've rambled more than enough. #//you can tell where i started getting super conversational here + when i stopped caring about if i stuck to 'stanwick' or 'pididly'

[chierafied]

20 Questions: Writer’s Edition!

Thanks so much for the tag, @blitheringmcgonagall​ and @the-dream-team​! 💙💙💙 I was really hoping to get to do this one lol

***

How many works do you have on AO3

300 (though I’ve yet to post 8 fics from my backlog there)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

1 281 330

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Three. SessKag (Inuyasha), Jily (Harry Potter) and IchiRuki (Bleach)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

If I did the REAL top 5 fics by Kudos it would be all SessKag and my answers overall are very SessKag heavy as is so I went with top 2 SessKag, top 2 Jily and top 1 IchiRuki instead.

1. Life After Loss

This was not the happily ever after Kagome had always dreamt about. This could not be happening to her, not after everything they had gone through... She never knew that her whole world could screech to a complete halt in a blink of an eye.

SessKag, M, Chapter Fic, 98k words

2. Stranger Than Fiction

The books have been all the craze recently, boasting an epic adventure set in the chaos of Sengoku Jidai. Kagome has steered clear from them; she has spent quite enough time dwelling in the past as is. However, when her roommate and a die-hard fan  of the book series laments the latest plot twist, Kagome realises that the accursed books might be hitting even closer to home than she ever suspected. 

SessKag, T, One Shot, 913 words

3. #Jily

Twitter seemed awash with the hashtag Jily. Lily blinked at in confusion, until she realised it was one of those silly couple monikers people had  bestowed on her and Potter. …Though there was a small dissenting crowd following a tweet from Potter’s bandmate Sirius Black: Jily? Hah! More like LAMES. 

Jily, G, One Shot, 2,991 words

4. Much Tweeting About Crushing

James has a hopeless crush on his neighbour and tweets about it, which is fine. Until Evans follows him. 

Jily, T, One Shot, 3,050 words

5. Miscalculation

Rukia planted her elbows on the table and steepled her fingers. “I want my brother to think we’re dating so I can get him off my back.” Ichigo scoffed at her. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” 

IchiRuki, T, Two Shot, 1,820 words

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes and no? 😅 For a long time I had a policy that I’d reply to comments if I had something more to say than just “thanks”.

Nowadays I reply to nearly every comment I get on AO3. I feel if the people bother to take the time to comment, the least I can do is thank them and I’ve made some friends in the comment section along the years too. But all that said... since I went on my hiatus I haven’t really been replying to my comments on Dokuga much, the clunky reply system there makes it feel like a big hassle which makes it feel draining. 😅

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm, Probably either Foil (SK) or Vagary (SK)?

... And I just realised Vagary is another one I never posted on AO3 argh when will the backlog end???

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Probably Life After Loss, all things considered. 💙

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I’ve never written proper crossover, i.e. characters from different series interacting but I’ve written crossover fusions i.e. charas from series 1 in the setting of series 2, such as Disney AUs etc.

The craziest one would be probably the SessKag Star Wars AU because I’m not a Star Wars fan and know very little of it but it was requested so... 🙈

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I got Anon hate at one point from an anti-shipper on my IchiRuki fic on FFnet, it was wild. 🤣

And maybe not as far as hate but the notorious plot twist on Chain of Love (SK) was very much criticised to the point where even years later when I got a comment notification for Chain I would inwardly flinch. 😅

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I don’t.

I have written and will write a sex scene if the story requires it (most recently in Do I Remind You Of Somewhere You Wanna Be, SK). But they are never explicit in nature, I’m not naming genitals or anything lol. The thing is, if I have to write sex I want to keep it... tasteful, for the lack of a better word. So a term like smut, with connotation to dirtiness would never apply to my writing.

(Back in the day, because I don’t write explicit scenes I did not consider my sex scenes “lemons” either. Which is why I’m still cackling about the fact that Chain once won the 1st place award for a best lemon scene.)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, I have. Chain was posted on Wattpad without my knowledge or permission. It is wild having to file a DMCA over a fanfic. 😂

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! Some of my SessKag one shots have been translated to Spanish, I believe!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I’ve tried, with a close IRL friend of mine, but as our attempts never got very far I wouldn’t say I really have. 😅

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Oof, that’s a tough one. Maybe IchiRuki?

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Probably the Bodyguard AU (JL) and the Shotgun AU (JL)? I love both of these stories a lot but I’m very much in the beginning with them and both are ideas I’ve had for years yet have never really been able to actively work on?

What are your writing strengths?

Hmm. I feel my writing style leans towards short and simple so it’s easily approachable? I think I’m pretty good with dialogue. Sometimes, I can do a lot with very few words. And I think I’m fairly good at slipping in little details or giving a sense of backstory, even if it’s a short one shot?

What are your writing weaknesses?

I suffer from a perpetual lack of motivation that I try to combat with having a writing routine. I’m slow to update because unless I’m inspired which never happens or am on a deadline crunch I am perfectly comfortable just adding 300-500 words to my WIP and calling it a day. I loathe editing so I rarely do much else than a cursory proofread before posting.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

My initial thought is why? 😂 I mean I guess I don’t mind but I feel using another language in the fic should be justified and done in moderation. Personally, I probably wouldn’t write dialogue in another language.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Okay so the first fic I ever actually wrote/published was a 2nd gen arranged marriage fic for The Belgariad and The Malloreon, my favourite book series growing up. The fic, which fizzled out after 2 or so chapters, was deleted years ago lol

SessKag came second. 😉

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

*vaguely gestures at the 300+ fics* It’s pretty much impossible to choose among my children but if you put a gun to my head I’ll say Life After Loss.

Tagging: @drosselmeyerwrites @mythicamagic @sagemcmae @stormielikeweather @wbficaholic

#meme tag #writing meme #writing questions #chie: my fics #chie: on writing #This got so long but it was really fun! #long post

[backofthebookshelf]

How To Blacklist Something on AO3

Have you ever accidentally left kudos on a fic and then realized you didn't want to interact with that person at all? Have you ever read something that left such a bad taste in your mouth that you never want to read anything like it again? Do you have a terrible memory for names and only realize halfway through a fic that you're doing it to yourself again? Allow me to show you how to block individuals and tags on AO3 so that you never have to see them again.

(Note: You can exclude tags from your searches in AO3 pretty easily, using the include/exclude filter! But that doesn't work for usernames, and again, if you're forgetful, it can be easier to set it once and never think about it again.)

(Second, more important note: I do not endorse the circulation of block lists. A block list is to curate your own experience, and perhaps to share with friends who have similar needs, never to be posted publicly.)

(Third note, a disclaimer: I didn't create any of these tools, I just use userscripts a lot.)

This isn't the most straightforward system, it's just the only one I've found that works. Grab a Sprite or something, get your phone and your computer, and we'll get this going.

You're going to need to use Firefox for this - it's the only mobile browser that reliably lets you use extensions, and if you want this to work on mobile, you need an extension. I know, it's a pain. I use Firefox on my phone pretty much exclusively for AO3, for what it's worth.

Go to the Firefox Add-Ons page and install Tampermonkey. Tampermonkey is an extension that basically lets you write little userscripts to tweak the way Firefox behaves - think of the userscripts as mini-extensions. In our case, we won't be writing anything, just installing some scripts other people have already written, bless them.

We're going to configure Tampermonkey first, then install and configure our scripts. Click on the Tampermonkey icon in your browser (it's a little square with eyes, no I don't know what it means) and select Dashboard, then go to Settings.

Up at the very top, change the Config mode to Advanced. This should give you some more settings. Scroll down to Script Sync, and check the box by Enable Script Sync. Pick whichever system you want to use to get your scripts to communicate with one another - Google Drive and Dropbox are probably the easiest, if you aren't the kind of person who logs into browsers. Give it your info and log in to your preferred service.

And that's it! Now we're going to install our scripts. You're going to want both ao3 savior and ao3 savior config. On each page, click on the Install link, and then click Install on the new page that pops up. When you're done, go back to your Tampermonkey dashboard (refresh it if you kept it open in a background tab), and you should see something like this:

Now we've got everything installed, it's time to start configuring. ao3 savior you can leave as it is: by default, it'll update itself and do its thing, you don't have to do anything. ao3 savior config is where we make our changes. Go all the way over to the edit button on the far right of the screen.

First you want to make sure that this script doesn't update itself - because when it downloads an update, it'll erase your blocklist and you'll have to reenter the whole thing, and that's a pain. Click on Settings, and uncheck Check for updates in the Updates section, then click Save.

Now go back to the editor. This part is pretty simple, the comments are good. If you want to see a placeholder that tells you that ao3 savior hid something from you, leave the showReasons line set to true; if you want to be able to look at something ao3 savior hid from you anyway, change showPlaceholders to true. alertOnVisit gives you a notification if you clicked on a link to something ao3 savior would have hidden from you, if you set it to true. Then you've got five lines for whatever you want to block: authors, titles, tags, and summaries, plus a whitelist for tags. The whitelist overrides all of the blacklists: if you've blocked all works from an author but whitelisted a tag, and that author uses that tag on one of their works, you'll see it.

Go ahead and fill this in however you want. You can update it in the future, as well - it's not the easiest thing to update, but once you've done it a couple of times it's not too hard. I recommend copying the text you want to block directly from ao3 and pasting it into the config file, that seems to work best for me.  

When you've entered everything you want, go ahead and save (ctrl+s or File->Save from within the script editor). Then you'll want to make sure you don't have to do this all over again on your phone. Close the editor tab, then click on Utilities. Under Cloud, select the same service you picked for syncing, then click Export; this will make a copy of the script you can pull straight onto your phone.

Now, same thing on your phone, but a little simpler: install Firefox, then install Tampermonkey. Now, rather than installing the scripts again, we'll download our backup. Go to Utilities, select your service in the Cloud section, and log in. Tap Show backups, and tap Import (there should only be one file, unless you've done this before). Now go back to Installed Userscripts - you should see the same scripts we installed and set up before! You will need to uncheck Check for updates in ao3 savior config, for some reason that setting doesn't travel.

Now go to Settings, turn on Advanced Settings, and turn on syncing here as well. Make sure the service is set to the same one as you set up before. Be sure to hit Save.

And you're done! Now you have a blacklist that's fairly easy to update on your computer and will sync automatically to your phone. To update, just click on Tampermonkey, select Dashboard, and Edit ao3 savior config to add whatever it is you don't want to see to your blacklist. Be sure to save, and the sync should happen automagically.

#ao3 #ao3 savior #how to block someone on ao3 #j writes instructions

[tuanhood]

alpha

pairing: frat!im jaebeom x reader 

genre: lil bit of everything. lil smut, lil angst, maybe lots of fluff, established relationship

warnings: language, cringey frat stuff, public(??) fingering

word count: 4,200+

summary: your boyfriend’s frat doesn’t allow dating outside of greek life. hence the reason you two have had to sneak around for ten months... and hence the reason you’ve somehow found yourself stuck and hiding in a closet. 

a/n: wow long time no see! sorry for the delay, I’m really busy/stressing about dissertation stuff lately so updates and writings aren’t going to be frequent. but I really wanted to write this for ya’ll real quick to have SOMETHING, but yeah it’s not edited and NOT very good bc of the quickness. But I hope ya’ll will forgive me :) 

lambda | delta | gamma | kappa | theta | sigma

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you woke up this morning, you really didn’t think you would end up in a closet at the Alpha Sigma Phi house.

The space is cramped, dark and a little smelly. Judging by the odor, you guessed that this was the closet that the boys in the house used to throw garbage in whenever they had to “clean” the house. Maybe this situation would have been a little bit better if you had been pushed into the closet that’s on the second floor – that way there would be less garbage and less boy smell. But who were you kidding? There would be a boy smell regardless.

In theory though you really shouldn’t be stuck in a closet at a frat house thinking about which closet you’d rather be in. What had your life become lately?

“Just a little bit longer, okay?” You heard Jaebeom utter through the door. It instinctively made you roll your eyes. The tone of his voice was so nonchalant, as if you weren’t stuck in a small space. But of course, he was on the other side of the door in fresh air, with as much space to roam around as he pleased – he didn’t understand “just a little bit longer” was triggering.

As much as you lo- liked Jaebeom… you weren’t sure if you would be able to hide in small spaces for the entirety of your relationship.

Babe it’s not for our entire relationship… Just until we graduate.

When he had first said that you didn’t really think about the bigger picture. All you had thought about was how happy he made you and how much you loved being with him. And that was the most important thing to you. But lately the sneaking around and the hiding had been a little too much for you – you weren’t sure if you could keep it up for another year… It had already been 10 months and you were at your wits end. Every time you wanted to sit down to have the conversation with Jaebeom – the one where you tell him it’s either the end of hiding or the end of your relationship – he’d give you those eyes, that smile and it would be completely wiped from your thoughts.

Damn Im Jaebeom. You think you fucking love him.

“Jae…” you grumbled, hitting your head against the door a bit. It had already been what… a half hour?

You heard him shush you and another voice emerged from the other side of the door. “Hey man, any particular reason you’ve been standing here?” Jaebeom’s nervous laughter is a giveaway, you just hope that Yugyeom doesn’t pick up on it. “No reason… just… like the space over here… It’s good party watching space.”

There’s silence and you pressed your ear up to the door further, hoping to hear something. You jumped back when you heard your boyfriend’s panicked voice, “what are you doing?”

Yugyeom snorted, “Dude chill… I’m just getting more cups from the closet.”

“Uh… Let me! I’ll get them!”

“What?”

“Yeah no worries dude, I didn’t really do anything to help prep for the party so I might as well get some fucking cups from the closet,” Jaebeom chuckled, his voice shifting to a more normal tone, “to be honest I didn’t really even know this was happening tonight… otherwise…” He drifted off, mumbling the last part to himself. You know he’s referencing the fact that the two of you thought the house would be empty – many of the guys typically going out to a local bar on Thursdays, but to your surprise as you crossed the main foyer in the house, the front door opened with most of the guys in the frat piling through. That led to your push into the closet.

“Yeah well… Red Room was closed because apparently they have a rat problem. I feel like that’s a bunch of bullshit. I mean we go there every week… we would have noticed if there was a rat problem.”

“Maybe they were just good at hiding it.”

There’s a lull in silence and Yugyeom clicked his tongue, as if he thinking deeply about something, “but I guess you wouldn’t know… You really don’t go out with us on Thursdays anymore…” As much as you liked the guys in Jaebeom’s frat – from stories you’d heard through your boyfriend of course – it seemed like they were often pretty slow when it came to certain things. If Yugyeom was starting to get skeptical and began piecing things together then surely the rest of the guys would too.

“Let me get you guys those cups.”

Taking a small step back, you turn to the shelf on your right, finding the red cups almost immediately through the dimmed closet. As the door cracks open slightly, your boyfriend’s long arm appears in the small space, gesturing around – clearly looking for the cups.

“Dude what are you doing?” Yugyeom asked.

“I know where the cups are so why should I go in all the way and get claustrophobic?” You have to cover your mouth to stop yourself from laughing at Jaebeom’s fake explanation.

Yes, because why would anyone ever want to be stuck inside of a closet? Rolling your eyes – happy he can’t see – you thrust the cups forward into his wandering hand. You swear you hear him grunt at your force.

The cups and his hand disappeared along with the small sliver of light that comes from the door being open. “Well… here you go… the cups you wanted.” There’s another pause and you wished you could see what was going on – to know if Yugyeom was buying how uncharacteristically strange Jaebeom was being or if he was still suspicious.

“You should leave your creepy party watching spot and actually join the fun, ya know? Some of the girls from Theta are going to be by soon and I know Amanda’s been asking a lot about you lately.”

Yugyeom’s mention of another girl makes your skin crawl and you’re almost ready to pounce out of the closet and call it a day, but instead you clenched your fists and waited to hear your boyfriend’s response.

“Nah man… I’m good.”

“Come on… how long has it been since you last had any action? I’m pretty sure Amanda would be down to hook up tonight.” Instinctively you felt your hand go to the doorknob, gripping it tightly.

To your dismay Jaebeom says nothing in response and your mind starts running wild thinking about possible nonverbal responses he could have communicated to Yugyeom – perhaps one of them being “yeah I’ll totally bang Amanda tonight.”

And you know what… maybe he should. Maybe it’d be better for him to be with someone he can actually walk around campus with. To be with someone he could actually introduce to his friends. You weren’t any of those things.

The circumstances of your relationship with Jaebeom had been complicated from the beginning. The two of you had met in a random general ed class you were both forced to take for a stupid credit. Never in your life did you think you were going to meet your next boyfriend in “Comparative Post-Communist Politics.” The two of you had the lowest scores in the class and found yourselves bonding over your almost failing midterm grades, but luckily the two of you had passed the course. Thank god for the grading curve.

It had started just that simply – two people who were “class friends.” Nothing more, nothing less. You’d sit next to each other every lecture and laugh over how dumb you both were, but never made efforts to hang out after class or even study together in preparation for exams. It wasn’t until the final day of class that Jaebeom had asked you to get drinks. His request shocked you as you had figured that just like most “class friends” you two would part ways and never see each other again except for the occasional pass by on campus where each of you would squint and wonder how do I know that person? Were they in that one class I took that one time?

You were perhaps even more shocked when you agreed to go.

From then on, the two of you talked about things besides class and got to know each other on a more personal level. You had already known some very basic things about him – such as his affiliation with the Greek system – but soon enough Jaebeom was pouring his heart out to you, and you to him. Both of you admitted that you had never felt this comfortable with someone before.

It was probably you fifth- or sixth-time getting drinks at a secluded place downtown when Jaebeom revealed to you how much he liked you. You felt your heart leap out of your chest and just as you were about to reveal your own confession, he hit you with a “but…”

“but… I can’t technically date you. My frat’s chapter is really strict about dating outside of Greek life. When I was a pledge, they told me that they’ve kicked guys out for going out with girls who aren’t affiliated.”

In any other situation you would have gotten up and said “no thank you” to whoever the guy was, not wanting to waste your time on anything or anyone who prioritized some stupid brotherhood over their feelings for you. But this was Jaebeom… The Jaebeom that you had grown close to over such a short period of time and had told you how much Alpha Sigma Phi meant to him. He had grown up an only child and spent much of his younger years feeling lonely, which was what made him want to rush the frat. He wanted the close experience and to have strong loyalty and ties with the other members – just like with real brothers.

“We can make it work. I really like you too Jaebeom… I’m willing to try this and figure something out…”

At the time… you weren’t sure what “figure something out” really meant – especially since you weren’t supposed to be seen together by literally anyone. Most people on campus knew someone who knew someone that was in Alpha Sig and if anyone saw the two of you together, you’d risk it getting back to the guys at the house. Which was why for 10 months the two of you had been dating in secret – him coming over to yours almost every night and you sneaking over to the house every Thursday when the guys were usually gone until the early hours.

You felt like you were fighting back tears at the thought of Jaebeom with someone else, but maybe it was what was right. You deserved to not be a secret forever – you were in a closet for godssake – and Jaebeom deserved to be with the perfect sorority girl that he could take wherever he wanted without the risk of getting kicked out of his second home. Tightly shutting your eyes, you attempted to stop yourself from crying, but somehow it makes it worse with the first drop rolling down your cheek slowly.

“Baby? Are you crying?”

It’s then that you realized the door had been cracked open once again, Jaebeom looking behind him before slipping in with you, shutting the door tightly. It occurred to you how pathetic you must look, crying in a dim, cramped closet at a frat house.

Quickly, you tried to wipe the tears of your cheek and hiccupped slightly, “N-no I’m not crying. It’s just my allergies with all the dust in here.”

“You don’t have allergies…” He positioned himself closer to you, bringing his own hand up to your face to rest it on your cheek, feeling the wet trails your tears had left behind, “what’s wrong?” Biting your lip, you don’t say anything in the hopes that he’ll drop the subject. Jaebeom knows you well enough to know when you want to move on and not address a topic, but this time he can’t find it in himself to just let it go.

“Y/N tell me.”

The way his thumb continued to gently caress your cheek back in forth, makes you want to close your eyes and pretend you’re anywhere else besides here in this closet having this conversation. You’d rather be with your boyfriend in a place far away from here where you don’t have to hide and you don’t have to worry about perceptions.

“I was just thinking about what Yugyeom said about the girl from Theta.”

“Baby… I would never go behind your back and do something with her-”

You sighed deeply and felt your stomach drop as you kept wedging your way further and further into the conversation you had once been wanting to have. Not seeing his sparkling eyes and that look in bright light made the words somewhat easier to get out. “I know you would never do that… I just think sometimes maybe it’s best if you had someone you could actually be seen with.”

Jaebeom doesn’t say anything, because it’s at that moment he feels his own stomach churn and feel sick. Making out your saddened face in the dark closet and listening to your words he realizes what he’s done. The way you had said “if you had someone you could actually be seen with” as if there was something wrong with you. As if you were less then. He wanted to kick himself for making you feel like that when it was in fact his fault and his own issues that stopped the two of you from being together publicly. Was brotherhood really so important to him when he was at risk of losing the person he loves?

Loves.

Reality hit him again.

“No,” Jaebeom finally said shaking his head, “I don’t want anyone else. I only want you and I’m sorry for making you feel like this. You’ve been so willing to hide this just because I’m a fucking idiot… because you understand how much this all meant to me.”

“Meant?”

He delicately brings his hands to rest at your waist, leaning close enough forward until you can feel his breath on your face, “I have something in my life that’s more important than getting kicked out of a stupid frat. I-I love you Y/N.”

You don’t answer him for a moment and he feels like he’s going to collapse at first from your lack of response. He wonders if maybe he had read the last 10-months completely wrong or if you had finally had enough with his bullshit and he was just too late. Jaebeom feels all of these worries and doubts fade away when you lean forward to press your lips against his. “I love you too,” you mumbled against his lips and you felt your boyfriend smile, his grip tightening on your waist and bringing you even closer to his body until you’re flush against one another.

You felt one of his hands drift down from your waist to the hem of your skirt, slowly caressing your thigh and slipping itself underneath the material until it’s hitched up above his hand. Removing yourself from his lips, you let out a lustful sigh to let him know how much you want him to do what he’s thinking about doing. As he rests his forehead against yours, he looks down between your two bodies, his hand going to your panties, gently playing with the waistband – snapping it back and forth gently to tease you.

“Do you want me to take back that I love you?” You asked playfully.

Jaebeom laughed, “you wouldn’t dare.”

Just as you’re about to respond with a bratty “try me,” you feel him dip his hand underneath the now damp material. He smiled at your caught off guard reaction. His fingers brushed your core, his index finger moving along your slit as he gathered your juices on his finger before he brought it to his lips and sucked them gently. You watched him in the dim light and felt yourself somehow grow more wet than before. He moved his fingers back down, his thumb pressing up against your clit and you felt yourself suck in a breath at the feeling, before two of his digits pushed into your completely. With the small amount of space, you had, you lifted your hips in an effort to get more of him inside of you and he chuckled at the action.

“We have all night baby girl, don’t worry. I take care of you, always.”

You exhaled at the feeling of his thumb massaging your clit and his fingers began to pump into you at a slow rhythmic pace. He watched you for a moment wondering how he got so lucky before returning his lips back to yours.

A groan arose in your throat and against Jaebeom’s lips as he curled his middle finger into you, hitting that spot that always made you so weak and you feel your thighs begin to twitch as you near your high. Sometimes it amazed you how quick he could make you reach your release, but he already knew everything else about you so well it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he would excel at this as well.

When he picked up the pace of his fingers fucking into you, continuing to hit your g-spot each time, you felt yourself quickly come apart and your walls clench around his fingers tightly. You dropped your head down to his shoulder and felt like there wasn’t any breath left in your body as you rode out the waves of your orgasm, Jaebeom making sure not to overstimulate you and slowing his fingers down. When he finally removes his hand from you, you feel so empty almost like your body just wants to be that close to him all the time – not even in a sexual way.

When you finally feel strong enough, you bring your head off of Jaebeom’s shoulder and wrap your hands around his neck tightly, bringing him in for another kiss.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. I never want to stop saying it and I never want to stop hearing it.”

With arms still around his neck, you gently play with the hair at his nape. You feel happier than you’ve felt in a long time – which was saying something considering how happy your boyfriend had made you the past 10 months.

“Should we get out of this closet?” Jaebeom asked with shut eyes, feeling relaxed every time he’s under your touch.

“Now? You want everyone to see us now?”

He shrugged, “They’re going to find out either way so might as well just do it now. I just hope they give me time to get my stuff before they kick me out.” You feel yourself frown at his candor and the thought of Jaebeom losing the sense of belonging he had gained from being in Alpha Sig, but you remember his previous assurances. You had one another and everything was going to be fine.

Just as you’re about to respond to him, you’re interrupted by a sudden emergence of light into the closet signaling the opening of the door. You and Jaebeom both freeze when you see Yugyeom and some of the other brothers behind him.

“Can you two just come out already?”

It’s almost as though both you and your boyfriend had forgotten all of your words. Instead you stare at one another with wide eyes.

“We’re tired of all this waiting. Just come out and introduce us to your girlfriend already man,” Yugyeom whined.

This was embarrassing. Had they been… listening?

“Listen ‘Gyeom I know you chose today’s date in the pool, but that doesn’t mean you win the bet,” one of the guys from behind him said.

Yugyeom lets out a large groan and turns to the member, “what? Why not? I chose today and he was going to do it today! I swear!”

“Yeah but you ruined it by opening the door! You pretty much made the whole thing void… Haven’t you heard of like… not ruining the controlled variable in the experiment or whatever the fuck?”

“The controlled variable was the door? That doesn’t make sense. You’re as dumb as a bag of bones dude,” Yugyeom snorted, turning back to you and Jaebeom. It’s then that you feel relief as Jaebeom finally cleared his throat to say something to the many pairs of eyes fixated on you both, “can you guys please explain to me what’s going on here?”

Yugyeom rolled his eyes at Jaebeom as if it was the most obvious thing in the world to understand, “we had a bet going for when you would finally tell us about your secret girlfriend… Who to be honest isn’t really a secret. I sit next to Y/N’s friend in Econ… class friends ya know.”

You felt your mouth go dry. If they knew about Jaebeom dating an unaffiliated girl this entire time why did they let it play out for so long? Why didn’t they say something to him and make him break up with you or kick him out of the frat? Were they trying to torture the two of you for the longest amount of time possible?

It’s then when you really take in each member of Alpha Sig’s face and you see no malice or disgust at the fact that you’re not a non-affiliate. They almost seemed… happy.

You felt Jaebeom take his head into yours and he sighs once more before looking back to the guys, “listen… Y/N is my girlfriend and has been for the last 10 months… I’ve put her through so much shit and made her sneak around which she did willingly because of how amazing she is. I’ve never felt so loved and cared for by someone before and I can’t put her through more shit that’s going to make her feel less then she is. I love her and I’m sorry you guys can’t accept that. I can be out of here by tomorrow.”

As Jaebeom goes to move the two of you out of the closet, Yugyeom places his hand up causing you both to stop in your tracks.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Jaebeom looks to you and then back to Yugyeom, “the rule… that we’re not allowed to date anyone who’s not affiliated. When we were pledges they told us they’ve kicked guys out for breaking the rule… remember?”

The boys in front of Jaebeom all look at him blankly until Yugyeom begins to laugh, the rest of the guys following him until you have approximately 6 frat guys laughing in your faces. Looking at your boyfriend his eyebrows are furrowed. You can’t tell if he’s confused at their reaction or annoyed.

It takes a moment for Yugyeom and the boys to finally stop laughing, “Jae… are you joking? Is that why you haven’t introduced her to us? Because of that stupid rule?”

“Yeah…”

Coming closer, Yugyeom placed his hand on Jaebeom’s shoulder, “Dude… that rule is not real. They’ve never kicked anyone out over dating someone who’s unaffiliated. Sure, the upperclassmen then didn’t want us to date someone not in an org, but they would have never made us leave… That kinda goes against the whole brotherhood thing. Besides, now we’re the upperclassmen and we just care that we’re all happy. You included.”

You felt like you could run a marathon at the amount of energy and feelings coursing through your body. You wanted to hug all of the semi-strangers in front of you, but also you wanted to hit Jaebeom for thinking that rule was a real thing when it was in fact… apparently not. In the back of your head, you make a mental note to lecture him on next time it never hurts to ask questions before you get into a secret 10-month relationship that might not need to be a secret.

“Thanks guys,” Jaebeom smiled at his brothers, with his hand still holding onto yours, caressing your smooth skin with his thumb.

“Now let’s continue this party, shall we?” Yugyeom yelled loudly as the rest of the guys cheer back in response, most of them heading back to the main living space until it’s just you, Jaebeom and Yugyeom.

The younger boy shakes his head, “I still can’t believe you were in that closet the entire time… which reminds me. I am never going in there again after the actions that occurred in there,” you felt your face grow hot at his admittance that he had heard or at least knew what had happened in the closest just moments before his grand entrance.

“I still can’t believe you knew the entire time and didn’t say anything!” You whined.

“I was expecting you to jump out as soon as I mentioned Amanda… That’s why I brought it up. Which by the way man,” Yugyeom turned to Jaebeom, “none of the girls at Theta give a shit about you.”

“That’s totally okay. There’s only one girl I want to give a shit about me,” Jaebeom smiled proudly placing his arm around you in front of Yugyeom and everyone else at the party. He relishes in how comfortable it feels to finally be like this with you in front of some of the most important people in his life. Besides you of course.

You hummed in delight and nuzzled your head against his arm, into his shoulder, “She doesn’t just give a shit about you. She kind of loves you too.”

“Just kind of?”

“Nah with her full heart.”

#got7 fanfic #got7 smut #got7 #jaebeom #jaebeom fanfic

[flashbackharry]

You need sleep

Prompt 21

21.“You need sleep”

sorry couldnt sleep and ended up yearning. 

Masterlist:

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It was game night. There was never really a true schedule to game night. Usually it was whenever everyone had one too many drinks in their system and were down to play some games for too long before someone got particularly heated and then everyone would go to bed. Tonight the living room was filled with snacks and possibly every kind of alcohol you could name. You were at Harry's house, all his band mates were in attendance, and few other people you've met a couple times as well as some new faces.

The game you were all currently playing was charades musical edition. It was your turn and the artist you got out of the hat was Bob Marley, you tried miming smoking a joint and instantly everyone screamed a billion names at you, it was hard when you yourself were a little tipsy having about 13 people who were also drunk yelling incoherent things at you. You were about to give up when you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket.

“No showing us pictures on your phone” Someone yelled from the audience.

You ignored them because your sister was calling you. She never called for no reason. You picked up as you were walking out of the living room to go someplace quieter, paying no mind to the boos that followed.

You took a deep breath and answered.  

“Hello?”

“Moms in the hospital agai- are you at a party right now?” Your sister said, her voice going from grave to vaguely annoyed. That was her alright, ever the queen of passive aggressiveness.

“Yeah, believe it or not my life continues on without you guys, and is she okay?” You said, your heartbeat quickening.

She let out a huff of air before speaking again.

“She escaped the facility she was in and they found her 4 miles away in some run down part of the city, trying to check into a hotel under the name of Audrey Hepburn.” Your stomach clenched a little at the sound of the news.

“They gave her some sedatives but doctors are thinking it's only going to get worse from here. They didn't say that exactly because they're doctors, they kinda have to be optimistic but I could tell from their facial expressions.”

You didn't respond to her. Partly because you didn't know what to say. You took your mom in when things started getting bad 4 years ago, but once she tried setting your apartment on fire in the middle of the night, you realized you couldn't help her to the best of your ability anymore. So you checked her into a mental health facility and made your sister her health care proxy. She's resented you for it ever since, but you couldn't bear making life changing decisions on behalf of your mom, you just couldn't stomach it.

“Hello? Did you even hear a word I just said? God y/n, I don't have to call and keep updating you on her, I can just leave you in the dark but I'm sure you'd actually prefer that.” She said, her tone growing more and more impatient with every second that passed.

“Don’t say that, of course I care, what do you want me to say? I’m sorry?” You pleaded, tears threatened to spill from your eyes now.

“Forget it y/n, go back to your party.” And with that, she hung up.

You felt your insides tighten and suddenly it felt like you couldn’t breathe. You were full on having a breakdown in Harry's back patio. You sat down on the stoop and pulled your knees close to your chest. Trying to remember the breathing exercises you learned in therapy but when that failed you resorted to slowly counting the number of times you exhaled.

You heard the sliding door open and Harry walked over to you and sat down, worry laced his facial features but you could tell he was trying to mask it. He was your best friend after all, whenever either one of you were hurting, it was like a visceral reaction in the other.

“Missed you out there, they got the karaoke machine out.” He said softly. You closed your eyes and he was right, you heard the music playing in the distance, followed by a random off key voice.  

“Is it your mum again?”

Harry was well versed in your family drama. He knew you when you took your mom in, knew the physical and mental toll the role of being her caregiver was. You never got enough sleep when caring for her, always afraid she would do something while you were sleeping, until one night she did. It was Harry who encouraged you to check her in somewhere, pleading with you to do so, he was so worried she would end up being the cause of your death.

After the incident with your apartment happened, Harry took you in. He never formally asked you to move in, it was just understood between the two of you that that was what was happening. He helped you find a therapist, to help with anxiety attacks and insomnia you had. You didn't feel guilty for doing what you had to do, but God did your sister make you feel like the worst person alive.

You filled Harry in on the phone conversation you just had. He listened intently, never interrupting and holding your hand whenever you got to a particularly difficult part to talk about outloud. You didn't know whether it was the alcohol or the exhaustion that usually followed from having an anxiety attack but you wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and forget this all happened.

As if reading your mind, Harry stood up, grabbing your hand and murmured against your ear,

“You need sleep, let's get you into bed.”

Harry walked behind you and led you up the stairs, past the group of people still lingering in the living room.

“Were gonna call it a night but you guys have fun, keep it down a bit though.” Harry said to them. His friends began to woo after him, assuming you were going up stairs to fuck. It was hard to explain to them that you guys weren't a couple, you just had a connection so strong and went beyond the basic labels of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend''. Simply put, you were never gonna love any one more than Harry and the same went for him.

When you got upstairs, you walked into Harry's room instead of yours. He helped you get out of your clothes for the day and into something more comfortable. He dug into his drawers and after some rummaging he found an old band tee for you to wear. You took your jeans off, your bottom half in nothing but your underwear.

He turned around towards you and tugged at the shirt you were wearing and you put your arms up as he lifted it off your shoulders, frizzing your hair in the process. Goosebumps raised on your skin as the room got colder and Harry pulled the oversized long sleeve tee over you quickly, when your head emerged from the hole you both paused as you looked at each other for a moment. A small smile appeared from his lips and you returned it. He wrapped his arms around you, a tight hug, the kind you could feel deep in your bones. He walked you back towards the bed, never breaking the hug until you were both under the covers.

He pressed a kiss into your temple, his arms still wrapped around you. You couldn’t sleep most nights, and when you did, it was never for more than a few hours at a time. But when you slept in the same bed as Harry, you slept through the whole night. Rarely any intrusive thoughts, when you did happen to get them, Harry always reassured you you were safe and softly, he would soothe you back to sleep. You felt the way he cared about you in every crevice of your body, and you were so glad to love and be loved by him.

#Harry Styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles au #writing #one direction

[savrenim]

hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

#my life #my writing #ifmlam