#early morning conversations

[jomiddlemarch]

Reality has no place in our world

“Mom, stop. You can’t do this,” Rory said. She didn’t fold her arms in front of her chest or glare, two gestures Lorelai herself might have chosen to accompany giving an order, but then Rory was a better person that Lorelai would ever be and also, not nearly as accomplished at glaring; unlike Lorelai, she hadn’t spent the formative years of her facial expression life under the tutelage of Emily Gilmore and neither Luke nor Michel every gave Rory a hard time.

Rory didn’t look angry or exasperated or impatient. She looked a little frustrated, a little tired, and mostly, disappointed. Christ, it was so early, the sky still the dull dark of the moonless hour before dawn, and she’d already made Rory give her that look, the one that wasn’t a glare, and speak in that tone. 

“Do what? The cha-cha?” Lorelai shuffled a bit, shimmying a lot more. “Wake up before my alarm—check. Face the future without fear? On it—”

“You can’t leave Max. You can’t run away the day before your wedding,” Rory said. “You can’t do that to him.”

“No?” Lorelai said, as if she was going to add Try me or watch me or you’re not the boss of me, when it came out sounding like a real question and she was open to alternate suggestions, which as she said it she realized was, in fact, the truth.

“No. You can’t. Whatever’s going on inside your head, you can’t be that mean to him, to just leave. You can’t be cruel because you’re freaking out,” Rory said. “You’re freaking out, right?”

“So, I’m mean and cruel? Did you forget nasty?” Lorelai said, crossing her own arms in front of her. Someone ought to and it didn’t seem like Rory was going to. She carefully avoided answering the freak-out question, though it didn’t take a world-class genius to raise the hypothesis.

“I didn’t say any of that and you know it. This isn’t some cute rom-com, where you can ditch the guy at the altar and then there’s some montage of a roadtrip or a bunch of zany, over-caffeinated high-jinks,” Rory said.

“That sounds better than this,” Lorelai said. “A lot better. What’s the soundtrack?”

“It’s not. It’s not real,” Rory replied, ignoring her attempt at deflection. “You have to call Max. You have to talk to him, before you decide to do whatever you decide to do.” 

“I do?” They both heard the reference to wedding vows and Lorelai raised an eyebrow. Rory frowned.

“Don’t make this weirder, Mom. Call Max. I’ll get the phone,” Rory said.

“Okay. Fine. You’re obviously not going to let this go,” Lorelai said. Was she a little relieved that Rory had called out her imminent scarpering? Around 23% seemed fair. 

“I’m not,” Rory agreed. “You’ll thank me for it.”

“Don’t press your luck, kiddo—"

She called.

Max answered on the second ring, his voice the kind of growly that meant she’d woken him, which wasn’t a huge surprise because it was still hovering around 5 am. They didn’t talk for long. She asked him to come over and he said he’d be there in 20 min without asking any questions why, which was big of him given the time and date and she knew she herself would have expected some kind of explanation and probably would have taken more like 40 min to get to his apartment, because she damn well would have made a travel-mug of coffee even if she was heading over in yesterday’s jeans and the first tee-shirt she could put her hands on.

With only 20 min, she made a pot of coffee and put on fresh jeans. She didn’t change her tee-shirt. The coffee had been Rory’s idea. Lorelai recognized Rory was looking for other ways to keep her from bolting besides guilt and that coffee, naturally, was the best available approach. Lorelai sat at the kitchen table and waited for Max, letting Rory be the one to open the front door and then take herself off to Babette’s, since it was too early for anywhere else to be open.

“What’s wrong?” Max said, sitting across from her, a mug of coffee in front of him, untouched. Lorelai herself was also untouched, Max forgoing a hug or a kiss or even his hand on her shoulder or pushing back the loose hair by her cheek. She couldn’t be bitter about it, but she was, a little, even though she knew she was being unreasonable.

“Why do you think something’s wrong?” she countered, as if this would be some kind of ordinary sparring, like whether Al’s food could ever truly be called Chinese or if Brandy was a good name for a dog.

“Why do I—it’s 5:23, you called and asked me to come right over. There’s no good news you deliver that way,” he said, pretty calmly given that he could well be deeply frustrated, annoyed or outright enraged at her dancing around. He hadn’t even gotten to see her cha-cha.

“Maybe I do, maybe that’s something you don’t know about me—”

“Lora, enough,” he interrupted and she couldn’t have said whether it was hearing the nickname only he ever used or the brevity, just two words, or the tenderness in his voice, in his tired, dark eyes, but something in her broke.

“I don’t think I can marry you,” she said.

“Okay,” he said. “Why couldn’t you wait to tell me?”

“Okay? Okay?!” she repeated, screeching if she were being honest with herself, which is what this whole thing has been supposed to be about. 

“I didn’t mean I was happy to hear you say it. It was an acknowledgement, nor approval. Why couldn’t you wait until actual morning?” he said.

“I wasn’t planning this.” She took a sip of her coffee. It wasn’t as good as Luke’s but that was nothing new.

“You weren’t planning this—” he paused, looking at her with a degree of acuity that made her want to flee. Or squirm. She gripped the handle of the mug and hoped it wouldn’t break off in her hand. They sat there for like forever or 47 seconds, she couldn’t be sure. “This wasn’t your idea. This was Rory’s idea, us talking, she’s the only person you’d do this for—”

“I’d do it for you—”

“No, you wouldn’t,” he said. “You were going to leave. You were going to leave me a day before the wedding.”

Well, she’d known he was intelligent and good at reading her and quick, so fucking quick, that was why she’d fallen in love with him—

“Were you going to write a note? Call?” he asked. Lorelai sat, feeling lumpish and pathetic and all betrayal-y, and didn’t say a word. Max closed his eyes for a moment and let out a breath. “You weren’t going to do anything. You were going to run away and someone else was going to have to tell me. To deal with everything.”

“Sookie would’ve called you,” Lorelai said. She tried not to mumble, though she really felt like mumbling, more than she’d ever want to mumble in her whole life.

“You’d have called her from wherever you went,” Max said. “She’s making the wedding cake.”

“Five tiers,” Lorelai said. “All buttercream frosting. She has a thing against fondant.”

“It tastes like shit,” he said. It was quiet between them, so quiet a bird could have twittered or sung its cute little morning song so they could share a smile or the eye-part that went with a smile without actually moving their lips, but it was quiet and she wondered if Max would get up and walk out. 

“What’s wrong, Lora?” he said softly, which was a far cry from stomping out or shouting or making a snide, sarcastic remark about her, which were all the responses she would have expected from the other men in her life, Luke, her father, and Christopher respectively, and for the first time, she felt her eyes fill with tears.

“I don’t think I can do it. I’m not—you won’t want, I, I didn’t look at my dress every night,” she said in a rush.

“Is that a thing? Looking at your dress every night?” he said.

“My mother says it is.”

“But you think she’s wrong about almost everything,” he said. He made a good point.

“She said she wanted to, that’s how she knew she wanted to get married,” Lorelai said.

“Maybe that’s not how you’d know,” Max said. “In fact, I would bet good money that it’s not how you’d know, because I know you like your dress but it’s not even a distant second to coffee in your regard.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Lorelai said.

“Have you ever thought you don’t have to? That we don’t care about each other because it’s something we deserve, but because I want you and you want me?” he said.

“You don’t want me,” she said, before she could think twice, could stop herself or figure out something that would come after, some explanation about how there was a much better woman out there for him and he shouldn’t get derailed by her. She didn’t want to be his trainwreck.

“Don’t tell me what I want,” he snapped, then rubbed his face with his hand. “I’m sorry, this is hard. But I know what you expect. You expect me to walk out, plus or minus lashing out at you first.”

“What—”

“It’s what Christopher does. He leaves. It’s what Luke does. He walks away, he shuts down. It’s what you father does. He scolds you and he stalks out,” Max said. “Lora, I’m not going to do that.”

“But why?” she said. “Why not?”

“Because I love you. Because if loving you, I need to leave you, I’m not leaving like that,” he said.

“I was going to,” she said, almost under her breath.

“I know. But you listened to Rory and she wouldn’t let you,” he said and then he scrunched up his forehead in a way that was unfairly adorable. “She’s very insightful. And not here—is she next door at Babette’s?”

Lorelai could count on one hand the number of times Christopher had ever expressed concern about where Rory was, who was looking after her, or uttered a smidgen of praise that wasn’t of the generic “so pretty so smart” variety. 

“Yeah, she’s next door,” Lorelai said. “I still don’t think we should get married.”

“I know about Luke,” Max said. Lorelai suddenly understood the expression knocked over with a feather, though she didn’t know who was keeping feathers around for such a purpose. She felt herself goggle at Max and knew it was not her most attractive look, but needs must.

“What do you mean, you know about Luke?” 

“He hand-carved a chuppah for you to get married beneath. I can recognize when someone else cares about you. You never asked, but he must have,” Max said.

“Must have asked what?”

“He knows you’re not Jewish. He found out I am and he built a chuppah for you,” he said. “It sure as hell wasn’t for me.”

“You’re Jewish?” 

“Yeah,” he said. “My mother’s side. The side that counts. She was a Cohen before she married my father.”

“I had no idea—”

“I didn’t fall in love with you for your astonishing attention to detail and detective skills,” Max said. “I’m in love with you and I know Luke loves you and you love him, but are you going to throw away what we have when I’m not asking you to give him up?”

“What are you saying, Max?” Lorelai shook her head. “Despite what my mother thinks of me, I’m not…kinky.”

“Wow, that is a whole other conversation,” he said, laughing, which was not something she’d had on her bingo card for the discussion about breaking an engagement at the last minute. “I meant, you don’t have to stop caring about Luke, I don’t expect that. I don’t expect him to stop loving you—if there’s anything I can understand, it’s loving you. But not as a husband. Not as Rory’s stepfather—I want that and he doesn’t—”

“How do you know he doesn’t?” Lorelai said. It was the second time this night-into-morning that she’d said something that was intended as a challenge and realized she’d just asked a question of someone she trusted more than herself.

“Because you’ve lived here for over ten years and he’s never said anything, for all the breakfast, lunches and dinners he’s made for you. He’s never asked you out on a date or stayed for pizza or Al’s. He’s never been the one who ran out to the pharmacy to get Tylenol when Rory spiked a fever or needed posterboard for a school project at the last minute,” Max said. 

“Rory has never needed a school supply at the last minute,” Lorelai said. 

“He’s never made the cupcakes for the bake sale. Sookie did that and she still does,” Max said. He pushed his coffee mug away and left his right hand palm up on the table top. She’d held that hand, felt it cupped around her cheek, pressed against the small of her back and the curve of her ass. It was unclear whether she’d ever touch him again and she wished she could read the future in the creases and lines being picked out by the early morning sunlight. 

“Look, I’m not telling you you have to marry me and it’s not a contest and it’s not a guilt-trip. I’m only saying that I love you and I think you love me and what you’re worried about, about needing to choose, about not caring in the right way, the right amount, I think it’s bullshit. It’s partly your mother’s fucking bullshit and some of it is societal expectations and some is your own stuff going back to Christopher and the teenage rebellion that turned into being a teen mom. I want you to be happy, to do what makes you happy, but I want you to know where I stand. What I can live with. You’ll never stop loving Luke and Christopher will always be Rory’s father and I am okay with that, with all of that. Because I fucking love you, Lora.”

“I love you too,” she said. “But maybe, I don’t know if it’s the right way—”

“When has doing anything the right way ever mattered to you?” he replied and she had to laugh because it was true and because he understood her enough to know it and say it.

“I’m not sure it’s enough,” she said.

“What is enough? Is a thousand yellow daisies enough? Is agreeing to call me at 4:53 enough?” he pushed. “This isn’t a rom-com, it’s real life. And we’re not both sixteen, we’re adults. Let me ask you, why did you call me today? I know if was Rory’s idea but you did it, you could have refused, you could be driving to God knows where right now—”

“I wanted to,” she said. “I wanted to hear your voice. I didn’t call because I felt like I owed it to you. I’m not that good a person.”

“I want to talk to you first thing in the morning,” Max said. “I don’t ever want it to be too early.”

“What about too late?” Lorelai said. She’d done a fair job of royally fucking things up for all his protestations to the contrary. The caffeine and sun might be hitting him, he might think twice about sticking around.

“No such thing,” he said. He didn’t move, so she let go of her coffee and put her hand in his. “But maybe you want a new dress?”

“I can’t get a new dress the day before the wedding, Max,” she said, already thinking of that sweet little number she’d seen in a consignment store window in Hartford, all nipped in waist and Givenchy New Look attitude and the look Max would give her if she were walking toward him in it. She thought of Max watching her come closer and Luke watching her walk away until she was in the shadow of the chuppah he’d built. She thought it was impossible and that she’d heard worse ideas and not just from Kirk on any topic.

“Says who?”

She wore the new, second-hand dress.

Max stomped a glass wrapped in a cloth napkin in lieu of a rabbi. 

She didn’t take his name. In the receiving line, Luke kissed her cheek and called her Lorelai. Cutting Sookie’s masterpiece (Every tier a different flavor! Homemade quince preserves! Candied white violets!), she didn’t notice the weight of her wedding ring, but she couldn’t look away from the gold band on Max’s hand.

When she woke in the night from a dream full of dread, regret, the terrible mixture of mistake and failure, that hand lay gently on her hip and when she grew too tense, he murmured what’s wrong, Lora and then she could go back to sleep.

#gilmore girls #gilmore girls AU fic #lorelai gilmore/max medina #romance #angst #rory to the rescue #sookie st james #christopher hayden #luke danes #early morning conversations #there is coffee of course #domestic #fix-it fic #wedding dresses #max lays it on the line

[veliseraptor]

sometimes fandom seems to struggle with the concept that...people can be kind/"good people" in some situations and very very not kind/not "good people" in others.

I feel like there's this urge to either write off the positive behavior as "fake" or to find a way to ignore/explain away/write out the negative behavior. and I personally find this really really irritating in both directions, actually

#the really bitchy addition to this post i'm leaving in the tags: it kinda makes me wonder if they've ever met real people #this isn't just about villain police stuff either #but it's not not about that either #mostly it's just. characters can be more than one thing depending on the situation #just because a character kills somebody doesn't mean every time they're nice it's totally fake #and conversely: just because somebody does good things doesn't mean they can't also have taken very harmful actions #anyway. irritable early morning post i might regret later #lise's aggressively bitchy opinions about irrelevant and unimportant matters

[queenlucythevaliant]

harder than you think

i. When the Narnians stole Edmund away from beneath the Witch's blade, they told him he was safe. This wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either.

ii. They brought him to the Stone Table. It was night. Edmund doubted very much that he would find safety there, for he still recoiled at the name of Aslan. He slept fitfully and woke the next morning before the sun was up.

iii. A sliver of gold just beyond the tent flap captured his attention, there in the dark. Unaccountably, Edmund felt the urge to rise and go towards it.

iv. And there was Aslan, who was supposed to be fearsome, supposed to be dangerous, supposed to be powerful, and he was he was he was. Dimly, Edmund felt himself hitting the ground.

v. But then Aslan said, “Come, Son of Adam. Let us walk a while, and reason together.”

vi. And as they walked together, in the cool dewy grass of early morning, the Lion told Edmund everything that he had ever done.

vii. They were standing in front of the Table when the conversation turned. Aslan spoke a riddle of a house blasted into rubble which he would piece back together overnight. He spoke of flesh being pierced, blood being shed, and of rejected stones being used for new foundations. He spoke about water welling up forever, washing you clean of everything you ever did wrong, all the blood that you ever thought of shedding, everything you ever tried to steal, and a river that carries you home when you can't walk anymore and spits you out brand new when it reaches the sea.

viii. Edmund's head swam. Silently, he yearned for the wisdom to understand what he was being told; or, failing that, at least to remember it for as long as it took him to puzzle it out.

ix. And then, the Witch. Then, the battle. The thrones. A year passed, and winter came. In its time, it melted back to glorious spring.

x. “Edmund,” said Lucy one day. “There's something we need to tell you.” She and Susan were cloaked in springtime gossamer, like fairy queens in poems he only half remembered. They sat on the window seat in his study, holding hands white-knuckled: his two beloved sisters.

xi. “It's about Aslan,” Susan said. “And the White Witch, and how he made her renounce her claim on your blood. The night before Beruna, he went back to the Stone Table.”

xii. “He let her kill him,” Lucy cut in. “Instead of you. And then, because he hadn't done anything wrong, the Emperor's Deeper Magic brought him back to life.”

xiii. “We've been arguing all year about how much to tell you,” said Susan wryly. Then, a little gentler, “We don't want to hurt you, but we feel you ought to be told what he did for you.”

xiv. And Edmund, who had never forgotten what Aslan told him on that cool, dewy morning before the sun came up, shut his eyes and whispered, “I know.”

xv. I know, he said. I know that he died. I know that he did it for me. I know he lived again because I saw him the next day, and the next, and the next. I think I know what it means - or at least, I know the shape of it.

xvi. “Oh,” said Lucy. “We should have realized that he would have told you himself.”

xvii. “Yes. But please, tell me the story all the same.”

#finally returning to this little character study series thing #I really like this one #bc Edmund pretty clearly knows about Aslan's sacrifice in later books but as of the end of lww the girls are still debating #what if anything he should be told #and like. imo that was what the early morning talk was #the gospel presented in that Jesus-y way where he's like 'this is all gonna make sense to you in a little bit once it gets fulfilled' #in addition to some of the more specific stuff about Edmund's specific sin probably #in my head the closest parallel for that conversation would end up being the magician's book with lucy #anyway #this whole series is being posted together on ao3 just so you know #narnia #the traitor who mended #reading fairy tales again #pontifications and creations #leah stories

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

btw! You were talking about your multi shipping and some secret rare pair. I've been in suspense ever since. What's the pair anyway? Or are you in the middle of making a chart? I'm just real curious

oh lmao did i not say what it was? it's not some 'oooh ahhh' thing i just had a Cute Thought and went "yeah i can dig that!". its simply Niche!

first i was thinkin "aw, yk Barnaby/Eddie is kinda cute" and then immediately went "wait ohhhh established Laughingstock but they fold Eddie into the relationship" and yeah <3

#just a silly little ehee aha fun little Thoughts #barnaby & howdy having a good ol time trying to drop hints & court ed <3 #i have taste i Swear #ok thats i lie i can enjoy practically anything but yk.... #its cute!!! its Cute!!! #eddie and his tall silly guys! #barnaby and his hard-working chatterbox boys! #howdy and eddie and their laidback hound!! #rambles from the bog #im imagining them reclining against barn after a long day's work #chattering endlessly while barn just sits there in peace. listening of course! chiming in when able! #i feel like howdy and eddie Getting Along or in a Romantic Relationship would be unbearable #they both talk so much... it'd be an endless feedback loop yk #but barnaby has big ears to track both sides of the conversation!! #and if they all move into barnaby's place #im picturing... howdy and eddie having quiet early mornings together before walking to work arm-in-arm <3 #but yeah yeah... #romantic pairings aside i Do think that barnaby & eddie have a lot of friend potential! #and i want howdy to get the fuck over his one sided rivalry (kidding! i love it! its one of my favorite things!) #so that he and eddie can just talk endlessly at each other. i think they could get along as well - howdy willing of course #oh i feel character dynamic analysis brain waking up #bc genuinely i think eddie Does want to be pals with howdy #which makes sense! theyre the only working neighbors! Camaraderie! Understanding! Solidarity! #and i feel like that came across a liiiiitle bit in his shared audio with howdy #but howdy's got a stick up his ass (said lovingly) hE tALkS yOuR eAr OfF #*proceeds to talk nonstop at barnaby for the next hour* #howdy: he's trying to steal my place in the neighborhood. he's mocking me. he thinks i don't work half as hard as him #(cut to eddie smiling and waving at howdy from afar - genuinely happy to see him) #ANYWAY DERAILING MY OWN TAGS AGAIN SORRY #yeah i just think its a cute thought to entertain when im bored! its not serious just Fun

[fizzytoo]

baby talk

#ts4 gameplay #sims 4 gameplay #postcard legacy challenge #their bedroom in the new house is so warm :( #danny's bedside table has his phone / an alarm clock / and a succulent #he also keeps the book he’s currently reading on the bottom #rosie's has an empty mug w a tea bag / a trinket dish / and her water bottle #this conversation happens in the early morning before danny heads to work #rosa has been up listening to a teenage adrien move about the house as he prepares for his day and she realizes that she wants more kids #postcard: gen2 #queue #sim: rosa han #sim: danny avagyan

[endgame-steve-is-not-real]

alpine being one of those cats that doesn't like their owners partners. constantly scratching steve, screaming at him when he tried to kiss bucky and when steve and bucky are cuddling? instant death for steve. steve is a sweetheart and tries to buy earn the effection by treats and gifts but nope alpine isn't a dumb cat bffr.

#steve is all like buck buck i hate this cat but then bucky catches steve and alpine in a deep conversation one early morning and #steve is still being teased about it to this day ✋😔 #anyways i love stucky and their beloved cat #and bucky loves his annoying ass boyfriend and bitchy cat<33 #stucky #stevebucky #steve rogers #bucky barnes #alpine #steve and bucky #bucky x steve #steve x bucky #steve/bucky #wht

[paperglader]

ok so we have one job this banner and one job only, which is to get jingliu in like 3 pulls, alright? last week i did not play cause ✨academia✨, I spent the last banner getting acheron 3 times and not getting her light cone in spite of endless pulling… I am not willing to spend a single dime, and yet with delusion as my only guide, I believe I can get this done. We have to manifest people. We have to make things happen, ok?

I am getting jingliu early.

I am getting jingliu early.

I am getting jingliu early.

reblog so that we all get jingliu early!!

#we are going against the odds here people #we are the underdogs #the F2P players #we have to make this happen #we will not let the system win #by the system I mean gacha but I also mean academia #always assume my endless fight to be against academia #the 1 enemy of the people #ok I’ll shut up I’m just very tired and delirious as usual but more cause I was forced into an early morning #and I have sleeping problems so yeah #but now it’s nap time so💕 #ok bye #no one read the tags pls 😂 #this is a private conversation between me myself and I #unless it isn’t #and if so… hi #honkai #honkai star rail #jingliu #acheron #hsr

[swirlwalker]

Long stretch before starting the day

#sth #swirlwalker art #shard the metal sonic #ibispaintx #did this on phone while theres a long early morning conversation between my parent and the store keeper #i miss posting sth arts here... may come back once other things are done on my end

[highspeedhighcarbon]

MAYBE HE SHOULDN’T GET THAT SECOND IN THE SPRINT THIS IS THE SECOND TIME NOW THEY WILL SAY HE IS A SPRINT MERCHANT LIKE THAT GUY

#in da head (motogp) #I’M NOT READY FOR THAT CONVERSATION #KILL ME I’M DONE #ITS EARLY MORNING FOR ME ITS KINDA HARD TO PROCESS EVERYTHING

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: March 26

"Songs About Rain" by Gary Allan

#song of the day #you might think that this is the opposite of 'Groovy Little Summer Song' but nope! closer to same because (drumroll) #they are one of the very best categories of thing: Country Songs About Country Songs #I love them. I adore them #'Songs About Rain' is one of the strongest and best examples of type I have (also 'Cheatin Songs' by Midland. impeccable) #'and it sure ain't easin my pain / all these songs like / Rainy Night in Georgia / Kentucky Rain #Here Comes That Rainy Day Feelin Again / Blues Eyes Cryin in the Early Mornin Rain #they go on and on and there's no two the same / oh it would be easy to blame / all these songs about rain' #what a gift. what a delight. legitimately hard to sing this song in a mournful voice because it makes me so damn happy #anyway as you might glean from how this is posting at 3 pm my time: my sleep schedule is /fucked/ #I did have part of the bad conversation with my boss on Monday (immediately followed by garden times #which so overtook me that I spoke only about the garden and good spring feeling in my song post. what a blessing the garden is) #but mostly what happened is I said 'hey it is technically possible for me to make this but it will not help it will not do anything useful' #and my boss said 'but you can make it' and I said 'yes but we shouldn't. it will be a waste of time' and she said 'make it by Thursday' #and I said 'I absolutely cannot make it by Thursday. if I finish instead this better thing I've already been working on--' #and she said 'no we don't care about that thing. make part of the useless thing. by Thursday morning' #and I said 'if I bring you part of the useless thing and part of the good thing and I directly compare them in front of you--' #and she said 'we'll look at whatever you have Thursday morning but it's the useless thing we care about' #so the meeting is scheduled and I'm going to plead for the life of my better thing and probably the best I'll get is permission to do both #which is. I mean the useless thing is going to be a time-waster for sure but at least it won't be actively detrimental to anything? #it'll be fine I'll make it be fine. the inherent problems of when your boss doesn't actually know what you do for them I guess :/ #(also maybe. maybe if it comes down to it. maybe I'll just make the good thing for myself and use it to make my own life better #and someday maybe they'll ask for a project that works and then I'll be able to dramatically unveil it but either way I'll benefit from it #hmm maybe yeah)

[hellsbroadcaster]

Being a good person doesn’t meant taking shit laying down btw.

Like I think just in general, people think staying quiet about how they’ve been treated to avoid ‘drama’ is the best solution and I’m telling you it’s not.

Absolutely be loud about it. Point it out. Confront them. How they react is out of your control but at least you said what you needed to say.

I’ve been shushed before. Someone who I thought was a friend really hurt me, betrayed me. It was like a slap in the face, and all because I was going through my own shit and didn’t have time to be there 100%.

And it sucked, how I kind of had to swallow my hurt. How a lot of my ‘friends’ knew it was shitty of them but because they didn’t wanna cause drama they didn’t say anything. No one did a god damn thing and it’s really something when you see an abuser get love and praise and be treated like they are this wonderful person when they aren’t.

And true, you can’t make everyone see it. I know they will eventually, and it’s not my job to point it out for everyone. And I won’t. But at that time? It absolutely hurt me, and I started to look at things differently. Look at people differently. And it left me shambles for a good while.

I would rant about it and people would ask me to stop. Or to tag it. Because they didn’t wanna see it. And that’s valid? But also? Why is it you can only accept me when I’m showing my good side? The side of me that’s put together and makes you laugh and keeps you entertained but when I’m hurting you want me to take it elsewhere.

Started making me look at ppl on here who only look at you like a number. I know we all are going through our own shit. I don’t expect ppl to drop everything and help me, I don’t expect ppl to care. If I vent it’s usually just for myself to let off steam and it helps . But yet, somehow there’s always someone that makes it about them.

Therapy has helped me a lot with creating boundaries. I realized a lot of the things that happened where my own fault due to, seeing the issues but not saying anything about them. And also how I make myself to readily available for people. I was there for that person for so much, even bought them food when they were hungry and couldn’t for themselves. I don’t regret it, I don’t regret caring or having a good heart. No natter what I never want to lose that side of me that gives a damn about people.

I do the things I do because I’ve been there. I offer a safe space , a fun space for you to be yourself . Because I know what it’s like to have to hide. Show ppl how to love themselves because I had to learn on my own. I am an empath, I feel everything and I sometimes go overboard because I don’t have the proper boundaries set up. But I’m much more aware now. Learning and trying to be more effective in my communication.

But it makes me sad when you do call out bad behavior and instead of people looking at themselves and saying ‘you know I’m sorry I did screw up, I’m going to do better’ they deny. They gaslight you. They bring up everything YOUVE done wrong to them instead of acknowledging what you’re bringing to their attention. Suddenly they are the victim and you’re the bully being aggressive because they can’t tell the difference between an aggressive tone and an assertive one.

And it sucks that you’ll deal with people who can’t see anything past their own pain. Cuz there is no dealing with that, that’s shit they gotta work on and unfortunately they gotta be willing to look at themselves in the mirror and start seeing the truth.

We all got flaws. I had to look myself in the mirror, and see a lot of things I didn’t like either. Things that needed changing. That’s maturing. Recognizing you’re not perfect, that you do fuck up, and being willing to accept and change it.

But a lot of ppl on here not ready for that. And the moment I’ve started my healing journey I’ve lost a lot of people who aren’t built like me. Whether it’s because I make them see things in themselves that they don’t like, or think they can’t ever be or what it’s not really my problem anymore.

I’ve been stagnant for so long, I want things out of my life and for the first time in my life despite setback after setback I feel like I finally start getting them. I can respect people who aren’t ready to heal, but I can’t stay in those situations anymore. I wish you luck on your own path, but I’m done putting myself on hold for others all the time.

You’re not wrong for wanting to hold people accountable. There are always limits of course. Say your piece and be done, don’t keep adding fuel to it. How they react remember is out of your hands but you did what you needed to do. People say closure is pointless and I say you obviously learned to just not act on your discomfort and just bottle it up and to me that’s sad.

Because we shouldn’t have to do that for the sake of someone’s comfort who had no regard for ours.

And I am confrontational. I’m a nice person but I will come to you with an issue if there is one. And there’s nothing wrong with that, one mistake doesn’t make you horrible. Makes you human. Changed behavior means you’re growing and learning. It’s not a bad thing and I wish tumblr would stop viewing this stuff as bad. Because it’s so important to be able to grow and it’s why so many people suck because no one is really trying to do that.

#we gotta be able to learn how to have difficult conversations without it seeming like an attack on your character #not everyone is about you not everything is that deep #if someone is taking the time to tell you how your actions or words made them feel? #just listen to them #because it’s not for nothing #sorry I JUST #I saw something on Twitter that really just #got me in my feels for a sec #it’s early in the morning and I’m awake #but I feel good #cuz this person used to stir up so many negative feelings but #it feels nice to talk about it and not feel weighed down anymore #⌜off the air⌟ . // ooc #tbd. #I’ll delete in a bit

[lisbonsteresa]

oh ok 😵‍💫

#once again it's hers and his once again it's (almost) pink and blue oh i'm going crazy over this actually; so many questions #i'm like 95% sure he bought the nightgown (i mean he bought her two whole outfits so i would not be surprised) #(and we have at least two other instances of lisbon wearing something different to bed....the change from s3 to s7 though aldsfkj ok sluts) #but when did he buy his pjs? only after they got together (and he started sleeping in a bed consistently oh now i'm sad)? #or has he always had them and just not really worn them because he usually ends up sleeping on the couch #and he bought the nightgown thinking (or at least on some level aware like come on how could he not be) that they'd match? #if he'd not fallen asleep on the couch would they have been wearing semi-matching pjs? #AND FOR THAT MATTER did he just fall asleep on the couch or did they agree on that arrangement ahead of time #(i'd have to assume the latter - surely this house has multiple bedrooms after all - but what IF-) #oh he's still wearing his scarf (fjafKLDS) he did just fall asleep (oh honeypie...) #(god imagining them fumbling around some version of a 'only one bed' conversation and lisbon noticing the pj matching #or jane waking up slightly after she puts the blanket over him and smiling at seeing her in the nightgown) #(or it not even being a nightgown; them having an agreement that jane would be in another bedroom/the couch #and lisbon ends up grabbing one of his pj shirts on impulse thinking she'd just change early the next morning but she comes downstairs #and drapes the blanket over him and he's still slightly awake and sees her in it and......oh the word doc is taunting me) #tm

[flickeringflame216]

Blessings!

#despite the horrors God is good and I must remember that at all costs #Sunshine #Early morning walks #Tea #Conversations with friends #Getting lots more done than I planned #Salad #Silly goofy TV shows with friends #The ability to cry. Not all tears are an evil and it hurts horribly rn but it's better than never feeling anything. #And lastly and mostly Emmanuel. God's with me always and that is a blessing on a whole other scale.

[jacksgrealish]

this has been bugging me so bad for months now but the whole camping out/queuing from early hours of the morning for gigs is so bizarre like when did that become a thing and why do so many people boast about it on twitter

#why are you queuing at 6am for a 500 capacity venue literally whenever you stand will be a good view #and for INHALER of all bands but do not get me started actually that’s a whole other conversation #but like firstly camping outside a venue probs isn’t safe and i see teenagers doing it???? #where are their parents??? #the only time i’ve turned up ‘early’ to a gig was once at brixton bc there was no trains so had to go to from epping and it was the only #time we would get a lift and we were probably queuing for like 3 hours #and another was we’d been in camden all day and had been round the market 50 times already so headed off to the venue at like 3 #but i would never queue from the morning?? #like even to get a good view standing in an arena i’ve never had problem just turning up at doors #like some girl saying it’s a job trying to control the camping queues girl you literally don’t have to do that #like you can just turn up at 6pm instead of writing numbers on hands or whatever ffs get a life #stacey speaks

[misterfudgelord]

1 AM musings

Friend 1: <Grover's mad quest to kill God> Why does this go so fucking hard Friend 1: Like this shitpost where Grover steals a Glock to kill God is biblical levels of story telling and moral Me: i just about had it when they got to the "he saw the birth of the universe and the heat death and couldnt tell the difference" Friend 1: Right? That is a cold fucking line Me: adding it to my repertoire hey Friend 1 i just had a really dumb fucking idea if like i have a terminal illness or some shit eat a shit ton of explosive material and tell my family to cremate me Friend 1: That is certainly a way to go You can indeed eat and pass C4 plastic explosives Me: it'll be interesting if there is a hell and i get sent there i'm not about to face the devil without attemping to gain the upper hand and i think that tannerite might just level the playing field Friend 1: Does killing the devil in hell warrant an even greater punishment from the Almighty or is it worthy of reward? For the devil is one of God’s divine creations, one of his best at that; and the fact God himself has not smote him implies he wishes Lucifer to live Me: I killed the Devil; I usurped his throne. There is no punishment for such an act. No reward. For what has God to fear but that which would face the Devil and want for his place? True evil has limits. I've surpassed them. Friend 1: Jesus Christ dude Me: But realize, God has nothing to fear. I killed the Devil for the Devil's throne; for the Devil's post. I do not take up a quarrel with God so as to supplant him: I do not want his post, for all it entails is antithetical to what I've sought. I took up a path to the throne of fire and brimstone, and there I sit. Higher than God. Friend 1: I once read a Tumblr writing prompt where God is talking to people who are in heaven, and asks them to pick a seven deadly sin to enjoy for eternity. Protag picks pride, God sighs, and he is cursed with the power to create a universe Me: Oh I know that one Me: Know, ye faithful, that God is sinful. To sin is to be whole, and to be holy. Only a being which sees itself as perfect could decree such and find the pride within itself to believe itself. The Devil is the only one to cast a stone. For the Devil is the only one without sin; that is his post. To be accursed with imperfection. For humanity was made in God's image, and humanity is sinful; so too is God sinful. But the Devil shall never be the whole that is to be sinful, and so must punish humanity for its sin. It is a cruel mockery of holiness, and yet, is a seat above all else. But surely not one to be content with. Jesus may have died on the cross for our sins, but the Devil is only sated for so long. Friend 1: Mfw the Jew has a much cooler take on Christian mythology Me: It has 0 bearing on my life so I have an unmarred perspective If the Jews are right then there is no hell and I'm going right up to chill with God and Satan (Satan is just God's lawyer) If the Christians are right then I'm going to hell and I get to kill the devil Friend 2: What if Dante is right What if Dante’s 7 circles of hell exist Me: Then I'll bring a car.

#god is dead #i could kill god #but i chose to kill the devil #by day this guy hates me but usually in the early morning we have deep conversations #1 am things #judaism #christianity #hell #heaven #you-met-god and tell-me-the-name-of-god vibes #random conversations #dante's inferno #why are you reading the tags lame-o (i would totally read the tags you're not a lame-o)

[puppy-the-mask]

Ok so i'm not usually one to watch horror movies right? I'm a pussy. Well my mom isn't and so has been on a MAJOR horror movie binge for the past couple months. I drift in and out of the livingroom while she watches and occasionally i'll sit and watch with her and damn, I think i'm starting to like horror movies. BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT BECAUSE THIS SONG IS A FUCKING BANGER AND IT WAS THE CREDITS OF THE MOST RECENT(?) SCREAM MOVIE

WHEN WE'RE YALL GONNA TELL ME HORROR MOVIES HAVE BOMB MUSIC?!?!?!

#It came on my spotify and reminded me it's awesome and i NEEDED to share Right This Moment #I don't like psycological horror or ones with children #*With kids getting hurt- tormented- or otherwise one of the main victims #but Slashers and stuff like Jaws or Cocaine Bear are my JAM #I can watch a monster or animal fucking people up just fine #just don't fuck with my head- I spend most of my waking hours during the night and early morning #casual conversation #Spotify