#dream has literally the exact opposite body issues that i do and yet somehow it's relatable...

[cuubism]

I tried to be creative for a hurt/comfort thing but you know what, I'm a very predictable creature of habit who likes what I like lol

A go-to headcanon of mine for canon or human au is that Hob's love language is providing food just as like, a caretaking thing. But of course Dream interprets it as Hob thinking he's ugly for being so skinny. 🥺

🤘five-and-dimes

@five-and-dimes this slots in well with math au so it had to be math au ☺️

--

"Dream?"

Dream doesn't realize he's drifted off mentally until Hob calls his name. It's possible he's called it more than once and Dream didn't hear. It must be some special level of dysfunction to be able to get so distracted during sex. All week he has thought about Hob, watched the play of his hands on his keyboard and wished they were on his skin, watched the flex of his arms as he ties his hair back, studied his mouth as he chewed on the end of a pen. Now he is here, and yet he's not. Here.

"Are you alright?" Hob continues when Dream just kind of keeps staring at him. "You're like. Not with me at all. I don't know where you are."

Dream doesn't know where Dream is either. Technically he is lying in bed with Hob kneeling between his thighs, and they haven't even gotten fully undressed yet. Hob's hands are still resting lightly on his hips, thumbs hooked under the waistband of his jeans. Dream is suddenly aware of just how sharp his hipbones are when he lies like that, the jut of bone visible through his skin.

He pushes himself up to sitting, dislodging Hob's hands. "I am fine."

"Sure," Hob says, not wholly convinced. "Long day I guess?"

Dream hums noncommittally.

"Want to watch a movie instead?"

"Yes," Dream says, though still distracted, "very well."

Hob moves away to grab his shirt, and Dream watches the flex of his shoulders, the strength of his back and bend of his neck. And he wants, and for a moment he considers saying, no, come back, I want-- but when Hob turns back to him it dies in his throat.

He puts on his own shirt, and Hob pulls him close, lets him settle between his legs, his back to Hob's chest, as he takes his laptop from the nightstand. "I heard about this one, supposed to be using maths to solve time travel. Figured we could watch and you could tell me all the ways they're wrong and stupid."

Hob knows him too well. "You have no confidence that the maths could be correct?" he says.

"Do you?"

"...No," Dream admits, and Hob laughs.

"It'd be no fun if it was right, anyway. Your commentary makes it way more entertaining."

Dream leans back in his arms as Hob boots up the movie, and then it feels easy again, comfortable again, as they fall back into their familiar pattern.

He doesn't know what was wrong with him before.

--

Dream likes to steal Hob's sweatshirts. He runs cold, but often forgets to bring extra layers with him when he goes places. Or perhaps he is intentionally forgetting to bring his own, so he can steal Hob's. Hob never seems to mind, after all.

And Hob's clothes are not so different in size to his own, they are almost the same height. Hob has broader shoulders than he does, but Dream never feels like he is swimming in Hob's clothes.

Except for now.

He's studying the way the sleeves of Hob's sweatshirt lie on his wrists, comparing it to the way they had looked on Hob's wrists when he had worn the same sweatshirt just this morning, before Dream had stolen it. Have his wrists always been this narrow? The jut of the ulna so sharp where the hem of the sleeve hangs? Has he always looked this bony, when contrasted with soft fabric?

"Hey, love, you hungry? I made you something."

Hob is standing before him, holding a bowl. He places it down on the table before Dream.

"Made me something?" Dream echoes.

"Dinner," Hob says. "You didn't eat anything today."

Did he? Perhaps not. He often doesn't, at least not until Hob reminds him. Which he often does.

"It's green curry," Hob says, pushing the bowl closer to him as if trying to tempt him to take a treat. "One of your favorites?"

Dream does not know if he is really hungry, but Hob is a good cook and besides, it will make him happy if Dream eats it, so he takes it.

Seeming satisfied, Hob gets his own bowl and sits down across from him, tucking in as Dream starts delicately picking at pieces of green bean and pepper, small spoonfuls of rice soaked in curry. It is, in fact, very good. He is just. Out of sorts, perhaps.

But he eats it, slowly, because he knows Hob will be happy. Hob is always happy when he manages to feed him. Perhaps Dream truly doesn't eat enough. Perhaps he is getting too bony.

He tries not to study his wrists as he holds the spoon.

--

Dream is... not having a good day. He doesn't fully know why. He often doesn't. Regardless, he's lying in bed, music blaring in his headphones, staring blankly at the wall, when Hob gets back from class in the evening.

He doesn't realize it's time for Hob to come back until Hob is creaking open the bedroom door, letting a sliver of light into the cocoon Dream's created. He says something, which Dream doesn't hear on account of the music he's blasting at maximum volume.

He takes out his earbuds as Hob repeats it. "Hey, love. You want some tea? A snack?"

Dream lifts his head to find that Hob's set down a cup of tea and a piece of toast with what looks like almond butter and honey on the nightstand.

"It's seven p.m.," Hob continues. Dream hadn't realized it was so late. He doesn't remember exactly when he laid down. "Have you eaten?"

He's sure Hob already knows the answer to that.

Dream sits up and takes the toast, as bidden. And then just. Stares at it.

Hob lays the back of his hand against Dream's forehead. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I don't know," Dream says. But he is not sick in the way that Hob means. He sets the toast back down and takes the tea instead, sipping it slowly.

"You don't feel warm." Hob lets his hand fall. "Should eat the toast, if you can. Do you want company, or should I leave you be?"

Dream swallows hard to clear the lump in his throat. Hob is... so tolerant of his oddities. "Company. If you can tolerate my silence."

"I can cope." Hob fetches his things, and soon enough he's sitting beside Dream in bed, laptop open. Dream leans against his shoulder. Hob's body is soft enough to be comfortable to lie against, while Dream's shoulder is... sharp. When Hob lies against him, are all of Dream's bones just jutting into him?

He sits up again, picks up the toast. If he ate enough almond butter toast he might not be so sharp-edged. But eating an amount of toast that hits even a baseline caloric requirement is already hard enough.

He eats it slowly and tries to pretend it doesn't stick on the way down.

--

When they were teenagers, Desire used to make fun of Dream for being too skinny. "It's all in the name of love," they'd sing, "just don't want you to end up alone, that's all." Then they'd poke him in the ribs--"You're so bony"--and start giggling.

It didn't help that Dream had jumped ahead two levels in school, and already felt gangly and awkward in comparison to everyone else in his year, who were invariably older. As years passed, he grew out of those awkward teenage proportions, but never lost his thin, angular frame.

Hob, for his part, still has a bit of youthful ranginess to him, but Dream thinks he will fill out wonderfully as he gets older. He does not know what will happen to himself.

What he does know is that Hob keeps trying to feed him.

He'll make breakfast for him, if he stays over. Even if Hob himself needs to run out the door to class with nothing more than a granola bar, he somehow manages to make sure there is something for Dream. He's always making Dream's favorite foods for dinner, more often than not foods Dream barely remembers ever mentioning. He brings him tea in a thermos when Dream is up late working in his favorite classroom.

Dream does not know what to do with this. He is finding it harder and harder to eat what Hob makes. He doesn't know what's wrong with him.

When he gets home from class, he finds that Hob is gone, but he's left an entire container of muffins on Dream's kitchen counter. Zucchini muffins!! the note taped to the lid reads. Very tasty and nutritious too!! ❤️

Dream stares at them for a long time, a lump in his throat. Then he closes the lid, carefully latches it so they won't go stale, and retreats to his bedroom.

--

Dream is straddling Hob's lap and he should be enjoying himself but he cannot. Stop. Thinking.

About how sharp his knees and ankles look. How Hob can definitely feel his ribs where his hands are laid on Dream's waist. About the deep cut of his collarbone, made more evident by the way he's wrapping his arms around Hob's shoulders as they kiss. Does Hob think about it? Does he look at Dream and wish there was softness to touch, instead of these hard edges?

"Dream," Hob says, still close enough that Dream feels his breath as he pulls away from the kiss. "Where are you, love? Because it's not with me."

It all feels so obvious when Dream thinks about it now. He got used to not thinking about his own body but it's impossible to ignore when he's pressed up against Hob, when he's only in his underwear. Hob has seen him, and touched him, and is always trying to feed him, and he would never say anything because he isn't mean but it must bother him, that Dream is so, is so--

"Do you think I am wrong?" he asks.

Hob just stares at him, thrown. "What?" he asks. "Wrong about what?"

"Wrong," Dream repeats. And suddenly he can't stand to be exposed like he is, and disentangles himself from Hob, reaching for the nearest article of clothing--which ends up being Hob's sweatshirt, the one he likes to steal. And so he ends up just holding it to his chest instead of putting it on, frozen.

Hob reaches for him, then lets his hands fall. "I don't understand."

"You want me to eat more," Dream says.

"I-- yeah? You barely eat one meal a day, of course I want you to eat more?"

Dream nods to himself, clutching Hob's sweatshirt closer. It all makes sense now. He doesn't know why he didn't understand it earlier. Or perhaps he did, subconsciously.

The wave of sadness that catches him under his lungs is more powerful than he anticipated. But at least now he understands.

"I don't know what conclusion you're making, but somehow I don't think it's right," Hob says. He reaches for Dream again, and this time wraps his hand around his wrist, slides down over the bones there until their fingers are tangled together. Their knuckles lock, bone to bone.

"I am hideous to you," he says, braced by Hob's touch enough to voice it.

"What?" Dream expects Hob to move away, but he doesn't, though he does sound... hurt. "How could you think that?"

"You think I should eat more," Dream says. Even as he says it, he feels himself curl inwards again, though it only makes the angles of his limbs more prominent.

"Yeah because you can't survive on one piece of toast every two days? I don't want you to starve yourself?" Hob sounds increasingly desperate as he says it. "Honestly you've been freaking me out, I feel like even when I make stuff you like you want to eat it even less."

"I... like what you make," Dream says quietly. He slowly thinks through what Hob's said. "I thought that... you felt I was too skinny. That you would be more attracted to me if I was not so... bony. And sharp."

He is very sharp-edged all around. And Hob already tolerates the sharp edges of his personality.

"Dream." Now Hob takes both of his hands. "Don't you know I was so attracted to you the moment I saw you? I wanted you so bad. And your attention. Your interest." He plays with Dream's fingers. "Look how beautiful your hands are." He cups Dream's face in his hand. "Your jawline is literally to die for. Modeling agencies would sign you."

Dream makes an expression of distaste at the thought, and Hob laughs.

"I know, you'd hate that." He kisses the tip of Dream's nose. "But the point stands. You're gorgeous." He runs his hand through Dream's hair, making it stick up all over the place. And the way Hob looks at him then makes any objection die in Dream's throat, makes him want to crawl into Hob's lap and press against Hob's body and let Hob do anything to him. "I mean, look at you."

A blush rises to Dream's cheeks. "So. You do not want me to eat so that I will gain weight."

"I want you to eat so you don't fucking die," Hob says, and something about the dramatic phrasing of it makes Dream laugh, and then Hob laughs, too, and pulls him close, pressing Dream's head into his shoulder.

"I am like a recalcitrant pet to you, then," Dream says, and Hob chuckles.

"Too right. You can lead a Dream to avocado toast..."

Perhaps... Dream might be better at being led. Now that he knows why Hob is doing the leading.

“I love you,” Hob says, kissing Dream’s temple. “And your ridiculous cheekbones, you angelic creature. You’re so incredibly beautiful.”

Dream’s blush only deepens, and he hides his face in Hob’s shoulder. Hob rubs a hand up and down his bare back, catching on the knobs of his spine. He holds Dream close until Dream’s embarrassment subsides and he feels able to lift his head again.

When their eyes meet again, Hob just smiles. “Can I show you?” He traces his thumb over Dream’s lower lip. “How much I want you?”

Dream nods, tongue dabbing at Hob's thumb. Yes, he wants. He wants Hob. And he wants Hob to want him, desperately he wants it, for Hob to think he is desirable, no matter how embarrassing it may be to feel that want.

Hob kisses him again, pulling him close so Dream is half in his lap, tangled up in him again. Dream chases his mouth. And each touch of Hob's hands over the hard bend of his hips or the sharp wings of his shoulder blades, just as passionate and determined as Dream could have ever hoped for, makes him feel better, until he's not thinking about the shape of himself at all, just the feeling of Hob's touch, and his own pleasure.

And, maybe, the tea Hob might make for him afterward.

#dream has literally the exact opposite body issues that i do and yet somehow it's relatable... #complex mathematics #my writing #dreamling #ask #five-and-dimes #wow this got real sappy at the end tbh #disordered eating

[linkspooky]

Toga Himiko’s Normal Life

Himiko looks like the most straight forward case of what pop culutre considers to be a classical sociopath / psychopath in My Hero Acadmia. Shigaraki, Dabi, Hawks were all groomed to become the way they were, but Himiko possessed a natural inclination towards blood and violence from the start. She seesm to be a natural born cold blooded killer, however in this meta I’ll argue that while Toga seems like the flip-side of a normal, good person like Uraraka, she’s actually just a normal girl herself. 

1. Character Origins

Volume sixteen of My Hero Academia had an official illustration included as an extra that shows the characters Twice and Himiko drawn together in an illusion to a famous Joker and Harley Quinn illustration. 

Now, I’m not going so far as to claim Himiko was based off of Harley Quinn, but one the league of villains and characters like Twice (and ReDestro) have made similiar references to the Joker before that especially with the quote “All it takes is one bad day”. There’s also enough similarities betweeen the two characters, they’re both the only female members of a crime syndicate that is mostly men, and dominated by men. Their backstories mirror each other, they were both relatively sane, normal, girls, until suddenly they cracked one day and became a total inversion of their previous presonality. There are enough similarities that I could use Harley as an example to explain a few of the important ideas present in Toga’s character. 

They are also both female characters who are written with love as the central concept of their characters. Harley’s origin as originally depicted in the comic and episode for the Batman the Animated Series “Mad Love” goes as follows: Harleen Quinzell was a psychiatrist working at Arkham. Eventualy she came to sympathize with one of her patients which triggered a transformation in her from well meaning doctor, to love-sick sycophant of the joker who broke him out of prison. 

A lot of Batman Villains have origins like this. The most comparable one is Harvey Dent. Proescutors, Doctors, we are told the people who hold these jobs are good and righteous people. Even Harley herself started out as someone who just sympathized with a patient too much. However, somehow they become flipped into the exact opposite versions of themselves. They go mad for lack of a better words. Harvey Dent who was once a symbol of justice, becomes nothing more than a murderer, and Harley Quinn goes from healer to the sidekick of a mad clown willing to destroy everything in the name of love. 

The question, asked in both Himiko and Harley’s stories is how can good people flip like this? 

Most people have a black and white view of these issues: good people are only capable of good actions, and bad people are capable of bad actions. It’s hard to swallow the fact that any normal person has the capacity to cause so much harm inside of them. 

We see similiar remarks in the background of Himiko’s story. Himiko comes from a good upper class family, she went to what was most likely a good school, she was always smiling and surrounded by friends. Everyone who comments on her sudden transformation reacts in a similiar way. “She was aways so cheerful and well-behaved, I still find it hard to believe.” She was always such a good girl, and good people don’t do those things. 

Normal people, good people, don’t have the capacity to do bad. That’s what makes the transformations so shocking. Therapists/Doctors are supposed to heal, Prosecutors are supposed to be just. And now we return to our old friend Jung. 

The story of Harleen Quinzell and Harley Quinn. The story of Himiko Toga the happy middle school girl and Himiko Toga the serial killer is a tale told over and over again, it’s just usually told with male protagonists instead of female ones. It’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. 

Robert Louis Stevenson’s The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (1886) is a late-Victorian variation on ideas first raised in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1818). Stevenson’s monster, however, is not artificially created from stitched-together body parts, but rather emerges fully formed from the dark side of the human personality. In the story Dr Jekyll, an admired member of the professional Victorian middle-classes, conducts a series of scientific experiments which unleash from his own psyche the ‘bestial’ and ‘ape-like’ Mr Hyde (ch. 10). Gothic fiction had examined the idea of the sinister alter ego or double before on many occasions but Stevenson’s genius with Jekyll and Hyde was to show the dual nature not only of one man but also of society in general.

“Man is not one, but truly two.”

Robert Louis Stevenson

Both cases are tales are transformation, of the monster coming from within. Himiko transforms from middle school girl into serial killer. Harleen Quinzell transforms into Harley Quinn. Dr. Jekyll becomes Mr. Hyde. We witness a transformation into a monster that seems the antithesis of everything that person was boefre, but was inside of them all along this works because of the jungian idea of the shadow. 

The shadow is the unconscious side of personality. The shadow is what exists but what we do not acknowledge. If our behavior during everyday life, choosing to smile, choosing to talk to people, choosing to use our manners is a mask then the shadow is the face beyond the mask. The conscious personality conceals, the shadow reveals. It’s the difference betewen who we are and who we choose to be. The shadow isn’t necessarily negative however. The shadow is just the repressed side of our personalities, it’s what we try to hide. 

The shadow plays a role in Harleen’s transformation. While it’s present in Mad Love as well, a recent miniseries ‘Harleen’ really dives into the Jungian symbolism. There’s even several similarities in common with Himiko’s story, for example there’s a scene where Harleen is shown watching the bat man beat up joker and notice how everyone is cheering despite the fact that it’s violent. 

Himiko’s interest in a boy is sparked by watching him get into a fight while everybody else is cheering for him. 

The cover page depicts the change between Quinn and Quinnzel as a crumbling mask, which is the exact same imagery used for Himiko. 

When she enters Arkham she chooses to depict Harley Quinn’s silhouette in Harleen’s shadow. Once again implying that the transformation is not so sudden and jarring as it seems, that Harley Quinn has always been there and is a part of her psychology the same way Mr. Hyde is inside Dr. Jekyll. 

The comic even points it out. Harleen, and also by extension Harvey Dent are people who claim to be “good, righteous people’ and yet both of them end up transforming into murderers. Two-face’s name is literally two-face.

There’s also one particularly Jungian sequence in the middle of the conflict. She dreams (dreams are unconscious and therefore the realm of the shadow in Jung’s theories) about the city of gotham as a place inhabited with citizens who are monsters wearing the faces of human beings. 

The idea is consistent throughout that Harleen is not really a ‘good person’ she’s merely repressed. She has had this capacity to be violent inside of her, this selfishness, all of these dark desires carried with her all along but rather than deal with them in any healthy way she repressed them until repressing them is no longer an option. Harvey Dent’s face gets half burned off, Harley’s skinn gets bleached by chemicals, the monsterous features inside of them are now worn on their faces and they have to wear their ugliness on the outside rather than the inside. They are now expressing every single thing they have repressed. However, the suggestion in both stories is that these are not special cases, that Gotham is such a repressed society that everyone is repressing the things they don’t like about themselves in that way. Harley fell in mad love sure, but love was just the reason, just the trigger, the truth is those feelings always lurked inside of her and she had no healthy way of dealing with them before that point. 

That is the shadow, it’s everything you repress but it never disappears. If you ignore it, it takes on a life of its own. In some cases, like Harley’s you basically become your own shadow. Harley is the flipped upside down version of Harleen Quinzel, now her inner demons are what are expressed on the surface (desperation to be loved, violence, etc.) while her ‘normal’ self is hidden under a mask of insanity. That’s in fact how she ends the comic, Harley qalking around while Harley is trapped on the other side of the mirror because they have basically traded places. Now Mr. Hyde is walking around, while Dr. Jekyll is hidden personality. But it’s important to remember it’s not something like a split personality, Harleen Quinzell and Harley Quinn were always two sides of the same person. Even when she starts expressing her ‘bad’ traits, the good traits don’t go away. They’re just hidden underneath the surface the way the repressed bad traits used to be. Because you’re not good or bad, you’re not one side or the other. You’re both at the same time. Man is not one, but truly two. 

So the complexity in Himiko comes from understanding that she’s BOTH a normal girl, and also a blood crazy yandere psycho. 

2. A Normal Girl - Uraraka Ochaco

Uraraka is a pretty standard shonen heroine. She’s a cheerful girl. She’s a supportive friend. She’s the embodiment of what you’d call a good, kind, person and doesn’t seem to be any more complex than that. She lacks say the drive to be a hero that Midoriya does, the superiority complex that Bakugo has, the emotional issues that Todoroki has. She seems to always be agreeable and in a cheerful mood. 

If you look just a little bit closer though she always seems to be walking on eggshells when she’s around others. She doesn’t want to join Deku and the others to try to save Bakugo from the heroes because, it might hurt Bakugo’s feelings. 

When she loses in the hero tournament, she apologizes to her parents crying not because she feels bad that she lost, but she feels like she failed them. Like it was her job to win and bring money home. However, when Deku comes to check on her in the room she’s already completely hidden her tears. 

Going into her backstory we learn that Uraraka is walking on eggshells around everybody due to her own parents, that she’s spent her life trying to be as small of a burden on them as possible because she could see the tired looks on their faces. She’s a child who felt guilty that her parents had to take care of her. 

So, for Uraraka her entire life is devoted to making herself seem as small and inconsequential as possible. Other people’s needs will always trump hers. Other people will always have more noble motivations for becoming a hero than she has. Other people’s emotions will always be louder and take priority over hers. Uraraka sees her own emotions and needs as mere trifles that get in the way, and so she always shuts them down. We see Uraraka as a version of Himiko, a high school girl who always appears to be cheerful and well-behaved but is merely repressed. 

Uraraka repeats the same unhealthy behavior as Himiko once did. Which is why Uraraka’s first meeting with Himiko goes with Himiko getting such a cold read on her. 

It’s helpful to view Himiko as the flipped version of Uraraka. Uraraka hides everything that’s pleasant about her on the inside, and on the outside appears like a perfectly selfless girl. Himiko is someone who hides her good qualities and instead wears the mask of a bloodthirsty psycho on the outside. While Uraraka lives by denying her selfish desires, Himiko always chases after them and is true to them. 

Traits that are repressed in Uraraka, are expressed in Himiko. Especially traits that society sees as bad in girls, like selfishness, being emotional, etc..

The way Himiko acts is especially jarring because she seems convinced she’s a normal person. She’s in her own little world, making friends, getting along with other people, it’s just her friendship just happens to involve stabbing. 

Himiko appears to be a girl psychotically obsessed with blood and nothing else. A girl who only cares about killing other people and chopping them up to bits. When she expresses the feelings deep inside of herself, literally no one can make heads or tails of what she’s saying, she doesn’t sound like a girl just a bloodthirsty monster. 

While Uraraka seems like she has nothing in common with what is essentially a weird serial killer, we learn that the exact behavior that Uraraka’s creation is what led to Himiko’s current state of mind. 

The difference between them is not that Uraraka is a person of higher moral character, or a better person, but rather of circumstances between the two of them. It’s not the choices they made but rather things they were born into and couldn’t control. Uraraka has parents that accept her even when she fails and encourage her. 

Toga had parents that  abused their daughter, and then abandoned her. 

Uraraka chose to repress herself, while Toga was forced to become repressed by her parents. While we don’t know for sure if it was physical abuse it’s at least emotional abuse, and it had to be to an extreme extent to make Himiko snap that hard. The same unhealthy behavior but push to extremes gets extreme results. 

3. Normal Girl - Himiko Toga

Himiko did not become the way she is because she was lacking empathy or born with uncontrollable urges for bloodlust, but because of the environment around her that always forced her to repress herself. From the knowledge that her parents would never love her for who she really was. Himiko wasn’t born that way she was a response of what was done to her. 

People who don’t really know Himiko always judge her this way, that she’s incapable of understanding other people, that she has no empathy for others. She’s almost literally labelled and dismissed as a one dimmensional yandere trope by the people surrounding her. 

However, Himiko is in fact always doing the opposite. She’s constantly trying to empathize with others. Her maddened way of talking to both Tsuyu and Uraraka in her character introduction is exactly that, her trying to feel that kind of connection. 

Himiko’s fascination for Uraraka is a desire for empathy and understanding. One that you could say even surpasses some characters on the hero’s side, because she’s willing to try to understand the world’s of people who are nothing like her. Himiko’s next most significant action in the manga is to take Camie’s place and go after the kids. While she does fight against them she’s not overly violent, just curious. Deku even reaffirms some of Himiko’s primary traits. 

Himiko is always talking a lot and trying to explain her way of thinking to other people, because she wants them to understand her. However, because she’s bad at communicating this tends to come off as babble and a lot of people completely dismiss what she says and don’t attempt to listen. 

She expresses two things one a desire to know Deku on a deeper level, immediately asking him very personal, and sometimes very downright invasive question and two she also notices the closeness that Deku and Uraraka have for one another. 

Once again this is a repeating theme for the league. Himiko repeats the same desire that Twice has, to become a person who is trusted in the same way. 

Once again it’s important to remember that Himiko is just the flipped version of a normal girl. If most people hide their bloodlust and show their good sides, Himiko hides her desire to be trusted and to empathize with other people underneath her bloodthirsty urges she shows on the surface. She positions herself as a femme fatalle, but she’s actually just a girl who’s trying to understand why other people are different then her, and why Deku and Uraraka can have a relationship mutually founded on trust when she can’t. 

Himiko’s past was so repressed she never formed real relationships with people. Not only that she assumes that nobody will want the real her, because the moment she flipped and the real her was exposed everybody in her life abandoned her and she had to run away. 

After her brush with Deku and Uraraka we see Himiko start to be trusted by her comrades and a marked transformation takes place in her. 

We see shades of the old Himiko. A selfish girl who only exists to fulfill her whims. However, we’re shown Himiko is capable of empathizing because not only do Shigaraki’s words get through to her. 

Himiko is also for the first time able to reach the emotions of another person. Remember when Himiko tries to explain how she’s feeling, she babbles, and babbles and nobody listens. However that changes and for the first time, not only does Himiko pick up exactly on what’s troubling Twice, she also comforts him the way he needs to be comforted. She tells him that yes it might be his fault that Magne died, but she sees that he’s doing his best to make up for it and she gently encourages him. 

Remember how important this is for Twice. The world has never forgiven Jin for his mistakes. He hit the wrong guy on accident, while obeying the law, and lost both his job and his home. He started stealing to make ends meet, and as a result he lost his mind. When he makes a mistake it always blows up in his face but this time, Himiko notices that she’s panicking and comforts him telling him it’s okay he’s made this mistake and he can still work hard to fix it. 

Not only that but she notices what the problem was with Jin, she was able to notice the symptoms of his psychotic breakdown and rather than dismiss it as just Twice being crazy was able to help him in real tangible ways by wrapping her hanky around him and covering him up like he asked. Uraraka has a very surface level kindness, she’s kind but only by walking around on eggshells with everyone. Himiko is able to see through people, but uses that to comfort people on a deeper level. 

The “Himiko just can’t control herself because of her quirk” narrative is something that Himiko rejects herself. Because that’s not what Himiko wants. Himiko doesn’t want to be special or different from other people. 

Himiko sees herself as normal, and what she desires to be understand and be understood by other people. She doesn’t like Curious’ narrative for her because it made her out to be a freak or someone special when Himiko is trying her best to get others to understand her as a normal girl. Himiko can’t repress herself anymore, she can’t become normal the way her parents taught her too so not permanently broken, and forced to always express herself she’s trying some other way. 

What she wants isn’t to hurt other people, not really though. Those thoughts just turn violence, because Himiko is herself a person who’s endured a lot of violence. Himiko is basically a child that’s been on her own living on the streets and surviving for years, with all the dangers that entails, and also people who can shoot lasers and punch things really hard chasing after her. 

The more she’s isolated and on the run, the more violence she endures, the more violent and unhinged her thoughts become. The more she’s exposed to people who accept her for who she is, the more she’s trusted by those people, the more empathic and sensitive Himiko becomes instead. Himiko’s desire isn’t violence, when she’s pushed to her utter limit she says what she wants is to become a girl like Uraraka who is just loved and trusted by others for who she is. 

And I genuinely believe at the core of Himiko’s character this empathic girl exists. Himiko becoming violent and unrepressed doesn’t mean her empathy disappears. The complexity from Himiko is that she’s both the knife wielding psycho and the normal girl who just wants to have friends at the same time. If behind every normal person there’s a monster lurking is true then the opposite is true as well, behind every monster there’s a normal person. 

This is an idea expressed by Twice again. One of the villains that Hawks dismissed as a bad person, was capable of showing him compassion and gentleness even when he screwed up. Toga was capable of empathy for Twice besides the use he had for others. Toga herself is shown to be capable of more empathy than Hawks, who is one of the most selfless characters in the series, and who is convinced his actions are always done in order to save others.

However we see their treatment of Twice is so drastically different. Hawks treats Twice in a selfish way refusing to listen to what Twice wants, and only ever used Twice as a tool to exploit. Twice himself thinks that now that he’s no longer useful, Himiko won’t be kind to him anymore however we see the opposite. 

Twice admits to Toga that he’s the reason that everyone is in danger right now and he completely failed, and he’s not going to come save them. He admits that he’s useless and Twice himself said Toga wouldn’t be kind to him anymore. However in that moment, Himiko ignores the fact that her life is literally in danger and everything is going to hell around her to comfort Twice one final time and tell him the words he needs to hear.

It’s literally the single most empathic moment of the manga, and it’s in direct contrast to Hawks’ behavior. A hero as devoted to saving other people as Hawks, who genuinely likes Twice as a friend doesn’t show him any empathy at all and even stabs him as the back. A psycho like Toga puts her own feelings aside and notices Twice’s feelings, and gives him comfort and thanks him in his final moment because to her Twice has value as a person beyond what his use is. That Himiko is capable of this kindness, but equally capable of her monstrous actions earlier in the series  is what makes her human. Her kindness doesn’t make her any less mosntrous, and her monstrous qualities don’t make her kindness go away she’s both at once, rather than either or. That’s where the complexity comes in. 

Toga is a very human character precisely because we see her at her most monstrous, and we see that girl slowly relearn how to express the kindness that’s always been inside of her in healthier non-stabby way. A normal girl who learned how to be a monster to protect herself. A monster who is slowly relearning to be a normal girl.

#himiko toga #jin bubaigawara #league of villains #league of villains meta #league of villains friendship #mha meta #my hero academia #my hero academia meta #my hero academia villains

[faroreswinds]

Dimitri in Silver Snow

I’m going to be honest here... and say I’m not convinced Dimitri died in Silver Snow.

I know, I know. Plenty of the characters treat Dimitri as if he died in SS, and if IS came out with a statement that said “Yup, Dimitri died” I will throw in my towel and never bring it up again.

But the reason why I say this, why I believe Dimitri may be alive, is simply by virtue in that there are a lot of details that do not add up. This isn’t new for 3H writing; alas, many things are forced in for the sake of “themes” or for certain events to happen because of “da plot”. Regardless, I would still like to go over them anyways. Because I do want to be proven right or wrong (don’t care which) because I really personally hate this mystery. 

1. We see Dimitri in his adult form

This could easily be chalked up as “the devs wanted to trick us” or “the devs just used a convenient model” and I can concur with that line of logic. But as it stands in-universe, the mere fact we see Dimitri as an adult in SS is highly suspect. In this version of Foldan, we never see Dimitri as an adult. We should have no idea what he looks like, and yet he appears before us in his black armor, majestic cape, and eyepatch.

Why would Byleth hallucinate or dream of someone if he doesn’t even know what he looks like? The simplest explanation at this point for this to even be remotely occurring that this is Dimitri’s ghost, coming to say a farewell before ascending into the afterlife. However, there are two issues that muddy this assumption, addressed in points 2 and 3. 

2. We never see ghosts in any other part of the game

I am sure anyone who reads this will instantly think to Sothis, but remember that Sothis is a special case. Sothis is literally part of Byleth. Her Creststone is embedded in Byleth and along with it, her consciousness. Even in the event in which the stone is destroyed, Sothis’ soul remains bonded to Byleth. And as a side note of this, let’s move on to a side note.

Side note: Does it strike no one odd that the only other time we may see a ghost or soul is with Dimitri? Plenty of other characters die, so what makes Dimitri so special? Why take the time to show off Dimitri? Why take the time to write and render that scene? It serves no purpose to the overall story. You can completely remove that scene and nothing changes. If that scene did not exist, we would just blissfully continue on with the narrative, believing without a doubt that Dimitri was dead. 

But the devs took the time to put it in there and purposely made it pretty vague. They purposely gave the impression that Dimitri may have survived, only to then make it seem like it may have all been a dream. 

3. Dimitri does not correct Byletth

This is a big one, but Dimitri does not correct Byleth when Byleth proclaims “I thought you were dead!” In fact, Dimitri basically says the opposite: That he somehow survived the battle. His exact response is “Yes... I thought so too.”

He thought so. Not that he did. He thought so. He even says he still stands. 

So if we assume that ghosts are not a thing in this universe unless attached to a Creststone, and that Dimitri is not correcting Byleth in this scene, then we can conclude that this is not a ghost or spirit of Dimitri. It either has to be a hallucination or dream (as briefly implied by Seteth), or Dimitri is still alive.

4. Dimitri calls Gilbert “Gustave”

Byleth should not know Gilbert’s real name in this route. The opportunity never presents itself. And yet, Dimitri himself calls Gilbert “Gustave”. Kind of hard to hallucinate someone’s real name if you do not know it. 

So, it cannot be a hallucination (in line with point 1), and therefore must be Dimitri’s ghost (which isn’t supported by point 3 or 2) or a living Dimitri. 

5. Seteth doesn’t exactly say it was 100% a dream or a vision

This is also crucial. When Seteth finds you sleeping, he remarks that he did not see anyone around. He asks if you were dreaming. Then, he remarks “I cannot say for certain if you were dreaming. But if someone did come here to see you, that person only wanted you to see their face.”

In other words, Seteth never sees Dimitri, but he cannot deny that you saw something. And whoever it was, only wanted Byleth to see them. 

The language here implies that Byleth did indeed see something. But based on the previous points, it could not be a ghosts because they never exist in any other part of the game for another human, and Dimitri himself states that he did not die. However, it could not be a hallucination because there should be no way of Byleth knowing what Dimitri looked like. 

So if it is neither ghost or dream, then we are left with one possible explanation: He lived, and everyone else simply believes he died. 

Now, I could totally be wrong and am missing some monastery dialogue that talks about how they buried his body or something. I am not perfect, nor do I have all the facts. But to me, this is the only remaining purpose for this scene. Like I said earlier, this scene serves no purpose in furthering the plot or providing background information. The only true way it has narrative purpose is if Dimitri survived. Remove this scene, and you remove any evidence that he is still alive.

As a side note, it is entirely possible that Dimitri just does not know he is dead. It could be Dimitri’s ghost, and it’s more like Sixth Sense in that he hasn’t been made aware of his demise. But this still doesn’t explain point 2 or even point 5 (which is purposely vague in stating that it may not be a dream).  

Frankly, I don’t like being messed with. I just want to know definitively, without any shred of doubt, that Dimitri survived or died. But if no answer exists in the game, then I will probably never get it. 

#Fire Emblem #3H #Dimitri lives #Dimitri #I cannot accept his death I'm sorry #IS treats his character like shit outside his route #My thoughts

[selfiealien-moved]

Together This Time

Read It On AO3

Tagging: @soccialcreature you said you wanted me to tag you when I finally wrote in this universe WELL THE DAY IS HERE

Words: 1,542

Summary: With every decision made a parallel universe is made. A world that is completely different just because of one single decision.

This time everything changes, when instead of just mentoring Keith, Shiro takes him in and fosters him.

This time Adam is there for Keith when Shiro is not. And this time he is there when he rescues Shiro. This time he’s there through every crazy space adventure.

Everything changes.

Or: The Multiple One Shot Rewrite No One Asked For But You’re Getting Anyway

This time, Adam tags along when the team finds the blue lion. Shiro and Adam talk.

A/N: So! This is a one shot set in my new universe. I’m doing my own fix it of sorts with the series. It won’t be a full story, because I frankly can’t put that on my plate right now but! I am going to write one shots, which will essentially be peaks into the story. Some will be centered on different relationships, platonic and romantic, and some will be more plot based. 

This one is Adashi centered, as Adashi is going to become a large part of the series and I needed to establish their place in the story first. If you have any questions about this au feel free to ask! Also sorry for any mistakes, I don’t have a beta and I wrote this when I was quite tired lol 

Anyways without further ado here is my first one shot in this universe Together This Time!

It’s not so much that Shiro doesn’t want Adam to come with them- quite the opposite really, seeing as he hasn’t seen Adam in years, or however long he was gone after the Kerberos mission (keeping track of time while in a prison cell is trickier than one might think) and he has missed Adam every single day since he left. 

The thing is, aliens are after him. Crazy as it seems, there are bloodthirsty aliens after him who aren’t too thrilled their champion (wait where did that word come from?) got away. And the last thing he wants is for Adam to get wrapped up in this.

Though really, he already was the minute he tagged along on Keith’s ridiculous yet somehow effective rescue mission. And there is the issue of Keith sensing some sort of energy, and Shiro already knows there is no way Adam will let well enough alone when Keith is involved. Because he would and is doing the exact same.

“Look, I’m going with you ok?” Adam tells him when Shiro pulls him aside. “We have no idea what these energy signatures are. If these aliens want it, it’s going to be dangerous.” His face softens for a moment, and Shiro can feel himself melt. “You’re alive, against all hope you’re here. I’m not letting you die now. Not when I can do something. You’re not leaving me behind again.”

And well, Adam always did know exactly what to say to get to him. “Adam.” He whispers, and they both know he’s won even if he tries to argue. “I- you know that’s not fair. Kerberos was-”

“-is ancient history.” Adam cuts off. “Look we can talk about this later, right now those kids- Keith needs us. You can complain all you want but I am coming with you.”

And just like that the argument is over and Adam breaks off from their whisper-shout-match to talk to Keith.

They’ve gotten closer since he’s been gone, Shiro notices. Keith and Adam had gotten along fine before, but they seemed actually close now. Which actually raises more questions like, why is their foster kid in a shack in the middle of nowhere rather than back home with Adam? What happened while he was gone?

They’re out the door before he can ask, and he doesn’t get the chance to ask before they’re in some sort of alien lion shooting off to who knows where. Because that’s Shiro’s life now apparently. Just one roller coaster after another.

When Lance asks if they should enter the portal, Shiro looks to Adam first. As if understanding his unsaid question, Adam brushes his hand against Shiro’s and nods. And next thing they all know they’re going through a portal and Shiro wonders what deity he pissed off to fling him into this situation.

It isn’t until much later, after a run in with a space princess, some space mice and a royal adviser, some revelation about a great destiny about lions and voltron and a space battle, that they actually get to talk.

Adam comes to Shiro’s room after everything has died down, because they need to talk damn it and Shiro isn’t getting out of this one.

“So I guess this is the part where we actually act like mature adults and speak to each other.” Adam speaks first because of course he does. He always was better at this... feelings thing than he was.

“I guess so. Where do we start?”

“I don’t know, pick a subject.” Adam rolls his eyes fondly.

Shiro sighs. “I guess I should start with saying I’m sorry. You were right. Kerberos was...definitely a bad idea.”

“It being a bad idea is not why I didn’t want you to go, you know that. At least I hope you do.”

“It isn’t?”

He laughed incredulously. “No you idiot! I didn’t want you to go because I wanted to spend what little time you had left with you, not the body bag they were inevitably going to be carrying back!” Adam’s voice rose slightly and Shiro cringed. He had really messed up hadn’t he?

“I didn’t- I didn’t want you to see me die.” Shiro admitted weakly.

“What?” Adam said his voice nearly a whisper. He had clearly not expected that answer.

This time it was Shiro’s turn to raise his voice. “I was already deteriorating enough. I didn’t want you to have to see me when it got worse. I didn’t want your last memory of me to be me withering away in front of you!” 

“And I didn’t want my last memory of you to be your back out the door but I guess we don’t exactly get what we want do we?”

“I guess not.” Shiro replied childishly, crossing his arms and flopping gracelessly onto his bed.

Adam took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes, Shiro remembers that look. The first time he ever saw it was when they were still teenagers and he somehow managed to get Shiro out of two weeks of detention. 

For a prank that Adam had helped him with thank you very much so he had no right to be looking at him that way when he was equally as wrong but also that was legendary work thank you Adam.

It was the look he got when he was exasperated with you, but not angry enough to walk away. He missed that look.

“I missed you.” Shiro says before he can think.

Adam looks up and slowly puts his glasses back on with a sigh. “I missed you too, Ta- Shiro but-”

And good god that sounds absolutely wrong. 

“Takashi.”

“What?”

“It’s always been Takashi for you.” And he can’t quite get out the ‘please never change that’ or the ‘it feels so wrong to hear Shiro from you now, so please don’t’ or the ‘please still love me’ but he hopes Adam can hear what he doesn’t say.

He thinks he just might, because Adam replies with the first genuine smile Shiro has seen from him since he was rescued. It’s not particularly wide or bright, but its there.

“Alright. Takashi.” He says as though trying the name on again, and the smile widens ever so slightly. And this time Adam can’t think of what to say so he just says. “I think I still love you.” There is no ‘i think’ about it, but he can at least retain a small bit of pride this way.

“I thought you weren’t going to wait for me.” It comes out a little choked and it is absolutely because it is dusty in here and not at all because he’s trying not to cry.

“I wasn’t, but I guess I was wrong. Didn’t help too much that you know, died. And I had a kid to watch over.”

There was a lot to unpack in that sentence, but Shiro started with more neutral territory. Keith. “What happened after I- you know. Was pronounced dead? Why wasn’t Keith back at our- your place?”

Adam’s face scrunched up in frustration for a moment. “He’s as bull-headed as you that’s why. He ran off when the news broke. I found him at the shack, he said it was where his dad raised him. Rather than force him to come home and potentially ruin any chance of keeping in contact with him, I let him. I checked on him whenever I could, I brought him the basics, ya know food, water, clothes.”

Shiro really did not feel like arguing, so he ignored the obvious flaws in that plan. “You guys seemed closer.”

“We are. We had a lot of time to talk over the past couple years. Mostly talked about you though admittedly.”

Shiro chuckled. “Should I be worried?”

“Oh definitely.” This time they both chuckled.

They sobered quickly, and there was silence. But not the uncomfortable overbearing type of silence. It was the kind of silence between two people who didn’t know where to move next.

Literally and figuratively.

Shiro hesitantly reached out to take Adam’s hand. “Is this ok?”

“Yes.” Adam replied, inching closer to Shiro. “Can I hug you?”

“Yes.” Shiro breathed and immediately was wrapped in Adam’s arms. They held each other close, melting against one another.

“This doesn’t mean things are fixed yet, Takashi.” Adam whispered.

“Yet?” Shiro echoed, hope slipping into his voice against his will.

“We still have a lot to talk about but... I think I’d like to try again. If you want to that is.”

Shiro felt as though his heart had stopped, he had hoped and dreamed Adam would be there when he returned, and yet here he was. And everything felt right.

“I mean if you don’t want to it’s ok. It’s been a long time, we’ve both changed-” Adam began pulling away, taking Shiro’s silence the wrong way.

Shiro panicked as Adam pulled away and tugged him back into his embrace. “I’d like that too. I never stopped loving you, Adam.”

Adam breathed out a sigh of relief and chuckled. “That’s good to hear.”

Shiro chuckled as well. “Yeah, it is.” He sobered for a moment. “Whatever comes next, we’ll handle it. Together this time.”

Adam nodded. “Together this time.”

#vld #adashi #voltron legendary defender #takashi shirogane #adam vld #together this time au #< thats what im gonna call this universe #i kinda like this i hope u all do too! #my writing #fanfic

[rhan-but-faster]

The Reclamation of a Broken Paradise

A Film Analysis of Maynila sa Mga Kuko ng Liwanag (Manila in the Claws of Lights/Neon)

“We all do things we desperately wish we could undo. Those regrets just become part of who we are, along with everything else. To spend time trying to change that, well, it's like chasing clouds.” A quote from Libba Bray, an American Writer. I am a Filipino, that is something I whole-heartedly admit but unfortunately ever since I grew up and learned about what my country is like, I somehow loathed to be one. Of course I proudly wear my nationality but it is hard to love something that hurts me back. I wish I was brought back before I discovered everything else and more, Maynila sa mga Kuko ng Liwanag (Manila in the Claws of Neon) by Lino Brocka is a movie all about that. It specifically shows the reality of Manila which caters to the expectations many have. I have known this movie for quite some time now and it has been renowned as the greatest movie in Philippine Cinema of all time and it’s only now that I have really had the chance to watch it for myself. To think that a movie almost 5 decades ago is still relevant to this day, is quite an occurrence in itself.

This Film by Lino Brocka was made on 1975 as a direct yet discreet protest against Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos campaign of making the Philippines a “City of Light”. It shows how the country’s method of capitalism and consumerism brought by the colonials, which is still occurring to this date, of the country has led to the poor living, if one were to call it living, conditions of the majority of the population at that time. During The Marcos Regime, more commonly known as the Martial Law, the state of living for the common Filipino people were at ends meet, scraping by with blue collar jobs in a relentless cycle of work until they eventually “pay” it back to the market. It starts of as a promise that all dreams come true and that their problems will be gone if they were to go to the place of potential riches. Much like how City folk in the Philippines view America for a better life or an escape from their original life only to be disappointed that it is the exact opposite, in fact a worse situation than what they originally had. Provincial Folk think the same towards Manila and the protagonist Julio Madiaga and his leading woman Ligaya Paraiso were not excluded from this misleading mindset. They were sworn a life of prosperity only to be met with disparity once they arrive at the capital. A ruthless life in the city of Neon, worked until not needed, surviving through any means necessary, even if it is undesirable.

The Movie starts with a dull out gray scale view of Manila, slowly showing the sounds of the hustle and bustle of the city, the eventual chaos that is the first definition about the reality of the capital. Until it pans to the main character, Julio who is left penniless after venturing to Manila in order to find his girlfriend who he has decided to look for after he heard about the news that she had run away.  In an effort to survive in the city, he has worked in jobs that are considerably detrimental, a low paying corrupted construction job with high risks of death, and an underground prostitution job while he searches for his Lover. Throughout his time living there, his eyes opened to the truth behind the false promises of the city and he began to realize the severity of life compared to their provincial home. He eventually found out that Ms. Cruz has sold Ligaya to a Chinese man named Ah tek who has apparently married her and made her bore their child. The two lovers planned to return to the province the next day but it was then the final moments those two will ever have, for the cruelty of the city has led to both of their demise, Ligaya through her perpetrators hands, and Julio through city gangsters coming for his head. The desire for them to come back became their ending.

Personally, throughout the Film I have noticed a lot of symbolisms going into play. First of is the name of the main characters Julio Madiaga and Ligaya Paraiso, with their name being a creative play meaning Matiyaga or persistent and joyful paradise respectively. I believe that the film is portraying Filipinos and the country they call home. Filipinos are known for being persistent and are able to be adaptable to any obstacle that they face despite their situation being anything but normal. Many of the population work on blue collar jobs and others resort to illegal practices or jobs in order to obtain money. It has come to the point where the value of money is equivalent, and in cases, more valuable than the life of a person as seen in scenes where a co-worker of Julio died while working or how Ligaya was sold for prostitution. In relation with that, the film showed how the country was sold to the ploys of modernity and capitalism. The “tropical paradise” we are known for being corrupted and maltreated, bearing children of foreign origins. The people know about their situation and are aware of it, but it has become an “it has always been like that” mentality. Yet they know that they want to bring back their ‘joyful paradise’ but, as the ending goes with the movie, if they were to do such things, it would mean the end of not only them, but also their country.

This Lino Brocka Movie exposes and expounds the anti-poor and anti-life methods of capitalism. The idea that anything could be exchanged for something, even to the most basic form of abstract things may seem logical. But because of this type of economic system countries such as ourselves have systems that become faulty, imbalanced, corruptible and deplorable for the entirety of their community. Because of this idea of exchange and to put price tags on literally everything, the birth of capitalizing on people’s lives have come to play. Being sold as a wife or husband, selling their bodies for money, exhausting their energy and even their own blood and sweat for construction has become the effects of this system of economy. Despite it being a horrible method, it has become a norm and since then, five decades ago when the movie was released, it still operates and works to this day. Only to value oneself over the value of exchange would be the most likely time that change will happen.

Maynila sa mga Kuko ng Liwanag (Manila in the Claws of Neon) is truly a masterpiece of one of the greatest Filipino Filmmakers, Lino Brocka. To think that something produced 45 years ago still remains relevant today, is a hard knock reality that our country has been having since. Living in the city, especially if one were to come from a province, is far from a good life. A reality that if one has lived in relative poverty in the province, they will have worse poverty in the cit. The film also shows the socio-economic issue of money and the value of human life and the virtue of keeping what you already have to hear a lesson worth remembering. For me, the movie was expertly paced and there were little to no instances of plot holes and through this pacing it paved way for heightened scenes appropriate for their timing. A unique and tragic tale of a real life occurrence containing deep, empathetic and relevant plot that pronounces issues the country has been facing for years. One could even say it is a timeless chef-d'oeuvre of our industry. This movie has truly deserved its consistent tile as part of the world’s top 100 films of all time.

[yingqilin]

Where Do I Even Begin?

Well, first of all, I’ve LOVED LOVED LOVED Qilin ALMOST as much as I loved Unicorns, and Dragon. I say ALMOST because I first saw a unicorn on TV when I was 4 years old in the EARLY 1980s! But, I’d never even heard of a so-called “Chinese Unicorn” since about the mid-late 1980s when I saw a children’s magazine called “Cricket” which had a WHOLE SPREAD about UNICORNS, including the Chinese & Japanese versions.

(I don’t believe this was the actual cover. I can’t remember what year the Cricket Magazine issue was, just that it was in the 1980s. This issue was cited in many books written about Unicorns as well, following its syndication. It had a full on spread including many kinds of unicorns from many cultures... if I recall correctly, there might even have been an French Unicorn story as well.)

When I was a little kid, I actually didn’t like to read (which was an issue by the late 1900s, and even the government would talk about it, the trouble was they’d demonized comic books in the 1960s-1970s, which resulted in that problem, because even tho’ “correlation doesn’t equal causation” they didn’t know that and thought that the act of reading comics made you into a criminal. My experience was the exact opposite, because I read super hero comics a lot and was more interested in THAT than things like doing hard drugs, vandalism, and shoplifting which was rampant in NJ where I grew up.) So, by the late 1980s-early 1990s children were encouraged to read, read, read. Well, I liked pictures, and I LOVED: unicorns, dragons, and dinosaurs, ANYTHING FANTASY, but also Sci-Fi. (I also loved Marvel Comics/X-MEN, and Disney Adventures Magazine, and nearly all the Jeffrey Katzenberg hit Disney Films)

So, whenever it was something of interest to me, I would read a lot, and I had stacks of books, which I also used to practice learning art, and I was self taught. (I have A.D.D.)

I graduated in May 2001 from the Art Institute of Philadelphia (Majored in Computer Animation AKA CAM). And, by the GW Bush Era, I had already been active online since 1994, and had been blogging, and using many various art websites.

By late 2001, and most of the early 2000s (2001-2007) I spent months and even years sketching and drawing Qilin, interacting in the Furry/Anthro Fandom, and published a lot of my works to GeoCites/Yahoo, and had even created my own message boards, and so on. I even had one called “Qilin Savanna” Altho’ much of these sites are gone, my original works still remain on DeviantArt in my gallery HERE. (I also LIVED IN CHINA many times in the GWB Era often.)

Since that time I’d also written a lot of things, multiple times over, about my research into Qilin (which are not all unicorns, just some).

If you were to type in “qilin cartoon” into Google you can actually see the many many photo images that come up since the time I’d first started publishing my work ONLINE, FOR FREE, you can actually see how my works have influenced people. Back then, there was a MAJOR mix-up with the term, because MOST information available in ENGLISH regarding CHINESE EVERYTHING was often inaccurate, used the dead Wade-Giles Chinese language, or were often confused with JAPANESE. Another issue was that I actually could speak standard Mandarin Chinese, but many people wrote the Cantonese names, or FREQUENTLY confused them with Japanese name for the exact same character (AKA kanji, AKA Hanzi), which is “kirin” in Japanese. Also, the majority of NON-Chinese speaking persons don’t know how to pronounce Mandarin pinyin. (Example: Can you pronounce?: chi, qi, shi, xi, zhi, zi, qu, chu, er, ri, ren, si, ran, yu, you, bo, po, zhou, zhu, cao, zui - Most Non-Chinese speakers CANNOT pronounce these correctly at all. “Chi” sounds like “Tcher” and “Qi” sounds like “Tchee”, “Shi” sounds like “scher” and “xi” sounds like “schee”. There are also variations on pronunciation.)

But, I still stuck to the facts. my father-in-law in China,The late Wang Zimin, actually had special access to a restricted library, and wrote letters to me about Qilin, and the 4 major Chinese magical deities: Qilin, Long/Dragon, Fenghuang/Phoenix, Bixi/Dragon-Heard Tortoise.

Back then, mostly you needed to search “kirin” especially because M. Peña called her artwork “Kirin” but still also called them “Chinese Unicorns”. Her gorgeous sculpture works were sold everywhere for years, nation wide, from the boardwalk to Spencer Gifts, to Flea Markets, and Christmas season mall kiosks.

But, as you scroll through all the works produced since that time, not only the ones titled or tagged as "kirin” but over time “Qilin” starts to replace this as more and more people growing up actually start to study Chinese, especially artists and customers, and many of these young artists are either my fans or students, but fans or students of my students... after a while, people forgot who I was... but my work BECAME PART OF THE CULTURE.

You can SEE that many people emulated my poses, my styles of doing hair, and many other details. Over the years, a number of my fans, and friends would send me private messages FREAKING OUT that either someone stole my work, stile my style, or ripped me off...

That’s actually NOT TRUE. No one ripped me off. THOSE ARE MY STUDENTS.

You guys ASKED ME things like: How do you draw _____? so I made countless cheat-sheet style tutorials (because paid classes don’t ACTUALLY TEACH). Also, if someone wants to learn, (like myself) they try to draw from WHAT THEY LOVE. That means ME. MY ARTWORK. How else will they learn if they don’t copy, ask questions, etc.?

I have many many open source materials in my DeviantART gallery (which are STILL MY MOST POPULAR WORKS OF ALL TIME despite the hours of work I’ve produced artistically.) I have also licensed much of my line art works FOR FREE for people to practice coloring with wither digitally, or to print them out and color with real media like markers, color pencils, pastels, or whatever because people kept asking me.

Actually, I would like to credit a number of artists whom are my biggest influences as well:

Susan Dawe

Glen Keane

Alan Davis

Those are my biggest ones, but I also loved artworks by Burne Hogarth,  Auguste Rodin,  Edward Degas (I especially love his ROUGH sketch work), Frank Frazzetta, Boris Vallejo & Julie Belle, Fred Moore, Vladimir “Bill” Tytla,   AND the film The Last Unicorn was especially the #1 thing that got me actually DRAWING when I was 4 years old.

SO much of my work, especially ANYTHING with unicorns, has been tattooed onto people bodies. Many people personally asked my permission, but I honestly DO NOT MIND. I have found over the years more examples of my artwork tattooed onto people than I can count. It’s LOVE.

However, I’ve also many many times been the victim of theft FOR REAL. Many people have tried to rob my sketchbooks, and many companies have illegally robbed my artwork online. It was the cause of MUCH online fights, wars, and battles. There’s also impersonators: People pretending to be ME, or claiming THEY did my work: also the cause of much much online fights and flame wars.

-Then, of course, there’s LOTS & LOTS of kids online that “rob” my work for RPGs, and fan pages... Honestly, I’m NOT going after children, or fans, for harmless things like that... I’m NOT Metallica.

So, where am I going with THIS?

Well, for one, there’s both ART and PHILOSOPHY which are BOTH a MAJOR part of my life.

I had a number of setbacks, delays, and many other strings of very unfortunate events in my life. Needless to say, I was very depressed. However, I did find myself back in college, first for Philosophy, and then for Art, especially Video... which somehow saw me thrust forward into Animation HEAD-FIRST. Suffice it to say, I’ve worked through, blew threw, and past, all of my blocks, and have been doing animation again. (lots more long stories, but not writing them here)

Many many times, you can’t always reach, yet, what you want. Other times, other persons, or groups want to change you, or make you something else.... and not you. But, it kills you inside...

At some point, you need STOP listening to everyone, and everything else, ESPECIALLY if that’s not FLOWING in the direction are are INSIDE.

I’d already WANTED to produce at least 2 series/films of my own. (”Eyewitness” and “Zenith Beyond The Dragon’s Rue”) Well, THIS is a branch off that tree. This stems from my concepts for “Eyewitness” but sort-of... I had ALWAYS wanted to produce my own small animated shorts, especially with music, like the old 20th Century animated works such as “Silly Symphonies”, “Merry Melodies”, and even Disney's “Fantasia”, but also a number of influences from Far East Asia including PR China, and Japan.

I’ve been multiple times inspired by Socrates, Plato, Laozi, Bruce Lee (Li Xiaolong), and many fusion artists/dancers on the American West Coat including my teachers: Zoe Jakes, and Alyssum Pole, as well as Rachel Brice, Carolena Nericcio, Jamlila & Suhaila Salimpour, but also Matahari, and Kerli Kõiv. People that think differently, question things, or create their own ideas, or even fusion artists.

Well, this project has been on my mind since at least 2001.

In fact, my actual name (Ming Zi) in Chinese is: 任思麒 (Ren SiQi)

It literally means: Duty/Task [to] Think/Contemplate/Dream of Qi[lin]!

Also, as an artist, there are a number of things I believe in, whereas other things I’ve shed like a snake molting its skin. I’m a fusion artist, an eclectic artist, but I still firmly believe in art fundamentals like life drawing, practicing one’s skills, and I use bot digital and real media. I LOVE TO DRAW. I firmly believe in Quality OVER Quantity, yet, in some instances I also think too much detail is overdo, and somethings look better less refined. I like realism, stylization, cartoons, and beautiful things.

I want to create content that is LESS about “being a big success” or ego driven ideas of “stardom”, and lavish money making, but more about THE LOVE OF IT.

I do NOT want to be part of any establishment groups, crowds, clubs, or institutions, and DON’T want to be mainstream, NOR corporate. I have found all of those things to be negative and destructive to my life and therefore regret pursuing those avenues. I’m NOT interested in walking those paths, nor dunking helplessly into those turbulent or stagnant flows, but RATHER Flow my own way, because I have my OWN PATHS. I don’t need to buy their metaphorical light bulbs, because I have my own light that I can shine inside of me.

And, if I am being completely frank & honest, another MAJOR influence on me WAY BEFORE HE WAS EVEN POPULAR was Bernie Sanders. I am a Berner. Sanders actually GAVE OF HIS HEART & HIS TIME FOR FREE. He crowd funded for what he believed in with SMALL MONEY because he was against BIG MONEY.

I have no care for being in exclusive film festivals or galleries. People whom already LOVE my work find their way to it. People HAVE found value in my efforts and work.

Therefore, I wish to begin producing this animated short. It is not cheap tho’. But, I will gladly share my process, my concept work, my practice work, and everything FOR FREE. Free to ALL ARTISTS, and people whom just live beautiful things, art, and QILIN.

I wish to pursue an independent direction in my art. But, I would very much like to include people, if not the world or those in it that care about these things, to interact with me. A long time ago I’d created my “Qilin Savanna” site to interact with people whom also loved Qilin, Unicorns, Dragons, and other things, but also a love for art, or learning art.

This year (2017) while interacting with MANY MANY young people, and young artists, I often found that people WANTED to learn to DRAW, to improve their techniques and practice them, but despite having paid money to attend art classed (including “drawing classes”) they did not actually get what they paid for, did not actually get instruction for what they wanted to learn, but either had to fend for themselves, try independently, or got resources online for free... so, why then were they paying for it?

I have many many times, spent just a short moment with frustrated peers, students, classmates, friends, and fellow artists whom couldn’t draw what they wanted to, and teased me for being some kind of special person... when in fact, whatever I do, others can too. I sat with them, explained, and demonstrated (AKA Using The Feynman Technique) and after that moment of AHA THEY COULD DO IT. And, they didn’t need to come back. 

I did THAT FOR FREE.

I did THAT FOR LOVE.

And, NO, I DON’T HAVE A MASTER’S DEGREE. Honestly, at this point, I don’t feel I actually want one. I DON’T want to be a part of that club, nor establishment either. In this way, I’m somewhat like Socrates, Diogenes, or Bruce Lee... only NOT. I’m ME. 

I have a lot more to say, but I think I will leave it here for now.

#qilin #kirin #Kylie #Chinese unicorn #animation #cartoon #drawing #art #Kandice Zimbleman #Black UniGryphon #BlackUniGryphon

[paulmccartneyofficial]

for the ask thing: 1-150 🙂

ok charlie let’s fuckin go

here they ALL are

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

something tells me its steve rogers boy………

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

outgoing lmao

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

christine this summer :-)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

for the most part, but sometimes I Get In A Mood™

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

uhhhh i dont really like anyone right now?? um. the last person i liked, possibly, since that’s what i did for him. but uh. the only person i fancy rn is like paul or rumours lindsey and like paul would definitely take care of me but if im drunk and with rumours lindsey then that means lindsey is also drunk and there’s no hope left for either of us

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

k personality wise, christine says im attracted to “bad boys” which like is probably true??? idk. often artsy and aesthetically pleasing peeps ?? i dont knwo

LOOKS wise, my sister in law has pointed out that every guy i have liked has a square-ish face and has dark features and often times blue eyes, but not always. see: lindsey and sebastian stan. so i guess i have a type ????? lol

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

probably not lmao i dont have time 4 that

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

uh…………..sorry but its lindsey buckingham :/

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not really no lol just uh. nonconsensual sex makes me uncomfortable lmao

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

@stevieselectricskillet

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“me: pretends i’m not paul mccartney trash anymore”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

oohh. uh. stockholm syndrome by one direction, stephanie by buckingham nicks, go insane (live in 1997) by lindsey buckingham, hold me by fleetwood mac, bright by zayn

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i fucking love it

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yes yes yes

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i literally went the entire summer without smoking weed once after smoking like every day of senior year lmao

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

no

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

of course?? im not an idiot

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

we actually reconnected over the summer after like 14 years of no communication but we’re both very different now so we don’t really talk anymore

19. Do you like bubble baths?

i live for them

20. Do you like your neighbors?

yes! i love them all. they make coming home from school wonderful

and as for at school, i only hang out with my neighbors p much

21. What are you bad habits?

i pull out my hair unfortunately. sometimes i’ll pick at my nails if they’ve chip on their own.

22. Where would you like to travel?

england, italy, montreal, los angeles, ireland, lebanon, scotland, ancient greece, turks and caicos, the bahamas, hawaii (solely for the set of lost and jurassic park), and wherever hobbiton is

23. Do you have trust issues?

half of my anxiety is a result from trust issues so ya lmao

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

my hour long shower that i take because i’m living at school and i am allowed to use as much hot water as i want

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

double chin! :)

26. What do you do when you wake up?

check my phone/send snap streaks out/put on whatever song is stuck in my head when i wake up

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

i really don’t care about my skin color why is this a question

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

a few people. mary, lexi, and amanda, mostly.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

unfortunately……..

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

its currently in one

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

uhhh…….. i’m not the threesome type .… . if i had to choose two celebs for that particular situation tho, then harry s. and zayn, hands down.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

ww2gffg (egg) / kaeskiu (kaeli)

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

i used to play baseball, but i don’t anymore. however, i, too, boogieboard, like lindsey buckingham does. disclaimer: i have been doing this sport since i was a small kid, thus, i have been doing it longer than i have known about lindsey buckingham. i truly wish we did not have this in common

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv hands down im not dumb

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

of course?? isn’t that part of life

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i don’t say anything. i just embody an ellipses by crafting a particular look on my face with raised eyebrows and unamused eyes. if nothing comes of it, then i usually let out a sigh and look off to the side like a dramatic bitch. i am a kim k gif

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

the main male character of my book is sort of my dream guy so there’s that.

he’s got a knack for aestheticism through artistic values, ambition and true passion in the work he does. he’s very sarcastic and funny, yet somehow still sweet with it. wouldn’t hurt a fly. hates trump’s guts and understands that feminism isn’t about him. has his privilege in check. he and i understand each other in a bond that no one else has with us. it is good. it is sweet. i am in a constant state of awe and shock of how in love with him i am. im even continuously falling for him more and more every day.

it is good and we are happy and we know each other better than anyone else.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

lush

40. What do you want to do after high school?

i am out of high school and chillin in college my friends. im gonna do some art

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

always. if they can recognize their flaws and truly try to work at them, then yes. they deserve a second chance.

there is always more light for us to see.

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

im either extremely depressed or just salty

43. Do you smile at strangers?

yes, all the time. i believe that a simple smile from anyone can sometimes be enough to change someone’s day.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

either the state of my hair, my bladder, or my stomach.

46. What are you paranoid about?

being secretly hated.

47. Have you ever been high?

yes, too many times

48. Have you ever been drunk?

ya about 9 hours ago to be exact

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

honestly i fuck up so often that ya, i probably have

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

black??? i think? wow. i am now realizing that i’ve actually #MovedOn from the hoodie life. tragic

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

i am in a constant state of wishing i were stevie nicks

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

i really wish i had bigger hands so i could play a normal sized guitar

53. Favourite makeup brand?

um im cheap i thought sephora was a brand for like 2 years so that one time i think cover girl had a star wars line?? that was cool i own a few of those lipsticks

54. Favourite store?

its still lush

55. Favourite blog?

@lindseybuckingham

56. Favourite colour?

yellow

57. Favourite food?

ravioli

58. Last thing you ate?

a granola bar i think

59. First thing you ate this morning?

i pulled an all nighter its now 6:30 in the morning and i have yet to eat

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

i’ve gotten gold at a few jazz band and chorus competitions and then one time my DI team won our districts competition but only by default

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

hahahaha i was suspended senior year for leaving school early with two of my gal pals to get breakfast at our favorite breakfast joint. we were supposed to have at-home suspension, but our drama club show was that weekend, which meant we’d be kicked out of the show last minute. i look about 12 years old and i have doe eyes with long eye lashes. i cried my way out of that shit and saved both of my two gal pals in doing so, too.

we ended up all having in-school suspension with each other. so essentially, they locked me and my two friends in a room for an entire school day. we could do whatever we wanted.

we actually ended up acting out the entirety of the play, antigone, for our teacher that stayed with us. and then we wrote a song about a turkey named dave.

it was actually one of the best days of my high school career.

62. Been arrested? For what?

no but i cried one time when a police officer pulled me over for having a tail light out.

63. Ever been in love?

unfortunately, yes.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

i was a freshman. his name was alex and he was older than me and he really liked me and he was pretty cool and easy to talk to and stuff but also. he was greasy and did nothing with his life at the time. haha. and then one day, he and his friend, who also liked me, both separately asked me what class i had last. it was history. alex showed up at the door first, and he took my hand. the other boy showed up and was like “oh”. then i kinda just shrugged to his friend and we left him there. i felt like i was on the bachelorette.

then he walked me to my bus and just kissed me. and like we never officially said it but i guess we were dating from that point on?

it was quite exciting at the time.

65. Are you hungry right now?

no i took a medication that sort of ceases hunger.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

woah. uh. well some of my real friends are also on tumblr which is cool.

its kind of a weird question. i love them all equally? just in different ways. my real life friends are all people that i hang around constantly. i have deep conversations with them. i do crazy things with them. i love them.

my tumblr friends, however, are all a gift. there’s more of a set bond with them; we’re all friends not because we see each other all the time, but because we all have common interests and similar personalities.

tumblr friends are actually pretty cool. if you can maintain a friendship like that through long distance, then it’s gotta mean something pretty big, right?

i text and communicate with my tumblr friends a lot more than my real life friends, actually. if i’m on my phone when hanging out with my friends, i can guarantee you i’m texting my tumblr friends.

it’s pretty sweet.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter because no one in my family has one except my brother who i tell everything to

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr, obviously.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no, i’m making this long ass post.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

irl: mary, lexi, amanda, my sister christine, my brother steven, my sister-to-be jenna, chris, cammi, jack.

tumblr: kate, emilie, ryan, charlie, lola, brooke, james, sophie, ken, erin, pickles, luki, kimber.

71. Craving something? What?

wine

72. What colour are your towels?

grey. all of them. at home, they’re tan.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

three normal pillows, one pillow pet, and one angry emoji pillow that i made and now hug because i’m a lonely fuck

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

i have one chewie plush thing and an old bruins bear that i often kick off my bed back at home.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

those are the only 2 i think

although i currently have the marsh hall monkey from community council that was given to me for one week and i’ve had it for like 3 months because i haven’t bothered to pass it on to someone

75. Favourite animal?

i am a kitty lover

76. What colour is your underwear?

yellow :~)

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

java crunch (its coffee ice cream with chocolate covered coffee beans)

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

its a black jonas brothers shirt that i got when i was 10. i am often found wearing this shirt

80. What colour pants?

grey sweatpants

81. Favourite tv show?

friends

82. Favourite movie?

i will always be star wars trash

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls ??? if u favor mean girls 2, then ur a sinner

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls, obviously. im not a heathen

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

regina’s mom

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

crush

87. First person you talked to today?

amanda, probably

88. Last person you talked to today?

u, charlie

89. Name a person you hate?

eric clapton or liam. i can’t decide

90. Name a person you love?

my birth mother because she is one of the strongest people i know. honest to god, there is not a single person on this planet that i am more proud of than her.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

myself

92. In a fight with someone?

the boy i Once Loved™

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

way too many, my friend

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

also way too many. like, at least 5

95. Last movie you watched?

…….new moon…….

96. Favourite actress?

carrie fisher

97. Favourite actor?

robert downey jr.

98. Do you tan a lot?

like go to a tanning salon? no. i’m broke. and i wouldn’t waste my money on that anyway.

in a general sense? yes. i tan very easily. my genes are very kind to me in that i don’t burn when i go out in the sun. except for my nose. :/

99. Have any pets?

i have a little calico kitty named beanie and she is my light.

100. How are you feeling?

well, given that i haven’t slept in 19 hours, i’d say pretty good.

101. Do you type fast?

apparently i type extremely fast and it blows a lot of people away

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

oh, honey. don’t we all?

103. Can you spell well?

yes, but i always have those moments where i second guess myself or have a brain fart on a very common word.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

i miss my old best friend, freddy, more than ever now. i haven’t seen him since graduation last year, which isn’t that long, but it’s long enough. he and i were like brother and sister in elementary school and even now. he’s the kind of friend that i have gone years without talking to, but then the moment we finally speak to one another, it’s like nothing ever happened.

he and i were both accepting of each other and supportive of each other in some of the hardest times of our lives. when the other kids bullied him for playing with polly pockets on the playground, i joined him in playing with them. we were inseparable from then on. when my mother came out to me and my parents divorced, he was the one i talked to. when he was coming to terms with his sexuality and discovering who he was as a person, i was always the person he was fully open with.

and after drifting away and not talking to each other for a few years, i went to him after being assaulted. i told him everything. and he believed me–he was the one who listened when i felt like no one else was. he offered me that shoulder. he understood and was there with me, through thick and thin.

and at the end of our senior year, through many tears, we said our goodbyes.

i’ve never felt more empty without someone ever.

(p.s. this made me just text him) 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

yes ofc haha

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

……ya don’t drag me tho. u woulda too

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

a long time ago, yes

108. What should you be doing?

i legit should be asleep and i’m not……

109. Is something irritating you right now?

there’s a sore pain in my left shoulder–probably from knots in the muscle. i can’t do much about it.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

ohhhh, boy. yes.

111. Do you have trust issues?

wasn’t this at the beginning

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

amanda that one time we watched that video of stevie and lindsey crying while performing “say goodbye”

113. What was your childhood nickname?

KP, KP Duty, Kales

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah thank god

115. Do you play the Wii?

i don’t own one, but when the opportunity presents itself for mariokart or just dance, i’m there

116. Are you listening to music right now?

ya, hey girl by lady gaga ft. florence is on rn

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

i don’t eat chicken

118. Do you like Chinese food?

chinese food makes me feel bloated and gassy and it smells that way too even though it smells good so i’ll probably have to decline and say no, i do not really care for it

119. Favourite book?

harry potter and y&b

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

it depends on how dark it is and if im alone or not

121. Are you mean?

everyone’s a little mean

122. Is cheating ever okay?

cheating is wrong, always. but if an instance happens where someone kisses another individual spontaneously, they have two ways they can clear themselves up from it: don’t do it again and tell your partner that it happened. do not get upset if they’re not happy with you/leave you, because you’ve done them wrong. or, if you’ve done it with an individual that you have fallen or are already in love with, then you should leave your partner immediately.

sleeping with someone is not okay. if you have sex with someone else, then you should tell your partner and don’t get mad when they leave you. if you love the other person, then leave your partner for them.

and always tell the truth.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

someone asked me this today, actually. bizarre. i’d like to think so. i don’t go through huge measures to keep them clean–i just don’t drag them in the dirt.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

yes. of course.

125. Do you believe in true love?

yes. you can fall in love with people. you can always be happily in love multiple times in your life. a true love, however, is the one that meant the most.

paul mccartney? he’s married, but his true love was linda. lindsey buckingham? he’s also married, but his true love is stevie and even he does not deny that. stevie nicks? she’ll deny it all she wants, but we all know, including herself and lindsey, that lindsey is also her true love. troy and gabriella? we all know the answer.

true love is real.

126. Are you currently bored?

clearly since i’ve spent like. three hours working on this jesus fuck

127. What makes you happy?

music, people, family, and life.

128. Would you change your name?

i love my name. it was my mother’s gift to me when she brought me into this little world. i am blessed to have a mother that i love so much and that loves me so much. when i think it, i think of her and her silly story of how she came up with it. i identify with it strongly for this reason–it is a constant connection to my mother.

the only thing i’m actually planning is to add the middle name “jane”, as my mother has always calls me by “kaeli jane”. she wishes she thought of that before she named me, as she loves it so much more now.

129. What your zodiac sign?

capricorn

130. Do you like subway?

this is so vague. the restaurant? the transportation?

i’m don’t particularly care for either one. mixed feelings.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-TE_Ys4iwM

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

this is another repeat

@stevieselectricskillet

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

And he was just like a great dark wingWithin the wings of a stormI think I had met my match

He was singing and undoing the laces

134. Can you count to one million?

what kind of question is this

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

any post with mclennon that i make is a dumb ass lie

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5 feet tall :/

138. Curly or Straight hair?

my hair is normally straight but sometimes some of the front strands just naturally have banana curls and i don’t understand how it happens but also im not complaining

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette my friend

140. Summer or Winter?

i always used to say winter and then winter always comes and i always want to die so summer

141. Night or Day?

night

142. Favourite month?

december because im narcissistic and love my birthday month the best

september is also a good month. lots of good songs about it and also a very lucky month for me in the past

143. Are you a vegetarian?

i only eat turkey when i have to eat meats (i.e. being home with my parents for a week, when the vegetarian options at my school are heavily cream based, as i am lactose intolerant, etc.) but i typically choose not to eat meat

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark chocolate

145. Tea or Coffee?

coffee in the morning and tea at night

146. Was today a good day?

sure, i suppose

147. Mars or Snickers?

mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“I take back like half of the exclamation points.....they make me look....eager to please. Which I AM....but I don’t want anyone to KNOW that” - Carrie Fisher

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes omg

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“The months March, April, May, June, and July should not be abbreviated when used to indicate a specific date.”

#Anonymous #about me