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sonickedtrowel · 1 year

Note

Young!11/River kissing for a bet pls (extra points for featuring Amy and Rory) 💕

Omg Anon I thought this ask was lost to the sands of time but it's still here and if you are too, well, you're in luck!! (ao3 link)

“Tell me you saw that,” said Amy.

“You’ll have to be a bit more specific,” Rory replied. “I’ve seen a lot of things today, and I’m pretty sure I can’t remember half of them.”

“River and the Doctor! They are obviously shagging, right?”

“Do I really have to think about this?” Rory whinged. “I’ve got enough of a headache from all the alien memory erasure.”

“Come on. There’s no way you didn’t notice.”

“I, uh, did get that impression,” he reluctantly admitted. “I’m just not sure he knows it yet.” Amy snorted. “River said something to me, back when this all started. From her point of view, it’s... like he’s slowly forgetting her.”

“That’s horrible,” Amy said softly.

“Yeah. I wanted to say something helpful, you know? She can be a bit scary, but it’s obvious how this hurts her. But I don’t think there’s really anything to be done. Whenever he does work it out, it’ll already be in her past.”

“Poor River,” said Amy. “The Doctor’s a complete moron about this stuff. A big, genius, stupid moron. And even we needed a little shove. If Mels hadn’t said anything, who knows how long it would have taken us—”

The sonic whirred, and the tiny red bulb flashing amongst the instruments on the TARDIS console blinked out. The live feed went silent.

Alone with the humming of the time rotor again, the Doctor slumped over the console.

Well, fine, maybe he was a moron. But it wasn’t as if anything about this was easy. It hadn’t been easy when she died before his eyes, telling him not to dare change one line of their life together that he’d yet to live. It hadn’t been easy trying to keep her from winding her way into his hearts— in fact, he’d failed rather spectacularly on that front, despite his best intentions.

It wasn’t easy to begin, when he’d already seen the end. When he couldn’t change her future because it was already his past. Wasn’t it all set in stone already, then, no matter what he did? So how did it still feel like he was making a complete mess of everything?

Maybe it was past time he started clearing up after them.

___

“I won’t lie,” River called as he emerged from the TARDIS, “I was rather hoping you’d be back.” She was sat half-curled on her bunk, her back against the cell wall and her diary open on her lap. “How long has it been? A few decades?”

“Er, about half an hour?”

“Oh.” There was a quiet brittleness to the sound, her initial bravado faltering as she laid down her pen, and the Doctor noticed for the first time the red tinge around her eyes. “Me too,” she said softly.

River Song had never looked so uncertain. The memory of her warmth still tingled on his lips; the blaze of joy that had spilled out of her mind and suffused every place they touched. How quickly and utterly he’d doused that exquisite glow with a thoughtless word. He wouldn’t dare think River fragile, but something was on the verge of breaking here, if he didn’t handle it with the proper care.

No pressure. The Doctor took a deep breath and gripped a bar of her cell, pausing in the still-open doorway. “I was, uh, hoping I could give that another go.” His cheeks felt so hot there was no doubt he’d turned a very unattractive shade of tomato.

“Doctor,” she said, placating, her gaze dropping to her lap as she sat up and valiantly cobbled together a façade of composure, “you don’t have to—”

“I want to.” He forgot how to swallow for a moment, but basically managed not to audibly choke on his own tongue. What was worse than tomato? Molten lava? The distance between them was humiliating. He couldn’t have such a mortifyingly sensitive conversation shouting across a room. Somehow, when he forced his unreliable legs to carry him jerkily over the gulf between them, it was only a couple of steps.

The Doctor sat down on her bed. He made sure not to think about the fact that he was sitting on her bed. River watched him, frozen and wide-eyed.

“River, I— I want this,” he managed to wrench out. You. Us. Even as he made her an offering of his pride, his tongue couldn’t seem to shape the truer words. He desperately hoped she understood. No, no, that wasn’t good enough. He reached out, taking both of her cold hands in his. “River,” he repeated, the word creaking past his lips, raspy and low. A plea and an admission. He was tired, so tired of fighting it. It hadn’t worked, anyway. He was done for. And every time he ran away, he only hurt her more.

He lifted one hand to tuck her spectacular hair behind her ear, and her eyes fluttered ever-so-briefly shut. She still hadn’t moved; she seemed almost afraid to breathe. Miscalculating their relationship like that must have been shockingly painful for her. She’d reached out to touch him and been burned. The urge to reassure her gave him courage enough to speak again, but god knew what was going to come out of his mouth when he did.

“River,” he muttered again, maybe just because he’d always loved the way her name felt on his tongue. He brushed the backs of his fingers feather-light over her face, then his hand slowly lowered, hovering hesitant between them. “Can I…”

“Yes,” she said, though it came out as a breath without sound, and she cleared her throat. “You can touch me.”

Her whispered words sent a startling spike of heat through him, and almost before the Doctor knew it he was kissing her, slowly; scarcely moving but to lean in and cradle her face in his hands. He did his best to take in the little details: the slight friction of her lips sliding soft against his, the stifled whimper she exhaled over his cheek. He pulled back just enough for a shared breath to warm the air between them, for his nose to brush hers, then kissed her again. When he dared to trace over her lower lip with his tongue, she sighed contentedly as her lips parted. Surely it had been this lovely before, too, but the shock had gotten the better of him. Now he felt he could just melt into her; forget everything in the universe but how good it was to finally let himself love her.

She’d been generous with her permission, so he didn’t hesitate to slip an arm around her back and pull her closer. The warm, solid shape of her under his hands, pressed to his chest, was intoxicating. It was baffling. He was a fairly indiscriminate hugger, but he’d always been too terrified to touch River like that— maybe afraid once he started, he’d never stop. And good job he hadn’t, because this was not what it was normally like. This was… bigger. And the more he kissed her; the more he leant over her for a better angle and his palms pressed into her back and she shifted her body beneath him, making a ragged, desperate little noise in her throat; the more he realised this was very quickly becoming something he hadn’t exactly planned on. Of course, he could stop any time. River was following his lead, accepting whatever he offered but making no demands of her own. That didn’t seem fair. She deserved so much better than he’d given her.

“You’re, uh. Sure I can’t convince you to come with me?” he muttered in her ear, and he actually felt her shiver. Mental note of that, check.

“I really shouldn’t…” she whispered, but the ellipsis was audible, hanging in the air between them.

“I’ll have you back before they miss you. And, ah, Amy and Rory have gone to bed.” Not that he was implying they were going to require privacy, or anything— no, actually, maybe that was exactly what he was saying. Thankfully not aloud, although somehow he felt like River knew just what he was thinking anyway.

“Hang on,” she said, squinting off into the near distance with a frown, “I’m just figuring out how weird something is.”

“Um, okay.”

“Mm, decided I don’t care. Let’s go.”

Sneaking River out of prison (which surely shouldn’t have been so easy to do— what kind of operation were they running, anyway?) and into the darkened TARDIS console room made the Doctor feel, for some reason, positively giddy. (It was also completely unnecessary, because it was his ship, and his companions had gone to bed, and there was also no reason she shouldn’t be there with him just like she had been an hour ago, anyway— except that it all felt very different now.) She was holding his hand, and that was another completely mundane thing he did with friends and acquaintances every day without a second thought, but which suddenly seemed unusually intimate and warm and wonderful when it was River. He couldn’t seem to stop giggling, which might have partly been nerves, and partly the unnecessary sneaking, but was mostly because he was, actually, ridiculously happy.

River kept shushing him, but she was laughing too, which made him laugh more, which made her laugh and shush more and then, in a moment of wildly impulsive bravery, he backed her up against the console and kissed her. That stifled both their giggles, as she let out a long sigh and wrapped her arms around his neck. She really was outrageously, staggeringly, miraculously wonderful. It was nice to just let himself think that for a moment, without five tonnes of weight attached to it; without all the shadows it cast. Instead, just for now, he thought: They really could have been doing this all along? He was definitely a moron.

“...and you really think this is going to work? Challenging him to a bet?”

“Worth a shot. Believe me, he’s a sore loser. That’s how I got him to go to Space Florida.”

“Um, what is that?” River groaned mournfully.

“Ah, probably bumped into Amy’s nanorecorder, it was somewhere on the console,” the Doctor muttered over the dull chatter.

“Could you please shut it off?” she whinged, which seemed a bit out of character, but he obligingly fumbled one-handed over the controls for it in the dim light. He didn’t find anything immediately, but he did crane his head to the side enough that he wound up pressed into River’s neck, and her skin was so very warm and soft under his lips as he breathed her in. The sounds she made in response to that were even more enticing, and he forgot all about whatever it was he’d been looking for, until the echoey chatter came through again, louder:

“Oh, you should’ve seen him the first time I met River. Before that, I sort of thought he was asexual? But, not like a person is— like an amoeba. But then he was trying to be grumpy with her and obviously kept coming up with horny instead.”

River burst into riotous laughter as the Doctor choked on air, searching frantically along the console for the stupid bloody little lightbulb — but then River hopped up onto the console and wrapped her legs around him, beaming at him as she pulled him down for another kiss and, well. A little more humiliation was really a small price to pay.

“Oh, no. Um, retreat. Retreat!” Rory was urgently whispering, but it didn’t sound as faint as it had before.

“What? Is that— oh my god!” Amy shrieked.

Reluctantly, the Doctor pulled back from River, breathless and blushing, and almost immediately locked eyes across the console room with Amy. Who was not talking to Rory in their room, but instead standing beside him in the corridor entrance, looking scandalised and delighted whilst he very deliberately averted his eyes.

“They do not need our help, clearly,” Rory said, trying to tug her away, but Amy whooped and cheered instead of following.

River covered her mouth, shaking with laughter.

The Doctor sighed heavily, mustered up the few remaining crumbs of his dignity, and commanded, “Ponds, out!”

“Right on the console, Doctor, really!” Amy shouted back, grinning wickedly. “Well done, River!”

“Out!” he repeated, a bit more desperately. Amy’s boisterous laughter finally started to fade away down the corridor as he groaned and buried his burning face in River’s shoulder.

“There, there, sweetie,” she said, patting his back sympathetically. “They’ll see worse.”

“That… is really not terribly comforting, River.”

“Yeah. You have no idea.”

#dr fic #11river #doctor/river #yes i wrote YET ANOTHER DOTM fix it #what of it #all my fics recently have been the same i dont care #no im lying i do i need to switch it up asap lol

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sparksinger · 1 year

Text

new ficcage incoming

so i got sad and wrote a fic!

as usual, it's optimus prime & cordelia (my oc).

title: sound the bugle

summary:

. . “When have you been at your strongest?" asked the boy.

"When I have dared to show my weakness.”

― Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse / The Art of Happiness . . It is okay to show your strength by bearing your weaknesses.

Post DOTM fic. . .

word count: 11-12k

fandom: transformers bayverse

trigger warnings: implied/referenced suicide attempt, mention of scientific research on robotic cadavers, depression

additonal notes:

. . This fic just came into my head this week. I've been sat at my laptop solidly for two days trying to get this down. I think it is one of the most emotionally raw fics I have ever written. I have really been struggling with my own mental health at the moment and I am currently in a really dark place.

Part of me has also always wondered at how Optimus dealt with the betrayal of his mentor and the deaths of his friends after the events of DOTM.

I like to think that Cordelia would always be there to help him through. My aim for their relationship is to be as if it COULD be happening off-screen. . .

links: ao3 // ff.net

and here it is below a cut if you can't be bothered to go to the sites :)

“I'm a soldier Wounded so I must give up the fight There's nothing more for me, lead me away Or leave me lying here”

--Bryan Adams, ‘Sound the Bugle’

There was a sense of unease on the bridge running over the Chicago River.

The Autobots had and NEST had relocated to the temporary base of operations after the recent events and battle in Chicago. Their disguised ‘Health and Human Services’ home base was now a pile of rubble, twisted metal and broken dreams.

Cordelia quietly observed Optimus Prime as he oversaw the removal of his Autobot comrades from the devastated city. He was always in the centre of operations, cradling the bodies of his fallen Autobot soldiers as tenderly as a mother would her newborn baby.

It had been a number of months since the Decepticon invasion and Sentinel Prime’s betrayal.

Most of the Cybertronian evidence had been removed from the city and Cordelia never ceased to be amazed by how gullible the world’s media seemed to be.

This time, the destruction was blamed on a military training exercise that had gone drastically wrong. Cordelia thought privately that the American government’s efforts to hush everything up were a complete and utter waste of everybody’s time.

A deep sadness tugged at her heart as she watched Optimus load the bodies of his friends into the shipping containers, in preparation for their journey to an ‘undisclosed location’.

Wheeljack.

Sideswipe.

Ironhide.

It was the last Autobot which Optimus had shown the most grief over.

It was all Cordelia could do to watch on silently, tears streaming their way down her freckled face as Optimus held Ironhide’s remains in the cup of his hands.

His thumbs brushed the orange flecks of metal reverently, as if he were holding an ancient and priceless relic.

His great shoulders sagged downwards, buckling underneath the invisible weight that he bore. A weight that seemed to increase with each passing day.

From her vantage point on the DuSable bridge, Cordelia felt like a doll in a giant’s world.

Skyscrapers littered the immediate environment, dominating the landscape with their imposing size and structure.

Even the railings on the bridge itself towered over her, reaching toward the cloudless blue sky.

A flawless mid-October sun sat in the centre of the azure sky, unburdened by the presence of clouds. The temperature sat comfortably in the low teens, although Cordelia was grateful for her plaid blue shacket and red scarf.

She buried her mouth and nose into the soft folds of the woollen scarf around her neck. Not so much because she was cold, more to disguise the tears currently free-falling their way down her face.

She saw Optimus turn his head back towards her. It was such a tiny, infinitesimal movement that nobody else would have noticed it, but they were so attuned to each other that a lot of the time, they did not even need to communicate verbally.

Optimus let air hiss from his hydraulics; a simulation of a sigh. Cordelia watched as he finished conferring with the lead co-ordinator for the day’s operations. The nameless man offered Optimus a salute, which Optimus half-heartedly returned.

Cordelia shifted her weight onto another of her booted feet, which were clad in warm and chunky black biker boots.

Optimus turned then to fully face her, his cerulean optics round and sad. The corners of his mouth were turned down slightly, the mosaic of his facial plating following suit.

It was just after four in the afternoon, and the sun was already beginning its descent into the horizon where the dying sunlight would give way to the evening’s dusk.

Optimus’ armour flashed iridescent in the dying light of the early evening, casting vibrant blues and reds across Cordelia’s field of vision.

She put a hand on the wheel-arch that served as his ankle joint. He turned his gaze downwards to look at her, bathing her in the gentle blue glow of his sapphire optics.

She tilted her head backwards so she could see his face.

She could almost feel the waves of sadness rolling off his massive frame. It wrapped around her body in tendrils, pressing the air from her lungs.

After a second’s hesitation, Optimus’ body folded in on itself and a second later, a familiar red and blue Peterbilt 379 stood in front of her, engine idling suspiciously quietly for a truck of its size.

Cordelia automatically approached the passenger side when Optimus clicked the door open.

“Are you ready to return to base little one?” His powerful, sonorous baritone rumbled from the speakers, causing the fine hairs on the back of Cordelia’s neck to stand on end in gentle recognition.

In answer, she placed her foot on the step into the cab, which had lowered for her.

Placing her hand on the handle by the door, she hauled herself up into the cab. She settled into the comfortable seat, which even now, moulded to fit the contours of her body.

A slow, steady warmth began to spread underneath her as Optimus sent heat to her seat.

Neither of them spoke as he executed a well-maneuvered three-point-turn (which was impressive when one considered the narrowness of the DuSable bridge) and rolled onto Michigan Avenue.

Cordelia watched the accompanying vehicles, driven by NEST personnel pull onto the road behind Optimus. His wing mirror offered her a beautiful view of Chicago’s damaged but impressive vista in the growing twilight.

She sighed and leaned back against the seat, gently adjusting the seatbelt which had slid across her body before Optimus had pulled off.

Optimus did not materialise his holoform as he navigated Chicago’s streets, easily detecting the most efficient route through his faultless GPS system.

Cordelia watched the steering wheel turn gently this way and that, accompanied by the shifting of Optimus’ gear stick moving up and down his gear box.

Light static filled the cab as Optimus flicked the radio on and began to cycle rapidly through the stations.

“When you were standing in the wake of devastation When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown And with the cataclysm raining down Insides crying, "Save me now" You were there, impossibly alone—”

Chester Bennington’s crisp tenor voice emanated from Optimus’ speakers, before it was abruptly cut off by a hiss of static and a low growl from the Autobot leader.

The static continued as Optimus cycled through all the available radio stations at breakneck speed, apparently unable to find one he wanted.

“—they should just go back to their own planet. Nobody asked them to come here, and nobody asked them to stay. Now they have brought their war and destruction here, and innocent American soldiers and civilians are paying the price. There are no Autobots and Decepticons, there is only us and them. If we continue to choose them, we will invite our own extinction in through the front door.”

Cordelia’s blood ran cold in her veins as she heard the bitter tones of Theodore Galloway.

Before she could react, Optimus had screeched to a halt, throwing her against the locked restraints of her seatbelt.

One of the NEST escort vehicles stopped just in time, mere inches from Optimus’ back fender.

The truck shivered beneath her, and Cordelia watched the hood quivering with Optimus’ rage.

His engine sputtered twice before he restarted it and continued rolling forward. His airbrakes hissed noisily as the convoy resumed their previous pace through the semi-fallen city.

Cordelia adjusted herself in her seat, listening to the continual hiss of static uneasily as Optimus resumed his frantic search for a radio station.

He led the convoy through suburban Chicago and soon they were headed for the Interstate 55, which would take them back to Scott Airforce Base, which had become their temporary base of operations for the duration of the Chicago clean-up effort.

Optimus’ engine snarled gutturally as he merged into the fast lane, accelerating quickly. His more powerful engine left the escort vehicles behind, and soon they were nothing more than tiny dots in his wing mirrors.

Checking her phone, Cordelia saw the time on the LCD screen displayed as 16:43. That meant that they wouldn’t get back to the air force base until 21:30 at the very earliest that evening.

She coughed lightly to clear the dryness in her throat, reaching up to remove her red scarf, placing it in the passenger footwell.

Optimus extended one of his cupholders, an unopened bottle of spring water within it. Condensation dribbled down the sides of the bottle, wetting the label that boasted spring water bottled at the source in the Quachita Mountains.

Cordelia took it gratefully and went to remove the screw cap.

It was stuck fast.

She used her left hand to try first, as her right hand had only just come out of the cast last week. She had broken the wrist of her dominant hand in the battle in Chicago, ironically after the battle had finished. She’d been running towards Optimus and had tripped over a stray mortar shell from Megatron’s discarded rifle and had splayed forwards onto the concrete, landing badly on her right wrist.

Her left hand by comparison, was far weaker and she didn’t have the strength in it to remove the cap.

“Ugh!” She exclaimed angrily, about to shove the bottle back in the cup holder when a large, metallic hand reached for the bottle.

She looked up to see that Optimus’ holoform had materialised itself in the driver’s seat, though he was turned to fully face Cordelia.

He did not need his holoform to drive himself safely and could use his holoform and drive simultaneously.

Cordelia handed him the bottle and watched as he easily snapped the cap free from the little plastic ring that had defeated her.

Handing it back to her, he reached up to tuck a strand of stray auburn hair behind her left ear.

“Thanks,” she offered before raising the bottle to her lips and taking a generous swig. The water tasted crisp, clear, and good. She glugged from the bottle greedily, surprised by how thirsty she suddenly felt.

She replaced the lid and returned the bottle to the cup holder, one hand coming up to self-consciously wipe the water droplets off the corners of her mouth.

Optimus was watching her expectantly. “It is important to stay hydrated in this cold air. My research has informed me that cold air is dry and can cause a human to create more mucus. Given your asthma, this is not a desirable prospect for you.”

Cordelia gave a half-hearted snort and turned slightly in her seat so that she could face Optimus fully.

“Duly noted big guy. But don’t panic, I am not gonna die from spending a couple of hours in some cold air.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wished that she could call them back.

She watched Optimus’ optics tighten with pain, their pupils constricting to needle-points. The outer LEDs that framed his white pupils constricted like a camera lens that was zooming in on something.

“Cordelia…” a low, mechanical whine sounded deep from within him, filling the truck’s cab with his sorrow.

Cordelia leaned forward, wrapping one of her small hands around his big one. Her fingers didn’t even go all the way around his palm.

Her soft contact had the desired effect, diverting his attention to her. A small smile tugged at the edges of his optics, their pupils dilating minutely.

He wrapped his fingers around her hand, enveloping it completely.

“Erh…this is going to be a long drive Cordelia…do you wish to sleep for the journey?” Optimus asked, straightening but leaving their fingers interlocked.

Cordelia shook her head gently at him. “It was a long drive this morning big guy. If I get tired, I’ll close my eyes, but I would like to chat to you…if that’s what you want?”

Optimus’ optics softened at her words, his silvery thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Of course you can talk to me Lia…you never need to ask me if that’s what I want; I will always want you to talk to me.”

“It’s just that…I wondered. Only because you were cycling through the radio stations so quickly just now…I wondered if you would rather have the radio on for the journey back to base.”

Optimus shook his head, pinching his nose with the thumb and forefinger of his free hand, his facial plating scrunched up in a frown.

“Ahh, my apologies. I was overcome by a sudden…attack of the sads.” He looked up then, grinning at Cordelia ruefully.

Cordelia was taken aback at hearing her own phrase uttered in Optimus Prime’s noble baritone.

She had first coined the term about a year after meeting Optimus. She had been only fifteen years old and struggling greatly with her inner demons.

Memories of her father, the feeling of loneliness that had threatened to crush her from the inside out. The feeling of walking on a precipice, a precipice that she would fall from at the slightest whisper of wind.

Optimus had been out for the better part of the day, in and out of meetings with world leaders, military personnel and various different liaison officers from multiple different branches of multiple different global governments.

Left to her own devices, Cordelia had walked around the perimeter of the island. It had taken her about five hours to walk the entire perimeter at a leisurely pace. She’d enjoyed watching the Autobots carrying out their training exercises, the gruff Weapons Specialist observing and correcting where he thought necessary.

She stood in the warm surf of the Indian ocean, enjoying the feel of the seasonally warm water on her bare feet.

In the distance, a pod of dolphins played in the big waves breaking on the reef.

They leaped gracefully out of the water, easily clearing twenty feet.

She sat down in the sand, playing with the fine grains between her slender fingers. A gentle breeze blew her auburn hair this way and that, carrying with it the salty-briney scent from the ocean.

An indescribable heaviness was settling in Cordelia’s heart, attacking her carefully crafted defences, destroying them as easily as Megatron had sent her flying from the roof of the building in Mission City.

It tugged at the corners of her mind, demanding that she feel its presence. She shied away from it, trying to hide in the deepest parts of herself.

She didn’t know how long she sat there, hiding from the darkest parts of her soul that seemed intent on tearing her apart.

She didn’t register the tiny vibrations in the ground as Optimus Prime approached her, finally done with all the meetings of the day.

She didn’t feel the embrace of his hand around her tiny body, lifting her from the uncertainty of her own feelings and into the stability of his presence.

He held her tenderly against his chest, allowing the low thrum of his Spark to comfort her.

Her small body trembled in his cupped hands as she slowly uncurled herself from the foetal position.

She struggled to take a breath to speak, and Optimus drew a gentle finger down the length of her spine.

“Shh little one. It’s okay. You don’t have to speak. I am here.” He felt her slump against the wall of his curled fingers in relief.

“I’ll be okay…I just have a case of the sads. It will pass soon,” she mumbled into his stainless-steel palm.

A gentle shaking of her shoulders brought her out of her memory-induced reverie. She shook her head and rubbed her eyes, taking in the sight of Optimus sitting in the driver’s seat, gazing at her worriedly.

“Are you alright Cordelia?” Optimus asked, leaning forward to adjust one of the heater dials, turning the vent so that it was fully pointed at Cordelia.

“I’m fine Op. I was just lost in some memories for a minute. You saying about the sads made me think of the time I used the term with you for the first time.”

He smiled sadly at her, his features visibly relaxing.

“I…erh…wanted to thank you for accompanying me back and forth from Chicago over the past couple of months. I know it can’t have been easy for you, all these early mornings and hours on the road. Just know that I am eternally grateful to you.”

“Hey, don’t sweat it. I am here because I want to be, Optimus. And when you’re ready to talk…I will be here.”

She watched as his optics widened at her words, his metallic eyelids clicking quietly when he blinked at her.

“Thank you, my little one. Your words mean more to me than you know.”

An easy silence settled over the pair of them as Optimus continued his course along the I-55, eager to complete the 300-mile journey back to the base as quickly as possible.

For a few hours, neither of them said a word, but neither of them needed to. Silences between them were never awkward or uneasy, and the conversation between them never forced or false.

Cordelia was incredibly grateful for this and found something inherently peaceful about sitting in silence with her favourite person in both the known and unknown universe.

The sky steadily darkened from the greyish twilight to the indigo blue of early evening before finally transitioning to the coal-black of the night sky.

“The sky is exceptionally clear tonight, if you look out of the window, you should be able to see the Cassiopeia constellation.” As he spoke, Cordelia’s window rolled down and the crisp October air blew into Optimus’ cab.

Cordelia stuck her head out of the window, and sure enough, set her gaze on the distinctive ‘W’ shape of the five stars.

“Wow, that is incredible” she breathed, gazing up towards the heavens in wonder.

The beauty of the cluster of five stars was hauntingly beautiful against the black backdrop of the night sky.

“Did you know there are a number of notable deep sky objects within the constellation of Cassiopeia?” Optimus asked, drawing her attention away from the celestial bodies.

“Deep sky objects? What are they when they’re at home?”

Optimus chuckled quietly. “They are a collection of clusters and nebulas that are located within the constellation itself. My two personal favourites in the Cassiopeia constellation are the Heart Nebula and the Soul Nebula.”

He pressed a finger to the right side of his helm and a holographic image projected from his optics, building a three-dimensional picture in front of Cordelia.

Depicted within the image were two distinct cloud formations among the stars, a red haze hanging over them.

“The one on the left is the Heart Nebula, also known as ‘The Running Dog’, due to the loose resemblance. The Heart Nebula is located at an approximate distance of 7,500 light years from Earth. The one on the right is the Soul Nebula. The two nebulae are only separated by 2.5 degrees and are connected by a bridge of gas.”

Cordelia reached up and ghosted her fingers over the hologram. “Why are they red?” she asked, smiling at the wonder in Optimus’ optics.

“Ahh, the red colour is due to the emission of that specific colour of light by the nearby hydrogen gas. This formation is truly incredible, these stars are only just beginning their lives. They are only a few million years old.”

Cordelia half-snorted. “Only a few million years old? Optimus, I know you’re ancient, but that is still super old.”

Optimus shut the hologram off and rested his left hand on the steering wheel. “Okay, okay. I appreciate that a few million years is old by your standards, but to put it into perspective, your sun is 4.5 billion years old.”

“Woahhh.” Cordelia stretched the word out, trying to wrap her mind around the incomprehensible number.

Cordelia shifted in her seat, which suddenly reclined. Cordelia ‘oofed’ in surprise but settled down into the comfortable confines of the seat.

“Sleep little one, I will wake you when we arrive back at base.”

Abruptly, Cordelia was aware that her eyelids were too heavy, and the smokey tones of Optimus’ baritone voice caressed her psyche like the valued touch of an old friend.

Sleep found her easily.

The weeks melted seamlessly together as the clean-up effort in Chicago continued.

Cordelia carried on accompanying Optimus to and from Chicago every day, watching as the Autobot leader’s grief seemed to suffocate him more and more with each passing day.

On one day in mid-December, Cordelia was walking around the base with Leo, listening as he pointed out the various different aircraft to her.

She buried her nose and mouth into the soft folds of her red turtleneck, trying to keep out the biting sting of the crisp Illinois winter. Leo walked beside her, clad in a navy fleece-lined winter jacket and grey jeans, his walking boots leaving well-defined footprints in the snow behind them. His beanie hat was tucked securely over his ears.

She wrapped her arms tighter around herself, trying to hold in what little warmth she had left in her small body.

Leo noticed and wrapped a long arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him to shelter her from the bite of the wind with his impressive six-foot-three-inch frame.

“You would think I would be used to extreme temperatures by now.” Cordelia groused, huddling into Leo’s side, seeking the warmth he provided.

Leo leaned down a little to catch her words before they were blown away by the bitter wind and hissed when her nose made contact with his cheek.

“Jeez Lia! You’re bloody freezing! Here, take this.” He removed the beanie hat and jammed it down onto Cordelia’s head. It smelt faintly of men’s shampoo. She reached up and pushed the hat up a little, freeing her eyes from its woolly brim.

She grinned at him ruefully, rubbing his arm by way of apology. “Thanks. Sorry about that.” She said, looking up at him.

The wrinkles around Leo’s blue eyes crinkled as he returned her smile, softening his features.

His arm tightened around her shoulders, his fingers gently squeezing her in fond solidarity.

“You and I haven’t had a chance to really chat since…all that crazy stuff happened in Chicago. How have you been doing?”

Cordelia looked away from his earnest gaze, biting her lip to buy herself some time before she answered Leo’s question.

“I am…under construction.” She tried to answer truthfully, not wanting to have an unnecessary conversation with Leo about how deeply she was struggling.

“Optimus is quiet…he’s withdrawn right inside himself this time. I’m really worried about him. He takes on too much—”

Leo stopped mid-stride, turning to completely face Cordelia. The look on his face caused her unspoken words to fizzle out and die in her throat.

She hadn’t seen Leo’s ‘stern’ look since she was fifteen years old.

His blue eyes were narrowed slightly, his lips pressed into a hard, thin line. It felt like he was staring into the very recesses of her soul.

Apart from Optimus, Leo was the only other person she’d met that could silence her with one look.

Not even Charlotte Mearing could claim that rare privilege.

“With all due respect Cordelia,” Leo spoke slowly, deliberately using Cordelia’s full name. “I asked how you were doing, not Optimus. While I am fond of the big chap, my primary concern is you, not the leader of the Autobots. So, I am going to ask you how you are, and I would like for you to answer me honestly.”

Cordelia chewed the inside of her cheek uncomfortably, dropping her eyes from his stony glare.

“I’ve been better.” Cordelia barely heard her own whispered confession as she spoke, fearful that finally releasing the words would start an uncontrollable snowball of emotions that would eventually engulf her completely.

Leo curled a finger under her chin, gently tilting her face up so that her green gaze met his blue one.

“Oh bach, come here.” He folded her into the safety of his arms, holding her tightly in the shelter of his loving embrace.

She fell against him, allowing him to hold all the broken pieces of her together.

Flashes of the last few months played through her mind, creating a personal picture show of traumatic proportions.

Tears pricked at the backs of her eyes, and she wiped at them furiously with the cuff of one of her sleeves, refusing to allow them passage down her cold cheeks.

Leo noticed and pulled back, framing her petite face between his large hands.

“Hey, listen to me. You’ve been through so much in the last couple of months – heck, the last couple of years Lia. You are allowed to cry. It doesn’t make you weak and it doesn’t mean you’re not coping. It makes you human bach.”

Cordelia chuckled weakly and buried her face into the soft folds of Leo’s winter jacket, inhaling his outdoorsy scent.

She felt his arms around her shoulders once more and relished the sense of safety that she felt in them.

They resumed walking, huddled close together, sharing each other’s body heat.

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, just listening to the crunch of the snow underfoot as they walked.

Leo spoke then, coming to stop underneath the wing of a Bell Boeing V-22 Osprey. “Lia…is there anything…is there anything that you would like to talk about?”

Cordelia sighed, huddling against the side of the large aircraft while she thought about her answer to Leo’s question.

Did she really want to open the metaphorical wound? Her subconscious reared away violently at the mere thought of it.

She felt her shoulders come up automatically, her body preparing for the expected onslaught of traumatic memories.

With an effort, she opened her mouth to respond. “No. There’s nothing that can be achieved by talking about what happened. I need to be there for Optimus. He is in more need of comfort and reassurance than I am right now.”

Cordelia didn’t look Leo in the eye as she uttered these words, instead leaning against the cold metal of the Osprey, hands flat against the aircraft’s body.

Leo sighed. “Cordelia. How many more times do I need to say this?! What happened was not your fault. Sentinel took us all by surprise. Not even Optimus saw that one coming.”

Although Cordelia knew Leo had intended his words to bring solace and consolation, they only served to stoke the dormant fire deep within the pit of her belly. She felt her temper flare up as she turned to face him, looking up into his worried blue eyes.

“What are you talking about? Why are you bringing Optimus’ judgement into this? Sentinel’s betrayal was nothing do to with Optimus’ judgement! It had everything to do with the fact that he was a back-stabbing slagger who belonged in the pits!”

Leo’s eyebrows raised at her use of Cybertronian insults. “You’ve been spending too much time with Ironhide” he said, chuckling ruefully. Cordelia saw that as soon as he as uttered the words that he regretted them. His face fell as he reached out to close the growing gap between them. “Lia I’m sorry, I am so sorry love. That just-“

“-just what, ‘slipped out’?” Cordelia hissed, pulling her hand free from Leo’s.

She watched his eyes as a slew of emotions crossed them fleetingly. Sadness and surprise gave way to indignant anger.

“Now you listen to me for one minute. Just one minute, that is all I ask.”

Cordelia saw in the determined set of his shoulders and the thin, pressed line that was his mouth that he meant business. She slumped backwards to lean against the aircraft again, a silent invitation for him to continue.

“When I came across you on the beat all those years ago, I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I would look after you and never let anybody hurt you like that ever again. Bloody hell Lia, I came to love and think of you as my own daughter. I would do absolutely anything for you, so to see you like this is breaking my heart. Don’t you push me away kiddo, because I am not going anywhere.”

He took both of her hands in his again, rubbing his thumbs over her bony knuckles.

“Please Lia…just talk to me. I can see you breaking apart right in front of me, and I will be damned if I don’t do anything about it. You are too important to me.”

It was the last six words that broke through Cordelia’s carefully constructed mental wall. Leo’s words felled it like a tree, and the power that it came crashing down with was just as devastating.

For one moment, she was fourteen years old again, crumbling in his arms as he held her together while she fell apart.

For a few moments, neither of them said anything. They listened to the wind whistle around the wings of the Osprey, rocking the large aircraft slightly on its wheels. Leo cupped the back of Cordelia’s head in his right hand, his left cupping her cheek, thumb rubbing away the relentless tears.

Cordelia leaned her head against Leo’s firm chest, trying to pull herself together before she spoke to him.

She took a deep breath, concentrating on bringing the words she wanted to say to the surface of her spiralling mind.

“It was my fault. What Sentinel did to me was my fault.” Her words were barely audible as she mumbled them into Leo’s chest.

“I allowed myself to be taken by him. I should have been more careful around him. I didn’t know him at all, and yet I trusted him completely.”

Cordelia felt Leo’s indignant huff ruffle her hair.

“Lia, that isn’t true at all. Optimus trusted him, so the rest of us did so without question. And before you think I’m judging Optimus’ judgement calls, I am not. Sentinel pulled the wool over Optimus’ eyes, just like he did with the rest of us.”

Cordelia scrunched her eyes tightly shut, almost able to see the sleek features of the chic penthouse apartment that she had been held hostage in in Chicago.

She remembered the hulking figures of Sentinel Prime and Megatron huddled together on the south-eastern corner of Trump Tower, close to the control pillar that was Cybertron’s anchor to the Earth.

Leo’s voice brought her back to the here and now.

“Did he…did he hurt you? When he took you?”

Cordelia shook her head in answer, finally lifting her bloodshot eyes to meet Leo’s. “No. He didn’t. He was actually…surprisingly indifferent. He knew that Optimus wouldn’t allow NEST or the other Autobots to fire while he had me with him. That seemed to make him almost cocky. Once we got to our destination, he left me with Laserbeak and went off to recon with Megatron.”

She sniffed, dabbing at the corners of her eyes with the sleeves of her jacket. “Then I saw that Optimus and the other Autobots were going to be deported…and I lost it. Gould gave me a sedative then. The next thing I remember is waking up on the couch and watching Sentinel give the order to Decepticons around the world to launch the pillars.”

Leo said nothing but wrapped his arms around her in a tighter embrace.

“I don’t want to talk to Optimus about it because Sentinel was his mentor…his teacher, his friend. Sentinel’s betrayal has cut him deep, and it’s going to be a long and difficult healing process.”

Leo sighed and scratched his stubble thoughtfully. “Well, it goes without saying Lia, but I am always, always here for you if you want to talk. Day or night, whenever you need me. I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere bach.”

“Thank you, Leo. And I’m sorry for getting mad earlier. There’s so much stuff running around in my head at the moment, it feels like I can’t pin a single thought down.”

Leo crushed her to his chest once more, his muscular arms encircling her small frame. “No matter when, no matter what, I am here for you bach. Whenever you need me, I will be there.”

Cordelia returned his affection in kind, rising up on tiptoes to plant a small kiss on Leo’s cheek.

“Thank you, Leo. Thank you so much.”

He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as they pulled apart. Something behind Cordelia caught his attention and she turned to see what he was looking at.

Not what, but who.

Colonel William Lennox was disembarking from a vehicle similar to the ones that were used on golf courses. He strode towards Leo and Cordelia with purpose, his shoulders hunched against the cold of the bitter wind.

Cordelia and Leo closed the gap just as Lennox reached up to remove his aviator sunglasses. His brown eyes looked troubled, his brow furrowed.

“You’re a hard woman to find Cordelia Prime,” Lennox said, only half-jokingly. “Mr Jacobs, it’s good to see you again.” The two men shook hands warmly and clapped each other on the shoulder.

“How many times Colonel, please call me Leo. Mr Jacobs makes me sound like a dead-end maths teacher who still lives with his mother.”

Lennox snorted. “Fair enough Leo, fair enough. As long as you call me Will. We’ve worked together long enough now.”

Lennox turned his attention to Cordelia, casting his gaze down from his 6’3” height.

“Lia, could I borrow you for a sec? The Boss has shut down.”

Cordelia felt a pang of nausea attack her stomach with a surprising ferocity, threatening to claw its way up her throat.

She swallowed with an effort, twisting her trembling hands behind her back as she addressed Lennox.

“What do you mean he’s ‘shut down’? What is wrong with him? Where is he?” Her voice became higher and more panicked with each question she uttered, her pulse ringing in her ears.

Lennox held both hands up to her, trying to calm the tirade of questions. “Easy Lia, easy! Physically, he’s fine. He’s not hurt or injured or anything like that. Perhaps I should have said that he’s giving everybody the silent treatment again. Not even Ratchet can get him to come out. That’s why I’ve come to find you. We need you.”

Cordelia allowed herself a relieved sigh, feeling her galloping heart slow down to a gentler and more comfortable rhythm. She swallowed past the metallic taste that had suddenly made itself known in her mouth.

“Okay. Sorry, I just freaked out for a second there. Where is he?”

Lennox motioned to the little golf cart that he had just exited. “He’s on the other side of the base. It’s too far to walk in this damn wind.” He didn’t wait for a reply but turned and walked back towards the cart, settling himself to wait in the driver’s seat.

Cordelia turned to face Leo. “I’ll see you later?”

Leo nodded the affirmative. “I’ll see you later bach, there is a coffee in the mess hall with my name on it. From the sound of it, Optimus needs you and only you right now.” He leaned down and pecked a gentle kiss on her cheek. “Jeez kiddo, you’re always freezing. At least take this.” He took his scarf off and wrapped it around Cordelia’s neck, making sure that it covered her mouth and nose.

The scent of Leo’s aftershave was suddenly deep in her nostrils, the familiar sandalwood aroma making her eyes water.

She waved a casual goodbye to him as she clambered into the passenger’s side of the cart next to Lennox.

The colonel pressed down on the accelerator and made for the eastern side of the base.

“So Will, what happened?” Cordelia asked, training her gaze on the colonel.

“I honestly dunno Lia. Mearing asked Prime for a debrief once you guys got back to base.”

Cordelia nodded, remembering the Director of Intelligence’s curt request to Optimus before he’d even had the chance to transform upon returning to Scott Airforce base. It was at this point that Leo had come out of the recreational area and offered to walk around the base with her.

“Mmhmm, what else happened? Optimus doesn’t just clam up for no reason Will. Something must have happened, or someone must have said something.”

Lennox’s shoulders slumped. “Like I said, I don’t know. I was told that my presence was not necessary for the meeting. It was only a debrief after all. Next thing I know, Mearing’s aide is clacking towards me in those stupid heels that she insists on wearing…telling me I need to get Prime to pull the stick out of his—” he stopped short then, suddenly aware of the venomous look on Cordelia’s face.

“Oh, she did now did she?” Cordelia uttered darkly, unable to stop her delicate features from curling into a hostile scowl.

Lennox held one hand up defensively. “Her words Lia, not mine.”

Cordelia sighed, burying her face into the folds of Leo’s borrowed scarf. “I know. It just makes me so angry that after everything Optimus and the Autobots have done, government officials still think that it’s okay to speak to them like shit.”

They spent the rest of the short drive in silence, neither quite sure of what to say to the other.

They emerged around the corner of a maintenance hangar to find Optimus, sitting in his vehicular mode.

The Peterbilt cut a lonely figure in the dying light of the day, overlooking the vast green fields that surrounded the borders of the air base.

Lennox cut the engine as Cordelia got out of the cart.

“Do you want me to stay?”

Cordelia shook her head. “Thanks Will, but I think it’s best if it’s just Optimus and I. Can you make sure no one comes near here please? He’s earned a rest with no interruptions at the very least.

“Course, I can do that for you kid. Good luck Lia.” He executed a wide turn and drove back the way they had come.

Cordelia waited until she could no longer see Lennox before she made her way over to Optimus.

He gave no indication that he had heard her approach, or even that he was aware of her presence.

Cordelia didn’t utter a word but walked confidently over to the Peterbilt. She eyed Optimus’ grill for a few seconds, deliberating the best way to get him to transform.

Somehow, she knew instinctively that simply talking to him would not be enough.

Sighing, she pulled her thick coat down a little so that it covered most of her behind, before sinking down to sit in the snow.

She hissed as her hands made contact with the freezing powder, but stubbornly made herself a comfortable little wedge in the six-inch deep snow.

She leaned against Optimus’ grill, pressing her cheek against the smooth chrome and began her internal countdown.

She had only just made it to four from five when the familiar clanks and whirs of a transforming robot filled her ears.

Ensuring her mouth was buried in her borrowed scarf, she smiled smugly to herself and allowed herself to fall into Optimus’ waiting palm.

He cupped her tiny body in his hand, curling his fingers over her to shield her from the bite of the wind as he made to stand at his full height.

She felt the warmth begin to spread underneath her as he sent heat to his palm, immediately thawing the snow which clung to the backside of her jeans.

His blue optics narrowed suspiciously at her. “What in the AllSpark were you thinking? Sitting in the snow? What logical purpose does that serve?”

She glared up at him defiantly. “It achieved my goal.”

Whatever he had expected her to say, it certainly hadn’t been that. His lips parted once, twice and three times before clamping shut in his signature pout. The mosaic that made up his facial plating scrunched up as if he’d smelled something thoroughly unpleasant.

“And what, may I ask, was that?”

Cordelia took her time to answer him, making herself comfortable on his palm. She assumed her usual position; leaned back against the curled wall of his fingers, her arm loosely curled around his thumb.

“I needed you to transform. I would look pretty stupid talking to a parked truck, wouldn’t I?”

Optimus simulated a sigh, the housings in between his joints hissing out air. He lifted his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose between a thumb and forefinger, his audial covers rotating clockwise as he did so.

He started to walk, apparently with no specific destination in mind.

Cordelia poked her head over the top of his curled fingers to see where they were going. She stole a quick glance upwards at the Autobot leader, rewarded with only the underside of his chin.

“Optimus?” She asked gently, her voice quiet and tender.

He tilted his head downwards to meet her gaze, optics dilating slightly at her gentler tone.

“Yes, little one?” He answered, his own baritone voice somewhat muted.

“Where are we going?” That earned her a chuckle, one that reverberated deep within her ribs.

“If you think for one nano-second that I am going to allow you to converse with me out here in conditions where it is barely one degree above freezing, then you are sorely mistaken. We are going to a hangar that is currently not in use.”

Cordelia huffed indignantly and huddled back against Optimus’ curled fingers.

“You are such a worry-guts. I’ve been walking with Leo in ‘these conditions’ and I’m fine.”

“The pilomotor reflex displayed on the surface of your skin would suggest otherwise.” Optimus’ tone was deadpan, but Cordelia saw that his mouth plates were slightly upturned in what he clearly thought was a private smile.

With Optimus’ long stride, they made it to the aforementioned hangar in no time at all. Optimus had to duck to go through the large double doors as he stood head and shoulders taller than them, but once inside, he could stand at his full height with no problems at all.

He started to bend down, ready to set Cordelia down on the floor, but she shouted out, rather more loudly than she intended to.

“No!”

He stopped abruptly, his hand about fifteen feet from the floor. His fingers curled around her, securing her more firmly in his palm.

“Lia? Are you alright?” His optics were wide with worry, and she felt the light tickle of his diagnostic scan.

“Sorry, didn’t quite mean to shout like that. I’m fine…it’s just, can you hold me? I want to be close to you.”

She dropped her gaze from his, embarrassed at herself.

“Of course little one, that is not a problem in the slightest.”

He raised her to eye level then, studying her carefully with those bottomless optics of his.

Cordelia swallowed past the lump of sadness that had suddenly lodged itself in her throat.

She motioned to be brought closer to his face and Optimus obliged, one finger stroking gently up and down her spine.

She traced her small hands down the grooves of his nose, following the lines of his facial plating. She touched the glyphs on his cheek as gently as she could, wishing to convey her love and affection for him through her touch alone.

This time, when the tears pricked at the back of her eyes, she made no effort to stop them from falling.

She braced herself against Optimus’ triangular nose, wanting to eliminate all space between them.

He nuzzled into her, a minor static charge jumping between them. It startled them both, and as they pulled away from each other, Cordelia felt her hat pulled off her head, leaving her auburn hair fuzzy and flyaway.

Hilariously, Optimus’ optics were crossed, trying to look at something. His face plates scrunched up and then relaxed before scrunching up again. The look reminded Cordelia of a human trying to hold back a sneeze.

It took her a few seconds to realise what had happened.

Her beanie hat was caught on the end of Optimus’ nose, hanging by one thick black thread.

Optimus reached up with his free hand and took the hat between his thumb and forefinger, his optics widening in a horrified expression when he realised what he was holding.

In his attempt to place it carefully back on Cordelia’s head, he managed to unravel it almost completely.

“Oh Cordelia, I am so, so sorry. I will rectify this as soon as I am able to do so.”

Cordelia snorted with unladylike laughter.

“Relax big guy, it’s just a hat. I have plenty more where that came from.”

She took the remnants of the hat off his finger and flung it carelessly over her shoulder.

“Now that that’s dealt with, can I ask you a favour?”

Optimus tore his gaze from where the hat had fallen on the floor and returned it to Cordelia, bathing her in the gentle ethereal blue glow of his optics.

He traced a finger over her cheek, wiping away the lone tear that had claimed territory of it.

“You can always ask anything of me little one” he declared, his sonorous baritone low in her ears.

Cordelia hesitated before she spoke again, running her fingers in small circles over Optimus’ facial plating as she searched for the appropriate words of comfort for the struggling Prime.

Optimus almost subconsciously leaned into her touch, dipping his head so far forward that his left ear finial came to be in Cordelia’s reach.

She turned her attention to that, running her hand up and down the length of it, listening to the deep, purring rumble that Optimus emanated whenever he was content.

She was unsure how much time had passed before she spoke again.

“Optimus…will you talk to me? I can see you cracking before my eyes, and it’s killing me. I need to look after you, I need to make sure that you are safe.”

At these words, Optimus’ broad shoulders slumped downwards in a non-verbal sign of defeat.

He lifted his head, turning sad optics upon the tiny human female nestled in his palm.

“That is just it Cordelia…I did not ensure your safety. I allowed Sentinel to take you and I was powerless to stop him. Never, not once in my long life have I ever been paralysed by fear, and that day I was. By the AllSpark, you could have been killed!”

A low, mechanical whine sounded somewhere from deep within his body, working in conjunction with the furious spinning of his audio covers.

“And the worst thing is Cordelia…I did not fail to protect you once. No, failure to protect you once could be seen as a mistake, a grave error in my judgement. I failed to defend you adequately on two separate occasions! I am no longer fit to bear the Matrix, I am no longer fit to be called a Prime!”

He buried his face in his free hand, hiding his haunted expression from her.

With a deep breath, Cordelia stood in Optimus’ palm and made an awkward leap to his chest. She clung to his chest plates like a little koala bear, suddenly all too aware that she was some twenty feet up in the air.

Her sudden movement caused Optimus to look down in alarm. Once he saw that she was sprawled across his vast chest with only her own limbs keeping her from falling, he hurried to secure her back in his palm, gently plucking her off his chest between a gentle finger and thumb.

“Cordelia, what—by the AllSpark, please be careful little one. My Spark could not bear it if you were hurt because of me.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes at him. “Optimus, please. I had everything under control. Just…just look at me, please?” She asked, intoning her voice to a gentler and more tender volume.

He obliged her, bringing her up to his face once more.

They resumed their earlier position, Optimus holding Cordelia close to his visage, Cordelia bracing herself against his nose.

“Optimus Prime, you are fit to be a Prime. You are fit to lead your people to victory, and you are fit to be the bearer of the Matrix. You are Optimus Prime, and nobody, nobody in the entire universe can take that away from you.”

She watched his optics grow misty with wiper fluid as he listened to and digested her words.

“Lia…how I wish it were true. How I wish with all my Spark that what you said is true. I fear it is not. Of what victory do you speak? My men are all but obliterated, my mentor dead by my own hand. My home planet…destroyed. I wouldn’t call that ‘Prime’ material little one.”

Cordelia spread her arms as far as she could across Optimus’ face, doing her best to hug him despite the huge size difference between them. She felt his facial plating relax into a sad smile against her torso.

“Do you think I would lie to you Optimus? Only tell you what I think you want to hear?”

Optimus shook his great head sadly, hydraulics hissing lightly with the movement. “No Cordelia, I do not for one moment think that you would only tell me what you think I want to hear. I just…do not agree with your assessment little one.”

“Okay. That’s your prerogative. I’m not gonna twist your arm to make you agree with me. Firstly, I’m too small and secondly, Ratchet has only just re-attached that arm of yours. I don’t think he would take too kindly to me twisting it.”

That earned her a small chuckle.

Emboldened, she carried on. “So, let me tell you what I do know. You have saved this planet and the life of every human being on it three times, never asking for anything in return except a place to call home. You have led your Autobots into battle with confidence and vigour, never expecting them to do anything that you yourself would not do.

“You have fostered relationships and treaties with the world’s governments, despite their best attempts to the contrary. You have come back…come back from the dead. You have stopped humanity from harming itself with needless conflicts.

“You have led your Autobots with pride, dignity and by example. You’re not infallible Optimus, hell, none of us are!”

It appeared that the Autobot leader was at a complete loss for words.

“And lastly, let me remind you of one of the most important things I think you’ve done” Cordelia continued softly, grasping both sides of the Prime’s face now. “It involves a short story, so buckle up.”

She made herself a little more comfortable on his palm, but kept her small hands on his face, her left hand gently tracing the ‘Prime’ glyph that adorned his cheek.

“There was one night, give or take about five years ago, that a girl decided to give up. This night was nothing special; no super rare weather event had happened, nobody famous had died. Just a regular, boring summer evening in Tranquility, California.

“This girl was at the beginning of her ending. She felt a kind of peace and relief at the decision that she’d made. There would be no more pain, no more regret. Only peace. It sounded kind of nice, definitely better than the pain to which she had become so accustomed to.

“She found herself walking. She walked for miles, right outside the boundaries of the town and along the shoulder of the highway. She didn’t even really know what she was doing or even where she was going. Only that she needed to continue putting one foot in front of the other.

“Here’s where it gets cliché big guy, okay? So bear with me here.”

Cordelia glanced up at Optimus to see that she had his full attention. He was gazing at her with an expression on his face that she didn’t think she’d ever seen before.

It was an expression of wonderment and intrigue, his optics lost in the imagery of the story she was weaving for him.

“This girl, she saw a shooting star! No word of a lie big guy. Honestly, this thing shot across the sky as clear as day, even though it was night.” Cordelia offered Optimus a small wink and leaned into the comforting embrace of his fingers, one of which had moved to gently caress the back of her left shoulder.

“This kid now, we’re talking about fourteen years old here, she figured that she had nothing to lose. She was leaving anyway, so why not check out this shooting star? It had landed pretty near to where she was and it didn’t take her long to walk to it. It was the weirdest thing she’d ever seen. Turns out it wasn’t a shooting star at all, but some sort of strange egg shaped thing.

“It was metallic and covered in these strange lines and symbols. She could feel the on her face, even from the distance that she was standing at. The trees next to it were on fire, but it seemed contained so she paid the fire no mind.

“The egg thing started to shift then, and that’s when her sense of self-preservation kicked in. She high-tailed it outta there, the old adrenaline pumping through her until she got to the bridge.

“This kid doesn’t remember how long she stood at the edge of that traffic bridge, listening to the roar of the river below it. All she knew was that she had to follow her fears and pain over the bridge and down the river. After all, water cleans stuff, doesn’t it? She figured that wherever her next destination was, she would at least arrive there clean and free of scars and pain.

“But that’s not what happened. After she jumped, she vaguely remembers a kind of…dull thudding sensation. Like a hard landing that didn’t really hurt. She was confused, because she’d landed far sooner than she would have thought, considering how high the traffic bridge actually was.

“Anyway…she woke up and she saw a giant, like a real life, massive giant looming over her. Except this was a robot giant. He had blue eyes that reminded her of camera lenses and a big, noble face. His hand was curled gently around her, shielding her from the hard rocks of the riverbed.

“Her first thought was that she was dead and this robot dude was her spirit guide to…the great beyond or whatever it was. But when he spoke, she felt his voice vibrating her ribs and eardrums, and knew that she couldn’t be dead.

“This giant took it upon himself to ask after the girl, asking her name and what she was doing by the traffic bridge. The girl told him what she had intended to do, and the giant seemed genuinely horrified as he listened to her sad tale.

“The giant very carefully wiped away the girl’s tears with one giant fingertip, and the girl remembers how amazed she was that such a huge…being could be so gentle and tender with something that was so much smaller than him.

“He asked if the girl would mind remaining with him, so that he could keep an eye on her and take care of her.

“The weeks went by, and the giant slowly taught the girl how to love and trust again. He showed her that life was worth living, because where there is life, there is always, always hope.

“He carried her burden for her when it became too much for her to bear alone, never asking for anything in return. He listened to her fears and the reasons for her pain, never once mocking her or belittling the way she felt. He was there for her when no one else was, holding her up against the darkness that would sometimes tear its way through her psyche, always putting her back together with the utmost tenderness afterward.

“The girl grew to love the giant irrevocably, and sometimes got herself into slightly awkward situations to defend him. This girl owes her life to that giant, and she wants to say thank you to him. She wants to say thank you for giving her the most precious gift she has ever received; unconditional love. The giant is whatever she needs him to be, and she cannot ever hope to explain how safe and secure that makes her feel.

“All she can hope is this; that when the giant needs her, he will let her be there for him. Because to the girl, the giant is a leader, a friend, a protector and the most important person in her life. But most importantly, the giant is simply Optimus to the girl. The girl sees the bot behind the Prime, the person behind the leader. She wants him to know that he is safe with her. She wants him to know that it is okay to show his strength by daring to show the weaknesses that plague him.”

It seemed that Cordelia’s words had unlocked something deep and cathartic within the Autobot leader.

He allowed the wiper fluid to dew on the inner corners of his optics before it fell.

A couple of stray drops rolled down the back of Cordelia’s neck, causing the fine baby hairs there to stand on end.

“Optimus, my darling, you have no need, no need at all to be sorry. You weren’t to know what Sentinel was planning. It is not your fault that he got hold of me, I wasn’t hurt and I’m fine. As far as what happened with Megatron…”

At the mention of the Decepticon leader’s name, Optimus’ optics flashed dangerously, their pupils contracting so until they were so tiny it looked like there was no light in his optics at all.

“Cordelia, he could have killed you. It would have been so simple, so easy for him to do so!”

His fingers curled a little more tightly around her, holding her more securely.

She shrugged, somewhat guiltily. “Sentinel was getting ready to kill you, what was I supposed to do? I wasn’t just gonna stand there and do nothing.”

Optimus simulated a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose between a thumb and forefinger.

“We will agree to disagree on this particular subject for the moment. Both of our emotions are running too high for it to be discussed objectively.”

“And…thank you. Thank you my little one, for allowing me to be myself and not fear your reactions. I know I am safe with you. I have always known that.” He dipped his head forward once more, brushing a metallic kiss across Cordelia’s neck and shoulder.

“But what have I done? I murdered the one bot who truly understood me. Sentinel made me everything that I am today. The values that I believe in, the reasons I fight, how I lead my Autobots. They all stem from his influence Lia! From his teachings, his example! I am no better than Megatron. I extinguished him like a prisoner. I should be sent to the Pit for my crimes.”

Cordelia knelt in his palm, touching his face anew.

“I can’t make you change how you’re seeing this situation Optimus, but I can give you my input. You were reunited with a mech who you haven’t seen for god knows how long, of course you were going to be thrilled and overjoyed. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain that you are feeling right now. You were right with what you said on the bridge; Sentinel Prime did not betray you. He betrayed himself.

“He betrayed the values he taught you to live by, betrayed the Autobot cause and betrayed freedom itself. He allied himself with evil, and the consequences proved to be fatal for him, as they did for Megatron.”

“My brother in arms…died long ago Lia. The mech whom I once fought beside perished the moment he chose to become The Fallen’s pawn. But Sentinel…my oldest friend. My teacher. I never even asked him ‘why’. He deserved that opportunity, at the very least.

“I am so confused Cordelia, and that unsettles me. I am used to seeing a way forward and achieving a means of getting to a solution. I feel vindicated in killing Sentinel, he was going to enslave the humans and most likely crush any Autobot rebellion. I feel justified in extinguishing Megatron, the only truth he ever spoke was that of deception. He never intended to forge a treaty between Autobots and Decepticons.

“But Lia, oh, when I saw my home planet for the first time in eons, my Spark ached. Oh how I miss it, how I yearn for it! To see my beautiful planet, devoid of light, devoid of life! I felt my Spark shatter into millions of pieces, scattered to the wind. Part of me wanted…” he turned away from her then, dropping his chin to his chest in horrified disgrace.

“Wanted to what?” Cordelia prompted gently, although she thought she already knew what he was going to say.

“Part of me wanted to step aside and let Sentinel complete his plan. I cannot deny it any longer Cordelia. I have been wrestling with it these past months, forcing myself to deny the truth. I wanted Cybertron back. I still want Cybertron back.”

A weight shifted in Cordelia’s chest of which she’d not been aware.

Finally.

Finally she’d got to the route of what had been eating away at him since they’d returned from the ruined Chicago that summer evening in late July.

“And then, this afternoon, Charlotte Mearing asked…asked for my permission for the humans to perform scientific research upon the bodies of my fallen comrades. Is it not enough that they gave their lives for the people of this planet?! Must they now also sacrifice their bodies to a senseless cause in the name of science, a pointless endeavour in which the humans will learn nothing except the price of their own greed and stupidity!”

Cordelia felt bile rise in her throat.

“Optimus…I’m so, so sorry. There are no words that can excuse what she has asked of you. Oh Optimus, come here.”

He slowly lowered her towards the ground, as if trying not to aggravate an old injury. He let her carefully slide from his palm onto her own two feet on the floor, fingers hovering until he was sure she’d regained a steady vertical base.

Then he transformed, his body closing in on itself until the Peterbilt 379 sat in front of her.

Blue beams shot from the Autobot sigil on his grill and formed a three-dimensional cubed frame, upon which his human-sized, Cybertronian holoform began to build itself.

In less than three seconds, Optimus stood before her, as he always was, still at an impressive height of six feet and eight inches.

Cordelia opened her arms to him and he closed the gap between them in two long strides, crashing to his knees in front of her.

Even at this reduced height, his head still came up to her chest.

She felt his hands curling into her jacket as he pressed his face furiously into her chest, desperate for her comforting affection.

She cupped the back of his head in both hands, tracing her fingers gently over the air vents that were situated there.

“Does this make me a monster Cordelia? Does wanting my planet back make me as bad as The Fallen, as bad as Megatron?!”

His voice went up a couple of octaves and he emitted noises not dissimilar to an engine that was struggling to turn over.

“No, absolutely not. It makes you you, Optimus. What person wouldn’t want their planet if they saw it for the first time in thousands of years? It’s the place where you were born, where you lived the best and worst parts of your life. It’s a place where you forged friendships and discovered your heritage. It’s a place where you carved your legacy. Oh Optimus, the last thing on Earth it makes you is a monster.”

Her words seemed to soothe him. The rate of his intakes slowed and the sputtering noise coming from somewhere in his torso ceased.

Cordelia didn’t know how long they stood like that; the Prime and the human woman holding each other up against their grief.

All hell could have broken loose outside, and Cordelia could not have cared less.

Suddenly, a light bulb came on in Cordelia’s mind.

“Optimus? Fancy playing a song for me?”

Optimus looked up at her, optics slightly scrunched.

He rose to his feet, placing one hand on Cordelia’s shoulder and taking her left hand in his free one. Like that, the top of her head was barely level with Optimus’ chest. She could just about see the faint blue glow of his Spark emanating from his Spark chamber.

“Your wish is my command, milady” Optimus said, pressing a small kiss to the back of the hand he held in his. “What song would you like?”

“Sound The Bugle by Bryan Adams. And Optimus, just do this one thing for me. Whenever you feel like you’re feeling now, remember who you are.”

She watched his optics soften at her words, listening to the quiet click that signalled his radio coming to life.

Bryan Adams’ husky, smokey voice came through Optimus’ impressive surround-sound speakers, making it sound like he was in the empty hangar with them.

“May I have this dance, Cordelia?” Optimus asked, extending one hand towards her.

She suddenly felt foolishly shy. She took a step back, abruptly self-conscious.

“I'm a soldier Wounded so I must give up the fight There's nothing more for me, lead me away Or leave me lying here”

“Sound the bugle now Tell them I don't care There's not a road I know That leads to anywhere”

“Without a light I fear that I will stumble in the dark Lay right down Decide not to go on”

“I – I don’t know how to.” Cordelia protested as the lyrics wound their way around the pair of them, drawing an invisible line between them.

Optimus smiled at her gently. “That is no matter, I will take care of you.”

At his words, all her doubt and worry melted away. She took his hand, stepping away from fear and pain and into the love and light he provided.

He secured a long arm around her waist, his left hand (and hand of choice) holding her right arm away from her body.

She gasped lightly as he gently lifted her to place her feet on his, the pair of them moving as one.

“Easy little one, I’ve got you. You are safe, I promise.”

Cordelia rested her cheek against Optimus’ chest, closing her eyes in pure contentment.

“I have a little more to add to your story, if I may” Optimus rumbled into her ear, twirling the pair of them with surprising grace.

“Oh? What is that then big guy?”

“The giant wants to thank the girl for allowing him to simply be. There is no greater gift that can be given among souls.”

“Then from on high

Somewhere in the distance

There's a voice that calls

Remember who you are

If you lose yourself

Your courage soon will follow

So be strong tonight

Remember who you are”

“Yeah

You're a soldier now

Fighting in a battle

To be free once more

Yeah, that's worth fighting for”

Cordelia nuzzled her face deeper into Optimus’ chest cavity, feeling completely safe in the moment.

She was no longer the girl who Optimus had caught under the bridge, and Optimus was no longer the mech who had saved her life.

They would continue to love and grow together, but right now, all that they both needed was each other and the knowledge that together, they could face anything.

#optimus prime #bayverse optimus prime #transformers #transformers fanfiction #optimus prime fanfiction #blu's fanfiction #i think i just poured all my hurt into this one #oops #no one will read it anyway lol #oc #my fanfiction #fanfiction #optimus prime & platonic female oc

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