#dont wanna get anything fitted because lol my body's still changing so maybe in like 5 years when hrt changes start slowing

[biblicallyaccuratefaggot]

hrm i gotta get more nice clothes my wardrobe is functionally the same as it was when i was 14 with the new addition of bras

#i need to go thrifting once im moved #goodwill is calling my name #i need funky shirts and ties & whatnot #dont wanna get anything fitted because lol my body's still changing so maybe in like 5 years when hrt changes start slowing

[smrtnik07]

librarians redesigned!!! by me!!! :)

the designs are free to use, i used this as a character design exercise for myself while recovering from carpal tunnel issues! read more for all the individual designs + me ranting :*

first off roland!! i included an angelica in here, i designed her before him, shes very triangular to me.. maybe a bit more messed up than roland tells us about, he is a biased narrator afterall. anyways i wanted his design to match hers nicely, so hes like a rounded square type of guy... i think projmoon designed him to be Just A Guy intentionally, so i played into it. overall the least interesting design of the bunch imo. its on purpose :)

angela !!! my baby :) an important thing here is her bangs. i dont want her hair to be able to recover from however many years she spent with the hard middle part in lobcorp, i think its cute to incorporate it still. swoopy, fluffy hair for her! and the clothes are just a bit more casual idk the librarian uniforms were kinda boring and stiff to me, as much as it does go with her character.. if u wanna be human u gotta experience the joy of sweatpants or whatever. also i didnt add color but i dont want her to be fully white<3 or fully clear skinned.. give her sunspots on her face. she finally gets to experience sun. :)

guess ill go in order of appearance lol. malkuth! whats the headband for if it doesnt keep anything out of her face!! since shes a bit more active than some of her colleagues, i also gave her a ponytail(its also for the silhouette...) also gave her some chubbier thighs.. also maybe a butler-esque coat, at least to me; i just made it a bit more form fitting than the original. playing into her personality or whatever. shes cute.. remember to take deep breaths!!

yesod!! i want to play into the skin issues a bit more, i still removed his gloves but i gave him a poncho, not just for the square silhouette im trying to build but for more coverage. also emo hair over eyes was funny. also wide flare pants for you, boy. just very square and put together in general

hod! this ones my favorite (i even cared enough to give her a pattern on that skirt!!) it was kinda bugging me how in the artbook i couldnt tell who was writing because hod's, malkuth's, and tiphereth's colors are so similar. so hod is pink now, and malkuth a bit more orange. i kinda went for a romantic poet thing here, dunno how much that worked out, but i think out of everyone you can tell shes the literature girl. gave her pigtails !! theyre cute :> also since i removed the coat decoration off of angela, i gave part of it to hod in the bottom of her coat :). cute and round!

netzach is a very strange man to me.. ellipse shape and loose fitting clothes for u. if i saw him irl i wouldnt approach him. not to say i dont like him as a character, i love him, but i want him to look like a depressed guy who would pick up art as a hobby to distract himself and it works. bro is just surviving out there. also gave him comfy clothes to make the surviving easier, down to the shoes and wide, id assume non-denim pants - maybe cotton? maybe sweatpants that dont fit around the ankle? who knows.

tiphereth!! since she's like the teen girl of the group i gave her a skater dress, converse, and a tied coat around her waist.. like how i used to wear as a teen when i was being a hater and recovering from a death in the family that changed my entire life (im still a teen ... 9 more days till im 20 as of posting this). also gave her fishnets i think she would like that. i imagine she would get headaches bc of those dumb braids on her head<3 or maybe bc her coworkers are kinda dumb<3

gebura :) round face, reverse triangle shaped body.. like a true butch lesbian stereotype.. i decided a leather jacket, docs and pants i see metalheads wear would fit her! red leather jacket, of course. also gave her spiky hair just like projmoon did<3 my favorite detail here are the eyebrows, i think their shape is rlly neat! nvm i think its just that gebura is rlly neat. anyways the eyebrows fit her

chesed my boy.. idk i just saw him and hit him with the transmasc beam and gave him , as the kids say, wh0re eyes. i wanted him to have rounder hips and just be round in general. turtleneck and cardigan combo also, i think he would like wearing that. also somewhat curlier hair, or at least wavy would do him well! and a tote bag, i dont doubt that he would go out to read in coffee shops if he could - so he gets a tote bag to carry his sociology books. i want him to look like he would give the warmest, comfiest hugs and be friend shaped

binah!! this one was the most challenging, trying to find the right place for the colors - to not use too little or too much yellow. i still dont think i got it right but this is as close as im getting. long face, long nose, siren-ish eyes.. messed up in the head bird lady that speaks like hannibal! i also dont think a dress really suits her so i opted for wide pants and a fancy black button up .. maybe angela styled her, who knows. also black fingertips which is a trait i like to give the arbiters (including an oc).. just my own little consistency thing i like to do :)

hi grandpa! ok for hokma i dont think the changes are that big? i gave him O shaped legs and his sword thing i turned into a walking cane, gave him a vest (didnt want to opt for a corset but i think he would enjoy the back support for proper posture) . also gave him a mild gradient from darker gray to lighter gray, since he IS the gray part of the ABC trio. gave him salt and pepper hair and an older face. forgot to draw it, but i wanted to give him a silicone tip for the sword so it doesnt dull out, which he can take off when recieving guests

honorary mention to go along with the angelica i mentioned with roland, i mildly changed up her twin(k) brother. i gave argalia and angie the same hair but mirrored, his a bit more curly and hers a bit more spikey, his face a bit more edgy, hers a bit rounder and kinder. not much else to say here, i liked his design as is, but wanted to add him here :)

#library of ruina #project moon #art i made #big project done wooo ! :) im proud of myself for setting a goal and sticking to it. are you proud of me. tell me youre proud of me

[jonah-archives]

AUUUUGGUH pafl yura and anya’s relationship almost describes emilio and amelia’s relationship perfectly... ESPECIALLY IN CONVERGENCE. theu would totally knife fight that shit out while evelyn and francis (considering changing his name tbh. i dont wanna associate him with 8:11 francis) watch.. i think the only difference would be like. the reason why they hate each other. since both of their parents were pretty absent. i could litwrally go indepth with the lyrics to explain everything since i already overexplain a lot but ugmm maybe tomorrow :3 anyways abt the sillies wings... i have no idea how they would actually work but uhmmm they’d be decently heavy. they’re not used for flight most of the time tbh whoever fucked them up really just wanted to test out random fucked up shit without the intention of actually benefiting them. if you were to yank on them they wouldn’t rlly hurt. i like to think that even though they’re quite literally attached to their backs theres not many nerve endings there since the structures are mainly made of metal and not anything that might’ve been able to fuse w/ the body?? again idk wtf im talking about. im a middle schooler bro not a surgeon smh/silly and btww if the wings were to be completely removed like cut off or smth both of them wouldn’t really feel anything except for their back finally not hurting as much lol ALSO ALSO SONGS THAT FIT THEM. I DONT HAVE MY SPOTIFY BCZ IM IN SCHOOL RN BUT ILL ADD ON LATER. they are on a whole nother level of traumatized for most of their songs being vocaloid/j also live laugh love ferry. most of the songs that fit the story in general are pafl songs yippee!!! i think strike 3 and convergence are the ones that fit the most idk ill have to re-listen to everything.. anyway wrecking ball by mother mother is so amelia,, OH YEAH END WORLD NORMOPATHY TOO!! mmost of the updated stuff is inspired by that ngl the old version of this story is mad goofy.. not all of the songs timeline matches up with lf’s but its. close enough i guess?? amelia gets out way before emilio but uhh she’s still mariyam and emilio’s still tamari. and just bcz of these damn vocaloid songs half of these goofers have voiceclaims that are uh. all over the place to say the least. i had a song in mind for each voice claim but i only wrote them down as the vocal synth themselves smhh i think i had amelia as solaria and emilio as kevin just because of ewn?? i remember emilio mightve also been mo chen from this one cover but idk ill have to check :( theres also a bunch of underrated songs none of my friends have heard of that fit these sillies.. liek smile for them by bones.. so ameliacore/j im gonna have to make a playlist on yt bcz most of these songs arent on spotify anyway </3 still looking into a bunch of symbolism for emilio and amelia btw!! rn they’re dove and falcon/sun and moon/gold and silver and thats it andd i think thats all i have for now :’3 

#oc stuff #lost familiarity

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: August 8th

Well, doing big posts all together worked for a while but lately I’ve been putting it off because it takes a long time to get them done. I think I’m gonna try switching back to answering asks whenever I can fit it in and posting them one at a time instead of waiting until I’ve filled out one of these major collections.

But for now, here’s more ask answers! Thank you for the questions and for all the kind words along with them ^^.

Hello!! I'm here to ask if its possible to get  the game and its dlcs on steam and play it on android?

I’m afraid not. Steam doesn’t have Android builds on their own site and Steam is not cool with keys for other sites being given out for Steam purchases, so you don’t get the Itch version from buying on Steam.

Hello! Sorry to bother you but, I had a question, if we buy the Game on itchio do we get steam keys or would we need to purchase it twice? 

You would have to buy it twice if you want it in both places, I’m sorry. To repeat myself a little, Steam doesn’t like the key trading thing. Itch may support giving keys for another site, but the reverse isn’t doable with Steam and Steam doesn’t even really want you to get a Steam key for buying somewhere else either. So we just don’t mess around with that.

hey, sorry if this is frequently asked, but is step 4 free dlc or paid for? some of your sources are contradicting each other. 

It’s free! There’s a paid wedding DLC, but Step 4 itself is entirely unpaid.

Hello! I just had a quick question, for the Baxter and Derek DLC's will we be able to confess our feelings to them or let them confess to MC? or will it only be one way? (they confess to MC)

Both type of options will be available!

Hey there! I wanted to ask whether or not the Derek DLC is still on track to be released in August since on the steam discussion board it says it will be released mid 2021. I totally understand if it isn't, I'm just really looking forward to it! If you answer then ty! And keep up the amazing work :D 

It’s not, aha. Unfortunately, 2021 wasn’t easier than 2020 as we hoped so things are still slower than planned. It’ll come out late 2021 or early 2022.

Hi! Firstly I just want to say that I LOVE Our Life. I have played a bit of similar games but this one instantly wins for the best one! Everything about it is amazing! I just wanted to ask if Derek would ever lose feelings for MC, like if they make the deal and then MC gets with Cove would he move on? and even if you don't, after "losing contact" would his feeling fade or would he still like MC? 

If you don’t really keep in touch with him and clearly move on with your life, Derek will too and he’ll be over it. But if you are still close as best as you can be, he’ll still think the MC is special. Though, he’ll always support your relationship with someone else if that’s what’ll make you happy.

Hello! Sorry if you've answered this before but: 'How's Lee related to us? Though which momma? And does she share our player-chosen last names? Also, do you know if Noelani took Pam's last name or did it happen the other way round? 

She’s related to Pamela and Pamela’s last name is the one they use, so the MC has the same last name as Lee.

Will we be able to choose which (they or he) we tend to call Qiu by more often, or will it randomly change depending on the moment? 

Qiu knows which pronoun they’re comfortable with at a time and you’ll call them what they’re happy with. And it doesn’t change between lines, it takes multiple scenes or even full Steps for it to switch. So for extended periods Qiu will be totally a guy or fully agender.

Will Step 4 of OL2 have moments?

It’ll be an epilogue like it is in OL1, so it won’t have a bunch of different Moments.

Hello! Just a quick question, is Sunset bird from OL1 based on a real location? If so what's it called? I wanna visit it +_+

ps i love your games so much <3

It isn’t based on one specific town you can go to, but there are a lot of little coastal towns in Cali that have a similar vibe!

Heyaaa ( I hope you're all well ), umm… it might seem kinda stupid to ask but did Patreon members can have a key for the dlc's ( all the steps-released dlc ) even if they became a member this month or later ? (me? saying this cuz it's my case? maybe ;-;), and once again thanks for absolutely all the amazing works on all the games ! u-u 

You wouldn’t get the DLCs for backing there. The Patreon is for extra bonus content/early access, rather than being a storefront to purchase the normal DLCs. Rarely we give them out as a side gift, but it hardly happens and if what you want is the DLCs it’s best to ignore the Patreon and  buy keys for those directly from Itch or Steam. I’m sorry for the confusion.

Hey y'all, love what youre doing w/Terry. Trans rep outside of player customization is so rare and important to see more of so thank you so much. I do have a question and its that does he have a canon sexuality? I know Miranda was said to be straight ace but I dont believe anything was stated for Terry probably because he wasnt revealed to be a guy which changes things. Im also curious if well get answers on how long hes liked Miranda since he may have liked her in step 3 before she liked him 

Terry likes women and Randy likes men! And he did like Miranda back in Step 3.

Will the Wedding Dlc release at the same time as Step 4? 

They’ll come out separately with Step 4 releasing first.

I really love Our Life so much! I've spent over 20hours playing it even though I only got it a week ago! I was wondering if I could make a fangame for Our Life with a different love interest but same plot. Next-door neighbors romance, multiple steps, etc? I'll probably make it on Google Slides though- 

Sure! I hope you have fun with it and I’m glad you love the game.

How does Cove feel about poly relationships? 

He’s got nothing against them for the people they work for, but he’s 100% monogamous and would only be comfortable with a partner who was willing to be monogamous with him.

Idk if this has been answered before but will Step 4 include the option to advance your feelings towards Cove? 

Yep, you’ll be able to determine your feelings and what your relationship is.

In step 4 will there be a chosen to say we live with Cove even as just friends? 

Yeah, you can choose to live with Cove and that can be done when you’re friends.

I just played the game with the MC and Cove being best friends and omg it’s still so damn cute like the wholesomeness of it all is too much for my heart I swear ^.^  Now with that all said I was wondering can we still marry Cove? if we only love him as a friend like let’s say we’ve made deal with him similar to the one we can make with Derek because let’s real no one could compete with what the MC and Cove have even if they aren’t in love. 

It’s great to hear you enjoyed the friendship story! You can live with Cove, but you can’t marry him platonically. Cove has familial affection for the MC if they’re best-est friends. He wouldn’t think to marry someone he loves like family and even grew up with as though they truly were siblings.

Are you still going to be making a DLC for XOBD? :] 

Yes! We’re slowing adding voiced lines and fixing errors.

It makes me laugh that Shiloh's last name is Fields because that's what I put as my last name! So in Our Life when he talked about "Ms. Fields" picking him up I was extremely confused, lol. That dude mimics personalities so much that he stole my surname!

Oh, wow, that’s a very funny coincidence, haha.

hi !! i cant seem to be able to get the scene where mc is able to propose to cove despite being at the 'love' stage and telling him i'd want to get married, are there any other details that im missing out on? the options just dont appear at the end... 

Maybe you missed telling Cove you were in love with him even if you mentioned wanting to get married or you might’ve accidentally said earlier in the game that you don’t want to progress your relationship further with Cove. We haven’t removed them, so you can get the scene again. It’s just kind of easy to miss since there’s multiple requirements. You can read a little guide in the FAQ.

wait what di you need to do to be able to propose to cove? I've been trying but haven't had much luck 

You can check out the FAQ linked above!

does cove only develop a crush on the mc if the mc is also at crush/in love with him? 

Technically, yes. We treat the non-romantic relationship options as truly non-romantic since we don’t want to bait and switch people. But there’s nothing wrong with headcanoning that Cove does have feelings developing for the MC even before the MC has.

Is there a way to make/allow Lee and Baxter to date?

No, they just don’t have enough time together.

We also got a group of asks related to Tamarack in OL2, but I’m afraid the way they talked about people with larger bodies made me not want to post their words, even if the person didn’t say they’re trying to be hurtful. I will separate out the core question and answer it though, so people can know that info.

Does Tamarack lose weight in later Steps?

No, she doesn’t. As for the other questions included, to be honest, I don’t have to explain/defend having romance options of different sizes. I’m sorry if you’re dealing with unhappiness that’s connected to body image, if that’s where the negative emotions are coming from, but even so I can’t meet you on that level and pretend it’s a problem that needs an answer. A girl who simply isn’t thin being a main love interest is just not an unreasonable concept. Also, Tamarack isn’t a lesbian. Yes, she can date a female MC, but that doesn’t undo her actual sexuality, so I’m not sure where that one part at the end was coming from.

I wonder... can we "fight" with Qiu over leader status? 👀

Not really, haha. No matter how cool your MC is, they’re never gonna replace Qiu for the other kids around. So you can either partner up with him, follow him too, or not be a part of all that group politics stuff.

So when I play the game, sometimes I mentally call Cove “Covie/Covey” and that made me wonder, how does Cove feel about being nicknamed? Not like Romeo/Space Cadet/etc. but like pet names relating to his actual name

It’d depend on his age, personality, and your relationship with him! When he’s younger he’d probably be embarrassed, when he was grown he’d probably be more casual or happy about it.

will you be able to date baxter in step 3 while at crush with cove (but not dating him ofc) sorry if this has been asked already. i really love baxters step 4 design btw!! 

Yeah, you can be crushing on Cove and date Baxter if you weren’t already dating Cove. You just can’t be truly in love with Cove and then switch to Baxter.

I just got my friend into our life, and they adore shiloh and derek sooo will there be more of them in the second game? 

I’m afraid not. But you can see plenty more of Shiloh in XOXO Droplets/XOXO Blood Droplets, haha.

I see you haven't gotten any xoxo droplets asks recently but I'm still obsessed with these boys!! I was just wondering if Nate would curse under any circumstance? 

Yeah, Nate does use certain swear words (damn, hell, bastard) on very rare occasions.

Hi there! I have a question about the wedding dlc. Will we be able to plan a honeymoon during the planning stages of it or would it be something that Cove and the mc would rather plan later on? Thank you! Absolutly love the game by the way, definitely one of my favorite games! 

The focus will be on the wedding day itself. The topic of the honeymoon might come up a bit, but there won’t be any choosing of the exact location and such.

Hi! I have two questions and it's completely understandable if you only answer one/neither and I'm sorry if you've already answered either before! First, is there a set year in which OL:B&A takes place (ex: Step 1 being set in 2010 & Step 2 being set in 2016, etc.) or is it simply up to interpretation? Second, have you guys thought about doing a coming-of-age game where the MC has a tough home life or upbringing? (like one of their parents is an addict, a parent being transphobic whilst the player has the option to be trans, or having friends that are influencing them to do drugs, etc.) That's all! Thanks for making beautiful games. <3 

There is a set timeline!

Step 1: 2006 Step 2: 2011 Step 3: 2016 Step 4: 2021 

And we don’t currently plan on making a game like that. The Our Life series exists to be a safer environment for people to play around in and if we did do a brand new series that was harsher edged it’d be something more fantastical and/or plot-driven instead of a different type of modern day slice-of-life growing up story. I’m sorry.

i don’t know if you’ve already answered this, but do you have a guess on when phase 4 will come out? as well as ol2? i’m so excited for both of them, the inclusivity in this game is amazing, you guys should be really proud of it! 

Step 4 will be coming out very soon! OL2 is gonna take until 2023 to be anywhere near completion. But we might episodically release the Steps one at a time as they get done instead of waiting for three to be finished before launch like we did with the first game.

Hello, I was curious if there was an official or unofficial discord server for the game? 

We do have a discord! You can join by clicking this link HERE.

how long do you plan to keep ol's patreon running? 

Hopefully for at least a few more years.

Are you considering ever making merch? 

Yeah, but I don’t know when it’ll happen or what exactly we’ll make, aha. It’s something we want do, just nothing is set.

hi! i just found out about your game a couple of days ago on tiktok (so sorry if you’ve already answered this question) and i was wondering if y’all are ever planning to release it on iOS? 

I have no idea. It’s hard for a small group to get Apple approval and I honestly can’t say if it’ll ever happen or not. Maybe someday, though!

Hi, I love the art style of Our life and I would like to know if the artist has a Twitter? Also, could it be possible to fund more CGs for the game from him/her? So many times, I wish there was one like when the cutscene of the sunshower. 

That’s nice of you to offer. He doesn’t have a Twitter, at least not one that’s public enough to be shared with me. And I’m afraid not. The issue is that the CGs take huge amounts of time rather than there not being a budget for it. He’s gotta make CGs for Step 4, the DLCs, and new character sprites, too. There isn’t space in the schedule for even more. Sorry for that.

Hi, how are you?!

Are you planning on accepting new writers or is it always the same people who write your stories??

Thanks!!

Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t be getting new writers, but we will be hiring a new team of writers for Our Life: Now & Forever eventually!

perhaps this counts as nsfw and I'm sure it has been answered before but what does Cove prefer, chests/boobs or butts? or perhaps both :3c thank you for this wonderful game (and the patreon bonus moment, it was worth all the waiting and more ♥) 

He’s a “chests of all shapes and sizes” kind of guy, haha.

i was wondering- did any of the writers actually grow up by the beach? as someone who's lived in a beach town all their life it really did feel nostalgic to play through our life 1 

I was born and raised in Cali! Though, not right by the beach. We still had to make trips out, but the setting is based on my own childhood memories of small beach towns we went through.

In Derek’s upcoming DLC, will we be able to reference the pact we made as teens? (love olba and xod/xobd so much btw you’re literally amazing) 

Yep, you will be able to talk about that!

Oh, sorry about the Cole being secretly L ask, then!

If you wanted context: Death Note is about this one guy who finds a notebook that kills anyone who you write the name of in there. The guy eventually develops a God Complex and starts mass killing criminals and stuff. L is the one trying to find out who is killing all these people.

Me and my sister first joked about it because I couldn't remember how to translate a word about the way Cove was sitting, so I just did the pose, and it looked a lot like how L himself sits! Then we just snowballed from there, with more and more nonsense connections.

That’s okay! Thanks for explaining. I’m sorry I didn’t know what you meant.

#our life #ask #gb patch #gb patch games

[artificialqueens]

Girl I Met On The Internet, 1/? (Crystal x Gigi) - Strawberry

a/n: it’s me, the anon who was talking about writing a crygi stan twitter au. and as someone who has spent many hours on social media, i really enjoy reading social media aus so i decided to write one. my writing skills are rusty and i’m not sure how long this will end up being, but i hope you guys enjoy it regardless and stay for the (not really) wild ride! :-) 

Crystal was very active on stan Twitter. Being an outcast at school with only friendly acquaintances, she used it to fill her need for the social interaction she was not getting in person. 

That being said, she didn’t have a set group of Twitter friends yet. She was very friendly with all of her mutuals, having conversations on the timeline with a handful of them, but she had yet to make a deeper connection with anyone.

She had thought about joining a group chat, but they made her feel anxious. A lot of them have forty members! That seemed extremely overwhelming to her.

The poor girl had spent an hour one night weighing the pros and cons, and in the end, her desire for friendship beat her anxiety. She promised herself she would go out of her comfort zone and would rt the next group chat tweet she saw. Possibly. Maybe.  

-

She had made that promise to herself on Tuesday. It was now Saturday, and Crystal had woken up pretty early, determined to finish writing a story for her creative writing class. It was unusual for her to be up before noon, but today just felt different. Once she finished it, she opened up a new tab and went to Twitter, curious to see if anyone was awake. Jan was.

jan! • @.arisjantasy

rt to be in a random group chat!! 

requirements: 

just be nice! :)

adding the first 10 people who rt!

There were 6 rts already, so Crystal hit rt as fast as she could to reserve her spot. Jan was very nice, possibly the nicest mutual Crystal had ever made; if Crystal was forcing herself to join a group chat, one made by Jan would be ideal. 

Nervous, Crystal switched tabs, going to YouTube. Because it was so early, none of her favorite creators had uploaded anything new. She ends up clicking on an older video she had watched dozens of times. Halfway through the video, she gets a Twitter notification.

jan! has added you to a group.

jan!: hey guys!! :) 

Crystal quickly types out an introduction and sends it.

crystal: hi! thank you so much for adding me. im crystal! 

jaida: the queen of the gc has arrived. hi

crystal: hi jaida!

jan!: no problem, crystal. you seem very nice! 

nicky: bonjour ;)

gigi: good morning everyone

gigi: nicky we get it ur french

Gigi was here? Crystal saw her on her timeline a lot, despite not following her. She was Jan’s best friend, but seemed very intimidating. She reminded Crystal of the girls at school who would call her not so nice names, but she hoped Gigi wasn’t like that since she was close with sweet Jan who didn’t have a mean bone in her body. 

gigi: omg crystal hi

gigi: i don’t like 1d but u seem very nice it’s nice to meet u

Yes, it was 2020 and Crystal was still a One Direction stan account. She had lost hope that they would get back together ages ago, but she still supported all five of them. They were the only men she would ever love. 

crystal: i can change that just give me a week SKSGFDS

jaida: i love zayn does that count

crystal: yes ma’am!

heidi: HEY! sorry i’m late!

jaida: oh, miss heidi made the cut?

heidi: 9th rt, bitch.

jan!: jaida be nice :((

jaida: No <3

gigi: dont play fight yet ur scaring crystal!!! 

heidi: well. in that case.

heidi: crystal, tell us about yourself

jaida: pls.. i’m sick of these other hoes.. i’m a crystal stan now

jan!: :(( 

jan!: but yes crystal pls!

crystal: let’s see.. im crystal, im 16, a lesbian. i stan 1d, poppy, and i really like painting!! and thrifting!! 

Crystal wasn’t expecting to feel included since they definitely had an established group already. Them being interested in hearing about her made her feel like she fit right in.

She really hoped they would end up liking her.

-

A week later, the group chat was going strong. Crystal, Jan, Jaida, Heidi, Gigi and Nicky were the only ones who ended up talking in the group, so they decided to kick everyone else out. Jaida had the pleasure of renaming their chat to “Elites Only” after that, which everyone approved of.

They opened Crystal into their friend group with open arms, which Crystal was incredibly thankful for.

Crystal loved them all, but Gigi had to be her favorite. They had all shared fun facts about each other after Crystal did, and Gigi had revealed that she was also a lesbian, but was only out online. She was a cheerleader also who loved fashion and design. her account was very put together, filled with pictures of girls Crystal would later find out are from America’s Next Top Model.

Gigi fascinated Crystal.  

The other girls were also pretty cool. Jan was also a cheerleader who had high energy constantly. Jaida competed in beauty pageants, also had the pleasure of being the funniest person in the group. Heidi jokingly referred to herself as a ‘gamer girl’, but really only played the Sims 4. Nicky lived in France and had an odd obsession with sheep. Nicky also flirted with Gigi a lot and Crystal couldn’t tell if they were a thing or not. she didn’t know if Nicky was gay, but the thought that they were a thing made her feel sick to her stomach.

Crystal opened up her Twitter app on her way to school, seeing the last message to be sent was from Nicky, at nearly three in the morning.

nicky: i think you’re asleep for once due to the lack of noise.. weird and boring!

nicky: but anyway i hope you hoes have a good day <3 

Crystal smiled and hearted the message. 

crystal: someone wake up im boreeedddd 

jan!: hey im in bio!! its boring :(

crystal: im walking to school lol 

gigi: good morning jan and crystal bbs <3

Crystal knew she didn’t mean it like that, but it still made her soul leave her body. Naturally, she exited Twitter. This was far too much for eight in the morning. Far too early to address any of her feelings.

She had managed to go most of the morning without checking Twitter but eventually, after a bad encounter with one of the cheerleaders in her history class, Crystal gave in to her urges and checked her phone to try to cheer herself up.

Definitely a bad idea.

nicky: i want to post selfies before i go to bed

nicky: you all will support yes?

gigi: YES BABE!!!

Babe? Crystal wants to cry. 

jaida: i need your beauty on my tl now

crystal: yeah i wanna see what you look like

Crystal feels stupid. She’s known Gigi for a week; she doesn’t even know what Gigi, let alone the rest of them look like. Crystal thinks it’s far too early to catch feelings for someone on Twitter.

Nicky posts her selfies, and Crystal quickly confirms that she’s one of the most gorgeous women on the planet. No wonder Gigi was probably dating her. 

She goes back onto the timeline, only for it to be filled with nothing but Gigi hyping up Nicky.

gigi • @.jennerbitch

NICKY OH MY FUCJKING GO D??

gigi • @.jennerbitch

MY LITERAL WIFE WTF

gigi • @.jennerbitch

IM GAY!!!!!!

Well, that confirmed what she had suspected. 

Once Crystal got home from school, she types out a tweet before throwing her phone on her bed, distracting herself with homework.

crystal • @.mitamcrystal

sad girl hours :(

She checked her phone first thing in the morning out of habit. There were tons of messages from the group chat, as usual, but also a message outside of the group chat.

From Gigi. 

#rpdr fanfiction #gigi goode #crystal methyd #jan sport #jaida essence hall #heidi n closet #nicky doll #crygi #lesbian au #high school au #social media au #girl i met on the internet #strawberry #submission #s12

[disloopy]

the heart is deceiving pt.2

bloo

genre: angst, smut

word count: 1.8k

a/n. firstly i apologize for how long this part is i just rlly wanna add everyth and it’ll all make sense in the end ok. n e ways regarding the whole bloo scandal and stuff idk cuz im not rlly a whole ass bloo stan aight so im gonna kinda stay away from that until he or someone clears stuff up so i dont do the whole “cancelled/uncancelled” thing lol k read

LAST a/n i promise. i changed it to first person pov cuz bitch i wrote the entire thing in first person on accident and i just cant deal w this any more

LIPS. daniel's were dripping with ambrosia. kissing him was like tasting an eternal summer, an immortal hour of golden skies, humid nights, honey kissed skin bronze and glistening as we moved against each other.

in this short span of time, daniel seemed to know everything about me; what i loved, what i hated, what got my heart racing and my breathing heavy, he knew what turned me on and he did it with finesse.

seeing him sit up, red marks on his back as he leaned against the bed frame and lit up a cigarette, felt like a scene taken straight from an angst filled movie. i wanted to admire every aspect of him; the way his damp hair stuck to his forehead, the purple bruises forming dark clouds over the moon tattoo, a cigarette dangling between his swollen pink lips.

i curled under the white sheets, so different from my own patterned ones, feeling immersed in the comforting smell of him. he rolled out of bed to get me my jacket to cover myself with. "this is yours," i told him when he handed it to me.

"what's mine is yours, baby." daniel laid down next to me and i wrapped my fingers around the golden necklace that hung loosely around his neck, pulling his face closer to kiss his lips once more. perhaps the taste of his lips was like the food of the greek gods ― pleasurable and addictive.

when my father called that night, i let another lie escape my dirty lips, telling him i had left the party and decided to stay over with jojo. "i'll see you tomorrow then, baby. love you."

"i love you too, daddy." why was i compelled to do the worst things when it came to daniel? i didn't know, but i liked it.

daniel raised his eyebrows as i hung up the phone. "oh, i thought you were talking to me when you said that." i clicked my tongue and laid my throbbing head on the pillow. it's like my lie came to life.

"do you think anyone heard us?" i asked daniel, looking up at him. the smoke seeping out of his lips enveloped my face for a second, and i indulged in the suffocating feeling.

"who cares? they'll only hear your moans... the real sight is for me to see."

he talked like that usually,  but he was definitely wasted tonight. he tried to put his arms around me but i rolled onto my side, away from him. "what's wrong, baby? you didn't like it?" daniel rested his head on my shoulder and i reached up, running my fingers through his hair.

"will you forget everything in the morning."

daniel scoffed, his breath tickling my skin. "i never forget... but in case i do, then we can do it all over again and it'll feel like the first time." i laughed softly, and then turned to look at him, running my fingers over the birthmark on his cheek and over his lips, just like i had fantasized about doing on more nights than one.

daniel just parted his lips, taking my finger into his mouth, his eyes unwavering as they stared into mine. daniel was everything i wanted to be, everything i needed him to be; fearless, emotional, dominant.

"do you... really like me?"

"you talk too much," daniel groans, lighting up another cigarette. "i do... but if you ever end up in my bed again, don't think about asking me such a question."

i received stares when daniel dropped me off at school the next day, in his black bentley with the roof down and the early morning breeze running through my hair, much like his fingers had done just the previous night.

"see you later, baby?" said daniel, pressing a kiss on my lips that caused everything to somehow fall into place. i would leave the shadow of his lips on mine, getting me through the day.

it didn't take long for jojo to point out the band-aids on placed carefully on my knees caused by the rough work of last night. i didn't expect anything less from daniel.

"was it really like that?"

i nodded, taking a long chug from my water bottle. "it was like that. all fucking night long. he didn't even let me get on the bed until he was done."

"my, my, my, it's always the ones who look innocent that are the most freaky," jojo remarked, shaking her head. "and while you were getting it on with daniel, tattoo face has been blowing up my phone."

"jinyoung?"

"whatever his name is."

sometimes i wish that i could be like jojo - so caught up in her own world, independent, free of need to feel important or appreciated. maybe that's why people were just so drawn to her. i, on the other hand, craved attention and daniel didn't mind giving it to me. we fit each other.

TOGETHER. that's the way we were mostly found. tangled in between daniel's sheets, wrapped in each other's arms, clinging to one other ― where one went, the other followed. his friends soon became mine and my one (1) friend became theirs. just like that we became connected and feeling that connection was something worth risking for in life.

"mm baby wake up... i have to take you to school." the low, gravelly voice stirred me from my sleep but i didn't have enough motivation to open my eyes. last night, i had sneakily set an alarm on daniel's phone titled "wake y/n up for school" ― not that i couldn't have done it myself, i just thought it would be nice to be woken up by daniel this morning.

i stretched out my arms and laid my head atop his. "i don't wanna go to school," i murmured softly with a yawn. daniel grinned and snuggled closer to me, his arms snaking around my waist so that my back was pressed against his bare chest.

"okay."

my eyes fluttered open as i yawned again. "you're supposed to tell me that i have to go."

daniel propped himself up on his elbow, brushing the strands of hair out of my eyes. "why would i do that? i want to lie in bed with you all day long, maybe fuck you back to sleep." it may have been too early in the morning to be affected by daniel's words but they hovered around my body, squeezing my insides right down to my very core.

i reached up, wrapping my arms around his neck and he lowered his head, trailing kisses down my jaw and shoulder. daniel could never waste enough time getting me undressed, hands ghosting along my skin, his lips worshiping me like i was something divine. my fingers running through his hair and his fingers complimenting all my curves and edges.

between us was electricity and friction, silence being broken only by my soft whimpers for i could no longer handle the enticing touch of his body and craved more than just that.

then a sudden interruption came with the opening of the door and nicholas's voice informing us that they were going out to eat breakfast. "what the fuck, nick!" daniel exclaimed, throwing a pillow at his friend before covering me with his body. "do you mind?"

nicholas just yawned, bored. "how am i supposed to know she slept over?"

"as if you couldn't hear us last night."

"ok just get ready, we're leaving now." he shook his head and walked out the door. i wanted daniel to get closer, to bury my face in his tousled hair, his hands to dutifully commend my body. but instead he sat up, checking his phone.

i sighed, wrapping the blanket around my bare chest. "you didn't lock your door?"

daniel smiled sheepishly. "i guess i forgot?"

"or did you want someone to find us?" i asked seriously. "you act like our sex life is to be shared with the entire world."

"shouldn't it be?"

"only if you wanna put a label on it," i murmured quietly so he wouldn't be able to hear me. daniel was so obviously into exhibition and i found it strange how he didn't mind his friends walking in on us, knowing about us, what we chose to do together.

daniel talked about things while we were in the car; things i only cared about because he cared about them. somehow what was special to him meant something to me because it was a side of him i never knew existed, yet loved all the same. and because his bros were a big part of his life, they became a part of mine - like i finally found a proper family.

"hey - um," daniel started when we stopped in front of my school building. i stopped in the process of slipping on my bag to turn and look at him. "i wanted to ask you something."

i became interested. "what is it?"

daniel sighed, looking down at his lip as if he was unsure about something. "i just thought... let's make it official? do you want to be my girlfriend?" i didn't know what to say. i assumed we were already dating with the amount of time we spent with each other, on his bed but i guess he felt differently.

when i didn't reply, daniel continued. "i mean, i've been hooking up with girls but i'm sick of them coming onto me like i've got nothing better to do... it's different with you."

"oh..." i faltered, knowing i should have expected something like that. it was just the most daniel thing to do.

"do you not wanna?"

"no! i mean, yes... yes of course i want to be your girlfriend," i told him, lacing my fingers through his. "but... we haven't even been on a proper date yet."

daniel grinned, pulling me closer just to press his lips against mine, tugging on my bottom lip before i moved away. "then where would you like to go? hm, baby?"

i thought about it for a second. "monet's diner? it's like at the edge of downtown."

"of all the nice places in ventura, you want to go to a diner?"

unlike daniel, i still wasn't familiar with the boujee lifestyle that came like second nature to him. i've never owned anything expensive and never wanted more than what life had to offer me. maybe being with daniel would mean having to change all that.

"the last time i ate there was with my mom," i explained, looking down at my schoolbag, playing with zipper. "i just never had someone else to go there with... until now."

daniel reached up and touched my cheek, probably the most gentle gesture of affection he'd ever shown. "then we'll go there."

#mkit rain #mkit rain scenarios #mkit rain imagines #bloo #bloo scenarios #mkit rain bloo #nafla #nafla scenarios #loopy #loopy scenarios #khh #khiphop scenarios #khiphop imagines #khiphop

[tumblunni]

Brainstorming about my yokai watch ocs: Dimmy and Gorgeous Ambassador, the most cutest family

* My Dimmy's name is Blythe and they are nonbinary. Gorgeous Ambassador is male and i dont have a name for him yet. I was thinking maybe try and make up a dub name for kageusuo (anime exclusive pre evolution) that sounds like it could have been his nickname as a human? Cos his story is that he used to be a wandering mercenary in ye olde ninja times, i feel like itd be fitting.

* Blythe is the main partner of my protagonist in my yokai watch lp, basically the jibanyan of the anime of my heart. Their personality is mostly similar to the Dimmy in the anime, but i feel like theyre maybe older and more powerful than the average Dimmy? Like a weak low evolution yokai thats stayed unevolved for centuries and is actually more skilled and world weary than you'd assume. Protag just got lucky that she bumped into this one super magikarp, lol! Also i like to draw them looking more teenage age by just taking the regular Dimmy design and making the tail extra super long. They stand roughly twice as tall as the protagonist and can wrap around her shoulders like a scarf :3 Blythe is however totally unaware of their super powerful mega skill and is very self depreciating and low confidence. But Mallory totally sees them as a cool older sibling mentor figure and is always trying to figure out ways to make their tol squiggle friend feel included and valued :3

* the way Gorgeous Ambassador comes into the picture is that he was actually the same sort of figure to Blythe! Back in the ninja era Blythe was partners with another human, but he passed away in tragic circumstances and it led to their current depressed self. However he actually reincarnated as a yokai and has been trying to find his lil sibling ever since! I feel like he was a failure samurai who tried to protect people but was so weak he never could. And he was always broke and starving and begging to do any sort of miscellaneous jobs for anyone or even let them punch him in the stomach for a few coins. And he had just as much self confidence issues as Blythe but he coped with it by becoming a compulsive liar instead, always boasting and trying to sell himself as some legendary hero to keep from facing the truth. Since Blythe was a cute lil babby yokai at the time, they always believed their human master's tall tales and looked up to him, which made him feel really guilty and try harder to work on becoming someone this kid could be genuinely proud of.

* Blythe was first born as a household spirit. Cos i was thinking about what Dimmy would be before it became a ninja, since the medallium description says it 'got a job as a ninja to put its powers to use', so like it isnt really a ninja yokai but just a yokai thats a ninja? I guess?? I figured that the idea of being an invisible shadow supporter fit with household spirits/domovoi/zakishi warishi (probably mispelled that) and the various other similar creatures in mythologies all over the world. Just the idea that theres some sort of being that protects your house and if you give it offerings and take good care of the place it will protect you and your family. So yeah its my headcanon that thats how Dimmys are born, and that theres probably many variants wearing different outfits inspired by whatever type of humans they guarded. Tho yeh ninja is a job that works really well with their abilities so it makes sense itd be the primary representative of the species in the games.

* Human-dude-who-would-become-gorgeous-ambassador first met Blythe when one of his various failed attempts to get a job happened to cross paths with the family Blythe was guarding. This family didnt believe in such old suspicions and never gave offerings to their household spirit, so it stayed small and weak and was almost fading away. Baby blythe didnt know why their humans didnt love them, even though they tried so hard to bring good luck and clean the fireplace and stuff. So they felt a sense of kinship with this poor failure samurai who was begging for food on their doorstep. The humans of the household spat in his face and turned him away empty handed, but the tiny yokai snuck some rice from the pantry and gave it to him. They were surprised that he was able to see them, and he gave them the first thank you they'd ever had!

* Addendum note: i feel like gorgeous samurai was cursed with being able to see yokai from a young age and its part of whay made him so determined to become strong enough to protect people. Perhaps his biological family was killed by an evil yokai and nobody ever believed what he saw? And he wandered japan trying to save other people and always failing and being blamed for what happened, since nobody could see the real culprit. This reputation of being a liar when he wasnt = he ended up actually lying about how he was totally fine and not sad and also great and not hating himself. Its not really something he can control anymore, its like a stress response and it keeps getting him in trouble but he cant stop. "Yes sure i can save the day, i'm awesome!" only makes things worse when he inevitably loses again, whic only makes his self confidence worse and traps him further in the lies...

* so anyway, he became friends with this lil babby yokai and kept coming back to visit them and tell more tall tales of his grand adventures. And eventually he managed to help Blythe come out of their shell a little and agree to leave this house where they were only fading away. Haunting him instead, the lil shadow soon flourished back to full health from being loved for the first time. And their new big bro would always give them the biggest share of all the food even when he was starving, and always wasted his money buying things for them, and knitted them lil scarfs and just HE WAS A GOODEST BIG BRO! They also made a great team, and he was finally able to fight evil yokai with a yokai of his own helping him out. Things were good for a few years!

* Eventually though, they faced a foe too strong for them to defeat. (Not sure yet who it is, cos it could be cool if they faced it again in the present day for a rematch?) Blythe's human friend ran into a burning building to save the people being attacked by this yokai, but because he was already gravely injured he didnt manage to make it out in time. And blythe was just a tiny bab who wasnt strong enough to carry his unconcious body to safety. So their last memories of him are of crying and begging him to wake up as the house fell apart all around them, and eventually the flames swallowed him up. the tiny yokai just ran and ran away from their shame, and never saw an ashy figure rising from the ruins and calling their name...

* eventually after years of struggling alone and lacking meaning in life, Blythe had a chance meeting with our protagonist and thus begins my yokai watch 1 lets play! At the same time their yokaified big bro is still out there searching for them, and maybe one day theyll meet again...

* also i wanna go with the pre-evo the anime added of Gorgeous Ambassador evolving from a sad depressed vampire lookin dude. Even if the whole circumstances here are vastly different! But we dont really have any info on what kageusuo's powers or stats would be, so i guess i'm free to mess around with that? I like the idea of it being vampiric just cos i feel it looks like that. But instead of drinking blood maybe its a hunger for shadows? Which is actually beneficial to humans and makes them less overshadowed aka the opposite of Dimmy's power. So if you ever feel that you're radiating charisma with perhaps a slightly lighter shadow, maybe youve been inspirited by this guy! And then the evolution into Gorgeous Ambassador doesnt actually change anything at all, except just looking more fashionable and confident (which is absolutely a lie). His power already made people more fabulous while being unable to affect himself, he just worked a bit harder on himself to try and catch up with everyone else. Self care vampire!

* oh and in this interpretation the way that kageusuo would be integrated into the gameplay is that Gorgeous Ambassador would get a new ability that lets him switch forms in battle, rather than it being a separate yokai. (Tho would still have a separate entry in the medallium just for conveinience of being able to view both character models whenever you want) Stuff that causes low confidence would make him poof between forms, and itd just be something like more attack based vs defense based, or maybe having two separate personality stats so its like his AI is slightly more versatile than the usual frustratingness of most yokai? Srsly im still so annoyed at so many yokai that have two mutually exclusive moves and the ai is stupid about using them at the wrong time to cancel each other out. Like how Dimmy can be given the AI personality to focus on attacking and thus take advantage of its auto-skill to be good at dodging aka a glass cannon. BUT also one of its skills gives that same status to an ally instead, which by definition takes it away from itself cos 'dont target this other guy' means there arent many other options. So you cpuld alternatively play dimmy as a supporter who exclusively protects others with that ability BUT the annoying part is that even when you set an AI profile to one particular move it still only makes it LIKELY to do that and not guaranteed. So every now and again your attacking dimmy will cancel its own buff to protect an enemy, or your supporting dimmy will forget to support abd instead buff itself despite not having the attack stat build to take advantage of it. Plus you cant have both and switch between modes mid battle, so thatd be REALLY useful if one yokai actually could do that, and also could change stats to fit! Im not sure how to give it a trigger condition thatd let you sorta change at will but also not be 100% easy and overpowered. I was thinking tying it to his confidence could mean missed attacks turn him into kageusuo and critical hits turn into gorgeous? But thatd be TOO uncontrollable...

* oh actually i think maybe i'll nickname him Amber! Just cos my brain just mispronounced gorgeous ambassador and It Kinda Works??? Also its a kind of name that sounds very pretty but also has connotations of gentle shyness, i think. Matches the duality of his fake boastfulness vs his true self doubt.

* Oh and i also thought of maybe having Blythe evolve into Casanono, even though you cant do that in canon. I feel like turning into a pretty humanoid would be a good way to symbolize their growing confidence ans casanono/casanuva has a big nonbinary aesthetic in my opinion. Plus of course the fact casanono is a variabt of a confident yokai thats actyally shy. Originally older brother dude was gonna be a casanuva to match, until i heard about Gorgerous Ambassador and decided it fits him better (especially with that new anime form!) So now im thinking maybe have Blythe be both casanono and casanuva at once, similar to their bro's form switching? But itd be more like casanuva is a rare super saiyan esque powerup when they experience rare moments of confidence. Im pretty much just doing this because SADLY casanono is a joke character who is literally mechanically forced to be useless in battle. Its ability makes it harder to catch yokai which ia already goddamn difficult, and it wastes a skill slot too. As opposed to Dimmy who has a similar personality of always being ignored and depressed but its abilities are actually beneficial. Itd suck to go from Blythe being my mvp to being unable to use them at all, so this would be a way to still always draw them as casanono in comics to match their actual personality, but using casanuva in battle cos.. Well.. Yeah its the functional one of the two. Level-5 if youre listening please make casanono useable in future games!! Casanuva is absolutely the worst one personality wise so it sucks that the game agrees with his ego that he's great and also punches his depressed counterpart into the bin of ignoreness DESPITE BEING SUPER SYMPATHETIC AND RELATEABLE AND ALSO CUTER COLOURSCHEME

Anyway thats all the thoughts i have so far. Except oh also itd be funny if throughout the whole story blythe keeps talking about their dead brother as if he was the super best most serious hero and then when the protagobists actually meet him he's this gaudy dork XD

#bunni plays yokai watch

[squishykpoptummies]

hey! sorry if you dont write this kinda stuff but would u be able to write a yoonkook fic where jk is very afraid of gaining weight and works out all the time but yoongi really wants to see him become all soft and cute, and eventually jungkook starts growing out his clothes bc yoongis been secretly feeding him and at first jungkook is very insecure but he learns to love his new softer body?

a/n: this got way longer and angstier than i wanted it too oops. but it is possibly the fluffiest angst i have ever written, which shouldn’t be possible but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i like how it came out so that’s something lol. ((alsooo it gets a teeny bit nsfw?? but just for like three sentences and nothing actually happens yoongi just has a very active imagination))

~~~

It was five in the morning, and Yoongi was awake. He didn’t want to be awake, obviously, but his idiot of a boyfriend had very loudly knocked something over. Yoongi groaned.

“Ah! Sorry, hyung,” Jungkook whispered.

“Just get back in bed, Kook.”

There was silence after that, and Yoongi blearily opened an eye to find Jungkook worrying his lip between his teeth, looking intently at the floor. “But I have to go to the gym.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. You made me skip yesterday, so I have to go today.”

“Hey, you woke me up, so you come make it up to me. We can fuck later, or something, that’ll be your workout for the day.”

Jungkook flushed brilliantly. “Hyung,” he whined.

Yoongi reached out towards him, making grabby hands, and if he weren’t half-asleep, he’d absolutely hate himself for it. “C’mon. Sleep now.”

Jungkook sighed, but gave a small smile nonetheless as he climbed back in bed.

–

“Whoa, what is all this?”

Yoongi looked up from the book he was reading, dog-eared the page and then got up to greet his boyfriend. “Just got some takeout,” he said, pressing a short kiss to Jungkook’s lips. “How was work?”

Jungkook was still staring at the table, filled with a large array of takeout containers. “But this is enough to feed, like, ten people, how are we supposed to eat of this?”

Yoongi shrugged. “We can have leftovers. I mean, they won’t be as good the next day, but whatever. Go change out of your work clothes and let’s eat; I’m starving.”

Jungkook nodded slowly before making his way to the bedroom. Yoongi watched him go, taking in the amazing view of his ass straining against his work pants. Jungkook had always had a fantastic ass, but in the past few months, it had just gotten even better.

Okay, honestly… that was kind of Yoongi’s doing. He hadn’t been trying to fatten his boyfriend up, per se, he’d just wanted to younger boy to let loose once in a while, and maybe stop going to the gym fucking six days a week. And, to Yoongi’s surprise, it worked.

He’d convinced Jungkook to just go to the gym three times a week instead (though he did insist on having sex more frequently, to “compensate,” as he put it, but hey, Yoongi wasn’t complaining), and also increase the number of cheat days he allowed himself, which Yoongi filled with tons of sweets, chips, ice cream, anything Jungkook wanted, really. And the results were showing.

In the last few months, Jungkook had slowly developed a layer of pudge that covered up his abs, his thighs had gotten thicker, his pecs softer, and his cheeks rounded out adorably. And of course his ass. It was beautiful.

“Hyung?”

Yoongi was jolted back to reality and greeted with the sight of his gorgeous boyfriend, now in pajamas. The same pajamas that, two months ago, had been pretty loose on the younger boy, but now showed off a small but definitely there tummy, clung to love handles when he turned just so, stretched the fabric along his upper thighs. God, he’d never get over how perfect Jungkook was.

“Oh, yeah, hey. Let’s eat.”

–

It was eight-thirty and the food was gone. Yoongi was shocked. Jungkook was shocked, but was also seconds away from slipping into a well-deserved food coma because he ate like six fucking servings of Chinese food.

Yoongi let out a low whistle. “Looks like we finished it.”

“I’m so full I think I’m going to die.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Yoongi chuckled. Jungkook’s stomach now pressed tightly against his shirt, perfectly round, but definitely painful looking. Yoongi wanted to touch it so bad. Wanted to touch all of Jungkook, feel out his new curves, learn this new body. And he wanted to fuck right now, go over to Jungkook and straddle him, his stuffed tummy pushed against Yoongi’s softer one, touching, feeling, ride him until he can’t see straight, until they both become so undone–

Stop, stop, stop, now was not the time, he needed to be present for Jungkook, get him to bed, probably give him some antacids, etc. And he needed to have a sit-down conversation with Jungkook about this. At some point. Maybe.

“Holy shit,” Jungkook breathed, looking down at his stomach. “I look like I ate a watermelon or something.”

“Pretty small watermelon. Wanna sleep it off?”

“If I move I think I might puke.”

“Well that wouldn’t be good.”

“Mmm. Definitely an undesirable outcome.”

“Wanna belly rub?”

Jungkook gave Yoongi a Look out of the corner of his eye. “That’s kinda weird, hyung.”

Yoongi shrugged. “Just thought it might help. Don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Sorry.”

“No ‘sorry’s. I’m getting you antacids and then I’m putting you to bed.”

Jungkook gave a small smile. “Sounds good.”

–

It all came to a head three weeks later.

“I’m back,” Yoongi announced, slipping off his shoes. He placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, looked to the living room, expecting to find Jungkook on the couch, watching TV or something, as he’d been more prone to do lately. He wasn’t there. “Kook?” he called out. No response.

But the door to their bedroom was closed. Maybe he was taking a nap. But when he went to open the door, it was locked. Weird. “Kookie, you in there?”

There was definitely movement from the other side, feet shuffling on carpet, drawers opening and closing.

“Don’t come in!” came Jungkook’s voice. And it sounded… panicked?

“You okay in there?”

“Fine,” Jungkook said, voice strained.

“Will you let me in?”

“…No.”

Yoongi sighed. “Jungkook, I really don’t wanna use the master key, but I will. If I have to. You know I would. There is literally no reason for this door to be locked. Let me in before I start thinking the worst.”

There was silence for a moment, two moments, and Yoongi pinched the bridge of his nose, tried to remember where they last put the key, and then the lock clicked. Yoongi let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and slowly pushed opened the door.

Jungkook was seated on the edge of their bed, head down, body tense, and Yoongi tried to scan him over for any possible injuries, but the large sweatshirt he was wearing did a good job at hiding his body. Yoongi stepped over the piles of clothes strewn about (why were all their clothes on the floor?) and sat down next to Jungkook.

Yoongi looked him over again. “Any injuries.”

Jungkook sighed. “No.” He let out a shaky laugh. “You do always think the worst.”

Yoongi huffed. “Habit. Hey, can you look at me?”

So he did. Yoongi bit his lip at the sight of Jungkook’s red, puffy eyes and flushed cheeks.

“You’ve been crying,” Yoongi stated softly. “Why?”

Jungkook shrugged.

“C’mon. What happened.”

“I dunno. Nothing.”

“Jungkook,” Yoongi said, voice warning.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s stupid. Can we move on?”

“Well, it obviously matters if it’s made you this upset.”

“I just,” Jungkook looked to the ceiling. “I don’t… feel good, about myself, I guess.”

Yoongi stayed quiet. He knew there was more.

“None of my clothes fit.”

Oh. That’s what this was about. “Because you’ve put on weight?”

Jungkook nodded to the ceiling. “It’s… I feel so weird. Like. My body isn’t mine anymore.”

Yoongi considered this. “Well, you’re still you.”

“I know.”

“I think you look really good.”

“You’re my boyfriend, you have to say that.”

Yoongi clucked his tongue. “I don’t lie.”

“You cheat at board games.”

“That’s different.”

Jungkook cracks a smile. “Sure, hyung.”

“Kook-ah. I need you to look me in the eyes when I say this.”

Jungkook turned his gaze to Yoongi, who gently took hold of the younger boy’s hands.

“I love you,” Yoongi said, trying to put as much emphasis behind the words as possible. “I love you so much. You’re on of the best things that’s ever happened to me, and nothing will change that, especially your weight. If you want to lose some, that’s fine. If you want to stay where you are, that’s fine. If you want to gain more, that’s fine. All I want is for you to be healthy, and be happy. And I want you to let me help you. Yeah?”

Jungkook nodded. His eyes had gone glossy, and Yoongi’s own felt suspiciously wet, throat tight, face hot.

“I love you, too,” Jungkook whispered.

The kiss they share is soft, slow, wet with tears– happy tears? relieved tears? Yoongi wasn’t sure, but they didn’t feel like a bad thing. He felt warm, secure in the arms of the person he loved and who loved him back.

They resurfaced after a few minutes. “Do you wanna keep talking about this?” Yoongi asked quietly.

Jungkook took in a deep breath. “I don’t know how I feel about the weight yet. I don’t really wanna think about it that much.”

“Would fucking me make you feel better?”

Jungkook choked, burst into giggles, funnier than it should’ve been, broken tension freeing. “Horny bastard.”

“What can I say?” Yoongi shrugged. “I’m dating the hottest guy on earth.”

Jungkook shook his head, smiling, impossibly cute bunny teeth poking out, and nudged into Yoongi’s shoulder. “We should, like, totally do that at some point tonight, but honestly? Right now I just want to watch some anime and eat a lot of popcorn.”

Yoongi smiled, pressed a kiss to Jungkook’s cheek. “That can definitely be arranged.”

#Anonymous #weight gain #stuffing #tummy #insecure #jungkook #yoongi #yoonkook #sugakookie #fluff #angst #simultaneous fluff and angst #is there a word for that? #flangst? #lol that sounds funny #also yoongi would definitely bottom fite me #nsfw? #ish? #edit later/ #writing

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[cedar-woods]

Need some advice, plzzz!!

So ok, I'll try to be as thorough as I can here without needless ranting...I'm a (33f) widow, and started dating again with an online/ long distance guy (37m) about a yr ago, and he moved out here to be with me 2mos ago...so far it's been amazing, he is amazing, he makes me insanely happy and really just has made my crazy life finally feel normal. We took a huge plunge by doing this, and really its had zero negative consequences...we both mesh so perfectly together, kinda makes me wonder where hes been all my life...hes perfect for me, and we are crazy in love...

Now for where I need help. So I'm overweight. Like quite a lot overweight...my late husband and I, we had amazing sex all these yrs til he died, he was very well hung (sorry lol) and there wasnt much difficulty with any position because of how huge he was. He was very physically fit, so there was never any obstacles having sex with him. But my new guy, hes def not small or anything, hes probably big considering the average guy even, but he is smaller than my late hub, and with me being a big girl, it's been a bit trickier figuring out positions and comfort. My belly seems to always be in the way doing it in like a missionary position, and riding him is okay but I have back problems (deg disc disease) so that's really hard on me to do for longer than 10-15mins. Doggystyle works perfectly, but I'd give anything to be able to do more ways comfortably.

I'm still pretty nervous to let him really SEE me, my late hubby I got comfortable with after 10yrs together, but a new guy, I cant help but constantly belittle myself, feeling like he will change his mind about me or something...decide that even though our emotional connection is off the charts, that superficial level just isnt working. I'm sure I'm probably overreacting, and if I asked him hed say hes totally in love with me in every way, but blame the media, blame whatever...I'm a fat girl and after 30, its alot harder to carry the weight in an attractive way. I feel horrible about myself, no matter how much confidence I try to create in myself.

I know most guys say confidence is what's sexy, but I'm rlly struggling faking it, I'm not confident at all. This man is so gorgeous and I keep telling myself I'm crazy for thinking hes hot for me, no matter how much he tells me he is. Then when were doing stuff, I am like, reminded why I feel that way...because we do stuff but always end up doggystyle because it's the easiest way. I have some sexy lingerie and stuff that he rlly likes, so I am definitely trying my hardest, but I really wanna be able to give him more/better.

Ok I'll try to stop rambling and get to the point...me being widowed, him being out of a 15yr marriage, we both feel like teenagers again...like weve had more sex the past 2mos than weve had in the past 2yrs, so I definitely wanna make sure it doesnt get boring super fast for him or anything. What are some ideas, for a skinny dude and a fat chick to have some amazing sex, when were both older and our bodies dont wanna work like our 15yr old horny teenager brains work lol? And what can I maybe do to help him out, make it sexier for him, look more attractive for him, to really blow his mind?

submitted by /u/wetlettuce420 [link] [comments] source https://www.reddit.com/r/sexover30/comments/d1z1dd/need_some_advice_plzzz/

[kyifucius]

so theres been a lot going on in this smol head of mine.

I dont make this kinds of post regularly, just therapy isn't working out how I would like and im feeling like i can have somewhat clear thoughts right now so im gonna try and jot them down in the least tiring least confusing way possible. (using the 6 components of health as my guide) CW: eating disorder talk, trauma mention (no details), transphobia mention, gender talk, love talk.

Tbh, im gonna start looking for new therapist so if this comes out well ill just use this as an about me rn (because I can be different later)

Physical:

I feel fine, Im okay, trying to fix the damage my bulimia did to my body, I’ve seen a dentist, that had much less than desirable news given to me on that front (but things will be okay seeing as my school gives free dental care to its students). Bulimia is still its own hell hole but ill get to that in emotional health. Other than that, I still dont really eat on a tight or strict schedule and I dont actively exercise outside of my one physical fitness course which isn't much. Next.  

Spiritual: God, you there?

This isnt the time of my strongest faith, I dont pray everyday but pretty close but i do sometimes wonder if anyone hears me...I believe my life wont always be so tragic and difficult, theres no signs of it changing anytime soon but something is giving me hope and faith to keep pushing that things will get better and it’ll all be worth it, i guess thats god. It doesnt feel like much but its enough to keep me from considering not being alive so...thank god lol 😅. Next.

Social:

I love my friends, I hate myself, I dont really see my friends as much as I should Im really fighting to just exist at this point I dont feel like im the most fun to be around anymore but hopefully they’ll be understanding to my isolation and forgive me until I pull myself together. I dont see myself making anymore friends than the few I already have. Next. 

Mental: 

Depression(PTSD). Anxiety. Despair. Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety(PTSD). Despair. Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety. Despair(PTSD). Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety. Despair. Inferiority(PTSD). Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression(PTSD). Anxiety. Despair. Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety(PTSD). Despair. Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety. Despair(PTSD). Inferiority. Tiny glimpse of contentment. Depression. Anxiety. Despair. Inferiority(PTSD). Tiny glimpse of contentment. 

Issa cycle 😒 Next.

Emotional: (here comes the heavy stuff)

*deep inhale* Gender. well maybe i should say gender identity. It all feels so strange. I dont feel like anything, I dont feel any ties to being a “male” or “female” I feel like a person. I feel that Ive been going along with looks and expectations that society placed on me because I didnt feel there was really another option. Im comfortable with the clothes i own, most of them being feminine but im not big on super tight clothes, I kinda want to escape the possibility of being sexualized as much as possible. (it could be a trauma thing). Im going by They/them pronouns by those closest to me that are nonfamily members. It feels okay, I dont wanna make a big deal out of it I dont think I should Im the same person i've always been just no longer trying to meet “womanly” expectations, no more push up bras or underwire *amen!*  But I do think about being a cis woman, I think how much easier it would be to not have to define my identity myself and to just already have a rulebook to follow, as oppressing as it may be, which may connect to my next topic...

Eating disorders...so when I think of my body, I don't think of who I am or how I look now and how it could be okay as is, I only think of how I could look and the the easiest look I can perfect, which for me personally would be a something along the lines of a conventionally attractive woman, I think for me to do that I’d need to lose weight...(because of my anxiety i like to know what to do next to get the best/least problematic results) in times of stress or when i feel completely lost and directionless, even purposeless at times. I always go back to losing weight because to be like that woman I imagine I could be that would just be the next step for me to continue to fit the status quo of what society wants and then I feel like even if everything else is going badly at least im making progress in one area of my life and with that I can let out a sigh of relief. 

Last but definitely not least, drum roll please... *smol snare in background* Im in love! Its really the best. I don't know if i should @ him or not...but hes really just been the best most supportive and understanding boyfriend I would never even have the audacity to ask for. I really love him and I have to say things are looking really good for us. Hes trans, my mother is transphobic so thats a real stressor at times but whenever i spend time with him I just really remember that he's so worth her nonsense because if she ever takes the time to get to know him shed see he's just the type of person she’d want me to be with. No one is perfect, not him, not me, and definitely not my mother but we all deserve healthy love and relationships and i really get that from him which is “v fulfilling” and I hope I get to spend many more years with him. Also he puts up with EVERY aspect of me which isn't easy, he listens to me whine and complain and holds me when I cry and laughs with/at me laughing at my own jokes and does my laundry when I leave clothes with him and he lets me sleep late on the weekends and understands my need for mental health days. What a lovely boy 😊. Next

Environmental: 

Im actually tired of writing but this should be simple. THE EARTH HAS HAD ENOUGH! I do what i can to take care of the spaces I occupy but I believe there will be another mass extinction and hopefully i'm not around to see it. The end.

Fun Fact: 

Trauma trauma, trauma in the air trauma, trauma trauma I feel it everywhere. 

#about me #eating disorder #bulimia #trauma has ruined my life #nonbinary #unaligned #therapy #personal #im sorry if anyone actually reads this #i guess were friends now #so message me if you wanna #i made a CW just in case #i dont wanna ruin anyones day #i know what trash that is

[mysideblogofsurveys]

Survey 9.

What would you call your body type? Petite

Are you a morning person? Definitely.  I love getting up early! Although I am not a “morning people person”.  I get up early to get stuff done but I don’t really wanna talk to anyone

Have you ever been to Target? Who hasn’t? Although I haven’t been to one in a while

Do you like iced tea? Only unsweetened

When is the next time you’ll be at work? Tomorrow

Do you have a savings account? Yes I do

Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? As far as I know, no

What color bedsheets are currently on your bed? We are not color coordinated at ALL so we have black, blue, purple, white, green..we have a bunch of different blankets lol

Have you ever been to Disney World? If so, how many times have you been? Even though I live in FL, I’ve only been to Disney World once (when I was 12)

Does grammar and capitalization mean anything to you? Yes, I’m very picky about it ><

Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? No, but I wrap them anyway :)

Do you have a dirty clothes hamper in your room? Yes, I definitely use one.  My husband on the other hand, prefers to use the floor.

What would you say is your favorite television show? I don’t have one in particular but I like a lot of different ones

Do you enjoy big holiday dinners? We used to when I was younger.  Everyone is all spread out now so its hard to get everyone together but yeah I did

Is your vision good? No, I have contacts and glasses and I’m very blind without them ><

Is there any piece of jewelry you’re constantly wearing? Aside from my engagement and wedding ring, I wear most of the piercings I have (ears, belly button, nose and eyebrow every day.  Although I do take out my nose and eyebrow rings for work)

What is one thing you desire as of now? To move back to the other side of the state

What kind of phone do you have? Samsung S9.

If you could move anywhere, where would you choose? I want to move back to the Gulf side of Florida so bad.  We will probably be doing that at some point, but I wish we could just leave now.

Do you blog a lot, if at all? Ahh..yes and no.  I do a lot of reblogging on my main blog but I don’t post a lot of things.

Is your present hair color, natural? For the most part.  I have light brown hair but got blonde highlights for my wedding in Feb.

What makes you the most angry when it comes to people? When people won’t listen or refuse to see another perspective.

Describe your current outfit? Stranger Things PJ shirt, sports bra and seafoam green pj pants from my homestate and black socks with yellow lightening bolts.  I don’t match at all lol

What was the last thing you ordered online? Digimon virtual pet because I’m a nerd and loved virtual pets as a kid lol

Have you ever felt as though you were drifting apart from a best friend? Oh yeah, we drifted apart so much that we lost touch a few years ago :/

What color are your eyes? Brown.

Have you ever worn color contacts? Nope.

What’s the best thing about a hug? When they’re genuine, it makes you feel secure

Biggest fear? Failure

If you have a significant other, how long have you been together? We’ve been together for 10 years, married for 4 months

Do you know any genuinely friendly people? Yeah, I know a lot of them

Do you buy your friends gifts? No, I’m a horrible gift giver :/

What was the last thing you plugged in? My phone this morning

How old are you? 32

What color headphones do you own? I’m using a gray pair right now

Have you ever shopped at Urban Outfitters? Yeah but they never had anything that fit me

Where do you buy the majority of your clothing? Online.  They don’t sell any cool clothes for women in regular stores (I wear a lot of video game or anime shirts..which probably doesn’t help me look my age lol)

Would you rather wear necklaces or earrings? Ah, I’m not sure.  I only wear 1 necklace that my husband bought me but I wouldn’t wear any others.  Same with earrings, I don’t wear a lot aside from the ones that I’m currently wearing.

Do you consider yourself fortunate? Yes, I do. 

Do you enjoy watching fights? ONLY boxing, MMA/UFC, and that type of thing.  I do not like watching any other fights or arguments.

Have you ever been in a physical fight? No

Do you tend to talk badly about people? Only when they’re being mean to me.

Where are your parents as of now? I dont know, probably at home

Does your computer cooperate most of the time? Generally, yes

Does your family have any cheesy traditions? Not really but I definitely want to create some when I have kids.

When did you last go to a book store? I specifically remember going to Barnes and Noble sometime in November (2019) because I bought books 10 and 11 of Wheel of Time AND we found an Advent Calendar (I was really excited about it because we wanted one the year before but they were all sold out on Dec 1st. like, I remember that specifically lol.

What’s the closest book store where you live? Super close, like 10 min away

How much money do you have on you right now? I’m not sure, like $20?

Favorite physical feature? My eyes I guess

Are you wearing make up at the moment? Whatever is leftover after washing my face when I got home from work (I only wear eyeliner and mascara anyway)

Favorite television channel? I don’t have regular TV or cable.  I use either Netflix or Hulu (or Funimation for anime). 

Describe any piercings or tattoos you might have? I have 4 tattoos (a heart on each ankle and a nautical star on each hip).  Currently, I only have my bellybutton, nose, eyebrow pierced as well as my ears (conch, rook, industrial, and tragus).  I had my lobes pierced (4 holes up, 8 holes total) but those are pretty much closed.

Have you ever been fired from a job? No, I’ve always quit

Are you currently losing a best friend? I lost mine a long time ago (I mean, I have my husband but that isn’t the same as having a female best friend)

Describe the worst day of your life: I’m thankful I haven’t had anything extremely bad.  I’ve had a lot of bad days but nothing that has been the worst.

Do you play any video games? Oh yes, we play a lot of video games.

Would you say you hate anyone? No

Do you think freckles are cute? Yeah

Last time you went to the mall? Couple months ago

Name something that’s your favorite color: Ahh...the galaxy.  I love the blues, greens, purples of the galaxy

Have you been to Red Lobster before? Yes, but it has been a very long time!

Do you judge by appearances? I try not to.  You can never fully judge someone just on looks.

Do you follow a certain religion? No, I’m kind of agnostic I guess.

Who is your role model, if you had to choose? I don’t really have one

Would you rather have nice hair or lips? Hair

What are you most self conscious about? My teeth.  They’re not bad but I just don’t like them.

Do you have any family members who live out of town? All of them.  We’re the only ones that live here (my in-laws live on the other side of the state but they’re snowbirds - here for 6 months then back in our homestate for 6 months)

Do you consider yourself short? Yes, I’m about 5 ft.

What room are you in? The living area.

Hoodies or jackets? Don’t really have a use for them in FL but hoodies I guess.

Are you outside a lot? Not really, its Summer and getting hot. 

Have you ever been dumped via text message? UGH yes, on AIM/AOL Online TWICE! It sucked but I was only dating those two guys for a month so it wasn’t that big of deal.  Plus this was like 15 years ago lol

Do you like dreamcatchers? Eh

What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? I don’t like any one letter over another

Do you hate repetitive people and things? It depends

Do you think autocorrect is a blessing or curse? Ah, it depends on my mood lol sometimes its funny but when I’m mad, I don’t want to say “ducking”

Do you believe in any particular curses? No.

Ever play a Ouija board? No

What movie scares you the most? Any horror movies, I don’t like them

What was your bedtime as a child? I’m not sure, it obviously changed as I got older

Reason why your favorite holiday is your favorite: I like New Years, I just like the feeling of starting a new year (or even the start of the month for that matter.)

Do you work with any close friends? No. Everyone I work with are nice but I don’t have anything in common with them.

Do you consider yourself spoiled? Maybe a little but I spoil myself.

Do you listen to any country music? Not at all

Favorite high school teacher: I liked Mr. Peterson, I honestly forgot what he taught but he was hilarious

Do you ever get drunk? Not as much anymore (I don’t handle hangovers as well anymore as I did when I was younger lol) but I still have a drink occasionally

Have you ever had highlights before? Yes, I have them now.  Although they’re growing out

Favorite number: 4.

Do you still sleep with any stuffed animals? No

What is your biggest regret in life? Not knowing what I wanted to do when I was younger.  I have a career but I’m iffy about it.  I wish I had a passion or something I really wanted to do for a living.

Would you say you think you have a mental disorder of some kind? I have some stupid sort of social anxiety.  I never used to be like this so I don’t know how it developed.  I just get nervous talking with people.

Are you normally an independent person? Yes I am

Do you have any paintings? No, our walls are bare because I don’t want to put holes in an apartment wall.  When we get a house, I will definitely be putting up something.

What is one clothing fad you wish never existed? Ah, I’m not sure. Maybe shirts with ridiculous shoulder pads from the 80s? lol

Do you like to be organized? Oh yeah, I like my things in a specific order

Have you ever failed a class before? No.

Ever been judged because of your weight? Not really

What is your favorite breakfast cereal? I haven’t had cereal in a long time...I want to maybe say Count Chocula! Do they even make that anymore?

Ever had a wish come true? Yeah.

Do you regret meeting any of your exes? No, before my husband I my relationships only lasted like a month so meh

Do you own any coloring books? No

What’s the meanest thing someone’s called you? Just stupid things like “shorty” or “shrimp”.  But I’ve also been called a bitch in an argument

Have you ever bullied someone? No.

Do you ever watch Lifetime? No

Ever tried to intentionally sabotage someone’s grade? No.

Do you own any brown clothing? I’m sure I do

What color are your walls painted? They’re like a cream color

Last thing you drank: Water at work

Have you ever seen a tornado in person? No, that would be terrifying!

Do you have an in-ground pool at your house? I do at the apartment I live in (but we dont’ use it).  We also had one growing up

What is the first digit of your phone number? 6

What’s the prettiest town you’ve been to? UGH, the city I lived in a year ago :/

Do you tend to sleep a lot? Not really. I actually get about 6 to 7 hours and I function just fine

Silver or gold jewelry? White gold I guess?

Do you sometimes celebrate holidays early? We did sometimes when I was younger.  Like spend Thanksgiving a week early with my Mom’s side of the family then actually on Thanksgiving with my Dads or vice versa

Have you ever been in love? Yeah :)

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? I’m not sure

When was the last time you showered? This morning

Would you consider yourself attractive? I’m okay, not too bad

Has anyone made you mad today? Not really mad, but I got annoyed with one of my co-workers earlier.

Favorite smell: Rain, coffee

Are you afraid of insects? Ah, I find them fascinating, actually.  But doesn’t mean I want to be next to them!

Do you have any children? No :/

If so, what are their names? Would ever consider having children in the future? Absolutely!  I was actually hoping to have them by now but we’re still trying to find somewhere to settle down.  I want to be sure we have a stable home (we’ve moved around a lot) and financially stable before we have them.

Have you ever lived on a farm? No but I LOVE farming games lol (like Harvest Moon and Stardew Valley)

Ever played any sports? I played baseball and soccer in middle school and I was in Track in high school

Do both of your parents have jobs? Yes

Where is the last place you’ve been on vacation? We went on a cruise to Nassau and Bahamas immediately after getting married in Feb.

Are you afraid people won’t accept you? Um, not really that they won’t accept me but I’m worried I’ll get bored with someone and push them away.

Are you, for the most part, an honest person? Yes, I am

Did you make prank phone calls as a child? No, some friends of mine did as a kid though and I hated when they did it :/

Do you like to make donations? It depends.  As long as whatever I’m donating is actually going to the person/organization/charity, then yes.

What is your current ringtone? It is a cover of “However/Glay” by Jinho from Pentagon (a kpop group).  I LOVE this song and can’t get enough of it.  I also love Jinho’s voice.

Meet anyone from your past lately? No, it would be very weird to run into anyone I previously knew from my hometown in my current city.

Have you ever called a teen suicide line? No.

Have you ever caught something on fire? LOL wellllllll not on fire BUT I accidentally singe’d/scorched my brother’s stuffed animal by leaving it sitting on the bedside lamp when I was maybe like 7?  OH man, my Mom yelled at me and I’m extremely thankful I didn’t set the house on fire!!! It had scorched marks on it ><

Ever been obsessed with a show? OH yeah, I binged My Hero Academia recently and 90 Day Fiance...I typically binge shows lol

What type of perfume or cologne do you use? I dont’ wear any

What’s the last book you read? I’m currently reading “Legends of the Älfar” by Markus Heitz.  They’re basically the evil version of Elves.  I’m not sure if I’d recommend it because its kinda...well..they’re not good creatures lol BUT I would 100% recommend “The Dwarves” also written by Markus Heitz.  Its SO GOOD!

Dream career: I honestly have no idea.  I wish I knew.

Have you ever climbed a mountain before? Yes!  We used to live in Washington (state), so we’d go hike around Mt. Rainer occasionally.  It was beautiful there (so green!) and I do miss living there sometimes.

At what age do you plan to get married? We got married 4 months ago.

Ever been in a car accident? Yeah but only fender-benders.

#survey #surveys #questionnaire #about me

[uniformbravo]

since it seems to be steadily taking over my whole brain now im just gonna let myself ramble about yugioh for a bit

idk i just keep thinkin abt how it was my favorite show when i was a kid... like not just i liked it a lot, but u know how when ur a kid u pick ur Favorite things & it’s a big deal, like i had Declared this as my Favorite Show

i honestly don’t rly even remember my experience with it in terms of my Feelings like i dont remember having a favorite character or anything like that, i just have a lot of Evidence of me liking it lmao like. u know those school folders they sell at like walmart that are themed after different shows n stuff, i had a yugioh one & it was cool af (i still have it actually, i’d get it to take a pic but it’s in my brother’s room & its almost 1:30 am). i remember my best friend at the time (like. 3rd grade) said she hated yugioh so she would always scoff at my folder lmaooo but like i knew she was wrong so

o shit i found a pic of it online tho here it is

gangs all here...... dam when they droppin their latest single tho lol

i also got this yugioh play set for christmas once, it was like. a plastic dueling arena that u would set little monster figurines on and each player had a bunch of little orange plastic balls that they would take turns shooting at each other’s monsters until urs were the last standing, or something like that? all i have left of it are the little orange balls and a couple of the hologram projectors that went in each of the 4 corners of the arena. i wish i knew what happened to the monsters tho, bc they were actually pretty cool. there was like. a blue guy. and a gold one. i think one of them might have been the summoned skull? i think they were mostly monsters that became plot important later in the show & i’ll definitely recognize them when they show up but i haven’t gotten there yet.... im pretty sure they were basically exodia’s pals tho, like reputable monsters. the Big Boys

hwhgosFHOFJ I FOUND A PIC OF THIS ONE TOO

HELL YEA BOY THATS FUCKIN IT BRO AAAAAAAAAAAA

every bone in my body just liquefied and became nostalgia from looking at this image GHRGHGH I WANT IT SO BAD

ofc i also have a deck of actual cards w/ such iconic features as the dark magician (which is Shiny), summoned skull, change of heart, and this one rly beat up guy i found half buried in the sand on the playground at school one day named griggle, my prized possession

(imagine this but more fucked up looking)

oh and how could i forget, i fuckin. made my own deck of cards, it’s like a bunch of cut out pieces of scrap paper that are all different sizes & i made up a bunch of monsters and drew them & my favorite part (i looked thru it the other day) is there’s a couple cards in there with just numbers on them which i assume was either meant to be added to the monsters’ attack or ur own life points, but one of them is 500 and the other is 50,000,000,000 which is absurd i literally just wrote as many zeroes as i could fit on the paper & it shows, imagine drawing that fucking card my god. i imagine that in my mind it was like, meant to be really rare & hard to get but like. the whole deck is only like 30 cards? so i guess @ whoever faces me u better fuckinnn say ur prayers

that’s all the physical evidence i can think of, but i do have some memories..... fuck i remember watching all the new eps air on saturday mornings aaaa oh man there are a few Classique moments of the show im excited to get to, not by virtue of being particularly Good but because despite having been such a big fan of the show i like barely remember anything from it at all, so these little bits and pieces that i do have r like. exciting. im arranging them into a bullet point list

first of all, and i may be wrong, but i stg at one point pegasus drops someone thru a trap door in his castle or smth??? or someone gets thrown out a window or Something idk why this moment stands out so much but if it doesn’t happen then i will be Very disappointed (i think it was bandit keith. get fucked)

this one’s already happened a few times but for some reason a memory that stood out to me from this show is yami yugi being like “pegasus!” in his Deep Man Voice all like >:o so i was v happy to hear that. also while im here this is pretty obvious but the way he says “previously on yugioh” at the beginning of eps is great, love it, having a blast w/ that one

one saturday there was a big two-part hour long special called “joey’s betrayal” where like idk joey has to duel yugi for Evil Reasons or something and i was SO HYPE for that special bc i was like O Shit joey’s Evil now and like. this was around the time that my sister kinda stopped wanting to get up early for saturday morning cartoons lol so she was sleeping but i was So excited for the ep & i didnt want her to miss it so i left her a note on the desk in our room for her to see that had all the info abt the episode like the title & the time it would be on so u know she could like, wake up & See it & come out n watch it, but the whole thing went by & she never woke up so i had 2 go back in there & take the note down & throw it away looooooooool. but yea so im REALLY excited to get to that episode due to its Impact

eventually i kinda lost interest in yugioh & stopped keeping up with it but obvs the show kept going on w/o me & one day i turned on the tv & it was on & it was like, tristan was trapped in the body of a teddy bear or something? & i was like wow thats weird glad i stopped watching & i never looked back but now I Am Looking & i can’t wait to get to that episode, however-old-i-was me was a Fool

this one doesn’t count but i remember thinking the theme song was SO COOL (and i was right that shit slaps so hard )& being disappointed there were no lyrics i could sing along to..... except for when it was time to d-d-d-duel ofc

FUC I JUST REMEMBERED ANOTHER THING I OWNED HOW COULD I FORGET oh my godddd it was a yugioh poster that i had on my wall for so long & i am EXTREMELY sad that i don’t have it anymore, idk why i thought i could just Throw It Out like a CLOWN, but it was like. it had yugi and friends on it (tho i think one of them might have been missing, it was either tristan or tea, also i just learned how tea’s name is spelled fuckin HUH), & yugi is like, he’s little yugi & he’s got his hands & maybe part of his face? pressed up against the “glass” (the barrier separating his world from ours, keeping him Contained), i remember this detail clearly bc i looked at it a lot and learned how to draw that effect from that specific poster... anyway the best part of the whole thing is that it came from like a scholastic book fair or something so it said in big letters “it’s time to READ!” it was SO good & im DEVASTATED i don’t have it anymore........ to gaze upon its brilliance one last time....................

anyway i think thats all my yu-gi-oh related childhood memories woah why did i type out the whole ass title like that this time damn what the fuck lmaooo 

rly sad abt the poster actually the more i think abt it the cuter it sounds tbh i wanna see that art again..... how could this happen.... i tried looking it up like the other stuff but i couldn’t find anything at all u_u

ok it’s late af now i need to go to bed before i pass ou

#retag later #ygo blogging #that playset is on ebay for like 30 bucks what if i had money #and room in my house #i just want the little monster figures again #i miss them

[bbassclarinet]

So this boy I had a mild crush on three years ago

Was around at this grad party last night and he is so nice and has a flirtatious vibe with everybody. Omg I spiraled, because I am so romantically desolate and just alone. But, he came up in conversation previously and I'm just so boyfriend crazy like, I just wanna go o a picnic date with someone- a warm body lol.

And this other guy, I just can't figure out. It's been so long but we are warming up. Idk

I will never every make a move because I feel so shameful and bashful about all dating stuff. I hate talking about it with people and I feel so uncomfortable with boys becuase I've never even been on a date or known true romantic interest.

Sure, in middle school two boys harassed me on the bus and kept "asking me out", and one kid asked me to go on a date with him and his dad (we were huge nerds) but I've just never had the experience or learned to be comfortable with romance or the prospect of dating.

It's hard to be that vulnerable. Being vulnerable means you will just get hurt. People in life are hard tot trust becuase there have been many who betray my trust before I even know.

You confide in a friend, a small bit about how you are feeling and they say: dont joke about that. There are people who are really depressed.

I dont even like sharing everything completely with my therapist who I see because it's hard for me to physically even say the words. I am always paranoid talking about anything because I feel like it could get back to people somehow. Even here, typing this which no one will see, I am afraid the people in my life will find this. I dont even know what the consequence would be, but I am just afraid because it's a vulnerability. A way for someone to make me feel ashamed or lesser.

Its a wild ride, and theres so much in life. Everybody is so different. My whole life, I feel like ice been taught to fake it, put on a mask, never tell anyone- to keep it a secret. It's really hard for me to open up to people at all. Until recently, I would get emotional just thinking about talking about something that was inside, a secret, whatever. I've hard to really try and learn to share- that that's how you form relationships.

I've always been a very quiet girl. I am not the life of the party but I can be energetic and fun in the right circumstances. I would think that other people describe me as shy, timid, stoic, strong, and hopefully kind. If theres one thing I know that u can be it's kind. Because I have such an empathetic heart, i can be really kind to others. This means sometimes I can feel taken advantage of, but I've been lucky to have the people in my life that i do and for the most part people are great.

I also have a low self confidence in my life, both per my physical and personality aspects. I have been much better about my behavior and personality confidence, but I feel like it's going to be tough to ever be really physically confident in and around my body. I've always felt growing up that I've been the big girl, chubby, fat, whatever. It's funny how everyone thinks that. But when I look back I looked very normal, and honestly I probably do now too. So few People are really the super skinny image we see broadcast. But I've always been on the heavier side and plus, I'm 6 foot tall. For a girl, that's a big factor. I explicitly remember a conversation a neighbor had with me when I was probably 10 years old- she said boys are always going to be intimidated by you because you are so tall, my sister is too Haha she has the same problem. I guess I didnt think of it much then, but I obviously remember it and I think it has subconsciously followed me around.

I have adapted a more fuck it attitude when it comes to my body because I have evaluated the fact that o enjoy food and stuff and I dont want to do an extreme diet, as long as I feel good and healthy. My body and my thoughts and mindset surrounding it has always been the same, so even if I change and lose weight, my mindset will likely be the same. So I need to enjoy life and get over it, since your personality and who you are is so much more important- maybe not to other 20 year olds but hey. I would love to lose some weight but I can do that by exercising control and being moderate and active while still enjoying life and not being miserable.

I am just feeling so much like I wish I had a boyfriend to lay on a blanket with outside and just watch the stars and hold hands. That sounds perfect to me right now. It feels foreign to even say that, though because how uncomfortable I feel with the subject and the vulnerability. I cannot say with any certainty that a boy has pursued me romantically in any serious, or significant way and that impacts certain confidence issues. But I'm just trying my best in life and we will see how it all pans out. Dang. I am just rambling- it works for other people I just have to trust God that he will give me the best partner that is fit for me, that He has the plan.

#diary