#dont even get me started on if I was some paint

[straightfromthetorturedpoetsdept]

Let's talk about how in dear John, she said that he painted her a blue sky but then turned it to Grey and in his emotionally abusive response to her, he said that someone was going to "paint her another sky" and in bigger than the whole sky, she admits that the sky he ended up giving her was her fucking eating disorder and if that doesn't turn the whole situation into another ordeal of fucked up, especially knowing what we know about Jake dating her literally right after and how no doubt that worsened her ED and how the entire song is her calling herself the sky, and saying goodbye to pre john taylor swift because he killed her.... I'm literally going to be fucking sick

#the old taylor is dead because you fucking killed her #bigger than the whole sky #im actually even more upset that you guys thought it was about a baby ?? #yall are dumbasses and losers honestly #dont even get me started on if I was some paint

[ninyard]

Hellooo i saw that you were asking for asks (that sounds funny) and I wanna know some of your hcs on Kevin and Allison being besties/ kevjean relationship

This is my chance to finally share some Allison/Kevin hcs so I'm gonna seize this opportunity with both hands and give you this total MESS of a brain dump

- Allison is the only fox that doesn't make fun of Kevin's eating habits. Kevin KNOWS his relationship with food is fucked up because of the nest and Allison knows it too, so she refuses to make bets or make fun of the way that he eats. Kevin only realised because she once tried to quietly tell Nicky to knock it off when he was pushing Kevin to have dessert or making fun of what he'd decided to have instead.

- Kevin also knows not to talk about the numbers or macros in front of her, too. They have a weird unspoken mutual respect RE: food and they both appreciate each others efforts on that front without ever actually mentioning it. they also have a gesture for each other that's code for "i want a snack do you have anything" and they'll throw each other protein bars if they're out/on a long bus journey etc.

- they are the BEST drinking buddies. Whenever the team starts drinking/partying/clubbing more together post-TKM, they are literally CHILDREN when they're drunk together. Kevin gets tired of the monsters being boring when they go out and there's only so much dancing he can do with just Nicky and Aaron alone. So Allison pulls him up to the bar one night to do a tequila shot, and they literally have the most unexpectedly fun night ever. Kevin loosens up a whole lot without the threat of Riko etc post tkm, and when I tell you he is such a fun drunk. now he doesn't really drink THAT much during the season but off-season? oh he's a party animal. I could write thousands of words about him and Allison getting drunk together and becoming literal best friends as soon as they have a drop of alcohol in their systems but here's some things I think they've done drunk

stole a shopping cart and sat in it as they pushed each other down the road in it (and fallen out of it and laughed so fucking hard) ((but were bruised up as fuck the next day because of it)

he's sat her on his shoulders - while dan sits on matt's - as the two girls try to push the other one off

he's really easily convinced to do things by her. another shot? sure. and another shot IMMEDIATELY after that? alrighty! karaoke? well, okay. jockeyback? stealing traffic cones? pulling pranks and fucking with the other foxes? acting like actual teenagers? okidokie!

she's probably the only person in the world who has successfully convinced kevin day to sing

he holds back her hair if she has to puke

she convinced him to let her do his makeup once. full glam. like a serious look, fully beat, full coverage look. there's a picture out there somewhere of it that she saves for blackmail.

fucked. make out sometimes. strip poker. they dance together :)

he never lets her walk alone anywhere when she's drunk. if she can't find one of the girls to accompany her to the bathroom at a party she'll take him.

she's taught him full dance routines

she was joking that there's no way the raven warmups could be that different to theirs, and bet him that she'd be able to do them without breaking a sweat (he won)

they've both ugly drunk cried in front of each other (but they never talk about that sober)

she's pretty light so he's bench pressed her before

- They know each others drink orders/favourite shots

- if Allison is out, say she's with her friends and not with the foxes, and she has to wait alone for a taxi or walk somewhere alone, she'll call him and he'll stay on the phone with her until she's safe

- They make fun of each other and bully each other like there's no tomorrow (affectionate). the whole "Allison hates Kevin" thing WAS true for a while, but once they get closer, she just pretends to hate him. he's like an annoying brother to her

- Allison is really easily frightened, and Kevin thinks it's funny to scare her. she's never safe walking around a corner or into a room if Kevin is there and in a good mood.

- they're not BEST FRIENDS. like they're not in each others pocket all the time and laughing and joking ALL THE TIME but she can read him like a book. she knows when he's having an off day, or thinking about something too much.

- She also knows when he's being serious and when not to joke around. She knows when he doesn't want cheering up or to joke about something and knows when to back off. The same with him - he knows when she's having a mood that requires being cheered up, or a mood that requires him to leave her the fuck alone.

- He's a big reason why she puts a whole lot more of herself into Exy post tkm. She's always been invested, but once they talk more, and they consider each other friends, she listens to him talking about Exy and it really clicks for her. his dedication. and also how fucking talented he really is. She doesn't do the night training with him but they'll occasionally go to the gym together or start practice a half an hour early to run some basic raven drills.

- They're iconic when they get together to do press after games. they bounce off each other like nothing else. they're just so funny. and he's also like andy murray in that he will ALWAYS defend her, dan, and renee's talent if interviewers start to focus more on him instead of the girls. he'll step in if an interviewer says something shitty or misogynistic. she LOVES directing objectifying and misogynistic questions his way.

- She calls him a bitch and makes fun of him for being a nepo baby. He calls her an asshole and makes fun of her for being a rich kid.

- Have gone to banquets as each others date.

that's just a few random thoughts off the top of my head but yes. Allison and Kevin. Literally the only Two Pretty Best Friends ever to exist.

#i know this might feel ooc for kevin but just think about it #first of all taking these as individual moments rather than a constant thing #they're not cuddling as besties and painting each others nails and talking about boys #or doing all of these things ALL THE TIME #like #maybe it's just me #but if Kevin loosened up a bit and let himself enjoy things a bit more #post-TKM #i really could see them being friends alright #hes gaining a lot of courage and the foxes are pretty united #so theyre going out more together #and he CAN drink to have fun #and Allison IS fun #and they have fun TOGETHER #okay! i have read some stuff recently about allison being hit or miss for some people #but i love her (even if it is an extension of her that ive made up in my head) #and i've pretty much based their entire hypothetical friendship off that part in tkm when they're in the cabins #and someone says she could sleep with kevin #and she makes a loud retching sound as if that's the grossest thing ever #(and unless you want to unleash the unhinged kevallison in me dont get me started on them hooking up fr) #allison reynolds #kevin day #aftg

[dreadnotau]

Happy three years everybody! As always, there’s a lot to say on the occasion, so pop in at the end of the post for the tl;dr if you don’t have time for my detailed diatribes, haha

Boy, time flies, huh? Feels like the second anniversary was just yesterday, but maybe that’s just the several long hiatuses getting to me. I’ve been scarce on uploading anything anywhere for a while now, even though I promised I’d actually pick up the slack this time around. What gives? Well…

For one, college hell, and for two, a lot of unfounded anxiety about putting my art out there. Allow me some theatrics for a moment and I’ll actually get back to the comic at hand… I’ve never had an exceptionally supportive environment for making art. It wasn’t suppressive, not in the slightest, but it also wasn’t… encouraging. It was always treated as a hobby or a distraction rather than something I was allowed to be fully proud of, especially because a lot of my art focused on more cartoon-y and fantasy ideas, rather than still life studies and painting (which people generally outside of the art sphere tend to value more, arbitrarily). Couple that with a childhood full of being bullied over minute shit you hadn’t even considered could be an issue before, and you get a teenager hellbent on never sharing his interests or ideas with anyone, mostly due to the fear of rejection.

I’ve grown, thankfully, but that paranoia and fear doesn’t go away overnight. As I’m sure you all know, Meowchela was the one who originally encouraged me to post this comic, and the only reason she succeeded was because she was the first person in a long time who listened and engaged with my interests and my art in a meaningful way. It’s kind of obvious her friendship had a profound impact on me, and I’d cite her as one of the reasons I was even hopeful enough to apply to an art college in the first place! This comic, and that bond with another person, proved that maybe these things I’m so passionate about weren’t duds, and weren’t something I had to keep to myself.

So, fast forward a few years. About three years, in fact.

During one of my classes, right before this hellish two weeks of exams started, one of the class assistants talked me into showing my comic pages to one of my professors. He’s generally a pretty open guy when it comes to new mediums, but I’m always… apprehensive about showing my less “traditional art”-y things to professors, but, he ended up being genuinely proud of it. Specifically, I showed him pages 85-87 (because they’re my favourites) and, he didn’t read the text, just the visuals were enough for him to say “good job, keep it up” (which is HIGH praise from that guy). When I mentioned I’ve been meaning to simplify the visuals because I didn’t have time to work on the comic very often because of college and classes, he dismissed it on principle. I was honestly caught off guard. Heavily paraphrasing, he suggested that worsening the visuals for an arbitrary deadline was counterproductive to making something that’s Good™.

That’s kinda stuck with me. For a good few years now I was more focused on optimisation rather than visual improvement for the comic, and though it HAS contributed to better visuals in some ways (cutting corners sometimes makes for a less pointy and jagged end result), it’s kind of weird I’m treating an art project that way, isn’t it? I set a lot of… arbitrary deadlines and standards for myself, in the form of expectations and what I “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing at certain stages in my life. I’ve thought of Dread Not as a passion project second and a stepping stone first, if I’m being honest. As if it was too… fandom-y and derivative to be treated with more gravity than that, like it’s an immature project because I was still a child when I came up with it. As if it was something I’m making to Build Up to Something Else, something Bigger and Cooler and More Important, and… the more I think about the future of Dread Not, and even my future career options, the more I realised that’s, ironically, a really immature way to think about it.

If there’s one thing going to this art college has taught me, is that there’s no “right” way to make art, and there’s no “right” way to success as an artist. There’s no clear-cut paths, just more commonly treaded roads, but even those are heavily overgrown. Why should I try to box myself into thinking I have to make things from complete scratch to be taken seriously? What’s so bad about Dread Not as a story and as a comic that’s caused me to vaguely keep it under wraps when conversing with people in my day-to-day life? Why wouldn’t I put all these skills I’ve acquired to improve and expand this project that’s Right There, WAITING for me to finally get off my ass and get pages out there again?

I wish I could say I’ve used all this time away in a particularly clever way, but I really haven’t - at least, it feels like I haven’t. My art has undoubtedly improved over time (though admittedly the art for this post was Very rushed, fuckin exams), and while I’ve been working on projects in the background, chipping away at them in a VERY disorganised way, I haven’t been posting that progress anywhere, and I haven’t made any good progress on my biggest project, Dread Not, because of the other ones. And, honestly? Admitting that kinda stings. This comic means a lot to me, and I wish I actually gave it the time and attention it deserves instead of letting it sit out hiatus after hiatus because I keep failing at structuring my time.

So, my new plan is a little more abstract: find a way to work Dread Not into my school schedule, and slowly build a habit of working on it more often. No clue how long that’ll take, but I think it’ll be worth it to consider it as an option, and hopefully finally end these long, drawn out hiatuses with short bursts of uploads in-between. HOPEFULLY. Building habits was never my strong suit, so please bear with me while I figure this out in what will probably be the most hectic upload schedule in this comics history, which is: no schedule at all.

From now on (until the end of Act 1), I’ll upload pages when they’re ready, and depending on how the weeks go and how complex the page is, they could be weeks or days apart from one another. Hell, some might even take a month to finish if school stuff gets REALLY hectic (god knows Hellish Exam Week number 1 and number 2 won’t be giving me much time to work on the comic), but I’m determined to do this. I want to be able to put my all into this project again!!

(And hopefully finish Act 1 by the end of this semester…)

TL;DR: College is giving me life lessons I didn’t expect, and because of them I’ve decided to give myself a non-existent upload schedule for Dread Not: Pages will be posted when they’re ready, and the spacing between pages could wildly vary depending on circumstances and the actual complexity of the page itself.

As always, thank you for being here, thank you for reading, and thank you for being patient!

If all goes well, there will be new content very, very soon.

#dread not #dreadnot #dread not au #dreadnotau #not comic #kris #schedule update #again #apparently i was calling this last hiatus a pseudo hiatus? #oh silly past me. this was a full blown hiatus jesus fucking christ #but yeah no i love being at this college dont get me wrong #its just that i have like 3 exams to prepare for the next two days ALONE #so like!!!! wish me luck!!!!! for christs sake #yknow i was planning on actually Dedicating Time to the art for this post #but uhh. haha. a little thing called the consequences to my actions caught up to me #fuckin psychology exam today that i had to cram for last night #i think it went ok? who the fuck knows at this point #but for tomorrow and the day after that i have digital shit to finish some theory to cram AND an ENTIRE PAINTING #that i didnt even START YET #and its an autoportrait. as if i wasnt suffering enough i have to stare at my ugly mug for hours #AGAIN. BECAUSE I HAD A DIFF AUTOPORTRAIT TO FINISH FOR LAST WEEK #im in spain without the s yall pray for me

[a-r-a-h-a-s]

The faithful handshake in prison

Day 7 of @dukexietyweek - Soulmates

#imagine going to a protest getting arested meeting hot barely dressed crazy man? hallusination? in the holding cell #he then randomly shakes your hand your soulmark starts to grow and you almost die coz even though you now know mating habits of octopuses #and you even shared a few about spiders #you still dont know his name and now youre soulmates #imagine getting arrested for throwing a homophobe out he window and then painting all of his things rainbow meeting hot quiet emo? ghost? #in the holdig cell then after telling him your best facts about octopuses and hearing the most amazing things about spiders #you finally decide to shake his hand and introduce yourself #in the most amazing way possible of course and then your soulmark starts to glow #remuses soulmark would 100% be on his ass #fight me #sander sides #i read it in some fic and adopted it ito my headcanon #sander sides fanart #virgil sanders #dukexiety #remus sanders #anxiety sanders #tss #duke sanders #dukexietyweek2023 #vimus #dukexiety week #remus x virgil #tss remus #tss virgil

[mcrizzystardust]

i bleached my hair last night, except i forgot to take my adhd meds yesterday morning, so i accidentally left the bleach in about an hour longer than i shouldve (my hairs all fine! nothing fell out or got too damaged. i was using salon quality bleach, not that box shit).

it came out really really really light.

you know what this calls for??

#its cosplay time bitches!!! #closet cosplay #i dont have one of those wolf shirts hes wearing #but i was thinking of wearing my shadow and bone tshirt 👀 #its dark and looks similar if you dont look closely 😇 #im making some lil shitty horns rn :3 #then ill do the makeup #and paint myself green <3 #hunter noceda #hunter toh #the owl house #toh #toh cosplay #hunter noceda clawthorne wittebane deamonne whispers #the golden guard #i actually look like draco malfoy #but we ignore that!! #because im pretty sure tom feltons a transphobic prick #and im still mildly heartbroken #dont even get me started on joanne 💀 #smickles' shit

[lumalalu]

i was at joanns the other day and there were CALICO CRITTERS ON CLEARANCE. i bough tthem and some fabric dye n_n

#im not gonna paint the boxed ones i got #i got secondhand ones on ebay to fuck around with before i start like #you know #something i wanna try after i test out custom painting calico critters is like #reflocking them? #theyre fuzzy cause theyre flocked so i wonder if i could like #weather their original flocking away and replace it w my own? #id need yarn for that. to make the flocking. but i think itd be fun to try #i could also try that to like. repair some of my secondhand guys teehee #i bet the cashier thought i was getting a christmas gift for a kid. NOPE. fennel project #🕷❣ #i wanna make jonesy and momo and vans. whch is why i was thinking abt the flocking #like it would be . easier maybe to make a brown base for a cat calico critter w flocking #or well maybe not easier but like. #like how in doll customs its better to start with a skin tone close to your characters skin tone even if its not exact #ykwim #i dont think there are any brown calico critter cats #making my calico critters bald. #the other thing is attaching them im very slapdash so like #delicate tasks dont really suit me :( i dont wanna mess up bc i used too much glue or whatever #and i wanna make custom clothes OBVIOUSLY #i know doll clothes are harder to make but its fine #i like hand sewing and i am. so sick of trying to sew through denim thats been my only sewing project this year #it HURTS #i shoudl just swallow my pride and try and figure out ren's hand me down sewing machine lol #hm. wondering abt custom eyes. maybe i could do the dollightful trick w paper + resin #ren likes resin painting im sure they wont mind if i use A Tiny Bit

[spiked-mall-goth]

heyyyyyy <3 <3 i feel terrible.

i had planned to stay off longer but i genuinely have had like three nervous breakdowns since i left bc right as i decided it was abt time i just chill for a little bit everything started happening all at once. so i came back to see my silly little internet friends, but like the second i logged back on some ppl were talking smack abt me sooooooooo... ya know. my day (two weeks) be so fine,, then BOOM my entire schedule fills up and i become hollow on the inside! (hey sorry like vent post n tags i need to get things out of my brain)

#spikes rambles #i was happy there for a minute too :< #heres what its looking like rn.... #i have three weddings. one of which i am a bridesmaid for and was left to get my own dress #but i cant afford a nice dress that matches. so i have to make one my damn self. and in two weeks. #i have a graduation.. and a graduation party both for different ppl #even tho i had to push back my own graduation by a full year bc things were just not going as planned. and now everyone thinks im a failure #im volunteering to teach at a kids summer camp like thingy. i was supposed to have a partner but i was told that she actually #wants nothing to do with me and was forced into this but i was under the impression that we would be teaching TOGETHER #and not her being an assistant. so now i have to call her and be like heyyyyy what the fuck is going on i need to know the lesson plan #im also volunteering for a church summer thing. if i could i wouldnt be doing this but my self made mother figure asked me personally #to help and i cant say no to this. we get to hang out and i get to paint like murals and shit and we've been doing this together for years #i have to spend the weekend with my bio mother to go to a celtic festival thing bc my younger brother wants to go. #i'm having some pretty severe best friend problems which i am honestly not well equipped enough to deal with and its eating me away inside #summer has officially started here so that means 24/7 headaches and sensory problems. straight up category 5 autism moments #i had to pick up the slack and become a paternal figure to my youngest brother. which is just sad that i have to at all #my dear beloved friend is trying very hard to make a young adult like hangout (???) thing in own town and really wants me to go #but i just dont wanna. i dont really care for social gatherings #hey guys btw all this has happened or was planned for next month in the two weeks i was gone #what the fuck.

[hella1975]

the 'i totally wrecked my walls' saga gets funnier bc ive spent the past few days trying to figure out how tf to get out of the inevitable fine and one thing i joked about was that i have a lot of hard hitters on my side if shit really does get nasty. like my flatmate's mum is an actual soliciter, my dad is a finance guy who can write an email so scathing you'll cry, my local friend's family owns half the property in the city and knows all the tricks of the trade when it comes to housing, and then there's just my mum who was like 'oh yeah i regularly used to dodge rent in my twenties. you'll be fine' and somehow she's the one im finding the most reassuring rn

#my mum looking at these insanely qualified people knowing she can one up them with the sheer experience gained from being poor #and she's right too. that's the fuck of it all #like she was trying to reassure me bc i nervously said to her 'im gonna be honest im NOT paying that fine if it comes to it' #bc im not! i dont deserve to! this tenancy has been a shithouse start to finish they have NO RIGHT to fine me over a dirty wall #like it does NOT cost that much to just go over it with some paint and it's not like i have a deposit for them to withhold from me #and i said to my mum thinking she'd be a responsible parent about it and be like 'no legally you HAVE to or they'll take it to court' #but she was so fucking unbothered she was like 'yeah when i was your age i literally couldn't afford to lose my deposit #so to ensure i still got it at the end of the year id just pretend my rent was late for however many weeks the deposit covered #and then id just leave. like id just leave without saying anything' #and that was that 😭 girl ffs. like her advice was really just 'call their bluff bc 9 times out of 10 they wont take you to court' #LEAST of all over an £80 fine for a bit of dirt on a wall. like lets be real here. i'll threaten to leave a review of all the shit #we've put up with during this tenancy and that'll be that i KNOW they'll roll over bc they've done it before we literally got rent back #for the first week at the start of the year bc people complained. im standing my ground #so even if the worst case scenario comes about that i cant salvage the walls and i do get fined #i now have full parental consent to just fucking dodge it LMFAOOOO #hella goes to uni

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Got my souvenirs

Freeze dried skittles and handmade watercolors made by the owners of the art shop i got them at

They grind their own pigments and everything

Their business card is a 6inch ruler

#we dont have any good specialty art shops in Lawrence #we have a couple of places downtown that are kinda similar but they pretty much only have name brand stuff #nothing made locally #if it wasnt so expensive to start a business in Lawrence i might have a niche for handmade paints there #im trying to figure out what oil they used in their base to make it antimicrobial #cuz it smells really good lol #like my paints smell very strongly of cinnamon #im assuming clove oil since thats most common.....but idk if i can identify clove by smell #smells christmas-y tho #if i was more outgoing i mightve asked the owner some questions about it #my mom tried to talk me into getting the watercolor kit that had some little pieces of watercolor paper and a pencil and a brush #and i was like ''i have all that tho'' and she was like ''but then you could use them now.'' #''.....yea. i have all that WITH me.'' like. im not gonna travel without my favorite art supplies lol #i gave up suitcase space for my giant watercolor sketchbook just in case i wanted to paint #i have MOSTLY travel watercolor sets and brought all of them with me in my pencil bag #i specifically filled up all my watercolor brushes with water the night before we left and made sure i had my favorite mechanical pencil #(which btw if you have executive dysfunction and like to paint with watercolors i highly recommend the watercolor brushes you fill #with water. i paint way more than i used to cuz i dont have to fill a cup with water any time i wanna paint) #i have my regular sketchbook #i even brought my sudoku book and a couple pens in case i felt like playing sudoku #i dont travel without my bag of activities. i may not always do the activities i bring but i like to have options #at least its better than when i was a kid cuz i tried to bring activities AND like 5 stuffed animals #my suitcase was usually half stuffed animals #i also usually had a few shoved into my pillowcase with my blanky

[wabblebees]

homophobic how science has yet to invent a haircut for me that lets me wear it long+pretty+femme in a fag way sometimes but Also short+easy+masc in a dyke way other times

#im nonbinary + have long-ass hair atm but no one GETS IT. wheres ur vision!! why do u assume it makes me a sTrAiGhT wOmAn!! fuck off!! #if u say ''just cut it and wear wigs'' im gonna shave your eyelashes. i Do Not Have a wig budget NOR do i have wig skills #PLUS. i FINALLy got some nice-ish headshots (free!) so if i shave it all off id need NEW fucking headshots & i don wanna pay for that shit! #also... short hair on me....... attempting the bisexy bob made me look like a goddamn soccer mom. and dont even get me started on what was #SUPPOSED to be a pixie cut.😔😔 ohh poor 15yo me. wanted to be more masc but wound up looking like karen from the homeowners association #and i feel like no one understands that when i toss my hair into a mess with a hairtie attached im doing it in a MAN-BUN WAY. #NOT in a long-brown-hair-blue-orbs-mom-sold-me-to-1d way😤😤 #i want to be able to interchange it!! same as how i wanna be able to pop my tiddies on+off when im feelin dysphoric vs feelin good abt em #also same as how i want to long-ass painted nails in a fag way but short-ass nails in a dyke way😔😤 #the world is cruel and homophobic and mean for not letting me have this all all at once #its RUDE. #bee speaks

[esoraluco]

what the title says but there’s no title. Gaylloween 3 but 50s

#o #ua s05 #spamblue #before you smash my head for making blue a feline boy. You #have to understand. This is the 50s. They dont have the concept of cat people or even furs. #they're just dressing as their fav animals and didn't realize the cat hunt mouse aspect until it was pointed out by a kid at their door #blue likes cats and spamt loves mice. It's just not that deep #i think blue would be like OH NO!!! while spamt is just like BETTER START [Runnin] BE4 THAT SLY CAT GETS [Me]!!!! *fake runs poorly #like blue would be oh my godddd im so sorry but spamt thinks it's worth exploiting for making others laugh with him #which is. Meaningful in some way but i'll explain in another post #sorry for overeplaining but i feel like that picture of spongbob going WAIT I DONT MEAN IT LIKE THAT before being crushed by something #also. You get to see blue's art. his regular self cant paint at all but 50s blue is. Pretty good and def has a style as you can see #and that's not any random cat. It's mine. He is totally like this. More or less. #i tried to replicate the abstract style ive seen in 50s hallow flyers/cards ive seen. Also something like that one linepic i did in february #lineless pic*. Hence why there's no shading like the other pics in this series. idk if ill make more- o #only if i get like a really good idea #blue addison #spamton #spamton g spamton #dltr

[youaremysunshine-court]

.

#like lowkey really wanna stop living idk #idk #i know its not me but she makes me feel so unloveable like ill never be loved by anyone like the minute they get to know me theyll leave #like maybe they only like the front i put up and if they knew the real me theyd hate me like she hates me #i wish id never been born i feel so unwanted i literally just wanna die #if i didnt wake up tomorrow i would be so fucking happy #i dont even know anymore if i had more willppwrr maybe id just fucking kill her or myself and be done with this shit #fucking christ #i say something anything and she takes it and twists it until it paints me as a villain i dont know what to do #i literally said oh i feel carsick and she started screaming at me twlling me not to be selfish i fucking #i was about to puke #i had to shut my mouth for the next hour up the mountains while she talked like nothing was wrong #i dont know if im being unfair to her if my pov is painting her in a bad light or what #but it fucking hurts man #it hurts so much and i dont know what to do i just wanna stop living #why does she hate me so much what did i do that made her hate me so much what can i do to make her love me #shes supposed to be the mature one here but im always the one who stops fighting and withdraws so we can have some fucking peace in this ho #house #i crave the hours when shes out of the house because it means i can just exist without feeling guilty for it

[dirt-str1der]

People call kazumaji one sided and theyre kind of right but i find it so funny to think if majima gets incapacitated one day and kiryu is walking the streets with an unloaded pistol in his belt (bait for frisking) like where is officer majima :(( he said hed be near the batting center ... because hes been so spoiled by the constant attention that when his stalker disappears hes like im so bored and alone ...

#Listen to my problems #i want to think of kiryu as spoiled because hes really been raised on so little .... just an excess of affection though. since hes always #‘the favourite’ i really think he tends to take for granted that hes majimas favourite which makes me fucking scream whenever i think of #saejima (seajima) receiving ALLLL of majimas undivided attention and getting orbited by him and he really returns that love with just as #much force as majima does ... kiryu looks at this and hes thinking Damn ! (bruno mars when i was your man starts playing). i really like to #think of this all the time because kiryu is absolutel and embarrasingly jealous but hes convinced that he didnt deserve all that attention #in the first place and it was kind of forced onto him but he never expected that majima likes someone else as much as he likes kiryu ?? even #more than that actually ??!! logically he knows that you cant just compare love like that but at the same time hes like hmph !!!! and then #spirals into the ‘ill see myself out then since im clearly unwanted’ pipeline #because once again kiryu cannot grasp that hes important to people and double somehow sees himself as easily replaced #its easy for him to help people hes never met of course ... you establish a rapport with a strabger and paint yourself as someone useful #eith zero emotional attachment involved ... but when it comes to your friends and family how do you speak to them :.: thinking avout when #nishikiyam was going to euthanise kiryu and broke down crying becsuse he cant snd hes like i still need you im nothing without you !!! and #kiryu was like. yeah. i feel the same way ... despite already pulling off some amazing stuff by himself while nishikiyama seems to be #stagnating .... use their own words on them because you cant come up with something true and beautiful on your own can you. cant say i dont #feel the same way either ... sorry this was supposed to be bout kiryu finding it difficult to imagine that someone whos established a great #deal of time and edfort in him suddenly takes interest in someone else worse that someone else was his og squeeze and YOURE the ‘other’ #woman !! i really think kiryu sees majima hanging off saejima (seajima) and hes like i gotta go. say your last goodbyes yo will literally #never see me again adios. he cant even place the freling of jealousy because he thinks its nonsensical when hes laid no claim to majima in #the first place so he just attempts to amputate himself from the rest of the body and majima is like ?? we havent even had sex yet ?? #all roads lead to kazumaji btw #wow i fell asleep before posting this last night but im still feeling it. i was right

[juggalism]

ok some of the ALLEGED leaks r rly cute n cool looking but god like 2/3 of those SEs.....................

#. #.. #... #.... #............ #........................................ #pkmn leak #skeledirge looks fake 2 me n i kinda hope it is bc it. not a v good design #looks like a fucked up fancy car ykno. w the statuette at the front #dotn even get me started on quaquaval. #we dont have any close up/detailed pics yet but #like #thats a guy who got blue paint on his blaziken costume #meowscarada is my fave n if i get the game (which tbh i probs wont atp the new games havent been super interesting 2 me) im def choosing it #but its still also like Just A Guy #im not as anti furbait as other pkmn fans are. but i think it can lead to some lazy designs #meowmeows cool tho

[oceanics]

argentinians being offended when people associate nazis with us as if going to any small town wont have you running into nazi symbology at the very least once.

#go to small towns in cordoba? nazism #go to small (or not that small) towns in patagonia? nazism #go to small towns in santa fe? nazism #hell not even necessarily small towns #didnt some guy last year get caught selling nazi “relics” in la rural? #just this year i saw swastikas painted on walls #and the reichaddler or whatever its called as a symbol for some brewery #in capilla del monte and la cumbrecita respectively #nazism tw #ania speaks #txt #and throwback to when i found out they celebrated hitler's birthday in some parts of bariloche up to the *mid 90s* #and dont get me started on pe-[gunshot]

[lovsome]

venting :-) sorry

#sh tw !! #i am so tired of my mother #last time i saw my therapist i talked about how she drives me insane but still i feel so guilty for getting mad at her because i know she #has issues and literally can not reason but i get so frustrated and exhausted #she took like 9 days off of work to ‘take care of me’ (her words) after my surgery and i didnt ask her to do one thing all these days excep #help me make food and come up with stuff for me to eat bc of my diet rn and thats all #she has been doing her thing all these days like literally just sleeping on the couch and going out with her friends and going shopping and #only made me food herself once (1) in over a week #and i didnt say anything bc i know i cant say anything to her if i dont want to get her to start screaming but today i couldnt take it #i was painting all morning because i am extremely stressed and anxious to make a fucking portfolio to find some work and idk what they thin #i do in my room all day probably sleep but i dont !! im up until 1:30 am working every day even now despite having just had my jaw cut into #pieces and stitched back together #and she went out to the post office for me for a second and then spent the rest of the morning shopping and came back at 12 and had the #audacity to get mad because i hadnt made any food for myself or for anyone else yet #when i literally called her just minutes before to ask her instructions on how to prepare a certain soup for myself and she told me to wait #because she was gonna do it instead #like ??????? #and when i told her i had been busy working all morning and that the whole point of her being home from work was that she said she was gonn #make stuff for me she started screaming like an insane person that i was accusing her and it wasnt fair and i was mean and rude and that sh #does EVERYTHING for me and im ungrateful #and when i say my stomach sinks to the floor every time i hear her yelling #it is ingrained into my brain #i have nightmares about her tantrums and her yelling #im so tired #and it always ends with me getting the urge to hurt myself and i want to cry but i cant because my face hurts when i cry and i am not #allowed to blow my nose bc of my surgery so im just here. swallowing all of this once again