I took that one line where Albatross called Rimbaud “Rando-aniki” and ran a fucking marathon with it.
What do you mean he wasn’t their mentor and didn’t train them for years and didn’t have to put Albatross in time out because he kept throwing knives and didn’t have to stop Pianoman from trying to decapitate him at least once a week and didn’t have Lippmann criticising his “lack of style” 24/7 and didn’t have Doc threatening him in 49 different ways every minute and didn’t have constant stare downs with Iceman because I’m sure that man was a stubborn mf.
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so my dog got sick last week - she’s fine now! just a tummy bug! - and the vet gave us a few cans of fancy pro-biotic dog food for her and some supplement capsules to mix in with it. she has never gotten canned food before and she was A Big Fan. after about two meals she had zeroed in on the sound of me popping open the supplement capsule and would come running. because she’s only seven pounds, the cans lasted us approximately a week. two days ago, i gave her the last of the canned food. we have no more canned food in this house.
since then she has been absolutely. insufferable.
yesterday i would conservatively estimate that 75% of her waking hours were spent on Attention Seeking Behavior. i did not immediately catch on to what she wanted, but i realized when i went into the kitchen near where i was keeping the canned food and she began frantically dancing around my feet. i pointed her back to her normal food, which is in its normal place. she does not want normal food. she wants canned food.
ma’am. we have no more canned food in this house.
yesterday i was able to trick her into eating her normal food one (1) time by popping open a supplement capsule, which she eagerly danced around and begged for, and sprinkling it over her dry food. but today she is older. wiser.
there is still no more canned food in this house.
today we have been at DEFCON 1 Attention Seeking Behavior since the sun came up. strategies deployed include:
staring balefully
staring playfully
pawing at my arms
woofing under her breath
hopping around in little circles
climbing up onto my shoulder to snuggle her head under my chin
tiny little kisses on my face
laying across my laptop keyboard
positioning herself to be in my direct line of sight at all times
bouncing on the couch cushion near where i’m sitting to jostle me
squirming into my lap to knock my phone out of my hands
hiding under the armchair for short periods of time and then coming out to see if i’ve learned my lesson yet
and yet, we continue to have no more canned food in this house.
the ONLY reason this behavior has stopped, now, at eleven pm on Day Two of the Great Canned Food Famine, is because she heard thunder outside and had to tuck herself under my arm to avoid certain death.
when the storm clouds clear and the sun comes up tomorrow, there will still be no more canned food in this house.
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