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butwhatifidothis · 9 months

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What gets me about GW defenders saying that "Claude siding with Edelgard shows how far he's willing to go to get what he wants, he'll use anyone to further his goals" is that, even if that were accurate to his character... that's not what he does in GW. At all.

Which one of Claude's goals are ever progressed once he sides with Edelgard? And how does siding with Edelgard, specifically, accomplish said goal?

Maybe... killing Rhea? But all of the reasons he says he wants her gone in this game are either completely unproven or blatantly incorrect - there's no proof of the Church forcing arranged marriages, Crests do not force obligations onto those that have them (which Claude himself literally proves), and the Church is helping Dimitri restore Duscur - a foreign nation - meaning they are actively willing to help fulfill Claude's main goal that he came to the officer's academy to achieve.

And... that's it! That is the only possible thing that even POTENTIALLY helps Claude's dreams, and taking a five-second look at it shows that it actually does nothing at all to help anything. But in the meantime? Claude weakens Faerghus through agitating Sreng and invading it himself, forcing Dimitri to fight a three front war; he actively helps Edelgard get herself out of a messy situation, even though not helping her and letting her die would have actually helped him and would have actually been him using her like people keep saying he's trying to do; he and Holst even admit that by the end of the war Edelgard is going to make a vassal state of Leicester after taking the lion's share of Faerghus' territory for themselves, which Leicester can't do anything about because of Adrestia's far stronger military. He is the one saying that! He is the one pointing out that that is going to happen! And yet he just keeps going anyway!

He is the one getting used. Very blatantly, and very extensively. Claude walked himself into a trap and lied to himself into thinking he's the one with the upper hand, which somehow managed to convince a large portion of the fanbase too. There's no gray morality here, there's no cunning being showcased, Claude is just an evil stupid tool

#clyde discourse #doing a read over for what i have for the GW rewrite and just. man.#like. it's hard to even like Clyde as a villain because he is just so incomprehensively incompetent in literally everything he does #once Part 2 hits #like imagine if he helped EdeckyWecky up to the point where she'd ACTUALLY die without his help... and he doesn't give it #he lets her die and lets the Empire crumble without leadership #but Dimitri can't take advantage of that because he still has to deal with Sreng and the Alliance #meanwhile Clyde is sneaking in more and more Almyran forces through Nader manipulating Mr. King of Almyra #until he has enough to take on the weakened Kingdom and force it under submission through the constant pressure he's forcing it under #not through brute force but just through wearing them down to the point where they just can't keep going #and in his zeal to conquer Fodlan he fails to recognize that he's just become Shahid; someone who wants to become king no matter the cost #like imagine it's never said outright but that THIS is how power corrupts once genuinely good people #they're so focused on getting to the end point that they gradually care less and less about how red their path to that end point is #until oops everyone is either dead; too scared/unable to fight back; or are also swept up in the mindset of By Any Means Necessary #THAT'D BE A NEAT VILLAIN. even if it's not *Claude* at all that is a villain i could get behind!#but people keep insisting that 1) Clyde isn't a villain (he is) that 2) he's doing the right thing (he's not)#and that 3) he's in any way compelling (he's just brown Eddy Geddy but stupid)

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wizardnuke · 5 months

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i truly don't understand how people can get really into a fandom without seeing all/most of the material involved. how are you doinf that

#i do Not understand reading fic where i don't know the characters. doesn't matter how well-written the characters are #who are these people. idk them. i can't get attached to Characters without Meeting Them. in their natural habitat. thee original story #the Text. you could call it #idk what if i hypothetically loved a fic and then looked at the og media and didn't like it at all. hard to explain #To Me. fanfic and meta (im excluding art bc im not immune to pretty picture) have to be built off of the story like. they're attached. i #can't see it as seperate #i want to engage with media and Then be insane about it idk. fandom only experience feels like. storytelling lite #many beloved mutuals are capable of this. i don't get it at all. godspeed but What #like i understand u get the gist of the canon story thru fic and fandom in general but i need to get In That Canon #im elbows deep in the legos bin of the canon always

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gxlden-angels · 8 months

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Christians: Nothing should be over the Lord! You should give your money to the church because it belongs to Him!

Me, deciding I love my cat more than Jesus:

#This is $66 worth of stuff btw #I got litter food odor remover toys and treats all for $66 dollars and it'll last months hopefully #I buy my cat's food and little in bulk that's why I prommy I'm not risking my livelihood for my cat #I bought 20lbs of food and like 50lbs of litter #I also bought his treats in bulk this time cause it's like 3 times as many treats for a few dollars less #wait no they were out of stock of the 50 so I got 40lbs #They also had a sale on toys so I got my cat new toys cause he rips thru his so quickly #so I buy him new ones when they're on sale #My roommate once bought him like a $7 bag of crinkle toys and he ripped into all of them within months #I sometimes buy him plush dog toys cause they're sturdier but he doesn't like them as much #he specifically likes ripping his toys apart #that or he respects Jewish tradition so much he refuses to rip up the Hanukkah dog toys I got him #since he's half Jewish on my found family's side #he only plays with the gelt piece but won't play with the dreidel or menorah plushies #I think cause it crinkles the most of the three. the other two are more squeaky and sturdy #n e ways I love u bulk sales my cat will be living in luxary no matter what #he will not know struggle a day in his life #thank u for reading my rambles about how much I love my cat he's a devious creature and my son #ex christian #religious trauma

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sysig · 27 days

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Looking his very best, as much as he can anyhow (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #The Captain #The theme of this set is ZEX's hair! So I guess Max's hair really lol #But double really it's ZEX's hair because Max would never let this happen to his hair lol poor abused hair haha #Cute floofy ZEX is cute and floofy <3 #He can't control the hair - no hair bones here unfortunately lol - but at least there's something around his head eh?#Max with a buzz cut! Ah!!! The problem is I love him no matter what so I think he looks cute literally anyhow haha #S'cold! As if ZEX wasn't already sensitive haha - he gets a buzz cut and is just ''?????'' the whole time #And then someone pets his hair and it upgrades to ''?!?!?!?!?!'' haha #Weird to not have anything in his peripherals too :0 Always /some/thing to the sides of his head!#I think he looks quite silly in the third one lol - I would say I drew his hair too short but it's actually more accurate isn't it #Max's hair is like chin/shoulder-length! I just can't help myself haha long flowing hair is so fun and pretty <3 #No he's beautiful however I stand by it #ZEX with slightly damp but not actually clean hair haha of course it feels strange! Not just water in there!#Actually drawing his green ends for a change haha ♪ And the grey in his hair! ;; ZEEEX weh #You can just barely see I tried to use one of my skin-tone pencils from the Crayola set but it doesn't scan the best :P #Or apply the best honestly lol they're quite hard pencils - I'm used to a softer formula like the yellow and green there! Very soft and nice #Yaaay Captain hehe <3 This is what you get for trusting someone untrustworthy ZEX lol #Okay but the way I reacted to reading there was Yarn tied in his hair I had a Normal reaction and I'm Fine about it lol #I made it red for Funsies and no other reason lol - really it's just the pen I (still) always have on hand haha #There's some in my blue as well! Just not as obviously lol - no wait that's one of his colours too just ignore that <3 #ZEX is adorable ♪ The alien not understanding human traditions and culture trope is so lovely on him #And honestly the Captain is a very good sport hehe <3 He takes a lot in stride! Good for him

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poisonousquinzel · 1 year

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sorry but if you actually think Cancel Culture ™ is a thing then you're kinda a dumb fuck. Cancel culture isn't real, holding people accountable for their actions is a thing, but this whole narrative around Canceling that's evolved over the past few years isn't real. It's never been an actual thing. Its just a fear mongering tactic to further vilify the groups who were being harmed in the first place and victimize the person who did something wrong.

Your fav being called out for playing an antisemitic video game that directly gives profits to a hugely influential TERF, who's said openly she sees getting profits / royalty cheques from her franchise as endorsements for her bigotry, is not "cancel culture". It's called the consequences for your actions.

You have every right to do and play whatever the fuck you want, but that goes both ways. If you go out of your way to build up and financially support these people who're openly advocating to take away trans people's rights, then you get to deal with people not trusting you because of it. You get to deal with trans and Jewish folks not feeling safe around you, not wanting to be around you or not wanting to talk to you. Because you have shown that you care more about nostalgia and temporary personal emotional gratification over the wellbeing and safety of those communities in the real world.

People have explained why supporting HL is wrong, people have explained why it's harmful, people have explained in detail the issues with this situation. You. Just. Don't. Care. You don't listen, or read, because in the end, you can't be bothered enough to put in the effort of having 1 moment of critical thinking.

It's not that folks don't have arguments or evidence, it's that it clearly does not matter to you. It's that the value of an antisemitic game full of one horrific thing after another is worth more to you than the real, living breathing people who are going to be, and have been, affected by this.

You come across as a bad person. Not because some person on Twitter determined you must be, but because your actions speak far louder. And they're screaming red flags.

I'm not going to argue with you over your own bad decisions and life choices. You've made your bed and are mad that people are telling you to lie in it.

#not dc #i need to not focus on this but it makes me so annoyed #and like the constant 'well hp has been a comfort thing of mine since childhood!' like bitch do you think Harry Potter was a niche little #thing????#a fucking lot of us had Harry Potter as something important to us growing up #i remember getting all the legos sets for Christmas in 2011. getting the lego video games and i loved them!#but. that. doesn't. matter.#we're not children anymore and she's not on our side.#JKR made it clear that a large portion of her previous fan base are not welcome around her and that frankly #that she would rather them be dead.#she's a horrendous human being who is causing so much pain and anguish for communities that're just trying to exist #and its built upon the empire she crafted. the one full of stereotypes and offensive imagery and tone-deaf themes.#we aren't kids anymore and it's shameful to gloss over what she is actively doing Right Now because You have fond memories of her world.#a lot of people don't get the luxury of pretending like she's not an awful person because they're the ones she's harming #they're the ones she's spreading hateful rhetoric and stereotypes about. the ones that she's pushing to get their rights taken away.#just put down her shitty fuckhng series and read another book.#i promise you there's hundreds upon hundreds of better ones out there with better plots and better world building.#anti harry potter #anti jkr #anti hogwarts legacy #tw transphobia mention #tw antisemitism mention #figure I'll tw tag just in case ya got it filtered 💖

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clonerightsagenda · 1 month

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Bujold: In a few generations there will be an entire planet full of telepathic men who hate women religiously.

Me: Elaborate on that

Bujold: No

#kat reads the vorkosigan saga #Ethan closing the book out with malpractice on a planetary scale #yeah let's give everyone on the planet experimental telepathy for kicks!#though I suppose if they're not overdosing on that one chemical it doesn't matter #life on Athos is portrayed very chill and nice as long as you do not let any of these people interact with women ever #and YET I struggle to believe that a religious separatist group founded in misogyny and obsession with sin #does not have other fucked up elements #beyond the whole having to earn social credits to get kids thing but beta colony also does that so it's not unique to them #like. we can assume what kinds of people the founding fathers were. that's gotta leave a societal mark

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sskk-manifesto · 3 months

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(๑•́ω•̀)

#Aah I have so many thoughts concerning this episode #First of all: that I can think of Lucy really is the character that grew the most on me.#I remember I really didn't feel strongly for her the first time I watched and through the first year or so‚#even after finishing reading the manga‚ but now I really like her a lot and feel strong sympathy for her!!#Second. I remember the first time watching I found Fitzgerald's portrayal really distatsteful...#Like I get there's a whole deal of the usa's economic power having destroyed literal countries.#And Japanese people are rightfully enraged at them.#And I get there's a whole deal of cultural colonization made by the usa of half the world #That said. I don't like countries stereotypes in general no matter the country. I believe it's harmful to enable stereotypes full stop.#Moreso in bsd where a lot of it feels to me like “Our country is the best and all other countries are bad / evil / lesser”#(Again like. There IS an issue with how every single foreign character is a villain if you ask me)#(And this is coming from someone who's not from the usa nor feels particular kinship with it.#Just to clarify that I shouldn't be holding preceding bias. Again I just dislike stereotypes in general‚ the country doesn't matter)#Third I LOVE Lucy's va they're sooooo good!!!! I adore them in p/p voicing Akane–#and it's extraordinary to see them voice a villain in this episode. I love them so so much they're so good at what they do #Fourth I remember the first time watching the episode it was immensely amusing how between Akutagawa and Lucy‚#it really felt like everyone was trying to make a competition with Atsushi on who had the most miserable orphan life. Like guys‚ wtf 😂😂#Fifth another thing that bugged me MASSIVELY was Lucy's reaction to Mori like… What even is that………#Idk it's probably not a big deal and it's probably just an issue with me but.#It's just that in the context of bsd already being plenty sexist everywhere you look.#You have a female character who's evidently got the upper hand‚ in her own reign‚ with a super powerful ability–#facing a defenseless male character. And yet the male character is implied to win due to the power of his……… Frightening stare.#Like you DO get why it irks me right. One thing would have been if that was an ability he had‚#but also the way it only seems to effect Lucy… To me it really adds to a rhetoric of women being more frail / easily scared–#because it's not like Mori was ever able to use his special move: scary look™ on anyone else #So y'know :///#That's it. Atsushi and Kyouka were super cute <333 #random rambles

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izupie · 1 year

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It really bothers me to see fanfiction writers discussing how to/how not to write certain characters. because I'm like, my dudes. we are on tumblr dot com. we are writing stories about our favourite characters like they're dolls in the dollhouses of our mind.

you can't be sitting there on some kind of fanfiction high horse preaching out that everyone "can't" write this certain character in the way you've decided that you, personally, don't like.

i don't care how many hits your fics have got - like that makes you valid?

filter out the tags you don't enjoy on ao3 by all means, but you can't turn around and say that the way you dislike them being written is 'wrong' - that's your opinion and that's great but it doesn't affect how someone else writes them.

who are you that your opinion matters more? who are you to be the judge and jury on what is in or out of character when you didn't even create them in the first place? sound confident and condescending all you want, doesn't make your opinion any more or less valid than any other fan in the fandom.

Write characters any way you want to. fanfiction is supposed to be fun. if another fan tries to police you about the way you've portrayed a certain character tell them that you hope their toast always burns. and that they need a new hobby.

#i saw a bunch of fans discussing the 'correct' way to write a character and it makes me. so. mad.#advice on how to write a character is fine! it's welcome! it's great to discuss!#but to say that there is a right and wrong way to depict a character really raises my hackles #for context there's a bunch of fans who have high view counts on their fics and they're preaching out this garbage #of how to write [character]#and they're doing it to these fans who are drinking up their opinions because they're the 'cool popular writers'#and they're not at all saying that all of this is their opinion - that they are welcome to write this character whoever they want #they're saying 'writing this character any other way is wrong'#THIS is their personality and THIS is the way they speak #because they've got lots of hits and these are the things they like to see in the fics they write and read #so who's going to disagree with them??#i think this is the most tags I've ever written #ANYWAY - WRITE CHARACTERS IN FANFICTION HOWEVER TF YOU WANT #DO IT! MAKE THEM WILDLY OUT OF CHARACTER! PUT THEM IN A COFFEE SHOP! MAFIA AU! GENDER SWAP!#doesn't matter because it's fanfiction and you can do what you want to with your blorbo dolls #izu says stuff #izu rants in the tags #fanfiction #ao3

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fisheito · 7 months

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@milkeumilkeou so far i have 5/8 and the only one that has a story to it is the foxy tantrum (more on that in the tags...)

#rusted nation #i am missing numbers 2/3/6 #will extra hilarity or sadness find me in those stories :):):):):)))) we shall see #when i read the shipwreck note i just imagined #was kuya worse at controlling his form back in the day #like he was too tired by nightfall so he just reverted to his foxy self for honkshoo bedtime #but this sailor saw him and kuya threw a fit like those mythical creatures who pride themselves on their rarity #so kuya's all How Dare plebian eyes grace my vessel u must all perish for this transgression #or. wait. did kuya have fox self esteem issues back then #so was it more like someone walking into a teen's room uninvited #while the teen is trying to cover up their pimples in the mirror #so now they're embarrassed and hormonal and the only option is to lash out?#like GOD mom [drunk sailor] GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!! *sets ship on fire*#i mean I'm glad that they survived (assuming)#but what was huey thinking... like sure kuya sink the ship doesn't matter to me either way #wait no THIRD hypothesis #kuya hates boats bc he gets seasick. not a water fox i guess #so he whines at huey and huey's like idgaf teleportation is not a thing right now and i want to tinker with these strange artifacts #while eavesdropping on the stories of all these stowaways #so kuya harrumphs and just sulks in the cabin until the sailor finds him and #ok well no that's the same story as the second hypothesis. it's just kuya getting embarrassed #and reacting with 12x more violence than he should to being discovered.#is he really so reactive? so baby? is this my vision of him? oh well

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ladsofsorrow24 · 15 days

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i think some of you are too used to genre conventions, you guys forgot to question the worldbuilding that many authors painstakingly made to question the subject of death and life in a more nuanced manner than just "wow resurrection is so romantic!"

#like yeah i do love romanticizing horror tropes at times #but there's a reason why it is a horror trope and not a common romance plot #necromancy... especially mixing an individual's soul with that of another species is something that can be disturbing #doesn't matter if the one who's doing the resurrecting or the one get resurrected is in love #think about how falin feels knowing that even though marcille and laios loved her they ended up taking a decision #that not only hurts her physically but also emotionally #being stripped of control from your own body... not being able to do anything but follow your master's command...#falin did not asked to be the chimera #but that's what makes her decision to take the red dragon with her before she wakes up so cathartic in some ways #she also acknowledged that the red dragon did not ask for this to happen... just like how she forgives the lil guy she also #forgives her brother and marcille for taking this very... bad decision because she understands they're just as desperate #as she is when she tried to save them before she died #it circles back to the theme of accepting death and how resurrection magic ended up making people too comfortable #with the act of mindless killing of other living creatures #but yeah sadly people only see the surface level stuff but don't actively tried to understand the significance behind the plot #i can't really blame anime-only but people who read the manga tho...#if you only understand it as a romance trope and be like 'oh everyone else is just stupid' maybe you need to reread the manga #at least once a month #to understand ryoko kui's writing better #tmi tag

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byanyan · 2 months

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favourite running theme: byan's eyes always betraying them when they try to hide the way they actually feel in any given moment

#positive emotion? negative emotion? doesn't matter.#no matter what it is... no matter how hard they're trying to hide or even downplay it... u can read it perfectly in their eyes #those suckers are too expressive for their own good they can hold no secrets #it's a big part of why byan will usually like. kinda try to hide their face by looking down/away when they feel smth particularly strongly #they hate this sm about their stupid face honestly. makes it SO MUCH HARDER to play it cool #brought to u by the reply i'm working on where they're trying to hide their excitement but their big dumb sparkly eyes are giving them away #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.

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dyouknowwhatimean · 4 months

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Wait sammyverse is wincest? (- girl who has been putting off reading sammyverse because it's gen)

is sammyverse a wincest fic or a gen fic? the greatest thread in the history of forums locked by a moderator after thousands of pages of heated debate

#they make out once but dean mistakes it for a wet dream cause he's very drunk #and another time some monster that can read dean's mind possesses sam and he propositions they have sex #and they also discuss being in love but not wanting to do anything about it #and they're in some kind of what would've been the beginnings of a throuple with jess before she dies #doesn't matter what the fic is. what it is is GOOD you HAVE to read it please #💌

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whysamwhy123 · 6 months

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So, I started writing a dumb crackfic about a bunch of my blorbos attempting to hit on my newest blorbo because it was funny in my head buuuuut turns out I'm not funny enough to bring it to life so I probably ain't gonna finish it. But I don't wanna feel like I completely wasted my time, so I'm just gonna drop the unfinished thing here because I can't seem to make myself continue it. It's a shame because I feel like it would have gotten a little better/funnier after I got the set-up out of the way, I had plans for where this would go, but alas, my brain has failed me yet again. And whatever, this most likely appeals to absolutely no one anyway, so here it is, read at your own risk because it sucks!

Jack was minding his own business before the show, wandering the halls while dicking around his phone, when he spotted Hook, just standing there.

‘’Hey man, what’s up?’’ he said, leaning against the nearest wall, still looking at his phone.

When no response came, Jack looked up. Hook was still as a statue, his eyes focused forward. Did he not hear him?

‘’Hello? Hook?’’

Jack got closer and slowly turned his head in the direction Hook was staring. ‘’What are you looki - whoa!’’

Jack almost dropped his phone when he first caught a glimpse of her. No wonder Hook was staring - she had to be the most beautiful woman he’d ever soon. She was fucking gorgeous. The kind of woman that’s so beautiful it feels like she shouldn’t be allowed to exist. Or that you shouldn’t be allowed to look at her, how dare you think yourself worthy! But she was real and she was right there all the way over on the other side of the hallway. She seemed to be checking how she looked in her phone’s camera, adjusting her long blonde hair and examining her makeup as though it wasn’t already perfect. She was perfect. She was wearing this all red ensemble that showed off just how killer her body was. And she was tall too. Long legs.

Jack’s mouth was agape. He knew it wasn’t polite to stare but how could he not?

‘’Jack, buddy,’’ Hook said, not taking his eyes off the beauty across the hall. ‘’I’ve found my next conquest.’’

Jack couldn’t take his eyes off her either. Who could blame them? ‘’Who is that?’’

Hook somehow managed to tear his eyes away from the vision they’ve been blessed to look upon and turned his head to Jack instead. ‘’My next conquest. Weren’t you listening?’’

Jack forced himself to look away - any longer and he was about to start drooling. ‘’No, who is she? What’s her name? I’ve gotta know.’’

‘’You seriously don’t know who she is?’’

The two men whirled around to find Daniel Garcia right next to them.

‘’How long have you been there?’’ Hook asked.

Daniel waved him off, a whatever gesture and then nodded his head in the direction of the unbelievably gorgeous woman. ‘’That’s Mariah May!’’

Hook and Jack blinked at him.

‘’From Stardom?’’

More blinking.

‘’Club Venus? Rose Gold?’’

‘’You’re just saying words at us, man,’’ Hook said.

Daniel gave them a judgemental look. ‘’You guys don’t watch Stardom? For real? Do you not watch any joshi wrestling at all?’’

Jack scratched the back of his neck. Hook gave a half-hearted shrug.

Daniel shook his head. ‘’What’s wrong with you guys? Y’all got no taste. Where else do you find spots to steal?’’

‘’My dad,’’ Hook said.

At the same time, Jack said, ‘’Shawn Michaels, I guess?’’

Daniel sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘’I’m surrounded by uncultured swines. Look, she was one of the hottest - literally - free agents in the business. She just signed here, she’s debuting tonight.’’

‘’She’s a wrestler?’’ Hook said. ‘’Damn. Would have been easier if she was a rat.’’

‘’She could be,’’ Daniel said. ‘’You can be a wrestler and a rat at the same time.’’

Hook narrowed his eyes at Daniel. ‘’You would know.’’

Daniel smiled back, completely oblivious. ‘’Yeah, I mean, look at Adam Cole. Or Edge. Or CM Pu -’’ He stopped himself and his eyes went wide in Jack’s direction. A very uncomfortable silence fell over the three of them, one that seemed to last precisely one million years. ‘’...other examples…’’

‘’Alright, enough standing around,’’ Hook said finally. He took his hands out of his hoodie pocket and cracked his knuckles. ‘’I’m going in.’’

Two hands, one from Daniel and one from Jack, shot out and grabbed his hoodie, preventing him from taking a step.

‘’No way,’’ Daniel said.

‘’Nuh uh,’’ Jack added.

Hook glared at the two. ‘’I saw her first.’’

Daniel was aghast. ‘’No, I saw her first! You didn’t know who she was until fifteen seconds ago!’’

‘’That doesn’t count,’’ Hook argued. ‘’I saw her first in the building, so I get first dibs.’’

‘’That’s not fair!’’ Jack whined.

Daniel said, ‘’You don’t understand, man - I’ve been crazy about this girl ever since I first saw her on Stardom World. I’ve been waiting for this moment for months - that could be the love of my life right there!’’

‘’Yeah, well, I wanna fuck her,’’ Hook said, as though that was the most airtight, well-reasoned counterpoint imaginable. ‘’You can fanboy over her all you want after I’m done with her.’’

‘’Hell no! I don’t want your sloppy seconds!’’

‘’If ‘the love of your life’ is sloppy seconds, what does that say about you, huh?’’

Hook and Daniel had been gradually inching closer to each other with each response. They both looked mad, like they were one second away from throwing punches. Jack couldn’t let that happen. Not after last time…

He put a hand on each man’s shoulder and created some distance between them. ‘’Guys, guys, calm down! We don’t need to fight.’’

Clearer heads seemed to prevail, Hook and Daniel shared a nod and then their body language changed, less guarded.

‘’Besides, you’re both wrong,’’ Jack continued. ‘’I should get to approach her first.’’

Hook and Daniel, now suddenly allies, raised an eyebrow each at Jack. ‘’Why?’’ they both asked at the same time.

‘’Because…’’ Jack started. His mind drew a blank. ‘’...I…want to…’’

Now it was Jack’s turn to be blinked at. He wracked his brain - he couldn’t let this opportunity slip away, not when the girl in question was that hot.

‘’Okay, here’s why it should be me! Or, I guess, here’s why it shouldn’t be either of you!’’ He pointed at Daniel. ‘’You hit on girls all the time, while I don’t. So much. So it’s only fair that I got a shot first because, you know, it’s a special occasion.’’ Daniel looked incredulous and opened his mouth to respond but Jack cut him off by pointing at Hook and continuing. ‘’And you! Aren’t you already seeing someone?’’

‘’Uh, no? The fuck you talking about?’’ Hook asked, looking very annoyed at the mere suggestion.

‘’What about that girl you hook up with all the time? The one who’s always texting you? Carly something?’’

Hook rolled his eyes. ‘’Alright, look - technically, I never told Carly we were exclusive. I just…told her a bunch of other stuff and she kinda assumed and I didn’t correct her because I didn’t wanna seem like an asshole. But just because she lets me hit on the regular doesn’t mean I owe her anything - she should understand that. So how is it my fault if she gets mad about something like this?’’

Jack furrowed his brow at his best friend. ‘’You…you don’t seriously think that, right? That’s gross!’’

‘’Nah, that makes perfect sense,’’ Daniel said. ‘’Flawless logic. She’s the one in the wrong, not you.’’

He and Hook shared a quick fistbump. Fuckboy solidarity.

Jack sighed deeply. ‘’See? This is why I should get to shoot my shot first - I won’t treat like her dirt like you two assholes!’’

Daniel looked offended. ‘’I’ll have you know, I’ll treat her like a queen!’’

Hook nodded. ‘’Yeah, same. Unless she doesn’t want me to, you know?’’

Fistbumps all around.

‘’There’s gotta be a way we can decide, fairly, who gets to go first,’’ Jack said. ‘’Some way we can settle this like mature adults. Like men.’’

The three men took a long moment to ponder their predicament and search for an appropriate solution.

Hook glanced down at his fist. ‘’Rock, paper, scissors?’’

‘’Yes,’’ Jack said, emphatically.

Daniel rubbed his hands together. ‘’Alright, how we doing this? Elimination style or triple threat rules?’’

Jack decided to defer to Hook; it was his idea after all.

Hook considered it for a moment. ‘’The usual 3-way match rules. First to score a fall wins.’’

The three of them formed a triangle and each of them placed a fist onto their other palm, ready and waiting. After silently confirming they were all ready through a series of shared nods, Jack took it upon himself to count them down.

‘’Okay, here we go! Rock, paper, scissors, sh -’’

Before he could finish, Jack was shoved back by Daniel, his back colliding with the wall. Daniel then grabbed Hook’s hand, still balled into a fist, and promptly covered it with his own palm, preventing Hook from changing his option and signalling paper-beats-rock.

‘’I win!’’ he announced proudly.

Hook ripped his hand away. ‘’Like hell you do!’’

‘’The fuck was that?!’’ Jack demanded, rubbing his back where it was now sore. ‘’That wasn’t a win, you cheated!’’

Daniel smiled smugly. ‘’No, I didn’t. We said triple threat rules - that means it’s No DQ.’’

A lengthy discussion ensued about what exactly constitutes a disqualification in a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, hollowed by a side tangent about why there aren't disqualifications in a triple threat match. Upon realising that they weren’t going anywhere and were just wasting time, they all agreed to play by elimination rules. Hook was the first fall, picking paper while Jack and Daniel went with scissors. And in the finals, Jack’s paper bested Daniel’s rock. How poetic.

‘’Yes!’’ Jack exclaimed triumphantly. He took a great deal of satisfaction in Hook and Daniel’s sour, dejected expressions.

Jack glanced back over to confirm that Mariah was a) still there and b) hadn’t overheard any of that, which turned out to be true on both counts. She was in the exact same spot as before, still admiring herself in her phone’s camera. Jack could relate.

Jack took a few deep breaths to psyche himself up. ‘’Okay, Jack, you got this. You got this! I know exactly what’ll work here!’’

Hook groaned. ‘’You’re not seriously gonna try that again, are you?’’

‘’I told you, it totally works!’’ Jack said, defiant. ‘’Sometimes.’’

‘’What’s he talking about?’’ Daniel asked.

Hook sighed. ‘’He has this thing he does to try and pick up girls. It’s stupid - he just stands around looking sad and supposedly, a girl will eventually come up to him and ask him what’s wrong.’’

‘’It. Works. Sometimes,’’ Jack insisted.

Daniel considered that. ‘’Huh. Yeah, I can see it. One time, there was this girl who told me I had ‘sad eyes’ and it was half the reason she fucked me. So you might be onto something.’’

With his confidence boosted, Jack took another breath to calm his nerves and headed down the hallway to his target. He willed himself to stay calm, but he grew more nervous with each footstep. The closer he got, the better he could see her. She was even more stunning up close.

When he was near enough, he put on his game face. Which was to say, he put on his best sad puppy dog eyes and leaned against the wall, dejected.

His head was bowed, but he could see Mariah out of the corner of his eye. Unfortunately, she was still distracted by her own reflection. Jack didn’t blame her, but he really needed her to look his way.

He let out a loud sigh. Nothing. So he sighed louder. Still nothing. The third sigh was so loud and exaggerated, it was almost comical. But it was the one that got the job done. Mariah finally looked up from her phone and found him there. There was a flash of concern on her face and Jack knew his diabolical plan was working.

‘’Excuse me, are you alright? You look really sad!’’

Whoa, she has an English accent? Jack wasn’t expecting that. It took him a couple of seconds to process and actually respond.

‘’Oh, it’s nothing, really. Just one thing after another today, you know?’’

Jack knows this is the part where she asks more questions about why he’s so sad and tries to cheer him up.

Mariah just hummed. ‘’Okay,’’ she said, and then turned her attention back to her phone.

Uh oh. It’s not going according to plan! Jack’s brain scrambled for what to do next. He pushed himself away from the wall and closer to her.

‘’Uh, hey, wait! Uh, I’m Jack!’’ he said, offering his hand out.

She eyed his hand curiously and then reluctantly shook it. Goddammit, why did he try to shake her hand? That’s not romantic, that’s…business-y?

‘’Nice to meet you, I guess,’’ she said. ‘’I’m Mariah May.’’

‘’Yeah, I know who you are,’’ Jack said. He wracked his brain for what it was Daniel said about her back there. ‘’I saw you wrestle in, uh…Venus World?’’

#What is wrong with you Sam you should not be allowed to write #What can I say? I have a weird desire to write about my blorbos being idiot fuckboys *shrugs*#Uh oh Sam's gotten so bad at this writing shit that they're posting unfinished fic on tumblr #In a desperate attempt to not feel like a complete and utter failure #It's frustrating when a fun idea doesn't turn out to be as fun when you have to actually write it yourself #This happens to me a lot unfortunately #If you actually read this and wondered where it was going -#DG would try next and attempt to impress her with his in-depth knowledge of her Stardom career #But he'd end up failing by making it all about himself and then doing his dance at her which would just creep her out #Then Hook would try by just asking her ''How's your day?'' and then standing there listening to her for a while #And then he'd say ''I really like listening to you.''#And he's like right this is the part where she pounces on me and begs me to fuck her #But it don't happen and Mariah tells him he's not her type #Which prompts Hook to have an existential breakdown due to being rejected by a girl for the first time in his life #And then Toni comes along to see what the fuss is all about and she's like ''Children please let me show you how it's done!''#And then she effortlessly rizzes Mariah in a matter of seconds and the three fuckboys watch on like ''Aw man!''#''Why are the hottest girls always gay?!''#Yeah...it seemed a lot funnier in my head but now I'm reading it back....ouch 😬#I'm thinking it's a good thing I abandoned ship here LOL

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