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#does the onion know what you did for them and pay you back out of kindness? or is it because it knows you're the key to survival
luxrayz64 · 9 months
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does anyone else ever think abt ai no uta. the song released in tandem with pikmin 1, and included as an easter egg in pikmin 2, sung from the pikmins pov about how they are aware of and embrace their own mortality, how disposable each pikmin is, how they'll follow their captain to the death even if the captain doesn't care for them. "today again we'll carry, multiply, fight and be eaten" can anyone hear me. it's so dark in here
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rahhhhhhs-blog · 8 months
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How the Spiderman would react to you dodging their kisses
༻꫞ 𝑀𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑠 𝑀𝑜𝑟𝑎𝑙𝑒𝑠 ꫞༺
Miles is a very shy or rather awkward person.
In public he's shy with his affection often seen as closed off.
He loves hugging and kissing you but in private. It gives him a sense of comfort and love.
You were sitting on his bed. He was chilling at his desk drawing, the music was quiet in the background as the window was open so a breeze could go by. All you could hear was the sounds of New York and the sounds of pencil scratching paper. After a while Miles sighed putting the pencil down and moving to lay next to you. He smiled and moved to give you a kiss but you moved last minute. "Y/n? what's wrong?" he looked at you confused. "Nothing, I just don't feel like kissing right now. Sorry" you spoke placing your phone down. "Oh that's fine. You don't have to say sorry" he did feel awkward at first and didn't know what to do, but he doesn't question it.
☆࿐ཽ༵༆༒ 𝑴𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝑴𝒐𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒔-𝟒𝟐༒༆࿐ཽ༵☆
Now for this Miles, we've seen how he is. He seems more... aggressive? a 'cooler' version (depends who you ask)
I think he would be more confused and sassy about it. Let's face it, he's ruler of the sassy man apocalypse
He's the same as the other Miles tho, he keeps his affection more on the dl. Only because of enemies as the Prowler.
But that doesn't mean he doesn't want them, in fact if you don't give him at least one kiss. He's throwing a bitch fit.
Y'all were at the bodega getting snacks for a movie night. It was your turn to pick what to watch and you wanted to get his favorite snacks, so you won't hear him bitch and moan about the movie "Ma? you done?" Miles walked up next to you. "Hm? oh yeah, I'm done now." You looked at him and gestured to the snacks. He nodded and moved in to give you a kiss, you of course blocked it. Not because you just don't want to, but because people walked in and you know he doesn't like to be so affectionate in public. He looked at you weird and rolled his eyes walking to the cashier. After y'all (he) paid you both walked to his apartment. "So I was thinking we could rewatch Mean Girls." he just hummed. "Sure whatever." You looked at him and sighed "what's up with you?" he stopped walking and side eyed you. "You dodged my kiss like I'm one of your lil hoes" You just shook her head. "the only hoes I got are your other personalities, Miles. And I dodged it because other people walked in." Mid way through the sentence he kisses you before pulling away and walking ahead of you.
♡*♡∞:。.。 𝐻𝑜𝑏𝑖𝑒 𝐵𝑟𝑜𝑤𝑛。.。:∞♡*♡
We all know Hobie. (for like 3 minutes but I'm not complaining.)
He doesn't believe in consistency. But one thing he DOES believe in? is you.
He LOVESS your kisses, he's practically a bitch in heat for them.
He doesn't want them he NEEDS them. So imagine his shock when you dodge him.
You were laying down on the couch reading. It was a quite and relaxing day, so you decided to relax from work. Suddenly your tall, lanky, and quiet loud chained up man is walking in. He had a meeting at the Headquarters so he was tired. All he could do while listening to Miguel was yawn and imagine being with you. (in more ways that one🤞) "Doll, there you are. Been going crazy all day." He took off his spiky jacket and laid on top of you. You put your book down and lightly scratched his back, he let out a sound of relief. "How was the meeting?" he grunted and moved forward. "Was shit like always." He moved to kiss you but you moved your hand to cover your mouth. "Fuck was that for?" He gave you a mug. "I ate onion dip, my breath stinks." You tried to reason. "Who cares? kiss me for fucks sake." He moved to closer and kissed you anyway.
▂▃▄▅▆▇█▓▒░ мιgυєℓ σ'нαяα░▒▓█▇▆▅▄▃▂
Miguel is a rather... aggressive guy. (don't say he isn't we all saw how he treated miles)
He'd probably be at work a lot and so are you, I mean the bills don't pay themselves. So naturally he would want a kiss before leaving
He doesn't know if he'd get the chance to see you again all day because of both of your work hours.
So let's say that you woke up late and you didn't have time to take it slow like you naturally do
"Fuckk!" You rushed around getting dressed and making coffee. Your husband Miguel watched idle. He tried to help but all he got was a 'Not now' he knew better than to do anything so he stayed still as to not get in your way. After you rushed to get ready you flattened your hair down as much as you could and grabbed your cup chugging it. Miguel watched you with love filled eyes...no literally his eyes were in the shape of hearts I'm not kidding. You moved to give him a kick pat on his shoulder and yelled "Good luck" to him. He frowned and grabbed your arm to give you a kiss but you pulled away hurriedly. "I'm sorry Miguel but I gotta go! I'll visit you during lunch!" And with that you were gone. He was sad you didn't kiss him but he just shrugged it off. You did keep your promise though, you visited him during lunch and made it up to him.
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panelshowsource · 7 months
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If you had to pick a top three favorite episodes of any panel shows EVER, which would you choose? One of mine would have to be Terry Wogan guest hosting old NMTB, which I am dying to watch again in my lifetime. Your old-NMTB-posting reminded me just how amazing and formative those old episodes were for me. Anyway, it got me thinking… I would love to hear yours!
as long as i'm allowed to answer this totally subjectively...! because the objectively most iconic panel show episodes are probably quite different to the ones i gravitate to especially for rewatching — and especially in this difficult recent climate 🫥
this choice is almost bizarre knowing me, a huge huge huge sean lock fan, but this episode of cats does countdown — without sean! and not even golden era, probably, whatever that is in my mind — is so ridiculous and chaotic and stupid that i've watched it about 1000 times. there's something very specific about the dynamic between jimmy, jon, roisin, and joe without sean; those four have been in quite a few episodes without sean and they're like actual children without an adult in the room: jon is goofier and completely lets go of the game, jimmy throws even more to roisin (we do not talk enough about what a fucking kick jimmy gets out of her), roisin and joe's insane sibling dynamic becomes next level. anyways—this episode, which includes rly funny mascots, glory hole, the fucking hoop game and joe eating an onion and jon eating peppers???, THE UNICORN, its sheer childishness just cracks me up every time :') (if we're gonna mention the golden age, 2.02 is very iconic — from rhod killin it and always arguing with jimmy to claude to nick x susie hahaha but i have sooooo many catsdown episodes i love love love)
i really love the episode of 8 out of 10 cats following jimmy's tax scandal. it's not one of my favourite panel shows in general, but the circumstances of the news and the discussion epitomised what the show was meant to be: panel show meets reality tv meets a comedy central roast. watching that live, as the news was running it so heavily that even the prime minister mentioned it, as the press and twitter were reacting to it... wild times. it holds up incredibly well — it's hilarious watching them rip him to shreds, because he deserves every word and they're having a ball doing it to him, and i really appreciate jon grounding the conversation in just how tax avoidance hurts their country and some of its hardest workers — a really interesting, engaging mix of comedy and anger and wit and disappointment and political commentary that is not only funny but strikingly relevant no matter how much time passes. like so, so many people who were so, so disappointed in jimmy, this was the foundation of his carrying the responsibility, shame, reflection, and growth that people wanted to see — and that he truly needed to. since then he's talked a lot about not only righting the wrong (in paying back what he owed in avoidance) but just how the system is so broken — and taking the least complicated, most honest road forward since.
now i want to pick 1000 different things this is why i don't make lists or rank things!!!!! while my instinct is to pick a big fat quiz, i'm actually gonna go top-level nostalgia and say this episode of buzzcocks when stephen fry was a guest. what can i say — simon, stephen, it was two intellectual, mildly bitchy homosexuals on a stacked panel including josie long, dominic cooper, and yet another skinny white rock man for simon to pretend he's not trying to flirt with. stephen saying "there is a history, in pop music, of recto-veginal insertion" and denouncing god, like, in the first 5 minutes? stephen doing the intros round?? did i mention history boys-era dominic cooper??? such a throwback!!! (not to cheat but this ep with josh groban & martin freeman is my runner up)
i want to apologise to big fat quiz, taskmaster, wilty... THE WHOLE HISTORY OF PANEL SHOWS... I WISH I COULD CHOOSE YOU ALL
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captainpains · 10 months
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Attack of the PTA moms (Sergeant Hunter x reader)
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I am so proud of the title lol. Also all of my Hunter fics are aus 🤷‍♀️ I am slowly making my way through my @clonexreaderbingo card. And as always, enjoy 💕
Prompt: "Do you trust me?"
Warnings: gn reader, modern au, mean PTA moms, unwanted flirting, implied infidelity, mentions of sex.
Note: the word cousin in this fic is being used as a gender neutral version of aunt or uncle 
~~~~~~~~
"Dad!" Omega yelled.
"Yes?" Hunter yelled from upstairs.
"Dinner's ready!"
"I'll be down in a minute!"
He stood up from his desk, stretching as he did so. He'd been working all day, opting to work from home because Omega was off from school.
Hunter jogged down the stairs.
When he turned into the living room he saw Omega sitting on the couch. She had a plate in hand with some pizza on it. 
Hunter walked past her, ruffling her hair as he went. 
He grabbed his own plate and placed a few slices of pizza on it. He then grabbed a can of soda from the fridge. He went back to the living room and sat down next to his sister, now daughter. 
"So, what are we watching tonight?" He asked her.
"I don't know. What do you wanna watch?"
"Chef's choice."
Omega happily opened Netflix and chose the movie The Glass Onion, a movie that had been high on their watch list for a while. 
"Did you get your homework done?" Hunter asked as the opening of the movie played.
Omega nodded, her mouth full of food. Hunter didn't press, she was always very on top of her work.
"OH! Don't forget that the bake sale is on Friday. Makenzie's mom said that you were in charge of bringing cookies."
“Alright, thanks for the reminder, kid. I’ll be sure to make those.”
“Thanks Dad!”
Hunter smiled. He was still getting used to Omega calling him dad, but it made him all warm knowing that Omega was comfortable enough to call him that.
————
Friday came and like every school function, Hunter forgot to make the cookies. So, he just bought them from the store on his way to the bake sale. He knew he’d get judgemental looks from the PTA Karens, but he’s busy providing for his family. 
He walked into the school’s cafeteria, where the fundraiser was being held. There were a lot of PTA moms buzzing about, preparing for the event. There were also a couple of volunteers that Hunter had never seen before. Probably forced to be there by the PTA president at the fear of social ostracization.
“Oh, Hunter!” A shrill voice called.
Hunter silently cursed. He turned around and plastered a fake smile on his face as Karen and her groupies approached him.
“Hey, Karen. Where can I put the cookies?” He politely asked. 
“Oh…Store bought again? I thought you’d put more effort in this time, Hunter.” Karen mocked, fake niceness in her voice. 
“Well, you know…got really busy at work…”
“Well, if you perhaps if you spent more time with your family-” “Omega and I spend plenty of time together. We eat dinner together every night, and we eat with my brothers at least once a week. Just because my life looks different than yours doesn’t mean it’s worse.” Hunter bit back. 
“I know, but-”
“Where do you want the cookies, Karen?”
Karen frowned (at least as much as her botox would allow). She pointed towards a folding table with two people standing there, arranging the contents of the table. Hunter gave one last glare to Karen before brushing past her to get to the table.
You were organizing the cookie table, trying to make it nice but easy to see everything. You were not really paying attention to what was happening around you, keeping your head down to avoid the wrath of one of the PTA moms. You were brought out of your focus when a handsome man practically slammed a grocery bag with cookies onto the table. It caused you to jump.
“Ahh, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare ya,” he apologized. “Karen is just… frustrating.”
“I understand. She’s something.” You agreed, picking up the bag he put on the table.
“I just just don’t get it. What kind of sick joy does she get out of criticizing my life!”
“Makes her feel better about her miserable life.” Hunter chuckled at the joke. It was always nice to hear the gripes of other volunteers. It was a moment of bonding over the shared hatred.
“She is very…rude to everyone outside of her posse.” Hunter huffed.
You gave a small smile at his comment, knowing that he probably wanted to use some stronger language. Hunter returned the smile as he properly looked at you. You were fairly attractive, and the clothes you were wearing were simple and practical yet still nice. He wouldn’t admit to checking for a ring on your finger, nor would admit to a strange feeling of joy at not seeing one there.
“But, we all have to put up with her,” You added. “She is the PTA president.”
“I hope she loses the next PTA election.”
“Don’t we all?”
“I’m Hunter, by the way. Omega’s dad.”
You gave him your name. “I’m Tina’s cousin, guardian now.”
“Cousin?” Hunter cocked a brow. In this school district, it wasn’t comen to see another single parent. Most of the moms would rather be in an unhappy marriage than face the shame from Karen for being a single parent. It was part of the reason most of the other single parents gave up in trying to help with PTA functions.
“Very long story.”
“Well, how about, I’ll give you my number. Then, you and I can, maybe, go get dinner sometime?” Hunter was surprised by his boldness, but his brothers did say that he needed to put himself out there. He hadn’t had a partner since, shit, highschool? No wonder his brothers had gotten more pushy.
Hunter was buzzing with joy when you gave him your number. He was smiling the whole drive home. He messaged you that night, and when you responded he felt butterflies in his chest. As the two of you talked, you both felt a strong bond grow, bonding over your shared experiences with the PTA. He also found that you both enjoyed movies and would send movie quotes and memes to each other.
However, Hunter didn’t see you again until it was time for another PTA fundraiser. Whenever the two of you tried to schedule that date, something always came up and one of you would have to cancel. 
Hunter was happy to participate in the fundraisers. He liked helping Omega’s school, but he could do without the judgment of the PTA moms. 
This time it was a small carnival. It had a couple of games, snacks, and two inflatables. Omega was looking forward to it. Hunter was dreading it. The idea of being surrounded with the chaos of a carnival was not something he was looking forward to. It would put his senses into overdrive. But, Karen loved torturing him. 
Hunter stood, grumpy look on his face, behind the folding table with an inflatable ring toss game on it. He was pissed when Karen set him up next to the gymnasium, where the inflatables were. He knew he was in for a long day.
Hunter was brooding over his torment, when he saw you walking into the cafeteria with Tina. Tina waved to her friends and ran over to them. You had a tight smile on your face as you scanned the room. You and Hunter made eye contact. You started to walk over to the table, when Brittney, one of Karen’s groupees, came up to Hunter’s booth. 
“Hello! I’m just making sure everything is going well for you,” She said, a somewhat flirtatious lit in her voice.
“Oh, it’s fine over here. I think all the kids are too excited about the bouncy houses to want to play games right now,” Hunter said.
“Well, kids are like that.” She gave a fake sounding laugh before reaching up to adjust her revealing top (something that was definitely not suited for a school fundraiser). “I was wondering though, you must be so stressed with all the work you do.”
“I-I try…” Hunter uncomfortably responded, noticing the flirtatious look in her eye.
“Well, if you ever need some…stress relief, I can-”
“Hunter!” You greeted, coming around the table. You threw your arms around him and hugged him close. He felt your breath fan against his ear as you whispered to him.
“Do you trust me?” You asked him.
Hunter looked at you, then nodded.
You turned back towards Brittney, a bright smile on your lips.
“I’m sorry, Brittney. But my partner here has all the stress relief that he needs. Maybe you should ask your husband before you ask someone else’s.” 
Brittney gasped, offended for being called out. She pouted and stomped off. You turned back to Hunter, who looked relieved to have the woman gone.
“I’m sorry for stepping in. I know she can be… pushy.” You felt kinda bad for stepping in when it wasn’t asked of you.
“No, it was welcome. It’s hard to get some of the PTA moms to stop with their flirting.” Hunter assured you. “But…since you called us partners when we’ve never been on a date…”
“Iamsosorry! Ididn’tmeantolablethings. Iwasjusttryingto-” He cut you off with a laugh.
“I was just going to say. That now is the time that I take you on an actual date. Just like I promised.”
You smiled at him, “What did you have in mine?”
“Well, that new Marvel movie is coming out this weekend. So maybe we grab some dinner and go to the movies.”
“That sounds perfect.”
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pettyrevenge-base · 2 months
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Friends called me a Fake Engineer, I bought their dinner.
My daughter 17, asked me to post this here. And Im the Dad who does as the women in my life tell me, which is how I ended up in a restaurant tonight with snobs. So the characters, my wife, wife’s coworker 1 and her husband arrogant engineer 1(AE1), wife’s coworker 2 and her husband my CPA, and Lastly AE2 and his wife. Each couple has two teenage children with us.
We are at a Japanese steakhouse in America where the chefs cook in front of you. CW1 and AE1 invited all of us for their youngest daughter’s birthday. Since their daughter is close with our daughter. So the parents are at one table and the teens at another. At the teen table my daughters (17 and 14) order sushi appetizers, mocktails, and shrimp with scallops. At our table the Sake is flowing along with a few top shelf drinks. My wife and I order our appetizers, drinks and dinners. We are all paying for ourselves and I see AE1 and AE2 seem to in competition for who can spend the most. My CPA and I chuckle at them and stay out of the fray. Until AE2 hears my daughter order and says to her, “careful now your daddy is only and agricultural engineer. He doesnt make as much as us real engineers.” For context they are structural engineers with Bachelor degrees, Im an agricultural engineer with a PHD. I work for governments, private investors, and several agro corporations. I own my own consulting firm. I help build sustainable reusable gardens. And this work allows me to travel to poorer countries and help them use what they have to start growing their own food. Apparently these men thought All I did was travel to impoverished places and teach people to dig in the dirt. They believed I did all this work for free and therefore made very little money. Im not ���rich” by any stretch, but Im comfortable. We dont do extravagance, so we have savings and my wife works. However in 2023 I was awarded a handsome contract to design tower gardens in several states. Its a seven figure contract over three years. Back to dinner These guys ask me about the most ridiculous things. Like “is it good to grow onions and carrots in the same garden?” And were laughing at me and my work until their wives told them to stop. I chalk it up to drunken arrogance and dont even bother to answer. My CPA was laughing so hard he almost fell out of his chair. Apparently, he is AE1’s CPA as well. And knows the ins and outs of both our finances. AE1 taunts CPA to tell the table what he brought home last year after bonuses. CPA pulled up the figures on the phone and tells us. Its about 1/3 of what I brought home in 2023. The CPA says “I have yours up want me to share?” I decline. And he nods. Que another round of taunts. I go to the restroom and find the waiter. I pay for the whole check and leave a generous tip on top of what they added for a big party. After our sobert the waiter thanks me in front of everyone for the tip and wishes everyone a good night. AE1 and AE2 stare at me for a moment. I smile nod and tell CPA to tell them my income last year. After which I simply said goodnight. Petty absolutely, gratifying damn right.
Source: reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge
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contentment-of-cats · 3 months
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Just give me the coffee, I will do the rest.
Loki is settling in. Mostly, he wants to eat and sleep. The few times I have let him out of the Borg Cube, he's been out for 10 minutes, gets overstimulated, and runs back to his Safe Place. Right now he is learning how to play with toys, and loves his scratching posts and pads. He's been through so much. I have asked that the ex get a visit from his karma.
Unpleasant Subject Ahead
Another thing that this whole thing has driven home is how important it is to get your affairs in order - even if you don't have cancer. Loki's mom was getting a divorce and fell so ill so fast that she was unable to make her own medical decisions within days of admission. Even if you are getting a divorce, even with an actual protective order, your spouse is still the legal default person to make decisions for you. They are your legal heir. If you don't have a legal spouse (marriage certificate), it's your adult children, if you have no kids then your parents make those decisions even if you're a legal adult. If you have no immediate family, then your extended family gets called in.
Power of attorney legal and medical
Will for personal property
Living trust for investments and real estate
Medical orders (supersede those of the POA) such as Do Not Resuscitate
A health care directive like this one.
It's hard to think about, but when your surviving extended family is a mess (like mine) you want these things in order. Hell, have them notarized so that a judge can look at the plaintiff and say, "What the hell is the matter with you?"
Golden Treadmill
I'm strapping myself in with another 'write to spec' contract. Yep, it's more porn. I negotiated for one every six weeks from February to November. I need to visit Amazon and stock up on barf bags and brain bleach. I did say that I won't write noncon or (yes, this is a thing) racist tropes. It's hard for me to write hardcore body horror. I might be writing horrible porn in order to pay off my medical bills that makes my pussy slam shut like an angry clam, but I have standards. That being said, the editor delivered the advance to my freelance bank account and the outline to my inbox.
Whoo boy.
In my defense, I did not know that 'monster fucking' was commercially viable.
Cat in the Kitchen
Rediscovering food has been a wonder. As promised, my rearranged innards make it trial and error, but the errors seem to be self-correcting. Gut flora does come back, but I have not been brave enough to venture into my spicy Indian, Chinese, and Mexican foods.
I've been making casseroles/hotdish because they freeze well and sometimes the fatigue renders me incapable of anything other than pushing a button.
For casseroles/hotdish you need:
Vegetables: Frozen works fine. Canned is saltier, so if you go canned use 'less salt' brands. If you are using mushrooms, frozen, fresh or dried is best. I find canned mushrooms have a very weird metallic taste.
Starch: Potatoes, rice, pasta/noodles, bread. Yes, tater tots count.
Protein: Can be vegetable protein, beans, canned tuna or salmon, or meat. Smoked salmon is delicious in casseroles and soup, so I go to my local deli on Friday to get lox ends and trimmings.
Sauce: Canned soups (cream of ____), jarred or canned pasta sauce, or packaged cooking sauces and gravies.
Topping: Cornflakes, tater tots, cheese, potato chips, stuffing, etc.
Flavor: Dried herbs, onion and celery, garlic, spices.
Slowcooker meals are great, too, and follow the same rules as casseroles/hotdish. But my favorite caserole dish is my Gran's Lancashire hotpot - lamb neck chops, potatoes, onions, and more sliced potatoes on top for a crispy lid.
Back to work.
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yeliuxi · 4 months
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hi!!!! i'm a little late for the ask game but if you still feel like writing, what about some fluffy food related xiyuan(i think that's the ship name kfaj;sfkfs) ?? idk I'm waiting to eat rn and it's just nice thinking of them fooling around during mealtimes or something :) ofc no pressure or anything!! <3
Sorry this took so long! I was unfortunately head empty when this response came in, and I ended up just drafting a scene from my outline for my WLW Xiyuan modern AU that happened to include food and was mostly fluffy 😭 So sorry. I think it stands well on its own though
"I'm home," Wuxi calls into the apartment. When she steps inside, there is no Beiyuan splayed out on the couch, napping, a book covering her face. There is no Beiyuan laying on the floor, scrolling endlessly through her phone with a never-tiring arm raised above her head. There is no Jing Beiyuan in the living room at all, in fact. 
It's getting dark earlier, which means there is no natural light coming in from the windows. But the blinds are already drawn. Jing Beiyuan always draws them as the sun starts to set, claiming that everyone will be able to see them with the lights are on while it's dark. Wuxi wonders why it would be such a bad thing. They don't do anything particularly private in the living room.
Though there's no one in the living room, though it's dim and empty, beyond it is a warm, golden glow coming from the kitchen. 
There's a loud clatter--something falling to the floor--as Wuxi toes her shoes off and bends over to pick up a pair of house slippers.
A voice comes from the same direction, calling, "Wuxi!" 
A head peaks out from around the corner. Jing Beiyuan throws a brief grin her way before immediately ducking back into the kitchen. 
She's just barely put her house slippers on before there's more rummaging in the kitchen--a rip of a paper towel, something being wiped down. The floor again, probably. 
Wuxi can't restrain the warmth that bubbles up in her chest. This is what she's wanted for a long time, now: Jing Beiyuan, in her home. Jing Beiyuan, in a home that was once Wuxi's, but is now her own. She aches fiercly when Jing Beiyuan accompanies her to pay respects to her teacher, and aches still when Jing Beiyuan goes with Mo-ayi to help sell her produce, or goes to watch Enen for the day. 
Does she know how much that little girl adores her? Does she know how much Mo-ayi enjoys her company? Mo-ayi loves to claim that she only keeps Jing Beiyuan around because her pretty face brings in more business. Does she know how untrue that is? 
Wuxi has wanted this for a long time, now: Jing Beiyuan, making a place for herself in Wuxi's life. She hopes Jing Beiyuan feels like she has a place. 
She does, she does. Wuxi wants her to know. 
When she enters the kitchen, the first thing she notices are the dishes set out on the table. Porkbelly, fried tofu with green onion,  pickled vegetables, stir-fried caggage. There's still steam coming off of the dishes. 
When she glances over, there is no trace of whatever Jing Beiyuan dropped on the floor. There's only Jing Beiyuan, spooning broth from a large pot on the stove into two bowls. 
Without looking, Jing Beiyuan says, "Sit." 
Wuxi almost does. But when she looks over, there are no chopsticks or spoons out on the table. Of course, this is what Beiyuan forgets. Still warm, now brimming with fondness, Wuxi takes two pairs of chopsticks and two spoons from the kitchen and brings them with her over to the table. She sets it while Jing Beiyuan makes her way over carefully, two bowls of noodle soup in hand. 
When she takes her seat diagonal from Wuxi, Wuxi can't help casting one last glance at the floor. 
"Did I startle you?" she asks. 
Jing Beiyuan shakes her head, blowing at the bowl of soup she then places in front of Wuxi. "No. I burned my hand and dropped the spoon." 
"Ah." She looks closer at Jing Beiyuan's hands, and finds no visible marks. Not a serious burn, then. Or not even a burn at all--just hot. 
Wuxi murmurs her thanks for the food. She feels Jing Beiyuan's eyes on her when she picks up her chopsticks. She looks up, and watches an unreadable smile make its way onto Jing Beiyuan's face. 
"'Thank you'? That's all you have to say, after this wonderful wife has served dinner?" she says. "Brat." 
"You did not cook this." Wuxi has a sneeking suspicion that she might find dirty plastic containers in the sink, and more in the refridgerator, full of more noodle soup. 
Jing Beiyuan picks up her own chopsticks, gesturin with them in Wuxi's direction. "I never said that I did. You're right; I didn't cook all of it." 
Wuxi doesn't smile, but it's a near thing. She looks out over the table again, and can certainly guess which dishes were actually made by Jing Beiyuan. She sighs. "Thank you; the arrangement is nice. The tofu is fragrant, and the cabbage looks good," she ammends. 
There's a slight upturn to Jing Beiyuan's lips as she takes a piece of tofu and places it in Wuxi's empty bowl. And what else can she do, but eat it obediently? 
It really... isn't anything special. It's not bad.
"Naturally, a house wife excells in mediocre cooking," Jing Beiyuan says, placing several pickles in her own bowl.
"What house wife? A house does cooking and cleaning, both of which you hate." 
Jing Beiyuan smiles, then. It reaches her eyes, making them into half-moons. "Ah. You're right. Most house wives are more skilled than me."
Though she can only read maybe half of Jing Beiyuan's expressions on a good day, Wuxi does not miss the note of truth in her voice. Wuxi's brow knits. 
"You don't have to be skilled, or work, or do chores," she murmurs. "I just want you to be here. That will always be enough for me." 
Wuxi will work so that Jing Beiyuan never has to again. Wuxi can clean, and she can prepare meals, just because she knows Jing Beiyuan hates doing it. 
Jing Beiyuan sighs, setting her chopsticks down. The thin smile lingers on her face, but it no longer reaches her eyes; she looks aged, suddenly. Wuxi bites her own cheek. She hates this expression most of all, she thinks, on Jing Beiyuan's face. She can never tell what, exactly, it means.
"Wuxi, tell me. What role do I have here?"
Wuxi blinks up at her. What role? What role must she have, what role does she expect? What use is there for roles between Wuxi and Jing Beiyuan? "I don't understand," she says honestly.
Jing Beiyuan huffs. "You insist I'm not a guest, and yet I'm always treated like one."
"I don't mean to," she says. "I want..." I want my home to be your home. "I just thought... maybe you would be happier, without so many responsibilities." They can afford it. Wuxi makes enough money--has enough money saved up--to provide for both of them comfortably. 
Jing Beiyuan nods. Then she smiles, and it looks a bit wistful at the corners. "I know. I'm spoiled, and you keep spoiling me." 
As if that's that, Jing Beiyuan picks her chopsticks back up, reaching over to give Wuxi more of the tofu. 
"Do you want to do more cooking?" Wuxi asks, hesitant. 
"I don't know. Do you want me to?"
She asks it casually, almost off-handed. Her tone, and her face, are bland, unreadable to Wuxi. She swallows, staring down at the food Jing Beiyuan has given her. Cooked for her.
"I'd like to eat whatever you cook me," she says. It's true. 
Jing Beiyuan's lips turn upward--it's genuine. Or, more genuine than the one before. "Be careful, Little Venom. I might make you." 
Wuxi grins. "Okay. You should." 
She'd eat anything--mediocre, plain, or bad--to make Beiyuan smile like that again.
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el-michoacano · 1 year
Text
cilantro
Another deleted scene fic! This one takes place between Coushatta and Wiedersehen! Tagging @dolly-macabre, @lokisinsurrection, @seraphtrevs, @lady-writes-flanagan, @jugem13, @sword-day, @slainmanca and @cooked-out-euro-trash 🖤
READ ON AO3
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"You got a shovel I can borrow, Ignacio?"
They were on the road when Lalo asked, and Nacho gripped the steering wheel just a little tighter. All he knew about this man was his name. Salamanca. That was enough to set him on edge. They'd known each other less half an hour, and they were driving uptown now, and Nacho had no idea what to think. All he could say was, "In the trunk." Were they going to bury a body already?
Lalo's voice pulled him from his thoughts, saying, "Turn left here."
Nacho did as he was told. Just play the dutiful henchman, he told himself. His knuckles were white. You got this. Unsure he wanted to know the answer, he asked, "Where're we going, anyway?"
"The nursery."
That wasn't what he expected. Unable to stop himself, Nacho asked, "You got a kid up here?"
Lalo gave him a brief wide-eyed look before he laughed, a warmer sound that Nacho had expected. "No, man!" There was a twinkle of amusement light up his dark, dark eyes. They were softer than his uncle's eyes, and Nacho did his best not to fixate on that. "A plant nursery!"
That was what the shovel was for, then. Nacho tried and failed to fight back a sigh of relief. "For herbs," he realized aloud. "Because you cook."
Still smiling, Lalo aimed a finger gun at him. "Exactly! You couldn't pay me to cook with the dried stuff. Tastes terrible." He wrinkled his nose as he said it. "Gonna get some pepper plants, too, maybe onions." He turned his gaze out the window again, drumming his fingers against its edge in time with the song playing softly over the radio. He'd turned the thing on the moment Nacho had turned the engine over. "Might be here for a while."
Nacho's stomach sank. He asked, "Are you taking over for Don Hector?" He normally wouldn't have bothered with the title, but he didn't know Lalo well enough to know if that was safe or not.
"Could be," Lalo said. He didn't sound bothered by the idea, either. How could he be so immediately comfortable so far from home? "Might be here until Tuco gets out, unless I can find someone else to run everything until then."
Nacho's stomach may well have been in his shoes when they finally pulled into the parking lot of the plant nursery. It was just a massive greenhouse, and it smelled of fresh dirt even before they stepped through the doors. It was muggy inside, occupied by a jungle of plants and huge stacks of bagged soils and pots and watering cans.
"Gonna need your help moving shit," Lalo was saying as he strode over to the selection of herbs that sat against the back wall of the greenhouse. "There's a lot we gotta grab." When Nacho moved to follow him, though, he added, "Three bags of soil, loamy, organic."
It took a moment for Nacho to process the order, but they parted ways there. He wasn't sure what loamy meant, but he found a few bags of soil marked with the label among the piles of their like, hefting them up and carrying them over to where Lalo was kneeling to inspect beds of herbs.
He glanced up from the basil plant he was studying, grinning and saying, "Look at you!" He rose from his knees, dusting off his trousers. "With arms like that, we'll make a gardener of you yet, eh, Nachito?" Lalo reached for one of the plants, plucking a single leaf and crushing it between his fingers. He held it out to Nacho, asking, "What do you think?"
Though he hesitated, Nacho clutched the bags of soil to his chest, leaning in to smell the crushed leaf. He said, "It's cilantro."
Lalo lifted his eyebrows. "But what does it smell like?"
Nacho wasn't sure how to answer. He shrugged. "Fresh," was the best he could do. "Kinda citrusy."
Tossing the leaf aside, Lalo said, "Smells like soap to me."
"You got that gene?" Why did that make Nacho feel superior? He only smiled when Lalo turned away from him again to check out a sad-looking oregano plant.
"Whole family does!" The reply came on a laugh. "A few of us're actually mildly allergic to it, but don't tell 'em I told you."
Nacho wondered, briefly, if you could kill a man with cilantro.
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daydreamgoddess14 · 9 months
Text
Making Prog-mess
For Day 2 of the Tedbecca Prompt Party.
No. 23 
The Girl Talk that Sassy and Rebecca had after Ted asked Sassy out and she turned him down included Sassy telling her that she did it because she knew Ted really wanted Rebecca - and Rebecca really wants him too
Ted Lasso / Rebecca Welton mentioned, somewhat redemption of Sassy (🙄)
~~~~~
“Marlborough Man asked me on a date. An actual real life date.” Sassy smirked into her wine glass. Rebecca feigned indifference and reached for the bottle.
“Hmmm. You said yes, I assume?” She asked, biting the inside of her cheek.
“Of course I didn’t! He’s a total mess.” Rebecca bristled.
“Well that’s as maybe, but there’s no need to be rude about it.”
“Oh, Stinky, you know I’m right. He’s got no idea what he’s doing here, his ex wife is dating their couple’s therapist, he’s feeling like a shit dad. Total mess.” Rebecca had no comeback. She knew Sassy was right, it had felt increasingly like her friendship with Ted was slipping through her fingers. Buoyed by the shots Keeley had given her at Ola’s, she was going to talk to him. Find out what she could do to help, let him know he wasn’t alone. But then Sassy had swept over to him with her big smiles and bubbly personality and as usual, Rebecca had felt that she just couldn’t compete. It had turned out that the nickname Stinky had well and truly lived up to its intention. While Sassy was around, Rebecca always felt inferior. It was a gift - having Nora back in her life, but Rebecca wondered if too much time and history had passed between them for her to feel the same about Sassy. That Sassy had essentially blamed her for staying in an abusive marriage and then climbed into Ted's bed while he recovered from a panic attack… it didn't sit well with her. She found herself holding back a little, not giving away too much. "... He is very good at being the team's dad - there for them, solid advice, blah blah blah, but he's not very good at following his own advice or doing what's right for himself. Obviously he loves the team, but he's trying to be in two places at once."
"Are you saying he wants to leave?" Rebecca was startled back into paying attention again. 
"He didn't say that in so many words, but I do think he needs another solution to his son being half a world away." Rebecca fiddled with the stem of the glass. As desperate as she was to have him stay, she would never consider getting between him and Henry. They sat silently, Sassy digging into the bowl of cheese and onion crisps on the counter. “There is another reason I said no, Stinky.” Sassy said quietly. Rebecca looked up sharply, furrowing her brow. “I said no because he just doesn’t feel the way he thinks he does about me. I’d be a placeholder.”
“I don’t understand?”
“C’mon Stinks. Use that big brain of yours. He wants love - he wants to give love and be loved, but deep down he knows that I’m not his person - we don’t have that and that we never will. I said no because it’s blindingly obvious that he’s in love with someone else. He’s just not ready to admit it yet.” Rebecca’s frown deepened.
“Michelle? Oh god, she’s dating the therapist and he’s still in love with her. Ohh, Ted.”
“You, Rebecca! I said no because the man is absolutely, well and truly, all the way gone for you. He is in love with you.” Rebecca laughed so hard she snorted.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Sas. There’s no way that Ted feels that way about me, no way at all.”
“Have you seen the way he looks at you? Because I have. I thought I’d figured it out when I came to the Villa match, but I wasn’t certain and then, oof!”
“Oof what?”
“Your dad’s funeral.”
“What?!”
“When he came in late? That little salute? He fucking sat there and sang when you couldn’t! And then at the wake afterwards when we said goodbye to you and Deb… well. It was written all over his face to be honest. Nothing happened that night by the way. We just had some drinks, talked about you mostly.” Rebecca looked baffled.
“I’m just-, he can’t…” she gave up and stopped talking while Sassy grinned at her. She held up a finger, went to speak… and stopped, shaking her head. “Are you being serious right now?” She finally managed to ask. Sassy nodded.
“And I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“Going with him after Ola’s. I shouldn’t have done that. I knew he loved you and it was a shitty thing to do. I’m sorry.” They fell silent again, until, “fuck me.”
“Huh?”
“Oh my god.”
“Sassy, what?”
“It’s you.”
“Yes, you’ve established that. I’m still not quite with you there, but-”
“No you knob, it’s you . You love him too.” Rebecca snorted.
“Now I know you’re talking shit.”
“I am not. You do, don’t you?” She leaned forward on her elbows, seeking out the eye contact Rebecca was avoiding. Did she? If she’d gone to him at Ola’s would she have pushed back that piece of hair that always fell out of place, maybe placed a hand on his leg, been a little bolder? And then what? Her eyes widened as she finally looked at Sassy. “You do!”
“Fuck… I think I do.”
“I know you do. I’ve just realised you have exactly the same look that he does. Now do you believe me when I tell you he loves you?”
“This is… too much. It’s too much, I can’t process it all.”
“Stinky, he loves you.” She nods firmly, “and you love him.”
“So what the hell do I do about it?”
“Well, that bit I can’t do for you. I think I’ve helped more than enough. Oooh it’s exciting!” Sassy giggled, Rebecca was still looking shell-shocked. 
“Is it? I think it’s fucking terrifying!”
“It’s about time you had something good in your life. And when I tell you it’s good, it’s really very, very good.” Rebecca held up a hand.
“Nope. Do not do that, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to know.”
“You’ll find out for yourself soon enough.” Sassy said, wiggling her eyebrows. “Now, you just need to work out how to tell him.”
“I’ll do nothing of the sort!”
“Well you can’t just ignore it. To be brutally honest, your poker face is fucking terrible. Now that you know, I see no way that you’ll be able to disguise it.” She shrugged. Rebecca sighed, defeated.
“I guess I’m fucked then.” 
“Oh darling, you will be.” Sassy said with a patronising pat on her hand.
Rebecca’s laugh echoed through the kitchen. 
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Note
Could we see more of the interrupted date with Midge and Lenny at the hospital with Kitty?
By the time they get to the hospital, Kitty already has stitches and a bandage around her hand, and she bursts into tears, likely not for the first time that night upon seeing her father.
Lenny holds her in his arms tightly, soothing her, and pacing back and forth. "It's okay, Kit. You're gonna be okay."
Midge watches from the doorway of the little exam room, holding Lenny's coat and letting him do the dad thing.
He's really good at it. She can tell just by the way he holds her in his arms and kisses the side of her head. He's really, really good.
She steps into the room and sets his coat down carefully.
Lenny turns to her and hesitates for a moment before taking a breath. "Kit, do you wanna meet Daddy's friend?"
She nods, though she's still teary-eyed and tired-looking.
"Kitty, this is Midge. Midge, this is Kitty."
Midge beams and steps over. "Hi, Kitty."
Kitty waves with her good hand and rests her face against her father's shoulder.
"Kitty," Midge says, grinning. "Did you know that you're the bravest little girl in the whole world?"
Kitty looks up at her and shakes her head.
"You are," Midge tells her. "I had a friend - a grown-up friend - who cut his finger while chopping an onion. It wasn't even very deep. He didn't have to go to the hospital at all. We just put a bandaid on it. And he cried and yelled about it for hours afterwards. And look at you. You had to get your whole hand stitched and bandaged, and you're not kicking and screaming at all."
Lenny tilts his head at Midge, clearly wondering who this mystery friend might be.
"It hurts, though," Kitty sniffles.
"I know it does," Midge assures her. "But you," she goes on, reaching out to poke the little girl in her little nose. "Are very, very brave. And I bet your dad is very proud of you."
"You bet I am," Lenny agrees.
"I got blood on me," Kitty tells them, tugging at her little dress.
"We can fix it," Midge assures her. "It'll be good as new."
"Really?" Kitty asks, hopeful if still sad-looking.
"Oh yeah, easy," Midge smiles.
The doctor comes in then, and Midge stops when she sees Mei.
"Mei," she says, grinning a little. "Hi."
"Oh. Wow. Midge," Mei says quickly. "Uh...hi. What uh..."
"This is Lenny," Midge introduces them. "My date tonight, and his daughter who had a little accident with the babysitter. Lenny, Kitty, this is Mei. She is my ex-husband's fiancee."
"Hello," Lenny nods, still mostly paying attention to Kitty.
Mei takes a breath, obviously trying to steady herself a little. "Right. Hi. So Kitty is going to be fine. Bring her back in a couple of weeks to get her stitches out, and give her baby aspirin for the pain. Keep it dry and clean to avoid infection."
"We can do that," Midge grins.
"Good to take her home?" Lenny asks.
Mei nods. "Good to go."
"Thanks, Mei," Midge grins. "See you at family dinner next week."
Mei tries for a grin. "Sure."
"Okay," Lenny says, grabbing his coat and Kitty's as well. "Time for all wounded little girls to go home."
"Can Midge come?" Kitty asks.
He frowns, and turns to Midge. "Well...nobody's eaten yet...we could get some takeout on the way home..."
Midge grins and shrugs. "Sure. I'll show you how to clean that dress after dinner."
"Thank you, because I have no idea," Lenny admits.
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eldritchsurveys · 1 month
Text
1187.
If you had $10,000 dollars right now what would you do with it? >> Pay 3 months of rent and then just keep the remaining for whatever I want or need until it runs out. When was the last time you consumed alcohol? >> I don't remember. A couple of weeks ago?
Have you ever broken a bone? >> I have not.
What type of perfume do you use the most? >> I have some roll-ons from Demeter that I use day-to-day, and I also have my Thierry Mugler Alien dupe.
What book are you reading, currently? >> I am an Executioner: Love Stories by Rajesh Parameswaran. I like it a lot but the first two stories definitely ripped my heart out.
Are you interested in creative writing of any sort? >> Sure.
Would you introduce the last person you kissed to your parents? .
Can a boy and girl be friends without having feeling for one another? .
Can you ever see yourself and your ex back together? . Are any of your friends virgins? .
Who did you last go out to eat with? >> Sparrow.
Is your ex a complete loser? >> I'm far out of the phase of disparaging people I used to be entangled with. What does the shirt you’re wearing look like? Where did you get it from? >> I'm just wearing an undershirt.
Who is the funniest person you know? .
Do you say sorry first? .
What do you look like right now? >> What do you mean, what do I look like? A person?
Who’s bed were you on last? >> Mine. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? .
Do you like to cuddle? >> I love to cuddle in realmspace. Don't know if I'd like cuddling in meatspace -- first I'd have to find someone out here that I'd actually want to be that close to. That's hard enough.
Is sex on your mind more than 3 times a day? >> Oh, absolutely.
What were you doing an hour ago? >> I was pacing around my room to get some movement in whilst watching TikToks.
Do you like it up against the wall? >> Fucking? Are we talking about fucking? It's a great concept but in meatspace it can get a little uncomfortable, painful even, depending on exactly what kind of contact is happening.
Do you prefer girlfriend / boyfriend or friends with benefits? >> These particular dividing lines don't make any sense to me, so I can't say.
Are you smiling? >> I am not. But my face hurts because I was just smiling very goofily at a video of Matthew McConaughey making noises for three minutes straight that a tumblr mutual tagged me in. Why is he the way that he is 🖤
When did you last eat pizza? >> A couple of weeks ago? At least. Honestly, are things going the way you planned? >> What things? Not that it matters, I don't really plan in the first place.
Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single? . Who did you spend your summer with last year? .
Did you wear what you are wearing today for a specific reason? >> The specific reason of it being comfortable, yeah. I chose these pants because I just got them yesterday at the thrift shop and I wanted to see how they fit. Which is perfectly, thank the gods. They're very soft, too, and they have pockets. Best five dollars I could have spent. What was the last thing you ate? >> Birds Eye brand veggie rotini (as in, the rotini is made from veggies) with marinara sauce. Put sundried tomatoes and bacon bits and crunchy onions in it too.
Are you taking this survey in a place other than your home? >> I am not.
Did you get ice cream from the ice cream truck when you were little? Do they still have an ice cream truck where you live? >> I wasn't allowed to, no. Ice cream trucks do exist where I currently live. One of them neighs, for some reason, and I'll always remember the time when I was in the middle of some ~play~ and that fucking neigh went off right outside my window. Definitely a mood shift...
What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? >> There's no way I can pick one event as Thee Most Traumatic. The "complex" in CPTSD is there for a reson.
What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? >> Of all the things we get up to in realmspace, having babies is not going to be one of them.
Don’t you hate it when your cell phone dies in the middle of a convo? . If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? .
Would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $15,000? >> Sure, as long as I'm granted immunity from the law. Having to blow that 15k on bail or lawyers or court fees would suck.
Where was the last place you got completely wasted? >> Either J. Gardella's Tavern (RIP) or my house. Have you ever changed the prices of items at a store? >> I haven't.
Would your parents disown you if you got pregnant? .
When was the last time you drank alcohol? What was it? >> This is probably one of those surveys that is actually 3 surveys shoved together into one. As stated, I don't remember exactly when, but I know it was a Pearsecco.
Do you like where you live? >> I don't much care for it.
Are you going to any concerts or festivals this summer? >> I don't know anything about this summer yet, it's only March.
Have you had sex with someone you weren’t married to? Someone you weren’t even dating? >> I have only had sex with people I wasn't married to. I have also had sex with plenty of people I wasn't dating. Are you under the age of 18? >> I am not.
Do you have a job? >> I do not.
Are you going to school still? Do you plan on going to college? >> I do not plan on going to college.
Are you overweight? >> I assume not.
Would you get married at 18? >> Well, I didn't.
Have you ever been so wasted, you couldn’t walk? >> I have not, strangely enough. I've been so high on dissociatives that I could barely walk, but I could walk. I just looked like a really fucked up robot.
What is the last thing that you got really excited over? . Any baby names you think you might name your future kids? .
When was the last time you had sex? >> In realmspace, a couple of days ago. In meatspace, uhh... 2017? The last time I had the kind of sex that actually involved like, taking clothes off and putting things in places was 2015.
Who did you last hang out with other then family? . Do you remember the last boy you texted? What was it about? .
If you could go back in time and change things, would you? .
Has anyone had their hand in your pants today? >> No.
Do you like your dad? How about your mom? .
Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better? >> Both today and yesterday were just regular old days. I mean, yesterday I did go to the thrift store, which was different, but otherwise it was just... a day.
Do you have anything that belongs to your boyfriend/girlfriend? .
Think back to your most important relationship, was it all your fault it’s over? .
Was your last kiss drunk or sober? >> Well, it certainly wasn't drunk.
What’s your favorite color? >> Yellow/gold. Do you drink? >> Infrequently.
Do you smoke? >> Not tobacco.
Ever had a black eye? >> I have not. I don't think.
When was the last time you slept in bed with a member of the opposite sex? Who was it? . Did your most recent kiss take place in/on a bed? .
Has anyone seen you naked in the last 6 months? >> Yeah, because I live with someone and I don't care about being unclothed around them. How would you describe your current relationship status? >> Well. My legal relationship status is married. I don't have much use for the concept of a "relationship status" otherwise.
Have you ever shared food/drink off the same plate/glass as someone you like? >> I mean, I've done that with several people, not because I was romantically interested in them but just because I'm cool with sharing food with people.
Have you ever had a valentine? .
Have your lips ever gone numb from kissing? >> This has not happened to me.
Last person to cuddle with? >> Can Calah, as usual.
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baptaincarnacles · 2 years
Text
Incorrect Quotes (mainly just Kwazzi)
CW: Uncensored swearing, mentions of death, and at the end, a small mention of consuming hair products.
-
Kwazzi: *dramatically* When Vahalla calls for me, you’ll regret the way you’re treating me!
Paani: I only said that your hair was messy- Barnacles, sipping his hot chocolate: And you’d have to die first- die heroically at that. Good luck.
Kwazzi:
Barnacles: Ragnarök is coming too, so I wouldn’t want to go yet. You’d have to say bye-bye to Vahalla and Asgard. Kwazzi: Sir- Barnacles, monotone: No entering Odin’s hall and becoming a god- or learning which one you’re a descendent of. Pitiful, isn’t it?
Kwazzi: Captain- I was being dramatic.
Barnacles: And I’m informing you of the mythology, pay attention, anyways-
-
Paani: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated, Kwazzi! Most are ha-
Kwazzi, cutting in: Killed without hesitation.
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Peso: Isn’t that a bit dangerous?
Kwazzi: Psh, please! We’ve in a lot of unexpected predicaments before and we always escape unhurt.
Peso: ...
Kwazzi: Okay, we sometimes escape unhurt-
Barnacles, injured due to selflessness for the fifth time that week: ...
Kwazzi: Alright, we escaped unhurt once... 
Paani: Then we hurt ourselves on the way home.
Peso, unamused: Reckless motherfuckers.
-
Tweak: Stop setting things on fire because you're curious about what will happen. What will happen is fire.
Kwazzi: But what if something else happens just this one time?
-
(Somewhere in a Shellington and Inkling centered episode)
Shellington: We have fun, don’t we, Inkling? Inkling: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.
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Kwazzi: I have very high standards when it comes to my friends, you know-
Shellington: The Vegimals can make spaghetti-
Kwazzi: Oh no! You’re meeting all of my standards!
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Shellington: What makes you think it's okay to watch Hannibal given its subject matter? Inkling: Sometimes, I watch television shows for entertainment purposes. Barnacles, sarcastically: Because I condone murder and cannibalism.
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Kwazzi: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating sand?
Barnacles:
Barnacles: Why are you eating sand?
Kwazzi: Did I ask you if I should eat sand? No, so answer my question.
-
(After Kwazzi decided to test Barnacles knowledge of social media lingo: Today’s episode: Updog)
Barnacles: Every time I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Shellington, clueless: Okay, but what is updog? Dashi: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish. Tweak: No, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released. Kwazzi: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden. Inkling: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter. Barnacles: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs. Tweak: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current. Dashi: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway. Shellington: What’s a henway?? Barnacles, grinning: Oh, about five pounds.
(I love the idea that Barnacles is the one up-to-date with all of the modern lingo, Shellington’s the one who’s clueless)
-
*The TV is freaking out* Paani: Don’t worry, you have to treat an electronic like you treat a patient on life support. *Unplugs the TV, then plugs it back in again. Nothing changes* Paani: Yeah, that didn’t work with my grandma either.
(Paani’s villain origins)
-
(Deleted Scene from RoF /j):
Kwazzi: Damn, the power went out.
Tweak: Don’t worry, I got this. Tweak: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up* Kwazzi: What-? Tweak: I swallowed a glow stick! Kwazzi, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-
- I SWEAR I WASN’T GOING TO ADD MORE AFTER THE PREVIOUS, BUT THE GENERATOR I’M USING CAME UP WITH THIS: Tracker: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products! Tracker: *sprays hairspray in their mouth* Tracker: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good. I CAN SEE HIM DOING IT- Natquik: *horrified*
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roadtodeltarune · 4 months
Text
Earthbound Week 1 Update
(PART 1/4)
I'm back! It took a couple days longer than I would have liked. I got sick and then had a power outage. However, this gave me plenty of time to play Earthbound. And aside from the power outage, I played a lot.
I'm going to do lots of comparisons to Mother 1 today, it's hard not to. I'll start off by saying my pace is incredible. I'm moving at lightning-fast speeds! I've gotten six out of eight melodies and have every party member. That's not even mentioning levels. Right now I'm in the high 40s-low 50s. In Mother 1, these would be end-game levels, but it's late middle game in Earthbound! (At least I assume I'm in the late mid-game)
Rewinding a bit, let me go over just how far I am. Last time, I ended off with the second melody. After that, I returned Bana(Paula) back to her home and talked to Everdred.
He gave me 10,000 dollars! At first, I tried putting it in the ATM, but that didn't work. So, I walked around Twoson, trying to figure out how to use the money. Going to the theatre, I talked to the Runaway Five, who recognized Bana and gave us tickets.
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I watched the show and then talked to the Runaway Five again. They said they were in debt but when I used the money, they didn't take it. I went to the manager and gave it to him, paying their debt. Then, they offered to drive us to Threed to avoid the ghosts. This was all a happy accident. I forgot about the theatre while I was saving Bana and I hadn't tried going south yet.
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In Threed, I talked to everyone. This gave me lots of info on the ghost issue, but I did this because Bana said we'd meet a new friend here. However, I couldn't find them!
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Out of options, I decided to just continue the plot and went to the far end of the cemetery. I triggered a cut scene and...
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I got kidnapped.
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Bana tried calling out for help with her telepathy.
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This was so cool! I got to play as Apple(Jeff)! It's such an interesting way to make the world feel bigger, the adventure feel grander, and build a stronger connection to the characters. I figured it would be like Mother 1, where I went to different towns and convinced a kid to join my team, like with Bana. I like this much more, however. Even though he starts at level 1, this gives me time to test him out and grow attached.
Compared to Onion(Lloyd), he's both lacking and better. I think it'd be better if he had more specific items like Onion's Laser and Plasma Beams, but he makes up for it by fixing broken junk. And he essentially does have Laser/Plasma Beam equivalents, but they're equipable now.
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I soon got Bubble Monkey, a great addition to the team. Until proven otherwise, he's this game's EVE. Not because of his power, but because he's only in the game for a short time and I already love him. With him, I leveled up Apple a few.
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I made my way to Dr. Andonut's lab. The journey wasn't too bad, it was actually pretty fun. But really? He hasn't seen Apple in ten years? He's like what, 11? Father of the decade award.
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I took his saucer for a ride, going to save-
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Ouch- Well, now Apple saves Bana and Straw(Ness)!
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I explored a bit more, but it seemed like the only thing to do was battle this tent. Luckily, I saved Apple's Big Bottle Rocket for a boss fight, so the tent was gone fast.
Side note: I'd like to mention Apple's "Spy" ability is very useful, helping me know the weaknesses of enemies. When fighting bosses, my first turn with Apple is either Big Bottle Rocket or Spy.
After that, I was able to go down the grave, well, thing in the cemetery. It was a long, treacherous path. Lots of opportunities for leveling up, but not much for healing. I made it out though.
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I found Saturn Valley, and I love these guys. The way they talk is funny and they're so nice. I feel like it's basically this game's version of Magicant. It's a funny place full of helpful guys where you feel safe.
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Okay, I was going to stop this Belch-guy, because he's the leader of the zombies and ghosts; but after seeing him enslave the Saturns, I was mad, I wanted justice.
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So the first attempt didn't go so great...
At first, I tried using the Fly Honey, because they kept saying how it's his favorite food, but that made him belch in our faces and take a bunch of damage, so I rewinded and fought normally.
Apple told me he was weak to hypnosis, so I kept putting him to sleep and wailing on him, again and again. It was only when I was about to die that I realized maybe I should hypnosis and then use the Fly Honey, so he couldn't burp. But it was too late.
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On attempt 2, my plan worked. Nothing beats the Psi Juice, PK Freeze, and Big Bottle Rocket combo
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After fighting barf incarnate, I washed up, drank some spiked coffee, found the 3rd melody, and visited the purified Threed. Time for the desert!
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purplesurveys · 4 months
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1792
Have you ever had any article of clothing tailored? What for? Sure. I've always been petite so when I'm gifted or handed down clothes that are a bit too large on me, I have them altered when I have the time.
Do you watch Degrassi? If so, what do you think about it? I've never watched Degrassi but I'm quite familiar since I used to have an internet friend who was otherwise obsessed.
Do you welcome people back when they say they have returned? For the most part, yeah. Enthusiastic greeting is in my Filipino DNA, lol.
What are two foods you think taste good with whipped cream? Nothing, to be honest. Whipped cream doesn't even taste like anything lol and while I don't have anything bad to say about it, it's also not really value-adding taste-wise.
How long would it take you to walk to the nearest fire hydrant?  I'm not sure tbh...5 minutes? 10 minutes? I should pay attention to where we have fire hydrants around here haha.
Do you own anything that has the words or picture of ‘moustache’?  Nah, definitely not since the early 2010s.
When you see a feather on the ground, do you ever pick it up?  Nope.
Are you able to play the harmonica? Do you ever want to take lessons?  I don't know how to play it expertly, though it also doesn't sound like something for which I'd be interested in taking lessons.
If you eat it, what is your favorite way to eat beef?  Rare steak and in burgers. That's about it. I'm not a big beef fan.
How would you feel marrying the man you love who has already a son? Continued from who know when? If I'm marrying them I would assume I would have also already accepted becoming a mom.
Have you ever played Roller Coaster Tycoon? What did you think of it?  I've heard of it many times before but don't think I ever played it. I played tons of many other knockoff rollercoaster games though.
What foods go good with radishes?  I usually have pickled radish on the side when I have jjajangmyeon.
When you are chopping onions, does it really affect your eyes personally?  I don't cook, but when my parents cook and use onions it does sting a lot, to the point that it would be unbearable to be downstairs for a few moments.
How long can you hold your breath for? Is there anyone who is better?  I don't know but generally my track record isn't great. I could do close to a minute to a little over, and I know others could do much better.
When was the last time you had a pet goldfish? What was its name?  I wouldn't remember specifics but I'm sure I would've still been in the single-digit ages.
Would you rather have a loaf of bread or meat loaf right now?  Bread. Meatloaf looks so nasty.
Are you insecure about your height? What made you think this way?  Nah, I've learned to embrace being smaller than average haha. Filipinos are also short anyway so even though I'm only barely 5'2", I don't stand out.
Do you enjoy mayonnaise with French fries? Why or why not?  It's the only way I eat my fries, if not on their own.
What are the oldest pair of pants you still wear? How old are they? I have a pair of high-waist denim jeans that I've had since like college.
Did your last significant other have a huge temper? They did if you called them out because apparently they're incapable of making any mistakes and shouldn't be criticized ever.
What was the topic discussed in the last meeting you attended? An upcoming event we're supposed to be planning for.
What is your opinion on Indonesia? Would you ever travel there? How about Syria? Would you ever travel there? Why or why not? I love lndonesian cuisine, and yes I've already been there – I was around 14 and our family took a week-long trip to Bali. I don't have much of an opinion on Syria but don't really plan on heading there.
What are the three events this year you are looking forward to?  My birthday, seeing Seventeen next week, and getting Jin and Hobi back from the military.
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gamerwoo · 2 years
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i totally forgot aya and bang chan were roommates and now i feel like i need aya x chan content
my favorite pair of besties tbh <3
(i'm gonna do this in headcanon form i think and just kinda talk about them as roomies)
Chan moved with his parents to SK when he was in high school, and he also shifted in high school
enter Aya who he feels like he owes his life to lmao
he was panicking because he had no idea what was happening to him and he suddenly turned into this giant fucking dog and he couldn't change back
yeah his parents were cool but would they be cool with their song being a large animal and busting down their front door? probably not
so he's panicking in the woods and Aya's the one to find him
right off the bat, she could sense he was meant to be an alpha
not her alpha, but an alpha
she helped him calm down, drove him home, and gave him her number if he needed anything
and thus their friendship began
you might be wondering how Aeri never knew they were friends when she was bffs with Aya and also childhood besties with Chan
well Aya never really talked about him much since y'know he was a werewolf
also Chan’s a very common name so y’know
anyway, Aya was an upperclassman so she moved out first and moved into a really shitty one-bedroom that was cheap as fuck but kind of terrifying
but she's a werewolf so she can take care of herself
Chan spent a lot of nights at Aya's apartment on an air mattress
they were best friends and did everything together
she even got him a job working at the bar with her, so they literally did everything together
she was the one who helped him apply for college
he asked her to be his prom date 
honestly Chan’s parents were so confused how Aya wasn’t his mate lmao
when it came time for Chan to graduate high school, his parents decide to move back to Australia, but Chan wants to stay in Korea for college
so Aya lets him live with her despite only having one fucking bedroom
Chan never minded sleeping on an air mattress
she was the one who taught him about the ✨wonderous world of being an adult✨
which was a lot of learning how to pay bills and save money, which sucked
Aya was there when Chan started to find his pack (which started with Changbin, who she was very confused about at first)
"Are you sure this dude's telling the truth? There's no way a man who does aegyo that much is wanted by a mafia."
when everyone else either found Chan or vise versa, Aya lowkey judged all of them
when she first met Minho, she took one look at him and said, “I already know I’ll hate you”
they very much have a frienemies relationship <3
she basically banned Minho from the apartment, so when she moved out, he didn’t skip a beat moving in lmao
Aya always liked Felix so she was excited when he shifted
she won’t admit it but she’s slightly intimidated by Hyunjin because nobody knows anything about him
Jisung was afraid of her and she knows it and thinks it’s kinda funny
she loves Seungmin’s attitude, and they tended to gang up on Chan together
she only briefly met Jeongin before she moved out so she never really got to make an opinion on him
Chan was there when Aya met Jeonghan and had to listen to her gush about him nonstop
"How are you meant to be with someone who can't even managed to do his own homework?"
honestly, even Changbin was stumped by that one considering Aya was always a straight-A student
when Aya moved out to live with Jeonghan and his pack, the pair were obviously sad to part ways
they both may or may not have cried
Chan tried to play it off and make a stupid “who’s cutting onions in here” joke as he wiped under his eyes as they pulled out of their hug before she had to leave
and Aya just looked up and started crying harder and pulled him in for another hug
so then Chan cried harder and it was a whole thing
“I don’t know why I’m crying,” she laughed when they pulled away for a second time. “It’s not like you’re dying.”
“Yeah, I’ll see you at work tomorrow. And I’m only an hour-ish away. Door’s always open.”
“Well keep it shut if Minho’s in there.”
they don’t work together anymore but they still text each other all the time
Aya’s always caught up on the drama going on in the pack (and of course she tells Jeonghan, who blabs about it to everyone else)
she’s obviously still close with Aeri, though, but she’s fantastic at keeping any secrets from the other
like if Chan tells her about any surprises he has planned, Aya will never tell her
Aya and Chan are ride or dies tbh
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galaxofmuses · 5 months
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Mentorships Pt. 1
Preparing for a week , anyone expects the adventurer and part time hero of Gaia to pack and prepare their things. Unfortunately that is not the case for Sky.
They decided to some Zone hop into an unfamiliar warp ring and land on an unfamiliar alleyway. Scratching his head, as he looks around to see strange citizens and feeling well..the odd one out. As the strangers start to notice that he looks more alien than anyone. Trying to greet them with a wave and the others respond in panic and concern. Backing away with a panic, he enters a shop to hide.
Out of all the places it was Pigsy's noodles. 
With a sigh of relief and lookng up to see a customer looking confused and Sky putting his hands up, but realizes that this isn't going to fly and quickly puts his hands back in his jacket pockets. He finally speaks up at the seemingly unafraid stranger sitting at the bar. ”Y-Yo! Uhh....Smells pretty good over there.“ Skyler is trying to break the ice so badly. This particular stranger is clearly interested and especially noticing that their hands are unique. “Indeed, it is Pigsy's famous noodles after all umm...Sir?” The other blinks, but gets started now that the hedgehog actually rushed in front of him. The handshake gesture is ready to go and a grin. ”Skyler! It's nice to meet ya!“
The stranger smiles in return and accepts the hand. ”Tang, a pleasure Skyler.“ 
The two eventually start talking and explaining about Megapolis and Skyler explaining about their planet Earth or also known as Gaia. The two exchange so much information and Skyler does eventually order a bowl of noodles since the praise from Tang made him curious. Of course trying to calm Pigsy down from anger that Skyler did not order a single thing for a while. It can't be helped that Sky loves to connect with anyone every time they zone hops to a different place. On top of that, The food was actually delicious. The consistency of the noodles is perfect and bouncy, the char siu is perfectly cooked and the broth is simmered to the right temperature and last of all, the onions give the texture and crunch. It was a simple recipe and made out of love. 
As Skyler finishes his bowl of noodles and sees the bill slide towards them by Pigsy. With a confident grin, he hands him a couple of rings, then dawns on him that he forgot...it's not another Zone. Gulps and nervously looks as the chef frowns at them. 
“You think this is a joke? I run a 5 star establishment!” The pig cries out in frustration, but as Tang was about to correct that response, the chef retorts back to him. "Don't ya even think about it! I know you're gonna say another iou ,while you have another bunch of ious!” Tang chuckles in response as he puts his arms up in guilt. “Now now, they are a visitor. Why don't you give him a discount?” The chef was getting more and more aggravated and sees Skyler trying to collect his rings and almost fumbling. Pigsy furiously points at the hedgehog. “You! I dunno where ya came from, but you're gonna have to pay! For reals this time!” 
Meanwhile MK just finished another round of deliveries and does the usual shoutout. “Pigsy! I just finished myyyy....uhhh...Did I miss something?” With timing, Pigsy caught an idea, a solution. “Porcupine! You're gonna help the delivery boy!” 
Sky and Mk cry out in unison. “What?!” Pigsy roars with laughter. “...Can you handle these orders?I” He dramatically points at the huge pile of fresh new orders waiting to be delivered. Skyler was expecting something worse and shrugs it off. “I can do it.” Pigsy raises a brow from suspicion. “Hmph! We'll see about that kid.” 
 Later on,  Mk and Skyler are both in the delivery car and the silence was deafening for both of them. Skyler finally pops in a question “...So uhh...How long have ya been working with Pigsy?“ The kid chuckles and looks back at the hedgehog. “Me? Well...most of my life really. He's the one who always takes care of me when I was a kid.” “Well aren't you a kid?” Sky tilts his head in confusion. “Me?! I'm an adult thank you very much!” Mk quickly attempts to cover up his Monkey King comics in his delivery car. That made the hedgehog chuckle and change the subject with more random small talks. As the car stops to the first destination, Sky does a bit of a stretch and turns to look at MK. “Sooo...all I gotta do is to deliver all of these?” Mk nods and holds the phone that shows the destination. ”I'm sure y- '' With no hesitiation, Skyler takes the deliveries and even Mk's phone and within a second or two the cart is completely empty. MK blinks once and even twice to check what even happened. Skyler comes back with pockets of tips and some even treats from the kids of each neighborhood. ”Sooo yeah. It's done.“ 
MK's jaw dropped dramatically and with stars in his eyes and started to blabber away. “H-How did you do that?! Do you have super powers or something? I don't know how you do that fast! I just blinked!” Skyler had to stop MK from asking anymore questions and chuckling “Woah-ho-ho! Hey! I'll...I'll explain when we get ba-'' Checking on the back of the car, he sees one more order left. 
“Okay! Nevermind! we got one more order to deliver...uhhh where's it at?” Sky looks down at the phone and raises his brow. “Huh...looks pretty far away...” Mk takes the phone and looks at the location and makes him smirk. “I know where it is . Hop on Skyler.” As the two take off, both start to talk about each other's adventures and MK absolutely gushes about the Monkey King which really got Skyler intrigued. The hedgehog loves to listen to legends and tales and to the fact that MK is a student from this so-called legend. It's hard to believe, but Skyler has the itching curiosity to try to ask MK for a spar, but he decides to hold back.
Meanwhile MK was asking more about his adventures and his friends. It's quite a coinsidence that both of them have a very close knit and found family type of bonding with both of their friends. Eventually the small talks broke off as they reached a gorgeous sight. It was the place where the Monkey King resides. Skyler was excited to meet the king itself, but....he wasn't home. The two both sigh in dissapointment. “Man that's a bummer....I thought I would meet him.” Skyler folding his arms and frowns from this. MK ponders for a moment and checks the phone and sees the extra note. “....Oh...the meal is for us? Oh come onnnn! We could have gone back home to my place! Or we could have hit the arcade after or we co-” As MK whines away from this situation as Skyler decided to look around and was fascinated by the place and stopped to stare at  the view of the city. The sun is starting to set down and it was a perfect time to take a tiny break. “Hey MK! Ya gotta see this!” MK did eventually stop complaining and went over to check the view out. “Huh...it's been awhile since I've seen the city glow like this.” Skyler chuckles and looks back at MK. “Hey, maybe there is a reason why he brought us here.” Both of them eventually sat down and started eating the delivered meal. Finally realizing that both of them are pretty hungry after that long trip. The two share more stories, some we're happy, some we're sad, but most of all it was a lot of laughter and joy. 
“Heh...Man...You got a lot of cool adventures MK....Ya know...I would like to do some adventures with you someday...Well...Maybe when the city doesn't get invaded by monsters or something.” Skyler grins in response. Mk chuckles nervously and knowing that his home is always in danger in some shape or form. “Well can't guarantee but I would love to have you around more. Like dude! Super speed and kicking butt at the same time?! That's pretty awesome!” 
The two laugh and as the energy calmed down for the two. “Hey, so since you're gonna eventually be part of a legend, you ever thought of someone passing down the torch?” Mk stops midway from slurping his noodles and eventually finish the rest of the food and swallows quickly. “Passing the down the torch for another student? Gosh....I...I never really thought that far.” Skyler ponders at this moment and then an idea pops. “Hey! I know! I can be your student! I'm willing to try out new things!” With horrible timing, Mk was drinking halfway with his can of peach tea soda and spits it out.
“Wh-What?! Are you serious?”
The hedgehog looks at the other and grinning with confidence and nods. “Yeah! But! I'm gonna meet up with Uncle Chuck in about a week and I think you would be a...cool teacher?“  The two gaze into each other's eyes as the sun continues to dip. MK realizes that with Skyler's abilities and along with the Monkey King's abilities combined, they would be an unstoppable force. With a grin in return, he puts the take out aside. 
”Well, In that case....I would gladly take you in...My pupil.“ Mk gives Skyler a formal bow. 
Skyler watches MK accepting the idea and the spark of excitement in their eyes glisten. “Well...In that case....I am honored to be your student.” He bows in return. 
As the two bow down in agreement, both of them look up at each other and then grins excitedly with glee. Not knowing from afar that the Monkey King was watching these two youthful students are getting along quite well. Sure he is interested in where Skyler lives, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that his pupil is going to learn a very harsh lesson in the future. 
One Week Later
Uncle Chuck is on the edge of the Secret Forest and waiting for Skyler to meet up with him. “Hrmm...with those quick feet of his. I thought he would arrive by now.” muttering out loud to himself.
“What are ya sayin' Unc? I'm here.” 
That starts with the elderly hedgehog and sees a much more cheerful hedgehog despite the corruption on his quills still spreading. “O-Oh! Sorry Sonny boy!...Say...You look quite happy.”
Skyler wears his gloves, jacket and hoodie combo, but no longer wears the flannel and jeans. The necklace is still around their neck and his red shoes remain. But there is a red ribbon on the left arm of the jacket with an unfamiliar symbol. Carrying a backpack full of things and ready to go. 
”I'm feeling a bit better Uncle Chuck and I think I'm ready for another adventure.“ 
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