#does anyone want to see my dumbass commentary chapter by chapter? no?

[quiescentdestiny]

decided to finally start on my pile of paperbacks that I've bought over the last 6 months and haven't touched in favor of rereading aftg and fanfic :)))

anyways, reading Carry On first because idk it seemed easy to read even though I haven't read anything in first person in over 15 years probably.

#my posts #simon snow #carry on #rainbow rowell #wait actually is pjo first person? technically my partner is reading that TO me and I didn't notice #EITHER WAY #uh... listen I sat down and started at like 9pm and it's now midnight and I'm a quarter of the way through #so it's safe to say I am enjoying it. #anyways I'm contemplating publicly posting my THOTS (that I jotted down via discord message to myself) but I haven't decided. #does anyone want to see my dumbass commentary chapter by chapter? no?

[jisungsplatforms]

[Chapter VI: Girl Talk! And...Uh oh.]

Pairing: Producer/Music Major! Han Jisung x Photographer! fem! reader

Genre: NSFW! Smut; non idol au, college au, strangers to lovers

Warnings: Mature Content! strong language, angst (no smut this chapter!)

Chapter Word Count: 4.5k

Taglist: @hyunjeongins @seungstarss @es-kay-zee @hyunjinsplaything @formidxble @freckledquokka @lbxgsunshine @cartierbin @solistired @rainbowmagicpixecorn @http-hyxnjxn @dwaebinnie @gothmingguk @minniehohos @seoulicitae @delicatemugtreehairdo

Unable to tag: @kayannainsworth15

(want to be added? send an ask or a dm! <3)

It’s been a few days since your date with Jisung and you haven’t seen him since. Was this something you brought upon yourself? Yes.

Dumbass...

You stared blankly at the ceiling, thinking about the last text you sent him. ‘Sorry, I think I caught a cold’? Why would you say that to him?! You were so focused on wallowing in shame that the sound of the doorknob twisting did not register in your mind at first.

“Y/N~! I’M BACK!” a feminine voice yelled out as you watched the door flung open all of a sudden. Forgot she’s coming back, you thought as the face of your beloved roommate entered your field of sight. “HELLO~! Oh…”

“Welcome back, Lia,” you greeted her unenthusiastically, staring at her without any expression.

“Girl,” she stopped, taking in the way your body was splayed limply on the créme-colored couch. “I didn’t realize I took your happiness with me.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Ha ha.”

Lia closed the door behind her, dragging in her large grey luggage. “Looks like I brought your sense of humor too. Do you want me to go back to Canada to find it?”

Groaning, you sat up, staring at her dead in the eye, while she laughed at her own joke. She struggled with bringing in her suitcase while mumbling about ‘how hilarious she is’ and that she should do standup comedy. Once she had successfully hauled her luggage through the cramped hallway, she pushed it to the corner of the living room before walking to where you were at. She plopped down beside you with a bounce, moving the throw pillow onto her lap.

“So why do you look like...that?”

“Boy troubles.”

“Boy troubles?!” Lia said in shock. “Wow, I never thought I’d hear that from you.”

Taking her words to slight offense, you glared at her, pouting. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing! It’s just that—nevermind, continue!”

“Well, okay then... First off, Minho is a menace to society. Never go to a party with him,” you announced, adjusting your position without making any eye contact.

Your roommate chuckled. “What? Why start off like that?”

“It’s an important piece of information,” you waved her off, as if you were telling her to just listen and don’t ask questions. “So, I went to a party with him and Hyunjin a few weeks ago, right?”

“Yeah, how was it by the way?”

“Big. Seo Changbin is a rich motherfucker,” you deadpanned, snapping your neck to finally look at her. Meanwhile Lia laughed boisterously at your unexpected dryness.

“Anyways, Jinnie got DRUNK about thirty minutes later and Minho, being the dear friend he thinks he is, went off flirting with this dude with a red beanie, leaving me to babysit him.”

Lia interrupted. “Hold on, when do these “boy troubles” come in?”

You hushed her, covering her mouth with your foot. She swat your foot away from her face as you spoke. “Wait. I was getting there!” you complained. “So the red beanie dude Min was talking to, the one I mentioned earlier? I thought he was hot as hell, like if I wasn’t so busy dealing with a drunken Hyunie, I would’ve shoot my shot with him but nooo. Minho is a BITCH but it's okay, I still love him, especially since he’s the reason I have a thing now with that red beanie cutie.”

“Girl, really?! How did he do that?”

You sighed, jokingly scolding her, “Maybe if you didn’t interrupt me every damn minute, Julia, I would’ve finished my story faster.”

“It’s not my fault your storytelling skills are horrendous!” she huffed. “But sorry, I won’t interrupt now! Keep going!”

“Okay, so, after a while, I finally got Min to help me, which took like, another thirty minutes, I think? Then fast forward a little, that lazy bitch is driving us home, the drunk bitch is suffocating me with affection, and I’m just wondering why the hell those two are my best friends, but whatever. After Minho dropped me home, I wanted to text him to thank him for helping me wrangle Hyunjin, even though I forced him to, and I thought did, right?” you paused for a moment to see if Lia was still following along. After a subtle nod from her, you continued. “So I thanked ‘him’ then asked ‘him’ if he could give me that red beanie cutie’s number, which, to the total surprise of my dumbass, ended up being him.”

“Ooh...plot twist!” she randomly cheered, making you snort. “Sorry...I just had to add that!”

“It’s okay, that was the perfect commentary for that situation,” you giggled, adjusting yourself on the couch. “But yeah, fast forward again, and we’ve been hanging out, texting, and just recently, went on a date.”

“That’s great, Y/n!” Lia hugged you. She leisurely rocked you until she realized something was wrong with your story. She asked, abruptly letting go of you, “Hold on, why did you leave it at a good ending? Where’s the ‘trouble’?” Before you could answer, the sound of your notifications going off from your phone stopped you. You leaned over to see who texted you, picking it up.

(3) new message(s) from: Hannie Bear 🍯🧸

“Hannie Bear?” Lia giggled. “That’s such a cute nickname. Who’s that? Is that the boy you were talking about?” She proceeded to coo, shaking you around and making kissy noises.

You hushed her, cutely pouting, “Shut up, he gave himself that name.” You playfully pushed her face away, turning to the other side. You tapped on the notification banner to read it from your lockscreen.

Hannie Bear 🍯🧸: hey babe!

i noticed you didn’t come to class today either

are you still feeling sick baby? :( do you want me to come over?

“Huh? I didn’t know you were sick, Y/n,” Lia said slowly. You turned your head to see her looking over your shoulder, eyeing you suspiciously.

“Oh! Uh—That’s funny ‘cause—”

“Y/n, when was the last time you texted that boy?” You stayed quiet, avoiding eye contact with her. “Y/n?” she said sternly.

You sighed guiltily. “3 days ago…4 since I last saw him.” you mumbled, with the fuzz on your socks.

“3!?” she gasped, “Text that poor boy!” You hesitantly unlocked your phone, bringing your phone up to your face.

Me: Yeah, sorry Sung, I’m still kinda sick :( bleh

Please don’t come over! I don’t want you to get sick cause of me

Hannie Bear 🍯🧸: aww but i miss you :((

it’s okay. i won’t bother you now

just take care, okay? Get well soon!

i love you! ❤️

‘I love you’...There’s that stupid sentence again. Why does he keep saying that?

All of a sudden, your roommate pulled your arm towards her, forcing you to show your phone to her. She glared at the screen. “You are a terrible person, you know?” she commented after reading all your messages. You sighed, silently agreeing with her. “Why would you tell him you’re sick!?”

“I don’t know! I’m sorry!”

“Don’t apologize to me! Apologize to ‘Hannie Bear’! Tell him that you’re not sick!”

You spluttered, panicking. “NO! He doesn’t have to know that I’m not sick!” You lunged away from her to move your phone from her as far as you could. Lia payed no attention to your action, a bit confused with your reaction.

“Then why are you lying to him!? Are you avoiding him?”

“NO! I—Y-YES?! I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE!” you yelled, chucking your phone to her lap. You let out a heavy exhale, rubbing your face while you laid half your body down. Lia got up, locking your phone, and walked in front of you.

“Talk to me, Y/n,” she gently said. “What’s wrong? He seems like a nice guy.”

“He is,” you whispered. “God, he’s so fucking sweet and funny and considerate and—fuck. I don’t know…” She squeezed your arm, silently comforting you. You removed your hands from your face and sat up, looking at your sweetheart of a roommate with uncertain eyes. “Lia, I don’t know how to feel. I’m so confused! I think..everything happened so fast that... I-I’m scared...I don’t wanna fall in love with him. I don’t want to fall in love, in general. I-I’m not ready! I’m so scared that—”

“Listen,” she stopped you, moving to sit beside you again to wrap her arms around you. “I know that every single one of your past relationships weren’t the greatest. But that doesn't mean you should NOT fall in love with anyone anymore. I know it’s scary, but at least...try? And if you really don’t think it will work out, then please don’t lead him on like that. That’s just going to make the whole situation worse. It will only hurt more.”

You took a deep breath, calming yourself down. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Lia let go, leaving her hands on your shoulders. “You don’t have to talk to him today but please go to school tomorrow to talk to him, face to face. Deal?”

“Deal.” She brought you back to her arms, hugging you tighter and rubbing your back. You wrapped your arms around her figure with the same amount of urgency. The two of you stayed like that for a few sentences until she let go first.

“Thank you for being here for me, Lia,” you muttered into her neck.

She hummed, burying her head into your neck. “Of course. Whenever you need some ‘girl talk’, you know I’ll always be there for you.”

You released yourself from her grip, sniffling. “Welcome back home, again, Jules,” you grinned. “Wanna tell me about your trip back home?”

You walked through the semi-crowded halls, anxious. I’m getting a serious case of deja vu right now, you thought, quietly snickering to yourself. You gripped your bags closer to you, walking in a quicker pace until you reached your locker. Setting the combination of the lock, you swung the door open, digging through the small storage to switch out your books for the day.

“Hey, Y/n!”

You flinched, hearing someone randomly call out your name. Slowly turning around, filled with dread, you saw Seungmin and Jeongin walking up to you. Your shoulders slumped in relief. “Good morning, Y/n,” Seungmin greeted with a warm smile.

“Morning. Wow, it’s amazing to see you early,” you laughed, referring to Jeongin.

He scrunched his face then laughed. “I’ve been coming early for the past few days already. You would’ve known if you’ve been here.”

“Oh yeah, what happened to you? Are you okay?” the other boy asked.

Your heart stopped, panic surging through you. Why are you so scared? They’re not the ones you’re avoiding! You stared at the two boys like a deer caught in headlights. “Uhm...Sorry about the sudden disappearance but I—uh—caught a cold a few days ago.”

“Oh really?” Jeongin said. “I mean, you do look tired though so I guess that explains it, but good to know you’re good now!”

“Are you sure you’re even fully recovered?” Seungmin gave you a subtle stank look. “You should be wearing a mask, or something! Did you remember to bring some medication with you today? Don’t push yourself too much! We don’t wanna be responsible for dragging you to the clinic.”

You rolled your eyes, scoffing. “Thanks, Seungmo. I knew I could always count on you.”

“I don’t like getting sick, Y/n. Please respect that.”

Jeongin laughed. “I don’t mind!” he chimed. “Come here and spit into my mouth!”

“Jeongin! What the heck? That’s freaking gross!” Seungmin exclaimed in pure disgust.

You and Jeongin roared with laughter; Jeongin hunched over, laughing even harder when he noticed Seungmin taking small baby steps away from the both of you. “It was a joke, Seungmin!” he wheezed. “Don’t run away!”

“Stop, get away from me.” He swatted the younger’s wandering hands away. Seungmin clicked his tongue, “I mean it. Don’t you dare!”

“Aw, no need to be so mean! We’re friends, aren’t we? And friends share everything together!” you quipped.

“Not ‘everything’— Jeongin, stop!” Seungmin groaned, jokingly pushing Jeongin away as the latter started to rub his chest, laughing. “God, why are both of you so irritating? Gross.”

Your laughs started to die down when you remember a key detail. You weren’t actually sick at all; you didn’t like lying to them even if it was just a small one. Eyes scanning through the halls, you checked to see if there were any unwanted eavesdroppers. “Now I feel bad,” you said, “truth is, I—”

“What’s wrong?” Jeongin asked, stopping his annoying advances. Staring at their worried expressions made you remember that these are Jisung’s friends as well-- so that means they might tell Jisung about your troubles, especially Seungmin.

“I..uh—” your voice cracked, “actually, I wasn’t that sick—I mean, I was, i guess. But it was more of a… ‘mental health’ day! Yeah…” I mean, it kinda was though?

The two boys ‘aww’ed in pity. Seungmin was the first to comfort you. “Do not worry about it, Y/n,” he spoke softly, rubbing your back in comfort, “I know this month’s been busy for you, especially with that project Mr. Kim gave you. I think a mental health day was called for.”

Jeongin stepped forward, patting your shoulder. “Yup! Next time you have a ‘sick day’ call me so we can have one together!” he grinned.

“You know, you’re too eager to skip school, Yeni.” You narrowed your eyes, chuckling. Jeongin shrugged.

“No! It’s more so to comfort you at your lowest! I also don’t wanna go to school either....”

Seungmin scoffed, “There it is…”

“But it’s true! I do also want to be there for Y/n! At least I admitted that I’m also just lazy to go to school.”

The two of you snickered at your younger friend as he frowned. Seungmin tugged on Jeongin bag in an attempt to drag him away. “Let’s go now. The bell’s going to ring soon. I’ll see you later, Y/n. Bye,” he said, waving goodbye. You giggled, the sight of him dragging Jeongin the way he was vaguely reminded you of a dog going on a walk. You waved back to the two of them, internally giggling.

“Oh! Whatever you do, please don’t tell Jisung I’m here today!” you called out. They looked at each other in confusion, wanting to inquire about your odd request. Ignoring their puzzled expressions, you turned around to finish switching out your books. Finally grabbing your Environmental Science textbook, you closed your locker, fumbling with your lock to hook it back onto the handle. Getting a strange feeling of someone watching you, you looked over to your right, catching a glimpse of dark blue hair walking away from you.

You laid in the darkness of your room, the dim brightness of your phone bouncing off of your face being the only source of light. You were scrolling through your social media when a notification banner with a message from Jisung popped up.

Hannie Bear 🍯🧸: hey y/n let’s talk

You sat up in agitation, mentally debating if you should answer him or just pretend you didn’t see his message until you were ready. In a state of panic, instead of swiping the banner away, you accidentally clicked on it. Shit! you thought in horror. You already felt guilty enough for avoiding him, leaving him on read would just make you an asshole.

Me: Hi Sung!

What’s wrong?

You drummed your fingers against your blanket, anxiously waiting for his response.

Hannie Bear 🍯🧸: hmm...nothing :))

i just wanted to check up on you

You let out a heavy sigh of relief, clutching your chest; your heartbeat now calming down. You brought your phone closer to your face, thumbs typing away.

Me: Awww you’re so sweet Sungie

How was your day?

Right as you finally calmed down, his next plethora of messages sent you back into a panic.

Hannie Bear 🍯🧸: it was good. but...uhm

hey y/n?

just know, even though we’ve only known each other for a month, i still care a lot about you

if there’s anything that’s bothering you PLEASE talk to me, okay?

that’s all i wanted to tell you. take care, okay?

goodnight.

i love you

Your anxiety levels increased tenfold. Did he know? Feeling more guilty than ever, you read his messages over and over again with a heavy heart. I don’t deserve him…He really doesn’t deserve this!

Me: Of course Sung. Thank you

I’ll see you tomorrow

Looks like it’s time to face him again.

...You had no sleep, whatsoever.

The guilt and anxiety you felt from avoiding Jisung for the past few days was eating you alive. Why am I such a terrible person? You (not so gently) smacked your head into the wooden table, concerning the other onlookers in the library. You wanted to spend your impromptu free period loathing yourself before you had to see Jisung next period; alone. However, that plan was immediately shattered the second you felt a presence behind you.

“Boo!” someone whispered into your ear, slightly shaking you. You jumped, turning around to glare at whoever bothered you, only to see the smiling face of your best friend.

“Hyunie? What are you doing here?” your eyes followed him, watching him take the seat beside you. “l thought you and Lixie were gonna go to the studio?”

Hyunjin threw his back onto the table, resting his head on the table to match you. “We were but Lix left me to help some of his old theatre buddies and I don’t like being alone so now, I’m here! Besides, why would I leave my favorite person alone?”

You gave him a cheery smile. “Thanks, Hyunjin.”

“Mhm! I noticed you looked kind of sad though. Are you okay?”

You scrunch your face with a hiss. “You noticed?”

“Uh? Of course I did!” he drawled. “I’ve known you for over ten years already, Y/n. It’s kinda hard to not notice something like that.” You sat up, grumbling, not wanting to tell Hyunjin exactly why you’ve been so weird lately. He sat up with you, now serious. “Y/n? Is this because of Jisung? Did something happen between the two of you?”

“No!” You boomed. Your face heated up in embarrassment when you noticed the nasty look some people gave you. Muttering a quiet ‘sorry’, you hunched over, leaning closer to Hyunjin. “Jisung did nothing wrong. Actually Jisung is a total sweetheart so there’s nothing to complain about him. It’s just…”

“What? Did you find out about the hentai he watches in his free time?”

“What? No? Hold up, he watches hentai?”

Hyunjin shrugged with his hands up, faking a clueless look. “I don’t really know if he does watch it, perse, but I did catch him watching a softcore hentai before.”

Your eyes narrowed. “Huh? Nevermind. It’s not important whether he watches hentai or not anyways.”

“Good. Don’t let that get in between your relationship! Don’t wanna ruin a perfectly healthy one!” he said with a slight chuckle. Your mood instantly turned sour at the mention of your relationship. Of course, Hyunjin noticed it right away. “Y/n?”

You sighed, biting your lip. “If i tell you, you promise not to tell anyone?”

“Honestly, unless you’re cheating on him or something, then of course I gotta tell someone, he’s my friend too. Other than that, I promise!”

“Okay, great. And don’t worry! I would never cheat! Only on tests though,” you jested. The both of you chuckled before the mood went serious again. “So, you know how Jisung and I went on a date about a week ago, right?”

“Yeah…?”

“That day...Jisung said the ‘L’ word.”

Hyunjin gasped. “The big ‘L’?! He said ‘I love you’ to you?” he queried, mouthing out the ‘I love you’ part. You nodded with wide eyes.

“Yup…A full on Kdrama-inspired declaration of love when we were alone at the park!”

“Y/n, that’s honestly amazing! Did you say it back?” Your face was sullen, slowly shaking your head. “Oh, really? Hm. That’s a little...huh.”

“He says it a lot too.”

“Oh yikes,” he lamented. “No pressure or anything but, if you feel uncomfortable with it, maybe you should tell him?”

“No, it’s not that I’m uncomfortable it’s just that— geez I actually don’t know!” you cried out as quietly as you could, slouching in your chair. Hyunjin pouted in pity, leaning over to pat your thigh.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself if you can’t or don’t want to. But I still think you should talk to Jisung about your stance in your relationship. You know he’s a sensitive boy.”

“I heard,” you sighed. “But I don’t think I have the heart to tell him exactly what I think about him.”

“You kinda have to eventually? Tell him if you want to make it official or if you wanna break it off. The sooner, the better; otherwise you’re basically just leading him on.”

“God, I know, Hyunjin! You think I don’t know that!?”

He patted your head in an attempt to calm you down. “Hey, hey. I know you know. I’m just telling you,” he whispered calmly. “Jisung is an amazing person. He’s very sweet, caring, fun, and honestly just the go-to person when you need a shoulder to cry on. Anyone is lucky to be with him!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know he’s all that. He’s nice and everything but he wasn’t someone I wanted to have feelings for! Jisung was just supposed to be a fuck buddy! No love, no affection, no feelings whatsoever, why did he fall in love with me?!” you wailed. “I was not supposed to fall in love with Han Jisung. To be honest, I kind of wish we never met.”

Hyunjin stared with a sorrowful look, knowing exactly why you’re freaking out the way you are. He was about to comfort you and give you advice when something—or someone—caught his eye. His eyes widened, weakly muttering an ‘oh shit’. You turned around, following his gaze to see…

Oh shit…

You abruptly stood up, mouth opening and closing, trying to find the right words to say to Jisung, who was staring at you with an indescribable look in his eyes. “J-Jisung! I...What are you—”

“I came here to look for some books for a research paper,” Jisung said. You tried to ignore how his cold tone sent a pang of sadness through your chest.

“Oh. Okay,” you awkwardly smiled. “I-I really like the new hair. Dark blue suits you!”

“Thank you...I remembered how you said you wanted me to try dying my hair blue so...I did it...to your request.”

“O-Oh, really?”

“I wanted to surprise you,” he muttered, pressing his lips together. “But apparently you had a surprise for me too…”

“I— How much did you hear…?”

“Everything, I’ve been here since after Hyunjin came in. Listen. Y/n...I told you, if you had a problem, especially if it’s about me, tell me about it, face to face, instead of talking about me behind my back. That shit is embarrassing, you know? Being talked about like that from someone you thought you could trust.”

“Jisung…”

“I want to hear you out, I really do. But I don’t think I want to talk to you right now, ‘specially after what you said? I don’t think it’s fair to me.” Jisung’s voice was starting to grow loud and desperate, tears forming in his eyes. “I poured my feelings out to you; I told you I loved you. I knew it was too soon to tell you that but I still took that leap, cause I thought we had a connection. I knew deep down you felt the same— at least, I thought I did…I thought you’d say it eventually but not once have you ever said ‘I love you’ back, Y/n! Do you know how much that killed me? I thought I’d be okay with it but everytime I expressed my feelings for you but never got a response back, it hurt! It made me feel like I’m just wasting my time! I-I FELT LIKE AN IDIOT!”

Hyunjin stepped in, hushing the both of you. “Guys, I know this is something between the two of you, but people are watching now. You should take this outside.”

“No. It’s okay, man. I said what I wanted to say,” Jisung said, already making his way out of the library. “Goodbye, Y/n. Take care, alright?”

“No...Jisung, wait!” You forced your shaky legs to chase after him. However, Hyunjin wrapped his arms around you, stopping you.

“No, Y/n. Give yourselves time,” he whispered into your hair, kissing the top of it to calm you down. You turned around and cried into chest, clutching onto him tightly. He tried his best to maneuver you both around to a more secluded area of the library, mouthing out a bunch of ‘sorry’s for the scene that was created. Finding a dark corner between the aisles, he carefully pushed you to it, lifting your head to see your face. You looked up, red faced with tears and snot running down your face.

Hyunjin reached into his pocket to take his handkerchief to wipe your messy face. He held the cloth against your nose, wordlessly telling you to blow your nose. Despite how disgusting he found the sound was, he resisted the urge to cringe, seeing how this was no time to act dramatic. “It’s okay, Y/n. Breathe,” he gently comforted you. He left the dirtied handkerchief on his lap and securely wrapped his arms around you again. He caressed your back, softly humming a sweet song. “Shh shh. You’ll be okay. Just let it out.”

You weakly stuttered, “I didn’t want to tell him like that. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t love him back, Hyunjin.”

“Everything will be okay, Y/n. Just cry it out first, then we’ll deal with this together.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings! This is my fault! It’s because I was a fucking idiot and let my fears get in between us!”

Hyunjin just stayed silent and hugged you tighter, moving his hand to the back of your head to tuck you into his neck. He played with your hair, knowing how relaxing it was to you. He went back to humming another song and held you until you were calm again. You let go of him, still sniffling.

“Feel better now?” Hyunjin asked. You shook your head no.

“Not really. I still feel like shit but not as much as before.”

“I mean, that’s still progress?” he tried joking around to lift your spirits. The joke only went over your head though.

“Yeah. Better than crying,” you agreed listlessly, wiping your nose. He stood up and held his hands out. You took them, hoisting yourself up. “Thank you, Hyunie. I love you.”

“Of course, I love you too, Y/n. Talk to Ji when you’re ready again, okay?” He led you out of the dark aisle to go back to your table. You latched yourself onto his arm, hiding your face.

“Okay. But for now, can you please just take me home? I don’t think I’m in the right mindset now to continue the rest of the day.”

“No problem. Anything for you.”

[PREVIOUS CHAPTER] 📱 [NEXT CHAPTER]

A/n: i apologize for posting this chapter so late! as i’ve mentioned before, i did get a little busy so i haven’t been able to work on any fics. hope you all understand! <3 AND idk if anybody noticed but i combine chapters 6&7 together instead to somewhat make up for the late update, that’s why it’s a little longer that what i usually write! hope you enjoyed!

#stray kids fanfic #stray kids smut #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz smut #skz scenarios #skz imagines #stray kids series #han jisung series #han jisung smut #han jisung scenarios #han jisung imagines #Late Night Indulges

[shurisneakers]

shut in [4]

Summary: When your high profile mission goes terribly wrong, you’re forced to hide in a safehouse with a man you’ve never met before. With seemingly nowhere else to go, you’re forced to work together to figure out who is trying to have you assassinated before it’s too late. (Sam Wilson x Reader, Hitman AU)

Warnings: cursing, threats

Word count: 3.7k

A/N: greetings everyone!! how are we all doing? i have nothing to say here tbh so anyway stan sam wilson being a lil shit whenever possible. 

i also appreciate feedback so if you would like to, please consider dropping me an ask or comment ly guys!! also if you want to be on the taglist, it’s mentioned at the bottom of the chapter.

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Shut In Masterlist

“I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Alright, thank you.”

You hung up the call, trudging back to the house, discarding the battery along the way.

The air had a chill to it and there was an occasional breeze that went past, rustling leaves providing an eerily comforting background score. The temperature tended to rise as the day went on but nights were especially cold due to the abundance of trees. 

Even though the stress of the situation you were in constantly consumed all your waking thoughts, you still found the time to appreciate how beautiful your surroundings were. 

The last few days were barely memorable. Sam and you tended to stay out of each other's way unless your meal time coincided or you watched the local news together. The schedule had worked out favourably.

He wasn’t very hard to live with.

Most of the time.

His commentary and small jokes were never-ending but were not as unwelcome as you initially thought. It brought some much needed light into your otherwise dreary day. When it came to figuring out how to do laundry due to your now extended stay or whose turn it was to do it, things got a bit messy but were resolved quickly.

He used to disappear often for hours on end. You never concerned yourself with going after him to find out where he went, figuring that unless he was hatching a plot that led to your demise, he was entitled to his own privacy. He’d return a while later, calmer than when he left.

It was fine. Nothing to write home about. Neither of you were dead yet.

“What are you doing on the bed?” You were reconsidering your last thought when you walked into the bedroom to resume your self-interrupted sleep, only to find him face down on the sheets. “It’s my day today.”

“Just give me some time. I’ll be out of here soon enough.” His voice was muffled as he spoke into the sheets.

“You can take all the time you need tomorrow when it’s your turn.” You swatted at his legs, earning a grunt of chagrin from him.

“Go eat some soup and maybe you’ll calm down,” he fired back, unmoving.

“Today’s not soup day. Which you would know if you paid attention to our schedule. That we made. Together. The same schedule which says it’s my turn today.”

He groaned, shoving his face deeper into the pillow. “My back’s killing me. Just give me a few.”

“Why, what’d you do?” you asked curiously, letting go of his leg.

“Combat training. Took a few beatings, fucked up my spine.”

“Does it hurt a lot?”

“It comes and goes.” Sam finally rolled onto his back, giving you a view of his face. His bone structure was amazing, even from quite possibly the ugliest angle you could have over him. “You should’ve seen the other guy.”

You just stared at him as he linked his arms behind his neck, elevating his head to look at you. He had a small stubble that was starting to grow longer. You wondered if he would shave it. He looked good regardless.

“How’s your beloved?”

“Huh?”

“The person you keep sneaking around to talk to on the phone. I’m not your dad, y’know. You can talk to them inside the house, ‘m not gonna ground you,” he quipped, a small, teasing smile on his face.

“He’s not my lover. Just... an acquaintance.” You felt the awkwardness starting to set in after you trailed off. “Anyway since you’re awake, we need to talk.”

“‘Bout what?”

“What happened that day. We’ve been avoiding it but we need to figure out what went wrong. Or at least a clue.”

“Okay,” Sam agreed, wincing as he sat up straight. “How do you want to do it?”

“Just talk me through how you got put on this mission and what exactly happened that day, I guess.” You took a place on the bed, leaning backward on your hand for support.

He nodded, delaying for a second to collect his thoughts before beginning.

“So basically-”

The sun was particularly relentless that day.  

The ringing bell above the door of his favourite coffee shop was a welcoming sound. The barista smiled at him in greeting, asking if he wanted his usual to go.

His park bench was empty as it always was. Sam liked to think of it as a small gift from the universe; the fact that it was perpetually unoccupied.

He liked to sit there and watch people’s day go by. His iced coffee-

“I don’t really require that much detail.”

“Patience. I’m getting there.”

It was arguably one of the most peaceful days he had had in awhile, and he was hoping to keep the streak going. Nothing seemed like it would phase him, not even the phone ringing, drawing his attention away from the scene in front of him. Caller ID didn’t trace who it was.

“Hello?”

“Wilson.”

Sam gripped the cup so hard he thought it might spill over onto his jeans.

“I told you not to call me, Ransone.”

“But honey we had such a good time last night,” he faux cooed, “You know I have needs-”

“I’m not getting involved in your stupid organisation, Vincent. I told you I’m done,” Sam broke in, not wanting to waste time listening to his stupid dramatics.

“Listen here, Wilson.” The swift change in his tone was looming, threatening. “You’re done when I say you’re done-”

“Wanna bet?” Sam took a sip of his coffee. “I thought we made it clear in Detroit that we’re done. Honey.”

He added the last part out of pure spite just to get a rise out of him. Much to his glee it seemed to work as Ransone let out a deep exhale before continuing.

“That was before we found out there’s a mole in my gang. I want you to kill him.”

“This is way below my pay grade. Have one of your interns do it. Your shitty murder warehouse hasn’t seen much action in a while.”

“This is Pierce we’re talking about. If he’s working for another organisation, his ass is going to be so guarded, these kids couldn’t wouldn’t even get past the gate. Besides, you know my murder warehouse is for special guests only-”

“Man, it must suck real hard to be you right now,” Sam didn’t wait for him to complete his sentence. He finished the last bit of the drink he had left, gathering his things before standing up. “Find someone else. I’m out.”

“You might want to reconsider that. We found him.”

He stopped in his tracks.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sam said steadily, grip on the phone tightening.

“I think you do, though. Had us fooled for a while there, thinking he’s dead. A little more research, some cash into the right pockets and boom! There he is, clear as day.”

Sam felt a chill go up his spine.

“He doesn’t know we know. We’re just keeping an eye on him for now.”

“If you even fucking think of touching him-” his fists were balled up, struggling to keep his anger from rising.

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t.” Ransone laughed. “I’ll just have one of my interns do it.”

“Don’t fuck with me, Ransone. It’s not somethi-”

“Do this hit and I’ll leave him alone,” Ransone interjected. “You’ve worked so hard to pull him from our radar, Sammy. It would be a shame if it all went to waste.”

Sam’s jaw clenched. Suddenly the day didn’t seem as bright as it was a few minutes ago.

“I’ll text you the details. You tend to leave me on read so I thought I’d make it more fun. Do you want the confetti with the message or the lasers-”

Sam just hung up the call, feet firmly rooted in his spot. He had no idea what he was going to do.

The notification of a new text alerted him. Pierce’s address along with the exact timeline of when he’d be home.

It was across the country. If he botched the mission on purpose, Ransone wouldn't be able to find him for a few days at least, much less reach him. He could go on the run-

‘Do it or he dies.’

His train of thought was interrupted by a picture that made his blood boil.

Especially when it exploded with the stupid confetti effect.

“Okay, basically he threatened you with something to go do the hit.” You didn’t ask him what exactly he was threatening him with and Sam didn’t really elaborate.

“Yeah. Didn’t leave me with much of a choice. He’s batshit fuckin’ crazy anyway, I knew he’d do whatever he felt like.”

“So you ended up going.”

Pierce didn’t seem to get many visitors. Not that anyone could be blamed, this guy was one of the biggest pieces of shit Sam had had the misfortune of meeting.

Over the two days he had staked out in front of the mansion to find out if this guy had as much security as Ransone had boasted of, Sam had come to the conclusive truth that no, he very much did not. He had a standard home security system which was lacklustre compared to the rest of the house.

Maybe he just assumed that being a senior member of the mob would garner some fear to his name. Dumbass.

He found the tall shrubbery surrounding the property to be out of the line of sight of the camera, and climbing it wasn't very hard. He landed softly on the manicured lawn, adjusting his gloves and checking his surroundings before pulling his gun that was secured in the waistband of his pants.

He removed the safety, keeping it close to him as he stalked through the front yard.

The red car parked at the side earned an eye roll from him. If he had one, there was no doubt there’d be more. He just had to find a basement or garage.

Walking around the house, he kept close to the wall, searching for any opening to the basement.

It didn’t take long before he found a set of stairs to the exterior entrance of the basement. He checked to see if anyone was around before making his way down them. The lock was unsurprisingly easy to pick.

The basement was mostly dark save for a few strategic lights placed to highlight the magnificence of his several race cars. The man was moved slower than the second coming of Jesus. The cars just seemed like an overcompensation.

The switchboard was not difficult to find. He pulled open the cover, glancing at the switches before turning all of them off, plunging the whole basement into darkness. If his security system was as outdated as Pierce was, it would have turned off along with the rest of the house.

“Oh, that’s why the cameras weren't working when I showed up.” Bits that seemed amiss were beginning to place itself together the more his story progressed. “I assume you entered the house through the window on the side?”

“Sure did.”

Your guess was right. He’s the reason why it was ajar by the time you arrived.

As soon as he entered he had his gun raised. Scanning the room as he went past, his senses were dialed up to eleven. If he was really under the protection of Serpentine, they were doing a terrible job. He had gotten in completely unscathed.

As he made his way deeper into the house, the sound of some movie playing became louder. But he had cut off the power supply to the house.

His eyebrows pulled together tightly into a frown, he made his way down the hall towards the sound. No one was in the dining or living room he canvassed.

Finally, Pierce’s silhouette became clearer. He appeared to just be sitting there idly while a smaller screen played in front of him. It wasn’t a TV, just an iPad.

If Pierce was asleep it would just make the job easier. Gun raised, Sam made his way into the room silently.

Pierce was still. Sam raised the gun, taking a step closer.

A floorboard creaked.

He immediately cringed, shoulders tensed as he came to an immediate stop. It seemed like forever as he waited for Pierce to wake up, to brandish a gun and try and defend himself.

He didn’t.

Taking a step to the side, Sam moved diagonally. Each one was slow. Ready for any sudden movements from his end.

He finally stopped in front of Pierce.

A bullet hole in his forehead. Eyes open. Chest still.

He was dead.

“Fuckin’ hell,” Sam breathed out, lowering his gun. Pierce’s glassy eyes stared blankly ahead. He didn’t look like had been dead for too long.

A soft thud in another room made his head snap up. It was in the same direction from where he came.

He silently moved backwards to the corner of the room, hoping that the darkness was enough of a disguise as he saw someone stalking down the hallway.

“And that’s when you come in. Thought you were comin’ back to make sure he was dead.”

“I had just got there. Saw that everything was off, and just assumed it was a power outage.”

“What about you? How’d you end up there?” Sam had his legs crossed, leaning forward to listen to you.

“Ransone told me that there was a spy who was sending information out for nearly two years. Needed him gone and he wasn’t sure if his other agent would show up-” you mentioned to him- “I guess that’s you. Told me I had an opening at 8pm. When I got there, the CCTV was off. Found the window open so I just used that.”

You were replaying your memory, step by step to remember what exactly you had seen. 

“Heard the movie playing, found no one when I went down the hall. I saw the car keys on the island, which came in handy later. Entered the room, pushed his head with the gun and he just slumped over like a damn rag doll. That’s when you made your grand entrance.”

“Got one chance to make an impression. Had to make sure I looked cool, emergin’ from the shadows and whatnot.”

“It doesn’t make sense though.”

“Ouch. Thought it was pretty legit, actu-”

“No, no-” you waved him off. “Not your entrance. The henchmen thing.”

He paused, mulling over what you said. “If he was working for Serpentine, he would have been more careful. Why did they show up after he’s dead?”

“I don’t think they work for Serpentine. If Pierce was giving them information, they wouldn’t kill him.” You had good reason to be confident about that. You thought you did, from previous assessments.

“Unless they were scared that he’d switch again,” Sam suggested. You looked up from your fidgeting fingers to him. “Didn’t want any of their secrets going back to Ransone. They got to him before we did.”

“Why’d they shoot at us then? If they killed him and left, why’d they wait for us to show up? Why did they try to kill us?”

“I think we’re ignoring the important thing here,” he paused. You looked at him expectantly, prodding him on. “How did they know we were coming? They should have killed him and disappeared but they expected us.”

You tilted your head. “Are you saying-”

“There might be more.”

“Pierce might not have been the only one,” you finished. “There are more spies.”

“Tipped ‘em off. Told them we were going to be there.”

“And killing us was just to poke Ransone with a stick,” you murmured, eyes downcast, fidgeting with your fingers again. “But that just seems random. It doesn’t make sense.”

“None of this makes sense, sweetheart.” Sam scoffed, leaning back again.

“We’re missing something. There’s something wrong.” You looked at him. “If it’s just a random attack, why did they release our face to the whole fuckin’ country? Why are they specifically targeting us?”

“Finishing what they started. Covering all their tracks from that day. If we’re not dead, we’re a liability.”

“What if it’s not Serpentine at all? What if it’s another gang?”

“Serpentine has the most motive.”

“We don’t know that.”

He looked at you incredulously. “I think there’s substantial evidence to suggest they fuckin’ hate us. Besides, they’d want me dead specifically.”

“Why?” you inquired, eyes narrowing.

He opened his mouth like he was going to explain but closed it a second later, leaving you guessing.

“Fine, but it doesn’t mean they’re the only ones who do.” You made a point to ask him later or at least conduct your own research into it. 

“Okay,” he said, shifting to lean on his elbows, “who else could it be? If Pierce was working for Serpentine and Ransone found out, sends someone to kill him, it’s essentially an attack on one of their own members. I’d say that's a pretty good motive.”

“I don’t know. Hydra doesn’t like us either. There’s Ten Rings too. But Serpentine just doesn’t work out.”

“How are you sure?” he asked. “You a spy for them too?”

You rolled your eyes at him as he raised his eyebrow. “It doesn’t make sense. What if we’re missing something? Did we go through everything?”

“I just went through my entire story down to the most irrelevant details. Twice. Nothing’s missing on my end.” He pushed himself off the bed, taking a long stretch before looking back at you.

“I think we should do it again. Just to make sure.” You rotated your torso to look at him. “We can figure it out-”

“You’re going to lose your mind if you keep at this any longer for today. Take a break.”

“I can’t take this lightly. Everyone’s out there looking for us and there is no one we can trust-”

“And going through our stories for the third time today is going to solve that how?” He had his hands crossed over his chest like a stern parent.

“I’m sorry but our faces are probably plastered in every damn police precinct in the country,” you snapped, “And I think that us remembering something some stupid detail might actually help rather than, I don’t know, taking naps and eating sandwiches. So no, I’m not going to drop it. Because I actually want to get out of here.”

You didn’t mean to sound so angry with him. He had told you everything twice already and patiently answered questions that you had. You didn’t think he was lying. You had no way of knowing but you hoped that some sort of allegiance was being formed between you both.

There was silence for a minute, leaving enough time for the guilt to creep in when he didn’t fire back. It’s what you expected.

“I’m not asking you to drop it. I’m saying take a break,” he said calmly. “You’re thinkin’ enough for the both of us anyway.”

You let out a small exhale, forcing the edge to retreat from your voice.

“I’ll be back in a while.” With that he turned around and left the room. A few minutes later you heard the backdoor open and shut.

Great.

You massaged your throbbing temples, eyes closed. He was right. Your mind wasn’t clear and you had been at this for hours. You wouldn’t be able to think critically.

Or at all.

You dropped back on the bed, grabbing a pillow and pressing it to your face. The coolness of the fabric felt nice.

You just let out a sigh, turning to your side to hopefully get some sleep.

_____

You woke up what seemed like hours later to a dark room.

It took your eyes a while to adjust stepping out into the hallway illuminated by the light in the kitchen.

“Hey,” Sam’s voice rang out. “Made you a sandwich.”

You rubbed your eyes groggily, looking where he was pointing. Sure enough, there was a sandwich on the table. He sat at the seat adjacent to it.

“Thank you.” You contemplated sitting next to him for dinner. It would be a first.

In the end you just grabbed your plate, giving him a half smile before making your way to the couch. You settled on sitting on the floor instead, leaning your back against the foot of the sofa.

The TV was already halfway through playing Megamind so you just let it continue, mindlessly chewing on the bread. As far as peanut butter sandwiches go, it wasn’t all that bad.

“Wilson,” you called out sheepishly, eyes not leaving the movie. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. It wasn’t right.”

“It’s okay.”

How he let go of it so easily was beyond you. The sandwich was surprising too, but you took it, not wanting to change his mind. He couldn’t have poisoned it. You had checked his stuff.

You sat in silence for the rest of the movie. Your mind kept slipping in and out of thought but it was a comfortable atmosphere you found yourself in.

After the credits started rolling, you went to leave your plate in the sink. Sam brushed past you, grabbing the blanket at the foot of the couch, launching himself onto the cushions.

“What are you doing?” you asked, puzzled as he snuggled in.

“Going to sleep?” He tilted his head to look at you.

“Use the bed.”

“It’s your turn today.”

“Your back’s fucked up. I’ll take the couch.”

He didn’t budge.

“Go on.” You mentioned to the room with a shrug of your shoulder.

“You’re not going to let me argue, are you?”

You pressed your lips into a straight line to hide a smile, shaking your head lightly.

“Well, okay.” He let out a small noise as he got up. “Guess I’m sleeping business class tonight.”

Sam walked past you, careful not to bump into you. You swapped places with him, making your way to the couch, readjusting the blanket that was haphazardly left there.  

“Y/N.” You peered at him from the corner of your eye, only to fully turn when you caught his gaze. “I appreciate it.”

You just nodded, tossing the blanket over yourself as he switched off the light.

Next part

#sam x reader #sam wilson x reader #mcu fic #sam fic #sam wilson fic #sam wilson fluff #sam wilson angst #sam wilson series #falcon #falcon x reader #the falcon x reader #hitman!sam wilson #hitman!au #shut in fic #marvel fic #marvel #mcu #sam wilson #the falcon #sam wilson fanfiction #marvel imagine #marvel fanfiction #sam wilson imagine #sam imagine

[uponrightful]

Hi! I’ve just finished Welcome Company-it was so good, your writing is amazing! I have a question about one of the last scenes if that’s OK? Partly about Pups point of view, because a lot of what happened to her post Order 66 is clearly in her mind, but seems to read differently emotionally later if that makes sense? I’d also like to know why you decided to include the scene of Pup having to fight one last time. -RebelMedic99

“Wolffe! Please!” She sobbed through the pain and fear, whimpering when the kid pulled her own arm around her throat, locking in a chokehold she was unable to break from. He laughed dryly in her ear, yanking on her broken wrist to elicit another scream.

“He’s not coming back you little slut.” He fell into another fit of laughter, “And even if he did you’ll be so used he won’t even want to look at you.” His evil words cut right through her. She was already broken, and yet another piece was about to be taken, and smashed on the floor right in front of her. She felt the pain of his remarks, feeling just as useless as he’d appraised.

She wanted to fight anyways.

The pain in her wrist didn’t subside, but it wasn’t going to stop until she got his filthy hands off her. And without that blaster, she really didn’t have a chance at getting off the ship, or keeping the ship safe until Wolffe got back. She struggled to keep her breath even, fighting to pull her broken wrist out of his grasp so she could get free.

Think fast…

Get him off guard…

“You really want me?” She choked out, wincing from the abrasive words cutting at her tongue. If he was that young, there was a chance he’d fall for it and drop the -hopefully- act long enough for her to grab the upper hand.

“You’re a fucking slut! Already turning towards the closest man you can get in your pants!” He snarled, yanking her wrist again. The girl held back her cry, again repeating the question for him, praying it would make a bigger impact this time.

“I’ll behave. I promise.” She faked convincingly enough through her tears. The kid’s grip faltered just for a second before retaining its unflinching need to inflict pain again. Yet, by miracle, he released her wrist and stepped back with the blaster dropped down at his side. Miraculously, his anger suddenly disappeared, and a look of disbelief came over him.

“Pick me.” He ordered harshly, as she turned to face him.

Everything moved so quickly.

Commentary Track for Welcome Company

Copy 500 words -or more- of any of my fics and I’ll give my thoughts/rambles on what was going through my head -or the character’s- when I wrote it!

*send one in here*

This one is challenging, but we'll see if I can explain it without sounding like a complete dumbass... 😅

***

We'll start with addressing her emotional shift towards Order 66 first, and that will help set up the reasoning why she had this "last stand" at the end. (This won't be from her POV, it'll make things a little simpler.)

Pup's true knowledge of what Order 66 is comes in small bits and pieces after she flees Coruscant. It's obvious right away that something changed, but it's not for a really long time that she finds out that there might be something "unwilling" about the whole situation. In this time frame -of a couple years- she's actually left to her own devices and thought-process to make sense of it all. And a couple of years can really take a toll on someone's perception of what is really going on.

There is talk of manipulation, and how 'robotic' the clones are. All of it culminating in a bunch of half-assed theories as to why they suddenly have this unbending will for the Empire when they fought for the Republic for so long. (The bar fight Wolffe was in, is where I tried to explore this a little bit with the Cerean.) But Pup only hears rumors, and those weak excuses aren't enough to dissuade her fear of seeing troopers again. Because ultimatley, there are hundreds of them who'd been to her home, and in her mind, it's possible that they could come after her and punish her for that. It's not a realistic fear, but if you combine it with her last experience with a clone, it's one that would easily create a serious emotional trigger.

I meant for it to be a tad bit confusing when reading her emotions. Pup wants to love the clones -and she still does- but seeing one of them in real life would be fucking terrifying. Their sweet memories are always there, and she does her best to only think of those. However it's easy to be reminded of why she can't still see them, when she's living on a backwater planet to try and reassure herself that she'll never have to risk seeing a clone again. Because all of the love that they'd given her -in her mind- is completely gone the second she's shot by one.

And her entire being is damaged assuming that Wolffe is no different than the rest of them. Pup knows all the clones are acting this way, and Wolffe is really no exception. So even though she loves him dearly it's really scary when she sees him for the first time after all these years. Is he safe? Is there something still wrong with him? Does he want to take her with him, back to the Empire? These are all questions she has, because she's never seen a clone after Order 66 without a functioning chip.

The reason her change of heart is so sudden, is because Pup didn't let go of the good memories she had of her troopers. That integral part of her character is to forgive and be patient -even if she's been damaged by something or someone. Yes, she keeps it bottled up. But that was because she couldn't get rid of her base traits. You can't wholly change your personality very easily, and Pup never really wanted to in the first place. She was just forced to create this harder persona so she could survive. Then after Wolffe comes back, and he's painstakingly careful in trying to prove that he's not under influence any longer, it makes that desire to care for him -like she's always had- come back much smoother.

(It's a continuity error that I never gave a proper scene dedication to it; But I did have a draft that included an Order 66 conversation with Rex and Pup during that scene in Chapter 14.)

I chose not to include it because I wanted someone to focus on Pup's traumas faced during the transition period of planet-hopping. It might sound cruel of me to not include his struggles, but they've been covered so many times in other fics, that I gave the assumption my "Initial Implementation" scene and "Chip Removal Scene" would be emotionally sympathetic and exploratory enough of how Wolffe felt during and after, without needing to express it to you directly. Not to mention, after Pup and Wolffe are reunited, she's not stupid enough to not infer that it was against his will. She quite frequently notes throughout that his guilty looks and hesitancy to make physical contact with her are very noticeable and telling of how he feels about his time with the Empire.

All of this said, now her fight scene:

Right before they leave the cabin, she's feeling a little loss of home. But really, Pup never had too much of an attachment to her house on Takodana in the first place. What's really getting her emotional at this point is the realization that she finally has Wolffe back. It's security she's wanted this whole time, and although the boys aren't letting her help with the bounty, she's willing to do whatever they want because she understands that they've got the experience here. Plus, she's really not physically able to do a whole lot after her slight hypothermia exposure.

I wanted her weak for this: Emotionally, physically, mentally. It had to be that way for a reason.

Until this point, Pup hasn't ever shown a real motivation to fight for anything, other than making the trip to the outpost to save her friend. BUT. That's risking herself to save someone else. Pup has never done anything for her own benefit, without it being equally helpful for someone else. Even when she got Wolf, it wasn't just for herself. Iahcen was getting something out of it as well.

I know it's cliche, but her last moments alone on that ship waiting was where her character development needed to reach and end. Because I made the overarching plot of fighting for love, but I needed that same lesson to be learned in-story, as well to round it out. It had to be Pup, because she's been running this whole time. Wolffe can't learn it, because he's been fighting the entire time.

The kid is a symbol of kindness not being returned. This is key, because Pup has always been nice -even when she didn't need to be. And he attacks her for that. He comes in as the tool to show her that being kind doesn't always work; And sometimes you have to stand against something, instead of running or letting someone run over her. I also made certain to have the kid attack Wolffe's character. This was essential, because Pup has nothing else she wants to fight for. Wolffe has always been her one essential thing, and he was what made her realize that being a little selfish and desiring something isn't a bad thing. This kid is a product of her sympathetic nature, and he's willingly insulting and threatening her chance at having the one thing Pup has always wanted.

Pup needed fight or flight, and the only time her 'fight mode' kicks in, is when she realizes there's something she wants. On Coruscant, she had nothing, so she ran. Pup wanted to live for Wolffe, in the hopes that he might still be alive, and that was the first time her fight response kicked in. Then her friend was in danger of dying, that was the second time she chose to fight.

Her love and security in Wolffe was being threatened, and that was Pup's final character development, and why she needed this fight scene without Wolffe -or anyone else's assistance- in the matter.

***

I hope this wasn't garbage 😅 and I explained it decently... If not, please let me know. I'll do anything I can to answer your questions!

Much Love, Rightful 🤍

#commentary track #welcome company #commander wolffe #Pup #uponrightful #uponrightfulwrites

[eyeslikefoxglove]

Episode 5 - WangXian flirts & The fucking lake does fucking what?

Welcome to episode 5 commentary. I should very much be packing my flat but I am a fucking mess so... also, my cat seems intent on blocking my hands from writing.

LWJ don’t give a fuck about “strange noises” lol.

Hhhhggghhhhhhh is the Library scenes. Wangxian/WuJi is playing and I’m living (we are barely three minutes in, brace yourselves).

Anyone who can do Chinese calligraphy and with a brush has my forever admiration. Holy shit it looks like the most nerve wracking time, I write with a quill (fountain pen? Ink pen? Idk google translate says all three fit) and I already favour thin tips so my handwriting is crisp and legible, I can’t imagine writing with something that’s flexible with pressure.

Btw, my fan girl ass got herself a black bamboo quill as a graduation/Christmas present because I could not pass the opportunity of having my very own ChenQing in a manner of speaking. Sorry, back to the commentary.

Bitch don’t scream in the library.

He doesn’t hate you, he wants to kiss you stupid but *vaguely gestures at the fact that LWJ is a whole ass repressed gay teen mess* that.

(Again, what the fuck, calligraphy brushes lol nope)

“May I have the honour of getting a glimpse of you?” Hooooooly shit, so that was smoother than I expected.

IT’S BEST BOI WN!

I understand not bothering to translate things like “Shijie” because “senior martial sister” sounds hella weird. But doesn’t jie/Jiejie mean big sister? WN calling WQ sister or big sister is not weird.

Wait, not only is their love song playing, he’s also sneaking looks al LWJ so he can draw him accurately and grinning like a fool.

This charming idiot.

“Extremely boring” yeeeeees sassy LWJ come forth.

I honestly did not see him switch the books and I’ve replayed that bit time and time again.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never read a book like this.” WWX, darling gremlin, you’re talking about Lan “Whole Ass Repressed Gay Teen” WangJi.

But LWJ looks like he’s going to rip his throat out with his teeth.

WWX is so upset his gay porn got shredded (and this sounds dirtier than i meant it to)

Speaking of dirty, I know that that special book chapter exists, but I also know it’s uncomfortable for a bunch of people (myself included) so I won’t mention it past this point. But when I say anything about LWJ wanting to tackle WWX onto the nearest flat surface and do him, I mean in a very enthusiastically consensual way.

All this to say, LWJ’s crush just showed him a gay porn book and LWJ is a teenager, the self control this dude has is hilarious (bc I’m pretty sure if he’d kissed WWX right then and there Wi-Fi would be like: you mean we could’ve been doing this the whole time?).

I know that WWX is Oblivious(tm) but I swear Xiao Zhan plays him very much like a disaster (bi) trying to flirt with someone he actually has a crush on and he can’t? Because his usually suave bullshit doesn’t work? And he wants to see LWJ all riled up? I mean, he’s oblivious to LWJ’s monster crush on him, but I’m pretty sure he knows/suspects he’s into LWJ himself.

Ooooohhh LWJ is spitting mad. I love how Wang YiBo can make facial expressions without actually moving his face.

One Braincell Trio gossip sessions are the best. And I saw at least one translation of JC’s “nobody will save you” that was “nobody will bury your corpse” which I find fucking hilarious.

Ngl, I was mildly worried that they were going to try and use WWX as a red herring this early in the tv show when LXC asks LWJ who he’s seen creeping around the back of the mountain and he answers that he’s seen WWX, but LXC is co-captain of the ship (the other captain is Shijie, NHS is Second-in-Command) and he didn’t disappoint.

Uuuuughhhhhh it’s that bitch Su She. If you see random bouts of screaming just assume Su She is on screen and I don’t want to deal with his bs.

I can’t believe they changed Water Ghouls to Water Ghosts. Ghouls is cooler.

[We interrupt this broadcast to inform you that all that commentary above ^ is from a few days ago, so if the following looks like I’ve lost the thread in some places... I did lose it]

Yooooo JC’s stupid grin and his awkward attempts at talking to WQ give me life. I NEED FURTHER WQ&SHIJIE INTERACTIONS! THEY MUST BECOME FRIENDS.

What a cute gremlin my god.

You can see the moment LXC decides to be both the best wingman and a shit to his little brother.

WN IS HERE HI WN WE LOVE YOU.

LXC and all his baby chicks lol.

(I just checked on my cat, he’s drugged to the gills, so his inner eyelids are half closed and he’s doing the mlem, it’s hilarious)

WangXian: the fucking lake does fucking what?

I love WWX in detective mode.

THANK YOU. WWX’s alcohol thing is driving up the wall. One, bc he’s a damn kid in here, two bc he’s about to go night hunting, and three bc I’m pretty sure he’s 👌this close to forming a habit.

Ooohhh I hate this. I’m not scared of large bodies of water or anything, but the second you tell me something bigger than a trout may be roaming nearby I’m nope-ing right the fuck out.

He just saved your ass dude, don’t call him boring!

I swear LWJ almost had a Qi deviation when he told WWX to stay away from him, and the the gremlin just came suuuuuper close to him and bent down... to get his sword. You know, like a normal human being would do. Not.

Nooooope. Wait “aqua demon” that better not be Netflix’s translation of Waterborne Abyss.

Su She’s whole damage is bc he thinks LWJ looks down on him just for wanting to be like him. But LWJ clearly said get tf on your swords and fly, not “send your sword into the lake like a dumbass” so Su She is a moron.

I know in an adaptation WWX ends up in the water when trying to save Su She, are we sure that he didn’t kick him off the sword? Bc he is That Bitch.

WN NO.

THE COMB.

LOQUATS! (Btw are they any good, how do they taste?)

That is all for this episode. Thank you for reading!

#the untamed #cql #mdzs live action #mdzs #foxglove watches cql #foxglove watches the untamed #wangxian #wei wuxian #lan wangji #commentary #episode 5 #foxglove has a cat #well foxglove has four but only one lives with her

[gamzee-the-capricious-fanfic]

Chapter 4

Notes: Nothing really groundbreaking in this chapter lol, just that on average each chapter is 7 to 8 pages and if I put the big shit in this chapter it would be super long. Hope you enjoy it anyway!!

You wake up to someone shaking you quite vigorously. You blink sleepily and mumble. 

"'m too tired for this shit motherfucker." You glance over to see it's Karkat.

"Well get over it. It's your fault we ended up going to sleep so late." 

"That's harsh bro." You yawn and stretch out on the couch. Karkat is looking at you impatiently.

"You have an hour and a half to get ready so I'd get a move on if I were you." 

You nod lazily, all in motherfuckin time. Tavros walks in rubbing his eyes all sleepily. You can't help but to think he is damn cute when sleepy, well to be fair he is damn cute all the time but especially when he is sleepy. 

"Mornin T-dog" you manage a lazy ass wave. 

"Mornin Gamzee, d-did you uh fall asleep in here?" 

"Mhm, bed was just too damn far."

Tavros giggles. "Could of uh, just went to my bed if it uh, would have been easier." He immediately blushes profusely. "U-uh i mean, uhhh. G-gotta go, talk to you later!" He very quickly heads out into the hall, presumably going to the bathroom. 

You look at Karkat wide eyed, "uh.. did that.. make any sense to you? He wasn't like, I mean it sounded kind of like maybe…" you trail off. Best not get your hopes up on all that. He was probably just joking. 

"God you're such a fucking dumbass." 

"How so Karbro?" 

"Clearly, Gamzee, Tavros has red feelings for you and we all know how you feel about him. I swear you two idiots would be perfect together if you weren't so fucking stupid." 

"Wait.. really? No joke?" 

"Oh my god, yes Gamzee, no fucking jokes here." He gestures around wildly, "do you fucking see any jokes dipshit." 

Dave walks in. "I dunno dude, I think I see one joke in this room." He's looking at you. You growl a bit under your breath but you stop once you hear Karkat chuckle a bit. 

"Bro, are you siding with motherfuckin Strider over me??" 

"No, no, it's just, I mean it's kinda funny Gamzee." 

"Well I think it's motherfuckin rude." 

Dave interjects. "You're literally a clown. A walking joke, literally." 

You stand up swiftly, that pisses you off. "Oh? Want me to show you how motherfuckin funny I can be?" You growl threateningly. 

"Oh I'm so scared." 

You take a step forward but Karkat grabs your arm. "Gamzee. Shower, go." He points towards the door giving you a no nonsense look. You grumble a bit but you do as he says. As you get yourself all cleaned up and ready for the day you can’t help but to think about Tavros. Does he really feel the same feelings as you? I mean Karkat wouldn’t lead you wrong, and he does notice these kinds of things so… Maybe it is true? Should you make a move then? Before you can really consider that much more Karkat comes and shouts at you for taking too long. 

"I swear to God if you make me late for our first fucking class Gamzee. I mean fuck do you even know your schedule?" 

You give him a sweet lil smile. "Nope. But I know you do.~" 

Karkat sighs. "Yeah, you're not wrong. I fucking did your schedule cause I know you're a dumbass. It's the same as mine so just follow me around like a little quackbeast." 

You figured as much. "All right Karbro, I'm all up and ready anyway so lead away." 

"... You literally don't have your bag dipshit." 

"Uh.. aaallrriighhtyy I'm almost ready then." You look embarrassed, of course, the most important thing. You run to the room and grab it real fast then come back to Karkat. "Ok, now I'm motherfuckin ready." 

You give him a double thumbs up and a cheesy smile. He rolls his eyes at your antics and mumbles something about associating with idiots. Either way he grabs your hand and pulls you off towards your first class. You walk hand in hand across campus heading for the humanities building or so Karkat called it. All the buildings kind of look the same to you. As you walk you notice a few humans giving you guys weird looks, you wonder why but soon dismiss it as you enter the building. The halls are bustling with trolls you notice, you give Karkat a questioning look.

“There are a lot of classes about human culture here so of course there is going to be a bunch of trolls.” He gives you a look that suggests you should have thought about that. “Anyway most of our classes are here, Earth History, Human psychology, and English. We are going to English 101 right now.”

You sigh dramatically. You get the feeling that it is going to be a very boring day. And it is, once you got through with the humanities building you and Karkat had to walk all the way across campus to the science building to learn about Earth biology and such. Then again you had to walk a ridiculous distance to your final class. Human Health. It seemed to be a waste of a day honestly, each class went over boring “syllabus” shit and you learned nothing. 

However, throughout the day there was this uncomfortable atmosphere. Of the trolls attending the university the mid to lowbloods rarely glanced you and Karkat’s way. Unless they sat next to you where they looked very uncomfortable and your attempts to look all friendly like were not appreciated and they just looked more scared. Same with the humans. John, Jade, Rose, and Dave are so chill with you and your friends that you assumed other humans would be ok like that too but turns out that was a big resounding motherfuckin no. The case was very different with the Higher Castes. Blue and up were openly disgusted by both you and Karkat. With Karkat it was more understandable, he’s a mutant and we were taught that mutants shouldn’t exist and yada yada. You never really cared. 

You are not sure if they give you looks because you clearly associate with Karkat or if there is another reason. Other than your friends you never really associated to much with other High Bloods despite you being a purple blood of the faith. You were mostly high all the time so you didn’t get out much. But now you can see that your fellow purple blooded motherfuckers are MUCH taller than you and typically built heavier. You never really realized that you were so physically stunted in comparison. That said you still are much taller than most of your friends. Equius is taller than you, so is Feferi. Eridan and Vriska are about your height. And then the rest of your friends are shorter whether by a little or a lot. Nepeta being the shortest of them all yet still as fierce as she is cute. 

When you guys finally head back to the dorm building you make sure to keep Karkat close to you. You don’t think anyone will try anything at least while they are under human supervision but you’d rather be safe than sorry, you would never forgive yourself if something happened to Karkat. You almost laugh, first Karkat was worrying over you and now you are doing the same to him. Karkat was oddly silent for the walk. You weren’t adding any commentary yourself but typically Karkat is almost always going on about something. Neither of you guys speak until you enter the room.

“Wow, maybe this is going to be harder than anticipated.” 

You glance at Karkat then hum in agreement. “I don’t think you are the only problem Kar.” You gesture to yourself. “I’m pretty sure I got some dirty looks too. Never really realized how short I was compared to others of my blood. Then add up the both of us together, the mutant and the druggy.” You sigh dramatically. You had hoped your dramaticism would lighten the mood but Karkat still looks insecure. 

“Look, despite me being all up a short motherfucker I’m still more than strong enough to protect my best bro.” You stick your tongue out at him and flex your arms comedically. It works, Karkat gives a soft chuckle. 

“You look ridiculous, please stop I swear to god I am going to throw up at this display of idiocy.”

You laugh and oblige. “Besides, the humans aren’t all happy with violence and all that. Any troll who does shit will be booted from Earth most likely.” Karkat nods and looks a bit better, reassured by your words. “Now how about we get our comfort on on the couch and watch some shitty romcoms.”

“Fuck you they are NOT shitty!” You just laugh. 

A few weeks pass relatively uneventfully. The humans started relaxing a bit in the trolls presence and some of the highbloods appear to have gotten bored of giving you and Karkat menacing looks. That doesn’t mean all of them have quite their shit but it is way better and both you and Karkat feel much more relaxed about it. The only interesting thing that has been happening has been you and Dave continuing your fued. If you didn’t know better you would assume he was black flirting with you, but as a human you doubt he would understand the concept. The other three don’t seem to. Well, maybe Rose does, she is pretty smart but appears to have no interest in any of the other romances. So there you are, head in Karkat’s lap on the couch complaining about Dave. 

“Ugghhh, Dave is such a motherfucking asshole.” you practically growl each word your frustration quite evident.

“He’s not that bad Gamzee.” Karkat mutters a slight blush on his face.

“Kaaarrrrkkkaaattt, stop defending him! Can’t you see I am suffering? The black feelings in my blood pusher are almost too much for this motherfucker to bear.” you say this very dramatically. 

“Well, maybe stop fucking flirting with him and do something more productive. For example, you still haven’t made a move regarding Tavros. Even though I literally told you that he feels the same as you do. I swear everyone is just waiting with bated breath for you two bulge fondlers to just do something already. The tension between you too is almost palpable. If one of you guys don’t say anything we are all going to start frothing at the mouth starved for the sweet sweet release that you two getting together will bring us.” 

You blush profusely. “Well it’s not like it is easy to just up and confess to your red crush. What am I supposed to say? What if I fuck it up?? You know I’m not good with words when I am nervous!.” 

“Uh, no I am not, for one I don’t think I have ever seen you nervous. You have idiot confidence, which is to say that it’s a lot of confidence because you are stupid as fuck.” 

“..Uh.. Point taken? Still, I don’t know, should I take him on a date? What if he thinks it is just a friendly outing?” You groan with frustration, hiding your embarrassed face with your hands.

“Well Gamzee, you don’t know until you try dumbass. Tavros is probably too shy to make a move so it’s kind of on you bud.” 

You groan again. And of course Tavros just happens to walk into the dorm room. 

“Uh.. Are you alright Gam?” 

You stutter and stumble over your words. “I uh, f-fuck, uhhh, just great, fantastic, um, never better! T-totally wasn’t talking about you or anything! Like hah! Why would I be talking about my cute- u-uh I mean cool! Rap buddy. Yeah.” Your face feels like it is on fire. 

“Um, o-ok, and uhh, thanks m-maybe? I uhh, j-just remembered that I t-totally forgot that I have a class I need to be at uh, so b-bye!” He rushes out of the dorm room as fast as possible. He doesn’t have his bag. Also It is like 8 o’clock and you know he doesn’t have night classes. 

“Well, that was a fucking trainwreck.” Karkat sighs. That is an understatement. 

“Uuuuuuuuuugggghhhhhh!” you groan for the damn third time. “I told you I would motherfuckin fuck it up”

“Yeah, I stand corrected. I didn’t realize the full extent of how socially incompetent you two are. Look, how about you just ask him to a movie or something and you know, don’t be an awkward fuckwad. Just act fucking normal and then just make a move, you know, like the classic stretch and arm over his shoulder thing. If he has literally any braincells he is sure to figure out the meaning of that at least. Look, how about we watch some movies and you take fucking notes on how to actually fucking do this shit.” You are 99% sure this is just an excuse to just watch romcoms. But you just roll your eyes with a smile and just go with it. 

Even later that night when Tavros finally returns to the room you are on the couch trying to look suave and cool but you are probably failing. “Uh, hey Tavbro, sorry about earlier. Um, sooo by chance would you be down to see a motherfuckin movie or maybe um just chill the fuck out somewhere, get some food or whatever. If you want to.” You look away avoiding eye contact. 

“Uh, yeah, that um, sounds like fun. I’d be uh, down to see a movie with you.” In your peripheral vision you can see he is biting his lip. He says the next thing really quickly. “Imeantotallyinafriendwayofcourse!” Your smile falters a bit before you force it back on your face. “..cool, great, yeah, of course..” Your voice sounds a bit strained. Wow this is going badly. 

“Well, um, does tomorrow night sound up and good with you?”

“Y-yeah, uh, sounds great.”

“Wicked. Um, anyway I’m just going to uh..” you gesture towards the bedroom. “..sleep and, yeah.” You abruptly stand up and quickly yeet yourself up into your bed and burrow into your blankets with amazing speed. You bury your face into your pillow to hide the shame written all over your face. You really dicked this up huh. After a few minutes Tavros eventually comes into the room and heads to bed. At least you assume that as your face is buried into your pillow at the moment. It takes you a while but eventually you drift off to sleep. 

#chapter 4

[aria-i-adagio]

Sorry, but I Don’t Recall the Crime

Fandom: The Arcana

Chapter Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 4500

Previous Chapter   Masterpost

Portia lets us sleep in the next morning.  The sun is high enough in the sky that the light is indirect when I open my eyes, roused by a loud knock at the door and a shouted warning that it’s her, and we have two minutes to get decent or she’s coming in anyway.  I’m still laying on top of Julian.  He blinks his eyes in confusion and sits up as I roll off him, grabbing for the robe that I abandoned on the back of the sofa.

“Morning.”  He yawns, and I pick his pants up off the floor and toss them to him.  There’s another knock at the door and he seems to wake up a little more, swinging his long legs over the edge of the bed and pulls them on.  I knot the sash around my waist and stumble to the door, opening for Portia, who’s carrying a tray with pastries and an extra large pot of coffee.

“Wakey, wakey,” she chirps, just as chipper as ever.  “It’s nearly noon.”

Ilya groans and holds his head in his hands.  Portia grins as she pours a cup of thick black coffee for him and offers it to him.  “I still remember how you like it.”  He takes the cup and lifts his head, blinking sleepily at her.  Portia freezes for a moment, then steps back.  “Ilya, your eye!”

“Oh shit!”  He starts, nearly spilling the coffee across his bare chest.  “No, no, no, Pasha it’s okay, I swear.”

I put a hand on Portia’s shoulder.  She’s trembling.  “Really.  It is.”

“What happened to you?”

“Well, um.”  He grins up at her and takes a drink of coffee.  “I don’t exactly know.  But I’m still kicking, so...”

Portia sighs and reaches out to touch his hair, pushing the long bangs back from his face.  “What did you get yourself into, brother mine?”

“The usual.  Trouble.”

“And now we’ve got to get you out of it.”  She turns back to the tray on the table and grabs herself a pastry.  "Eat up.  No sense in trying to problem solve on an empty stomach."

Julian bolts the coffee, stretches his back, and finds his shirt in the floor before meandering around to the sofa to join me.  Portia has pulled up a chair opposite the table and is working on a mug of tea.  I'm settled in with coffee and another one of the heavenly almond pastries, waiting for the caffeine to kick in.  

"What's the connection you think?”  Portia muses.

"What do you mean?”  Julian is starting his second cup of coffee, and I suspect it'll take three before he's good for much.

"Between you and Lucio?  Being in his room, with that ghost triggered one of your headaches - I guess, I'll call it a memory headache.”

“Then the same thing happened when I mentioned about the Lazaret,” Julian adds.  It’s more a mumble than a real statement, entirely different from his usual conversation style.

“Okay, so, I don't know, seems like there could be a connection there.  For that matter, Ilya, if you're getting the same kind of headaches, then you're involved as well.  And the way that ghost talked to the both of you - puppy, dove?  What the hell was that?”  Once Portia gets going, she’s easily as wordy as her brother.

"I, uh -”  Julian sits up and rubs at the back of his neck then pushes his hand through his hair flipping more of it over his eyes.  "I, uh, knew Lucio for a long time.  Back when he was mercenary and lost his arm.  As for Dema, well, he'd always hit on anyone who caught his eye.  Or maybe she and I -”

"Yeah, yeah, you two were together - you both forget - blah.  You're such a dumbass sometimes, Ilyushka.  I mean, how the hell do you forget-”

"Lucio is a creepy fuck of a ghost."  I interrupt Portia's commentary before Julian can turn any redder.  I rub my upper arms trying to push away any memory of the ghostly claws.  I suppose I should be glad that so far the Count had limited himself to touching me over my clothes.  Fuck that.

"And don't forget that Milady is also missing memories, just a lot more of them than anyone else."

"Except Dema."  Julian sets his cup down and crosses his arms behind his head, leaning to stretch out his back again.

"The most salient point is that no one remembers exactly how Lucio died.”  I try to get the conversation back on topic and away from sibling squabbles.  “The people who do remember that night, didn't see.  Valerius only arrested you because you were there."

"You're adorable when you use words like salient.  You know that."

"Oh, brother,"  Portia groans.  "The other courtiers are pretty fishy if you ask me."

"I can't see any of them acting alone, except maybe -"

"- Valdemar."  Julian uncrosses his hands from behind his head and leans forward on the table with a groan.  "They have absolutely no scruples about killing.  But spontaneous combustion is really too tidy for their style."

"How can spontaneous combustion be too tidy?”

"Valdemar likes to have an intact body.  For, um, reasons.  Burning doesn't leave much to work with."

Portia shudders and looks slightly disgusted.  She shakes her to dismiss the thought.  "What if they acted together?  They could be covering for each other by pushing Milady to believe Julian did it."

"Valerius suggested that as much as he suggested anything."

"Ugh.  You didn't get anything really useful from him, did you?”

"Just more questions."  I suspect that some of what Valerius is keeping to himself would be helpful, but I don't think he has a much better grasp of Lucio's death than we do.  "Do you think Lucio knows who killed him?  His ghost certainly didn't think it was you."

"What ghosts do and don't know is outside my area of expertise.  And I don't want to - I mean I don't want you to go back there.  Either of you."  He pours himself another cup of coffee.  Portia peels an orange and divides sections between the three of us.

"What do you think he meant by 'not for long'?”

"It was about being trapped in that form.  Could he be trying to bring himself back from the dead?”

"Can't be done."  Julian pops a piece of orange in his mouth and talks around it.  "Dead is dead is dead."

"What did he mean about Asra stealing a new body for his dead lover then?”

Julian shrugs.  "That's another question for Asra."

"You said he was doing some sort of magic with blood."  The image from my dream the other night of Asra cutting into Julian's palm and letting the blood drip onto the cardinal points of a sigil floats behind my eyes.  Julian nods, rubbing his hand as he does.  "If it were possible to create a new body, whether to bring someone back from the dead or for someone who was ill to take over, it would have to involve something at least as powerful as blood magic.  I mean, I had to use a blood spell to coax Lucio onto materializing at all last night."

"You did what?  Dema!”

"It's okay, Julian.  I time limited it."  At least, I think I did.  I hope I did.  I don’t care for what it means if I didn’t.

"Have you heard of spells that would bring someone back from the dead?”  Portia asks.

I pause and hope that some arcane information about corporeality, resurrection, and enfleshment will just materialize in my consciousness, as information so often does with no explanation of when, how, or where I learned it.  "No.  But researching might be a start.  Maybe if I knew what kind of magic was being used.  But-"  I groan and ball my hands up in frustration.  "There's no time to be indirect."

"So, we corner all the courtiers and beat it out of them?"  Portia runs her hands together.  She's joking - I think.  But there's a glint in her eyes that makes me wonder.  "I'm sure Maz would help with that."

"No."  Julian shakes his head.  "I don't want you near them.  Not you, not Dema, not Mazelinka."

"What about Volta?”

"What about her?"

"Do you think she might give us information?  She doesn't seem as bad as the others."

"We could offer her food.  Maybe?  She keeps the servants running all night bringing snacks to her chambers."  Portia doesn't look quite convinced by the idea.  "But, they all say that she's actually nice to them."

Julian shakes his head, then sets his coffee aside and stretches out as much as possible on the sofa, with his head resting in my lap.  "What if instead of showing that someone else did it, we prove that I didn't do it?  I mean, if I can find evidence to convince myself of that, then certainly it will convince the Countess."

"You can't use magic, can you?”

He looks up at me and touches his throat.  "Other than this?  Don't even want to."

"And is there any scientific explanation for the spontaneous combustion of a person?”

"Not that I know of."

Portia catches where my logic is going and grins.  "So you couldn't have done it!  That wasn't a natural fire."

Julian gnaws at his bottom lip, looking thoughtful.  "I suppose, but that doesn't explain why I was there.  And I was there."

Portia stands and starts clearing the table.  "I'll work on Milady.  Try to get the question of how the fire started in the first place in her mind.  Maybe you two could work in the library?  Ilya might find something in his desk.  And you probably won't be bothered there.  Since I have the keys.  Now.  If something happens, go to my cottage.  Through the maze then straight back.  Dema, you remember, right?"

“Oh, the fixer upper one out past the orchard?  That’s yours now?  Nice, sis.”

“And fixed up nicely, I’ll have you know.  Get dressed.  Back in half an hour.”

***

Portia leads us to the library, peering around corners as she goes for passers by, even though I've glamoured Julian's hair to appear black and tossed it over his eyepatch.  She unlocks the door quickly, deft hands finding the multiple keys and turning them in the locks.  Julian walks into the room slowly, pushing his hair out of his eyes as the glamour fades.  Sunlight from the windows catches the highlights, making it look even redder than before.  He looks around the room and turns slowly, as if in a trance.

“Alright, you two, I’m going to lock the door behind you.  I should be back in a few hours.”

The keys turn loudly in the locks as Portia secures us inside the library.  Julian is still standing in a ray of sunshine, the pale cream of the palace livery a stark change from his usual black on black, but it suits him just as well.  He looks a little lost in the moment, like he's soaking in information directly from the surroundings and it's a bit too much to comprehend.  I take one of his hands in mine and squeeze his fingers.

"Come back to me, Julian."  Asra's said the same thing to me so many times, patiently gripping my hand.

"Sorry."  Julian shakes his head.  "Sorry, I spent a lot of time in here."

"It's okay."

He walks across the floor to the pile of pillows that I had curled up in the other day to try and decipher his journals.  "Asra worked here.  He had a veritable fortress of books stacked around him.  And he napped all the time."  He pauses and looks back at me.  "Does he still do that?"

"He does."  I'm bad about napping too, especially when I'm having trouble sleeping at night.  It's a wonder we manage to keep the shop running on any sort of schedule.

Julian crosses the room, to the little niche that his desk was tucked into.  "Tidier than how I left it.  At least, how I think I left it."  He picks up one of the journals and thumbs through it before setting it aside with a visible shudder.  "Nothing but bad memories there."  He picks up the folded letter next, reads the first couple lines, then sinks into the chair and leans over the desk, head cradled in his hands as his shoulders start to shake.  I run my hands along his shoulders, trying to soothe whatever emotion has taken hold of him.

"She was eleven when I left home."  His voice, when he finally speaks, is choked.  "Eleven!  And I didn't see her again until the other day.  I've got to be the worst brother in the world.  It's almost worse that she's willing to forgive me everything."  He snaps his fingers.  "Just like that."

"Julian."  I lean over him, pressing my lips to the crown of his head.  "She loves you.  You're still her brother."

"So she finds me, just to lose me again?"

"We're going to sort this out.  You're not a murderer."

Julian picks up the journal his was thumbing through and then tosses it to the side.  "Are you sure about that? Maybe not Lucio, but . . .”  His voice trails off as I run my fingers through his hair.  His shoulders slump and he collapses over the desk, head in his arms.  “Why do you have such faith in me?”

“Just do.”  I can’t explain it, but I don’t feel any need to try either, so I stay quiet and rub his shoulders until he lifts his head off the desk.  He twists in the chair and I lean over and touch my lips to his forehead.  

“Thank you.”  His voice is a breath more than speech.  He closes his eyes for a moment, then blinks them back open.  “I should sort through all this, I suppose.  See if anything here truly is important.  Maybe you could look through the books?  See if you can find anything about how to magic someone back from the dead?”

“I’ll see what I can do.  Not really sure where to start.”  I ruffle his hair again for good measure as he goes back to the papers stacked on the desk.

It takes me a while to orient myself in the library.  The collection is impression, both in breadth and depth.  The shelves go to the ceiling.  There are books well beyond my reach, but there are also ladders attached with rollers that make them easy to move.  The section for books on magic is in a dark corner toward the back, and I have to summon a light before I can begin to make out the titles.  I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t know where to start, but I am nearly certain that raising the dead would require blood.  And well, that’s the only lead I have.

The majority of the magic tomes are covered in a thick layer of dust.  When I find the shelf with books on the less respectable practices, I’m surprised to find that these books are less dusty than the other.  They’ve been neglected, but while the others appear to have sat untouched for a decade or more (some are complete with cobwebs!), the ones with titles that suggest what I might need only have a light coating of dust.  I gather the ones that look most promising and retreat to Asra’s pile of cushions.  It’s under a window, and the afternoon sunlight pouring in creates the perfect space to curl up and read.

I scan the content pages of the books that have them and set several aside that appear to be mostly dedicated to describing the acts associated with sects that use blood magic in the most inflammatory language possible.  Heresiology is not what I need at the moment.  A book in the middle of the stack looks more promising.  It’s ancient, hand written, and lacks a table of contents, but unlike the others, it’s an actual book of spells.  I thumb through the book, scanning the descriptions for any key words.

The sun is getting low in the sky when Julian plops down next to me and draps an arm around my shoulders.  I set the book on my knees and turn my face to him.  “Find anything?”

With a heavy sigh, he shows me an empty palm, then with a mischievous grin, closes his hand and opens it again to reveal an iron key.  I roll my eyes at the trick.  As he makes the key disappear again, presumably to a pocket somewhere in his coat. “What’s that for?” 

He shrugs, then pulls me closer to him.  "Not sure.  But you ever just get a sense that something is exactly what you're looking for."

"That's happened."

"Yes, well, that and none of the papers were much use.  Research notes.  Fruitless research notes for that matter.  Barren.  As useful as a mirage in the bloody desert.  Not to mention that a few were, in fact, bloody."  He lays down next to me and settles his head in my lap, looking up at me through the hair falling over his face.  His eyepatch is missing, presumably removed to make reading easier.  "This key was the only other thing left.  Any luck with the books?”

"This one might have some useful information in it."

"Mmm . . . Don't let me stop you.  Just going to close my eyes for a few minutes."  He snuggles deeper into the cushions, and tilts his head to the side.  I trail my finger done the center of his nose, winning a smile from him before returning to the book.

I flip through several more pages of spells and symbols, annotated with dense notes about the theory behind why they just might work and stern precautions about their use.  An illuminated page with colored calligraphy and gilt lettering introduces a new chapter:  On Interaction with the Spirits of the Departed.  

My reading slows, and I turn the pages with care, trying to commit the sigils to memory - at least, passive memory, enough to recognize them should I see them again.  These are significantly more complex than the one I used to speak with Lucio.  One allows for summoning a specific spirit to a location.  Another provides a means to anchor a ghost to a specific location.  Quite reasonably, it's paired with a banishing spell.  

A thin scrap of parchment marks the next page.  The pamplimset is covered with notes in a very familiar script.  The same script that labels many of the bottles and boxes in the shop.  The same that leaves notes for me in random locations - ones that I'll surely find, but won't expect - when a certain someone has wandered away.  Asra.  

Underlined and circled at the bottom is a single word:  almost.  

I set the note aside.  Underneath it there page is taken up by an intricate diagram, one that would be impossible to recreate without proper tools, no small amount of skill, and significant time.  I run my finger up the page to the heading: Possession of a Body.

I shouldn't be surprised, not when Julian has told me that Asra was using blood and with what Lucio's ghost had shrieked about Asra stealing a body from him.  But still, I didn't expect to find tangible evidence.  Perhaps I didn't want to believe that Asra had really been involved in something so potentially dangerous and so deeply unethical as inviting a spirit to possess the body of someone else.

No. I don't want to think about it.

I fold the parchment note back in the book and set it aside.  Later.  I'll deal with that later.   For now, I gently lift Julian's head and replace my thigh with a small cushion.  He mumbles in protest, but settles back as soon as I'm curled up next to him.  My head's on his chest; it's his turn to be a pillow for a bit.

"Mmm... Taking a break?"  He lifts a hand and trails his fingers through my hair.

"Just resting my eyes."

"You should do that.  Getting late anyway."

As soon as my eyes shut, there’s a noise from outside of the library, followed by a loud exclamation.  “Oh, sorry Milady!  Slippery fingers again!”

“It’s quite alright, Portia.”  The countess’s dulcet voice is at a normal level, but carries easily through the door.  

Julian bolts upright and scrambles out of the floor before reaching back down to pull me to my feet.  “Shit.  Shit!  What do we do?  I know, you hide, then when Nadia comes in, run.  She’ll be too busy arresting me to notice you.”  I shake my head and he groans.  “Don’t you understand?  You’ll hang with me.”

“No.  I’m not leaving you.”

He spins around.  “Maybe we could get out the window?  You can’t, like, turn into a giant bird or something?  Uh, can you?”

“Yeah, no.”  I pull us over to where a shelf will hide us from direct view of the door and let my awareness drift around the room.  Portia said there were portals and passages all through the palace.  If I can just find one of those.  Keys turn in the locks again, tumblers falling into place.  How many were there again?  Then . . . there it is!  And it’s close to where we are.  I pull Julian with me to the wall and touch a symbol engraved there.  Unlike the portal leading the Lucio’s wing, the magic of this one is Asra’s.  If my luck holds, it’ll lead to my shop and safety.

The wall seems to open, edges glowing around the passageway.  Not to my shop, but into the garden with the willow tree and the fountain.  It’ll do.  Especially since I can hear the door opening.  I shove Julian through, hissing for him to go to Portia’s cottage, and close the portal before he can insist that I follow.  Portia and I together should be able to keep the Countess busy enough that she won’t be looking for him.

Beyond, I hear the mechanisms of the door turning as it opens, and I step out from behind the shelf, trying to look like I had simply been looking for a book.  Nadia is as collected and graceful as every, one step behind her Portia is wringing her hands in worry.  “Oh, Countess, hello.”

“Dema, dear, it’s good to see that you’re feeling better.  Portia told me that a headache simply knocked you down last night after visiting the Count’s old wing.”

“Thank you, my lady.  I thought a quiet day working in the library might make sense.”

“Yes.”  She looks over to Julian’s desk, where the papers and portfolios are now arranged into haphazard stacks.  “Did you happen to find anything?”

“No.”  I shake my head, trying to mime disappointment.  “I thought I might try to research some magic that would account for state of Lucio’s chambers.”

“Portia did mention that the burn marks didn’t look like the usual pattern for a fire.” 

“Not at all.”  I shake my head.  “I think that only some sort of magic could explain it.”

Nadia presses her lips together considering the statement.  She seems about to say something when the chamberlain enters the library followed by a very familiar figure.  One with a lot of explaining to do.  “My lady, you have another visitor - the magician Asra.”

Nadia turns and Asra bows to her, eyes twinkling as he does.  “Your Excellency.”

Her head tilts slightly to the side, and while I can’t see her expression, I feel the contemplating look that she gives Asra.  Asra only smiles at her, one of his perfect winning smiles that could charm the wings off a butterfly.  She recovers with the smallest shake of her head.  “I am pleased to finally meet my favorite magician’s mentor; although . . . well, nevermind.”  She glances back at me.  “Both of you will dine with me this evening?”

“Of course, Countess.”  Asra accepts for both of us, not I would expect that there is any other option.  

“Very well.  And should you wish to stay the night, I believe the guest room beside your apprentice’s is available.  Dema, would you take your master with you?  I’ll send Portia presenting with dining attire for the both of you.”

Portia shoots me a questioning look as the Countess sweeps out of the library.  

“It’s okay, Portia.”  I emphasize okay.  “I know my way.”

Alone in the library, Asra quickly closes the distance between us, pulling me into a tight hug.  “I got worried when you didn’t come back last night.  Or today.  Then I realized you’d be here.”  His fingers trace my jawline, ever so gently, and without thinking I tilt my head into his hand, as his thumb brushes over my cheek.  “Are you alright?  There’s nothing I wouldn’t do you?  You know that?”

Nothing he wouldn’t do?  I believe him.  I’m not sure I want to, but I do.  Even with his eyes as gentle as they can be, I believe that there truly might not be anything that he wouldn’t do.  I reach up and touch his cheek.  

“I’m fine, Asra.”  Should I drag him over the pile of books I had gathered and ask him to explain the note now?  Perhaps not until I know a little more, when I have a better chance of pinning him down and avoiding his deflections.  I take his hand in mine.  “Come on, when the Countess says dress for dinner, she really means it.”

“Oh, I remember,” he says with a smile.  “She always put together the best looks for her guests as well.”

My rooms are not so far from the library.  We walk in silence, Asra seemingly content to just hold my hand.  I close the door behind us with a sigh, happy for the relative privacy.

“Tell me about the maid?  Portia, I think?  I don’t recognize her from before.”

“She’s Julian’s sister.”

“His sister?”  Asra looks surprised for a moment.  “I wasn’t expecting that.”

I catch him up on the prior day, leaving out most of the details.  His face falls as I describe searching Lucio’s wing, especially when I tell him that the ghost was able to touch me.

“He shouldn’t be able to have that much of a physical presence.”

“You don’t sound surprised that he’s there.”

Asra shakes his head.  “No, he was never one to let go, not of anything.  I can’t imagine that he would accept being dead.  And, with everything that happened then . . .”

“Asra, what did happen?”

He closes his eyes, expression becoming so melancholy that I can’t stop myself from cradling his face in my hands.  “I don’t remember exactly what I did.  Really.  I don’t.  I wish that I did.”  He leans forward, pressing his forehead to mine.  “Maybe I could protect you better if I did.”

A/N: Chapter title from Portugal, the Man

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#the arcana fanfic #the arcana fanfiction #julian devorak #portia devorak #julian x mc #julian x apprentice #asra alnazar #fan apprentice #dema #my writing #whatever i've done