#deep. fucking. breaths.

[nowshesdoingitallthetime]

#deep breaths #deep. fucking. breaths. #JESUS FUCKING CHRIST #I don’t know who I’m more jealous off actually #matty healy #Gabbriette

[inkskinned]

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

#warm up #this isn't good #writeblr #this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3 #but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker #and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS #the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!? #..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much. #on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt #and medical debt #i will put that first little bit of cash #into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments) #i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option #but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver #oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs

[knox-knocks]

Thinking about wymack trying to break the news to the rookie kid about their problems with the japanese mafia without scaring him off the team only for the rookie kid to have his very own ties to a different but related gang is too fucking funny to me

#wymack: okay kid I’m gonna be straight with you and I need you to not freak out about it. *deep breath* okay here goes #wymack: the moriyamas are yakuza and the ravens are moving into our district to get kevin to come back to the nest #neil son of the baltimore butcher: hmm. I see #neil in his head: if my mother weren’t already burnt to a crisp underneath a california beach she’d beat my fucking ass rn #wymack during the binghampton riot when kevin reveals neil’s true identity: hmm. I see #wymack in his head: so that’s why he reacted like that #neil josten #david wymack #aftg #tfc

[gravehags]

they were fucking insane when they put him in leather

#he’s so [deep breath] #FUCKING HOT!!!!!!! #cardinal copia #the band ghost

[cha-lii]

can we

maybe

have a sequel now?

tiny little gay sequel?

please?

#luca #cmon i need it #i NEED it #aged up gay as fuck boyfriends #alberto and luca #gayin it up #come on #pixar #you can do it #take a deep breath

[lineffability]

my personal taxonomy of "he would not fucking say that" is

1 "he would not fucking say that normally but under these specific circumstances he might and isn't that interesting"

2 "he would not fucking say that but it's fun to imagine actually"

3 "he would not fucking say that and I do not understand where you even got the faintest notion from that he might, but I remain puzzledly neutral"

4 "he would not fucking say that and I am gritting my teeth and seething inwardly but I can ignore this without receiving too much psychic damage"

5 "he would not fucking say that and the only thing stopping me from inviting you to a duel in the town square tomorrow at noon is my working brain, which I have, opposed to you apparently, but I would still like to sacrifice you to the nearest volcano and delete my short term memory just so I don't have to be aware that I live in a world where people have so little grasp on a character and no apparent media literacy whatsoever, excuse me while I go count some flowers and scream from the nearest hilltop"

#somewhere in there there's an interim category that goes #“he would not fucking say that but it is CLEARLY a joke and op i aware of it so maybe don't get so worked up take a deep breath and relax” #but that category IS different from 6 where op is very much unaware of their dreadful misinterpretation

[barawrah]

been extra miserable about them this past week

#WHYYYYYY WHY CANT THEY BE HAPPY #mxtx can we talk....lets discuss mxtx listen to me #and its just . banging my head into a wall their whole thing is they never be happy in any life . ever again #because they Die . and thats it poof out of the reincarnation cycle #FUCK YOUUUUU BFLF RUINING MY LIFE #canon im beating you with a stick like a feral animal #ill be sitting minding my own business and my brain will go dream on like shut the fuck upppppppp #bawling my eyes out rn #this is so awful i hate u bflf i hope youre both miserable #no i dont sorry please be happy #ok . ok deep breaths #art tag #tgcf #shi qingxuan #he xuan #beefleaf

[funkyplantguy]

sorry guys, hey, sorry, hey, did i hear that right? did i....did i hear that right? did etho just say that he used to play video games.......WITH HIS FUCKING FEET?

#ethoslab #etho #i had to fully pause the fucking video and take a few deep breaths #who the fuck is this man #who is he #who the hell is he #hermitcraft #hermitcraft season 10 #god help us all

[kitamars]

high school joui 4 shenanigans

#deep breaths takasugi #the worst friend group you will ever know #only ones who can somehow tolerate each other #gintoki’s one worst quality is that he cannot shut the fuck up #i couldn’t stop thinking of them after watching daily lives of highschool boys and they’d get up to so much dumb shit actually #can you tell i kind of miss my high school days #i sound so old when i say that wtf im 19 #painting has been a lot of fun lately i will not lie #but also college starts like. day after tomorrow im so cooked #GINTAMA OBSESSION PLEASE GET ME THROUGH ANOTHER TERM 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 #i might draw some ginhiji stuff to accompany this later bc of course i will #i am nothing if not predictable to my audience #anyways #sakata gintoki #katsura kotarou #sakamoto tatsuma #takasugi shinsuke #joui 4 #gintama #ok bye

[uncanny-tranny]

I think one of the most surprising parts of transition, specifically going on testosterone, is just how... normal it felt to me. When I was watching other people go on testosterone and describe how they felt, I anticipated that I'd feel the huge emotions, the spark, I guess. But I didn't. If anything, I went from being a neurotic mess to being... normal. Almost painfully normal. It's like I've gotten a cloth and dusted off this thing I call my body.

I honestly think it's interesting how natural I feel on testosterone. I never really thought I could feel this normal, but I do. It's like I can stand in a crowd and not feel like eyes are watching me, like ants crawling on a log.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #HAVING FEELINGS #like i watched this guy talk about how... almost explosive it feels for him on testosterone... #...and he was talking about it like 'RAAAAAGH FUCK I'M SUDDENLY FILLED WITH THE URGE TO PUNCH DRYWALL' #'ANGRY...HUNGRY' and i think that's completely fine. but it was weird when i didn't experience that #instead of being like... i guess hormonal??? i just feel like i can take a deep breath for once #(though i do relate to when he was like 'I NEED TO EAT EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE 🤬') #but yeah... i guess this is me just being fascinated at how the same exact hormone even at the same levels will feel and look so different #like to me that's magic. like the human body is the messiest result of pure magic to me #i guess to me it's so interesting that people have an intense experience on testosterone when i just do not #(and my levels are normal for my body/age range. it is painfully in the middle of normal in fact) #(though i am overdue for labs. i was JUST talking about labs with my dad too 💀)

[buttfrovski]

THE SILENCE IS SO FUCKING FUNNY

#south park #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #HE WAS SOOOO FUCKING DONE #HE HAD TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH AS TO NOT SLAP KYLE

[lecter-lioncourt]

I COMPLETELY fucking forgot that in her first introductory scene, Missy refers to 12 has her boyfriend. Absolutely fucking insane behaviour

#so many things in this episode make me insane lmao #Missy in general. my 2nd favourite ever Doctor Who character #the doctor translating a sad dinosaur #the doctor in general in this episode fucking everything about him #his vulnerability with clara when they land back in Glasgow. aaaaaaaa #the dubious morality of the doctor. dark!doctor hints. #callback to The Girl in The Fireplace #VICTORIAN COSTUMES. #the doctor getting rid of the horses pet. #so many things. #idgaf Deep Breath is one of my favourite Doctor Who episodes of all time #top 10 for sure. #mine #doctor who #missy #the master #thoschei #look ok Moffat had to make them straight presenting in order to move them from subtext to canon #but thank fuck he did #also I call them straight presenting for a reason lmao #in my heart they're both transfem lesbians ❤️

[inkskinned]

am i gonna put you in the book acknowledgements am i gonna be able to say your name without flinching am i ever gonna get a word in edgewise am i ever gonna recover the time i spent with you. computer virus kid; i arrived in your life already begging to be let in. somehow insecure i could even be your friend. like you had a line outside the door and we were all shifting our weight, begging.

you're so fucking good at that - at making people feel like they need to earn you, like you're a commodity none of us can afford. no kindness or careful communication could work on you - you were so good at just going-ghost, about deciding someone just wasn't cool-enough. something about that is super ironic. even the parts of it that weren't romantic felt like a romance book. i wanted you to like me so badly i scrubbed myself clean just so you'd spare me - what. your favor? a look?

okay okay okay. it's just a friendship - if it was even true that we were friends, if you even saw me as someone you trusted. on reddit someone would tell me girl literally just cut her out of your life, it's not that difficult. even i was aware of how fucked up the whole situation was. like, why the fuck do i even care about your approval? you're like, not even that fun to be around. you are often a little bit cruel.

but for almost four years of my life, i thought i had found someone like me. somebody who liked the same things i do. someone who liked to read and who liked making jokes with esoteric references and who spent maybe too much time on the internet and who was absolutely a little bit pretentious. i don't know, something about that was powerful and addictive.

i keep thinking about our last conversation. about how i said - okay, enough is enough. you pushed me too far, you really hurt my feelings.

and how you laughed and said - you think you're the victim?

#spilled ink #warm up #writeblr #she physically assaulted me and then screamed in my face #but not before sh'ing first and blaming it on me #while she was locked in my bathroom. at 1 in the morning #while i begged her to please just calm down and to try taking a deep breath and to go to sleep #and then she was like - ur just like my abuser #bc she had screamed in my face which was triggering to me and i froze like a deer in the headlights #and since i had shut down at that point evidently i was the problem child #i know she is out there telling our mutual friends i abandoned her and it makes me SO pissed off #like dude you spent so much fucking time forgiving & forgetting that your decrepit asshole of a boyfriend #pushed me down in the fucking hallway #but noooo hes <3 troubled <3 at 43 and divorced #bc according to you it's important that u don't '''see anyone as a monster'' #but god forbid i not handle you SCREAMING IN MY FACE #i couldnt even get you to say sorry for crossing my original and only boundary you were like ''what did you want me to do'' #babe i said 'the bf is not allowed around here he scares me and u said ur broken up with him' #that was the thing i wanted you to do: not fucking invite him to WHERE I LIVED #godddd typing this shit out and knowing it's only 2% of what actually happened makes me feel pathetic #i can't believe i let you treat me like that. you were a TERRIBLE friend.

[milkbreadtoast]

OH GOD OH FUCK

#IM NOT READY #I.. OK I PROMISE I'll START THE NOVEL BEFORE THIS COMES OUT #ORV #AAAAAAAAAAA #THEY BETTER MAKE YJH SEXY AS FUCK!!!!!!!! (he will be no matter what they do it's inherent... #IM NOT READY TO SEE HIM ANIMATED.... DEEP BREATHS. CALM DOWN. I am sane! and normal #sidenote i saw someone's fancast for jp dub and it was actually perfecf??? #umehara yuuichirou for yjh #and miyano mamoru for kdj #actually my jaw dropped w how well it fit... esp umehara #i only know him bc my twitter friend likes enstars and happened to hear him but #his voice is so handsome... i think he's 1 of the few jp VAs who could actually do yjh justice #for kr VAs i think there's a lot who can do like a sexy deep voice... #but actually that jp fancast set my expectations too high if they dont cast umehara i'll be sad now KNFND #i think others could fit for dokja but mamoru is definitely a good choice #orv anime

[zytes]

7.15.23

#I was sooooo patient trying to capture this #even then it was dumb fucking luck #this one defo gets its own post #addition fun facts abt this night: #I left my driver's side car window down the ENTIRE storm and did not notice. nothing damaged but I have a stinky seat :( #however a stinky seat is the small humbling moment at the end of a phenomenal experience enjoying the storm from my small cave-like patio #so I sat outside enjoying the rain. me n my bong. and also a mogwai album. eyes closed. just sounds and my own deep breathing - peaceful #lighting would streak the sky and I could see the bolts through my closed eyelids - they were bright and crisp; defined. even if obscured #everything just snapped into place. the lightning and the music had moments of perceived synchronization - probably pareidolia #waves of euphoria radiating out from the base of my skull. full goosebumps. momentous feeling - I must've been manic #when I opened up my eyes the world had gone from being heavy and dark to just. red. so red. like a wildfire on the entire western horizon. #my driveway doesn't come with a glamorous view either. it was just that the entire western hemisphere was flame-red fading into eigengrau #i have those photos too lmao - will be sharing soon #my art #aesthetic #art #artwork #webcore #glitchcore #internetcore #photography #original photography #nature photography #lightning #storm #rain aesthetic #stormy aesthetic #dark aesthetic #surreal aesthetic #surrealcore

[vlasdygoth]

anniversaries

#ocelhira #mgs #metal gear solid #revolver ocelot #kazuhira miller #id in alt text #deep breath . #i've been working on this all week. it's a weird time of year for me so understandably i'm going a bit crazy #this comic has been brought to you by take me to the river by the talking heads and babooshka by kate bush #the whole back half of my ocelhira playlist really but mostly those two #second panel of the second page is my fav ocelot drawing i've ever done i think #also every time i draw kaz he becomes more and more of a bear so i'm leaning into it #but anyways do you ever think about how technically kaz worked with ocelot way longer than he did with bb. fucked up imo