Okay. I have a terrible idea, and I'll understand, if you don't like it, but I want to try. But first of all.
Your writing is just simply amazing. So beautiful, so delicious. Just perfect. I love it. Thank you for that.
And so, the idea: the commander asked you to help him with the documents. You're doing a good job of filling out the paperwork, besides, you're a pleasant company. You've been doing paperwork in his office for hours. When did it get dark outside the window? What time is it? 2:37 a.m., well, just wonderful. The commander suggests a break. He offers to make you both coffee. You're already getting up to go to the dining room, but he stops you. Let him make you both coffee. He should thank you somehow for your help. You always do so much for the corps. You are a very diligent and sympathetic young woman, Y/n, he must admit, that he is so proud, that you are his soldier. Erwin comes back with two cups of coffee, this one for you and this one for him. Your coffee tastes very strange. But you decide not to tell your boss about it, he's just tired, and could have messed up something. You're drinking your coffee, doing another stack of papers. Yandere commander Erwin Smith, pretending to work hard, is waiting for the aphrodisiac in your coffee to start effect.
First of all I wanted to apologise that it took me so long. The circumstances never work in my favour. Second, I wanted to thank you for your compliment on my writing, I really appreciate it. The way you phrased your request makes me wonder if you're a writer yourself. Anyways I hope this story is to your liking.
Aphrodisiac.
Summary: After hours of paperwork your commander suggests a break to drink some coffee. As it turns out there's a substance much stronger than caffeine in your hot drink.
Warnings: smut (mdni), dubcon, yandere!erwin, fem!reader, toxic behaviour, possessiveness, petting (female receiving), overstimulation, rough sex, authority kink, edging, oral sex (male and female receiving)
Looking for mistakes, you skimmed the paragraphs on the document in front of you. The dim light of the oil lamp on the commanders desk illuminated the royal blue ink of the letters.
After lunch the commander asked you kindly to assist him with the paperwork and you didn't refuse, not being able to reject him, even if you wanted to. Erwin Smith had an unexplainable effect on you. Solely his presence send shivers down your spine, his fierce gaze weakened your legs – and yet you couldn't resist the mysterious sparkle in his clear blue eyes.
In deep thought about him instead of the papers, you sighed, putting a sheet on the completed stack. Secretly, you stole a glance at Erwin, admiring his wellshaped features. Some strands of golden hair lingered on his forehead, his long lashes didn't let the weak light pass and his strong hand hold the pen firmly.
What a lovely sight.
Just when you wanted to return your attention to the files, your gaze locked with Erwins. Your cheeks heated up, when you realized that he caught you staring.
“Is there a problem?”, he asked, seeming oblivious of your observations.
“No, sir.”, you replied, averting your gaze, “I just spaced out for a moment. That was unprofessional, I'm sorry.”
Erwin chuckled slightly, causing you to look up surprised. The image of the strict commander slowly faded away and was replaced by a different man. Even though he had finished way more papers than you, he seemed relaxed.
“You shouldn't apologise, (Y/N),” he scolded you, smiling amused, “If you're tired we can take a short break and drink some coffee.”
You remained silent. Was your sleepiness that obvious? Why wasn't there a clock in his office? You shook your head in hope to get rid of these annoying questions.
“I'll make us some coffee, sir.”, you announced, getting up from your chair.
Suddenly Erwin grabbed your hand, stopping you in your movements. His fingers grasped your wrist uncomfortably tight. You looked at him, questioning his actions.
“(Y/N), please, let me take care of it.”, he pleaded, even though his words sounded more like a command, “You already do so much for the corps. I am proud that such an intelligent, young and beautiful woman is one of my soldiers.”
Confused by his compliment, you cleared your throat.
“I think everyone is doing its best, sir. I am nobody exceptional.”, you contended, trying your best to hide your prominent blush.
Finally he stood up, letting go of your wrist.
“As a commander I have a good sense for rare qualities.”, Erwin stated, staring right into your soul, “Believe me when I say, that you're one of a kind...”
You slightly opened your mouth to oppose his statement but no words left your lips.
“Let me take care of it.”, he requested, waiting for your final answer until you nodded.
After he left the room you continued to work on the previous paper to not waste any time but it didn't take long for him to return with a small tray in his hands. The two cups steamed, filling the air with a comforting scent. Carefully, Erwin placed one cup right in front of you.
“Thank you so much.”, you beamed, taking in the pleasant aroma.
“I should be the one thanking you.“, the commander said, sitting down in his chair.
He took a sip of his coffee, savouring the bitterness of the drink. After you added two cubes of sugar and mixed them with your spoon, you took a sip too.
When you felt a strange taste on your tongue, you furrowed your brows. Your coffee never tasted so weird before. Maybe he didn't know how to make proper coffee or perhaps he messed up because of exhaustion, even though Erwin seemed as someone who got every task perfectly done at first try. In addition to that, he seemed to enjoy his drink, not noticing the same weirdness as you.
Surely you were overinterpreting things. After all you were just tired and only the coffee could fix that. So you added more sugar into your cup and drank the brew without complaining.
The two of you stayed silent, while you enjoyed your hot drinks but neither of you seemed to mind. Soon an uncomfortable heat crept over you and took possession of your body – your breaths became short and sweat glued your uniform to your skin. Hoping that this uneasy feeling would pass by itself, you focused on work but nothing improved.
Gasping for air, you dropped the pen in your hand.
“(Y/N), are you alright?”, Erwin asked concerned.
His piercing blue eyes demanded an answer.
“I- I feel hot, sir.”, you stuttered, pulling at your collar to breathe more easily again.
The embarassement you felt, worsened your situation. The commander shouldn't see a professional soldier panting and struggling. Desperately, you tried to escape your jacket but your arms got tangled in the sleeves.
“Wait, let me help you.”, Erwin declared, getting up from his chair and walking behind you, while you still struggled with the jacket.
“No, I can handle-”
“It was a command, not a suggestion.”, he interrupted you, his voice sounding harsh.
Your heartbeat fastened, sensing the approaching closure. Then his hands wandered to your wirsts, entangling the sleeves and pulling your jacket to the side. By doing so, he accidentally brushed over your sensitive breasts, making you moan.
Instantly he froze in his movements. When you realized what sound just emerged from your mouth, you just wanted to dissappear.
“That was an interesting sound.”, he smirked, resting his hands on your shoulders.
“I am so sorry, sir, I feel very weird, I think I should go now.”, you apologized, raising up from your chair but he pushed you right back.
“I didn't give you permission to leave.”
His usual calm, deep voice sounded aggressive. Everything made sense now: the late night paperwork, the weird taste of your coffee and his persistence to make it for you. Once again he proved that he was a calculating devil. Even so, the one to blame was you. Above all, you always knew about his unpredictable nature – but there was something exciting about that danger what made it even more desirable.
He was a sinner but so were you.
His right hand that rested on your shoulder just seconds ago, wrapped around your throat, his thumb pressing at your airway. You were short of breath before already, but now your eyes flickered with black dots. Craning your neck, you looked up, catching his cold, obsessive eyes. Erwin stared at you, building up the heavy tension – and if it weren't for his grip around your neck, you would've screamed.
Just as you were about to lose the last drop of sanity, he crashed his lips into yours. Mercilessly, Erwin shoved his tongue into your mouth, tasting all the possible angles. Your breath fastened, his grip tightened, the heat increased.
Meanwhile his other hand found a way to your aching middle. Contrary to your expectations, his fingers brushed over your clit and entrance almost ghostly. Because of that, you pressed your thighs together, trapping his hands and rubbing against them to get friction.
“Needy, are we?”, he teased, breaking the kiss.
His blue eyes were lit on fire, ready to burn a hole into you.
“Your fault, sir.”, you muttered angrily, “So take responsibility.”
Finally he let go of your throat, tracing your facial features instead.
“Didn't know that your mouth could form such words.”, Erwin mused, following the outline of your upper lip with his index finger, “You shouldn't talk to your superior like that, (Y/N).”
This warning spread like electricity in your veins, making you shiver. Silly girl, you forgot who you were talking to – Erwin Smith, the devil, holding your fate in his hands. Just one command from him could ruin your life.
“Maybe I should teach you a lesson?”
It wasn't a question, it was an order. There was no way out of it. Tears dropped down your cheeks, gathering on your chin line. At first he seemed concerned about it but his worry was soon replaced with a complacent smirk.
“Save your tears for later, dear.”, Erwin demanded, walking around and pulling you up from the chair by the collar.
Overwhelmed by his sudden motion, you stumbled, crashing into his body. While processing what just happened, you clung to his white dress shirt. Because of the closeness of your bodies, you could feel his hard member poking you. Arousal and anxiety mingled inside of you, the hammering of your heart now more than evident.
Despite your inability to look him in the eye, Erwin pushed you down to your knees until your mouth was on the same level with his crotch. The buldge in his pants made you swallow, stirring the lust.
“Actually, you don't deserve what I'm going to give you...”, he remarked, unbuckling his belt, “...but be a good girl, please me and I'll forgive you.”
When his enormous lenght sprung free, all you could do was stare. It seemed impossible to fit it in your mouth. Nevertheless the heat between your legs was eager to please him. Slowly, you grabbed his cock, while you left soft kisses all over his length. When you kissed his tip, the precum spilling out from it, coated your lips white, leaving a salty taste.
Not knowing if it was because of the aphrodisiac in your blood or your natural lust, your body started aching for more. Greedily, you took as much as you could in, while you massaged the remaining part of his member. His girthy flesh left no space for air but you didn't mind, for this was much better than a drag of fresh air. Your tongue teased him skillfully, worshipping his slight curve. Even though you enjoyed sucking his length, you didn't dare to look up, knowing that you would stop in the tracks, when your gazes connected.
In fact Erwin was observing you meticulously. He was mesmerised by the way your cheeks fluttered around his hard member and how dedicated you bobbed your head. His intuition didn't betray him after all, you were truly one of a kind, with an unique set of skills that only he knew about.
The commander smirked full of satisfaction, leading his hand to your (h/c) hair. His fingers combed your (h/l) strands, this sudden gentleness making you shiver.
“Look at me, love.”, Erwin ordered, caressing your head but you didn't listen.
Instead you fastened your pace to push him over the limits. Suddenly he pulled your hair, making your eyes teary.
“Don't make me repeat myself.”, he growled and you obeyed instantly.
When your eyes locked, you drowned in the depth of his blue orbs. They were unreadable, full of contradicting emotions and strictness – those were the eyes you fell for. Although he didn't deserve your love, you couldn't help yourself.
“Why did you stop?”, he asked arching an eyebrow.
Now, you realised your suspected paralysis.
“Diligent soldiers always finish their work.”
With that he started to push your head up and down, shoving his cock deep down your throat till your nose hit his base. While he abused your poor mouth, you kept staring at him, sinking further into the abyss hidden behind his eyes. Only the hot, thick trace of his cum running down your throat brought you back to your senses. Without wasting another second you swallowed his whole load, your burning cheeks clamping around his member once again that rested on your tongue.
“You tried so hard, you were so good.”, Erwin praised you, stroking your cheeks with his knuckles, while you panted heavily, “Time to reward my favourite soldier.”
In Erwins case actions always followed after his words. Effortlessly, he picked you up, carried you carefully to his bed and placed you like a rare jewel on top of it. Because of his tenderness you almost forgot how he used you moments ago.
“Now, your reward.”, the commander announced slightly smirking, before he pecked your lips.
Erwin opened the buttons of your blouse, exposing your bra-covered breasts, without pulling it completely off your body. Humming, he left a trail of kisses on your belly before he reached your fully wet panties.
“Shall I take them off?”, he asked you as if your answer wasn't obvious.
“Yes, sir. Please do that, sir.”, you answered in a begging manner, lifting your hips up, so he could slip of the fabric more easily.
The commander didn't hesitate uncovering your most intimate area. Why should he when you paved the way for him?
When he licked up your slit, you moaned out in ecstasy, finally experiencing the tingling your core was asking for. You arched your back, giving him access to your most sensitive part that he teased just perfectly. It was strange: Erwin knew exactly what dots to press and what spots to lick, as if he had studied your body before. He hold your waist strongly, keeping you in place when the pleasure got too great. Somehow the commander sensed when you were about to reach your high, but he edged you on mercilessly without granting you the orgasm.
“My-my re-reward, sir.”, you whimpered between dramatic gasps, “I want it, please, I want it so bad. I'll do whatever you want, I promise.”
A deep chuckle escaped his chest, vibrating on your sensitive folds.
“I take you by your word then, (Y/N).”, Erwin said, his nose nudging your clit.
And then he started.
It was an incredible sensation. Every nerve of yours tingled, building up the sweet tension in your abdomen. His tongue melted with your hot middle, drinking every drop of your arousal. Driven by his own pleasure, Erwin groaned into your skin. You just ruined all his fantasies because the reality surpassed all his dirty thoughts about you. Therefore it wasn't surprising that his obsession with you rose as well.
A deafening moan erupted from your lips, when you surpassed your limit. While you trashed in place, trying to grab the sheets, Erwin savoured your oozing aroma. A lifetime wasn't enough for him to taste you.
“Thank you.”, you breathed, blinking with heavy eyelids.
“So well mannered, always saying thank you and please.”, he approved, sliding two of his fingers in, even though you still wanted to rest after your intense orgasm.
He curled his fingers, dragging them along the soft inside of your walls. When he found your sweet spot, your legs trembled.
“Here we go.”, the commander mused, satisfied that he found your weakness.
His digits played with your insides ruthlessly, scissoring, curling, pumping, until your next orgasm caught you. This time he did the exact opposite. Instead of edging you on, Erwin lured one orgasm after another from you. After a while you lost count how many times you already felt this extreme pleasure. There was and will be no man, who will torture you that sweetly. No one can do it better than the devil himself, the creator of temptation.
To your luck Erwin stopped after a couple more orgasms, because his throbbing cock wanted to feel the warmth of your walls. He hovered over you, aligning himself with your core and watching your nearly unconscious figure. It was a pleasure for his eyes. In an abrupt motion he entered you, filling you out. Thousands of gasps rolled over lips, echoing in the spacious room. His member was too much to handle, it was too big and thick. You felt his pulsating tip deep in your tummy.
“You were made for me.”, Erwin stated, unclapsing your bra and thrusting in and out of you.
There was no way this man had enough patience to let you adjust to his length. Selfish as he was, the commander took full control of your body. The deep thrusts brought you closer to your climax, while your walls hold on to his member like for dear life. Erwin tickeld the palm your hand with his index finger, before he intertwined his fingers with yours. Your bodies were melting together, you could feel his sweaty skin, his breaths and the way your breasts rubbed against his muscles. For a moment he slowed down his movements, causing you to believe that you two were making love.
But that moment passed quickly.
Soon Erwin grabbed the headboard of his bed, fastening his pounding.
“Touch your breasts.”, the commander requested, putting a hand on your hip.
With great effort you moved your hands to your breasts and started toying with them, pinching your nipples and massaging them. The knot in your belly was growing way to quickly to your liking but you did as you were told, increasing the heat in your body.
And then you came, screaming.
This orgasm was so extreme that your whole body began to tremble and you briefly lost your eye sight.
“Sir...”, you mumbled, stretching out your arms faintly towards his back, but before you could reach him, they fell back on the sheets, overwhelmed by your next high.
“ Sir what?”
With all your strength you tried to keep the whimpers in you.
“Please slow down...”, you begged, looking at him with teary eyes.
“No.”, he bluntly cut you off, increasing his speed.
In sync with his wild thrusts, he pushed your hips towards him. The hot sensation he created in you made your eyes roll back. Your mouth was wide open and a subtle trace of saliva flowed over the corner of your mouth. Your head was empty, only the picture of Erwin’s heavenly sight remained in your mind...
...before everything turned dark.
The next day you woke up in a tight embrace, naked under white blankets with your commander. When you stirred, you felt the horrible aching caused by his rough treatment last night. You flinched, when you felt a sticky substance leaking out of your hole. It took you a couple of minutes before you were brave enough to look up. His intoxicating eyes were already staring at you. How was it possible to hate and love a man at the same time?
“I will never forgive you that you drugged me last night.”, you broke the silence, your voice dry and broken.
“I don't need your forgiveness, (Y/N). I just need you.”, Erwin countered, kissing your forehead.
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Stupid, Stupid, Emotionally Unavailable Erwin Smith (Levi x Reader x Erwin)
Synopsis: You knew him through his cadet years and yours. You practically grew up together and your admiration of him led you right into the Scouts. You thought your affections had been a well-kept secret. Levi thinks Erwin has known the whole time.
Word Count: 17.5k
Tags/Warnings: No Reader Pronouns, Robbery, Knife-Violence, Violence Against Children, Alcohol, Slight Timeline Divergence, Reader is Good at Math, Angst, Fluff, Hurt and Comfort
Notes: This was so fun to write I never want to do it again!
The door was still open, and bugs were getting into the shop.
You could see them from around his shoulder. The lantern at the door illuminated the sign that swung above the sidewalk. The sun had set a bit ago, and now, because of the light, bugs were entering through the open door. The steel of his blade reflected the flickering ember. You didn’t like looking at it. It made you upset, but the moths and other winged things entering the store made your guts squirm.
The stool you had been sitting on had been knocked to the ground by your ankles. You stood behind the counter. The cash register sat on the small space in front of you with just enough room for it and an area for customers to place merchandise to ring up—a hook with bags dangled on the edge.
“Are you deaf? Open the register,” the man repeated forcefully, glancing over his shoulder toward the open door. His eyes flickered around, and he slammed his fist on the counter when you did not respond. You jumped instinctively, your focus only then breaking from the swarm of nocturnal bugs. “I don’t like roughing up kids, but I won’t hesitate if you don’t do what I tell you!”
Before you could even think, you popped open the register. Your heart fluttered in panic as the man came around the counter, pushing you to the side. You fell to the ground as he ransacked the cash from the trays. He pocketed the wad of bills, not before catching sight of the small safe that sat underneath. The thief eyed it greedily, and you could do nothing as he seized you by the sleeve, dragging you up onto your feet. A hand made its way into your hair, tugging and tangling painfully at your skull as you were shoved face-first into the safe’s lock.
“What’s in this?” He let go of your hair, having difficulty withdrawing his hand as he ripped out a few strands at the root. You crumpled to the floor. “Open it!”
“I can’t!” You looked up at him with round, pleading eyes. “I don’t have the key—” A cold metal line touched firmly against your neck, causing you to swallow the rest of your sentence. A stream of tears trailed down your cheeks. You could hardly feel their warmth over the chills of fear that vibrated your entire being.
“Go open it!” As a warning, the thief pressed the blade deeper against your skin before letting you go.
You curled on the floor, mind racing at the prospect of performing an impossible task. Surely, this would be where you would die. You looked toward the front door, a part of you thinking you heard movement, hoping your parents would finally return as they told you they would after their errand. Tears hit the ground below you, soaking into the floor. And as you curled in on yourself, you hoped you would disappear into the wood, too.
A sudden blur flashed in your damp peripheral. The thief stumbled back, his weapon clattering to the floor and disappearing somewhere under the myriad of shelves. A brown-clad arm wrapped around his throat tightly as if holding on for dear mercy. From behind his shoulder came a striking blue color.
“Run!” you heard, staring into bright blue irises, “Get out of here!” Booted feet kicked from behind the man, the glimpse of a sleeve visible to you in the lantern light. You scrambled back with no strength to do as he said.
A military cadet!
The large man threw his weight backward, slamming the young cadet into the bookshelves behind him. You heard the cadet groan out in pain as books tumbled off the shelves like a waterfall. His grip on the man’s back ultimately gave out as he fell. The thief shook himself off, and just as he turned to cock his fist against the young, blond cadet, an encyclopedia hit the back of his thigh.
You stood at the opposite end of the counter, hard-cover novel raised in the air, ready to follow up on your weak throw. The look on your face was frozen in petrification as all you could do was cry. But the moment you distracted him was enough because, in the next moment, the thief was slammed down hard against the wood floor.
And that was how you met Erwin Smith.
The papers would laude him as a hero, detailing the story of a young military trainee on a late-night run through town, arriving just in time to save a child from a knife-wielding thief. The story would come and go from the papers, although you wouldn’t learn all that until later.
One of Erwin’s friends, who had also stayed late to get in some extra training, had tipped off the Military Police, who arrived shortly after Erwin managed to singlehandedly take down your attacker. Your parents returned within ten minutes of the incident, confused and panicked, as their shop had turned into a crime scene in their short absence.
You couldn’t help staring as the blond cadet, Erwin, answered questions by the Military Police. He stood straight and looked serious, more composed than you had been. The MPs had scared you so much you could barely speak, not that your talking capabilities were all that functional before their arrival. They quickly moved on to your parents, and the cadet slowly approached you.
You didn’t know how to stand. He looked so official in his uniform, cadet or not. He held his hands behind his back with an unreadable look on his face, and when he stood in front of you, he held his hand out. His neat bangs were slicked to the one side of his forehead, untouched.
“Are you alright?” he asked, the neutral expression switching from stoic to cordial. “I am Cadet Erwin Smith.” You became conscious of your stance. His back was straight, and shoulders squared, but even so, you stood just a bit taller. You shook his hand. His grip was more firm than yours. You offered your name.
“Thank you,” you said in a small voice, watching as the MPs milled around. You and Erwin stood off to the side, just two kids in the middle of something that felt bigger than truly hit home for you. “I don’t know what I would have done.”
“I’m glad I could help.” He nodded. You leaned against the bookshelf behind you, one of the shelves supporting about an inch of your bottom. Erwin continued to stand straight. He offered you a closed-lip smile and a slight shrug. “You helped me as much as I helped you.”
The two of you continued to watch over the scene, the two of you having been shoved off to one of the book-lined walls, forgotten. You watched in awe, never having seen military officers in action up close. Erwin, however, watched on with a certain knowledge glinting in his eyes that yours didn’t. You glanced from the MPs to Erwin.
“Did you want to become an MP?” you asked. Erwin hummed.
“No,” he answered curtly, his eyes glued to the officers.
“Oh.” You reached behind you, tracing the spines of the books on the ledge. You pushed a few back into place, the titles having shifted from when you grabbed and threw one.
“I want to become a scout.”
You didn’t know what to say, only humming your previous response as your gaze returned to the door. The MPs kept it open as they came and went, and the bugs came and went with them.
***
He came by the shop the next day. You caught his uniform jacket and crest as he passed by the window, the sight of him like a dream. Erwin seemed to notice you the same time you did, his thick eyebrows shooting up on his forehead as he excused himself from a group of friends to enter your humble bookstore.
You sat behind the counter on your stool, appearing taller than you looked the day before. Erwin approached you with a mixture of surprise and relief.
“I’m surprised to see you back so soon.” He stood in front of the register. “I wanted to see how you were doing but assumed you wouldn’t be in for a few days.” The corner of his lip dipped, unsure how you would react to him casually mentioning the traumatic incident from the day before.
“My parents still need a cashier,” you muttered with a few bobs of your head.
Erwin bobbed along with you. He meandered to your left, padding as he scoped out the books on the shelves. The word “NONFICTION” was painted in curly letters on a sign posted near the ceiling. He splayed a hand across a series of encyclopedias, just as you had the night before. They didn’t budge, already neatly pressed against the back wall.
“Your strength is admirable. It must be hard being back so soon.”
“You’re the cadet,” you blurted. “You’re the one with the strength. I’m sure you get into fights like that all the time.” Erwin laughed aloud, something about it still proper— at least it was to you.
“I can’t say I do.” He shook his head before facing you with a mischievous glint in his eye. “That one was my first.” Erwin puffed up his chest, nose proudly in the air as you caught the twelve-year-old in him for the first time. Even so, he practically looked like an adult to you. “And when I’m in the Scouts, I’ll be sure to fight titans and explore all the land outside Wall Maria.”
“Titans?” you cocked your head to the side, not quite knowing much about the military or caring. You had heard the word in school, but your parents preferred not to discuss things as gory as Scouts fighting titans around school-aged children. There were Scouts— you often forgot they existed— and there were titans, which existed separately in your mind. As for the land outside of Wall Maria, it had never even crossed your thoughts.
Erwin’s eyebrows furrowed. You smiled at the sight, deciding you thought they looked like two caterpillars. He glanced over the shelves.
“Yeah, you must have a book on them somewhere.”
Not finding what he was looking for at the front, Erwin headed to the back. He looked over the titles quickly, his boots making a solid sound against the wood floor as he descended the row. You followed him, scrambling from your stool to chase after the double-sword crest on his back.
Erwin found a book near the back of the store. He plucked it off the shelf with a flick of his index finger. The cover consisted of a crudely drawn giant with sharp, gaping teeth. It looked real enough to you. You glanced around the empty store, nervousness causing you to sweat.
“I dunno if my parents would be okay with this.” You cast your gaze off to the side.
Erwin maneuvered around you, the open book in his hands as he settled into a nearby loveseat. You glanced around again, but you found no one, only Erwin. He stared at you from his book before waving you to sit beside him.
You sat, hands nervously on your knees. Erwin sat with the slightest slouch as he placed the back cover over your left thigh. You nearly recoiled, swiveling your head around the store to avoid being caught complicit in obtaining inappropriate knowledge.
“Titans are man-eating giants that live outside Wall Maria,” Erwin explained, pointing to a page in the book. You pouted. You knew at least that. “Preventing us from exploring things we’ve never seen before. All the things living out there.”
“But there’s nothing out there.” You shifted in your seat, bringing your knee up onto the cushion as you crossed your arms. Erwin took the rejected book in his lap with a slight frown. “We live behind the Walls because the rest of humanity was destroyed.” You recited the sentence just as you did in school, not quite knowing what the words meant. You nodded as if it were obvious, blowing a hair out of your face.
Erwin stood, leaving the book about titans on the cushion as he perused the rest of the non-fiction section. You watched him disappear behind the shelf in front of you.
“Well, why don’t we have any record of the people who came here when the Walls were first built?” His golden hair popped out from the opposite side, another book in his hands. He glanced down, taking a step toward you before stopping. “My dad has a theory… had a theory. That there was more outside.” You didn’t notice his correction.
He kneeled in front of you, placing another book in your lap. The two pages joined together to show an entire map of the three Walls. Hardly an inch at the edges was dedicated to the territory outside. You had never really bothered with the books at the back of the store—you preferred the medical texts at the front— but you occasionally reread the short fiction your mom read you when you were smaller. As Erwin knelt in front of you in his uniform, you couldn’t help but be reminded of the princes from those pages.
“This can’t be everything,” he said with certainty, but if you didn’t know any better, you would have thought he was pleading. “And right now, all we know about are titans. And we don’t even know much about them at all.” Erwin scrambled back up next to you, opening the titan book again. “These tall ones could eat you in a single bite.”
His voice was laced with wonder. He hadn’t intended on scaring you, as most boys his age tended to like to do, but his words made you freeze. You studied the page, thinking back to the thief the night before. He had been a large man. There were monsters bigger than him?
“Are they all that tall?” You remained glued to the pages as Erwin flipped through them. He did so quickly, his ability to read a lot faster than yours.
Erwin raised the open book to your face, again tapping at more crude illustrations. Kicking legs flailed from the mouth of a giant with sharp teeth. You couldn’t stop the slight quiver of your lip. You put on a brave face in the presence of an older kid. Erwin didn’t seem to notice, more caught up in flipping through the book of gruesome images.
“Some are only 3 meters, but that’s still tall.”
“I’ll grow that tall one day.”
“That’s impossible.”
“I’m still taller than you.”
Erwin stayed to look through your myriad of books. He even bought one at the end of the night when you closed. And the next day, he stopped by again, plucking books off the shelves to teach you what his father had taught him before putting most of them back where they belonged. Over time, you suspected that Erwin ended up buying all of the texts he used to guide you. At the very least, he learned how to use the cash register after a few weeks. And after a few years, Erwin had become a regular at your holiday dinners.
You would see him walking from one side of your display window to the other before he entered, sometimes walking with friends. You met Nile Dok once, but given how he never entered your store again, you didn’t think he liked you very much. You spotted him the most, walking by Erwin’s side. And during times when Erwin quickly stopped to say hello to you, Nile waited on the street.
The closer graduation came, the less Erwin stayed in your shop, but he always made it a point to greet you with a promise to make up any time missed another time.
Then, one day, Erwin came to the shop in his Scout uniform. While the ensemble was hardly different from his cadet uniform, you had practically screamed once you saw him. You scrambled out from behind the counter, leaping across the storefront to wrap your arms around his neck.
“You did it! You did it! You did it! You made the selection!” you cried, feeling the rumbling of Erwin’s chuckle reverberate from his chest into yours. He wrapped his arms around you, embracing you.
“You stop that! You’re going to mess up his uniform!” your mother scolded behind you. Only then did you let go, beaming from ear to ear as you smoothed out the front of Erwin’s jacket.
“Oh, it’s going to take a lot more than that,” Erwin laughed, addressing your mother formally from over your shoulder.
He stood a good novel’s width taller than you now. You swore a few months back that you would catch up when you hit your teenage years. Erwin smiled proudly, and you were glad for him. Nile Dok stood, cross-armed on the street, as he usually did. A few other teenagers in Scout, Garrison, and MP uniforms milled about in a group.
“Me and a few buddies were headed out to celebrate, and I wanted to invite you.”
You blinked in surprise, glancing quickly behind yourself at your mother in an unspoken bid for approval. You rubbed your bicep nervously. To your surprise, she nodded. You suspected it was only because of Erwin.
“You go ahead, just be home at a decent hour.”
“I’ll make sure of it.” Erwin nodded and guided you out of the store.
***
The pub was packed. Erwin’s friends had claimed a cluster of tables in the far corner, stealing chairs from the adjacent area to pull up enough seats for all of them. You stuck by Erwin, him being the only person you knew, as you found yourself utterly lost. The rest of the newly recruited soldiers had just turned the legal drinking age of fifteen; meanwhile, you, at age eleven, sat nursing a sad-looking juice that Erwin had ordered for you. They yammered on about the military, using jargon you couldn’t decipher. Even your waitress, a girl named Marie, seemed to know what you didn’t.
You sat, trying not to look awkward while Erwin and Nile chatted with her. She laughed a lot, and at one point, she even sat down at the table with you all. Both conversations proceeded to prattle on without you, trapped between military talk and more military talk. Marie seemed more than happy to indulge Erwin and Nile in their niche discussion.
“Up, the both of you, let me see them!”
The two boys rose and, with a cheerful—albeit sheepish— reluctance, gave Marie a slow turn. Only then did you realize that Nile Dok wore the green and silver unicorn of the Military Police. They faced each other, Marie cheerfully between them as the rest of the table whooped and hollered at the modeling of their uniforms. Nile glared at Erwin, who didn’t seem to notice. You looked around at Erwin’s comrades nervously, offering a slight clap of your hands before the two boys finally sat down.
“I see you brought a friend this time, Erwin.” Your head snapped up, distracted and looking elsewhere when Marie spoke. She offered you a warm smile, her face round and kind. “I’m Marie, it’s good to meet you.” You mirrored her, telling her your name in return.
“From that bookstore, you like a few blocks away,” Erwin chimed. Marie lit up in recognition.
“Oh, I love that place. My father always used to take me to pick out books.” She nodded profusely, letting her cheek settle into one of her palms. The other held a round, empty drink tray close to her chest. “I think the amount of times he’s had to read Beauty and the Beast to me has shaved a few years off his life.” She laughed, and the notes she let out were beautiful.
“Really? I might have seen you. I usually run the register,” you said hopefully, without recollection of seeing Marie before. “Small world.” Marie took a sip of ale from Erwin’s cup.
“And you’re so close—” She flinched at the flavor, and Erwin chuckled. —“You should really come by more often. I’ll have a drink waiting for you on the house. Neighbor’s discount.” Erwin cut you off before you could speak.
“Not of age, Marie, don’t do that,” he warned playfully, taking a swig of his drink. You saw Marie’s face contort in confusion.
“Oh,” she sounded, cocking her head to the side. She studied your face, leaning forward as she squinted at you. “I wouldn’t have known.” Marie cocked her head to the opposite side. “You can’t be too far off.”
“I’m eleven,” you surrendered, feeling small in a group of teenagers, “I’ll be twelve by next season.” You and Erwin only had a three-year age difference, but the gap between his birthday and yours during this season made it appear a year greater.
“That’ll be just in time for recruitment. Are you planning on joining up with the military, too? If you’re around this one, I can only imagine he’s told you all about it.” She nudged Erwin hard, and he groaned.
“Really, Marie?”
But, in fact, Erwin hadn’t told you about recruitment. Not that you had been thinking about joining the military in the first place. You remembered he spoke about it more when he was a newly recruited cadet. But as the years passed, you realized you hadn’t noticed his talk about the military— and his father’s theory— had dwindled.
“I think you know more about it than I do,” you opted, thoughts swimming. You glanced around the table. “Are you also a cadet?”
“Oh, no, no, no,” she giggled, waving her hands profusely. “Trust me, if you’ve seen me run, you’d know not to put me in any branch!” You were late to the collective laugh that overtook her, Nile, and Erwin.
“Uh…” You looked down at your sad juice, fingers tracing the rim. “I might apply.”
Erwin quirked a brow.
“Really?” he questioned, “I didn’t know you were interested.”
“I was thinking about it.”
And just like that, the conversation became about the military again. A few trainees from your right chimed in about recruitment, mulling over their days as cadets and other pieces of terminology that you still didn’t understand.
Marie, to her credit, kept attempting to pull you back into the conversation, changing the topic every so often to include you. But just as the chatter had gotten away from you, it got away from her, too.
She was beautiful and seemed kind, and you understood why Erwin seemed so taken with her.
***
Time passed slowly for you but apparently did not for Erwin. After checking the clock for the umpteenth time, you discretely rose from your chair. You left a coin by your half-empty cup for the pathetic juice. You tried to interject in the discourse for just a moment, but as you expected, you were utterly tuned out. You bid a polite farewell. Erwin didn’t notice. Marie caught your eye as you took two steps away from the table, wordlessly asking if you were alright, and with an equally silent affirmation, she turned back to the group.
You made it home. You tried to busy yourself with tasks around your room before you found yourself back in the downstairs bookshop. You always thought seeing it locked from the inside was funny, that something about the closed door transformed the space in a way you couldn’t describe.
The street grew darker on the other side of the glass. The name of your family’s shop displayed itself backward to you, but the letters were correctly cast in the shadow of the setting sun. It would be completely dark by the end of the hour.
You lingered at the back of the store, standing in the second half of the non-fiction section. One by one, you pulled books. Titans. Architectural analysis of the Walls. Cartography. You remembered reading copies of them with Erwin as he explained things to you.
You sat with them in the dark, pages splayed over open spines as you tried to decipher them. You tore through line by line, flipping as frequently as Erwin had, trying to understand his infatuation with the mysteries between the lines because you were certain that Marie understood in a way you didn’t.
You held the book about titans on your lap, staring into the crudely drawn illustrations as you had with Erwin three years prior. You remembered what Erwin told you. You could probably have recited what he taught word for word, yet you still wouldn’t have understood.
A shadow cast itself across the floor. You recoiled back into the darkness behind the bookshelves. The figure outside pressed itself against the glass, looking in. Despite the elongated form, you recognized a familiar silhouette of hair.
You peeked out from your hiding place. Erwin was pressed up against the front glass of your shop, hands cupped around his eyes. You retreated, holding your back against the shelf behind you as you pondered your subsequent actions. For once, you weren’t excited to see Erwin Smith at your door.
He knocked. You waited a few moments, breathing slowly and hoping he would leave. He knocked some more.
It was only when you heard him sit down on the pavement that you went to collect him. Erwin perked up at the sound of the latch unlocking, quickly scrambling to his feet as you opened the front door of the bookstore. He looked surprised.
“I was worried about you,” he said quickly. “I didn’t know where you went. You didn’t say anything.” Your heart palpitated, seeing him in his new uniform still a dream to you. And better yet, he had remembered you after all and cared enough to come find you.
You stood in the shop doorway, holding the door against the front of your shoulder. Erwin remained close to you, almost as if waiting to be let in.
“I did,” you assured him. “Marie said goodbye to me on my way out.” Kinda. He glanced between your face and the positioning of the door with a slight frown. “Thank you for inviting me. I’m glad you finally got to join up. Sorry for the misunderstanding. Goodnight.”
“Wait—” You moved to close the door, but Erwin quickly gripped the width of it. You didn’t fight him for it. He pursed his lip. “I’m sorry.”
Mixed emotions swirled around in your chest. An urge to tear up tugged at your sinuses, and you didn’t know where it came from.
“Nothing to be sorry about, Erwin.”
It had turned to night. The street where Erwin stood had been overtaken with dim lantern light, and the moon overhead was full. A few clouds passed over his head, floating fast across an otherwise clear sky.
“We could’ve talked about something else.”
Even in the darkness, his eyes shone with the reflection of the moonlight. The blues of his irises glinted with an acute solemness. They flickered up, and as you followed them, you found a small hoard of winged bugs buzzing around the top of the doorframe. Wiry bodies smacked against the wood and the ceiling, not knowing the difference between outside and indoors.
“I guess I’ll have to become a cadet.” You met his eye, and he held the same surprised expression from the pub. Surprised and impressed. It was an attention that you liked. “So I can understand what you’re talking about next time.” So that you’ll take me seriously. The corner of his lip twitched.
“That’s a poor reason.”
“Well—” Your gaze flickered from the Wings of Freedom crest on his left breast pocket. —“What about all the things outside the Walls?” The solemnity in his eye had sparked into a blaze instantly, yet the rest of his features surrendered nothing. “You told me about them a while ago. You think you’re the only one who wants to see them?”
You recited it perfectly. You would have believed you, too.
“You know,” you continued, glancing back toward the back of the shop and the stairwell leading to your upstairs apartment. “They’d be thrilled if you stopped in. If you’re up for it, that is.”
Erwin didn’t say a word as he pushed the door with a warm smile. You moved to the side to let him in, locking the shop back up behind you.
***
He tried to talk you out of it more than once.
Erwin liked to ask, “Are you sure?”
And you would always answer, “Never been more sure in my life,” before distracting him with something else to get him to drop the topic. But for all your huffing and puffing, you couldn’t say you disliked the attention. Whenever you brought up your intentions for recruitment, Erwin always fell for your bait.
You spent three years in the Cadet Corps, just as Erwin had. You donned the same uniform you had grown used to him wearing. The warm smile Erwin had shone when you first showed him had you riding a high for the following two weeks.
You wrote to him often. Erwin was, after all, a full-time Scout now, and you were busier than ever— training monumentally more taxing than keeping the register at a bookshop, to a lack of your surprise. He offered instructions on how to best perform in ODM gear, how to coil your wires so they don’t tangle, the places to keep stupid clean for inspections…
You kept them in your gear, papers folded to display certain sections of his notes as you practiced morning to night on your skills. The writing grew worn, and the stationery wrinkled from times that rain fell while you were out and then dried again when you found yourself at a fireplace.
He told you about expeditions and when he departed. You had a theory that sometimes he forgot he was writing to you at all. You owned pages of Erwin dumping his thoughts onto paper, long ramblings about nothing and everything all at once. You spent your nights trying to understand because there was undoubtedly something more profound than his words. And after a thorough session of overanalysis, you drafted your responses in perfect synchronization with his, line by line.
His last letter came in before he was sent off on another monthly expedition. Erwin had addressed it, “My Dearest.” You admired how he wrote your name in the following space, observing where the pen lines were thickest and thinnest.
“By the time you receive this letter, you will have already made your branch selection. Congratulations. I wish I were there to celebrate with you as you did with me…” the letter read. The collection of pen strokes shot through your heart. You let the note drop onto your dorm vanity as you vibrated with glee. You caught sight of your reflection in the mirror and then the Wings of Freedom crest on your breast pocket— just like Erwin’s.
You drew your own stationery, ready to reply to his letter, line by line, as you always had. This time, you intended to give it to him in person.
***
The gates opened at an odd time in the evening. Which, given the nature of the Scouts, certainly couldn’t have meant anything good. You waited with bated breath at the headquarters in Trost, watching as your fellow Scouts trudged up the hill. You kept out of the way to avoid being put to work by a supervisor who’d perceived you as loitering. After scanning half of the crowd from your upstairs perch at a hallway window, you finally caught sight of a familiar blond.
You made a break for the stairwell, sliding down the winding railing at the behest of a few passing officers, and dismounted into the courtyard with a start. Meandering horses and soldiers passed you, your singular standing presence parting the group like a lodged stick in river water.
You instantly spotted him, a wave of relief passing over you that he had returned. The feeling faltered as you saw the gauze wrapped around his forehead and left arm. It didn’t take long for Erwin to spot you in return. His brows raised with joyful surprise before settling into something much more sentimental. You offered him a salute, the first in your new Scout uniform. He saluted you back, the reins of his horse in his hand.
“You really did it,” he said, riding up before you. He gestured with his head. “Walk with me to the stables. I want to hear all about it.” You obliged.
And so continued a long history of following Erwin Smith.
***
On the other hand, Levi Ackerman didn’t seem to like you very much. Granted, he didn’t seem to like anyone much outside his two friends. You didn’t blame him, given the way that Erwin had strongarmed the three of them into the military.
“You’re the one who serves the tea,” Levi said as more of a definite statement than anything else. He stared down at you from a step up, his two friends sitting together in the barracks behind him. The scorn in his voice almost made you take another step down, and his thin brows twitched slightly in confusion. He glanced back at his friends, who both shrugged simultaneously.
“I’m a team leader under Section Commander Erwin?” you clarified, which made Levi scowl deeper for some odd reason. You repeated your name, but Levi didn’t appear to be paying much attention. A buzzing sounded from the lamp hanging just outside Levi’s door. A long-legged insect fluttered around the light. Levi stepped outside, closing the door behind him.
“I always see you serving tea.” Your skin burned with embarrassment. You fidgeted, lightly folding the papers in your hands. Did new recruits really think you were just there to serve drinks?
“I wanted to give you these,” you glossed over the implication, offering Levi the stack of small papers in your hands. He looked at them skeptically but ultimately took them from you. Levi flipped through them briskly, bored gaze passing over carefully hand-written notes and detailed diagrams. They looked old. “I had help when I first became a Scout. And training is tomorrow, and I know the three of you were kinda singled out, so…” You didn’t know where you were going with that.
“Thanks.” Levi continued to stare you down.
“Well, that’s all. I hope they can help.” You made your way down the steps of the barracks hastily. Levi watched your back as you retreated into the darkness.
***
“I guess you didn’t need those notes after all.” Given that this wasn’t your squad, Levi was surprised to turn around and see you. You stared past him and up into the trees of the training forest. After your delivery to Section Commanders Hanji and Flagon, they quickly returned to headquarters.
“Hurry up, Newbie.” Flagon had called to Levi, but you had insisted that he could return with you instead.
“Your matters are urgent, Section Commander. Let me take something off your plate.” And with one last pout, he obliged you.
“They were helpful enough,” Levi said, polishing his gear. If anything good came from his current situation, it came in the form of standard-issue cleaning and maintenance products. “You keep thorough notes for an errand-runner.” You laughed, although Levi couldn’t tell if it was sarcastic.
“Expedition Command is no joke, and besides, it let me catch the tail end of your practice.” You sat down next to him. Before the Scouts claimed this section of the forest for training purposes, someone had placed a picnic table out by the tree line. You sat with Levi on the bench, heaving a deep sigh. “Unless you’re complaining about getting time away from Flagon, which, in that case, I can take you back now.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
You leaned back against the table, enjoying the view over Trost and Wall Rose, glancing at Levi, who was now tending to his grips. The sun had begun to float back down to the horizon, although you still had a few hours before it completely set. Peak heat was starting to dissipate, and the light cast a myriad of pastel colors across the thin mass of swirling clouds overhead. You reached into your boot and, retrieving a folded paper and a pen, turned on the bench to study Levi’s reverse grip.
He glanced up from his polishing, double-taking your rigorous notes. You had already drawn a diagram of how Levi held his swords.
“Can I help you?”
You glanced up at him and back down at your notes. A few equations littered the margins. The numbers were small. A few of them were crossed out. Complex diagrams depicting vectors and force lined the bottom.
“Your reverse grip might be revolutionary. I heard Hanji say so. No one’s ever done it before.” Your face lit up much more subtly than Hanji’s did. Hanji had practically passed out on the spot. “Standard techniques might damage your wrists long-term.” You turned to him with a light smile. “Maybe we can troubleshoot it sometime.”
Levi set his gear down, resting his current fixation on his lap. He observed every inch of your face, suspiciously taking in every fold, pore, and curve. Perhaps Erwin knew of his plan for assassination and sent you to do recon. But something about you gave him the slightest doubt of his suspicion.
“Why are you doing this?” he asked, the scowl on his lips no more severe than usual. You would learn quickly that it happened to be the face Levi always made. You cast your attention back toward your notes, calculations, and diagrams, shrugging.
“When you join the military, a lot of talk can go over your head. Things can be a little cliquey that way, unfortunately.” You held out the page to him. “It’s rough because it’s based on my estimations, but this might help.” Levi’s nose wrinkled, and he made no effort to take the note.
“I don’t want your boot paper.”
“Not a fan of footnotes?” Levi didn’t laugh. You stifled the goofy smile that fought to overtake your lips. Terrible puns aside, Levi had never seen that expression while you were pouring tea. You put the scribbling into your breast pocket.
“I’m not a fan of gross, sweaty paper from someone’s boot.”
“Fair enough.” You stood, stretching as you continued to stare out towards Trost. You pivoted to face Levi, who had just finished wrapping up the rest of his gear. “Are you ready to head back?”
You mounted your horses, and Levi had to admit that riding back to headquarters with you likely marked his most pleasant experience since joining up with the Scouts. No supervisors were around to talk down to him. No one was screaming. It was just the two of you traveling through wildflowers and tall grass.
Levi stared at the back of your head as you naturally took the lead. You sure had a lot of faith that he wouldn’t slit your throat and ride off, Levi thought. He rode up next to you, his unfamiliar horse jerking to the side.
“You gunning for some job in the rookie— whatever— school or something?” Levi leaned forward to meet your eye. The question left you puzzled.
“The Cadet Corps? No.” Your mouth puckered in thought. Levi veered ahead, your horses slowing down as you traveled carefully down a decline. He scoffed.
“With your thorough lesson plans. What’s even the point of being here?” he jeered.
“Most of that was actually Erwin’s.” Levi perked up at the mention of his target’s name. “We used to exchange letters when I was a cadet. He helped me get through the academy, so I compiled everything into more organized notes. And, well, I expanded some.” He hummed, saying nothing as you entered Trost.
A few people waved to you. You waved back with a smile. Levi continued to follow you down the busy streets.
“You keep showing those titans who’s boss, Lieutenant!”
“I certainly will, Mr. Flynn. Say hello to Mary for me!”
The farther Levi rode with you, the clearer it became that you knew just about everyone. Even the stable boys regarded you casually, taking your horse in immediately as you made small talk. Levi had several questions about you, but none of them would distract him from his mission.
***
That was until the expedition happened.
Levi made himself scarce during the following days, and with no one close to him, no one sought him out to bother him.
“Maybe I should stop by.” You stared out the window of Erwin’s office. He hardly looked up from his paperwork, humming to himself as his distracted brain worked to register your comment.
“Hm? Why’s that?” You stared off in the direction of the barracks. Given your position, pulling Levi's schedule wouldn’t be too difficult. Your eyes focused on your reflection in the glass, and as Erwin sighed and turned to face you, you met his reflection. “Feeling sentimental for my assassin?” You scoffed, turning around. Your knees bent, allowing you to lean on the low windowsill.
“You’re still here, aren’t you?”
Erwin swiveled his head with a playful roll of his eyes. His mouth remained in a stoic line.
“You’re heartless.”
“You? Calling me heartless? That’s funny when you’re straight merciless. Assassin or not…” With a jump of his brows, Erwin turned back around to his paperwork. —“Oh, and thanks for letting me in on that, by the way.” You glanced back outside the window with a slight pout. “Someone’s ordered a hit out on you, and you don’t even bother to tell me.”
“I’ll be sure to let you know next time.”
“Erwin.”
“Hm?”
You had lost his attention again, probably for the better, given that Commander Shadis wanted the paperwork under Erwin’s hands on his desk as soon as possible. You meandered across Erwin’s office, plucking open a side cabinet to reveal all the fixings for a cup of tea. He perked up at the very sound.
Erwin waited for you to start preparing it.
“Would you make me one?” He craned his neck, hoping to catch today’s selection— as if it wasn’t Erwin’s very own tea collection. You didn’t look at him.
“No.”
Erwin’s face fell with an acute shake at your outright refusal.
“Why not?”
You turned with reluctance, the tea already in your hands, ready for brewing. A vein twitched in your forehead.
“Because new recruits think my only job is to bring you tea.” You didn’t miss the little smirk that glitched onto Erwin’s lips. Another bob of his eyebrows. His pen flew across the pages.
“Oh really? And who told you that?” He glanced up at you, another tease at the tip of his tongue. He would only talk this way with you. “Would it be a breach of power if I ordered you to bring me one?” The annoyed tensing of your shoulders filled Erwin with amusement.
“I’m sure Commander Shadis would love to know that you’re abusing your power over your team leaders.” You walked over to Erwin’s desk, and sure enough, you held a second cup of tea. He graciously took it in his hands with a polite nod.
“This is why you’re in my squad.” You held onto the handle.
“Hopefully, not the only reason.” After a beat, you relinquished the cup to him. Erwin thanked you. You sat on the front of his desk, the both of you taking a sip of your drinks simultaneously.
“Oh, I’ll be seeing Marie at the month's end.” You nearly choked. That was a name you hadn’t heard in a while. You didn’t think Erwin had seen Marie again since the beginning of his time in the Scouts. If he did, it wasn’t information you wanted to know. “She sent me a letter recently. She says she has big news that she wants to share with me.”
“Will Nile be there?” you asked, trying to make sense of the situation. Erwin shook his head.
“Not as far as I know.” You hummed into your tea, not wanting to sound too invested.
“You haven’t seen Marie in quite some time. I’m sure seeing her again will be very nice.”
“I think so, too.”
When you finished your drink, Erwin was filling out the last page. He held his teacup in one hand and penned his signature on the last of the paperwork with the other. You gathered it all in one big stack, and with relief, you retreated from Erwin’s office.
***
A pounding came at your door later that evening. Its force made you dart onto your feet, and as it sounded again, you scrambled for a weapon to answer the door with. Opening the door to your unknown visitor turned out to be rather anticlimactic. Levi pushed directly past you, making a beeline for your kitchen.
“Uh, hello…?” You stood at the door in a set of comfortable civilian clothes and a sizable combat knife in your hand. It was late, after all, to be having unexpected visitors. He only stopped raiding your cabinets for a moment to scold you.
“Shut the door; you’ll let in the bugs.” Not knowing what else to do, you complied with his request. Levi stood in your kitchen, a canister in his palm. He turned back to you with his usual deep frown. “Really?” He held the canister up and shook it before raiding your cabinets some more. “The Scout’s resident tea servant, and you don’t even have anything of quality.”
You gaped at the sight in front of you. Unlike most officers, you didn’t live in standard issue housing within headquarters. Rather, the Scouts owned a few apartments in the surrounding buildings. You happened to get placed in one of those through sheer bureaucratic bullshit, but you certainly weren’t complaining about not having to live in a glorified dorm fifty steps away from where you worked.
Still, you huffed at Levi’s audacity, storming forward to slam your hand against the counter extended in front of you.
“Didn’t you grow up in the sewer or something?” you shot back, earning another glare from Levi.
“Yeah, so it’s a goddamn testament when I say this shit is shit.” Nonetheless, he continued to brew the tea. If you were honest with yourself, you were a bit sick of tea for the day. Levi crossed his arms, his bangs falling in his face. “Do you still have that page from your shoe?” You stood, blinking for a moment.
“The… footnote…?” you wondered with a genuine seriousness. Levi rolled his eyes as he grumbled to himself.
“Whatever. Whatever you want to call it. Do you still have it?” He slammed one of your cups in front of you, and by some miracle, the tea didn’t spill over the sides. Levi took a sip from his, physically recoiling as the liquid touched his tongue. He slapped a hand over his mouth.
“Yeah…?” You still didn’t follow. Levi dumped his drink down your sink.
“Get it for me.” From seemingly out of nowhere, he tugged out your notes. Levi slammed them down on the counter, letting the pages splay out. “I want to work on that reverse grip.”
***
Sitting with Levi at your kitchen table as he read over your notes, something about it felt familiar. A single light dangled overhead. Your two plates had been pushed off to the side, the pastries from the market being the only thing Levi seemed to approve of in your apartment. Your tea had about an inch left in the cup. Levi had settled on a blend you didn’t know you had, grumbling something about it being shit but less shit than your shitty tea.
He sat at your kitchen table for hours, following silently along as you walked him through your notes. He wanted to know everything, what every term meant, every figure and diagram. You explained it all as you relived your old notes with older eyes.
In a way, you couldn’t help but be reminded of Erwin and the way he used to teach you.
“I don’t understand the difference here.” Levi slouched over a comparison of two diagrams. “They look the same to me.”
“The difference is that instead of your first knuckle bearing all the force, it would be evenly distributed across your finger. You can bend your fingers the way you have been, but you risk breaking them.” You pulled up another page, layering the two so that the pictures lay one on the other. “And this rotating motion will allow the remaining force of your strike to be absorbed throughout your entire arm once you hit something solid instead of breaking your fingers or shoulder.”
Levi nodded silently along, eyes darting elsewhere as he thought to himself. He mirrored the motion in the air.
“Doesn’t that feel more natural?” Levi hummed, and you didn’t think twice about taking hold of him to guide him in the motion he had been using in his swordsmanship. “As opposed to this. You can feel it right here, can’t you?” You patted the underside of his bicep.
“Yeah, I can.” You stared into his eyes, the sudden realization coming over you.
“Oh, sorry.” You recoiled your hands from him. He returned to studying the papers.
“It’s no problem…” he trailed off. You watched as he pondered to himself, and you subtly checked the clock. The time he had been there wasn’t much of an issue to you; you were just surprised you had talked for so long. No wonder you were all out of ideas for him. You were about to tell Levi just that when he spoke again, “You are wasted in your position.” Your head snapped toward him, wondering if you heard him right.
“What?”
Levi didn’t hesitate to repeat himself.
“You’re wasted as a glorified errand dog,” he asserted. “I don’t know much about the ranks and shit around here, but I know for damn sure you deserve section commander or higher.”
You were stunned and silent. Levi sighed, taking it upon himself to start clearing up the dishware from the table. You shook your head.
“I don’t—”
“You know, I don’t really care if you don’t agree.” Levi moved past you, rolling his sleeves to work on the dishes. “And I’m not going to try to convince you either way.”
Levi’s departure from your apartment was uneventful. After he finished putting away your dishes, you handed him the newly-thickened compilation of notes, and he was out the door. His words about your wasted potential kept you up that night until you overthought yourself to sleep.
***
Once an assassin sent to kill your closest and dearest friend from childhood, you now thought of Levi Ackerman as more similar to a housecat than anything else. He showed up at your doorstep once. You had given him terrible tea and a decent pastry once, and that had turned into a terrible habit of him showing up to your apartment unannounced at least a few times a week.
“It didn’t feel right,” he muttered the next time he stormed through your door. A few of your notes were fanned out in his hands, wrinkled from how he held them in his punishing grip. He wore his full ODM gear on top of his civilian clothes, with filled sword sheaths and all. You just about screamed when he drew a blade. Levi remained focused on the notes. “You said the new technique was supposed to relieve tension, but I’m still getting aches in my knuckles and my shoulder.” You continued to watch his sword.
“Is my apartment really the best place for your ODM training?”
“It’s not like I’m tearing up the place; even if I did, the Scouts would pay for the repairs.”
“Out of my paycheck,” you muttered.
“Better yours than mine. Show me the technique again.” Levi sighed, shoulders dropping in annoyance as he finally lowered the page. He gritted his teeth, tilting his head back in exasperation. Yeah, Flagon was right. Levi really did look like a thug. A moment passed until he deflated, blowing out hot air as he fought his signature scowl. In your opinion, he wasn’t doing a very good job. “...please?”
You sighed, setting aside whatever task you were doing.
“Look, I’m not a trainer. It’s just theory and a mishmash of stuff I know, which can only take you so far.” You crossed your arms, gesturing at him with a shrug of your shoulder. Levi blinked at you, unbothered. “Okay, show me what you’ve been doing.”
That extra set of ODM gear sat compiled in the corner of your already small living room, which Levi had brought a few nights back to practice his basic motions with. You didn’t ask where it came from.
(He had even hidden an extra set of clothes at your place, although it was likely that he had told you where he was stashing them, and you weren’t paying attention or forgot. Both were likely.)
You stood again at Erwin’s tea station, holding an unopened container in your palm. Given the times it had been passed over, you safely decided that Erwin didn’t like the blend. You held it up in the air.
“I’m taking this,” you proclaimed.
“Go right ahead.” Erwin shifted in your peripheral. “Late nights?” He took a comb to his hair, squinting at his reflection in the window. You reckoned he looked pretty goofy from outside, given anyone was watching the windows.
“I guess you could say that. I was told that my tea sucks.” Erwin chuckled, smoothing his bangs out over his forehead one last time.
“Well, I’m honored you’ve decided to raid my stash to turn the tides.” He came around his desk as you closed the cabinets. You pocketed the tea, and Erwin came to stand tall and straight in front of you. He puffed out his chest, his newly laundered dress uniform looking crisply ironed. “How do I look?”
You adjusted his collar. You never did make good on your proclamation to grow three meters tall, and now Erwin stood in front of you with a decent advantage in height. Not that it mattered now as adults well into their twenties, but it struck you how much time had passed.
“You look as handsome as always. I think Marie’ll just…” You took an inhale, putting on the best smile you could. “Marie will just be so happy to see you.” You picked up the mixed bouquet from his desk and handed it to him. “Good luck. I hope you get home safe.”
“And you—” Erwin glanced back up from the tea stashed in your pocket to your face, a coy look about him. —“I take it you have evening plans as well?”
“Hardly,” you laughed bitterly, picturing Levi’s frowning face. Erwin leaned back on the front of his desk, carefully holding the bouquet for Marie by the bound stems. And as he sat, simply staring at you, your smile faltered as you dared to think his expression resembled something sentimental.
Erwin had changed; as much as you liked to think he looked the same as he always did growing up. To you, he did look the same. You saw him just about every day for the past ten years, and the small details of his face had escaped you. He used to have full cheeks, you realized. Now, his face looked far more defined. You wondered when he developed such angular cheekbones.
“You like your bad tea.”
“Wait, you think it’s bad too?”
“I’m just saying to not get too invested in a guy who criticizes your tea, that’s all.” Erwin shifted his shoulders, pulling on the front of his collar before smoothing it out again. You scoffed.
“Believe me, I wouldn’t consider myself ‘invested’ in any sense of the word—” You stopped short. Erwin was staring again, a self-satisfied smirk threatening to give him away.
“So there is a guy.” You protested at the smug waggle of his eyebrows. You searched around your vicinity for something to throw at him. Finding nothing, you reopened the tea cabinet and hurled a teaspoon at Erwin’s head. He ducked out of the way with a light chuckle. “Easy. You know, I really ought to have a word with this tea critic of yours.”
“There’s no guy. And why do you assume it’s a guy anyway?”
“I know you better than anyone else, for one.” Erwin bobbed his head in thought. “And so, I’d like a word.” The clock chimed, alerting you to the next hour. Erwin stood, and you left his office together. You frowned at him as he locked the door from the hallway, not forgetting the bouquet in his hands for a second.
“What’s it to you anyway? You’re off to see Marie.”
Erwin pocketed his keys, eyes avoiding yours.
“When you have the same tea for so long, some wiseass shouldn’t be waltzing in talking about things they don’t know about. That’s all.” You took the canister out of your pocket, studying the label with furrowed brows.
“Wow, I didn’t know you were so passionate about tea.”
Red moved somewhere in front of your face, and as you looked up, the red blur had become a single flower plucked from Marie’s bouquet. Erwin offered it to you.
“I’ll see you tomorrow for expedition prep,” Erwin said, breaking you out of your trance. You took it in your hands.
“See you tomorrow.” With one last faint smile, Erwin disappeared down the stairwell.
***
You didn’t have a vase. You had never been gifted flowers before, so the single flower Erwin gave you sat in the nicest, tallest glass you owned. Due to the wide mouth, the stem flopped to the side, displaying the petals at an angle.
You sat at your kitchen table, having just had dinner. An empty plate moved off to the side, you rested your head on your crossed arms, lost in the makeshift container. You tried not to think about how Erwin’s night with Marie was going.
You had seen her a few months back, accidentally running into her somewhere in the market. She told you that she didn’t see many of the old group around— not that you were a part of it in the first place— but that you should join Nile in visiting her at the pub. She owned it now. You went a few times during your cadet years, a part of you wondering if perhaps the two of you could be friends. It never clicked through no fault of your own or hers, and you stopped as soon as you graduated.
With a groan, you buried your face in your arms before snapping yourself back up again. You plucked your black, beat-up leather notebook from the adjacent shelf, and with a pen from a nearby jar, you flipped to one of your pages in progress.
A neat list of Levi’s complaints with the reverse grip sat on the left side of the page, and a jumbled mess of lines interweaved to point toward possible solutions. Some arrows were crossed entirely out, with new lines overlapping them. Unlabeled microcalculations littered the spaces in between, left unfinished when you got to a point where you could do the math in your head.
You stared at the book for a while, scribbling and jotting things you knew were half-hearted ideas. Your guesswork littered page after page until the ink began to stain your fingers, and just when you were starting to get sick of looking at your writing, a firm knock sounded at the door.
It thumped three times exactly, and you buried your face in your hands at the prospect of having to keep thinking about this stupid reverse hold technique. But you brought it on yourself. Naively, you wondered if you could convince Levi to do something else. He seemed like he could be easily persuaded to clean your kitchen. Maybe you could read a book or perform some other leisurely activity you haven’t had the time or energy to do.
“I left it open,” you moaned, “Just don’t expect me to feed you—”
You had expected Levi, but when the door opened, Erwin stumbled through. He held the door with a lazy grip, the front of his long jacket completely undone, exposing his white button-down and dark-colored slacks. His face drooped in the way that most people did when they had too much to drink. Erwin hardly drank, let alone overdrank.
You immediately jumped up, running to the door to support him. Erwin practically collapsed in your arms when you came near, his dead weight almost forcing you to the floor. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, anchoring the both of you firmly to the ground below. Your door didn’t quite close, allowing a sliver of light from the outside lamps to enter your apartment.
He smelled strongly of whiskey. You tried to pull him away to talk to him directly, but he didn’t budge, head buried deep in the crook of your neck.
He just held you wordlessly.
“Marie is getting married,” he said, hardly above a whisper. Your cheek moved against the hair just behind his ear as you turned in surprise. You rubbed your hand gently between his shoulder blades, your other tracing the back of his collar. He tightened his grip on you, refusing to move.
“Oh, Erwin…” You sighed, and you felt him shake once. “I’m sorry.”
After all this time, he was still in love with her.
And you knew it, too. You’ve always known.
You knew it when you went to his graduation dinner.
You knew it when you found his unfinished love letters to her when he was promoted to Section Commander and got his office.
You didn’t know what you were apologizing for.
You let him find comfort in you, taking the time he needed in your presence as you stared off at where the wall met the ceiling from over his shoulder. You felt something deteriorating in you like a slow spiral that settled into what you could only describe as heartbreak. A few tears prickled at your eyes, but you refused to shed them.
After an eternity, Erwin finally rose, the withdrawing of his grasp also withdrawing his warmth. He let out a huff, almost in disbelief of himself. The only evidence of his crying soaked into the shoulder of your shirt.
“Go sit down. I’ll bring you tea.” With another labored breath, Erwin nodded. He slipped out of his jacket. You took it off his shoulders to hang up by the door. He placed his shoes neatly underneath, slowing impressive dexterity for a man who might not remember the night in the morning. Erwin popped open a few buttons on his shirt as he went to sit.
You went to the kitchen, preparing your beverages with the same tea you had always used. He took it from you graciously.
“I only have tea that you don’t like. I thought I’d opt for the familiar one.”
“I can’t say I have the right to be picky,” he laughed lightly, staring at his rippled reflection in the cup. “Thank you.”
“It’s not a problem. What else are friends for?” Erwin watched as you set your cup on the coffee table before you.
“Yeah… friends.”
He glanced around your apartment. He hadn’t been there for quite some time, but even so, little had changed. Your kitchen table sat four, but the one you sat in every time was the only one not neatly pushed in. You have had the same water kettle since you first joined the Scouts. He remembered when you bought it. You were worried that you got ripped off, but more than ten years later, it still did the job. Pages of handwritten notes were designated into piles across every surface, some better hidden than others.
“That’s not your ODM gear,” Erwin pointed out, observing the pile of gear in the corner of the living area. Even if it was yours, keeping swords and sheaths in one’s living area didn’t align with standard policy.
“Oh, um.” You followed his gaze. “I was doing some experimenting, I guess you could call it.” Erwin took a sip of his tea, beginning to sober up some.
“You’ve been spending too much time with Hanji,” he joked, his smile fading as he played with the cup's handle. “How come you never told me about it?” Erwin leaned forward, taking a paper from a pile on your coffee table, nursing his steaming beverage as he glazed over it. He flipped it over. “You weren’t kidding…”
“That’s not even all of it.” You stood, running to grab your journal and the myriad of pages from the kitchen table. Moving your tea out of the way, you splayed it on the table. Your complex mathematics, crude diagrams, and painstakingly thought-out theories. Erwin poured over it all.
You expected him to say something, but he remained quiet. He flipped the pages over, revealing just as sophisticated backs.
“These are our current techniques for Titan-Engaged Combat,” he said, almost to himself. He set his empty cup down. “And you calculated the most efficient navigation for the best gas conservation and highest striking power… Where did you get these numbers? Who taught you this?” Thrown off by his questions, you almost smiled.
“Do you remember the closest shelf to the register at the shop? The first half of the non-fiction section?”
He did remember.
And all this time, Erwin had only thought about what he could teach you.
“I never knew you did this.” He flipped through your journal. It dated back years, and judging by the near identical ones that lined your bookshelf, he guessed it wasn’t the only one. “It’s impressive. It could be, well, life-saving.”
You thanked him awkwardly, not used to sharing your hobby with anyone. Erwin sat back against the cushion of your couch, studying your work. You leaned an elbow back, sitting on your side as you slung your legs over his lap to read with him. And then he laughed, letting his head fall back, and the page drop to your knees.
“What’s so funny?” you asked. Erwin’s chest rose as he breathed in deeply.
“Just Hanji, huh?” he exhaled, another laugh breaking up the stream as he pinched at the bridge of his nose. Erwin shook his head, his typically neat hair turning just a bit ruffled. “I was worried for nothing.”
“Worried? Why were you—”
You didn’t know how it happened.
Erwin’s nose nudged against yours. You felt him lean toward you, and like that, you let him kiss you.
Your eyes fluttered closed. He was gentle, and his lips were smooth. It was clumsy at first, but you quickly learned to follow his lead, falling into a rhythm as his hand ran up your jaw and as far as it could into your hair. You had waited for this moment for so long, but now that it was finally a reality, you couldn’t stop that nagging, sad, and confused pit in your chest.
“Erwin?” Your eyes remained closed as he kissed the side of your mouth, leading a trail of sloppy kisses down your jaw. You found yourself quickly, taking him by the shoulders and pushing him back, holding him at arm’s length as you stared into his wide, lost blues. You shook your head slowly, repeating his name softly. “Erwin.”
He flinched back from you instantly, hands flying again to his face. Erwin rubbed at the skin around his eyes, brushing aggressively over his cheeks and through his now messy hair.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Erwin drawled in a voice you had never heard before. “I’m sorry.”
You didn’t know what to say. Your knee dipped into the cushion under you as you reached out, trying to place your hands on his. In a stroke of irony, you weren’t allowed to say anything at all.
“Do you not know how to close a goddamn door? You see all these moths—”
All the three of you could do for a second was look at each other. Erwin sat up straight and alert, ready to stand at any second against your intruder. You had shot yourself to the opposite side of the couch in a moment of instinct, and Levi slowly closed your door, making sure the latch clicked.
You shot up after the momentary shock wore off, instantly taking Levi by the sleeve.
“Now’s really not a good time.”
“Is it, now?” Levi stopped, not letting himself be tugged along. He made a point to glance at the cups of tea on the coffee table and back at you. He sent a pointed glare towards Erwin. “Having some evening tea, are we, Erwin?” Erwin stood, arms crossed, as he regarded your new guest.
“Levi,” he acknowledged.
“Levi!” you hissed, tugging him back toward the door. You held it open, practically pleading with him. “Out!”
With a final glare toward Erwin, Levi shrugged your hand off with a jerk of his arm and left. By the time you turned back to Erwin, he was already beginning to collect his things.
“I should probably be going, too,” he sighed, slipping on his jacket.
“Erwin, wait, I—”
“I’m sorry. What happened tonight was inappropriate and extremely unprofessional, especially for a superior and subordinate officer—”
“Erwin, please, can we talk about this?”
“I will see you in the morning for expedition prep.”
You couldn’t stop him as he left.
***
Erwin arrived at the meeting with Expedition Command just three minutes early with Miche in tow. You had been waiting for him outside, several copies of his requested documents organized neatly in your arms, watching other senior officials enter the meeting room. Ever the one to be at least a half hour early, Erwin arriving to a session on time struck you into a panic. You nearly called someone, convinced there had been an emergency. But with five minutes to spare, you heard him from down the hall. You knew his gait anywhere.
He strode with purpose down the hall, jaw as squared as ever and weight to his step. Your heart jumped, the events from the night before still fresh in your memory. You hoped to talk to him after everything had been squared away from the next expedition.
You had bolted up from the bench you were sitting on and stood at attention with a salute. Erwin regarded you coolly, never dropping an ounce of his collected and upright professionalism. You tried not to let the fact that he treated you differently in private whip your thoughts into a frenzy, but his avoidance of your eye wasn’t something you could ignore.
“Ah, you brought the copies. Perfect. Miche can take those from you.” Erwin walked past you, the slight breeze of his quick pace flowing through the tips of your hair. You hardly noticed as Miche towered over you, hands ready to receive your papers as instructed. You craned your neck, looking at Erwin’s back as he approached the meeting room doors. “You are dismissed.”
“Section Commander? Am I not also on this meeting, too?”
“There’s no need for there to be two team leads here, not for meeting this early in advance.”
“But the expedition is less than a week away—”
“Team Leader,” Erwin snapped, turning toward you. His gaze was lidded and cold, and his lips drew into a tight, untelling line. “You are dismissed.”
His words lodged in your chest, swirling around your stomach until you became nauseous. You didn’t remember saluting him or handing Miche your copies. You heard yourself say, “Yes, sir,” but you didn’t remember speaking.
You hurried out of the hall as quickly as possible and then out of Headquarters completely. And with a single stop at your apartment, you rode out of Trost on horseback.
***
“Graah!! Agrahhh!” You slashed your way through the compilation of dummies stationed on the forest floor, each outfitted with durable, twirling arms made specifically for sword training. The force of your cuts caused them to spin with a force of equal magnitude to your strike. You screamed into the training forest, scaring a few birds overhead who flocked out of the leaves above.
Hot, concentrated air blew out your nose as you maintained your labored breathing. You swung your swords, burning red-hot as you made your way through the training area, the sound of metal clashing filling your ears with a piercing scratching sound. Your muscles knew where to strike before you could even process the rapid turns in front of your eyes.
You ducked under a spinning arm, driving your swords up in an arch.
Why were you taken off of the meeting with Expedition Command?
The arm fell to the ground. The force of slicing it off cramped your thumb, giving you another reason to scream and cry out as you slashed at the remaining dummies with reckless abandon.
Why did Erwin refuse to talk to you? If you let him continue, would he have demoted you like this?
The very thought of demotion made your blood boil, your rage launching you to conclusions and your swords in all directions. You weren’t even thinking about your swings anymore.
All these years following, pouring tea and making copies while Erwin wept over a woman he hardly made an effort to pursue? Turning down Hanji’s offer for a promotion within their ranks for this? For a man who never even saw you in the first place—?
An arm from one of the dummies hit you dead in the face. The velocity at which it spun ensured an instant and solid crack in your nose. You shrieked again as you felt a warm stream of blood pour from your face, your last strike sending the offending arm flying off into the forest. And with a final fit of rage, you sent your swords flying, too.
You dropped to your knees in the middle of the busted-up training circle, frustrated tears falling from your cheeks as you brushed your wild stray hairs from your face. You took a second to feel sorry for yourself and another to pop your nose back into place before you went to retrieve your swords. If you kept bleeding, you would reluctantly ride down to Trost to see a medic.
“You should really watch where you throw those things. You could’ve hurt someone.”
As if your day wasn’t bad enough…
“Leave me alone, Levi.”
You could have cried seeing him. Hell, you were crying anyway. Had it been anyone else standing at the edge of the training grounds with your swords, you might have snapped and wailed at them, too. Levi held a stoic expression on his face if not his usual frown. Not wanting to engage, you reloaded your grips with new swords from your sheath.
You turned back toward the training dummies, giving some half-assed swipes to the spinning arms. They didn’t rotate nearly as fast as they just were.
“People are looking for you.”
“Since when did you become an errand dog?” You spat, still refusing to look his way. Tears were still streaming down your face; no matter how you willed them to stop, they just kept coming. You heard Levi shift somewhere behind you.
“I dunno,” he answered, “When did you start sleeping with your boss?”
You whirled around instantly, eyes puffy and teeth clenched as your face contorted in barely restrained rage.
“I don’t! We aren’t—” you barked, the clasp where your swords fit into your grips clattering just slightly from the shake in your hands. You tugged out a portion of your shirt from under the straps on your shoulder to wipe away the wetness from your eyes. “Please, just leave me alone.”
Your newly attached swords dug into the ground adjacent to your feet, and with new tears came more swipes of your sleeve. With your vision so obscured, you didn’t even notice Levi approach you, the reins of his horse in one hand and yours in the other. The sudden appearance made you jump a bit. Levi had thrown your old swords into the dirt. He offered the reins to you again, holding out his arm.
“Let’s go.” His voice was low and soft. Your brow furrowed, your brain still in a fog. Levi spoke before you had a chance, almost reading your mind. “We’re not going back to headquarters.”
You collected yourself with no time to be embarrassed over your display of emotion. You didn’t know why you followed him. Rudderless, you didn’t know what else to do.
***
You tried your horses up between two narrow areas somewhere in Wall Sina. The thin pathway opened up to a broad, square area hidden between the tall buildings. The height of them made the ground below appear dark. Levi led you through the thin maze of alleys until you finally arrived at a slender, rock-faced building with a wooden door. The shudders were open, allowing sunlight to illuminate the wooden floorboards below your feet.
Looking around, you couldn’t tell what the establishment was. There was a bar, but nothing appeared to be behind it. Tables lined the sides of the room, but there weren’t enough to accommodate many customers for dining. A woman sat at one of them, a broom in one hand and a cigarette in the other. She made half-hearted attempts to blow her smoke out the open windows.
Levi exchanged a brief look with her before marching into a room behind the bar. You stepped into the center of the room, lining your feet up with the orb of light that reflected onto the center. You finally noticed how scuffed up your boots were.
Levi was back instantly, motioning for you to follow him up a set of stairs to the left of the bar. By the time you even reached the doorway, he had already managed to make it up two flights. Random items littered the landings, obscuring your path with folded tables, cases of liquor, and assorted cleaning products. You stared up the winding railings, jogging along quickly to follow.
The stairs led to the roof, where Levi was already sitting at a beat-up table for two. A few clotheslines sat behind him with linens blowing in the wind. A mixture of other assorted items was pushed off to the side. A table missing a leg sat upside down. A few broken lamps lay strewn across the rooftop, among other evidence of broken things abandoned. Levi had already poured wine into two tall-stemmed glasses.
You sat on the chair closest to the door, back tense and your bottom at the edge of the seat. Levi swirled the wine in his glass, an ankle slung across his opposite knee as he looked out across Sina. He didn’t speak, let alone acknowledge you. You took the wine in your hand, giving it a swish as he did before bringing it tentatively to your lips. To your surprise, you enjoyed the flavor.
“You didn’t think I’d choose a shitty wine, did you?” Levi lounged back on his slotted wooden chair.
“I just didn’t take you for one to drink, I guess.”
“Fair enough. I don’t make a habit of it.” He placed the glass back on the table with slender fingers. You still held yours, not knowing what to do with your hands. You stared down at it, and the various items littered the ground within your field of vision. You ignored your peripherals completely, avoiding having to look at Levi at all costs.
“You just drink nice wines whenever you please?” you asked absentmindedly, not really looking for an answer. He crossed his arms, adjusting how his shirt sat on his shoulders.
“I guess you could say I have an eye for quality.” You missed his lingering glance, letting the silence between you fester. Levi, all for silence on any given day, was unbothered for the most part. But for once, he wasn’t simply content to let the quiet pass him by. “You and Erwin are close, huh?”
“Please, I really don’t want to talk about this,” you groaned, squinting your eyes closed as you cringed to yourself.
“I don’t ask for my sake, believe me.” Levi played with the base of his wine glass, tracing the circular shape with the pad of his finger. “Who else are you going to talk to?”
The simple question struck you. He was right; you didn’t think you even had anyone else you could talk to about Erwin. There was Hanji, but as a fellow section commander, talking to them about personal matters might overstep some professional boundaries— not to mention if they decided to report Erwin’s abuse of power to the commander. Team Leader Miche didn’t seem to be the type to give the sort of advice you were looking for either.
“We knew each other as kids,” you found yourself blurting after another sip of wine. Levi settled farther into his chair, ready to listen. And he did, patiently drinking his wine as you told him all about how you first met, the holiday dinners, the day Erwin selected his branch, Marie, and the letters. He remained quiet for most of it, only interjecting occasionally to ask questions.
“Do you even want to be in the Scouts? Or is it just because of him?” he asked, somewhere between your recount of the celebration dinner and Erwin’s promotion to section commander. You had never thought of it before. You chose to join to be close to Erwin, and now, having spent almost your whole life in the service, you weren’t sure you could even make a distinction.
“I think in the beginning, it was because of him. And now that I’m good at what I do, I’m not sure where else I would go,” you sighed. “And if I’m good, then why change now, I guess.” Levi scoffed.
“That’s a poor reason.” His words made you chuckle.
“That’s exactly what Erwin said when I first told him I was going into the Cadet Corps…” you trailed off, the smile on your lips fading slowly. You found it funny: your best friend was giving you the cold shoulder; meanwhile, you were venting your frustrations to the man who was sent just a month ago to assassinate him. You kept talking until there was nothing left to talk about. “I don’t know when I fell for him.”
“Well, you’ve always been in love with him. I’ve barely known you for that long, and even I can tell that much.” You nodded along, trying not to take his words as a blow to your pride. You accidentally met his eye. “And I assure you in no uncertain terms that Erwin has been very aware of that, too.” You cringed again.
“You think so?” You buried your face in another drink from your glass.
“Do I think you’ve been breadcrumbed along by an emotionally unavailable jackass so he has an emotional support blankie? Yeah, I do think so.” Every word struck you through the chest. Levi frowned as deeply as ever, a genuine frustration painted on his brow. You wondered if it was your naivety that made him so angry.
“I wouldn’t say I’m in love with him,” you said, only partially convinced yourself. Levi didn’t even humor you with a response.
“Hm.” He stood, empty glass in his hand, as he stretched out his lower back. “I’m going to give you my unsolicited advice, but I’m only going to say it once.” Levi turned to face you as you still sat. His head blocked the sun perfectly from your eyes, a halo of sunbeams shooting out from his short strains of black hair. “If you’re going to stay, at least stay for a good reason. Not because of some schmuck who can’t make up his mind.”
He held his hand out to you, not making a show of doing so. You took it.
“Wow, Levi, who knew you could be so soft?”
“Tch, remind me never to try to help you again.”
***
You thought about what Levi said almost religiously in the days leading up to the next expedition. And as your administrative responsibilities gradually dwindled, you had much more downtime.
Erwin only spoke to you when necessary, and even then, his words were far more sparing than they needed to be. The passive comments should have hurt more than they did, but your racing thoughts only served as a shield to numb the dull ache in your chest.
A week until the next expedition turned into days and then a singular day. All the while, Erwin remained your section commander and nothing more.
The last meeting had adjourned. Commander Shadis had called a gathering of the four section commanders and their team leaders, as was usual before expeditions. Erwin had departed quickly, speaking urgently to various other officers on his way out. He avoided you expertly, ensuring you didn’t have an opportunity to approach him after the discussions. As he made his way briskly down the hall to his office, he heaved a light sigh, he too wrapped up in his thoughts.
He tugged open the door to his office only to find you already sitting behind his desk. Erwin couldn’t help his pause and the apparent surprise on his face, but he didn’t let the expression linger long.
“Can I help you, Team Leader?” He regarded you formally and coldly. You frowned, standing to shrug off your jacket. You folded it so the crest didn’t show before tossing it across the width of Erwin’s wooden desk.
“I’m not coming to you as a team leader, Erwin.” You tried to not let your shaking show, equal parts of you mortified and invigorated by your audacity to gatekeep a section commander’s desk. Judging by the steepening frown on Erwin’s lip, he had little patience for it. “You’ve been avoiding me.”
“Things have been busy.”
“None more than usual.” You matched his frown. “You’ve been avoiding me.”
“I heard you the first time, Team Leader.”
You didn’t imagine Erwin would openly converse with you so easily, but you also didn’t expect his outright icy refusal. You had never made Erwin angry before; in fact, you didn’t think you could recall a time that you weren’t in his good graces. Now, as you stood in direct defiance of his passive-aggressive avoidance of you, you felt shaken to the core and tried not to let it show.
“You still want to talk about work? Fine.” You sat back down in the chair behind Erwin’s desk, the joints at the base shifting. It felt unnatural here with him across the room where you usually stood. “It’s in poor taste to come onto your subordinates, Section Commander.”
“And yet, that’s not the part you have an issue with.”
He studied you for a moment, and with reluctance, he tugged off his own uniform jacket, throwing it on the leather couch to his side. Erwin squared back his shoulders, unconsciously adjusting how his clothes sat under his uniform straps as his arms coiled over his broad chest. Yes, he had grown significantly over the years and had the sculpted muscles to show for his decade of ODM training.
“It was unprofessional.”
“Cut the crap; you made it clear that isn’t what we’re talking about right now, so stop pulling your punches.” He spoke as levelly as ever, the most calculated bite in his voice so as to not give away his seething frustration.
“You seemed happy to see Marie again.” Your voice began softly, slowly gaining momentum as you continued. Your voice was starting to shake, forecasting your incoming tears. “Then you had the audacity to drink yourself stupid and crawl to my doorstep, and only when you knew you couldn’t have her did you even look at me.”
Erwin said nothing as he stared forward with a hard, sunken face. He didn’t sit, perhaps in the same way you couldn’t will yourself to stand.
“Is that it?” he spat disapprovingly, almost bored. Your resolve wavered with just three words, him perceiving you as childish, as he seemed to typically do.
“Is that it?” You repeated, aghast. “Did you just ask me, is that it?”
“You’re impeding me from my work because you’re jealous.”
“Of course I’m jealous!” You jerked forward in the chair, hardly realizing the tending of your legs and the curt gesturing of your hands. “And how dare you try to diminish that. When you’ve known this whole time how I’ve felt about you.” You didn’t even try to hide your open sobbing. “Because you knew, and you never felt the same.”
“Hung up on things that don’t matter.”
Your parted lips revealed clenched teeth as you continued to shamelessly meet his eye.
“I would have followed you to hell and back, and I have—”
“And so has every other soldier under my command—”
“I’m not just a soldier under your command, Erwin!” A clap of silence overtook his office. Erwin’s back faced towards you as he aggressively rubbed at the back of his neck. You were standing out of your seat now, hands on the surface of his desk. “We’re friends—” You wiped the stream of wetness from your cheeks.
Erwin heaved a deep, low breath, the sound heavy enough to fill the air.
“Things are different now.” He was struggling, but he kept it together better than you were.
“You had a place at my dining table for years. You knew how to work the register at the shop.”
“Things are different than back then.”
“Are they?” you asked bitterly. You held your hands together as if in prayer, resting your forehead against them. “When did they change? Because I—”
You were cut off by the exasperated sound of your name. And by the time Erwin turned around, his face was red, frustrated, and puffy. A few strands of golden hair hung over his forehead as he looped a thumb in his belt.
“Things are different in the service. It’s why I couldn’t be with her, and it’s not different with you! We are here to serve and die— there is no other way out— and I need you to understand that!” He was shouting, screaming. Erwin leaned slightly toward you, one leg in front of him. “You don’t understand how instantaneously you could be taken from me! No, you didn’t understand when you joined the Cadet Corps, and you don’t understand now!”
You were both a mess, physically worn, and voices hoarse from yelling. You had drenched Erwin’s desk. You stared down at the puddle of tears, the hem of your jacket in your watery sight.
“I joined the Survey Corps for you. To be with you.”
Erwin strode to the door with what looked to be a shake of his head. In an instant, you were around his desk, running after him as you usually did, but you weren’t quick enough.
“We all have our own reasons for being here. You’ll find a better one.”
He shut the door in your face.
***
It felt dull for an expedition day.
Exhaustion tugged on your eyes. Having had poor sleep the night before, you woke up two hours earlier than you needed. The gathering of horses outside the gates, waiting for them to be heaved open, made you antsy. The looming dread felt akin to the moments before an exam when you were back in the Cadet Corps.
But you didn’t have time to reminisce, as in an instant, you were off through the gates, then across the plains. The pop of smoke guns was the only thing anchoring you to reality, as even the harsh rhythm of your horse couldn’t quite pull you out of your haze.
The formation held as you crossed the land, making it into the forest and just past the point you had roughly achieved the last expedition. That in itself would garner the expedition as a success. Even despite potential casualties, it would hold weight in justifying further funding.
But the luck you had in conquering your titan encounters soon ended as the entire formation was flanked, and everything was plunged into chaos. As the formation broke, the field was filled with screams and the whinnying of horses.
Commander Shadis always kept Erwin close, an in turn, only Erwin’s teams remained close to the center of the unit. No one died in Erwin’s squads. You rode along, torso close to the back of your horse to avoid being hit by flying debris.
The retreat had begun.
“Team Leader, look out!”
You didn’t hear it in time. A tremendous hand flew out of nowhere, smacking your horse from under you and crushing your right leg. Your vision became a jumbled mess of earth, animal, and blood as you were sent rolling across the field, jumped over by other retreating soldiers. You shot up immediately but were forced back to the ground before you could even stand. Your leg was bent at an unnatural angle, the worst of it hidden under the cloth of your uniform pants.
A titan loomed overhead, it’s shadow eclipsing you as you sat helplessly on the ground. You turned in the direction of the retreating soldiers. Time seemed to slow as you met Erwin’s eyes.
He had only turned to look over his shoulder for a moment. You saw as his lips parted in terror. You watched as he began to veer his horse to turn back, the strands of her mane moving with the motion of her pivoting head. She whinnied loudly over the sound of gore and battle as she fought against him to run as fast as she could away from the man-eating titans, with or without her rider aboard. All within a matter of milliseconds.
He could see it all in your wide eyes.
The very last things he said to you swarmed him all at once.
Then, a spray of blood. A slide to the straps holding your sheaths.
The hand that reached out to you fell to the ground. The titan fell forward, and before you were crushed, an arm wrapped uncomfortably around your ribs and pulled you to safety. You were dizzy. The rhythmic thumping of another horse continued to rattle your brain as you were splayed uncomfortably across the back just above the front legs. You tried to pull yourself up to look around, but a hand forced your head down.
“Levi?”
“Shut up and keep your head down.”
Yeah, it was Levi.
***
You were taken to the infirmary as soon as you returned from the expedition. You spent the night there, and when Levi wasn’t out doing his duties as a soldier or getting you food, he was with you. He was sitting next to you reading a book when Commander Shadis knocked on the door to your room.
You tried to salute him.
“You’re injured, soldier. Don’t strain yourself.”
He stood in the center of the small room, subtly looking for a place to sit. You made wordless eye contact with Levi, and with a small grunt of effort, he stood and took his leave. Commander Shadis took his seat.
“Am I in trouble, Commander?” you asked nervously, shifting up on your pillows.
“No, no, nothing of that sort,” he assured you, reaching into his jacket pocket to pull out a few folded pages. You thought you recognized the writing on them. He stopped quirking an eyebrow at you. “Unless there is, of course, trouble that you’ve gotten yourself into that you’d like to report, Team Leader.”
“Not at all.” You let out a breathy laugh. “You just look like you’re here on business. I guess I was just a bit—”
“Nervous?” Shadis interjected, his shoulders bobbing as he chuckled to himself. “My commander just about scared the living crap out of me when I was a soldier. But I’m not here to reminisce.” Shadis unfolded the papers, and as he laid them at the edge of your bed, you realized that the writing was yours.
“I am here to offer you the position of section commander.” You could only describe the expression he wore as proud. “I’m just sorry the proposal isn’t more formal, but what can you do in this line of work?” You gaped at him, still trying to piece together what he said in your mind and how he obtained your notes.
“Maybe this is shooting myself in the foot, Commander, but—” You knitted your brow at him. —“I didn’t think my performance has been all that impressive. Team Leader Zacharius—”
“Has already been offered the other position,” Shadis interrupted. The corner of his lip twitched downward in a skeptical pout. You supposed you both felt as if you were missing a piece of information. “Section Commander Smith put in a glowing recommendation for you in addition to these. He and I believe you could live up to your potential best out from under his command.”
“Section Commander Smith wants to get rid of me,” you jested, a convincing smile on your face as you pondered over what was said in Erwin’s meeting with Shadis.
“On the contrary, I’d say he’s reluctant to see you leave. Or at least that was the impression I received.” Shadis rested an ankle over his knee as he sat back in the flimsy hospital chair. “Section Commander Smith was adamant about your abilities, both on the field and in this secret hobby you’ve been keeping.” He gestured to the pages he brought, taking them in his hands. “If I had to scold you for one thing, it is that you’ve done us all a disservice for not bringing these forward.”
“I sincerely apologize, Commander.”
“But myself and Section Commander Smith have done a greater disservice by not seeing this brilliance, not fostering it, sooner.” Shadis gathered the pages together and placed them on your bedside table, eyeing the rest of the pages Levi had brought for you to keep busy. He turned back to you, hands clasped between his knees as he leaned forward. “What do you say, Team Leader?”
Your voice stalled in your throat.
“I don’t even know if any of those will make a difference on the field.”
“Have you not been helping Levi Ackerman on his reverse-hold technique? He took out ten titans alone during this past expedition.”
“I feel that should be attributed to Levi’s— I mean, Ackerman’s— prowess rather than anything I did.” Shadis sat, staring at you as a growing disappointment clouded his face. You averted your eyes. “And Section Commander Smith saw his talent and recruited him in the first place.” Shadis said nothing, only heaving out a steady sigh. You sat in silence for a beat. “I’m sorry if you’ve been deceived into thinking my abilities are greater than they are. I don’t want to deceive you further.”
Shadis sighed again, standing.
“The only one who’s been deceived is you,” he hummed. “I would very much like the opportunity to invest in your skills, but I am not about to take a chance on someone who doesn’t even believe in themselves, you understand me?” You watched the crest on his back as he approached the door. “I will leave you to think about it.”
***
When you were finally released, Levi helped you to your apartment. He didn’t allow you to do a thing.
“Hey! What did I say about getting up on your own?” He scolded from the kitchen. Something that smelled good bubbled on the stove behind him, filling the immediate area with steam. You smelled the air, ready to take guesses at what he was cooking. Levi stopped in the middle of chopping something on a cutting board with rigor to shoot you a pointed glare.
“I have to get used to the crutches eventually. Don’t you think it’s been long enough?” You hobbled out of your bedroom, content just to be out of bed. Levi frowned, eyeing you for any hint of a tumble. A cotton apron hung around his neck, another item he had fished out from the depths of your kitchen cabinets. He put the knife down on the cutting board but remained where he stood.
“Tch, says you and your shitty perception of time.”
Just as you were about to sit at the dining room table to watch Levi work some more, a knock came at your front door. Something rang out in your chest as soon as you heard it. Evidenced by nothing, you already knew who it was. Levi turned to rinse off his hands in the sink.
“I got it.”
“No, wait,” you interjected swiftly, and, to your surprise, Levi stopped. He offered you a questioning look, but you were already hobbling forward. You smiled at him reassuringly. “I’ll be alright. Gotta get used to the crutches, remember?” He let you move forward, returning to the kitchen as you shouted to the visitor on your doorstep.
And as you expected, Erwin Smith stood at your door. You stood in the doorway, leaving the entrance just ajar enough to accommodate your form.
“Uh, hi,” he said breathlessly, and just like that, you were twelve and working at your family’s bookshop again. You didn’t think you’d ever see a day where Erwin would be nervous to talk to you, yet all you had to do was look at your doormat.
“Are you done giving me the cold shoulder?” You quirked a brow, and Erwin let out another deep sigh in response. A surrender.
“I’m sorry. I know I’m the last person you probably want to see.” He glanced over your shoulder, spotting Levi cooking in the background. You couldn’t see the glower that Levi shot Erwin from behind his bangs. Erwin turned his attention back toward you. “And I won’t keep you. I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”
“I’m alright,” you assured him with a nod. “It wasn’t as bad as they thought it was. I might miss the next scheduled expedition, but Commander Shadis said we could find ways to work around it.” Erwin perked up, his thick eyebrows shooting up on his forehead.
“You already spoke to Commander Shadis?”
“He offered me the rank of section commander.” Erwin’s eyes lit up with his warm smile as he shifted his weight.
“Very good, you deserve it. I know you’ll make an excellent section commander. No one deserves it more than you.” You leaned against the doorway, amused at his feigning ignorance. You couldn’t help your smug expression as you gave in to your temptation to burst his bubble.
“He told me you put in a golden recommendation.”
“He did, did he?” Erwin shook his head, blond lashes fluttering shut as he deflated just slightly. Outmanuvering him wasn’t something that happened often, but it sure as hell was a wonderful feeling. “And so I did.” But even in his defeat, he continued to hold sentiment in his reflective, blue eyes.
“I’m telling him that I accept tomorrow.”
“Well, in that case, let me be the first to congratulate you, Section Commander.”” Erwin pulled a bouquet of red flowers out from behind his back, holding them up to offer to you. You hadn’t even noticed he was even holding them. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I look forward to working with you as your peer and earning your trust in me.”
You looked to him, then to the bouquet. With a plucking of your fingers, you withdrew a single flower from the middle. You made the motion awkwardly, balancing your second crutch under your elbow as you shifted your weight uncomfortably.
“I look forward to that…” You waggled your eyebrows. “Section Commander.” Erwin’s mouth formed a thin-lipped smile. He gave you a nod.
“Section Commander.”
You shut the door without a single insect entering your apartment.
Just in time for dinner.
Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.
Writer's Notes: I thought it was fun to write Erwin of all people as that one kid who teaches you things you "shouldn't know" because he's just doing it all by accident.
This fic drew heavy inspiration from "The Imitation Game," in a way. I had always wanted to write a fic that mirrored the scene when Alan wanted to give his love letter to Christopher or something where Erwin was an upperclassman-like figure. It's probably not detectable in the actual fic, but I did go back and watch some of Alan Turing's early life scenes. Weird, considering I only watched the movie once when it first came out.
Please, I encourage you to write complex notes in the replies, reblogs, or inbox. Please. I beg of you.
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Extra Credit
Professor Erwin Smith x Fem Student Reader
4,092 words - nsfw - minors dni
If there was one thing you were certain of it was that no one was lying when they said college professors were nothing like highschool teachers. Especially in the case of your gorgeous history professor Erwin Smith. Light blue button up struggling to contain him, buttons straining over his built chest and white undershirt peeking out through the gaps.
Everything about him was unbelievably hot, from the way he moved to the way his voice captured the whole room. Many classes you found yourself completely distracted by him, large arms holding textbooks and long fingers pointing at the words he'd written on the board. If it wasn't for his booming voice you'd probably miss more than half of what he was saying. The man really commanded his space, no one could stop themselves from listening to him.
Unfortunately you didn't seem to be retaining enough information, he'd drawn a sad face next to the abysmal grade you'd gotten on his last quiz. You couldn't help but giggle a little at the thought of such a serious man drawing smiley faces on his graded assignments. He'd also jotted down at the bottom of the paper to meet him during his office hours when you had the chance, so you could make up the grade.
Feeling very nervous about speaking one on one with the most beautiful man you've ever seen, you tried your best to seem chill as you waited for him outside his office door. You'd gotten to his office a few minutes early, when you knocked there had been no answer. So you waited. Waiting only made you feel even more nervous though.
"Early, good girl" Erwin smiled as he walked up to you, inside you wanted to scream. Unable to look him in the eye as you greeted him, your vision hit the floor, slowly working up to his face. His slacks were a little too tight and putting his thigh muscles on display, the outline of his manhood made you quickly find something on the floor to look at while he unlocked his door, "come on in, I have a few extra credit options for you."
"Thank you," it came out a mumble as you stepped inside the office, Erwin closing and locking the door behind you made your heart hammer against your chest. There was obviously no dubious reason for him to do that, he probably just didn't want anyone walking in while he worked with you. That's all.
"Please sit, I'll gather the options" he gestured to a chair for you before walking around his desk, rummaging through a drawer before pulling out a folder, "based on your previous work in my class, you'll probably prefer the essay" he said softly, looking over the contents of the folder as he sat down across from you, "but there's also the option to retake the quiz entirely."
"Essay about what?" You watched his hands, they moved so solidly across the papers. Blue veins like raging rivers down his forearms, a simple watch hugging his thick wrist.
"I have a list here" he handed you a paper, seven different essay questions from the last three chapters you'd been working on in class, "pick whichever you'd like. Three pages and due by Monday, please."
You had a busy weekend already, trying to add this paper to the list felt a bit daunting, "maybe it would be easier to retake the quiz" you looked up, the man was loosening his tie as he leaned back in his chair. You felt every hair on your body stand at attention, "I don't have a lot of extra time to work on this" your voice shaking as you placed the paper down on the desk.
"We could do a retake on Tuesday" he leafed through a planner that had been sitting neatly in front of him, "or you could earn the grade another way, today."
Your face heated up, his tone had been completely neutral but it didn't stop your mind from finding the dirtiest option imaginable. You stared at him for a moment, Erwin still looking through his planner. There was no way your hot professor was actually propositioning you for sex for a better grade. That had to just be your mind going wild with ridiculous fantasies.
"Unless you're busy today as well" he closed the planner and looked back at you, though his voice was normal his eyes weren't. Lust and desire swimming in pools of blue, slowly being eaten up by his pupils. Your face was going red, still trying to rationalize that this wasn't actually happening.
"Do you want me to take the quiz again now?" You asked quietly, worried if you spoke any louder you wouldn't be able to keep the words steady. A chuckle escaped him as he pulled at his tie again, this time fully removing it before tossing it on his desk. Your mouth watered as he undid his top two buttons, a lazy smile on his lips.
"Sorry I'm all out of copies at the moment, I was thinking my lesson must not have stuck with you well enough. I'm willing to use this time now to go over the chapters" Erwin spoke slowly, deep voice rather quiet compared to how loudly he spoke in class. You tried to inconspicuously wipe your sweaty hands off on your leggings, feeling extra stupid for thinking he'd meant anything other than something actually educational.
"Yeah, I don't have any other classes for today" you tried to relax, pleased to be getting some extra attention from your professor but still nervous as all hell.
"Wonderful," he smiled before sitting up straight. You watched as he gathered up some papers from the lessons, "now," he cleared his throat and pushed back on his chair away from the desk, "come here" Erwin gestured to the space between him and the desk. Puzzled you slowly stood up, face going hot again as you saw him eye you from head to toe then back up again.
"Should I take the chair?" You asked nervously, he shook his head no and you slowly walked around the solid wooden desk, standing awkwardly in front of him you couldn't find the strength to look at his face.
"On your knees" a gruff whisper that you weren't sure actually escaped him or if your mind was playing twisted tricks on you.
"Pardon?" You looked at him, his bottom lip between his teeth as he sat back in his desk chair. Erwin's eyes were still slowly tracing your body, one hand resting on his strong thigh while the other was gently touching the growing tent in his slacks.
"Get down on your knees" he said louder this time, eyes meeting yours. Your head spun for a moment, either you were having the most vivid amazing dream of your life or you had died and gone to heaven. There was no way any of it was real. After a few blinks you obeyed, sitting back on your heels and looking up at him with rosy cheeks.
"Like this?" You felt the words leave your lips but you weren't sure any sound actually came out.
"Very good" he cooed, you watched in awe as he undid his belt then pants. The fabric was fighting tooth and nail to keep his erection contained, it relaxed as he freed himself. Big. That's all you could think as you watched him slowly stroke his cock. He cleared his throat before scooting his chair closer to you, "you're going to use your mouth, go nice and slow and listen to me okay?" His words were like honey, cock standing proud a few inches from your face.
"Yes sir" you mumbled before sitting up a bit, getting a better angle to try to fit the monster in your mouth. A pleased sigh passed through his lips as your mouth enveloped the head of his cock.
"Good girl," he purred, one his large hands tangled in your hair. He gently patted your head as you began sucking in as much of him as you could, remembering to move slowly as he asked. A few quiet breaths before he began speaking, "now let's go over the Renaissance" you continued slowly sucking on his cock, one hand keeping your balance on his knee while the other pumped the bottom half of his cock.
Erwin sat still, keeping his reactions to you at a minimum as he spoke. He reassured you every now and then that you were doing a great job, he'd comb his fingers through your hair as he spoke. You still weren't sure this was actually happening.
"You got the section on humanism incorrect as well" he used his free hand to look over your quiz, "do you remember when we went over classical antiquity?" He looked down at you, your eyes met and he shivered. You felt his cock twitch against your tongue, you nodded yes as you continued sucking and looking up into his eyes. Blue completely gone now. He let out a small sigh and hung his head back, enjoying your mouth for a moment before continuing his lesson.
The heat between your thighs was becoming unbearable. You found using the heel of your shoe to rub yourself on was good enough for the moment, but god did you want to put what was in your mouth down there instead. You listened to him speak, his voice sounded so sexy and rough as he went on with his lesson. Every few words his breath was a little shaky, but he still wasn't reacting much. You wondered if he would at all, if he'd let you hear him moan in ecstasy or if he'd be just as serious looking when he finally finished.
"The goal of the Italian Renaissance humanists of the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries was the study of the humanities, is the main take away from that section" he said lowly, his hand in your hair moved down until the palm was at the base of your skull, "you've done so well, but I want you take in more" he pushed your head down, forcing more of his length into your mouth. You gagged as the tip entered your throat, "good girl, just like that" he purred.
He kept pushing you down lower for a few more minutes, releasing you to let you breathe. You caught your breath and looked up at him, his hand slowly stroking his dick wet with your spit. You quickly took over, lips back around his girth as he hummed happily.
"You're such an excellent student" he held your head with both hands, "this is the first quiz you haven't passed" he thrust into your mouth, forcing his entire length into your throat making you choke, "just relax, there you go" he grunted as he fucked into your mouth before letting go and letting you take control again, "you can go a little faster, I'm almost done here" Erwin returned his attention to your quiz as tears streamed down your cheeks, throat burning a bit as you swallowed excess spit.
Swallowing around his cock made him moan unexpectedly, his hand over his mouth like he hadn't meant to only made it sexier. You wanted to make him moan more, desperate to make him unravel. The thought this could end with you bent over his desk and fully stuffed with his cock had you rocking your hips against your heel even harder.
"You did well on the art section, so I'll skip that one" his breathing was getting more erratic, but he was holding onto that neutral tone still, "let's go over the technology section now."
You continued bobbing on his cock, taking him until your throat couldn't handle it anymore before popping off the tip. With how much your mouth was watering for him, his cock was dripping with your spit. It was rolling down his shaft and over your hands, a small puddle forming on his boxers covering his balls. God his balls, you wanted to take his pants completely off so you could them. They were big too, you could tell through his underwear.
"Sir?" You interrupted him, breathing heavy as you looked up at him through wet lashes. He chewed his bottom lip and looked down at you, hand still stroking his cock as you figured out how to say your thoughts aloud.
"I want to suck on your balls too" you whispered, struggling to maintain eye contact but knew you wanted to see his reaction to your words. For good reason too, the question certainly riled him up. His eyes went wide for a moment, a smile pulled the corners of his lips up as he mulled over a response.
"Answer a few questions and I'll let you" Erwin exhaled, "what's an arquebus?"
"It's a gun" you answered, hand still stroking his spit covered cock.
"I need more than that for full points" he chuckled.
"It's a musket that was first used by the ottoman empire in the fifteenth century" you said softly, eyes trained in his cock as you watched your hand move up his entire length then back down again.
"Good girl" he smiled, "name another gun, this one from sixteenth century, and I'll let you suck my balls" Erwin purred.
"Um," you thought for a moment while you watched his length in your palm, "the grenade musket?" You looked up at him unsure.
"You're listening so well" he smiled wider, "here," he backed up his chair and stood up kicking off his shoes before fully removing his slacks and boxers. You watched as he folded them neatly and placed them on his desk, his erection drooling precum as he worked. You were right, his balls were large, they bounced against his thigh as he sat back down, "go one" he presented himself to you and you hungrily reveled in your earnings.
Stroking his cock with one hand, you gripped his thigh for balance as you sucked one of his nuts into your mouth. Releasing it with a loud, wet pop before sucking on the other. Erwin gently played with your hair, watching his student diligently suck and lick at his tightening ball sack.
"Just a bit more and then I'll have you answer a couple more questions" his voice was so deep and raspy, "if you get them all right I'll change your grade and I'll give you an extra reward for being such a good student for me today."
Erwin finished the last of his lesson, face flushed and balls twitching for release in your hands. For a few moments he let out low groans as he watched you worshiping his cock, his large hands pushing your hair from your face so he could look into your eyes.
"Good girl, just a little bit more then you have to swallow it all okay?" You nodded in understanding before dedicating yourself to making Erwin cum. Little moans and left his lips, his fingers raking through your hair trembled a bit as he got closer and closer to climax, "yes, just like that" he purred, voice rough and low, "such a good girl" he grunted, hands tightly gripping your hair in fists. He pushed you down as he thrusted up into your throat, thick bitter cum filling your mouth. You looked up at him with wet eyes, swallowing his large load as fast as you could before the excess could spill out.
Erwin caught his breath, hands releasing your hair slowly. Strands that had broken in his tight grip clung to his skin as he leaned back, cock twitching between your lips. A few more spurts filled your mouth again before you finally removed it. Licking your lips you waited to find out what happens next, thrilled beyond belief at the wild sexy ideas rapidly churning in your mind.
"Three questions, then your reward if you get them all correct" he smiled down at you, you nodded your head and waited with baited breath, "we'll just do vocabulary to make things easy, one: humanism."
"A philosophy during the Renaissance that valued human thoughts and ideas. It led to the study of classical writings and art" you answered shakily, your heat desperate for whatever reward was in store for you.
"Good, two: printing press" Erwin ran his fingers through his own hair, watching you look up at him needily.
"A machine for reproducing written material with ink" your thighs trembled below you, you could feel the stick wetness in your panties squishing as you rubbed your legs together.
"Three: indulgence" he chewed his lip, eyes fluttering closed as he waited for your answer.
"A pardon that released someone from punishment for their sins" you whispered out the answer, awaiting the sinful reward you were bound to receive.
"Very good" he stood up, cock half hard smacking against his thigh as he moved his chair, "remove your pants" he said over his shoulder as he pushed the chair against the wall. You did as requested, excited to feel him inside you, "elbows on the desk" he turned to face you as he finished unbuttoning his shirt, letting the cotton button up fall off his shoulders before he tugged off the white undershirt. You stood in awe of him for a moment, drinking in the sight of his beautifully chiseled body.
You turned and pressed your elbows and palms on the desk, feeling a little nervous about his eyes on your exposed holes. You gasped as his large, warm hands gently ran down your ass then thighs. You heard him moving behind you, your eyes squeezed shut as you waited for him to do something. A surprised moan escaped you at the feeling of his tongue dragging over your slit, his thumb rubbing circles on your clit as he began a steady pace for lapping at your soaked cunt.
"Fuck" you breathed out, face pressed against the desk as Erwin earnestly devoured your pussy. He didn't let up as you trembled, his face pushing hard against you as he held your legs open, "oh my god!" You gasped as he inserted a finger, pushing deep inside you as he kept licking and sucking at your folds. He moved his finger inside you steadily faster and faster pulling whines and moans from your lips.
"You taste delicious" he purred, breath hot against your wet skin. He leaned back to watch his finger disappearing inside you before adding a second, making you moan even louder, "quiet down a bit" he chuckled, "the room isn't sound proof" he got back to eating you as you tried, and failed, to keep your voice down. A few more loud moans, muffled a bit by your hands, left you before your pussy began spasming around his fingers just on the edge of climax. He chuckled as he pulled out of you, standing up he pressed the head of his cock against your hole.
"Please Professor Smith" you begged, wiggling your ass impatiently, his strong hand holding your hip as he slowly impaled you, "amazing!" You mewled as his girth stretched you, a low groan left him once he was fully buried in you.
"Ready?" He murmured, leaning down to kiss the back of your neck.
"Yes, please fuck me sir!" You whined and he quickly gave it to you. His hips slamming into you over and over, large balls slapping your clit pulling back strings your arousal each time they swayed away again. Erwin held your waist tightly, gruff moans in the back of your neck as he filled you with his cock.
"I'd love to have some more extra study sessions with you in the future" he purred in your ear as he slowed his hips, feeling your pussy trembling from your first orgasm, "I think it would really benefit you to have more one on one tutoring from me" he slammed in hard and stayed put, "right baby girl?" He kissed down the back of your neck as you whimpered out yes a few times.
Large, hot hands feathered up your stomach under your shirt until he reached your breasts. His mouth still connected to your nape as he kneaded the supple flesh, his hips began slowly moving again. He thrusted slowly, fully to the hilt before pulling almost completely out again. He kept the slow pace for a few minutes as he murmured about how amazing it felt to be inside you. Erwin pulled you up with him as stood up a bit, hands still on your breasts as he fucked up into you.
"Take your shirt off and sit on my desk" he breathed out as he released you. Head fuzzy and legs barely able to hold you up you did as he said, sitting completely bare on his desk Erwin smiled lazily and looked you up and down before standing between your thighs. He pulled your ass to the edge until your pussy hit his cock, "ready?" He smiled, inserting himself before you could even finish saying yes. You wrapped your legs around his hips as he fucked you, your hands holding his biceps as his hands wandered your exposed skin.
"So good, so good!" You whined out, hanging your head back as the second orgasm washed over you. Erwin leaned down to kiss your throat, nipping gently at the skin as his hips slowed down again. He pushed you onto your back, hands squeezing your breasts as he watched his cock push into you.
"I'm close" he whispered, grabbing your legs by the backs of your knees. Erwin pressed your knees to your chest, fucking as deep into you as he possibly could. Moving slowly to feel every inch of your insides as he could as you moaned and whimpered below him, body overheating and mind completely fucked dumb. A few more thrusts and he pushed all the way in, his cock twitching for release as he forced himself not to cum. Slowly he dragged out of you before exploding white ropes on your stomach and chest.
Erwin let go of your legs and opened one of his drawers on the desk, pulling out a tissue box he attempted to clean you off. His hands shaking and eyes struggling to focus, tissues too weak to soak up the mess he'd made.
"I'm sorry, just give me a moment" he mumbled, cock still drooling cum on his leg as he tried to focus. Instead he dropped to his knees and began eating you out again, overstimulation making it impossible to hold back your moaning. He licked up your slit then over your stomach, eating his seed off your skin as he slowly rose to his feet again. He murmured apologies as he licked you all over, getting distracted from the task of getting his cum off you to suck on your nipples.
"Please, professor" you whined, head hung back as he fingered you and sucked on your breasts, "it's too much, I can't handle any more" you whimpered, hands pawing at his muscular back.
"Just a little more" he smiled against your skin, "I'm getting hard again, do you think you can hold out for a little long?" You looked up at him through hazy eyes, Erwin was disheveled in the sexiest way imaginable. The thought that this man was so desperate to get his cock back inside you enough to make your pussy pulse around his fingers.
"I can take it" you watched his eyes fill with delight as he stood up.
"Thank you" he purred, "you're the best student I've ever had" his breath hitched as he pushed his cock back inside your overused hole, his shape still fucked into you he slid in easily. You let your professor have his way with you for another round, this one much shorter than the last. He at least had you suck him as he finished, cumming in your mouth required less cleanup. The two of you spent and panting, sitting on the floor of his office he pulled you into his wide chest, planting sloppy kisses on your cheek.
"Professor Smith?" You swallowed nervously, the reality of it all hitting you.
"Call me Erwin" he purred back, kissing down your neck.
"Now what?" You held back a whine in reaction to his lips on your skin.
"Well," he sat up straight and cleared his throat, "why don't we schedule your extra study sessions for Fridays" he smiled, "you'll be a top student in no time."
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