#dad joke anon

[villains-promise]

Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.

#villain's promise #dad joke anon #welcome back i suppose

[queerbuckleys]

What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays.

Now I have one for you:

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

#you would fit right in my weekly department meeting #ask aj and they answer #dad joke anon

[carcinized]

What's a ghost's favorite fruit? Boo-berries!!

(man i havent been on tumblr in forever but i thought while im on may as well send a dad joke :) hope youve been doing well tobin!!)

-dad joke anon (back from a vacation)

good one for the spooky season :] HI DAD JOKE ANON OMG ITS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU. i am also never on tumblr anymore but i am glad that when i opened it today i got to hear from you :] i hope you are doing well friend i missed you <3

#ask #dad joke anon #<333333

[justalonelybitch]

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent

Hehe, more!!

#dad joke anon

[vmplvr1977]

Did you hear the news? Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. 😁

#t answers stuff #dad joke anon

[misc-obeyme]

I had a dream where I almost called Lucifer “dad.” Woke up in a cold sweat after that😭 But would it be far-fetched? I mean, wasn’t it mentioned that one of the brothers called him “dad” off-handedly? (Idk if this ACTUALLY happened—I kinda remember Lucifer himself said Mammon called him dad once and still teases Mammon for it, but don’t quote me on that.) Lucifer might be the big brother, but he honestly gives off tired-dad vibes😂 Imagine how he’d actually feel if MC called him dad one day, like straight up. That would definitely make things awkward and make great material for the rest of the brothers to tease him on, aka he’s been dad-zoned😅

That did indeed happen, anon! It’s from a daily chat in the OG between Lucifer & Mammon (chat name 12) that’s just called “I’m Sorry.”

So no, it wouldn’t be far-fetched at all lol.

Lucifer is absolutely a DILF as far as I’m concerned. You know he is so dad coded it’s not at all a stretch for MC to end up calling him that.

And if it happened I fully agree that the others would never let him forget it. He’s been dad zoned, that is perfect 😆

I think he would probably blush and frown, maybe ask MC if that’s how they see him. He might think it’s cute when Mammon does it but I don’t think he’d like to hear it from MC. If he has a more platonic relationship with MC then he’d probably think it’s cute. But if he’s more romantically inclined then you can be sure he won’t lol.

I also think that the story would get around. Like Lucifer shows up at RAD and Diavolo is immediately like “Well if it isn’t Dad!” Or something along those lines. Lucifer would be so annoyed. Whoever told Diavolo is in big trouble. Lucifer starts lecturing all his brothers about not spreading such things, to which everybody is just like see this is why you get called dad.

So really it’s his own fault lol.

#there is a daddy joke here somewhere #but I can’t quite find it lol #maybe people would be less inclined to call Lucifer dad if he stopped acting like one #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me lucifer #anon asks #misc answers

[linos-kitten]

dad!minho and his sweet little daughter?🥹❤️

okay i might cry just because dad!minho would be so so cute ☹️❤️

i will be writing a oneshot for it very very soon, so keep your:

fake eyes open ✖️

real eyes open ✔️

#linos-kitten #millie's asks #anonymous #anon ask #answered #i hope u got the joke lol #this is so cuuuute #stray kids #lee know #skz #kpop #skz lee know #skz lee minho #stray kids lee know #dad!skz #lee know fluff #stray kids fluff #skz fluff #stray kids imagines

[martyrbat]

madness – batman: haunted knight

#debating which way i want to go with my tags #do i make a joke or do i have a ransom moment that makes my mutuals mildly concern #hes still a dilf because the D still stands for dad. not always a good dad but a dad never the less. #ill still suck his dick silly style but im not happy about it. #(went joke moment to give my mutuals a break and also because #he does apologize and admit hes wrong & fixes it after she literally gets kidnapped and held hostage by mad hatter after sneaking out tho #so it makes up for it but also.... ooh boy.) #c: batman: haunted knight | madness #jim gordan #barbara gordon #ask to tag #i guess ? its nothing violent or anything but it is a family argument and i know how those sensitivities can be. #no judgement ever if u need it or smthn else tagged or suggest one; i promise. dm me or send on anon and ill do it :) #id in alt btw :)

[goldenamaranthe-blog]

Big daddy yang's reaction to some punk who cheats on or hurts any of her daughters? Or son. Keir needs a protective daddy too.

Let's have some fun with this, shall we? Cross universes!

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

Door bursts open to Tian, Keir, Yin, and Kela all running in crying.

Yang: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold your horses, kids! What's wrong?

Tian: Sheila broke up with me because I'm "too ugly" after the Grimm incident!

Yin: Blair called me a little housecat and told me to wear a collar!

Keir: I caught Oz kissing another man underneath the bleachers!

Kela: I caught Brine kissing Oz underneath the bleachers!

Yang: (eyes flick red and the Kill Bill sirens play in the background)

Blake: What's going on?

Yang: Blake, watch the kids. I've got some business to take care of. (goes into the back room)

Blake: (trying to console the four kids) What happened?

TYKK: (relay their heartaches)

Blake: Oh.... Oh, no....

Yang: (comes out dressed in Branwen bandit attire, weapons everywhere, and Raven's mask) Ma sure knew what she was talking about when she said I might need this! I'll be back in time for dinner!

Blake: (watches as Yang rushes out the door and sighs) Who wants ice cream while we wait for the police to call?

#bumbleby #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #rwby crack post #protective dad yang #don't hurt those kids #baby and the bees #single mom au #equal opportunity #thank you anon #anon is truly bloodthirsty - joke

[cottoncandyfreckles]

hihi! could you do cg howdy hcs?

🐛CAREGIVER HOWDY PILLAR HC'S🐛

🐛when you look up the term easy going caregiver howdy's the top result

🐛when it comes to nicknames he'd probably call you his 'favorite lil customer' or his 'lil bug' or 'lil pal'

🐛you will never ever ever have to worry about not having little gear ever again howdy's got plenty in stock free just for you

🐛other than Barnaby your his favorite customer he'll always give you a special discount just for you

🐛he might even slip some candy or other treats into your pockets when you don't notice when your extra good

🐛he'll tell you all his family drama to you as a result you know all his family or at least try to know considering how many are there

🐛he loves to run the bodega with you in his arms i helps him calm down durning busy days

🐛he will tell you so so so many nursery rhymes

🐛Barnaby's most likely your babysitter if he's not available he leaves you with Poppy

🐛don't worry if your very clingy he has four arms after all he can definitely multitask

🐛 when you ask him what type of butterfly he's gonna be he'll just ruffle your hair and go 'can't say don't wanna ruin the surprise for my favorite customer'

🐛he will tell you so many dad jokes

🐛in short howdy's just the great caregiver for any little

#THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON THIS WAS SO FUN TO MAKE #also i ship barnaby and howdy together these two will make the greatest dad jokes of all time #welcome home agere #agere community #fandom agere #caregiver headcanons #agere hcs #sfw agere #sfw caregiver #safe agere #agere

[villains-promise]

What does a house wear? Address.

what have i done to deserve this treatment 😭

#not villain's promise related #dad joke anon

[queerbuckleys]

what did one dinner plate say to the other one?

Don't worry, dinner's on me.

This is what anon is meant for 🩷

#ask aj and they answer #dad joke anon #also I am turning the 🩷 into my brand #rip if you don’t have her but she’s my best friend

[skyloftian-nutcase]

I sort of work in healthcare (not medically certified but I have a position in a nursing home) and idk what code this would be for a hospital (if there even is one) but how would the healthcare boys handle a code being called for a missing patient?

(@hermitdrabbles56)

Legend sighed, blowing some stray hair out of his face as he tapped his fingers on the desk. It was a fairly slow night in the ED, a pleasant surprise, though it made time practically crawl.

Legend had helped the tech restock all the supply carts in his pod, had reread all the notes in his patient’s charts, and still found himself with four hours of his shift left. He had two patients, one of whom was just waiting on lab results and the other was getting admitted and was waiting on a bed. He had absolutely nothing to do.

So when an alert popped up on the computer screen, he perked up with interest. He wondered if there was a fire alarm in a nearby building that has been activated. Instead, he saw security walking briskly, and he looked back at the screen with a little unease.

“Elopement?” He read out loud.

“Looks like,” Warriors commented as he came up beside him. “Came from 6 central, male in his twenties, brown hair, facial tattoos—”

Warriors stopped mid sentence, frowning. The realization dawned on him just as Legend jumped to his feet.

“That’s Twilight!”

The pair nearly tore out of the ED, asking a fellow nurse to watch their patients and making their way to the elevators. Legend was texting Twilight furiously while Wars updated everyone else who was at work.

Wild answered first. Wait the elopement is Twi?? Wth??? I’ll search the basement

“What is he thinking? It’s three in the damn morning!” Legend muttered to himself before yelping as he rounded a corner and slammed right into someone.

Twilight stumbled back unsteadily, throwing a hand out to catch himself. Warriors hastily jumped forward, catching their friend by the hand and guiding him to the floor. Legend reoriented and immmediately opened his mouth to snap at the tech-turned-patient when he got a good look at him.

Twilight was in a pair of pajama bottoms and his hospital gown, eyes glazed with confusion and bags sitting heavily underneath them. Legend knew his friend hadn’t been sleeping well during his hospital stay after his emergent appendectomy, but—

“Need to go home,” Twilight muttered.

“He’s freaking delirious,” the travel nurse groaned as Warriors put a steadying hand on Twi’s shoulder.

“We’ll help you, okay?” the war veteran said gently with a smile. “Let’s get up.”

As Warriors tried to help Twilight to stand, the tech jerked all of a sudden, landing a solid punch right to the nurse’s jaw. Warriors grunted, falling backwards as Legend yelled.

“What the hell Twi, calm down! It’s us!”

Twilight’s eyes were crazed now, and his breathing picked up exponentially before he stood and started to back away. Legend crouched by Warriors to check on him, and the latter waved him off with a groan.

“I’m okay,” he slurred as he rubbed his jaw. “Good grief he can throw a punch.”

“Twilight, you’re safe,” Legend tried to appease their friend as he hovered near Warriors protectively. “It’s us, Legend and Wars, your friends. You’re in the hospital.”

“Need to go home,” Twilight insisted.

“Twilight?”

Legend and Warriors looked behind their confused brother to see Time paused by the elevator.

“He’s delirious,” Warriors said before flinching.

“Shut your trap until I can get some ice on it,” Legend hushed him before continuing, “He’s confused and ran out of his unit and he hit Wars.”

Time stared at Twilight for a moment as the latter started to stumble in another direction, not noticing them anymore. The surgeon slipped easily into his path without touching him.

“Hey Link,” he greeted gently. “You want to go home?”

“Home,” Twilight insisted anxiously.

“Okay,” Time appeased. “Let’s take you home. Can you follow me home?”

When Legend rose to help, Time shook his head. “Look after Warriors.”

Warriors rolled his eyes. “He only punched me once. I’m fine.”

“How is it we get abused so much that we say stuff like that?” Legend moaned, rubbing his face in frustration. “I’ll take care of him, old man. Just don’t let Twi land a hit on you.”

As Legend helped Warriors stand, Time coaxed Twilight into an elevator. The young man paced the confined space uneasily, sometimes rounding on Time as if he had just noticed him. Time gave a reassuring smile and a gentle reminder each time. When they reached the sixth floor, the surgeon carefully guided the younger man down the hallway.

Twilight stopped just short of the doors. “I need to go home.”

“I’ll take you there,” Time reminded him for the eighth time. “It’s okay. You’re safe, Link.”

Twilight shifted uncomfortably before he looked at Time closely.

And then he randomly burst into tears, catching the surgeon off guard.

“Twilight—”

“Pa,” Twilight called pathetically, his voice shaking. “I—home—they said—where—”

Time stood there awkwardly for a moment, unsure what to do. He was nervous to get too close given what had happened to Warriors, and his interactions with patients was never when they were so delirious.

Maybe he should have let the nurses come along. They were better suited to handle this.

The surgeon shook his head. He could handle a delirious patient, especially Twilight.

Most especially because of the title he’d just called him.

Taking a breath and feeling his heart flutter with both warmth and anxiety, he stepped forward and held out a hand. “It’s okay, Link, I’m here.”

Twilight sniffled, stumbling into Time and disregarding his hand entirely. Time caught the boy with sharp reflexes and a surprised grunt before settling into a hug, whispering, “Shh, it’s okay. I’m here.”

They stood there together a moment, Time gently rocking them both as he spoke reassurances into his boy’s hair. Then, Twilight abruptly stumbled away, his tear stained face and puffy cheeks twisting in fright.

“There’s—he said to—someone’s in the corner—”

“Nobody’s in the corner, Link,” Time assured him. “It’s just you and me.”

After pointing out that no one else was nearby, and reminding him that they were going to bed at least twice, Time finally managed to convince Twilight to enter into the unit where his room was. His nurse immediately came forward alongside the charge nurse.

“I think he could use a sedative,” Time said with a smile.

“No kidding,” the frazzled looking nurse muttered. “LIP already put in for one. We’re working on getting a sitter but nobody’s available.”

Time shrugged as everyone coaxed Twilight back to bed. “I can stay with him.”

As the nurse brought him some supplies to keep himself occupied, he watched Twilight attempt to get out of bed again, setting off the bed’s alarm. He stood quickly as the nurse rushed in after having just left, and he coaxed the young man to settle once more.

After finally getting some ramelteon and seroquel, Time watched Twilight twist and turn in the bed and gently redirected his hands when he picked precariously at an IV.

Twilight glanced at him, and for a moment he looked like he recognized him. Then he reached out towards the surgeon, about to get up and set off the alarm again. Time stepped forward hastily, taking Twilight's outstretched hands in his own.

“You’re okay,” he said softly, stroking his boy’s fingers with his thumbs.

“W’nna go home,” Twilight whined sleepily.

Time watched him a moment longer and then sighed, bringing down the side rail of the bed so he could slip into it. Twilight moved over for a moment and then dazedly settled halfway on top of the surgeon, making him chuckle. After raising the railing once more, Time wrapped them both in blankets, holding Twilight close.

To think the kid could have gotten worse, to think his appendix could have burst, he could have gotten septic and died, all because he was too stubborn to come in until Wild called for help because he couldn’t carry him to a car.

Couldn’t carry him out of that hell hole the pair currently lived in.

“W’nna… home…” Twilight muttered sleepily, his breath tickling Time’s neck.

“Don’t worry,” Time soothed, rubbing his back. “I’ll take you home.”

To a real home, one without roaches, one without safety concerns, one with warm soft beds and food and animals that he loved so dearly. Twilight and Wild and their puppy were never going back to that motel.

“I’ll take you home,” he repeated as Twilight finally settled to sleep.

#you ask skye answers #lovely anon #lu in healthcare #I have never dealt with a code for elopements tbh #but I think generally in hospitals there’s a broadcast to security and probably on screens for employees to see #God bless you for working in a nursing home hon #I could never do it #anyway #lu warriors #poor guy’s gonna have a sore jaw for a day or so #lu legend #lu twilight #lu time #Time being a dad #Wild went to visit later #A sleep deprived patient = delirious patient and LET ME TELL YOU #delirium is no joke #and they often hurt themselves accidentally like pulling out IVs or falling #but they can also get aggressive #Twilight will remember absolutely none of this poor thing

[justalonelybitch]

What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad? A faux pa

Smh, faux pa...that you? 🤨

#dad joke anon

[vmplvr1977]

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction! 😁

#dad joke anon #t answers stuff

[misc-obeyme]

step one: pull up to the celestial realm

step two: 'actually, its pronounced 'jod.'' refuse to be corrected

step three: get kicked out within 24 hours profit

-🥐

The first thing I thought of was... but what if step three was prophet instead? The Celestial Realm is like this human speaks the word of jod!

alkdjffdlakdf please don't mind me, just bein' stupid lol.

Anyway, depending on how well the angels can handle a joke, you'd either get kicked out fast or they'd think it's funny and let you stay.

Michael certainly seems to be a bit of a goofy guy, so maybe he'd be like, hey I get why my former brothers are so fond of this human now!

Perhaps you end up sweeping all those angels off their feet and now they're all in love with you... just like their demonic counterparts.

Hmm I kinda like the idea of an MC showing up in the Celestial Realm and basically taking over by befriending everybody lol. That feels like something that could happen in the actual story.

#of course the first thing to come to my mind is a pun #sheesh #what am I? #a dad? #we're doin dad jokes now? #obey me #obey me nightbringer #🥐 anon #misc answers