Not Alive, Nor Dead
[PREV PART] [AO3]
I was finishing up a cranberry jam while writing the first paragraphs, so I gave Ghost some to eat as well lol
The pantry is well stocked, for how barren the safe house is. Ghost sighs as he moves another stack of canned corn. What wouldn’t he give to have some tea right about now.
He settles on a jar of what looks like strawberry jam and a few crackers as his breakfast, and takes his food to the unstable table in the center of the room.
Johnny still hasn’t woken up, Ghost bitterly notes while munching on the stale crackers. The fact his fingertips are still unlit only sinks the stone in his chest further down.
He switches focus to Rudy when the man stirs awake, blinking bleariness away and straightening in his chair. He notices Ghost after looking at where Soap is and confusingly searching the room.
Rudy yawns as he comes to sit next to the table, “you didn’t wake me up for lookout?”
Ghost swallows another piece of remarkably dry cracker, “looked like you needed it more than me.”
The Vaquero’s eyes soften a tad, and he silently watches Ghost continue eating before getting up, “I’ll make us a tea.”
Ghost can feel his eyes widen, thanking each and every fucking Reaper in his heart, “cheers.”
Rudy smiles at his sudden bout of energy. The man instantly shot up in Ghost’s ‘most favored’ list.
Gaz joins their little breakfast not soon after, probably summoned by the heavenly smell of Rudy’s tea. They go about eating quietly, Ghost observing the others sending worried glances at Soap every few seconds. It almost starts to irritate him.
He hates not knowing what’s going on. He hates seeing Johnny in this state, knowing it’s Ghost’s fault.
Ghost cradles the still-warm mug, now empty, when he sees little flashes of light appearing in the room. He tilts his head in confusion, following the little manifestations materialize into moths, the tiny beings of light lazily flying around.
He gets up, slowly walking closer.
“Ghost? Something wrong?” Gaz calls behind him with a mouthful of corn.
“Moths…” he absentmindedly murmurs, following the otherworldly insects to the couch, to Johnny.
He hears the others get up from their chairs, “what are you talking about, hermano? I can’t see any.”
The moths land on Soap, idly walking over his cheeks, his arms, making their way down to his fingertips. They barely react to Ghost’s presence.
Garrick steps closer to him, “I think you need to sleep, mate…”
Ghost ignores them, watching as bright wings leave colorful embers behind them. Just like in Limbo, just like in his Reaper’s realm.
One small moth reaches Johnny’s fingertip.
Flame rekindles on his index.
More moths join it, lighting his right hand back.
“Look, his hand!” Gaz exclaims behind him, “is he waking up?”
A moth lands on his left arm, swiftly crawling to his hand. Johnny’s skin starts glowing, the veins under the dark marks of Limbo illuminate behind the insect.
The radiant blood flows down the limb, and Ghost feels the air heating up unnaturally. A sort of primal fear makes him take a step back.
Soap’s left hand ignites.
Johnny screams.
Fire, white, wispy flames, climb his arm, Soap jumping up, lifting his arm away from him, face contorted in pain.
Ghost hears voices behind him yell, try to calm his Sergeant down.
The fire continues to grow, engulfing his back, and for a split second Johnny looks up at Ghost with a plea in his eyes.
They tell him, “Make it stop, Simon.”
Without thinking, Ghost steps forward, and grabs Johnny’s left hand with his right. He expects pain to burn through him, but…
Ghost’s hand burns, the white flames turning his glove into ashes. Yet he doesn’t feel a thing, beside warmth, a sensation that reminds him only of bright smiles and silly jokes.
Johnny stops screaming, tries to shake off Ghost’s hold, “Simon, stop! Yer hand-!”
The flames instantly dissipate into the air, the moths along with it, leaving tiny specks of light to float through the air between them.
Johnny’s stare whips from Ghost’s eyes to their hands, and he lifts them to look at how Ghost’s skin, scarred as it may be, is completely unharmed.
Gaz and Rudy walk around them, horror on their face morphing to confusion.
Johnny gazes at Ghost’s eyes, “you’ve taken light… that’s what it meant.”
“What the fuck is going on?” Garrick finally asks.
Soap’s eyes unfocus, his stare drifting to the ground, hand letting go of his, “Limbo changed us.”
Ghost sees him faltering, legs weak and unstable. He catches his shoulder, “let’s get you something to eat first, Johnny.”
Soap looks at him, eyes wide, nodding meekly.
“Want some tea, Johnny?”
His Sergeant levels him with the most offended stare Ghost has ever seen on his face, “...no.”
Ghost basks in the way his eyes soften as they gaze at each other, “your loss.”
Garrick, ever oblivious, slams his empty (third) mug of tea, “alright, you two need to explain what the fuck is happening before I go mad.”
They both avert their eyes to look at Gaz, Rudy joining after finishing up with the dishes. Ghost sighs internally.
He supposes they can start from the start, “revenants in Limbo aren’t usually able to use their powers. I haven’t killed any particularly strong ones, but even the ones that do… they can’t escape its victims.”
Gaz nods thoughtfully, “no one survives the void.”
“No one except Johnny.” Ghost looks at the flickering flames on Soap’s hands, one bright with yellows and oranges, the other white. “At first, he survived only because I brought him to my safe zone. It changed him a bit, making him see the hands that try to grab me in this world, but this time…”
Soap picks up when his throat clogs, “Ghost was too far fer me to reach. I entered Limbo, and the victims tried to kill me.”
“But they didn’t” Rudy hums with interest.
Johnny shakes his head, “I blew them up, I kept killin’ them, but one got me.” he lifts his left arm, showcasing the fingerprints wrapping around his skin, “Ghost took back Limbo right after, but something changed. My hand felt cold, my fire was… different.”
Ghost looks at the unnatural white fire, “it looks like what I use to protect myself in Limbo.”
Garrick’s brows shoot up, “you gave him some of your powers?!”
“They gave each other”, Rudy realizes, “the fire didn’t burn your hand.”
Ghost feels his Reaper’s voice echo through the recesses of his mind, ”we didn’t give. We stole.”
“How is that possible…” Gaz trails off.
Ghost wonders as well. It’s one thing that one trip to Limbo allowed Soap to see his victim’s pesky hands, but to actually change his physicality?
Despite being its ruler, Limbo hides many secrets from Ghost. A place designed to kill anyone on Earth, no matter how strong.
He looks at Johnny. A revenant designed to destroy anything, literally anything, he ever touches.
An immovable object, meeting an unstoppable force.
“What happened to you right before you woke up?” Gaz shifts in his chair, questions still not entirely answered, “Ghost said he saw moths, but we couldn’t see shit.”
Soap startles at the mention of moths, turning to Ghost, “ye see them??”
“Not just in this world, Sergeant. They were in my Reaper’s realm as well.”
Johnny frowns, “the patterns… like ladders… they’re from your Reaper?”
“Affirm.”
Soap exhales, brushing his messy warhawk off his forehead, “I met my Reaper. It told me Ghost took something from me, but I took something as well. It said… we did something to our Reapers.” flames flutter between deft hands, “they’re connected. And now, so are we.”
Ghost looks at his right hand, scarred and ugly, and unharmed by fire.
Connected. For the rest of their lives.
The concept doesn’t scare him like it probably should.
Rudy and Gaz take a few moments to process the information. “What happens if you go into Limbo now, Soap?” the Vaquero questions.
“I rather we not put it to the test.” Ghost crosses his arms.
If he could, Johnny would never see the void again.
Soap, however, has other plans, “I want to. We should know what changed.” he casts a challenging stare at Ghost.
Ghost, the fool he is, relents. As he always does when those blue eyes gaze upon him.
“We can focus about that later. Do any of you know where Graves could’ve gone with hostages?” he diverts the conversation before Soap can drag him outside to take his newfound powers for a test drive.
Everyone’s face instantly darkens, “we have a few locations he could use… the base is the first.” Rudy taps a finger on the table, before rising, “we should have maps here, I’ll go look through them.” he gets up and heads for one of the backrooms.
“I’ll go with you” Ghost starts.
Rudy turns his head back, smiling slightly, “unless you can read Spanish, hermano, I don’t think you can help much. Worry about these two pandejos, alright?”
The two Sergeants squick incredulously.
Ghost can feel eyes burning the back of his head. Once Soap wants something, he really doesn’t forget easily.
He reloads the rifle he’s been examining for the last 15 minutes, all while a certain Scot has been staring daggers, practically whining for him to send him to the fucking void.
Ghost almost does it to spite him.
Gaz comes back from the walk he went to, surveying the entire safe house and checking the vehicles. He plops down beside the other sergeant, and starts floating not soon after.
“Heard Graves say something weird before everything went to shit.” he muses out loud.
Soap huffs, attention finally leaving Ghost’s head, “aye? What did the wanker blabber about?”
“Said something about you and Verdansk.”
Ghost turns to see Johnny stiffens. He decides to let his assumptions out now, “Johnny…”
Soap looks frantically between them, a sort of desperation clouding his eyes, before he yields and sighs.
“I suppose it doesn’t matter if I tell ye anymore… ye probably already know, don’t ye?” he looks at Ghost with that last sentence.
The group is quiet while Soap collects his thoughts.
“Ye heard about the accident in Verdansk, six years ago?”
Garrick nods, and Soap’s shoulders sag in defeat, “my squad had a mission there. Capture a Kastovian deserter. Callsign “Konchar”.”
Fire travels up the back of Johnny’s hands, “he knew we were coming. I separated from the rest, had to go defuse a metric ton of bombs.” he laughs humorlessly, “they both killed me and saved my life. Konchar… killed the rest of my squad. My Reaper told me, before letting me be reborn.”
“You wanted revenge…” Gaz’s brows are turned upward, as he feels the pain of his friend.
Johnny nods his head weakly, “I was stupid. Blind.” his breaths are slow and heavy, “Konchar found me, after the explosion. He told me he won’t die today, and shot me in the head.”
Garrick blanches, “Bloody hell…”
“It couldn’t kill me, but…” Johnny’s breath hitches, memories fleeting past his unseeing eyes, “it fucked my heid. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t remember, all I knew was rage and bloodlust.”
His pupils shrink in face of the growing fire, “we fought like fuckin’ animals, nothing else mattered beside killing the other person. Konchar threw whole buildings at me, but I kept exploding them. Buildings full of civilians.”
Johnny’s hands shake, “he screamed that his Reaper warned him about this, and in the back of my mind I realized that’s why he killed my squad. He wanted to get to me.”
Gaz puts a hand on Soap’s shoulder, and Johnny’s face crumples, “I killed him. Exploded his fuckin’ heid. My brain regenerated, and I looked around, and the whole city was burning.”
His arms light up, “I fuckin’ murdered millions, do you understand?! I’m an atomic bomb. They wanted to use me, but what the fuck are you supposed to do with that much power?!” Johnny was shouting now, his entire body shaking, “so they let me on defusal! I blew myself up again and again, but it doesn’t fucking matter how many times I die, it doesn’t change the fact I’m still a FUCKIN’ MONSTER-”
Garrick pulls Soap, strong hands tucking his head to his shoulder, “you’re not a monster, Soap. You couldn’t control yourself, you were about to die again. You were alone.”
Ghost gets up to take Johnny’s left hand, letting white flames swirl around their joined arms.
“I don’t care what you did in the past, Johnny.” Ghost murmurs, feeling the hand in his squeeze, “maybe you were a monster, for a moment. But the man I see now, he’s not. You’re as human as we are.”
And none of them are human. But they pretend.
Johnny pulls his head away from Garrick’s shoulder, wiping his face with his right hand, “I’m sorry…”
They stay together, air warm, and Ghost feels like this is the last safe place on earth for them.
“You don’t need to apologize, Johnny. We start grieving every mistake we made, we won’t be able to get up to change our future.”
Soap gives him a watery smile, “always the wise one, aren’t you?”
Ghost sighs, pressing his fingers to white flames, “experience will do that to you.”
Rudy opens the door at that moment, eyes fueled by determination, gaze hard before he takes in the scene, “oh I’m sorry… am I interrupting something?”
Gaz shakes his head as Ghost says, “got any news, Parra?”
The Vaquero nods grimly, “I got the place. I know where Graves took them.”
Hope this cliffhanger doesn't cause you as much pain as the others haha
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