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alienorstyx · 8 months

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A bouquet of roses

Precedent chapter: 4

Chapter 5: The life of a franco-german girl

18 July 1949, small village in Alsace-Lorraine

A little girl that everyone called East, but who secretly preferred to be called Esperanza, was such a sweet and innocent child. Esperanza was the name that an old Spaniard gives her a long times ago, the old man was always picking fruits and herbs in the forest. The little girl was only four years old at that time when they met, her father's servant had thrown her into the woods at dawn, without anyone knowing it in the household. The old man found her crying on a dead tree stump.

"What are you doing here, little one?" asked the stranger gently.

"Ma ...ma ... I want my mama ... my daddy's wicked servant ... took me and left me here. I don't know how to get back home..." Manages to answer the child between sobs.

"I see, don't worry, sweetie. We'll find a way home. Trust me. I'll just ask you three things in return."

"What do you mean? Do you know where my house is? I can see my mama, my dad and my brother again?"

"Yes, yes. Don't worry and be patient."

The old man held out his hand, and the child hesitated to take it. But she had no other solution to see her family again. The little girl felt reassured when they came out of the wood, she could see her house in the distance. The moment she let go of the old man's hand, he held her tightly.

"Before you go, the first favor I ask, is that if you are asked you tell them that : you came home alone from the woods and never saw me. Understood, little East? No, the name of Esperanza will suit you much better. Never forget who you are and who you will be. Be the light in this darkness. And don't believe your father's words, don't trust him.

The child nodded and went away. Sneaking back through the back of the house, everyone were still asleep. The little girl quickly cleaned herself with the bowl of cold water in the kitchen. Then she went back to bed. The servant became extremely pale when she saw her that morning, the child hesitated to tell her father what had happened, but the old man's warning was still fresh in her head.

From that day on, little Esperanza observed the behavior of her mother and her father, wondering why her mom cried every night, why she trembled every time her father touched her or approached her. The little girl had repeatedly returned to the woods to see the old man, who still called her Esperanza, he told her all kinds of stories, and he showed her the use of different plants to relieve the pain, those that were edible and those that were not. The child, confided to him what she had seen, the behavior of her mother and her father, she asked him if this was normal. The old man said no, but that the child was still too young to help her mother. That she had to try to give a lot of love to her mother so that she had the strength to leave her husband.

The little girl took his advice to heart, and tried everything possible and unimaginable to help her mother. She repeatedly turned her father's attention away from her when she saw that he was frightening her. One evening, her mother took her aside, and she tried to reassure her that everything was fine, that she had to stay wise and be a good daughter, that Mom would take care of everything. That everything would soon be over, and that the three of them would soon be free. She just had to give her husband a very special tea. And everything will be better afterwards.

Unfortunately, this was not the case. The Third Reich felt that the tea tasted strange and gave it to his German shepherd, who died after drinking it.

That evening, a terrible dispute broke out between France and the Third Reich. Their two children had taken refuge in their room, hidden under their covers. West was crying and wanted their argument to stop, he didn't understand what was going on. His twin sister tried to reassure him as much as she could.

The next morning, only their father had come down for breakfast. They quickly ate some bread slices covered with strawberry jam. And he told them to hurry up to go to school. West dared to ask him, if their mother could give them a goodbye kiss before going to school.

This was the first time he punches his son so violently. His head hit against the wall, so powerfully that pieces of paint fell to the ground. The wall was stained with red traces of blood and pieces of blond hair.

Everything happened so quickly, Esperanza looked at the body of her twin brother lying on the ground, then raised her golden eyes on her father, he looked completely crazy. Just as he was about to slap her in the face, for daring to look at him with such a terror-filled eyes. Her sweet mother intervened and was slapped in her place. More than the vision of her brother fainted on the ground, the image of her mother was what shocked her the most. Her body, so thin, was bloated by the bruises and the blows she had received the day before, her face was swollen and covered with bandage. She looked more like an undead than her sweet mother. She had trouble getting up from the floor. Esperanza was standing next to her when she heard her whispering the order to flee as far as possible.

Her father approached like a predator on her mother, ignoring his children, he easily ripped off the nightdress she was wearing. The child got up and passed between her father and the small space of the door frame, once outside she began to run. One of her little shoes was undone, but she didn't take the time to do it again, she had to go to the woods, where she would be safe.

From that man who wasn't her father, yes, it wasn't him. It could only be a monster that had taken on the appearance of her dear father, several years ago, it was the only possible explanation. Dad would never hurt them, no, he was such a loving and kind father.

The poor little girl fell on the ground due to the root of a tree, her knees and the apple of her hands burned her, she began to cry.

The sound of her sobs drew the old man, who looked at her. He approached gently and helped her to get up. The poor child told him of her misfortunes and the old man comforted her. Several hours had passed, the old man had fed the little girl and tried to distract her thoughts. As the dusk came, the old man ordered the poor child to return home, but not without taking a little seed, and he instructed her to plant the seed in the ground, in the shade, and to water it at every full moon, and one day a tree will grow, and in the first winter a fruit will grow, so beautiful and with a smell so sweet that everyone will want to taste it. You will have to pick it up and offer it to your father. So the evil that devours him, will disappear and you will find back your happy family.

The child followed his advice, and she went home. Putting the seed in her shirt pocket. In the distance, the lights of her house were still on. With every step she made her stress increased, and with every noise coming from the forest she jumped and cried like a little mouse.

She was hoping her mother and brother would be okay. The light in their room was on so he had to be fine, he must be playing at making cardboard figures and puppets. These thoughts reassured the child.

She did not go through the front door, which was closed. Instead, she went around the house, arriving in her mother's garden. Instead of finding it tidy and orderly as usual, the flowers were cut, the ground was covered with hyacinth, lilac, rose and tulips. The child noticed that the earth had been returned at the bottom of the garden and a fairly deep hole had been dug. The little girl threw the seed and some soil into it.

Once this work was done, she went inside the house. She heard nothing except the kettle that was whistling on the fire. The meal was on the table, there were three plates.

"Dad, maybe went to Berlin? After getting angry this morning." innocently thought the girl. She was getting hungry.

As usual when no one was there, she served herself a plate of soup and dipped some bread in it. When her soup was finished, she thought of West, which has to be in their room, perhaps he was still sleeping in his bed and that Mother was by his side. Which would explain why they didn't touch their plate.

Just as she was using a spoonful of tartiflette, her father entered the room. The child dropped the spoon in the dish and she picked it back up awkwardly.

Her father did not say a word. He took some soup and ate it quickly, then went back to the garage. She heard the sound of the engine of his car purring and he went off into the countryside.

The sight of her father and his quick passage to the table had caused the loss of the appetite of the little girl.

After putting her cutlery in the sink, the little girl took some almond cookies to bring to West. She put the cookies in a small handkerchief embroidered with flowers. Then she walked up the stairs, the wooden steps squeaking at each step. The closer she got, the more she could hear the sound of someone crying.

The child rushed up, taking the steps two to two, she arrived in less than two minutes at the door of her room, the sobs were stronger. Slowly and with some anguish, Esperanza opened the door. No sooner had she opened the door, that she saw her mother, kneeling on the ground, her head hidden in the sheets, holding the hand of West.

She approached slowly, her mother did not notice her. Her brother was lying on his bed, his head was covered with a white band-aid, his little eyelids were closed, he was so pale. He looked like a fragile porcelain doll. His little lips were very clear. The boy opened his eyelids, his emerald green eyes stayed on his mother and then on his sister, he tried to formulate a few words that were inaudible for his relatives. His eyelids closed and would never be opened again. It was his last sleep among those he loved.

The next day, was a rainy day, his little body was put in an oak coffin. The poor girl put her little handkerchief filled with cookies against his right arm, as she was sure he would have liked to eat them. The poor child could not hold back her tears, she had cried all night long, beside her mother and throughout the morning.

It was now noon, and his little coffin will be buried in the garden among the trees he loved so much.

The hole she saw last night was his. Men whom she had never seen took the coffin and placed it in his final resting place. Then they threw dirt on it and quickly covered it. The child just had time to threw a yellow tulip over the coffin. Her mother was collapsed on the ground, kneeling in the mud, crying and shouting the name of her missing son. Her father wasn't there, he didn't came back last night. It was for the best, because mom couldn't bear to see him, he had taken their son away from her.

A month had passed. She went to school, and sometimes sought the presence of her brother in the court yard. When he was alived, he was always waiting for her when they had to go to eat their lunch.

No one asked her about his disappearance, everyone knew.

She watched her mother cry every night, and visited his grave every day. She also did, every time it was nice outside, she would sit under the tree and tell him about her day at school, and then when it rained, she would take Mom's big umbrella and sing one of the songs she'd learned.

At the beginning of September, Esperenza noticed a small stem coming out of the earth. So frail and so fragile. It was then that she remembered the old man's words. Every day the stem grew bigger and stronger.

The child noted in her diary:

September 27:

Today, mommy stopped crying. Her eyes seem empty. She doesn't seem to see me anymore. Every morning and evening we eat the same meal.

September 29:

Today, mom and I went to the village, there was some kind of fair.

People were nervous. They looked at the sky a lot. Maybe they were looking for a rain cloud. But today, the sky was so blue.

We went to church, Mom started praying. It bored me, so I went to play in the garden next door. I hid behind a wall when I heard someone coming, I thought it was the priest and I was not allowed to be here. I'm sure West would have liked to play hide-and-seek in the church like when we were little.

I'm a big girl, I mustn't cry, I'll be 9 soon!

It was the baker and the grocery man, he looks like a Jew with his big nose and big ears, and his little eyes, he always looks mean. I don't like him. The baker is nice, she gave us candy and sometimes cakes.

They talked about the war? I thought it was over. I thought we won.

That there are rumors that the United States started the war with the Japanese Empire after the attack on a large ship, I don't know what they called it... Porte-a something. And that the bad guys on the east side, the soviets are attacking our borders.

Maybe that's why father's gone.

I hope he dies at the front.

I hate him so much.

October 23:

It's been a long time since I wrote. Sorry, dear diary. Father had returned home and he brought with him a funny lady, she is blonde and only speaks German. I don't like her, she looks stupid and she's mean. She blamed Mom for West's death. BUT IT'S DAD'S FAULT!! If he hadn't hit him, he'd still be here, and so would Mom.

She disappeared yesterday. Father refuses to tell me where she is. He wants me to consider this Hungarian woman as my mother. I don't want to. She's not my mom! I want to see her again.

I miss her already.

November 3:

Mom still hasn't come back. I go every night to the tomb of West, when I don't get caught by this shrew. She hates that I don't call her Mutter. To me she's just a stranger, she doesn't belong here. I want them back.

November 8:

She almost found you. Good thing I hid you in our little secret corner, that West and I found when we were playing hide and seek, I put there his most important things and Mom's stuff. Because otherwise I would have nothing to remember them. The Hungarian woman had throw everything away when I was in school yesterday. When I came home and saw what she did, I cried and I insulted her rudely. She tried to slap me, but I threw the old bread at her. She tried to told my dad last night and I said she was lying, that she hit her head throwing out Western and Mom's stuff.

He didn't say anything. He doesn't seem to care.

November 18:

The Hungarian woman, during the dinner, she announced that she was pregnant from father, at least six months old. They were waiting for me to be happy for them. I didn't say anything and went to lock myself in my room.

November 19:

She didn't like that I didn't care about her future baby. And she demanded that father punish me. He forbade me to go out and slapped me. I said :

"Are you trying to kill me like WEST!"

He was going to slap me a second time but he hesitated. I am deprived of meals for the next two days. That must have pleased this filth.

November 20:

I miss my twin brother. He would know what to do in this situation, he was so smart.

I want to see Mom again.

December 1:

I made a very big mistake but I don't regret it. She has everything she deserves.

The Hungarian woman came into my room and found my secret hiding place, she was furious and she yelled at me and then chased me. At one point, she come down with her hands filled with Mom's and West's stuff, and I knew she was going to throw it down the chimney and burn it so that "nothing remains of them like what we do for all these other degenerates," as she told me. She had her happy smile. So I didn't think and I took the broom that was against the wall and I hit it on her back and that was enough to knock her down the stairs.

She was bleeding at the bottom of the stairs and I didn't care. I picked up their stuff and stashed them again.

Father came home several hours later, it was already dark outside. She was still on the ground. He took her to the hospital.

December 3:

It was quiet all day yesterday, I was able to immerse myself in my memories.

Father came back this morning with this filth. She was crying like a crocodile, she had to tell father, that it was my fault.

He tried to punish me but I told him that she had fallen down the stairs all by herself and that she was trying to accuse me as in other accidents because I did not see her as my mother. He believed me because I was supposed to be working in my room for a project for school and he had ordered the Hungarian not to disturb me.

She hates me. I saw it in her eyes.

Father told me that I would finally not have a little brother or sister. Fortunately, I only have one brother and that is West.

December 6:

I saw the old man again on my way to school, and he said the fruit will be ripe soon. I can't wait. He advised me not to approach it before the first snow, that's when the fruit will be complete.

December 10:

The Hungarian has disappeared. All her stuff has been thrown in the garbage. I'm happy.

December 12:

It's my birthday. I'm nine and he's still eight.

December 15:

The village was bombed in the night, father told me. I hope it will snow quickly.

December 16:

He wants us to go. I refuse to go anywhere, I want to stay with him. He tells me we have to go to be safe.

December 17:

It snowed last night. The fruit must have grown. I wonder what it looks like. We have to leave today.

I looked for the fruit this morning. It's a red apple. It's so beautiful. I'll give it to him.

December 18:

We didn't go to Germany. Father passed out while we were walking to the station, after he ate the apple.

I'm waiting in the hospital.

Father is dead.

December 19:

Last night, a man, no, a representative of a country like Mom or Dad, came to see me. His name is United Kingdom and he was accompanied by another man called America. He asked me about Mom. I told him I didn't know where she was. He decided to take me with him to a less dangerous place.

I'm going to say goodbye to West tomorrow with these two gentlemen.

The two countries looked at the ruined house after the fall of a bomb on December 18. The United Kingdom had difficulty to think of all the suffering that his beloved had experienced. He was looking at the little girl who was going to see her brother's grave. If her brother was dead, there's a good chance that she was also dead. No, he had to check if this son of a bitch's papers and he would know what happened to her. In the meantime, he would look after her daughter.

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