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josiebelladonna · 5 years

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Character Chart (Maya from Watershed)

Character’s full name: Maya Isabelle Sorensen

Reason or meaning of name: continuation of the “m” names in my worlds (Mia from Have Your Cake and Marie from Painted in a Corner). She’s also named after the ancient Maya

Character’s nickname: Joey calls her Miss

Reason for nickname: he never learned her name until four chapters in

Birth date: May 17, 1964

Physical appearance

Age: 24

How old does he/she appear: 20

Weight: 114 pounds

Height: 5′5″

Body build: ectomorphic

Shape of face: oval

Eye color: hazel

Glasses or contacts: neither

Skin tone: white

Distinguishing marks: a weird horizontal scar on her forehead

Predominant features: see above

Hair color: black

Type of hair: wavy

Hairstyle: down

Voice: soft

Overall attractiveness: 9.7/10

Physical disabilities: none

Usual fashion of dress: nondescript, like regular street clothes

Favorite outfit: a bright yellow camisole Mrs. Hamilton lends her and black slacks

Jewelry or accessories: a silver pendant in the shape of an eye her sister gave her

Personality

Good personality traits: kind, polite, friendly

Bad personality traits: clingy, Joey at one point describes her as “too nice”

Mood character is most often in: curious

Sense of humor: dry

Character’s greatest joy in life: meeting Joey and Lars

Character’s greatest fear: her foster parents or Reverend Newberry finding her

Why? [spoiler]

What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? See above

Character is most at ease when: she’s around Joey

Most ill at ease when: she’s around Lars

Enraged when: she doesn’t know where her sister is

Depressed or sad when: see above

Priorities: getting her money in order and finding inner peace

Life philosophy: [REALLY BIG SPOILER]

If granted one wish, it would be: a redo of... something

Why? 🤫

Character’s soft spot: Joey

Is this soft spot obvious to others? To Cindy and Lupe

Greatest strength: [ANOTHER REALLY BIG SPOILER]

Greatest vulnerability or weakness: fear of blue eyes

Biggest regret: [spoiler]

Minor regret: [spoiler]

Biggest accomplishment: [spoiler]

Minor accomplishment: [spoiler]

Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: [spoiler]

Why? 🤫

Character’s darkest secret: [SPOILER—you think I'm joking?]

Does anyone else know? Does a Bear shit in the woods?

Goals Drives and motivations: to publish her zine After the Watershed

Immediate goals: make a little money

Long term goals: [spoiler]

How the character plans to accomplish these goals: [trust me, you really don’t wanna know]

How other characters will be affected: [you REALLY don’t wanna know]

Past Hometown: Nottingham, England

Type of childhood: [spoiler? Spoiler]

Pets: a Belgian Malinois named Elsa

First memory: her sister holding her

Most important childhood memory: [nah]

Childhood hero: Harper Lee and Truman Capote

Dream job: bestselling author

Education: secondary school

Religion: atheist, originally Catholic

Finances: flat broke

Present

Current location: Oswego, New York

Currently living with: at first with the girls at Black Orchid, then Joey at his bachelor pad

Family

Mother: Greta Sorensen (née: Ellensburg) | Relationship with her: [spoiler]

Father: Marcus Sorensen | Relationship with him: [spoiler]

Siblings: Candace Bradley | Relationship with them: quite close. Or not.

Spouse: none

Children: none

Other important family members: Michael and Molly Morlente, her foster parents

Favorites

Color: yellow

Least favorite color: blue

Music: heavy metal (Joey and Lars introduce her to Anthrax and Metallica)

Food: fry bread

Literature: see Childhood Hero entry above

Form of entertainment: writing

Mode of transportation: [spoiler]

Most prized possession: her pendant

Habits

Hobbies: any kind of communique

Plays a musical instrument? No, but Joey and Lars teach her drums a bit

Plays a sport? Nope

How he/she would spend a rainy day: reading with a cup of tea

Spending habits: frugal

Smokes: nope

Drinks: a little drink once in a while

Other drugs: she tells the boys she tried ayahuasca before

What does he/she do too much of? Worry

What does he/she do too little of? Eat something

Extremely skilled at: speaking and persuading, anything involving brain power

Extremely unskilled at: emotions

Nervous tics: rubs her forehead, gets a headache often

Usual body posture: perfectly erect spine every single time

Mannerisms: clears her throat a lot

Peculiarities: when she gets into a bad mood, Joey says she takes on an almost “serpentine” appearance

Traits

Optimist or pessimist? Pessimist. So much.

Introvert or extrovert? Introvert

Daredevil or cautious? Daredevil. SO MUCH.

Logical or emotional? Logical

Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Neat (Joey even remarks on her orderliness and cleanliness)

Prefers working or relaxing? Working

Confident or unsure of himself/herself? A bit of both

Animal lover? Oh yes

Self-perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: [spoiler]

One word the character would use to describe self: [spoiler]

One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: [spoiler spoiler spoiler spoiler spoiler]

What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? Her mind

What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? Her heart

What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? Her hair

What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? Her legs

How does the character think others perceive him/her: she thinks everyone can see the real her

What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: [you... don’t wanna know]

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: Joey is sweet and kind and gentle. Not too sure about Lars, though...

Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? Yes

Person character most hates: Nancy and Dominique

Best friend(s): Candace and Joey

Love interest(s): [spoiler]

Person character goes to for advice: Ellen

Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: herself

Person character feels shy or awkward around: Cindy

Person character openly admires: Mrs. Hamilton

Person character secretly admires: Chris

Most important person in character’s life before story starts: Reverend Newberry

After story starts: Joey

#after the watershed #trying to get to know her better in particular before I really start writing #fanfic #fanfiction #oc stuff #text #nanowrimo

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nowitsdarkfic · 5 years

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chapter six (the prince and the pauper)

a/n: we’re getting a long here so i’m putting this one under a read more break

“What is this, an Abbott and Costello routine?”

I take a seat at one of the tables in the front room, the one closest to the entrance of the kitchen given the room itself smells of coffee and fresh cake. Yes, birthday cake! Lars follows suit in the chair across from me: I watch him adjust the lapels of his coat prior to sitting down. Underneath his sweater and his vest, I make out the round shape of a slight belly: indeed, taking a second glimpse at his face, I notice the roundness and fullness of his cheeks and lower jaw. It’s as if he used to be quite heavy but then lost a lot of the weight.

Indeed, the chair creaks under his weight: when he straightens himself upright, I can tell the seat is a little too snug for him. I rest my hands in my lap before crossing my right leg over my left, and I feel a little better about my thick thighs.

“Thin, silky, and elegant,” he remarks, his eyes scanning over me, “no wonder why you feel cold so easily.”

“I have a big black hole inside of me, though,” I point out.

“How come it hasn’t eaten you alive?”

“I know how to keep him pleased,” I assure him, and I rub my hand up my stomach. I could use another large bowl of soup courtesy of Cindy right about now.

“Before I gained some weight, I started wearing several layers,” he says, adjusting the lapels of his overcoat again. “It also makes sense to do it because it’s so bloody cold now in the Bay Area. James and I don’t know how you do it here upstate, Joe.”

“We do it ‘til our bones break and glaze over with hoarfrost,” I answer with another gentle caress of my stomach before bringing both my hands back into my lap. Lupe and Louie’s chattering catches my ear right then. I crane my neck for a peek into the narrow kitchen to the right of me. I don’t pay attention to him or the feet underneath the table, until the soles of my shoes slip upon the hard floor. I catch myself on the arms of the chair so he has a good view of my body.

“Forgive me for staring but—” Through my tousled hair, I notice him gazing on at me as if in awe. “--I never really got a good look at you before. You’re very handsome.”

I flick my hair back out of my face in order to look at him, and I feel my face grow warm.

“Handsome?” I’m flabbergasted.

“Yeah.” He tucks the same strand of hair behind his ear such that another glimmer of his wedding band on his ring finger. That’s getting a little annoying. “Dishy, in fact. You wanna know the truth? You seriously wanna know the truth? It actually amazes me in how you haven’t had the girls chucking their brassieres and their panties at you while you were up there, standing with the mic in hand and singing your heart out. I mean, you are just--” He leans forward so I can hear him better over Lupe and Louie’s chattering.

“--have any of the girls flirted with you?” his voice is so soft that I pause for a moment to actually comprehend what he was asking me.

“Here?”

“Yeah.”

“Yes, they have. They all compliment me, and they’re nice to me, and I think Gwendolyn--the black girl--might have a thing for me but I dunno.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?”

“Last night, while I was getting into bed, she goes ‘you’re so sexy, Joe’, and I’m like... ‘okay.’”

“Wait. What? Fucking... what?”

“She’s a stripper, Lars. A stripper. Strippers take their clothes off and are kind to you as part of their job.”

“So?” He almost looks hurt.

“So? I kind of expect that coming out of a woman like that.”

“Oh, puh-lease.” He rolls his eyes at me. “You really don’t think she doesn’t find you good-looking? I find you good-looking, man. I find you very sexy in fact. Even I am jealous of you.”

“You? Jealous of m--no.”

“It is true! You are very a sensual and lovely man, and you’re a front man on top of that. Front men always get the brunt of the action.”

“I didn’t get that much,” I point out to him.

“Alright, now you’re just fucking with me.”

“Dude, come on,” I roll my eyes at him, “alright, alright. I’ve seen you behind the kit. You’re a machine.”

“Seriously? I’m not that good, Joey. I’m not Charlie.”

“Pfff, nobody’s Charlie. Shit, Charlie isn’t even Charlie.”

“I wish I was as good as you think I am. And you’re smoldering compared to me. What have I got? I’ve got a fat round face and a belly that doesn’t know what to do with itself.”

“You have a wife, for Pete’s sake.”

“Right. A wife and I don’t know if you can see it very well, but thirty pounds around my hips, thighs, and waist. Really, it wasn’t long ago I actually had a big potbelly on me. I’m also in the silver medal position with a tug on my neck. There are moments I feel like I need to run out with this arrowhead with me.”

I’m taken aback by that. “Oh? Oh, really?”

“Yes,” he insists. “And I wouldn’t lie to you, either.”

I nibble on my bottom lip at that. “I’d think that you would,” I confess in a curt tone, “given you’re here right now, right next to me.”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You still didn’t answer my questions from earlier,” I recall. “Why are you here?”

He opens his mouth to say something but the sound of Lupe’s tinkling sweet voice stops him right in his tracks.

“Well, what about her, though?”

“Who, Maya?” asks Louie.

“Yes.”

“I dunno, maybe we can take her to the hospital if she doesn’t wake up soon.”

Lars leans over closer to me. I turn my head to better face him.

“Not to be rude, but who are they talking about?” he asks me in a low voice. “Do you know?”

“Oh, this little gal named Maya upstairs,” I explain in a near whisper, “I found her last night before the snow came in and the girls here and I have been trying to figure her out and take care of her.”

“Maya?” he echoes, knitting his eyebrows together.

“Maya... dunno her last name.”

“That’s funny, I just so happen to know a girl named Maya. And I know her through my wife, of all people.”

“Really.” I raise an eyebrow at that.

“Yeah. She introduced me during a party literally right before we were married and one thing that stuck out to me about her was this weird fucking crease on her forehead.”

“How was it weird?” I think about the crease on Maya’s forehead.

“Just... the way it was positioned, like I thought it was a lobotomy scar but it wasn’t. She never told me how she got it, either, but I swear it resembled a surgical scar of sorts.”

“That’s interesting. Maya upstairs has one on her head, too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s like prominent, too. When I was bringing her over here, I could see it in the dark and with rain in my eyes.”

“What shape is it?”

“Like a horizontal line, like a worry line almost. Except you can see it from a mile away.” I have an odd fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“Anyways, she is from England but her parents were from Norway... but I never would’ve guessed it because she had like real long dark hair and hazel eyes.”

“Wait, back up. You’re... still talking about Maya, right?”

“Yes. Maya Sorensen. She’s a British author with a punk zine called After the Watershed. It’s quite revolutionary because she goes quite in depth and she’s rather frank in her writing. I remember the first time I read the first edition, like I thought ‘wow, this woman is really going to go places with this, like I see more people going forth to write a zine of their own—”

“Yes, but you’re—talking about Maya, right?”

“Yes, unless there is a different Maya around here.”

“I’m sure I’m the one talking about Maya here, unless the one upstairs is a horse of a different color from the one you’re talking about...” My voice trails off and I lean back in my chair with my hands resting in my lap once again. But then I lean forward and bring my face back towards him.

“Wait, wait, wait,” I start again, setting my hands on the top of the table. “Back up, back up. Let’s clear this up. We’re talking about—Maya, right?”

“Right. Maya Sorensen.” He knits his eyebrows together once again. “And—may I ask how you know her?”

“I don’t.”

“How do you know her name then?” He flutters his eyelashes at me.

“I found her lying in a storm drain last night, bound at the ankles with a rope. She told Cindy and me her name but I never learned her last...”

Lars gapes at me as his skin washes out to the color of wet paper.

“You found her—laying--in a storm drain.” He looks like he’s about ready to puke.

“Yeah, the two of us just about froze to death while I was bringing her over here last night, too. Granted, I was more concerned with her because she was more battered than me. But I still passed out when I got here.”

“Oh—” He leans back in his seat with his hands rested upon the edge of the table. He glances around the floor around us. “Ohhhhh my God. That has to be one of—are you serious?”

“As serious as the black hole inside my stomach.”

He hesitates with a lick of the lips.

“Wait a minute, are we seriously talking about the same Maya here?”

“I don’t fucking know!” I can’t help but chuckle. He licks his lips at me.

“She’s upstairs--you said?”

“Yes. I can take you to see her if you’d like.”

“But I think you’ve got something coming for you, though. I keep smelling cake and beer.”

“Oh, yeah. That’s for my birthday party later tonight.”

His face softens at the sound of that.

“It’s your birthday?”

“Yes, sir. Twenty-eight years ago today, I crawled out from my mom’s snatch and began to show the world my legs. Yet here I am, poor as a motherfuck and with no prospects left than to my own wits, sitting in a strip club about four miles from home with the fat of royalty. Nice fucking life, am I right?”

“Twenty-eight,” he repeats it, “you’re twenty-eight.”

“Yes.”

The tip of his tongue slithers out of his mouth for a moment before it rides along the edges of his teeth.

“What’s so special about that?” I ask him.

“Twenty-eight, you’re a fucking stud. Hang tight, I’m going to check this woman out and make sure we’re talking about the same person.”

He climbs to his feet and pads out of the room towards the stairwell. I watch him ascend the steps for a moment before I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn my head to see Lupe looming over me wearing a thin black sweater embedded with silvery threads.

“Yes?” I ask her with a raise of my eyebrows.

“T minus some twenty-odd minutes before Mrs. Hamilton returns with some drinks to round out this party.”

“I don’t drink anymore, though,” I point out. She shrugs, and the grin never leaves her face.

“We can give you a virgin screaming orgasm if that’s what you’d like.” The way in which she said that made the fluttery feeling inside of my stomach return with a vengeance.

“Where’s the cake, though?”

“Cakes,” she corrects me.

“Cakes? There’s more than one?”

“All for you and that other stud muffin, birthday boy.” She flashes me a wink and for a second, I believe she’s about to kiss me but she never does. Instead, she ducks back into the kitchen with a toss of her hair and another wink at me before disappearing behind the door. I hear her speaking to Louie in a hushed voice in there; I catch the sound of Lars’ footsteps upstairs, stretching further away from me as he ascends up into the loft.

She did wish me happy birthday after all.

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thesportssoundoff · 5 years

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A TON to cover here so bare with me, y’all. Also remember this is a promoter talking so draw your own conclusions from here:

A good eight minutes or so of this was about Cyborg and it is a lot to take in. The general big takeaway is that Cyborg's going to be free to do whatever is she wants to do. "Releasing" Cyborg is just a nice way of saying they're waving the three month exclusive negotiating period. Made it clear that they had no intent to match any offers for Cyborg but we've seen them match people before so WE SHALL see. The UFC did wave that right on Lyoto Machida as well so maybe they're legitimate about that.

One thing that was brought up was Dana's comments about Cyborg in 2014. He sort of runs through it from a grander POV and again, your mileage may vary. He would've been better suited just admitting he was stiff with his comments/actions and just apologize for it. He tries to apply context but there's really no context that will make that come off in any sort of a good light. He talks about it where it began, where it came from and some of the factors around Cyborg at that time. He talks about the UFC paying for Cyborg to fight in Invicta and then in turn signing her to the UFC. The "I always hated Tito" line is mentioned as well for whatever that's worth. Basically in so many words it's nothing you haven't heard before.

As far as Cyborg being scared to fight Amanda Nunes, he mentions that she refused to fight Nunes and instead wanted Pam Sorensen or Cindy Dandois (which IS true) and eventually did get the fight done and she lost in 51 seconds. He talked about Cyborg not being able to get fights because women were afraid to fight her after she popped for PEDs. He points to GDR not taking the Cyborg fight because Cyborg popped for PEDs and then we get quotes of Cyborg saying that GDR was scared to fight her. "And so how can she be mad at me for saying she doesn't want to fight Amanda Nunes and I don't blame her?" Says everything is a smokescreen to get around her not wanting to fight Nunes and she can go chase the easy fights elsewhere.

"If you don't want to fight Amand and you don't want to be here then why do I want you here?"

-As far as the feathweight division? We get neither a yay or nay on it sticking around. Dana said Cyborg wasn't going to be the future of 145 lbs anyways and he'll talk to Amanda Nunes and see if she wants to fight at 145 lbs. "We'll continue to try and find talent like Felicia and continue to bring new challenges for Amanda."

-Same stuff re: Jones. Should be fine.

-Re Jones vs DC III, Dana says he doesn't think it needs to happen but the fans want it to happen. Said both guys want it at 205 lbs which is weird to him.

-Zuffa Boxing will be off the ground (he HOPES) in October. We've heard this before. They're officially building offices for it.

-They're doing TUF again. Basically what he said on Tuesday about it being the best way to test a fighter and so on so forth. We are stuck with it folks. Said it's too important to the brand.

-He wants to do a second season of DWCS during 2019. Said that it pulls big numbers on ESPN+ and he wants to do another one but the talent pool is thinner than they anticipated. Called it a "fight" between him and the matchmakers.

#MMA #UFC #Zuffa boxing #TUF #DWCS

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princessalethea · 7 years

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YA Scavenger Hunt–ARE YOU READY??

In June, the Alliance of Young Adult Authors is sponsoring a massive young adult scavenger hunt. This is a chance to meet some new authors, grab a bunch of free books, and sign up to win a whole bunch of epic prizes!

RULES

Each author will be given a special keyword, which will be bolded and all caps like this: BUTTERFLIES.

All you have to do is visit all the author’s sites in this order, write down the special keywords to discover the short story, then enter the giveaway with the completed secret legend HERE.

There will be one main giveaway for the main prize, but most of the participating authors will also have smaller giveaways for free books, amazon credit and author swag, so make sure you read their post carefully to see what else they’re offering while you’re on their site for the keyword.

THE MAP (participating authors)

Cindy Ray Hale

Katherine Bogle

Melle Amade

David Kudler

A.M. Yates

Alethea Kontis

Stevie Rae Causey

Katlyn Duncan

Debbie Manber Kupfer

Meredith Rose

N.M. Howell

Lara Ann

K.M. Robinson

J.A. Culican

Heather Karn

Rob L. Slater

Dylan Keefer

Sarah K. Wilson

L.J. Higgins

Gina Marie Long

Em Kazmierski

Travis Hall

Heather Young-Nichols

Anna Santos

J.L. Weil

Jo Schneider

Rebecca Fernfield

Kristin D. Van Risseghem

Martine Lewis

Tara Benham

Stacy Claflin

Beth Hammond

Erica Cope

Nicole Zoltack

Char Webster

Sabrina Ramoth

T.J. Muir

Raquel Lyon

Beth Rodgers

S.L. Beaumont

Eva Pohler

Melanie McFarlane

Cheryllynn Dyess

Audrey Rich

Amanda Zieba

Sandie Will

Elle Scott

Angie Grigaliunas

Ashley Maker

Mandy Peterson

Audrey Grey

Elisa Dane

Amy McNulty

Melinda Cordell

Monica Leonelle

Claire Luana

Frost Kay

Preeti C. Sharma

Bentz Deyo

April Wood

Lena Mae Hill

Angel Leya

Wendi Wilson

Wendy Knight

Chogan Swan

Tamara Hart Heiner

Norma Hinkens

Patti Larsen

Megan Crewe

Jamie Thornton

Jessie Renée

T.A. Maclagan

Lydia Sherrer

Phyllis Moore

P.D. Workman

J.A. Armitage

K.N. Lee

Angela Fristoe

Rhonda Sermon

G.K. DeRosa

Erin Richards

Ali Winters

Larissa C. Hardesty

Kristine Tate

Debra Kristi

Bella Rose

Cortney Pearson

Jeff Kohanek

Kristal Shaff

Rachel Morgan

Emma Right

C.L. Cannon

Joanne Macgregor

Lindsey Loucks

Farah Kuck

Erin Hayes

Jesikah Sundin

Dorothy Dreyer

Danielle Annett

C.J. Ethington

L.C. Hibbett

Madeline Dyer

Katie John

Nicole Schubert

Rachel Medhurst

Tee G Ayer

May Freighter

Heather Dyer

Jen Minkman

J.L. Gillham

Karen Tomlinson

Kate Haye

Megan Linski

Martina Billings

Jo Ho

Brian King

Inna Hardison

Rachel Bateman

Sally Henson

J.L. Hendricks

A.L. Knorr

T.M. Franklin

Konstanz Silverbow

felisha Antonette

Jake Devlin

S.F. Benson

Laurie Treacy

Emily Martha Sorensen

Leia Stone

T. Rae Mitchell

J. Keller Ford

Kat Stiles

Jessica Hawke

Elyse Reyes

Sophie Davis

Bianca Scardoni

Jenetta Penner

David R. Bernstein

Olivia Wildenstein

Derek Murphy

Starts June 1st!

Just go through the “treasure map” above to find the keywords and reconstruct the secret legend. Once you’ve got it, enter for the grand prize HERE. Don’t forget to keep an eye out for other giveaways or free books as you search for the keywords, most authors will be offering their own prizes as well.

For rules, updates or trouble-shooting, make sure to check out this main post which will stay updated.

TIMELINE

Authors will post the rules and the full list of participating authors sometime in June, and have their post up and visible on their site/blog, with their keyword, by June 1st. Readers just need to go through the list, find the words, and use the story to enter for the grand prize.

The post YA Scavenger Hunt–ARE YOU READY?? appeared first on AletheaKontis.com.

from YA Scavenger Hunt–ARE YOU READY??

#YA Scavenger Hunt–ARE YOU READY??

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proverbesdamour-blog · 4 years

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Funny 50th Birthday Wishes

Birthdays are always special and if it’s a golden jubilee then there’s happiness unlimited. Really, it’s an excellent moment to cherish with near and dear one. When any of our loved one , relative or close one have the thrill moment to celebrate then we should always shower him/her by some Funny 50th Birthday Wishes and messages to form their 50th birthday memorable. On this special post of funny 50th birthday wishes messages you’ll find the simplest funny and hilarious 50th birthday quotes and greetings to share with the one that goes to celebrate his/her most precious 50th birthday.

Funny 50th Birthday Wishes

Tom Cruise, Demi Moore and John Bon Jovi have already turned 50 and now another superstar has joined the club. Happy 50th birthday!

You are halfway to hundred but that doesn’t guarantee you’ll live that long. Happy 50th birthday.

You’re not the oldest person i do know in their 40’s. Now you’re the youngest 50-year-old i do know .

Now that you’re 50 you’ve probably got more hair where you are doing n’t want it and fewer hair where you do want it. You can’t fight it but a minimum of you’ll still let your hair down and celebrate on your birthday!

If you were a dog, you’d be 213 years old. So, don’t feel so bad about your age. a minimum of you’re aging sort of a human. Happy 50th!

We call it 50. The Spanish call it cincuenta. The Germans call it funfzig. The Kalahari bushmen don’t even have a word for numbers that big. In whatever language, it’s a birthday worth celebrating!

Your 40’s are behind you now, so you ought to have your midlife crisis out of your system. Be proud! You wear it well!

If you’ll magnify all of your birthday balloons, then you’ll officially earn the proper of calling yourself young at fifty. Happy 50th birthday.

Happy birthday and congratulations, you’re halfway to a telegram from the Queen. within the meantime, put your feet up and luxuriate in the rewards from all the diligence you set in during your 20s, 30s and 40s.

Now that you simply are an old 50-year-old, you simply have 10 years before I call you an old 60-year-old.

Congratulations on your 50th birthday. As Hugo once said, “Forty is that the adulthood of youth; fifty the youth of adulthood .” A surprisingly optimistic sentiment from the person who wrote Les Miserables and therefore the Hunchback of Notre Dame, but grab it with both hands and run with it anyway.

Being in your 50’s is like being in your 60’s without all the perks. you’ve got no oldster discounts yet. you continue to need to work, and you can’t get people to feel pitying you when your back hurts. Enjoy your 50’s.

Funny 50th Birthday Messages

Don’t ever bother pocket money on anti aging creams or face-lifting lotions. At 50, there’s no turning back even with a secret potion. Happy birthday old timer.

As you switch 50 you’ll age as gracefully as you wish – flaunt your grays and wrinkles or use modern technology to cover them. Whichever path you select , it only happens once so roll in the hay well and have an exquisite birthday!

You are half a century, or 5 decades, or 50 years, or 600 months, or 2609 weeks, or 18262 days, or 438288 hours, or 26297280 minutes, or 1577836800 minutes old, counting on what unit of measure you’re using. Hey, a minimum of I didn’t figure it out for seconds. Happy 50th birthday!

As we get older , we become more open-minded and understanding. So, you’d still understand if I didn’t buy you a present right? Cheers to you on your special day!

The older you get, the brighter your cake becomes. See? It’s all crammed with burning candles. celebrate blowing!

Now the remainder of your life will depend upon whether you’ve got fun by being nifty, otherwise you become boring by being thrifty. the selection is yours. Happy 50th birthday.

Happy 50th birthday! The Romans called it ‘L’, we are saying ‘fifty’ and a few tribes within the Amazon don’t even have a word for numbers that big. In anyone’s language, it’s variety worth celebrating.

It is never too late to get older and stop being stupid. Maybe your 50th birthday is your chance to try to to just that. Happy birthday.

Midlife crisis may be a label that’s given to fifty year olds to prevent them from being the simplest they will . Forget these labels and luxuriate in life to the fullest. Happy birthday.

Don’t worry about getting older. you’ll still choose facelifts to wipe out the wrinkles. Happy birthday!

You’ve got half a century of accumulated knowledge and wisdom! that might be awesome… if you’ll remember any of it.

I would make a joke about how old you’re getting, but I’m worried that if I hurt your feelings i’d not get a change to apologize to you since you’re getting so old. Happy 50th!

Happy 50th birthday! In your fifties you’ll ditch mortgages, contraception and faculty fees. You’ll probably forget everything else also , but a minimum of now you’ll have an excuse.

Funny 50th Birthday Quotes

Celebrating 50 is like throwing a celebration when your odometer reaches 150,000 miles. – Melanie White

By fifty, you’ve found out that point may be a great healer and a not-so-hot beautician.

Turning 50 means it’s only a matter of your time before you’re regaling your grandkids with tales of your first colonoscopy. – Greg Tamblyn

50 years old means no more wearing speedos on the beach. this is often a rule. – Greg Tamblyn

Fifty may be a powerful age for ladies . you’ll depart sprinkler systems together with your hot flashes.

When I was young, people wont to tell me: Wait until you’re fifty, you’ll see. Well, I’m fifty. I haven’t seen anything. – Eric Satie

Fifty may be a weird age. I can clearly remember my childhood, but I can’t remember where I put my keys. – Melanie White

I’m aiming by the time I’m fifty to prevent being a teenager . – Wendy Cope

At 50, you’ve entered the stone age: gall, kidney, and bladder.

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or opened up . – Phyllis Diller

Who said there have been no such things as miracles? You made it to 50, didn’t you? – Melanie White

The face you’ve got at age twenty-five is that the face God gave you, but the face you’ve got after fifty is that the face you earned. – Cindy Crawford

You’ve got four sizes of garments in your closet, three of which can never be worn again by you.

After fifty, one ceases to digest. As someone once said, “I just ferment my food now. – Henry Green

I’m 50, and therefore the only thing getting thinner is my skin. – Melanie White

Funny 50th Birthday Sayings

You know you’re 50 when the sole bright side you’ll see is on your head. – Melanie White

For my 50th birthday, my husband and that i spent a weekend in Rehoboth Beach. My first choice was 1978, but the machine was booked. – Jean Sorensen

I rented a bounce house for my adults-only 50th birthday and had a blast jumping within the stupid thing. I kept expecting the Age Police to point out up and ticket me. – Janet Periat

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