#cant remember if weve reblogged

[hells-kazinno]

At this point im just gonna start seeking new sites to migrate to, both tumblr and twitter are falling and tiktok id rather die than use, same for instagram

#this site is becoming actual trash #this isnt our hellsite anymore #weve been using this site for too long to be getting disrespected like this #the icon feature i only god like??? half of???? #I cant see the icons of who reblogged something but I can see the og post icon? #Im also getting posts which the people i follow liked??? on the following page? #I dont remember choosing to get random changes all of a sudden #fuck you tumblr

[ankhisms]

ok one lovely person said they wanted to read the writing practice i mentioned being tentative about sharing so here <3 i have some notes and thoughts as well included. since the dont reblog function is still broken pls dont rb this thanks

as a disclaimer i am very rusty with prose which is why im trying to practice it at all since ive mainly been writing poetry and not any prose for the past few years since i felt discouraged about writing prose but now im trying to get myself to practice again. also one thing im aware of is that i have a tendency to accidentally switch between tenses so if you notice that yes i know its something im working on. also both of these arent finished they have gaps between action and thoughts which ive noted in the text

for this first one i havent written the beginning establishing the setting and everything but the premise is hiromu has a dream where he and enter are sitting at a cafe in paris and shenanagins ensue. well not really shenanagins its just a conversation i think their dynamic is interesting and i wanted to explore it in a more neutral not battle related setting so thats why i wrote this

---

(beginning and descriptions of surrounding add here)

hiromus narrows his eyes, "did you hack into my dreams?"

this causes enter to scoff, "really, red buster, you wound me," he rests his chin against his palm and explains, "i havent hacked into anything. you called me here."

"thats ridiculous," says hiromu, blunt even when sleeping.

enter smiles, "oui, ridiculous, perhaps,  but it is true none the less. it would be rude of me to refuse an invitation, dont you agree?" he pauses, and leans over the table to add, "besides, i wouldnt lie to you- at least not here."

hiromu doesnt like that one bit, nor does he believe anything enter could possibly say. still, its not as if enter had invaded his subconciousness and just started torturing him with computer cables. compared to the more avian related nightmares hiromu had, this was pretty tame.

he briefly tries to recall anything he could have possibly read before, even in passing, about how to wake yourself up from a dream. unfortunately for hiromu the only thing that comes to mind is how to wake up a buddyroid from sleep mode. too bad he doesnt just have some kind of power switch like nick or usada. but maybe something similar to that could work, some kind of jolt to his system. people pinch themselves when theyre dreaming, right? or was it something about holding your breath? hiromu cant remember which one is supposed to work, so with a deep inhale he starts pinching his arms.

to enters credit, he doesnt immediately laugh like a madman upon seeing hiromus cheeks puffed out while he frantically pinches his arms. the most he lets out is a quick snort, before reaching over the table to pat hiromus cheek, "your manners are awful," enter says, "weve only just said hello and youre already trying to wake up. you cant possibly hate me that much, mon cher."

the hand against his cheek is warm. of course, most peoples hands should logically be warm to touch, but not enters. the projection of a human shouldnt be warm. did jin ever feel warm? hiromu doesnt feel keen about playing back all the moments during battle when enter had gotten close enough to possibly feel some kind of heat. thus, thinking about his avatar team mate is the better option. except he cant recall any time jin had ever felt warm either. does a dream offer an avatar more humanity somehow?

hes thought about it for too long perhaps, because he hasnt replied and enter is starting to look at him curiously, and so hiromu decides he can dwell on it when hes actually awake. he lets out his breath and swats away enters hand with a scowl for good measure. enter feigns an exaggerated pout, but then he settles back in his seat all the same, keeping his hands to himself.

hiromus cheek still feels warm and itchy, but hell be damned if he lets enter know something he did got under his skin. this too is like a battle, the enemy can find weaknesses even in the smallest of movements. he restrains himself from scratching his face, opting instead to glare more at enter across the table.

his enemy looks different in the cerebral parisian landscape theyve found each other in. for one thing, hes actually wearing civillian clothes rather than his usual long coat or any of his attempts at disguising himself. with enter perched opposite of him wearing a dark turtle neck and a caramel sweater, hiromu is struck by the jarring realization that the avatar almost looks like a normal person. almost, if one didnt already know that the man sitting there was made of code rather than flesh and bone.

eyeing him carefully, hiromu thinks that he catches the slightest glitch at the edge of enters face, an abnormality that is gone by the time hiromu has noticed it. enter may have decided to wear something a little more reasonable for this encounter, but he still isnt fooling hiromu. even in a fashionable sweater theres something off about him.

the rest of his attire aside, he does still have those ridiculous goggles pushed up against his brow, because of course he does. he would fit the part of a cafe loving paris tourist better if he had a silly little beret instead of his trusty eyeware, but hiromu doesnt particularly feel like pointing that out. seeing enter flounce around in a beret isnt exactly an enjoyable thought at the moment.

(add something here)

"ive heard about people going to paris for the first time and getting sick from the shock of how dirty it is," hiromu says, "you should be glad it doesnt smell here."

enters nose wrinkles, "dont say that, you'll ruin my appetite"

"so you have an appetite? its not like you need to eat, right?"

the avatar shrugs, and carefully picks up his fork, saying, "i may have no need for food to survive, but that doesnt mean i cant enjoy it." enter takes his time with slicing off a chunk of the lemon cake between them, and continues, "theres things humans dont need but do none the less, non? your lives are so short after all, why not chase after every little pleasure."

seeming satisfied with himself, enter takes a bite, eyes closed with an exaggerated look of bliss. whatever emotion it is that enter has been trying to elicit from hiromu, hes just growing more annoyed, rolling his eyes and pointedly turning his body away from the cake.

(add something here)

hiromu stands up with a jolt, and the screeching sound of his chair breaks what little illusion of idle cafe chatter this dream had left to offer. he fumes, fists clenched with his gaze set firmly on enter, who only barely looks up to offer a smug smile.

"we," hiromu spits out the word disdainfully, "are nothing alike. theres nothing to compare between us."

despite the outburst of his dining companion, enters expression remains unchanged. if anything, hiromus insistance upon distancing himself has only amused enter further. he laughs, throwing up his hands half heartedly, as if they were old friends having a casual debate rather than mortal enemies with their blades always at each others throats.

"i suppose we should leave it at that then," enter reaches for one final bite of cake, clearly enjoying himself, "this has been lovely, you really should invite me more often, ma puce."

"go to hell," hiromu tells him, and lunges to try and land a punch against that awful smile.

by the time hiromus fist reaches where enters face would have been, the avatar has already disintegrated into a burst of code. orange numbers and the distant sound of laughter linger for a moment in the air, before hiromu blinks awake in his room.

---

this second one i wrote before the first one and im still not very happy with it and might scrap it and try to rewrite it. i couldnt decide what point of view i wanted to write it from between third person pov or vaguely enter talking so it feels muddled to me. this was mainly a kind of train of thought because i had and still have a lot of thoughts about the avatars and what it means to be human and what it means to be an avatar and if they can feel things etc along with enter and escape being their own people and having their own identities and lives. but i feel like i didnt exactly get all the thoughts that i wanted to convey across very well so again im probably going to rewrite this at some point lmao

--

86 billion neuron cells, with another million billion synapses connecting the spaces in between, all sending information to and from the brain, the extremities and sensory organs having gathered data from the outside worlds stimulation in order to help the human machine function.

  from ancient calculating tables and tally sticks, to early machines reading punch cards, to alan turings first thought of the modern computer, you could trace an avatars lineage back to the very first time a human began to count just as easily as you could to any of these.

enter and escape are not any of the doomed researchers that crossed the gap between dimensions, whos data was cleanly picked apart from their miserable mortal bones and woven back into the code of their forms. perhaps you can not fault those same humans for their squeamishness at the thought of any person being undone in such a way, let alone a family member. really, nature has functioned like this long before the first digital computer ever graced the earth with its code.

when a deer falls dead in the forest its body becomes food for the rest of the life among the trees, and in time its flesh decomposes and turns to soil. another one bites the dust only to offer up a meal for the starving masses. you are born, you die, and someone finds a way to steal from you long after youre gone. c'est la vie, as we say.

think of it, dear reader, as such; a thousand photos lie before you of humans. pictures of people from across the world, some of them seeming familiar and some of them with faces unknown to you. you can thumb through as many as youd like, but in the end you will always come to the same realization that somewhere, within these people, are bits and pieces of yourself. this one, looking off camera against a gray sky, has your nose. this person, leaning against a bridge and failing to strike a good pose, has your eyes. the next person will have your smile, ectera ectera. you get the picture- ha.

even if you were not flipping through a book of old family records you would still spot bits of yourself in people far away and long dead. this, mon cher, is how i see best fit to consider what it means to be created from composite data, for i assure you one need not be an avatar to be formed in such a way. you have been strung together from bits and pieces of every person your ancestors ever loved.

love, ah. thats another subject we must discuss, sooner or later, i suppose. can a machine love? really now, i wish you would find something else to ask. anything else would be a more stimulating topic of conversation. why must we agonize over such messy details? humans simply can not stop themselves from philosophizing until theyve got nothing left to make a philosophy out of.

what does it matter if a machine could or couldnt love, when plenty of stinking humans have never even thought to act on the very principle they obsess over. love. let us not get sidetracked by such nonsense, we still have other aspects to examine.

delete that last input, page back with me, now think again on the subject of data, and of rebirth. the doomed researchers are not escape, nor are they enter, just as much as you are not the person who first gave you a specific gene in your dna. the researchers were a sample for an experiment greater than any they had ever run through before. do you get it now? do you understand? of course you wouldnt. humans are foolish enough to think they are one of a kind.

   forget about if a machine loves, just what can an avatar feel? if their coding is to be equated to the human nervous system, then is it so hard to consider that they too could find the many vices of the earth pleasurable? enter cursed himself for spoiling messiah, having given the virus too much of a taste of just how splendid human suffering could feel. he was taught pleasure too soon, and greed was already something he knew from birth. enter should have known better than to offer up a plate of food he could not continue to harvest sustainably- not yet, at least. especially when the one gobbling down that harvest throws a tantrum the moment its all gone.

really, is it so terrible to ask for a thank you once in a while? you would think that after devoting your existence entirely to a single being, you might get a few bones thrown your way. in this we could draw another parallel between the humans and machine, where enter is scorned by his messiah in the same vein as humans praying for salvation from some unforgiving god.

i am drifting off course. forgive me, you see a machine can ramble just as easily as a human, non?

---

ok yay thanks if you read all or any of this honestly i appreciate it. id love any feedback anyone has including constructive criticism from writer friends but i just ask that you maybe try to be a little gentle with me and remember that im very rusty yknow but i do still appreciate any thoughts or helpful tips thank u again mwah

[spatio-rift]

 i remember i talked about this before i think i deleted the post though but with online translation especially with manga scanlation or stuff like fanbook translation u have to keep in mind that its often a race to see whoever posts that stuff first bc the first post is the one thatll get all the engagement. like i guess u dont HAVE to check with the original text if u cant understand it but at the very least keep in mind that some stuff is translated with speed in mind more than quality. and as with all translated content do also keep in mind that its going thru someone first ur reading someones interpretation of og text. if u cant check with the source do at least try to compare if u can with other translations

i have many feelings abt translation and i wouldnt even call myself a translator but small inaccuracies can have a huge influence on how a character is viewed by people who only have access to that inaccurate translation. like for example, that scene in the touou seirin rematch when hanamiya shows up to give some exposition on imayoshi and starts off by saying his personalitys the worst. seto then replies something like “i dont really know about that, but should YOU be saying this?” like hes calling hanamiya out on calling someone the worst when theres like. HES the worst weve just seen this in the previous match. the official fr translation however has him say something like “coming from you, thats scary” implying imayoshi is worse than hanamiya which is not only wrong but something that will completely change your impression of his character (and not for the better). like im so serious im not just saying this to fight for imayoshis honor but like especially if ur passionate about analyzing the text etc u cant use a translation as the exact, absolute wording. at the very least compare it with other translations to get a better idea of the general thing its trying to say and if thats possible check the source!! see directly how its worded!!

but um yes coming back to the fanbook issue its like. the fanbook comes out and every fan is dying to see whats inside and every translator is scrambling to post a piece of it to get those sweet likes and reblogs and stuff. and the thing is once a characters profiles been posted, everyones seen it, theres really no need to post another translation of it right. no ones gonna bother sharing it right. so that first translation becomes the only one with weight and thats dangerous bc if its wrong, well to everyone who only has access to it and not the source, it becomes the truth. and for minor characters whose entire personality is more in their fanbook profile than the manga thats a huge influence on how theyre gonna be perceived.

like my goal. well, maybe more like a wish. would be to translate every single character entry from the fanbooks, just because i love doing that and i love learning about that character by myself doing my own research and i like sharing that with people. and while its really easy with touou bc theyre my favorites i know them like the back of my hand with other characters im not as familiar with its a lot harder (thats actually why i havent been posting anything lol. i started doing CB shuutoku but got stuck on basketball technicalities, started procrastinating on it by doing CB kaijou, same thing happens, im procrastinating on that by doing nakamuras kurofes entry etc etc etc.). and like i could just do something quick just to have something to post but i wouldnt be sure of the quality and thats just not the energy i want for those fanbook tls. so i need to reread the entire manga properly first take notes on those teams im not as familiar with before i can confidently post abt them. etc etc. where was i? i dont even remember what i was saying before

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

Howdy!

We're the [Critter Chitters & Closed Captions] system, you can call us CC, [CC&CCs], or Citrus if you'd like!

We dont really have a DNI, we'll just block if uncomfortable ^^"

Were collectively trans & liminaquic and go by he/him, they/them, bug/bugs, and probably other neos im forgetting lmao. will update as we figure it out. We're also fat and proudly so!

Our system is largely full of fictives, and a lot of us like to go through and reblog stuff about our sources, and we spam reblog. kind of often actually. When specific people reblog stuff, theyll sometimes put #[name]s reblogs, but we suck at actually remembering to tag, so i cant guarantee anything being actually tagged

Asside from that, we just reblog whatever we feel like. We dont make original posts too often, but when we do theyre either random thoughts or art weve done. We do art :)

Also we fucking LOVE bugs. all bugs ever. and fish, bugs and fish <3

We've got a lot of social anxiety, so we may not chat much in dms, bur please feel free to send asks!! We love answering asks so much omfg

We have a couple of side blogs were willing to share, but theyre sort of inactive due to current health struggles 👍

- @yell-on-spikemuth - Piers pokemon blog, ran by our Piers fictive

- @pokebonkus - a sillier, more collective pokeblog, mostly about shinies and stuff. also doingba rating pokemon thing we want to get back into soon lol

- @critterkinnies - our kin blog! were collectively polykin, our main/most strong one is alligatorkin, and other primary ones are a pronghorn antelope and a jackalope. Theres others as well, but those are the main ones

- @vultures-and-the-leaves - Warrior cats side blog, a place where [when we get back to working on it] we can put info for our fan clans and warriors ocs!

- @bugbugbugbugbugbugbugbugbugx9 - its just a side blog for goofing around about bugs. sometimes we post bullshit 100% factual information, other times we reblog stuff we think fits there

- @babybabbles-closedcaptions - side blog for syskids and general age regressor stuff. we prefer no/minimal nsfw interaction over there, thank you!

random fun fact - we have an autism creature tattoo and a pet scorpion👍

#intro post #yippeeeeee

[idontknowwhattocallthisanymore]

i hate it here. i hate it in this fandom. i hate seeing funny things and getting the desire to draw them, because i know no one will see it. i hate seeing complicated things and mentally going 'what if i tried' and never drawing it because i get slammed with a reality check and remember that no one will care anyway. i hate how much i want to share things, because that makes it so i cant create anything because if i cant share it then whats the point. i hate how often i write for the characters in this stupid fandom. i hate how they invade and infect my brain like a disease i can't get rid of, because i love characters only a very few love. i hate how i feel i cant interact with any of them because i have been writing these characters since the very beginning and i know none of the others have, because im the only one left from that time. i hate how i feel i cant interact with any of them because these characters are just so real in my head that it feels weird and wrong seeing most other interpretations, and that the most common interpretation of my favourite one feels so wrong to me that it makes my skin crawl. that it makes me wonder sometimes if weve actually seen the same character, and then i remember that we havent. i hate how im afraid of interacting with anyone else who likes these characters because the one ship i ever see for the one makes me genuinely uncomfortable. i hate how anytime i write for them, i am largely ignored, despite seeing others getting a large amount of interaction. i hate how ive been writing for these characters since i was fifteen and i hate remembering how much i loved doing it, and how i never faltered or cared about if anyone saw because i was young and i wasnt sharing so much because i wanted others to see but simply because i could. i hate how i care about that now. i hate how i want to share, because i love these characters so deeply and because i am mostly proud of my writing. i hate how i want to share the few drawings i am proud of and feel disappointment at no interaction, because these are incredibly niche characters and i dont feel entitled to interaction or likes or even reblogs because they are niche and because i dont expect others to like my stuff, but i still want to share and i cant help but feel disappointed when i am sharing with a blank wall. i hate how much i still think about these characters, even after so many years. i hate how often they are one of the first things i think of when i wake up and how they have almost always been the last thing i think of when i got to bed for almost a decade. i hate how anytime i have a new hyperfixation, when it wanes my brain goes immediately back to writing these characters, using them as a reset. using them as a comfortable place to relax and recharge, because it knows they will always be there. because it knows all i have to do to write them is simply reach, because they will always, without fail, reach back when i need them to

#mun post #just. to the two people who might see this. #dont reblog this #ive been having these feelings for the past maybe three years now #and theyre hitting hard again tonight #i know no one cares enough to be worried about it #but on the off chance that you do #dont worry. i will still post crdl #i will still write stories with them #maybe ill even doodle occasionally for them #i may hate being here #i may hate being in the fandom #but i could never hate crdl and velvet #and all of the characters that have slowly grown closer to them over the years #much as i want to sometimes #theyre a part of me and they have been for a long time #they got me through so many things #and are still getting me through more things #im not sure if i could actually bare ever losing them #so much as i hate it #i will remain here #for them #i just have to remember that i guess #(and idrawstuffidk and invincibleweasel? thanks for being there)

[madmaddyenby]

hi yes maddy being mushy time under the cut

first !!!!!!! @literaltrashy !!!!!! I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOURE MY BEST FRIEND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! weve had our bumps in the road, but like, that really only brought us closer and we learned more about eachother from it !!!!!!!!!!!!!  ur a really cool person!!!!!! n i know u worry abt what ur friends think abt you alot and just know i think the world of you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  u are a !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! great person n i love you sm !!!!!!!!!!!!! im glad to have known you for over a year now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love talking abt headcanons with you !!!!!! love u!!!!

@xx696hewwoismymiddlename696xx JOSH.  YOU YOU.  GREAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR ART IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!  I LOVE YOUR PAINTINGS!!!!!!!! U ARE VV TALENTED!!!!!!  OK IT MIGHT SOUND WEIRD BUT i love the way you type??? its kind of lowkey comforting for some reason??? I DO NOT KNOW WHY !!!  BUT. you are a great person!!! and friend !!! and i vv much appreciate you for that!!  also i am vv interested in the concept of ur fnaf au thank u

@nessie-97 HELLO SIMONA. you are a great human being !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur vv sweet !!!!  i absolutely adore your art n designs!!!! they are so fricking cute !!!! I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH !!!! UR ARTSTYLE IS JUST SO FUCKING CUTE.  I love all your versions of the fnaf characters !!!!! they r very well made and i cant wait to see more of your designs !!!!  u are super cool to talk to !!!!!! i honestly wish we talked more bc u give off vv good vibes !!!! 

@foxybroz hewwo !!!!!!! sawyer !!!!! fun fact, aparently ive been following you for a year now !!!!! wish is vv epic ngl,,,,,,,  its weird that our first time ever really talking was only in christmas!!! anyway!!! YOURE A GREAT PERSON !!!!!! u give off all the good vibes!!! ur art is vv nice n i love ur head anons !!! i wish we talked more dude !!!

@confused-nightwatch TOBI. HELLO. UR SUPER COOL. I LOVE UR ART AND HEADCANONS THEY ARE VERY NICE,  i love how your shading is !!! its very soft and i love it!! u vibes are vv nice cool but also a bit intimidatinG HJSDFK,,,,,, but ur a cool person !!

@freddyz-teeth  nana!!!!!! You are,,,,,, super talented,,,,,, honestly I've looked up to you for a while, since of seen your art an au. Your au is just so ???? Interesting!!!!! And it makes me happy to know I can call you a friend!!!! with all this stuff going on just know, you don't deserve that shit!!!! Ur a really chill person n I love ur vibes

@ros3freckles ok FIRST, ur username is so hard for me to remember!! i always think its r0sefreckles for some reason????????  but no its ros3freckles,,,, anyways jay,ur a vv great person !!!!!! 

@faztokenz ANDY !!!!!!! HEWWO !!!!! UR SUPER COOL !!!!!!!!!! YOUR VIBES ARE GREAT !!! JUST LIKE YOU !!!! UR A GREAT BRO !!!! ur super nice n helpful!!!! im happy to know you !!!

@bunnyworme rowan !! you !!! ur vv cool !!!!!!! i love ur art !! ur style is vv unique, not only how you draw but how you color as wel!!! it stands out a lot !! and i can always tell that a peice of art is yours !!

@starcastergay hello jake !!!!! i love your art style !!! u seem like a vv chill person !! i love ur designs!! they are all very well done !!!! sorry idk what all to say but ur a cool person !!!

@necrophobiiaz savvy!!!! heyo !!! youre a nice person!!!! very much so !! i love your art alot, and i know how hard you work on those peices,  htey all come out very good.  you are so freaking talented !!! 

@baldisfieldtrip BAT UR SUPER COOL AND NICE HI I LIKE TALKING TO YOU !!! weve literally been mutuals for 2 years now !!!!! TWO Y EA RS,,,,,,, thats!!! so much time !!!!!! i cant beleive weve only started talking to eachother recently !!!! youre a super nice person !!! and i love ur jokes !!!! 

@trashytrashuwu TRASHY 2.0 !!!!!!! i love ur art n designs !!! u should totally post them more !!!! they are all vv good and i love them ,,,, u are,,,,,,,,,, very funny

@princeofheartz ur my dad, ur my dad. boogie woogie woogie!! wish i talked more to you but im babie and afraid

@i-suck-at-username-s hi yes !!! weve been mutuals for a long ass time by now !! suprisingly, i didnt even know you had an art blog until recently !!! and im super glad i found it bc ur super talented !!! i love ur designs

@rainy-day-afton HI,,,,,,, cinna,,,,,,,,, u are a very sweet person,,,,,, and im glad i know you !!!!!!!! like you are very sweet,,,,,,, youve helped me out with a lot of my stuff, and i cant thank you enough for that !!! also, ok but whenever you call me those sweet names like sweetpea or sweetie i get all happy !!!! it just makes me super happy aa,,,,

@ghostlesbigum heya ema !!!! i love ur ocs !!! and ur designs in general honestly !!!! you yourself are a very funny and chill person !!!! i love your art, its super cute !!!!!!! uM,,,, im not sure what to say honestly?? youre just a super cool person !!!

@honk-honk-crispy-corn honky !!!!!!!! i love ur art so much !!!! and u have a huge personality that i love !!!! you are vv passionate when it comes to ur friends !!! which is very nice !!!

@waluigi-the-wobbuffet it took me fuckin forever to remember ur username bro what the hell !!!! i love ur art !!! and even though i have no clue abt what the fandom ur in is about its very nice to see you so passionate abt something !!!! 

@renillabean hewwo !!!!! ur a vv cool person !!!! i love to talk abt headcanons with you !!!!! and i love ur headcnaons and ocs !!!! i love seeing ur art in the chat whenever you post, and i love seeing ur headcanons in the chat as well

@pren-rb i dont know you all that well personally but !!!!!! weve been mutuals for a WHILE,,,,, and !!!!! you seem like a really cool person!!

@bostonlobstah hewoo !!!!!!! i love all your art of the kids !!! they are all so adorable !!! your art is very nice, and i remember the first time i saw it i was like,,,,,,,, dude thats.... so NIC E,,,,,,,,,,, 

@venus-doe  hey uh!! i hope you dont mind me tagging you in this !!! but like.  you are a super nice person and--- i love seeing whatever you post, wether it is a reblog, art or whatever !! its always nice !!

@kitkat-the-snacc eddie !!!! i know we dont talk as much as we used to !!! i wish we did but,,,,,,,, im vv glad to have met you !!! i love ur art !!! 

@sansundertalespisskink ok so !!! i dont know you very well but !! we “met” via jake reblogging from you all the time,, ur username always stuck out to me because,  its hilarious and it just stuck !!! so eventually, after a while i followed you on there !!!! u seem like a really cool person !!

@arcadecabinetz last but certainly not least !!! blair !!!! i love ur art !!!! a whole lot !!! u are vv talented !! im!!!!! ur super cool !!!!! and you defintally deserve more recognition !!!

that is all i am tired if i forgot you i love u

#i might have forgotten ppl but.............if i follow u and u follow me? i love u #YES YOU. i KNOW WHAT UR THINKING' they arent thinking abt me :( \ YES I AM #if i follow u i probbly love u #sorry for the @'s btw !!! aa #26 ppl. im AAAAAAAAAA #i had too write 26 things for ppl bc i was afraid of leaving ppl out aa #i love yall alot

[seraph-novak]

Are you taking prompts for Tyrus? If so, could you do one where TJ helps Cyrus to rehearse for a play? thanks, have a lovely day.

All feedback is very much appreciated, but comments and reblogs really make all the difference. Thank you!

Also available on AO3 ♥

~~~~~

Cyrus is quickly losing his patience. On the opposite end of the Kippens’ couch, Amber is grinning down at her phone, a strand of golden hair twisted around her finger as she giggles at something on the screen – no doubt another text from her ‘mystery’ admirer. Cyrus simply sits there and waits, passively fiddling with the corner of his script as he waits for his friend to snap out of her crush-induced daze.

Without thinking, he lets his eyes drift to the corner of the room, settling on the older boy sitting quietly in a well-worn chair, his nose buried in a book. His hair is a shade darker than Amber’s, but his eyes are the same sea-foam green, with a touch of grey softening the bright hue. He’s never really spoken to Amber’s brother before, apart from a few pleasantries exchanged in passing, but there’s something about TJ Kippen that has always intrigued him…

Just then, the other boy lifts his head, as if sensing Cyrus’ curious eyes. A blush warms Cyrus’ cheeks as he quickly returns his attention to the script in his hands, but not quick enough to miss the hint of a smirk playing on TJ’s lips.

“Are you almost done?” he asks Amber, his words sounding sharper than intended. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees TJ go back to reading his book, and his shoulders slump in relief. “Sorry, I just… I’ve only got a few more days to rehearse, remember? The nerves are starting to kick in.”

Amber glances up from her phone, a sliver of guilt fracturing her lovesick smile. “Sorry, Cy. Just gimme a sec.”

It takes closer to a minute than a second for Amber to finally put her phone down, but Cyrus lets it slide. At least he now has a distraction from the indecipherable looks TJ keeps sneaking him, scorching his skin and quickening his heartbeat. 

As they return to the play, Cyrus can’t ignore the longing glances Amber keeps flicking at her phone. With every new text, her concentration wanes even more, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she visibly fights the urge to throw the script across the room and pick up her phone instead. She’s practically vibrating with the effort to focus, her face pinching tighter and tighter as the incoming texts start to slow down.  

“Amber,” Cyrus says, nudging her leg with his foot. “It’s your line.”

She tears her eyes away from the phone, now blessedly silent, and shakes her head. “Sorry… Where are we?”

“Page 14. Line 38.”

“Oh, right.” She slides a finger down the script, her brow furrowed as she searches for the right line. A few seconds later, she clears her throat and falls back into character. “Thomas,” she says, her voice slightly higher than usual. “I thought you’d never –”

“Nope,” Cyrus cuts her off. “Wrong line.”

“Are you sure?”

Cyrus smooths his face and lifts an eyebrow, his breath catching on the edge of a sigh. “Unless we skipped ahead to the final scene without me realising, I’m pretty sure it’s the wrong line.”

Across the room, TJ snorts, an amused smile nicking the corner of his mouth as he meets Cyrus’ eyes. For a brief moment, something warm and sweet blossoms in his chest, but it’s quickly cooled by the sudden ringing of Amber’s phone. He shoots a glare at his friend, silently warning her not to pick it up, but it’s no use.

“I’m so sorry,” Amber says, shrugging helplessly. “It’s Andi. I have to answer!” Before Cyrus can protest, she throws her script at TJ and picks up her phone, already halfway up the stairs. “Run lines with Cyrus until I’m back, okay?”

TJ frowns. “But –”

“Thank you!”

A flirtatious giggle floats down the stairs in her wake, followed by the sound of her bedroom door closing. Once she’s gone, an awkward silence settles over the room. Cyrus looks over at TJ, his stomach churning as the older boy studies the script now lying in his lap, and forces a smile.

“You don’t really have to run lines with me,” he says, twisting his hands together. “I’ll just wait until she’s back.”

TJ scoffs. “That could be a while.”

“Yeah.” He huffs a laugh, then sighs. “Maybe I should just go…”

“I thought you said you only had a few days to rehearse?”

“I do,” Cyrus says, his heart skipping at the notion of TJ paying attention to what he was saying. “But I can do that by myself. Or I’ll ask my mom to help.” He winces, realising too late how lame that must sound. “Or one of my many friends.”

TJ chuckles, and the sound sends a pleasant shiver down his spine, soothing the aching burn of his cheeks.

“Let me help.”

“I… You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.”

“But –”

“Scooch over,” TJ says, gently slapping Cyrus’ outstretched legs with his script as he sits down on the couch. When he’s comfortable, he licks his finger and flips through the pages. “Page 14, right?”

Cyrus swallows thickly. “Um… Yeah.”

“You’re Thomas?”

“Yeah.”

“So, I guess I’m… Alice?”

A nervous laugh bubbles in his chest. “You really don’t have to do this.”

“I don’t mind,” TJ insists.

“Are you sure?”

“100%.”

Cyrus hesitates, then breathes a sigh as he settles down and reopens his script. “Okay then… I’ll start from the top.” He coughs to clear his throat, flicking an anxious glance at TJ, and starts to read. “I think we need to talk, Alice.”

“About what?” TJ says, a feminine twinge to his voice.

Cyrus fights back a smile and keeps reading.

They run through the scene fluidly, only stopping to turn pages and share secret smiles over the tops of their scripts. As Thomas confesses his undying love for Alice, and the tone of the play takes a turn into sappy territory, Cyrus feels himself flushing darkly, his voice turning tight and raspy as the two characters begin tossing flirtatious comments at each other.

“Who wrote this play?” TJ asks on the cusp of a laugh, his own cheeks turning pink. “It’s very, uh…”

“Terrible?”

“Well, I wasn’t gonna say it that bluntly, but yeah.”

Cyrus snorts. “A few of the girls in my group are Jane Austen wannabes.”

“Yikes.”

“Yep.” Cyrus scratches the back of his head, the smile slowly dying on his lips as he skims through the upcoming pages of groan-worthy dialogue. “We can stop if you want.”

TJ snaps his head up. “What? No! It’s just starting to get juicy.”

“I thought you said it was terrible?”

“It is, but…”

Across the room, the discarded book lying on the chair TJ was previously sitting in catches his eye, and a teasing grin spreads across his face. There’s a cheesy stock photo of two women in old-fashioned dresses strolling through a park on the cover, with tiny umbrellas held above their bonneted heads.

“Oh,” he says, folding his arms with a quirk of an eyebrow. “I see… You’re a Jane Austen wannabe, too.”

TJ blushes. “It’s my mom’s!”

“Sure.”

“Shut up…”

“Hey, I’m not judging!”

When TJ sees him smirking, he breaks into a smile of his own, playfully kicking Cyrus in the shin as readjusts himself on the couch. “Let’s get back to it.”

“Eager, aren’t we?”

“Ha-ha.”

Cyrus wipes the grin off his face, despite the butterflies still fluttering in his stomach, and tries to focus on the poorly-written script in his hands. They dive back into flirty banter – Austen style – all the while stealing glances at each other, their lips twitching with barely supressed laughter. It’s only when the scene shifts from light to serious that Cyrus feels his palms beginning to sweat.

“You look beautiful in the moonlight,” he says, his voice trembling. Even though the words aren’t directed at TJ, he can still hear his heart pounding against his ribcage as he risks a glance at the other boy, trying to gauge his reaction. “You look beautiful in all lights, of course, but this is different.”

TJ licks his lips. “Different how?”

“Your hair shines,” Cyrus says, his voice a whisper. “Your eyes twinkle like starlight. Your skin glows.” He lifts his head, eyes drifting to TJ’s face once again. His gaze is fixed resolutely on his script, but Cyrus can see the blush creeping up his neck, the ripple of his throat as he swallows, the slight furrow between his brows, the silent murmur of his lips as he follows Cyrus’ lines on the page… “You’re absolutely gorgeous.”

TJ freezes, his mouth falling open, and Cyrus realises his mistake: that line isn’t in the script.

“I…” The words die in his throat. He gulps back his embarrassment and tries again, his face starting to burn. “I’m sorry, I just… I-I don’t know where that came from.”

“It’s okay –”

“I got a little carried away, you know?” Cyrus closes his script and gets to his feet, desperately searching for his bag beneath the coffee table. “I think I should go now. Thanks for helping me and everything… I really appreciate it.”

TJ reaches for his arm, but Cyrus shakes him off.

“I’m sorry for making things weird,” he says, tears of humiliation stinging the backs of his eyes. “I don’t know if Amber told you, but I’m gay. Not that you care.” He laughs, completely mortified. “Wow. I just came out to a guy I barely know. This is just getting better and better, isn’t it?”

When TJ reaches for him a second time, he doesn’t miss. His fingers are gentle, but his grip is firm, and he doesn’t take his eyes off Cyrus’ face as he slowly lowers him back onto the couch.

“Calm down,” he says, giving his arm a quick squeeze before letting go. A blinding smile breaks across his face when Cyrus finally meets his eyes. “If you think I’m mad at you for calling me gorgeous, then I must be worse at this than I thought.”

Cyrus frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve been flirting with you for the past half an hour, you idiot.”

“What?”

“Okay… I guess I really am bad at this.”

Cyrus shakes his head, trying to steady his racing thoughts. “Are you saying you like me?”

“I have for a while,” TJ admits, shrugging bashfully. “I know we’ve never really talked, but… I’ve seen you around. And you hang out with my sister a lot.” He huffs, one side of his mouth lifting in a crooked smile. “Why do you think I always stay downstairs when you come over? I like being around you.”

“Oh,” Cyrus says, a touch breathless.   

The tension in TJ’s shoulders melts away as Cyrus returns a tentative smile of his own. For a moment, they just sit there, smiling shyly at each on the middle of the couch, their knees deliberately brushing against each other.

“So,” TJ says after a while, his fingers nervously drumming the cool leather between them. “I was thinking… Maybe we could –”

“I’m back!” Amber announces as she bounces down the stairs, her cheeks rosy from her conversation with Andi. When she notices TJ and Cyrus sitting so close, she stalls on the bottom step, her smile morphing into a scowl as she narrows her eyes.  “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing!” Cyrus squeaks, accidentally throwing his script in the air and hitting TJ on the head. He cringes, hiding his face in his hands, and splutters an apology. “Oh no! I’m so sorry, TJ! Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

TJ rubs the back of his head and chuckles. “I think I’ll live.”

“Maybe you should go upstairs now,” Amber says, glaring pointedly at her brother. “We have work to do.”

“Right.” TJ rolls his eyes and gets to his feet, shoving his script into Amber’s hands. He picks up his cheesy Victorian novel and heads towards the stairs, only stopping to cast a gentle smile over his shoulder at Cyrus. “Good luck with the play,” he says, ignoring the daggers Amber is shooting at the side of his head. “I’m sure you’ll do great.”

Cyrus chews his lip and shrugs. “You could come, you know? The tickets are all sold out, but I could sneak you in.” He blushes, immediately doubting himself. “Only if you want to, of course. I mean, the script is pretty terrible, and I’m not exactly the greatest actor in the world, so you really don’t have to –”

“I’m there,” TJ cuts in with another smile, offering him a wink before turning around and disappearing up the stairs.

As soon as he’s gone, Amber throws herself onto the couch and punches Cyrus in the arm. “You’re not allowed to have a crush on my brother, okay? That goes against the rules of friendship!”

“You have way too many rules,” Cyrus says. “And, besides… You’ve been flirting with my best friend all afternoon, so I’d say we’re even.”

Amber opens her mouth to protest, then freezes, a groan escaping her lips. “Okay, that’s fair.”

“Thank you.”

“But you do admit you have a crush on him?”

Cyrus glances at the staircase, the frantic beating of his heart still echoing in his ears as a nervous grin tugs at his lips. “Yeah… I think I do.”

The End.

~~~~~

You can find the rest of my Tyrus fics on Tumblr or AO3! Thanks for reading ♥

#tyrus #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #andi mack #tyrus fics

[yum-cy]

You reblogged an ask game. I will now require you to do all of them. Yes I know you hate me blah blah blah love you too

I cant decide if i want punch you for this or not. Also, flannel is repeated like 3 times

lantern: 6th grade science. i thought they were bitch. idk what they thought of me

frost: you deserve better and so do the people you hurt so dont do that this time around

maple: existing. ive never done it before (i dont really have an answer to this one)

harvest: idk. boris pavlikovsky?

fireside: i wanna look like a pirate/vampire/college student mash up

cider: i dont like food full stop.

amber: yall are so ready to punch nazis, but when was the last time you talked to a Jewish person. your support is important, but that doesnt just mean punching people for us

fog: i would lay down and ask for the zombies to kill me, so not too great

jack-o-lantern: kate mckinnon

spice: yep, my own (doors open and slam, electeonics turn on and off randomly, etc)

orchard: i wanna go to a haunted house or a corn maze or out of my house (all those things im not allowed to do) does that count? if not, figure out my emotions even a lil bit

crow: math? i cant do it and i kinda dont wanna fail

bonfire: small-ish? never silent, mine, full of people i love. always decorated for halloween. gothic and victorian. a manor fit for a "confirmed bachelor" but not as big and empty

cinnamon: if it werent for how much the world sucked, 1920s america. speakeasies, mafias, the disintegration of the american dream, a gritty undertone to something seen as sparkily? sign me the fuck up

cranberry: my hair. its ginger and fluffy and curly. people like it for some reason, but when they see it its like they forget theres anything else to me

maize: some random person came up to me when i was still living in ny, grabbed my arm and told me my moms name and the exact date of her death. it freaked me out then bc i was like 9 but it freaks me out now bc they were right

quilt: i take my tea luke warm (i dont like burning my mouth thanks) and i leave the tea bag in the entire time im drinking/waiting for it to cool so its so strong it kinda hurts by the time im done

pumpkin: neither. i think people are born as blank slates, and our experiences mold us. i also think we can adjust what kinda person weve become if we truly feel like theres a flaw at any point

moonlit: i cannot see the floor. carpet? i didnt know we had her

flannel: nope but ive dated shitty people if that counts

cocoa: probably what i already have. idk i sorta like what my hairs doing right now

ghost: my mom. the lady in the apartment next to ours when i was 7 that would give us lasagna

pumpkin spice: earl grey/black/peppermint tea or an iced vanilla latte

wool socks: crunchy colorful leaves, halloween decorations, wind

falling leaves: a boat, a fishing rod, a wood chipper

smelly candles: the original chapstick flavor

big sweaters: i like warmth but im always cold

halloween: the mayor from nightmare before christmas

cozy blankets: under my 3 blankets in my room

hot tea: the end of summer(august? july? i cant remember which)

flannel: april 4th, i have ocd and the number i get super obsessed with is 4(snap 4 times before walking through doors, etc)

chilly air: windy and overcast is great, sunny and stuffy is awful

scarves: prolly my musemem hoody and either my wonder woman pj pants or my ripped jeans

apple cider: just alex. i dont much like people so even if i admire them i wouldnt want to meet them in person(never meet your heroes)

haunted houses: i was held under water until i passed out when i was 5 and now i cant even go near any body of water(pools, lakes, oceans)

fuzzy boots: roaring 20s explained earlier

thanksgiving: alexxxxx. i love them. so much. but thanksgiving is a bullshit holiday

black friday: nothing that i can think of.

apple picking: either greece or rome. the architecture is incredible, the history is fuckin bonkers, and the mythology is incredible

corn mazes: nothing i do is ever really secret? i can play cello pretty okay, and im alright at writing?

hay rides: horse drawn carriages

the color orange: ribs by lorde. idk why but i love that song and i always think of fall whenever i hear it

windy nights: hozier. without a doubt

holding hands: soulmates are inherently amatonormative concept anf as someone on the aro spectrum(not fully aro tho) that doesnt sit well with me. so, no

[spn-rewrites]

01x12 (part 1)

Season One Episode Twelve: Faith

A/N: Alright, a quick note. my computer is effed up. The updates may start to slow down unfortunately until I can figure out how to fix this mess but they’ll still come, I promise. I love hearing from you guys, so please keep the feedback coming! Let me know of any ideas you guys have for future episodes, storylines, ect and as always, please REBLOG if you enjoyed. 

Word Count: 2.7k

Summary: a hunt gone wrong, hospital beds, and another call to John.

`“What do you have those amped up to?” Sam asked as Dean rummaged through his trunk for the taser guns.

“100,000 volts,” Dean grinned, handing one to you and Sam and taking one for himself.

“Damn,” you commented, moving it around in your hands. You were careful with your

inspections and Dean filled his backpack up with any extra supplies you may need but truly, this was the one and only thing that could actually kill this thing.

“Yeah, I want this rawhead extra freakin’ crispy,” Dean mumbled and then looked at you, pointing the butt of his taser gun at you and dancing it between you and Sam. He was really only talking to you and you knew that. “Remember, you’ve only got one shot with these things, so you better make it count.”

“Yeah, I remember,” you mumbled with a little attitude laced in your voice at his reminder. You accidentally fire one of these prematurely once and you’ll never live it down. Dean closed the trunk to the Impala and you snuck your way into the old, creaky, house. It seemed to be abandoned for the most part, the floors hardly kept up with, garbage everywhere. You made your way to the basement, guns pointed and flashlights ready.

It was quiet until it wasn’t and there was a bang coming from one of the walls. All three of your flashlights instantly went to the noise and you crept closer to it. On the count of three, Dean pulled open the little door that you assumed led to a little crawlspace. You jumped when he opened it but relief flooded you when you saw it was two little kids.

One boy and one girl, shaking with their knees pulled to their chest. “Is it still here?” Sam asked, loosely looking over them for any obvious injuries. The boy nodded to his question and you gestured for them to stand up and get out of the crawlspace.

“Grab your sister’s hand. We’re gonna get you out of here,” Dean said. You put your hand on their backs, carefully walking them over to the stairs with Sam and Dean guarding your back. You and the kids made it to the landing but Sam’s groan was too loud in your ear and then there was a thud and some screaming and Sam tumbled down the stairs. “SAM!” You and Dean both called out for him. Dean shot his taser gun in the direction that he must have seen this thing but he missed.

Sam quickly got up and ran back up the stairs to you, tossing his taser gun at Dean. “Take this!” He ordered. Dean caught it easily, nodding towards you and his brother before you disappeared behind the corner and ran out of the house. Sam told you to stay put, guarding the entrance to the house while he secured the girls in the car.

You couldn’t hear much coming from the basement but you were anxiously waiting. Dean could handle himself was the mantra that you repeated over and over again while your leg shook in anticipation. “I’m gonna go back down there!” You called for Sam. He didn’t say anything, just waved a hand at you to give you the go ahead and you whipped around, running back down the stairs trying not to make too much noise but the second you saw Dean lying in the corner of the basement, unconscious, you ran.

You could feel a pulse on your fingertips but you didn’t know if it was his or just yours from your heart beating so quickly. He wouldn’t wake up, no matter how much you tried to shake him awake or slap his cheeks or begged him to. You knew you couldn’t carry him up the stairs alone and it felt like an eternity, you sitting there, checking for pulses on his neck and his wrists while crying out for Sam until he eventually showed up. He ran to your side, doing all the same steps that you just did until he grabbed him and helped you carry him to the car.

Getting the kids to safety was your first mission but it felt insignificant to you as you cradled Dean’s head in your lap in the front seat of the Impala. You tried not to cry now that you weren’t alone and you didn’t want to freak the kids out so you sniffled to yourself quietly until the kids got out of the car and then Sam and then Dean to take him into the hospital. It wasn’t until you were left alone in the car while Sam delivered him to the ER that you let yourself really, really cry. Like snot shooting out of your nose, not being able to tell the difference between snot and tears on the back of your hand, whole body shaking kind of cry. When you were done and your eyes were bloodshot and your nose was rosy, you went in to join Sam.

You and Sam were at the reception area, trying to figure out how to pay for this mess when the lady gave you a solemn look, “there doesn’t seem to be any insurance on file.” Sam mumbled a few words to himself, grabbing his wallet out of his pocket. He was just as shaken up as you, maybe even more but he was handling it much better. You hadn’t seen him cry but that didn’t mean he wasn’t and he handed the lady a credit card - stolen. “Okay, mister Berkovitz,” she said, reading the name on the card.

You looked over your shoulder at the policemen waiting, watching, staring at you. You pulled on Sam’s jacket after the lady went to run the card and made your way to the policemen. They gave you another solemn look and you were already tired of all the pity looks you were receiving from people. You wanted to be left alone. “We can, uh, finish this up later,” the policeman offered.

“No, it’s okay,” Sam told them, shoving his hands in his jacket pocket. “We were just taking a shortcut through the neighborhood and our windows were rolled down. We heard some screaming when we drove past the house, and we stopped and ran inside,” he explained the fake version of it all. The civilian version it.

“And found the kids in the basement?” The officer finished, you and Sam both nodded. “Well thank god that you did,” he said, offering you a proud smile. This was one of the more friendlier encounters with the police you’ve had in the past few years and you were disappointed that it was under such grave circumstances.

You heard a door opening from behind you and you excused yourself from the officers, Sam quickly following. The policemen yelled a thank you down the hall as you ran up to the doctor. “Is he-” You started but the doctor held out a hand, suggesting that you calm down. You took two deep breaths and then the doctor smiled.

“He’s resting,” he said.

“And?” You pushed.

“The electrocution triggered a heart attack - pretty massive, I’m afraid. His heart is damaged,” the doctor explained. You felt like your heart was damaged hearing that news. You felt Sam’s body tense up.

“How damaged?” Sam asked and you braced yourself for the worst news possible. You could see it in the doctor's eyes that that was coming. You wrapped your arm around Sam’s, leaning into him for comfort.

“We’ve done all that we can. We just need to try and keep him comfortable at this point but I’d give him a couple weeks at most, maybe a month,” he explained. You thought that you had cried all of your tears but more threatened to come. Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest you thought that you were going to vomit all of the doctor’s white coat.

“No. There’s gotta be more that you can do,” Sam protested, his face falling and there they were: the tears. “Some kind of treatment,” Sam suggested.

“We can’t work miracles. I really am sorry.” Your lips parted and you could feel the tears streaking down your face and you felt paralyzed in that hallway with that doctor but Sam pushed you off of him and pushed past the doctor and into Dean’s room where the TV was lightly humming.

When you entered the room, Dean was mumbling something about daytime TV with his raspy voice that cut deep into your skin and left you bruised. You popped up behind Sam, who sighed and let out a sharp exhale. “We talked to your doctor,” he said.

“That fabric softener teddy bear. I wanna hunt that little bitch down,” Dean said, pursing out his lips as he changed the channel of the TV.

“Dean,” you warned. He rolled his eyes, putting the remote down on his lap.

“Looks like you guys are gonna have to leave town without me,” he said bluntly.

“What are you talking about? We’re not gonna leave you here,” you said, stepping out from behind Sam’s back, getting braver and braver but it was hard to see him in this condition. It was heart wrenching.

“You better take care of that car,” he warned. “I swear I’ll haunt your ass.”

“I don’t think that’s funny,” Sam said and you agreed but you bit your lip to prevent yourself from smiling.

“Oh come on, it’s a little bit funny.” You couldn’t help but let out a little laugh and Sam smiled, looking down at his feet. The room fell silent then and Dean let out a sigh. “Look, Sammy, what can I say, man? It’s a dangerous gig and I drew the short straw. That’s it, end of story.”

“Don’t talk like that, alright? We’ve still got options,” Sam pleaded with his brother. You knew just as well as Dean that there were no options but Sam would play the devil’s advocate until Dean died. He would always beat the horse too thin. Pray for a miracle that would never come.

“What options? You got burial or cremation,” Dean deadpanned.

“Hey,” you warned, shooting him a glare. He licked his lips, raised his eyebrows at you apologetically and then sighed again.

“I know it’s not easy but I’m gonna die. And you can’t stop it,” Dean said. He was the first one to really say it out loud. In those words. Sam’s face was scrunched up and red and you saw the tears pooling in his eyelid but you knew he wouldn’t let them fall around Dean. You put your hand on his forearm briefly and then sat on the edge of Dean’s bed.

“Watch me.”

The next few days were spent searching the internet and calling everyone in John’s journals to figure out a way to fix this, but Sam wasn’t sleeping and he wasn’t crying and you felt like maybe he was holding back for you because even when you were hiding in the bathroom, waiting for him to do something while he was alone - there was nothing. You couldn’t even hear him crying in the shower.

You were perched on the edge of the bed, the laptop on your lap while Sam tried John’s phone. No answer. “Hey dad, it’s Sam. Uh… You probably won’t even get this, but, uh, it’s Dean,” he started, his voice shaking and cracking. You closed the laptop and pushed it to the side. “He’s sick and the doctors say there’s nothing they can do.” He paused, his face scrunching up in pain. “But hey,” he chuckled, “they don’t know the things we know, right? So don’t worry, cuz I’m, uh, gonna do whatever it takes to get him better.” Sam kept hitting his ankle that was crossed over his knee and playing with the frayed ends. “All right, just wanted you to know.” Sam hung up and you were angry at John for not answering and not being here and making Sam do this alone.

“Hey,” you whispered, putting your hand on his shoulder. He jumped at your touch, almost like he forgot that you were even there but he softened when he looked at your face. You gave him a weak smile. “We’ll fix this, okay?” You promised him. It wasn’t something you could promise or that you should have promised but you did it anyway to make him feel better.

He pushed off the bed and started to pace around the room, running his hands through his dirty hair. He looked like such a mess. You could almost see the anger building up inside of him on his face. The way he squeezed his eyes shut, the way his lips were tight against each other. Sam turned around and in one swift motion, he cleaned the table clean of all the magazines and take out menus that littered it.

You jumped to your feet and put your hands on his biceps, coaching him to look at you. Begging him to look you in the eyes. When he finally did, you gave him another weak smile. “Breathe, okay? Please?” You asked. Sam licked his lips and then took a deep breath, nodding at you but when he let it out, he shook his head and crashed his body into yours.

You wrapped your arms around him and he squeezed you so tight you thought your head was going to pop off but you didn’t mind because that was Sam and you were willing to hold him for as long as he needed or wanted you to but a knock at the door broke the moment.

You sat him down on the bed and got the door yourself. “Dean?” His skin was pale and he was sweating even though it was cold outside and his body was pressed against the doorframe. “What the hell are you doing here?” You scolded him for leaving but the smile on Sam’s face when he saw him, made you regret it.

“I checked myself out,” he smirked, limping into the room, holding himself up with the chair.

“Are you crazy?” Sam asked but his face was filled with relief and joy that his brother was here with him. You knew just how crazy it made him think about Dean in that hospital bed, alone, watching daytime TV that he hated.

“I wasn’t going to die in a hospital, especially where the nurses aren’t even hot,” he joked as you closed the door behind him and helped him sit down in the chair. Neither of you laughed at his joke, but Dean still thought it was funny and he chuckled.

“You know, this whole “I laugh in the face of death” thing is crap. I can see right through it,” Sam told him, trying to scold or be serious but he was still smiling a little bit.

“Yeah, whatever, dude,” Dean rolled his eyes and adjusted his jacket so that he was comfortable and you couldn’t imagine that he was but he was putting on a brave face despite the fact that he looked like he was dying. “Have you even slept? You look worse than me,” he teased.

“He hasn’t,” you answered for Dean but giving Sam a glare. You had been begging him the last few days to just get a few moments of sleep and you would do the research for him but he insisted on staying up until he found a solution for his brother. Even as you slept, you could feel his body stirring next to you.

“I’ve been scouring the internet for the last three days. Been calling every contact in dad’s journal,” Sam explained, sitting down on the bed across from his brother. You sat next to him, pulling out the laptop and opening it up. There weren’t many solutions out there, but the one that you had so far, was pulled up on the computer.

“For what?” Dean groaned, visibly uncomfortable.

“For a way to help you. One of dad’s friends, Joshua, he called me back. He told me about a guy in Nebraska, a specialist,” Sam explained. You pulled up all the reports of the guy that you could find online, up, spinning the computer to show Dean. All the articles you could find showed nothing but good things. This guy healing people from even the brink of death.

Dean scanned the screen and shook his head, “you guys aren’t gonna let me die in peace, are you?” He asked.

“We’re not gonna let you die, period. We’re going.”

tagged: @matchamendes @stuckupstucky @sillydecoy @kaelyn-lobrutto24@liztorr1212 @icanreadbookstoo  @rachael-mae @jessewa26

#supernatural #supernatural rewrite #supernatural imagine #supernatural blurb #supernatural one shot #spn #spn rewrite #spn imagine #spn blurb #spn one shot #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #sam x reader #boyfriend sam #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #reader insert #season one episode twelve #01x12 #faith

[wistfulcynic]

Another Brick In The Wall: Chapter 8

a/n: Effusive thanks to @hollyethecurious for the artwork! I love it so much! Thanks also to everyone for reading, commenting, kudos-ing, and reblogging! I'm so pleased by the way people have been engaging with this story. Love you all xxx

Summary: Emma Swan, sheriff’s daughter, mayor’s niece, quarterback’s girlfriend, is the undisputed princess of Storybrooke High. She is smart and confident and used to getting what she wants. What she wants is Killian Jones, the new boy in school. But Killian is not easily manipulated, and reluctant to allow the dark secrets in his past to touch the girl he is rapidly falling in love with.

Rating: T

Read it on AO3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

Tags for: @darkcolinodonorgasm @jennjenn615 and @resident-of-storybrooke

Chapter 8: 

Killian was out of school for a week, for a “mental health break” he called it with a chuckle, apparently a term he’d gotten from Dr Hopper. He saw the psychiatrist daily during this break and spent the rest of his time at the harbour with Liam, working on their boat, reading, playing his guitar, and talking with his brother about everything that had happened. 

“We’ve hashed it all out in excruciating detail,” he told Emma as they sat together in the boat’s cabin, she working on her college essays while he practiced a new song. “It’s such a relief to be able to really talk to Liam again. There was a time when we had no secrets between us. He showed me all the information he had collected on Milah and her situation. Apparently her divorce is almost finalised and next month she’s starting a job teaching English in Japan.” He smiled. “She’ll like that, a chance to travel. What she always wanted.” 

“Hmmmph,” said Emma, glaring at the screen of her laptop as she typed rapidly. 

“Swan,” he admonished, giving her a mock scowl as he strummed a chord at her. 

Emma slammed her hands down on the keyboard. “Killian, I just don’t know how you can be so forgiving after what she did to you.” 

He set the guitar aside and his expression became serious. “I have to be, don’t you see?” he asked, looking at her intently. “I can’t hold on to my anger or it will eat me alive. I didn’t even realise how angry I was until Dr Hopper helped me see it, and how by not acknowledging it, allowing myself to feel it, and then letting it go, I was only hurting myself. Besides, I did genuinely care about Milah, and I’m glad she’s finally in a place where she can be happy.” 

“Hmmmmph.” Emma concentrated on deleting the gibberish she’d produced by her attack on the keyboard.

“A place that doesn’t include me,” said Killian brightly, picking up the guitar again and plucking out a cheery tune. “That’s good, isn’t it Swan?”

“I suppose so,” she grumbled. “Though I’d still prefer if the place was dark and scary and full of nettles.” He laughed heartily at that and she couldn’t hold back an answering smile. “Hey, I’m nearly done with this, will you read it over and make sure it’s okay? Just check my grammar and punctuation and stuff.”

“Of course, love, though I’m sure it’s already brilliant.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freed from the weight of his worry and guilt, Killian gradually began to smile more easily, and his witty, teasing nature (“cheeky git,” Liam called him, his voice irritated but with a relief so profound it bordered on joy in his eyes) came more readily to the fore. When he returned to school the following Monday, he moved through the halls with a swagger that Emma had never seen on him before. Unlike the arrogant, bullying one that Neal always had Killian’s evoked a simple self-assurance that she had to concede looked really good on him. Despite how much emotional baggage he still had to work through he clearly wasn’t burdened by shame anymore, and equally clearly did not intend to take any crap from anyone. 

This made itself evident that morning when he shut his locker and turned towards his first class, only to find himself confronted by Felix and Rufio. 

“Really, chaps?” he said, raising an eyebrow at them. “You couldn’t even wait until after school so you could chuck me into the bins, like proper high school bullies?”

This mockery went clean over the other boys’ heads, and they continued to block his path, trying to look intimidating while also trying not to be intimidated by Killian’s calm demeanor and his amused expression. 

Felix, the sligtly cleverer of the two, suspected he was being laughed at but couldn’t put his finger on why. He didn’t like it. 

Bristling, he sneered at Killian. “Bet you think you’ve won,” he snarled. “Now that Neal’s in jail and out of the way. Now you can move in on Emma like you did on that—” he broke off as Killian stepped into his space. There wasn’t much difference in height between them, but somehow Felix had the impression of Killian towering over him, his face calm but his eyes darkly furious, and for once in his life he felt a stab of genuine fear. 

“I’m only going to say this once,” growled Killian in the new, lower register his voice had taken on more often of late, “So you’d better listen carefully. Your mate Neal is a criminal, and not even a good one. He’s in jail because he’s stupid, and that’s nothing to do with me. I have no doubt it’s where he’d always have ended up eventually. Bit of advice: If you’re going to steal confidential information, don’t take pictures of the evidence on your phone, and definitely don’t then show those pictures to the sheriff’s daughter. Neal got what he deserved. I now consider this matter closed, and if you or anyone else—” he raised his voice so that the rapidly assmbling crowd of onlookers could all hear, “—tries to take it any further, you will not care for the repercussions.” 

Felix wasn’t sure what “repercussions” were, but the hint of repressed violence in Killian’s manner made him keen not to find out. He had always been content to follow Neal, less out of respect for the other boy than a simple unwillingness to make a thing out of Neal’s belligerent insistence that he should be the one in charge, but he’d always sensed that there wasn’t much substance underneath Neal’s bluster. Killian however didn’t bluster. He simply stated facts, and Felix could tell that he was not the sort of person to make a threat he couldn’t back up with action. Perhaps it was time to step out of Neal’s shadow, thought Felix, and take over leadership of their little gang. He certainly couldn’t do a worse job of it than Neal had, and escalating a pointless conflict with a guy who looked prepared to fight dirty if necessary was much more Neal’s style than Felix’s. He nodded at Killian, and stepped back. Rufio looked surprised but followed his lead. 

Killian nodded back then transferred his glare to the crowd of onlookers, which had grown considerably in the past thirty seconds and now included Emma and Ruby, he could see out of the corner of his eye. “As for what you may have heard about me,” he said, loudly enough for all to hear. “It’s all true.” He smirked for a moment as a gasp went through the crowd, then his expression hardened. “It’s also no one’s business but mine, and those in whom I choose to confide. This is all I have to say on the subject. Now, if you’ll all excuse me I don’t wish to be late for class.” He slung his satchel over his shoulder and headed down the hall, turning his head briefly to shoot Emma a wink. People moved aside to let him pass and as soon as he had turned the corner furious whispering erupted in his wake. 

Ruby pursed her lips. “I may have underestimated him,” she remarked. 

Emma’s heart was pounding, a familiar occurrence where Killian was concerned, but this time it felt different. She’d been worried about how he would react to the ineveitable curiosity and questions from their classmates, but this smooth handling of a potentially explosive situation instead of calming her fears instead filled her with the wild desire to run after him, to fling herself into his arms and kiss them both breathless. 

“He’s just so wonderful,” she sighed, and Ruby laughed. 

“Down, girl,” she teased. “I’ll grant you this one’s worth your time, unlike the douchemaster general, but remember we’re in school. No one wants to see that.” 

Emma rolled her eyes and gave her friend a shove, but the butterflies continued rhumba-ing around her insides, this time accompanied by an odd, hollow sort of ache as she remembered her resolution not to pursue Killian anymore. She was now all but certain that she loved him, that beyond the hot, tingly sensation she always felt in his presence lay a profound devotion. She would do anything for him, sacrifice anything to give him what he needed, and that terrified her. For the first time in her life Emma felt vulnerable, exposed, as though her chest were torn open and her heart lain bare to the mercies of fate and one gorgeous, troubled boy. She hated it. Even knowing that Killian would never intentionally hurt her was no consolation when the truth was that he could hurt her simply by caring deeply for her as a friend. If that was all she could ever have from him she would take it, she knew, without pushing for more, but it would be a wound on her heart that would never heal. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He’s a bully,” shrugged Killian at lunchtime, when Emma, this time accompanied by a very inquisitive Ruby, found him in the library. “Bullies are just cowards at their core, and cowards are easy to intimidate. He won’t do anything because he won’t want to call my bluff. I might not be able to back it up but he’ll be too scared to risk finding out.” 

“And what would you have done if he had called your bluff?” inquired Ruby. 

Killian shrugged again. “Probably got the shit kicked out of me.” 

“Would you have, though?” Ruby pressed, watching him through narrowed eyes.

He returned her stare with a look of wide-eyed innocence. “There were two of them to only one of me. Seems inevitable.” 

“Does it?” Ruby’s disbelief was almost palpable, and having fenced with Killian for months now Emma shared her friend’s suspicion that he was deliberately underplaying his fighting skills.

“Let’s hope we never have to find out,” said Killian with a small smile, in a tone of voice that made it clear he would answer no more questions on the subject. “I quite like my face arranged the way it is.” 

“It is a nice face,” said Ruby with a wolfish grin that widened as Killian’s ears turned pink. “But I didn’t come here just to flatter you. Victor asked me to ask you if he could have your phone number.”

“My number?” Killian blinked in surprise. 

“Yeah, there’s some concert in Portland and he doesn’t have anyone to go with and he thought you might be interested.” 

“Um, sure, I guess.” Killian rattled off the number and Ruby sent Victor a text. A minute later his phone buzzed and he looked at it, snorting as he read the message. “Bit of a wanker, your boyfriend,” he remarked to Ruby. 

“I don’t know what that is but I’m somehow sure that Victor is one,” smirked Ruby. “Is that gonna be a problem?”

“Not at all, I’m rather fond of wankers,” said Killian absently as he typed his reply. “My brother is one, after all.” His phone buzzed again almost instantly and he raised an eyebrow at what he read on it. 

“Ems, I think maybe we should leave the boys to their chat,” said Ruby, and as much as she hated to sacrifice free time with Killian, from the way he was fixated on his phone, his expression almost gleeful as he typed rapidly, Emma had to admit she was probably right. 

“Okay,” she said. “See you in class in a few minutes, Killian. And maybe hang out after school?”

“Hmmm? Oh, I have an appointment with Dr Hopper at four, but I can text you when I’m done.”

“Okay.” She smiled at him but his attention was back on his phone, so she followed Ruby out of the library trying not to feel too disgruntled. Killian should have other friends, she told herelf firmly, male ones who shared his interests. That was normal, and he could use some normal in his life right now.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few weeks, things at school settled back into a routine, albeit one that was markedly different than it had been. Neal had been officially arrested after David’s investigation, charged with burglary, theft, and theft of a medical record, and was facing up to five years in prison. His parents had put up their house as collateral to pay his bail, but weren’t allowing him to return to school. 

“Not much point when he’ll just go straight back to the slammer after he’s sentenced,” said Ruby viciously. “So much for that football scholarship he was so cocky about.”

Emma tried to find some compassion for Neal and what was basically the wreck and ruin of his future, but couldn’t dredge up a single particle of it. He had committed several felonies for no other reason than to stick it to Killian for outsmarting him and for becoming her friend, and he’d committed them flagrantly and with no thought to the consequences. He’d probably thought there wouldn’t be any consequences. Killian was right: Neal deserved everything that was coming to him, if only for being so colossally, arrogantly stupid. 

People still whispered about Killian as he walked through the halls but true to character he paid little attention. He did, however, gradually began to open up more and allow more of himself to show through his defences, willingly participating in classes and talking to people other than Emma and Ruby. By the time finals week arrived had actually made a few friends. 

Killian reflected wryly that in a twisted sort of way Neal had done him a favour. With all his secrets now out on the open he was free to embrace the opportunity for a new life he’d found in Storybrooke. Not that there had been anything particularly wrong with the old life, at least since his father had finally left. He’d been a mean old drunk, Brennan Jones, and by the time he’d been forced to flee his creditors for good, stealing a boat from Bristol harbour and melting into the offshore underworld, his sons had been glad to see the back of him. Killian thought about what he himself had been like back then, before Milah, and even though it had only been about a year since he’d first become involved with her so much had changed both in his circumstances and in himself, he feared that hopeful, enthusiastic boy was lost forever. Who exactly had taken his place was the question Killian had asked himself daily for weeks now, and he still wasn’t sure how to answer it. He’d become so used to holding everything in, to keeping such a tight rein on his thoughts and feelings that letting them out, accepting that it was okay to express them had become almost unbelievably difficult. The only person he felt even remotely comfortable being fully himself with aside from Liam was Emma, whose support and friendship remained unwavering as he bumbled and struggled thorough the reclamation of his life, and he remained intensely grateful for it. 

Only one thing about Emma troubled him-- that she no longer seemed to be interested in anything beyond his friendship. All the little hints and cues she had been giving him since they’d met were suddenly gone, and while he was relieved to be free of the added stress of constantly resisting something that part of him desperately wanted, he couldn’t help wondering if there was a darker motivation for this abrupt about-face. Perhaps, whispered an evil little voice in his head, Emma was actually more disgusted by his past than she let on and was simply too kind to tell him directly. Maybe the thought of him touching her turned her stomach now. He certainly couldn’t blame her if it did.   

“What do you want from your relationship with Emma?” asked Dr Hopper one afternoon, after Killian had finally brought himself to mention the change in her behaviour. “Do you want it to be romantic?”

Killian frowned, struggling to sort through the complex tangle of his feelings about and for Emma. “I don’t want a romantic relationship with anyone,” he said finally. “I still feel too messed up for anything like that. But I— I’m still really attracted to her. I think about her all the time, about how we kissed at her party, and I want to kiss her again pretty much constantly, but then I remember Milah and how I thought I felt about her, and I just—” 

“You don’t trust your judgement.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Killian, it’s important for you to remember that you have a much more equal relationship with Emma than you ever did with Milah.”

“Equal, with Emma?” Killian snorted. “You have met her, right?”

Dr Hopper smiled patiently. “I understand that you feel she’s beyond your reach, and that’s a separate issue, but what I mean by equal is that she’s your age and at your stage of life. With Milah you were constantly struggling to relate to her life and her experiences, and when you couldn’t you attempted to make up for that by offering her the affection and sexual attention she craved. You forced yourself to offer these things even though you didn’t genuinely feel them because you feared the consequences of not offering them. But with Emma there is no need to manufacture anything. She is placing no demands on you and therefore any attraction and affection you feel for her is genuine.”

“But what should I do about it?”

“Why should you have to do anything? You said you’re not ready for a romantic relationship, and that’s fine. Let yourself heal. The process is slow and frustrating, but believe me you are making progress. Let your feelings for Emma and your relationship with her develop at a pace that is comfortable for you. From what you’ve said it sounds like she will still be there when, if, you’re ready for more.” 

“It’s more than likely she no longer wants more. And even if she did, what happens when she meets someone who isn’t so hopelessly fucked up? Then where does that leave me?”

“Why don’t you worry about that if —not when— it happens?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the last day before winter break, Emma nervously approached Killian’s locker and handed him an invitation to her parents’ annual Christmas party addressed to him and Liam. 

“It’s just a thing they do every year for their friends and our neighbours,” she began to ramble as he examined the card, certain he would refuse and wanting to delay that painful moment. “My mom loves to entertain, and my dad says it’s good for building a rapport between law enforcement and the community, and—”

“Swan,” interrupted Killian, giving her that soft, indulgent look that said he knew exactly what she was thinking. “I’m sure we’d love to attend. Thank you for inviting us.” 

The butterflies soared in a grand jeté, and she felt like she was flying with them. “Great,” she said trying to keep her voice calm, “I guess I’ll see you then.”

Her delighted smile made his breath catch, and his answering grin set her heart galloping. Their eyes met and held, and as the end of semester chaos whirled around them they stood a breath apart, swathed in frustrated yearning and brittle tension, the only two people in the world.  

Then the final bell rang, and they leapt apart, Emma smoothing her skirt with shaking hands while Killian ran his own trembling fingers through his hair. 

“So, onion rings at Granny’s?” ventured Emma, wanting to kick herself for making him nervous again, after all her resolutions, hoping desperately he wouldn’t pull away. 

Killian sighed in relief, tinged with a hint of disappointment. Granny’s was safe. “Sounds perfect, love,” he said. 

#cs au ff #high school au #teenage captain swan #captain duckling #lieutenant duckling #another brick in the wall #profdanglaisstuff

[notedchampagne]

tagged by @maple-maypole bcsbxisdlxjs ily

long post below (sorry mobile users) bdhs’chjas

1. Nickname - sam although ngl ive gone through a series of really wild nicknames. i think the most recent one was samonella

2. Zodiac Sign - sollux

3. Height - five foot and a half but not for long

4. Last Movie You Saw - spiderverse! its my new favorite movie i cried six times

5. Last Thing You Googled - 

6. Favorite Musician - hMM good one im a big sucker for lemon demon rn but i have a ton of favorites it all just depends on mood

7. Song Stuck In Your Head - i sang lets see how far weve come this morning lmao

8. Other Blogs - @flapflapramen is my “this used to be my reblog blog but now its just my ‘these are funny videos ill reblog them to laugh at them later and then i never go back to them until three months later where i binge the past few pages’” blog and @pocketwine is my art ref blog :3 i also have a couple others but i cant remember their names

9. Do I get asks - yeah although ngl i ask for them pretty often bcjkdsbjkxsihj

10. Followers - 2912 im almost at 3k yell heah

11. Following - 159

12. Average Amount Of Sleep - five to seven hours it depends

13. What Am I Wearing - a pajama shirt that says breakfast coffee pancakes and gray shorts lmao

14. Dream Job - i long for the day i get to create my own animated tv show

15. Dream Trip - disney world with a bunch of friends

16. Favorite Food - either ham and mushroom pizza, chicken drumsticks or ramen

17. Play Any instrument - guitar! i dont screech well to accompany it though lmao

18. Favorite Song - just the two of us by grover washington jr and sweet bod by lemon demon

19. Random Fact About Me - i had a kirby game on my dsi and i was the best. i dont remember what game it was but i was fantastic at it cbjsdcdsnj like im actually really proud of that because i beat every single level with three stars, got every alternate outfit and collectible with a breeze and thats why i love kirby with my entire heart 

20. Describe Yourself As Aesthetic Things - rain on a plane window, dark desaturated colors with bright accents of random objects, photography of normal objects with odd perspectives, that stage of sunset where you can see the stars

#ty maple youre very sweet cbdjskcbkjds #slap tagged #aimless articulation

[floaty-pickle]

ok so i’ll preface this by asking you to please not reblog this post. you can like or reply if you want to, but please dont spread it around. i will also use slashes or asterisks to make sure none of this shows up in any tag.

ooook, i wanted to make my position on some things clear. some of you have probably noticed that i have been very vague about how i stand on some... themes... in this fandom and that i only speak up when something enormously fucky is going down. that was on purpose, but im gonna stop doing that now.

when i joined tumblr eons ago i used to be (past tense) pretty indifferent to and kind of ok with r//pf content. it happens to actors, creators, etc in a lot of fandoms and it never outright bothered me. i never specifically sought out or even wrote r//pf content, but i knew a few bloggers who did and sometimes i saw some edits or a short fic and i was like “aww thats cute” and went on. in my mind “speculating about whether or not two celebrities are a couple/saying two people would be a cute couple” wasnt that far away from “creating stories where those two are together”. i also fully bought into the ‘the people in the stories are fictionalised versions of the real people’ thing.

over time i finally acknowledged that being shipped with a colleague or a friend would be uncomfortable for most people, so that would apply to celebrities, too. i still wasnt exactly anti r//pf, but my main concern was that the subjects of the r//pf should never, never be confronted with the fic or the other romantic content created about them. i was already convinced that dark and twisted shit like r*pefic or heavily kinky stuff was unacceptable for r//pf. i went by these rules for the longest time: if r//pf content isnt fucked up and if its guaranteed that the people its about will not see it, its ok. you cant be uncomfortable with something you dont know anything about. i still held onto this for some time after getting into b//fu.

then some severely sinister shit happened, which im sure most of you remember. i saw the lengths some people would go to defend writing fucked up r//pf or r//pf in general. i had gotten to know (although know is a strong word as im not really ~in~ the b//fu fandom and im notoriously bad at making friends on here or just responding in general haha) a few bloggers, some of them shippers. this happened after i made a few angry posts about the fucked up shit, so i knew the few shippers i met werent those kinds of monsters. i know they arent bad people and i know they wanted the boys or their friends/partners to never find any of it. 

but in the meantime (like, a few months ago?) weve learned that the boys DO know about the r//pf (as does s*ra apparently) and theyre uncomfortable with it. r*an even made some not so subtle comments about it. if you remember, one of my main rules was that for r//pf to be ok, they cant ever find out about it. and suddenly i noticed the big flaw in my logic. deep down i always knew that r//pf in general wasnt ok and i was just kidding myself with the “if they never find out about it” bit. if something is only ok when it happens behind someones back and is suddenly not ok anymore when the person knows about it, it hasnt been ok from the start. what you dont know wont hurt you is bullshit.

the reason why i didnt say anything for the longest time is because i thought “ive been ok with and condoned this for so long and have even played with the thought a few times myself, so i would be a real hypocrite if i started posting like ive always been against it”. but now i AM saying it. so if there are any shippers left following me even after i got put on a blocklist (and ive earned my place on that one): i know not all of you are irredeemable monsters and i know i cant convince you to stop. i know i wont be able to do that, but please think about some of the things ive written and ask yourself if youre only ok with projecting romantic or erotic stories onto real people because “they wont ever find out”. if you are, then please remember, that they already HAVE found out and are uncomfortable with it. if youre now feeling guilty thats the sign for you to stop. it took me some time to figure this out, too.

#m #if you made it to the end you deserve a medal #please dont reblog #im kind of nervous to post this and idk why lol #its the truth

[firemedicdiaz]

1250 Follower Celebration

Hey folks!

Guess what?

I’ve reached 1250 followers!

When I first started this blog, I never dreamed of having 100, let alone 1250 of you!  Now that you’re here, though, I’m incredibly grateful for all of your patronage, for your support, your encouragement, your likes, reblogs, conversations, asks, and friendship.  I haven’t had the chance to talk to most of you one on one or directly, but I would love to get to know as many of you as possible, and my ask box and messages are always open, so come by and say hi!

I want to thank you all for being here, for bearing with me, for all of your input and kindness, and for being the amazing, awesome, fantastic people that you are!  You guys enrich my life so much, and so I’m doing a little something to give back for all of your love!

Follow the cut for details!

This celebration is all about hurt/comfort!

Now, seeing as this is a follower celebration, you must be following me to partake.  I will not be taking Anon requests just in the interest of fairness.  If you’re shy, please know that I’m very open and approachable, so don’t be afraid to request something even if we’ve never talked before!  If you want to remain anonymous when your request is filled, please just say so in the ask and I will refrain from tagging you/publicly answering your ask!

Without further ado, on to the celebration!

What I need from you if you’d like to request a ficlet:

Choose any pairing or reader insert from the Star Trek AOS fandom.

Choose either one trope, one dialogue prompt, or one of each from the list below.

Send them to me in an ask.

I cannot stress the last part enough.  If you reblog with a request, send a DM, or reply to a post, chances are I won’t notice it and it’ll get lost.  Asks are the easiest way for me to keep track of requests, so please use those!  My ask link is right here for convenience and ease of access.

Note - in the interest of not having to write the same prompt multiple times, I would like to keep requests unique.  As such, if a prompt has been crossed out/claimed, please choose another.  If I haven’t had the chance to update the list here yet when I get your ask, I will inform you by DM that a selected prompt was already requested and ask if you would like to exchange it.

Finally, I will be taking 10 requests for this celebration.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask!!!

Prompts

Tropes

Animal attack.

Alien attack. (Jim Kirk for @janeykath318)

Kidnapping.

Vehicular accident.

Illness.

Injury. (McKirk for @pandigirl19)

Near drowning.

Near freezing.

Electrocution/lightning strike. (Scotty for @cura-posterior)

Lost/stranded.

Fall from a height.

Natural disaster. (Leonard McCoy for @starshiphufflebadger)

Emotional pain. (Leonard McCoy for @haveyouseenmymind)

Hostage situation. (Leonard McCoy for @bkwrm523)

Interrogation. (Jim Kirk for @elaine-spades)

Torture. (McKirk for @auduna-druitt)

Fight.

Phobia.

Altruism.

Darkness.

Dialogue Prompts

“You’re very quiet; is everything okay?”

“Am I going to be okay?”  (Leonard McCoy for @haveyouseenmymind​)

“My/Your heart is racing.” (Jim Kirk for @wickedsingularity)

“You’re burning up.”

“How long has it been since you slept?” (Leonard McCoy for @musikat18)

“Please don’t leave me alone.”

“Hey.  Just look at me – breathe.”  (McKirk for @pandigirl19​)

“Take my hand.  You’re going to be fine.” (Leonard McCoy for @starshiphufflebadger)

“Stop telling me you’re okay.”

“Don’t touch me!”

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I promise not to hurt you.”

“I’ve noticed that you haven’t been eating lately.”

“I can’t, it hurts!”

“I know it hurts, but it’ll be over soon.”

“Can’t you just give me/them something for the pain?” (McKirk for @auduna-druitt)

“You can do this; you’re the strongest person I know.” (Leonard McCoy for @star-trekkin-across-theuniverse)

“Please, just let me help you.”

“You’re going to have to trust me.” (Leonard McCoy for @bkwrm523)

“It’ll all be over soon.” (Scotty for @cura-posterior)

#milestone #1250 followers

[hskinpanels]

panel edits for homestuck kin!

hey you. hey. hows it goin? good? cool. anyway. this is a blog that makes panel edits and other such edits for homestuck kin! weve been setting this blog up for a bit and wed love some requests and things, and wed also love it if u reblogged this post so other folks can see it! ya thatd be great.

ill give a little summary of who we r and what we do but please feel free to check out our about page for more in detail stuff. our mods are mod roxy (me!!) and mod kanaya, we will do edits of homestuck panels with any amount of detail you want, be it you just tell us who you want in the edit or if u want some more detailed stuff, doesnt matter, well do it. we arent all that great at sprite edits n stuff like that but if you want something like that we can and will try our best! (We’re Also Willing To Draw Our Own Panels From The Ground Up, Though You’ll Have To Specify More Detail There Of Course - Mod Kanaya)

ill put some examples of our stuff below this lil read more thingy, check it out if u want

ok heres my (mod roxys) stuff:

this is one of the earliest ones i did n also the one im most proud of

i cant remember when i did this one but tbh its fucking sick

and some of mod kanayas stuff:

thats abt all ive got to say rly! again pls reblog this post n things like that, we r really eager to do ur requests

[erlangs]

❤️ :)

truly i hate liza bc she knows id do this to outdo her ( mere ) 655 word compliment so she sent it even tho i didnt reblog the goddamn post sdfsdf and i hate myself bc im doing it anyway. the thing is under the cut bc its really fucking long and i hate u liza.

ok so, that disclaimer aside, where do i start with liza? man, i legit still cant believe that im ur oldest good tumblr friend?? thats such an honor?? honestly tho, it feels like its been longer than only two and a half years?? before u mentioned that on ur compliment, i honestly thought that weve been here for at least three years. sometimes its just v easy to forget for me that i havent known you for like, half my life ( it doesnt help that u know one of my irl friends irl too rip ). ur presence is constantly there, and for two people who can get irritated real quick by a never ending presence, ur right; we really do make it work. i really like how youre always around but not in a way that it pressures me or anything, i just know youre gonna be there always and i hope you know the same about me too?? even if we dont talk for a few days or only talk briefly i just know youre still gonna be there when im back, and i hope you know that the same applies to you too. im still gonna be here, ok.

tbh its amazing to me too how while we’ve both changed and grew up and all that, we’re also still kinda the same?? in the sense that, aside from bonding over emmastan bein losers and other things, a lot of our convos from the beginning were riddled w salt too?? and here we are, still getting salty every single day. SPEAKING OF SALT, u know one thing that im rly grateful of of u too?? its the fact that altho u indulge my saltiness and we get petty a lot, u always always without fail help me put a brake to that saltiness. u know to stop me when u know that the salt is gonna pull me under and drag me down, u know to remind me that sometimes bitterness isnt the right way to go, and im honestly really grateful that we have that balance in our conversations?? the fact that ur firm w me when i need it is smth that i v much appreciate too like i feel like ?? neither of us are scared to speak our minds w each other too and thats really nice?? honestly, idt ive ever really skirted around about anything with u and like even if it takes me a while to bring up ( usually nothing to do w u too lmao more like personal issues i have n stuff ) it always gets brought up?? u also got a good head on your shoulders ( altho sometimes we both know that u use it better when ur giving other ppl advice rather than looking @ urself LMAO ) and i really appreciate how i can always come to you to help me rationalize things too. i remember like i used to come to u a lot about getting second opinions bc i know ur always gonna look at from an unbiased pov if u can and ur always honest about what u think?? and thats honestly still something i do a lot too, whether its rp apps or personal issues or whatever else.

and see, thats the thing. i think sometimes criticizing can be rly tough but u?? make it so easy?? its v easy for us to proofread each others things and stuff and thats why i really like showing you my rp apps as well? there are a few people who id be like “ok i know my work is good if this person says its good”, and youre one of those people. bc youre honest, but not brutal, and i really appreciate that about you. i mean, u know we can be brutal w each other n not rly mind but even outside of me, ur always v v mindful and i find that amazing?? u just....always try rly but also!! another thing that i admire about u is the fact that even tho u always try to be there for ur friends too, u know when to draw the line and take time for urself. i think like talking to you about things like this helped me get a stronger grasp on myself too? someone complimented me saying that it seems like i know who i am v well and while i know i still have a lot to learn too about myself and my place in the world and im still figuring the fuck out of everything, i feel like the people around me defff helped me find my footing better and tbh, ur one of those people. u helped me find my stance while still grow and all, and just overall, i feel like a lot of our convos when we’re not talking abt our sims or charas being complete messes or we’re talking abt random things like rice, they help a lot w self discovery?? which idt ive ever properly thought about either, but since i basically said i could probably write u a 1k compliment, why not bring it up here?? writing this down made me realize that too, so.

jfk, this is so long already ( the end of that paragraph? thats when i told its already 914 words ) and i havent even gotten into like the more Aesthetic things n ur talentz and skillz n all that. but u know time and time again ive told you how much i love your writing?? i know sometimes we look at other ppls writings and yell about how pretty they are, but i hope you know never for a second have i ever thought that ur writing is inferior to any pretty writing. like u said, we have similar writing styles and by default LMAO if u want me to be confident abt my writing style ( which i am, and again a lot of ppl close to me have helped me w that n that includes u ) then i want u to do the same w urs bc we write kind of similarly. and its amazing, bc i think our writing is v different too but also?? a v similar tone?? it makes rping w u v easy for me too bc theres just?? so little pressure?? and before we know it our threads are 1k+ n we’re yelling at each other abt how its effort but we still try outdo each other anyway. but really, you know that im honest about ur writing and when something feels like it doesnt work for me or anything i always straight up will tell u but the thing is, it so rarely happens?? genuinely, i love love your writing and also your character creation process and everything else. just — the amount of work u put into ur fiction impresses me and also, as lazy as you are, it always amazes me how u would push urself and do replies and stuff too even tho i know u stare at them for 10 hours being like “effort”.

anyway, i really should end this soon lmao but one more thing!! i cant not bring this up ok!! i think my favorite thing about you is that youre always so genuine. like, i could be talking abt an anime that u dont even have any idea what it looks like and ud still genuinely listen and be interested and god, i appreciate that sooo much about u?? steffi yells at u abt kpop n kdramas and i yell at u abt games and anime and never for one second have i ever felt like u were dismissing us?? and truly, its amazing bc i know in some friendships ppl mostly talk abt what they have in common but i feel like with you and me, we can talk abt something the other has zero knowledge abt and its still chill. and i hope u know im always interested in what u gotta say too, sometimes im slow w responding n stuff or dont respond w multiple texts but u know im always interested. i mean, for fucks sake, i attentively listen to 4 of ur simventures and its been truly a wild ride.

our friendship as a whole was probably a Wild Ride, so much has happened in the past 2 and a half years ( u graduated, i graduated, amongst other things ) and here’s to many many more years of being trash saltmates i love u

#userseonhwang #anyways truly i hate liza #liza #ask meme stuff #seonhwang #answered