#can't find the urge

[milaham]

He's back

#I'm doing this again #can't find the urge #traditional drawing #drawing #art #my draws #my art #fanart #my artwork #artwork #traditional art #death note #dn l #dn #l lawilet #death note l

[bhaalble]

"Just for while you're in Moonrise" Gortash said "Let's give you a reason not to dawdle with the General." Gortash said. All fun and games until Durge wakes up on the nautiloid with no memory and a chastity belt on

#journal entry directing you to find whoever's got the key to this stupid thing #can't magic it off either he knows their tricks #real downer on the romances #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #dark urge #enver gortash #durgetash #nsftish

[youremyonlyhope]

Living with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors

Me: *Is super stressed over life.*

Trichotillomania: Time to pull some hair! C'mon. You won't even notice you're doing it. It'll make you feel better.

Me: NO. *Spends 4 days putting hair in a mini twist protective style* There.

Dermatillomania: Hey. Your hands are free. And restless. And dry... Pick your skin. Bleed. Bleed.

Me: Stop! *Starts up a new crochet project to keep hands busy.* Ok cool.

Onychophagia: Hi hi. Your nails are.... perfect biting length... you should do that.

Me: Noooooooooooo *Paints nails.*

Dermatillomania: Oh look, you got some nail polish on your skin. Pick it off... now pick some more...

Me: SDJAKFDSJFKLDKAFDJKLAFJDKSAKLFDASL

#is this tmi? oh well. this is the tmi website #trichotillomania #dermatillomania #onychophagia #bfrb #body focused repetitive behavior #ocd #guys guess what? my therapist all but prescribed that i get a manicure to prevent picking at my skin #apparently after a year with this therapist i never mentioned my finger picking until this week #and she was like 'ok since you find it tough to paint them yourself get a manicure. self care and preventative' #because my cuticles are horrific due to me constantly picking at them and the sides of my fingers #so i've always been too embarrassed to go to a nail salon and my therapist was like 'exposure therapy!' #currently my nails are sloppily painted because i can't hold a brush still and they're already chipping after like 5 days #actually they probably started chipping on the second day honestly. #i need to redo my twists a bit which actually satisfies the trich urges since i'll be running my fingers through my hair to do it #but i won't actually be pulling. but also. i will be getting the shed hairs out. so. kind of fulfills that. #but right now my nails are long enough for me to feel them sometimes hit my keyboard. which. isn't normal for me. #and despite the nail polish i feel the urge to bite them shorter ahhhhh #anyway if you're Black with natural hair and have trich i HIGHLY suggest mini twists since it helps deter me from pulling #sure i have to redo it every few weeks but seriously. game changer. harder to find individual hairs to pull.

[gideonisms]

you can quit your shit job but what they never tell you is there is no way out of the labyrinth

#me when i quit my shit job: well now i guess i have to find other shit job #you can't actually walk out of the academy just quit you can leave. you're stuck forever. the cycle repeats but different #sometimes you just have to relish the feeling of quitting because it's the closest to leaving you can get without Leaving leaving #and i don't want that there are beverages here #sigh. i should clean my closet or cut my hair again #i didn't even quit anything today i'm just feeling the urge

[raiiny-bay]

the year is 2012.....

#did i finally decide to work on something. yes. #will i finish it? i hope so. #baby kel kills me i stg #i still need to pose his hands. i forgot lol #i disappeared again bc i inadvertently started working on a dhes cosplay of sorts? #basically i randomly had the urge to pull out my sewing machine & make a pair of jorts for summer bc it's been hot lately #which naturally made me think of dhes #& THEN i realized that the boots i just got look EXACTLY like the kind of boots dhes would wear #& well. it spiraled from there #i'm at an impasse though bc i can't find a good shirt to crop & rip to shreds. so. #here i am #rainyrambles

[mwah-so-kissed]

some cursed mick for y'all

#NICE BANGS #I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE #mick thomson #unmasked #slipknot #“i find my urge to kill dwindles after a good nut”

[anderstrevelyan]

I started a playthrough with default durge because I want to see choices that would be out of character for Valas, and can I just say—

HATS

#bg3 #the dark urge #can't wait to see him in every single hat in the game actually #will I get to those choices while on honour mode? let's find out! #also I've never played a sorcerer before it's fun so far #he can FLY

[mamawasatesttube]

you ever wanna make a post but you just KNOW it'll attract the most annoying people on the internet into your notes

#rimi talks #the urge to speak my truth vs the desire not to have to sigh and block people for being annoying on my activity page #its an opinion of the ''not everything is about bruce wayne'' variety so... you know. #eta well i can't make it now i dont want to make two bitchy posts in a row and the ''im not misogynistic for not caring about women!'' guy. #well. HAD to say something about that one. because jesus fucking christ. #like. also. the ''books that have the same quality as the fanfic you're reading'' find better books lmfao skill issue idiot

[revvethasmythh]

halsin's response to durge saying slaughtering the goblin camp was a pleasure being "well, I suppose even a feral wolf can have the heart of a hound" is tbh something I have been thinking about nonstop since it happened

#like idk that really got me. I find that line SO very arresting #even a feral wolf can have the heart of a hound. the urge is dark but you are a wild thing and wild things bite #and that doesn't mean you can't have the HEART of hound. a heart for goodness and companionship and loyalty despite it all #anyway. I'm very normal about this I swear (lying) #rosie plays video games poorly #squad without the s

[adhd-merlin]

has anyone ever seen a dress that looks like gwen's plain lilac gown on the internet? I mean something that doesn't cost 500€/£ and isn't sold in the US

#I can't cosplay but the urge to throw together a gwen-inspired outfit is so strong #vagueplaying. is it anything #you'd think it'd be easy enough to find a similar-ish gown I'm not looking for an IDENTICAL one #I love that outfit she looks so beautiful in ep 2x02 😭 #bbcm #bbc gwen #bbc merlin #merlin

[maegalkarven]

I think Karlach witnessing Levi almost murdering Gortash and being distressed over it is the final push for Gortash to sell her to Zariel.

Bc Gortash was looking into the ways to realise all his insane plans, and now things are finally starting to fall into the full picture. He had ideas, he had plans, but now? Now, with a beautiful monster what Levi Ravengard turned out to be, he has the means.

Meanwhile Karlach keeps fussing over him, insisting Levi is dangerous, too dangerous, what he almost killed Gortash, and it's annoying. She gets into his way, she becomes more trouble than not. So he sells her and proceeds with his plan to seduce Ravengard's oldest.

Enver can do plenty of things with the knowledge what Levi is a Bhaalspawn. He can blackmail Ravengard, for starters. Threaten to unleash this knowledge into the masses.

Or he can do it smart; play the trustworthy card and swear to keep this secret, promise to honor Levi's privacy and at the same time double his efforts.

And it works marvels; unburdened by the secrecy, Levi actually flourishes under his attention. Gortash sees how scared of the urges everyone around Levi is and how...ashamed they are too, like it's some dirty secret showed under the rug. And he sees Levi himself sees how other treat his "sickness" and what a toll it leaves on him.

So he works on the angle "I like you not because the urges, but with them, because of them, because they're the part of you".

And its so new to Levi, who is used to feeling ashamed, having his father and Florrick being disappointed at him with every death he causes while also not being able to not kill (I'm a firm believer Durge, being pure Bhaal's creation, needs to kill to survive, not just wants/is driven to do that).

Levi is used to people loving him despite the urges, so then someone likes him with them, accepts all of him, every part of his undoubtedly awful self, it's the most freeing thing in the world.

He can breathe, for the first time in his life he can actually breathe. He is honest with Gortash in the way he has never been honest with anyone, not even Jaheira. He tells the man all of his fears and, unlike his family, Gortash acknowledges what his nature indeed is a problem what needs to be dealt with, and it will keep being one for as long as Bhaal exists. Breaking yourself into pieces by trying to change your nature will do no good, but does Levi know what will? Dealing with Bhaal once and for all. Even gods can be defeated.

After that Gortash has Levi in his pocket. Because he saw him when everyone else only agreed to see parts of him and denied the ugly parts. Gortash saw the monster Levi felt to be and called him beautiful.

#dark urge: levi #ravengard ward au #durgetash #Levi's family loves him so much #they're trying to help in the ways they can #but they can't really understand what it's like to be a pureblood Bhaalspawn #not even jaheira can #levi doesn't even know he's pureblood he just knows fighting his urges is a loosing battle #what the less he kills the mote feral he becomes #what he Needs to kill to stay sane. to stay a person #but how can he explain it? how can anyone get it? #and how can they truly love him if this murder instinct is a part of him? big part of him #sometimes it feels like it's all he is #idk what's worse being an open awful murderer as durge is in canon and being praised for it #or being shamed and repressed by every turn and living in shame and fear of yourself #no wonder Gortash becomes the man who hangs up the sun for levi #levi feels like only Enver truly gets him. only he Understands #and in this understanding he finds absolution and sheds the schreds of his morals #because even if everyone is against them levi will never be alone with gortash by his side #even if they're the last people in the world #mean whole Gortash originally tried to sleep and maybe marry his way on top #accidentally discovered the man he was trying to use is a Murder Incarnate #and put 75% of his plans on taming said murder incarnate

[chickensoupleg]

Silly thought but what if Billy's mom, in an attempt to save her son because she can't take him far without Neil tracking them down immediately, just fakes his death. She's trusted enough to take her son to the beach where it's just her and her little boy, and she can't take Neil's abuse anymore and a weird moment of understanding as she watches Billy ride waves with his giggles filling the air between the rushing of the water and the sounds of the seabirds that she won't leave him there either.

So she sets up something with relatives of hers where they'll take Billy temporarily and make it on the news that there was a freak accident and a mother is devastated because her son is gone, fashioned where no evidence could be pinned elsewhere. Times it so that yeah maybe a stronger wave or even a riptide caught the otherwise experienced but still a child surfer by surprise. Neil blames it on her because that was their son and how could she be so daft to not keep track of him. It gets pretty bad, but she knew it would, so not even a month later does she disappear as well.

She gets ahold of Billy again, but far away from where they used to be because Billy is supposed to be dead and Neil might find them if they stayed. They end up at Hawkins because it is a tiny little town and there was no way Neil would find them.

And then something happens to Billy's mum anyways because life just kind of hates him so he stays with the relatives which are the Holloways because why not, and they don't mind raising their nephew with their daughter who is about the same age. They get along great. He even gets along with the neighbourhood kids, even if they're also within that fairly wealthy attitude.

Cut to years later and Billy is a grown teen now, hanging out and doing great when a new family rolls into town and he catches a glimpse of a man he barely remembers anymore but still feels phantom chills run down his back.

Lucky for him, the man doesn't have any reason to randomly approach the teenager that echoes a family long gone.

#billy hargrove #he meets max through steve and when he finds out this is his ex-dad's stepdaughter he gets the urge to protect her #which he finds weird because he doesn't know her at all but he still feels like he should #neil doesn't recognise him because he only knew him as a little boy and he understood his son died years ago #and this teen can't possibly be his deceased son #even if billy had the same first name (or maybe his name was something else before and was now billy for whatever reason) #billy doesn't react in any way either (he's learned customer service smile and its genuinely been a while) so neil doesn't suspect a thing #and neil isn't about to humiliate himself by calling him son in the middle of public #was sleepy when i wrote this

[rawliverandgoronspice]

hoo hoo hee hee I have finished a v1 of my animatic..........

now I face a ton of problems, like:

no sound design I should probably put some sound design (it's a lot of work but also !!! would be cool!!!!)

voice acting would be nice??? but all of the people who could record for me that I know are french ;;

okay but it would be good to have a payoff to all the setup right? even if it means putting a LOT more time in it than I already have.......

oh no It Was Fun

#thoughts #animatic project #tloz #ganondorf #impa #I'm trying so desperately to not make it into a Thing #but let's face it #I kind of want to make it into a Thing #but I can't!!!!!!!! #I shan't!!!!!! #aaaaa #this is the only heartwreanching romantic tension you'll ever find anywhere near me #the tension between me and my urge to jump head first into a completely unreasonable project #that somehow is almost always fanwork I can't profit from or even showcase professionally u_u #the thing is #I have another Big Project already #that I love #but #I want to be like 5 different people all at once ;; #one for the video game #one for the other video game #the other for the mass effect fanfic #one for this project #and idk the last one can do work + domestic stuff #also I guess I could play Impa? I think I can pull her off #but Impa with a french accent she desperately tries to smother??? #I'm noooot sure this is a vibe

[raiiny-bay]

updated my simself specifically to make this

#i've actually been wanting to do a render of me & the boys for a while #but i hate that kelly is taller than me #like. the audacity of him yk #but also i just can't find an accurate hair for myself #i'm just gonna have to learn how to make stuff bc kel & i both need proper curly hair #n e way. i had the urge to try my hand at animation again so. that's probably what i'll be doing in my free time for a bit #kel's birthday & the boys' 10 year anniversary is in april so i gotta plan something fun for that at some point #i realize that's still a couple of months away but #i have no idea what i want to do for either of those yet & i would really like to plan ahead #i'm not much of a plan ahead kind of person #rainyrambles #dl maybe

[theflyingfeeling]

Hiii! Just wanted to share that today I’ll be thinking about these moments/pictures 😌✨💕

also you mentioned how they watched LOTR together (and I decided they did) and it reminded me of this:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaa 😭😭😭💕💖💗💞💖💕💞💗

are y'all looking at how Aleksi is holding Olli in the screencaps from Posse?? because I am and I haven't stopped thinking about that moment ever since it happened two (?!) years ago 🥺😭

may we also consider these moments while we're at it:

why are they crushing on each other so hard I'm going insane 😭😭😭😭😭

#imagine them on a movie date night 🥺 #either at the cinema where they end up sort-of-holding hands in the dark but can't really because all the others are right there #and they don't want to attract the others' attention and listen to their teasing #maybe they find it hard to focus on the movie because it's just so nice to focus on the softenss of the other's hand instead #and the other smells so nice too they had to fight back the urge to lean against their shoulder 😭 #or at home they could just cuddle on the couch with snacks and a blanket #aleksi would keep asking olli questions about the LOTR universe and olli would be so patient answering them (it would be his pleasure) #aleksi may not be that interested. he just loves listening to olli talk about the stuff he's passionate about 😭 #and olli may feel a tad jealous when aleksi says he thinks [insert LOTR character] is ''kinda hot'' but oh honeyyyy #aleksi will make sure olli knows just how hot aleksi thinks he is after the movie 😌 #(aragorn is undeniably the hottest but i wanted to give y'all some freedom of choice regarding that in case some of you have bad taste) #ollixallu #answered asks #sparfloxacin

[strigital]

Black feathers Bloom out From our thorns And I'll take back what you stole

uncolored boy because i like this version too <3

#song: black feathers by a tergo lupi #he... 😞 #might just be one of the most tragic characters i made and tbh? almost feel sad about it #more info on him later ofc #but honest to god i CAN'T WAIT to see this precious biscuit STRUGGLE against his vampiric nature the tadpole AND his dark urges #mans will have to juggle three big ass existencial problems #one could say the only thing keeping him alive is pure distilled SPITE #he WILL find the bitch who infected him with tragic mc desease and he WILL get a happy ending! (but most likely die trying) #my art #tradicional art #marker art #oc #rayne “dirge” caladrius #the dark urge #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #larian studios #half elf #vampire #click for better quality #please PLEASE ignore the anatomy thank u ily and have a good one