#can they talk. please. im sick of them

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

An analysis of Alhaitham's egoism in relation to Kaveh

(Update: The essay this is taken from is now uploaded! It can be accessed here and here as as a pdf <3)

Max Stirner's anarchist egoism is speculated to be the basis of Alhaitham's personal egoism, therefore I will be drawing upon Stirner's 'The Unique and Its Property' for this analysis.

Property and power are key principles within this philosophy. The egoist recognises himself as an individual, separate from the general collective of “humanity”, in which concepts such as freedom and property are governed to and over the people, for then the individual is not considered as such, rather they are a part of “humanity”, rather than a whole individual (Stirner, 170). This thinking is demonstrated within Alhaitham’s Story Quest, where he dismantles Siraj’s Hivemind by targeting individuals that compromised the Hive and reminding them of their own beliefs and preferences – the individual in themselves is a whole, and is not a “part” of a system (Stirner, 170).

In this, the egoist governs himself by what he owns and what he wants to own: “ownness is my whole essence and existence, it is myself. I am free from what I am rid of, owner of what I have in my power, what I control. I am at all times and under every circumstance my own”(Stirner, 106). This relates to the concept of freedom, which, for an egoist exists according to having the power to be free of something, for example, being freed of hunger, thirst, or societal expectations (Stirner, 105). This is reflected within Alhaitham’s description: “He lives free – free from the searching eyes of ordinary people,” but also extends to the power to own.

As power is considered something which the egoist owns, property then becomes something which the egoist exerts power over, and in this, can property be made use of by the egoist – all the while, the property remains an independent vessel (Stirner, 162). This is seen within Alhaitham’s view on his vision, in that it is “no more than a useful tool”, as it can be used to serve his own needs, and that since it in his possession, he has obtained it with his own power, it makes no difference to check on it as he continues to retain that power.

In this sense then, Alhaitham has constructed his life around this form of egoism, in that anything he wants, he has, such as his job as the Scribe, his house, the interests he pursues, the people he enjoys. In order to maintain this way of life, he will deal with, or be rid of, anything he deems as "harmful".

With this, the egoist seeks satisfaction in themselves through the satisfaction of another. Ownership, in relation to another person, can become love, which like all things the egoist has power over, is ultimately theirs – as in their love for a person (Stirner, 187), which is given willingly by the egoist, for loving a person is done for the satisfaction that love brings: “But I love them with the awareness of egoism; I love them because love makes me happy, I love because love is natural to me, it pleases me,” (186).

In loving another comes sacrifice, which the egoist can give into without compromising himself, as he himself sets the “purchase price of [his love]” (187) according to the happiness attributed to the loved one, as in return, the egoist shall also receive happiness (186). To enjoy someone, in an egoist fashion, is to be able to sacrifice all possessions and ownerships without foregoing the sense of an individual, of “ownness”, as the egoist would then lose his objectivity:

“I can deny myself countless things to heighten his pleasure, and I can risk for him what would be dearest to me without him, my life, my welfare, my freedom. Indeed, it forms my pleasure and happiness to feast on his pleasure and happiness. But me, myself I do not sacrifice to him, but rather remain an egoist and—enjoy him. If I sacrifice to him everything I would keep without my love for him, that is very easy… But if I sacrifice others to one passion, I still do not…  sacrifice my particular worth, my ownness. Where this nasty incident occurs, love looks no better than any other passion that I blindly obey.” – The Unique and Its Property, 185

It is relevant to note that just as the egoist receives happiness from a loved one’s pleasure, so does an egoist suffer from a loved one’s despair. Just as the egoist would sacrifice something of their own to provide happiness for a loved one in order to exact their own happiness, so too would an egoist sacrifice something, or act, to eradicate the root problem of a loved one’s misery, as this, in turn, would then resolve their own misery:

“If I see the beloved suffering, I suffer with him, and I find no rest until I’ve tried everything to comfort and cheer him…. It doesn’t follow from this that the same thing causes suffering… his tooth gives him pain, but his pain gives me pain. But because I cannot bear the sorrowful crease on the beloved forehead, therefore, then for my sake, I kiss it away. If I didn’t love this person, he could go right on creasing his forehead, that wouldn’t trouble me; I’m only driving away my troubles. – The Unique and Its Property, 186

The phrasing of “driving away… troubles” is particular to note here, due to similar usages of language used within Alhaitham’s Character Stories, in relation to him acting in accordance with his self-governed rules and serving his own self-interest by: “[acting] on his own will and deals with anything that appears harmful in his eyes”.

Kaveh, however, interprets Alhaitham’s egoism as a detached, pragmatic view of humanity, in which the individual isolates themselves not only as a means of prioritisation, but by elevating oneself over others by refusal to intermingle and to cooperate for the benefit of others. Not only is this a harmful opposition to Kaveh’s view of individuals sharing their knowledge and talent in order to pursue a better society, but due to Kaveh’s experience of Alhaitham’s personal egoism, it is harmful to Kaveh personally. Kaveh refuses to prioritise himself over others because he has seen a negative consequence of egoism, in which he has been “cut to the quick” and it has ended one of the few stable relationships in his life.

By Kaveh seeing Alhaitham’s comment about his altruism as malicious, Alhaitham has elevated himself over Kaveh, since Alhaitham does not have the same struggles as him, and has trivialised Kaveh’s trauma. To Kaveh, Alhaitham’s prioritisation of the self actively harms others as it desensitises the self to the emotions of others. Therefore, Kaveh opposes the egoism which Alhaitham advocates for, since he interprets it through his own lived experience. Hence, by Alhaitham asserting egoism over Kaveh as a means of Kaveh prioritising himself, it only reinforces Kaveh to strive to consider the feelings of others, as well as to not prioritise his own way of thinking if it undermines someone else’s.

In actuality, Alhaitham’s frustrations with Kaveh lie in his belief that Kaveh’s talents are incongruous with his values, and that if Kaveh were to prioritise himself, he would save himself suffering and enable himself to discover his “true self”, unrestricted by others placing labels onto him.

This is a personal frustration which Alhaitham would not compromise himself to assert onto a person he was indifferent to, due to his belief of not getting involved with other’s fates. However, he has been observed to ‘subvert’ his own rules to accommodate Kaveh. Through egoism, it can be seen that rather than ‘subverting’ these rules, Alhaitham adheres to them as an egoist, since he sees Kaveh as his mirror, they offer each other a contrasting perspective he believes they need to have a complete, objective vision of the world.

This is necessary for Alhaitham to consider within his own life, and therefore has extended his house to Kaveh, in order to expand his scope of thinking, and to consider perspectives he otherwise would not entertain. Kaveh’s ideals, his beliefs, and his philosophies explicitly interest Alhaitham, in contradiction with Kaveh believing that Alhaitham is disdainful of his perspectives.

In this way, Alhaitham enjoys Kaveh. He willingly pays for some of Kaveh’s tabs; pays for crates of wine for the two of them; and goes out of his way to pursue interactions with Kaveh. Just as Alhaitham is to Kaveh, Kaveh is an old friend, as unchanged in his beliefs as he was in the past and thus is a constant: “the most unshakable part of one's past is a friend that will never change”’.

Alhaitham strives to act in accordance to his own egoism and therefore assesses what “appears harmful” to him, in relation to these rules, so as to be rid of them. This can be extended to Kaveh, as Kaveh falls under what ‘belongs’ to Alhaitham, in the sense that ownership equates to Alhaitham’s enjoyment.

Alhaitham wants to have Kaveh in his life due to the alternate perspective which Kaveh offers him, thus expanding his horizons and granting him knowledge he otherwise would not obtain. As well as this, Kaveh is seen to be considered part of Alhaitham’s way of life that he wants to protect. In line with Stirner’s egoism, it follows that as Alhaitham enjoys Kaveh, as in, ‘owns’ the contentment Kaveh elicits, he therefore is affected by Kaveh’s self-inflicted grievances. Therefore, Alhaitham sees Kaveh’s altruism at the expense of his own wellbeing as something “harmful” to be dealt with, as this not only causes Kaveh inward misery, but also detriments Kaveh finding his “true self” (Alhaitham Character Story 3), which the egoist pursues above all else.

#i realised i hadn't actually discussed their philosophies in a post so here's an snippet from The Essay #kaveh's altruism is brushed over here but i didn't want this post getting too expansive oops #since their differences are the basis of the essay it's hard to filter that down into one post? #basically i'm aware that this reads as incomplete but i promise there is more where this came from!!! #also im reading that line: the two cannot reach a consensus even to this day #and im going insane because isn't that the resolution of their conflict? to find middle ground? #gee i wonder if that line is thematically crucial to their characters #also kaveh reads page 185 of the unique and its property and fights off a blush before denying everything #can they talk. please. im sick of them #the essay is coming along btw!!! thank you for all your thoughts and encouragement!! #haikaveh #alhaitham #kaveh #kavetham #haikaveh meta #genshin meta

[opikiquu]

aventurine pl. Plea s e . PLLEEEEEEASE

#★ arin rambles #‘here we go again’ you think everytime you see my ramble tag. I dont blame you #AVENTURINE AVENTURINE PLEASE SAVE ME WHITE BOY #OH MY LORD #OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS OH MY GOODNESS. #MY JSOE IS RUNNING HES RUINNING MY LIFE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM SO ILL PLEASE I #AVENTURINE. im so serious i can talk about this man all day. and more specifically this video #‘it was just posted 30 minutes ago arin youre scaring the kids’ SILENCE. I NEED SPACE #I NEED A. A MOMENT. EVERYBODY PLEAS GETA WAY FROM ME IM GOING TO GET SO SCARY #Please. Im so sorry. Im begging you . I love this man oh my gish please hes so cute #HES SO CUTE. HES SO CUTE IM SO SICK OF HIM WHY???????? WHY IS HE SO PRETTY HES SO PRETTY HES GOREGOUS HES SO STUNNING. HELLO. HELLO. #Im going to. Slam my head against the wall im overwhelmed with joy and happiness hes everything ive ever wanted ever #any minute not spent talking about him is a moment wasted i promise you MY PRINCESS IM COMING TO SAVE YOU #IM HIS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR EXCEPT ITS NOT SHINY #IM COVERED IN DIRT #IM STILL COMING FOR YOU AVENTURINE RUN #oh goodness me oh my #im so happy hes so prettu im so happy i cant do rhis im sweating geniumnly i feel so sick #Im cant . Do this anymore. I CANT TAKE IT. I HAVE TO… AAUGH… AAAHH… I HAVE TO…. DANCE! #guys…. he my favorriet… #my slinky….. my krimpet… my teacup i think. My doc mc stuffins doctor playset. My dishwasher. My italian coldsteel cinquedea . atp anything #hes my EVERYTHING. MY EVERYTHING…!!!!!!!! *MY TELEKENISIS THROWS EVERYTTHING ACROSS THE ROOM* #yall i dont think ive had a hyperfixation this horribly bad since. Since the. Since. MAN I DONT KNOW #IM COOKED. HE WOMT LEAVE ME ALONE. I LITERALLY DREAMT OF HIM LAST NIGHT LIKE IM SO DOOMED? ACTUALLY? #oh to be medicated and focus on . Things like cooking. Or idk. Getting a job. No i just think about some messed up blonde all day im absolut #ly DOOMED #yes im still yapping i got 30 tags u gon stick through them all. Every single one of them. Dont leave me please i want to talk about him ton #TO SOMEONE. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM TO SOMEONE ALL DAY. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE TESTING. IM LEFT ALONE ALL DAY I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY WIFE #i womder how crazy i look right now #Sighs lovingly at him..

[soonhoonsol]

you guys ever get tired of friends who only talk about themselves? how do you respectfully tell them off?

#personal #like i love them but also im sick and tired of hearing them talk about themselves #every conversation feels like im interviewing them bc i leep asking them questions and they just answer #but there's no turning the convo back to me #it's like 'hey how r u?' and they're like 'oh im not doing so well like life sucks' #and I'll be sympathetic and ask them why and then they start ranting about 70 different things #AND IT'S ALWAYS A VAGUE RESPONSE SO I HAVE TO KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS #and they act like they dont want the attention but it's obvious they want it #and even once they're done with their storytelling they dont even bother to ask me how i am or anything #and it's pissing me off these days bc i feel like i dont even matter to them; im just some person they can talk to about themselves #it's like they don't give a shit about me at all #if i ask them what their fav colour is theyre gonna tell me it's purple and then move on from that topic #at least ask me what my fav colour is!! instead of not even caring...am i even ur friend or what #im so sorry for the rant guys but... if anyone knows to politely tell these kind of people off please lmk #i need to tell them respectfully before i lose my mind and start yelling at them

[random-lil-illing]

not exactly a venn diagram like i promised, but i highlighted everything all three of them have in common. enjoy!

#tmnt #spider man #carmen sandiego #carmen sandiego 2019 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #carmen sandiego netflix #tmnt x carmen sandiego x spider man #spider man x tmnt #spider man x carmen sandiego #tmnt x carmen sandiego #ive been in all three of these fandoms multiple times throughout my life so i think i know what im talking about #however i knowni probably missed some similarities #so if yall can remember any similarities between them please say so in the reblogs/replies :] #anyway i love all three of these but i cant find ANY crossovers between them. like huh #wdym you dont want to see peter parker interacting with carmen sandiego/the tmnt interacting with peter/the tmnt interacting with carmen #peter/carmen/leonardo are all actually pretty similar i want to see them talking with each other pleaseeee #anyway #sick rambles #cannibals rambles #bored duck rambles #enjoy the burnt food #<3 #peter parker

[villruu]

tortured by the horrors <- [has a lot of marble hornets aus and ideas but no energy to write a fic for it]

#vrill talks #please ask me about the looney toons fix it au or the helping hand au or about my modern fantasy/vampire sickness au or deal w the mask au #I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS FOR MARBLE HORNETS FIC AND YET... NO WILL TO WRITE #I CAN ONLY RAMBLE ABOUT THEM #[bites the bars of my enclosure] LET ME OUTTTTTT GIVE ME THE ENERGY TO WRITE ABOUT THIS THEY WOULD MAKE SUCH COOL FICS #ASK ME ABOUT GLOCK AND MEDS AU PLEASE ITS HALF OCS BUT I LOVE THAT AU SO MUCH #im deranged heh heh heh <- [head in hands]

[iguessitsjustme]

Hello dear. Sorry for my absence but things have been tough. So haven't been able to leave you my usual upbeat messages. Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling better.

Hope your day is good. amazing even.

Su su na.🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

Hello my dear anon! I’m so sorry to hear things have been tough. I hope they get better soon. I was thinking about you and hoping everything’s okay. If you ever need to talk ever, I’m here for you. But also please never feel the need to send me upbeat messages. And you never need to apologize for not popping by. Take care of you first.

Since you’re going through it let me take this opportunity to send you some upbeat positivity. I think you’re great, I hope your day is good and all of your food is seasoned exactly to your liking. I hope that you have a moment to yourself today and all you feel in that moment is peace.

Also only somewhat related but I gotta say that because I’m sick I’ve been watching cartoons in bed. Mostly a pup named scooby doo because that’s what I watched when I was younger. Anyway the childhood bully character that fred always accuses first is literally named red herring. Isn’t it amazing the things you don’t notice as a child but is so incredibly obvious as an adult? Amazing.

Anyway, since you already said su su na, I’ll send you back a fighting!

#rae irl #thanks for the ask #please never feel like you have to send me upbeat positive asks #I do love them a lot don’t get me wrong but you always do what’s best for you first #and also if you ever need to talk about anything im always available to listen #or even if you just need to tell someone you’re having a tough time and want some words of encouragement #or even if you want a distraction because I can talk about anything and everything #if you need someone to ramble I am the person #anyway I hope things get better for you cause I’m doing okay I’m just a baby when I’m sick #I’m off to go drink some tea now

[sludgeguzzler]

look i really dont mind having a pre t body with its little biological quirks but i have a limit and the limit is waking up at 4am with immense pain and a puddle of blood on my bed

#im probably most likely overhyping what t will do to my body but i cant wait till my periods stop #if they dont stop i will fr go after some way of stopping them im not kidding there is literally nothing good that i get from having them #its just. its just pain and blood and a constant reminder of how Woman i have to be. it makes me sad #like. all the good cramp medicine is like WOMAN PILL FOR YOUR SCHEDULED GIRL MOMENT OF THE MONTH [picture of a woman] #[venus symbol] [flowers] #and all pads come with th same thing too. like i get that its technically not harming anyone but please man cmon #my mood gets all janged up i cant think straight in the worst ways possible im always having breakdowns during them #and i have to deal with genuinely unbearable pain! and! a heavy flow! because my moms ovaries! are the most fucked ovaries ever! #hhg the only good thing i can think of is that if there was a death metal band of trans guys the lyrics theyd write would be sick #[hi this is me telling you im about to get a little gross so if stuff like this grosses you out uh. yeah] #like the gruesome symbolism of periods is pretty damn cool if im honest. i dunno #i genuinely really like the movements on normalizing periods and how they are not something to be ashamed of and happen with a lot of ppl #but. but. #it puts a lot of emphasis on how its a Woman thing when a lot of women (cis or otherwise) dont have them #and it excludes all the other non woman people who have them #re personal opinion but i think our image of periods really shouldnt be flowery beautiful woman moment that passes by in a blink. #i think we should talk about how it hurts and how it will suck a little too hard for some people and that #periods not always mean a symbol of feminity and fertility and other stuff (its 5am im tires) to everyone #like to me periods are misery and oain and dysphoria but i have a cis friend who sees her periods as symbols of her womanhood abd #*and like. shes not wrong but im also not wrong either #idk my head hurts and i wanna go bacm to sleep so bye #sg.txt

[illadvisedart]

flower crowns

#guys talk about them more PLEASE #junie and thena…….. #juniper was too sick to make many friends and athena’s sensory overload gave her the same problem #but they found each other #and they can hang out in silence #im just so #so fucking soft for them :( #junithena #juniper woods #athena cykes #ace attorney #ace attorney dual destinies #aa5 #my art

[perilegs]

i love enjoying silly little jokes until some puritan who hates fun more than anything has anything to say about it

#i got a youtube comment on my video about the part in shars gauntlet where tou can eat the spider #its a funny little interaction #and the comment was like 'the writers are sick in the head. i bet their internet history is nothing but red flags' #please shut the fuck up and never open your mouth again #i love uploading little clips so ppl who missed stuff can still enjoy them #but being subjected to the internet outside of my sillty little tumbr circle is so tiring #people are awful and have nothing but hate and malice in their hearts #leevi talks #idk something about that specific comment rubbed me the wrong way real bad #its in the same category as 'omg the showrunners were on drugs when they made this' and taking whatever is clearly a funny little thing #way too seriously #and idk how to react to it bc i cant be like its literally just a joke bc the absurdism is funny etc. #bc i donr want to b a its just a joke man guy bc thats awful #ill feel better when im no longer sick i feel like my brain is full of slime

[boxwinebaddie]

Hey Uncle Nina, random question but what is your opinion on Henriel? (Michael x Henrietta) Or rarepairs, for that matter?

awww! while i will say that i haven't put much thought into their intimate/personal relationship, i am a friends to lovers girlie, they clearly have similar interests and i think they could definitely be super cute together, doing little gothy goth thangs (fangs), aw.

as for rarepairs in general...i am definitely in support of rarepairs! i know what its like to ship something that goes against the grain of what everyone is mainly shipping in a fandom, how frustrating it is to have almost no content for your ship/having to make it yourself and honestly...just getting harrassed for liking your more obscure ship! so in general uncle nina rocks on the side of rarepairs...

....speaking of rocking however and NOT rocking the boat specifically, i will say an exception to my acceptation of ships are ones that are obviously extremely gross like incest, assault, anything illegal or very immoral. particularly if its done in extremely poor taste. like i feel like if you are writing dead dove and its conscious, its tagged correctly and it isn't like...excuse me...torture porn that trivializes or romanticizes traumatic thematic topics, i support you.

but i really hate those like 'stan kwords himself and drinks himself to death bc hes a pathetic loser lol haha' fics...very sick to me tbh.

my final note on that and also, not to rock, rock, rock that boat is there are definitely ships that i dont particularly like or agree with, but i certainly will not threaten to kill you over it. do you...i guess. lmao.

but yes! the ncu supports rarepairs, i just happened to like style and got lucky because a lot of other people did too! i also ended up being fond of bunny/kenjorine and bendy which is realtively well accepted and...i will say i want to get more familliar with creek and write them one day...i do not actually know that much about them tbh.

in terms of actual rare pairs though...does reidi count? because i really like reidi? ( i kind of want to write a chance to write reidi tbh ) i also support bebrietta? and uh...tolkien and clyde? craig and clyde sometimes aha. do pip and damien count? uhhh really any of the girls shipped w each other...probably other stuff? yall will have to englighten me to more rare pairs and ships that you enjoy!

so i'll be honest...the real reason i don't know about a lot of rarepairs or engage in ship related stuff is...please take this lightly and im sorry if this hurts anyones feelings but ive felt it for a while/i know its hypocritical because i write fanfic for the south park fandom...

i kinda...hate the south park fandom...a lot...specifically sptwt...soz :/

i just think it can get really nasty in there sometimes? immature?

there's a reason why my twitter is mainly used to update you guys on my writing/writing process and be moderately silly. it feels like a comfortable and safe place to do so, a place of information.

i sometimes hover on the 'for you' side of twitter and i always fucking regret it because it's so chaotic and intense and kind of...gross, tbh?

i respect and love every one of you and i believe you are all good and wonderful people who curate conscious content/arent Like That...

but everyone getting into discourse every five seconds, trying to kill each other, the delusion, people spelling like theyre in first fuckin grade ( some of that seriously gives me a seizure ), infantilizing the characters, treating the HEAVY AND FUCKED UP issues they talk about on the show like theyre jokes or valid ( its partly the shows fault but some of yall minds are getting turned into mashed potatoes ), the echo chamber of just...ignorance and stupidity...bad takes...and CRINGE in general...like i get second hand embarrassment, dude.

i know its for fun and all...but there is a reason why when when i go to write my fanfics, i take the dark ass issues they talk about in south park and try to write gritty but respectful/socially aware, honest and authentic accounts of the effects those scenarios can cause/how that effects yourself/your relationships/your world...so people treating stuff like that like its so haha! Funny!!! uwu!! SiLlY XD is like...

UuUuUuuuUUUUGH

i saw this post that was definitely a joke but it said something like "thirteen year olds should be able to drink and get drunk lmaooo" and it made me....soooooo viscerally angry???? because like???? that is so SICK AND FRIGHTENING TO ME???? i know stan has drank since like eight but that does not make it good??? thats actually devastating????

and even its its not a joke it horrifies and devastates me that you are using a platform and fandom with other young susceptible people in it and desensitizing them to extremely harmful substance abuse and fucking...making light of it. actuuuuually so sick and twisted. jail pls.

maybe its something about being an educator who cares deeply about everyones safety/particularly young minds but...soz not to get too dark...i had a very serious party girl phase in hs and college where i drank very heavily as a coping mechanism, i almost died, it almost ruined my life and its why a lot of stans experience feels upsetting and authentic to me ( bc it was my life & almost my death sentence )

and its really not something that i think anyone, especially 13 year olds, should be joking about getting into because i fucking love and worry about you all out there...i love south park but it pisses me off sometimes because it waters down and bastardizes really fucked up shit...idk maybe i'm being a hater...i love tiktok and twitter and stuff but i am really worried about what its doing to peoples perception

anyways...sorry for being on my soapbox...that has been sitting in my chest for a while. if you actively enjoy sp twitter and the fandom i'm sure your side is lovely and even if i don't think it is, i love you all and i want you to have fun. it just...freaks me out and gives me the ick tbh.

lastly, i'm sorry if my stories seem less canon because of my lack of interaction with the actual fandom and content...i will say i think i've hopefully done a good job of using a lot of context around the basics of south park and adapted them into literature that is both reminiscent of the show we love, the characters that we identify with, while also creating a more mature universe, taking trauma seriously and taking a sort of 2d comedy show and making it into more like...a modern take, a grittier movie adaption...a more serious literature?

idk...i'm trying to take a silly show and make it more serious, sympathetic, dynamic and resonant if that makes sense...

and its hard to tell, but i really hope i've done that and i'm sorry if this is all terribly pretentious, i just am a Kyle and i'm a hard line abt this.

tldr: i love you guys very much, i'm sorry for being a hater, thank you for reading my rant/my pretentious fanfictions, i'll shut up now

-uncle nina, hater arc

#sorry this turned into a rant #i am actually curious about creek because i feel like im writing them really badly #and flatly in rm and i hate that so i want to understand them more #but yeah...maybe im being a boring uptight college girl #but i really do not feel comfortable on sptwt i feel like people are immature and are also elitist on there its very...ick to me #also people use their platforms to just spew hate and be nasty and misinform minds that are still developing #also romanticizing doing drugs and drinking and depression and suicide is really really sick to me #especially in younger people like even as a joke or a coping mechanism thats so harmful omg #idk im sorry for being crazy please no one jump down my throat i was nervous abt talking abt this #but it comes from a place of me being worried abt people on the internet and them being unsafe and uncared for #i write my fanfic tag it carefully and discuss traumatic things as respectfully well informed and honestly as i can TO PROTECT PEOPLE #so doing it for shock value misrepresenting it being a fucking clown and possibly triggering people...get behind me u guys #i will protect u absolutely the fuck not #ok done now thank you for coming to my ted talk

[crystal-verse]

Anyways. You can and should project your chronic illness, chronic pain, and or disability onto your WoL. As a treat.

#bound with thread | original posts #letters in verse | talking #this is why pheli is chronically ill has chronic pain and has my disability #mehka gets to be the able-bodied WoL of the duo ahaha #anyways if you wanna know more about them please send me an ask‚ i promise i don't bite #im just shy and also sick a lot so i dont always have the most spoons to make stuff #yall can reblog this if you want btw i dont really care if you do

[mediapen]

.

#tbh im sick of being made to feel. not working class. because i am. but poor. like as though i am ACTUALLY poor (im not! i have Enough) #by the income metrics of EVERY university I’ve attended. like that’s how little you’re exposed to normal people? that you class me as #financially struggling? ME? and i don’t mean it in a shame way it’s so hard to articulate this because I’m just surrounded by people who #really would not be able to live on my family’s very normal income. but im sick of middle class students pleading poverty because their #parents aren’t throwing money at them and im sick of institutions recognising there’s a very real class inequality but doing nothing aside #from low income grants if we’re lucky or ‘widening participation’ grants that are so narrow and contribute so little as to effectively be #worthless. not to MENTION the way middle class students AND academics talk about the working class like we’re a stupid monolith #next person to talk about the way they need to support post-92 unis because education is a universal good and the working class need a plac #to go ❤️ gets shot. honestly. like i actually can’t do it any more. im sick of you fucking people #IM ALREADY IN YOUR WORLD. SURPRISE!!!!!!! stop pricing me out or microaggressing me into giving up. #this is also not about cost of living crisis this absolutely predates it like it is Hurting right now. anyway. #didn’t get the widening participation grant. 👍 so whoever the fuck did. Well im calling bullshit on it honestly. i commute 4 hours each way #because it’s the only way i can afford my ma at redacted prestigious institution please tell me more about how you can afford to rent in #london and have an income below x. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 #dl

[revancchist]

crying screaming gazing longingly at the ceiling

#ignore this i’m just being dramatic and lonely bc it’s past 9pm LOL #bri talks #personal #please don’t rb #//////////////////////////////////////// #dating apps suck so much ass i cannot even begin to list my grievances w them #plus all i have to choose from where i live are a whole bunch of golf playin ‘entrepreneurs’ who think smokin weed and listening to travis #scott makes them the coolest fuckin people in the universe alongside owning a dog and quoting The Office #WHERE IS THE LEFTIST PUNK ASS METALHEAD OF MY DREAMS?????????? WHERE ARE U IM FUCKIN BEGGIN FOR U TO FIND ME!!!!!!! #i’m just so tired. i meet someone decent and i lose interest bc they message every 3 weeks. or they ghost completely. or they’re so strange #sick and tired. want someone i can be buried with and would rather look at their face than the moon.

[stellardeer]

i'm so so so so so so so sick of anti-intellectualism, can i please go back to being the insufferable pretentious smarter-than-thou prick i was in middle school, I want formal education to be free and accessible to anyone, but I am so incredibly over excusing people who never attempt to learn how to do actual proper research on anything purely out of spite

#like bro if you can't get into college GO TO A FUCKING LIBRARY #even a lot of college libraries actually DO allow access to the public #dont sit there and act like you don't want to hear anything that any academics have to say just because youre bitter that it isnt free #WE ALL WANT IT TO BE FREE MOST ACADEMICS WOULD LOVE IF EVERYONE KNEW ABOUT THEIR SUBJECT THEY LOVE TALKING ABOUT IT #but you can't get all of your information from fucking YOUTUBE and TIKTOK VIDEOS because you think reading a textbook is boring #go to fucking WIKIPEDIA and CLICK ON ALL THOSE LITTLE LINKS IN THE SECTION AT THE BOTTOM THAT SAYS REFERENCES #please for the love of fucking god stop saying you're into cryptids and making that like a part of your personality and then including #FUCKING WENDIGOS IN YOUR LIST OF COOL UWU SPOOKY CRYPTIDS AND THINKING THEY LOOK LIKE DEER SKELETONS #HOW CAN YOU SAY YOU LOVE LEARNING ABOUT CRYPTIDS AND THEN FUCKING DISRESPECT THEM SO GODDAMN HORRIFICALLY #sorry this is personal now sorry im just so upset im sick of people being ignorant on purpose because learning is too much work

[justherejusttherejusteverywhere]

I really need to find a TBB server to join 😭

So many thoughts, aus/fic ideas, and art on my side to share 💀

#tbb #tbb server #please im dying here #i dont have active servers that talk at all about them #preferably 18+ only or ran has to be ran by 18+ (yall can thank past experiences with other young fans for those two #also im sick and very tired so forgive if what i typed makes no sense amywhere lol

[rafeandonlyrafe]

deliveries

words: 1.2k

warnings: ex!rafe, reconciliation, kinda sugar daddy rafe but he just likes taking care of his girl mhm iktr

“can i say no?” you sigh.

“say no? did you not place this delivery?” the man raises his eyebrows.

“i didn't. my- my ex did.”

“well, i have to deliver it, ma’am, but i don't care what you do with it afterwards. give it to your friends or throw it out.” the man sets the bags of food at your doorstep, snapping a picture before walking off.

you can't blame him, plus it's probably a situation he's never encountered before.

you sigh as you pick up the bags, carrying them into the kitchen counter. packages, deliveries and letters have been showing up on your doorstep for two weeks, ever since you broke up with rafe.

you're sick of it at this point. as you go through the food, picking out something to eat for dinner (you're not just gonna let it go to waste!) you grab your phone and unblock rafes number.

you wonder how long it will take him to realize as you sit at your desk and eat. you're in an apartment complex with pretty tight security, it's the only reason why rafe isn't knocking at your door himself, instead sending whoever he can to get a message to you, while simultaneously making sure you have plenty of food to eat and things to take care of yourself with.

you answer your phone after the first ring. you deleted his contact, but rafes number is forever memorized in your head.

“stop sending me things.” 

“baby, its a relief to hear your voice again.” rafe sighs, sounding genuinely happy, like a weight is suddenly off his chest. “please, let me just talk to you. i miss you so much.”

“no, rafe. we broke up. you need to stop.” 

“why'd you break up with me? what did you tell me princess?” rafe questions. “i wasn't giving you enough attention. now im giving you everything. please, y/n.” he pleads. “im not going to stop.”

you take a deep sigh. you really love rafe, despite your relationship being only six months old when you broke up with him, it was just too much. too much attention from your friends and too much pressure from his family. it pushed your relationship farther apart until rafe barely paid attention to you, receiving constant questions from his dad and friends.

“you have to, rafe. clearly things weren't working out. we tried. we can say that. gave it a fair shot.”

“im not done trying. yes, i let my family and other people get into my head about our relationship, but im done with that bullshit. i want you back.”

“let me think about it, okay?” it's an olive branch. the best thing that you can extend right now.

“okay.” rafe agrees. “how about i call you friday?”

you glance at the calendar hanging over your desk. two days. two days to think. you're not sure it's enough or too much.

“that works… but rafe, stop sending me stuff.”

“i can't, baby.” you can practically see the way he's shaking his head right now. “gotta take care of my girl, even if you don't wanna see me.”

“fine.” you groan. you know there's no talking rafe out of it. “order me some lemonade next time then.”

--

you yawn as you wake up with a big stretch, instinctively reaching over to the other side of the bed. your hand pats the sheets before remembering that you left rafe.

you slide out of bed, heading towards your kitchen to get something for breakfast when a knock on your door interrupts you.

“one second!” you're in pajamas, but they're far too small and tight to answer the door in. you rush back into your bedroom and pull a robe on to cover up.

“hi!” the delivery woman smiles. “y/n?”

“yup.” you nod, stepping to the side. “do you mind just setting it down on the counter?”

the woman places the bags down before saying goodbye and seeing herself out. you sigh and look into the bags, eyes bulging when you see velvet boxes carefully placed inside one of them.

you pull out one of the boxes, gasping when a beautiful diamond necklace is revealed. you continue to open them, realizing rafe bought you jewelry of almost every variety.

“oh, gosh.” you grab a note, opening it to see his handwriting.

it's just what you deserve. i love you and want you back. can't wait to talk to you tomorrow.

rafe

p.s. i paid your rent for the next three months

you grab your phone before even looking in the other bag, dialing rafes number. he picks up almost instantly.

“you know you can't buy my love, right?” 

“im not trying to.” rafe says. “im just trying to take care of you. did you get the breakfast?”

you peek into the other bag, seeing a stack of delicious looking pancakes inside a clear container, as well as some other options.

“yeah, ill eat it in a minute.”

“good.” you can practically hear rafes smile over the phone.

“how about we meet up in person to talk tomorrow instead of on the phone?”

“ill go wherever you want.”

“our first date.” is all you say before hanging up, grabbing the pancakes and container holding scrambled eggs.

--

you're aware you didn't say what time as you pull up to the pier. it's a warm day, sunny with almost no clouds in the sky, but a light breeze gives you the perfect amount of cooling.

you walk down the pier, unable to hold back your smile when you see rafe sitting on the bench where you ate ice cream on your first date after finally agreeing to let him take you out.

rafe watches you carefully as you sit down next to him.

“you're wearing the necklace i got you.” he smiles, seeing the gold chain around your neck.

“i am.” you nod. 

“can i… can i hug you? ive missed you so much baby.”

you nod again, not sure you can find your voice as rafes arms wrap around your body, holding you into his side. you snuggle into his chest, eyes sliding shut. 

“love you so much.” rafe says, pressing kisses to the top of your head. “so much i messed up the first time not trying to be too obsessed. i just didn't want to make you run away, turns out i did the exact opposite and you felt ignored. you know how my dad is…” rafe trails off as you pick your head up to look at him.

“we shouldn't have let others get between us.” you know you're not innocent in it either, contributing just as much to rafe to the tension that had grown between the two of you.

“and we won't let it happen again now that we know.” rafe says, a promising look in his eyes. you swear it looks like he might cry as you nod.

he ducks his head, pressing your lips together in a sweet kiss. you fist your hands in his shirt, keeping him close as you kiss back, having missed his lips on yours more than you'd like to admit.

“does this mean you'll tell security im allowed back in?” rafe laughs gently, cupping your face, his thumb gently stroking over your cheek.

“hmm, i guess.” you giggle.

taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @forstarkey @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando @sourkittie @rafeyslove @rafeinterlude @bellbottombaby @deeaardiary @rubixgsworld @wearemadeofstardust0 @leighbronk @starkeysheart @pradabambie @tobesolovelysstuff @alexiskirkland @rafestar @brioffthegrid @juniebugg @magicalyoura @cokepewpsii @mysticallystilinski @luvdella @aerangi @vogueprincess @auryyz @raysmayhem-72 @thestarlithideout @marvelfanfics1recs @rafesgiirl @ditzyzombiesblog @chiaraanatra @tobiaslut @drewsephrry @1aarii1 @bejeweledreverie @winterrrnight

#sorry for the boring fluffy fics lately #i just need themf dslk #rafe fic #rafe fanfic #rafe fanfiction #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #rafe x oc #rafe x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x oc #rafe cameron x reader #rafe imagine #rafe drabble #rafe one shot #rafe blurb #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron one shot #rafe cameron drabble #rafe cameron blurb #rafe fluff #rafe Cameron fluff #soft!rafe #soft!rafe cameron #soft!rafe cameron x reader