#but yea i’ve been tired all week lol

[ultimatelemondemonshowdown]

the ultimate lemon demon song showdown !!! (poll #25)

spirit phone: round 3

#lemon demon #spirit phone #polls #i know how this poll is gonna go and i’m sad about it . oh well . #also #tempted to say sorry i didn’t post for a few days but i’m not sorry . i have my rights !!! /com #but yea i’ve been tired all week lol

[nom-nommmm1]

Hi Oli,

I love your Lords Of Chaos stories so much, so could you write one for me? :)

I was thinking about Pelle x Fem reader, where she's Euronymous sister, and they have to keep their relationship a secret.

Xoxo and also I just saw that you write for some niche fandoms I really love, I can't wait for more stories to come

DIRTY LITTLE SECRET - PELLE/DEAD

Masterlist + taglist

AHHH HI ANON!! I’m so happy you like my stories! You’ll never know how much it means to me 🫶 also I’ve had ‘dirty little secret’ by The All-American Rejects stuck in my head FOR A WEEK truly amazing timing anon. But anyways, I look forward to see you request other fandoms soon. Also I didn’t know if you wanted to make this a smut or fluff so I’m gonna do fluff bc I’ve been in such a fluffy mood lol, request another if you’d like smut and I’ll gladly do it ❤️

Content warning !!: sweet!pelle x fem!reader, fluff?? There’s a suggestive part butt they don’t actually do it, kissing, hair pulling

The doorbell rings as the tussling of keys can be heard from Euronymous’ hands. “I got it!” I shout, opening the door to see Pelle standing there awkwardly. “Hey Pelle! You’re just in time, we’re all about to head to the movies” I say looking at the blonde haired boy, his cheeks turning a slight pink tone. “Oh yea uhm..Euro texted me” he says avoiding my gaze. He shuffles away from the doorway, letting Euronymous and I out. We all proceed to get into Euros car. “So are Faust and the guys meeting us there?” Pelle asks after a few minutes of nothing but the sound of the radio.

“Yeah, they’re just gonna be a minute since traffic’s pretty bad on their side” Euronymous says, putting his foot to the gas as the light turns green. Pelle nods, staring out the window, looking around at all the passing cars. I look at Pelle, he looks..tired? “You alright?” I ask. The blonde looks at me, seeming somewhat surprised by me breaking the silence. “Yea I’m fine y/n” he says looking back out the window to avoid the conversation.

The car pulls into the movie theater parking lot, we all get out walking up to the register. “Hello, what movie are we seeing today folks?” The cashier asks politely. “Three tickets for the conjuring” Euronymous says, placing the money on the counter. “Of course, the concessions are inside” the cashier says handing us our tickets. Euronymous nods in acknowledgment, holding the door open for Pelle and I.

Walking up to the concessions counter Euro turns to us. “What do you guys want?” He asks pulling out a 20 dollar bill. “Popcorn and a slurpy?” I ask. “Sure sis, what about you Pelle?” He asks turning to the blonde. “Oh- I’m fine with whatever,” he says quickly, almost taken out of a trance. “Alright, you guys can sit down while I pay for this stuff” Euronymous says, pointing to the tables next to the bathrooms.

I nod walking over to the table, Pelle following close behind. We sit down. I look at Pelle, taking in his features as he refuses to look at me. “What’s wrong?” I ask putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Nothing y/n” he says moving out of my touch. Euronymous comes back with a handful of snacks. “Come help me get the rest guys” we all grab our own snacks and drinks. “Sorry you guys are going to have to share popcorn, I was two bucks short to get another” Euro said as we walked down to our designated auditorium. “It’s fine Euro” I say as we take our seats.

The theaters lights dim as music from the projector plays, the movie is finally starting after what feels like an hour of previews. I go to reach for the bag of popcorn accidentally putting my hand on Pelles, immediately pulling away. “Sorry” I say quickly before turning back to the movie. The movie continues on, the main character jumping out into the frame of the projector screen.

The audience chuckles as they say a joke as a criminal swings at them. I take a sip of my slurpy taking a brief glance at Pelle. I look away as I see his eyes look over to me. I lean to Euronymous, whispering in his ear. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom, I’ll be back” he nods as I get up from my seat, walking down the dimly lit movie theater stairs.

I walk into the bathroom, splashing water in my face, starting to sob into my hands. After a few minutes I hear slight knocking on the bathroom wall, a figure slowly coming into my line of vision. The figure comes closer to me, rubbing my back. “I’m sorry we have to do this” the figure says. “What..?” I ask looking up, at first confused but soon my confusion is clarified as I see Pelle, still there rubbing my back.

Pelle frowns, wiping my tears away. “I can’t stand to see you cry, but you know why we have to keep this a secret, right?” He asks coming closer to me. I nod looking into Pelles warm brown eyes. “I know, Euro won’t allow it” I reply sniffling. Pelles frown grows and he wraps his arms around me, putting his head in my neck giving me a small kiss.

“Just wait a little longer, we can convince him” Pelle says brushing my hair out of my face. I nod again looking at him glumly. “Hey it’s okay, I promise” he says smiling, waiting for me to smile back but I don’t. Pelle then puts me into a kiss, my eyes widen in shock but I kiss him back passionately. I wrap my arms around Pelles neck. Pelle kisses me harder, putting his hands on my waist, picking me up. “Pelle!” I yelp feeling his hands on my ass, lifting me up.

Pelle places me on the bathroom counter, pushing me against the mirror as his lips attack mine. “I missed this” he mumbles into my lips, coating them with our saliva. I giggle pulling onto Pelles hair. He moans in my mouth, biting my lip and touching up on my body. He’s about to undo his pants before we hear a voice of a staff member. “Get out of there before I call your mamas!!” The staff member screams banging her mop on the floor. Pelle and I bolt out of the bathroom making out to our movie auditorium. “Remember, keep this between us” Pelle says before opening the door for me.

“Of course” I say walking in. “Alright, I’m gonna wait out here for a few minutes so they don’t think anything” he says giving me a quick kiss before shutting the door, smiling.

SORRY FOR THE DELAY BBS IVE BEEN SUPER BUSY N THERES BEEN A BUNCH OF DRAMA W MY FRIENDS BUT IMMA TRY TO UPLOAD

Alt acc: @nom-nommmmworkspace

Taglist

╰┈➤@mxqlss @roseroseluvrr @bkaulitzz @adellaonly @m3tal-chick

#fluff #lords of chaos #nom nommmm1 #euronymous #jack kilmer #rory culkin #pelle ohlin fluff #pelle ohlin x reader #pelle x reader #pelle ohlin #pelle #lords of chaos x reader

[starcrossedxwriter]

Built for Love Part 6 (MBJ x Famous OC)

Warnings: NSFW, mentions of past experience with DV

A/N: I'm really excited about this one because… we are getting some fluff and smut with minimal to no angst lol love that for them! Enjoy!

“So how’s shit with Charlotte going?” Calliet asked, the loud crack of the pool table filling the air as Michael took his first shot.

“You mean, Els, get that shit right nigga,” Stello interjected, snickering lightly as Michael rolled his eyes at him. If there was one thing his friends were always going to do, it was make fun of his romantic side. 

Michael let out a low chuckle, choosing to let his best friend’s comment pass him by without a retort. “We’re good. She’s… she’s good.” 

“You sure? Cause you don’t seem sure.” His friends immediately picked up on the pause in his words.

“Nah, she is good. Great actually. I’m gonna sound crazy sayin’ this but she’s the one.” 

“Nigga, it’s been three months. Relax, my guy.” 

Michael shrugged. “When you know, you know. And I know that shit. It’s just…” Michael scratched his head. He had not told his friends about Charlotte’s past yet. He questioned whether it was his place to do so, to share details of her life she did not offer up herself. It seemed that only her family and closest friends knew the truth and he did not want to spread it around. However, he could not deny that he could use a sounding board as he navigated such murky waters. And he was not a man who was afraid to talk with his boys about his problems and be vulnerable. He decided he would just keep it vague, the details were Charlotte’s story to tell. “Things really are good. It’s just this shit from her past that comes up occasionally. Her ex was abusive.” 

“Oh shit. For real?” 

“Fuck.” 

“He hit her?” 

Michael shook his head. “Yea. The couple things she told me were fuckin’ insane. And I don’t think I’ve heard the worst of it. If I ever see that nigga…” He let out a deep exhale as he clenched his fists. Michael was far from a violent person, he could not even tell you the last time he even had a desire to get into a fight with anyone. Everyone in his orbit, including himself, would describe him as the calming force in a room, he always had the ability to keep his emotions in check. However, if he thought too long or too hard about Shaun Parker, all he could feel was rage. And the only action he could think of was ripping him limb from limb. 

“Damn, that’s tough. How is she doin’?” 

“Most of the time, she’s great. She’s herself. You know she’s shy and reserved in front of other people but once she’s comfortable, she’s so energetic and fun to be around. She’s charming but still has that cute awkward shit goin’ on that keeps her real and honest, fuckin’ hilarious. But the rest… I’ll say or do somethin’ that triggers her and she seems terrified of me but doesn’t know it.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Like it’s not a conscious thing but I can feel it wafting off of her sometimes. The first time, she broke a wine glass at my place by accident, got red wine on the rug. She’s clumsy as fuck. But I don’t care. It’s actually kinda cute. And shit happens. It’s just a fuckin’ rug. By the time she came over again, I had a new one already. She looked like she had seen a ghost, pale and freaked out. She apologized a hundred times. Her hands were shakin’ so hard, she couldn’t even pick up the glass. A couple weeks ago, she forgot we made dinner plans, same thing. And it wasn’t a big deal at all. I actually preferred it cause I was tired as hell. We ordered in and just talked. But I could feel her whole body tense like she was waiting for me to lash out at her. We were out last week, she was chatting with the waiter while I took a call. She was like an entirely different person when I got back to the table. And I wasn’t thinkin’ twice about who the fuck she talked to. But in her mind, she committed a crime or some shit.” 

“That shit’s heavy,” Calliet offered as he rounded the pool table for his shot. “Seems like small shit to us but to her, it means a whole other thing. How you dealing’ with it? I know that shit bothers you.” 

Michael scoffed, taking a long sip of his drink. “Of course it fuckin’ bothers me. To have the woman I love seem terrified of me, terrified I would even consider hurting her like that? Shit is frustrating. But I dunno. I did all this research on how to be supportive and been slowly tryin’ to add that in. But I dunno. Just worried it isn’t enough.” 

“Want my two cents?” Steelo offered. Michael was usually weary of taking relationship advice from his best friend. Steelo’s longest committed relationship amounted to months. But he also never pretended he wanted anything else, he was more than happy living the single bachelor life. Michael decided to just hear him out. If it was bad, which it was likely to be, he would just ignore it. 

“Hit me.”  

“I know I was anti-Charlotte after everything went down in Philly but this the happiest I’ve ever seen you. I think you gotta just keep showing up and maybe, actually talk to her? Research is great, google is your best friend. And you can do all that. But you also gotta know what she needs and the only person who can tell you that is her. Ask her, give her time to figure out what she needs from you, and then do those things in addition to the other shit. And I know it sounds crazy but maybe she also just has to hear you say that shit. You know… assurances and all that… women love that shit.” 

Michael glanced at Calliet who merely shrugged. “Hey, I agree with him. Broken clock is right twice a day.” 

The men laughed a bit at Michael’s friend’s expense before the only married man in the group added, “Nah but forreal. The kid is right. Talk to her. Ask her how you can make her more comfortable and go from there.” 

“That might be the first solid dating advice you’ve given me.” 

“Check back in another decade, I might have more.” 

***

“Dinner was delicious, babe. You know when you said you could cook, I definitely thought you were lying.” 

Michael chuckled. “My momma taught me a thing or two. Said she wasn’t raisin’ niggas who couldn’t throw down in the kitchen.” 

She nodded. “Well, shout out to your mom. The women of the world, particularly this one,” she pointed at herself. “Thank her.” 

He brought her a plate with a piece of chocolate cake on it, his favorite. He smiled as she did a little happy dance in her seat. His girl most certainly had a sweet tooth. 

“Don’t tell me you made this too? Cause then I might have to marry you,” she joked. 

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, baby,” he winked at her and smirked, causing her to roll her eyes. “But nah, my sister would kill me if I took credit for that. She’s the baker. I’m hopeless with desserts. It’s my favorite thing of hers. ” 

“Then we are a perfect pair. You can cook and I’ll make dessert.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he kissed the top of her head before settling back in his seat. 

He watched her eat for a few minutes, enjoying her facial expressions and small but distinct sounds of delight with every bite. She was clearly in heaven. But tonight had not just been about showing his girl a fun time and cooking for her, it was also about broaching a difficult conversation and putting his friends’ advice into action.

“Hey, Els.” 

“What’s up?” 

He held out his hand for hers, his thumb going to rub the inside of her wrist. He started doing it more often after their dinner date fiasco, realizing that she seemed to respond well to it. It was a small and gentle touch, but every time he did, her body visibly relaxed and seemed more at ease instinctually. 

“What do you need from me to feel more comfortable and safe?”

Charlotte raised an eyebrow in confusion, her spoon gently clattering against the slide of her plate as she sat it down. “What prompted that question, Mr. Jordan?” 

“Well, I just know this is your first relationship since everything. There are triggers and shit that are gonna come up. And that’s ok, I know it all takes time. I just… I want to assure you that I ain’t him. And I would never hurt you. And whatever you need me to do to help you believe that and feel you know, more at ease, I’ll do it.”

Charlotte’s heart melted for a moment before her own guilt set in. She tried not to think much about her triggers. They happened far too often. And each time, she would curse herself for it, profusely remind herself that Michael was not her ex, and swear to herself that it wouldn’t happen again. However, it always did and it felt like by the time she saw it coming, it was too late to stop it. However, what she never wanted to do was make him believe she thought he was like Shaun. She knew that was not the case in her heart, mind, and soul. However, she knew, as the famous book and her therapist constantly reminded her, the body kept a different score, kept a laundry list of every beating, every humiliating and degrading moment. She may have pushed the memories out of her mind but every single one was still etched in her bones. And she could not force that out of herself, it would only take time. 

She clenched her eyes shut for a moment before sighing. “I’m sorry, Bakari. I-I never want you to feel like I think you’d hurt me or something. I know… I know that isn’t you.”

He shook his head. “Hey. Don’t apologize. I didn’t bring it up to blame you. Your past is part of you and I know it ain’t shit you can just turn on and off when it’s convenient. That’s why I want to know how I can help?” 

Charlotte stood up, abandoning her cake to join him across the table, sitting on his lap. Her hand settled against his cheek, her fingers playing with his coarse facial hair. 

“There is nothing you need to change, Michael. A-and I’m not just saying that. You’re everything I could hope for. And you treat me better than I could’ve dreamed for myself. I guess…” She paused. “I didn’t realize how hard it would be trying to be in a relationship again. I’m not afraid of you. But when you live in constant fear for so long, it sort of becomes part of you. It guided every decision, every choice, every action… every second of every day. And I think, sometimes, even though I know in my soul you aren’t him, that fear is still there in my bones. And when it hits, I don’t even realize it until it feels like I’m drowning in it. A-and I’m sorry for that because I know it’s not fair to you. I’m trying really, I promise.” She clenched her eyes shut for a moment, afraid of where this conversation might actually be headed. “B-But if it’s too much for you, I u-understand. I c-can’t expect you to stick around forever while I figure o-out my -”  

“Love, stop. Breathe. That’s not what this is at all. I’m here until you get sick of me, baby girl.” He peppered her face with pecks causing her to laugh. “And don’t apologize to me cause I don’t need it or want it. I just want you to be ok and happy with me, not worried when some other shoe is gonna drop. If there’s nothing, great. But if there is, I just want to know it. We don’t gotta discuss it tonight. I have a whole surprise waiting for you downstairs. Ain’t tryin’ ruin it. But just promise me, if you ever feel like you do need something from me to feel safer o-or I’m doing something that makes you feel unsafe, promise me you’ll tell me.”

She pressed her lips to his. She appreciated that he was not shying away from her reality, that he was jumping in to address the hard things. She would not have blamed him if he wanted to end things but he was still here, still loving her and wanting to work through the kinks of their relationship. If he was willing to have hard conversations, she had to be willing too. She could not just will all of this away, she had to actively work on it. 

“I promise.” 

“Aight, good. Now we got the hard stuff outta the way, wanna follow me to the basement?” 

“Are you gonna tell me what the surprise is? I thought you cooking for me and the food not killing me was the surprise?” 

“Ha. Ha. Ha. And nah, I’m beginning to think you really don’t know what surprise means.” 

“I know what it means, I just like to be in the know.”

“Alright, close your eyes.” 

“Bakari…” she whined. 

“Just do it, Els. Damn, you never listen to a nigga,” he mumbled. 

She winked at him before acquiescing to his wishes and closing her eyes. 

One hand held onto hers while his free hand settled on her hip as he led her downstairs and around a corner to his movie room. 

“Ok, open.” 

She opened her eyes to find the room completely different from the last time she came down there. Giant cozy pillows and blankets draped like a tent covered the floor, a whole set up of popcorn and other snacks and two cocktail glasses waiting for them.

“I know you’re kind of a homebody so a more creative spin on dinner and a movie?” He offered with a shrug. 

“You did all this??” 

“Yea, I remember you mentioned once on set that you and your siblings used to have movie nights and make forts in your basement.” 

She giggled as he led her to the perfectly constructed tent in his basement. He essentially turned his downstairs into a campground, with soft lightening and cushy blankets and pillows littering the floor around his flat screen tv. 

“This is far better than any fort we made.”

It clearly had taken him and perhaps a team of people time to set it all up. It was beautiful. She leaned over and picked up a pack of gummy bears, her favorite. “You didn’t have to do all this for me,” she whispered. “It’s too much.” 

Michael shook his head. “Nothing is ever too much for you. Besides, press tour is in what, two weeks? We’re gonna be busy so we gotta enjoy the time together while we can.”  

Michael went to the bar to pull out a pitcher of mojitos before he got situated in their fort next to her.

“Not gonna lie. I’m kinda looking forward to it. It’ll be my first real press tour.”

“I’m about to be all your work firsts, then?” 

Charlotte nodded as she took a sip of the cocktail Michael made for her. 

“Yea and some personal ones, I’m sure,” she muttered under her breath, thinking back to the conversation with her friends.

“What’s that mean?” 

She let out a nervous laugh and shook her head. “Nothing, nothing at all.” She turned the gummy bears toward him, allowing him to take a handful before she snuggled into his side. 

The pair snuggled and joked as they watched Bad Boys, a movie that made it onto both of their top five movies lists. Their banter carried them through most of the film, the pair analyzing and offering their two cents as if they were experts on thwarting criminals. The pair made their way through an obscene amount of snacks and a pitcher of mojitos as they watched the first movie and its sequel. 

“Those drinks were so good,” she muttered as she examined the now-empty pitcher, a small pout on her features. “If this whole acting thing doesn’t work out, you could be a bartender for sure.” 

Michael laughed and rubbed her thigh. “You wanna just crash here? You shouldn’t drive home after all that. And it’s already late as hell,” he remarked, glancing at his watch to find it was almost 1 am.  

She shrugged and winked at him. “Jokes on you… that was alllllll part of the plan. Your bed is more comfortable than mine.” 

“Damn, you just usin’ a nigga for a comfortable bed??” 

“Not just the bed… Comfortable bed, free meals, cuddly oversized sweatshirts,” she listed on her fingers with a sly smile. 

“You know I’m good for other things too,” he whispered with a smirk on his face, his fingers drawing featherlike patterns on her exposed thigh that sent chills down her spine. She knew exactly what he was suggesting and she did not know if it was the liquor or just the overall effect he had on her body, but she wanted to know what those things were. She wanted more. More of him, more of his touch, more of his love. And she did not want to wait a single moment longer. 

And she did not want the night to end, their last true moment of solitude before life picked up again. They would be traveling and exhausted for a month. Though she was excited to spend her first press run with him, she knew it would not be true alone time. It would be work and since they were not a public couple yet, they would have to exercise some discretion.

She threw caution to the wind and straddled his hips, ignoring his surprised look as she took charge of the moment. She kissed him before nibbling on his ear and whispering, “Why don’t you show me?” 

Usually, those words would have had Michael ripping a woman’s clothes off within milliseconds. However, despite the lust coursing through him, he forced himself to pause and confirm her wishes. Once he knew Charlotte wanted to take it slow, he always made sure to pump the brakes before things got too hot and heavy between them. No matter how hard it was - and it was excruciatingly hard - it was one of his many attempts to show Charlotte that he understood and respected her boundaries and subtly remind her she had agency in their relationship. He never wanted her to feel pressured to do something she did not want to do because she was conditioned never to say no. He wanted her to know she was steering the ship and he was fine with whatever speed she chose. 

Admittedly, this was the longest he ever waited for a woman to sleep with him. They were well into month three and had not progressed past heated make out sessions. However, Michael, honestly, did not mind. He longed to bury himself inside her, to taste her, to show her pleasure she had never known before. But he knew it would be more enjoyable for both of them if she was truly ready for it. 

Michael’s eyes grew wide with surprise as her statement settled in his brain matter. He leaned back over her, his soft hand cupped her cheek and held her eyes to his. 

“You sure? We don’t gotta do anything you aren’t ready for, Els. And we been drinkin’ and shit. I’ll wait as long as you want, love.” 

Charlotte offered him a soft smile. “I know. And it’s very sweet and it makes me love you even more if that’s even fucking possible,” she let out a nervous laugh. “I trust you a-and I want you. That’s all I need. So I am very ready for you to break my back like you promised.” 

Michael chuckled and kissed her on the neck softly. 

“You sure?” 

Charlotte knew she would not find the words to describe how desperately she needed him. It was no longer a want that could be diminished by her anxieties and fears, it was a need. A need that felt as fundamental to her survival as oxygen to her lungs and sustenance to her body. His willingness to take it slow and respect her boundaries, the ways he went out of his way to make her feel safe and desired daily only increased her lust. So she decided to show him through action. 

“Yes…” she reached for the hem of her dress and pulled it over her shoulders, thankful she decided to wear a matching bra and panty set. She had no intention, originally, of their date night taking this specific turn but she was grateful nonetheless. She felt empowered and assured in her decision as she watched his reaction, pure lust and desire taking over his features. 

He licked his lips before he captured hers again. She moaned as his hands enjoyed free reign of her body, softly kneading and gripping her ass and thighs. She could feel the desire pooling between her legs, the movie playing on the tv long forgotten. She did not stop him as he flipped her onto her back, his chest pressed against hers as he sucked on the soft skin of her neck. 

Michael took his time as he kissed her, paying close attention to every moan and groan, his ears perking up when he hit a sweet spot. He wanted to know every intricacy of what she liked and just how she liked it. His path of kisses and gentle nips down her body was deliberate and slow, he savored  how her whimpers became needier as he went. But he did not speed up. He was determined, desired to see her come undone piece by piece, and that was a process he could not rush.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as his lips lingered against one of her scars, knowing they made her insecure about her appearance. 

By the time he reached her lower stomach, her whimpers had turned to pants of need. Charlotte had never experienced foreplay like this before. She did not understand how he was already so attentive, the way he seemed to immediately respond to her body, picking up on cues Charlotte would not have been able to articulate herself. If her body was an instrument, Michael seemed to already be a savant, hitting the right notes with every caress and touch.  It was a slow march and Charlotte was feigning for the main event, feigning for him to fill her. 

Michael finally detached his lips from her body and made quick work of removing her thong. 

“All this for me?” He whispered as he licked his lips as he admired the wetness between her thighs. 

He spread her legs and licked his lips before kissing her inner thighs. Charlotte almost saw God when he added in a gentle bite, sending sparks of pleasure through her. With every passing second, his lips got closer and closer to the treasure between her thighs, a coveted meal Michael had been waiting months to taste. 

However, realizing his intention, Charlotte immediately felt the first wave of anxiety and insecurity hit her, pulling her out of the moment and mind-numbing fog of pleasure. 

“W-what are you doing?” She breathed out, stopping his path toward her core. 

“About to get a taste,” he muttered as he continued kissing her inner thighs. 

Charlotte squirmed for a moment before quietly offering. “Y-You don’t have to do that… if you don’t want to.” 

He raised an eyebrow in confusion. There was literally nothing he wanted more in this world at this moment. “I definitely want to. What’s wrong?” 

“N-Nothing’s wrong. I’ve just never…” She scratched her forehead and kept her eyes trained on the ceiling. It was embarrassing and she did not really want to say it out loud. Similar to her lack of an orgasm, she had also never revealed to anyone that her sexual experience was severely lacking in terms of receiving pleasure. Giving? She was good at it and enjoyed it occasionally. But she had always been the giver and now could not even fathom what receiving felt like. She knew, based on conversations with her girlfriends, that she was missing something spectacular and life changing. But the mental block was there and she found it hard to want it. “Never mind, it’s embarrassing.” 

Michael chuckled. “Aint shit to be embarrassed about with me, baby.” He kissed her softly on the lips. 

“No one’s ever given me…” 

Her words died in her throat but Michael did not need her to finish the sentence. He knew exactly what she was trying to say and shocked was an understatement. He had jerked himself off more times than he would ever admit dreaming of her paradise, what she tasted like, and what sounds she would make when he finally found himself in that promised land. And to think that no one had ever taken the time or care to give her that pleasure angered him more than it should have. He supposed he should be happy he was the first one to give her that experience but he hated that her sex life prior to him had been so lacking.  

“You trust me?” 

She nodded immediately. “Of course.” 

“Ok, then just lay back and relax for me, aight? If you don’t like it, I’ll stop. But I don’t think you’re gonna want me to stop.” He offered her a knowing wink.

Michael was not a man who begrudgingly engaged in foreplay simply because it was required. The build up was his favorite part of the experience, knowing he was giving his partner exactly what they needed and wanted, worshiping her body like the queen she was. He would bask in every moment of proving to her that he wanted to do this task more than anything else.  

“Always so cocky,” she muttered with a smile. 

“And you love that shit,” he shot back as they traded playful jabs. “Now relax… and let me take care of you.” 

Michael’s hands pushed open Charlotte’s legs, her pussy glistening with need. 

Not wanting to waste another second, he leaned in and enveloped her clit into his mouth, sucking gently. 

Charlotte let out a deep moan, a moan so visceral and carnal, she did not even know she could produce such a sound. But she didn't even know her body could feel pleasure like this and he was only just getting started. 

It seemed Michael was right about one thing, she most certainly did not want him to stop. 

Michael poured his whole soul into his ministrations, pulling out every trick he knew to send Charlotte over the edge. He licked and sucked, spelling out all his love and adoration with every caress of his tongue. He savored every moan and groan, every plea for him to go faster. 

“Fuck… B-Bakari… p-please don’t stop.” 

Unnecessary directions, in his opinion, he could do this all night. 

Charlotte’s eyes clenched shut as she grabbed one of the plush pillows on the floor and moaned into it, suddenly remembering that Michael’s parents lived with him. 

“Put the pillow down,” he emerged from her legs to demand. “Room’s soundproof, I promise. I wanna hear you.” 

She immediately tossed it to the side as she rode the waves of pure passion and ecstasy his mouth provided. She was not sure where to concentrate as every pleasure sensor in her body felt like it was on fire. She was overwhelmed and yet, she wanted more. She wanted to drown in it, drown in this feeling that seemed to never end. Every time, she felt as if she must be reaching its peak, he pushed her higher and higher. 

His eyes never left her face as he devoured what would now be classified as his favorite meal. The moment she came, he wanted to see it. Every sound she made only spurred him on as he inched her closer and closer to her mountain top. 

Charlotte felt her world go dark, everything in her snapped as waves of pleasure crashed over her. She felt as if she was in fog, Michael’s voice distant and quiet as she experienced her first orgasm. She felt as if he had just altered the course of her life at that moment. She wondered if this was what rebirth felt like and how she had ever lived without this unfiltered… bliss. She let out a stream of curse words as she rode out her orgasm, Michael offering her praise that she could barely register.

“That’s it, Els. Cum for me.” 

He emerged from between her legs and kissed her, allowing her to taste herself. 

“You taste so good, baby. So sweet,” he offered as he gave her a few moments to settle down. . 

“T-that was…” She struggled to find the words as her already slightly hoarse voice filled the space. 

“You liked that, baby?” He asked, his deep voice sending jolts of pleasure down her body. His finger entered her, immediately curling into her g-spot causing her to gasp. 

This man… was going to be the death of her, she decided. 

“Y-Yes,” she whispered. 

“You want more, Els?” 

She nodded fervently. Michael pushed himself off the floor and quickly stripped down, his manhood standing at attention for the woman he loved. 

Her breath hitched slightly as she took in his length and girth. He settled himself between her legs before starting to push inside her. 

She let out a groan of pain that made him pause, his eyes immediately filling with concern. He started to pull out when she wrapped her legs around his hips to stop him. 

“N-No, don’t. I-it’s just been a couple years. That’s all. I’m good, promise.” 

His forehead fell against hers as he slowly pushed inside her. His eyes did not leave hers, pausing his movements every time he saw an iota of discomfort or pain on her face. He whispered sweet nothings in her ear, professed his love and adoration for her, told her how good she felt around him as he waited for her to adjust.

And once she gave him the ok, he started his slow and steady strokes into her. 

“You feel so fucking good, baby” he muttered as the soft slapping sounds of their hips meeting filled his basement. 

His dick curved right into her g-spot, forcing words of adoration and love from the depths of her soul at the end of every stroke. Her soft pants morphed into moans and screams of pleasure as she felt jolts of pleasure throughout her body.  

“F-fuck, I l-love you,” she panted out. “Harder,” she demanded, Michel more than happy to oblige. 

He increased his pace, relentlessly fucking her. She was thankful this portion of the house was soundproof, his basement soaking up the loud symphony of their collective moans. . 

She could feel all of the love and adoration he held for her in every stroke, every affirmation he whispered into her ear as he sent her soul to another plane. All she could do was pant and cry out in pleasure as he promised to love her until his last day. 

Michael’s physical fitness and stamina meant that they were just getting started. Michael and Charlotte moved around his basement, fucking on any and all surfaces that they saw fit. He transitioned between positions like an experienced dancer and pulled countless orgasms from the depth of her soul. 

“Fuck. Just like that baby. Ride this dick,” he moaned. He let out a low growl as she rode him, he was in heaven as he buried his face in her chest, his mouth enveloping her nipple. He was surprised at how much she responded to it, her head falling back in pleasure, her mouth agape. She cried out in pleasure as he gently bit down on the swell of her breasts. He switched between the two, making sure to give each equal attention. 

“You look so sexy riding my dick,” he praised her, causing her to increase her pace. 

She ignored the burn in her thighs as she continued, her thoughts only focused on giving him the same pleasure he gave her. She loved this position. It made her feel emboldened and in charge. And so she decided to enjoy that feeling and switch it up, giving him another view to enjoy. She slid off of him, both of them groaning lightly at the feeling of emptiness while she repositioned herself in reverse cow girl and slid back onto his dick. 

Michael smirked at the satisfied moan that escaped her lips as he filled her again. He grabbed her hips, thrusting into her rapidly as he enjoyed the view of her ass bouncing against his hips. He had let her control the pace before but now? It was his turn again. She yelped lightly as his hand spanked her. It was unexpected but not too rough, clearly to test the waters. She moaned, letting him know that she enjoyed it, the edge of roughness and small jolts of pain mixed in with his gentle touches. 

“You like that, baby?” He asked as he spanked her again, his strong arms lifting her body up and down as if she weighed nothing. 

“Y-Yes! I love it,” She panted out, breathless and exhausted as he fucked her. “I’m g-gonna cum!” 

Her hands pressed against his stomach to hold herself up as she rode the length of her orgasm, her body barely staying up right. When she calmed down, he lifted her off of him and instructed her to get on all fours. 

He positioned himself behind her and massaged her ass for a moment, admiring the perfect view. 

“Arch your back for me, baby. That’s it, good girl.” 

Charlotte could’ve cum right then, hearing him praise her. 

Good girl, she wanted to hear that every day for the rest of her life. 

She groaned as he entered her again, this position allowing him to get even deeper than before. Charlotte’s screams grew to new heights as he fucked her senseless from behind, taking her directive to break her back extremely serious. She was thankful that the strength of his thrusts naturally buried her face in the pillows of their now destroyed fort; she did not think even a soundproof room could contain her at this point. 

In this moment, she realized exactly what Jazz meant: this was life-changing and fun. For the first time, she was not waiting for it to all be over, she was enjoying it, actively meeting his thrusts to increase her pleasure. And when his fingers dug into her hips to hammer into her at his own pace, like a man possessed, she was more than willing to surrender her entire being to him and let him give her exactly what he believed she needed. Because he actually knew, every action was meticulous and measured, attuned to needs she did not even know she had. But he did and she loved him for it. So she surrendered, surrendered to bliss, knew she would forever happily hand over the reins of her pleasure to him because she desperately wanted what he had to give.

“Why you running, baby?” He asked as he fucked her, her body instinctively shying away from the intense pleasure of another orgasm building too fast. 

“I-I… I-it’s too much…” she breathed out, unable to form coherent sentences.

“You want me to stop?” He asked as he continued fucking relentlessly. 

“N-no,” she whimpered, and it was true. Her body felt as if it may die if he stopped but also that another orgasm might kill her. In a split second decision, dying from pleasure seemed like the better way to go. 

“Good girl. You’re taking me so well, love. Cum for me one more time, baby.”

As he felt her pussy snapping around his dick and her screams grew louder, he knew she was close. He reached around and rubbed her clit to give her the extra push she needed. 

Charlotte let out a breathless scream, her vision going black as the most powerful orgasm of her life ran through her. She didn't even get to feel him cum inside her as he finally reached his own peak. 

When she finally opened her eyes again, Michael was sitting watching her intently. 

“Welcome back, almost had me worried for a minute. You ok?” 

All she could do was nod, not understanding how he looked completely unruffled while she felt as if she had done a triathlon. 

He held out his hand to help her up and slide his robe around her. She was surprised to find him already in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. 

“H-How long was I out?” 

He laughed, kissing the top of her head. “Just a couple minutes. Come on, I’ll start a bath upstairs.” 

She groaned as she tried to move her legs. “M-My legs don’t work, babe. N-Not gonna make it upstairs.” 

He laughed and swooped her up into his arms. “Good thing you have me then.” 

Charlotte snuggled into his chest as he carried her to his suite. He made quick work of filling the tub with hot water and helping her into the tub, the smell of eucalyptus, her favorite, filling her nose. 

“This is sweet,” she said, her voice raspy from their activities. “T-thank you.” She settled into the bathtub, her head lulling back as her eyes fell closed. The warm water felt like heaven on her aching muscles. 

“You feel ok? Was afraid I was too rough at the end?” 

She let her head fall lazily in his direction, a content smile on her face. “No, it was great. Though I think you might've thought I was a gymnast at one point, really pushed the limits of my flexibility. And I now feel like I need to go to yoga classes so I don’t need to soak my muscles every time we have sex,” she laughed. “But it was perfect. You’re perfect.”

They shared a sweet kiss before silence fell over them. Charlotte did not stay in the tub long, her desire to be in Michael’s arms again overwhelming. Once she was done, Michael gave her clothes to throw on and they climbed into bed. 

Michael’s head rested on her chest, both of them muttering soft I love you’s before they drifted off to sleep.

***

“Charlie!” 

Charlotte's eyes gravitated toward a familiar voice, finally landing on Chris who had commandeered a corner booth toward the back and was waving at her. 

“How are you??” Her voice took on a sing-songy tone as she hugged him before sitting across from him. “It’s been way too fucking long.” 

“I know, I know. It’s tough. I’m rarely out here and you’re never in NYC anymore.” His voice was filled with teasing accusations as he referenced her disappearing act. “But I’m glad you were able to fit me in.” 

The pair spent over a half hour catching up, Chris sharing gossip from the NYC theater scene that Charlotte was no longer in touch with. She considered Chris MacDonald to be one of her closest friends. He had been her mentor when she was at a school, he was a recent graduate working on his musical and worked with students in his free time. He was easily the most talented songwriter she had ever heard, his first musical becoming a staple on Broadway within months. Every song he touched turned to gold and money. They transcended the usual mentor-mentee relationship quickly, becoming good friends. Chris always vowed to make her his leading lady in one of his shows one day. 

“So what are the next few months looking like for you?” 

“We’re starting press for Creed out here next week. Then the premieres here and press and a premiere in Philly. We have a couple of events and things once it hits theaters and then I should get a break right before Christmas. Thankfully, since it is the first one, the press schedule isn’t insane. But it's still a lot.” 

“So I gotta know, do you miss the stage at all?”

“All the time,” Charlotte moaned, her shoulders collapsing a bit. Chris was the type of person who knew the answer to his question before he asked it. So she knew there was no use in lying. “All. The. Time.” She emphasized. “Movies are great, don’t get me wrong. Can’t say anything too bad about them, after all, my first major film led me to Michael. Who you have to meet by the way. But it’s just not the same. It doesn’t… make my soul happy the way theater did? Money’s better,” Chris immediately nodded in agreement. “But that’s about it. Just doesn’t really fulfill me the same way.” 

“Would you want to go back?” 

An antenna in Charlotte’s mind went up as she heard his tone, his voice taking on the tenor of someone who was dipping a toe in to test the waters. 

“Ummm yea, I mean I’d love to go back. But… the practicalities of it. Just don’t think it is in the cards for me.” She shook her head gently and picked up her coffee. The mug hid the sad smile she had on her face, a realization that her choices meant her dreams weren’t a possibility anymore. “Besides, there isn’t a theater director who knows my name who’d give me another chance.” She simply shrugged. “It’s cool though. My life’s out here now, new relationship’s out here, friends, family. It’s better this way.” 

Chris nodded. “What if you were looking at a writer and producer who wanted you to be in their next show?” 

Charlotte laughed, “Very funny, Chris.” She had heard about his next project through the grapevine, which just completed an off-Broadway run in Massachusetts and was picked up to perform on Broadway in the new year. His musical, The Lighthouse, followed the closing shift of a dive bar during a winter’s storm. It was one of those shows where the entire play takes place in a singular room, following four characters, the owner of the bar and his wife, and the main character, Ashley, and her ex, who is a bartender. Charlotte had only read reviews of it but every review praised Chris for his poignant examination of relationships, human connection, and the innate desire to fight for the things and one you love, even when the fight seems foolish and you are outnumbered.

“I’m being dead serious, Charlie. I know you’re about to start promo for the film so you wouldn’t get that break you’re looking forward to. But it premieres on Broadway in March. We are casting new folks since the off broadway cast is transitioning to other roles. And for the lead, I started with your name but didn’t think you’d want to come back. And after scouring my brain for months and chatting with other writers like Lin and all roads lead back to you. You’re perfect for it. Your voice, your skills… you would knock it out of the park.” 

Charlotte shook her head, “Oh Chris… thank you but I can’t. It’s just not for me anymore.” 

“The stage was made for you, girl. Look, I wasn’t trying to come here and beg you but I will if I have to. I want you, Charlie. Not some random girl no one has ever heard of… You, the woman who made me cry the first time I heard her sing, the woman with perfect pitch, a woman who's been through shit and knows how to bring that pain and vulnerability and channel it into a performance. Look, I could get any recent graduate from Juilliard or Yale and throw them in this show and it would be good. But I don’t want ‘good’. I want excellent and you are excellence. Just give me a year. One year. Not even a year,” he corrected himself as she shook her head. “Six months. Six months and you’ll be nominated for a Tony in 2017, maybe even 2016 depending on when they cut off the season. ” 

At the sound of the coveted award Charlotte had dreamed of her entire life, Charlotte perked up. “How do you know it’s Tony worthy?” 

“Because I wouldn’t have flown across the country to grovel at the feet of one of the greatest actresses and singers I’ve ever seen for anything less than a Tony-winning role. Six months to a year, max. Give me six months of your life, Charlie and I swear - you’re Grammy and Tony nominated at worst… two steps closer to an EGOT at best. Come on, don’t tell me you forgot? This was on the vision board you showed me when you were a plucky, annoying freshman. This is it, this is the opportunity to make that vision board come true.”

Just as Charlotte opened her mouth to rebut him, he stopped her. “Look, I gotta jet to another meeting. But don’t say no just yet, please? I promised the team I would have my Ashley by the time I got back home on Monday. I’ll send you the tracks, the video of the workshop, talk it over… pray on it, and get back to me in a few days. Just promise me you’ll think about it, Charlie. Please?”

Charlotte nodded weakly. “Fine… I’ll think about it.” 

She knew logically there was nothing to think about. The mere idea went beyond playing with fire, it was playing with a raging inferno to move back there. For all she knew, Shaun was a mere powder keg waiting for the right spark to explode and she would be handing it to him on a silver platter. However, her soul and her ambition, well those parts of her were thinking… and they were thinking hard.

She said her goodbyes to Chris and paid for her coffee. And before she could even make it outside to her car, she heard the ding of several emails, all from Chris with the music tracks. She slid into her car and hooked it up as she drove to Michael’s. Since they broke through the physical intimacy barrier, she essentially lived at his place. After spending almost every night there, he cleared out a drawer and gave her space in his closet. Now she rarely went to her own spot. 

Since his house was a bit farther out, she made it through Act 1 of the show before she pulled into his driveway. However, she did not immediately turn it off to get out of the car. She was so enthralled that she just sat there in his driveway with her eyes closed, falling deeper in love with the music with every passing chord. 

“That fucking bastard,” she muttered to herself as her head thudded back against the seat. “The great Chris MacDonald strikes again.” 

It was always a running joke among the Broadway community that no one ever said no to Chris. If he wanted you, he would always find a way to convince you to work for him. Whether it was the strength of the piece itself or his persuasive abilities, no was not a word he heard. 

And she hated that it was working on her. This was award worthy. It was more than that, it was a game changer. It would take more than a year to pick up steam but when it did, it would become a household name. She could feel it in her bones. And the main character, Ashley, was perfect for her. Her ballad, which closed out Act I, was giving Defying Gravity levels of emotion. It was climatic and she could just picture herself singing it on stage. And while the show was filled with drama and emotion, it struck the perfect balance of being funny and relatable. It was the type of show you left and talked about for hours with your friends, examining each character and their decisions with a fine tooth comb.

She sat in her car and typed out notes on her phone as she worked her way through Act II, noting things she picked up on and wanted to discuss further with Chris. She did not even realize how long she sat out there until she heard a knock on her car window. 

“Shit!” She jumped almost clean out of her skin as she turned to find Michael staring at her with a quizzical look on his face. She took a deep breath before opening the door. “You scared me.” 

“My bad. I saw you pull up 30 minutes ago. Wanted to make sure you were good. You on the phone or somethin’?” 

“30 minutes?? Sorry, baby. I was just listening to these songs Chris sent me.” 

She pulled herself and her bag out of the car and followed Michael into the house. The house smelled delicious, Michael immediately returning to the oven to check on his Bolognese sauce.  

“How was coffee?” 

“Um… intriguing, that’s for sure.” Charlotte threw her bag down on one of the bar stools and immediately grabbed the loaf of bread and other materials that were sitting out to help Michael finish dinner. 

“Ok, elaborate.” 

Charlotte sighed. “Well, it wasn’t a friendly catch up like I thought. He has a role for me… in his new show.” 

“Ok… and?” 

“It’s really fuckin’ good, Bakari. Like game changing good. Like household name good. He said he just wanted six months out of me, which is more than enough to be nominated this year or next.” 

Michael nodded. “Ok… I’m hearing all the good things… sounds like good shit. But you’re hesitating. What’s stopping you?” 

She turned to face him, leaning against the counter. “Well first, my life is here with you. Not in New York. We’ve only been dating for three months. I don’t want to lose what we have.” Michael glanced at her, waiting for her to say more. “A-and I left New York in such a weird way. I don’t even know how people feel about me now. A-and 8 shows a week??” She ranted, taking her frustration out on the helpless loaf of Italian bread in front of her. “Don’t even know if I can physically do that shit anymore. I’m not that good of a dancer… I mean when would we have time to see each other if I’m doing 8 shows a week? I could kiss my current career goodbye. I feel like I started down this road, don’t know if I should backtrack?”

Michael turned her away from the cutting board and took the knife out of her hands. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist, pulling her closer and closer to him. 

“What’s really wrong, Els? Cause it ain’t any of the dumb shit you just mentioned.” 

Charlotte immediately felt offended, her body attempting and failing to twist out of his firm but still gentle grip. “Excuse me?? Those are legit concerns, thank you very much.” 

“No they aren’t. You’re never gonna lose me cause you’re pursuing a dream. New York is a plane ride away, I’ll come to you when I’m not filming. Long distance relationships work and thrive every day, Els.” He started to list off, dismissing her concerns one by one. “You left to save your life. Fuck anyone who doesn’t understand that or sympathize with that shit. Besides, who even gives a fuck what they think? You got Chris in your corner and more people than you think, that’s enough. You can dance just fine. And you run like 6 miles every single day so physically, you can do anything including sing and dance for 2 hrs 8 times a week. And it’s not backtracking. You started in the theater, took a break and are going back. People do that shit literally all the time. I think you’re scared. And if you want to say no for all those practical reasons to Chris, fine. But at least be honest with me. Why are you really hesitating?” 

She picked at her nails, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip. She hated that she had to consider him, this dark cloud that hung over her head and still indirectly affected her decisions. She hated that he still had this much power 

“I left New York for a reason, Bakari. A-and that reason is still walking and talking and… I don’t think I can ignore that just because Chris dangles a shiny Tony in front of my face.” 

“Do you really think he’d try something?” 

“I… I dunno. But I also don’t know if I want to test that theory. I gave it all up then because I couldn’t stay alive and keep it. I tried that and it didn’t work. All I got was a break in and three days in the ER. How’s this time gonna be any different? Seems dumb to walk right back into the lion’s den.” 

“Are you walking back into the lion’s den or following your dreams? Was he a Broadway enthusiast or somethin?” 

Charlotte let out a humorless laugh. “Hell no. He hated musicals… and joy… and laughter… and me,” she added under her breath with a humorless chuckle. “What does it matter?” 

“It matters because who's to say he will even know you’re there? Even in the most popular shows, the everyday person doesn’t follow news about it. And this is a new show, not like that rap one everyone I know keeps going to see about the dead white people?”

“Hamilton?” Her judgment of his lack of theater knowledge showed in her laughter.. “‘That musical with the dead white people’” she chuckled. “It’s the hottest ticket of the year, babe.” 

“See,” he emphasized, ignoring the tone of shade in her voice. “I’m an actor and still don’t know this shit.”

“Bakari… be serious, please.” 

“I am!” He laughed. “Look, all I’m sayin’ is even the most popular shows, the non-broadway goer doesn’t know whose in them. You’re a rising star and the benefit of a rising star is that you can still keep a low profile when you want. For all that nigga knows, you’re still in LA. Talk to Chris about promo and maybe keeping a lower profile for the first couple months and all that and secure your dream, babe.”

“But I already proved I can’t have both, Bakari,” she repeated. 

He shook his head. “No, you couldn’t have both then. It’s been a couple years, you’re different. And who knows, that nigga could’ve moved to another state or be in a new relationship or anything. A lot can change in two years, right?” 

She scratched her head. The things Michael said made total sense but there was still this wall standing in her way. 

“Els, baby. Look at me.” His finger lifted her chin to look him in the eye. “I think you should do it. It’s six months until you come back here. Ever since I’ve known you, being the lead of a show has been your dream. And you miss it. And now someone is handing you the opportunity on a silver platter. Why miss it a second time? And if it makes you feel safer, I’ll move with you.” 

Charlotte shook her head. “Baby, I can’t ask you to move across the country for me. Your family, your friends… your life is here.” 

He shrugged. “And in six months, my life will still be here. My future is wherever you are. And I told you a couple weeks ago that I’d do whatever you needed to make you feel safe.” 

“Yes, with you. Not out in the world. I can’t ask you to upend your entire life for me. We haven’t been together that long.” 

“Semantics. I told you I’d do whatever you needed. This counts in my book. Don’t think about the length of time we’ve been together or where it is or any of that shit. Would it help and make you feel more comfortable if I went with you? At least for a couple months?” 

Charlotte studied him for a moment, realizing he was truly being sincere. She found it hard to ask for such a thing but she could not deny that it would help her. Even just knowing that she could come home to someone each night and be safe in their arms felt like it would change everything. 

“Y-Yea, it would help a lot. But you really don’t have to, babe.” 

“Ok then it’s settled. If you take it, I’ll go with you. I know we’re jumping ahead and skipping some steps but I’m in if you are.” 

“You don’t want to think about it?” 

He shrugged as he moved to put the garlic bread in the oven. “What’s there to think about? It’s like moving for a role. It doesn’t really change much. When would you have to be there?” 

“Top of January, the show is supposed to premiere on March 1.”

He nodded. “Ok so if you decide to do it, we can move right after Christmas to make sure you’re there in time.” 

Charlotte chuckled.  “Yea while you’re planning our move, I actually need to decide whether to do it.” 

Michael leaned down and kissed her on the lips. “I’m removing obstacles so you can make the best decision for you. Not for me or because of that nigga. For you. If you want this, we’ll do whatever we gotta do to make sure you’re safe while you do it, ok?” 

Her arms went around his shoulders, their bodies flush against each other. “How’d I get so lucky to find you?” 

“I’m the lucky one, honeybee.” 

Charlotte raised an eyebrow, “Honeybee? That’s a new one. Where’d that come from?” 

“Cause you taste sweet, like honey.” 

“‘I taste sweet, what do- ohhhhh,” the memory of him saying that during the first time he gave her head came back to her mind causing her to laugh a bit. “Thought I’d try it out. It has a cute ring to it. You don’t like it?”

“I like any nickname you give me, love. But… let’s make this the only one inspired by our sex life, ok?”

“Deal.” 

The pair ate dinner before retreating to his bedroom. They did not talk about Chris’s offer again until they were settled in bed, Charlotte laying on Michael’s chest. 

“I think… I think I want to do it. You’re right, it’s my dream and I might not get another shot like this again,” she offered in the quiet and darkness. She knew he was not asleep yet. 

Michael did not even take a beat before he responded, “I guess we’re moving to New York then.” 

Charlotte sat up, leaning on his chest. “You knew I was gonna take it the whole evening didn’t you?” 

He shrugged, before shifting so she was laying back down. He placed a kiss on the top of her forehead and merely smiled. “Yea… when are you gonna learn? I’m always right, baby,” he joked. "You gonna call Chris?

She bit down the joke that bubbled to the surface and merely settled back into his arms with a smile. 

“Yes you are, baby. And in the morning, it's after midnight."

"Yea and you said he flew all the way out here for you. That man is probably waiting by the phone for you. Call him, if he's asleep, you can try again in the morning. Besides, knowing you, you'll find some way to talk yourself out of it by morning." He reached over to her side and grabbed her phone. "Call him, babe."

"Touché." She slid out of his bed and paced, one hand fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt she had on while her feet dragged across his soft plush carpet.

She waited for a few moments with bated breath until she heard his voice fill her ears.

"Hey, Chris! Sorry if this is too late to call? Hope I didn't wake you."

"Oh no, I was just up working and praying your name would cross my phone sometime before the night was over. Please tell me you called me this late with bad news."

Charlotte chuckled and glanced at Michael who gave her an encouraging smile and thumbs up.

"No, no. Just calling to tell you that you can tell the team you found your new Ashley."

She had to hold the phone away from her ear as his screams of delight threatened to bust her ear drums.

"God, I fucking love you, Charlotte Bennett. I could literally kiss you."

"I think my boyfriend would have something to say about that," she chuckled. "But yea I'm in."

"Amazing. I'll send over details to you and your team tomorrow and we can talk more then. Seriously, Charlie, you won't regret it. I promise."

"I know, thank you, Chris. Seriously. Ok, talk tomorrow. Bye."

She hung up the phone and turned to Michael, the realization hitting her.

"I'm gonna be leading a show on Broadway." She ran back to the bed and jumped on it, her previous exhaustion long forgotten as her excitement took over.

Michael enveloped her in a tight hug before they both settled back into bed.

"This is gonna be good, Els. I can feel it."

She placed a quick kiss on his bare chest. "I feel it too. Thank you. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing this without you."

"I gotchu, Els. Always."

Tags: @certifiedlesbianbaddie @bangtanxmegan @reelwriter19 @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @hi888888sworld @msniaimani @destinio1 @lynaye1993 @chaoticevilbakugo @blackerthings

A/N: As always, thanks for reading! We finally got some smut (woohoo). Tbh smut is like really hard for me to write lol so I hope y'all liked it? I really wanted it to be intimate and showcase how close they've gotten in a short time. They could be sexy and honest and vulnerable and playful with each other and it not ruin the moment, it only enhances it for them. Next chapter, we'll get some fluff with their first public outing as a couple and press tour cuteness (think Tom/Zendaya and Corey/India from Queen Charlotte level cuteness). I'm gonna try to get a one-shot out this week too before I'm off on vacation. We'll see if I can actually get it done :)

Leave a comment on what you thought of the chapter and let me know if you want to be tagged!

#black writers #michael b jordan #michael b jordan x oc #mbjordanedit #michael b jordan x reader #creed 3 #black panther #adonis creed #michael b jordan fanfic #creed iii #michael b jordan smut

[qwesty-030]

(Jun. 29- Dec. 20, 2023)

Someone New

“[I]t seemed, standing there in Finny’s triumphant shirt, that I would never stumble through the confusions of my own character again.”

image description (more like me word vomiting 😁) under cut

—————

hi goobers

i wanted to practice doing backgrounds and different coloring methods bc i rarely ever get to do them anymore. The methods i used were basic one point perspective lines and using the grayscale to color method (honestly yall i didnt know wat i was doing😀)

i started making this back in june and i intended to finish it within a week but it went on for months bc i am unfortunately a perfectionist so i kept redoing it lol 💀💀 and i kept adding more to it.

yea i was honestly being over-ambitious rendering a bg, trying a new coloring methods, and blending a character in all at the same time 🙂🙂 i’ve been working on this art piece for so long that i got tired of looking at it

yea i was cycling through the stages grief and lost my sanity 😊

but anyways here’s Gene trying on Finny’s pink shirt ^0^ ik Gene had put on Finny’s shirt in their dorm but like i really wanted to do a nasty bathroom for sum reason. i thought it’d be a fun bg to play with

i was also gonna make the pink shirt glow bc my friend suggested it to me but i didn’t really know how to do that ;_;

also, the rendering style is based off of the Spider-Verse movies ^^ cuz can we all agree that the spiderverse style just looks super cool and an absolute masterpiece

first vers. no text

2nd vers. without the kooky effects

#a separate peace #asp #asp fanart #dreedraws #gene forrester #digital art #art #also im accepting art critique 😄👍 #<- l need it pls #also i gen forgot tumblr existed mb yall #more art to come

[potato-jem]

hello nero my beloved soulmate!!!

i have pride stories!!! i went to pride this saturday and it was so much fun i need to tell you all about it!!!

well first of all i really hate that i had to work in the morning because it made me so tired and it was the first weekend of sales so yea, not fun. but anyway, my friend picked me up at 3pm and we got to florence. we had to park pretty far from the meeting point and then take a bus, and it was amazing because we were totally lost looking for that bus and at some point we see a bus full of people with rainbow flags, glitter, signs, flower crowns, rainbow stickers and temporary tattoos and all of that. and we just went in, no questions asked. we just figured we’d follow them out of the bus too 😂 i love our people honestly. we were so colorful

anyway we got to the meeting point and it was deadly hot. i swear there were like 45 degrees. but it was so amazing to be around all of those people dressed in all colors and wearing all sorts of things we’d usually be judged for, it felt so safe. except that there was a religious protestor so we got to give him the finger like the heartstopper cast did :)

also my sister came with me. she’s always so supportive and it meant the world that she came with me. anyway the parade started and there were some amazing floats. there were rainbow families, drag queens, all the lgbtqia+ associations from our territory and we started walking behind this float that had amazing music, so we started dancing and singing and it was so much fun!!! we got to talking with some people, there were some amazing signs that were just perfect and i had to go there and tell them how much i loved them :) it was just so fun, i loved meeting random people and it was just the perfect environment. at night there was also a dj set and a band singing to keep the show going!!

then when we were walking back to the bus stop at night we got the whiplash of not being surrounded by queer people anymore. we got catcalled like fifteen times in the span of three minutes. i kinda wanted to punch everyone because we had such a perfect day and i hated that we had to go back to the real world where people are shit 🥲

but still i got so many amazing memories and now all i want to do is book a flight to london for next year and have you come with me so we can celebrate together and see the heartstopper cast!!!!

also, i got a new tattoo yesterday!! and i actually had red white and royal blue with me to distract me so i almost finished the book again and cried in from of my tattoo artist lol it took me the whole day again and it was so painful but so worth it!!! i got medusa on my leg 😻

also, as to our previous letter i just wanted to say that of course i believed in you!!!! i knew you could do it!! but i can definitely believe you had to close your eyes to open that message 😂 getting grades back is always so stressful!! now manifesting a spot for the exchange 🕯️🕯️🕯️ i really hope you get it!!! it’s an amazing experience, you’d definitely love it!!!

and i’m really glad you found someone who specialises in what you need. it can take a while to find the right therapist but i hope this one works out!!

(i’m also writing down sydney and melbourne for when i’m rich enough to visit 😂 i literally booked a flight for august and my bank account kinda yelled at me to stop spending money i don’t have lol)

anyways i’m really sorry i’ve been away for so long, i had a crazy week between the beginning of seasonal sales, pride and the tattoo appointment. i kinda didn’t have time to do anything 🥲

i’m giving you a hug and some homemade chocolate chip cookies with biscoff cream on top <33

hello cece my beloved soulmate!!!!

oh my god i've been so excited to hear about this!!!

that sucks you had to go to work, boo!!! but at least you were off early enough to still go to pride!!!! and how cool that you got to share the experience of going on the bus with all the queer people!! i bet there was no straight and/or cis people on that bus 😂😂😂 just follow the rainbow!!

hot days are the worst, but pride would have made it so much better. i would not be focused on how sweaty i was or the temperature with the amount of queer joy happening around me! it's so wonderful that in a parade full of people and colour that you were able to feel so incredibly safe, and it would have been such an intimate moment for you! and fuck that religious protestor, i'm so glad you gave him the finger. the heartstopper cast would be so proud of you :')

oh that warms my heart that your sister came!!! that was so nice of her to come with you!! the floats sound amazing, and the singing and dancing!!! i am feeling some of the joy through my screen!! seriously, cece, this sounds like the most incredible time. i want to cry just thinking about you having so much fun with your friend and your sister, celebrating your queerness and talking to new people and singing and dancing like there's no one else around 🥲🥲🥲

the trip home must have been so dull in comparison! and how dare those people catcall you, i hope you gave them the same treatment as that religious protestor because seriously what the fuck.

the only thing that matters now is that you had a safe and wonderful time at pride and you can cherish those memories for the rest of your life! and yes, we must do it!! i will literally stay for an extra month just to go to pride in london with you <3

oh my god yay!!! i bet the medusa tattoo looks so cool! and yes reading rwrb while getting tattooed is properly not your best idea, but i'm already rereading rwrb any chance i get to annotate it fully before the movie so i can't say much 😂

okay, cece, i must let you know, because i said to myself i would let you know as soon as i could. but this morning, i woke up (quite late actually). i checked my watch for my notifications. i see an email waiting for me. i die a little inside realising it is from the exchange team at my university. i run out to grab my phone from where i charge it. i speed past my mum. i unlock my phone. i open my email and click on the newest one. and.... I GOT A SPOT EARLY!!! AT MY FIRST UNIVERSITY TOO!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? i'm still in so much shock and i thank you for your manifesting and belief in me!!! oh my god i have so much to do before then (mostly saving money ngl 😂) but oh my god cece, i'm going to england for exchange!!!!!!

me too!! i just need to find the time to get a referral, so i can go and see them!!

(literally sydney and melbourne are lowkey expensive, but it is totally worth it!! and i would be more than happy to tell you where to go and where to stay! <3)

do not apologise!!! we are all busy! i am literally working the equivalent of a full time job over the next two weeks and i'm also dogsitting over the weekend :') pray for my poor soul.

i'm giving you the biggest hug i hope contains the same warmth as pride and i'm fighting off your customers so you can have a few moments to breathe <3333

#nero attempts to socialise #cece my beloved!!! #<3333

[rinbowaman]

babyy 🥹🥹 my reireiiiii im backk!! how are you my loves??!!! i missed you so damn much you dont even knowwww!!!!! I really wanted to just sit and talk to you all day but now is the only time I got to message youu i’ve been really really reaallllyyyy busy with school since I already started and work + the ballet lessons (ik I do this daily but stilllll its quite tiring) + everyday after classes I had to stop by my grandma’s house to help her with stuff (its only for two and a half weeks but goddd its tiring too) so you can imagine how busy i’ve been but not to worry though im doing fine and healthy, and for the past week I became a silent reader of yours!! just liking every post haha but yea im really glad to now have the time to message you and way all the things i’ve been wanting to saaayyy 🥹🥹🥹💗💗💗

enough about me how about you?!!! how have you been??!! what did I miss?? I like to say i’m keeping updated but just in case…what’d I miss omggg

by the way I absolutely loveddddd that one shot and im ngl its new to see a fic of urs thay doesnt have that much of a yandere heeseung but its still so good either way I swearrr you put a spell on me on every one-shot and chapter you post because I think about it for daaayyysssssss!!!! but ugh the tension and the angst in that fic was just *chefs kiss we love soft, needy, regretting hee

BTW DT RECENT CHAPTER WAS SO MFING JUICY I CANTTTTTTTTT the smut part/s in there was WHOOO DAMN THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A SMUT SCENE it always got me sweating and weak in the kneesssss the car smut was the one that’s engraved in my mind good lorddd it just randomly pops up in my head and at the worst times too ugh I could be in a lecture and that smut scene would just play in my mind holy shiiiiiitttt rei ur impeccable and i’d say a master AND QUEEN at these scenes🥵🥵

the girls though are taking a whack at my patience 😐

I can’t say and promise to you that i’ll bombard ur asks like the good ole’ days and quite frankly I feel like the next would be in a couple days but im just glad I got to message you again ☹️

will eagerly and definitely wait for your reply👀👀 my absolute favorite darling and beautiful smart gifted girl (hope I still am ur favs 🤞🏻🤞🏻) hell i’d search the whole dictionary for a word to describe you but none is and will ever be enough.

MWAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU SO SO SO SOOO MUCHHHH

keep writing and doing your goddamn deliciously brilliant work my reirei i’ll always be here whether in ur asks or in the likes section hehe

- ur fav (?) girly, nik/lana💕

my girl!!! ♥️ I had a heethan moment when i saw your message, the whole "pretty baby! you--you came to me....." lol! i missed you so much! i've been doing good, i've been busy as well. been helping out the parents with their business and then spending whatever free time i have drafting up the one shots/requests and the chapters 😉 i'm so happy to hear from you, i know you've been very busy so no need to explain, you do you girl. i'm just so glad to see you once in a while when i can! did you enjoy the one shots? i've been working on the upcoming chapter of TO and also, HHP's next chapter is coming soon 😉 real soon! i can't wait for you to read it. how is ballet practice? how is school? and work?

[awsugar]

im on effexor instead of lexapro now but i still have exactly the same dream related side effects!! they’re so in depth and hours long and they’re either mundane as fuck, like i go to work or take an exam or go the supermarket and make dinner, all in real time. or they’re off the wall insane and still intensely vivid, sometimes deeply disturbing and stressful, sometimes cool, sometimes just. what the fuck is happening in my subconscious.

i had an mcr concert dream in which the venue was really shit (but had great food) and they were playing on a stage to the left of everyone, and they opened w vampire money and then gerard did a ‘magic trick’ to vanish (clearly covered by a sheet) and they brought motionless on white on stage to finish the set doing bad covers. but frank was heckling them from side stage the whole time for being cheaters (i know nothing about the marital status of motionless in white so fuck knows where this came from)

anyway this was just one facet of another very long and confusing dream. but yeah. antidepressants have some weird side effects, i often wake up tired because i feel like i’ve just been through a four hour ordeal in my mind instead of sleeping. it’s easier to lucid dream too if you’ve noticed that? hope u aren’t getting too many stress dreams, i think mine settled after a while on a stable lexapro dose <3

omfg that is so funny. and yea my last med i was on for years, saphris, gave me crazy fucking dreams but in a different way. they were way more like. idk. abstract?? like not related to real life at all. just really really bizarre and vivid. but it was moslty in the beginning of when i was taking that one, i stopped remembering my dreams nearly as much after a while. but so far on lexapro its every single night. and yea, they go on for hours. i know they say you only dream for like 15 minutes but i do not think thats true, on lexapro at least. im CONFIDENT that im dreaming for wayyyy longer than that. i did try to google to see if anyone else was talking about lexapro dreams online and i couldnt really find anything?? but i did find something that said lexapro has an effect on your dreams in which is pushes your REM cycle back to last few hours of sleep, and i totally feel like thats true because like my basic sleep schedule is set an alarm for like 9am because im being optimistic about being able to get out of bed and then i like always set an alarm for later and go back to sleep, and that time im sleeping in the morning is when im mostly having these dreams. or like sometimes both. ill have a crazy dream and wake up to my first alarm and text my friends about it and then i go back to sleep and when i wake up im like 'i had another one'.

but the lucid dream thing, yes!! i havent really had lucid dreams on lexapro yet, but i had multiple lucid dreams on saphris. again, they were more concentrated during the first couple months of me taking it. i think last week during one of my dreams though i did realize i was asleep and i decided i wanted to wake up but it was different, and i 'woke up' but it was still in the dream. like i dreamt that i woke up but i actually hadnt. if that makes sense. im actually hoping i can get to the point of lucid dreaming on lexapro though because thats something i miss. i like being able to control it like. its fun. realizing youre dreaming and have full control so you decide to hang out with mcr. LOL.

#anonymous #asks

[mokkemusic]

It’s just one of those days I feel down and have a lot of thoughts. Part of me can’t help thinking are people upset with me for liking other things? And it makes no sense for my brain to think that for 2 reasons. Ive not been interfering with anything and I also know everyone kinda has their own other things now. So logically it can’t be that. I mean you can be uninterested hell that’s fine it’s ok lol

It’s probably just cause I should be reaching out more but it’s just exhausting. I’m not upset with anyone. I’m just more tired lol. Maybe people think I’m upset with them? Cause I’m not. I’ve just been in my own little world lol. But I also know I haven’t been reaching out and it’s one thing if I was someone that never did but I was someone who overly did so it’s a drastic difference to everyone. But that’s not the case I’ll say that rn. So yea this was just a ramble I will still check in especially for those friends who we do interact with eachother a little bit. Those moments make my day even if it’s just one like or comment btw 🫶🏻 I want to do some fun Halloween things too. But not horror definitely can’t handle horror you know me. But cutesy Halloween if people are down and I can see when I can host and plan 🎃 . And I was kinda sick this week I have some make up plans with some peeps which are long overdue so looking forward to that too. Anyway all my love ❤️ end of my ramble.

#i feel like I have grown a lot and I’m proud of myself for that #and my DM’s are always open my comments are always open everything is always open lol #I’m just having one of those days but like if people are getting the wrong idea caise I’ve been more involved with other things this is the #low down #no I’m not busy per say I have no life but I still get preoccupied in that no life 😂 #and like if you have been living under a rock my Chihayafuru brain rot has taken complete hold of me #🫶🏻❤️ #ramble

[shylittlebunn]

really struggling today but i finally got out of bed and showered. even put dishes into the dishwasher and started it.

only to find bubbles all over the kitchen floor a few minutes later :)

 my kitchen sink garbage disposal stopped working randomly a few weeks ago and ive refused to send in a maintenance request because the maintenance guy showed up at my job one day (a few months ago) to ask me out and it really creeped me out.....and this week the sink started to get clogged but i hadn’t gotten anything to help with that. My bathroom sink is also cloggged?? so i think they may be connected since they share a wall. but yea.... i am just here. struggling.... and all of my efforts to avoid solving the sink problem have now left me with a clogged dishwasher too LOL

not sure what to do but earlier today i instacarted some draino (which should be showing up soon) so maybe... once the water drains i can try and work on it.

i might send in that maintenance request afterwards... it’s time. i just don’t want to be here while he’s fixing it but it’s worse for him to do it while im not at home?? im not afraid of him or anything it’s just very awkward any time i see the maintenance guy after that interaction

these clogged sinks have definitely been the reason i’ve let my house get so gross. like i keep looking around at my house and thinking “yup. it definitely looks like a depressed person lives here.... yup...”

and because my house is so gross, that is another reason i don’t want him coming to fix the sink. i don’t want anyone to see this.why is life so tiring 

#me

[immovable-tortoise]

Hey! Sorry about the lack of updates! It’s been a bit over 2 weeks since top surgery now. I was just recovering quietly at home which is the reason for my absence from the blog.

(TW for description of surgical intervention)

I’ve had a double incision mastectomy. Before explaining how things went down, I want to emphasise that I’m fine! So no worries about that!

I arrived at the hospital at 7am on the 7th of June and was in the operating room by 8. I woke up in the early afternoon of the same day. The surgery had gone well (about 2 to 3 hours long) and I was fine. The drains felt a bit weird but I wasn’t in pain or anything. 

The most frustrating part for me was having to wait till the evening to use the bathroom. In hindsight though, I understand why nurses wouldn’t want you walking around right after a total anaesthesia lol

I didn’t get much sleep that night since I don’t sleep well on my back. The next day my drains were removed (I didn’t feel anything when they were pulled out which I was very pleasantly surprised about!) and by noon, I was out the hospital on my way home.

The next two weeks went relatively well. Sleeping was still difficult but I managed. I barely needed to use my pain killers at all. I managed to go out a couple times, walking didn’t feel tiring, though I did have a very strange posture which people did comment on lol

My stitches were removed just a few days ago and I’ve been allowed to look at my chest finally! Of course, I’m. So. Happy! It looks amazing and I finally feel like myself!

So yea! That’s it for updates about my surgery! Perhaps I’ll eventually post result pictures once I’ve properly healed? I feel like that might be nice since I personally couldn’t find any result pictures from any of the surgeons in my country. It might be me being terrible at doing research though. I obviously also understand the want for privacy!

Btw, I want to highlight that this is just my personal experience with the surgery. I’ve talked to many many trans people whose experience with top surgery was completely different from mine. This post is just meant to share how things went for me and isn’t to be taken as a universal experience!

Have a nice day everyone!

#trans #transmasc #top surgery #lgbtq #would be nice to know where the belgian transmasc people are hiding though #trans positivity

[dream-wrecker-blog]

Hey guys. Sooo we all know that I’m not consistent on here. But when I show up! You have to admit, that its good. Lol

So today I had a really good conversation within myself.

To paint a clear picture, I work over nights. Which is really important. I’ll be explained later on. So my work night starts at 20:30 hrs. And thats just prep time. I actually start work at 21:00. I’m a newly promoted person in charge. Im a (SUPERIOR!!!!)

In my profession. It takes a while to earn this status. Which at one point I had turn down. So… to make a bigger deal of my position. There’s tiers. 1-9 and I’m at 5. But when I started this security position, which is part time by the way. I entered at level 3. Which cave me a bit of an ego boost. I’ve been with this part time security organization for 7 years. I would have been a tier 6 but because I declined my position before I’m at tier 5. Which at the time. I have to say was very wise.

So from 21:00 until 05:00 hrs. My team and I are a presence. A deterrent as you will. Most of us professional and proficient. While others are clearly here to cash the checks and buy a house.

At 05:00hrs. I head home. By which I go to through public transit. The 4 or 3 train to Brooklyn. YEA!!! Brooklyn. A part of New York I’m never really in. Or care to be in. Its a part of New York that feels as if its just segregated. And there’s just no need to be apart of. I mean they are the part of the city that get hit with the storms first. Thus! Slowing it down over the rest of the city.

By the tome I get home its 06:00hrs. And I take a shower and brush my teeth. I have a personal belief that when you work in service. Helping demographics that are under privileged, there negative energy clings to you.

When I w home the bathroom is the first place I go. I undress myself and kick the clothes in a corner. And get in the tub. I wash with soap thats been infused with green tea sage and one other banisher. And once I’m wet I wash my face and brush my teeth in the shower. Because why not! Once I get dressed I don’t see the point. While tired, doing these grooming steps I could have do e while in the shower.

After doing those tedious things. I begin to chant to my spirits and call them to help me remove the energy I picked up. And I continue to do this procedure until I feel clean and almost see the negative energy in the suds going down the drain.

Once I finish, I get out the tub and immediately from the back I stand and spray in the direction of the drain with bleach. After that I leave the bathroom. Prep some tea and take multivitamins capsules. Head back into the bathroom and run the shower on cold. Until the bleach is gone.

This is all the things I do before I head to bed. Once I jump in my sweet cradle of rest. I knock out for a few hours. By this time its 08:00. Then I typically sleep for 7 hours. And I should be awake at 14:00hrs. And procrastinate for an hour. Then I go the gym and hype myself up to be a body builder. To only almost die from too much pre-workout. Lol.

Yes this is true it happens a little too often for my liking. But after going to the gym at 1600 i head back to house to shower again and do this routine all over again.

Sounds like a lot right! Well… it is. Usually my job allows me to be in a hotel. “Great right” but! There are stipulations to these. Such as distance and how long it takes you to get to work. Unfortunately, for me I don’t quality. It takes me only (30/1.45) min from new lots to 42nd street. And I’m less than 30 miles. Soooo…….. yup..!… I don’t qualify

Honestly, its actually a good thing that I’m not in a hotel because they reserve the right to check your room. And you cannot have people over which sucks because I would have slutted it up

So the whole point of this rant is to give you insight into my day! Im 3 weeks in and to myself, walking home from the gym I had to express to myself out loud. I’m……. Not……… happy!!!!

Recently I had my own very modern version of eat pray love. Where I went to Africa on the east cost. And I with a very well established team help liberate this 3rd world group of people. We pretty my educated them on various methods of self preservation. My hand in it was cooking and giving my love and life into the food. They were eating.

There! I learned I wasn’t happy either. But there I had time to burn. Burn in the sense I was working and getting paid very well and!!! And! I had tome to think! All of my basic needs were met and I truly was able to deeply self reflect.

My reflection told me I wasted time and parts of my life on things that don’t even belong to me. Which is the hate I had for my parents. The anger I had towards people who intentionally did me wrong.

So here! I caught myself falling back into the same behavior.

I’m not happy.

So! I might have to quit for the sake of my mental and emotional health. I’m not doing what feeds my soul. Which is art! Sex and poetry.

[milkycomely]

jesus i’ve retyped this so many times. so much shit is going on in my life. i’m 18 and i’m pregnant. my moms dead and it’ll be the 10th year her death day has happened. my fiancé is in jail. and i got evicted from our house because i was sick when i didn’t know i was pregnant and lost my job due to that. so i was just struggling. because i hate asking people for help. i had used my last savings to pay for one more month so i could get another job, which would’ve been easy if i wasn’t pregnant. and yea women get pregnant all the time, it’s hard. i was having extreme morning sickness without even realizing it and i don’t have insurance. so i couldn’t just go to the doctor and pay $100 for them to tell me i was pregnant. i only ended up finding out is bc I myself went to jail. my dad put me there after he hit me in the face and i hit him back. self defense right? nope. he said i just showed up and started harassing him. we had talked that morning about me coming to get my mail and the rest of my clothes. ended up getting arguing and he thinks it’s okay to hit me in the face. my punctuation is probably so bad and i’m hoping this makes sense but fuck life. had a said before, i got evicted. i had to go live with my soon to be MIL, who i honestly adore along with her wife. amazing people. (they gave me my own room and even took me on vacation not even a week into staying with them, they’ve helped with doctor apts and we eat together as a family) but they told me he’s always being unfaithful to me, going back to talk with his ex who had done a year prior. ik im a fucking IDIOT to stay with him after. but idk. i’m a dumb teenager. i’m very emotionally tied to him. we’ve been together for 3 years, we had 3 cats and 2 dogs and now a baby otw(when i got evicted i had to give my 3 cats to the shelter, give my dog to a family member but won’t be able to get him back, that was the agreement. i kept his dog, because she was older). i gave him my life. quite literally, i don’t talk to any of my family. my siblings tell me to get an abortion because they know he’s the father. and well my dad, i legally can’t talk to him lol. mom dead. and i’m going to be a mom. i’m scared to screw up my kid like how i am. i’m crying writing this. i’m so overwhelmed and never had the chance to sit down and feel like i have been. i’ve been in survival mode for so long. my fiancés moms are the greatest. but i can’t tell them all of this because they’ll be like how do you feel. they always ask how i’m doing, and i try to keep at bay. i tell me about my nightmares and they help me through them. but this is their son. and i live in their home. they’ve told me they’d still support me if i want to stay with him or if i don’t. but idk. i do know but my heart and i don’t even want to think about it. but it’s hard not to when the water is so calm and when that happens, a big ass wave will usually come and tear down all the comfortableness that was settled.

quite literally wrote all of this in one type. i didn’t go back and i can’t. i’m finally tired and the thoughts are in my head. i’m taking this chance to rest my mind

#personal vent #pregnant #numb

[drabbles-mc]

Take Care

Hank Loza x F!Reader

Request by @iamthegraham​​: Hiii so I have a request, could you write something for Hank Loza? Something fluffy, something smutty, anything your heart tells you, I’ve everything else you write and this will be no different. Thank you!

Warnings: mentions of injuries (nothing graphic), Hank being a nervous lil softie

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: I went in a fluffier direction for this one! Haven’t written for Hank in a while, or most of the Mayans Men for that matter lol. Hope you enjoy!

Mayans Taglist: @thesandbeneathmytoes​ @paintballkid711​ @tomhardydallasstarsgirl​ @queenbeered​ @kelpies-shed​ @sesamepancakes​ @yourwonkywriter​ @chibsytelford​ @gemini0410​ @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead​ @plentyoffandoms​ @georgiaaintnopeach​ @twistnet​ @garbinge​ @themoonandthewicked​ @bucky-iss-bae​ @encounterthepast​ @rosieposie0624​ @mylittlelonelyappreciationtoo​ @mijop​ @xladymacbethx​ @blessedboo​ @holl2712​ @lakamaa12​ @masterlistforimagines​ @kkim120​ @toni9​ @shadow-of-wonder​ @crowfootwrites​ @redpoodlern​ @punkgoddess-98​ @black-repunzel99​ @lexondeck​ @mrsstevenbuchananstark​ @lovebishoplosamiguelgalindo​ @amorestevens​ @angelreyesisdaddy04​ @mijagif​ @frattsparty​ @winchestershiresauce​ @bellisperennis0​ @beardburnsupersoldiers​ @mveggieburger​ @thanossexual​ @xeniarocks​ @choochoo284​ @littlekittymeow​ (If you want to be added, let me know!)

After about a week of extremely minimal responses, if not a total lack of them altogether, you found yourself pulling into Hank’s driveway. Things were still relatively new, and you didn’t exactly love the idea of juts turning up at his place, but you were worried. You’d tried to call and message him to let him know that you wanted to come and make sure that he was alright, but you didn’t get an answer. Truthfully, you would’ve preferred to get a message from him saying that he needed space—the radio silence made you nervous.

His bike was parked in the driveway, and you could see that the lights were on inside. It provided comfort that he was at least home, and presumably okay. There was a fleeting thought that maybe you should just take that good news and go home, but you’d already driven all the way out to him. You might as well follow through.

Cutting the ignition on your car, you took a deep breath before getting out. The walk up his driveway felt like it was going on for miles before you finally landed on his front step. The little lamp to the side of his door provided just enough light so that no one would trip going up or down the couple of steps in front of the door.

Before you could talk yourself out of it, you lightly knocked on the front door. Part of you almost hoped that you hadn’t knocked loud enough for him to hear you, and you could just scamper back to your car and drive off unnoticed.

You had no such luck, though. Just as you were about to backpedal away, you heard the sound of the door being unlocked from the other side. Twisting your fingers nervously, you glued your eyes to the ground beneath you as he pulled the door open.

“Hey,” there was a twinge of confusion in his voice, but more than anything he sounded exhausted, “everything alright?”

You forced yourself to meet his eyes, and you immediately realized why you hadn’t been hearing much from him for the last week. His left calf was wrapped in bandages, and his left arm was strapped in a sling. Stepping in closer to him, you fought the urge to pull him into a hug.

“What happened?” you finally asked, after what probably felt like an eternity of you just standing there just staring at him.

“Wiped out on the bike,” he shook his head slightly, “Looks worse than it is.”

“Yea?” you let out a tired chuckle, “Looks pretty bad.”

“It’s not,” his smile was genuine, but tired. He paused, “Are you alright?”

“Yea, I just, um, I got worried…when I didn’t hear from you…” you hated how nervous you felt trying to explain yourself.

He could see that you were nervous, and he couldn’t help but to smile a little bit as he opened the door a little wider and motioned for you to come inside, “I just didn’t want you to get nervous over this.”

“For future reference,” you toed off your shoes and set your purse off to the side, “not seeing you or hearing from you for a week makes me very nervous.”

He chuckled, using his good arm to rake his hand over his head, letting it come to rest on the back of his neck, “Probably should’ve known that.”

“Probably,” you smiled, walking over and getting a better look at his arm and leg in the better lighting of his house, “How you holding up?”

“Can’t ride for a few weeks, but other than that, I’m fine.”

Nodding towards his shoulder, you asked, “What’s going on with the shoulder?”

He sighed and shook his head, “Fucked up my rotator cuff when I hit the pavement.”

“You shouldn’t do that, it hurts,” you chuckled.

“I’ll remember that next time,” the smile on his face was soft, warm despite the discomfort he’d been in for the last week.

“Anything I can help you with?” you asked, looking at him for a moment before looking around his house to see if there was anything that you could do.

He shook his head, “I’m alright, really. I, I should’ve called. Just didn’t want to have to explain all this,” he gestured to all of him.

You laughed, “So was your plan to just avoid me for the next couple of weeks until the sling is gone?”

“So maybe it wasn’t a good plan,” he made his way into the living room and took a seat on the couch, letting out a sigh of relief as he did. The damage done to his leg was minimal, and definitely not permanent, but it was still bothering him if he stood on it for too long.

Walking over, you perched yourself on the edge of the coffee table and looked at the bandages wrapped around his calf, “When’s the last time you changed them?”

He shook his head, “You don’t have to do that. I feel bad that you even felt like you had to drive out here.”

“Well, I’m here,” you chuckled, “might as well make myself useful.”

He could tell by the look in your eye that it wasn’t a debate that he was going to win against you. With a sigh, he nodded towards the bathroom down the hall, “Everything should be out on the counter.”

You nodded as you stood up, “Alright,” leaning over, you kissed him on the cheek before going and grabbing everything for him.

Everything was bundled up in your arms, earning a soft chuckle from Hank as you set everything out on the coffee table and got ready to swap out his bandages. He watched you set everything up so carefully, trying to make it as easy for yourself and for him as possible.

Sitting back down on the edge of the table the way you had before, you pinned your legs together and patted your thigh, “Okay, let’s see if I should’ve been a doctor.”

Hank laughed, shaking his head as he slowly lifted his foot and set it on your leg. Neither of you said anything more as you slowly started to unravel the gauze wrapped around his leg. You wanted to ask Hank if he had been the one wrapping his own leg, because he’d been doing a good job of it if that was the case, but when you looked over at him, he was so fixated on you that you didn’t really want to break the silence. Tossing the old gauze into the garbage can, you started to carefully wipe down the scrapes that were covering his leg. It didn’t look like it was going to be bad enough to scar, but it was going to be inconvenient for a while.

“Good thing your arm didn’t get ripped up like this,” you said as you gently cleaned out the wound, “Would’ve meant a lot of good ink going to waste.”

“Trust me, I thought about that,” he smiled and shook his head.

He cringed and winced a little as you finished disinfecting, but he didn’t give you a hard time about it. Once you were done, you let his leg rest and air out for a moment. Clearly, that wasn’t something that he’d been doing, because he was looking at the pile of supplies expectantly.

“Gotta let it breathe,” you smiled as you rested your hand on his ankle, careful not to touch anywhere that you’d just cleaned.

“Thank you for doin’ this,” he nodded towards his leg, “You really didn’t have to.”

“No, but I wanted to,” you smiled as you picked up a fresh roll of bandages and started to re-wrap his leg. You felt his eyes on you the entire time, but it wasn’t discomforting like you thought it was going to be. You could feel the adoration even though he wasn’t saying anything.

“You know,” he smiled as you secured the wrap, “it hurts a lot less when you do it.”

You smiled and shook your head at him, “Damn, knew I should’ve been a doctor.”

“I’ll make sure to call you next time.”

You shook your head, a smirk beginning to tug at the edges of your lips, “I’d love it if there wasn’t a next time.”

You carefully lifted his leg off of yours before standing up and collecting up all of the things you’d taken from the bathroom. Hank watched you as you recreated your balancing act from not too long before, shaking his head slightly as you disappeared into the bathroom again. The couple minutes of silence that followed as you put everything away left Hank alone with his thoughts in the living room.

He knew that it took a lot for you to follow through and show up. He’d been dying to talk to you, to see you, but he didn’t know how to go about it. There was so much about his life with the club, about his role in everything that they do, that he wasn’t ready to get into yet. He knew that if you knew the real story of what happened to him that day on the bike, it was going to pry open a can of worms that he didn’t want to deal with. Sure, you knew that some things with the club were a little less than legit, but that wasn’t the same as knowing the depth of the issues, the dangers they could bring on. He was too afraid to scare you off, but as he saw you slowly making your way back to the living room, he realized that if he didn’t get his head on right, he was going to run the risk of driving you away regardless.

“Well,” you stood in front of him, a smile on your face, “now that I know you’re alive and sort of in one piece, I’ll let you rest.”

“You can stay, you know,” he offered.

“You sure?”

He nodded, “Yea. I’ve missed you.”

It made you smile, “I’ve missed you too,” you sat down next to him, carefully tucking yourself against his good side.

The two of you slowly shifted into a comfortable position with each other on the couch. You laid your arm across his stomach as you leaned against his chest, careful not to disturb his sling.  You could feel the steadiness of his breathing as your eyes focused on the television. His good arm wrapped around you, and you could feel the hesitancy in his touch as his hand came to rest on your hip. Smiling to yourself, you reached and rested your hand on top of his, wordlessly letting him know that it was alright.

He let out a sigh of relief, giving your hip a light squeeze as he did. There were a few beats of silence between the two of you before you felt him lean down and press a kiss to the top of your head, “Thank you.”

Glancing up at him, you smiled, “Of course. I’ll always take care of you—you just gotta let me.”

He chuckled, “I’ll work on that part.”

“Good,” tilting your chin up, you waited for him to meet you halfway for a kiss.

A quiet laugh slipped past his lips as he did, gently kissing you. Reaching up, you cupped the side of his face in your hand and you felt his entire body relax even further as you did. The warmth emanating from your palm flowed through his entire body and you could feel the smile as it began to tug at his lips while he kissed you.

When you pulled away, you rested your chin on his chest, gazing up at him.

“You should stay tonight,” he smiled at you.

“Yea?” you asked, eyes full of hope.

“Yea,” he nodded, squeezing you tight to his side.

#mayans mc #mayans fx #mayansmc #mayans mc imagine #hank loza #hank loza x reader #hank loza x you #Tranq loza #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc