#but theres enough of it that it isnt nothing

[angellurgy]

all she sees this as is some ploy for attention, well thats not fucking what it is!!! theres no fucking point to any of this it is simply the ramblings of a dying girl screaming out into the void for fucking anything, but nothing is enough, nothing is there, i am a spacial probe sending out signals in the empty black of space and transmitting the nothingness back in turn. i tried. i tried. i was trying. all you see is anger because its easier to latch onto than the sadness. its all a fucking game. i tried. i tried. i tried. youd rather go to a mom thats given up on me than me. youd rather hide any care than do what the girl screams for. trying trying trying but its nothing. nothing. its like you want me to die. when you say all this is is irrational and fake. when you say im lying. when you only notice the sparse times i give anger instead of typical sadness. all you can see is the bad. i tried to be good, to do this right, to not make it a big deal, and all you did was get mad at me. this isnt a sparse event. this is most. i tried i tried i tried

[gingersp1ce547]

So when are we as a society gonna talk about when q!pac was with richarlyson in prison that one time and asked for a cellphone because thats where the power is? When are we gonna talk about how in purgatory 2 he told gauxnim he was gonna take out his organs and eat them like cell, not to long after making out with him? When are we gonna talk about how q!pac still calls q!cellbit queridinho sometimes? When are we gonna talk about how one of those times was laughing while leaving him stranded on that island, another was when reading the notes on him in the resistance base, and another was when q!cellbit confronted him during purg 2?

#*slaps roof of q!pac* this boy can fit so many complex issues in him #something something everyonce and awhile q!pac shows signs of trying to be like/being like q!cell in an attempt to have control #over a situation #and i think thats fascinating in the sense that i can never see q!pac fully comitting to that cycle of abuse #but theres enough of it that it isnt nothing #one day ill make a full analysis of q!pac but that day is not today #qsmp #qpurgatory 2 #celltw #<- i would nessarily say this is a ship post but just to be safe #heroduo #q!pactw

[alpacacare-archive]

the brainworms are kiiling me. have a dad and son 👍︎

#papyrus #gaster #dadster #undertale #theres still not enough papyrus and dadster content where sans isnt present compared to the other way around #what will be enough you ask? well idk the exact amount cus numbers are infinite but yaknow #gaster supports let papyrus say fuck day #i believe he just sucks at parenting so papyrus cussed his whole life #and since gaster found out about the holiday papyrus has been nothing but encouraged by his dad #mostly out of spite towards the people who still believe his son to be 5 years old #im sorry i saw someone refer to papyrus as a prec**s cin***on ro*l and had to do something #my shoulder hurts so bad and drawing and typing worsens it and i have an exam tommorow i need to rest it for and look what im doing. #being silly. #>:[

[subarashiihibi]

my thing about izaya is that he's so strange and weird and i love that so much. i didn't want to ramble too much in the notes of that poor person's post but i find the way he speaks and the words he chooses so interesting so let me ramble a little bit. this may or may not even be coherent so bear with me here im just going to speak my thoughts.

ok this got really fucking long and all over the 0place so im putting this under a read more sorry.

so i have volume 9 of the novel in both english and japanese. i only have two novels in japanese and that is this one and yuuyake wo. so i'm pretty crazy about this izaya speech analysis shit. anyways i was rereading thru the jp ver the other day just to compare it to the eng and i kinda realized that like.

a lot of people you can separate their speech in either formal and informal speech right? someone like shizuo speaks really informally and uses a lot of rough, dragged-out versions of words and stuff (しゃーねえ vs しょうがない) and then someone like shinra who speaks in a ton of yojijukugo and generally sounds like a nerd emoji gijinka.

izaya on the other hand rly... doesn't fit in either? i mean sure he sounds like another nerd emoji gijinka but it's kinda different. it's not so much the words he speaks but rather the intonation and his tone...

and he has his moments where he speaks pretty seriously and whatnot of course, but in general he just... doesn't sound very human when he speaks? i don't know if that's a conscious effort or not. is it his attempts at distancing himself from his own individual humanity? or is it just because he's a weird guy? i dunno. but it's interesting nonetheless.

one thing i will note though is that despite his somewhat inhuman speech patterns, it's also pretty...dramatic? to the extent where it's really exaggerated but also very cute and charming. (this part is important.)

i think a lot of what makes izaya's speech so weirdly inhuman is because he doesn't really use a lot of slang or similar lingo that people his age would typically use. i know mikado said in the novels that he doesn't really try to fit in with his age group's fashion sense either so it makes sense but still. he's like an old hag it's so funny. and it's because of that that when he says stuff like 'i don't get all hot and heavy over headless women' or whatever he said to celty it's really amusing to me because like... why is the strange man saying this?💀

another example i kinda giggled about on my twitter when i read it it's not even crazy and i sound corny and cheesy and stupid but theres this scene in vol 9 where izaya messages celty for business and hold on let me just put it as a quote.

he sounds so old saying 'video game' like 😭 idk it's just funny cause he barely even knows anything abt games like bro knows nothing im crying

in the jp hes like 「…ゲーム中なのかい？」 and then when celty tries to explain herself he says 「何を言ってるのか、良く解らないんだけど」 and im rly bad at tling parts of sentences and stuff but just know that the way he words it makes it sound like this gif to me

i love both versions i think the original jp makes him sound like hes so lost and confused (hence why pw gif cause lord that man always looks lost LMFAOOOO) and then eng tl just blunt ass "I don't know what you're talking about." makes him sound like full on hag 😭😭😭

OMFG WAIT I HAVE TO MENTION THIS FUCKING SCENE WITH SHINRA ITS SO FUNNY.

first i think it's funny the translation has izaya say fuck here cause he very rarely swears and i did read this one thing about how he only swears when his mask slips so to me this is like genuine bewilderment that he cant even hide LOL. second why is he so excited to hear about 'whatever sexual fetish' shinra has im crying he's so damn nosy . okay but this is not the funniest part let me add that now.

???

ehy the hell is izaya orihara talking about foot fetishes???😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 im crying bruh i was so flabbergasted when i read this i was like WHAT did he just say? he says it in the jp ver too which just makes it even funnier. this goes back to what i said earlier but i always get so amused when izaya has something to say about sex or whatever cause he's so fucking weird and unsettling why does he know that

(i mean i also get so hard i nearly pass out thinking about izaya tlaking about sex but thats probably just a thing with my heart condition and stuff)

oh also another scene i think is really cute and amusing and funny is back when shinra was first still trying to get izaya to form the bio club w him.

1. shinra is funny as fuck in this scene but also izaya's "Hmm. Can I punch you?" made me havbe a good laugh. in the jp he says 「んー。殴ってもいいのかな？」 which is pretty much the same thing just with the intonation of like 'hmmmmmmmmm should i hit u or not...' sorry like i said im just bad w explaining this stuff. but i felt the need to point it out not cause im one of those annoying ppl who praise the original jp ver and reject translations and localizations i just think it's important for izaya specifically cause i love him and i want to analyze his speech patterns as best as i can.

i was going thru the novel just now for other stuff i wanted to mention and i forgot abt this part but it's so funny.

'Let's not get hasty. Type calmly, please.' its not even funny or nothing i just find it so amusinf whenever he talks like that💀 i will say though the english translation kind of makes him sound more weird and inhuman than the original. that line in the original was basically just him telling her she needs to calm down enough to at least type properly LOL. idk if im just being nitpicky cause this is izaya tho so feel free to ignore that. fwiw i like the eng tl bc while it's a different intonation than the original japanese ver i think if he did speak english it would probably sound smth like that anyways.

this too made me laugh like ??? seriously he is really nosy when it comes to people's intimate affairs. in the jp ver he calls them an 'intimate couple' which just is like .. ok bro💀

does anyone else see my vision of izaya getting cucked by celty (does it count as cucking when celtys the one dating shinra) while he looks sad and pathetic and miserable that he never decided to shoot his shot w shinra back in the day

if i were commenting on the actual stuff going on in this scene rn this post would be a lot olonger and even more terribly all over the place so im just gonna focus on how i think it's funny izaya says 'easy, man...' this is like one of the only times his words are somewhat natural and sound like smth you would hear someone else say. in the jp ver it's 「おいおい…」 which is somewhat less out of left field in terms of coming from izaya but still it's pretty surprisingly normal. i have to wonder if in that moment he's too worried about shinra to care about keeping up appearances.

this is just random and me making fun of izaya as usual but why the hell does he weigh himself after his showers💀💀💀 it's cute and endearing and only adds to his strong gap moe but still... it's strange...

speaking of cute things this is from a volume i forget but he says this one phrase a couple of times and it is just both really cute and also kind of idk... saddening. one of the times i can remember he says it is when namie was making fun of him or something and he replies 'Don't tease me. I'm only human.' or something along those lines and it's like . hm. ok.

i think it's cute he says 'dont tease me' a few times cause eughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (trying to ward off severe brain damaged incoherent thoughts) but 'im only human' is like... are you really? even after you try so hard to escape your own humanity and individual self so much... im going to try and give my thoughts on it here but this is just based off my hc that izaya has bpd so yanno. im basing a lot oif this on my own experiences sorry. i do that a lot. (gestures over to all the posts i make abt fob/mychem fan izaya)

when it comes to just straight up acknowledging his humanity izaya has no problems with this because 'sure, i'm human. isn't that obvious?' is probably something along the lines of what he thinks. it's easy for him to just say that because it's just that. it's just words. it holds no real meaning and shows no true insight into how he actually perceives himself. but when it comes to actually having to come face to face with his own humanity and the fact that yes, he is only human, it's a lot more difficult because now it's out of his control. i wonder also if he has problems with perceiving his own self.

i say this a lot but i truly do believe izaya is so so so beautiful and i love him so much. also i just saw a funny post on twitter so i wanna say this here idk if yall know this but izayas actually a latina hes got chismosavirus❤ ok thats all i have to say sorry for rambling so much

#my media literacy suddenly skyrockets when it comes to izaya #anything else im like zzzzzzzzzz as soon as its time to talik abt izaya im like I'M UP !!!! 💯💯💯💯 #but ya this isnt meant to be like anything crazy or nothing i just felt like talking abt izaya and some stuff in particular i found amusing #sorry if i sound stupid in some spots im trying not to just add 20 skull emojis or crying emojis and make fun of him #it's either that or im trying not to sexualize him #it's a battle. it's prety hard. #theres a REALLY easy joke i could make there but im not going to . im gonna be mature . #ok sorry thats all i dont have enough energy to think anymroe #i started new meds today and my heartds feeling a little funny so imight die after posting this</3

[sparring-spirals]

oh. so. this dream and this vision and this exchange after and everything that has been building to here.

All that rage, all that desperation, Imogen's knowledge that Liliana's judgement is flawed and searching for any reason to understand, searching for a way to bring her out of it. Bring her back.

"Show me" and she does and.

Its- beautiful, its wonderful. Its the unmaking of the world and of history and it feels- so good. For a moment Imogen feels something she hasn't for YEARS. A life and a possibility and a future full of peace she hasnt had for ages, hasnt even bothered hoping for. For a moment, Imogen sees it, but more importantly- she feels it- the freedom, the peace, the dream. Stronger than any vision. She sees it. She feels it.

And she wakes up, and she- unknowingly, perfectly, mirrors her own mothers words, looks around, asks- did you see it? Did you all see that? (I wish you all could see what I could see-)

They didn't- of course they didn't. They saw Liliana, too far gone, spouting nonsense, they saw her reach out, they saw the refusal to listen to reason. They did not see the vision. (They couldn't have. Even if they'd seen it- would they have understood? How could they? No beautiful vision would have captured the thing that left the awe in Imogen's lungs- the peace. The freedom. The finality of, finally, finally, being free of this gift that has only been a curse.)

They didn't see the vision. They saw their friend, tapped on the forehead after hopeless pleas. They've been seeing their friend make further and further excuses for someone they know is a danger, someone siding with people they are working so hard against. That has hurt them. They've seen the way she can't quite denounce Liliana. They've hedged around it: If she's not on our side, will you be okay- You know if she's not on our side, we'll have to-

They've been watching. They're seeing plenty. They did not see the vision. They couldn't have.

They saw a fruitless conversation. They saw their friend rebuffed by someone she loves. They saw her wake up with a strange kind of light in her eyes and- say.

What if its not so bad? (The world ending. Half of the world being eaten. Innocent lives lost. Our loved ones cut down for a fever dream and delusions of power and grandeur. Us, cut down, for some stupid plot for a moon and petty revenge against the gods and a desire to end the world.) They've been watching her, make halfhearted arguments, sidle away. Make increasingly desperate excuses. Ask: What if.

(Its so easy to ask, what if. Its so dangerous. Sometimes the if is used to hide away lives and lives of collateral, of blood red loss. Sometimes the if has already been answered and paid for, and the act of asking is its own form of violence, all over again.)

"Well Imogen, I wish my family didn't have to die for her brighter tomorrow."

And the way Imogen collapses, a little- presses her face into her hands and crumples under the weight of the reminder, like voices piling in after weeks of being in blissful quiet in a forest. Like reality breaking in after a beautiful dream. "You're right. I'm sorry. You're right."

"I swear, I wanna see this through, I do."

"She just presented this vision of- it didn't seem so bad."

And the Bells try to help, to be kind. They say: We understand why this must be hard for you. She's someone you love, its hard to deal with them thinking a different way. What did you see?

They are trying so hard, to reason through it, to balance their own hurt with kindness and sound arguments to lead her back. They want so badly, to lead her back. Have her back.

The problem however, is not the soundness of the argument, is not the reason or the logic- but the overwhelming allure of that sensation- of that promise- of the hope- of the ideal. Of a mirage that already drew Liliana in. That is pulling Imogen's gaze, despite. Despite, despite, despite.

Hope is such a tricky thing to kill.

#okay theres like three metas here i kind of wanted to write but it turned into one frankenstein one bc i need to sleep #critical role #c3e49 #cr liveblogging #character meta #imogen temult #bell's hells #liliana temult #the three things here are something like: imigen is compromised in the way the trope of duty bound people going 'im compromised' when they #love someone- THIS is that THIS is the compromise in judgement #2 is that all discussion about flawed reasoning is- not the point. so wholly not the point. imogen is not chasing the reasoning. neither is #liliana. imogen and liliana and probably others have the sensation- have the hope- have the mirage- have a promise (they cant have) #the reasoning twists itself from there. this is how cults work! this is how like! irl dangerous idealogies work! this is why something #technically making sense CANNOT BE ENOUGH FOR A PERSON TO FALL IN LINE bc humans can reason /anything/ if the purpose is strong enough #imogen KNOWS the reasoning isnt sound. shes not convinced by the reasoning. shes hoping and her reasoning is being swayed bc of it. #she apologizes to orym. shes caught up in a sensation #3 is that the bells are so worried and i havw so many feelings about it bc they want to help her they want her to see reason #but theyre so short on time. and this hurts /them/ too. to need to defend this. explain this. at a point they need to prioritize themselves #the mission. their own emotional comfort. they need to know when- when is a lost cause and when isnt. theyve already been worried. at a #certain point- what can you do? this has nothing to do with reason. if emotional appeals wont work- what can you do. #uagahaguagahaghghgg #okay i need to sleep #im going to continue yelling tomorrow and then finish watching this convo and watch the ashton laud convo and YELL MORE #imogen meta #my meta #speculation

[snickerdoodlles]

there's a lot of things people blame for why fandoms feel like ghost towns these days, but no one's really talked about the way discord's contributing to it

#its like #people are trying to force fit discord's chatrooms into forum boards #except discord is just. really really *really* poorly setup for that #and theres no way to archive or share it so everything said in it is easily lost despite personal export or community pins or search option #and like #vaguely hearing about the way some people are unsatisfied with them/feeling unfufilled in the response to them #a lot of people would be better off posting those things to places like tumblr #where there isnt a time limit on when people see or respond to them #part of what's scary/frustrating on tumblr rn is some fandoms arent good about reblogging to posts or tag rambling #like with bad buddy a large part of the fun was the enthusiastic and in depth tag rambles and the way responses built on each other #vs something like kinnporsche which feels much more like-oriented #like? its not like theres any one way to fandom #and there's nothing actually wrong with likes or quiet reblogs #but vaguely hearing about the way some people were/are really upset with some servers im just kinda like #idk #feels a bit like people trying to force a square thru a circle or that they're looking in the wrong spaces for what they want #.......this is not a complaint for my space ajkds i think i've carved out a pretty happy space for myself! #im just checking the reblog graphs of some old vs new stuff and thinking about a convo other cookie and i were having over the weekend #i have a lot of friends around and i love everyone who's happy to ramble with me #but i do feel a slight case of DM burnout rn where mostly people reach out to me via DMs instead of reblogs #which is a very different dynamic #its like. hmmm words #i love DMs but the pressure of responding to a lot of individual messages #vs something like reblogs which is more open forum for everyone and feels more communal #if that makes sense? #the difference between visiting one person at home vs casually hanging out with a group at a cafe #and the lovely thing about tumblr specifically is that i can set down a reblog chain for several days if i need #before returning to it later when i have more time/energy #its got Longevity that discord lacks u know #........okay enough tag musings from me ajkfhjdgfhj BYE

[plasticsandwich]

in other news i can play the drums again

#though the set isnt much its SO SO SO enough. so much better than nothing dkndbs #if im not completely dogass after not playing for years maybe ill try some drum covers. or the like #theres at least a dozen songs i wanna play smsnsb #diary

[b1ird]

tfw you come back to your home after being framed for a murder and faking your death to escape to a different country, keeping truth about you away from your family and friends, including your partner who's a bad liar, but now that you're back things can go back to normal...right?

#me thinks bross angst should been a thing give me consequences of well intentioned decisions #give me conflicted brosh being happy maria is alive but wishing she hadnt come back #after all that time of grieving he was finally moving on and now out of the blue she's back like nothing happened #he understands why he wasn't told but the hurt is still there the grief is still there #to others she was alive but to him she was dead forever so what was the point of this pain? it isn't fair #give me conflicted maria being understanding of brosh having trouble wrapping his head around this situation #but feeling frustrated over him...acting like this..she didnt want this to happen in the first place she had no choice but to leave #she's back so why are others still sad? do they wish she had stayed dead? she isnt a ghost anymore!! it was hard for her too!! #shes back but theres a rift between everyone...this wasnt supposed to happen...this isn't fair #enough of me being emo here #b1irds pencil #fma #fullmetal alchemist #maria ross #denny brosh #fma maria #fma brosh #fma denny #bross #maria x denny #denny x maria #fma ship

[strwbrymlkshake]

who up praying for downfalls 🤨

#mine #yandere #yancore #yandere vent #oh my god have i got some things to say. ooohhuuoouugh buddy #its not even my own situation this isnt even related to me. but im being a nice upstanding young man and venting abt it instead of invoking #the curse of ra. wishing someone dies is such a good coping mechanism fr because instead of thinking about it forever i can move on with #my life. and its great! but oouuuh theres something wrong with that huh. and oh my god. this issue is so fucked but i cant explain it in #a heartfelt and meaningful way. so imagine someone is religiously devoted to a guy and their mental anguish stems from jealousy or fear #of abandonment. and they are internally tormented about that forever. and just because they dont fit your definition of whats right #youre all like Hey you know that guy that means everything to them. how about we take him for ourselves solely bc this person #this suffering person whose life depends on him- who acts like that BECAUSE they are suffering- you think they deserved to be punished for #their traumas? their guilt and pain and anguish? you are no better than whatever you think they are. #i dont think this even makes sense cause im vague on purpose. this sounds like a situation from the bible i think #idk i didnt read it. anyways im skipping and frolicking in my cradle of hatred that fills me with warmth and delight #its not required that people are nice or respectful when their lives have been wretched thanks to people like YOU #but i hope their devotion never wavers due to people who hate their happiness. its not like those people matter anyway #if youre meant to be with your Guy and you love him enough then nothing else matters at that point. its all a test #die a martyr for your own romantic ideologies or whatever satou matsuzaka said #this is literally the equivalent of like. a mother cat adopts a kitten that isnt hers bc her own kin are all dead. she protects this kitten #with her entire life. and her whole being. and hisses growls bites at anyone that comes close to it. and some human teens are like #we should take that kitten solely because the mother cat loves it so much that shes willing to get violent for it. #because its not very niceys of her to harass those who want to take away the only thing she has left! oh noes!! #like shut the fuck up dawg. if that cat mauls someone for getting too close to her baby then mind your own goddamn business #clearly they did not grow up italian 💀 #clearly they did not grow up with nothing being their own. nothing being sacred. no desire to protect anything #anyways yanderes i love you. you are fr so easy to be around and you should never change for anyone. i mean maybe take some therapist #advice here and there in case your devotion makes you suffer but OTHERWISE!!! dont feel bad about being a hater!!! protect what is yours #and i will respect it so hard i swear to god. its not that difficult to treat your devotion with the kindness it deserves. #if a disrespectful teen tries to steal your kitten then ill help you beat them to death with a shovel idc

[sharkjumpers]

aughhhh (clutches my cursed eye.)

#Sorry to vent on tumblr but i have nowhere else to talk right now: #i was doing so good in school but ive taken a steep decline and it feels like everything is Over and i'm failing. its literally just three #classes. all i can do all day is cry and stare at the wall and i dont feel like anything really at anything i do. i dont know what to do an #its killing me. Im gonna do something that lands me on national television. im in pain all day and have a migraine every day and when i don #im busy sobbing the rest of the time. i know its just because its that time of the year but that doesnt really help me at all. im trying my #hardest and it still isnt enough. Wat am i supposed to do. Theyre putting me down tomorrow. #i have not felt this bad in a while and its not Nice and I Dont Like it and I cant pull myself up. i cry as soon as i wake up. Who is #putting me through some matt murdock depressive episode simulator. #i need help but theres nothing anyone can help with and i dont want to be here* #*here meaning the state i live in. #i am so Alone here. #i feel little and stupid

[redstrewn]

I got rien by etat libre d'orange and it smells like a damn church but if it isnt smoky and reeks of death so im calling it an ais scent now

Edit: nahh this is kuras's clinic with ais in it rather than ais himself

Tho i wonder if the seaspring could smell like a church bc of all the smokiness

#redstrewn talks #its described unisex but this shit is the most masculine shit i ever smelt #rien means nothing and if it isnt what ais is up to. fuck all. LMFAO #on the other hand bc this makes me feel like im making out with an ancient priest this scent could also be the lovechild of ais and kuras #call that the kuras clinic with ais in it #i got this bc of recs online but if i arent struggling to hell w enjoying it #apparently listed as not good for beginners to perfume. i can attest to that bc i fr feel like im fucking a priest smelling this. #real kuras-ais-unnamed scent #its ok as long as i imagine ais and kuras enough i'll probably end up liking this fragrance #my skill is taking sth i initially hate and brainwashing myself into liking it #i did smell the other eldo scents in-store but they kind of BORED me compared to rien #i hate smelling a church but it definitely did not bore me so i took it anyway #that kind of sums things up. id rather take something i hate than something that bores me #bc then at least theres an emotional spark there

[hobbinch]

You Put That Abuse-Related Term Back In Its Proper Context or So Help Me

#typically i like to be a bit gentler when i explain the fact that Trauma Bonding isnt a mutual relationship that develops when 2 people #are going through the same trauma #but ive seen it misused so many times in a row today that i underwent a painful looking jeckyl/hyde style transformation into a bitch #like nothing personal against ppl who misuse it since theres SO much incorrect useage #but its gotten bad enough that people who have actually been trauma bonded to an abuser dont realize they have that language #to describe their experiences #its almost as bad as the dilution of the word trigger and i personally see it misued more often than Trigger #i dont think that m #which is a huge sample bias thkng since most ppl i talk to have ptsd but like #but like still means SOMETHING as an observation #i think a lot of ppl who use it incorrectly would love to know the correct definition #but theres just enough ppl in the world who hate being corrected by acquaintances that i still often keep it to myself

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ever sit like a corpse in your own body? #im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we #deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to #give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway. #who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in #the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when #projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing #dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will #ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do #something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r #stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even #then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a #broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what? #lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything #done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i #think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with #thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno #whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is #hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse #but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday #unrelated

[eebie]

j think my parents are cool w me taking a gap year . if i do im gonna spendit completely dedicated 2 improvin my art skills

#ill see if theres any animation camps or anuthing #stuff thatll get me out n doing stuff #or once i get my liscence i can go out whervere n just sit and draw from life #like jamie hewlett he spent a whole year drawing nothing but trees #i feel the fire burning in my heart 4 this😤😤😤this isnt just talk … i wanna do this And it’ll be a shittload of work butill do it #i want to be good enough !!! i need to be knockin socks off !!! auuugguuaaaa!!! #and maybestart a yt or somethig #idk. ive been told multiple times by diff people that i should start one #idk what vidoes id make though #maybe sketchbook tours and speedpaints or smn

[featherymainffins]

I agree with this one Youtube guy's opinion on Kung-Fu Panda 4 but I feel like I am losing respect for him by the minute for unrelated reasons called "He showed his chart of movie antagonists and has Ken in the cringe tier, which does imply several things about the way he sees the Barbie movie and its themes. Also he has Adam (Hazbin) in the same tier."

On the other hand I am not sure if putting them in cringe means he thinks the characters are cringe, which like...yeah ok that'd be completely fair, or if it means that their usage as antagonists is cringe, in which case my previous statement applies like booo go home I don't want what you're cooking you don't get it you'll never get it.

Also he has a special super tier for Jack Horner which is giving him some plus points because big agree that was a real damn good narrative tool yeah.

#its like....yeah ok....but....pls....you need to consider #like in Barbies case id go to bat for the narrative significance and the usage of the characters as tools for the job assigned #in Hazbin's case id pull out a corkboard full of nothing but character design points. im not even playing the narrative card in here #theres no use for that card. well there is but it isnt effective enough for it to stand on its own legs. a corkboard #full of my ramblings about the designs is more effective i think. more unhinged as well. me rolling up to the place like #'accccctually the robe is a frat boy jacket in all aspects but physical which should not even be possible therefore this characters slays' #dont test me id go to bat for all the designs in the show ill die on that hill ill kill on that hill ill nuke all other hills #which is really funny because i actually dont have much to say in terms of the actual plot im just here like 'the colour design and the #character designs in general are a total slay that i could talk about for 5 hours straight. so is the music.' #and ill be real subjectively i dont really like a lot of the music. from a technical and narrative standpoint tho?

[salmonentrees]

i've started an unrequited radiostatic fic for those who partake! featuring vox being pathetic and evil, alastor being a huge egocentric prick, and the entire pride ring having to deal with their not-sexual-not-romantic-but-some-other-and-weirder-thing shit.

#hazbin hotel #radiostatic #ah theres a tag for it when its unrequited now isnt there #onewaybroadcast #vox hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #anyway! nothing too wild in the first chapter. mostly just an innnnnntroduction. a prologue. a taster. just saying hello to our lovely vox #well thats enough self-promotion for the day! im going to go listen to the soundtrack again i think