#but the way he 'said' some really insightful shit and also dropped some really nonsensical rancid comments randomly in the middle of it. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ahtsumu · 3 years

Text

long shots ; miya osamu

pairing: miya osamu x f!reader

synopsis: miya osamu is the teacher’s assistant for food chemistry i. you can’t stop thinking about him.

tag(s): college!au, slow burn, TA!miya osamu, grad student!reader, fluff, reader is a go-getter!! ; warning(s): profanity, suggestive themes, talk of insecurities and imposter syndrome ; wc: 5.6k

a/n: happy birthday to @starrysamu! i love u. pls excuse any errors. i’ll weed them out later! btw this fic is not a sugar daddy au LOL

HIS NAME IS Miya Osamu and he always looks like he has it all figured out. Comes in every class with his black hair perfectly tousled, the sleeves of his dark button-up rolled to his elbows, a cup of coffee in one hand and the strap of that black messenger bag in another.

“He drives a BMW, did ya know?” Isla says in your ear one morning. Your only friend in Food Chemistry I gives you a pointed look before sitting back in her chair in the lecture hall with a smirk on her face. “Saw it this morning. Bet he’s loaded.” The two of you watch the subject in question walk across the classroom and settle in his seat at the table in the corner.

“Shut up,” you whisper with wide eyes. A grin–– far from innocent–– makes its way onto your face. “Imagine being Miya Osamu’s sugar baby.”

“He’s not old enough to be a sugar daddy.” Isla looks at her nails disinterestedly. “And that’s too many AUs in one. He’s already the TA, for god’s sake. This isn’t some shitty Wattpad novel.”

A light giggle slips out of your lips. “I can see the title already. My Sugar Daddy is the TA?!”

Now, if anyone had been listening in on your conversation, they would’ve assumed many things about you. The first being that you’re both gold-diggers. This is untrue–– at least, in your case. Isla, you’re not so sure about, given how your friendship only goes back about one month. But she tags you in memes on Instagram so maybe it’s as real as real gets. Their second assumption would be that you have a big fat crush on your TA. That one’s complicated, mostly because it’s true, but only kinda. It all started in the second week of school when Isla caught you staring at Osamu and slipped you a post-it note with both your initials encircled in a heart. And, because you’re shameless with a good sense of humour, you made a show of kissing it while she was looking. And thus began your meaningless but incredibly entertaining, satirical, co-written fantasy about Miya Osamu.

It also didn’t help that on the first essay you got back, Isla’s paper had been marked up with “are you sure?”s and “this is a jump”s, while yours had “excellent reasoning” and “insightful analysis”. You’d even gotten a little comment at the bottom: y/n, fantastic work. you should speak up in class more often. –– OM

But Miya Osamu doesn’t play favourites because the next week you’d gotten another essay back, this time with another comment at the bottom: y/n, not your best work. you could’ve done better by connecting your first paragraph with the second using grant’s reading. conclusion lacked punch, too. all the best. –– OM

Every time you’d read the words scrawled in blue ink, you’d felt a pair of eyes on you. But you chalk it up to Osamu being a careful grader. A good TA. Someone who cares about his students.

Isla calls bullshit on that. You’re not really sure how to feel about her stance.

The classroom door opens and shuts again. You don’t have to look at your phone to know that it’s nine on the dot. Instead, you and Isla straighten your backs, pull out your notebooks, and focus. Your no-nonsense professor says “good morning” in her usual perky manner before jumping right into her keynote presentation.

“Did you all find the reading okay?” Professor Lee asks an hour into the lecture.

A chorus of “yes”s fill the air. You bite your lip, wondering if revealing that you didn’t understand shit will out you as the class idiot. Or maybe your silence is telling enough–– maybe the people in the seats beside you have noticed the grimace on your face and are having thoughts like ‘gee whiz, am I glad I’m not dumb like her’. Heat rushes to your cheeks. Sometimes you really wonder if you’re smart enough to be here. Occurrences like these do nothing to dispel your insecurities.

You vaguely hear her ask something like, “Any thoughts about the reading?” It’s not that you’re actually dumb. It’s just that this class is ridiculously hard for an introductory course, even for a graduate programme. From the start of the semester til now, fifteen people have dropped the class. There’s just twenty of you left. Guess a ridiculously hot TA can’t save a course’s drop-rate.

Before you can make your mind up on what to say, your professor moves on from her question.

As you look off to the side of the room for a break from your thoughts, you find a pair of blue-grey eyes pointed in your direction.

Everything about you, from the expression on your face to the way your muscles tense, makes you look like a deer caught in headlights–– even though he was the one caught staring in the first place. So maybe your shamelessness works on a scale.

Miya Osamu lifts one corner of his mouth.

And as if the exchange hadn’t happened at all, he looks back down at his laptop and continues typing.

The rest of the lecture goes through one ear and out the other.

“Everyone, I believe Osamu has something he wants to say,” Professor Lee says as everyone begins packing their bags.

The raven-haired TA slides out of his seat and sits on top of his desk. “Yeah.” Osamu clears his throat and crosses his arms over his chest. You notice how the muscles in his arms bulge from the movement.

“Whipped,” Isla mutters, grinning mischievously.

“Him for me,” you whisper back, though your eyes do travel back to his face where they should’ve been all along. Osamu catches your gaze and holds it. And then he looks away again.

“Now, I know you’re all Nobel prizewinners in the making,” he begins, garnering a round of snickers and giggles from your classmates. Most people say that cliques dissolve in college. That there’s no such thing as popularity amongst graduate students. That much, you agree with. But no one ever said anything about popular teacher’s assistants. Especially smart, attractive, witty teacher’s assistants like Miya Osamu. “But in case you didn’t understand the reading or would like to develop a deeper understanding of it, don’t hesitate to email me. I’ll try to host a review session all of us can attend.”

Professor Lee smiles appreciatively at Osamu, adding, “That’s a wonderful idea, Osamu. Guys, please take this opportunity if you struggled with the reading. I know eighty pages is a lot, but our next three classes are structured around the concepts in the reading and the mid-term next week will almost exclusively be about it, too.”

Well, shit.

To: [email protected]

Hi Osamu,

I was wondering if I could get some help with the reading from last class. To be frank, I couldn’t make it past page 15 and I’m lost like a snot-faced five-year-old in a shopping mall on Black Friday. Sorry. Thanks in advance!

Regretfully,

Y/N

MS Candidate

College of Agriculture and Life Sciences

Haikyuu University

From: [email protected]

no problem. is 5 pm tomorrow at jack’s okay? we start on the concepts from the reading next class so i want to get you up to speed asap. let me know. thanks.

PhD Candidate

College of Agriculture and Life Sciences

Haikyuu University

It’s five minutes to five when you pull into the parking lot of Jack’s Diner. The shiny, retrofuturistic eatery is a university favourite but the empty parking lot tells you it’s completely deserted right now (and rightfully so–– who eats dinner before six?). The black BMW parked a few spots from your car, however, says that you’re not alone.

Osamu’s figure comes into view as you reach for the handle to the front door of Jack’s. The twenty-six-year-old sits by himself at one of the bright red tables in the back, typing away on his dark grey laptop.

His head lifts up at the sound of the opening door. Osamu calls out your name and waves you over.

“Hi,” you greet with a smile, sitting down across from him.

“Hey.”

You look around before leaning forward on the table. “Is anyone else coming?”

“No.” Osamu sits back in his seat. “I thought about hosting one big group, but then I realised that it’d probably be stressful for the staff here.” He nods his head in the direction of the kitchen. “And I had a hunch that everyone would have different questions. Forcing everyone to review concepts they already know is a waste of time.”

At first, you nod. That makes sense. But then you furrow your brows. “So how long have you been here?”

Osamu blinks. He hadn’t expected you to ask about him. “Hmm? Oh.” He taps his phone to check the time. “Just a while.”

Quirking a brow, you ask, “And how long is ‘a while’ to you?”

“Seven hours,” he admits, chuckling lightly when he sees your jaw drop. “A lot of people had questions. They just don’t act like they do. Anyway, time flies. Really, it does.” Quickly, he clears his throat and sits forward. “So, about your email.” He grins. “Not sure if you meant it to be funny, but it was.”

“I’m glad my distress was entertaining for you. Do you TA just to watch grad students suffer?”

“Perks of the job,” Osamu says. His grin widens when you giggle. He’s never heard you laugh before and he realises at that moment that it’s really nice. And then that same grin falters. Gracefully, of course, and imperceptibly to you. But not to him. Is it okay for him to be… thinking things like that? About a student? But you’re not really his student since he’s just the TA. Right? Osamu ignores the weird feeling that comes over him and clasps his hands together at the edge of his laptop. “Back to your email. Can ya tell me what you’re confused about?”

Three hours and two Impossible Burgers later, you suddenly understand everything about food molecules so well that you wonder why you’d even been confused in the first place. But besides that, you’ve also picked up things about Osamu. As a person and not an idea. Not that you’d been actively searching for fun facts about your TA. But they’d stuck to your brain like gum at the bottom of a desk. He likes to slip sarcastic quips into a conversation every now and then. Eats burgers upside down (“The right way,” as he’d said, smirking). Is friendlier than he looks.

“You’re really good at explaining things,” you comment as Osamu shuts his laptop closed.

“Well, I kinda have to be,” he says. And maybe it’s the mental fatigue catching up on him or the fact that he’s real fond of the reason why he can break big concepts down into morsels but suddenly, the rest of his thoughts spill out his mouth like wine. “I have a twin brother with potato salad for brains.”

“Oh?”

And before he can stop himself, he tells you about Miya Atsumu, the pro-athlete you’ve definitely heard of but never gave too much thought. And then you hold onto the fact that they were both on the volleyball team and you ask of which school, so then he tells you about Inarizaki, the high school he attended, and then his decision not to go pro to go to college, and then––

“Sorry,” he laughs, cheeks turning pink. “You probably didn’t need to hear all that.”

“No, it’s fine,” you say–– and you mean it. “Your life is interesting.”

Osamu leans back in his chair. “Well, I’m sure yours is, too.” He holds your gaze like it’s the key to your presence. It’s an invitation. The kind that comes from people who don’t really know if they want you around but also don’t want you gone.

You take it.

Osamu shouldn’t–– he really shouldn’t–– but he wonders about the things you didn’t tell him the entire drive home.

Isla laughs when you tell her about what happened at Jack’s. You lay in bed with your phone next to you on speaker, your face turned on your pillow so that you’re staring out the window at the city below.

“He wants you,” she sings.

“Or he was just being nice.”

“Methinks not!” Isla giggles. “He’s intrigued, girl! You’re like that cute little new mystery in his life and he just wants to get to know you.”

“I think he was just being polite.”

“Or he’s crushing on you!”

“In your dreams.”

“You mean yours? Boo, you’re no fun today. Usually, you go along with the jokes.” Isla’s tone is playful on the surface but full of implications.

A few silent seconds pass. Yeah, you think, agreeing. I do.

“Girl,” Isla drags out the word in a high pitch, saying it like a scientist says ‘eureka’. “You’re not playing along anymore because it’s real now. You're actually catching feelings!”

“Am not!” you laugh.

“The Y/N I knew would’ve said ‘nah, bitch, he’s catching feelings’ and I think that says all there is to say.”

“Okay, I think he’s cute but it’s not a crush,” you concede, grinning. “And he’s the TA, Isles. It’d never happen.”

“Not while he’s still a TA in a class you take.”

“Isla.”

“Ask him out once this semester ends! Unless you’re chicken.”

“I’m not asking him out.”

“Knew you were––”

“Have you seen me? He’s asking me out.”

Miya Osamu walks through the door at eight-fifty as usual that next morning, dressed in his usual button-up, holding his usual cup of coffee. But this time, as the rest of his tall frame passes through the doorway, Osamu’s eyes subtly scan the faces in the lecture hall, lingering for just a while over yours. The corners of your lips turn up. You hope he saw that.

“Bitch!” Isla whisper-screams. The students sitting around you turn around at the noise and grin at each other when they realise it’s just Isla being… well, Isla. She shoos them away jokingly.

“What?” you whisper back.

“Care to explain why our TA was literally eye-fucking you?”

“That was hardly eye-fucking,” you retort. “Maybe like an eye-handshake.”

“Yeah, a naked eye-handshake where his thang is handshaking your––”

He does it again the next class.

And the next.

And then he doesn’t. Miya Osamu walks through the door to Food Chemistry I at eight-fifty in the morning in a navy blue button-up with a cup of coffee in his hand and looks through the rows of seats in the lecture hall for your face, only to find it missing.

He debates pressing the matter.

To: [email protected]

hey osamu,

i wasn’t in class today because i’ve been sick with the flu (no big deal, just feel like i’m dying). a classmate sent me pictures of the slides from today so i think i should be fine, but is it okay if i email you with any questions? thank you very much!

miserably,

Y/N

MS Candidate

College of Agriculture and Life Sciences

Haikyuu University

From: [email protected]

y/n,

of course. sorry to hear that you’re sick. let me know if i can do anything to help you. the midterm is next week. get well soon.

PhD Candidate

College of Agriculture and Life Sciences

Haikyuu University

“You writing that the midterm is next week did not offer me any peace of mind, by the way,” you say, spinning around in your chair as Miya Osamu enters your pod in the library.

He offers you a wry grin. “Hello to ya, too.”

“Was that an accent?” You thought you’d heard one at Jack’s, but you couldn’t be sure because it’d been so spotty.

Osamu slips into the seat beside yours and pulls out the laptop in his messenger bag. You catch a whiff of his cologne–– something spicy and woody, but clean. It suits him. “Nice catch. Yeah, I speak a regional dialect. Took me a while to smooth it over but it still resurfaces every now and then.”

“Why?”

“It just didn’t seem fitting for a PhD candidate, I guess,” Osamu explains, opening the slides from the class you missed. A day after your initial exchange, you’d emailed him again (with a much clearer mind) and asked if he could go over the slides with you in person.

i literally feel like i’ve been given the homework from russian lit, you’d written. except the russian has been translated to hieroglyphs and my task is to choreograph an interpretive dance based on the hieroglyphs.

Osamu had snickered when he saw your email. that doesn’t even make sense. must be the fever talking, he’d been tempted to write. But that strange feeling had come over him again, the one that’d screamed at him to keep it professional, goddamnit, so he’d played it safe instead and sent is eight pm at the main library okay? He hates that you’re getting a watered-down version of his personality. Osamu swears he’s a lot more interesting when he’s not, well, a TA.

“I think it’s fine,” you say, smiling. “I like it. It’s you.” And suddenly, you’re wondering if it’s okay to be complimenting your TA. If it’s okay to say that you like things about him, or if that crosses some grey, unclear line. Is it weird to treat your TAs like they’re your friends? It’s not like TAs are real teachers. Right?

A grin–– wide and genuine and almost excited–– grows on Osamu’s face. He rubs the back of his neck as his eyes flit over to the laptop screen. “Thanks. Really.”

You nod. But you feel like there’s more that he might want to say, so you wait.

“I got a lot of shit for it when I came here for my master’s, y’know. Not to my face, of course, but people would refer to me as ‘the guy with the accent’. A professor once said it made me seem crass. Said it’d hold me back in my career.”

“So you changed.”

“Adapted,” Osamu corrects. “It’s hard to admit but conforming is sometimes all you can do when you don’t have the power to change the system. Can’t really make everyone suddenly respect a dialect.”

“And after you’re finished with your PhD, you’ll go back to speaking in that dialect?”

Osamu looks out the window and smiles, probably imagining the plans he’s already made about the future. “Yeah.”

“What if you have to speak the standard language at your job? Like, your boss is all, ‘hey man, if you don’t speak––”’

“I’ll be the boss.”

“Oh?”

And with a little more prodding, Miya Osamu tells you about the restaurant chain he plans on opening after graduation, the slides about food additives left completely untouched.

The librarian knocks on your pod a few minutes before eleven to tell you they’re closing.

“Shit,” Osamu murmurs, running his hands through his hair. You’re still laughing about something he’d said before the librarian interrupted him–– one of his stories from high school–– and he thinks that you’ve completely forgotten that the reason you came to the library was to catch up on the material you were already behind on. And now you’re behind on that. But you look so carefree right now and, actually, you’re very pretty and you’ve got such a good heart and it’s a lot for him to process but he knows he just wants to see you happy a while longer. So Osamu just slumps back in his chair and laughs along with you.

He says your name as his chuckles grow softer. “It’s pretty late. How’re you getting home?”

“I’ve a bike,” you reply. It’s good for the environment and is a pretty solid form of exercise if you do say so yourself. Sometimes you just don’t feel like driving.

Osamu presses his lips in a thin line. Would it be too much to offer you a ride? “I can drive you home. It’s really not safe for you to be alone outside, especially near midnight. You can get your bike tomorrow. Or I’ll get it for you.”

He drives fast. Not the unsafe fast that speed demons drive at, but the kind of fast where you know he’s got some edge to his character. You bring it up to him–– especially since it’s nighttime, for god’s sake, he could hit something–– and all he does is remind you how there are lamps as bright as the sun lining the entire road to your dorm. And the fact that you live in the least accessible dorm on campus.

“A twenty-minute drive?” he’d exclaimed when he saw the GPS monitor.

“A bunch of roads are closed for construction. It’s a ten-minute bike-ride because I can cut through campus.” And suddenly feeling a little burdensome, you’d added, “Sorry. I can still bike––”

“No.” He’d held his hand out in front of you, gesturing for you to stay in the passenger’s seat. “It’s not a bother at all.” Because it wasn’t. Osamu was… happy. Not that he’d admit that.

“So this BMW,” you start in a teasing tone.

Osamu smirks. “A gift.”

“Can I guess from who?”

“Sure.”

“Atsumu.”

His brows rise. “Colour me impressed.” He hadn’t expected you to remember anything he’d said about Atsumu. Or maybe he had but told himself otherwise to lower his hopes.

“I’m smart like that.”

He snorts. “Not if you keep distracting me and using your review time to…” hang out with me, get to know me, tell me things about you… “…goof off.”

You grimace. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”

Osamu makes a turn down a familiar street. It dawns upon you that you're ten minutes away from your dorm and suddenly you wish he’d just make the wrong turn at the next intersection so that you could talk to him some more. It can even be about the health benefits of fish or the molecular makeup of kale–– you don’t mind. You just want to be around him longer.

“I think you’re really smart,” Osamu says quietly. “I think you’re not processing the readings because you’re distracted, or just not fully applying yourself. Obviously, last class’s slides are a different thing, since you were absent. But you really are smart. I’ve seen your papers.”

You bite your lip to hide your grin, feeling heat rush to your cheeks. “Thank you.” You look out the window, too jacked on dopamine to think straight. “I think I still need you, though.”

And that innocuous little sentence floats right out your mouth into the air, settling between you like a little wedge before either of you even realise it. Neither of you says anything. You marinate in the awkwardness before stuttering out a clarification. “To, um, to explain things. Y’know, since you’re, uh, so good at… explaining things.”

Osamu clears his throat and chuckles stiffly. There’s a slightly pink tinge to his cheeks. “Thanks,” he says, looking straight ahead. He can’t even look at you. Fuck. It’s so awkward. “I’ll try to keep… explaining things.” Fuck. What does that even mean?

A few uncomfortable minutes pass in silence. The night can’t end like this, you think. It can’t when everything else had gone so well. You still have to see him for a few more months. “Did you know,” you start, catching Osamu’s attention, “that Jack’s Diner has a location in Italy?”

“Oh?” he asks, making the final turn to the street where your dorm is. He actually hadn’t.

“Yeah. I asked the owner about the chain a while back. Have you ever been to Italy?”

Osamu shakes his head. “I’ve been to Paris, though. To see a friend. He’s a chocolatier.”

Now, if Osamu had been your friend, you would’ve said something like well, let’s go to Italy together, except he’s not. He’s your TA and you’ve been reminded that enough tonight. So instead, you say, “When you open that restaurant of yours in Italy, let me know.”

“That’s gonna take a while,” he laughs. He appreciates how you said ‘when’, though. And he tucks that little bit of confidence you have in him somewhere deep in his mind so that it doesn’t get lost.

“Isn’t that just seven hours?” you shrug, grinning. Osamu’s BMW pulls up outside your dorm and parks as he marvels at what you just said. You’re amazing. You unbuckle your seatbelt and turn to face your driver.

“Thank you for driving me,” you say, offering him a smile.

“Yeah,” he replies.

You stretch out your hand. With a puzzled look on his face, Osamu grabs it and shakes it. Firmly. You can’t help but notice how nice his hands are. Calloused for sure, but they feel nice.

“Goodnight, Osamu.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

He watches you jog into the building before driving away. And it’s like you’ve possessed his car or something because the smell of your shampoo and perfume is everywhere and it’s too much but it’s also not enough at the same time and he can feel your palm against his as he spins the steering wheel to make a turn and for the first time in his life he doesn’t turn on the radio to fill the silence in his car. Osamu replays everything you said in his head.

But he especially thinks about that part where you said you need him.

Weeks melt into months. You turn in essays after essays for Food Chemistry I, each coming back with detailed commentary in an all-too-familiar blue scrawl. All your other classes go well–– extremely well, actually. You might just end the semester with a 4.0 if Food Chem doesn’t fuck you over. Isla still tags you in memes on Instagram. You still tell her about everything that happens with Osamu.

Speaking of.

“That’s the wrong equation,” he says behind your ear as he settles in the seat beside you. The sound of his low voice so close to your ear sends a small shiver down your spine. “You gotta switch the hydrogens.” Osamu knocks on your skull lightly. “What’s goin’ on up in there? Ya got somethin’ on your mind?”

You laugh and elbow him in the side. “Shut up, ‘Samu.” He’d told you during one of his office hours that he’d gone by that nickname because he had a teammate with a foreign name in high school. It sounded so cool, he’d said, grinning.

I think Osamu sounds pretty cool already, you’d teased.

And he’d replied, Let’s trade. I like yours, you like mine, why not share?

You teeter on the line between friends and less-than-friends and, oddly enough, more-than-friends. Sometimes you still play it safe. Sometimes he pauses between texts and real-time conversations, no doubt to scrap an instinctive reply for something more “professional”. Sometimes you say things that make him look at you with the ghost of a smile at the corners of his lips. Sometimes he calls Atsumu to scream about you.

“S’not a no,” Osamu points out. He’s dressed in a black sweater and grey trousers today. You’re suddenly reminded of how the weather’s been getting colder when someone opens the door to the university café and lets in a gust of chilly autumn air.

“Okay,” you admit, setting down the pencil. “I just… don’t really feel prepared for this next test.”

Osamu frowns and looks down at your worksheet. “Your process is correct, though.”

“Right, but… I don’t know. I’ve just not been feeling great about myself lately,” you laugh, looking down at your feet. “Food Chem’s the toughest class I’ve ever taken. And remember how I completely embarrassed myself in that class discussion last week? It’s not really making me feel like I belong here.”

“Imposter syndrome,” Osamu remarks.

“Correct-o.”

He says your name softly and puts a gentle hand on your shoulder. “Maybe you’re not the smartest, but you’re definitely smart. And you belong here. I’ve seen your papers. They’re just as great as anyone else’s and I don’t hand out compliments for nothin’. You’re gonna do some great things but ya can’t improve if you ever give up.” Osamu searches your eyes for a sign of your understanding.

There’re a lot of things you want to say but you don’t know how to put them into words. “Can I hug you?” you finally ask.

Osamu doesn’t even think about it. “Of course.”

He feels you smile against his chest and wonders if you can feel his heart beat faster.

Isla camps out in your dorm as finals come around the corner.

“I don’t understand shit!” she wails, throwing her notebook into the air.

“Isles, it’s okay,” you laugh, slipping out of your chair and walking over to her nest in the corner. “You gotta chill, dude.”

“Not fair! I didn’t have a hunk holding my hand through this course all semester,” she retorts, humour glittering in her dark eyes. “I had the Organic Chemistry Tutor and his accent’s cute enough but, girl, you had Miya Fucking Osamu!”

“You’re literally the worst.” You giggle and sit down beside her. “Tell me what you’re confused about. I’ll try to explain it to you.” The way Osamu does.

You text him that you’d channelled his brains later that night.

His reply comes seconds later. all you, einstein.

From: osamu

good luck on the exam

you’re going to kill it

To: osamu

would u like to divulge any… information about it? 😏 😏 😏

From: osamu

bye

To: osamu

i was kidding :(

From: osamu

fine. tip #1: write your name

To: osamu

not very helpful. 0/10

From: osamu

keep running your mouth and 0/10 is what your score’s going to be

i’m kidding

you got this, y/n

“Holy fuck,” Isla groans as you cross the street to head to lunch at Jack’s. “If you don’t see me next semester it’s because I’ve gotten my grade back and decided to drop out.”

“What would you do?” you ask, amused.

“Maybe move to New Zealand. Raise some sheep. Marry a hot, blond shepherd and fuck off to a cliffside cottage.”

“Solid plan.”

“What about you?” she asks.

“What about me?”

“Remember that conversation we had at the start of the year? About your man?” The two of you reach another red light for pedestrians.

“We’re friends. He’s not my man,” you laugh. Though it pains you to. Something about being Miya Osamu’s friend doesn’t really sit right with you, but you don’t know how to not be his friend. You don’t know how to move out of the corner you’ve backed yourself into.

“But you wish he were! And now you can finally hit him with that ‘Hey, Osamu, I’ve been madly in love with you since the start of the semester, wanna fuck like rabbits and then open that store in Italy?’ and he’ll be all––”

A throat clears behind you. With wide eyes, the two of you turn around.

Holy fuck.

Miya Osamu stands behind you with his hands in his pockets and an enormous smirk on his face.

“He’ll be all what?” he asks, eyes fixed on you.

Isla murmurs an excuse and starts walking on her own to Jack’s.

“Um.” You swallow nervously and shrink in your coat. “You heard all of that, right?”

“Yep.” Osamu grins. He grins. He’s grinning. He’s smiling like he’s won the fucking lottery and you honestly don’t know what to do with that information.

“So, like,” you look down at the sidewalk and kick at a pebble, “what are your thoughts about that?” God, you could die. “‘Cause I know you’re a TA and it’d probably look pretty bad and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you because I like you and it’s cool if we just…”

Osamu interrupts you with a laugh. “My thoughts,” he says, “are that I want to kiss you.” His fingers lift your chin up. “What are your thoughts about that?”

Well, shit. “I think that’s pretty cool, yeah,” you breathe, eyelids fluttering shut as his face comes closer to yours.

He tastes like mint. And his lips move softly, slowly against yours like he’s savouring the moment. And then you feel his hands snake around your waist to pull you closer–– closer because you both are tired of forcing the distance between bodies that want to be near each other, closer because he’s thought about kissing you just like this for so long, closer because you remember the last time he’d touched you was three days ago and it was just a brush of his fingers against your arm and that feeling of wanting more haunted you for the entire night. But holy shit, Miya Osamu is kissing you. He’s kissing you.

And then he pulls away. His dark eyes flit over yours. “I,” he breathes, “I need your course load next semester.”

“What?” you ask, disbelief written all over your features, chest rising and falling as you try to steady your breathing. You just kissed, for God's sake, and he's––

“I need to know which courses not to apply to TA for,” he grins, cupping your face in his hands. “Can’t be teachin’ in a class with my girlfriend as a student.”

“So we’re official?” you ask, beaming.

“If you want,” Osamu replies with a smirk.

You grab the front of his coat and tug him down for another kiss. “Hell yeah, I want to be official.”

#miya osamu #miya osamu x reader #miya osamu scenarios #miya osamu imagines

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makeste · 4 years

Text

some brief musings on why Kacchan is still going to lose his quirk

(and why that may ultimately be a good thing.)

so first of all, let me just say that Deku and Kacchan are still very much in danger. much as I hate to say it. thing is, Horikoshi didn’t go to the trouble of separating them from the others for no reason. so while it may be a few more chapters until they fall under the cool, calculating gaze of our bloodthirsty mangaka once again, they’re definitely not out of the woods yet.

and in the meantime, while their encounter with Tomura was so brief you almost have to question whether it was completely inconsequential, it did accomplish several things of note:

it scared the absolute SHIT out of the both of them and maybe now they will take this seriously???

it gave Endeavor the chance to learn that there is a thing called One for All, and that whatever the hell this thing is, apparently Midoriya might have it...? kids these days and their nonsense.

it gave Aizawa the same opportunity. ‘Midoriya and Bakugou... is he... after the two of them...?!’ and seeing as those are his kids, it’s a pretty safe bet he’s not going to drop this until he actually gets an answer. (which, honestly, about time??)

and last but not least, it allowed Bakugou to give a rousing speech and to have an internal monologue about how he’s been keeping up with Deku so far and he intends to keep doing so.

which brings me to the main subject of this post.

sorry kiddo. but having an entire scene devoted to establishing that you’re still full of pride, and still keeping pace with your rival, and how you won’t lose, and how he’s still trailing in your shadow same as always...

...doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence that all of that optimism isn’t about to come crashing down around you.

he has come so far. he has grown so much. he’s learned how to save others. he’s learned to acknowledge his own weaknesses. he’s learned how to work alongside his childhood friend rival. and he’s learned how to be selfless in the heat of the moment, even if he doesn’t realize it yet. slowly learning the meaning of “my body just moved before I could think.”

but his ego is still holding him back. his pride, and his desire to win, which I should stress is not at all a bad thing in and of itself (on the contrary, it’s what spurs that very growth I was talking about. it motivates him to keep striving forward, and inspires the others around him to also do their best). but what is bad about it is the way that it’s consistently at odds with his better self. how it hinders his compassion and empathy. because he sees those things as “weak”, and weakness = losing. and nowhere is this more starkly apparent than in his relationship with Deku.

even now, even after all the progress the two of them have made, he still stubbornly persists in doing this bizarre and ridiculous thing of framing every single aspect of their relationship, and every single one of their interactions, solely in terms of rivalry and power levels. of winning and losing. like, it is wild, though. to better illustrate this, please consider the following sample selection of Bakugou Thought Processes.

working together with Deku = losing to Deku (so I won’t do it)

oh no wait, working together with Deku = passing the exam = getting stronger = beating Deku (so I’ll do it)

getting kidnapped = being weak = losing to Deku (so I will be very sad and frustrated about it)

Deku being chosen as All Might’s successor while I bring about the end of All Might = ...do I really need to explain this one lol

[new input!!]: learning from Deku = getting stronger?? = becoming the best hero = beating Deku!! (so I will do it!)

feeling guilty about being a giant shit to Deku = needing to ask for Deku’s forgiveness = losing to Deku (...shit)

worrying about Deku = admitting that you care about Deku = see above = (so I won’t do it) (I won’t) (I won’t)

I really am grateful to this latest chapter for providing that rare bit of insight into the workings of his mind. lulz.

so yeah! that’s where we’re at, apparently. where we are still at. so how, then, do we eventually move forward from here? and if you look at all of Katsuki’s previous breakthroughs (after his loss to Deku; after he was forced to team up with Deku in the final exam; and after Kamino), all of them only happened after he was brought down a peg. after his walls of ego and pride were cracked, and he was humbled and forced to look at things from the perspective he hates more than anything else. the perspective of “losing.”

and so now his relationship with Deku is being thrust back into the forefront again. and we’re being shown that for him, all of the things he’s learned about What it Means to Be a Hero and What Our Strength is For and etc. etc. etc. are all still jumbled up in this tangled web of thoughts about beating Deku, don’t lose to Deku, I’m keeping up with him, I’m not gonna lose. and again, the problem isn’t that he wants to win! the problem is that all of his own self-worth, his entire self-image, is completely caught up within this one concept.

winning is who he is. being the best is who he is. but that’s all he is. his thought process still doesn’t go any further past there. he can’t answer the question of “what is your strength for” because he doesn’t know. his sense of self is so intricately tied up in the concept of strength because he has always been strong. his fears are so intricately tied to the concepts of losing and weakness because he has always been strong. because he doesn’t know the answer to the question of: but who are you if all of that strength is ever peeled away?

and if he ever wants to be able to answer that once and for all, he needs to gain perspective once again. he needs to lose again. just this one last time.

Deku was once quirkless. Kacchan becoming quirkless would be the ultimate karmic act of balance between them, the ultimate humbling experience. it would force him to shed his remaining pride once and for all, the pride that’s still blinding him and preventing him from figuring out what it is that he’s missing. he’d be forced to reckon with the feeling of being powerless in a world where everyone else has power. forced to try and understand what it is that gives worth to people beyond just strength. forced to finally acknowledge that there are different kinds of strength, something he has always intuitively known since he was a young child (otherwise he would never have feared Deku), but was never was able to fully understand. because Deku’s strength was forged by him growing up in a world where he had no choice but to look within himself in order to find those core, essential qualities that truly make one a hero, with or without a quirk. compassion. selflessness. persistence in the face of doubt. kindness in the face of apathy. hope and courage in the face of fear.

so yeah. it may just be that in order to finally realize what true strength means, Katsuki needs to first let go of his old ideas of strength entirely. and I’d be lying at this point if I said I wasn’t excited about the possibility that this kind of storyline might really be about to happen now. not just because of the angst (although I won’t pretend that isn’t also a part of it because let’s be real), but because no other character in BnHA has come further than Bakugou. no other character has started from such an insane place of “holy shit they’re really doing everything wrong”, only to acknowledge that, and to say “okay yeah, I get it, I want to do better, show me what to do and I’ll do it”, and then to actually do it.

and I want him to continue to grow. I want him to successfully reach the end of his character development journey. and so if this is what needs to happen next in order for him to do that? to reach his goal? to understand what he wants to be, who he wants to be? then fuck it. bring it on.

#bnha 275 #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bnha meta #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #quirkless!bakugou #bakugou meta

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felassan · 3 years

Text

Highlights and insights from the N7 Day cast & crew reunion panel

[Rewatch link]

In case a text format is better for anyone. There are some NSFW references. Cut for length.

(Some paraphrasing.)

“Some of us are inebriated”

“Patrick Weekes, the killer of man and beasts, the breaker of hearts”

JHale put the whole thing together, it’s the biggest ME cast reunion to date

The cast had no idea that the remaster was a thing

Lots of ace discussion about what the magic of the MET is (“it captured lightning in a bottle”)

Lots of warm fuzzies between the cast, crew and community, and lots of fun behind-the-scenes anecdotes

Lots of great discussion on the diversity and inclusion in ME: on gender, sexuality, representation, empowerment, the core message in the MET that “we’re all in this together or we’re screwed”, the progress made in the portrayal of female characters in gaming, etc. “Everything behind what went into these characters was authentic, we [the VAs] could tell that so much research, texture, authenticity etc had gone into them. It really made a difference”. JHale: “I’ve spent my career kicking down ceilings [barriers and so on women actors experience] with my steel-toed boot. To get to be a part of this game that has now created the expectation that there now be a female PC, ‘duh’, is once of the great things of my life. BioWare listened and put her on the box. The first time someone dropped the box in front of me I held it over my head and screamed over the crowd, ‘Casey Hudson, thank youuu!!’ It was a divine moment. This game was the moment the boot finally crashed through the glass, pushed by millions of women.”

The panel received many messages from the question submission from fans expressing that MET really helped them through very dark places and periods in their lives. The cast have had a lot of interactions with fans over the years where the fans expressed similar sentiments to them

ME was one of the first games Keythe Farley (Thane) acted for that had branching dialogue/dialogue choices, and when he saw the script with that when he went in, he was like “wow”. ME was the second big game D. C. Douglas (Legion) ever did. In his first audition he didn’t know it was for a robot-type character as it was disguised as something else with a military-feel. The second time it was to do a speech/lament at someone’s funeral and he knew it was for a robot. He said playing Legion for him was a case of “wake up, drink some coffee and go to work”

Jack was really special to her VA Courtenay Taylor because she relates to her so much and had a lot of similar emotional problems and personal troubles in her past. Jack helped her become who she has became. The host added that in his interactions with Courtenay over the years, he realized very quickly that she is very much like Jack

AWR has two moms, something which she hasn’t talked about/expressly said publicly before. Talking about recording lines between Sam and Femshep made her tear up. She said that being raised by two moms in the 80s was tough due to societal attitudes at the time, and so to see a loving relationship between two women depicted in a game was a big deal for her. When recording the white picket fence conversation, she was actually crying (“and then I’m crying because of the lesbians”). It was a huge moment for her to represent her moms’ journey. When she went home she told them all about how her character is gay and wants a white picket fence and everything “just like we had”.

When PW was working on Sam’s arc, one of the things they did was show it to one of their colleagues, who is a lesbian, asking what things she’d like to see in an arc like that and what things she felt were missing from it. The white picket fence conversation came from the colleague’s feedback (“we wanna see the nice, healthy, happy domestic stuff”, as it’s often missing in portrayals of wlw relationships)

As the VAs got more into their characters, they sometimes had feedback and input to the process to offer, like “I don’t think she’d say [this] like [that]”. Sometimes they knew their characters even better than the crew did sometimes. JHale waxed lyrical about Caroline Livingstone’s awesome direction, with the host adding that he has interviewed a lot of the VAs over the years and they all talk about Caroline like she’s Gandalf the White coming to the rescue in LotR. AWR expressed that Caroline is really funny (“don’t worry it’s not you, PW was sick when they wrote this line that’s why”) and emotionally in-tune with them and this makes long hard sessions with her a joy

When Mark went into record for the Citadel DLC one day he asked Caroline “wouldn’t be great if Shepard’s clone had been made to be the opposite gender? Then the two Shepards could fight each other!”

William Salyers (Mordin) likes the way Mordin’s story ended and felt that it was wonderful to be able to play that. He feels like the luckiest person because as he wasn’t the original VA of Mordin, he got to come in late to something that was amazing. “Caroline helped me get to where I needed to be emotionally to play that final scene. It was one of the most moving things I’ve ever gotten to do personally for a piece of interactive art”. PW related that with Mordin’s writing, they didn’t realize how much they were asking for. They thought William was amazing doing all the science-speak/technobabble, as they themselves didn’t know what it meant, and then suddenly having to deliver emotional heartbreaking lines. William’s always been a secret science nerd and so he loved that fact about Mordin. “It was a real treat to say your words”

Karin: “I always claim credit for the Scientist Salarian song even though I had nothing to do with it. I opened that door for PW”

Steve Blum (Grunt) found it a real treat playing Grunt as Grunt is a tough soldier on the outside but a [babey] on the inside, while he is more the other way around (softer on the outside, fight-y inside). He isn’t a gamer and so didn’t know what to expect or what he was getting into. There was the big pile of words, they showed him the picture of Grunt, and he just ran with it. “Grunt was kind of a perfect character for me in that respect”. Side note: his wry comments throughout the panel were hilarious

“Casey Hudson, our glorious loving overlord”

Courtenay jokes about “interspecies snorkeling”

The women Courtenay met working on this game are her friends for life. Ali Hillis (Liara) gave her her number the night of the ME3 drop and was like “let’s hang out!!” “JHale is the shit. I go to England and there’s AWR and I have this friend for life”.

“We’re a family”. The host comments that you don’t see this kind of closeness between the people on a lot of projects

Kimberley Brooks (Ashley) thinks things have and are changing for the better in terms of roles for women, and roles for brown and black women. This year she has noticed increasing awareness of inclusion and of where it’s lacking. “The copies I’m being sent for auditions, it’s drastically changing, I’m seeing it change before my eyes. It’s really exciting, there’s more and more roles for me.” “Ash is such a strong character and I felt very badass playing her, it was life-changing”. She’s excited that the remaster is going to be a new way to see these characters that they’ve been so lucky to voice. Kimberley/Ash was the first female character Karin saw in the studio, when she saw her she was like “Wow, she’s so kickass and inspiring”. At this point Karin hadn’t been working at BioWare for all that long, and she wanted to thank Kimberley, because she saw her and heard her voice and had a personal ‘this changes everything’ moment

Raphael Sbarge (Kaidan) finds it very moving how many women were encouraged into gaming due to ME

Raphael: “Everyone here has awesome varied careers, but because ME was so collaborative [and so on], [it was something really rare and special]. Nothing else I’ve done has been so important or impassioned, it has almost a religious experience to it, which you can see from tears in fans’ eyes and tattoos and people talking about it 10 years later”. “I’m so grateful for it.” “Clearly we’re going to do this again next year! :D” D. C. added that it’s going to follow him for the rest of his career. Courtenay says it has catapulted her career

PW talked about how it’s great that the female chars in ME were allowed to have real, realistic flaws and dark periods (as opposed to nonsense stuff like ‘her flaw is that she’s clumsy’)

Having the male and female PC be voiced was a big, expensive commitment for the studio. Karin commented that at the time, it was a risk that the pretty-much almost entirely-male leadership of BioWare at the time decided was important to take, and so she was happy that these were the values her colleagues had

PW was “the junior baby writer on ME1. I’d just gotten to the studio and Mac Walters fell down a flight of stairs and hurt his back, and they pulled me in while he was healing”. Karin: “Mac was very understanding when PW fell on the ice and hurt themselves during ME2.” PW: “My job in ME1 was to come up with conversations between followers to pass the time in the elevator loading times. I was throwing stuff at the wall to see what would stick”

Steve turning his volume down before he shouts classic Grunt quotes down the mic

Caroline: “Do you know how many tears were shed in the booth? How many times have we all cried in the booth...” JHale: “We were recording the end of ME3, which I never call the end, because I’m always like I’M HERE! [wink] The goodbye Garrus lines” - these lines got right under her skin and when she went to say her lines she couldn’t speak because she’d burst into tears. “It was all I could do to say those words... and then there was silence... [and Caroline had gotten choked up too].” This was one of the last sessions they did. PW: “John Dombrow wrote Garrus in ME3 and I’m gonna tell him that he got you both to break.”

Caroline was also really teary during Keith David’s (Anderson)’s performance where he tells Shepard she’s like his daughter. This moment was one of JHale’s favorites to act

BioWare came up with a proprietary VA recording system which JHale describes as a secret sauce as-yet not widely-used in the industry

Lots of fun in the line-reading portion at the end. The lines/scenes were sent in by fans. This starts around timestamp 1 hour 50 mins. There’s a break where they discuss more anecdotes after a bit then some line-reading resumes at 1 hour 59 mins 18 secs

"Salarian Vorcha Conrad Verner simmering sexual tension scene”

One of PW’s fondest memories is of ME3 when JHale and Mark got to play off each other (which they naturally didn’t get to do very much), when PW had shoved the entire script of the Blasto movie into random ambience throughout the Citadel. They knew Mark was going to be Blasto as he voiced most of the hanar. PW: “We had to have Blasto’s elcor partner’s hot sister... And I was like could it be JHale?? Because they hardly ever get to talk to each other. It was one of my proudest moments”. Mark: “Not only that, we had a romance.” JHale: “Yeah, it was hot”.

“Think of the poor cold freezing Edmontonian hanar”

PW’s story about Sam’s toothbrush: They wrote it as a throwaway line but AWR did it so well that PW wanted to bring it back in the Citadel DLC, as that DLC was the action-comedy one. So they decided the toothbrush was going to save the Normandy. The art director at the time was in an early playthrough of the scene and in that version of the scene Sam held up her empty hand. The director was like “We gotta make the toothbrush? Really? It’s gonna be thousands of dollars to render the toothbrush.” It then got to the next few lines and the director deadpanned at PW “Okay that’s pretty good, we’ll make the toothbrush.” PW: “Good, I got my toothbrush.”

It was John’s idea that we find out that Mordin had been working on a crime noir novel. There was a period in the development of the Citadel DLC where PW was feeling like “Mordin’s gone, he had his big moment, I want to respect and honor that” and the entire team were like “I think Mordin needs a couple more songs dude”. “Well alright!” By that point William had shown them he could deliver literally any line

“Oh I need a shower that was so steamy hot”

PW got in trouble with Localization over Jack’s “Save some of your energy, we’re gonna do it on the pool table” exchange. Localization were like “Um could you explain what Jack means by this??” These lines were PW’s, Karin as an editor got the question about it and passed it on to PW like “nope this is your fault”. “The best part is it was France that needed PW to explain the joke while apparently Germany were like ‘Yes please confirm that this is regarding the possibility of oral sex-’”

Keythe on voicing Thane: “Thane was a real lesson in opening up to the character, allowing this beautifully conflicted character to exist. Each character in the MET has conflicts within themselves and a tragic flaw that is revealed through the course of conflict.” He also waxed lyrical about how the MET was akin to Star Wars and Citizen Kane, and about the interconnectedness and representation in it

D. C.: “I have a question for you guys. Was it a conscious decision to not have Legion as a romance? Because there are a lot of upset people out there!!” “Voltage problems.” “A lot of creative reuses of ‘There was a hole.’” PW: “It was a process of us figuring out what we wanted to do. If we had known... The number of people who were like ‘I don’t know, are people gonna wanna romance Garrus? Liara? She’s blue and has no hair. Are people gonna be okay with that?” Karin: “We were young and naïve, now we know BioWare fans are thirsty.”

Derek brought in the first picture of Thane to show Caroline and she was like “He’s really hot, that’s gonna be a killer character. People are gonna want to romance that gentleman”

Raphael asked the BioWare team if there’s ever been a point where they thought about doing more DLC content or some kind of revival. “Has that ever come up?” “We’re legally obligated not to say, sorry, we’re going through a tunnel right now, bad reception!!”

D. C.: “Does this country have a soul?” “It does.”

“An N7 Day to remember! Go forth and heal.”

#bioware #mass effect #video games #lgbtq #feels #lul #garrus vakarian #best boy #please remember if you are a minor you should not be following me #a minor = under 18 #next mass effect

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927roses-and-stuff · 3 years

Text

Miracles in Gotham: Chapter Six: The Calm Before

Thank you to @ozmav for the Maribat AU and @mystery-5-5 for helping me out loads with the story!

I was supposed to update every day starting December 11, but I was busy with the holidays so I couldn’t and then I had a really shit sleep schedule. Basically, I’m super sorry and this is me attempting to make it up to you guys.

Also, some people keep bringing up that Marinette could just use Kaalki to go from Gotham to Paris, so I’m going to take this chapter as a chance to explain why that isn’t.

Also, this chapter will be super long because I’m trying to get the gang in Gotham by Chapter 10 at the latest.

If you want to see more, follow: #miraclesingotham or ask to be added to the tag list.

Tag list: : @northernbluetongue @zerotosiki @spicybelladonna @my-name-is-michell @legendaryneckjudgestudent @lokiifriggasonn

First Previous Next Fanfic

Dear Diary,

Sass’ story was...informative in some ways. In some ways, I see myself in Alfred Pennyworth. I can’t imagine not having the Ladybug Miraculous or Tikki in my life but unlike Alfred there are days where I want to quit and leave it all for someone else, someone older, wiser, better, to fix.

But, there’s just me. Just Marinette.

I’m thinking of going to Gotham to see if Alfred Pennyworth has acquired anything worthwhile after his time with the Snake Miraculous. At least Papa and Maman will be happy I’m going.

I’ll have to speak with Chat first. After all, this decision affects him too, and he’ll need to know why I’m not arriving on patrols or akuma attacks. It’s times like these where I wish I could just pop open the box and call on Kaalki, but it’s not possible for now. Either I get the tablet from Hawkmoth or I learn how to read the Journal myself to open the stupid box. Hawkmoth really is the root of my problems, huh?

I should get going now. It’s about time for my patrol.

Wish me luck!

Bisoux,

Marinette

Later that night, Ladybug found herself again on top of the Eiffel Tower, this time without the threat of falling over the edge. She watched the darkening skyline for the sight of her partner, half hoping he’d show up sooner, half hoping he wouldn’t show up at all. She had called him earlier for an impromptu meeting, and he had mentioned that he also had something to tell her.

Whatever it was, she had a feeling that she wouldn't exactly be happy with it.

In her lap sat the rather large spotted egg that was supposed to be the Miraculous Box. In the cloth shoulder bag beside her contained the rest of the active Miraculous. The other kwami were currently flying around enjoying the fresh Parisian air. She wasn’t too sure why she had brought them in the first place. It had been a hassle to travel with them (since the egg didn’t fit in her yoyo and the bag took a while to adjust to), but maybe it was time to take Chat’s words into consideration and start trusting him with the Guardian side of the Miraculous a bit more.

Especially with what she was planning to do.

“Do you think you and Chat will be able to open it, Master?” Sass asked, floating in front of her face.

“I’m not sure. Maybe we could with Cataclysm, but that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”

“Rightly so!” Longg huffed. “We do not know the consequences for the other kwamis if you plan to turn the Box into ashes. Think of all the other kwamis that are trapped in there! It would be reckless to do so even if Tikki’s power could reverse the effects of Plagg’s.”

Pollen sighed and floated on top of the box, lying down and patting it with her small arms. “My poor comrades. I know how hard it is to be stuck on the other side, but have patience, my friends.”

Ladybug frowned. “Is it really so bad?”

Wayzz joined Pollen on the box. “We’re isolated from the world in that space, without a notion of time passing as humans would. It gets lonely, even if we all have each other,” he explained.

“That’s horrible,” Ladybug whispered. She watched as Sass, Longg, and Trixx joined the other two on the Box. She never really thought about how stressful this must’ve been for the kwamis whose only companions were each other. They were cut off without means of communicating from one side of the other. Her chest tightened at the sight of them and she found herself retreating to the now all too familiar spiral of deprecating notions.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a deep howl ringing through the night sky. She looked up to find Chat Noir catapulting himself into the sky with his baton, doing a few flips before coming back down and doing it all over again, each time more ridiculous and flamboyant than the last. By the time he reached the Eiffel Tower, he was panting, although he grinned widely at Ladybug’s applause.

“Even better than last time, Chat,” she remarked, adjusting the bag to allow Chat a place to sit. “Have you been practicing lately?”

Chat retracted his baton and sat down with a graceful flourish. “Why of course, my Lady. All the better to please you.”

Ladybug rolled her eyes fondly and elbowed him. “Chat.”

“And by please you, I mean as friends of course!” Chat exclaimed, holding his hand up. “Chaton’s honour.”

Ladybug giggled. “Well, if that’s the case, consider me pleased.” She sighed and shifted to face him. “Time for business.”

“And what’s this you got here, bug?” He asked, craning his head to observe the spotted egg and the kwami all over. “Did my Ladybird lay an egg while I was gone?”

Ladybug huffed. “This egg is the Miracle Box I told you about.”

Chat lifted his head to meet her eyes. “No. Really?”

“Yes, really. Why?”

Chat reached out to pet the kwami with his fingers. “Well, it’s definitely marketable, if you’re into that sort of thing.”

Ladybug scoffed. “If it was so marketable, it’d open without any trouble.” She sighed. “This isn’t really why I called you here but do you have any ideas what we could do to open it?”

Chat contemplated the Box, his finger and thumb playing with his chin like he had an invisible goatee. “I could try to use Cataclysm and you can use Miraculous Ladybug to bring it back?”

“The kwami were just talking about that. We can’t risk hurting the kwami.” Ladybug furrowed her eyebrows. “Wait, maybe Lucky Charm…?”

“You think it’ll work?”

“Either way it’ll be lucky,” she said before handing the box and bag to Chat and standing up.

“Lucky Charm!”

A red and black spotted bone popped out of thin air and into Ladybug’s hands. At first glance it seemed like an actual bone, but it was soft and plush to the touch.

Ladybug wrinkled her nose. “A chew toy?”

Chat struggled to refrain from laughing. “Got a little doggie you’re hiding from me, my Lady?” He mimed fainting, his hand clutching at his heart dramatically. “Oh, the betrayal, Ladybug! How could you replace me with a dog?”

Chat’s dramatics continued while Ladybug analyzed the chew toy. It was slightly larger than her palm, and always reverted back to its original state despite Ladybug squishing, twisting, and almost ripping it apart. After a while, she called for the kwami and Chat, ignoring the latter’s spiel.

“Barkk’s the dog miraculous...would she be able to sense the chew toy and phase out of there?” Ladybug looked up to see that the kwami and Chat were looking at her stunned.. “Oh, what?” I’m trying,” she huffed.

Trixx laughed and floated over to the lucky charm to inspect it themselves. “Remember to look underneath the underneath, O dear Guardian. The one thing Tikki and I have in common is that with us, everything is not what it seems. Maybe you’ll require a dog in the future, or maybe dogs will be irrelevant in the scenario.”

Ladybug huffed. “Thanks for the insight, Trixx. Helpful as always.” Trixx merely giggled and gave her a wink. Trixx was often a delight to have around, mostly because they helped Marinette with her plans and schemes, but they were also often vague to the point of nonsense.

“Let’s see if being Mister Bug has taught me anything about Lucky Charms, my Lady,” Chat said, trading the chew toy for the Miracle Box. He held it up and played with it. “Supple, really soft but really sturdy. Maybe it could be a door stopper? Or we could tie it onto the Miracle Box and drop it from the Eiffel Tower and the force, upon hitting the chew toy will not only cushion the fall, but pop the box open.”

“Uh, physics might not be my greatest subject, chaton, but I don’t think that’s how it works. Like, at all,” Ladybug said, following behind Chat as he trailed along the beam.

“Right you are, but a lot of your normal plans usually defy the laws of physics so who knows?” Chat turned around to grin at her.

Ladybug pursed her lips. “I mean, I guess we could try, but not from the Eiffel Tower.” Ladybug adjusted the box in her hands and shoved to bag over Chat’s shoulders. “Meet me at the Louvre and don’t drop the bag. The kwami’s miraculous are in there.”

“Aye, aye, my Lady.”

With that, both heroes headed to the Louvre to test Chat’s theory. Needless to say, it didn’t work. It had ended with the Miracle Box falling on top of M. Kubdel’s head as he was heading out of the museum (thankfully, it had fallen where the chew toy had been). This incident led to M. Kubdel yelling at Ladybug and Chat Noir who couldn’t convince him that they were in fact, the actual heroes doing Official Superhero Business. That then turned into a chase of cat and mouse between Ladybug and Chat, and M. Kubdel because he had been convinced that the Miracle Box would make a great exhibit in the museum and would’ve gotten away with it if Chat hadn’t used his baton to shove the Miracle Box out of his arms, and Ladybug using the yoyo string to trip M. Kubdel. Ladybug had to swoop in quickly and save him from falling on his face while Chat chased after the Box to prevent potential damage. By the end of it all, an irate Ladybug and a sheepish Chat Noir scurried back to the Eiffel Tower before any curious civilians could follow them and see their antics. Or before M. Kubdel could gather up the guts to run off with the Miracle Box again. The kwamis flew behind the two heroes, their tiny laughter echoing behind them.

Ladybug let out a heavy sigh. “Well, that was a bust.”

“It was...interesting,” Chat said, although he winced at Ladybug’s tired eyes bore through him. “Okay, well it could’ve been worse.”

“M. Kubdel basically chased us off of the museum grounds, Chat,”she deadpanned. “And then he tried to steal the Box.”

Chat winced again. “Okay, yeah it definitely could’ve gone so much better.” Chat chanced smiling at Ladybug. “You’ve got to admit, it was a little bit fun. “

Ladybug breathed in, before breaking out into a small smile. “Okay, it was a little bit fun.” A moment of silence passed before the two teens fell into rambunctious laughter, leaning into each other to keep their balance. It took a few moments for them to calm down and regain their bearings.

“We’re so gonna have to apologize to M. Kubdel when we next see him,” Ladybug managed to say in between chuckles.

Chat scoffed playfully. “Of course, my Lady. We are outstanding, proper citizens, after all,” he said in a voice that was more posh than his regular voice.

“Okay, okay. Back to business, chaton,” Ladybug said, squaring her shoulders and tightening her grip on the Miracle Box. Chat adjusted the shoulder bag on his shoulder and turned to face her.

“What’s up, bug?”

She breathed in deeply. Before she could say anything about what she wanted to tell Chat, she remembered that he also had something he wanted to tell her. “You first, chaton. What’s up?”

It was almost comical the way Chat straightened his posture with wide eyes and avoided Ladybug’s gaze. Ladybug pitched the bridge of her nose. What the hell did her partner do now?

“Chat…,”

Chat held out the chew toy in front of him to provide some cover and space between himself and the spotted heroine. “So, do you remember that thing we talked about the other night? With the Justice League?”

Ladybug slowly nodded, already starting to connect the dots.

“So, I may have-”

“So, you may have?”

“Yes, I may have, let me finish, Ladybug!” Chat exclaimed before shifting his stance. “Anyways, I may have emailed them that same night…,” he trailed off.

Ladybug froze. “You mean that same night I told you why it was a bad idea to do so? And you agreed to drop it?”

Chat interrupted her before she could continue. “Hold on, I didn’t necessarily agree to drop it. Look, just listen to what I have to say first, oui?”

Ladybug sighed. “Fine.”

“RIght. Anyways, I did contact them, but not to help us here, but for advice. Since you know, we haven’t really made any progress with finding out who Hawkmoth actually is. Maybe they have some insight.”

Ladybug huffed. There was a part of her that wanted to scream at Chat Noir, remind him about the risks and why they hadn’t done so before, and how they didn’t help before, but she simply relaxed her shoulders. “Sit down, chaton. I’m not gonna do anything to you.”

Chat’s eyes shifted from the empty spot beside her to her. “You sure?”

She nodded. “I’m not going to liee, I’m really pissed that you went behind my back like that, but it’s done. Besides, you’re definitely right that we need help and you’re not the only one who went around looking for help.” She looked around and called out, “Sass!”

“I’m sorry by the way. If it helps, I only got the automatic reply so far,” Chat said, patting Ladybug’s shoulder.

“Thanks, chaton.” When Sass flew to both of them, she continued. “I asked Marianne if she knew anything about the Miraculous, and she mentioned a guy named Alfred Pennyworth who was the Snake Miraculous user before Viperion.”

“Hey, Sass,” Chat greeted, giving the kwami a tiny high five. “Then what’s so important about this Alfred Pennyworth?”

“He was close with Master Fu during World War Two and held onto the Snake Miraculous the longest. Sass mentioned that Alfred had plans on researching the Miraculous after his time in service. I’m planning on seeking him out for information, but, here’s the part you’re not going to like.”

Chat tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

Ladybug gulped. “I’m planning to seek him out, but he lives abroad somewhere in the Americas.”

Ladybug let the information sink in as Chat’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Marinette had contemplated telling Chat where exactly in America she would be, but decided not to risk him making the connection between her trip and the akuma class’ excursion to Gotham.

“But the akumas-” Before Chat could continue, Ladybug interrupted him.

“I will be going abroad, but Ladybug isn’t.” She played with her fingers before continuing. “I will be taking the Miracle Box and Sass with me, but I’m leaving Tikki behind with one of the other users.”

“Isn’t that a risk to their identity, though?” Chat asked, scratching his head. “I mean, it looks like you’ve thought it all out but don’t you think you need more time before-”

“I have a week before I go,” Ladybug interjected. “I talked to Tikki and she can make it so the new Ladybug owner looks completely unrecognizable from their previous hero identity. I’ll have to train them in the next week to the best of my ability.”

“Why can’t you just take the Horse Miraculous with you?” Chat asked.

Ladybug simply held up the locked Miracle Box and shaked it a bit. Chat’s lips formed an ‘O’ in understanding. Ladybug nodded sympathetically. “Yeah, I know. It sucks major ass.”

Chat gulped. “I,” he sighed. “Is there any way that any of the other heros can fill in my spot too?”

Ladybug blinked in surprise. “You’re going out of the city too?”

“Yeah. My class has a class trip in Gotham and my attendance is mandatory,” he explained. Ladybug tried to forget the unnecessary parts of what he said. Despite the fact that Ladybug often scolded him for it, Chat Noir was still more lax about revealing personal details. It took her a second to fully process what he said.

“Gotham?” She squeaked. “Your class is taking a trip to Gotham? As in the Gotham trip that Mme. Bustier’s class is taking?” Ladybug’s eyes were the size of saucers and she had shifted so closely to him, they were practically nose-to-nose. Chat seemed to realize his mistake because his eyes widened and his breath hitched as he backed away from Ladybug, his tail swinging wildly behind him.

“I, I mean Georgia! Like the state, Georgia!”

Ladybug backed down, her eyebrows furrowed. She knew he was lying, but it was probably better to dismiss it. There was no way Chat Noir had been in her class this entire time. And even if he was, Chat’s identity was so not her priority right now. She cleared her throat.

“Right! Heard they had great beaches this time of year,” Ladybug blurted out, not really sure of what she was saying, but it seemed to calm Chat down, so she didn’t really care.

“Yep. Great academic stuff too like...aquariums…,” Chat trailed off, pursing his lips and looking like he swallowed a lemon.

“Right! Well, we can probably get the others a user to cover for you, if you already have someone in mind,” Ladybug said very quickly, still trying to get her mind off of the fact that Chat was going to be in Gotham the same time she was what the fuc-

“Uh, yeah.” Chat looked away bashfully, his cheeks reddening. “I was thinking of asking Kagami Tsurugi. She was Ryuko before so she’ll be used to the Miraculous.”

Ladybug nodded. “Sass, can you call the other kwami over here, please?”

“Yesss, my Guardian.” With that, Sass flew off and returned with the other kwamis.

“Change of plans, guys,” she said, addressing them each with a subtle nod. “Chat’s going abroad as well so we need to use one of your Miraculous as well. Is there any kwami willing?”

Wayzz floated forward. “Who will be the recipient?”

“Kagami Tsurugi,” Chat said. Without saying a word, Longg shook her head and bowed out. She felt a bit sad that Ryuko couldn’t become active on the field without risking her identity. In her stead, Pollen floated forward determinedly.

“My Guardian, I believe my Venom will be most useful for this mission,” she chirped. Ladybug turned toward Chat.

He nodded. “I think that’d be ideal. Kagami’s very...straightforward.”

She nudged him. “You know her well, then huh, chaton?” she teased, raising her eyebrow at him.

His cheeks darkened and shoved her back playfully. “As if you don’t have your own boy toy running around, my Lady.”

Ladybug snorted. “I don’t have a boy toy, chaton. I’m too busy for all of that anyways,” she huffed.

“Not even for the guy you have feelings for?” he winked.

She shook her head. “No,” she whispered. “I think I’m ready to get over him, honestly. Not jealous, are you, chaton?”

Chat smiled lazily. “I think I got the message by now, my Lady. I’m not going to wait for you if you don’t want me there.”

“Thank you,” she smiled. She knew Chat had feelings for her, but since she could never really reciprocate, she was happy he was moving on. “Anyways, you’ll be giving Kagami the Bee Miraculous tomorrow and we’ll help her get used to her new powers over the next week.”

Chat nodded. “By the way, Ladybug. Who did you choose to be the new bug?”

She smiled softly. “Luka Couffaine.”

His eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “He’s been through numerous resets and has helped me out in the ones I could remember, so he would be the most familiar with my tactics and how the Lucky Charms work.”

“Makes sense,” Chat mused. He turned toward her with a face-splitting grin and held his fist out.

“Pound it?”

Ladybug smiled and copied his motions.

“Pound it.”

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what-is-your-plan-today · 4 years

Text

Don’t Worry, Be Snappy!

Summary: Amber finds herself stranded on a boat with Mike Weiss…and as anything where Mike is involved, it all gets a little crazy!

Warnings: Bad Language words.

A/N: As it is past midnight here in the UK here it is!

BEWARE- This is utter, utter nonsense. You’re about to get an insight into exactly how stupid mine and @icanfeelastormbrewing ‘s minds and brain storming sessions really are. But it made us laugh, and we hope it makes you laugh too.

Written especially for @sweater-daddiesdumbdork for her birthday! Happiest of days to you Ambi, we love you lots!!!

Fic Song: Don’t Worry, Be Happy by Bob Marley

Now listen to what I said, in your life expect some trouble, when you worry you make it double. But don't worry, be happy, be happy now

The problem with Mike Weiss is, well, just that he is Mike Weiss. Total crackpot, in more ways than one. Which was why Amber found herself one sunny July afternoon sailing down a literal creek without a paddle as they searched for his pet alligator. Mike had been struck by a sudden idea the previous night that it would be nice to take Snappy to the Everglades- “So he can associate with his own kind, learn so alligator social skills”

Of course, despite Mike’s protests to the contrary, Snappy was instinctively a fucking wild animal. So as soon as Mike had dropped him into the water he had slunk off into the weeds and completely ignored (again, not surprisingly) Mike’s calling of his name.

“Why did you let him go Mike?” Amber groaned, laying back on the bench in the boat.

“I was high, ok?” Mike sighed “Seemed like a good idea.” He chewed the inside of his cheek a little as he glanced around, hands on his hips “Here Snappy, Snappy.” “Yeah, he’s mingling Mike…there’s no fucking way we’re A- gonna find him, or B- he’s gonna come back!” “I love what a positive, always look on the Brightside kinda gal you are.” Mike shot her a look as he steered the boat carefully down the small reed lined stream.

“I’m a realist.” Amber sighed, still looking up at the clouds “You should try it sometime.”

At that point the boat they were on gave a little stutter and Amber sat up to see Mike glancing curiously at the controls.

“Erm…” he looked around “It broke.” “What do you mean it broke?” “Well it was working…” Mike rolled his eyes “And now it’s not.” “Fucks sake…let me try.” Amber sighed. She stood up, shoved Mike out of the way and she turned the key in the ignition. Nothing. With a groan she looked at him, her hands on her hips “I TOLD you we should have taken my fucking canoe.”

She flopped down back into her seat with a growl.

“Someone’s cranky” Mike whispered and Amber glared at him.

“You know what, I am, you’re right.” She pointed at him “You’re a dumb dork, who does dumb dork things, like letting an alligator go free in the middle of the swamp in FUCKING FLORIDA!”

Mike opened his mouth to say something but the sound of another boat engine drew their attention and they both turned. Amber’s eyes were instantly taken by the man steering the boat who was dressed in a white shirt and a dirty pair of jeans. His wind ruffled hair was stuck up slightly and his eyes were hidden by a set of aviators. A small girl with blonde hair sat besides him, a ginger cat on her lap and behind her perched a woman with long, reddy-brown hair, a pair of glasses also over her eyes.

“You guys alright?” the man asked as they pulled up alongside them.

“Yeah, this dumbass managed to strand us here.” Amber jerked her hand over her shoulder.

“Frank did that to us once.” The young girl grinned and the man who had just stopped the boat besides them looked down at her.

“That was the one time my repairs let me down.” He shook his head.

“One time too many.” She quipped.

Amber snorted, “I like you kid.”

The little girl smiled “I’m Mary, this is my uncle Frank and his girlfriend Fliss.”

“Nice to meet you all.” Amber smiled. “I’m Amber and this is Mike.”

“Want me to take a look at it?” Frank asked, nodding to the boat “I do it for a living so…”

“Be my guest.” Mike said, and Frank nodded, heading to the back of his boat.

“So what are you doing here?” Mary asked.

“Mary stop being so nosey.” Fliss sighed. Mike gave a chuckle.

“We’re looking for my pet alligator…”

“Yeah Idiot Boy here set him loose. Thought he needed some alligator time with other alligators…” Amber rolled her eyes.

“You have a pet alligator?” Mary’s eyes widened. “Frank, can-“ “No.” Frank cut her off as he turned round, a length of rope in his hand.

“It can live in the pool!” Mary pressed

“Absolutely not.” Fliss looked at her and then their attention turned to Mike as he gave a chuckle.

“Can’t keep em in a pool kid, chlorine…not good.” Mary paused and then grinned “We can build him a lake in Monty’s field…” “The hell we can.” Frank snorted.

“Ah go on man, make the little girl happy!” Mike smiled. “They make great pets…”

“Clearly they don’t.” Frank grumbled, looking Mike up and down before he frowned at the man’s ridiculous shirt and trouser combination. Fliss grinned.

“Nice boots” she said, gesturing to Mike’s cowboy specials.

“Thanks!” Mike flashed her a cheeky grin and a wink.

“Shame about the rest of it.” Frank quipped, as he tied a length of rope to the side of the stranded boat, securing it to his own so he could hop over onto the deck.

“You’re calling my outfit out?” Mike scoffed, gesturing with his hand to Frank’s loud yellow and black Hawaiian print shirt “Exhibit A your honour.” “Clearly this is some sort of shit outfit competition.” Amber mumbled.

“I feel you sister.” Fliss grinned “Are you two…erm…together…or…” “Never seen him before in my life.” Amber denied and Fliss laughed.

“What the fuck Amber?” Mike protested.

“He just turns up from time to time when he has the munchies and eats all my Sour Patch Kids.”

“That’s not the only thing I eat.” Mike grinned and Frank let out a snort.

“Yeah, sure.” Amber rolled her eyes before she looked at Fliss and Mary, dropping her voice “He also eats my dog, Tikka’s, food.” “Frank ate one of Fred’s catnip treats once.” Mary said and Frank shrugged, not taking his attention of the engine of the boat.

“I wanted to see what the fuss was about.”

“You were drunk” Mary retorted.

“That was the night you came home saying the leprechauns had stolen your jacket.” Fliss said.

Mike grinned “I see leprechauns a lot.”

Amber shook her head “Jesus Christ…” she mumbled.

“Ok, I see the problem.” Frank smiled, stranding up and turning to Mike “You’re out of fuel.”

Amber blinked as Mike turned to her, giving her a small shrug and an innocent, boyish smile as she exploded “What the…you didn’t think to CHECK?” “I thought they were electric.” Mike shrugged.

“God you’re an idiot…should have brought my canoe.”

“You know, that’s the second time you said that.” Mike looked at her.

“Really, well here’s the third…” She snarked “I. SHOULD. HAVE. BROUGHT. MY. CANOE!”

“Ok, we can give you a tow back.” Frank said, moving back to climb into his own boat. “Get you back to the centre.” “No can do.” Mike shook his head, “Need to find Snappy…” “Yeah, erm…” Fliss pointed to something that was approaching them, a confused expression on her face “I think he may have already found you.” They all turned and as they watched Snappy sail past their boat led on an Alligator shaped pool inflatable, being pushed by an extremely good looking man in a wet suit. He glanced up at them, smiling, his teeth white from behind his beard and he flicked his long hair back out of his eyes.

“Leave no gator behind.” He said simply, as he continued swimming past, Snappy basking on his inflatable.

Amber blinked, looked at the can of coke she was holding and turned to Mike “What the fuck did you put in this?” “Nothing…” “And why am I suddenly cold?” she frowned.

“Cold?” Frank looked at her “It’s like 90 degrees…in the middle of Florida.”

“That may be, but I’m still cold…” she frowned “And why is it going dark…”

****

Amber sat bolt upright, her head colliding painfully with the bunk above her, breathing deeply as she looked around. The light and warmth she had been feeling had been replaced with dark and cold, the blues and greens of Florida swapped for the dark greys and browns of the train…

“Hey…” a familiar voice said and she turned to look at Curtis as he sat up besides her “You ok baby?”

“Yeah, I just had the strangest dream.” She said as her man gently rubbed between her shoulders as she began to explain to him what she’d been dreaming about. He arched an eyebrow, sniggered occasionally and then snorted with laughter, a rare thing for Curtis Everett, when she told him about the inflatable alligator.

“And Mike, Frank, the Diving guy…they looked a bit like you. Which is odd.” She finished shrugging.

“Well I’m clearly on your mind.” Curtis quipped as he lay back, arms folded behind his bed as he gave her a sinful look “And you should be on my face so I can wish you a happy birthday properly.”

Amber grinned and shuffled round to straddle him before she stopped, her hands falling to his chest.

“On one condition.” She smirked.

“What?”

“Take your beanie off first. It gives me a rash.”

#happy birthday sweater #have some nonsense from us #don't worry be snappy #mike weiss #frank adler #ari levinson #curtis everett

109 notes · View notes

skeletorific · 4 years

Note

Hello! I was wondering which friendsim troll do you think would be the best to rant to? Like mspa had a bad day and just needed to rant to someone kakat style about how they dropped their coffee or got caught in traffic or broke their favorite cup?

I didn’t really know how to rank this and so just decided to do all trolls and judge them based on how good they’d be to rant to. Also I’m gonna assume non-quadrant for this. The behavior would adjust a bit (depending on which quadrant)

Ardata Carmia: Absolutely does not want to hear about it unless it ends in revenge and is somehow relevant to her. She has her own minor slights to be worried about, THANK YOU. 0/10.

Diemen Xicali: He seems like a good listener up until a point, and actually has some pretty good life advice when he wants to. There is, however, a 40-50% chance he’ll tune you out to think about meat midway through. 7.5/10

Amisia Erdehn: She can be a bit no-nonsense and may tell you to suck it up more often than not, but if you get her past that hurdle she can be a pretty good listener, especially if you agree to pose for her while you talk. That said, maybe don’t use the 10 year old as a vent. 6/10.

Cirava Hermod: Will listen to you rant about the worst day of your life and respond “big mood lmao”. 4/10.

Skylla Koriga: The platonic ideal of the rant friend. She’s an excellent listener, doesn’t jump in too early, gets angry on your behalf or laughs if you’re the type to joke throughout. She’s just got one of those faces that projects empathy. Additionally, she’ll make you some good strong tea and pastry, which always help.12/10

Bronya Ursama: You’d think she’d be better at it, and she really does want to be there for you! But ultimately, well....Bronya’s a very busy person and very “solutions” oriented. Which can be good sometimes! But if you’re just looking to get something off your chest, she really doesn’t know what to do and may come off as lightly uncomfortable. She’s trying her best though. 6/10.

Tagora Gorjek: You have to be careful with your timing, if you catch him when he’s busy he’s like as not to tell you to get over it and get on with your day. Still, get him on a spa day, over some strong tea, there’s nothing he loves more than a good old-fashioned bitch session. He’s got some rants of his own, and saves them up for your mutual day of wrath. 8/10.

Vikare Ratite: He has trouble sitting still for long and it can be hard to break him out of his own head but once you get him down to earth again (so to speak) he’s a very sympathetic listener and not bad at the occasional pep talk, given his proclivity for looking on the bright side. 7/10

Polypa Goezee: She’s not quite as active a listener as Skylla but she lets you say everything you need to and has a knack for asking exactly the right question. Polypa’s not much for sympathy, but she has a way of nodding that says “been there buddy” and you almost always find that you feel better after talking to her for a while. 10/10

Zebruh Codakk: Look I’m gonna give it the benefit of the doubt and say that he genuinely has good intentions at the start but stuff that’s not about him tends to go in one ear and out the other. He tends to empathize by supplying anecdotes about his own problems, which can be grating, but ultimately if what you’re going through falls outside his experience he’s gonna find some other way to make it about him. Will be very enthusiastic to get you to use his feelings jam pile though. 2/10.

Elwurd: Also has a hard time not making it all about her own shit or just kind of waving it off with a “that’s rough dude”. Elwurd’s not great with emotional vulnerability and it really shows. Still, there’s potential if you’ve been around long enough for her to get her head out of her ass. 3/10.

Kuprum Maxlol and Folykl Darane: If you can make it funny you’re golden, Kuprum and Folykl love complaining as much as the next troll. Still, coming to them when you’re going through genuine emotional distress....really, what were you thinking? For the record, Kuprum is more likely to apologize for going too far afterwards but even that’s unlikely unless all of you are really close. Still, they’d absolutely be down to help you jack the palmhusk of the asshole who spilled hot coffee on you, no question. 4/10

Remele Namaaq: Like Amisia and Bronya, she’s typically more on the no-nonsense end of the equation and very solutions oriented. She’ll let you speak a little longer while posing but is also pretty likely to keep asking you “so what exactlye do you plan to do aboute it?” Still, she’s also likely to solve your problems just for the sheer flare of it.7/10

Konyyl Okimaw: Is a great listener and will kill you if you tell anyone. She can be a bit on the abrasive side “pfft, then WHAT, you cried like some kind of WRIGGLER?” but then immediately follows it up with “because i’ve been told crying in that kind of situation can be healthy, you know, in small DOSES.” There’s a lot of bluster, but if she can coach you through a panic attack after a massacre, she can handle this. 11/10

Tyzias Entykk: Roughly the same strategy as Polypa. More likely to joke about your problems, though if you tell her you’re not in the mood she can tamp it down. You worry sometimes about overloading her with all the stress she’s already under, but truth be told she kind of likes hearing about someone’s problems that aren’t hers. Nice change, as long as they don’t expect her to help too much. 10/10

Chixie Roixmr: She tries her best, she really does, but she’s honestly going through a lot on her own, and it can be difficult for her to hear about yet one more problem she can do nothing to solve. You’ll likely notice her politely trying to shift topics after a while, which she feels awful about, but ultimately she has to know her own limits. Still, if there’s something you know she can help with, she’s there no question. Also, if she’s drunk she will absolutely get furious on your behalf and recommend some stunningly violent solutions. It’s very dangerous but surprisingly therapeutic. 5/10.

Azdaja Knelax: Oh he’s fucking awful. He may be the brains of the group but Konyyl got the emotional intelligence. He genuinely cannot understand why you’re involving him unless you think there’s something he can do about it. Otherwise, save it for the vent chittr, kid. 0/10.

Chahut Maenad: As with everything Chahut is a bit on the changeable side, but she’s usually content to listen quietly while you get it off your chest. Like drunk Chixie, her suggestions for solutions tend to be unsettlingly violent and you’re never quiiiiite sure if she’s joking or not, but its a weirdly good distraction. Chahut tends to cope with her problems on her own, but she doesn’t mind hearing you out when you need it and extends as much sympathy as her nature will allow. Pats your cheek when you’re done and tells you to “chin up liTTle moTherfucker” but there’s a gentleness in her tone. You hope. 8/10.

Zebede Tongva: May end up being so excited by the fact that you want to rant to him that he accidentally tunes you out, but he means well. He’s not much for the emotional insight, but he gets shocked and angry and upset at all the right parts, so he does well for a listener. Just make sure you don’t upset him too much, or you may spend more time trying to calm him down than you do actually venting. 7/10.

Tegiri Kalbur: MUCH better than you would expect. Gets very invested in your problems and listens very intently. As his kohai, your enemies are his and your struggles are felt as his own. Still, he has the highest estimation of your ability to solve problems, and as such it can be hard to get a little hyped up on yourself. Be careful though. Get too hyped up and he may have you looped into a raid on whoever has offended you before you know what’s happening. 9/10.

Mallek Adalov: He doesn’t necessarily do well with real vulnerability and may flounder a bit more than necessary on the right thing to say, but he lets you go as long as you need to and doesn’t interrupt. Mallek’s not the most emotionally intelligent guy but you get the sense when he tells you he’s sorry, he means it. Depending on how low you’re feeling, will definitely let you crash. Tends to throw food at the problem until it goes away. 9/10.

Lynera Skalbi: Uh...may want to give this one a miss. She’s very defensive of you and can be hard to restrain once you’ve gotten her started. Unless you want blood on your hands maybe tell take this to one of your other friends. -5/10.

Galekh Xigisi: He can sometimes talk over you, but in general he’s surprisingly good at listening to you vent. His hive is always open (1. when he’s not busy) and in lieu of emotional insight he has a very nice goatdad who will let you pet him. 8/10

Tirona Kasund: As mentioned, don’t use the ten year olds for therapy, but Tirona takes to it a bit better. Not because she’s particularly emotionally intelligent, but because she likes the sense that you trust her enough to bring this to her. It makes her feel more adult, a feeling she really enjoys. Bringing smaller complaints to her (bad traffic, etc) can be a good way to strengthen the bond. 6.5/10

Boldir Lamati: An excellent listener, and she often takes a much broader perspective that can help you contextualize things if you need to. Failing that, though, she’s content to just listen to you talk about your day. Its relaxing to tune into. 10/10

Stelsa Sezyat: Do it while you’re doing your hair or she’s doing yours, and she’ll be the best listener you could hope for. That said, she loses points for scheduling issues. Nothing kills a good vent like someone’s beeper going off or having to be pencilled into her color-coordinated nightmare. 7.5/10

Marsti Houtek: Nothing about her demeanor indicates good person to vent to, but surprisingly enough she kinda shines if you just need someone to quietly listen and not say much. She gets that, she’s been through that, and while she’s never going to be like “tell me how that makes you feel”, she doesn’t stop you once you get started and may even give you a gentle shoulder pat when you’re done. Its not much, but for Marsti, its a lot. 7/10.

Karako Pierot: Wisdom far beyond his years. 15/10.

Charun Krojib: Usually tries to get you to vent out your frustrations through art, which is more helpful than you’d expect. They’re not the best at solutions or comfort in the technical sense, but they will occasionally have a surprising amount of insight. More than that, they’re a vey nonjudgemental presence, which is helpful. 8/10

Wanshi Adyata: Occasionally she will say something so wise and insightful into your situation that you’ll be baffled that something like that could emerge from someone so young and relatively shelters. Other times she’ll incorporate what you tell her into her fanfiction. Win some, lose some. 5/10.

Fozzer Veyles: Weirdly enough the only thing that didn’t change about Fozzer across his mindwipes is that he’s a terrible listener. Pre Wipe Fozzer would make everything about the revolution. Post Wipe Fozzer will take any complaint as a reflection of your views on the system, and lecture you about how it could always be worse. 2/10.

Marvus Xoloto: With Wanshi in terms of the Russian Roulette of vents. Sometimes he drops these insight bombs on you that just completely blindside you. Its not for nothing that he got a knack for reading crowds. But he may or may not also mine you for song lyrics on occasion. Also may try to make it a flirting thing. (”so anyways then he threatened me-” “haha oh damn and then wat lol ;op”) 4/10 at least you get to look at his tits

Daraya Jonjet: Like most teenagers, Daraya has a hard time relating to things outside her realm of experience, but she tends to get really angry on your behalf, which is extremely validating. Still, it may mingle a bit with her own general anger and wind up...not really being about her issue. She can redirect if called out though, and she tries at least to be there for you as much as you are for her. 7/10

Nikhee Moolah: Did someone say rage exercises. Because Nikhee sure is saying that! A lot! Very loudly! They ARE effective in that its a little hard to hang onto your annoyance with shattered bones. But Nikhee also gives the best pep talks, so it’s not a total waste. 8/10.

Lanque Bombyx: He’s such an asshole about it and usually act like you’re wasting his time, but he’s listening more than he lets on. You’ll be chewing him out about not paying any attention and he’ll finally burst out “for fuck’s sake if you’re haVing skin problems you can just borrow my routine” or some other, surprisingly helpful thing. You’ll have to push him hard to get him to follow through (or bribe him) but Lanque is extremely observant, even when he wants to pretend he isn’t. 4.5/10

Barzum and Baizli Soleil: R U N 0/10.

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all-hail-the-witcher · 4 years

Text

so now that its been over a year since ive graduated high school id like to tell you all a story that ive been thinking about a lot recently. its a bit long, but i promise its worth it.

this post gets political, fair warning

for context: i went to high school in a very upper middle class, very white town. everyone i talk about in this story is white.

trigger warning: mentions of the german political administration during ww2, their tactics, and extreme right politics

junior year i took ap us history. the class itself was absolutely fantastic, definitely one of the best i took in high school. but we had Quite the assortment of kids...

my high school had this dumb thing called the university program. essentially you applied in 8th grade and it was advertised as this Special Accelerated Learning Program. spoiler alert: it was pretty stupid, all we did was take a certain number of ap classes per year and do x amount of community service. everyone hated it but we all stuck it out cause you got a chord at graduation. so if you were in the university program, you started only being in class with like a variation of the same 75 people. ap us history was one of those classes.

in our class we had quite the mix: 98% of us were members of national honor society but in addition we had the girl who would go on to be the salutatorian, this one guy who knew more about bitcoin than anyone should, two football players who were actually not assholes, and this really passionately german kid.

now this german kid, were going to call him s. he was...interesting. he was very very smart (everyone thought he was going to be valedictorian but he wasn't) but he took his ethnicity very seriously. and when i say ethnicity im referring to that period of german history from 1939-1945. s knew far too much about german politics, esp ww2 german politics (if youre picking up what im putting down there) and he often went as far as to “correct” our various teachers whenever germany came up and talk about very radical right ideas. but our apush teacher was a no-nonsense kinda lady and had no problem telling him “s youre wrong” which all of us absolutely Loved.

the other person in our story is one of the not asshole football players. we’ll call him d. he was what you Wished football players were like, nice, funny, almost like a class clown, would no doubt stand up for anyone getting shit talked, talked to everyone in class no matter what their “group” was and he was really smart, but not in an in your face kinda way like s was.

so anyway. in apush we would periodically have these Round Table Debates, where there were 4 groups: 1 group of jurors who would ask questions and then three teams that were defending their own stance on whatever historical argument we were having. our teacher would sit in the back corner and take shorthand notes on what we were saying, essentially leaving the entire discussion up to us except to tell us when it was time to move on to the next group. we all Loved round table debates because we were all an intelligent group and ended up having really deep and insightful debates and also whichever team won got 5 points of extra credit as did the juror who asked the best questions. about halfway through the year, we had a debate on what to do with the philippines after world war 2 (because they were technically a us colony at that time)

i dont remember what the three different stances were that we were arguing, but i do remember that d was one of the jurors and had asked one of the teams a question. s happened to be on this team and he answered the question. they went back and forth for awhile and things started to get Pretty Heated. we were all watching them intently, not really understanding a good half of what was being said because s had a way of talking in complicated circles that took at least 5 braincells minimum to understand, and all of us being crazy ap students, only had about 2 brain cells each.

but then, s said something in his usual backwards fashion, and d paused dramatically, staring at s intently and all of us were collectively like o shit. i have never heard a classroom that quiet, you could hear a literal pin drop. we were all waiting for 1. d to decipher what s had just said and 2. see what he was going to say in return.

several long moments passed. d leaned forwards in his seat, so far that it looked like he was going to tip the desk over, and, looking completely and utterly baffled, opened his mouth and said:

“are you defending e t h n i c c l e a n s i n g?”

the entire classroom e r u p t e d. cause holy shit, we all knew that s had some, to put it very simply, problematic conservative viewpoints that linked back to ww2 administration germany, but no one had ever called him out on it before (aside from our teacher telling him to be quiet during her lectures). and also this was supposed to be a history role play debate of sorts, the whole point of it was to take on a viewpoint that might not be your own and argue it to the best of your ability. but d knew and everyone else in the class knew that ethnic cleansing was not something that s was pretending to defend for the sake of the debate (public school might be wild but we never touched that topic in a debate setting because our teacher knew that it would make people uncomfortable to argue in favor of), it wasn't even in the prompt sheet, it was something that he had come up with entirely on his own.

so when s started spewing random nonsense as an attempt to backtrack and take back what he had just said, d started shouting back at him about how it was wrong and was halfway out of his seat, fists clenched, ready to literally fight s (if you recall, d was a football/baseball/wrestling guy, at least 6 feet tall, and as far as high school guys go, pretty jacked. he was Scary when he was mad)

it was at this exact moment that our teacher spoke up (which she n e v e r did during debates). she looked pretty shocked at the whole turn of events (as in, s defending ethnic cleansing, not d almost decking him) (and nothing ever phased her) and said, as calmly as she could muster, “alright. lets move on to the next question.”

we were all 16/17 year olds. we couldn't vote yet, but we still had very strong opinions. and d knew the implications of s’s opinions, knew that they were hurtful to other people, promoted the hurting of other people, and called him out on it. publicly. in front of our history class, filled with his friends and peers, our teacher, and some of the smartest kids in our grade.

after that day, s never suggested radical right ideas in class again, and if anyone else had similar ideas, they kept them to themselves. and from that point on d had my complete and utter respect.

now, im not telling you to almost beat up your classmate in class in front of your teacher and risk suspension, but if someone you know has a viewpoint (especially a young person) that is hurtful or promotes hate/harm to a group of people, dont be afraid to try and educate them. we might be young and the older generations might brush us off, but in a few years its going to be this generation pulling most of the weight in polls. educate your ignorant friends, family members, classmates etc. every little bit helps. and education is the only way that we will be able to promote change. this is not a battle that we are going to win overnight, but that doesnt mean we should ignore it if it doesnt affect us.

(oh and yes, d totally got 5 extra credit points from that debate)

((if this post offends anyone or is wrong in any way let me know and ill take it down or edit it))

#black lives matter #dont you even think about stopping the fight #blm #tw nazis #tw ethnic cleansing #educate people!!

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i-am-parsec · 3 years

Text

11/02/2020

Hey, so...I had a bit of a crisis a couple days ago and now I’m here, writing again. I think I can still picture your smug look whenever I’d admit I was “wrong”, even if my memory is very unreliable these days, I can still see it and I know for a fact that’s the look you’re giving me right now. You little shit.

Um, they are probably not gonna like reading that. They don’t like it when I “pretend I can actually communicate with my missing, most likely already dead ex husband”. Weird, right? Like I don’t see how that would disturb them, ha.

I suppose I now should explain to you who “they” are. I’m talking about my doctors, Dr. Richard Willson and Dr. Alexandra Freias, who, little fun fact, my sister hired solely on the basis of her being 1. A woman and 2. Latina. I guess she thought I’d “bond” better with someone who looked more like, but the funny bit is that Dr. Freias’ mother is Russian and she looks like a photocopy of her mother. What I’m trying is that, not only was my sister’s idea dumb, she also did a terrible job at executing it because my doctor looks white as hell. She is nice, though, and I’m grateful about that. And no, Dr. Freias, I am not writing that just so you’ll forgive me for destroying your brand new phone yesterday but yes, I am very sorry about that, or at least as sorry as I can be these days and I promise my dumb sister will replace it as soon as possible.

I’m gonna have to get used to the idea of these letters having a bigger audience than before. In the sake of my little agreement with my lovely health professionals, I’ll be open and honest and admit...I don’t like it, it makes me uncomfortable to share this, my only safe space, with people who are basically strangers to me, but I am aware this decision was taken for the sake of everyone's peace of mind. When I’m writing, I’m focused, more relaxed, less prone to spiral down after Dr. Willson gives me a mocking look and sighs at the mention of your name, Chase, so this is a good thing: I get to talk to you and my doctors get a bit of insight on what’s going on inside my mind without me losing my shit and breaking everything around me, something they claim to desperately need.

I am a woman of my word, so I will continue this little daily exercise if that is what everyone thinks is best for me, even if I can’t help but laugh at the idea that this might give them any kind of extra data about me or you or anything related to this mess our lives have been for the past couple of years. I’ve already told them everything, from the very beginning. They refuse to listen, I refuse to give in and spew the nonsense they are trying to feed me instead of the truth I already know, then we all get frustrated and eventually...we start the cycle again. Circles, we are just going on and on in these fucking circles and it does annoy me, but I guess I have accepted it to a certain degree - I’m stuck. This is my life now, an eternal retelling of the hell I’m trapped into, while being trapped within said hell.

I am lost here, Chase, lost and blind. But I keep moving, even if I know how it is all going to end, I still walk. I walk towards you, mi amor. You are my North, my compass in a world without poles, paths or direction. Ever since we were kids I’ve been doing that. You gave me purpose in a pointless world, a home in a deserted land, a glimmer of Hope among absolute darkness...so I’ll do my part, I’ll take my medicine, I’ll go to my appointments, I’ll write my letters. I’ll be good, I swear, for you, for the kids, for my sister - who bends over and backwards for me, even if I can’t seem to forgive her-, hell, even for my doctors, who refuse to actually listen to me but also refuse to give up.

Oh, before I go, in case you were wondering why I had the mental breakdown: I was telling the doctors about our wedding and it hit me that it was the 31st. I got quiet for a second, a bit teary and informed them that that day would have been our ten year anniversary. I laughed when Dr. Freias pointed out that we got married on Halloween and told her it was on purpose, that you love this holiday so much that you begged me for months to let you proclaim your undying love for me in front of our few friends, both of us being in full costume in our tiny backyard.

That’s when it all went sideways. “Undying love”. Dr. Willson just had to remind me with a smirk that we are divorced. I would like to explain in more detail what happened after that but truth be told, I don’t know. Last thing I remember was staring at him, my whole body shaking and then, dropping under water. It's a familiar sensation by now, but it never gets less disturbing or less violating. When I was back in control of my body, the room was a mess, I had three men holding me down and Dr. Willson’s forehead was bleeding.

I do not forgive him for the unnecessary remark about my civil status but I do regret, greatly, ever hurting him and I appreciate him not quitting. I don’t know why he wouldn't, I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with a new smug asshole who thinks they have the right pill and therapy combination to fix my unfixable brain. At this point in my life, I will always rather stick with the devil I know than the devil I don’t, and besides, Richard is no devil. I should know.

It’s late now, almost 8, so I’ll send this to Dr. Freias and be on my way to bed. See you there, my love.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Link to all the chapters in chronological order, here. Link to the last chapter, if you can even call it that, here.

Well. Here’s the thing. I am too broke for therapy and too uninspired to write anything original that could probably be more nurturing to my soul than a fanfic that I started 2 years ago...so I’m here, back to my bullshit. And also, Sean is finally dropping some new crispy fresh ego content so I guess...I’m doing this. I’ll be posting daily, the quality will be shit, there might be no actual progress to the plot and it is going to be mainly me just using Stacy to vent. I have little to nothing going on in my life right now, and I vaguely remember I used to get joy from writing so in order to get even the slightest bit of serotonin, I set myself the goal of writing everyday, no word minimum or special prompt in mind, I’m just going to write, and if it’s good, great and if nobody reads, fine. I’m just trying to get back whatever pieces of myself I can find, which I think is a feeling this character can very much relate to. That might be why I’m returning to her.

Or maybe it’s the fact that I was very invested in her before I fell in love and then I was so engrossed in my relationship that I completely forgot about her and then I had my heart broken in a million tiny pieces, losing any kind of sense of self or purpose in life and now, almost six months after my first real breakup, I’m trying to rebuild myself and I secretly hope that going back to Stacy, a character that was very dear to me, I can find whatever it is that I’m looking for. Maybe, but who’s to say?

Anyway, if you read all of that bullshit (and I mean the whole post, not just my after-chapter ranting), I feel like I owe you some kind of reimbursement for emotional damages. Sadly, I’m poor, so all I can offer you are memes. You can slide on my DMs for your payment of memes. Do not feel the need to ask me how I’m doing, I am doing Fine...in the sense of I will not be yeeting myself from a rooftop any time soon, no matter how sad I might sound, I’m just a whiny bitch using writing as a coping mechanism. I’m okay, like not really, super mega hyper ok but I’m ok. If you’re concerned, I appreciate you but don’t be. I’m writing to deal with my feelings, that’s like, healthy, right? So yeah, we good.

see u tomorrow

❤️Tag list❤️: @amyxmiaplay @beckofthewoods @closedworldofmathiel @darktrash-drash @fanfictionrecommendations-com @flyingfishflopsthings @fruitycasket @hiimizzyxoxo @hishex @scarlet-mangata @mcomegalletas @mijako98 @mysterious-cupcake-ninja @mysticalanimallover @novasingalaxies @plutoandpolaris @probablyghosting @randomartdudette @saltyweirdbi @scarlet--raven @septicuniverse @skyewardlight @thevampireauthoress @youllnevertaketheskyfromme @rats-this-username-is-taken

#Stacy Brody #Chase Brody #Jacksepticeye #Antisepticeye #Unaddressed Letters

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crystalelemental · 3 years

Text

“el-jarado: For what it's worth, she's my favorite because Lyn and Florina are both characters I really like, although I'm kinda bummed her existence is probably blocking Florina from a true alt...”

That’s honestly my biggest gripe with it too. Florina’s really popular, it sucks that she doesn’t have a seasonal alt of her own yet. Also this got really long so more under the cut.

I think the other thing is that, when it comes to these paired up units, I really want to see an interesting dynamic that makes it worth it. One of these units may as well not even exist; the very name of the units should make that clear (Duo Lif, for instance, completely ignores the fact that Thrasir is part of it, which she may as well not be). So they have to compensate in my mind. And a lot of them...very do not. Like Ephraim and Lyon. Lyon’s pretty popular. And he’s relegated to a backup, who will likely never be at the front of one of these powerhouse units. Or the Mia and “Marth” tihng. Yeah, it’s an unexpected partnership, but “Marth” being the backup could mean Lucina never gets anything as a frontliner, despite basically being a lord herself, and the dynamic doesn’t actually offer anything worthwhile. Which is a problem. If the backup is considered an “alt” despite not actually getting anything for themselves mechanically, then the alt has to offer a good dynamic that isn’t well-explored, or offers a fresh perspective on the characters. And because they don’t often do that, there are only five I like.

The good:

Duo Hector and Lilina is a precious dynamic we can never see in the main games. Hector and baby Lilina, going trick or treating, is unbelievably precious and wonderful, and exactly the kind of thing I expected of all Duo units when they were introduced. Oh well.

Duo Idunn and Fae are similar, in that we only see their dynamic at the very end of Binding Blade. This Duo feels like a continuation of their development, notably for Idunn who is starting to regain her lost soul, while expanding upon their sibling-like dynamic that’s implied but not explored in their home game.

Harmonic Tiki offers an interesting perspective on the experiences of these dragons who were, by and large, really isolated through most of their lives, and the difference between one who hesitates to trust humans and one who jumps right in. It’s a cool dynamic for characters who have met from across games. Still kinda upset Ninian isn’t the frontliner.

Harmonic Altina and Sanaki actually offers some great perspective into Sanaki. We already knew a bit about her insecurities, but having her admit to them to her ancestor who seems to be a hero she looks up to is precious, and the reciprocation and just raw joy Altina has at meeting her descendant is precious, and a dynamic that was well worth the investment.

Harmonic Myrrh...honestly is just precious. It’s another of those really cute dynamics between characters you’d never expect to see together. I think she and Nah have fantastic synergy, and a great dynamic to explore that, prior to this, wasn’t even considered. It’s great. It just sucks that one of them had to be relegated to backline.

The Bad:

Duo Ephraim and Lyon. Did you knew Ephraim was a frat boy? Because that’s all this alt seems to offer. Shit we already knew. Glad we lost a Lyon alt over this.

Duo Marth and Elise. We already know their dynamic, this doesn’t exactly add much. Glad we don’t get Elise in the game over this.

Duo Alfonse and Sharena. Nothing new is added, and Sharena is known to be the one who likes these festivals while Alfonse isn’t as invested, so why is he the frontliner?

Duo Alm and Celica. Nothing new is added, and frankly their conversation bothers me. I actually have this one, and for the first half it just feels like bickering nonsense, that they end by just kinda glossing over because Alm did get her a different present. Celica comes off as a brat, and Alm as kind of a dumbass. Which isn’t out of character, but reminds me why I don’t particularly love them as a couple.

Duo Palla, Catria, and Est. That’s a trio, but sure, it still doesn’t add anything to them. But they’re babies!

Duo Micaiah and Sothe. It offers nothing, it makes things worse for me by trying to insist this is the “Correct” pairing, and I really, really do not like Sothe as it turns out. Worst paired unit by dynamic by far.

Summer Mia and “Marth.” They offer a fairly unique dynamic, but not enough of one that they stand out. Also I, like many others, will never forgive them for putting Lucina as the backup, and potentially removing her ability to be a frontliner in another alt some day.

Duo Byleth and Rhea. I haven’t gotten their alt, never will, but I’m convinced their conversation is meaningless, since there is no way to make Byleth compelling without cheating. Also I will literally never forgive them for what this alt did to Rhea. I’m so fucking pissed this is her only representation in the game. No Seiros does not count.

Harmonic Veronica and Xander is cute, but Xander is still the dumb joke about not being able to swim, and their dynamic is well known, with this offering almost nothing to make them more interesting.

Duo Sigurd and Deirdre. Oh look, they’re being cute as a couple, because...there was literally nothing else for them to do or go off of, because Genealogy doesn’t care about characters.

Duo Lynja and Florinja. Does nothing interesting with their dynamic, and locked Florina out of an alt. Good job.

Duo Peony and Triandra. Actually does offer some insights to their dynamic, kinda? Mostly from the story mode though, and that didn’t require a Duo. All this did was lock Triandra out of an alt.

Harmonic Dorothea and Lene. And now my least favorite of all the paired units! I have no idea what this was doing! Don’t get me wrong, I like the unique partnerships Harmonics can suggest, but their feels completely devoid of charm or purpose. They just wanted to take two female characters and put them in awful revealing clothing for no reason other than hoping their titties would cause people to spend orbs before they dropped Seiros. They didn’t think about why this pairing should exist, they just said “Fuck, we don’t know who else from Genealogy would make a good Harmonic because they barely have characters to work with (fair point), just throw one of the dancers in with Dorothea.”

Duo Lif and Thrasir. I almost feel bad putting this one in the bad category, but hear me out. We already know this dynamic. While it’s kinda nice to have confirmation that they have feelings for each other, no one is surprised by this, and I almost preferred when it was a subtle implication and could’ve been taken as either camaraderie or love. Also Thrasir as the backup means still no proper Thrasir alt, and that’s kinda bullshit. It doesn’t offer enough to offset the loss of the backup getting an alt.

I don’t inherently hate the idea of Duos and Harmonics, but there is a massive cost to having a unit be just a backup, especially since it feels like IS considers that backup as “having an alt.” Which it isn’t. At all. So the dynamic needs to really work for it to be worth it. And it rarely is. This is the Mega Evolution of FEH. Fantastic idea that could really have done a lot for their character dynamics and development. But ultimately they just decided to do stupid shit with it and hope powercreep and fanservice would sell better than a well-reasoned combination of interesting characters.

#el-jarado #duo heroes #harmonic heroes

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kob131 · 4 years

Text

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XgKp9jj4Is

*sigh* Great, yet ANOTHER ‘Let’s rewrite Adam’ argument made by miss ‘It’s hard to keep track of RWBY characters like Zwei.’

“Degredation of Adam’s character from Blake’s mentor to an abusive ex to a whiny incel who makes insults like it’s his Pokémon name.”

A. “Blake’s mentor” is not a character. It is a description and not even a bare bones one.

B. What is the difference between an abusive ex and an incel exactly? They’re both used to describe despicable people in relation to romance.

C. That is not what incel. You’re using it as a generic insult and thus that last description may as well say ‘Adam bad’ for all the substance it has.

D. Adam always made stupid insults. People laughed at his voice in the Black Trailer and in Volume 3 for fuck’s sake.

And E. What WOULD you make Adam that wouldn’t just make him every generic freedom fighter?

“We’re gonna drop the abusive angel completely and go with Monty’s original plan-”

Done.

You just killed your own video by assuming a dead man’s intention with no fucking reason other than ‘mouthpiece.’

I have no reason to accept anything you say in good faith after this. Before you say that you wanted to change as little as possible then change a massive aspect while using a corpse as a meat shield from criticism.

You are owed nothing from this point on.

‘You don’t doodle your abuser in your notebook-”

Unless, you know, think about them. But hey, why use your brain when you can rely on the inevitable RWBY haters to drown out all criticism?

‘The abuse angle is the worst explored in the show-”

Proof?

No?

Considering your history, I HIGHLY doubt that.

“*Insert Adam into the Volume 2 train fight instead of the WF Lieutennat because he was an out of nowhere threta*”

...

So the Black Trailer and the Volume 2 finale never happened...or you’re an incompetent idiot.

“It gives the scene more weight because we know who Adam is-”

We also know who the WF lieutenant is AND we don’t waste an important character for a worthless fight that amounts to nothing as the train fights ultimately mean NOTHING.

Congrats, you made Adam worse because his first in series fight had him giving a good performance. Here, he can’t even kill Weiss (and in fact, as I am about to explain, he’d get CURB STOMPED by Weiss.)

Just as well, you’ll need to completely change his weakness. Adam is a glass cannon, he can dish out a lot of damage and move quickly but one good hit knocks him down. Makes sense since he’s not exactly big and buff and he can’t fight back when someone isn’t intimidated by him. It also makes him dangerous to Yang as she relies on taking hits at first which she can’t do with Adam because she often flings herself in ways that make dodging impossible. It also makes sense why Blake can fuck him over and why she can get fucked over: she’s also fragile but evasive which connects her with Adam too.

But say he fights, I dunno, someone who can zip around quickly in a manner that he can’t block the attacks and would logically get fucked over quickly by. Like say, a Semblance that zips you from spot to spot like WEISS’.

Yeah, he’d lose in an instant against Weiss because he’s never seen to be able to block attacks moving that fast and he’d get fucked over quick. So you’d need to up his durability and suddenly he loses a logical weakness that is represented by his personality, connecting him to Blake, basically making him a Yang clone and now you need a NEW weakness. Suddenly a lot of Adam’s interesting elements SHATTER.

This is why Adam rewrites suck. None of you think through your writing. You make the same mistakes that Miles and Kerry made but with less experience, less insight and less care and then pile on EVEN MORE flaws.

Worst of all, the bullshit you give about ‘knowing his threat level’ ignores other factors like appearance, attitude and fighting style. Oh wait, I know why. If we include those, the WF Lieutennat suddenly becomes a clear threat. His appearance is distinctly different from the WF goons, with his tall and thick frame indicating he’s strong and durable while his choice of weapon shows he would have a strong but slow fighting style and his attitude shows that if Weiss loses she could very well die a PAINFUL death by a sadist chainsaw wielding terrorist. (’More tension’ my ass.)

You throw out so much just for ONE point that was accomplished in the original anyway. What the fuck else are you gonna muck up?

“Have adam be there to show Adam working with Torchwick-”

Which Blake would already assume since the WF is working with Torchwick and Adam LEADS the WF. But I guess Blake is too stupid to do basic math.

“Then have Adam let Blake run away-”

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Run to where?! They are in an enclosed space! Adam should be chasing after her! He has every reason to chase after her, both personal and professional!

“Then we can have dialogue that goes something like this in Volume 3: Adam: “I don’t want to have to fight you but I will if I have to. Blake: No no, Humans aren’t bad people! Adam: I have seen what they can do. Your family kept you safe. I wasn’t so lucky-”

Cool, so he’s every generic ‘sympathetic’ freedom fighter now.

Instead of being a deconstruction of the noble wounded freedom fighter, showing how such a person would be impossible for such a situation from the extremity of the harm done to him, the manipulation by his superiors for their own ends and his own faults, he’s just a generic pity bag now.

No wait, a SHITTY generic pity bag now because in the Black Trailer, he explictedly tried to blow up innocent people on a train. Blake even questioned him on it and he said ‘So?’. That isn’t the reaction of some noble but misguided person, that’s the reaction of someone so far off the deep end they’ve lost basic sympathy.

Trying to make him out to be noble here would be like trying to make me believe Raven is this secret loving mother or this protector: their actions in the past CONTRADICT this.

‘But Twiinks never said that-’

Her choice of words did. The words you choose your characters to say speaks about how we are suppose to view them. Adam’s word choice in the original communicates a dangerous sadism and madness built from pain and a lack of emotional maturity. This version communicates a sadness stemming from a supposed kindness that Adam SHOULDN’T have.

‘But it tells us what they’re stances on humans are-’

So did the original while also why we should route for Blake over Adam (i.e. she’s still sane and tries to be kind while Adam has lost it and is being cruel and vindictive.)

We literally lost something here.

“He truly feels like this is the only way to help Fanaus-”

So we're now working off the assumption he cares about the Fanaus and not just himself and his own pain, deconstructing how real life movements become corrupted from their original purpose by focusing on their own personal pain than a universal kindness.

Cool, so Adam isn’t Adam anymore.

“Adam still stabs Sienna but it’s about the orgnazation instead of a lame power grab-”

*rolls eyes*

I really hate these rewrites. Why do you even bother with Adam if you tear out the character and insert someone completely different?

“Adam is remorseful, Sienna says something like ‘I would rather die than give you the organization’, and Adam apologizes. Perfect scene.”

A cheesy line that rings hollow and more OOC. Wonder-fucking-ful. I also looked ahead and saw that you are changing Adam’s character short to be about getting his scar. (More on that mess when we get to it.) So Adam being used by Sienna to push for her more violent agenda over Ghira’s peaceful one, something used by the show to show we shouldn’t be shitty to each other (AKA A core theme) still exists. Meaning that what should be Sienna paying for her sins by having the very person she used to push her agenda take it to its logical extreme, kill her in turn and destroy her work is just nonsensical pity begging.

I also assume Adam declaring his idea of Fanaus Supremacy and basically quoting Mein Kampf is still in the show since you never address that. Cool, so either I pity a woman who screwed this man’s life or I pity Furry Hitler. *slow claps*

“During the Volume 5 fight, his breaks and we see his scar-”

...

I’m not even surprised by how dumb this shit is.

Adam’s scarf reveal in Volume 6 was wonderful and one of the best moments in the show. For so long, we saw Adam as someone who was destructive and hateful for no reason and right there, the audience is forced to see that while his actions are inexcusable, his reasons are very human and very real. He’s not a monster, he’s a person whose consumed by pain. At the very end of his life, Adam wasn’t a monster: he was a sorrowful reminder of what pain does to a person.

What does the scar reveal do here? ... Nothing. Seeing his face in full means nothing. Twiinks doesn’t even say anything about it. It’s just there because she wants a look of remorse and thinks that can’t be accomplished with the mask. Even though we could see him cry or have a look of sorrowful anguish. Adam can emote fine without his mask.

I just-I can’t believe this.

”The Adam short is now instead of a bunch of emotionless fight scenes now about how Adam got his scar-”

...

Just more pissing on what makes Adam good. Yeah yeah...

The Adam short is not just a bunch of emotionless fight scenes. The fight scene you show (of Adam protecting Ghira) shows so much. It shows the struggles of the peaceful White Fang, it shows Adam being shocked at killing a human as he hadn’t fallen yet, it shows Sienna using Adam to push her violence without concern for his well being and it shows how he got it into his head killing was fine.

That was ONE scene. ONE. Your scar replacement as a whole would have less impact (as we can tell how got it from context clues) than ONE scene.

Are you guys getting WHY I hate rewrites of RWBY so much?

“Adam finds Oscar-”

If this doesn’t end with “and then he kills Oscar” I don’t care. Even this version of Adam would jump at killing a human and would have no idea Oscar knows Blake.

And it doesn’t. Great. BTW, Oscar wouldn’t know about the plan at this point so him showing up at the CCT tower isn’t explained and this scene is pointless.

“Adam would show up at the CCT tower, killing the CCT guards while ranting about equality and justice. Blake jumps in, leading him away to the waterfall. She says ‘Adam, you’ve gone too far! You’re just as bad as the people who hurt you!’“

Gee, that wasn’t clear when he tried BLOWING UP A TRAIN FULL OF INNOCENT PEOPLE?!

Also, Twiinks tries to push this idea that Blake wants to reconnect with Adam (which makes no sense as she LEFT Adam).

“Now we have the decapitation scene-”

We know she’s not gonna die, the fear came from the destruction of beacon and Yang being injuried. Of course Blake isn’t gonna die here.

“-moved to a thematically appreciate moment in the story-”

Considering you didn’t give two shits about thematic before, why the fuck would I care now?

“-Yang isn’t involved as to not muddy how if it was self defense.-”

So Yang’s arc is just scrapped and instead of having someone around who went through similar shit as Adam with a similar mindset and personality to dislay how wrong he is, we have a far shittier version that doesn’t even serve it’s purpose as protecting friends and family is covered by self defense and the people who bitched now would still bitch because Adam dying is the issue, not self defense.

“We see regret in Adam’s eyes-”

Means nothing because he was just a loon at this point out of nowhere and he’s still a terrible person. See, the thing is you can give a pitiable side to characters like Adam but you have to accept there is still good reason to hate him. Trying to hammer sympathy at us is just gonna make him less sympathetic.

“We shouldn’t be developing the budding relationship-”

It wasn’t.

That wasn’t a fucking romantic scene, it was an emotional breakdown after a stressful

“By making Adam an understandable character-”

This is perhaps the most insulting part.

Adam IS understandable. Just because you don’t sympathize with him doesn’t mean you can’t see how he became this way. He was enslaved at a young age, branded in a way that robbed him of so much, he tried to make things better but because of forces outside of his control and his own issues, he lost his way and became what made him: someone cruel and uncaring of others. And yet, even as he does terrible things, we can still see that even he is a victim of the world, lamenting his fall and who he could have been.

That is something that fits the tone of RWBY so much better than a generic freedom fighter turned crazy person. Not to mention all the brilliant details you scrapped for shallow and boring details that any run of the mill show could do.

You improved NOTHING here. You just turned Adam from an interesting deconstruction and a cautionary tale of what we can become to every revolutionary in western media which, considering America’s origins, are a dime a dozen.

I’ll say it again: This is why I hate rewrites. You didn’t put nearly as much thought and effort into the show as the creators did and yet you stand on their work, rot it from the inside and try pedaling a worse version because it fits some people’s delusions.

Every time I look into you Twiinks, you become worse. How far will YOU fall?

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lnc2 · 5 years

Text

An Episode as Generic as Its Name: A Stormy Weather 2 Breakdown

I have a lot of... feelings about this glorified in case you missed it recap and they’re all clamoring to be discussed at once so this will not be a pretty essay but a salt dump because that’s all my frantic hands can take.

Mrs. Lot don’t have shit on me rn.

First of all, it’s ironic that an episode centered around the idea of change goes out of its way to highlight just how much hasn’t changed at all. Recap episodes are never my favorite, but especially here, when every monologue from the characters accompanies a flashback that contradicts the very idea that the writers are trying to push forward.

Chloe’s flashbacks did not show her moments of growth, but only her nastiness, reinforced in the present by her continued nastiness. Gabriel is after the miraculous. Nino and Alya are in love. Marinette is able to hang out with Adrien, Adrien gets to go to school. Chat Noir is in love with Ladybug. Ladybug thinks she and Chat are a great team.

I hesitate to even say that Nathalie has changed at all– her behavior is the same we just were given an insight into her head.

... So what exactly were the changes that were supposed to be highlighted?

Instead of focusing on Chloe’s softer moments, or Marinette’s bravery vis a vis Ladybug and understanding vis a vis Adrien, we’re forced to watch half an hour of transformation sequences and flashbacks that show us how ML is in its 3rd season and the plot hasn’t really progressed at all.

The amount of times everyone was like, wow, we’ve changed so much! made me think that this episode was just supposed to be a writers room call out to skeptical fans saying “Here! I’ll walk you through their character growth that’s happened over the last two seasons. Now shut up and watch the show!”

Unfortunately it failed spectacularly.

Thinking beyond the heavy-handed theme for this episode, one thing that I will say it did well was highlighting the major players arcs in this series.

And not in a good way.

Poor Chloe. I’m not sure what they’re trying to tell us about her character– one episode we’re being beat over the head with the idea that people can change and we should give unlimited second chances, and ultimately Chloe has the capacity for good. Which we’ve seen. Chloe’s moments of vulnerability are beautiful. And then she’s right back to being the absolute worst. And not in a “these things take time” kind of way but in a confusing, wtf is happening kind of way. Are we supposed to root for her or not? Is her redemption happening or not?

“Once a villain, always a villain?” I don’t know Zag, you tell me.

Alya and Nino definitely get the short end of the stick here. As much as I love DJWifi, latter half of S2 and all of their appearances in S3 focus around their relationship as far as it extends to each other and not their great qualities as heroes in their own right or their relationships to their friends. How is their arc only found in their relationship? Nino, who was akumatized for his best friend, and Alya, who theoretically wants nothing more than to be a journalist and does anything for the story, have been pushed to the side. (Note: I love that we get to see a happy, healthy POC relationship. The issue lies in this being their only arc.)

The Agreste storyline manages to be the stalemate shitshow it’s always been. Gabriel hasn’t changed and with the exception of Nathalie taking on Mayura, neither has that house.

Which brings me to Adrien and Marinette.

Marinette, ugh they did you so dirty here. I cannot articulate how angry this makes me so I’ll break it down into points:

1. Marinette’s “changes” as presented in this episode revolve entirely around her ability to hang out with Adrien. Not in her growth as a person, not in her gaining confidence as Ladybug and conquering her fears, not as being the bigger person. But in how she got to hang out with her crush.

2. They didn’t even show the right changes she’s made. Marinette always tried to hang out with Adrien. It would have made a better point with what I think they were going for at the end of this episode to show how Marinette’s feelings have moved from I just want to date him to I want him to be happy even if it’s not with me which we see in Frozer and Captain Hardrock and the Collector to name a few.

3. Tikki’s comment that now starts the beginning of a new, self-improved Marinette completely BAFFLES me. Beyond the fact that every episode is about improving Marinette whether she needs it or not, nothing changed in this episode from beginning to end. She dropped off Adrien’s homework as she did before. She already was willing to let him go in Frozer. Emphasizing how she appreciates his friendship isn’t new here.

Then we have Adrien. Adrien who is arguably the least changed character from beginning to end. The only changes shown are his ability to go to school and have friends and we got that in Origins. There really isn’t much to say here except to bemoan the fact that Adrien is given so few opportunities by the writers to change that even when he’s had those opportunities (Copycat!) they are presented as if he was the one in the right and didn’t need to alter his behavior in anyway. He even had his moment in Glaciator where he told Ladybug he accepted that she was his friend only to be a total jackass in Frozer when the same issue came up.

Which brings me to Plagg’s little monologue about Ladybug “standing him up” and confessing that she liked someone else. It was very clear in Glaciator that Marinette never said she could make it to dinner and the way Ladybug is continually framed as being in the wrong here is maddening. That and the fact that she told him she doesn’t feel the same way and he keeps pursuing her, and attention is drawn to that fact in this episode. It makes me wonder how any of the writers could view any of this as character growth.

(Also where the fuck was Kagami?)

Now having said, all of this, you would think that an episode that spent nearly half an hour talking about change and moving forward etc. etc. might be building up to something. And you would be

so wrong.

I held out hope for the end. I honestly did. When Adrien compared the two letters from Marinette I thought maybe we’ll finally see some momentum with the love square. Whether it was Adrien’s revelation about Marinette’s crush or even her identity as Ladybug I honestly didn’t care. I just wanted something to happen.

And it didn’t.

Instead we got a reset button.

Another, another “lol jk just a friend” with the only exciting actual change in this entire half hour being the Luka/Marinette foreshadowing.

We’re in Season 3 pulling Season 1 jokes.

Will they or won’t they doesn’t work when they never actually do anything.

And finally, in the spirit of actually doing something.

Someone, please, explain something to me.

Of all the akumas to invoke, why the hell did they choose Stormy Weather, a fan favorite, and not even do anything interesting with her? I’m all for breaking formulas and having akumas be background nonsense – Clara confusedly describing LB’s lucky charm is how we work around it in fics– but I want an actual plot to go with it.

We were baited and switched, forced to watch a half hour webisode that attempted to show us growth but only served to highlight how much of a let down this show has been.

Stormy Weather marked a promising beginning.

So why does Stormy Weather 2 make me feel like we haven’t moved forward at all?

#ml spoilers #ml salt #ml discourse #long post #miraculous ladybug #i am #so done

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jq37 · 5 years

Note

May we have a recap, please? :)

**spoilers for panic at the art show and home for the holidays**

OK people. I actually don’t have a ton of commentary on these two so I’m gonna try and keep it (relatively) short and sweet [Edit from Future Me: Failed Step 1].

Also, iirc, this is the week Dropout starts streaming new Fantasy High eps on Wednesdays which is very dope and I am very excited for. I probably won’t do full on recaps like I do for normal eps because, lbr, I don’t strictly have the time to be recapping these eps at all and it’s pure stubbornness that keeps me from making wiser time management decisions. But, rest assured, if I have an Opinion, you will hear it whether you want to or not.

Anyway, on with the show.

Last recap, I mentioned that this ep was giving me Aelwen house party vibes and now it reminds me of that ep in another way: Everyone rolled like TRASH almost the entire ep. It was so frustrating! They barely got any hits in until like halfway through the ep.

(Aw man, I just realized I’m gonna have to remember which spelling of Aelwen is correct again now that FH is coming back.)

I love how Murph is immediately like, “I need to make sure my wife doesn’t die during this fight avenging her fictional husband.”

Isabella also has Aelwen’s trick of poofing around the battlefield which is annoying as hell (ha) for the group.

Siobhan hilariously casts fear on Priya just to be spiteful. I thought she was doing it to help the evac process but no. It was a purely spiteful action. Bless.

When Kug turns into an ape he, of course, turns into *the* NY ape, King Kong.

“I roll a nat 20 on an epic shit.”

When Brennan was describing Kingston’s spectral New Yorker Guardians I was already thinking about that one part of Spiderman 2 (the OG Toby Mac version) and then he straight up said, “You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us,” and I lost it.

“Deny the stairs the pleasure of my feet.” Emily is a poet.

I want to know what makes a pigeon spicy more than anything.

The fact that Brennan killed Ox AGAIN and then immediately looked into the camera and let the audience know the dog was fine because he clearly Oracle stared into the future between eps and saw the entire internet sharpening their pitchforks was so funny.

About midway through the ep, Pete tries and fails to send Isabella back to hell and Isabella starts monologing about her plans and connection with Robert Moses (she stole the list from Santa and is/was gonna marry Moses apparently). I wonder if Brennan was like, “These players are for sure gonna murder her without getting any useful info out of her unless she goes full Bond Villain right now.”

And, proving my point, Emily immediately does 56 points of damage, royally f-ing Isabella up.

This is a really civilian heavy fight which feels weird in a way the FH fights never did. Like, these aren’t even civilians who live in an adventuring town in a fantasy world. These are just normal ass civilians in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Pete fails a wild magic roll after failing to teleport into the building and then gets a choice of getting really strong (which prob would have let him bust down the door) or to teleport in (which is what he does and exactly what he wanted). Very clutch when the dice rolls play into the story like that.

Kingston lightning bolts Isabella’s hair off which is just malicious but also totally called for.

On her next turn, Sophie gets hurt on purpose to get low enough to activate her ring, lets her hair burn for long enough to shorten it to a cute bob, insults Isabella, then knocks her tf out.

I love that Emily took one of her teeth (a seemingly crazy move) and when called out by Lou was like, “It’s a link to Robert Moses” (a completely reasonable answer). That’s the Axford one-two punch.

I didn’t mention it before but, Willie the golem is here, first immobile but then brought back by Misty. Post fight, he says he was somehow brought here by one of the evil factions of the city and says they’ll talk about it later. Also, Misty makes out with him (DON’T KINKSHAME HER).

With a high insight roll, Kingston is able to deduce that the group was ambushed (though not by Priya) and that their victory was a really important one for the fate of the city.

(Sidenote: The amount that Pete is Over Priya in this ep is so funny.)

Back at Wally’s (which is where Kug is now staying) Wally has gotten Kug a dog bed to sleep in and fancy charcuterie cheese because he and Ricky are the only pure-hearted people in NYC.

At the same time, Pete and Kingston have a very sweet heart to heart and then settle down at Kingston’s place to chill and listen to jazz. Idk how else we expected this to resolve, considering this is a Brennan Lee Mulligan DM’d show where the sacred pillars are Teamwork, Friendship, Communication, and Making up an NPC on the Fly Because One of Your PC’s Decided to do an Insane Thing.

Next up is the Christmas ep and Brennan, Emily, and Zac are in sweaters for the occasion.

Well,actually it’s the 21st and Emily immediately clocks that that’s the solstice.

Are cookies the good carb?/Absolutely not. But have fun with your life. (I love Ricky’s soft jock energy.)

“I run deliveries,” Pete says to Kingston’s parents, not technically lying but also not being completely truthful. Misty would be proud.

Going over to Misty, it seems pretty clear at this point (and it’s confirmed in the promo for next ep) that Misty’s fairy business is some kind of de-aging/reincarnation for herself. I wonder how many of these she’s done so far. She said she’s been around for, what? 200, 300 years? Assuming she’s been doing then reincarnations at about 65-70 years old and she reincarnates to around 25? Maybe 6 times? Idk. Just spitballing.

Saucer of milk to keep the faeries from stealing her (non-existing) children. Faerie lore is wild y'all.

Did you take another level of warlock?/Yeah bitch.

The fact that since Sophie has joined a monastery, she’s only taken Warlock levels and no Monk levels is very funny from a story perspective. It’s like, she finally comes to this sacred place to be trained to her full potential and she’s just spending what should be her sparring time playing with her cat in exchange for spells. Wild.

Emily’s cat-like, self-satisfied grin when Brennan is like, “So you just jerry-rigged yourself clairvoyance powers, huh?” is so good.

And she did it on the fly because Emily Axford is winning D&D. There are no points but she’s winning.

So, uh, Emily does, two things, very in character right after the other:

Thing number one: She send her unseen servant to spy on her family. Her dad seems hardline, “F, Dale. Whatever. Family first. She needs to get over it.” On the other side of the spectrum is her mom who is very upset about the whole affair with her siblings falling in the middle.

The second thing she does, very casually I might add, is have her unseen servant BURN DOWN HER HOUSE SO SHE CAN COMMIT INSURANCE FRAUD.

EMILY

Everyone loses their minds and rightfully so. What a wild-ass swing that no one could have seen coming. I love it.

“I look in my backpack which is now my home[…]"

I almost forgot that Ricky was a fire fighter who would not abide that nonsense until Brennan decided to cut to him.

Ricky just dolphin swims across the Hudson in 2.5 mins to go put out the fire that Sophie set. Amazing.

Ally mocking Emily/Sophie: Truthfully, I don’t know what happened.

"I love John McClane, because he loves his wife.” WALLY

Wally: Oh we’re gonna tell a lie on Christmas.

“This is what winning looks like.”

I would really like to know what trace stuff what on the drugs Pete got from 7 but Ally rolled too low to figure it out.

“I disassociate fully."

Well it took him a long ass time but glad to have Pete on the selling drugs to kids is bad train. Choo-choo, dude.

7 saying you can hack in real life in reference to his AK-47 has the same energy as Hardison using the word hack in literally any semi-weird episode of Leverage.

SOCIAL MEDIA IS VOLUNTARY PANOPTICON

So Kug goes with Wally to David’s house disguised as a dog and, despite that, blurts out that he’s his dad immediately. Well, he tries to. The Umbral Arcana stops him, unfortunately.

"I lick my son’s face.” KUUUUG.

Sophie showing up with a raw goose and hellish rebuking it is so metal and it’s a shame no one got to appreciate it.

Me when Sophie’s Mom changes into black top in solidarity for Sophie’s mourning: F EVERY OTHER NON-SOPHIE BICICLETA. I RESPECT YOU.

Kingston is hustling very hard to get his man Pete a job which is a very Kingston move. That’s how guys like that show affection.

Didn’t mention it before but Kingston’s parents and Mom specifically adopting Pete is very cute.

Sidenote: Idk what 7 was talking about Pete trying to stay low profile. He wears a cowboy hat (now a ZEBRA STRIPED one, courtesy of Kingston). I think the subtlety train has sailed my guy.

Esther shows up at the firehouse, carrying presents for her mom and grandma and looking for Ricky. The says that she’s kinda dealing with something and it feels good to be around him (beat) magically speaking. Sure. I’m gonna keep my Hercules soundtrack on hand just in case anyway.

I think Ricky is the only person who, with no pretense, could give his crush a sexy calendar featuring him.

Anyway, turns out Esther’s mom and grandma are the furies of Tompkins Square and she’s fated to join them or something.

Esther causally: I defy you, I defy the prophecy.

The fury thing would explain why Esther’s mom would have cursed Kug. They are famously magical punishers.

Ricky is a magically certified Good Boy but we been knew.

Zac’s restraint to respect Esther’s personal boundaries in lieu of getting a lore drop to stay true to Ricky’s character is amazing. Mad props.

So we slide over to Misty’s Christmas party which Stephen Sondhein is attending and him having a character card kinda killed me.

There’s a post on tumblr somewhere about playing faerie incapability for impoliteness against a vampires need to be invited in and that’s what I thought about when Moses and his vamp friends showed up at Misty’s house.

Robert tries to talk Misty into striking a deal with him for protection from Titania. She’s very much not having it.

“You know Robert, I love a comedy and I love a farce. I’d like to remind you of who it is that started this and it’s not me and it’s not my friends but I can assure you Robert Moses that we will be the ones to end it if you do not. Do you understand me?” Damn. That’s a mic drop from Misty.

[As I’m editing this, I’m realizing I somehow lost a BIG chunk of text. I’m not gonna write it all up again but the Cliffnotes are as follows:

Between the Solstice and Christmas, the gang goes Grand Central Station to see the clockwork gnomes that live there because trouble is apparently afoot. Some size changing nonsense happens and Pete shoots a dog (with mini bullets, the dog is fine). Lou is enchanted even though Kingston is not (a common theme with him). Ally and Emily are on the same nonsense wavelength (as usual).

There are dope magical dragon trains under Grand Central Station that go to the shadow realm which is a place I’d like to know about. Kingston has never seen these trains before even though you’d really think he would have.

Murph says Gnome Rights which is wild if you know what Naddpod is like.

Anyway, the high priestess of the gnomes passed out the other day and they figure out it was due to pixie magic which is suspicious. They also know they pixies have access to a “time stone” which leads me to believe that it’s Brennan and not Aguefort who thinks that Chronomancy is the most powerful magic of all.

Sophie and Jackson go to Dale’s grave on Christmas. Jackson explains that the Order of the Concrete Fist is basically a literal school of hard knocks. A counterbalance to all the reach for the stars dreaminess that comes with NYC.

Dale was their chosen one who was supposed to stop the monastery from falling when some unspecified badness crossed over to this side, but when he went to the place where he was supposed to get guidance, there was no one there (clearly tying in to what Dale said to Sophie last time they talked. I wonder what she needs to get to the top of? Empire State maybe?).

Watching Murph watching Emily, his real life spouse, play at grief for her fictional husband and do some truly insane things is so funny because you can clearly see him thinking, “I am married to this woman,” which, in fairness, is probably the main thing he’s thinking when he’s playing D&D with Emily.

I’m probably missing something but that’s all I remember. Back to post-Christmas!]

So it’s opening night at Misty’s show and, somehow, Ricky’s first show ever.

I love that Don Confetti is there because of Siobhan’s offhanded comment for a handful of eps ago about him being a supporter of the arts.

Anyway, everything is going great until the second act when Titania busts in through the mirror which is *not* is storage as Misty requested but on stage. It’s a theater fight, y'all! And not the West Side Story kind although if that doesn’t come up I will be very surprised.

“Let’s kill Titania!” –Misty in the promo

Just going straight to 11, huh Misty?

See y'all then!

#dimension 20 #the unsleeping city #d20 #asks #kickmuncher3

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howtolistentomusic · 4 years

Photo

Dear people that think the Goodwill wants to sell your Ziploc baggie of used crayons: it doesn’t. That shit goes directly into the trash, right on top of your broken furniture. Surely you mean well when you donate, say, an old dresser with a busted leg. But good intentions can’t magically transform a ragtag crew of temp agency employees into proper handymen.

If, however, you need an informed opinion on one of those homemade mixtapes that sometimes find their way into the warehouse, I might be your man.

Once upon a time I managed to con my way into the world of online music writing. As one might expect from a blogger haughty & naive enough to write under the banner How to Listen to Music, many of my insights have aged terribly. But I was constantly learning from the best critics, journalists and bloggers in the field and HtLtM was gaining steam before my fragile discipline collapsed under the weight of increasing visibility. I still believe deeply in the merits of the template I created to analyze songs on Youtube, which was unlike anything on the internet before or since. Maura Johnston seemed to like it, at least.

And yet I failed miserably at turning these creative endeavors into a sustainable career. So here I am, handling donations at my local Goodwill warehouse for minimum wage. Today old man Kenneth and I are inside the container, which is the detachable part of a freight truck the drivers dump on the dock for the roll-off team to unload. We’re placing the donations on the open edge for the guys outside to grab and toss into gaylords. Yes, the thick cardboard boxes with an open top we place on pallets to store donations in are called gaylords. And yes, my coworkers think this is hilarious. Death, taxes, and “they’re calling you!” from one roll-off laborer to another every time the term is overheard.

***

“You dropped this,” Kenneth says as he hands me a crate of CDs.

“If there’s no Justin Bieber, it’s not mine.” I say.

“You better cut that shit out!” David says.

“He’s joking,” Donald tells David.

I laugh.

“I know you!” Donald says.

“Dude, I’m a poptimist.”

“A what?“

Let’s start by pointing out that it’s a hell of a lot easier to be an "authentic” artist, as a certain orthodoxy of criticism dictates one should be, when your very existence isn’t under constant attack. You’re in luck, straight white dudes! Again. What a coincidence.

Poptimism basically says nay! to all the noise. The Beatles go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Gaga goes to Mars to get more candy bars. Or college, I suppose, if your childhood sucked.

“It means I listen to pop.” Among many other genres, to be very clear. “Top 40. All the stuff you guys probably hate.”

“Bullshit!” Donald says.

I don’t know who he thinks I am but it’s clearly someone much, much cooler.

“I thought you were smart!” David says.

“Am I no longer smart if I listen to Justin Bieber?”

“Nope!” says Kenneth.

“Oh shut up!” I say to the grizzled geezer. “Go jack off to Creedence.”

“I’d rather get gang banged by CCR than listen to that little homo.”

You heard it here first. Listening to Justin Bieber: gayer than being gay!

“Really? Justin Bieber?” David says. “Wow. You think you know a guy.”

“Any recommendations?”

“Marvin Gaye! Stevie Wonder! James Brown!”

What’s Going On. Songs in the Key of Life. Think. These are all stone cold classics. I have a healthy respect for these artists but they aren’t in my regular rotation.

“Those guys are before my time. If we move up a few decades, I’m totally there. New Edition, Boyz II Men, Soul 4 Real …”

“Now we’re talking!”

“Bieber’s better though.”

David throws up his arms in wild exasperation, as if his favorite sports team just botched an important play. He doesn’t seem to understand that I’m trolling him.

To be clear, I do indeed listen to Justin Bieber’s music. “Baby” is catchy as hell, and the song’s DNA can be heard in other notable pop releases from the era such as Katy Perry’s blockbuster Teenage Dream and internet darling Carly Rae Jepsen’s Kiss. I also like “Never Say Never” if only for hearing Jaden Smith say “No pun intended / was raised by the power of WIll.” And for an album created by a former child star falling apart at the seams, Purpose has no business being as good as it is. Stand-out track “Love Yourself” contains the immortal roast “My momma don’t like you and she likes everyone.” And with its heavy utilization of short, staccato notes and sudden, dramatic rests, the song is my favorite example of a distinct style of guitar playing favored by many male musicians. Such “cool pauses” give these songs a slightly broken, incomplete feel that mirrors the artist’s self-assured “deal with it” tone and I love it.

Even Carlos, my arch enemy, likes “Love Yourself”. A while back we were inside the warehouse creating pallets of our best furniture to be sent to proper Goodwill retail locations. Supervisor Anna miraculously felt like hearing some contemporary hits that day and had the building’s three radios tuned to Live 105.5, our local top 40 station. “Love Yourself” played.

“This is Bieber’s only good song,” Carlos told me. He tried to sing along but quickly lost the words. “Sing it!” he said. “I know you know it!”

I wasn’t sure if I should be offended by being stereotyped or impressed by his accuracy. Nonetheless, it was true! I did know the words! I picked up where he left off.

”‘Cause if you like the way you look that much / Oh baby you should go and love yourself / And if you think that I’m still holdin’ on to somethin’ / You should go and love yourself.“

It wasn’t a particularly strong vocal performance but Carlos, somehow, was awed.

“Daaaaaaamn!” he cooed. It was perhaps the only time I ever impressed him.

Carlos, in case it wasn’t clear, is an asshole. He’s the type of open misogynist that progressives, in our insulated internet bubbles, are shocked to realize still exist. My masculinity isn’t up to par with his standards and he likes to torture me because of it.

Carlos is off today but there’s a small part of me that wishes he was here. He’d have no trouble buying the fact that I listen to Justin Bieber. At the same time, I know I need to be careful. After all, Bieber is far from my favorite musician. But I can’t help it. Playing Bieleber is such a fun and easy way to rile up my coworkers.

“You need a lesson in quality, my boy!” David says.

“I’m all ears!” I say, but he just shrugs.

If I wanted to be really mean, I could point out that David just might be the true Bieleber in roll-off. See, David the Bieber-hating quality expert is the same David that sometimes drops me off at the bus station after our shift ends. More than once on these trips, a Justin Bieber song played on the radio. Did he change the station? Nope!

David seems to be harboring a lot of hate for a musician whose songs he doesn’t even recognize. This doesn’t surprise me, of course, because Bieber hate is barely about Justin Bieber.

Leonardo DiCaprio. Robert Pattinson. Zac Efron. Boy bands. The Biebs. Celebrities like these are cut from the same cloth in that they’re overwhelmingly attractive in a way that draws ravenous, predominantly female fanbases. In turn, this provokes intense contempt and ridicule from traditional dudes everywhere. This is bullshit. It’s retaliation against open female desire that, in an affront to their entitlement, isn’t directed towards Man McAverage.

Evoking “quality” is no exemption from these kinds of considerations. Many people treat the word as if it’s an objective and universal set of standards everyone intuitively understands but this is nonsense. Quality is more like a self-shaped hole we attempt to carve into the world, both encompassing and reproducing our ideals, desires, prejudices, etc. It sure as hell doesn’t explain itself.

I’ve been immersed in the world of music writing for a long time. My favorite publications tend to be ones that upend the very idea of quality. The Singles Jukebox gathers a variety of writers to weigh in and score the same song, and reading wildly different takes on what makes art good or bad is enlightening. One Week // One Band achieves something similar by inviting a different writer (sometimes a professional, sometimes not so much) to take over the blog for a seven-day deep dive into a musician they love, with “no rules and no canon” dictating who that musician can be. And then there was Hipster Runoff, the defunct but brilliant meta exploration of taste and identity that often delved into the ingredients of quality that we don’t like to talk about.

I think I ‘like’ them because they are differentiated from 'traditional music’ and 'modern indie music.’ When I listen to them, I exist on a higher plane of musical appreciation and consume products for 'all the right reasons.’

- Carles, the voice of Hipster Runoff, on Animal Collective

Quality shouldn’t be a Get Out of Bullying Your Co-Worker Free card. But after a lifetime of living with what is often considered bad taste, I’ve learned to be on the offensive just in case.

Try harder, fuckers.

#minwagepop

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 5 years

Note

This might have already been said before but hey, whatever. So you know how Ax combined the rest of the gang's DNA to make his human morph? Well what if they did that with animals, like stuck scorpion pincers on Jake's tiger morph or some shit?

It has been said before— just not to me! Interestingly enough, K.A. Applegate mentioned during a Twitter thread that she got that question a lot from readers, which is part of the reason that the plot of #35 The Proposal covered that specific issue.

IMHO, the problem with even attempting to make one’s own morph is multi-fold:

Problem 1: Morphing cannot be controlled to that level of precision.

None of the Animorphs except Cassie can do anything other than launch themselves into the process and focus really hard until it’s done. They can’t control the speed of the changes, they can’t control the order, and they can’t control the type. Therefore, Jake becomes faster at changing shapes and more skillful at using them over time, but he also cannot stop himself from rolling off the side of a mountain and going splat if he demorphs wrong, even at his most experienced (#54).

Even Cassie can only manage to be partway into or out of a morph if it’s her original human shape. So she can have a half-gull, half-human body for like a couple minutes if she concentrates really hard (#44), or she could have a third-gull, third-human, third-dolphin shape for a hot second or two if she starts as a gull and demorphs before remorphing, but there’s no doing it without some human parts.

Which leads to...

Problem 2: Animal shapes tend to be fundamentally incompatible.

Most of the Animorphs (again, Cassie’s a partial exception) are almost entirely helpless when they’re mid-morph. The characters eventually learn to use this fact to their advantage — Marco gets the drop on David this way, and later Rachel uses it against Tom’s yeerk — which suggests that it’s pretty fundamental.

When one is in a half-and-half shape, it is usually impossible to walk (#17), to see (#21), to breathe (#36) or to defend oneself against even a much weaker opponent (#33). Most of the time, the Animorphs go through a second or two during which THEY HAVE NO LUNGS because their human pair is gone before their insect/bird/fish set shows up. This actually makes a kind of sense within the openly-nonsensical Laws of Applied Phelbotinum of this universe, in that morphing tech doesn’t go in any particular order.

Anyway, even if one could manage to make a hybrid shape, it wouldn’t be much use. A human with a dog nose and hawk eyes wouldn’t be able to interpret the information coming from those senses, because the requisite neural circuitry wouldn’t be there. A snake with bird wings wouldn’t have the necessary musculature to take off and fly anywhere. So on and so forth.

Problem 3: The horror, the horror.

As #35 covers with the civilians’ reactions to Marco’s “spunk” (spider-skunk) and “poo bear” (poodle-polar bear), hybrids are obviously unnatural and kinda disturbing. A lot of the time, the Animorphs’ advantage comes from their ability to blend in with their surroundings as seagulls or dolphins or humans. Hybrids of this sort can only come from alien technology.

Ergo, any controller who sees a hybrid will immediately know that that’s an “andalite bandit” and try to kill it. And civilians aren’t much better, as Tobias points out: “The average, fairly decent human would think of taking [an alien] to a hospital... The average not-so-decent human might decide to shoot it, or stick it in a cage and charge people to look at the freak” (#23). Either way, they’d be attracting a lot of unwanted attention.

Problem 4: There’s really no improving on natural selection (especially not with an eighth-grade education).

Much of the point of the Animorphs series, according to Applegate herself, is to give kids the sense of what it really would mean to be a duck or a cobra or a seal. That means that there’s a huge motif in the series around showing how mind-blowingly good nature already is at ending up with organisms that fit their environments. Almost every single book involves the kids discovering some hidden wonder of their own planet in unlikely places, whether it’s Jake and Cassie and Marco all (with apologies to Tobias) insisting that being a housefly is even cooler than being a bird, or it’s Rachel comparing a mole moving through the ground to a dolphin in the ocean, or Tobias marveling at opposable thumbs.

Earth animals already are superweapons, and trying to graft extra limbs or something onto them is unlikely to do much to help. Because if it did help, evolution would’ve done so already.

Also, I LOVE that the kids get most of their ideas from video games and pop songs and Magic School Bus, because it goes a long way toward making them feel like real people with whom I want to be friends. However, that also means that, while a DVM like Michelle might have some ideas about how to improve upon even existing systems, the kids themselves probably don’t have any really brilliant insights. So even if they could make a hybrid, even if it managed to function, even if it was subtle enough to avoid huge attention... it still probably wouldn’t be useful.

Said another way: you could put scorpion claws on a tiger, maybe, if you were a tiger who had a scorpion morph and were also an estreen. But they’d be so small that they’d be useless to the tiger, and you’d be sacrificing the tiger’s front limbs to the claws, so now your tiger can’t walk. You could add a few extra limbs, and make the tiger small enough to use the claws, and build the necessary musculature to operate them, and have a scorpion brain so that you could manipulate the claws... At which point you’re just using a scorpion morph. Or you could let the tiger be a tiger, which would be a far more effective strategy than trying to mess around with several million years’ worth of evolutionary refinement.

#animorphs #morphing #body horror #animorphs meta #the proposal #35 #natural selection #morph hybrids #anonymous #asks

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isolavirtuosa · 4 years

Text

Starting Over (For Real?) 21-22

[fanfiction] NaruSasu

Read the previous parts here.

- 21 -

Land was visible in the distance.

I knew this because I could hear Naruto shrieking about it above deck, clomping around in some kind of celebratory dance. Sai the Robot decided to join in, and the creaking that proceeded made me worry about the integrity of our vessel.

Kakashi cracked an eye open. “That’s not very conducive to sleeping.”

“It is not,” I agreed.

He smiled at me, a crinkling of his eyes.

I sniffed and looked away.

He sat up, stretching his arms over his head and yawning loudly. “I guess we can sleep when we’re dead.”

I appreciated his cynicism, but I didn’t want to agree with him again so I stayed silent.

“How are your legs?” he asked.

“Fine.”

“Oh, so that’s why you ride on Naruto’s back like a monkey?”

I breathed out heavily through my nose.

His grin widened.

“Can you take off the fucking mask already?” I complained.

“Aw, do you want to see my beautiful face so badly?” he cooed.

“I take it back, keep it on.”

He pulled down the mask.

His face was so normal I didn’t know how to react.

He grinned, and it was exactly the shit-eating expression that it appeared to be when you could only see his eyes. He pulled the mask back up.

I was frozen in place.

“Our little secret,” he said cheerfully.

“I want my innocence back,” I hissed.

Kakashi cracked up.

“Why did you do that?” I asked, my voice sounding a lot more vulnerable than I intended.

“A show of good faith,” he said, sitting up. “Let me work on your legs.”

“Hell, no!” I snapped, shifting away from him.

“I have some healing techniques,” he said, tapping his scar.

I looked at him. “You don’t have a sharingan anymore. So what was that energy I felt when you were fighting Morino?”

“Oh, you noticed that?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck in a very Naruto-like ‘aw, shucks’ kind of gesture. “You really are amazing in a crisis, Sasuke. We wouldn’t have walked away from that attack if it wasn’t for you.”

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“One arm, no legs, one eye devoted to making sure your… partner was safe… and you still had an eye to spare on me, all while fighting a Hyuuga!” he declared.

“A weak, disposable Hyuuga,” I said, trying not to glory in how amazing I was and focus on Kakashi’s constant avoidance of any and all topics I brought up.

“You’ve become a good leader,” he said softly.

“I’m not a leader,” I muttered. I wondered where my team was.

“I’m proud of you.”

“Oh my god, shut up.”

He was suddenly very close. “So as I was saying,” he said, digging his chakra into my legs.

I held in a scream. Just barely.

Kakashi just calmly continued to work.

I leaned my head back, trying to take in deep breaths, but it sounded more like I was panting.

Then something popped and I did scream because the pain was excruciating.

“There you go,” Kakashi said cheerfully, giving my legs a final pat.

Naruto was already down the stairs and throwing his arm around me. “What happened?!”

I melted into Naruto’s hold, my body limp.

“What the hell did you do to him?!” he shrieked at Kakashi.

“I fixed him,” Kakashi said. “You’re welcome.”

“He doesn’t look fixed!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be operating the boat?”

“Oh, uh…”

“Well, I guess you’re entitled to a five minute break,” Kakashi said, throwing his arms behind his head and sauntering up the stairs.

Naruto grumbled angrily until he was out of sight, then kissed my forehead and started fussing over me. “Are you okay, love? What did he do? Hey, Sas’, come on, talk to me.”

“I think I can walk,” I said, flexing my legs experimentally. I was still too exhausted to even sit up on my own, though.

Naruto stroked my hair and kept mumbling reassuring nonsense at me until my senses started to come back.

I pushed him away and sat up properly. The pain had receded, and when I tried to stand, I was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t fall on my face. I teetered a little, but I stood.

“Holy crap, he really did fix you,” Naruto marveled.

“The muscles are still shit,” I muttered, sitting back down.

“But you didn’t even use chakra to stand!” he said, happily smothering me in a hug.

I pushed him away again. “Aren’t your five minutes up?”

He gave me an annoyed look before securing a hand in my hair and pulling me in for a quick kiss. “I love you, I’m so happy that you can stand, you are gorgeous, and I’m going to finish getting us to Water now.”

I watched him go up the stairs and I got up slowly to follow him. It took longer than I would have liked, and I’m sure I looked like an idiot, but no stupider than I’d looked riding on Naruto’s back the last few months.

The Land of Water was doing well. They’d had minimum damage from the God Tree, and they were probably overfishing their waters, but for now food was abundant.

Also the Mizukage had retired.

“Did she find herself a decent man?” Kakashi asked, turning the smile way up on his eye.

“That’s what I’ve heard,” the fisherman told him cheerfully.

“That’s so great,” Kakashi said, giving the man a friendly wave before returning to the helm.

“I wonder how she met anyone bein’ trapped in the God Tree,” Naruto mused.

“Do you really think the Mizukage just retired?” I asked.

He shrugged. “We all changed in our dream worlds, and the Fifth is always talking about finding a man… like always.”

“Baby, seriously?” I growled.

Everyone looked at me.

I could feel myself going red.

“I’m your baby?!” Naruto asked delightedly.

“Yes, my diaper-wearing, non-stop-crying infant,” I said, staring intensely at the deck. “There’s no fucking way that Terumi Mei just quit being the mizukage.”

“Loverboy has a point,” Kakashi agreed.

Naruto reached over, thumbing along the back of my hand.

I smacked him away.

“I don’t think it’s safe here,” Kakashi said. “We should head north.”

“Where is safe?” I asked, rolling my eyes. “Not that it matters, because we can take care of ourselves.”

“Don’t get too cocky,” Kakashi said, patting me on the head.

I scowled and tried to swat him away, but he was already on the move, clamping Naruto on the shoulder.

“Just keep being your charming self and luring in as many powerful allies as we can get,” he said.

“It’d be easier to do if we got off this boat and were actually… among the people,” Naruto said.

“When we get to Lightning,” Kakashi said, taking the wheel and steering us away from the shore.

“That’s going to take forever,” I muttered, already tired of living on a boat.

But of course Kakashi was right.

The attack came at night, during Naruto’s watch. I’d lent him my fingers to make some clones when we changed shifts, so he wasn’t completely useless like that last time we were attacked while he was on watch.

It almost felt like overkill when the other three of us joined the fight.

“Why do people even bother attacking us?” Sai asked, doodling boredly on a scroll before unleashing a half-hearted lion.

“I’ll show you to take us seriously!” one of the fodder roared, charging at him.

“We need to attract a higher caliber of enemy,” Kakashi murmured, perched on the railing of the boat with his book out.

I took down one of the attackers with a katon from where I was sitting next to Kakashi. “I thought you didn’t want us to get cocky?”

“Yeah, but we still gotta be realistic,” he said. “This is like stomping on ants.”

There weren’t any conscious enemies left to protest.

Naruto bounded over to me, tail wagging. “See, I wasn’t useless.”

“You weren’t useless,” I agreed, pinching his cheeks together.

He grinned.

I let my hand slide into a caress.

We’d really become the kind of couple that carried on in public. I hated myself for it as I continued to bask in Naruto’s smile and lack of injuries.

“They’re wearing the mark of the Water Daimyou,” Kakashi commented, eyes still glued to his book.

“What’d we ever do to that guy?” Naruto complained.

“A power vacuum means a power grab,” Kakashi hummed.

“Why don’t you say something else vague that seems like it’s insightful but isn’t?” I muttered, sliding off of the railing onto my feet.

“Lookit you,” Naruto marveled.

“Shut up.”

“But standing is so sexy!”

“Sai’s standing; do you think he’s sexy?” I asked irritably.

“You know what I mean!” he protested.

“So you do think that Sai is sexy?”

“Oh, my,” Sai said. “Am I sexy?”

“No, god!” Naruto said, flailing his arms around.

“Does anyone want to figure out why these daimyou lackeys attacked us?” Kakashi asked. “Or did Naruto want to rank all his travelling companions by who can stand the sexiest? Because if so…” he trailed off, popping a hip.

“What the hell is wrong with all of you?!” Naruto cried. He grabbed my arm and started tugging me towards the stairs. “Sasuke is the only person I sex up!”

“What?” I said. “Don’t drag me into this,” I protested, even as I let him physically drag me down the stairs.

“Sasukeeeeee,” he whined, helping me sit when we reached the bottom. My legs ached.

“Naruto,” I said, perfectly calmly.

“Hm, yeah, love?” he asked.

“When did we decide that you can just talk about our very private sex life whenever you want in front of whoever you want?”

“Well, we didn’t exactly decide that,” Naruto hedged. “But everyone knows we’re a couple, so…”

“I’m sorry, we’re a what?”

He immediately turned into Middle-Aged-I’m-Disappointed-in-You Naruto. “We’re a couple,” he said with a frown.

“Where was I when this was decided?”

He opened his mouth and immediately closed it.

“Spit it out.”

“I think you’re rubbing off on me,” he muttered.

“Oh, were you going to hit me with an obvious but cutting truth?”

“Yeah, actually,” he said, putting his hand on my knee and rubbing absently.

“Oh, please do enlighten me.”

“No, love, I don’t think that’s the kind of person I want to be,” he said, his touch turning into a massage.

“An honest one?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

His eyes met mine slowly, probing into me. “The kind of person who lashes out at the person he loves the most in the world just to make himself feel better.”

I did not like the way he was looking at me and I dropped my gaze.

“You looked like you were in pain before,” he said quietly. “I just wanted to come down here and make sure you’re okay. But then… my brain stopped thinking good.” He paused in his massage.

I let myself look at him again and he was blushing.

“Shit, is this what puberty is? It’s gross. I’m gross. I’m sorry,” he apologized quickly.

I let my eyes drift down to his loose orange track pants. If I looked right at it, it was obvious.

“Was it Kakashi’s sexy standing?” I asked.

“Sasukeeee!”

I could actually see his erection wilt slightly and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Is this the answer to all my problems?” he asked hopefully. “Think of Kakashi, think of Kakashi…”

“You don’t think Kakashi is attractive at all?” I asked.

“Kakashi is the only person grosser than me,” Naruto said confidently. He beamed at his penis, which was now only at half-mast. “I mean he’s… wait… wait… do you think he’s attractive?”

I shrugged noncommittally.

“You’re not serious.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You think Kakashi is attractive!” he cried.

“Really?!” Kakashi asked, peeking down the stairs.

“No,” we both answered.

He pouted, and now that I’d seen his face I could imagine it. “Well, anyway, we took care of the guys that attacked us, in case you cared about that.”

“Took care of how?” Naruto asked.

Sai peered around Kakashi’s shoulder. “Tied them up and put them adrift on one of the lifeboats. Naruto, did you already finish your intercourse? That was quick, as usual.”

“We weren’t having sex!” Naruto said, flailing around anxiously.

“Yes, of course,” Sai said with a nod. “So it seems like the daimyou is trying to exterminate all ninjas.”

“But he sent ninjas to fight us,” I said.

“Yeah, things are about the get interesting,” Kakashi hummed.

The smart thing to do would have been to head out to sea and go straight to Lightning.

- 22 -

We kept our boat near the shoreline, moving leisurely through the many islands of the Land of Water. The citizens we met along the way went from being friendly to increasingly hostile, not even willing to speak to us when we docked.

“Meaaaat,” Naruto whined, staring longingly at the shop that had just pulled its shutter down as soon as we’d set foot in the town.

“Not ramen?” Sai teased cheerfully.

“Ohmigod, rameeeeeeen,” he groaned.

“We could try our luck at hunting,” Kakashi suggested, gesturing towards the forest.

“Or, as highly trained ninjas, we could just take what we wanted,” I alternatively suggested.

“Sasuke!” Naruto cried, shocked and appalled.

I shrugged.

He sighed, his shoulders sagging. “Maybe you’re right,” he muttered.

I punched him in the arm and moved towards the woods. Kakashi and I were a good hunting team, and we brought back a rabbit for each of us.

Sai and Naruto were parked on the beach, keeping an eye on the boat and an eye out for hostiles, but they seemed to be having a fairly serious conversation. Naruto still spared me a glance as we approached, his smile reaching his eyes before he turned back to Sai.

“I wonder if goodness can survive in this new world order,” Kakashi hummed.

I ignored him and sat down by the fire, using a kunai to skin the rabbits.

Naruto sidled over next to me, his arm curling around my waist.

“Do you not see this pointy object in my hand?” I asked, elbowing him away.

“I’m a highly-trained ninja,” Naruto protested, staying stubbornly close, and then proceeding to up the ridiculousness by resting his chin on my shoulder.

“I’m trying to work,” I grumbled.

“You’re such a good provider,” he hummed, lips brushing my neck.

Goosebumps ran up my arms and I almost dropped the kunai. “Fuck off,” I muttered.

Naruto was staring up at me in keen interest. “Don’t be mean,” he hummed, lips moving against my skin.

I elbowed him away sharply. “There is a time and place for things.”

“Okay, but they’re always around,” he said with a quick glance towards Sai and Kakashi, “and I just need to… something,” he complained.

“Don’t mind us,” Sai commented as he spitted one of Kakashi’s skinned rabbits and placed it over the fire.

I felt my blood pressure rising, and Naruto was sticking out his bottom lip like a kicked puppy.

He made me stupider.

I leaned in and gave him the most chaste kiss possible.

He took over, and then there we were, sucking face while I had a dead rabbit in my hand.

For a moment, I didn’t care. I felt at peace when we were like this. I just wanted the world to be me and Naruto-

I pulled away, embarrassed. “Go away,” I muttered, returning to my skinning and doing a shitty job of it.

He kept looking at me like I was supposed to look back at him.

I got some sticks and put the rabbits over the fire.

Sai and Kakashi really weren’t paying attention to us. Sai was drawing something in his notebook, and Kakashi might have actually been reading the book in his hands.

The world didn’t revolve around us. It shouldn’t revolve around us.

I needed to stop embarrassing myself in public.

I needed to stop embarrassing myself everywhere. What did being close to Naruto do to my brain cells?

“Where are you going?” Naruto asked, already following me.

“To the lake,” I said, holding up my bloody hand.

As soon as my hand was washed, we were lip locking again on a boulder next to the lake.

“Sorry, love,” he sighed against my mouth.

“Why?” I growled.

“I can’t really control myself anymore,” he said. His grip was digging into the rock we were sitting on in a way that was threatening to actually split it apart.

“I’m not doing much better,” I muttered.

“At least you don’t walk around with a permanent erection,” Naruto bemoaned.

“I kissed you in front of Kakashi,” I said with a shudder. “What are you doing to me?”

“I’m not doing anything,” he protested. “Just being your adorable, sexy boyfriend.”

“I don’t agree to any of that.”

“Sasuke.”

I looked at him.

We were kissing again. And again and again and…

Naruto pulled away, panting. “Sasukeeee,” he whined.

He looked young and cute, but also ridiculously horny.

There was no chakra anywhere near us. We’d probably be late for dinner, but oh well.

I pulled his pants down to his thighs before he really knew what I was doing.

“Sasuke!” he gasped, looking around frantically.

“Shut up,” I said, sliding to the ground and kneeling between his dangling legs.

He swallowed. “Sas’, you don’t have to-”

“I want to.”

That shut him up momentarily, his eyes blown with lust.

I reached for him.

He stopped me again. “Have you ever…?”

“Yes,” I snapped, taking him in my hand and leaning in.

He gasped.

My gag reflex wasn’t as finely tuned as the dream world had led me to believe, but whatever. I was a quick learner.

Naruto didn’t have any complaints.

It was bitter on my tongue, and I ended up spitting it into the lake.

“What if some girl is swimming in there and she gets pregnant?” Naruto murmured, trying to sound worried but mostly sounding blissed-out and content.

“Sperm can’t live in water,” I said, pinching his thigh.

“Mm.”

I could feel myself smiling and tried to stop, but Naruto just looked so stupid and happy.

“C’mere,” he said. The tilt of his head suggested it was an order disguised as a request.

“I’m washing my hand” I said, rinsing it in the lake for the second time in so many minutes.

He waited, and I came back. He wrapped me in a hug, pressing his face into my chest. “I’m kinda embarrassed,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay, Naruto, lots of men prematurely ejaculate.”

“You are such an asshole sometimes, you know.”

“Mm.”

He sighed. “I was talking about… I dunno. I feel like a sex-depraved maniac and like you’re just humoring me.”

“Do I seem like someone who humors you?”

“No, you really don’t,” he agreed. “But… Sas’…”

“But what?”

“I just… worry,” he said.

“About?”

He took a deep breath. Then he didn’t say anything.

“We need to get back,” I said, shaking out of his hold. I felt my legs starting to give out.

Naruto caught me and shifted me to his back. “Don’t push yourself so hard.”

“I’m fine,” I muttered, hooking my arm around him.

“Someone’s following us,” he murmured as we moved back towards the beach.

“About one kilometer northeast,” I said.

Naruto picked up speed, and the chakra signature picked up speed.

We emerged from the forest back onto the beach.

Kakashi and Sai were eating their rabbits, looking perfectly relaxed.

“Let’s go,” I said, nodding my head towards the boat.

“Have you picked up a friend?” Kakashi asked, taking a leisurely bite of his food while he doused the fire.

“Not sure,” Naruto said, grabbing our dinner to go and moving towards the boat.

“Should I check it out?” Sai asked, glancing in the direction that we all sensed the chakra signature approaching from.

“Let it play out,” Naruto said, and just like that we were all on the boat and moving out.

“They stopped,” I said, leaning against the railing and watching the island retreat into the distance.

“Hmmmm,” Kakashi said unhelpfully.

“Crisis averted,” Naruto declared, turning to his food and devouring it.

“When did you become the leader?” I asked, squinting at him.

“Huh?” he said with a mouth full of food.

I looked away in disgust.

“Can there really be a leader of such a band of charming misfit rogues?” Kakashi asked.

“Tell me when it’s my watch,” I said, limping down into the bottom of the ship.

I had privacy for about five minutes before Sai came down.

“Your legs are hurting,” he observed.

“It’s not a big deal,” I said.

“It is if this boat is about to be attacked,” he said with a shrug and a smile.

“They turned back.”

“Something is going on.”

“We’ll deal with it when something actually happens.”

“You are very self-sabotaging.”

I sighed, loud and annoyed.

“Does that mean I can help you with your legs?” he asked, kneeling in front of me.

“No.”

He studied my face. “Are you ever going to trust me?”

I looked back at him. “I don’t trust Kakashi and I’ve known him for years. Why would I trust you?”

“That’s not true,” Sai said. “You trust him very much.”

I rolled my eyes and pretended he wasn’t there.

“Your pride is what’s going to get you killed,” he said. It wasn’t a threat, it was just a statement of fact, and that irritated me more than anything.

“It’s what’s kept me alive until now,” I ground out.

“Oh, I thought it was your magic eyes and your metaphysical bond with the most powerful ninja alive.”

“Myself?”

Sai burst out laughing. It was a real, genuine sound that I’d never heard come out of his mouth before.

I looked at him.

He smiled at me, and there was something so natural about it that it felt unnatural on his face. “Let me work on your legs.”

“I’d rather not,” I said, rolling up the loose pants I was wearing. “But since you’re so thirsty for it…”

“I’ve had sufficient liquid intake today,” he said, shaking his head.

“You are dumber than Naruto sometimes,” I muttered.

“And you’re a jackass who can’t just say ‘thank you’ like a normal person.”

Maybe Sai was earning my begrudging respect.

It felt similar to what the medic Shigeo had done, and also as horribly painful as what Kakashi had done.

“We learn a lot of medical jutsu in the ANBU,” Sai explained. “If your medic nin is the one who’s injured, the other members of the cell have to be able to step up and take care of injuries.”

“How interesting,” I muttered, trying to keep the pain off of my face.

“You need to be doing this every day,” he said. “The damage to your chakra pathways was severe, and you’ve been making it worse by forcing the chakra through them to call up Susanoo and other frivolous things.”

I held in all of the childish things I wanted to lash out at him. Because he was right. They were all right. I was sabotaging myself.

Sai’s eyes were fixed on my legs as he seared fire through them. “It wasn’t someone from Konoha. Following us.”

“Someone from Kiri,” I said.

“You think so, too?”

“The Konoha ANBU wouldn’t be stupid enough to follow us into this unknown situation,” I reasoned. “It’s obvious that the mizukage hasn’t retired of her own free will and that the daimyou has started some kind of anti-ninja revolt.”

“But if it’s one of the daimyou’s men, then how did he get ninja to work for him?” Sai mused.

“Offers of money? Power? The usual ways that one hires a ninja.”

Sai hummed his agreement.

I endured the pain, and when he finished he patted my leg, standing up and stretching.

“No one can know about Naruto,” he said out of the blue.

“I thought he was the most powerful ninja alive.”

“With two arms, yes,” he said. “With you by his side to complete his seals, yes. But if he gets caught out somewhere by himself…”

I didn’t want to dwell on my worst nightmare. “So you can concede that based on Naruto’s current state, I am the strongest ninja alive.”

Sai shook his head, smiling exasperatedly. “Uchiha.”

I went to call him by his last name and realized I didn’t know it.

“Sai is just a codename, you know,” he said quietly. “I don’t have a real name.”

“Everyone has a real name.”

“Not when you’re in Root.”

Fucking Danzo. I was glad I killed him. “We can find your name.”

Sai looked puzzled for a moment. “Uchiha, are we… becoming friends?”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” I said, standing up slowly. It hurt and my legs were tired from walking around all day and then being ripped apart by Sai’s chakra.

“I should try emulating you and your ‘I don’t give a shit about you’ attitude,” Sai said. “The way you lie makes you very popular.”

I breathed out heavily and resumed pretending that he wasn’t there.

“Sasukeeee!” Naruto called, bounding down the short staircase.

I looked at him.

“I missed you,” he said, making a kissy face at me.

I thought about saying ‘the feeling wasn’t mutual’, but decided not to give Sai the satisfaction of watching me lie.

Instead, I let him pull me into a kiss.

This was exactly what I’d done in the first dream world, let Naruto turn me into an idiot. So why was I doing it again?

Because I’d been happy there?

It was stupid.

Fuck, this moron made me happy with a look, and I was going to fuck it all up.

“Ahem,” Sai said.

Naruto ignored him and continued to love on me.

“A-hem-hem,” Sai repeated.

Our eyes met over Naruto’s head.

“I think our visitor is back on track, and he’s brought some friends,” he said, pulling out a scroll.

I could feel it as soon as he said it. They weren’t anywhere near us, but they were coming.

“So we trounce them and continue on our course?” Naruto said, mouth still moving against my neck.

“Hope so,” Sai said cheerfully.

We moved back up to the deck.

#narusasu #isola starting over #ummm so i'm living in pre-quarantine conditions and it's not a very good time but i'll try not to be lazy about posting #can i start tagging this as SasuSai: the greatest bromance now?

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