#but still. it's not like i can just move onto my other hyperfixations bc they aren't NEARLY as strong

[b1rds3ye]

hi!!! i LOVE the masked reader content 😭💞 my hyperfixated brain is thanking u deeply

can i request a masked (w LEDs bc i love it sm) reader who's saying "i cant believe you guys didnt notice my new haircut" or something similar, having a :( face on their mask and 141 is so confused like "we cant see your hair" "you have hair? kinda thought u were bald" stuff like that 😭 its a weird idea but im craving stupid platonic fluff like that

ty for the masked reader content love u sm for it

Hehehe as someone who hyperfixates a lot I am flattered I can induce it onto someone else LMAO Just a lil Drabble for this one I couldn’t think up of much 😅

“You pissed ‘em off,” Ghost observes and Soap’s face drops into one of sheer betrayal.

“That was one time 'n' now you a' think it’s me?” Johnny jerks his head to the side in annoyance. “What about when cap’n-”

“I’m sure they can hear you,” Gaz whisper-shouts as he gestures to you. The rest of the task force look over to you sitting on the couch at the far end of the common room. Absentmindedly watching the shared television, your arms are folded with your mask in a perpetual "-_-". You make no indication that you heard them, no, you were fully set on ignoring them all morning.

"Captain what should we do?" Kyle asks.

"This isn't a mission Kyle, we can talk it out," Price sighs.

"Care to do the honours, then?"

Price stills, beady eyes sparing a glance at your unmoving figure. If the rest of the task force didn't know any better, they would think the unwavering captain was scared.

"'m busy," he replies gruffly.

"Busy" being him fishing around in his pocket for a new cigar for an impossibly long amount of time until his subordinates let him off the hook.

"L.T.?" Johnny looks to the next superior officer, to which Simon only responds with a half-hearted grunt. In truth, Simon and John have always been good at figuring out your mood. This is one of the few times they've been left stumped, clear through the silent conversation they shared as they looked at each other.

"Cowards," Johnny mutters to himself before stomping up to you, with a drawn out, sing-song (but horrendously out of tune) "bonnieeeee" announcing his presence to you. You don't even flinch.

Johnny saddles himself beside you, leaning into you. He offers you his sweetest puppy-dogs to try and placate you before he tests the waters.

"So... what's up?"

The rest of the task force was slowly joining Johnny, you could tell as Price's cigar smoke became more pungent. An explosive move by you has these grown men flinching as you pull out a strip of paper and slam it on the coffee table in front of you, mask flitting to an angry face all the while before returning to "-_-".

Simon reaches the paper first. Delicately opening the thin parchment as Kyle and John peer over his shoulder. Johnny looks up at them but stays by your side.

Simon looks at you.

"A hairdresser?"

"Got it done yesterday," you seethe. "And no one bloody noticed. They're not cheap, you know!"

Johnny tries putting a hand on your shoulder but you jerk it away. There's a heavy moment of silence as you keep laser focused on whatever the hell the television is playing. Your hands grip your biceps as you ensure they stay crossed.

Kyle eventually submits. He kneels before you, not daring to take up all the view of the screen, but just enough for him to be sure you were aware of him.

"Love, I'm gonna ask you a question. Please don't take this the wrong way."

"What?" you grumble.

Kyle takes an audible inhale. He receives an encouraging nod from Price and he needs to take a swallow to prepare. Even you have to admit the anticipation is killing you now, you offer him the relief that he indeed has your attention, mask now set with "?" over the eyes.

"... you have hair?"

You groan and swat him away as Johnny bursts out laughing. Leaning forward with your head in your hands you try to make it seem like your shaking shoulders were from devastation and not because you were laughing too.

"No, Kyle, I just thought I'd go to a hair dresser and admire everyone else's hairdos," you retort once you've recollected yourself.

"Thought you were bald," Simon muses.

"Right back at you, Skull Face."

"I'm sure it looks good, sergeant," Price encourages as he takes the receipt from Simon, inspecting the details.

"At least someone appreciates my efforts unlike the rest of you."

"How about we appreciate it more then, bonnie?" Johnny leans in mischievously. "Take that mask off. Show us how good it looks."

"Actually, I- uh... I got my hair treated. Need to keep this mask on, let it set, you know?"

Kyle tilts his head.

"That's not how it works-?"

"I've been waiting for this bit!" You exclaim as you point at the television screen. Kyle shakes his head with a smile before joining you on the couch, opposite to Johnny. Simon and John also situate themselves around the room, far enough for personal distance but close enough to still take part in conversations, and it's now a typical off-day for the 141. They may not be able to see your face - nor your improved hair - for now, but perhaps one day they'll be graced with the sight. For now, these antics around base will suffice.

Call of Duty Navigation Masked Reader Masterlist

#cod x reader #call of duty x reader #cod x you #task force 141 x reader #captain price x reader #john price x reader #ghost x reader #simon riley x you #john mactavish x reader #soap x reader #gaz x reader #kyle garrick x reader #/*avery actually writes*/ #/*avery checks the mailbox*/ #anon mail ❤️ #/*cod x masked reader*/

[c0rinarii]

WELL! I have just concluded the game that i bought on impulse bc i was hyperfixating on some of the characters (guess who!). I have A LOT of thoughts, but i'll start with some nutshell character thoughts and pairing shenanigains. Spoilers below!

That 4th tier deserves a bit of elaboration

Juro: He is, at his core, a blank sheet of paper. A mild sandwich with no seasoning. And I like how this game handled that fact bc he was someone more prior to this, but he's given a new personality so he can rest from being so self-sacrificing (if he's anything like the juro izumi from 2 loops ago). He's in the "they're there" tier for a special reason, bc he's kind of meant to be just There.

Renya: Despite being there just to help the audience answer some questions regarding the fucked up narrative of the story, I think what gives him a leg up from the "They're there" tier is his lowkey hilarious relationship with Ryoko. He is perplexed and lowkey salty about how short their relationship lasted no matter how hard he tries. He tries to not gaf as much as Ryoko does but he still does. Ei calls him out on this. Its so so funny.

Megumi: HER NARRATIVE ON GRIEF WAS VERY WELL DONE and if it werent for the spaghetti bullshit of an ending the epilogue was, I would be soooo so intrested how she'd handle moving on from Izumi. I find the concept of Juro/Megumi much more bearable with Juro now having one sided feelings for Megumi while Megumi considers giving him a chance or not. That wouldve been a great closing to their relationship instead of. just getting toghether with no qualms! yeah juro i totally wasnt mouring a dead version of you in that simulation. lets kiss.

Miyuki: I KNEW YOU COULD SAVE THOSE KIDS WITHOUT INFLICTING SEVERE TRAUMA. Sadly aside from "saviour from above" themeing with her, theres nothing much outside of that. While im greatful she was there, she is just there in the end. But her efforts give her a leg up from that tier.

Chihiro: The concept of a very peeved elderly woman stuck in a pre-schoolers body is a funny one and im just extremely glad that 13SAR is not big enough that sobposters arent using her at large to fufill their degen fantasies. Aside from that shtick though, nothing else. Thats literally a baby

Moving onto the canon main pairings!:

I saw someone calling HijiOki queer-bait and i can kindaaaa see why when basing it off the epilogue. Yeah they havent seem to progress much past 5 years and are at best still at talking stage while some of the others are literally married with kids (oh i'll get to that.) But I like to see it as the only pairing with realistic progression past. everything thats happened. Aside that they're just very funny!! Love their dynamic, will be rooting for them no matter how long it takes.

I did not expect myself to like SekiFuyu this much!! I do agree that Iori ESPECIALLY deserves more story outside hanging with gals and crushing over Sekigahara (not to say i didnt like it!!), but im very glad that the story subverted my expectations! I want them to be happy first and foremost, but i feel like the added angst from Iori realisng that she was a clone of THE Chihiro Morimura wouldve made this ship just a little bit more peak. Aside that, I support Iori shoujoisms and Sekigahara finding love and happiness.

I think my rating on Nentomi will change the more I ruminate on it. MeguJuro would be bumped up above RenRyo IF they didnt immediately fall in love after those 5 years and have Megumi still "thinking about it" while Juro goes "pleaaase :(" bc i think Megumi deserves to tease him a lil and think more about What the hell happened. ShuuYuki is the worst case of comphet between a lesbian and a looser bisexual ive seen.

Now.... the elephant in the room.

Ive talked to moots about how much i abhored the ending at first. Aside from the Darling in the Franxx-esque cop out, you expect me to believe that some of them just. got toghether after everything?? without any processing of What The Hell just happened?? nothing at all?? god

Im not the one to usually complain about comphet bc yeah its something i hate, but it usually doesnt sour my experience of consuming media so much. But god this is where its one of the main reasons why an ending is ruined for me. I hate hate HATED some of the epilogue scenes, esp with Nentomi and Shuuyuki bc of the straight people "my wife sucks but i love her" humour it radiates. ugh.

I would've loved a much more... bleak? more bittersweet?? outlook on the situation? after realisng everything is not real and you are basically the 15 adam and eves left to recreate human civilzation... that would be a pretty fucking huge thing to grapple with. I just wished that they had more complexity with this ending. Or! just stick with the fact that they're forever trapped in space colonies left to deal with the horrors of their situations and the mistakes of those in the past. Sorry for bring a tragic yuri enjoyer, but the overbearing dread and loom from the simulation story was what really made me intrested in 13SAR. To see it just solve itself with little drawback was so lame.

I read the George Kamitani aimed for 13SAR to have a mecha and shoujo hybrid story. While that's honestly an awesome concept, im sad it means that he can miss out on more complexity when intepretting the narrative when it comes to certain relationships (shoujos can be complex too!) I also heard that the game was meant to be at least 3 times longer that it is curently which is. wow. Its a shame that so much content got cut out 😭 bc i feel like a bit more time with these characters is all i need to make my verdict more positive.

As a bonus, i'll include a crackship tierlist too! Alot has changed

I miiight need another few days or even weeks to compile another thoughts post bc theres definitely more things i wanna talk about (the narrative structure, Tamao, 2188 theories, themes of japanese imperialism-). But so far, im gonna let it ruminate for a bit before picking it back up to analyse

#i will give 13SAR this. nevet has a game made me think this hard about lore so far #it was engaging at least. i have to respect that #13 sentinels: aegis rim #13 sentinels #13 sentinels spoilers #corr.txt

[frecklystars]

you have no idea how happy i am to see you back. I've been checking your blog every few weeks for the past few months to see if you've been back and I'm so glad you are. And Im so happy you were able to get your own place. I'm so sorry you went through such a terrible nine months. i hope you heal and feel better soon and feel starscreams love for you again. I'm so tf has been such a big trigger. i remember when the confirmed Steve for Earthspark i was so happy thinking" Keri's going to love this."

i hope you reclaim it soon so you can enjoy your pretty boy again

Every few weeks!! that is some dedication, my friend. Thank you for caring about me so much. It warms my heart that you consider me someone worth checking up on.

And yeah I'm so glad we're in a better living situation!! It's not rly "my" own place since I'm still living w/ my dad (I make... such little money. there is no way I could afford rent in this economy lmao) but yeah it's nice to live in a place that doesn't have any mold or termites. I had to throw away a lot of my sketchbooks when we moved bc the place we were temporarily living in from August to February had zero air ventilation, windows bolted shut, no A/C, there was mold growing in my books and making the pages stick together, there was mold on the walls and under our beds, there was mold all over my clothes, I had to throw away some of my favorite shirts :( we had to cover the floors with dozens of blankets and towels too because our dog stepping on the floor was making her extremely sick (she's okay now though!!) The new place we're in is such a small little condo, but my mental health definitely improved a little bit when I could walk into a clean place and not smell any mold or raw sewage coming out of the sinks :')

Thank you, I hope I can reclaim the characters too. I really miss Starscream. I always miss Starscream, always yearn for him, but now it's different... now it feels hollow and sad when I miss him, because I don't think he misses me back. I don't have that "connection" feeling anymore when I self ship, it's like.... very numb, very empty. I genuinely used to get teary-eyed when listening to my playlist I made for him bc I felt so loved and so comforted. I felt like nothing could ever destroy that feeling. It felt like a truly unconditional devotion on both sides for three years, every day, just pure joy and love with him, and many other characters as well. Losing that so violently due to trauma and betrayal from someone I trusted during a very vulnerable time in my life, um, definitely did some damage. Nobody has ever messed me up like this. I can't believe how much of myself was stolen from me in such a short amount of time. I've never lost my F/Os and a years-long hyperfixation all at once. Depression, anxiety, grief, ptsd, all of it has been rly heavy on me lately just in general, and I always had self shipping to help me get thru my worst times but I haven't had that outlet in so long, now it makes things feel a thousand times heavier. It's so lonely.

I remember when Starscream was announced to be voiced by Steve Blum back in November, and I dropped to my knees onto the floor and just sobbed. Afterward my chest was aching so bad I couldn't even stand, I just laid there on the ground for maybe ten minutes or so. I was dreading seeing him bc I was starting to get scared of him by that point. The ptsd symptoms were starting up and I didn't even know it yet. I could feel him slipping away from me and it was scaring me. I fully believe with my whole heart that I'm unworthy of love and kindness, whether it's from characters or from IRL friendships. That's such an intense flip, going from "I am so loved when I see these characters" to suddenly "when I see these characters, I'm panicking as if I'm about to die". It got to a point where I promised myself I would never make new friends ever again. For 4 months straight when things were at its worst with my ex-friend, I was on such high alert, I assumed everyone in my life was going to turn around and stab me in the back and I needed to be ready for it. I assumed that with F/Os as well, no matter who they are or how good and pure they might be, I kept thinking that me self shipping is just a way of fooling myself into believing I could possibly be worthy of a healthy relationship. I kept thinking "why is this happening to me, what do I need to do to deserve kindness from this person, what do I need to change about myself, what am I doing wrong, why is my best friend hurting me so much, why do I have the right to feel upset about this when clearly she says it's my fault for thinking this is a big deal." I'm at a point where I'm definitely not shutting myself off from making friends again, but damn, that was such a lonely feeling too. Being convinced that everyone is out to get me, that was horrifying.

I'm not... myself. anymore. but. maybe one day I will be. especially when there's so many supportive messages coming my way right now, I feel a bit less alone than before. I definitely came back and wrote that pinned post with the mindset that nobody was going to believe me, that nobody would give me any support, that all of my friends/mutuals were going to try to hurt me the same way that my ex-friend did. But I got the exact opposite treatment. Everyone's kindness is such a huge stepping stone to my recovery and it's like all of you are helping to pull me out of this deep dark pit I've been stuck in for 3/4 of a year. I think it's helped me realize that I'm not really alone in this, there's some people who have my back. Nobody else betrayed me, nobody tried to convince me my F/Os would abuse me. So maybe one day I can believe again that my F/Os would give me that same kindness too.

#also i like the way u phrased it. my 'pretty boy' hehe #he is my pretty boy 🥰 the prettiest most handsome beloved darling #starling darling. ahhh. one day!!! gonna rewatch ES one day and feel GOOD FEELINGS #one day im going to look at my starlight and feel that unconditional love and devotion again #anonymous #asks #keepsake

[aibyoutachi]

more personal art and souyo thoughts under the cut lol

so i'm just gonna be honest this whole drawing souyo constantly thing is just my brain's cover for the real hyperfixation of improving my art and drawing all the time but the problem is it makes me stressed about souyo instead lol. bc my brain tells me if i draw better i can draw them better and wouldn't that be great, instead of like just enjoying my damn yaoi

i love souyo and p4 and talking about them but it feels like i just draw all the time instead of actually /doing/ that. i wish i had more people who are as insane 24/7 about souyo so i don't feel like i'm bothering them when i message them with souyo au #283492. i hate that drawing is my main form of sharing my ideas out into the world because it's hard and puts pressure on me

it sucks that my only hobby i still enjoy is art since it also stresses me out so much, i miss playing video games and not feeling like i constantly have to make things. boo. art is great but posting it publicly was a horrible decision (for me)

my art is still growing into itself so that adds another layer of augghh people will see this and know that i'm only pretending to be an artist, and i actually know nothing about how to draw lol

unfortunately i am incapable of enjoying anything besides art at this point it feels like... even thinking about trying to finish totk stresses me out super hard. and thats just botw but new, something ive been dreaming of for YEARS. usually my hyperfixations leave after like a month or two, but i feel like my brain missed the cue to move onto a new hyperfixation and so i'm stuck on souyo. it's not the same as my other long-term interests since it's still at the same or worse intensity as it was last year. get me outta here, but also don't because i've been here for so long (relatively) idk what i would do to make myself happy if i didn't have it :^)

(also sorry i used the word hyperfixation but i genuinely don't think a neurotypical person would act like this about anything lol)

i should probably not post this but also, i don't care lol. i will probably delete this later though

#ribbonthoughts #i put it under the read more cut for a reason #also. it is not actually about souyo the ship between souji and yosuke

[withthebigbendyhorns]

ok FINE. i enjoyed loki season 2. or at least the last 2 episodes. if you're interested in my other thoughts you can see them under the cut

there are a lot of thing i like about season 2 but i've gotta be honest before i go any further: i have largely moved on from my mcu hyperfixation. marvel and disney are shit and if news came that they're shutting everything down tomorrow i would be delighted. i'm really only still here for loki and tony. i love the art i love the fic but i'm not interested whatsoever in participating with the larger fandom or what have you. also, don't take me seriously. i am a picky bitch. just some guy on the internet. if you loved everything about this show don't let me take that away from you. i love you

i don't think the show overall is good at developing it's characters, which can be for any number of reasons. something i've noticed from more recent disney/marvel stuff: they are good at finding people who can write powerful endings/3rd acts. but until it gets there i just feel like i'm being strung along and shown things that are happening but not how they all fit together. like little bits and pieces of itself, as opposed to a complete picture. at times it feels rushed and unfinished, which with disney's track record makes a lot of sense.

i have grown to hate the little mcu-isms where someone says a joke or does a thing and then there's a small pause where it's like the screen is telling you "please clap". it used to be when they did this what happened made sense, now it just feels like something for them to throw jibberish onto and hope it sticks. not every time but when it falls flat it really irks me.

that green bastard twink should've kissed that old man.

now let's get to what i do like. i love that loki isn't nerfed anymore!! every time he got to do magic shit i was poggin. he was so slay

i LOVE ouroboros. i love him and victor they are so cute them a thousand times over. at any given moment i am giving ouroboros little kisses and pats on the head

i love jet ski mobius!!!!!! YES!!!! and he's a single dad???? his name is DON????? god he's so perfect. i love the character development, how they show that he wants to know about his real life as much as anybody but that he's afraid of what he'll see. i love the end scene where mobius says he just wants to sit and let time pass. he likes key lime pies and hot chocolate EVEN when everything is exploding and GOOD FOR HIM!!!!

personally, i feel like loki would've changed his outfit as soon as he got his magic back. but godDAMN if it wasn't satisfying when he does it at the end. i did like where each character ended up at. i loved that the throne loki has been after this whole time is one he has to earn, and that it's different than one he expected, it's one that holds much more weight. i love that

i love the themes about hope and nuturing. any media that goes for saying something about trying even when it seems stupid and useless in this media landscape gets a big hug from me.

and i LOVE that loki and mobius repeatedly choose each other over and over. mobius is the first person loki goes to for guidance after he figures it all out, among other little moments i forgor bc yayyy adhd. when i rewatch i'll update this if i remember hehe

#the hawk squawks

[chronic-invisibility]

I stopped coming on here for like almost a month i think bc i added some tags onto a post i reblogged and the op called me out and said i completely misunderstood everything (except they misunderstood what i was trying to say so fuck me ig) and i got upset and dipped. In the meantime, lots of stuff has happened, but also not much.

I went back to university, the semester started last Thursday and it’s going well so far, I’m majoring in Museum Studies bc I am a big nerd, and it’s a 100% online program so I’m still working and I don’t have to like, move to Arizona, which is good.

Work is meh, we’re starting vaccine clinics again soon so I’ll be doing that again with this season’s flu and covid shots, and maybe other vaccines as well I’m not sure what the regulations are now. We still only have one pharmacist on staff so we’re stuck with a rotating cast of floaters, some of whom are more helpful than others. And the customers are still horrible, that hasn’t changed. I got yelled at for 10 minutes today by someone who’s doctor called in over a dozen prescriptions and then faxed us and cancelled all of them so we put them all back, which was a mistake apparently and then after we finally got it sorted and got them called in again, we were supposed to close in 10 minutes so it was physically impossible to fill 15 prescriptions for one person, and she wanted us to stay open late just for her, which legally we can’t do and also no, we want to go home and she was being so rude we didn’t really want to help her at all. So yeah, work is work

In good news, I’ve been talking to someone i matched with on a dating app (my intro that they messaged me about was mcr related, so you know they’re a keeper) and we’ve been on 2 dates and text a lot and we’re planning on hanging out again this Tuesday. They’re a special ed teacher and they have adhd so they get how my brain works and they work with kids whose brains work similarly to both of ours, and they’re really funny and cool and smart and nice and pretty, I really hope this keeps going well bc I really like them.

I watched the newest season of Heartstopper twice in a row after it came out, reread all the comics that are out (Alice Oseman is still publishing them, too, so that’s nice) and then rewatched both seasons in a row. It’s so cute and so good and i can feel the hyperfixation building. I’ve watched it enough that I keep slipping into a british accent when I talk, which is entirely unintentional but not the worst thing. I can also do it on purpose, but i tend to pick up accents from people I hear talk a lot, which is maybe the only fun side effect of masking my whole life

I’ve seen a few really good plays and musicals recently, I know I saw The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window before i stopped posting on here, but that was really good, and then I saw Kimberly Akimbo the other day, it was INCREDIBLE. The music and the writing are amazing, obviously, and the actors were all so good, again obviously. They won 5 Tony’s last season, including for Best Musical and Best Featured Actress in a musical and Best Lead Actress in a musical, which were so well-deserved, I seriously cannot hype this show up enough. There’s so many good shows on Broadway right now and I wish I could see them all, there were a bunch I wanted to see but closed before I got the chance, too, including Prima Facie starring Jody Comer, but I bought the script for that one.

In less fun news, I think i might need to put a read more here bc there be triggers coming

Between my chronic GI issues (trying to see a specialist about it again but there’s a whole mess of problems with that i just don’t feel like typing) and watching season 2 of Heartstopper and also rereading it and seeing Charlie struggling with his eating disorder, I’ve lapsed pretty hard with my own. I can’t really call it a relapse bc I was never really actually trying to recover, but I was trying for a while to eat a little more normally, but that’s basically out the window now. Thanks brain, so helpful of you to see a person struggling with a similar mental illness to mine and say “well they’re sicker than you so you suck and also you need to work harder at being sick like them” like FUCK OFF that’s not helpful and also Charlie is literally a fictional character and most of the storyline is about how he’s trying to get help for his ed and how awful they are, and his ed and mine aren’t the same, nor are our reasons for being disordered. So that’s not been fun.

I also realized (after watching a video by a therapist reacting to the scene when Ben assaults Charlie in Heartstopper and then going and obsessively researching legal definitions) that what happened to me in the summer of 2019 would probably be classified as a rape, not just a sexual assault. Which it also was, but what happened falls under the legal definition of rape, not just assault. So I’ve been spiraling about that, even though I still remember almost none of it and once again my garbage brain has decided that I’m somehow not allowed to be that upset or say I’m traumatized bc I don’t experience two of the most common symptoms of ptsd (flashbacks and nightmares) so clearly, this is all me being dramatic, even though basically everything else fits. And those aren’t required to be diagnosed with ptsd. Not that I WANT ptsd, but for whatever reason I feel like i’m not allowed to even say i’m a little bit traumatized by what happened bc of that. Again, stupid brain. I also realized after talking to the person I’ve been talking to (idk if we’re officially dating, maybe i should ask) about boundaries and what we’re both comfortable with, that the last person who I’ve had any “romantic” physical contact with was the person who raped me, and also the only sexual contact I’ve ever had (unless i’ve blocked out more than just the one assault I know happened) was with that same person, so now i’m extremely anxious about doing anything with the person i’m sort of maybe dating, even though neither of us are interested in just jumping right to physical intimacy, they’ve also experienced similar situations so they’re anxious about it too, and also they’re a nice person who i’d trust to not push it if i wasn’t comfortable with something, but idk how to say “i’m anxious about kissing you even though i like you and i want to kiss you bc the last person i kissed was the person who raped me over 4 years ago”

I’m working on finding a new therapist now that i’m done with my IOP and i know that’s going to be one of the (far too many) things i need to deal with in therapy, as well as all the other trauma from that summer, and from my previous university experience, and my whole fucking childhood, and also my other issues that aren’t necessarily trauma related, although most of them probably are to a certain extent bc being an undiagnosed audhd person who also doesn’t realize they’re trans until they’re an adult is inherently traumatic.

I don’t know if there’s any other big stuff I want to/feel like I need to say that’s been going on, not that anybody will probably read all or any of this. But yeah, a lot is going on, but also not much is actively going on. This was a lot longer than I thought it would be. Oops.

[willsimpforanyone]

Hey there! Hope you are having a great day!🙂 could u please write a Percabeth fic with badgirl!Annabeth and kind of Nerdy!Percy? Perhaps in 🛏 Percy flips the tables where he is SUPER dominant and he uses Annabeth’s kinks against her? Sorry if that’s 2 specific!

ooo an au and a smut? i'll do my best!

sidenote- i'm such a sucker for pet names so 'doll', 'darlin'' and 'babygirl' are gonna make frequent appearances

i don't think there are any warning needed

----------------------------

"Annabeth, please, I need to concentrate." Percy frowned at the papers in front of him, puzzling over the maths. Annabeth sighed, flopping on the bed, her black leather jacket creaking as she threw her hands behind her head.

"I'm bored, Seaweed Brain," she lightly kicked the back of his chair with a boot. "And you've been staring at the same problem for twenty minutes so clearly you are too." Annabeth leaned up on her forearms, blonde twists tucked behind her ear. "What, I'm not as interesting as marine biology?"

Percy chuckled, but his eyes stayed fixed on the paper. "You're plenty interesting, but right now I really need to figure this out, okay?"

Annabeth sat up properly. "Can I help?"

"You're a genius at architecture and ancient Greek, babe, but marine biology has unfortunately never been a hyperfixation of yours." Percy noted something down on the paper and Annabeth's heart fluttered at the petname. It wasn't often that her boyfriend called her anything other than 'Annabeth', 'Annie', 'Beth' or 'Wise Girl'.

The leather jacket was shrugged off and Annabeth was left in black ripped jeans and a tank top, sleeves dipping to her hipbones. "Perce, you gotta relax," she stood behind his chair and rested her hands on his shoulders. Her lips touched his ear as she leant down. "I know, for a fact, I can help with that."

Percy reached up and lightly stroked her cheek, but returned his attention to his damn work. "I'm serious, Beth, I have to finish this by tomorrow."

Eyes rolling, Annabeth threw herself back on the bed. Clearly, being subtle wasn't working. Well, desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Honey, I'm bored, and I want attention. Specifically your attention." She fixed her eyes on the back of his head. "I want it now, Percy. Get over here."

There was a tense pause. Percy's pencil stopped scratching across the page.

He sighed.

"You're so demanding."

...that was a different tone than Annabeth was used to.

It didn't matter, she was ready to be in control. Percy silently got up from the desk and neatly tucked his chair in, picking up Annabeth's leather jacket from the bed and placing it on the back of the chair. Annabeth made to stand up from the bed, but Percy's hand pushed her back down.

"No, you wanted my attention, right?"

Annabeth paused. This was different. "...yes"

"Then strip."

Percy's voice was deep, commanding, and Annabeth shifted slightly on the bed. "What?"

He placed his hands either side of her thighs, eyes focused on hers. "I don't think I need to repeat myself, baby, do you?"

Oh fuck. Annabeth was so screwed.

Percy backed away, arms folded and giving her space. She stood, uncomfortably aware of her slightly shaky legs, and somewhat inelegantly kicked off her boots. No reaction. She shimmied out of her jeans and tossed them on the floor. No reaction. She pulled off her shirt and tossed that too. About to pull off her bralette, Percy held up his hand to stop her.

"Sit up on the bed."

Annabeth raised her eyebrows. "Since when did you start giving me orders?" She loved this new side, but oh boy was she gonna make him work for it.

The dark smile on Percy's face sent electricity through Annabeth's body. "Since when did you start obeying them, darlin'?"

He moved forward, so close they were almost chest to chest. "Now, be a doll, and sit on the bed. Leaning against the headboard, if you'd be so kind."

Annabeth moved onto the bed almost before realising it. Her breath caught in her throat as Percy grabbed his shirt and pulled it off, revealing toned, lean muscles.

Percy's eyes were dark, a shadowy green that pierced into Annabeth's smoky greys as he knelt on the bed, lowering his head to press kisses down Annabeth's thighs.

Shaky breaths left Annabeth as he kissed closer and closer to the line of her underwear. He winked as he nipped at her skin, pulling a gasp from her. "What, no retort? No witty comeback, Wise Girl?"

"Fuck o-" Annabeth choked on her words as Percy licked a stripe up her clothed pussy.

"That's what I thought," he whispered and leaned up, taking the material between his teeth and dragging it down, lifting her hips to pull the underwear down her legs and throw them across the floor.

Annabeth's head was whirling. Her sweet nerd had a whole other side to him and she felt out of her depth in the best way.

She slapped a hand across her mouth as Percy flicked and writhed his tongue, stifling the moans that threatened to spill out. A sharp slap to the outside of her thigh jolted her body, and she looked down to see Percy glaring at her.

"Don't you dare."

He dove back in and Annabeth's back arched, hands fisted in the sheets as her eyes squeezed shut and moans filled the room. Percy trailed his fingers so slowly across her skin she almost screamed when he plunged them into her, the new sensation lighting her on fire.

"Perce, fuck, more!"

Immediately, Percy pulled away, leaving his girlfriend panting and whining. "I don't think you're in the position to make demands, babygirl."

Annabeth pouted. "What? You just stopped, why?"

"You demanded attention like a brat," Percy shrugged, sitting back on his heels. "And now I'm giving it to you, you think you deserve more?"

A shiver ran down her spine as Annabeth registered the tone and the fact that her sweet, usually submissive boyfriend just called her a brat.

"Tell you what," Percy trailed a finger down her stomach. "If you ask nicely, and be a good girl for me, I'll give you what you want." He smirked. "Sound good?"

Annabeth tried her hardest to not instantly say yes, to retain some of her dignity. She was the tough one, the one everyone knew not to fuck with, and now she was on the verge of begging her boyfriend to fuck her.

She nodded.

"That's my girl." Percy beckoned her to sit up and grabbed the back of her neck, pulling her into a fierce kiss. His lips were a soft contrast to his behaviour, and she smiled into the kiss.

All too soon, Percy pulled away, but kept his hand on her neck. "Now, darlin', ask me for what you want."

She swallowed any uncertainty. "I want you... I want you to fuck me."

Percy shook his head. "That sounds like a demand, babygirl. Try again."

The fucker wanted her to beg.

"...please, Percy, please fuck me, I'll be good, I promise!"

The dark smile that spread over his face settled a pleasantly tight feeling in Annabeth's lower stomach. Percy pushed her back so she laid on the bed, and he kicked off his jeans and underwear. "That's much better, darlin'." He reached into the drawer by the bed and withdrew a condom, tearing open the packet and rolling the latex onto his cock. He slid back in between her legs, head dipping into the crook of her neck. Annabeth pushed against Percy's hips as his lips made contact with her skin, and both moaned at the friction.

"You're so gorgeous, baby." Percy nipped at her skin, leaving a trail of red marks in his wake.

"Perce, please, stop teasing me," Annabeth looped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a sloppy kiss, pressing her body up against his. "I asked nicely, please, plea-"

Annabeth cried out and threw her head back as Percy thrust into her. He kept an unrelenting pace, and it was all she could do to hold onto him.

"This what you wanted, huh?" Percy's heavy breath was on her neck, his voice directly in her ear. "You wanted my attention, you finally got it, right?" Annabeth didn't answer, eyes closed and mind clouded with lust and pleasure. Percy slapped her thigh, snapping his hips into her hard. "Answer me, babygirl."

Annabeth shrieked. "Yes! Yes, this is what I wanted, Percy, thank you baby, I got what I wanted!"

Percy chuckled lowly into her neck. "That's my girl."

He sped up the pace, hitting that spot inside her that had her toes curling, stomach clenching, nails digging into his shoulders. "I-I'm so close Perce, don't stop, please please please don't stop-"

"Wouldn't dream of it, Wise Girl." Percy kept his movements consistent, only dragging a hand down Annabeth's body to rub circles in her clit.

Annabeth came with a scream, eyes squeezed shut and legs wrapped around her boyfriend's hips. Percy groaned deeply, reverberating in his chest as he spilled inside the condom, stilling his motions inside of her.

His arms shook with the effort to not collapse on top of her, and he gently pulled out of her. Shifting to the side of the bed, he let himself fall on the bed next to her. Removing the condom and tying off the end, he threw it expertly in the bin.

"Baby, that was just a whole new side of you, huh?" Annabeth smiled.

Percy blushed red, a stark contrast to just a few minutes ago. "Did you like it?"

She brushed his hair behind his ear. "It was new, but I did like it." She poked his shoulder. "My cute nerd has a dominant side, who knew?"

Percy grinned, and pecked her cheek. "Can I go back to my paper now, brat?"

Annabeth rolled her eyes, but smiled and shoved him off the bed. "Get back to it, Seaweed Brain."

-----------------------------------

i very much hope you enjoyed! this took me forever to write bc executive dysfunction is a bitch but thank you so much for requesting!

#percy jackson #annabeth chase #percy jackson imagine #annabeth chase imagine #percy x annabeth #percabeth #percabeth imagine #percabeth smut #percy jackson smut #annabeth chase smut #pjo

[nonbinarychaoticstupid]

fifteen (hugging each other) if you want? (any ship/pairing/anything you feel like) aaaa

:0 skjckiskjdshd i was going to do carulia bc AA but then i fell into the lumity hyperfixation and this was born dksjdjksdjknjf this is the fastest i have ever written for a prompt

ft amity being ridiculously soft and in love and probably a lot of spelling mistakes idk

They drop Willow and Gus at their respective homes before midnight sets in - Amity even helps Gus crawl in through his window, which is nice of her, Luz thinks. She's too sore and tired to do anything except stand behind her, watching the street in case Odalia comes tearing down it on top of another abomination (probably with teeth this time, because who knows what happened after they ran away from the warehouse), gripping her sore arm and thinking about how her heart started pounding in her ears earlier, how she flushed when Amity grabbed her shoulder and hurried her outside and had to stare determinedly at the stars for a good ten minutes before she could look her in the eyes again, how -

"Luz?"

She jumps. It's Amity - of course it's Amity, she's been anxiously hovering around her and mumbling apologies for her parents since they were sure they weren't being followed - and she's holding out her hand and offering her a small, awkward half-smile, and Luz's heart gives a funny little jump, and then a second as she takes it and laces their fingers together.

And then a third, this time for a different reason altogether, when Gus pokes his head out of the window above them and waves.

Amity waves back (She really likes us now, Luz thinks, grinning up at the illusion of Gus's disembodied head propped on his balcony), and when they set off down the street, she feels her own grip tighten ever so slightly around her hand.

She lets out a long breath. Everything is fine. It's a beautiful, silent night, and she's wandering down the prettiest street in Bonesborough and holding Amity's hand, and there's still abomination gunk in her hair, but everything is... fine. Great, actually. And Amity is smiling, which is awesome, because Luz has never seen her smile at anything like that before.

She could get used to it, honestly.

Amity glances at her and smiles again, softer, slower. "You're making your idea face."

Luz blinks, resists the urge to reach up and feel exactly what face she's making. "Oh, am I? I have an idea face? That's pretty cool, actually. Or is it? Because then everyone knows what I'm thinking. Nah, still cool. I have an idea face. Yeah. I'm intimidating and cool. A bad boy, if you will."

She laughs. (Luz's heart does the funny little jumping thing again. She wonders, distantly, if it shows.) "The literal walking definition of a bad boy, you goof."

"Baddest boy in the Boiling Isles. Lesser witches cower before my star power."

Amity laughs again. She has a really nice laugh (like, wow), and it's still making something in her chest feel funny. "Luz the Bad Boy," she says, somewhat giddily.

"Azura the Good Witch and her edgy cousin." She squeezes Amity's hand, swinging their interlaced fingers between them. It's not often they get moments together like this, and she's starting to understand now what it is that's making her heart race and her breathing feel funny, and she thinks, a little distantly, that spending time alone with Amity is going to be - weird now, and - "I'd read that book."

"Please don't tell me the next thing we do is write it."

"Oh, we?" Luz turns to grin at her. "There's a we now?"

And Amity - Amity flushes.

"Yes - I, um - a - a we, sure, I don't - I dunno, uh - we as - as in - um -" She bites the inside of her cheek, glancing away, and Luz's heart does the jumping thing again.

"Wow, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she mumbles, grip loosening on her hand, and she chews on her lip and squeezes it tighter. It probably isn't the best move, but Amity... Amity seems to respond well to it - she squeezes her hand back, and when they round a corner and officially make it out of the main town, Luz notices that they're walking in sync. The realisation makes her smile.

"Amity," she begins, and Amity jumps.

"Hm?"

"Are you gonna go back to your parents tonight? I - I don't think that's really safe. You - you could - uh, you could stay with us, if you want. Just until school tomorrow. King won't sleep on your clothes if I tell him not to, I swear."

She smiles at her over the space between them - the same soft, slow smile that made Luz's heart do the Thing again earlier. "I - thanks for the offer, but I'll probably go to Skara's. She's used to it. Me coming over after an incident, I mean."

"Stuff like that's happened before?" Luz whispers, and she meant it to sound casual, not... tense. "I'm - I'm really sorry, Amity. I'm sorry for pushing you earlier."

Amity shrugs. "You didn't know. It's not like I go around telling people. And it's not - it's not a big deal, anyway."

"Amity, that necklace -"

"Luz," she mumbles, not unkindly. "It's not a big deal. I can handle it. I've got Edric and Emira."

"And your father?"

She shrugs again, slower this time. "He doesn't care. Mom could dangle us over the edge of a cliff and he'd be more concerned with the soil density than, you know, his children."

Luz can't think of anything to say except "I'm sorry." She reaches out with her free hand, touches Amity's shoulder, and she gives her a long, warm look. And they fall silent.

And Amity's head falls gently onto her shoulder.

--

The silence lasts for the majority of the walk home, right up until they make it into the woods, and then Amity lifts her head from Luz's shoulder and murmurs, "It's really pretty out here at night, isn't it?"

Looking over at her and saying yeah, it is would be the obvious and cliché thing to do, and also Amity would notice and probably laugh at her, so Luz stares determinedly again at the sky for the second time tonight and chokes out, "Yup. Really pretty. Love living out here. Especially at night."

Amity giggles, and it's the most undignified and adorable sound she's ever heard come out of her mouth. "You're a dork."

"Biggest dork on the Boiling Isles. Baddest boy around. My list of qualifications just keeps on growing."

She laughs again. And Luz realises that ever since they escaped the warehouse, she's been... relaxed. Not happy, because dealing with a mother like that probably couldn't leave her feeling particularly cheerful, but... open. Softer, warmer. And she thinks it's because of the absence of the necklace.

They stop not far from the Owl House, in the shelter of a large tree she knows, logically, isn't oak, but looks too close to be anything but. Amity's head falls back onto her shoulder again. She makes a soft, contented noise (and the Thing happens again, and she thinks, wow), and mumbles, "You're thinking about the necklace, aren't you?"

"I didn't say anything. That was all you. But yes, I am curious. D'you - d'you want to talk about it?"

A long, almost languid shrug. She reminds Luz of a cat sometimes. "She used it to talk to me. And, uh - and keep me in line, I guess. Threaten me where no-one else could hear it. Where Dad couldn't stop it. Yeah, he did try to stop it sometimes. Mostly because he seems to draw the line at physical injury he can't explain to the authorities." The corners of her mouth twitch up, and Luz has to shake herself.

"That's awful," she breathes, feeling small. "That's horrible, Amity, I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Amity detaches herself from Luz's side, and her hair is messy and sticking to the side of her face and when she steps away and turns to face her she keeps a hold of her hand. "Come on, I'll walk you to the door."

Luz smiles at her.

--

Amity lets go of her hand when they get to the porch. (Luz tries not to visibly frown at the loss of her presence.) She makes it all the way to the door, Amity trailing behind her with an odd, uncertain expression, and then something shifts a little within her ribcage and she spins around and flings herself into her arms, and Amity yelps and stumbles back a little, and then she loops her arms around her shoulders and hugs her back.

Luz likes hugging Amity.

It's such a simple thought, and it makes her feel so strangely delighted. They fit perfectly between each other's arms, and in the half-dark, lit only by the dim, guttering light from the lamps inside the house itself, and she has the feeling that the only reason Hooty isn't directly behind them making some snide comment is because Lilith is inside and entertaining him, thank G0d.

Something like five minutes pass - I've been hugging Amity for five whole minutes, oh my gosh - and then she hears, somewhere to her left, "Uh, Luz?"

"Hm?"

"This is nice."

She settles her head on Amity's shoulder. "It is."

"I think I have to let go now."

"Nooo..." She buries her head in Luz's hoodie, just gently enough to make her heart do the Thing again, and sighs, and Luz laughs.

"You okay there?"

"Don't get a lot of hugs."

"Mm. You can still stay with us tonight if you want." ('Don't get a lot of hugs.')

Amity shakes her head. "I'm good. Thank you, though."

"Thank you for saving my life today. You were awesome. You are awesome. I can't imagine doing anything like that."

"Luz," she says, warmly, softly, "You do it all the time."

And with that, she steps back, lets go of her entirely, and practically skips into the night, leaving Luz to stare after her and wonder why she left so fast, and spend the rest of the night agonising over this weird, warm feeling buzzing away in her chest.

#sep texxt #ask #sandiegocarmen #luz you're in LOVE #sep's writing #toh #the owl house #lumity #luz #luz noceda #amity #amity blight #gosh. gay. #tw abuse #tw abuse mention #toh spoilers

[akari-hope]

how would someone deal w a problematic hyperfixation? like harry potter for example? /srs

that's a good question! obv this is a pretty layered conversation, and this depends on the particular hyperfixation, but for the sake of being able to discuss at least somewhat how far this all goes, i'll focus on the example you gave.

quick note before i go into it though: EVERYTHING is problematic in some way. this is truly just a fact of life, and part of why this is such a difficult conversation to have. you're genuinely never going to find a piece of media that is without problems in one way or another. the difference is the degree of problems, and scope. so keep in mind from the start that i'm not going to take a "everything that's problematic needs to be thrown out" stance, bc that's just not realistic and we'd be left with nothing.

harry potter is a unique beast bc of joanne's transphobia and not inconsiderable money and power that she uses to lobby for it. it's not like enjoying works by lovecraft, who of course held many bigoted views but is now long dead. buying a lovecraft book does not directly provide monetary support to the bigotry. on the other hand, buying a harry potter book does. and even things that may not have a financial boon for joanne are still aiding to the popularity of the franchise, still aiding the platform she uses for her bigotry.

at the same time, it's impossible to say that people cannot have an emotional attachment to her work. ignoring the myriad of problematic elements for a moment (bc wow there really are a lot), joanne fundamentally wrote a story about a boy who was an outcast, who was unloved by the family he had, who didn't fit in, and found solace in others who were like him, just as weird and strange. it's impossible to ignore that, even if it was not intentional coding, that sort of story through a queer lens reads incredibly authentic and meaningful to the experiences of many queer people. i know many trans people in particular who found meaning in those books, and it's been a struggle for them to grapple with joanne's vocal hatred of them after feeling for years that maybe she understood, was an ally.

so it's already a bit of a moral conundrum. you can't support harry potter somehow without at least indirectly supporting joanne's transphobic lobbying. and the more you hear her speak about her bigoted views, the more you realize how much of that is in the books. and then you also run into the problem of your brain being latched onto it, unwilling to let go. it's genuinely a shitty situation.

now everyone can come to different conclusions about what is the "correct" course of action here. some people think that loudly enjoying harry potter with the addendum of "everyone is trans" is sufficient, death of the author as it were (quick note that isn't what death of the author means, but that is the claim people make). some people say you have to throw the whole thing out, become vocally against everything in it. some people say you have to enjoy within reason: don't buy merch but you can still read the books/watch the movies/etc., just pirate and you're all good.

and tbh i'm not going to tell anyone what's "right", bc this is a moral dilemma. not everyone's morals are going to align with mine. but if you're like me and joanne's views upset you too much, if the issues in the books are a little too uncomfortable to look past, if the idea that you might be funding hatred against your own group, against friends, against those you love keeps you up at night - it's definitely time to try and move on from it.

so, if you've settled on that course of action, what do you do? first off, you gradually limit your exposure. if you run a specific themed blog, write fanfic, draw fanart etc., those are the easiest things to start cutting out (mind you, you don't have to cut it out completely from the get go! maybe you write/draw but don't post as an example). if you desperately need to, reading/watching on physical media you already own is okay, or pirating instead. gradually weaning off is the key. eventually as you stop, the hyperfixation DOES begin to alleviate.

and again, this is only for this VERY particular piece of media under this very particular circumstance. were we in a lovecraft situation, where yes there's problems with the text but the man is dead and you're not funding bigotry, we truly wouldn't need to HAVE this conversation. my advice there would just be to consume responsibly and acknowledge the problems without making excuses for them. and to be clear, when the thing in question is not causing direct harm, that IS my advice. bc it bears repeating: everything is problematic in some way, and everyone is going to have a different threshold for what is a workable amount.

but when you have things like harry potter where you're funding transphobic policy, or attack on titan which is straight up japanese nationalist propaganda that can and has caused harm to real life people, this is when the conversation shifts less from "the media is problematic" to "this is actually affecting real life people". which...again, part of the reason this is such a layered conversation. honestly even with as long as i've rambled here about it, i've still barely scratched the surface of it all.

tldr: if your support/consumption of a particular piece of media is concretely (as in there is significant evidence and actual easy to identify examples of this) causing harm to real life people, it's time to consider weaning off of it by gradually limiting consumption, and not providing monetary support. if your support/consumption of a particular piece of media is NOT concretely causing harm to real life people and merely has problematic elements, acknowledgment of said elements and critical thinking is sufficient.

#anon #long post #god i hope this all makes sense. bc like. this is GENUINELY a tough conversation to have. #bc again there's just so much to everything

[solarsleepless]

Asking for special fingers to write me down some headcannons for asd!puffy, adhd!niki and adhd!techno

I am begging ur magic fingers sir please

you've come to the right place (ma'am? sir? ma'am i think correct me if i'm wrong)

plus cc!techno has adhd so this should be fun

okay so

techno always knew he was more different, the way he seemed to be more fixated on fighting then gold

he would glare at someone if they offered him gold then slashed with his sword

most the people he killed were idiots, but he respected good fights

then he saw philza, attacking wither skeletons. his fighting style was so good and he was clearly experienced and techno watched him in awe

but when phil started to lose the fight, techno stepped in to kill the remaining wither skeletons

they became good friends (as you well know) and since phil has lived for an indefinite amount of time and piglins grow up slower physically, which made a lot of people underestimate him

sorry this is just becoming techno meeting phil headcanons

techno never knew what the term for being different was

and once again, was in awe when phil sat him down and explained what ADHD was

after that, they started developing their own stim toys, and discovered that techno mainly likes chewlery

he has a few vocal stims: "hallooo" "weeeeeee" among others

he doesnt have many physical ones but he does this weird thing where he spins his arms around to feel the wind on them. weird but pog!

when he moves into Antarctic Empire, he really likes the feeling of snow, so he always keeps a little

anyways onto puffy

i'm going to be a little rusty on ASD since... i dont have ASD (i'm pretty sure anyways) so please tell me if i get anything wrong

puffy knew she was different when she realized she loved the sea more than the land

when she was little, she would make little boats out of branches and see how far it went

when she got old enough, she eventually got enough money to get her own big proper boat

texture go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (she loves the texture of wood)

there was only one food she didn't allow on the ship and that's paella (look it up if you dont know what it means). she just hates it and has no idea why. it just does not feel good the way grass does

speaking of grass she definitely chews absently that amongst other things in her spare time, sometimes even furniture

she hates the sound of chewing. like she always eats alone cause someone chewing just makes her upset for no reason

she has met Several People who seemed nice at first but then were ableist so their kneecaps said bye-bye

most of her stims i already explained in Another Post (just keep scrolling in my blog 'Puffy' and you should see it)

anyways onto niki

she was always on the more inattentive side, so people (including herself) never realized she was ADHD

in fact she didnt know until she joined the Syndicate

but it was one of the reasons she and puffy got along so well

she definitely jumps up and down

zones out more than anyone on the server

definitely hyperfixated on L'Manberg (which is why it was so painful to see it explode the first time)

explosions overstimulate her (obviously) which is one of the reasons she goes into her little hidey hole

she hyperfixates on her secret city which makes the time staying there easier but she's still painfully understimulated

once she joins the syndicate after five minutes techno immediately figures out she's ADHD and quietly mentions it to her

and now things made so much more sense

she wasn't just lazy or over-emotional...

OH YEAH THE WHOLE KILLING-TOMMY THING WAS DEFINITELY A HUGE REACTION TO RSD

techno gave her some chewlery, but they found out she preffered the smaller ones so she most of the time she fiddles with the chewlery necklace instead

niki visits even when they dont have a syndicate meeting because she and techno message each other whenever eachother is understimulated or just not hyperfixating

they definitely both hyperfixated on the syndicate meetings

puffy got a huge backlash from RSD thanks to the Red Banquet

y'know with the whole

"It was all your fault Puffy"

and of course couple RSD with a hero complex and youve got yourself a mental breakdown

techno and niki like saying "weeeeeeee" together

it just makes the brain go BRRRRRRr

they also say "brrrrrrrr" when they can

i'm not sure if youve seen but remember that one MCC where HBomb dressed up as an "catboy" maid and got his team to dress up as "catboy" maids?

yeah well niki (i say mcc is canon because its funny. they all just stop whatever war they're doing to play sports) adopted the "BROTHERRRRRRRRR!!" stim from that

i dont have any other hcs

uhhh

OH yeah in physical stims niki doesn't have many but she still

does a lil' dance when she's happy

same with puffy actually!!

well i hope you enjoyed it bc its all i got

#headcanons #dsmp headcanons #neurodivergent headcanons #adhd headcanons #asd headcanons #actually adhd #neurodivergent #neurodivergence #captain puffy #capitan puffero #captainpuffy #niki nihachu #nihachu #techno #technoblade #dsmp techno #technoblade headcanons #niki nihachu headcanons #captain puffy headcanons

[burninghoneyatdusk]

For me, Bob’s post was the confirmation I needed. I don’t think he would ever bait us, and I no longer have any reason to believe the death was not legitimate. Now it feels even more shitty that basically none of the rest of the cast posted a fairwell, but okay.

I’m going to log off of stan twitter for a while and take a day or two break from here as well. The level of upset I am makes me realize that my hyperfixation on this show this season has been more intense than it usually was in past seasons. Having depression and being isolated during the pandemic, it’s been something to latch onto. Escapism can be great, but not in the sense of ignoring real life and just other interests in general, and not if it has the power to plumet your mental health.

I won’t be watching the rest of the season, given both his death and what feels like a character assassination for Clarke. I could write an essay about how confusing this is as a narrative. In the future when I’m in a better headspace and have time to process, I just might.

I have always given JR the benefit of the doubt, even when others dragged him. I figured that even if for selfish reasons, he wouldn’t do something like this to his show. His legacy will be worse than GoT and good luck with the prequel now. But now, I can really see no other reason aside from spite for the choices he made. We’ll never know what happened behind the scenes but it seems clear now that the abhorrent death was influenced by that. I quite literally cannot see another reason for these choices, no matter how long I search my brain. I know the story is not over until it’s over, but if Bellamy is not coming back, then there is nothing that can change the fact he died alone, hated or misunderstood by his friends, brainwashed and not him true self, and at the hands of his best friend. Therefore, I don’t see a reason to stick around.

So I’m going to detach myself from t100 and find joy in other interests - getting back into cooking, attempting to do yoga at home bc I still feel too anxious to go to my studio but I miss it immensely, and reading other books like PJO and novels that have been sitting on my to-read list for far too long. It’s hard to want anything to do with the canon version of this show right now, even in fic.

That being said, we are absolutely continuing to accept prompts and write for @t100fic-for-blm. Thankfully, all my own prompts for the foreseeable future are AUs, so I’ll still continue to write and post them bc I can separate that from canon enough. Please, please continue to support this initiative, even as you stop watching, either now or after the series finale. It is a great way to work through emotions about this show and our characters, but most importantly this cause will continue to need support moving forward. Unlike the t100, this has real life implications and it’s important we continue to stand by the BLM movement and not let support slip away, even as media coverage inevitably does.

Lastly, a big thanks to everyone who nominated me for @bellarkeficawards! I’m absolutely blown away by the nominations and support and it has made the last few days that much better. A year ago I was new to fandom and almost quit before I really started, and I’m so glad that thanks to some kind people who reached out, I didn’t. Since then I’ve loved sharing all my work with you guys and have met incredible people, both within the @t100fic-for-blm group and otherwise.

Hang in there everyone. This will be hard for so many of us, but one thing I do know for certain, that I remind myself during my own lows, is that no feeling lasts forever. Time will make this easier and I think most of us will eventually be able to look back on our crazy fandom experience fondly. I myself don’t intend to *leave* fandom, but I know many will inevitably drift from it post-series, even more so now that the show has been irreparably damaged in the eyes of some. So a big thanks to all writers, creators, and awesome people who have been here to share the enthusiasm over the years. Our showrunner might be awful, but overall, this fandom is one to he treasured

Sam 💙💙

#I meant to write like a paragraph and this came out whoops #bellarke #bellamy blake #the 100 #the 100 s7 #the 100 spoilers #burninghoneyatdusk

[ghirahims-trophyhusband]

OK OK I’ve been left alone for a single second and I’m now thinking again how Ghirahim and now Sephiroth are my mains.

(Under readmore bc this is LONGER THAN EXPECTED AAA I just have a lot of love in my heart for two bastards who are tall, own swords and can hold my hand any day every day.)

I am someone who is very VERY autistic, with my main trait (and how I knew I was autistic) being how I hyperfixate on certain games, books, movies etc.

Sometimes, it lasts for only a week or two. Maybe a few months. But on the rare occasion, and what typically stays with me with no sign of leaving and so becames a main focus no matter what my other interests are, are the fixations that last for years. Ghirahim is naturally a years-old fixation (10 years on 17th November no less!) and has seen many F/O’s come sit alongside him, only to be moved along by the next person in line.

I joke Ghirahim sits on a special throne I made for him and refuses to budge, but as he hasn’t moved for nearly 10 whole years I consider that incredibly impressive, especially as only a very spare few pieces of media/characters I have seen/read etc can say the same (eg. Grigori, Monster Hunter, Batman). Not only that, but Big Boi X literally uses Ghirahim’s face and has the name ‘Ghira’ because of how strongly I associate Ghirahim with Them!

Then, we get onto Mr. Catboy.

Despite being into FFVII since roughly January of this year, I’d give him the benefit of the 10 years as well, since I knew of him for a very very long time. I just never looked into FFVII because I viewed the game as overhyped nonsense, but I can say with confidence that if Ghirahim had never stepped into my line of sight, Sephiroth would have been my main instead.

(Hell, he even got Ghira’s stamp of approval after just a few weeks! And that is the absolute highest honour anyone can receive bc this is my god damn Guardian Angel saying ‘hey, you’re alright’ because he knows the person in question makes me happy, and that’s what Ghira cares about most of all)

And. Damn! He gives me the same level of comfort as Ghirahim does! And he makes my heart flutter and burst with love, and make me blush in the same way Ghirahim did and still does, which admittedly my other F/O’s haven’t been able to accomplish (not that that’s a bad thing of course! My love for Ghirahim (and now Sephiroth evidently) is just very unique in my eyes and would be like, idk, seeing 3 shiny pokemon in a row. It’s a very rare feeling that requires a LOT of things to go right, something which is also helped by Ghira’s involvement/approval).

I think that says a lot about how ‘perfect’ Ghirahim and Sephiroth are for me. They may be evil little bitches, but the idea of them being soft for me and only me is a level of comfort so deep and lovely to me that I bet the reason I’m drawn to them in that way is because that’s how Ghira is with me. Threatening and terrifying to others, but the kindest, dearest, most wonderful person to have ever graced the earth to me.

As I said, despite only being an official F/O since January, Sephiroth means as much to me as Ghirahim does, especially thanks to Ghira enabling me and that love I have for the catboy, and he most definitely shows no sign of moving on. For once, it looks like the second throne Ghirahim has alongside him won’t be left cold or see another user ever again ghkgdf ;;

Anyway, TLDR @ my two boys:

#technically ss came out on 18th but i got it a day early #ANYWAY I RAMBLED if you read this thank u :> #i love my main men sm!!!! #kisses them both on the cheek #then slaps them for being mean to link and cloud respectfully gdfkjlg #when I watch the world burn all I think about is you #Throw yourself into the unknown with pace and a fury defiant #fo #they make me so fuckin happy AAAAA i adore them both with my entire heart #ghira is so in tune with what makes me happy too ghfdkjgdfg he really said #this catboy makes you happy? alright here's a dream where he protects you from SC #and i burst into tears and so thank you ghira i love you so much #goldie speaks

[frecklystars]

My mind’s been occupied so much on Starscream and not often enough on Plankton which makes me miss Plankton. It hurts sometimes, but it’s still a nice feeling. I love missing him, I love knowing that he’s my home

Same w/ Jabbawockeez, I missed them so much over the years and seeing my F/Os on stage like that so up close and even interacting w/ me was insane. And it felt like home sitting in those seats, getting misty-eyed seeing Janitor Wockee walking onto the stage, and remembering how much world building I’ve done in nine years for these characters. I gave half of them their own names and personalities and I’ve created up dimensions and realms just from little bits and pieces of information they give... thru dance moves... and short videos... and little outfit changes...

And how it feels like home to think of Starlight every day. Every day. I think TF has become one of my special interests now because... I don’t have to force a TF hyperfixation anymore, it just... it’s there, always, so easily!! Just like with the SB musical, it’s just there in my mind without any need to push it, and I’m almost always fixated onto it without even having to try. I guess spending two years of focusing ALL of my attention onto it really trained my brain to just... keep... thinking of Starlight... and Bee... I’m thinking of my robots every day now. Even though I’m trying to think of JBWKZ at the moment, it’s nice knowing that I can come right back home to Starscream when I’m ready to. He really does feel like home, and oh my fuckigngn GOD the day that I have zero deadlines is the day I draw myself running toward his open arms and SLAMMING into his chest

All of my F/Os just really feel like home to me. They’re safe and always loving and they’re patient with me, even when I take forever to come back to their universes, but when I do they’re super happy to see me every single time bc they love me!! I love having that unconditional “yeah my F/O loves me” feeling. I love feeling like I’m coming home when I’m self shipping. There is no other activity that gives me greater joy than writing/drawing or even just daydreaming a self ship scenario and feeling like... yeah I’m loved!! I’m so goddamn loved!! and I’ve got 50 billion boyfriends to prove it!!!!

#and girlfriends <33 and other genderless entities <33 #boyfriends just rolls off the tongue a little easier haha #woof #love notes #keri gets sappy it's 2am and I've broken into the chocolate chip cookies

[spookyadhdgoblin]

ADHD-related things I do that I did not realize were ADHD Behavior

-Nesting, AKA putting comfort items or special interest items near a specific sitting spot (the end of the couch, rocking chair, the table, by the side of the bed, etc.)

-Background stimuli needed to help me focus

-computer keyboards need to be click-clacky to help my focus when writing

-Tv shows, movies or anything involving conversation as background noise disrupts my ability to focus on person-to-person conversation

-eye contact makes me nervous

-My phone is laid out a certain way so as to not get lost when trying to do specific things

-”Oh that’s a {insert object here}!” because I was staring directly at it but I was not processing what that object was because my train of thought was completely elsewhere

-”What did that page say?” “I didn’t really read that.” “F&ck that’s the third time I haven’t registered what that paragraph said.”

-”What?” *responds .2 seconds later as they take a breath to repeat themselves*

-”Repeat what you just said.” *instantly forgets what I literally just said*

- *buffering symbol when asked to do something*

-Jumping onto completely different topics out of nowhere, usually interrupting the conversation and confusing the other participants

-loud noises divert my attention

-interrupting my partner mid-sentence because I realized something my brain deems “uber important”, when really its nothing special or groundbreaking

-not understanding that “what are you playing/watching?” is asking to join, and instead treating it as a literal question and explaining what I’m doing instead of inviting them to join

-”where did my pencil/phone/lighter/hairtie/remote/etc. go?” while holding said object/it being right in front of me

-having comfort items that are against societal norms; like stuffed animals, adult pacis, crayons and coloring books, cartoons

-Anxiety and depression are co-morbid disorders that can arise as negative effects from ADHD due to societies rejection of the norm for neurodivergents

-I have forgotten to add a specific thing I do four times now while writing this

-I still don’t remember that thing

-oh right its the rejection dysphoria; I always thought that was just separation anxiety or an illogical fear that everyone around me hates me or is annoyed by me

-I feel like I look and sound as if I’ve lost my mind whenever I try to explain why my brain led to an off-the-wall comment I made because the train of thought that lead there was funny to me and no one else has that context so now I must explain that context and explaining it makes me feel as if I appear crazy

-*catching flies face*

-constantly moving objects or bouncing my leg when I’m understimulated

-hyperfixating on one specific idea/race/character and then no longer having that hyperfixation or avenue to cope with so I spiral into a deep depression bc nothing will ever make me that happy again

-400 million brilliant ideas only half-started and lying in a pile

-I’ve forgotten another specific point I was gonna put on here

-Hyperfixation with psychology and how other people’s trains of thought work

-Self-loathing because I don’t feel perceived as “normal” or valid by the majority of society

-all caffeine puts me to sleep, rendering energy drinks useless for me

-This post was only supposed to be a few points long

-recognizing ADHD in other people

-feeling validated when I see another person or fiction character with the same issues as me

-feeling like I lost my mind when new trauma exacerbated my symptoms

I may add more later or make another post about this. Glad I found a new outlet though through this. 

#adhd #actually adhd #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #relatable #adult adhd #adhd things #adhd traits #i wish i had known this sooner #this is why my life is messed up bc i dont understand my core disorder #my life #adhd life

[somefandomimagines]

Hi! I was wondering if I could get a haikyuu matchup 🖤

I’m a chaotic 5’2 bi who loves dying my hair bright colors. Right now it’s blue.

My Myers-Briggs personality type is ENFT.

I have adhd, odd, depression, and anxiety. Which is basically means I either give something 1000% in effort, or nothing at all. And sometimes that is determined by someone telling me that I “have/need” to do it. Because I tend to have problems with authority figures and don’t like being told what to do.

I also have a hard time sitting still unless I’m hyper focusing on something (usually reading or going down a research rabbit hole on something that I find interesting). Those episodes only last so long though. Otherwise I like being out and doing things (usually with my dogs). I love traveling to new places and trying new things. I listen to all types of music, but David Bowie and Neil Diamond will always place top in my heart. I love to sing and dance at random. I’m not good at either, but that doesn’t stop me.

Those are my good days though. Some days depression and anxiety get ahold on me and I’ll do a 180. Those days I usually try to stay on my own and read or distract myself with movies and tv.

My favorite genre is horror. I love scary things - books, movies, documentaries, tv shows. Paranormal investigations? Im in! Stephen King’s new release? I already got it preordered.

I love games. I’m not so much into video games, but tabletop and card games are my jam. I’m also pretty good at trivia too (the more useless and random the questions are, the better I am).

I’m also a practicing pagan and witch. I specialize in divination (tarot cards, oracle cards, and tea leaf reading) and have a ridiculously large collection of rocks/crystals, candles (mostly because I like things that smell good) and different tarot and Oracle decks. And random fact; my favorite tarot card and the one I identify with the most is The Fool.

I think that’s all I’ve got at the moment. Thank you in advance 💚🖤💚🖤

So I kinda just skimmed through this but if I get anything wrong please don't be upset :( ALSO IT'S SO COOL THAT YOU'RE A WITCH!! I wanna get into that stuff but I'm too pea brained and can't find anyone to help me lol Anyways I match you with... ASAHI!! - Look, look, I get it, he's a gentle giant kinda guy and you're hyperactive and hated by authority - But opposites attract - He'd be attracted by how strong you are tho - Like you just give off this energy and he can't help himself - You guys meet when you get transferred into one of his classes - Your hair is so cool,,, He likes it - Like he wants to be bold like that too </3 - You guys end up talking somehow - For once... Someones not scared of him??? OMG!!! - You guys get along so well at first too - You're the one to make a move and ask him out on a date tho - You guys go to a simple picnic :0 - He shows you his fashion designs btw- He's super good at that - He also brings the cutest little foods too - Tiny sammiches - anyways you guys have a great time - At some point things get quiet but like- a comforting quiet - You guys have a really cute dynamic tho - You help him get over some of his anxieties and he helps you with yours - ALSO HE'S SO INTERESTED IN YOUR WITCHY STUFF IT'S SO COOL - He could listen to you talk abt it for hours - When you guys study and you can't focus, he'll wrap an arm around you and pull you close - He knows that talking while doing things can help others focus so he tries that? Idk if it works but he finds smth to help - Also you're hyperfixed on smth? RANT TO HIM - Ok if it's horror he might get scared shitless but he'll listen - Poor mans is horrible with horror but finds it cute that you have such an interest in it - He gets you out of trouble with teachers and other school staff somehow - Maybe bc they find him scary or he's a kiss-ass sometimes - When you're having a down day, you've got your big teddy bear there w/ ya - He lets you play with his hair if you want, it really calms you both down - During your down days he'll just quietly cuddle you as you guys watch TV or he'll try and help you get something productive done - Either way, he somehow makes your day better - And then when HE has a down day, you're on his ass in a positive way tryna get him up - He,,, He really likes this one cafe with cat-themed snacks - Anyways gender-nonconforming Asahi ftw - He's a man that likes cute things! What's wrong with that?? - With any gender identity you have, he's fully supportive - Might not understand something clearly at first but he'll learn and do his research! - You're his best source for this info tho - He refuses to let you dye his hair tho - He likes his hair the way it is - PDA? Only small things - Hell even the smallest thing gets him fuckin flustered - You hold his hand? He's blushing - He's not really used to relationships but,,, You help him a lot - He's so happy to have met you - Also if you guys have movie nights and you choose a horror movie? He's holding onto you for dear life - Nishinoya is also someone you hang out with and he'll tease you both a lot - Asahi,,, Poor boy he's so fucking flustered - Tanaka joke flirts with you one day and Asahi puts a protective arm around you,,, It's so out of character that it's obvious - Tanaka loses his shit which makes Asahi embarrassed, but you let your mans know that you find the gesture endearing - Hiking dates are a thing hiking dates are a thing - Asahi loves the views and you love the adventure - He gets along w/ your dogs amazingly btw - Your unpaid dogsitter <3 PLEASEOSUFGHSDIFG

#haikyuu #asahi azumane #haikyuu matchup #haikyuu matchups #matchups #haikyuu asahi

[vakarians-babe]

Because I’m still in hyperfixation mode and I just finished replaying the og Mass Effect trilogy at midnight, have a lil essay on why Shakarian (at least how I’ve played it) breaks me every time! Essay under the cut, bc it’s longer than I ever intended lmao

I’ll start by saying I play as femShep, with the Earthborn and Sole Survivor backgrounds, as the infiltrator class (main weapon is sniper) My canon Shep is named Anais and follows much of the Paragon track. So, ME1. There’s Anais, fresh out of what she thinks is the biggest failure of her career since Akuze. Nihlus is dead and so are almost all of the colonists and Jenkins. It’s kind of raw, but she’s determined to do things her way—the ‘right’ way. No one left behind, no unnecessary sacrifices; you do what you can to save everyone, not enact an arithmetic of death. She’s a little older than Garrus (my canon is 27 at the beginning of ME1, while Garrus is 25), who is this brash, angry proponent of ‘justice’ as he sees it, and she recognizes a little bit of her own pain and her own motivations in him as he tells her how desperately he wants to take Saren down. Throughout the game, from Feros and Noveria to Virmire and Ilos, she does her best to teach him that you don’t take shortcuts. You don’t let your anger lead the direction of your scope. It’s the encounter with Dr. Saleon that really hits some of that home for Garrus, because he’s let his thirst for vengeance for /himself/ rather than justice for the victims take over, and she helps him see that. When she has to choose between Kaidan and Ashley, it destroys her, but she does it, and for once Garrus gives her a little comfort, because he sees now /why/ she never wanted to choose. By the time they’re at the final showdown on the Citadel, the two are incredibly close. Garrus respects her, Anais respects him and cares deeply for this friend. And Garrus maybe even adores her (her hair is nice and her waist is very supportive, after all) in a way that he denies.

And then Anais dies. Garrus is at CSec, working on reforms and making sure the processes are about taking care of people and trying to flush out corruption. It flashes across nearly every vidscreen in the room: SSV NORMANDY ATTACKED. COMMANDER SHEPARD LOST. Garrus has to watch, then, as Anais is lauded for a few months, and then swept under the rug. It’s like this force of nature never even existed for so many others, but not for him. Corruption continues in CSec, his efforts earn him reprimands, and it all becomes too much. He hands in his badge and goes to Omega. Builds up his band of comrades, just like Shepard. He fights for normal people, to give them better lives and to keep the bullies off their backs. Just like Shepard. But Sidonis is there, and eventually he betrays them all. Garrus, now Archangel, is devastated. He’s tried so hard to hold onto what Anais had taught him, and now, at the same age she was when she died, he’s ready for one last battle, with all of the gangs of Omega, and he doesn’t care if he dies, because there’ll be less bullies in the world and the only collateral damage will be him. He’s already lost his team, he won’t let there be anyone else left behind, no others unnecessarily sacrificed. He may be dealing in an arithmetic of death, but it’s about how many he can take out before he goes.

Instead, someone breaks through the gangs’ lines. Someone with a build and a gate and a way of sniping on the move that is so familiar to Garrus, but he can’t let himself believe it. Lots of people have dark hair and big noses (but he still remembers what she looked like, two years ago, and he knows its her even though he tells himself it’s not). But suddenly she’s there, and it’s his chance to be cool and show her how he’s grown, and she does look exactly the same up close, except for these lingering scars. When the gunship takes him down briefly, he thinks it’s ironic that now they even share facial scars.

As they catch up, Garrus starts to realize how much /he’s/ grown. They’re the same age now, he keeps reminding himself, because Anais is still 27, and two years spent as little more than cells in a lab don’t include birthdays. Anais is seeing it too, and part of her is sad, because she knows Garrus has been through so much to make him the way he is. The loss of his team hurts her. But Garrus is tougher than she expected, and he took her lessons to heart, even if he’s interpreted some of them in his own ways. As Anais feels more hopeless, pulled more deeply into Cerberus and into a way of things that she doesn’t like, she finds herself forced to be angry. To choose some of the options she might not have chosen before. Her scars are mostly healed, and the strange light has left them, but her face is still newly knitted flesh. It’s Garrus who tries to soften Anais now, because in those two years he’s gained an understanding of hope and hopelessness that he never had before.  

When the chance comes to catch up with Sidonis, the two of them find themselves snapping back towards who they were that day so long ago on the Citadel. Garrus, despite his losses, is angry again. /He/ wants vengeance, though he tells himself it’s justice for his /squad/. Anais knows she can’t let him do it, because sole survivors will always blame themselves in the end, and when Sidonis is gone, only the self hate and the feelings of failure will remain. So she stops him. And when he asks her “what do you want from me, Shepard?” she shatters inside, because she realizes suddenly that somehow, she’s falling in love with him, and she knows how he feels. She felt that way on Akuze, felt that way when she faced her commanding officer, felt that way about herself when she failed her team. She wants him to stop blaming himself, but that’s so much to ask.

But he does realize that, deep down. When she looks at him with all the pain of experience, he knows in that moment that she has blamed herself for years, and it’s what she’s afraid will happen to him. It’s the start of something new for Garrus, and he finally listens to those little feelings inside him whenever he sees Anais tying up her waist-length hair, or smiling softly in the corner of the mess hall, or surreptitiously buying a new model ship or fish or hamster. They start to flirt, slowly, both of them pretending this is just a friendship with a little more when they know it isn’t.

The Batarian relay is even worse for Anais than Horizon was. She knows exactly how many people she tried to save, and who died anyway. She listened to Dr. Kenson, and it’s all her fault. But Garrus stops, he stands in front of her, and he tells her quietly that she /tried/ and she knows she has to stop pretending she only sees him as a friend, because she loves him completely. He doesn’t know when he stopped pretending to himself anymore.

The Collector Base is terrifying, for both of them. The final journey to and through the Omega Four relay is one they spend tangled up, sometimes awkward, but always right. Despite what’s coming, that time in the loft is theirs. When Anais leaves Garrus as the leader of the second squad, they both know it’s because she trusts him and his skills completely, more completely than anybody on the team, save perhaps Miranda or Tali. They both wish she didn’t have to. But they win, and they all make it out of the Suicide Mission unscathed. The goodbye is impossibly hard, but neither one of them can bring themselves to say the three words they want to say. Garrus goes back to Palaven, where he’s promoted. Anais faces her trial on Earth. They both kick themselves for the things they never said.

The final coming of the Reapers shakes Anais. She can’t help but think of Garrus, on Palaven, as the reports start drifting in while they fly to Mars. And then she finds him, on that moon, and he’s whole and he’s alive and he’s there and she wants to blurt it out (he does too). They’re both amazed afterwards by how easy it is to resume things, and by how much more open it feels. Though neither of them say anything, they know what’s changed. They know it’s really for real. They’re on more even footing now, with Anais choosing more Renegade options than she would a year ago but still trying to do what’s right, and Garrus refusing to cut corners, even though he makes hard choices. When she cures the Genophage, Garrus is in awe at how easy the decision is for her. When she saves the Geth /and/ the Quarians, Garrus doesn’t know how she /exists/. Somewhere along the way, he realizes he would die for her. And when they sneak up to the presidium roof and she misses her shot, Garrus knows she did it on purpose, because Commander Anais Shepard can hit a traveling Banshee between the eyes. Anais thinks it’s her secret and she’ll never tell him. But what she really wants is to say she loves him. 

As the nightmares get worse for Anais, Garrus does what he can to make things easier. He cleans her guns for her, when she’s not looking or thinking. He brings food up to her cabin, to force her to eat when she sits there just looking at the reports from the Battlespace, watching the casualty lists scroll across the screen of her personal communicator. She always takes him on her missions, when she can. And when she comforts him about his family, he wants to come undone right there in the gun battery. He doesn’t. 

They both have a feeling that one of them won’t make it out of this. Despite the numbers, despite those readiness ratings, there’s that fear. All the talk of turian/human babies and of adopting is just a blind hope for the two of them. But god, do they want that future. They want to live off of the royalties from the vids and grow old and gray and be able to remember with amazement how they once were able to barrel roll and fight Brutes without arthritis pain stopping them. 

The run to the beam, that headlong, dead-out sprint, is full of panic. Anais trips more than once as she glances over her shoulder for Garrus. He grips her under her shoulders and yanks her to her feet like a ragdoll, setting her gently onto her feet each time. When the beam hits the Mako, and it rolls over in the explosion, Anais thinks she’s lost everything. The Crucible doesn’t matter if Garrus is gone, because there’s no Shepard without Vakarian. Even though he’s heavy, so much heavier than her, she drags him to the bay doors of the Normandy. And because she thinks this is the last chance, because she doesn’t know which one of them will live, she finally tells him she loves him. As he fights back tears, he says it back. And then the doors close and she’s gone. 

With the Citadel so fully alien and terrifying, Anais tries to think only of him. Only of what they might name their first kid. Would they adopt? She knows that their DNA isn’t compatible. But they could always try something. Maybe they’d be Krios, for Thane, or Kaidy, for Kaidan. Standing in front of the Illusive Man, feeling the threads of indoctrination in her head, it’s the thought of returning to Garrus that lets her break free, just for a moment, to pull the trigger. It’s not enough to save Anderson. Maybe their child will be named David. With unfeeling fingers, Anais arms the Crucible. She can’t rid the world of synthetics--Edi and the Geth are just as alive as they are--but there will be no dominating the reapers. She hopes everyone will understand as she chooses Synthesis. And then she lets go. She’s sure she’s died. 

But the next day, when the dust has settled somewhat, and the crew of the Normandy are gathered around their memorial wall, Garrus feels differently. It’s amazing, how when they were together and saying their goodbyes he was sure he wouldn’t see her again. But now, even when those around them are sure that Commander Shepard, /the/ Commander Shepard, is dead, he knows she’s not. She died once, after all, and that didn’t stop her. Besides, her cybernetic augmentation is designed to heal her.

And while Garrus stands there, hoping, Anais takes a breath on that wreckage. 

#sorry for the feelings spam #garrus #garrus vakarian #shepard x garrus #shakarian #custom shepard #femShep #Mass Effect #Mass Effect 2 #Mass Effect 3 #Anais Shepard #literally this ended up being so long how did that happen