#but still 11x07 had me fucked up

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

tagging @stocious because she said she may have some thoughts on this

why i’m not a fan of sandy milkovich in 11x07/11x08

so, as we all know, i love debbie gallagher. i’m that one bitch you see on tumblr, screaming about my love for her or screaming at silly people who criticize her. that’s me. so naturally, sandy milkovich was a character that interested me because she was debbie’s longest lasting actual partner, and sebbie (sandy x debbie) was adorable.

i should have known it was too good to be true. debbie always has bad luck, especially when it comes to her being abandoned or being unloved.

in 11x07, royal, sandy’s ex-husband, dropped off her kid, prince, for the day. sandy didn’t tell debbie she had a kid. a kid who she abandoned.

and let’s say the circumstances were different, lets say she had to leave for her own safety or something, that would make me a bit more sympathetic (but still wonder why she left her fucking kid), however when prince see’s her and says “hi, mom” or whatever he said she just storms off and says “don’t call me that”.

this sets off alarm bells in debbie’s head. debbie’s mother took off and left her and her siblings with her father multiple times. by everyone in her life, she’s been used, then left, then used, then left. she’s so scared- and she now realizes sandy will probably leave her too and she freaks.

prince is well-adjusted, you wouldn’t be able to tell he’s a descendent of the milkovich family. he is the opposite of debbie. he is mature about being abandoned and doesn’t like his mother, but respects her choice. debbie’s an adult, she’s much older than this kid, yet it’s still tearing her up inside. even when she was a kid acting as an adult, it tore her up inside. that was her weak spot.

sandy knew that was her weak spot. they had known each other for what, eight months? even if they didn’t call it dating, they were, because sandy knew just the thing to use to hurt debbie.

so when debbie confronts her, things go to shit. debbie starts ranting about child abandonment, and slips up and says “you ran out on people who needed you because you wanted to do your own shit! i’ll never forgive you for that!” as if debbie was the child that sandy abandoned. as if debbie was six or seven again, being left for the first time all over again.

sandy catches on and seizes the opportunity to hurt her with it.

“holy shit. you think i’m monica.”

“what?”

“i am not your mom, debbie. i didn’t just leave my family to do my own shit!”

“this has nothing to do with my mom! fuck you!”

“you are piling all of your abandonment issues on me, right? because what happened? monica ran out on you, and now the rest of ‘em wanna run out on you too.”

“they don’t want to run out on me they want to sell the house and get the money…”

“you sure?”

sandy at this point has backed debbie into a corner and destroyed her. at the beginning, she’s confident, but then sandy just tears the layers of confidence down, breaks down the walls debbie set as a child, and now all that is left is just a scared, hurt, lonely child in an adult’s body. aka, season 1 debbie.

she doesn’t even have to say any more because she know that she hurt her. debbie looks frightened and vulnerable and sandy’s fucking smiling. then, sandy gets up, takes her shit, and leaves debbie, sitting in franny’s bed, dumbstruck.

this sends debbie into a spiral.

then the infamous scene where she does coke and sleeps with a gay guy happens, and it all reminds me of mickey in 5x11 (?).

then she gets a call from franny’s school and realizes she forgot to get her and she panics. she almost forgot about her kid.

then, she and franny meet on the steps at the gallagher house, and debbie delivers a monologue and it made my debbie-defender heart so excited.

but first, i have to say that sandy literally compares debbie leaving franny for 12 hours to sandy leaving prince for years. she also literally shows up just to call debbie a bitch as if debbie was the one in the wrong. then she says she’s open to talking it out, and debbie isn’t- good for debbie because she needs to learn to set boundaries. a+

“i blew off some steam for less than a day! and it sucked, and now i’m back, with my kid! can you say the same about you and prince? … oh my god i’ve heard all of your excuses sandy, and they sound great coming out of your mouth! but at the end of the day, you walked out on somebody that needed you. i’ve got my entire family trying to leave me, i don’t need to be worried about you too.”

and WOW. fucking wow. amazing, debbie. that was fucking amazing.

people who (gallavich fans who love franny and hate debbie) think that debbie would ditch franny and go to texas without her are wild. this is what i mean by people don’t watch her scenes and only pay attention when she says something that they don’t like. her whole storyline, in all eleven seasons, is about a girl with abandonment issues who wants nothing more but to nurture and care for people so that they stay. whether it’s her parents, or her siblings, or her child, or her partners, she loves people so hard to try to make them love her and stay, but they never do. and that’s fucking heartbreaking. she’s spent her entire life trying to fill the lonely void inside of her, and she always fails.

sandy’s absence sucked, and it really added nothing to the plot, but it did help debbie grow. despite this, i really wish that they didn’t break up.

and just to add one more thing to debbie’s monologue, i love it because it shows her entire storyline even if it’s not that long. we go from season 1, where she cries at aunt ginger leaving, steals a kid, and screams at fiona for living with jimmy, to seasons 4-6 where she wants love so badly, but knows not how to get it, so she sexualizes herself and has a kid, then to season 11 debbie, who tries to heal the wounds she’s had her entire life. who knows, maybe she will.

anyways in conclusion gallagher’s and milkoviches need to get over their hatred of therapy because they ALL need it badly.

#shameless #shameless us #debbie gallagher #sandy milkovich #sebbie #gallavich #meta #shameless meta #11x07 #11x08 #franny gallagher #frank gallagher #fiona gallagher #monica gallagher #abandonment issues #sandy x debbie #debbie x sandy #right person wrong time i fear #i may biased because i relate to debbie especially in the abandonment/attachment issues way lol #but still 11x07 had me fucked up

[unbridgeabledistances]

prompt: domestic gallavich/being intimate in a nonsexualway bc there’s like 3 weeks til the next episode 😐

your wish is my command, anon!<3 i decided to tie this into next ep bc i simply cannot HANDLE mickey’s outfit/big gay metamorphosis & i needed to create the scene that inspired it so i wrote this

a one-shot bridging 11x06 and 11x07 in which ian and mickey talk about “gay friends,” ripped jeans, and do a bit of processing along the way

tw for brief mention of homophobia/abuse (bc terry lol)

--

“How come we don’t have any, like, gay friends?”

Ian looked up from where he was laying on the ground, breathing heavily after a series of push-ups, a nightly routine that he was trying to keep intact even though he and Mickey were practically driving the entire circumference of Chicago every day to make weed deliveries from dawn til dusk, leaving them both exhausted. It had been a week since all the shit with Terry, and a month or so since he and Mickey had started the security gig; while months ago their evenings would be spent sitting side by side on the bed in a brittle silence while Ian read or scratched in his notebook and Mickey played games on his phone blasting at full volume in the pajamas he’d been wearing all day, these days the evenings in their bedroom were softer and warmer— like they were settling into the space together, like they were both on the same team instead of constantly clashing and butting heads while trapped in a too-small space. These days, after having dinner in the clamor of the crowded kitchen, he and Mickey would head upstairs and change out of their uniforms, and Ian would work out while Mickey mostly just lounged on the bed, sometimes making commentary and watching him bob up and down with a pensive smirk or scrolling through his phone.

But tonight, Mickey was quiet— his eyes flickered to the curves and edges of Ian’s torso every now and then as Ian broke a sweat, but otherwise he wasn’t playfully poking and prodding like usual.

Mickey had been a lot quieter in general this week, after all the stuff with Terry— Ian knew seeing the source of all of Mickey’s trauma in a wheelchair immobile from the neck down, the most vulnerable Terry could have been, felt worse than someone repeatedly twisting a knife in Mickey’s abdomen. But beyond the initial shock and the almost-murder and lugging him up the stairs, having Terry in a wheelchair twenty feet away did something deeper to Mickey. This whole situation shifted something solid that had been lodged in the pit of Mickey’s stomach for years— Ian could see it, and he fucking hated it. He hated Mickey’s glassy contemplative eyes as he looked out the car window while they drove to a new dropoff location, lost in his head when he thought Ian wasn’t looking. He hated the tightly wound tension between Mickey’s shoulder blades as he slept, curled into himself and twisted in the comforter, facing away from Ian on the other side of the bed. He hated the tight smiles Mickey gave him as he made some offhand joke about Terry when they could hear him cursing and shrieking through the open front windows, smiles that were trying to prove something outwardly but showed the barbed pain stinging at Mickey’s insides. Ian poured out what he could in soft touches, in skims of fingertips at the breakfast table and in an arm over Mickey’s waist while they slept; but he could only give as much as Mickey would take, and for most of the week Mickey had shut everyone out with iron walls.

Ian couldn’t imagine what was stirring in Mickey’s mind; he’d seen some of Mickey’s trauma firsthand, sure, and some of the stories about Terry came slipping through the cracks when Mickey’s guard was down— mostly on those late nights when they both couldn’t sleep and Mickey whispered into the crook of Ian’s neck as they were curled into each other, cradled in the dark silence of their bedroom. But Ian knew there was deeper shit that he hadn’t heard about, and he could see the constant fear of Mickey’s adolescence hanging heavy around his neck all these years later. But Mickey didn’t need anyone to push his walls down— Ian knew he’d open up when he was ready.

Which is why this random question, the most direct statement Mickey had really made to him all week, caught Ian off guard. He sat up, folding his arms over his legs and staring up at where Mickey was slouching on the bed, propped up by a pillow he’d shoved between his back and the wall. “Gay friends?” he asked, more than a little confused.

Mickey cleared his throat. “Yeah, gay friends, y’know. Like all your youth center queers that came to the wedding or whatever.” He suddenly looked down and picked at a fraying thread on his shirt sleeve, not meeting Ian’s eyes.

Ian raised an eyebrow in curiosity. This was random, sure, but Mickey wouldn’t have brought it up if something wasn’t weighing on him, bubbling up after all the events of this week.

“I don’t know— I guess since the pandemic and stuff, I haven’t really kept in touch with Geneva or any of those guys who came to our wedding. We only really talked after I got out of prison because of all the Gay Jesus publicity bullshit, but after you got out I wasn’t really thinking about that as much.”

Mickey blew out a breath, so quietly Ian barely noticed it. Ian stood, wiping his sweaty forehead and plopping down on the bed next to Mickey, folding his legs so their knees were almost touching— but still giving him space, still letting him breathe.

“Why’re you asking?”

“Don’t know, really. Just thinkin’.” Mickey picked at his shirt sleeve again, then flickered his gaze up to meet Ian’s eyes, two clear pools of glassy blue. “Thinkin’ about what life could’ve been like. If I wasn’t scared shitless of who I was for so long.”

Ian felt something twist in his gut, the same queasy pang of pain that always resurfaced whenever he saw Mickey like this, whenever he was reminded of all the unspeakable agony that Terry had put him through.

“It’s fucked up that you didn’t get to be who you were for so long, Mick,” he breathed, knowing that statement didn’t cover the amount of things that were fucked up about this situation.

Mickey ran his teeth over his bottom lip, like he was concentrating. “Yeah.”

Ian let them sit there for a second. It seemed like Mickey wanted to say more, but something in him was frozen solid. After a moment, Ian tried to break the tension.

“Hey, for the record, I’ve had lots of gay friends and you aren’t missing much. There’s lots of PC bullshit that’s important but took me fucking forever to learn— and even then, I never really felt like I totally belonged.” He gently nudged Mickey’s ribcage. “I guess that’s why I forgot about everyone, between work and getting to be with you all the time— I’d rather eat pizza in the mall food court with you than go to some boujee fucking café with the youth center people any day.”

The corner of Mickey’s mouth ticked upwards slightly. “Yeah. Guess you’re right.” His fingers went slack around the threads on his shirtsleeve he’d been picking at. “You don’t… miss it though? Bein’ around people who’re like us?”

Ian paused for a moment, imagining the youth center crew in the same room as Mickey— it would be fucking comical, like people speaking two different languages, like astronauts trying to communicate with aliens on Mars through gestures and confused looks. But that was just because Mickey didn’t know how to speak that language— he’d been kept shrouded in an abusive household with daily death threats for years, and then stowed away in prison where he didn’t have the chance to go to fucking brunches and clubs and education events like Ian could. Ian got the chance to learn all that shit— it wasn’t Mickey’s fault that he never did, and if it was anyone’s, it was all Terry’s.

Ian’s eyes flickered to Mickey’s face— he looked vulnerable and split open, like he was drifting away in all the possibilities of what could have been. When he answered, Ian spoke softly, carefully.

“I mean… I guess I do. There were nice parts of going out with people, or even those after-parties back when I used to work at the club. There’s something nice about being with your people, where you can make jokes about stuff or talk about deep shit and everyone’s on the same page. It’s hard to find that around here.” Ian tentatively crawled his hand over the blanket, letting it rest on Mickey’s knee. “S’there anything else going on?”

Mickey raised his thumb to his mouth, biting at a hangnail contemplatively. “Dunno, man. Just thinking. How it might be nice, to have friends like us. I used to be scared of hangin’ with other queers, but I think that was just some deep bullshit with Terry.” He looked up to meet Ian’s eyes. “It’d be nice to stop… hating that part of myself, or whatever.”

Ian smiled, reaching to intertwine his fingers with Mickey’s and tracing a pattern with the thumb that was free from their grasp on Mickey’s inner thigh, a soft touch of validation that Ian hoped would soak into Mickey’s skin.

“I think so too.” Ian watched the corner of Mickey’s mouth curve upwards. “I can definitely hit up some of the people I used to hang with, and see if they wanna get coffee or something? With the two of us? Only if you want.”

Mickey nodded— then chuckled a breathy laugh, like he was relieved. “Fuck it. Yeah.”

Ian couldn’t help it; Mickey looked so fucking sweet and so relieved that he had to press a kiss to the top of his head. Mickey squirmed underneath him, bristling like a cat that didn’t want to be pet like he did with most of Ian’s soft touches— but Ian just grinned and doubled down, pressing another slower peck onto Mickey’s temple. Mickey blew out a slow breath.

“Don’t know what I’d fuckin’ wear to a brunch with a bunch of Northside do-gooder gays,” he said after a moment, his voice wavering so slightly that no one except Ian would have noticed.

Ian rolled his eyes fondly, giving Mickey’s hand a quick pulse of a squeeze. “Mickey, are you kidding? Wear whatever the fuck you want. You don’t need to change yourself, that’s kind of the whole point.”

“Yeah. Fuck. Guess it is.” Mickey was quiet for a moment, but still chewing on his bottom lip, like he was building the courage to say something more. Ian could tell— he let the comfortable silence hang between them, knowing that Mickey would break it when he was ready.

“D’you think it’d be stupid if I, like, tried to… jazz up my look a bit?” He darted his eyes nervously to Ian’s face, down to their clasped hands, and then back to the covers again. “Like, uh— I don’t know. Maybe wore some shit that didn’t have holes in it. With patterns, or whatever.”

Ian felt his face split into a grin. Patterns, or whatever— god, he loved his dumbass husband so fucking much. He pressed another kiss to Mickey’s cheek— this time Mickey didn’t flinch away, his only resistance a forced roll of his eyes.

“Mick, I don’t think that’s stupid at all. I think you should dress however makes you feel good.”

“’Kay.” Mickey pursed his lips, like he was still hesitant. Ian rubbed his thumb over the back of Mickey’s hand, their fingers still clasped and hanging limply in Mickey’s lap. The silence was hanging again, and Ian could still feel the tight waves of anxiety bouncing off of Mickey. He took in a breath.

“I could… help you, y’know. If you wanted to dress a certain way. At the very least I could gas you up and tell you how hot you look.” Ian paused, smirking and running his eyes over Mickey’s torso. “But I could also help you pick shit out, or whatever. We could order some stuff online.”

Mickey looked up at him, his eyes oddly relieved and open in a way they hadn’t been in days. “Yeah?”

Ian softly smiled. “Yeah. Only if you want to. You’re you, and you don’t have to pretend to be anyone else. I love the way you look— hell, it drives me crazy, Mick. But— if you feel like you aren’t dressing the way that makes you feel the best, or like you’re putting on an act for other people and you don’t want to anymore— then we can figure this out.”

This time it was Mickey that initiated affection, lifting their clasped hands and pressing a quick ghost of a kiss to Ian’s wrist. Ian smiled in acknowledgement, then playfully raised his eyebrows. “You wanna look online now? I’m done working out and more than happy to help you gay up your look.”

Mickey unclasped their hands, playfully shoving Ian squarely in the chest. “Fuck you.” Then, in an uncharacteristic move from the way Mickey had been flinching away from his touches all week, Mickey leaned in closer to Ian’s chest, nestling his back on Ian’s sternum and reaching for his phone that was discarded on the blanket beside him. “Alright, hot stuff. Where’re we fucking shopping?”

Ian grinned and snapped the waistband of Mickey’s sweatpants playfully, shuffling underneath him and getting comfortable.

“’Kay, let me think. I used to order a bunch of shirts and stuff from Primark when I was going out with the youth center people. They have good denim, too.”

Mickey’s bottom lip was caught between his teeth again while he listened. He hesitated for a moment, his thumb hovering over the phone’s keyboard— then, in an automatic movement, he quickly shoved his phone into Ian’s hand, cheerfully wriggling back into Ian’s chest. Ian smirked and unlocked the phone, happy to take the reins— online shopping for fashion was clearly lightyears out of Mickey’s comfort zone.

Ian navigated over to the Primark homepage, plastered with torsos of toned models wearing striped button ups and ripped jeans. His thumb pressed down onto the “denim” tab, and he started to slowly scroll through the rows of options, holding the phone so Mickey could see.

“I don’t know what you really want, but they’ve got pretty cheap pants and shit that’re good quality…” Ian let his voice trail off, speaking softly to where Mickey was lying on his chest in a voice that he knew was tickling the shell of Mickey’s ear. Mickey almost seemed… nervous, or at the very least paralyzed by the wealth of options. He raised his thumb to his mouth, anxiously biting the hangnail again.

“I guess those ripped ones don’t look too bad.”

Ian clicked on the picture Mickey was referring to. They were black jeans, a dark wash and skinny cut, with patches ripped on both knees. Ian felt something well in his chest, probably an overreaction to a pair of jeans— but these jeans were perfect for Mickey. They weren’t too much, weren’t overly fashionable, but they still felt more clean-cut than the baggy pants Mickey usually threw on. These jeans were badass, and totally aligned with Mickey’s don’t-fuck-with-me vibe, but they were deliberate. Stylish. Like they were saying here the fuck I am.

“Yeah?” Ian knew Mickey could tell he was smiling from his voice.

Mickey smirked, craning his neck and turning to look up at Ian. “Yeah. Think I can pull ‘em off?”

Ian pressed his lips together. “Fuck yeah. You’re gonna look so good.”

Mickey just gave a satisfied smile, and nestled back against Ian’s chest again. “Let’s get ‘em, then.”

#i hope u enjoy!<3 #also im sorry I’ve been so mia in regards to prompts #my mom’s been in the hospital all week and it’s just been a very tough and draining time #but writing this brought me so so much joy! #gallavich #gallavich fic #shameless #shameless fic #ian x mickey #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #shameless season 11

[gallavictorious]

love your metas, so can i get your thoughts? i've always felt that personality wise, fiona/ lip are alike, and then ian/ debbie are alike. fiona/ lip are smart but often lost in what they want out of life/ what path to take. they both self sabotage and spiral in response to that. s4/ s9 fiona and s6/ s7 lip had similar arcs. they seem to need to receive romantic "love"/ validation, more than to give it, and can be selfish in that. but they are very giving when it comes to their family. [1/2]

[2/2] so anyways, whereas ian/ debbie very much want to give "love" as much as they want to get it, to the point that they always let any awful person who demands it, have it. kash/ ned/ caleb/ trevor/ matt/ derek/ the s10 2 ladies/ etc were all like that. (mickey being the 1 exception ofc!) they can be manipulated and therefore taken advantage of. but they work hard and take pride in that and know what they want (rotc/ emt and babysitting/ welding). but debs is selfish obviously, and ian isn't

Hiya nonnie! That's some very interesting thoughts right there, and a few I hadn't considered before! Let’s see...

I think you make a great point about Fiona and Lip both being smart but lacking a clear idea of how to translate that into a sustainable lifestyle, and they certainly do have a tendency to self-sabotage. In fairness, fairly often it's things outside of their control that derail them – which I think is a very good illustration of how much harder it is to ”make it” when you come from that sort of background. Even when they aregiven opportunities and try to capitalize on them, there's so very little margain for error; everything is always just one small step from collapsing, there's always something going on with their family that they need to deal with, and when things do go wrong, they mostly lack the resources (mental and financial) to respond in a good way. Their coping mechanisms are maladaptive as all hell, that's for sure, courtesy of their fucked-up upbringing. But yeah, quite apart from all that, I think Lip and Fiona have a habit to fuck things up for themselves by not doing great with stability in general. Rob's an asshole but not entirely wrong when he calls Fiona a chaos junkie, and Lip's issues with authority and alcohol don't exactly make things easier for him.

Additionally, I think that while Lip and Fiona are both capable of hard work – and for a long time they certainly work their assess off to take care of their younger siblings – they also have a tendency to look for quick fixes and easy outs? They're problem solvers and quick thinkers, and they had to be, to deal with the mess Frank and Monica have made of their lives, but I'd argue that this survival tactic has developed into a somewhat problematic predispotion to eschew slowly, steadily working their way towards a goal in favour of leaping on ”smart” deals and opportunities. Which isn't always bad, of course, but it has caused them a fair share of problems; consider, for instance, Fiona and her real estate escapades in season 9 and Lip's highly questionable choices in season 11. (I just watched 11x07 again and GOD do I want kick him in the nuts. I love Lip, but grow the fuck up, man. Tami is a bloody saint for being as patient with him as she is.)

In contrast, Ian and Debbie have a crazy strong work-ethic and are highly goal-oriented. They fix their eyes on the prize and they fucking go for it, putting in the hours and the work without hesitation or complaint. They are far less likely to look for short-cuts or screw themselves over because they get bored with the monotomy. That doesn't mean their path to success is a straight one, of course; Ian's bipolar has wreaked some proper havoc for him, and though she's succeed in both having a kid and a job she trained for, Debbie's narcissm is keeping her from developing the strong bonds (familial and romantic) that she so desperately craves. I think the difference between Ian and Debbie here is that Ian is genuinely looking for a partnership and a real connection (to such a degree that it sometimes leads him into highly unfortunate relationships) whereas Debbie thinks she wants that but isn't prepared to actually be vulnerable and perceptive to the other person's needs to such a degree that a real partnership becomes possible. She never, I feel, actually sees and knows her partners for who they are; she projects onto them her idea of what they should be like, and responds to that, not to them. It hasn't ended well, so far.

And I have to say that while Trevor (of whom I'm fond in spite of his flaws, so you'll find no hate for him on this blog) and (especially) Caleb have their issue I don't think it's fair to compare them to Kash and Ned. As for Matt and Derek, they may not be perfect, but I'd argue that Debbie treated them far worse than they did her. I mean, she did rape both of them. (Out of youthful ignorance, sure: it's still sexual assault. I do find it very interesting and quite encouraging that she obviously recognizes her own guilt in season 11.) By and large, Debbie has treated her partners worse than they have treated her, which is certainly not true of Ian. (Which doesn't mean Ian's a saint. Boy's got plenty of flaws, and he doesn't always treat his lovers perfectly – the cheating comes to mind – but in general he doesn't treat them badly at all; as you say, he is more likely to allow himself to be treated badly by them.)

Circling back to Lip and Fiona, I think you have a point in them craving the way their partners make them feel, but being less interested in having a partner to build a life with, if that makes sense? They aren't really looking for someone to share their lives and struggles with (which might be the resulf of them being used to having no one but each other to rely on for most of their lives); they want that high of being in love and in lust, and when things get a bit too steady and boring, they get restless. Jimmy was, admittedly, a big support for Fiona for a while, but it was quite one-sided: always on her terms. Lip might be coming around on that with Tami, though – possibly because she's assertive enough to push back against him and not let him get bored. Also, Lip (and Fiona) has shown himself to be far more devoted to kids in his care than to his partners, so I'm sure Freddie's existence is a major factor in him sticking it out with Tami even when things are hard. (Not to suggest he doesn't love Tami; I think that she's by far the best match for him on the show.) At the end of the day, I think that Lip and Fiona would enjoy someone properly at their side and in their corner – they just need to understand that that's something they can have, and that for it to work, they need to be in their partner's corner too. As I said, Lip might be on the way, though his unwillingness to solve problems together with Tami is worrisome; who knows what Fiona's up to in Florida; Ian's already got it, and as for Debbie... she knows she wants it, but not how to achieve it. For her, I think, the answer might be to reassess how important having a partner really is to her; does she truly want it, with all the compromises it inevitably entails? Then again, she's young yet; we were, I think, none of us very good at relationships at 20, and Debbie (and her siblings) has had a rougher go of it than most. She has time to learn.

This took... forever, nonnie, so I do hope you see this!. :o Can't say I expect my scattered and tentative musings to have been worth the wait, but I ended up having a lot of fun thinking about this, so here's to you finding something of value in there. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me! <3 And as always, if anyone else wants to chime in you're more than welcome to; my ideas on this aren't very fixed, so I'd love to hear other or additional perspectives.

#the prize for being the Gallagher Least Bad at Relationships is getting to marry one mickey milkovich #congratulations to our worthy winner ian #no wonder he fought so hard for it... 😏 #and oh would you look at that! #i answered an ask! #i am very excited about this! #so sorry for the wait nonnie this ask had me thinking a lot so i loved it #lip gallagher #fiona gallagher #debbie gallagher #ian gallagher #meta #asks #my stuff

[doodlevich]

Post-11x07 thought’s let’s gooooooooooo!

First and foremost I am once again simping for Mickey because i can’t tell you how much I relate to that man. “Why the fuck are you touching me rn” I-

The breakfast scene was once again ✨everything✨ things starting out so civil and then devolving into chaos as usual + lip saying family only and Ian responding immediately hE Is FaMiLy yes go off

Frank’s sl was a goddamn roller coaster all throughout the ep, because they got me right away with him not being in the alibi but then when he was scamming I was like “oh right Frank is still Frank”. AND THEN I went right back to :’) and over all the whole thing just hits a nerve, ya know? I might cry for one million years actually

Don’t even get me started on Liam, I absolutely love that V is taking him under her wing tho ❤️

The little ways that they show Ian and Mickey being in sync are just GREAT, like the way they just know what the other one is thinking, and they’re trying to be on the same page in their own funny little ways and I just want to SCREAm

Mickey trying to smile on command when he already has the most beautiful natural smile I-

ALSO THE fact that we got a resolution to the monogamy convo was a nice touch I think actually because I think the whole “we can only sleep with other people together” thing is very Ian and Mickey somehow, and a good compromise! Good job boys 😌

no I will not accept that Mickey doesn’t like getting rimmed as canon you can’t make me

Sandy’s sl also threw me for a loop, like I figured she had a kid, but she actually had me— defending Debbie by the end of the episode???? Which was a strange sensation because I never agree with deb

KEVIN BALL I OUGHTA BEAT YOUR ASS WHy are you being so extra, lip was already having a hard time. Kev and Tommy with those bikes woah guys you’re hogging the brain cell

Speaking of Lip, when he and Tami argue like that I feel like I’m stepping in on a very private moment, which shows how excellent Jeremy and Kate’s acting is imo

Anyway back to horny husbands... WHEN THE SYNOPSIS SAID IT WAS A JOURNEY TO MAKR FRIENDS THEY MEANT A JOURNEY, “two guys are jackin’ off in the steam room, let’s go be friends with them” Mickey doesn’t quite have a handle on the whole friend thing but it’s the effort that counts

Prince is my new favorite character on the show so 🤷🏻‍♀️

“The charcuterie board is here” “MMMM PEPPERONI”—- again my love for Mickey expands ever deeper

Carl’s sl is... idk how to feel about it. Too many thoughts, gotta think about it more

POOR IAN. The way Mickey was actually sorta feelin’ himself all episode was adorable to watch tho, and then just bickering and being H U S B A N D S was the bestttt

The way the episode ended........ yikes

THE END CREDITS. What can I say that hasn’t already been said about those mfkin’ end credits. I am deceased.

Anyway it’s 3 am and I had to get all of that out before I could sleep

Now all my posts for the next few days are all queued up so, night y’all ✌🏼✨

#shameless season 11 spoilers #shameless season 11 #gallavich #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #lip gallagher #debbie gallagher #liam gallagher #tami tamietti #carl gallagher #shameless

[crispybingusbongus]

twd 11x07 (spoiler warning)

i cant believe that we are almost done with the first third of s11 :,(. twd is getting closer to the end. plus i look forward to new eps every week

this ep just reaffirmed my belief even more that negan’s story isnt a redemption arc. he cant be redeemed and he has to know that. negan has changed a lot. hes not evil but he also isnt good either. yes, its true that him being honest to maggie was important to their relationship but also what the fuck possessed him to say that to her? For context, negan said that if he could go back he would have killed everyone at the line up. this makes sense and is logical, but saying to maggie didnt make sense to me. especially because he wanted her to promise a truce. i appreciate how complicated negans character is but it also confuses me on what the writers want him to be portrayed as. i mean, they brought up innocent saviours that died in the war (while totally disregarding all of the communities negans saviours hurt but thats another story) but they also show that negan isnt super regretful of what he did. he just wishes he was more brutal. i think it makes him an interesting character but i cant like him still.

other than that, i liked negan bringing back the whisperers tactic to get through that big horde. like that genius?? also maggie looked so cute in her oversized mask. obviously im obsessed. i feel bad for poor elijah though, having to see someone he cared about in the horde. i thought he was gonna pull a sam but im glad he didnt. 

gabe had an encounter with a pastor reaper. im glad they had that interaction. gabe and the reapers would be such an interesting concept, i wish they took him instead of daryl. but im also scared they are setting up gabe’s death. not looking forward to that.

yumiko in her suit...*bites lip*. nah but fr she looked so good. also, im sure the reason tomi got taken away is because miko accidentally revealed the truth about him being a doctor during that interrogation. but thats a theory. 

also we got to meet sebastian milton...god i was not excited for this character. this mf is already SO ANNOYING. also how was eugene supposed to know who he was?? they never even told him. not to mention how lance told eugene, “you should’ve saved him. you could’ve been a hero”. UM HE DID TRY TO SAVE HIM?? AND SEBASTIAN WAS MAD?? god i didnt think twd could make a character more unlikeable than nicholas and gregory but they did a good job.

daryl and leah’s arc in this ep was ok. that scene with the family was important for leah. obviously she isnt as ruthless as pope and she has some heart. but she still picked a group that decided to destroy a community because they liked their home?? at least thats what i gathered from what leah told daryl. im curious to see what’ll happen to daryl when hes eventually forced to pick a side.

while this ep wasn’t as intense and amazing as the last one, it was still great. and im pissed at negan but the convo he had with maggie was rly important. it gave them more development besides negan getting frustrated over maggies plan and then not leaving when she tells him to. also, i think someones gonna die next ep..im prepared to start shitting tears.

#twd #the walking dead spoilers #negan #negan smith #maggie rhee #gabriel stokes #daryl dixon #elijah twd #leah twd #eugene porter #sebastian milton

[gallavichy]

So I have a thought about the steam room and orgy scenes this episode that is, I think, a slightly different take than either of the extremes out there (Gallavich would never! And Shut up, it’s totally fine).

My general take is that they decided on whatever they did this ep TOGETHER. So they’re being safe, sane, and consensual. I also think that the steam room and the party gays are both isolated situations that don’t suggest ANY sort of future problems or infidelity.

But narratively speaking, I think it’s also worth looking at how the world of Shameless codes these things. Yes, this is hard to do because of serious issues with homophobia and racism in the writing, general inconsistency in the writing, screwing with the show Bible when when necessary (or not 😡), and retconning whenever the fuck they want, BUT, there is the realm of the world if this show, and it’s worth looking at.

- This show does not define true love, lasting love, and meaningful love as something built on fidelity and monogamy. I’m not saying that it promotes polyamory, but I am suggesting that we have been presented with couples whom we are supposed to believe love each other deeply...and very few of them have had perfectly closed relationships. And this is not just for gay couples! Think about Helene and her husband, Kev and V in their throuple, etc. so WE might see airtight monogamy as something we want, but the show has almost never presented us with that as an option.

- The shameless piece of Shameless means that the writers will often if not always subvert the fandom’s desire for sweetness and romance if/when something sexy and scandalous can happen. It’s not always infidelity, but it’s often something we wouldn’t want for the couples we like. Kev and V acting out master and slave stuff on the internet?? V’s MOM?? Lip being monumentally stupid in all of his relationships? Lip lying to Tami constantly this season? Steve being married when he shows up after S1? Most of Gallavich seasons 1-5?

- The show is about family and survival and loyalty (not romantic loyalty, necessarily, but the I-can-count-on-you-no-matter-what loyalty). What we’ve been shown in s10 and 11 with Gallavich is that they ARE these things for one another. They are family, lovers, AND friends. While I think the show fucks up in a lot of ways, I think it’s been clear about this.

Okay, and then lastly - they lived happily ever after is a hard claim to stomach if a couple hasn’t been shown to face the hard questions when the show concludes. Showing us that they can go to the steam room or an orgy and end the night together singing Gaga and Ariana in the gross Gallagher bathroom is the reassurance we need that their marriage will survive all the random stupid shit that might come their way. It’s also important to note that even though he’s a dumbass, Ian is better at relationships than all his other siblings. Seriously. Except maybe Liam!

all great points here! ♥️

i really don’t want to talk too much about this because i’m not one to engage in conversations about ~controversial aspects of episodes as i have genuine troubles with articulating big thoughts to the point that it stresses me out. however! i do just want to mention a few things and preface it by saying that my general thought is that people are allowed to feel however they want about this--particularly the fans who’ve been around since the beginning and who feel like this is a less-than-desirable turn of events after the degree to which they’ve followed this relationship. i get it. 

but i also want to say that while i understand some of the extremes to the interpretation of this, i also think it’s important to note (and may make others feel better?) that what’s happening between them is not polyamory and does not suggest romantic or physical disloyalty with permission. i’m reading it as a kink, more than anything. they’re each other’s one and only. but just like adding toys to their bedroom activities, they’re open to adding a guy or two to the scenario whenever they have the desire and opportunity, which i don’t imagine will be frequently, just as i don’t imagine they get out the ballgag more than a couple times a month, if that. i just can’t make myself view this in any way as them being open to sex with other people. they’re clearly jealous. their “who knows what might happen...” is enough to get mickey to agree to making gay friends with ian and ian to agree to stay for the dinner party. they absolutely don’t want their husband to have sex with other people in any capacity that isn’t a scenario in which they’re like, together in a steam room with two other guys or taking part in an orgy in which, let’s be honest, they probably made out with each other while receiving blowjobs or while they side-by-side topped other men. it’s a partnered activity and just a fun new way to enjoy sex and the physical bodily pleasures with the man they love.

to address your ask (sorry for basically hijacking it lol), i do agree that the show certainly doesn’t seem to present to us many instances of strict, as you say, “airtight monogamy.” but unlike the other examples--helene and her husband, the throuple thing--ian and mickey’s situation doesn’t even feel like that. idk. i guess i just tend to view this as them occasionally having adventurous sex that, no matter if there are other guys in the mix during the act, is always about them in the end and is ultimately still sex with each other. i think they’d go mental if they were to like, split up and each pick up a guy to take to two different locations. they’re way too possessive and jealous for that. to your second point, i do think they tend to subvert our desires when it comes to characters’ sex lives--mostly as evidenced by the kinkiness discovered this season--but yeah, idk, this whole scenario in 11x07 was sweet as hell to me. they love each other so much and that, to me, was palpable, regardless of how many guys were in the equation.

i feel like this doesn’t address your ask at all and was, instead, me just going on tangent after tangent, but again, i tend to do this and it’s why i suck at responding to very thoughtful asks like yours. ♥️♥️♥️ anyway, you’ve made great points here and i absolutely agree with them as valid commentary on the show, i just personally don’t fit ian and mickey’s sex life into that based on how i view their arrangement in the first place.

#<33333 #likelife19 #ask gray

[cdt12345]

I have had time to sleep on it and gather my thoughts about Ian and Mickey's agreement to be monogamous but can only have sex with someone else as long as the other is there. I think they are both thinking in hypotheticals  and really think that if the chance arose, they could really do it. I can understand that because they're married and are finally secure and in a good place in their relationship. They think they could handle it. But I DO NOT believe for one second they actually could follow through with it or did follow through with it in 11x07 (which I will explain my reasons for that after this). They talk a big game but when it comes down to it, they wouldn't be able to stomach seeing each other with someone else. I’m not knocking on people who does this, everyone has a right to do what they want, what they’re comfortable with, and what works for them. But I don’t see Ian and Mickey being able to do this. I know some people will think I’m saying it’s out of character for them because I don’t like what they’re doing but that’s not it either. It really makes no logical sense. They would have had to turn into completely different characters to actually follow through with this.

Why don't I believe they could follow through with that? Because of their past behavior. No matter what happens, how much growth people go through, no one changes that much! Ian was jealous of Mickey having sex with Angie, Mickey was jealous the second he saw Ned speaking to Ian, Mickey would not let that guy put money in Ian's shorts at the club, Ian was jealous over that weak ass obviously faked kiss between Mickey and Barry (I know his name is Byron but I chose to call him by the wrong name he was given by Mickey), and Mickey looked like he was ready to murder someone the second Ian mentioned having a date with someone else. Ian was obviously lying but the thought of it made Mickey super jealous within seconds! So, they expect us to believe they would actually follow through with having sex with other people? After 10 years of showing us how jealous they get?

Ian and Mickey may think hypothetically they can right now, but the second it becomes a reality, they won't go through with it. Not even the handjobs make sense because if Mickey couldn't let that guy put money in Ian's shorts and threatened him from going anywhere near Ian's dick, how could he be okay with it now?! My only explanation is that steam rooms are usually so foggy you can't see anything and neither of them got a full view of it. So they were able to go with it. That's the only explanation I can come up with. But then at that point why not just give each other handjobs?

Now for why I don't think they actually had sex with anyone else but each other in front of those guys. When they first had the monogamy conversation, Ian said he couldn't imagine not wanting to have sex with anyone else ever again. If they continued this conversation, my guess is, if they were really interested in someone, then they can have sex with that person as long as the other one is there. Well, clearly neither of them were interested in anyone at the party. Mickey was so focused on the food and twice they told each other they didn't want to have sex with any of those guys. Mickey said he didn't want to have sex with any of them and Mickey asked Ian if he wanted to have sex with any of them and he said no. The guy sitting next to Ian started coming on to him and Ian literally ran away to his husband. Those guys didn't do it enough for them to want to do cross that line. I really believe they had sex with each other.

When they arrived home, one would think they would've mentioned what is was like being with the other guys, but they didn't. I doubt it will be mentioned in later episodes, but seeing as we still have a few it could. But I really don't think it will. The fact we don't see it and they never actually confirmed it after they got out of the car, tells me they didn't actually have sex with anyone else, but with each other. I feel like they would've mentioned something about how it went, being with another person and they didn't.

I think the writers didn't confirm it because they want people to make up their own minds about it, so they can't actually be blamed for what conclusions the audience comes up with. That is fucking lazy and cowardly writing right there!

My conclusion is that Ian and Mickey didn't have sex with anyone else at that party. And considering how the episode ended, with all the Gallagher's lives in a mess and Ian and Mickey in their own happy bubble singing and dancing, I think the way they decide to handle their marriage is working for them and that is all that matters to me.

#my rambling thoughts #cameron monaghan #ian gallagher #noel fisher #mickey milkovich #gallavich #ian x mickey #gallavich husbands #husbands #shameless season 11 #shameless us

[team-free-will-oneshots]

Breaking Point

Title: Breaking Point (part five of the ‘Buried Secrets’ series) Summary: Dean realises exactly how badly he messed up - but you’re not ready to forgive him. When you and Sam get even closer on a hunt, how much of a rift will be driven between you and Dean? Will you ever be able to cross it? Pairing: Sam x Reader, Dean x Reader (fem pronouns) (mostly sam x reader in this part) Warnings: some swearing, Angst™, canon-typical violence, also more angst :(  Word Count: 4,811 (its a long one, sorry...)

note; ok so this part is based around 11x07, ‘Plush’ - I stayed somewhat true to canon but ended up tying up the hunt a lot more quickly and easily than the episode for my own convenience lmao. also sam isn’t having the visions from “God” in this series, at least it’s not gonna be brought up bc that’s all just A Lot for me to try and keep track of and i wanna keep focus on the fic plot not canon lol, sorry! anyways hope u enjoy this part!

Part One | Two | Three | Four

Masterlist

It was too bright, and his head hurt. It was almost enough to make him forget the events that had transpired the night prior - almost.

Dean rubbed his tired eyes as he stumbled to the kitchen, brewing a pot of coffee as he bit back a yawn. He poured a cup and stared at the nearly-full pot for a few moments before realising no one was coming to join him. Right - Sam had taken your side.

The anger raging through his veins had burned out long ago, replaced only with a hollow feeling of guilt that made him feel sick to his stomach as his brutal words bounced around the chambers of his mind. The hurt in your eyes was branded into his brain, and he clenched his jaw as he recalled your timid voice, your shaking hands as you fled from him as though you were scared of him.

Scared.

Of him.

As if he could ever hurt you.

But you did, his brain whispered. Dean slammed his mug down on the table, hot coffee splashing onto his hands, the tiny droplets scalding his skin as he swore and shook them off. He clenched his fist midair, bringing it to crash back against the wood of the table. He felt so guilty - why did he feel so guilty? You lied to him, lied to Sam, to Cas, to everyone - and he was the one feeling bad?

But the spark of anger fizzled before it could grow, and he resolved to set his feelings aside, at least for now. He was good at that - avoiding things. It was practically in his Winchester genes to ignore his emotions until they broke him. And he wasn’t at breaking point - not yet, at least.

Dean’s fingers found his phone, and he toyed with it absentmindedly, thumb hovering over your number, and then Sam’s. After staring at it a little longer than he’d have liked to admit, he slipped it back into his pocket. You weren’t coming back - not yet, at least. But even though you were gone, Amara was still a threat. Weird connection to her or not, he needed to find a way to get rid of her.

Assigning his pain to the backseat, Dean hit the books.

---

“Hello, Dean.”

The eldest Winchester started awake, the shape of the book before him sharply imprinted onto his cheek. He rubbed it, wincing his bleary eyes at the discomfort.

“Cas?” he groaned. “What is it?”

“Have you slept?” The angel’s voice was weighed with concern, and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Obviously,” he muttered, wiping the dried spit crusted at the corner of his mouth as he swallowed back the unpleasant taste an unexpected nap always left. “Found anything?”

“Nothing new,” Cas said, glancing around the empty bunker. “Where are Y/N and Sam? Shouldn’t they be helping you research?” he asked disapprovingly, and Dean chuckled dryly.

“I haven’t heard from them in two days,” he said, plastering on a humourless grin. Castiel’s brow creased.

“Are they on a hunt? They could be hurt, we should-”

“No, they’re not on- Y/N’s a witch,” Dean blurted, and Castiel’s eyebrows flitted skywards in surprise.

“A witch?”

“You heard me,” Dean growled, turning back to the books. “She- she used a hex bag on me, so I kicked her out. Sam went after her - texted me, told me not to follow ‘em.”

“That doesn’t sound like Y/N,” Cas remarked, and Dean scoffed.

“Yeah, tell me about it. She said it was to help me, whatever that’s meant to mean,” he muttered. Cas gave him a knowing look, and Dean’s defences shot up.

“What? I’m fine, I don’t need help!” he said angrily, and Cas made a disbelieving sound.

“Right. Of course not. Have you considered that Y/N might just have been worried about you, and really did want to help?” Cas prompted, and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Of course I have, Cas. But that doesn’t justify her lying about being a monster! We’ve known her years, and she never told us the truth!” he exclaimed. Cas hummed disapprovingly.

“Dean, you know that witches aren’t all bad. You just happen to have a great deal of experience weeding out the… bad apples,” he said slowly. “Can you really blame her for keeping it a secret, considering how you’ve reacted?”

Dean’s jaw ticked, and your teary face flashed again into his mind. He wondered how long you’d cried - if Sam had comforted you, like the big softie he was. If you’d thought about him at all the last few days. If you wished he’d reacted differently. ‘Cos god, he was wishing that right about now, too.

“She-she’s dangerous,” Dean protested lamely.

“If you really believed that, you would never have let Sam go after her alone,” Cas reminded him gently, and he couldn’t find the words to argue back. He let his eyes fall on the yellowed paper before him, the fading ink blurring into a meaningless jumble of letters as he struggled to make sense of the mass of emotions tangled amongst his thoughts.

“Why was I so angry?” he asked eventually. “She lied to me, and- and I was so pissed. But now I just… I miss her,” he admitted. Cas offered a tight, sympathetic smile.

“You do have a tendency to lash out when you’re hurt,” he informed the Winchester. “I know that better than most. And it’s understandable that you could feel… betrayed,” Castiel continued slowly, and Dean grunted in agreement.

“Yeah, well, she did lie to me,” he muttered.

“So has Sam. And I, in the past. Don’t be angry, but… you do tend to latch onto small things to push people away. And I know,” Cas interjected as Dean opened his mouth to protest, “this isn’t exactly a tiny secret. But I think that the reason why she kept it was quite clear. The real question is - why did you feel the need to push her away in the first place?”

Dean swallowed hard, hating that the angel was right in his analysis, and hating even more how obvious the answer seemed to him now. Why had he pushed you away, just as you were starting to get close?

The answer came to him as easily as the alphabet. Because he didn’t deserve you. He didn’t deserve your concern, your care, your smiles. And above all, he certainly didn’t deserve your love. He didn’t deserve to be happy with you - he knew he’d only bring you down.

And so, Dean had done what Dean did best - found a means to push you away. To alienate himself from you, so that even if he changed his mind, you wouldn’t want to be with him after the way he had wronged you. So that you could be free of him. And it just so happened that your newly exposed identity as a witch was the perfect excuse to slice a rift between you.

Dean ran his hands over his face as he groaned. “God, Cas, she was just trying to help. She was trying to help me and I was such a fucking dick to her. How do I go back from that?” he asked helplessly, voice cracking as he raised his head to meet Castiel’s eyes. The angel’s face was solemn.

“I’d imagine you start with an apology.”

Dean sighed, mouth half open to speak when his phone vibrated against the table. His jaw fell closed, and he shot Cas a tense look before holding the phone up to his ear.

“Dean,” he muttered.

“Hiya, Dean!” Donna’s cheerful voice greeted. “Look, it could be nothing, but I might have a case for ya…”

---

You glanced up from your book as Sam’s phone vibrated across the room - the youngest Winchester had gone for a walk to clear his head from the seemingly endless lore and news articles the two of you had been picking apart since your hasty departure from the bunker. Sighing, you heaved yourself to your feet, rubbing at your temple absentmindedly as you glanced at the caller ID.

Dean.

Breath catching in your throat, you set your jaw and purposefully declined the call. Thoughts of the eldest Winchester didn’t bring you sadness, not anymore - instead, they fuelled your system with rage. How could he treat you like that, say those things to you after all you’d been through together? You humphed in annoyance, and just as you were about to re-take your seat, the phone began its incessant buzzing once more. Defeated, you held the phone up to your ear, bracing yourself for what was to come.

“Sam’s phone,” you said tersely, and the line fell dead silent.

“Y/N?” Dean asked, voice barely rising above a whisper. You cleared your throat, careful to keep your voice steady as you responded.

“That’s me - the one you kicked out, remember?” you said brightly, though your voice was underlaid with acidic anger that corroded your cheerful tone.

“I remember,” Dean muttered. “Y/N, I-”

The door opened, and you exhaled in relief as you pulled the phone from your ear. “Sam, it’s your brother,” you said stiffly, and Sam quirked an eyebrow before accepting the phone in your extended hand.

“Dean?” he asked in surprise, and you picked up your book again as Sam walked into the bathroom, closing the door while he continued the conversation with his brother. You heard his voice rise in irritation, but after a few more moments, he walked out with a defeated expression.

“Donna needs help on a hunt,” he said apologetically, beginning to gather his things. You jumped up and began to prepare your own, but paused at the confused expression clouding Sam’s face.

“Uh… Dean’s gonna be there. You don’t have to come,” he told you, and you shrugged half-heartedly.

“I feel so cooped up in here, I honestly don’t care. A hunt would do me some good - help me get out some pent up anger,” you explained, and Sam frowned but didn’t object again. “So, what are we looking at?” you asked.

“Uh, Dean said something about a “killer bunny,” Sam said, and you shot him a confused look.

“A what?”

“That’s all he said - it might not even be our kind of thing. I say we go down, give Donna some peace of mind, and if it’s not our kinda gig we let the police take it from there,” he said, and you nodded.

“Yeah. Okay. Let’s hop on down and check out this killer bunny,” you said, smiling cheekily. Sam groaned.

“Really, Y/N?” he asked, though his tone was tinged with amusement. “Puns?”

“Hey, maybe it was an accident - you really ought to stop jumping to conclusions,” you defended, and he rolled his eyes.

“An accident? Yeah, I doubt it - you’re hardly being subtle,” he replied, and you grinned slyly.

“I guess you could even say I’m dangling a carrot in front of your face,” you pressed, and Sam turned to you in exasperation.

“You done?” he asked, despite the smile playing on his features. You grinned.

“Not even close.”

“Well, I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns for at least the ride down,” Sam said, and you pouted.

“Why?” you whined, and he shot you a playful grin.

“They’re just not bunny.”

---

A pun-filled car ride later, the two of you strode into Donna’s precinct in your FBI getups, where Dean was already waiting for you.

“Sorry if we’re a hare late, traffic was a nightmare,” you greeted, pointedly ignoring Dean as you gave a laughing Donna a hug. Sam rolled his eyes fondly, and you winked at him before your sights fell on Dean. His eyes met yours, and he quickly lowered his gaze, clearing his throat before turning to Donna.

“So, what makes you think this is our kind of thing?” he asked. Donna explained the situation - gruesome murder, and an apprehended perp whose mask refused to budge. You whistled as she finished.

“Well, it’s certainly a hare-raising tail, but I’m not sure it’s our thing,” you said with a mischievous smile. Donna laughed, Sam rolled his eyes affectionately, and Dean tried a tentative smile of his own.

You ignored it.

“Yeah, but if uh, you’ve got a wild hare...” he added playfully. “See what I did there?” Donna laughed again, but you rolled your eyes and acted as though he hadn’t spoken, refusing to even meet his gaze. His heart sank, and the smile fell from his face.

A short while later, Donna led the three of you to the holding cells, where you frowned at the sight before you.

“Any witnesses?” Sam asked, and Donna nodded.

“Ex-wife - thought she was next, but the bunny just up and walked out the door!” she exclaimed.

“You ID him yet?” Dean queried, and Donna shook her head.

“Nope. No wallet, cell… ran his prints, but no prior record. Couldn’t even get our hands on him long enough to check for any identifying marks. Only thing we do know is he’s caucasian, roughly eighteen to twenty-five… and terrifying,” she breathed.

Donna was called away by Officer Stover, leaving the three of you, plus bunny, alone. You frowned, stepping closer and squinting at the bloodied mask.

“Are we sure it’s not just a really committed furry?” you asked slowly. Sam’s brow furrowed.

“What’s a-”

Dean frantically shook his head at his brother. “You don’t wanna know,” he interrupted, and the exaggerated fear in his voice brought a smile to your face. You quickly composed your expression, clearing your throat as Dean stepped forward and threw some mocking quips at the masked figure.

“What, took too much molly? Super-glued your mask to your head? Got paranoid, stabbed a guy? Been there,” he chuckled, and you scoffed. Dean turned around, frowning at your reaction, and the bunny seized the moment of distraction to grab him by the neck and slam him against the bars of the holding cell.

Sam busted out the holy water, to no avail. “Not a demon,” he remarked. You stood to the side, panic flaring in your chest at the sight of Dean struggling. No no no no no!

“Well, he’s strong!” Dean snapped, and Sam grabbed the bunny’s hands, trying to pry them off his brother’s neck. You rubbed your temple, trying to soothe your stress headache and willing yourself to think when it hit you.

“Wait, I’ve got this,” you muttered, pushing Sam back as you took a deep breath and closed your eyes.

“Any time now, Y/N!” Dean pressed.

“Shut it!” you snapped, before thrusting your hands forward. A surge of power had the attacker flying backwards and slamming into the wall. It didn’t seem to faze him - he got to his feet and stood perfectly still, those fake, glassy eyes seeming to stare straight at you. Dean winced, rubbing at his neck. As the adrenaline seeped from your veins, you felt your headache fade away.

“Thanks,” Dean muttered, and you folded your arms, resolutely ignoring him. Meanwhile, Sam’s eyes fell on the bunny’s t-shirt - Minnesota Tech - and the tattoo on his arm - ‘Kylie Forever’.

“Kylie forever,” he mused. “That’ll work.”

It didn’t take you long to compile a list of potential ‘Kylie’s’, and Dean whistled at the length of it. “Alright, Y/N and I will take the first ten. Sam, you can-”

You cleared your throat. “Uh, actually, I’ll go with Sam,” you interjected, and Dean raised his brows in surprise.

“But- but we always team up,” he objected, voice ringing with hurt. You shot him a tight smile.

“Yeah, well I wouldn’t want you to have to swallow your disgust, would I?” you spat, and Dean flinched at your words as the reality of the situation crashed over him. How could he forget?

“Listen, Y/N…” he began, but you shook your head.

“Just… leave it,” you grumbled. “We’ll check in later. C’mon, Sam,” you dismissed, grabbing Sam’s arm and walking away. Sam shot his brother an apologetic shrug, letting you guide him towards the exit.

Dean watched as you left, expelling a deep sigh as he ran his hand over the side of his face before shaking his head to himself. He jumped when Donna’s voice echoed from behind him.

“What’d’ya do to get her knickers all up in a bunch?” she asked, and Dean barked a dry laugh that died on his lips.

“I messed up, is what I did,” he informed her. “Things were good. Great. Better than, even - we were… well, we were about to be somethin’, anyways, but I… said some things I shouldn’t have. And now I dunno if she can forgive me. If I even deserve to be forgiven.”

Donna frowned. “Sounds like you should try apologising, bud. Don’t be afraid to go real sappy, neither, just make sure ya bein’ honest,” she advised, and Dean grunted.

“Yeah, I would if she’d actually talk to me,” he scoffed, and Donna hummed.

“Well, if she needs space, you gotta give it to her,” she said simply. “Can’t expect a girl to give ya a civil conversation if you didn’t give her one to start with, can ya? Piece of advice, though - if ya wanna patch things up, ya betta get in sooner rather than later. She and Sam are lookin’ real chummy,” she said, elbowing him slyly. He frowned.

“Her and Sam? No way. Really?”

Donna whistled. “Oh, yeah. Besta luck,” she said, patting him lightly on the back. “Catch ya later.”

As the blonde left, Dean stood for a moment, stewing in his own overwhelming emotions and chewing on the advice Donna had offered. You clearly wanted your space… and if you really were moving away from him and towards Sam… well, wasn’t pushing you away exactly what he’d wanted in the first place? Wouldn’t it be better for you to be with his kind, thoughtful brother instead of being stuck with… well, whatever kind of a mess Dean himself was?

He sighed, shaking his head and ignoring the hollow aching in his chest as he forced himself back to work. He could deal with this later - he wasn’t at breaking point.

Not yet.

---

It didn’t take long for the puzzle pieces to fall together - once you realised you were dealing with a ghost and managed to piece together a list of the costumes he was attached to, it took near no time at all to sort it out between you, Sam, Dean and Donna. You’d stuck with Sam the whole time, communicating with the others in quick phone calls and texts.

Sam was by your side when you tossed a match on the final costume, watching the fire sear through the fabric and the reeking smoke drift into the air as the ghost of Chester Johnson was eaten up by the tongues of hungry, flickering flames. You exhaled heavily as silence fell across the forest the two of you had found yourselves in, an echoing quiet broken only by the crackling of the fire.

“Well, that’s that,” you murmured. Sam swallowed, nodding.

“Yeah. Nice work.”

A smile sloped your lips. “You too. Now what?”

Sam’s phone buzzed before he could reply, and he tugged it from his pocket, glancing at the screen before his eyes met yours.

“Now we meet up with Dean and Donna,” he said. You were quiet.

“Right. Dean.”

“Y/N… maybe you should listen to what he has to say. It seems like-”

“I can’t, Sam. Not right now, not after he… it’s just too soon,” you mumbled, and Sam offered a tight, sympathetic smile.

“Yeah. I get it. But you can’t stay mad at him forever,” he reminded you. You averted your gaze, eyes cast downwards.

“I know. But… I can’t forget. Not yet.”

Sam’s eyes softened, and he rested his hand soothingly on the curve of your waist. You ignored the stutter of your heart.

“Come on, let’s get back.”

The car ride back to the station was quick to draw the lingering tension between the two of you, replacing it with easy banter and refreshing laughter that still bubbled on your lips as the two of you stumbled into Dean.

“Hey - is it done?” he asked, and Sam nodded.

“Yeah - he’s gone. Everything’s burned,” Sam confirmed, and Dean grinned, clapping his brother on the back.

“Great work, Sammy!”

Sam rolled his eyes. “It’s Sam,” he corrected affectionately, and Dean brushed him off with a nonchalant,

“Pssh.” He turned to you. “Good work, Y/N - you always could handle yourself on a hunt,” he complimented, and the smile died on your lips. Your jaw was taut as you avoided his gaze.

“Yeah. Thanks,” you muttered. As much as a small part of you appreciated that Dean was making somewhat of an effort, the memories of that fateful night weren’t so easily erased. Years of friendship reduced to ashes in a single moment as Dean’s rage sent you packing - the echoes of his words still cut you, and you were yet to determine whether their scars would be permanent. At any rate, you knew you weren’t ready to forgive him. Not yet.

Dean sighed. “Look, Y/N… can we talk?”

You half scoffed, feeling your defensive walls rise as you shook your head. “You didn’t exactly give me the liberty of a discussion the other night, did you?”

Your words came out harsher than you intended, and you felt a flicker of guilt at the hurt in Dean’s eyes that you quickly forced yourself to quell. Dean shook his head in disbelief, the action paired with a sharp intake of breath as your words slammed into him like a brick.

“C’mon, man… I was angry. It was a lot to take in, you can’t expect me to just-”

“Dean,” Sam warned, cutting his brother off before he could raise his voice. Dean took a breath, nodding, and you interrupted him as he opened his mouth to speak.

“Whatever, Dean. I’ll be seeing you.” The words were cold, your tone colder as you spun on your heel, stalking back to the car. Despite the hurt welling in your chest, you found yourself half-hoping that he’d follow you, that he’d properly apologise, that things could go back to some semblance of normal…

But Dean watched as you left, Donna’s words ringing in his head. “If she needs space, you gotta give it to her.” As much as every bone in his body longed to follow you, to hug you and kiss you and whisper the words that would fix everything, he stayed put. There were no magic words, no embraces nor kisses that could fix the mess he had made.

And so, with a heavy heart, he let you leave.

---

The car ride back to the motel was draped with a silence so thick you could have sliced it with a butter knife. You didn’t want to think, not right now, so you busied yourself staring out the window at the scenery, leached navy and grey in the moonlight. The road was quiet at this time - the two of you were alone, your only company the yellow glow of the headlights bouncing back at you from the green road signs you passed.

You could feel another headache coming on, so you popped some aspirin and swallowed them dry. The pills were bitter and powdery as they started to crumble on your tongue, and you winced as you finally got them down. Sam glanced over at you when he heard the crinkle of the aluminium sheet of tablets, but maintained his silence.

When he pulled into the parking lot, you headed to the room in sullen silence. You collapsed onto your bed still fully clothed, kicking off your shoes as you sighed. Your conversation with Dean had left a hollow sensation in your chest you weren’t quite certain how to shake. Glancing over at Sam, you saw him climbing into bed and shooting a concerned glance your way. You met it with a ghost of a smile.

“Do you mind…”

He chuckled. “C’mon,” he invited, nodding to his bed. A breathy laugh fell from your lips as you crawled into his bed, letting him tuck you against his chest. You’d slept beside him every night you’d stayed in the motel thus far - his warm presence helped you drift off better than any of your hex bags ever could. Your magic couldn’t replicate the gentle rise and fall of his chest, nor the patterns his fingers would trace over your spine.

“This is just a mess, isn’t it?” you asked weakly, and felt the sudden sinking of Sam’s torso as he sighed.

“Maybe a little,” he allowed, shooting you a small smile that you instinctively returned.

“I just… I don’t know how to feel. I wish things could just go back to the way they were, but… that’s not going to happen, is it? Not now that he knows,” you whispered. “God, I wish I wasn’t… me. Everything would be so much easier.” Sam fell into a thoughtful silence, and you almost thought he’d fallen asleep until his voice broke the comfortable quiet hanging over the room.

“Things won’t be the same,” he said eventually. “But… maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe this is something you needed, something to push you towards…” He trailed off, sighing again as he shook his head. “I dunno. But I don’t think you should just give up on things getting better,” he said. “And you definitely shouldn���t regret being true to yourself. You… God, you’re incredible, Y/N. And if Dean can’t see that, then that’s his loss.”

You smiled at his soothing words, glancing up at him in the darkness. Shadows clung to his skin, highlighting the sharp line of his jaw, the perfect disarray of his hair. He caught you staring and chuckled, the dimples in his cheeks protruding at the action.

“Thanks, Sammy,” you said eventually, and he shook his head, fingers moving to comb through your hair, gently tugging out the knots. You stared at him a moment longer, your lips forming your next words before you’d even realised you’d spoken.

“Why do you let me call you Sammy? You always correct Dean,” you realised, and Sam laughed sheepishly, the sound swallowed by the darkness. He shrugged.

“I dunno. I guess… when Dean says it, I know he’s seeing me as just his kid brother. But when you say it… it feels different. Almost comforting.” He shrugged again, ducking his head in embarrassment. “That probably sounds stupid…”

You shook your head. “No - not at all,” you breathed, breath catching as his eyes flitted to yours. You were vaguely aware that at some point during your conversation your headache had faded, the space it occupied replaced with Sam’s smile, the warmth of his voice, and solid presence of his arms around you.

His proximity seemed to become more apparent as you became aware of your heart thumping against your ribs. If he noticed, he kept it to himself, though you knew there was no way he could miss the sudden hitch in your breathing as he adjusted to nestle you snug against his side. The simple, caring movement unleashed a wave of emotions you’d been fighting to hold back for longer than you cared to admit - feelings you’d bottled up and pushed away, dismissing them as faint impossibilities, distant fantasies that would never see the light of day.

And so, how fitting it was that you found your breaking point under the dark protection of the night.

Before you could stop yourself, your mouth was slanting against his, sleepy and soft and slow. Sam froze beneath you, and you quickly pulled back, but before you could panic he was returning his lips to yours. Your eyes fell closed as his thumb found the side of your face, brushing along your cheekbone as he tilted your chin up to gain better access to your mouth. Sam’s hand wandered to your waist, clutching you close against him as he twisted his neck to deepen the kiss, the press of his mouth on yours a far more important cause than maintaining his own comfort; your smile, captured in the gentle exploration of his lips over yours, made the straining of his muscles worth it.

But as all good things do, the kiss came to an end. You couldn’t keep the smile from your face as you leaned into Sam’s chest, closing your eyes as his lips found your hair, whispering his goodnight into your scalp. But as sleep began to carry you off in her gentle waves, your mind couldn’t help but drift to Dean - in the bunker that felt more than a thousand miles away, the other side of his bed cold but for the empty bottle he was surely nursing. Dean - still sleeping alone.

His tired, green eyes were the last sight your mind conjured, before sleep finally washed you away.

__________

Read part six here!

Buried Secrets tags: @clarinette07 @demonsofhunting @carryon-doctor-lock @coupleofgoons @colie87 @non-exclusive-trash @txnii-hxrdyy @spaghettiwoes

Forever Tags: @babygirloreo @calaofnoldor @lmpala97 @sebastianshoe @81mysteriouslyme @castieliswatchingoverme @spnlovr73 @kina666 @liviaolivia @simplyxparker @helpmeluci @demonsofhunting

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#supernatural #supernatural imagine #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #sam winchester x reader #supernatural x reader #dean winchester #sam winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #sam winchester fanfiction #dean winchester imagine #sam winchester imagine #dean winchester one shot #sam winchester one shot #dean winchester x you #sam winchester x you #spn #spn imagine #dean x reader #buried secrets series

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

I found a WIP post about 11x07 in the depths of my laptop, I’ll copy&paste it here so I won’t feel bad about deleting the file :p

Have a look if you want to be astral projected back into November 2015, I guess?

Man on TV: This is their second drive in overtime, with both teams having possessed the ball. The next score wins.

This is their second round at the Apocalypse, this time in the era after the Kripke one.

Both teams have had sexual relations with Dean Winchester.

The next person that will get Dean’s heart will win him. There will be Amara trying to get Dean, but the person that will “score” is Cas, clearly. Also see the double meaning of score *sly face*.

Man: Every play becomes…

What’s the endgame?

Oh!

[ Sighs ]

We aren’t going to get the endgame any soon. (well, it’s called endgame for a reason.)

Man: 1st and 10 from the 32-yard line. 8:21 in O.T…

I don’t know how this game works lol so I don't know if there’s some specific meaning to this line. What I know is that 1 - 10 - 3 - 2: either 1x10 Asylum and 3x02 The Kids Are Alright, or 1x03 Dead In Water and 10x02 Reichenbach. In the first case, we’re talking about an episode where Dean and Sam aren’t “alright”, they are not in a good moment of their relationship, and well, literally an episode called “the kids aren't alright’, aka Dean and Sam have something wrong with them right now. In the second case, we have two episodes dealing with death, water (sea/ocean symbology?) and falling (or better, jumping yourself) and corruption of soul.

8x21 is The Great Escapist. Dean is escaping, he’s playing dead like a possum, he’s telling Sam to just ignore the visions and do nothing, he’s the one fear makes do nothing. But it’s over the time to do nothing, it’s too late, they’re in too deep. (“What do you wanna do? Sit back? Ignore him? Do nothing?” “No, that's — that's not what I'm saying.” aka yes, that’s what he’s saying…)

Stan! Can you take out the trash?

Winchester brothers! Can you take the toxic elements out of your relationship and your lives?

[ Sighs ]

He is running left. Ohh! He gets…

Dean is running to the devil’s side, aka the gay side! Ohh! He gets [angel cake *cough*]

Stinks to high heaven.

Speaking of angel cake, he’s not really an angel anymore, because he doesn’t belong to heaven. Heaven stinks.

[ Lowered voice ] It's your cooking that stinks.

No Castiel, it’s your Dean Winchester that is just a mud monkey.

[ Dish thuds ] What was that, honey?

What did you say about Dean? *goes in ‘flower meme’ mode*

Nothing, dear.

Ehm, nothing, nothing, Castiel. *sweats nervously*

2nd and…

Who’s on second? What is second?

The game's in O.T., can't it wait?

We’re already in season 11, but the endgame still isn't close. We’re getting at least a season 12 I guess.

...backs him into center, slowly defends...

Dean is backing to the center, he tries to defend himself, but the “defensive center” is the clear area at the center of the smoke.

[ Speaks indistinctly ] [ Sighs ] [ Grunting ] [ Crowd cheering ] [ Groans ] [ Men speaking indistinctly ] [ Door creaks ] [ Men continue speaking indistinctly ] [ Door creaks ] [ Rattling and clinking ] [ Lid bangs ] [ Dog barking in distance ] [ Rattling and clinking ] [ Door creaks open ]

Hey, hon, bring me another brewski.

Rude. Cas goes getting the brewskis himself.

[ Door closes ] [ Refrigerator door opens, bottles clink ] [ Refrigerator door closes ]

He's flushed out of the pocket.

I don’t know what this means lol. Is it something about getting sent out from the field or something? Is it Cas, that is now currently away from the bunker, or Dean, who’s “flushing” himself out of the battlefield?

Hey, thanks, babe.

Who brings you a brewski is you babe.

He's got a man open…

Cas has made Dean open up. It’s also a pun about stabbing the guy, I know, which is also a pun for ～stabbing a guy～… I mean, I guess “get a man open” has different meanings…)

[ Gasps ]

Throws… And it's caught by… [ Cheering, whistle blows ]

Dean throws himself to damnation, but he gets caught by Cas — every time.

[ Glass shatters ]

Uhh! Don't need possum traps, huh?

The possum is Dean, and apparently someone believes there’s no need to trap him, although the lady thinks so. The lady is Dean here I guess, the one that takes out the trash, albeit reluctantly, but who doesn’t trust himself and prefers to “do nothing”, keep himself in check, “trap” himself in a corner. Or the lady is Sam, trying to take out the trash, but who deep down doesn’t trust Dean, thinks he should be kept in check, or will think Dean should be kept in check after he finds out about his “bond” with Amara.

[ Lid bangs, glass clinks ] [ Screaming ] [ Squishing ] [ Groaning ] [ Screams ]

————

So, uh… on the off chance that you're actually listening, uh…  Uh, I gotta be real honest. The visions aren't making a whole lot of sense to me. Truth is… I don't know what's what. Please. [ Exhales sharply ] What are you trying to say? [ Exhales ]

I don’t know you, but I find this hilarious. “Send me a message please” *gets incomprehensible message* “What the fuck god”

Really? I mean, really?

I think Dean is scared of Sam contacting God. God is the John Winchester on a macroscopic level, and he makes Dean uneasy. When you need his help, he doesn’t show. You’re dying and you call him for help, he doesn’t show, and you have to save your life yourself. You’re upset and afraid and he doesn’t even drop a word, and you have to face your fears alone. Dean feels abandoned and betrayed by God just like he felt abandoned and betrayed by John, except John did show up now and then and upset Dean, while God never shows up and that allows Dean to talk badly of him, because he feels safe to do so. He didn’t feel safe criticizing John, of course, because John might have been absent when Dean would need his help, but he’d always be present when it came to mistreat Dean. And Dean is afraid that if God shows up, it’ll be the same — God will punish him, humiliate him, force him to be someone else than he really is and do something he doesn’t really want to do.

You ever hear of privacy?

Sam feels more and more suffocated by Dean’s presence. He feels like the bunker is too small for the two of them, so to speak. He’s always lived in a car or in motel rooms with no privacy at all, now he’s been dangled the piece of meat in front of his face, and now he’s gotten… fond of privacy. He’s been craving privacy for his whole life, and now that he can have it, he’s quite “possessive” of it.

Hey, you want privacy, close your door.

@domlerrys and I laughed at this because we’d just commented the same thing right before Dean said it himself.

It’s not a good thing for their relationship in the short term, but a good thing in the long term. Closing the door means isolating yourself from the other, which is not a good thing to do now that they’re neck deep in huge problems (both external and of communication between the two of them), but it’ll be a good thing eventually because they need to stop being “conjoined twins” and live their own autonomous lives.

Thought we talked about this.

Dean, you talked to Sam about this. Sam has no intention of believing you, and will continue believing the visions are coming from God… until it’ll be too late and he’ll pay the price of his ingenuity.

Yeah, we did, Dean. But why is it so hard to believe that God could be sending me visions about the darkness?

Because the visions are not about the Darkness in the slightest and you know it, dumbass. But at the end of the episode Sam admits it to Dean — the visions are about the Cage, not the Darkness.

You kidding me? He didn't feel the need to show up for the Apocalypse. Why would he give a crap now?

“Dad didn’t show up when we were working that case in Lawrence, he didn’t show up when I was dying of heart failure, he didn’t show up so many times when we needed him. God is the same, Sammy. I know a thing or two about absent fathers.”

There’s also a Destiel element — Dean feels strongly that God is like John because he and Cas first bonded deeply over absent fathers, thus the connection between their fathers that has formed in Dean’s mind.

I don't know. Maybe because she's his sister? What do you wanna do? Sit back? Ignore him? Do nothing?

Well, that’s exactly what Dean is doing. The episode later tells us that it’s because fear is paralyzing him, but I think it’s not just about that. Dean has a keen sense of self-preservation — apparently that happens when you’re abused as a kid — and it only looks like he hasn’t because he fights against them because he cares too much about others and always puts others first. The first episodes of season 10 showed this quite clearly — when he was a demon and he didn’t care about others, his self-preservation instincts ran free and he even tried to kill Sam to protect himself from getting pulled into the “family business” again.

No, that's — that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying, don't count on God. Okay? Count on us.

I suspect Dean is highly right here…

Right. Oh, this is everything Cas dug up in Gaza, every last bit of pre-biblical lore.

“Where do we put Cas now that the brothers are in the bunker? We can’t stick him in front of the tv set, because if Dean is present he doesn’t stare at a screen, he stares at Dean.” “Let’s have him help from outside of the bunker.” “Why would he? The lore is inside the bunker.” “Then let’s have him seek out further lore… directly from the source!” It makes sense. And it is useful to explain why Cas isn't around for more than one episode — he’s traveling the world doing research. And since he doesn’t have functioning wings, he can’t just make a quick detour like he did to Jerusalem in Free to Be You and Me. He needs to take planes. I believe there’s no doubt about it, he’s traveling human-style.

Hmm.

Half of it I couldn't read. It's in Aramaic. And the other half… [ Cell phone rings ] Nada. [ Ring ] Not a single mention of the darkness, so… [ Ring ]

Miscommunication happens because Sam and Dean are speaking different languages, metaphorically speaking. And even when they speak the same language… still nada, like when Sam confesses the visions are about the Cage — Dean shuts him off because he’s too scared to deal with what Sam has just told him.

Well, I'll be damned. [ Cell phone beeps ] Huh? Donna, what's shakin’?

[ Lowered voice ] Fat sucker Donna?

Dean is much closer to Donna than Sam is, although Dean hasn’t really spent more time with her than Sam has. But Dean has connected with her deeply, while Sam hasn’t, because Donna is female Dean, pretty much.

What do you mean “Killer bunny”?

#spn 11x07 #my spn thoughts #spn

[unbridgeabledistances]

soft prompt ideas: comforting each other, cuddling, waking up together/going to sleep, going on a date, idk just being in each other’s company? i’m terrible at being specific but i hope these help!

hi bby<3 thank you so much to u (and everyone else!!!) for sending in prompts, they brought me so much joy and now i have SO many little soft things in the works:’)

yesterday ended up turning into a long day and i didn’t get to finish most of the things i started, but i wrote this while i was freshly showered and in bed and wanted to quickly whip up some bedtime softness to end the day right!! so here is the softest, quickest pre-11x07 bedtime one-shot and ode to the gallagher house, i hope u enjoy<3

--

Ian turned the creaky handle to shut off the shower, stilling the scalding water that had been beating a steady stream onto his body, soothing his aching muscles and weary bones. Ian was tired—after he and Mickey had gotten back from their various security stops around the outskirts of the city, he’d promised to help Lip track down and deliver parts to the people who’d bought the odds and ends of the stolen bikes, and then he’d somehow ended up in Lip and Tami’s living room that was half-packed into boxes for hours, silently sipping a beer and listening to them tag-team their attempts at persuading Ian to convince Debbie into wanting to sell the house— an effort that was a lost cause, and they all knew it.

It was kind of funny— they’d all gotten so close to losing the house so many times before, from being pulled out by DCFS officers to being kicked to the curb by fucking Patrick, to feeling desperate ripples of fear as they watched the house be put up for auction for a bunch of Northsiders and boujee fucking families who picked through the bare skeleton of the rooms as they pleased— so it was funny that after all of that, after their front door being plastered with more bright orange eviction notices than they could count, that the eventual thing driving them out of the house in the end would be a Gallagher himself, just because Lip wanted some extra cash. Ian got it— they were older now, and Lip had a kid to worry about— but he couldn’t help but feel a soft pang in his gut, something muted and dull but still there, every time Lip nonchalantly mentioned “fixing the house up” and “making gentrification our friend” and “getting on with our lives”—even though he and Mickey had readily agreed, at the family meeting that Mickey now had a right to be a part of, that it made the most sense to sell the house and for the two of them to find a place of their own.

And honestly, that prospect was a little terrifying; it sounded silly, but this crumbling house, with its paint stripping away and its roof nearly caving in, had pretty much been the only constant in Ian’s life for as long as he could remember. He had memories, ones that were soft around the edges, of him and Lip and Fiona sleeping curled in the backseats of cars and, on a few of the worst nights, on playgrounds or stoops or streetcorners when Frank and Monica were too far gone— and then inevitably one day, one sunny afternoon, they would come home to this sturdy gray house, and even then Ian understood that this was a place he could always return to. He didn’t really know what a world without the Gallagher house looked like; he always found his feet leading him back to these four walls, even those months when he was living with Mickey and he’d walk the silent moonlit city blocks back home to splash in the pool with everyone on those muggy, late summer nights. Thinking about the comforting sag of the Gallagher house was one of the few things that kept Ian going in the colorless cinderblock walls of his prison cell; the concave mattress of his single bed at home wasn’t much better than the inch-think foam pad he scrunched onto each night in his cell, but it was still familiar, it was still home, it had still held him through all of these years.

Lip wanting to sell the house was just another bitter reminder, along with the changing storefronts of the Southside neighborhood stores, the people walking by with baby strollers and shopping bags of organic groceries, the notches on the closet door that showed how much Franny had already grown, and the tinny sound of Fiona’s voice wafting through a Facetime call, a voice too small and too quiet to fill the absence she’d left behind—that things were always changing, that life wasn’t going to stop for any of them.

Ian clambered out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist, scrubbing his face with his hands to try to clear his head. The hallway outside the bathroom was still, the only sound the soft hissing of the radiator—when the fuck did this house get so quiet? There was no boisterous laughter wafting up from downstairs, no clanging in the kitchen, no WWE blasting from the TV at full volume; Lip and Tami had moved out, Liam was grown up and preferred steady conversation to the classic Gallagher screeching, and Carl was either off at the station for the night or doing god-knows-what in the basement— when did silence start to sink into these walls, without anyone really noticing? Even Frank was getting quieter, somehow, giving more blank stares than quick replies when they talked back and forth in the kitchen.

Ian stepped out of the bathroom and crept down the hallway, walking carefully in case Franny was sleeping; there was a comfort in the melody of the creaking floorboards, reminding him of all the nights when he’d lay awake staring at the ceiling, sometimes gripped by the swirling black thoughts he thought he’d never be able to shake off, and he would hear Fiona tiptoeing around in the hallway, checking in on everyone while she tried not to wake them. Ian gripped the handle of the flimsy accordion bedroom door and slid it open as quietly as he could muster, ready to crawl into bed and hopefully snap out of all this wallowing.

And… oh.

The lamp on the bedside table was still on, shining a soft glow into the cramped room— but Mickey was curled up and fast asleep on Ian’s side of the bed, his mouth half-open and his head tucked to his chin, his hair slightly mussed and ruffled by on the pillow he was gripping onto. Ian smirked—he knew it was getting late, and Mickey might be asleep when he got home—but there was something so soft and innocent about the way Mickey was laying, like he was breathing in the scent of Ian’s pillow, that made him stop for a moment before mindlessly crawling into bed next to him. Ian let himself linger in the doorway for a moment, just listening to the steady waves of Mickey’s breathing, taking in the sight of his flushed cheeks and the innocence in his sleeping face that was so bare and open that it almost hurt to look at.

Instantly, Ian felt something bloom in his chest from the pit of uncertainty that had been planted there. The Gallagher house had always been his home—but he realized in a sweeping moment that his best days here, ones where he felt solid and settled and himself rather than someone he was pretending to be, were the days when Mickey was nearby, the days when Mickey was just down the road.

Mickey made up the only other home he’d had, the only other place he’d felt this safe; they’d built a cocoon around themselves in the equally-as-shitty Milkovich house, smoking and laughing and whispering into each other’s skin in the darkness. Even as Ian’s grip on reality felt like it was slipping through his fingers, Mickey’s warm body next to his kept him rooted, in the same ways Mickey’s thrumming presence beside him kept him safe in all the blaring uncertainty of federal prison and imposing cell walls and the press of too many strange bodies in orange jumpsuits. Ian had always felt safe in the Gallagher house—but so much of that, since he was a scrawny fifteen year old, was because of the nights he spent awake in bed thinking up pipe dreams of a future with the loudmouthed kid he worked with at the convenience store, or when he could crawl into bed after a late night EMT shift and feel the solid, grounding weight in his chest as he remembered his road trip with Mickey to the border, and thought about Mickey having some kind of a better life in Mexico. So much of that feeling of home, especially through all of the epic highs and colossal lows, was just knowing that someone out there, by some miracle, loved Ian as deeply as Mickey Milkovich could— knowing he had a doorstep to run to when his own house was infiltrated by Monica and some stranger threatening to take Liam, or a bed to crash in for months when everything else in his life felt like shifting, unstable ground. So much of home was right here, and it always had been.

Ian quietly slid shut the squeaky folds of the door, discarding his towel and throwing a threadbare t-shirt over his head—and then he gingerly stretched out onto the opposite side of the bed beside a sleep-soft Mickey, his body radiating heat and the ends of his hair still damp from his own shower, smelling of the fresh scent of cheap shampoo and very slightly of toothpaste, mingling with the earthy smell of cigarette smoke and the other scent that Ian could only just describe as Mickey. Ian let himself lay there for a moment, listening to Mickey breathing— just breathing.

He reached over Mickey’s torso and shut off the bedside lamp, enveloping the room in a heavy cloak of darkness—but this time the silence didn’t seem so bad with Mickey’s steady breaths punctuating the quiet. He slid a hand over Mickey’s waist, resting his chin on the crook of Mickey’s shoulder and breathing in deep—he could feel Mickey’s heartbeat vibrating into his own chest, feeling the rise and fall of his ribcage as he held him close. Ian felt all the latent tension, the lungful of air he didn’t even know he had been holding, drain out of him—and it started to make him feel weirdly light and giddy to imagine sometime in the near future when he and Mickey would actually have a place of their own, a place where they could ride out the silence together just like this— a place with clutter and creaking floorboards and slanted moonlight of their own.

If the Gallaghers were “getting on with their lives,” like Lip had said—then this right here was the only thing that Ian was moving towards, just like he always had been.

#lol this was very contemplative and not very narrative heavy #but i hope u enjoyed?? #i wrote 90% of this in my phone notes lol #also the fiona hall of shame got me feeling weirdly emotional about how much ian must miss fiona!!!! #anyways ty so much for the prompt<333 #gallavich #gallavich fanfiction #gallavich fic #ian and mickey #shameless #shameless fic #ian x mickey #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich

[gallavictorious]

If you’ve touched on this already or don’t want to please ignore!! What are you opinions on people saying Ian wasn’t really into the whole other people idea and only went along with it because Mickey seemed so enthusiastic? I watched the ep and was impressed by the honest conversations but I’ve read some interesting takes on how Mickey takes the lead, Ian wants to leave the party several times and initially says no before saying fine.

Ah, nonnie! Sorry this took me a while: I was very deliberately staying out of the kerfuffle surrounding everything that went down on Ian and Mickey’s friend date in 11x07, but I cannot resist such a polite ask. XD And it seems people have found ways to cope and moved on now and there’s a new episode coming in just a few hours so it should be safe, right? Right? Ah, famous last words…

Basically, while I think it’s very clear that Mickey is having a lot more fun at that party than Ian is, I don’t think Ian feels pressured into participating in the orgy.

To be perfectly honest, I am highly amused by the notion – also championed by @dreamylyfe-x, I believe – that Ian and Mickey are kind of pushing each other the whole day. Mickey decides to be a shit in the morning for no discernable reason and Ian is a little stung and decides that okay fuck you husband you think I should have other friends well then fine but I’m taking you down with me. ‘Cause I think Ian would genuinely enjoy some friends but knows full well that Mickey doesn’t give a shit - but Mickey’s been a prick and as punishment Ian will make him to go out there and be nice and smile and maybe he’ll think twice about making fun of Ian the next time. (He won’t.) Besides, Ian just really likes to hang out with Mickey, you know, and prefers to do pretty much everything, including friend hunting, together. Probably figures Mickey could do with a little gay education, too. Ian is a complex guy and can have a whole bunch of different motives for doing any one thing!

(There’s something interesting and a less amusing about how Ian once more uses his body and sex as leverage, as he does when he goes on a sex strike in 11x02. Now, I want to note that I don’t think his line about “who knows what will happen” a serious threat at all, but I think that whole thing – acting like he can’t be friends with chicks or straight people and can’t hang out alone with gay people without sleeping with them – is designed to get Mickey to come with him. Which succeeds, so one point to Ian! But there’s something uncomfortable but very in character about the means he employ to get there.)

Now Mickey is nothing if not opportunistic, so he characteristically decides to make the most of the outing, grabbing what handjobs, pepperonis and rosé he can. And that’s very Mickey, I feel – why should they leave when they’re being given free stuff?! – but also his own way of evening the score, uh-huh you made me go out and make friends now we gonna make the hell out of these guys how do you like now hm? Because let’s not forget that just as Ian later unsuccessfully pushes for them to leave the party, Mickey pushes for them to just walk away from the two guys buying a duvet, but Ian grabs him by his jacket and signs him up for book signings and hanging out with strangers. (There’s a lovely Swedish expression about cabbage soup drinkers that would apply here but it doesn’t translate well... )

So to me, Ian and Mickey both have very real and characteristic reasons for their behavior in this episode – Ian wouldn’t mind some friends and Mickey does think getting free food and drinks is well worth hanging out with a bunch of people he doesn’t care about for an afternoon – but there’s also an element, and not a small one, of them doing shit to kind of push and one-up one another (thank you, Riss, for help with the vocabulary – English is, as always, my enemy). And I suppose one could think of that as not great and kind of spiteful and dysfunctional but I see it as a very natural and playful dynamic that they both enjoy, even though it means occasionally ending up in situations one is not super into and occasionally being a bit exasperated with one another.

And in spite of this game of I push, you push I very much agree with you about their communication: throughout the episode they continually talk about what they want and don’t want, and for all they take turns being a little dickish they also compromise throughout, letting their partner have what they want. This is not a bad thing, as long as you don’t end up doing things you actively don’t want to do! Having a given and take in a relationship is perfectly normal!  

Now, if Ian had genuinely not wanted to participate in the orgy and felt pressured to do so, that would have been very bad. But let it be noted that even though he initially says no – reflexively, like why the hell would we even want to have an orgy with really annoying people?! – he changes his mind very quickly and without Mickey putting any real pressure on him; Mickey just argues his case, Ian is convinced, and there’s nothing to suggest that Mickey would have stayed behind anyway or “forced” Ian to join him if Ian had still said no: I don’t get the same vibe of Mickey pushing just to push here as I do earlier in the episode. He does note that it was Ian who said they didn’t have to be friends with the guys if they fucked them, but I think that’s more to make Ian truly see and accept that the quest for friendship has failed, so they might as well make the most of the evening, rather than a bid to make Ian do something against his will.

Crucially, Ian seems very happy and comfortable with Mickey afterwards, when they return to the house, even though he thinks the day has been a bit of a bust – but remember, Ian wanted friends and they didn’t find that, so that’s why he thinks it a bust, not because he was an unwilling participant in an orgy.

So, sure. Ian was less into it than Mickey was, but that’s because it wasn’t what he wanted to get out of this thing – he was there to make friends and is disappointed that this has failed! – but I don’t think he’s opposed to it, once he has accepted his friendship defeat? In the end, I think he embraces Mickey’s attitude of ‘eh, we might as well get as much out of this as possible’ and has a pretty good time of it (regardless of how much or little they actually fooled around with the other guys).

Personally, I think Mickey refusing to leave the party when Ian, clearly uncomfortable, first asks him to is far less charming and more indicative of Mickey being a little bastard than him arguing the case for an orgy is, but remember that this happens after – as previously noted – Ian completely ignores Mickey’s protests about going there in the first place. Mickey is deliberately being a bastard here, throwing Ian’s earlier words about what might happen in his face. And while that’s dickish, it is part of their normal dynamic, which they are both comfortable with – and the stakes are low. Ian will suffer uncomfortable conversation for a bit while Mickey stuffs his face, but it doesn’t actually hurt Ian – which joining an orgy against his will would, and Mickey damned well knows that. There’s just not a lot of worlds where I think Mickey would do something so genuinely nasty to his husband, you know – and as far as I’m concerned, there are other, more likely (IMO) and far more amusing readings of their interactions in 11x07 available.

I hope this made any sort of sense and answers your question, nonnie. I kind of feel like I should do a detailed conversation analysis to properly make my case but a, this is already long, and b, I don’t want to. 😉 Had a blast thinking about this, though! While there are lines in this episode that does make me cringe, I am just genuinely so delighted by this aspect of their dynamic.

#these dumbass darlings #i do love them #11x07 #gallavich #asks #meta

[elizabethrobertajones]

I know its petty but im honestly irriated that Jack after less than a handful of episodes gets to do more domestic things with sam and dean that Cas only gets rarely or once every few years. Going on hunts with them, eating and drinking, probably lives with them full time which Cas like never did 😑

I get where you’re coming from but it’s not bothering me because I think it’s more than just fun domestic times. 

(Also Cas has lived with them for brief stretches since season 10 (he sort of came home with nowhere else to be in 10x18 for all the good that did in the long run of how the rest of the end of season 10 stuck together) but we never see it on screen and he keeps on leaving by his own volition and it sucks for different reasons but he did spend 11x03-11x07/8 and a lil bit of season 12 between 12x09 & 12x13 living with them (and there were some lengthy time jumps involved for the sake of keeping the season in real time)… I think there’s an enormous void of showing the domestic stuff but it’s not like he hasn’t had the bunker as home base for years. Shit just keeps happening to him :P I mean I get it I know I know, but I weathered season 10 in the fandom while caring about Cas… At this point anything is better than that and they’ve been so much kinder about mentioning and including him compared to season 10 than I no longer see it as a problem or something to continue being bitter about because I see the show is trying its best to meet these demands while clearly feeling it’s tied in other ways… I’m genuinely not wanky about this in the grand scheme, only in small moments which come across as bad storytelling by disappearing Cas or explaining his absence badly. And I can take them on a one on one basis :P)

Anyway, Jack doing this sort of thing is totally different from Cas doing it. The reason being Cas would only want to help, learn, and generally get masses of positive character development they have been holding off on by not letting him get too far in his arc where he wants to become a hunter, which has been going glacially slowly and has now had setbacks in season 12 after such a strong start :

With Jack, whether he seems cooperative or not, it’s still almost a hostage situation, and he’s not the hostage. He’s so powerful they can’t *not* either kill him, try and remove his power with the grace syringe thingy, or teach him all the morality lessons about playing fair and not breaking his toys that he missed by going from womb to mid-20s dude, and hope the part of him that’s human is receptive to wanting to be a good guy. Because if they fuck up tutoring him, people will get hurt. Even if Sam’s faith that it’s nature over nurture and all that is rewarded, in the time before they can be confident that Jack is going to be good and not use his *vast cosmic powers* for evil or ever be tempted to do so, they’re going to be stuck in a rather more nuanced version of Crowley trying to keep teenaged Amara around. They’re probably not going to try and use his power for anything sketchy, but even so, he’s vastly more powerful than them and it’s only on their suggestion and treatment of him that he won’t become a huge problem for the entire world. And we know Dean starts the season wanting to kill him, so it’s already complicated and at least a somewhat delicate situation. 

Having him around with them is like having a bomb they have no idea the mechanism of, fuse length, or what exactly will set it off. Maybe the bomb’s a dud. Maybe they can use it in a fight. Maybe it’s going to blow them up. They just can’t know and even if everything seems to be going swimmingly, fun for all the family trip to get hotdogs, that’s going to be a heavily loaded scene where Jack is constantly providing at least some sort of conflict just by *existing* around them. 

Jack’s going to be allowed to hang out with the Winchesters as much as he likes because he’s 1000 steps behind Cas - they can’t even trust that Jack is good to start with, and even if he does some stuff to prove himself in the first episode or so, I doubt Dean at least will be comfortable about having him around as just their new cute intern who gets them drinks. I mean there’s literally no point in this story happening if Dean DOESN’T feel like this is a bad idea, and there’s no point in there being this story if Jack isn’t ambiguous because then Sam wouldn’t have anything to feel he has to prove or learn about Jack if he does want to have faith that he can be good… Having him around on cases is a good way to get the measure of Jack, and they will probably be nervous about leaving him at home anyway… But I mean, there’s no story if there’s the exact same level of trust and fun as they’d have if Cas was there, and if the only thing Jack is getting out of it is the same thing Cas would, which would be mostly positive development. 

I mean the whole reason the show always says Cas can’t come on the MotW is because he’s too powerful so he’d make the hunt too easy. The way he messes up is by failing the social stuff (door shut in his face in 12x03) or having a lack of faith in himself (12x09) (although he had the best success in 12x07 in the searchy asky questions part of the hunt and that was a small victory he could have built on if they’d not had all the disasters after :P) - when it comes to the actual fights he’s a massive advantage… If he was hunting with Sam and Dean, they’re competent enough to tie together all the parts of the hunt which are not Cas’s strength, and he’d be the advantage they never normally have of just being able to smite everything and not taking nearly as much punishment as they would in a fight…

Taking *Jack* on a hunt, again, the guy with the massive cosmic powers, he SHOULD be even better at resolving it all than Cas if he was truly good and only wanted to help and learn and all the plot stuff was cutesy integrating him into the family and building on personal relationships stuff, but obviously the circumstances of him being a nephilim with alarmingly unknown but enormous powers, is going to cause trouble and be the tension in having him around, even if Jack seems amiable for starters, even if it’s just, for example, Dean’s lack of trust undermining him and nothing Jack is doing, or anything like that… It’s still going to be the point of tension that it’s uncomfortable about him being there and the real problem is never going to be the monster they’re hunting but whatever nonsense Jack brings to the table. I mean at the very least he might feel like they’re smothering him by their conflicting fears about what he might be… I don’t know. Point is, in a normal MotW with Cas, he’s not the problem. In a MotW with Jack, I’m certain that he will be. And even if they are saying he’s not the big bad this season, he’s a secondary concern and early on in the season his very existence is going to be problematic and difficult for Sam and Dean - even for Sam who sounds like he’ll be the supportive one.

Cas’s presence when he’s just normal every day Cas is *not* the problem and they want him there and he wants to be there, and only outside factors would ever cause a problem if Cas said he wanted to come on a hunt with them. In 8x08 everything was great except that Naomi interrupted at the end and didn’t let Cas *continue* the amazing positive development and relationship building he was getting out of it. Cas’s presence and powers never once were a *bad* thing or a point of tension that worked against the episode, unless you count that they had to go back to the motel to play him a bunch of Loony Toons so he’d be on the same page as them with the physics of what they were fighting :P

#Asks #season 13 spoilers #season 13 speculation #I still don't have a tag for our giant naked baby #mostly because I just wanna make a tag referring to the fact he's a giant naked baby #we ain't got jack on Jack

[gallavictorious]

Do you actually like Debbie? Just seen your tag on the women's post, I know not many do?! .

I’ll be honest with you, nonnie, this ask initially had me so confused, because while I’m probably a lot fonder of Debbie than most other people (ie I don’t hate her) I really couldn’t understand what I’d said to give off the impression that I’m an actual fan. But then I went back to check my tags on the post you’re talking about, and yeah, it makes perfect sense that you’d think I was expressing my love for the character – because of “Debbie <3 <3 <3” – but what I was actually doing was complimenting @iwannabewhereyouaremickey, who made the set and whose name is also Debbie and whom I very much do like!

So, I'm sorry if you're a Debbie Gallagher fan and hoping for a kindred spirit! That said, I am pretty fond of Debbie – I have a lot of issues about how she chooses to take care (or not take care) of Franny, and her choices in the later seasons are often utterly selfish, but that doesn't make me hate her. To me, my like or dislike of a character is rarely rooted in ethical considerations, and instead in whether or not I find them fun to watch, and so my issue with her occurs when I find her stories boring. For instance, I hate season 6 Debbie because I hated that whole arc, and I wanted to lock her up in a little cabin far away from my TV screen when she was playing house with and using that redhaired guy (I don't even remember his name, that's how much I dislike this story), and do not get me started on how she wanted to steal Carl's girlfriend! I don't hate her in season 11, however, even though she's being kind of a not a very great person at all, really. I don't necessarily find her terribly interesting either, but I think there's some hints of highly intriguing stuff that – sadly – remains underexplored, at least until 11x07 where things started to get pretty interesting! I am genuinely intrigued by how the conflict with Lip will play out, for example, and we finally started digging into some of the real complexities of Debbie's character here, with her abandonment issues and what-not.

I mean, she's not a good mother these days. I like that. I like that we get a main character whom we've followed from when she was a very sweet and charming kid, and now we have her as an adult and she's not a good mother. That... just doesn't happen a lot, and I approve. I also really like how she's been taking responsibility for the family from a very, very young age and how she's doing so much work running the house now but her brothers kind of resent her for it even as they take it for granted and so she's not getting much credit or any thanks but since she's being kinda bitchy about it (and there was that whole money thing  in season 10) we don't feel much sympathy for her... That feels kind of real to a lot of women's situations, you know? It's a mess, and Debbie is deeply flawed, but it feels true, and I enjoy that.

Basically, I like that she's allowed to be fucked up and flawed and not in a deeply sympathetic way like Fiona but in a more difficult way that's harder to love, and I think it's interesting that she's the one of the siblings that seems to have inherited Frank's narcissism even as she does so much work to keep the house running. Debbie is a complicated and sometimes paradoxical mess and while I often get so frustrated with her that I want to die, I still harbor a lot of fondness for her. The whole conflict now, where she's been running the household for so long while Lip was off doing his own family thing only for him to step back in when it suited him and pull the big brother card and not respect the as of yet undecided vote... There's some good stuff here. I hope it gets explored properly.

So. Uh. I don't know. I like it when female characters get to be genuinely unsympathetic but still be the main characters with their own viewpoint and agency and not a villain? And at the same time, some of Debbie's flaws and a lot of her storylines are very aggravating to me, and when that takes center stage I get bored with her. I often like her more in theory than in practise. But I guess I do like her?

#what was even this rambling answer? #oh well #have some random thoughts on #debbie gallagher #i hope you find proper debbie friends nonnie! #asks