#but on the other hand i think maybe he set up some unrealistic expectations of men for me lol

[comfortless]

what's ur most unconventional Headcanon? like ones you have that most of the fandom doesn't agree with. mine is that I don't think h's 6'10, in my mind he's closer to 6'6 or 6'7. Also I don't think he would be the most caring bf 😶😶 like not abusive or anything, but to me he will almost always prioritize himself in the long run

HA… well….. i do not think any of mine are too strange! but i can not ever shush when someone has lent an ear to listen!!

warning for nsfw content, mentions of injury, and unhealthy relationship stuff below the cut.

i agree with you about his height. he’s significantly taller than Simon, but i would place him at 6’7”-6’8” max. i’m no health or military expert, but i do not think that he could do the work that he does efficiently if he were a complete Goliath. he would stand out so easily! and there are a slew of issues that can stem from someone being “too tall”. he probably doesn’t have the best posture, either.

i love the conventionally attractive, long-haired König headcanons, they’re fun! but ultimately… very, very unrealistic for my interpretation of König. i tend to side with Salome and Ghost when it comes to their takes on how he actually looks under the hood. his character description suggests that his face is scary, and judging by the game that he’s in, i do not think that the other operators are going to find some goth guy nor… Jim Boeven… to be worthy of such a rumor!

König’s face is always going to be a fluctuating thing for me, heavily dependent on the setting/time period i’m shoving him into or reading about. the thing that’s stuck with me however has always been facial scarring!! where he got it? who knows… i mentioned it on my headcanons post, but the cause is just as changing as his appearance.

i like the thought of him being a little different looking: crooked teeth, pockmarks, maybe a harelip or a broken nose, burn scars, something. maybe his hair is so light it simply looks as if he doesn’t have eyebrows. maybe a combination of all of those things! the less conventionally attractive the better, it’s not his face that had us scrambling from the rafters with our hearts in our hands, after all. though i am and always will be a glitched default face model König defender. it’s just so unbearably adorable to think of that soft, sad-eyed face making that much noise while he’s rushing around in battle. ):

and though i believe he would have the best intentions at heart… you are right, he is likely a very selfish lover. still hopelessly devoted and needy, but he would be the king of double standards. most decisions are made with his preferences in mind, and the bullying has stuck with him. König is insecure as hell when it comes to anything but his skills in killing or bashing through a door.

he likes the idea of you dressing up for him, but he’s also actively pulling up your dress/top to hide your cleavage if he even thinks another man may have glanced your way. yet… he will go to the gym shirtless, and if other women happen to ogle him, well it’s just fine because he didn’t notice them anyway.

you don’t like the house you’re living in when you move in together? well he does, you’re staying… he’ll just fix it up a little to better suit your needs. even if he screws up setting up a new counter or painting, that can all be fixed.

you want to go out with your friends? he should be allowed to come with you… spending time with you makes him happy. why wouldn’t you want him to come too? yet, when he wants time alone to focus on his aim, decompress with a book, or mess around with a vehicle or a house project, you’re expected to leave him be.

he’s too blunt about what he does for work, doesn’t bat an eye when he tells you he put a bullet through someone’s head and watched the spray. he’s so used to it, it doesn’t even faze him anymore, but… you don’t want to hear about it? oh that must mean you think he’s something filthy or worse. he’s not going to cry, but he might bring it up when you tell him about something you enjoy.

just ridiculous, petty things that would drive most up a wall, but he’s firm in whatever he decides. there’s always a little room for compromise, but not much without an argument.

he has his savings account and the house is in his name in case you decide to leave. it would gut him, of course, but a part of him also expects it.

he’s not above begging for you to stay, trying any way that he can to convince you, but… he’s never expected to have things handed to him easily. his childhood wasn’t the best, why would his adulthood be any better? the way he sees it is simple: he doesn’t hit you, his cock and heart are reserved solely for you, if you can’t love him enough to stay, then… maybe you’re not any different from the people he’s known before.

he’s self aware enough to know he can be a complete arschloch, thinks with his cock more than his brain, but he’s completely lost when it comes to matters like love. he wants to console you when you cry, when you’re angry, but asking you a dozen times just why you feel such a way while squishing you into a too-tight embrace doesn’t help much. his search history is filled with things like “why is my girlfriend mad at me” or “how to make a woman stop ignoring me”. his communication toward you isn’t great, but he tries in his own way. very easy to break an argument up when he tells you some silly, scripted thing like, “I’m here for you. I’m listening.” when under normal circumstances he’s staring at you with wide-eyes and swallowing hard the very second you seem a little ruffled. you tell him to stop reciting some guide he read online, and he’s immediately worried sick you’re going to think him a complete fool, in utter denial about ever having searched something like that up.

can’t see him as being god’s gift to women in the bedroom at all. König has probably watched a lot of porn. he doesn’t care for the scripted, practiced stuff, but his tastes have always been a little odd. the amateur, solo stuff is what piques his interest the most. he knows a vibrator can make a woman come, knows that a dildo can be nice too if she sets the pace. what he’s watched with a proper couple, well… the men are always smaller than him. the terms and dynamics are lost on him, he knows what a safe word is and that he should be a gentleman and make sure his partner finishes too, but each time that’s happened has been a miracle really. he’s not a virgin, but he’s never had a partner long enough to bother learning. if he can make you feel good and vice versa, that’s enough, right..?!

he’s not going to bludgeon you with his dick, he knows he’s a bit too big and thick to just fuck you recklessly, but often times he does get excited or fretful— too deep or too shallow, flicks your clit like it’s indestructible or keeps his head between your thighs waaay after you’ve already come. he’ll stop when you ask, when you’re teary eyed and overstimulated repeating the ridiculous German word he makes you use. not above begging you to use your hand on him instead, though…

switching positions is difficult if you’re a lot smaller than him. he’s not against having you on your knees, but he wants to be so close, pant into your ear about how good you feel, smother you with his weight all the while. missionary is a nightmare because he’s drooly and comes far too quickly when he can see your face and overpower you like this, cue further squishing even after he’s done; you’re likely going to be lying beneath him all night. cowgirl seems to work best, though he’s a bit too fond of having your tits so accessible - expect biting!!

when i try to think of König with any sort of hobby my mind just blanks. i think he would try a lot, but never stick to one thing! he’s got a few sporadic collections, but nothing he keeps up with to the same caliber as his guns and knives. books are often half-finished these days, keeping focused long enough to sit through a puzzle or the like is rare. definitely longs to have something for comfort that isn’t some winding trail to no where or suffocating you in himself to just have a hint of what it feels like to be entirely happy and ‘normal’.

he’s become a bit of an amalgamation of all of the things he liked as a child: knights with their swords he thinks of as his knives, deities with bolts of thunder cascading from their hands like the bullets from his guns, loves in the way he read men of myths fall in love - utterly unfathomably devoted but always the leader… if he could he would probably whisk himself and the object of his affection to another place entirely where he could be someone deserving: someone who’s loved despite the way that he looks or behaves, someone who’s never had to question what love was at all.

[a060403]

𝐀 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: R18, smutt, afab!reader, established relationship, unprotected p in v, office sex, explicit language, long story ahead, not proofread, grammatical errors, oneshot

✒ 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐀/𝐍: Hello, I hope you enjoy this piece. I'm sorry for the grammatical errors ahead, English is not my first language but I do try to fix it.

𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐃𝐍𝐈!!!

The office was bustling with activity as usual, but today, there seemed to be an extra layer of tension in the air. Miguel had been working on a particularly difficult project for weeks now, and it looked like things were finally coming to a head. His client had set an unrealistic deadline, and Miguel was starting to feel the pressure.

He sat hunched over his desk, eyes fixed on the computer screen as he typed furiously. The coffee cup beside him was empty, forgotten. His stomach growled audibly, reminding him that he hadn't eaten since breakfast. He tried to push the hunger pangs aside and focus on the task at hand. As the hours ticked by, Miguel felt his stress levels rising. His mind was racing, trying to find a solution to the problem that seemed insurmountable.

Sweat began to bead on his forehead despite the cold air conditioning in the room. He rubbed his eyes, trying to clear his head, but it only made the world around him blurrier. Finally, when it felt like time had stopped moving altogether, Miguel's phone vibrated on his desk. He glanced at the screen, half-expecting it to be another email from his client, but instead, it was a text from you.

“Hey, just checking in on you,” you wrote. “It's been a while since I've heard from you. Are you okay?” He took a deep breath and forced himself to sit up straight. His shoulders were tight with tension, and he realized how much stress he had been holding onto. He typed out a quick reply.

“I'm fine, just swamped with work. I promise I'll make it up to you tonight.” As he hit send, he felt a tiny bit of the weight lift off his chest. Maybe you could help him unwind after all this was over. Or maybe they could take a break together tomorrow—something to look forward to amidst all the chaos. For now, though, Miguel turned back to his computer screen and redoubled his efforts to meet that impossible deadline.

A knock brought him out of focus and he dragged his eyes away from his laptop screen and towards the office door. He blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision, and looked up at the clock. 7 PM. “Hey baby,” you gleamed and entered his office.

“Hey,” he replied, his voice sounding rougher than he expected. He stood up and stretched, trying to work out the kinks in his back. “I didn't realize it was so late.”

You closed the door behind you and walked over to him, wrapping your arms around his waist. You rested your head on his chest, and Miguel felt a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth. “How's your day so far?” you asked softly. Miguel looked down at you, feeling a pang of guilt for neglecting you all day. “Tiring, I might have to stay late again for tonight,” he sighed. “What brings you here?”

“Well, I was thinking of giving you a hand… seems like you need it.” You said, kissing his jawline. His body tensed in contact. A shaky breath escaped his mouth when he felt your lips travel down his neck. “Mmm,” He murmured softly, closing his eyes as you continued to trail gentle kisses along his jawline and up toward his earlobe.

“You know, I can't tell if you're trying to distract me or help me focus right now,” he chuckled, leaning back against the desk with a sigh. You smiled up at him, your hands resting on his chest. “Maybe both?” Miguel shook his head, smiling. “I don't know how you do it,” he said, running a finger through your hair. “But I appreciate it.” He pulled you closer, your bodies pressing together in an intimate embrace. “Now let's go get some food so we can actually talk about something other than work for once.”

He grabbed your hand and led you towards the door. As soon as you were outside, he pulled you into a tight embrace. “I missed you today,” he whispered against your ear. Miguel wrapped his arms around you, feeling the tension from earlier start to melt away. “I missed you too,” you replied, nuzzling his neck. “But you're always so busy.”

“I know,” he sighed, pulling back to look at you. “But I promise we'll make up for it tomorrow.” He leaned down and kissed you softly on the lips, his hands running soothingly up and down your back. You could feel the heat between them building once again as he pressed his body against yours.

“Come on,” he murmured after a moment, breaking the kiss reluctantly. “Maybe we can find somewhere more comfortable to continue this conversation.” He winked at you playfully, tugging gently on your hand as they walked towards the parking lot together.

You found a small, cozy restaurant tucked away in the corner of their neighborhood. The atmosphere was dimly lit, with soft music playing in the background, creating an intimate ambiance that felt miles away from the hustle and bustle of their office building.

Miguel ordered some wine to share and spent the next hour or so just talking about anything but work—your favorite movies, your dream vacation spots, and even some silly childhood memories. As you both sipped on your drinks and savored each bite of food, you couldn't help but feel grateful for this moment with him.

When you finally finished eating, Miguel took out his phone to check the time again (a habit he couldn't seem to shake), only to find that it was much later than he thought. “Wow,” he said, looking up at you with a sheepish grin. “I guess we really got caught up.”

“Don't worry about it,” you replied with a smile. “We both needed this.” He reached across the table and took your hand in his. “Come on,” he continued. “Let's head back.” You left the restaurant hand in hand, feeling more relaxed and connected than you had all day.

As you walked down the street together, Miguel's arm brushed against your shoulder every now and then, sending shivers of pleasure up your spine. When you finally reached his office, he took your hand and led you inside. The room was dimly lit as well, casting long shadows across the floor as you made your way to his desk. He loosened his tie before turning around to face you.

“So,” he began softly, running a finger along your jawline. “What was it you said earlier, hmm? Giving me a hand?” You bit your lower lip nervously as he stepped closer, bringing his body flush against yours. His breath was warm against your ear as he whispered, “How about we make use of that right now?”

Miguel lifted you onto his desk, he couldn't help but feel a surge of desire course through him. Your legs were spread wide, offering yourself to him in an unmistakable invitation. With trembling hands, he reached down and cupped your soft mound, feeling the heat radiating off it as he began to massage gently.

“Miguel,” you whispered hoarsely, arching your back as his touch sent waves of pleasure coursing through you. He teased at the sensitive folds between your legs before pressing slowly inside. You cried out softly at the sensation, hips jerking involuntarily. His other hand found its way to one of your breasts, squeezing and pinching the nipple as he took control of your body with both hands.

You whimpered, leaning into his touch. “Oh God, Miguel...I need you.” He looked into your eyes, his own filled with desire. “Estoy aquí, mi vida. Voy a cuidar de ti bien.” He murmured before leaning in to capture your lips in a searing kiss.

Miguel positioned himself between your legs, his cock at the entrance of your wet and eager pussy. He rubbed the head against your sensitive folds, teasing you with the promise of pleasure to come. “You're so beautiful,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss you softly on the lips. His fingers traced gentle circles around your entrance, spreading your folds wider apart as he prepared to enter you.

With a deep breath, he pushed forward, slowly inserting his thick cock into your tight heat. You gasped as he filled you up, feeling every inch of him stretching you out. His hands moved to your hips, holding you still as he began to thrust in and out. The sensation was exquisite—the fullness, the depth, the feeling of being completely claimed by him. Your nails dug into his shoulders, and you arched your back, pressing your breast against his chest. Your hips undulated in time with his rhythm, begging for more.

His tongue danced with yours, exploring every inch of your mouth as he began to thrust harder inside you. You moaned loudly against his lips, needing more of him. With one last glance at you, Miguel allowed himself to give in to the passion that had been building between them. As his pace quickened, his free hand slid down your body until it found its way to your clit. He started rubbing it in circles, adding another layer of pleasure to an already intense experience.

You continued to moan his name, and his own pleasure intensified. His hips bucked against yours in time with the thrusts of his cock as he reached for your clit again. He rubbed it harder, sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. The desk beneath you creaked under the force of your movements. You could feel the heat between your legs building up, ready to explode at any moment.

“That's it,” Miguel whispered hoarsely against your lips. “Let go for me.” With one final thrust, he plunged deep inside you, filling you completely. And then you both did—you screamed out his name as your orgasm crashed over you in a wave of blissful release.

His hot seed filled you up, and together you panted and shook from the intensity of their shared experience. As your heart rate slowed and the world around you started to fade back into focus, Miguel leaned in for another kiss, this one tender and full of love.

𝐀/𝐍: I do not own any of the pictures and are solely from Pinterest.

#miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara imagine #miguel x reader #miguel x you #miguel x y/n #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara smut #miguel o'hara headcannon #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o’hara x you #miguel o’hara x y/n #miguel o’hara smut #miguel headcanons #miguel spiderverse #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o’hara fanfiction #miguel smut #atsv miguel #spiderman atsv #atsv #spiderman astv #spiderman 2099 #miguel o’hara headcanon #miguel spiderman #miguel ohara x you #miguel ohara x reader #miguel ohara #smut prompts #smutty #smut

[blood-injections]

Trying to figure out the science of my zombie au specifically the like rot to awareness ratio of ghouls situation?? Because the way ive made the virus i guess i could change it to be like mind control gone out of control and thats how theyre made how it starts like maybe its an ai or something. So that way theyre not dead normal zombies their brains are just mush but theyre still alive. But how i was planning it is like it is a virus like bli tried making a biological weapon but it got out of hand and started an epidemic and it is a zombie virus and you do die if you get infected. So all the zombies would start rotting once they get turned but thatd make for a pretty quick and lame apocalypse assuming they decay at like a normal rate and scavengers get to them and that isnt the kind of zombie apocalypse i want in this au. So then comes the options does the virus so something to prevent decay or at least deter scavengers to prolong undead life expectancy or does maybe just ghoul like last longer because his thing already allowed him to be not immune like hes very much dead he just. Also still has brain function i guess. So maybe hes like just alive enough or maybe his relationship with the virus is so unique that like hes not rotting where normal zombies would or at least not at the same rate. Or maybe since hes aware like thats the difference like he can stay clean and he isnt covered in blood and standing under the sun exposed to the elements 24/7 like all the other zombies but even of he stayed clean he'd still be rotting purification would still set in. So maybe hes like. Shielded from it? Like hes so irradiated has been all his life and thats how he semi survived to still be himself but maybe hes so radioactive its like. Preserved him. Like it does the opposite of what radiation usually does to a person like hes been through that and survived so now its just a part of him and thats what allowed him to survive the zombie virus like even if it still mostly affected him physically and he did die its keeping like some part of him going? And keeping decay from setting in. Google is very unhelpful for this kind of research i have to come up with the zombie science myself and i have to accept that i can make it as unrealistic as i want and that i dont have to adhere to the standard laws of physics and nature and the decay rate of dead bodies. Talk to me people give me ideas what do you think of this word vomit so far

#zombie apocalypse au #ttlotfk #danger days #the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #fun ghoul

[feeisamarshmallow]

okay!! some belated thoughts about the Ireland Arc in s15.

Overall, I did like it! I liked the big-swing attempt to do something new with the gang. But I do wonder about what it would've looked like without the interference of covid. I liked the themes they were exploring, especially with Charlie & his dad and Mac & his identity.

My biggest complaint is that it didn't feel like they were in Ireland. And like, it's bc they weren't and that was out of their hands. But one of the things I love about Sunny is its place-as-character-ness. I really think it adds something to the show when they shoot in Philadelphia. (And I miss it in the new seasons). But that's the thing. With Philly, the city is never heightened. It's always the gang playing off a pretty real and grounded setting and supporting characters. Ireland as a setting felt...heightened. As did the supporting characters. (The stew, the castle, the tiny car, Charlie's dad even...)

That's what didn't work for me, I think. I wanted to see the gang, unhinged and unrealistic as ever, interact with a very real-feeling Ireland, the way we get to see them in Philadelphia. For me, I think that would've elevated it from decent to very good.

a few more thoughts about Charlie's arc

I do wish we had maybe seen more little hints of Shelly being Not So Great before Charlie's big emotional moment. I liked Shelly having a lot of almost-innocent silliness (much like Charlie), but I would've loved a few more little comedic glimpses of dysfunction or regret or something. I actually think that would've made Charlie's moment more impactful--we as an audience can see that Shelly was actually not great, but we don't expect Charlie to pick up on that, since he never does. And he does. And suddenly he's sobbing. Fuck what a moment that is. I do think this is what the episode is trying to do, but I would've liked more of it. (I also would've loved another beat or two before the reveal of the gang in the Ford commercial truck). More like how they did Mac Finds His Pride, where they let us stay in this emotional moment for a second. I like eventually undercutting it with a Sunny joke, but I wanted a moment, ya know?

on backstory in the later seasons

Finally, I wanna say that as much as I loved Charlie's father reveal, the plot holes do kinda drive me crazy, and I feel like this is in line with other later-seasons additions to character backstory. It all feels...a little silly and like it kinda undercuts other stuff established over many seasons. Like? Charlie speaks Irish? He had a penpal? His mother was somehow in Ireland in like 1975? Don't come at me for taking this sitcom so seriously.

#fee watches iasip #sometime soon i'll rewatch dtamhd and write up my thoughts about that too

[platonic-qpr-selfshipping]

hi!! could I please have familial headcanons (separately) for dimitri and Edelgard from fe3h with a slightly older sibling? thank you so much in advance btw I’m dying for some familal stuff- ~sunlight-ships

thank you so much for your request!! we gotta love some house leaders familial content

Edelgard and Dimitri as your slightly younger siblings

¡! spoilers for Edelgard's past in the first headcanon and Dimitri's in the last (family stuff), set in canon, headcanons cover both pre-timeskip and after-timeskip

Edelgard

You're like a light of hope to her. After loosing so many of her siblings, being able to still have you there and rely on you is something she values more than you think.

However, this appreciation for her only sibling shows in some different ways. On the one hand, she feels responsible to make sure history does not repeat itself and that you can live a long and healthy life making your own choices. Maybe you don't even want to stay in the castle— she'll understand and let you go as long as you accept to keep in touch with her by exchanging letters.

On the other hand, you're also her weak point. You're her older sibling after all, and she can't let go of the feeling that you can somehow protect her from the world no matter what she does or happens. The mere idea of it is comforting to her, even if she knows it's kind of unrealistic to think about and might embarrass her a bit.

If you're also in Garreg Mach during her academic years, she would love to meet you in breakfasts and talk about your plans for the day as a way to motivate each other. Just please, don't tell her classmates many anecdotes of when she was little... We all know Ferdinand and you can have some lively conversations on the topic, but sharing two or three memories is more than enough for her, really.

In case you're far away from each other, letters are a must. She writes to you quite frequently, sometimes on a whim after having a nightmare and needing to let her thoughts out, but more often as a way to keep you updated with her life. She'll smile if you send her some words of encouragement and praise because of her role in the recent missions at the monastery.

Does not tend to talk about you to others, but if someone asks about you they'll find an unusual happiness in her eyes as she speaks. You're her family, her rock that has always been there when she needed it, so her words about you are always filled with care.

During times of war, her letters could get less frequent. If the worry made you travel to her side, she would take it as a sign that she's got the support to make things work out. Might tear up after not seeing you for long. Probably will, go hug give her a hug.

She got the habit of getting into your room at night when she was younger. The castle felt dangerous and it was not like you knew much more than her about what was going on, but at least you had each other. That's something you two have always been sure of.

Will still surprise you in your room at night from time to time. Sometimes to talk to you about that book you recommended her, other times to wish you a happy birthday with a drawing of you she had been working on for days.

Dimitri

When you were younger, it wasn't unusual to share bed with him in the coldest days of Faerghus' winter. He would enjoy listening to your stories of training or just your days in the castle as someone who is a bit older than him, and this sometimes made him end up falling asleep in your own room too.

And even if this doesn't go on when you are older, he still finds your words and stories to be very calming and reassuring. Therefore he often thinks about talking with you when a problem or worry arises, even if he doesn't expect advice all the time.

Will refer to you as "sibling" when talking about you, no matter with whom. His words and tone make others easily see you two are in very good terms with each other, although he gets embarrassed when it slips out of his tongue with officials from the army or other nobles he isn't close to.

Likes to train with you and learn from each other. You end up having anecdotes of how many of your trainings have ended in broken weapons you had to turn in because of your brother's strength.

That can also be... a bit of a problem in the kitchen. Not that you really mind, you will love your brother just as he is, but he sure feels hesitant to help when he starts to realise his clumsy mistakes. Everyone agreed to let you on kitchen duty together one day out of curiosity and perhaps that was the kitchen's most chaotic day.

During the timeskip, Dimitri tried to isolate himself. He didn't feel like he deserved to still have you by his side, to possibly drag you into all of that too. You were aware of the situation when his friends came to you for help.

It was a long process, but blood connects you two and you stay hopeful for your brother. He will always remember how you did not leave him even at his darkest moments, and will be willing to do the same for you no matter how far away life puts you from each other.

You know how some families name their first child after their father or things like that? Dimitri would consider doing so, but naming one of his children after you because you are all the family he has. At first, you thought he was joking so you laughed it off, but his confused expression confirmed you otherwise.

#sibling f/o #f/o community #self ship community #f/o headcanons #edelgard von hresvelg #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd

[johaerys-writes]

Is there a fic/trope that you like and even wanted to write, but for some reason you can't? Like someone likes fics set in a fantasy universe and tries to write something like that, but has so much difficulty that they don't do it...

Oooh that's such an interesting question! There are definitely things that I've thought about writing, but don't necessarily feel skilled enough or qualified to write. I've been wanting to write a dark or monstrous version of Achilles for a while now, for example, but I can never truly do it. I babygirl-ify him way too much in my own stories I feel LOL he and Patroclus always end up super sweet no matter how I set out to write them. Which isn't bad per se, I just really want to challenge myself eventually and explore parts of his character that I find intriguing even if they’re a little unsavoury.

In that vein, I feel like I'm incapable of writing a truly dark or id fic. I like reading stories that make me feel a little uncomfortable or that explore taboo or icky subjects, and I love reading fics where the characters are the absolute worst version of themselves; I also like reading stories that don't have a happy ending sometimes, but when it comes to my own writing I don't know if I can do it!! Especially with characters I am attached with, I just want them to be happy 😭 I hate watching them suffer and I always have a happy ending or resolution in mind to keep me going while writing. And maybe it ends up a little too sugary sweet sometimes lol but what can you do.

Other than that, I never say never because usually the things I say I'd never write or that I want but can't write for whatever reason, I end up writing them anyway. Like a couple years ago I talked about mpreg and how it wasn't for me and I couldn't write it and now I'm writing mpreg LOL. I also vacillated for almost a year between writing Disasters or not because the scope felt too big and I didn't know if I could pull it off. I'd been wanting to write a modern coming of age AU and I had started a couple different patchilles modern AUs with that idea in mind but I adandoned them soon after because it felt so out of my league, like I was so convinced I couldn’t write about the things I wanted to write and do them justice that I had sort of given up, I couldn’t figure out how to make it work. But I kept at it and challenged myself, and I'm very happy for doing that because Disasters is one of my favorite things I've written, I love it so much.

So I think that even if there are tropes or fic concepts that I'm a little intimidated by right now, that doesn't mean that I'll never be able to write them, it's just that maybe I'm a little under level haha. Or that some stories just take longer to come together. And I think that's something that applies to all writers/creatives: some concepts or tropes might seem overwhelming now but as you grow as a person and an artist and build your skillset, you're able to take on more and more challenging projects.

Another thing that helps if you're having trouble writing a particular setting or trope is reading the stuff you eventually want to write. Like if you struggle writing fantasy, read as much fantasy as you can and as broad a range as you can, and read critically: that is, try to analyse the elements of the story and how the worldbuilding is done, how the plot/magic system/character development/whatever is handled, take notes, notice what you like and don't like, go back and reread, etc. When you feel you have a good grasp on it, try your hand at writing it and don't be afraid to mess up. If a story isn't working for whatever reason you can always set it aside and come back to it later when you feel more confident, or just start small and see where it takes you. A friend once gave me a great piece of advice that I still try to keep in mind, which is that you can't be 100% happy with everything you create all the time, that's such an unrealistic expectation and it can put a lot of pressure on you. But if you have a goal to, let's say, write a chapter for your story that you're 60% or 70% happy with, that makes it so much easier to work with. (My personal threshold is 70%: it doesn't have to be perfect but as long as I'm 70% happy with the thing I've created, then that's good enough for me.) And then you write another chapter, and another chapter, and before you know it you have a finished project that you're e.g. 80% or even 90% happy with, which imo is so much better than a project that you abandoned because you couldn't bring it to 100%. And that's my two cents when it comes to taking on any creative project haha.

Anyway, I'm not sure that's the answer you were looking for but thank you for the ask! 💕

#on writing #btw thank you for the advice rina 🥹 ily 🫶 #having writer friends is truly the best #that's another piece of advice lol!!! find a couple friends to toss writing ideas with it's honestly been a lifesaver for me #sometimes you end up with too many ideas LMAO but what can you do

[dallasxcartwright]

Where: Holiday Market When: Friday, December 22nd Who: @hcnayun

“You should try this. It’s not that bad, you’ve just gotta be open to your hot cocoa tasting like pickles.” Strange flavour combinations at markets like these were a complete waste of money that Dallas would gladly throw cash at year after year. “If you finish it so I don’t have to, I’ll watch a Hallmark movie with you later.” He certainly wasn’t about to admit that as ridiculous as they were, he secretly didn’t hate watching them. There was something annoyingly pleasant about the hopefulness that the films were rooted in. They presented an unrealistic expectation of what he had wanted but never thought was attainable for him.

Maybe it was something about the holiday season, but since his return home, Dallas found it increasingly difficult to be around Hana without wanting to cross the illogical boundaries he had set up for them these last few months. It didn’t help that he was slowly beginning to realize that the strong feelings he had thought were squashed years ago had resurfaced – or perhaps they had never left and only grew with the distance between them. “I think there’s some spiked hot cider on the way to the shopping part of this thing. Might need a drink upgrade.” He gestured ahead with his free hand, which quickly lowered to take hold of hers, a movement that felt a little too natural for the pair. “Might be a bit quieter over there too if we can find somewhere to sit. I wanna hear how that Grinch yoga went...plus, I like talking to you much more than I like doing just about anything else. Even drinking pickle flavoured hot chocolate.” His heart beat heavy in his chest as they continued in the direction of the market booths, a gentle squeeze given to her hand - an attempt to help relax his nerves. He had spent so much time internalizing how he had been feeling, and keeping this from her made it feel that much heavier. Selfishly, he wanted to talk to her about it. Other moments had him feeling like he needed to.

#interaction: hana

[patriciavetinari]

What did you think of Downton Abbey?

I do have thoughts:

As a leftist, it is ridiculous to be expected to care if a british upper class family gets to keep the house/title/money. And the show has an interesting attitude towards itself, where it frequently shows working class people questioning the need for aristocratic lifestyle, but then still presents the aristocratic main cast family as blorbos for the viewer to dote over. Characters calling out the aristocracy are presented as both positive and negative.

However, the show gives its whole game away with one character: Tom Branson. He comes to work for the family as the chauffeur, and expresses interest in Marx, talks about Irish independence and Easter Rising etc. But then he falls in love with his employers daughter and starts viewing aristocracy as people. They run away together and get married, he gets up to some based revolutionary shit in Ireland, although gets soft on individual aristocracy again (feels bad for rich people whose house he saw set on fire). He comes back to Downton Abbey for safety, his wife soon dies in childbirth, he stays to avoid arrest in Dublin and to work in partnership with Crawleys. Working with them smooths off his radical leftist views although in fairness he questions his views and what he has become and laments his radicalism and we see some attempts to go back to politics but not really. He then goes off to America for couple of episodes and as a cherry on top, comes back fully capitalist. His character is incredibly frustrating but encapsulates the overall message I feel: try different things, but drop this radical nonsense and accept capitalism. I did not expect a british show about british aristocracy to arrive anywhere else but still, for a character to wallow in vaguely leftist views for 6 seasons then come back in the finale and say 'yay capitalism' is a little on the nose.

That being said, women in the show are mostly interesting, but as soon as any of them gets too independent and strong, they get married off, and not only that, but they get married into aristocracy (most frustratingly Isabel and Edith).

That being said (2), I really liked that the show included a lot of middle aged and even elder characters building relationships very late in life (Isabel again, and housekeeper with the butler, and mr Moseley with the ladys maid etc). Very heterosexual show.

Speaking of middle aged characters worried about relationships, the episode where the housekeeper was nervous about her body and sexual life and expectations of her future husband was very well written, very relevant, very human and very funny in an endearing and human way.

I feel like in general, the show did a good job showing if not the harsh reality but the Vibes (and technological advances) of early 20th century. It did not handle working class struggle well and with that has become meta illustration of itself, it showed women struggling for their rights and battling internal patriarchy, entire S2 dedicated to WWI topic (and in later seasons coming back to it and heralding WWII), it showed woman struggling with the aftermath of rape, frustrations around british justice system and prejudice towards convicts etc. a lot of deep topics, although of course the show enjoyed itself more showing pompous interiors, debutante balls and all this glamour so the message was overall not powerful.

Thomas Barrow character deserved better but his storyline is interesting and I have contradicting opinions on how his storyline was handled. He is Gay which was illegal at the time show depicts and more and more characters find out and suspiciously few of them make a fuss. Which, on one hand, I find unrealistic that no-one did end up ratting him out, on the other hand, everyone was trying to avoid the scandal for the family and maybe working class people were indeed more ACAB about it. I'm glad they didn't kill him off although I did want to slap him more than on one occasion.

On the third hand, obviously, this is fiction, escapism and the one that tries to rehabilitate british aristocracy at that. Everyone in the end I think is far too kind, polite and tolerant about literally every controversial subject of the time depicted. It is very pleasant to watch now and enjoy nice endings but it's important to remember it's Not Real and british aristocracy Would Not Fucking Say That.

I hate flapper fashion. It has good ideas about fabric and accessories but I hate the silhouette I'm sorry. Those fucking cardigans look bad even on thin people. Mens fashion much better, we truly should bring back 3 piece suits.

I don't get the fandom fuss over Matthew as husband for Mary. Henry is an improvement on every level. The matter of looks is subjective of course but I am also objectively correct on this. Also Goode packs more into five minutes of screen presence that Stevens packs into four seasons of being main cast (or however long he was alive). Also Goode has better chemistry with Dockery (as opposed to zero chemistry with Stevens). Matthew has a punchable face and was mostly annoying as a character. His fucking mother Isabel deserved a better son. The show really attempted to make me go 'I can't wait for those cousins to fuck already'.

Mary Crawley is a blorbo definitely. She is also a punchable asshole but she does make it look sexy. Her and Henry are rendering me Very Bisexual. Especially their interactions (very few and I agree it was rushed but still added up to a better relationship than Matthew).

Dowager Violet is an honorary blorbo.

Lady Grantham should have fucked Richard E Grants character. He seemed like he would be fun in bed and an immense improvement on her husband. I can take him if she doesn't want him.

New Era movie is shit and I've decided to ignore its canon, I will accept no criticism because I am correct.

#downton abbey #and my strong opinions

[tommytranselo]

one of my big questions with mafia 4 is how we're going to actually get the missions.  for example:

mafia 1/mafia DE solves this by making the crime family tight knit–you get all your orders from the boss or maybe occasionally from frank, boom, done.  it also saves the devs from having to make loads of extraneous characters; they really keep the main cast locked down to a handful of people.  it does feel kind of unrealistic especially when you’re the new guy talking directly to the don.

mafia 2, in what recall hearing was a deliberate(?) swing away from m1, gives you joe.  joe has all the contacts, joe talks to everybody so you don’t have to, joe explains the plans half the time or introduces you to the other people who will.  vito just sort of...sleeps a lot and never knows what’s going on.  this definitely did drive home the point of playing as just some random mob soldier rather than the boss’s golden boy (other than like...chapters 9 and 10, but those were personal) but it ended up introducing a lot of side characters that never really got fleshed out more or used much even when it seemed to be implied they would.  i’ve also seen people point out that joe feels more like a protagonist than vito which is a fair point imo, though personally i enjoyed playing sidekick and i think this was done deliberately to keep from having to get detailed with the connections.  joe knows everybody, don’t think about it too hard.

mafia 3 puts the player in charge and gives you donovan–he’s a rogue cia guy, he’s spying on people, he gets your intel and helps come up with plans to get you inside.  there’s also the civilian contacts he finds for you (like harold cauley and pablo duarte), but unlike m2, you know these are just random people off the street so you don’t really expect to see them again.  most major side characters also give you side quests.  for once you actually play as the boss while doing everything yourself, but it avoids “don’t you have underlings for that?” by making the player activities a personal revenge quest, so of course you’re going after the marcano family yourself.  cassandra, vito, and burke & their respective crews run the day-to-day in districts you’ve taken over.  some of the stuff you do for the lieutenants (the smuggling runs) gets into that “isn’t this above your pay-grade?” territory but if you consider it a show of good faith it’s not that weird, and video games are just like that anyway.  this was a clever way of doing things but it’s very specific to the narrative and i’m not sure it’d be easy to replicate.

mafia 4 will be interesting because it’s a prequel.  do i think we have a high chance of seeing familiar faces in their youth?  definitely.  playing as them?  less so.  playing as the boss doesn’t give a lot of room for action, though given it’ll be before a lot of these guys became who they were, some of them i think are likely.  eddie or carlo (“reminds me of my prohibition days!”) seems possible enough.  maybe young salieri/morello/frank but that might require going back further than the 1920s, which is what i assume the setting will be.  if we get the los ondas setting i figure the player will be one of louie romeo’s men rather than louie himself as his cigarette card implies he’s the boss.  i’m getting a little off topic here but basically–i’m torn about what the player’s proximity will be to the local authority figure, basically.  eddie or a character who occupies a similar position to him (ie, friends with one of the capos) would be a nice balance, i think, but it remains to be seen.

#m4 speculation #mafia trilogy #i said a whole lotta nothing for that last bit :/

[samcrosfaith]

SKIN AND BONES 𝟎𝟖| 𝖆 𝖕𝖎𝖊𝖈𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖕𝖆𝖘𝖙

warning; physical and sexual abuse [not detailed] in this chapter!

With a quiet hum, Tessa followed the slim blonde through the premises of the porn studio where Lyla worked. Tessa entered the building with different expectations and was pleasantly surprised.

It was clean, renovated in a fairly modern way, the directors behind the camera spoke respectfully to the actors in front of the camera, the sight of which took some getting used to. Tessa couldn't help but dare to glance sideways, examining the various sets with curiosity.

Two women were working on one set. A head full of bleach-blonde hair was stuck between a redhead's legs, her lips parted as one fake moan after another fell from her bright red lips. Another moan also came from the other side, not really sounding more genuine than the redhead's.

A question that Tessa had always asked herself was how men, or women, could find something so fake and unrealistic so attractive. It was obvious that no one on set was really seriously excited and horny, everyone was just doing their job and by doing that they seemed surprisingly comfortable. Which spoke for the porn studio.

If employees felt humiliated or mistreated, they wouldn't appear as relaxed and comfortable.

"And here is the photo shoot area", Lyla explained, her sweet, friendly voice catching Tessa's attention. "I know, it's taking some getting used to seeing all thisᅳ but I have a feeling you'd fit in well here."

With a small smile planted on her lips, Tessa's warm brown eyes landed on the enthusiastic blonde. "It's not as strange as I thought it would beᅳ I imagined it would be way worse and, above all, cheaper. It doesn't even smell like pussy in here", she added with a chuckle.

"Most people do imagine it much worse", Lyla winked amused, folding her hands in front of her petite body. "And some studios are exactly thatᅳ cheap and sometimes vulgar, and definitely smelling like cheap pussy. But here everyone is treated with respect and we all make sure it stays clean."

"I can see that, really." Glancing around the huge room that had once served as a warehouse, Tessa finally made a decision. "I think I can imagine working here. I guess I'll have to talk to the boss about that, right?"

"Girl, really? That would be great." Grinning from ear to ear, Lyla hooked her arm with Tessa's and led her straight up a few steps and down a long hallway until she finally knocked on a door. "It's me, Lyla. I have the new girl I told you about with me."

Tessa felt her heartbeat in her throat, her palms sweaty as she waited for an answer from the other side of the doorᅳ which came a moment later. A friendly 'Come in' encouraged Lyla to open the door and just a second later Tessa was dragged into the room.

And the sight almost overwhelmed her.

Dark red carpet was now under her feet, not like the light vinyl flooring in the other rooms. Two walls facing each other were painted the same dark red while the other two were covered in a dark shade of gray. Flashy, oversized gold picture frames hung in a row on the walls, with smaller ones underneath. All of them framed porn magazine covers or awards.

Scantily clad to naked women could be seen on every poster, the oldest picture was probably from the early 80's and the newest looked quite modern, probably from the same year as they were now. Tessa had to admit that every single photo was well taken and looked pretty good and classy for a porn magazineᅳ which was just as unexpected as the rest Tessa had seen so far.

"You must be Tessa." A slender but not exactly tall man, maybe a head taller than her, held his hand out to Tessa after he walked around his table and strolled over to her, a magazine-ready smile on his aging face. "I'm Gregor Malachi, the boss and contact person here."

He didn't seem like one of those typical sleazy porn producers either. More like a salesman who really wanted to sell a product.

"Hi, nice to meet you", she said smiling as she held out her hand, gritting her teeth as the man's handshake was stronger than expected. "I heard you’re looking for a model."

"Right", the man confirmed with a hum before he looked at Lyla, extending his hand towards the door. "Will you give us a moment alone?"

Lyla flashed Tessa a questioning look, just to see if the younger woman was comfortable staying alone with Gregor. After she gave her a curt nod, Lyla left the room with a squeeze of Tessa's arm and closed the door behind her.

"Sit down." Gregor took a seat behind his desk again, which was surprisingly tidy, and Tessa discovered a family photo on it.

"You got a nice family", she remarked honestly, pointing at the photo. "I have a son too, just younger."

"Oh, they are, thank you." Gregor replied, a proud expression on his face as he took a quick look at the picture himself before studying Tessa. "Do you really want the job? As a mother, I mean. Many women are afraid that their children will have to face the consequences from it later."

A soft sigh fell from Tessa's lips, a tight-lipped smile playing around it. "Of course I'm worried about that, and that's why I have a few questions before I make a decision."

More than just one factor played a decisive role here. She also had to constantly think about the fact that Happy wasn't really enthusiastic about the job. Since their little argument two days ago they hadn't talked muchᅳ not at all actually.

But it was her life, and they weren't a couple or anything like that. Sure, she couldn't deny that she liked himᅳ and that she wanted to get to know more of him. But she needed a job, preferably a well-paying one if she wanted to afford an apartment and day care.

"Of course, you can ask whatever you wantᅳ I'll try to answer everything", Gregor replied openly, his hands folded on the dark wooden table. "What are your questions, Tessa?"

Slightly nervous, Tessa ran her delicate fingers through her black hair, taking a breath. "Uh, so, will the photos be published everywhere or just on certain pornographic websites? And would I be employed or would I be paid per shoot? And how many would that be per month?"

As Tessa spoke, the man across from her nodded repeatedly to show her that he was listening and showing interest in her questions. While doing so he opened a drawer of his desk and slid a small stack of papers over the surface of the table, the papers held together at one corner with a paper clip.

"This is the contract, everything you need to know is in it, which I'll explain to you in a minute. You don't have to make the decision immediately and you have enough time to read the contract at homeᅳ but I need a decision by the end of the week", he told her, his expression filled with friendly seriousness. "To your questions; the photos are only published on websites that are specifically looking for such pictures. In some cases, the photos are also used for Covers, which means that your face ends up in various magazines in which our studio is mentioned. And yes , these magazines can then be bought in every store. You would be permanently employed and get a fixed salary every month because you will have weekly shoots. You will be well booked, trust me. You definitely won't get bored."

Tessa relaxed a little as Gregor gave her an encouraging smile before continuing. "The pay is good, you don't have to worry about that. You'll  be able to get your son everything he wants. Above all, the three thousand is just your starting salary, it can quickly get higher."

As uncomfortable as it made Tessa, she couldn't resist asking a question because of her skepticism. "What do I have to do? I mean, there has to be a catch, right?"

"Why would there be a catch?" With a certain amount of amusement, Gregor's brow shot up, his hands now folded under his chin, which he rested on them. "Afraid you'll have to sleep your way up? Not here, not in my studio, Tessa. I'm a professional businessman and not a pimp. The harder you work, the better the payᅳ it's that simple. I treat my employees with respect."

"No, I, uh, I didn't mean it like that at all", Tessa almost stuttered, her cheeks red from embarrassment at having accused the man in front of her of such a thing. "I just want to be careful and not end up regretting my decision."

"You won't", Gregor assured her, his tone serious and extremely professional as he adjusted his tie. "I like that you're scepticalᅳ in this industry that's important. Look, think about it. For me, I would definitely give you a chance. You're really pretty, and youngᅳ the perfect model for our studio. "

It felt good to hear such things and it boosted Tessa's self-confidence immensely. There were moments when the Laney woman felt anything but pretty or attractiveᅳ but she also had moments when she was confident. Until now, most people have only ever used her, which can really weaken someone's confidence.

It was all the nicer to hear things like thatᅳ even if Gregor probably said that to most women.

"I mean, that all sounds pretty good", she said with a hum, scanning the first page of the contract with a quick look. "And I really don't have to make my movies?"

"No." Gregor's answer came quickly, but there was still something regretful in his tone. "I would love to have you as a porn actress too, I only have one dark-haired girl so far. And you would be a breath of fresh air. The gothic style sells wellᅳ it has something beautifully wicked and at the same time something macabre that many people are into", he stopped talking for a moment, tapping the tip of his index finger against his lips. "So if you ever want to get into the porn film business, let me know."

"Iᅳ" Tessa paused, biting her bottom lip in slight embarrassment as she dropped her eyes, feeling a little overwhelmed with the whole situation. A part of her was curious. Should she give it a try? Or was it better not to?

"So, so pretty", Gregor's tone held a gentle sternness, almost sounding like a teacher carefully checking his student's work while he pinched Tessa's chin between his index finger and thumb to lift her head again. With a charming smile he looked into two nervous eyes. "Think about itᅳ I wouldn't hesitate for a second and give you another contract. The pay would be significantly higher."

Now a feeling of discomfort crept into Tessa, which caused her to pull her head back decisively to shake off the producer's hand. She cleared her throat quietly as Gregor leaned back while flashing her a small smirk. "I'll let you know as soon as I've made a decision.

"Do that", Gregor nodded, charming as always. "And don't take too much timeᅳ lots of girls want the job."

"I won't", Tessa assured before standing up, pulling her lace top a little further over her exposed skin before clutching the contract in her hand. "It was nice to meet you, Gregor."

"I can say the same, Tessa", he placed extra emphasis on her name, which flowed from his tongue as he shot her another wink. "I hope I'll hear from you."

A small plastic smile was all Tessa could manage before she left the office and jogged down the stairs, flashing Lyla a smile. The blonde waved and shouted that she would call later, but Lyla was busy on a set and didn't have time to talk at the moment.

Which was fine, Tessa didn't feel like talking at the moment anywayᅳ first she wanted to head home and spend time with Sawyer before she would read through the contract and making a decision.

ᚔ

With the contract and her cell in one hand, Tessa balances herself towards the door with two full shopping bags, a groan of annoyance  coming from her when she couldn't find the key she had just used to lock her old BMW.

However, the search was over when the door in front of her opened and Happy's hands reached for the two bags after greeting her with a quiet grunt.

"Hey." Surprised that he was here and not Maria, she followed the grim-looking man into the kitchen and chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I didn't know you were here. Where's Maria? And Sawyer?"

"It's my house, remember?" From the corner of his eye, Happy glanced at the dark-haired girl, making sure if there was anything wrong with her, if she was okay. "Ma had to go to the ER, she didn't feel good. How was your job interview?"

"I know, and I'm glad you're here. The last two days have been pretty quiet without you", she said honestly, placing her contract and phone on the table before her eyes widened with concern. "What, why? Was watching Sawyer too exhausting for her?"

"No", Happy assured her, grunting as he could see the guilt and worry in Tessa's brown lenses, a sigh slipping past his lips. "She forgot to take her medsᅳ wasn't the first time this happened. She's fine though, I can pick her up later."

"Fuck...I should've paid more attention. Were you watching Sawyer since that happened?" Tessa sighed quietly as her platform boot-covered feet carried her towards Happy, closing the distance between them. She looked up at him uncertainly. "Can we talk, please? I don't want things to be like this between us. Iᅳ", she paused, kneading her fingers nervously.

"Not your fault. And yeah, Sawyer is his room", he told her with a shrug. The muscles in his body tensed as Tessa stood so close in front of him and looked at him with her doe brown eyes, her dark hair covering the sides of her pale face. He himself was trying  to sound gruff, even harsh, trying to hide how much he also had missed her the last two days. "You what?"

What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he care so much what she thought? What she wanted? She was just another woman who complicated things. Or was Tessa different? Hell, of course she was different than any of the Croweaters or sweet butts.

"I missed you", she finally admitted after a moment's hesitation, not sure if he seemed so dismissive because he was still angry or because he was annoyed with her. "I don't want to fight, Happy. Please.."

"Please what?" Suddenly his head snapped around, his face just a few inches away from hers. It was only because of her shoes that they were somewhat at eye level. "Are you the one wanting to work in a fuckin' porn studio or do I, huh?!"

"Why the fuck does this bother you so much?!" She crossed her arms defensively, causing him to back away as if he had been burned himself as her arms slightly brushed against him, confusing her even more. "What's your problem, Happy? I just want to understand!"

"You're not some slut, Tessa! Why don't you understand that?!" Happy's voice grew louder with every word that fell from his lips, the veins in his forehead throbbing.

The young woman's breath hitched, the lump in her throat growing as Happy's patience grew thin. "But Lyla works there tooᅳ and you don't think she's a slut, right?"

Tessa observed Happy's sudden change in behavior with curiosity. Huffing, he ran his hand over his face before perching his hands against the edges of the well-used kitchen counter, his gaze trained out the window above the sink.

"No, she's not", he answered grimly, clearly annoyed that Tessa had a point. "Stillᅳ you don't belong there."

"And why not?" Tessa sighed again, her arms falling to her sides as she walked back to him. This time she leaned against the kitchen counter with more distance to him. "I can't lose Sawyer, Happy. That means I need a jobᅳ one that pays enough. Don't you understand that?"

"You would find something else", the SAA argued stubbornly, his gaze now landing on her. As much as he hated it, he could still understand her. "Is this what you really want? Working in a porn-studio? This job isn't for everyone."

"Maybe", she agreed sensibly. She didn't want to deny the fact at all. "And just because I'm taking this job now doesn't mean I'm going to do this forever. Only until I find something that pays just well."

For a long moment the room was filled with uncomfortable silence, only the muffled sounds Sawyer was making in the other room could be heard. Apparently he hadn't heard their little argument, which Tessa was glad about.

"Are you going to make movies, too?" There was something in Happy's tone that made Tessa's heart beat faster. Was he jealous? Worried? She wasn't sureᅳ but she liked it.

Her features softened, the slightest smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "No, even though I got the offer, I just want to work as a model."

Her answer satisfied him, but he couldn't help but let out a scoff anyway. "Of course you got the offer. That guy would be stupid not to ask a woman like you."

"A woman like me?" Tessa's thin, perfectly shaped eyebrow rose in curiosity. "What do you mean by that?"

"That you're prettyᅳ really pretty. He'd be stupid not to ask you. You got the looks, a character and the talent, that's the fuckin' jackpot", Happy replied with a shrug, being brutally honest, seeing no reason to lie to her. The blush that then crossed her face, apparently that's what his statement did to her, sent a warm feeling through his chest.

What the hell was wrong with him?

"Happyᅳ"

"It's okay," he grunted. This time he closed the distance between them. Knowing that he would only push her away if he forbade her to do things, he had to accept, even if he didn't like it, that she wanted to work as a nude model. "If you want the job, then take it. But if anyone disrespects you, I will show up there."

"I'm sorry", she whispered, her throat dry as the desert as he approached her. "I know it bothers you, and I hate that. But I really need the money."

And there it was againᅳ a moment that felt so real, so raw. The feeling of complete contentment came over her, and also him, again as the scent of Happy's aftershave, the leather of his kutte and his breath filled her nostrilsᅳ that's how close he was.

"I know", Happy rasped, bringing his hand to her cheek when the moment felt right. Then he sighed deeply, knowing he had to tell her the real reason why he was gone the last two days. "Your father is gone, deadᅳ that's the real reason why I haven't been here for two days."

Mike Laney's time had already been limited that day when he laid hands on Happy's mother. The only reason the guy was still on two legs was because of Tessa and Sawyer. Now that Sawyer was back with Tessa, there was no reason for Happy to let the bastard liveᅳ which he had put an end to last night and then returned to Charming.

At first he thought about not telling Tessa, keeping it to himself to spare her the pain she might feelᅳ but she had a right to know. Even though she might hate him for it and see a monster in him.

Startled, she stumbled back a step, her arms wrapped around her own body as she let the news sink in. She knew the day would come, Happy had warned herᅳ and she had no idea that it would hurt her so much when she heard those words.

But here she stood, her eyes filled with tears, her petite body tense as pain ripped through her chest. Just a moment later she burst into tears, collapsing into one of the chairs.

Her sobs and sniffles filled the small room, causing Happy's features to harden again. That wasn't what he wantedᅳ to make her cry. It bothered him more than he thought it would.

"I didn't think it would bother you so much", he grumbled, running a hand over his head. "Why does this affect you so much? Has he ever done anything good for you?"

At his question, Tessa snorted a laugh, shaking her head. "Hell no, I don't even know why I'm crying", she choked out, her breath coming in gasps as she tried to calm down. "Well, onceᅳ there was one time he actually helped me, had my back."

"Yeah? What did he do?" With his arms folded, Happy examined the woman, whose shoulders slumped as another sniffle echoed through the room. It was hard to believe that Michael had one good bone in his body.

"When I found out I was pregnant with Sawyer", she began, her lips formed into a thin line as she thought back to the moment she told Cal about the pregnancy. "My ex freaked outᅳ a complete tantrum. That was probably the scariest moment of my life. For once Mike wasn't an asshole when I came home with a broken nose and bruised ribs. I was still so young, desperate and alone. As much as I despise my dad for what he did to Maria and my mother back then, I will always appreciate how he stood behind me in that moment."

Happy's jaw was tense, the muscles in it twitching as a sense of anger rushed through his body. "What did your ex do?"

To this day, the blood ran cold in Tessa's veins as she thought back to the day when her entire life had suddenly changed.

Flashback 2006 / four, almost five years ago

[In season 5, in which this story takes place, it was

approximately the year 2010. That explains four

years earlier/2006. I hope it makes sense.]

"You..", he said with a low growl, getting in her face. So close his alcohol-infected breath made her feel a wave of nausea. "You're getting an abortion, you hear me, little whore?"

"Fuck no!", Tessa spat as she felt anger rip through her whole body, slamming a protective hand over her not yet existent bump. "This is my baby. I don't give a shit if you want it or notᅳ but I'm keeping it!"

Cal let out a humorless laugh, not amused by the fact she was giving him shit. With a passiv-aggressive wheeze, he slapped her across the face with the back of his hand, causing her head to whip to the side, a grin tugging at his lips as he heard something crack.

As the dark-haired girl winced in pain, bringing a hand up to her burning cheek, feeling warm liquid running down her nose and over her lips, Cal grabbed a fistful of her black hair, pulling her face close to his.

"If you don't get an abortion", he hummed dangerously, his voice dripping with venom as he spoke so low it was only a whisperᅳ a dark, threatening whisper. "I'll fuckin' kill you and that little bastard inside you. You hear me, bitch?"

Tessa's whole body was shaking, filled with anger and disgust, fear flashing in her tear-filled eyes. Her blood-covered, plump lips trembled, unable to hold back a painful sob as his grip got tighter and a metallic taste filled her mouth. She believed him, she believed that he would kill her without giving it a second thought.

So, the only solution that she came up with was to lie, letting him think that he had won this argument. Wincing in pain again as he, out of nowhere, slammed the side of her face into the wall next to them, she nodded quickly. Thank God it was only a dry wall and not one made out of bricks.

"Iᅳ I'll get an abortion, I promise", she cried out,  full on ugly crying at the thought of actually having to get rid of her baby.

She could never. This was her own flesh and blood. Her age didn't matter, the fact that she didn't have much money also didn't matterᅳ she would give birth to that baby and give him or her all the love she had in her.

"You better fuckin' do", Cal huffed, pushing her onto the carpet-covered floor before kicking against her ribs, a sick smile growing on his face as he heard her cry out once again. "Get the fuck up, you're embarrassing yourself. And clean your blood off the damn carpet!"

Rubbing the tip of his nose, Cal crouched down, forcing her head up by her hair again. Shit, something about her crying, the way her Make-Up was running down her face and mix with the blood, made him hard.

"But first you're goin' to give me a blowjob." Pulling her to her knees, he stood up and fiddled with his belt, all while grinning down at the mess on the floor. "And it better be a good one. That's what you women are here for, right?"

Tessa had no choice and she knew it. Only a moment later she was forced to wrap her lips around his rock hard cock while he inflicted even more pain on her with his fist closed around her knotted hair, mercilessly face-fucking her.

This was the scariest and probably most humiliating moment of her lifeᅳ one that she would never forget.

Flashback over

"That's why I don't want CPS to know about Sawyer's dadᅳ because his father is a piece of shit", the Laney woman spat bitterly after she had told Happy the whole story, her chair sliding back as she stood up. "I don't give a shit if I have less moneyᅳ I'd rather die than taking any money from Cal", a hysterical laugh fell over her lips as she paced the room. "Besides, Cal would kill me before he'd have to pay me any money."

"He can try", Happy's menacing voice cut through the air like a knife. He took quick steps towards Tessa, grasping her arm and looking at her with urgency once he had her attention.

Fuck, he felt for the young woman. And he felt an immense rage, the urge to break every single bone in Cal's body for what he did to Tessa. No one, no man in the world, should ever lay hands on a womanᅳ that was something Happy would never accept.

If it were up to him, Cal would be dead in an instant, buried and forgotten. It seemed like he had to make one more person disappear.

"The fucker will never find out about Sawyer. But if he ever finds out about him and wants to hurt you for it, which he shouldn't try, he'll have to get past me first", he assured her firmly, her face now back in his hands as he stared down at her. "You're safe with me, little girl."

New tears gathered in Tessa's brown eyes, a weak nod all she could offer as she stood there with him. Then, when he called her little girl, it was over for herᅳ she now knew what she wanted, what she was craving for.

#romance #violence #writer #writers on tumblr #smut #charlie hunnam #happy lowman #original character #happy lowman x reader #sons of anarchy

[norahsrants]

Relationship/Anxiety/OCD Rant

What's up buckaroos. I'm gonna be completely honest with y'all right now (the dust mites in the corner of my room watching me type this, I mean), I'm having some struggles within my relationship. Well, not exactly - it's more of me struggling with myself & my brain.

I'm diagnosed with anxiety and suspected (?) of OCD (it runs in my family, I maybe or maybe don't have it), and I'm a huge overthinker. I'm constantly thinking about the future and ESPECIALLY what's gonna happen in my relationship. When will we break up? Will we break up at all? What will cause the break up? Is he lying to me? Am I being paranoid?

Thoughts like this are perfectly natural & so, so many people have them on the daily, but a good thing to think about is, a huge majority of the time, something you're experiencing that's troubling you isn't forever. I won't give my specific age, but I'm in high school. I'm grateful to have a boyfriend who's as loving as mine is, however I'm being realistic and knowing that we most likely won't last. That doesn't mean I'm GIVING UP on the relationship, but I am setting a realistic expectation in my mind.

A lot of the time, I have to remind myself that things don't have to last. It's okay if things change - obviously it would upset me a lot if we broke up, but the world wouldn't end. When you set an unrealistic expectation for anything, you can stress yourself out so much more than is needed.

For example: you're a freshman in high school & you meet this awesome guy who asks you out. You say yes, you start dating, but you get super nervous about it. How will things end? Am I stuck in this? What does this mean? Sometimes, your brain automatically turns up the dial up to 100 (in this situation, marriage or parenthood) and sends you straight into panic mode.

Something that could also chime in are trauma responses, which relationship OCD/anxiety can be a result of, especially feeling trapped. If you experienced a relationship(s) of any kind that made you feel trapped and/or stuck where you are, committment can be a scary thing.

On the other hand of things, life in GENERAL isn't forever. We all die eventually (until they invent some immortality potion for rich people), so make sure you realize that things are YOUR decision. You don't have to stay in a relationship, even if it's not necessarily bad because your top priority should be you & your mental health. If a relationship is draining from how anxious it makes you, you don't have to force yourself to stay. Sometimes, it's okay to give up, move on, learn from it, run the fuck away.

It's your life. Focus in on the moment you're in right now and how you feel - not how they feel, you - and make sure you're okay. There are a ton of things around you that you have the control over and if they aren't positively impacting you, you don't have to force yourself to learn to enjoy it.

Listen to it's time to go by Taylor Swift & take a good nap (always sleep on a big decision, trust me).

If you made it, thank you so much for reading & I really hope this helped at all.

-Norah.

#norah'srants #rant #brainrot #relationship #relationshipocd #relationship ocd #relationship troubles

[blankjournal]

Hi! I'm the anon that asked about the 'romanticising mental illness' question. I'm sorry, I'm still a little bit confused! I asked my friend about it and he said that even the popular concept of the main character (MC1) having, for example, anxiety or depression and then the other main character (MC2) coming into their lives and help them throughout, he sees it as a hint of 'romanticising mental illness' because it seems like the MC2 is 'fixing' MC1 and that without MC2, MC1 would never 'be normal'. Personally, even though I can see why he interprets it this way, I feel like the whole idea of 'fixing' is just another perspective. Personally this popular concept makes me feel giddy and excited but I understand his perspective too.

I'm not sure whether you've reblogged any of these types of popular concept in books/fanfiction but when does this concept become a hurt/comfort genre to a 'romanticising mental illness' genre.

I apologise for any inconveniences that I may have caused with this ask.

Hello again, anon! No worries at all and I'm so sorry for delaying your answer for a few days because I have been busy :')

To start off, I can agree with your friend's view as well (to an extent). The hurt/comfort genre, especially ones who put a (often) anxious or depressed reader as their subject, is a tricky place to navigate through. Especially for inexperienced writers who actually want to do good by producing something that can be of help to readers looking for some comfort, but end up writing something that ends up infantilizing and/or portraying them as incapable and crippled to the point where the other character is the only thing that is keeping them together and is their sole lifeline— their saviour.

In real life, there are cases where this rings true and people do genuinely struggle to function without someone's help, but that said person is just that: help. You require professional intervention and medical/psychiatric assistance and not some love interest to heal in the long term. Fics often make MC1 go through hell, but be completely fine again once MC2 is there to get them through it and that's just not realistic at all. They can be of help, but are very often unqualified.

I think for a hurt/comfort fic to not end up as a romanticization is for the hurt character to actually make progress within the story and show how healing comes from within oneself (with the help of others, obviously) and not because some character comes and kisses it away. One big flaw I find with fics like this on this site is that they're usually too short to really dive into the process of healing and wrap it up with just the love interest coming and making it all go away for reader, most popular cases are with panic attacks (in this case, helping someone getting through it is totally valid!!) and depression. In the end, the love interest should (for me, at least) serve as a distraction from the pain in hand, not be the actual solution to the trauma or mental struggle that the reader is going through.

It's really tricky, as I said, because the line for everyone varies. Some say it is, some say it isn't. People want to read hurt/comfort fics for a reason and it's understandable that they crave the comfort it gives (I like them as well!), but it sets unrealistic expectations. Knights in shining armour aren't the solution to crippling depression or anxiety or mania or ocd, etc. They can help only to a certain extent. As long as the story does not make the love interest be this magical cure for reader's problems, then I don't think it's an issue at all.

Then again, one's experience dealing with mental health isn't the same as the millions of others, so maybe some people really do heal just by being with their own love interest, so I don't know. Maybe love is all someone needs, who knows? This is, again, just my opinion and it varies for everyone. People (and I, too) don't immediately read a hurt/comfort story and think "this is a romanticization and it's harmful", instead it's more in the "aw good for them, they have someone to help get them through this".

It's pretty blurry, so as long as the story isn't telling you that you don't need to seek out professional help and your boyfriend is your saviour and will get you through this terrible terrible thing then it's not a problem, I guess. There are great fics in this genre! Plus, they're great to get through lonely times.

— admin vienna

#anonymous #answered

[wjforever]

Shatter me again. Chapter 69

Home.

Home…

What does he mean?

It sounds too unrealistic, too wonderful.

I want to ask him, I part my lips to ask the question, but I see such a sneaky smile on his face that I don't say a word. It's a surprise. I'm embarrassed and excited and anxious and eager. And I'm also a little scared of the unknown. It beckons, but at the same time it's disturbing.

All the changes in my life weren't walk in the park: I used to end up in hospitals, police stations, asylum, captivity. And the chance to finally get the desired peace seems incredible. But Adam is always with me now. He makes unreal things real.

With every step I take, I get further and further away from Warner. From the necessity to be a toy in someone's hands, from a predestination, from a framework. I'm free. Absolutely. No one and nothing holds me back anymore and I want to swim in this freedom, drink it, scooping it up in large portions. I want to choke and drown. With Adam by my side. Because for the first time in my life, I do what I want, and not what is required or expected of me. Hope, love, opportunity. I feel all this because I want to know what it's like to live independently of others. Adam gives me this absolute liberty.

I can feel the wings behind my back again. Adam cut them off once, with one sloppy word. But now he's given them back to me, even bigger, even stronger than before.

I know that everything will be fine now. Only good things are waiting for us. Something is bound to happen, and my life will change for the better, now I believe in it. We already do things over and over again that I didn't believe was possible.

We're going to some abandoned shed on the outskirts of this wild field. Its wooden walls are difficult to see because of the  rogue dry vegetation and crazed bushlike tentacles, scratchy and hideous that tightly clung to it from all sides. There's something familiar to me about these tentacles, suffocating, and I think maybe they're poisonous. I need to be careful not to touch them.

I wonder if this is the home? It doesn't look attractive from the outside, but that doesn't matter. If this is our chance to hide, I won't mind. I lived in a cell for eight months. I can handle anything now.

We step into the dark space, the strong smell of humidity and mold hits my nose. I squint, hoping to see at least something and suddenly I notice an outline.

A car.

I blink.

An armored car. One of those that was at the HQ. At Warner's.

Adam turns to me, seemingly waiting for a reaction. The rays of the setting sun make their way through the chinks of the shed, allowing my eyes, that are getting used to the darkness, to see his expression. He's almost can't control his own eagerness. And I can see that he is pleased with my astonishment. It's so nice to know that a person can enjoy something like this. Rejoice in my reaction.

When Adam begins to speak, his voice is animated, excited.

"I told Warner that the electronic parts had failed due to electromagnetic radiation. It really was. The next time I came here in a car that runs on gasoline. I managed to pull this baby away from the active zone. Due to the fact that I periodically worked in the mechanical compartment, I managed to get new parts and install them on the car. They're still messing up, but the car is in working order, and the further it goes from this place, the better it functions."

"But didn't Warner want to return the car and fix it at the HQ?"

"My visits here were unofficial. Warner didn't want his father to find out about it, so I got here in his private car, unregistered in official documents. I think he was afraid that the more people knew about its existence, the more likely it would become known to his father. You've already seen yourself, the guy is a real paranoid."

"Yeah, that's true." I breathe out.

"Anyway, several times I had to get to the place on foot before he got another car that was able to work in this area."

"But couldn't someone else have come up, seen the car here and realize that it's still functional?"

"No, it's impossible. Both civilians and soldiers are are prohibited from being in the former residential areas under threat of death. From time to time they send a punitive squad to make sure that no one has found shelter here. But the soldiers are afraid of radiation, although no one really knows how it affects a person. We have already made sure that it's safe for people, but the army, as well as civilians, doesn't know about it. It's beneficial that everyone afraid. Fear reduces the number of attempts to get into this zone."

"But what about you? Weren't you afraid when you didn't know it was safe?"

"I followed orders. And Warner liked it that I was willing to die for my duty. Maybe that's one of the reasons why he entrusted you to me."

"He never thought you'd step out of line." I mutter, understandingly.

Adam nods. "Exactly. I managed to earn his trust. And after what happened with the tracking serum, he had no reason to doubt my story about the car." 

"But what if he decided to check? He might have wanted to take his car and then he would have found out that you lied to him."

"I've discharged the electrical unit. And then I hid the battery so that it could be charged at any time. I could always say that it happens periodically, and I don't really know what's going on exactly and when. The electronics are working really bad in this area, so he could have seen for himself and he wouldn't have had any questions." He nods at the car. "I always knew it might come in handy one day. It's always good to have extra possible alternatives."

Now I clearly understand that Adam was carefully planning all this. And for a very long time. He was always ready to run away, to escape. He prepared answers to all possible questions and suspicions. It's not just me. It's not about me at all. He wanted to do it before. Just like he told me on our first trip. It's true that he was really just waiting for the right moment. I don't know why, but it makes me a little sad.

"Come here," Adam says to me in a soft voice and holds out his hands to me. He deftly helps me get into the car. My dress is more like tattered rags, and Adam's hands touch my bare legs. I sit down and turn to look at him. We're not in a hurry right now, and he looks back at me. His eyes are full of emotion, and I pretend not to notice it.

He moves closer to me, touches my thighs and everything inside me shrinks with excitement. 

"I need to take care of your legs." His voice is hoarse, low, deep.

I don't understand what he means, but I don't really care. I'm only looking at his hands touching my skin. For some reason, every time it feels like the first time. I should be getting used to his touch by now. There, on that bed, we were much closer to each other. But now I'm feeling as if none of this happened, and he touches me for the first time. And I cringe inwardly, because this is an instinct that has been developed over the years. It's impossible to get rid of it in an instant.

"It's not that bad." The tips of his fingers running across my calves and I can't breathe. I see Adam licking his lips. "But we'll have to clean the cuts up, just in case. Sometimes it’s safer being cut by a butcher knife than being scratched by a random scrap of metal. You don't want it to get infected."

His hand moves to my knee, lifts his eyes and looks at me.

It seems to me that I'm shivering not only from the cold. And I hope Adam doesn't figure out anything. I don't want him to think I'm avoiding him. I nod so he doesn't think I'm not listening to him. But there's so noisy in my head that it's hard for me to catch the meaning of his words. "Yeah, sure." I whisper to him.

I expect him to smile, but he's looking at me intensely, takes a deep breath and then shakes his head, as if trying to wipe out some thought.

"We need to go. The more time we buy, the better. It's only in our best interest to get as far away from here as possible."

With that Adam turns around and jumps into the driver's side. There's no key, just a button. He presses it and the car roars to life resonating with my own breathing.

We drive out of the shed as the sun sinks below the horizon. 

"But once we leave this place, won't the tracker start back up again?" I ask anxiously.

"No. Warner had to renew the serum every time I got back from here. I'm not on his leash anymore."

"But they will chase after us, right? He… could he have declared some new level of danger?"

Adam doesn't look at me.

"He doesn't need to do that."

"Why?"

"The alarm is turned on automatically, the system works autonomously from him and perfectly properly. As soon as the soldiers violate the permissible radius of location or someone violates the security of the headquarters, one of the standard procedures is launched. So Warner didn't have to call for backup or assess the situation. Our escape is too minor an incident for that. Their world is a captivity, in which everything is set up so that their slaves are under strict control."

"Oh… Adam… where are we going?" I finally ask the question that interests me especially strongly.

"My house."

I don't know how to react to this because he doesn't explain anything and I'm lost in guesses.

"Your house?"

Adam doesn't answer right away. He presses some buttons, stares intently at the road ahead, then smirks. It reminds me so much of our first trip again. That's just the mood is now the opposite.

"Something like that. You'll see everything soon."

I'm silent for a few seconds before I decide to continue the interrogation.

"And your parents…?" My voice is an indecisive whisper. Because this topic is painful for me. And I remember that his childhood was also harsh. I'm sure his father was cruel to him. And I don't know where this person is now.

"Dead. For a very long time." He answers a little too quickly, a little too sharply.

It seems to me that his face is getting gloomy, darker, and I'm afraid I've brought up the topic that shouldn't have been brought up.

"Oh…" I exhale and remain silent.

I have a heap of questions. I wonder why he wanted to run away, how long he had been planning all this, and how he ever got into the army if he talks so contemptuously about it. I'm also curious why their cars are now electric, not gas. Is it because they are quieter, or because there is an acute shortage of raw materials in the world. And I want to know more about his parents, what happened to them, how long has he been alone. I want to know more about his house, what it is, where it is and how he managed to keep this place. I have so many questions, but I don't ask any of them.

Adam doesn't seem in the mood to talk. He's absorbed in his thoughts. I think he was upset by my question about his parents. But even without that, I feel that he likes to save the intrigue, wants to keep the surprise, and I don't dare to interfere in his plans. He's wanted to run away for a long time, and I'm just a guest. I should be glad that I was given such a chance at all. And I'm extremely grateful to him for everything he does. I don't like to talk myself. I'll see and knew everything very soon. In the meantime, I like to mentally give the supposed answers to my own questions.

I don't need to bombard Adam with questions. I don't want to annoy him or tire him out. Communication with me has always been a difficult ordeal for people. So I just press my cheek against the cold glass and enthusiastically watch the nature outside, illuminated by the dying sun.

Read my notes and more chapters here AO3

Aesthetics, sneak peeks, information about publications and so on Buy me a coffee

#shatter me again #aaron warner #juliette ferrars #shatter me #shatter me series #warnette #ella sommers #ao3 fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #adam kent

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 17: Hocus Pocus

I watched Hocus Pocus yesterday, for the first time, primarily because I wanted to watch something autumnal, but not actually scary, and not too consuming because I wanted to do some sewing at the same time. Also, with all the stuff about Hocus Pocus 2 right now, I thought I should see the original. Often, I feel like I’m too old for the stuff I see a lot of on tumblr--4 or 5 years can make a big difference when it comes to childhood or adolescent media memories--but in this case... I weirdly feel like I might be too young and other people just know about Hocus Pocus because...magic?

By this I mean that it came out in 1993, which is the year I turned 5. I was probably too young. Also I didn’t get the Disney Channel until, like, late elementary school?

Anyway, it doesn’t really matter. The point is that I didn’t grow up with Hocus Pocus so this was the first time I’d ever seen it. It was nice and it was the sort of thing I wanted to watch while sewing but I do think you gotta see it for the first time when you’re not in your 30s lol.

The Disney Channel movies that WERE part of my childhood are eternal (I’m looking at you Brink!), and certainly it did have that home-y, soft sort of Disney feel that I enjoy in a nostalgic way. But the parts with the kids were... parts with kids. I mostly partly tuned out there and did my sewing.

The witches were obviously what made it. I mean how can I not enjoy Bette Midler being an over the top evil witch, cackling all over the place and then bursting into song? I must, I must find that fun. They were so campy and silly and I truly never get tired of ‘ people from another time period are confused by modern inventions like sprinklers and paved roads’ type jokes. So it was worth watching for them.

The plot itself was very soft--meandering, random seeming. Stuff sort of came together in the end, but it didn’t have a clear big, dramatic conclusion. It had many partial big, dramatic conclusions, none of which was, in my opinion, all that satisfying. But again, I’m here for 3 kickass actresses having fun for 90 minutes, not “the plot.”

I did very much like that there was a talking cat in it, and that sometimes, the cat was obviously played by a real animal. I did not like that they showed it dead, even if it subsequently came back to life--very uncool. And even though I know dying and being set free was his happy ending... nooooo, the cat. The cat!

I was actually kind of surprised at the number of times they used the word “virgin.” First of all, would an 8 year old know what a virgin is? That’s unrealistic. Maybe she’s just repeating it but she seemed to be mocking her brother a little--and why? He’s like 14? He should be a virgin a 14, okay? Honestly they joked about it so much that I half expected some moment with Max and Allison at the end where she jokes that he won’t be able to light the candle again soon or something. Whereas in fact they didn’t even kiss!

On the other hand, the jokes with the bus driver I did like, because I felt like they were a bit of adult humor for adults watching with their kids, but kids wouldn’t even get that there was an undertone to the conversation. As opposed to what I can only assume were the many children who had to have the concept of virginity explained to them after watching.

I need to watch some real horror this year but like everything I’m faltering at the whole... follow through on any kind of plans thing.

#the year 2022 #2022: fandom thoughts #2022: movies

[despair-tummy]

Slightly angsty rambling about postpartum Sakur, a.

As much as I like cute bump fluff, I do like a more realistic approach to pregnancy because I feel too much is glossed aside by mainstream media and sets unrealistic expectations on birthing people. Plus my own research regarding it for my own tokophobic child-free (and somehow I find pregnancy interesting, only in theory not in practice) stance. Mainly going to be going with Kenji’s birth scenario as he is my main fankid at the moment and I feel his birth would be more impactful for this (Chonk and Lonk had no serious complications, but both were uncomfortable in their own way)

The first big blow is Kenji is staying at the NICU indefinitely, so Sakur.a is released from the hospital first. Returning to Byakuy.A’s estate without her baby boy is heartbreaking for her. Can’t do what she usually does and train to deal with the negative emotions because still recovering from c-section (possibly a hysterectomy too), lots of bed rest which she loathes but is too sore to do much else. Refuses any painkillers because she doesn’t want it seeping into her breast milk and have to pump and dump.

Has mixed feelings about Byakuy.a fretting over her. On one hand she gets it, she would be the same in his shoes. But on the other hand she prefers being self sufficient, can’t help but feel guilty because she knows he’s taking time off work to tend to her. Thinking it would be better it’s him than some stranger. Appreciates it but also has mixed feelings about physical affection, wants a cuddle but does not want to be touched, feel gross and sore. Still has a postpartum pooch and that c-section scar is difficult to look at. I wouldn’t exactly say she’s self-conscious about her postpartum bod, but she just feels like a stranger to her own body.

While she absolutely wants to see Kenji, hospital visits at the NICU are so hard. Seeing him so tiny, hooked up to wires, tubes, ventilators, etc. Terrified to hold him because Kenji is oh so tiny and she’s strong and bad at holding herself back. I’ve saw a tik tok regarding a couple who had a premature newborn who could only be held once by one parent, if that’s the case for them Sakur.a probably gives her turns to hold Kenji to Byakuy.a in the beginning. At first he’s grateful but catches on it’s because she’s terrified of hurting him, gently pushes her too (maybe Kenshir.o hobbles on over to help. “You carried him inside you for months, you can surely hold him in your arms.”) quickly finds holding him reduces her anxiety a lot, swears she can sense him relax in her arms.

[voidspacecowboy]

Contains Spoilers

There’s a bit of a twist for you!

Saria turning Aleks in to the guards was a later addition to the plot; everything felt far too nice beforehand. Everyone just gearing up for a happy little expedition, being waved off by the people waiting for them to return — this way is much more dramatic. And also sets the stage for some of the things that happen later.

It was a tough decision, though. Especially to work things in a way that made it feel believable that Saria would have done this to Aleks. It is, after all, a pretty huge betrayal of his trust. But even after having him explain what happened to her, I think it’s fairly clear that she doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation. She doesn’t know what the journal is, she doesn’t know how bad it would be for Shulga to get his hands on it again — as far as she’s concerned, Aleks is a boy she loves who has deceived her into thinking he’s a good person, when really he’s a thief and a criminal and a danger for her to be around. And just like Aleks himself, she has a pretty strong sense of right and wrong; only she hasn’t had the first-hand lessons on why things are rarely that black and white. 

In her mind, she probably expects Aleks getting caught to result in him being able to explain what happened with the refused enlistment fee, get everything straightened out, and maybe get a slap on the wrist before being sent on his way. And if anyone thinks that’s an unrealistically naive view to have of law enforcement — just look at the world currently and see what the police are able to do and still have people think they’re doing a good job and upholding the law as they should. These ingrained beliefs are hard to shake, and Saria is an upper-middle-class woman. She’s exactly the type of person to believe the guards have everyone’s best interests in mind.

But enough about her — we’ve made it through the Stormlands!

It was hard, writing that section, to try and convey how difficult and chaotic the situation is without either getting really boring and technical, or just spending far too long describing storms. I wanted it to be fast and a little confusing and feel like it was about to go wrong at any moment, just as the boys themselves feel on the ship. I didn’t want it to feel like they were getting there easily, after all the build-up. With any other ship, and any other pilot, they would have died. 

But they didn’t, and so the journey continues, on to see what they have found past this supposedly impenetrable storm. After all, the adventure has really only just begun!

#TellusReadAlong