#but like yeah this is just my little essay about sacrifice and love and how they’re intertwined

[legendoftherisingtide]

[intro]

Bakugou is a prideful, arrogant person. He holds himself to the highest standard; he is the best and everyone else is simply below him. Everything he has ever done was in pursuit of being number one, shining above the rest. He has to have a perfect victory, he has to be a perfect student, he has to win to save.

He pushes and pushes and won’t let anyone see his weaknesses or his insecurities. He can never lose, he can never fail, he can never show that he regrets or hesitates or that he hasn’t thought everything through. He must never be vulnerable in every sense of the word.

Then why is he standing in the rain.

To apologize shouldn’t be a sacrifice, but it is for Bakugou. To pour his feelings, to admit his wrong, to let down all of the walls he has built and be vulnerable. And in front of his whole class.

He is willing to sacrifice his pride, to fully sacrifice any superiority he could have, to bare his soul and even risk rejection. Because he knows Midoriya is more important. Because he wants him to come home, he wants him to know his true feelings, because he wants things to change. 

Because Midoriya has changed him. Midoriya has opened his eyes; by showing him he’s allowed to be open, that his feelings should be expressed, that he has so much to learn, and so much of that was learned through Midoriya just existing.

He isn’t sacrificing his safety frivolously because he’s expected to as a hero; he is doing it because he has grown. He is doing it because he has finally admitted to himself that he wants Midoriya to be with him and safe.

So I will sacrifice this for you. Not because it will change anything, as much as I want that I know that I can’t just fix all the wrong with just this. And I am willing to do as much as it takes to earn your forgiveness. But I don’t need that from you, not now and not ever if you don’t want that, I just need you to rest. I did so much wrong. And I am sorry for everything. You don’t have to do this alone. Lean on us. You are so strong and being supported doesn’t discount that. You’ve taught me that. 

I hate the rain. But I will brave it for you. 

He would do everything in his power, admit so many things, just to get Midoriya to take care of himself. We see him being the most vulnerable he has ever been in front of people that aren’t Midoriya. He does so much completely out of character, all in pursuit of being there for Midoriya. 

For Izuku.

He finally gets over himself and finally tells Midoriya the feelings he has felt for so long.

He lets go of this idea he is inherently better and finally acknowledges that his hatred for Midoriya has always been about his own shortcomings and insecurities. But he still wants to be better, they are still rivals. He isn’t going to sacrifice that part of him because that is just who he is; he is still going to push to number one.

But now it’s different.

There is verbal and vocal acceptance and respect. Before it was unspoken; their relationship had changed ever since Ground Beta. They were proper rivals, with mutual respect and care, they were actively making each other better.

But Bakugo finally verbalizes it and tells Midoriya, not only is he sorry, but he wants to actually have a proper friendship; he wants to continue to become better and earn his forgiveness. He wants them to push each other to be better, he wants to continue to fight for the top spot, he still wants to be the best.

But when did it become something else? 

When was the turning point when it started to shift from wanting to surpass Midoriya and be the best, to wanting to keep up with Midoriya and stay by his side?

Bakugou has already sacrificed himself for Midoriya before. His body moved on its own; with no hesitation, he would save Midoriya. He has already risked his life for him. But there is a layer to it that I don’t think people talk about. 

He tells Midoriya he shouldn’t try to win this on his own. 

He disguises his concern with an insistence that he’s in it to fight for himself when he initially joins the battle. But it is to fight by Midoriya’s side and support him.

But taking the hit for Midoriya, jumping in the way isn’t just support. This is sacrifice. This is giving yourself to ensure the safety of someone. And it was second nature. 

There are two reasons and both are a sacrifice of something in the moment.

It is knowing someone is so valuable, so great, in all senses of the word, that they must be protected. Bakugou is sacrificing his body and admitting that Midoriya needs to stay alive, for personal reasons and/or for the world. He needs Midoriya to be okay, Midoriya can’t fight alone and Bakugou will do anything to make sure he will be okay. 

But the sacrifice of ideology. 

With every development, he has relinquished parts of himself. When he sacrifices himself he is not only sacrificing his body but is admitting that he can’t do this on his own; he needs Midoriya too. This isn’t him wanting to be better than Midoriya, it’s him wanting to do it together.

Midoriya changed him.

He doesn’t die for Midoriya. He wakes up and just as his last thought was Midoriya, so was his first as he woke up. He runs to his side. People are dragging him back, trying to have him rest, knowing before he even said anything that he would lose his mind over Midoriya’s situation. 

Everyone sees how Bakugou feels about Midoriya.

He sacrifices himself because Midoriya can not die on him. Midoriya has to stay alive. Midoriya has to keep fighting. 

There can not be a world that doesn’t have him in it.

This is the culmination of what has been developing ever since the final exam where Bakugou finally works with Midoriya; the day that win to save, save to win was noticed. Then furthered after Ground Beta where they finally talked to each other and something changed within them both.

But the final sacrifice is the culmination of Bakugou’s character.

He knows what this decision will mean. Everyone screams for him not to. He knows that he is going to die. He knows he will not win this fight.

This isn’t dying for the cause. This isn’t just a hero complex. This is because he can help Midoriya and he will. This is for Izuku.

I will sacrifice myself for you. To give you more time, to give you even the slightest chance of winning. I will sacrifice myself for you because you are who can win. I am going to die. I am going to die and in my final thoughts, I will ask if I will still be able to be by your side.

It is no longer can I beat you. It is no longer can I surpass you. It is can I still catch up to you. It is can I still even be equal to you. He has already sacrificed the idea that he could beat Midoriya, that isn’t what he wants anymore. What he wants is to stay here with him.

I will sacrifice everything I am. I have wanted to be the best. All my life I have wanted to surpass you and everyone around me. But you. I will let that go for you. I let it go in my mind for so long now and I have never wanted to admit it. Is it even possible? Is it even possible for me to catch up to you? Is it even possible for me to stay by your side. I can’t be that anymore. I am sacrificing even that now. I will never be number one now. I will never become the person I always dreamed to be. I will never surpass you. I am forever sacrificing that now. I will die here.  

But can I still be with you?

The sacrifice of his life is him fully relinquishing everything he is, admitting that he can’t keep up, losing all of the progress he has made, letting go of everything that made up his character.

And the last thing on his mind is if he can still be able to be by Midoriya’s side.

He won’t let him go again. 

#EDITED BC I REALIZED I DIDNT PUT A READ MORE SO IT MUST BE SO OBNOXIOUS #so I finally finished putting in the images and mustered up the courage to post it #I’m always so nervous about posting opinions or anything long bc I get super passionate and I’m scared it’s wrong— #i added pictures as evidence but in reality is was bc i was super insecure that no one would want to read all that-- #the intro was so long and was also made to apply to both togachako and bakudeku so i just made it a masterpost instead #this is still very long i am sorry but i have so many thoughts #but like yeah this is just my little essay about sacrifice and love and how they’re intertwined #and it goes both ways #but that’s for another day and another essay #togachako follow the sacrifice and love perfectly #so I will probably write one for them as well… maybe #bkdk #bakudeku #bnha meta #bakudeku meta #bnha analysis #mha analysis #bnha spoilers #<- for the whole manga but cmon if ur reading this you know it all #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku

[pessimisticpigeonsworld]

Watching this video essay about Yellowjackets and somehow HOTD came up and I saw the tweet and I roll my eyes so hard

Uh. Yeah. Bc she uses the faith (basically Catholicism or Christianity) to act as this pious queen when she is paying maids to keep their mouths shut about her own son raping them.

And she didn't just hang up some four pointed stars, if I remember, she REPLACED, the targs sygils with the faith of the seven stuff.

Alicent stans just love to forget her fanaticism until they can use it to make her look more pathetic. I have to say, accusing Rhaenyra of religious fanaticism is a new to me lmao. I've only ever seen people call her a godless whore, but I'm not on X, so maybe I've been spared.

Targaryen antis don't seem to grasp just how much of the Valyrian culture the Targaryens have given up for the sake of Westeros. Calling the Valyrian wedding ceremony an "arcane marriage ritual" is not only insulting to the Valyrian culture but also completely hypocritical.

Valyrian culture was steeped in magic, they themselves have magic in their blood. Is it any surprise their marriage customs would be the same? That's like expecting the Starks' ceremonies to happen separate from the Old Gods. The Targaryens have given up their gods, most of their magic, their language, and their marriage traditions. They never forced other people to follow their traditions, they never forbade following the Faith and the Old Gods, they fucking conformed as much as possible aside from the incest, which was the only way they know to preserve the last bit of Valyria's magic.

Alicent wouldn't be seen as a religious extremist if she didn't actively repress and hate other religions. She badmouths the Valyrian traditions, not just the incest, but also their love of dragons and their art. She removes all the Valyrian and Targaryen heraldry and artifacts and replaces them with the the symbols of a religion known for being intolerant and repressive.

As I said earlier, the Valyrian culture is dying out and the Targaryens have given up so much of their mother land. Removing the last pieces of someone's culture just because you follow a different religion is fucked up. Alicent isn't even the actual ruler or a Targaryen, it's not her place to choose to abandon their Valyrian heritage while her husband is too sick to interfere.

But the real issue of Alicent's actions are her motivation. She doesn't actually care about morality and her own religion, she cares about supporting Aegon and undermining Rhaenyra. That's why she criticizes Valyrian incest then turns around and forces Helaena to marry Aegon. That's why she calls Jace and Luke savages when her own son bullies his siblings constantly and later rapes women. That's why she harps on about honor and decency while actively protecting and covering up the actions of a rapist, a murderer, and a kinslayer. That's why she removes the Valyrian heraldry while Rhaenyra is gone and replaces them with the symbols of the Faith.

She's literally the definition of the hypocritical woman for Trump. She harps on and on about morals then turns around and does reprehensible things for her own gain. She complains constantly about a culture different from hers and actively tries to remove its influence. She hates people who don't conform to her ideas.

Alicent isn't a good person, period. She's a hypocrite, constantly upholds the patriarchy, sacrifices others for the sake of her interests, and is xenophobic. The efforts to take her flaws and project them on other characters, usually Rhaenyra, by her stans is ridiculous and really shows how little they actually like her character. They like her aesthetic and the idea of a perfect suffering victim.

#anti alicent hightower #anti alicent stans #anti team green #team black #house of the dragon #anti team green stans #anti rhaenyra antis #rhaenyra targaryen

[misc-obeyme]

I have so many thoughts. SO MANY THOUGHTS.

Spoilers for Lesson 20 under the cut.

From a storytelling standpoint, Lesson 20 was kind of underwhelming for me. It was kinda boring.

Everything is totally resolved and then we have a party? And MC is given the completely pointless title of Devilsitter? And the Celestial Realm is just like yeah okay see ya.

Seriously, Diavolo? Everybody knows you just made that up. Also why did they have to give him that goofy hat? I think this would've been a little more impactful if he'd been in demon form, you know? Anyway...

It felt like we went through all of that for a whole lot of nothing.

It also feels like they want to tell a more complicated story and that's why this whole separate app situation began. But then they were like well we wanna keep some of the overall vibe, so it still has to have seasons and the first one still has to be twenty lessons. Like they should've just scrapped that and let the story play out how needs to. Because I felt like they were just putting filler in there so that they could extend the Nightbringer part of the story into the next season.

All that aside, though, there were things I did enjoy about the lesson, mostly involving the usual character shenanigans.

Sometimes it really feels like Simeon is just always on the outside, longing to be part of this family. He loves them so much he's willing to sacrifice his own standing to help them, but he also knows he's not part of them. We already knew this of course, considering he does exactly that in the OG to make sure MC gets to stay with them. I just feel like Simeon is so selfless. And it's kind of heartbreaking? I just want to hug him.

And oh, my sweet precious Barbatos... if you choose him to escort you, he says some amazing things.

YES. TAKE ME. I'M READY.

Is this the fancy butler way of saying I love you? Don't misunderstand, I am so soft for sweet kisses to the back of someone's hand, but if you think that's gonna cut it, sir, I really need you to try harder.

What can I say, I just want Barbatos to profess his undying love. I want him to break his butler persona and spill his heart out. I want him to actually tell us exactly how he feels and what he's been through and how hard it must have been to live the way he has for so long with the power of time and space at his fingertips. Ugh. Okay, sorry I'm getting off track here. We already know I could probably write another couple of essays about Barbatos aside from the one I've already written lol.

I would be remiss if I didn't talk about Solomon in this lesson, too...

I thought this was an interesting reaction from him when MC asks him to be the brothers' ally. Like yeah, obviously not against the human world, but this was about keeping the brothers in the Devildom? I'm trying not to read too much into it since it could just be that they wanted to make it seem like MC was the one who convinced everybody and stuff. Like okay whatever!

But truly the best Solomon moment was if MC chooses him to give them the "special emblem."

SOLOMON. My stupid wizard loving heart can't take it when you say stuff like this!

And then the forehead kiss, I was just like this is so soft and sweet I'm losing my miiiiind.

What can I say about it other than it was great? Of course I went back and chose all the options. Having Diavolo or Lucifer give you the emblem is pretty sweet, too. But there is just something next level about it being Solomon because of the whole master/apprentice thing, but also because he's the only one who knows what you're really going through. I just really love him, okay?

Lastly, I have to say I was a bit surprised with Mephisto in this lesson... he's starting to grow on me.

Mephisto! I'm pretty sure that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!

For once, I agreed with him. Also, if it was actually me, I'd be like your arguments are pointless because my last dance is going to be with Thirteen.

I was expecting a little more after the end credits, but it was just a repeat of those weird Nightbringer lines from one of the earlier lessons... I can't remember which one it was. I was really expecting Nightbringer to make a final appearance, but nope.

The hard lesson completely blew my mind, though. I have to make a separate post just for that.

In the end, this lesson had some good parts, but it definitely just felt like filler because they needed to end the season. We're not getting any real answers until next season, apparently. I swear if I have to wait for a season three for some decent answers, I will be flipping tables.

Of course, I'm really just here for the hot anime characters so... I'll just go back to simping as soon as I'm done table flipping lol.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me nightbringer #obey me nightbringer spoilers #obey me nightbringer lesson 20 #obey me nightbringer lesson 20 spoilers #obey me diavolo #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me barbatos #obey me mephistopheles #obey me thirteen #misc lesson recap #misc rambles

[cynthiav06]

What makes Klayley different from other series ships for you?

I am assuming you mean other ships in the orignals by that.

It's the really simple case that's not simple at all. It's the underlying passion between them that just won't go away no matter who they take as a lover. The burning anger, loathing, care, loyalty, and the inexplicably undying connection that keeps them tethered to each other always and forever, come hell or highwater.

Mikael almost killed me and the baby, but i can't help but be more worried about how Klaus suffered all these years, I need to comfort him.

The witches are murdering me and the baby. Forget Elijah , I need Klaus here.

The witches stole baby hope? Not important right now, Hayley's dead, and I need a moment or several to take it all in.

I don't really love Jackson, but Klaus needs me to marry him, so I will.

I have to deal with my newly risen from dead mother and father, but whether Hayley's new husband is treating her right or not is more important.

Hayley tried to run from me, and I am extremely furious, but I can't bear to kill her or physically hurt her.

I will hate Klaus forever, but I can't really hate him at all.

My siblings are in trouble and may need my immediate help, but the road trip with Hayley is the best fun I have had in centuries, and I love it too much to stop now.

I am the strongest and the proudest being on earth. I kneel to no one, especially not to scum like Lucien, but he has Hayley, and I would never let her die. She means too much to me. I have to kneel to save her, no problem, I will do it a thousand times if it's to save her.

I love my Pack a lot, but the Mikaelsons are dying, Klaus is dying, so my pack can go to hell. I will save him and the Mikaelsons even if I die .

I have to let go of my dignity as a wolf and kill, lie, massacre all to save Klaus and Mikaelson family. And I used to have a problem with that, but it's for Klaus, I can't watch him suffer, so i will do it gladly.

Klaus is going around the world, massacring everything in sight and trying to cut contact, but I will never give up on him.

Being in New Orleans near hope will bring forth Apocalyspe that might kill hope, but Hayley's missing, so all else be damned.

I am being killed, and Klaus is being attacked by Elijah. He's hurt, Hope's hurt, so I am going to kill Greta and sacrifice myself for them because Klaus and Hope are my family Elijah be damned.

My daughter is dying and meets me in the afterlife, but the second I hear Klaus's voice, I know all will be alright.

My brother, my companion, my only confidant who I would go insane without is dead to me for good because he killed Hayley, and there's no greater offense than that.

I am in hell. My heart feels empty. Hayley is dead. I can sacrifice Elijah to save hope and kill the hollow, but I vowed to Hayley that I would do anything to save our daughter so I will sacrifice myself. [Also because I can't live without my little wolf]

So yeah, it's you know, soul shattering stuff like this that keeps me hooked to Klayley. Nothing huge. This and all the other essays I wrote should be plenty enough evidence as to why. (Sorry for the late)

And here's the thing anyone who watched the Orignals and isn't blind should be shipping them intensely, too.

#klaus mikaelson #hayley marshall #klayley #klaus and hayley together or not at all #soulmates forever #klaus would do anything for hayley #if you look carefully its evident in every interaction of theirs #you can tell this shit keeps me awake at night cause bloody hell when you start looking for those moments there's an unending list #the originals #anti klaroline #anti klamille

[chenfordspiral]

A Chenford Thesis on 5x12

Hello hello, I’m back with another Chenford ‘thesis’, or whatever we wanna call these things! This time, 5x12 will be taken apart as I try to analyze every little detail that I’ve noticed during my approximately 936481 rewatches. 

Be warned. I thought my essay for 5x08 was long. But this one has taken the cake. And I seriously have no idea when or how the f*** that happened. Anyway, if you’re interested and willing to sacrifice some of your time, enjoy the next... no. I better don't say how long this actually is...

Let’s start this whole thing with the episode's cold open.

I love how Tim has always been the one to open doors and let Lucy walk in, or out, first. As early as 1x03, he’s been the one to hold the doors open. And did you catch Lucy’s excited look after she says “I love your music” to Kelly Clarkson? She’s looking toward Tim, wanting to share her excitement with him. Because he’s the one she wants to enjoy and share everything with. 

I don’t know why these two little details make me so giddy and wanna squeal with joy, but they do. 

I’m just so completely gone for them at this point. 

I’m barely ten sentences in, and I’m already struggling to keep writing because I can’t stop my little happy dance.

This is gonna be great.  

We jump to the next (?) morning, and see Tamara doing yoga in her and Lucy’s apartment. I’m so glad she’s finally back. I’ve been wondering where in the world she’s been since we last saw her in 5x03. 

Lucy comes out of her bedroom, surprising Tamara a bit: “You’re here,” to which Lucy responds sarcastically “I live here.” But then Tamara lets her, and all of us, know why she’s surprised. “I went to bed at one and you still weren’t home.” “Oh, I came home around then. I must have just missed you. Trivia went late.” “And how was trivia?” 

Yeah, we can all tell by the way she asks that she knows that Lucy’s lying to her. We don’t know what happened the night before, but Tamara definitely knows that trivia is not where Lucy was. This is shaping up to become an interesting conversation between these two honorary sisters. 

Lucy has a whole cover story already planned, like she did the episode before when Nolan asked her and Tim what they did the night before (not that he was asking them about their plans together, he was just making conversation). “Amazing. I came up with this obscure fact about Josephine Baker so I’m feeling pretty good about myself.” This actually sounds believable, right? If it weren’t for the way Tamara asked before, I’d totally buy that story. But Tamara knows better than me. 

“You are such a smooth liar. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. All that undercover training.” 

Oh, Lucy. You’re being called out here. Tamara knows you well enough to spot your lies at this point. But, as always, Lucy denies. “I’m not lying.” But her little sister ain’t letting her off the hook here. She needs confirmation. And she needs Lucy to know that she knows. Whatever that may be. 

“I saw Tim drop you off.” Busted. No point in hiding it anymore, Lucy. 

And can I just briefly say how happy it makes me that Tamara is the first person to officially know they’re dating? Yes, I suspect that Genny knows, too. But we never saw that. Tamara is the first person whose reaction we’ve seen on screen. These two have started out as a rookie and her ‘puppy’ and are now roomies/besties/sisters – simply put: family. It’s so wonderful to see how far they’ve come.

Lucy realizes that there’s no way she can deny anything here anymore. Which means that something must have happened that made it perfectly clear to Tamara that it wasn’t just a friendly get together between two friends, but that they’re actually together together now. No, I’m totally not imagining them making out like teenagers in his truck. Nope. Not at all.

Lucy lets her bag fall to the floor unceremoniously, almost literally dropping the weight that’s been on her shoulders because she’s been keeping her relationship with Tim a secret. Finally, there’s at least one person she can share this with. “Urgh. Thank god! I am so over coming up with cover stories.” Yeah, I’d be, too. 

She quickly moves around the couch to sit down on it in front of Tamara as she says it. And that girl needs details. “Ok, why the big secret? You’re both single.” Well, technically they’re not. Not anymore, at least. Lucy was single for all of three minutes before Tim asked her out. But Tamara’s asking what we’re all wondering. Why are you still hiding this? Yes, we have the job issue, but that could be taken care of so you could be together officially. What’s holding you back?

“I mean, we’re just keeping it under wraps until we figure things out.” Okay. That makes sense. Neither one of them is ready to face those professional changes yet, are they? Because it’s such a big part of who they are. Working together is how they met. How they got to know each other. It’s where they fell in love with each other. It’s hard having to let that go. 

But they will have to, eventually. Nope, I don’t think I’m liking this any more than they are. Because it’s how we fell in love with these two, as well. Side by side, riding together in the shop. Okay, they haven’t done that regularly for quite some time, but still. 

And Tamara catches on remarkably quickly. So she lets it be and switches topics. Ish. “Well, if you ever need me to, uh, clear out for the night, you know, play my music real loud, just let me know.” Ooh, did she really just go there? Wow. These two must be as close as we all think they are for her to be comfortable enough to talk about this kind of thing. 

Lucy’s trying to hide her laugh by pressing her lips together because she did not expect that from her little sis. “We’re not sleeping together.” Now that’s got Tamara intrigued. And confused. Look at her reaction. She can’t think of any reason why these two would not have slept together at this point. She clearly was not expecting that. “Why not?”

Lucy takes a moment before she answers. “We’re… taking it slow. We wanna do this right.” There we have it. She wants to make sure she doesn’t screw anything up. Not that sleeping together would do that. But she wants to just be with him before going any further. And again, I admire her for that. And she says we. Because she knows that they’re in this together. And that Tim respects her choices and wishes. 

“So, you’re not sure how you feel?” Again, Tamara can’t really come up with any reason as to why they haven’t done it yet other than this. Because that would explain why they’re holding off on that. She doesn’t know how long they’ve been together, but she knows that it’s weird for Lucy not to have slept with him yet. And they’re both adults, right? 

“No, I know exactly how I feel. I mean, this is the most amazing relationship I’ve been in since… ever.” Wow. It’s only been a few weeks, they haven’t even taken each other’s clothes of, and yet, she knows this is the most amazing relationship she’s ever had. Yup, girl is in love. And I couldn’t be happier with that knowledge. Because it’s so amazing to hear her say that out loud. But it’s just making Tamara wonder even more. 

“Okay, and you’re waiting why, again?” Yeah Lucy, why are you waiting? Well, we kind of know why. She and Tim still haven’t talked about the obvious elephant in the room: he’s her boss. They can’t actually be together because the LAPD doesn’t allow it. But she considers Tamara’s point of view. ‘You know you love each other, you’re happy, why are you waiting?’

Which is what gives us one of the most unexpected little Chenford moments in TR history. Okay, that sounded dramatic, and it wasn’t even unexpected anymore when the episode actually aired, because we’d seen the sneak peek, but still – unexpected that it happened at all. Tim and Lucy greet each other in the parking lot before their shift, moving to walk side by side and falling into step. Both of them reach for the other. Tim ‘I hate public displays of affection’ Bradford can’t keep his hand to himself and taps her thigh while she brushes his hand with hers.

I can’t believe this moment actually happened. These two don’t care that they’re surrounded by a dozen cops who could’ve spotted their little flirty gestures. Also, they saw each other, what, a few hours before and yet, can’t keep their hands to themselves? Gosh, I love them. They’re so in love. 

I love that Tim is willing to display his affection. We barely saw any of that with his previous girlfriends, and definitely not in public. Him and Blondie Bitchface barely treated each other as if they were dating. It all just felt forced. But with Lucy, it’s natural. Because he adores her and wants to be close to her at all times. And look at that damn smile. Oh, our boy is so. Freaking. Happy. 

Lucy takes a moment to recollect herself before she lets Tim know: “Uhm, tonight is the night.” We all know this was coming thanks to the promo and sneak peek, but Tim definitely did not. He turns to look at her and furrows his brows. Something tells me that they must’ve had a moment or two where they were close to crossing that final line, but Lucy said not yet; not tonight. So he’s pleasantly surprised with where this conversation is going. “Really?”

And look at the way Lucy’s smiling at him before he asks. Yeah, she’s definitely enjoying being able to catch him off guard like this. “Yes, really,” she says in a tone of voice that has me going weak. And leaves no room for questioning. How is Tim supposed to say no to that? Look at that excited smile once he realizes that she means what he thinks she meant. And then he doesn’t miss a beat. Because he’s been ready for that for a while. 

“My place or yours? Jealous dog, or nosy roommate?” And, omg. I’m only now fully realizing the heavy side eye she gives him while he’s talking. Yup. She’s ready, too. But as the words register, she stops walking and lets him know that “Tamara knows.” Whoops. Tim ain’t looking too happy about it. “What? You told her?!” “No, she has eyes. I didn’t have to.”

Uhm, Lucy. Yes, that is true. But what about the all the other people in your lives? Do they not have eyes, too? Do you really think you’ve been keeping this from everybody? I am certain that some of the people they’re closest to have figured it out. Or suspect there’s something going on. Both Grey and Aaron have definitely seen the change. Aaron maybe even more so than anyone else because he’s been riding with both of them. He’s also the only person, aside from Tim, who knew that she wanted to break up with Assford.  

Lucy keeps talking. Yes, Tamara knows, “But, she is staying at her friends tonight, so.” Soooo, he can come over and they can do stuff. Somebody please tell these two to stop looking at each other all hot and bothered in front of the station. At this rate, everyone will know without either one of them needing to say a word. 

“Hey.” Oh, thank god. Or in this case, Grey. Watch how fast they snap out of their little bubble, put a foot of distance between them and turn toward Grey. They can try all they want, but he definitely saw them looking at each other. Oooh, if he didn’t suspect before, which he totally did, he definitely does now. “Coincidence, I was just gonna call you. Lopez needs Aaron’s help on a surveillance. So I was thinking, why don’t you two ride together today?” 

They share a quick look before answering. “Great.” “Yeah, whatever you need, sir.” 

Aaaand, more reason for Grey to suspect something’s happening between them. Remember how uncomfortable they were at the idea of having to ride together again in 5x08? And now they share one quick look and agree with no hesitation? Yeah, they’re really making this easy for him. 

Also, I’m convinced that Grey takes the opportunity here to hopefully make them realize that they need to talk about the work thing and eventually officially let him know. He’s let them be since he noticed the change in their relationship, but he’s still a professional. He can’t in good conscience let them work together like this for too much longer. He’s subtly trying to give them a nudge in the right direction.

Grey walks off, leaving Tim and Lucy standing in the parking lot.

“Mmmh, this is gonna be awkward.” I have to agree with Lucy here. Before, they were going into work thinking they’d just see each other at the end of shift. They could spend the entire day thinking about what’s gonna happen later that night, but it’d be fine because they’re not together all the time. Now, they have to spend the rest of the day in close proximity knowing what they wanna do later. That does sound a little awkward. 

They start walking toward the entrance, immediately gravitating toward each other again. They literally can’t stay apart from each other, it’s like they’re attached at the hip. And I just love how comfortable they are with that. 

Anyway. Tim disagrees with her. “Doesn’t have to be. We’ve ridden together hundreds of times.” “Never as a couple.” COUPLE! It is now in fact canon that one of them has referred to them as a couple. And Lucy’s the one saying it first! Nope, I’m not freaking out. 

But she has a point. This is different. 

“On the streets we won’t be.” Haha, Timothy. You keep telling yourself that you can completely separate professional and personal here. If you could, you two wouldn’t even be dating in the first place. “So, are you telling me that you’re not gonna be thinking about tonight?” (Does she say so or sir? I still don’t know.) And oh, now she’s the one holding the door open for him? How I love these two. He takes a beat before, very unconvincingly, answering “Not at all. Thank you.” 

Lucy looks at him as he walks inside. “Me neither,” she says as she proceeds to drop her gaze to check out his ass. Lucy, my girl. You’re very subtle. Don’t be shocked if half the station’s already suspecting you’re together. You’re already kind of acting as if everybody knows. How bad is this going to be once it’s actually official? 

Moving on. 

“I could tell Grey I got food poisoning.” Interesting. I love how much Lucy doesn’t want them to ride together today. But I have to wonder why. Is it more than just about what she’d planned for tonight? Or is it also a way of avoiding that talk they don’t seem to want to have yet? “Just to get out of riding with me?” Yup, Tim ain’t happy that she wants to get out of this. He likes spending time with her, no matter where it is. 

“Yeah. I mean, I get the day off. We avoid all this weirdness. Wins all around.” “You’re overthinking this. We leave our personal life at the door. Just like always.” Again, Timothy. If you had ever been able to do that with Lucy, you wouldn’t be dating. It’s been personal from day one. And it’s only gotten more personal since then. 

“Oh, and you can just shut it off? At 7:59, I’m your girlfriend.” His WHAT?! I’ll be honest. I squealed so loud that I feared I’d woken up one of my neighbors at two in the morning (hi to all my fellow Europeans out there). I was NOT expecting Lucy Chen, the woman who calls the guys she dates WIP rather than boyfriend, referring to herself as Tim’s girlfriend after a matter of weeks of being with him. 

Time and time again, she’s shown that this relationship with Tim is different to all her previous ones. And I love the progress here. She just wasn’t with the right person before. She tried to keep everyone at a distance as much as possible because she didn’t want to commit to anybody. Yes, she dated them, but that’s in part because it was fun to be with someone because at least she’d be with someone. 

But none of those relationships ever had a chance of lasting. The guys always seemed more invested than her. And the one guy we know that she actually referred to as her boyfriend is the one who cheated on her with her best friend. It’s hard to fully trust and commit to someone after that. Especially when you have Vanessa and Patrick Chen as your parents. 

But she’s found the one exception in Tim. So she’s perfectly happy to acknowledge their relationship for what it is. Because she trusts him. And she has faith in them to be able to make this work, no matter what. 

“At 8:01, I’m – I’m your what? Your subordinate?” “Yeah.” Tim looks very unimpressed. He can’t believe she doesn’t believe that he can separate the two. But Lucy knows better. “Really? Hmm.” She then proceeds to do this cute little pose as if she were asking ‘So how do I look? Notice anything?’ And oh, yup. Something seems a little off. But I couldn’t put my finger on it, either. “What?” asks Tim as he’s kind of mirroring her stance, totally oblivious. 

“My duty belt. My taser is on the wrong side. Normally you’d be all over me for something like this.” Oh, the taser, duh. Damn, I’m blind. Anyway. Lucy points it out: ‘normally.’ Because that’s what you’d kind of expect from Tim, right? On the job, he’s always been more of a hardass, especially while she was his rookie. Sure, he’s softened a bit toward her over time, but ultimately, he always made sure to let her know when she did something wrong. And not always in kind. 

So Lucy has a valid point. But we also know what he’s willing to do for the people he loves. We know what he almost did for Isabel. There’s no doubt he’d do the same for Lucy. 

“You did that on purpose?” “Mh-mh.” “You don’t do Tim Tests. I do Tim Tests.” “Well, that’s cause this isn’t a Tim Test. It’s a Lucy Lesson.” I cannot with these two. They really are two parts of one whole. Tim Tests, Lucy Lessons. What are they gonna put their future children through? Chenford Challenges? “And admit it. You are taking it easy on me. We’re not even on duty yet and our dynamic has changed.” 

And another little “Lucy arm touch”. Girl, your love is showing. And Tim is, again, less than impressed by what she has to say. He’s really not enjoying this and wants it to be over. “Get in the car.” “It’s called a shop.” Oh, the Lucy sass. I love it. Unlike Tim in this moment. He just stares at her and motions his finger for her to just get in the car. She smirks at him while she closes the trunk. 

I really should’ve seen what was coming from a mile away, but I didn’t.

When we next see them, they’re casually strolling down the sidewalk side by side, both holding to-go coffee cups in their hands. Lucy stops him with another little arm touch to get his attention. “Hey. So, you haven’t noticed?” I admit, I was expecting another ‘what?’ from Tim. But this time, he knew what she meant. “That you’re carrying your coffee in your gun hand? Of course I did. I just haven’t said anything because these Lucy Lessons are pointless.” 

Oh, Tim’s still a little grumpy about the whole thing. But at least he knew to expect another lesson. “You really don’t think you’re treating me differently?” I can answer this for Tim. No, he doesn’t. But he is, actually. We all remember 2x19, when he snapped at her for carrying the police tape in her gun hand instead of her left. His reaction now is the complete opposite. Tim, why are you denying this?

“You’re not a rookie. You wanna change up your duty belt, carry your coffee in your right hand, it’s up to you. You know. This isn’t about us. I’d give Thorsen the same leeway.” Would you though, Tim? No, she’s not a rookie anymore, and neither is Aaron. But that hasn’t stopped him from chastising them when they did something wrong, which would include keeping their gun hand free. So of course it is about them, Tim’s just in denial here. 

Why? Because Tim Bradford doesn’t like change. But he knows, deep down, that their work relationship has to change at some point in order for them to build a lasting personal and romantic relationship.  

And Lucy doesn’t believe him when he says it, either. She hums a very disbelieving mh-mh, definitely not buying it. I actually think it’s fascinating that Tim isn’t the one to consider the work issue, at all, as it seems. I always thought that they wouldn’t get together because Tim would never date a subordinate officer and break rules that way. I expected him to be like ‘Ok, no. We can’t do this. I want to, but we can’t’. 

I fully expected them to not get together until after they’d sorted out that problem. So now for Lucy to be the one to actually think about this and Tim being ignorant about it? Plot twist I did not see coming. But again, it makes sense, actually. Because Tim doesn’t like change.

They’re interrupted by a dispenser guy looking for help because another one, who we later learn is called Sergio, is threatening his business by parking his pot dispensary van basically in front of his store. I won’t go over this scene in detail, but will point out a few things. 

First, Tim just snatching the coffee cup out of Lucy’s hand to put aside. He’s always had a thing for snatching things out of her hand, and I don’t know why I enjoy that so much. But I’m glad the tradition continues. Second, they fall into an easy rhythm, working together seamlessly. And I don’t even have to point out the mirrored stances, do I? Third, their expressions when Sergio climbs into the van but can’t get away because he doesn’t have his keys. Perfection. And lastly, Tim’s “I don’t have time for this” as he grabs his radio. The whole scene is hilarious, but that last part always sends me. 

We jump to the station, where they’re processing Sergio. “Okay, so we are citing you out, which means we will not be talking your fingerprints or your mug shots as long as you promise to show up in court.” “Anything to get out of here.” Sergio grabs the bag after Lucy’s taken it out of the lockers and put it down in front of him. “Wait a minute. Where are my earrings?” “I put them in the bag.” “Sure you did. They’re a half carat each.” Only now is Tim looking up from his paperwork. Surely this guy isn’t insinuating that his girlfriend stole something, is he? 

“I didn’t take your earrings. I know they were in there.” “Must be a nice perk of the job. Pocket whatever catches your eye.” Oh, yeah. Tim’s a little pissed now. Look at the way he’s looking at Sergio. No one is allowed to accuse Lucy, of all people, of stealing. So he chimes in. “Sir, no one stole anything.” “This is robbery. Wait a minute. You had your gun – this is armed robbery.” Woah, woops. This guy ain’t holding back. 

“Ok, I’m sure your earrings will turn up and we’ll call you when we have them.” Is it just me or was Tim intentionally looking at Lucy for a few seconds while saying that as if to gauge her reaction? Like he was making sure that they’re on the same page and nothing was actually handled wrong? I don’t know, but while I was writing this, that look seemed a little calculating after staring at it for way too long. Or maybe it was just his way of saying ‘don’t worry, I got your back. You did nothing wrong’.

Guess I will never know. For now I’m a little undecided, but considering how the episode continues, it might’ve just been that reassuring ‘I got you’ look. 

Sergio is still pissed and demands a receipt, but Lucy tells him they don’t issue those. ”Look, it’s all in the police report. If you want to file a complaint, you can do so at the front desk on your way out.” He’s still grumpy when he leaves. Lucy turns back toward Tim: “I didn’t take the earrings.” “I know.” Ok, so maybe that look really was just a reassurance that he got her back, and I started reading too much into it while rewatching over and over again. Woopsie. Apologies for this little mess. Anyway.

“This stuff happens sometimes.” Look at you Tim. Totally defending your girl. But Lucy doesn’t like that. “No, it doesn’t. Not to me. God, I’ve been so focused on us. Did I screw up?” She looks at him a little pleadingly: ‘Tell me I didn’t make a mistake because I was the one too focused on us.’ And Tim doesn’t like that option, either. Because that would mean that he was part of the reason she screwed up. And that would be the worst thing for him. 

He doesn’t want her to fail in her job. Ever. But even less so if he thinks he was part of the problem or the catalyst for it. No, she would never blame him. And neither would any of us. But Tim is a master at blaming himself for things he’s not actually to blame for. So if Lucy did in fact screw up, he’d have to write her up. Because he’s the supervisor patrol sergeant, he takes care of these things. He’d be the reason she might get punished. 

And that just won’t do. 

Which is why they spend the next several minutes (hours?) looking for those earrings. But no luck. They can’t find them. Tim will literally not give up. “We’ll keep checking until we find them.” But Lucy reminds him that he needs to report it. “Wait. Okay, okay, okay, look. You need to file a memorandum with the chief. It’s protocol. I get it.” She seems perfectly content with the fact that he’ll have to do this. She’s not scared of what might happen to her. She just needs him to accept that he’ll have to report her soon. 

Tim’s not giving in though. “We’re not there yet.” “Well, how long can it wait?” “I have discretion with things like this. We find the earrings, no paperwork necessary.” ”But if we don’t, you need to report me to IA.” He’s staring at her with wide eyes and a slightly opened mouth, appalled at the idea of having to report her. So he thinks of one last possibility. “Maybe janitorial swept them up.” He stands up and walks off, leaving Lucy very confused and disbelieving that he would just not give up and report her. 

When Lucy comes home, we see Tamara packing a bag, ready to go to her friend’s house, leaving the place for Lucy and Tim. “Sorry! I meant to be outta here by now!” But there’s no Tim. Lucy acknowledges Tamara with a deep sigh, which makes her turn back around and look at her. “Don’t worry about it. We cancelled our date.” 

Can I just say how much I love the fact that these two are close enough for Lucy to just walk into Tamara’s room and make herself comfortable on her bed? They really have come so incredibly far. 

We can see that Tamara is a little surprised. “What happened?” “Well, Tim and I rode together today, and it really drove home all of the problems with dating your boss.” Oh, right to the point Lucy. But she’s right. There isn’t just one problem, there are several. Tim being her boss is number one. One of them, or both, losing focus and potentially making mistakes because they’re together is number two. Tim not wanting to report her when she makes mistakes is number three. Basically ignoring the fact that there are problems is number four. 

Yes, I’m looking at you, Timothy. 

And Tamara knows it, too. “It did seem tricky, but I didn’t wanna say anything.” Because they’re finally together. Because she doesn’t want to disrupt their happiness. Because she knows that they have to get there on their own and figure it out themselves. 

“Does that mean you guys are breaking up?” NO. Don’t even put that out there, please. These two have been through so much together, I’m sure they’ll figure it out. But I get why Tamara would immediately jump to worst case scenario. I don’t think she’s had a lot of good examples of healthy relationships in her life. Hell, even Lucy herself hasn’t exactly been a great example. Tamara saw her relationship with the WIP. 

But Lucy isn’t even entertaining that idea. “No. We’ll figure out how to make it work.” 

Look at her being totally content that they’ll figure it all out. Breaking up isn’t even an option for her. They’ve made it this far, no way is she giving up now. I’m glad we’re on the same page here, Lucy. Tamara is not fully convinced yet, though. “Great. How?” 

Again, I don’t blame her for being sceptic. She doesn’t know everything, but she knows enough to know that something’s gotta change for them at work. But given everything she knows about Lucy and her past relationships and semi-commitment, and everything she knows about Tim and him being a creature of habit (because everybody who’s known him for longer than a second knows that), it seems almost impossible to her at the moment to see how they could make it work. 

I was always very excited, if not a little scared, to see how they would handle the work issue whenever they decided to make Chenford canon. We didn’t know what to expect going into the episode, so this was kind of the point for me to really start being scared. Even though I had complete faith in Tim and Lucy to work it out together, because that ‘how’ just stuck with me, and TV shows have a tendency to make things more dramatic than they have to be. But given the relative drama-free way they made them canon, I really didn’t need to worry about this at all, did I?

Tamara opens the door sometime later, and we see Tim standing there, both hands in his pockets. Tamara turns around without saying anything to him, instead choosing to let Lucy know “Lucy, your boyfriend’s here!” 

Wow. Not only did we get Lucy calling them a couple and herself Tim’s girlfriend earlier, now we have someone referring to Tim as Lucy’s boyfriend. We just keep on winning with this episode, don’t we. But I cannot get over Tim’s reaction here. That tiny smile turns into a frown so fast. I’m cackling. 

I still don’t know how to fully interpret it, to be honest. Is he surprised to hear someone refer to him as Lucy’s boyfriend? Is he surprised with how easily she says it? Does he not want her to use that title? Okay, I think we can rule out that last one. But still, his expression is pure gold here. And I am choosing to believe it’s because it’s the first time he’s heard it; makes it all more real once you hear it from someone else. 

“Did she tell you I figured it out on my own? I’d make a great detective.” “I have no doubt.” I love how supportive he is of her here. Not only have Lucy and Tamara come a long way, but Tim and Tamara have as well. She went from simply being Lucy’s puppy to someone he genuinely cares for and supports. They’re already such a cute little family. 

Have I mentioned Tim just casually walking into the apartment without actually being invited in? No? Okay. Then I have now. Because he doesn’t need an invitation anymore, he’s always welcome in Lucy’s space now. And Tamara’s, too. He’s not an outsider looking in anymore. He finally gets to be a part of Lucy’s life the way he’s wanted for longer than he’s willing to admit. 

Lucy emerges from her bedroom. “Hey. I thought we cancelled.” “Uh, we didn’t.” “Oh.” So Tim was still expecting something tonight? Or did he just wanna talk about work and how to proceed with the earring situation? Either way, he just wants to spend more time with his girlfriend. Wow, we can actually say that now. This is still wild. 

Also, note how Lucy didn’t correct Tamara when she called Tim boyfriend. She always made sure everyone, including the guy she was dating, knew that they were not her boyfriend, even after they’d been together for a while. Calling herself his girlfriend, not correcting someone when they call Tim her boyfriend… Lucy, I love how much you love him. 

And oh. A Chenford hug! Can you see me melting? Look at the way she slides one hand over his shoulder to the side of his neck and the other over his chest. Look at the way he bends down toward her and just totally nuzzles into her neck, taking comfort in her arms. Definitely reminds me of 4x09. No, I am not crying again. 

And with Tamara right there next to them. They can finally show their affection for each other not just to each other but in front of someone else, and I love that they don’t shy away from it and are totally comfortable with it. 

There’s a few moments of awkward silence as they look at Tamara and she’s looking at them. She seems to sense that they need to be alone and talk, and excuses herself to her room, leaving them be. Tim starts explaining why he’s there. “Ok, listen. I– I’ve been going over things from today. What if someone found the earrings a-and assumed they belonged to a female officer, so they left them in the women’s locker room.” Okay, so earring situation it is. 

Also, first: I did not catch that look on Lucy’s face right before they switch angles after Tim says ‘today’ when I first watched the episode. She is enjoying something here. That is screaming smug and mischievous. We just don’t know why. Second: I know I mentioned how Tim is now welcome in Lucy’s space, but I just adore the way he feels comfortable enough to just walk around her apartment and sit down at the kitchen counter. Third: he’s clearly been at her place many times before this since they started dating. 

And lastly: he is still trying to find a way to not have to report Lucy. Damn, he really doesn’t want to have to do this. But Lucy knows that he can’t avoid it forever. 

“Yeah, I checked already. I mean, come on. Y-you have to report it now.” “I know.” Look at the way he keeps his eyes closed for that extra second before answering. He is not liking this. At all. Yes, he knows he has to do it, but he’s still hesitant. He doesn’t want to be the reason Lucy might have to face whatever consequences there are for being accused of stealing. “I mean, if it was Aaron, you would’ve reported him already.” 

“I know. But it’s not Aaron. I-It’s you.” And there we have it. The confirmation that Tim will follow his heart instead of his head when it comes to the people he loves. Really, when it comes to Lucy. Because over time she’s come to be more important than anything else. He’s finally found the right person, he’s not willing to risk anything because of his job. And remember, this is the same guy who laid into Lucy for not reporting him for suicidal ideation in 2x01. She was protecting him and all he did was get mad at her. But now he is the one trying to turn a blind eye and protect her. He really has come such a long way. Oh, the things love can do to a man. 

“And you can’t be subjective when it comes to me, right?” All he can do is shake his head. No, he really can’t. He wants to, but he can’t. Because Lucy is more important than following protocol, no matter how wrong it is from a professional point of view. And he knows it and doesn’t like it. We all know he would definitely report her eventually, because he has to. Lucy is his voice of reason and would never let him cover for her and her mistakes. 

Lucy hums a “Mh-hmm.” She totally knew it. “And thus endeth the Lucy Lesson.” Okay. Well played, Lucy. Well played. I should’ve, but I did not see this coming. At all. And Tim didn’t, either. “The what? The earrings were never missing?” I am dying at the way he said that ‘what’. He’s so exasperated but damn. Lucy is having the time of her life. Listen to her laughs. Once more, she got him. I hope they never change, because this is just another chapter of their awesome ‘prank war’.

“Nope. I set them aside and gave them back to Sergio after work.” “That’s evil. And impressive. And evil.” “I know, but – you weren’t facing the problem.” She is, once again, absolutely right. He wasn’t facing it. He was trying his best to ignore it. But they can’t ignore it for much longer. Even less so now that they know that he really can’t stay subjective with her. 

“Okay. Well, now I am. So what do we do?” We. Ever since they started dating, it’s been a we instead of an I. And I love that. Because they’re facing these problems together, not apart. They’ll find a way to work it all out together. They’ve finally made it here, there isn’t a world in which they won’t figure it out together. I love how absolutely sure they are with and of each other. And I appreciate TR for making them deal with this so maturely. There’s no unnecessary fighting or arguing. 

It's the next day, and Tim and Lucy are riding together again. They’re still brainstorming what to do about the work situation. “We only have two real options.” “Break up or one of leaves Mid-Wilshire.” Again, straight to the point. They both know there’s not many possibilities here. Well, two, to be exact, as Lucy points out and Tim fills in the gaps. It’s either this, or that. 

Lucy is quick to jump in. “It should be me.” Wow. Neither one of them entertained the idea of breaking up for even a fraction of a second. It was silently agreed that that was not an option. And I am losing it again. Because that speaks volumes. They danced around each other for so long, hid their true feelings from each other for months before taking the leap, but it’s only taken a few weeks of dating for them to be absolutely confident in their relationship and sure of their commitment to each other.

Lucy doesn’t even blink before offering to be the one to leave. She’s willing to change something professionally? Humongous. Because we’ve never seen Lucy so committed to anyone before. And I love that for her. And for Tim. 

But Tim doesn’t like that idea. “No. No, you love it here.” “No, I do, but –“ Lucy knows that Tim’s a creature of habit who needs stability. She knows how much he loves patrol. She doesn’t want him to compromise that for her and their relationship. “There isn’t an open sergeant supervisor job anywhere else in the division. I checked. Which means you would have to take a demotion, and that’s not happening. So…” 

So, she’s thought this through. She looked up available options and saw that there wasn’t anything that would be fitting for Tim (does that mean she also knows about the position Grey offers Tim later?). So she offers to be the one to transfer, even though she knows that means she’ll have to prove herself all over again. 

But it’s the lesser evil for her because she can easily go to a different station as a P2, but he can’t just transfer anywhere because there’d have to be an available supervisor position for him first for her to be okay with that. 

“Lucy, I –“ He doesn’t look happy at the thought of her leaving Mid-Wilshire. Because he doesn’t want the burden to fall on her. But Lucy’s quick to stop him. “No, it’ll be fine. Rookies leave their first station after making P2 all the time.” She doesn’t sound thrilled at the prospect either, but she knows that that’s the only way they can be together without hiding and without him having to take a demotion. 

“That’s true.” He might be agreeing with her here, but he’s still not loving the idea of her leaving. She looks over at him. “So. This is the best move, right?” She’s actively turning her attention toward him because she’s not just making this decision on her own. She wants his input because his opinion matters. This isn’t just about her, it’s about both of them, so they’re both included in the decision-making process. 

“Maybe. But we don’t have to decide right now.” Oh, he still doesn’t want to face it, does he? But the look toward her after she turns her gaze back forward? Wow. That basically screams, “Oh, she would actually do this for us.” He’s not expecting to be more important than her job and be put first. Because in his previous relationships, he had to be the one to make all the sacrifices, no debate. 

But Lucy’s willing to be the one to sacrifice something. She knows he doesn’t like doing things he doesn’t want to. She knows he doesn’t like change. So she doesn’t even ask him to be the one to go. As much as he’s not expecting to be put ahead of anything else, she’s not expecting him to want to change something professionally, either. But maybe he would make an exception here. Because Lucy has always been different. But we’ll see.  

And again. They’re having a conversation about their relationship in front of a billion cameras. They know these shop cams are there, right? Do they not care who reviews the footage and hears their conversations? For two people who still haven’t made their relationship public, they don’t seem to be worried about that at all. (And yes, I know. This is how the show works. Where else could they have this conversation while they’re working if not in the shop or with their body cams on? But if we pretended this was real life, they’d probably have been found out a while ago.)

They hear the call from Nolan about the hostage situation with the doctor’s family. I don’t have much to say about this entire sequence except for: they’re total badasses and work together seamlessly – still. They’ve built a professional trust over the years that is hard to break. They might have started as rookie and TO, but somewhere along the way – ignoring the romantic part of it all – they’ve learned to trust each other implicitly and became partners on the job. 

But who knows how long that would work while they’re dating. We already saw a glimpse of what Tim is willing to do for Lucy with the earring situation. So that change needs to happen before something significant can even happen on duty. 

After their shift, they’re in the parking lot again. This time, they’re standing at the back of the shop, ready to unload. Tim’s opening the trunk when he tells Lucy “Nice work today.” She’s a little surprised at the compliment, but not nearly as much as she used to be, like in 4x03 after her failed attempt to prank Tim with the booties again. Why? Because getting a compliment or a ‘good job’ from Tim is not an everyday occurrence. But he’s gotten much better with it, especially with her. 

She smiles. “You, too. It’s not a bad way to end our partnership. Saving a family.” “Yeah,” he responds as Lucy picks lint off his uniform. Married, much? They’ve been together for a matter of weeks, and they’re already acting as if it’s been years. Because… it has been years, hasn’t it? They might not have been together romantically, but they’ve always had that special connection that had them acting like a married couple even when they were dating other people. Lucy’s first two shifts as his rookie just bonded them in a way that is hard to break.

Anyway. “Although, we’re – we’re still not partners,” Tim continues. There’s a slight teasing note in his voice, and it gets him the reaction from Lucy he was likely expecting. A smile and a little loving shove to the arm. “I mean, on the job, anyway,” he adds. Uhm, Timothy. You are partners on the job. You can say whatever you want – she’s your partner. But oh, wait. You’re still not admitting you’re partners on the job, but did you just tell her you’re partners in life? 

Oh, Tim. I love you. And I love your love for Lucy. 

Look at the way he looks at her. I know I’ve often mentioned this before, but I adore the way he’s just openly showing her how much he adores her now that they’re together. Because now he can. He doesn’t have to hide it and suppress his feelings for her anymore. And neither does she as she looks back at him lovingly. Have we ever seen her look at someone that way before? 

Well, actually. This reminds me of the way she looked at him when they finally got that dance at Nyla’s wedding. Damn. Girl’s been smitten for a while. How did it take them so long to get here, again? 

“It’s gonna be so weird going to a different station, knowing I’m not gonna see you all day.” “Yeah.” Oh, this is making me feel very melancholy and sad. This really is about to be the end of an era, isn’t it? I mentioned this very early in this essay, but again: we fell in love with these two in the shop, side by side. We watched them slowly but surely fall for each other in that same shop. It’s hard to imagine that being over (even though we already got a taste of it after Lucy got back from UC school). 

But this has more finality to it. Because now it really is time for a new beginning. The dating era, if you will. Or the we’re-gonna-spend-the-rest-of-our-lives-together era.  

Maybe it’s actually a good thing they started dating before they figured out that whole work situation. Because it gave them the time to transition from partners on the job, or whatever they were after 5x01 and until 5x08, to partners in life while still having something familiar to fall back on. 

Tim continues. “And there’s no guarantee that our shifts will sync up.” He’s talking from experience. We know him and Isabel worked in different divisions and had to sync up their shifts as best as possible. But Lucy doesn’t know what that’s like. “I hadn’t thought of that.” Lucy, stop breaking my heart. “Wait wait wait. So by doing the right thing we’re actually gonna see each other a lot less?” “Most likely.” “Nooo.” Again, stop breaking my heart, Lucy. That ‘no’ is seriously tugging on my heartstrings. 

Because this is not what she wanted when she suggested transferring. She didn’t even think about that possibility. She just wanted to do this right, so they could finally stop hiding. After Tim’s confirmative “Yeah,” Lucy turns back toward the shop. Neither one of them is happy about the possibility of seeing each other significantly less. But as Lucy goes to grab the war bags out of the trunk, watch Tim. We can practically see the wheels turning and land on: ‘no, this isn’t happening’. Right here in this moment, he decides that this isn’t how it’s gonna be. 

Lucy grabs the war bags and turns back toward Tim: “I’m gonna put in my transfer request in the morning.” Oh. She doesn’t like the prospect of not seeing Tim as much, but is still willing to transfer anyway? Wow. Because she still believes they can make it work. Because she knows it’s the right thing to do. And again: she doesn’t necessarily think Tim would want to change something. She knows him. 

But we saw that Tim had a bit of a moment of revelation right before she said it. Because he knows that neither one of them would be truly happy with that. And once more, he got confirmation that Lucy is willing to transfer, even if she doesn’t love it. 

So this is that last bit of reassurance he needs. She doesn’t love this, but is still willing to transfer so they can stay together. She’s choosing Tim. And that’s huge. For both of them. For Tim, because he’s finally put first in a relationship. For Lucy, because she’s ready to fully commit to this relationship in a way she never has before. 

And because she is, he’s taking the burden from her by taking the bags from her. 

We all see this moment for what it is: coming full circle. The guy who always made Lucy carry all the gear, even at the beginning of this episode, is now willingly taking the bags from her. And we see Lucy’s reaction to that. She’s not expecting it, hence that little move and the appreciative smile. Wow. But it’s also something more. With this little moment he’s showing her that he's willing to do something he doesn’t normally do. So, in a way, this is foreshadowing for the bigger gesture that’s coming later.   

Also, Tim’s reaction to Lucy’s reaction? That just screams ‘damn it, I’m freaking whipped’. And I love it. 

It’s after shift when Tim is knocking on Grey’s door. He didn’t even change into civvies yet, he’s still in uniform. “Got a minute?” “Sure,” Grey responds, motioning for Tim to come in. He closes the door behind him before he moves to take a seat at Grey’s desk. We know that whatever Tim has to say is important. He has to clear his throat before he starts talking. “I’ve been keeping something from you.” Grey tilts his head. He’s intrigued. Is this the moment? 

Tim takes another breath and then just lets it out. “Lucy and I started dating a few weeks ago.” Yup, Tim’s actually coming clean here. And that’s not easy. Because he’s telling his boss that he’s been dating a subordinate for weeks. That he’s dating his former rookie. That he fell in love with his former rookie. That’s a kind of vulnerability Tim doesn’t like. Because he doesn’t know how Grey will respond and if he and Lucy have to face any consequences. 

Grey takes a breath as he leans back in his chair. Ha, that little smirk. Yeah, he totally knows already. “I suspected as much.” See, he definitely saw the change in their behavior. And let’s be real. Anybody with eyes could see the change. They haven’t exactly been subtle. They could barely keep any kind of distance between them. Sure, Grey didn’t know for sure, but he knew enough. 

“Sir, we wouldn’t have lied but we… needed time to figure out how we felt.” Figure out how you felt? Maybe that’s not entirely true, because I’m sure they both know how they feel about each other. But making sure they really are on the same page about where this relationship is going and how they feel about that? Yeah, that’s definitely the case. I might be wrong, but, well. Anyway. 

“And since we’re having this talk, I assume it’s serious.” “It is,” Tim says without hesitation. There is no doubt in his mind anymore that he and Lucy are building something that’s real. Something that’s meant to last. Forever. 

“But, for it to be appropriate, I need to move out of her chain of command.” No, Grey doesn’t seem very happy at the prospect of Tim leaving patrol. He’s a great sergeant, a great supervisor, and Grey doesn’t like losing him to a different job. But he still says “Ok.” Tim’s simple ‘it is’ is enough for Grey to accept it. 

Because Grey knows that Tim, of all people, would never date a subordinate officer unless it was serious. He probably never even got close to any of his previous rookies, as far as we can tell. He seems to keep it firmly professional. But with Lucy it’s been different from day one. She had a front row seat to his heartbreak over Isabel. He let her in, couldn’t have prevented it if he’d tried. 

Lucy just managed to warm herself into his heart. He never meant to fall in love with her. It just happened. 

And Grey knows that. He’s seen happily married Tim. He’s seen heartbroken Tim after Isabel left. He’s seen him trying to find his way again but never quite getting it right. He’s seen Lucy experience the worst kind of trauma and still persevere. All the while witnessing that neither ever seemed as much like themselves as they are when they’re around each other. Because they’ve always brought out the best in each other. So he let them be for as long as he could fathom turning a blind eye on them and until they were ready to come to him.  

And he’s not planning on reprimanding the two of them or reporting them to IA. And I love that. Sure, it was against the rules. But he knows why they hid it. Because he knows them both. 

This entire scene is so powerful. We have a direct link back to when Tim asked Grey about what it would mean to transfer to the NYPD when Rachel moved. We saw how much he hated the idea of having to start over. But we also have a link back to when Grey told him he’d scored well on the sergeant’s exam and how hesitant he was to take that position at North Hollywood. Grey immediately looked over at Lucy. He knew why Tim was hesitant. 

So he knows that this relationship with Lucy isn’t just casual or something short term when Tim is willing to move out of patrol. And while Grey’s not exactly happy about it, he’s still willing to offer him a different job. But he’s also making sure that Tim knows the open spot isn’t a great position. 

“Unfortunately, there’s only one position open that will do that.” “I’ll take it.” Timothy! Oh, my heart. He doesn’t even let Grey tell him what that position is before he says he’ll take it, without hesitation. Right now, he couldn’t care less about what that position is. He only cares that it’s no longer in Lucy’s chain of command. “It’s not a great job.” Tim shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll take it.” 

Oh, my heart can‘t handle this. 

For the first time in Tim’s life – that we’ve seen – he’s willing to change his career because of a relationship, for the woman he’s with. We all know Tim’s a creature of habit, and both Lucy and Grey have even called him a control freak before. 

Tim doesn’t really like change. He likes stability, which is something he didn’t have growing up. There’s a reason he chose to join the military and then the LAPD. There’s structure. And protocols. And rules.

Yes, he’s putting his life on the line every day so there’s a certain kind of instability, but protecting people is something he’s good at. Something he trusts himself to be able to do. Even as a sergeant, he stayed on patrol. Because that’s where he wants to be, it’s what he likes. What gives him comfort. 

For Tim to change career paths, he has to feel safe and secure in his life outside of work. And Lucy is the first person in a long time, maybe ever, that has provided him with stability and safety in every possible way, long before they even started dating. 

She helped him through the Isabel stuff, didn’t leave his side in the quarantine house. She recorded audiobooks for him so he could study for the sergeant’s exam. She was there for him when he confronted his father, she showed up to the hospital even though they were still awkward with each other. She’s there when he needs her. And even when he doesn’t. She takes care of him no questions asked. 

I came across a song a while ago and part of the lyrics perfectly describe Tim’s situation here: I just don’t like change / Cause it’s so hard for me to rearrange / But with you it’s not the same / Cause now I would leave home and change my name.   

Because this relationship with Lucy is different. Yes, they’ve only been together for like a month and a half or so at this point, but Tim knows this is different. Because Lucy was ready to change stations and start over so they could stay together without hiding or breaking rules. 

She didn’t ask or expect him to switch jobs. She didn’t say: you need to go, cause I’m staying here, I don’t care what you want – my needs are more important than yours. No. She said: you, our relationship, is more important than anything else. She’s shown him that he’s more important. She offered and was willing to be the one to change stations. She put him and their relationship ahead of everything else. What other woman has ever really put him first in their relationship? 

Ashley wanted him to retire for her, Rachel moved across the country. Neither one of them even truly considered his opinion. It was ‘so this is your only option, otherwise we’re done’. Isabel lost herself to drugs because she felt she couldn’t live up to Tim’s standards. Every single relationship has manifested that ‘I don’t deserve to be loved’ feeling in his mind. 

But Lucy has always been different. Because Tim is different for her (I keep repeating myself, help). For once, him and his comfort and needs are what’s important and considered in a relationship. It’s not all take take take from Lucy and give give give from Tim. It’s a partnership. A give and take. From both of them. It’s grounded in mutual trust, and respect, and friendship. 

So he’s willing to do what he doesn’t like: change something. 

Tim Bradford, romantic at heart. But we already knew that. But it’s just so beautiful to see again.

He needed that absolute certainty that this relationship is as serious for Lucy as it is for him. Yes, she’s given him numerous indications that it was, but when you’ve experienced so much romantic trauma, you start doubting everything, whether you want to or not. 

We briefly saw that uncertainty in 5x09 in Grey’s office when Lucy still hadn’t broken up with Assford. “If you’re having second thoughts…” because some part of him still couldn’t believe that this was real. He needed that reassurance that it’s still happening, while he also made sure that she’s still on board, that he wasn’t pressuring or forcing her to do something she didn’t want to.

Lucy was quick to shut those insecurities down. “No, I – I’m not” as she looked at him with fondness. He smiled back at her, happy that she still wanted it. “Good.” I really can’t ignore those looks. They’re in Grey’s office, at work, looking at each other with so much love and affection in their eyes that I’m sure they’d forgotten where they were in that moment.  

And we saw those heart eyes again at the end of that episode, when he could finally properly ask her out on a date, and they stared at each other after she said yes. 

But back to 5x12.

So, Lucy being absolutely willing to change stations and refusing for him to even think about a demotion was that last bit of assurance that he might’ve needed. That, and the fact that neither one of them would be happy having to try and sync up schedules when working at different stations is what made him go to Grey, come clean, and take a lesser job without knowing what that job even was. 

Tim also knows that Lucy never would’ve let him go to Grey to be the one to sacrifice professionally and accept any sergeant job available, which is why he didn’t tell her. Why he went to Grey alone and before she could put in her transfer request.  

And let’s be honest. Lucy has always mattered more than his job. He took the sergeant’s exam, but didn’t transfer so he could finish training her, as already briefly mentioned. I’m almost certain that a part of him didn’t want to leave for NY because that would’ve meant leaving her, too. He made her the arresting officer on every report because she deserved the recognition, and he wanted her to succeed. 

So, in a way, it’s actually very Tim for him to take a professional step back. But he’s okay with that. Because it’s Lucy. No, he won’t be on patrol anymore, probably for the first time since he started as a rookie. 

But he’s content with that decision. Because it doesn’t matter. As long as he can be with Lucy, none of that matters. 

And he’s not giving any more than Lucy was willing to give herself. And that’s the big difference. 

We see a beautiful shot of downtown LA (Is it downtown? Someone please correct my European a** if I’m wrong.) before we see Tim and Lucy in her apartment again. He’s chilling at her kitchen counter while she’s standing on the other side. 

“So I’ve been thinking. Hollywood division would be kind of ideal.” I love that Lucy is still fully committed to that transfer. She’s already made her peace with it. She’s been thinking about which station would be the best for her to not have to commute all over town every day and has actually made a decision. I love her commitment to it all.  

She turns around, moving toward the fridge, because, yes. She’s totally cooking for her boyfriend. And I love that. We know they both love to cook, and there’s something so sweet in knowing that they’re now with someone who they can enjoy that with. And there’s something extra sweet and intimate about the fact that Tim isn’t helping her because she wants to cook for him. She totally told him to sit his butt down and chill, I’m sure of it.

“Well, it’s not necessary. I... talked to Grey and you’re looking at the new Court Liaison Sergeant.” Court Liaison?! Wow, Grey really wasn’t lying when he said that it’s not a great job. Man, our boy Timothy is really in love. He could’ve said no after Grey eventually told him what the job was, but he very obviously didn’t. The things they’re both willing to do for each other, urgh. They make me sick. 

And Lucy is shocked. Not only did he tell Grey, although, that isn’t her concern here, but he also took a very boring sounding job without telling her. She stares at him for a few moments while she closes the fridge and then moves back toward the counter. “But that’s a desk job.” Oh. This is getting worse. Not only does Tim now have to deal with the courts and lawyers and what not. But he also has to sit at a desk for it? Yeah, that’s really not a great job for him. 

“Yeah. Out of your chain of command.” He sounds so calm. He doesn’t care about the job. He just wants to be with her. Again, this is huge for Tim. He took a job without knowing what it is and even after finding out, he sticks with that decision to leave patrol. As long as it gets him out of Lucy’s chain of command so they can both stay at Mid-Wilshire, he would’ve taken any job. And he has. 

Lucy keeps staring at him. She thought they’d agreed that she’d transfer, and suddenly he’s telling her he took a desk job? Yeah, she didn’t see this coming. And watch the look on her face right before she starts moving around the counter to be closer to Tim. That’s not exactly happy. Why? Because Tim hates desk work. “You’ll be bored out of your mind.” I love that she’s only concerned about his well-being and happiness and nothing else. She doesn’t even mention the fact that he told Grey about their relationship.  

“That doesn’t matter. Look, you and I’ll get to see each other every day a-and you won’t have to travel to some, I don’t know, far away station where they’re gonna make you work the midnight shift because you’re a newbie.” “Tim, it’s–“ But he interrupts her. “It’s done. Okay? No sense in arguing about it.” Yeah, he’s right. Why argue when it’s already a done deal? Nothing she could say to him right would make him change his mind. But aww. Look at him looking at her. I’ve probably said it a few times already, but my heart is melting. 

He is so incredibly smitten. But also thankful. Because he now knows with absolute certainty that this is real. She wouldn’t have suggested to transfer if she wasn’t fully committed to him. To them. 

Lucy seems to accept it (for now). “But we’re so good at arguing.” They really are. She leans over toward him, moving her hands over his shoulders toward his neck, kissing him in a move that is so incredibly sweet and intimate. Because he just sits there and lets it happen. He murmurs a little “I know” before going in for another kiss while standing up. His right hand moves toward her thigh – because he’s a thigh man – trailing upwards to her waist while her hands slide from his shoulders down over his chest. 

“But I’m hoping we’re good at certain other things, as well.” Oh. Well, I did not see this one coming. But there it is. Because our man Timothy has been ready for this for a while. Even more so since Lucy put it on the table the day before. They’re gravitating toward each other until they’re basically pressed together from head to toe as Lucy’s hands settle on his chest. 

 “Oh?” Uhm, yup. She’s definitely on board. 

I love everything about this moment. His smile! Have we ever seen him smile like this? Then there’s the swaying, their foreheads almost touching, their noses actually touching, the overall gravitational pull toward one another, her playing with his shirt as she asks “You wanna find out right now?” 

Everything about this makes my heart flutter. Because it’s so perfectly them. 

And yeah, fine, ok. This episode only aired two weeks after the one with their first date. So Lucy’s “I wanna take things slow” seems to have been thrown out the window. 

But again. I choose to live in a world where that date happened in late November/early December, and this is therefore about six to seven-ish weeks later. (I’m not sorry for making my own timeline. I actually think 5x10 might’ve been supposed to air in December, too but got pushed back because it was a crossover and Feds had a pretty big cliffhanger they wanted to carry over to the new year. But who knows with these shows.)

Now, is seven weeks long to wait until you sleep with someone or not? For Lucy, it seems long. For both of them, really. We know they don’t usually shy away from that. They’ve known each other for years at this point so it was never about getting to know each other first. No. It was about cherishing the early stages of this new relationship. A relationship that will be the last for both of them. 

So, I’d consider it an acceptable amount of time for them to wait. We don’t know how long Lucy planned on waiting; maybe it was always just a spur of the moment kind of thing and without giving herself a timeline to keep up with, at least not past what she said in 5x10 (first & second date, first kiss). I’ve recently had the thought that she might’ve needed that reassurance about their jobs before taking that next step just as much as Tim did. 

Because dating your boss is one thing, actually sleeping with him is something else entirely.  

Maybe it’s a little out there, but it could’ve also played a part in her decision. She wants to do this relationship right, after all, and part of doing this right includes following the rules about dating within the same chain of command. It wasn’t just about making sure she didn’t screw it up; it was about making sure that every potential risk wouldn’t be a risk that could threaten their relationship. 

She wasn’t ready for this before, for many different little reasons. And that’s perfectly fine. Healthy. Admirable, even. Because no one should ever feel obligated to do something in a relationship before they’re ready and I love her for setting some boundaries (and him for accepting it so easily). It doesn’t matter that it’s Tim, and that she wants it all with him. Or maybe it does. A whole lot, actually. Because it’s Tim. Nothing has ever been more important than them and doing it the right way. 

And Lucy is definitely ready now. Because the last issue that was in their way is taken care of. They’re no longer working together, at least not within the same chain of command. They can be together now. Officially. Openly.

So she starts popping those buttons on his shirt as soon as he whispers that soft “Yeah” and before their lips even touch again. That shirt is coming off fast, dear god. And Tim came prepared. No Henley like he wore the night before when he came over. No. A button down, with snaps. Easy and fast access guaranteed. Also, the little moan from Lucy as she pushes the shirt over his shoulders? Someone send help, please. 

I die a little every time I see the way he’s looking at her as she’s admiring his body while he strips. And it’s the way that Tim, who we all know likes everything pretty clean-cut and organized, just lets his shirt fall to the floor. Seriously, I don’t know why that gives me so much satisfaction, but it does. And then there’s Lucy touching him, tracing the tip of her fingers from his sides over the v-cut toward his abdomen.

Excuse me for a second while I try to recollect myself. 

It’s so freaking intimate. 

As soon as that shirt is gone, his hands go to cradle her face while she’s moving her left to the side of his face and her right to his back, both getting lost in another passion-fueled kiss while Lucy lets out another pleased little noise. Girl is enjoying herself alright. And they keep swaying into those kisses, too. As they break apart to get a breath of air, Lucy’s hand moves down his back to settle on his waist before they go back for an even more passionate kiss. Because holy moly, Tim ain’t holding anything back anymore. 

And as they keep swaying with those kisses – really, it kinda looks like they’re dancing because they’re constantly moving, which is also what they did in that airplane bathroom – that Tim’s back is turned toward us. And we get a good look at his scars. 

There is something so poetic about seeing those scars. We could already see the bullet wound from when he got shot in the Pilot on his abdomen when he took his shirt off. But now we can see the rest. Four scars on his back – one on his neck, one on either one of his shoulder blades, another on the small of his back. 

Tim has endured so much emotional and physical trauma in his life. Here, we get to see the physical side of it. He’s scarred, but he lets himself love and be loved again. Because he trusts Lucy with everything. His life, his happiness, his heart. 

He once said that trust has to be earned. And Lucy’s earned his trust, time and time again. Because she kept showing up. She cared. She’s shown him that people are worthy of trust. That she is worthy of his trust. And that he is worthy of hers.  

And, this might be very far-fetched, but I can’t get my brain to shut up. We can see Tim’s scars, but we also see Lucy admiring him while he was taking his shirt of. Yes, she’s appreciating his body, but I also see it as a subtle metaphor that, despite all his scars – physical and emotional – she still adores him. All of him. 

No matter how scarred he might be, he’s still worthy of love. He deserves love. Because he’s so much more than just his scars or his past. 

“I got half a dozen scars. Bullet wounds. Knife wounds. Broken bottle. Then there’s the ones you can’t see. Isabel’s addiction. A dad who would tune me up on the regular. And whether I like it or not, they’re a part of me.”

Yes, it’s all part of his story, but it’s not the whole story. Those scars aren’t everything. 

He said it himself once when he confronted his father: “I’m who I am in spite of you!” 

In spite of all the pain, he chose to be the kind of man he is and not be like his father. He found a way to become his own person. And somewhere along the way, after even more heartbreak, he found a reason to become an even better version of himself. But, to be fair: that version’s been there all along. Lucy just managed to bring it (back) to the surface. 

And now he can freely look at that reason whenever he wants with so much adoration, so much love in his eyes that I’m feeling sick to my stomach because the butterflies are creating havoc in there. 

Tim just walked away from almost a decade and a half of patrol. And yet, he’s happy. He’s beaming with joy. Because he gets to be with Lucy. I know we’ve all noticed it, but I have to point it out again. We have never seen Tim so calm and at peace before. This is what finding and being with the right person will do to you. 

And he’s done the same for her. Because she was willing to walk away from her job, too. The woman who doesn’t like commitment was ready to start over professionally at a different station after being with Tim for a few weeks. 

She also has more than enough reasons to not want to put her heart out there. Her trauma might not be like the one Tim has experienced, but it’s still trauma. Her parents made sure to make her feel unlovable basically her whole life. Again, the only guy she seemed to be kind of serious about cheated on her. Others broke up with her without a second thought. So her defense mechanism became keeping guys at a romantic distance. 

Yes, she’s a very caring person who’s there for her friends and those in need – which I love, because she became the opposite of her parents whose care is always conditional. But romantically? She likes to keep her distance even when she’s in a relationship; and even though she’s often the one to make the first move. But in 5x08, she was the one who was hesitant until Tim made clear he wanted it as much as she did. That she mattered to him enough for him to be willing to risk it all. That he loved her enough to risk it.  

Tim did the opposite of her parents and every other guy before him: make her feel wanted and appreciated and loved just the way she is.  

Her willingness to transfer is such a beautiful gesture of love. No, they’re nowhere near ready to actually say those words, but they showed each other their love through these selfless gestures, no words necessary. 

They really have found their forever person. 

But back to the scene.   

And then there’s something about the way Lucy just lets her head fall back in this moment while they’re kissing right before they start walking toward her bedroom. It’s like she’s completely giving herself to him here. Because she is. Lucy “commitment phobe” Chen is one hundred percent in this. She’s ready for this next step with the only guy she’s ever loved. 

Also, I’m a sucker for their height difference. Now I just need a kiss where she’s not wearing some kind of heels. Then I’ve seen everything I needed to see. Okay, not everything, but it’s one of the things that’s been on my wish list since before they were together. 

Lucy lets out another moan as she’s smiling into that kiss as they start moving toward the bedroom. She even giggles into that kiss. Again, girl’s enjoying herself; she’s happy. One of his hands then comes up to move behind her head while the other goes to the door frame, preventing Lucy’s head from hitting the wall. He’s always been protective of her, and that only heightened after the whole Caleb thing and even more so once he realized he was in love with her. So to see this little move? Yeah, I don’t know why it makes me go feral, but it does. Because even in their haze of lust, he’s making sure she feels safe with him. 

And this entire time, we see respectful Tim. Yes, he’s the one to start the flirting and steer the conversation in that direction. But he doesn’t just go for it, he waits for her response. He’s letting her know he’s ready, but he’s also letting her decide whether she’s ready for this, too.   

And once she’s given him the verbal confirmation and he knows she is, he doesn’t hold back. He’s pretty firm with those kisses and his hands cupping her face, but: it’s not forceful. It’s passionate. It’s a mix of joy and hunger and want and desire. It’s love. You can see in the way he kisses her and cradles her face how much he loves her. 

As they continue to make out against the door frame – seriously, how is this even real?! – one of Lucy’s hands moves toward his neck, holding him close. His left moves from cradling the side of her face to her waist as they actually finally back into her bedroom. He closes the door almost all the way before fully slamming it shut, but instead of going straight for the bed, we can see that they’re still at that door. Because we can see Lucy’s hair against the not entirely see-through glass, where Tim has undoubtedly pushed her back against. They just love making out against doors, don’t they? 

Damn, these two are seriously hungry for each other. 

And after all this time, I don’t blame them. Because they deserve this. It’s time to enjoy this new intimacy. This happiness. This love. 

They’ve fought their demons, separately and together. They’ve experienced different kinds of traumas over the years and still managed to come out stronger than ever before. They’ve ignored and struggled with their feelings for far longer than they realized before finally accepting them and taking the leap together. 

And if anyone deserves to finally be this freakishly happy, it’s Tim and Lucy. 

My deepest gratitude goes, once again, to @escapismqueen. This time, she actually did kind of write parts of this, so thank you for letting me use it all and providing me with the necessary inspiration and missing words when my brain just couldn’t properly function anymore. Also, a big thank you to everyone who has taken their time to read my stuff about 5x08 and/or 5x10 and now also this. Every single one of you makes me want to keep writing. And it’s so much fun, too. I'm excited to see where this journey takes me next. 

#chenford #the rookie #lucy chen #tim bradford #how did this get so out of hand #it feels a little all over the place so apologies if it doesn't make much sense haha #this is what i do instead of focusing on my bachelor's #someone seriously send help #i just love being in my little chenford bubble #because i love these two idiots in love #a chenford thesis

[alegacyofmonsters]

Legacies 1x05 Rewatch:

The Dryad, I've missed her

I actually love how they show the evolution of the school with stuff like adapting to monsters and giving the students a voice

No because who takes over Raf's spot on the Honor Council when he dies

"YoU'rE nOt GoNnA lOsE tHe ElEcTiOn OvEr An OuTfIt." Why is it so hard for Josie to just support her sister for once.

"Lizzie Saltzman only cares about Lizzie Saltzman." You mean the Lizzie Saltzman, who does everything for her sister and sacrifices her life over and over again for every other student in that school?

"You still like it when I went low." "Oh, honey, you crush on me." Posie needed more than one season.

"We're not negotiating. Right, Ric?" "Uh ..." Dorian as headmaster would have been a great storyline.

Watching Rafael and Jed spar makes me realize that Finch never got to meet Rafael. What a wasted opportunity.

" You're mocking me." "Yeah but just a little bit." When I say Dorian and Alaric had more chemistry with the Dryad than they did with Emma or Mac ...

" Sometimes in the human world telling the truth can do more harm than good." OH THIS IS ABOUT THE MERGE. MM HMM.

"I see it in their smiles, in their laughter. I still see her sometimes." Going to cry thinking about that last scene in TVD

"You straight up refuse to swim across the lake." "Excuse the foster kid for never having swim lessons." And now he literally lives, immortal, ferrying across a lake.

Testing his ability to get away from you as fast as possible, Hope? Little Miss Hold on Tight?

So if Malivore's DNA showed up as literally everything, why did Landon's DNA show no supernatural history? Why didn't it raise any red flags?

"It's so nice to know you all love me as much as I thought you did." She's a comedian because I know she knows those kids hate her ass. They attended a book club reading of her diary. They laughed at her funeral. They did NOT love her and she knew it.

"Jackass Jed." If there's one thing the Saltzman twins know how to do best it's come up with nicknames.

"Say no more. I know how much it means to you and I would be happy to help." She needs a hug.

Tell me again how it's Lizzie who's getting in the way of Josie's romantic life?

What is the SBS sex ed class like because the amount of STD jokes those students make is kind of wild.

Not Josie giving away Lizzie's pink sweater ... like we never even got to see her wear it before you did that ...

"I've always wanted to be part of a power couple." Oh boy do I have news for you Lizzie

No, because Handon's "I don't want to be special" x "I need to be special" dynamic is so delicious

"You know, you can only hold out hope for so long and be hurt by so many people before it starts to seems impossible to trust someone new." "Do you trust me?" "Of course I do." Handizzie excellence.

Why did they have to do S1 Jed so dirty

"I'm trying to rise above it. So let me freaking rise."

"I'm a tribrid. The only one of my kind. No one can represent my interests but me." So does Lizzie finally get her spot on the council after becoming a heretic?

Did the Honor Council just disappear after Hope was forgotten??

Imagine if Lizzie had brought the truth orb with her when she hunted down Hope and confessed to being in love with her

Josie using her father and her sister almost dying since Landon arrived as an excuse to kick him out is kind of funny when you remember that later she kills her sister and doesn't care when her father stuck in a coma and on his death bed.

"This school is family." Guess nobody there can like each other now

That's TWO magical trees in the Legacies universe now ...

"What did I ever do to make you hate me so much?" No because one day I will write an essay on how all of Josie's love interests end up hating Lizzie for no reason and/or misinformed reasons and there's one common denominator.

"It's not about you. It's about how you treat Josie." Is that not literally about her. Like if your problem is that she doesn't exist solely to serve Josie, isn't that having a problem with her??

"Did you think to ask her if she wanted to run for council before you assumed you'd win?" DID YOU?? BECAUSE THAT GIRL LOOKED LIKE SHE WANTED TO DIE AS SOON AS SHE HAD TO MAKE A DECISION ON THE SPOT LIKE THAT.

The irony in Penelope telling Lizzie that she's left Josie with no room for herself when it's actually the opposite way around. Like real quick Miss Park, which one of them are you telling that they can't pursue their interests because the other twin might want it too?

I will never understand why Penelope acted like Lizzie and Josie couldn't both run for council. It was an open election. All she had to do was put her name in.

"She spends all her energy taking care of you." To recap in the past four episodes she has spent her energy trying to win over Rafael, trying to convince everyone to hate Penelope and not talk about her, trying to get offensive magic put into the school curriculum, trying to get everyone to lose the football game, and trying to drive a deeper wedge between Hope and Lizzie during community service. Now which part of that is taking care of Lizzie?

"You are a black hole of time and energy and love." Is the time and energy and love in the room with us right now?

"She won't ever burn you world down." The foreshadowing to her literally burning the school down ...

Every day I wish Penelope would have been around to see Josie in her black lipstick era.

No because what happened to pretty shots like the Handon kiss? When did TV shows stop caring about cinematic beauty and nicely lit shots and fantastic coloring??

Sandwiches are a Handon thing

"I have a family friend who's expecting you." The fact that we never see Landon with the Mikaelson family friend ...

Every time I see Raf and Lizzie's scene, I think about that post about how lesbians use hetero sex as a form of self harm and there has never been a better example to exist in all of history. Like what part of being told that you're the worst person in the world makes you horny??

Also Lizzie Saltzman kiss a guy without crying challenge. Like sweetie if you're crying every time you have to kiss them, maybe it's for a reason.

Every time I hear Someone to You on the radio I get chills because of this episode

#legacies #legacies cw #lizzie saltzman #hope mikaelson #landon kirby #rafael waithe #josie saltzman #milton greasley #penelope park #losie #posie #handon #hafael #legacies rewatch

[inmarbleimmobility]

1.1.6 - How He Protected His House

THE ONE WITH THE CHAIRS!!! my youngest brother and i goof about this chapter All The Time because this is as far as he ever made it in the brick. so sometimes we'll be at a holiday gathering and my mother will inevitably ask about how many of us there are while setting the table and my brother will go, "seven? yeah we have enough chairs for that, we could do up to eleven actually, it would be more but that one upstairs is too big-"

anyway!

"the most beautiful of altars [...] is the soul of an unhappy man who is comforted and thanks god" is fascinating. on the surface obviously he's talking about how compassion and love are more important than material goods. but also, the altar is *the* single most important part of a physical church to the point that the church is essentially built around it - compassion and love are the center around which Myriel's entire belief system (and the one Hugo argues for) is built.

I love that Myriel has "pupils from the secondary school" over!!! I'm imagining like tea in the headmaster's office but it's with the nice old bishop who just loves hearing about everything you've been learning lately

the bit about Baptistine's sofa dreams is actually kind of crushing?? "whoever attains the ideal"???? Hey Hugo, I know this is The Miserable Book but that's a little bit of a downer even for you. like, no, material things shouldn't be the ideal, of course! beautiful furniture is no substitute for the things that truly matter! (which, if I had a nickel...) But I feel so bad for her here. Let a woman have her one velvet sofa. (also, for someone who's going to talk so much about a certain "priest of the ideal" later, that's a weird way to talk about your ideal!)

it's fascinating also that Myriel still has the "grooming articles that betrayed the elegant habits of the man of the world"! it's a surprising bit of vanity that maybe he doesn't even realize is vanity? or maybe his 10 step skincare routine really is that good.

Myriel's "copper crucifix with traces of silver" caught my eye, because Valjean's crucifix in his terrible room in the Rue de l'Homme Arme is copper too. probably I'm reaching here and and all 18th century crucifixes were made of copper, but either way it's an interesting bookend.

i'm about to get very Red String Conspiracy Meme here for a second BUT! The Candlesticks. the church says you Must have a certain number of (specifically beeswax) candlesticks present on or near the altar at any mass. the absolute minimum is two, but the number increases up to 7 depending on who's celebrating mass/what type of mass is being celebrated. someone who needed a quick 1500 word essay could make something out of this - the fact that aside from the silver cutlery (which there were practical reasons for keeping) the only other Thing he has is those two silver candlesticks, the fact that two candles specifically are used for the low mass, the table/altar comparisons, the altar being a surface on which a sacrifice is made... all of this is an extreme reach but playing with catholic aesthetics is fun, okay, so sue me.

"The beautiful is as useful as the useful. [...] Perhaps even more so."

there sure are a lot of Guys Who Like Flowers in this novel, huh! Myriel, Mabeuf, Jean Prouvaire, even Valjean... I'm sure that means nothing at all!

"Nisi Dominus" etc is Psalm 127:1, "Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain."

"[the bravery of priests] should be peaceable" - and this is where we run into the limit of the Myriel Approach. his need to remain peaceable is the core of that whole interaction with G- and his aversion to the scaffold - he does not believe violence can be justified, which is why he can't change the system, he can only try to mitigate the pain it causes. it feels to me like a direct parallel of Enjolras' "death, I abhor thee, but I use thee".

#this is a particularly unhinged recap #i will likely read it when i'm less sleep deprived and go 'wow you really thought you did something there' #“i've connected the dots” “you didn't connect shit” “i've connected them” #les mis #les mis letters #lm 1.1.6

[sky-is-the-limit]

hi! first of all i want to tell you that your page is very fun to read, thank you for it! but… i sometimes (really often) see things that makes me sad and even somehow guilty?? i don't really care about Gaz, and i like Konig. and i was pretty ok with it, until i started to see your posts that everyone who doesn't like Gaz and likes Konig is racist???? like, why??? i can understand why people like Gaz, but he just seems plane to me? and that's all. he is just not my type??? and Konig, though he is just an operator in multiplayer and has a very little backstory, i still love it and his accent very much. i have a very long list of black crushes male and female. but i just don't like Gaz. and when i make things that i like i include characters that i like and don't include those who i don't??? i just don't call them 141 if i include Konig and don't Gaz. if i want to make 141, Gaz is always there, because he is a part, even if i don't care about him. and your statements really makes me sad and upset about myself, though i'm old enough to understand that i have my right to like and don't like who i want. sorry for my long ass essay in a bad English. please don't hate me?? p.s. you are very pretty :c

Okay, I'm sorry but can you tell me exactly when did I say that anyone who doesn't like Kyle is racist? I specifically mention in whatever post I make regarding people leaving Gaz out of 141 that many have weird, racist undertones, I never said that if you don't like Kyle as a character, you have to be racist.

You can like/write/consume whatever on earth you want, love, I'm not a babysitter nor I own the freaking games. I'm a fan in this fandom and a gamer who loves this franchise therefore I am ALLOWED to express my opinion/thoughts/likes and dislikes regarding said fandom in my own blog.

You can build König a tall ass statue and make sacrifices to his name, darling that's your right! You like him as a character and that's cool, you're allowed to like whoever you want and dislike whoever you want, I ain't gonna burn your phone for not liking Kyle nor call YOU specifically racist for not liking him as a character, though, frankly, it doesn't make sense at all but again that's a me thing.

However, noticing how fucking racist this fandom is for having a pattern of excluding the only black character from his own content and replace him with a white man that has nothing to do with it, even though Kyle is literally the main character then yeah I'm gonna call it out and no one will make me feel bad or wrong about it.

When real people get hurt, real poc get hurt by seeing the only person representing them being tossed to the side for literally no fucking reason then I'm sorry but I don't really care if my dislike towards an irrelevant mf is such a discomfort to you or anyone else.

Because me not liking König or calling out a collective of bad behaviour in a fandom does not affect you at all if you simply click the 'x' next to my post.

I understand the annoyance of seeing people disliking a character that you like but you can literally unfollow/block etc cause if I were to get upset whenever some stranger online disliked my fav fictional characters, I'd end up in anger management or something.

Love, if my content or opinions make you sad for whatever reason (said reasons being about fictional characters and not real life issues which is what most of my Kyle defending posts are about) then put your mental health first and block me, I can promise you that's its okay to do it when you see something that you don't like!

However, with that being said, I will not change my opinions/criticism for anyone, I don't do it in real life with real people who I interact with and I will not do it on a silly lil tumblr blog when it comes to concerning issues such as racism that is very much present in the Call of Duty community.

My criticism is not for people who simply don't like a fictional character who happens to be black. My posts are very much targeted towards a very specific demographic and I really don't understand this but I respect your feelings and will very much encourage you to not follow this blog if it makes you upset, it's okay and understandable!!

With all that being said, never apologise for your English. Be proud that you speak more than one language! It's not my first language either:) Thank you for reaching out and explaining why you feel that way, I hope you the best, dear anon. Take care<3

#ask #cod #call of duty

[nakanotamu]

Different anon here, but would you mind telling us a little more about saya kamitani and utami hayashishita's relationship? (or lack of one as it were)

ANON I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME ALMOST A MONTH TO GET BACK TO YOU I also apologize in advance for not having a whole essay and cute pictures like I did for Syuri and Utami

Okay so right when Kamitani debuted, she said Utami was her "goal", the still inexperience prodigy who'd debuted a year before her. While Kamitani was an unaffiliated rookie there was sort of an... I'd call it an unspoken agreement that she would follow her "master" (or teacher, master in the martial arts sense) Tam into Stars. However, on February 16th 2020, at Stardom's last pre-pandemic show (the timing of this show makes it feel somehow like it was 1 million years ago and like there's no way it was only in early 2020) Kamitani challenged Utami for the Future championship. After their match, which Utami won, she told Kamitani she liked her and wanted her to join Queen's Quest. Kamitani immediately accepted, much to Tam's chagrin. (They eventually mostly worked it out.) Coincidentally Utami bringing in Kamitani was the first Leader thing she did, almost fully 2 years before Momo left QQ and Utami actually became leader.

From then to now, this is basically their entire relationship in a nutshell:

They started teaming and won the tag belts VERY quickly, in July 2020, after they were vacated due to Bea Priestley and Jamie Hayter no longer being able to be in the country due to covid. They were not extremely dominant champions, with only 2 defences in 5 months before they lost the belts. Kamitani was still settling into her new Cool, Sophisticated QQ persona, and while she was working really, really hard to live up to being Utami's partner, she was the obvious weak point of their team.

Kamitani earned a spot in Stardom's first NJPW crossover Tokyo Dome match (I do not remember exactly how she got in lol) and she used that opportunity to challenge Utami for the red belt, which she held at the time. This was a BOLD overstep for someone of Kamitani's standing at the time. Utami played it like just letting Kamitani challenge would have been unbecoming of the top champion, like Kamitani just didn't have a good enough claim to challenging for it to be okay, it wasn't that she didn't want to just, it's the World championship, you can't just give whoever you like a shot. Except beneath her words it was really obvious that she like, kind of likes Kamitani and just didn't want to fight her. Kamitani told her that she wanted this challenge more than anything, that she was willing to sacrifice their tag team over it, and Utami accepted. Utami beat her and they made up, Kamitani still seeing Utami as a goal but realizing Utami did, like, respect her - it was only Kamitani that saw herself as a fuck up, not Utami.

Throughout that year their relationship was pretty much, Utami supporting her (as much as the champ can) while Kamitani was working really hard to build herself up while. That's kind of always been the tone of their relationship. Utami says "Hey, I'm here for you, you can do this." Kamitani responds "Oh my god, I'm in love with you" and Utami goes "Not like that." Literally just a few months ago when Utami wished Kamitani a happy birthday, Kamitani responded "Utami I love youuuuuu" to which Utami responded "I KNOW"

So, yeah, basically as time goes on Kamitani DOES build herself up. She wins the white belt from Tam and begins a reign with it that will seemingly never fucking end. In early 2022 she nominates Utami to be her challenger at a big show at Ryogoku Kokugikan. The tables are turned from a year before, now Kamitani is the champion, and she wants to prove at last that she's really on Utami's level now.

This time Kamitani does win in a match I will be honest I didn't love. The white belt is a bit of a white whale for Utami and she can't overcome that here. Utami reaffirms that she respects Kamitani and she never thought she wasn't on her level, but also says - with the acknowledgment that this will just sound like she's bitter because she lost - that Kamitani is missing something as champion, something that Tam, Giulia, Arisa, Momo had. I am inclined to agree, and that's kind of been a thing throughout Kamitani's reign, people saying she doesn't quite actually have it, that she's not quite actually as good as her results, but boy that sure has not stopped her from getting those results. (The "thing" is probably being able to let out her emotions in a match. Every other champ in recent memory was excellent at making you feel something - in all of their matches, but their title matches especially. Her feelings sometimes coming across as a little too fake is still a weak spot for Kamitani imo, particularly rough when that's what the white belt is supposed to be all about. Kamitani does shine at this sometimes, but she's not consistent.)

And that's pretty much it until this year in Tag League. AphroditE teamed once again, I think making them the team this year with the most entries - and honestly probably the frontrunners for most entries together ever. They were, in fact, much more even partners this year, with Utami even showing some affection and putting in some effort to follow Kamitani's lead a lot of the time. They made it to the finals, but having wrestled their last block match right before the finals with no break in between, 7Upp were too much for them.

Now they're teaming together again (along with AZM) in Triangle Derby, which is still in its early stages, so it's hard to say how it'll go for them. Right now they have a perfectly neutral record of 1-1-1.

So that should be pretty much it. They're surprisingly solid compared to most other partners in Stardom. Kamitani continually professes her love while Utami friendzones her hard, but it's not like Kamitani is having breakdowns from seeing Utami kiss Syuri instead of her either. Here have some cute pictures

#long post #Stardom #joshi puroresu #Saya Kamitani #Utami Hayashishita

[spacetravels]

I am insane abt noah too… I’d love to know some of your hcs or thoughts or anything you have in that doc you’ve written, if you don’t mind sharing 💓

[insert sickos meme]

YEAH i think in my meta i just wrote too much about how the it lives series is like. the heart of it is mc & the marshall twins. i'll die on that hill. and also ofc the entirety of it lives being about breaking cycles. & like ofc bias here as a noah apologist but here have some paraphrased bullets frm my essay LOL I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY:

Essentially my thesis is like. The Marshall twins: Noah was Jane's whole world and he’ll always feel guilty that he couldn’t save her. MC’s her best friend and the love they had for each other was strong and real and MC will always feel guilt and blame for her her death.It’s a fucked up little circle of grief and blame because they’re both like: Why didn’t I stop this/Why didn’t I save her/Why was it not me/This is my fault

the way the horror genre is often about loss… like the horror of It Lives lies in how painful grief is, and exploring how grief can manifest itself and pain breeding pain and stuff. and it's so different across the book 1 cast but i think noah and mc are so similar in just. they blame themselves and carry jane's death the hardest... and uhhh

the fact they’re in their senior year. And how after this they’re “grown ups” and they have to go to college or get jobs or both. And how redfield/jane represents the youth they lost and will never have again. And red/jane bringing the gang all back for one last game because there’d be no games after that--all of jane’s friends will have to grow up. All of jane’s friends will become adults and she’ll be left behind in this terrible limbo state where she’ll never get to move on the way everyone else could. Like they have to grow up, they can’t stop and stay and play games in the woods like they used to anymore because then they'd never let go of what happened to them. And the end scene where everyone, if they're strong, can declare they're not scared--that's it. They've learned they can let go.

And it aches and it aches so much in the finale when you realize that this happens for everyone EXCEPT MC and Noah. everyone grows up. They played together. They finish the game. They can move on. Their arcs are wonderfully done. But these two people literally don't have the option of that!

so sacrifice MC and Noah have that choice to make that like. They both can’t make it out alive by this point, and they have to choose (assuming like. you get the choice lol the tragedy of noah flying off the handle and killing mc is another thing entirely re: nerve mechanic and whatnot)

And like definitely up to player perception and completely fair at this point if ppl make their choice becuz Fuck Noah Marshall or other reasons to save MC lol no judgement but my thoughts on like. the choice is like.

MC dies, because MC thinks Noah has to live. Despite it all and no matter what consequences he has to face, Noah Marshall has to keep being alive because he’s spent his entire youth stuck in a limbo state of wanting to disappear and be gone and he can’t even have the grace of dying now. He has to live.

Noah dies, because Noah thinks MC has to live, because MC saved him. He’s made peace with his death a long time ago, and this was his fault. MC has been nothing but grounded and carries in them the optimism and belief that grief does not end in pain, but you carry it with you, and you live. MC has to live for the person who can’t

anywyays i'm like. i'm TOTALLY fine and having a NORMAL one

#ilitw #amanda answers #THIS IS JUST IT LIVES META BUT IT'S LIKE. THE WAYS NOAH AND MC ARE THE SAME IN THEIR MISERY AND JUST. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS IT THE WAY THEY DO #NOAH AND MC UNDERSTAND THEIR GRIEF THE MOST!! THEY'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO SEE EACH OTHER AND SEE JANE AT THE VERY END BECAUSE JANE LOVED THEM #AND THEY'RE THE ONLY PEOPLE CAPABLE OF TAKING ON HER CURSE... CUZ THEY'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN...... #i;m fine. #sorry this is so long. i have one thousand evil feelings.

[love-triangles-au]

do they ever argue? what’s that like for a gun god and a chaos demon to fight? and most importantly, how do they make up?

OOH THIS IS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION okay I ended up writing an entire essay for this complete with citations so it'll be beneath a read more. You have activated my brain worms, thank you kindly.

So I think that fights between these two are inevitable because they have some really differing core beliefs, especially on the concepts of family and love. A rather overlooked trait of Venuz is that he values respect and is nice to others as can be seen a lot on his Twitter. These are just three examples but there are quite a few more!

In our headcanon he also risked just about everything for Cuz as well. (I totally wanna elaborate more on that but I'll save it for some other time. >:]) Needless to say, Bill would never do this (well, not yet, at least), Mr. "WHO WOULD SACRIFICE EVERYTHING THEY'VE WORKED FOR JUST FOR THEIR DUMB SIBLING?" over here.

Every relationship goes through a "honeymoon phase" where the initial euphoria and lovey-dovey stuff is at its highest point. I think that Venuz was very much overwhelmed by this honeymoon phase and was willing to forgive or disregard just about everything Bill did that he'd ordinarily be really uncool with.

Eventually, though, that has to wear off, and he'll be forced to confront that yeah actually I'm kinda not cool with some of this behaviour.

Cuz is definitely his breaking point in tolerating Bill's lack of regard or respect for others. It starts to bother him to the point where he's like "ok u gotta leave him alone yo" and Bill would probably either deny completely that he's messing with him (which Venuz isn't falling for, Cuz has told him enough already) or say something like "SO WHAT? HE'S JUST A STUPID KID" and either way that's gonna piss Venuz off. Bill's constant abuse of his maids would definitely bother him, too. So yeah, that is the main problem they have -- Venuz values respect and Bill has none.

As to how they'd actually deal with it? Well I can imagine eventually Venuz says something like "if u ain't gonna respec my famili dis ain't gonna work" and Bill is really upset by that and goes full on the defensive and throws a tantrum / pity party like "WELL NOBODY EVER RESPECTED ME" blah blah blah trying to justify why he's an asshole and that's okay because he's the victim always.

Venuz has gotten to know him enough by now to the point where he can kinda understand where this is coming from even if he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, and his little fit just makes Venuz feel bad for him. He thinks "wow he iz rly fukkd up. i can fix him". If he isn't willing to try to tame the beast at least a little bit I don't think this relationship would work out at all, lmao.

So, yeah, I'm sure most fights are based around that general concept. Bill calls the waiter a worthless three-dimensional skin-puppet or something and Venuz sprays him with a water bottle. And vise versa, too, probably; "YOU'RE TOO SOFT, YOU SHOULD BURN THAT MORTAL ALIVE".

Otherwise, though, smaller stuff they disagree on is definitely to what extent they should do "mortal stuff" like sleeping and eating or whatever. Venuz likes to do those things. Sure, he is a god, he could do anything he wants, but he chooses to eat, chooses to sleep, even chooses to have a job.

Bill is mortal now, so he needs to sleep and eat, but he's going to be obnoxious about that for as long as he can. After all, he's not really a mortal, this is only temporary! He's like Venuz, a deity beyond biology or responsibility! The rules don't apply to him!

I think Venuz is often frustrated that Bill can rarely ever just spend a chill evening in the living room cuddling with him, and Bill is frustrated that Venuz is wasting his time with those things. Heck, I'm sure Bill's extra frustrated because he wants Venuz's power; he's not using it, so it may as well go to him anyway! Nevermind the fact that Venuz is clearly living a lot happier life than Bill is, hahaha.

This totally develops as time goes on, though; Venuz spends more time taking Bill on little adventures around the galaxy and bringing him on Wasteland runs to set shit on fire with him, and Bill is more willing to indulge in lying around just enjoying one another's presence or spending evenings stargazing. Relationships are all about compromise and these two care about each other enough to be willing to do that, whether consciously or not. :)

~ Mod Emily 🦇

#ask box #mod emily #love triangles au #yungbill #yung venuz #bill cipher #nuclear throne #gravity falls #gun godz

[tallohallo]

@gf10yearslaterzine

Day 1 favorite character

ok i know im a little bit late but whatever….

Stan has been my favorite for quite a while now, I just love his character so much. The fact that when we first meet Stan at the beginning of the series he seems like just a greedy con man,,, but as the series progresses he grows closer with Dipper and Mabel and we see that he does really care about his family, more than anything else.

And then of COURSE the reveal of Ford at the halfway mark of season two just drives that point even further. When we learn the backstory of those two… and the fact that Stan was willing to restart the portal, something he knew was dangerous, just for the chance to get his brother back. And the only reason he started the Mystery Shack in the first place was so he would be able to keep working on the portal, it just shows how much he cares about his family.

And then theres his sacrifice towards the end of Weirdmaggedon, when he was willing to lose his own memories, so that he would basically be dead in all ways but literally, just to keep Dipper and Mabel safe…. he cares so much guys….

so yeah now that I’ve written an entire essay that probably doesn’t make any sense…. I’m gonna go to bed…

#gravity falls #stan pines #gf10yearslaterzine

[madillhethen]

Top 5 dog breeds? And top 5 fate characters? Bonus points for saying why 👀

Hmmm, I think when I was a kid I had an actual list but now I don’t think I do so this might be a bit random.

0. Selene and Lucina have to have their own category because they’re my dogs and everyone needs to know how much I love them :P

1. Dalmatians!

2. Corgis

3. Scottish Terriers

4. Golden Retriever

5. Pit bulls

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really had to think for this one, I’m excluding servants for the most part unless they reach above human characters. There are just too many to go through so I’m just going to name the characters I love on the top of my head. Fate’s a big universe anyways.

1. EMIYA: this by all means is no surprise (tumblr even called my blog a heroic spirit Emiya blog because of how much I tag) anyways, what can I not say about this man? He’s such a great character. I could write an essay on him but anyways, shortening it up, I love Emiya for the fact that he’s so thoughtfully altruistic, I know that part of this stems from his crippling and unhealthy self-worth but he took his weakness and made it a strength. He became a nameless entity that fought for others, a hero, and a lot of people have told me it’s stupid but when you get down to it, think about the people going through those wars, imagine just needing someone, anyone to save you, to show some kindness or another and it’s just…this man who has nothing to do with your war, your fight, but he’s literally there not for recognition or reward, but just because he wants to see people smile. He went through hell, and saw a hero, and all he wanted was to replicate that because he understood those feelings. So empathetic, a heart to big for the world, yet not a doormat, Emiya is graceful, cool, a figure of guidance, beautiful and a dork (he’s handsome as hell as a bonus 👀).

The fact that his own self-worth is so detrimental to him, is also what I love, as odd as that sounds. He never hated humanity, he didn’t curse the people who killed him, he never blamed his father, Saber or anyone, he doesn’t even think about destroying the worlds (I know that’s impossible but I’m just throwing that out there) instead he still is thinking of others, the only reason he hates himself so much is because he thinks he’s a murderer. He’s fair, and yeah, childish, but he’s not a sore loser, you have to give him a shot before you get to insult him, he can be a dick but it’s not in arrogance or harm, he’s pointing out your flaws because he knows you can fix them. You have that power, and if no one else is going to say it, he will because he wants you to be better.

Bonus because he can cook and clean.

2. Illyasviel von Einzbern: sweet and innocent? Check. Cute? Check. Little devil murder child? Check (x10 for all those bad ends lol). Illya is probably one of my favorite characters, partly because of nostalgia reasons. Back when I was a kid (younger), I thought FSN was off limits and winded up reading Prisma (jokes on me, that was not a kid version of Fate), but anyways I read OG Illya’s profile along with the manga of Prisma. I didn’t really find Prisma Illya...compelling at all but I always loved her design. Sweet, child-like innocence but a wise and perceptive disposition, Illya just wants a family--girl has never known anything ordinary. On top of the fact, her motivations for the entire Grail War doesn’t stem from the old Einzbern or three families’ original wish. She don’t care about any of that. She steered away from that long ago. 

This is personal, but at the same time, she wasn’t blinded by her own hatred and revenge (let’s not include the bad ends, okay) to not give Shirou a chance. And we see in Heaven’s Feel, she knew her brother, she knew how he was and she chose to sacrifice herself so that he could live. She came to kill him but winded up being the reason he lives. I just really love her.

3. Rin Tohsaka: I’m going to be honest, I don’t know how people can not like Rin. She’s literally perfect. Sporty, academics, pretty, elegant, really put together for the most part and a great magus but more than that, she’s just an ordinary girl trying to balance the world, her world, without any guidance. She’s literally living between two worlds: her long heritage of magi blood, and the parts of her that just is a normal girl who wants a family, wants to not be alone. She has a heart of gold, and although not as altruistic as Emiya/Shirou, she still has the idea that its the strong’s duty to protect the weak and yet at the same time, she never forsakes her individualism. 

Archer told Rin that people who don’t regret shine bright, and I agree. Rin has the attitude that she will choose a path, but never will she look back and regret that decision because each and every one of those decisions had reasons, yet what I love of her is that she doesn’t have a careless attitude, she struggles to come up with the decisions and that’s so very human. It’s not like Cu who takes things as it is, and is proud of whatever life he has, it’s similar but not the same, Rin’s feels...just so much more relatable, and I love her for that. 

4. Shirou Emiya: poor boy needs a hug. It’s a little similar to my reasons for Archer, but I don’t see these two as the same. I treat them somewhat similar but not the same (because they’re not. They’re both Shirou Emiya, but they’re not the same but they are. It’s not confusing at all. Don’t worry about it.) Except unlike Archer, Shirou has a bit of a gullible side that’s adorable and hilarious, but the boy is so good natured that...sadly he is a bit of a doormat. He’s determined, brave, suicidal, considerate and strong-willed, it’s hard for me to imagine anyone reading FSN and not finding themselves loving Shirou. His twisted sense of self and idealistic dream is both admirable and yet so sad. 

I love him especially in UBW because he sees the end result, he’s told the problems of his origins and yet he decides that he doesn’t care if the dream is fake. If the path will lead to hell because helping people can’t be wrong. And he’s right, it’s not wrong to help others. Persevering in a path for others’ pain is tolling, yet someone who can do it is absolutely aspiring.

5. Romani Archaman: he is incredibly relatable on so many levels (I actually find EMIYA more relatable to myself personally). He panics, he doesn’t know what he’s doing but he tries. He tries his best. A man who only wished to be human because he couldn’t be one spent the time of his human life dedicating it in the service of others, became a doctor to help others, all while trying to prevent the world’s end. That’s so admirable. He’s funny and kind, and goes out of his way for his people. I love Romani also for treating people fairly and equally, whenever the conversation was with Mash or a servant, it never felt like he was isolating them, he wasn’t saying ‘your a servant etc etc. (as we see with a different director ahem) it felt somehow like he was just talking to other people. And even in his confrontation with Goetia, he didn’t blame Goetia, didn’t curse him, he understood the difference in them and I don’t know, he was an ordinary man, just a doctor, but he was a hero (and I freaking miss him...)

#rat nest’s asks #mad’s answers #dogs #fate stay night #Mad’s Fate #I’m sorry I always give like…a whole a essay whenever I answer stuff #i don’t talk in real life but I can’t shut up when it comes to writing #I'm sorry if this became like a whole review lol #I was going to put the entire Emiya Family rather than Rin and Romani but I thought I should take a step back and think of others #outside of the Emiya family but hey what can I say #I just love them #shirou emiya #rin tohsaka #illya #illya von einzbern #romani archaman #archer emiya #heroic spirit emiya #emiya #also they're not purebreds but I love mutts too #I know a lot of people don't like mutts because etc etc reasons but I don't know I love them #unique and Selene is technically a mutt

[saitolover]

🩸finished van helsing’s route!

thoughts under the cut bc it became a bit long than i thought it would be

one thing id like to say first is that wow! playing through the routes is going much quicker ever since ive finished the common route lmao felt like i was playing it for a week, while each route is taking me a day or two (thanks to binge playing now). didnt mind though tbh, i loved the common route. this game has become one where i can smile stupidly at my screen while looking at my fav 2d characters <3

so onto my thoughts about van helsing’s route, yay! i loved the angst and the drama that was going on in it. it was great (and extremely heavy and dark) to hear about van’s past AND LITERALLY how aleister was just. controlling him. i had my suspicious of him after seeing some of the bad endings, and how cardia or someone else would be like, “why are you doing this/why are you here…?” etc. but never expected him to be conditioning van wtf. also was interesting to see more abt finis, im wondering more on what his secret really is!

a little note: ive always been a fan of the more “colder” charas in otome games. cue my username, though now that im thinking abt it, my favs arent always like that lmao. okay ignore this ramble

but that aside, wow. the romance had me mad. not that pressed lmao but there are times where i wanted to shake my screen and yell at van for always pushing away cardia and being so mean TT i think i get it tho, man is completely afraid of losing another person he cares about. trauma! so i was finally so happy when he was like, okay fine i do love you cardia. but then he knocked her out oml. so glad that cardia came in and honestly i want to date cardia i have a fat crush on her. she cared so much about van and was willing to sacrifice herself (which is kinda a reoccurring thing, i noticed. makes me kinda sad bc i want her to value herself more too <3 which makes me happy when she says she and her LI will survive together no matter what. cardia is a fighter and she wont go down!!! love to see how she realizes that she’s capable of love, and that she isnt a monster <3 getting validated by others and starting to realize her emotions!) okay let me shut up now before i write a whole essay about cardia bc this is a van post ???

what was i talking abt again. oh right, anyways! stop it game the amount of angst in this route… im in pain. so i was happy when these two got their happy ending. it actually feels kinda weird now to see van kinda being in love now lmao bc he’s always been so cold and hid his emotions. we get blushing sprite of him and him being more romantic and flirting with cardia and im like. whoa who is this guy HAHA but im not complaining. his extra was great too, cardia was so cute and i felt embarrassed for her as well lol.

and i think that is pretty much what i have to say about this route! played the last couple chaps when i first woke up and am writing this immediately after i finished them so yeah! and one last note… i cannot believe they were robbed of a kiss LIKE ???? pls dont tell me everyone else is missing a kiss too 😭😭 im sad. i want them to hold hands and kiss too okay. that is all!

small update: omg i forgot to mention delly 😭 im so glad that van helsing’s route talked more about delly, his feelings, and how much he’s really been suffering :(((

#catplays.txt #catplays.txt + code:realize #code:realize #abraham van helsing

[goshawk]

I'm the lukewarm take anon and I see where you're coming from but what I understood is you're explaining how the characters had reasons and felt justified in their actions, which. Most people have reasons for doing things, even completely horrendous shit. Doesnt make it right though. Especially since dean sam and cas supposedly have a responsibility to protect, and knowledge about things that affect billions of people. So they should at least try to be rational and look past their own personal life when they're making big decisions, right?

I'm not saying they like have a duty to sacrifice themselves and each other or some such bullshit, but there have definitely been a bunch of times where a workaround was possible if they thought for more than 2 seconds but they still went with the absolute weirdest route (this is probably the writers fault, but these decisions end up part of their character/personalities anyway). plus yea that's an example of what I'm talking about: we chop dean's cringey misogynistic attitude even though it's part of his character. also

- all of them jump the gun and kill monsters who arent shit people on more than one occaison.

- There's an episode where dean literally aims a gun at this kid who is Indigenous I think and threatens her into using her dreamwalking for them. ?????? and sam just goes along with it

- also....... didn't castiel's god phase include absorbing everyone in purgatory and killing a crap ton of humans and angels........... ?

there's probably more but i don't remember specifics. btw this is all very much light hearted and not serious, just in case my tone comes across as rude or mean. sorry for that - and the essay

cont. i'm in covid isolation send me your hot takes

no hard feelings lukewarm anon, im down for some light quibbling! this is really fun to think about

i feel like with this and other superhero-esque shows it's always a rehash of personal vs practical. like yes if we had institutions to monster hunt we could expect them to be more utilitarian and be rational but we have what amounts to three very flawed guys making it up. ideally they would calculate the cost benefit each time and make the right choice, but they have imperfect information and character flaws. i think it'd be a pretty boring show if they were ideal about big decisions. i think on a smaller scale it's like the trolley problem variant where the one person is your best friend/mom/partner/etc vs X number of people. it depends on the value of X - two and it might be okay, a million and it's quite morally dubious. dean's X leans more towards a million, sam's less, and cas' i've got no fucking clue. more on this and the souls later.

tldr, it's a given that plotlines in media of this genre can often be resolved better if the characters spend a little more time thinking or think a little more rationally. the idea of any monster == bad and gungho killing them == good when the show has repeatedly challenged this notion is a really good example of this. salmondean know that there are ways to let vampires live off of animals/blood donations rather than preying on humans, but salmondean choose to kill them anyways.

on that topic, i'd love to take a comparison of madison (sam's werewolf gf, sam kill), amy pond (sam's kitsune friend, dean kill) and emma winchester (dean's daughter, sam kill) when i have more mental space. i think they're comparable if we take a closer scan

honestly, i have to engage with this show with a filter over the bad character choices. there's deeply racist, misogynistic, and homophobic shit in here that i won't attempt to excuse. idt there's much more for me to say there ✌️

i think the dreamwalking thing is a kaia plotline? i dont want to say much about it since i'm really not familiar with what happens. gonna watch before i develop a fledged opinion but yeah that's pretty fuckin bad

at a surface level i don't really mind that cas was targeting the KKK/religious extremists and i think it's hilarious. my actual thoughts are that it's really fucked up and akin to an institutionally operated death penalty once someone consolidates all that power. i think cas' actions are morally reprehensible there but again like. i think he's got a legal insanity defense there. the purgatory souls calculation is a really complex thing that i'm not really sure how to scale yet. i don't think its fair to judge cas for his leviathan tainted thinking processes though.

#this got sooooo long and im procrastinating on hw by writing this <3 #asks #spn

[transsexualhamlet]

Dead Apple Is A Hot Mess: The Analysis

Essays:

-Dead Apple Only Really Makes Sense If You Assume It's Just Dazai, Shibusawa, and Fyodor's Elaborate Honeymoon

-Half All Other Inconsistencies Can Be Explained By Dazai Making Up Excuses To Shove Chuuya At His Crotch

-I Think Fyodor's Ability Is Actually 10 Times Weirder Than We Thought

-Ranpo Solved The Backrooms While This Shit Was Going On

Plus, everything else batshit crazy stupid about dead apple (affectionate)

Subtitle subtitle: me overanalyzing the movie equivalent of "girls just wanna have fun" played over a slasher film

this is all word vomit at this point

Prefacing this with holy shit of course I mean this all jokingly, obviously this is not what the writers meant, but they certainly left enough plot holes that my stupid idea actually fills them pretty consistently, so I'm taking it and fucking running.

I've been wanting to make a post like "how little sense dead apple makes as a cohesive story and how genuinely every time I think about it I'm just more confused" for a while, but since I finally finished reading the light novel, now I can say with certainty that yeah no, I'm not just stupid, it just literally does not make any logical sense unless you conclude that these flamboyant war criminals were all just in love with each other and their entire three-way backstabbing apocalypse deal was all a predetermined game that they planned out for their honeymoon or something. Yes, I am really saying that I think they just dressed up and played pretend as terrorists and decided that half the gifted population of Yokohama was a sacrifice they were willing to make.

Even then, it really doesn't account for half of the bullshit in the movie, but taking it that way honest to god explains about 80% of the inconsistencies, as ridiculous as it sounds.

@akutagawasslur and I have been talking about it and came up with a few sort of outlandish theories that try to actually make sense of the plot, but again, most of this is just gonna be me pointing out plot holes and continuity errors and narrative stupidity that I have no way of understanding, and that even assuming a ton of things, it still feels like this meme

Let me preface this with the fact that I love dead apple, it's an amazing movie and very pretty and I'm so glad it exists and it gave us 1. soukoku sex scene /j, 2. dazai with fancy hair, and 3. shibusawa our transfem icon /hj. But also, it just objectively sucks ass. I'm sure people have talked about this before, I just. Also have thoughts on the subject of how insanely poorly thought out the entire concept was.

(Giant fucking essay under the cut I feel like one of those youtubers who criticizes anime for fun but when I call everything gay it's a compliment)

_____________________________________________________

OK FIRST, DEAD APPLE TRIO GAY,

Before I even get into the plot of the movie, I'd like to for a minute direct you to the fact that there's no way any of these men are straight to begin with, no matter what they have to do with each other.

It's something really funny about anime in general, the way that they inadvertently make all the men fruity af for interesting character designs because straight guys are just so incredibly bland looking. It might seem normal when looking at an anime dude, but if you saw a dude irl wearing long braided hair, long, manicured nails, eyeliner, Arm Warmers, clothes he sewed himself, jewelry, and a Cape, there is no doubt in ANYONE'S mind that that's not a cishet man.

Dead Apple is just in general a very confusing movie. The light novel doesn't really help that much either, even if you've already watched it several times. I've heard that the stage play has just, a different plot altogether, but we're not even getting into that. And if someone has to put in that much effort to understand the plot of an anime movie, I don't think that's a good sign. The light novel definitely does go more into the plot, but that's kind of weird, since it's an adaption of the movie and not the other way around? They're kind of inconsistent, and they also have different translations. Honestly, after reading it, I have more questions than answers.

First off, I want to point out how entirely vague Dazai, Fyodor, and Shibusawa's motives all were in this movie. Even though the movie does eventually state what in general all of their motives supposedly are, the explanations given not only Do Not Explain their actions in ANY WAY, but also come off themselves as blatant misinformation.

I feel like the writers tried so hard to have their mind games seem death note level complex that they just ended up creating massive fucking plot holes that bring all of their motives into question.

To begin with, we have Dazai. After spending an ungodly amount of time on it, I think I kind of understand what the writers intended for him to come off as. It's a little hard because they wait to reveal that Dazai didn't actually just wholeheartedly want everyone to die for a little bit too fucking long, in my opinion, and even when they did it... it didn't work, it just took away an understandable though awful motive and failed to repace it with anything good.

So you have Dazai at the start of the movie clearly having a Moment Moment on a grave going hey bestie gonna go try out a new method of fucking killing myself, and atsushi's like, ok, be back for dinner. Dazai then reveals that he thinks Everyone Should Commit Suicide Actually and it's pretty in character to be perfectly honest. Yeah sure, of course he does. Seems like his brand of mental illness. Ango is like Dazai this is a bit much even for you you Literally Invited Terrorists To Have A Good Time but dazai's like Bestie Im Just Having A Bad Day and meets up with his matching gay villains like this was planned all along, which undoubtedly it was.

Yeah, seems like a pretty understandable motive. Depressed man convinced into thinking Apocalypse Sexy by two homosexuals. I can forgive that.

But then like three quarters through the movie, after they've had a whole ass arc about how much they're depressed and want everyone to die including themselves but they have to lounge around being emo first, Dazai is suddenly like No Actually I Was Faking It Definitely To Save Yokohama Of Course Because That's Me, Mr. Morals. And as much as I'm glad Dazai did in fact give a miniscule shit about Chuuya and Atsushi and like the entire city, I... honestly don't believe it. Not just because I wouldn't trust Dazai as far as I could throw him, but because the way they try to clear his name just isn't comprehensive enough, and I have to say it would not hold up in a court of law. (I'm amazed that it took as long as it did for Dazai to get thrown in fucking prison as it did, lol)

So sure, the movie then tells us that he invited them into the city because, I guess, they were going to do it anyway? That doesn't even make any sense. If Shibusawa was already targeting Yokohama, Dazai wouldn't need to fucking invite him. We never got any clarification on what Dazai actually did to get Shibusawa's trust in the slightest. How did he help with the plan? How was he cooperating with Shibusawa? What did he say or do that made the guy trust him? No clarification on that at all.

So that is left as a mystery, and now onto the other side- what did Dazai actually do to HELP the city? How was anything he did helping save them? Of course, he was working with Fyodor and he was going to nullify the fog with his skill, right? Fucking wrong, actually- Dazai knew the whole goddamn time that wasn't going to work. He knew he was going to be betrayed and stabbed, he could pinpoint it so well that he knew what poison that Shibusawa would use, and he knew that what Fyodor was telling him about the room and the skill was a lie. He was fully aware that being in that tower with those two would not help anyone. So then why was he there to begin with?

So Dazai gets stabbed, fucking dies, and is somehow beamed up into a fucking dragon because of Fyodor killing Shibusawa and like, resurrecting him again with his own ability. This part still doesn't even make sense to me in the slightest, and the fact that Whatever They Did Here also applied to Verlaine and Rimbaud in the Lore doesn't actually clarify much.

The only reason that this works is the fact that Dazai is genuinely dead. Not passed out, not in the process of dying- no, he's straight up passed away. His ability yeeted. It doesn't work during that time Because he's Dead, or well, that's what the light novel said anyway.

Then Chuuya punches the dragon and somehow gets to Dazai and punches him...... and then... dazai fucking.... comes back to life...... because he had a pill in his mouth......... and then boom his ability comes back on and saves Chuuya. Correct me if I'm wrong, but how the fuck did that help anyone in the slightest, not to even get into the absurdity of the plat yet? Chuuya wouldnt have even needed to use corruption if Dazai hadn't gotten himself turned into a goddamn dragon.

I don't believe the fog even went away at all until Atsushi smashed in Shibusawa's skull, so Dazai's ability wasn't getting rid of the fog in the slightest, even after the whole Dragon Event. And Dazai being there didn't change the outcome of Atsushi's battle, since Shibusawa got where he was with Atsushi entirely because of what Fyodor himself wanted. That same outcome would have happened whether Dazai was there or not.

Even if there was something Dazai did to help that I somehow managed to miss, gee fucking whiz, Dazai, you sure did take your sweet fucking time getting to it. Remember all those crystals that appeared in Shibusawa's collection during this shit??? You know??? The people that fucking died in the fog???? Because you let them in?? He wasn't being particularly helpful, if anything, what he did only got Fyodor farther along in his plans and Shibusawa exactly what he wanted.

The writers attempt to present Dazai as having in the end chosen the good side, but in all fucking honesty, what they came across showing us through his actions is that he let hundreds of ability users die because he wanted to have a fun time. Bitch was not trying to save the city. He didn't care if it was saved at all, he left that completely up to three teenagers who had about a 20% chance of surviving and all fucking hated each other. And why, because he realized that Shibusawa would eventually target Yokohama? God, maybe he could have fucking called Ango or something and gotten the actual qualified government on it, or even got the whole detective agency to fight Shibusawa before he came. Surely that would have fucking worked fine, or at least had fewer casualties. If all they needed to do was have Atsushi beat the shit out of him and Dazai was fully aware of this, I don't think he really has an argument as to saying he was doing this for good.

He never even tries to say it was to save anyone. Atsushi just, decides that's what he was doing. Dazai even tells him he's wrong.

(In my opinion, I do think he cared about the city, I do think he wants to fulfill Oda's wish, but from what I've seen, he's just... not really trying as hard as he could be. I think he was playing both sides on this one, you know? If Atsushi makes it through, then boom, well, city saved, let's move on. If Shibusawa succeeds, well then everyone dies, whatever, you know, he's hot. This can't really be proven by anything, I just think it's what makes the most sense considering the plot)

So then the question is, what the hell WAS he doing? What were ANY of them doing, if they all predicted perfectly what the outcome was going to be from the beginning?

The only answer I can give is that they're fucking depressed homosexuals and they wanted to have a little morbid fun. Genuinely, if someone can give me a better reason for what is canonically being depicted in this movie I'd LOVE to hear it.

To show you why I feel that interpreting these three as queer, polyamorous, and currently having crazy gay sex, I'd just like to point out a few things.

First of all, when you think about it, the entire stunt these gayasses pulled must have taken an absurd amount of unnecessary preparations and planning. Just to begin with, neither Shibusawa nor Fyodor live in Yokohama, but the second they're there, they already have the fanciest, most emo, obviously Supervillain Hideout piece of real estate in Yokohama. It's not like that place was just sitting around with no one owning it, one of them had to BUY THE PLACE from whoever like. Owned this goth mansion.

I mean, we don't even have time to get into what the hell this building was doing in Yokohama to begin with, because it's like.... in the 15 arc. it's just. A building that exists right at the edge of the Arahabaki crater town. That's GOTTA be plot relevant, but somehow it just. Isn't. It irritates me to no end.

And then before they moved in, someone had to move an entire, crystal collection in there (I've heard that it's actually part of Shibusawa's ability like Anne's room but I'm not sure how true that is so I'm leaving that as a question i guess)

Not only did they probably have to ship 2000 crystals into this place but Shibusawa also BOUGHT THREE CUSTOM MATCHING FANCY CHAIRS and SET A TABLE WITH FRUIT AND HIS FUCKING SKULL and LITERALLY TAILORED MATCHING WHITE OUTFITS for these motherfuckers TO WEAR LITERALLY ONCE. LIKE. HE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO S T A B DAZAI HE DIDNT PLAN ON REUSING THE DUDE'S COAT AND YET HE FUCKING SEWED IT HIMSELF.

I'm just. I'm SORRY, this is NOT something you do with your Work Associates. Just. Objectively. This is Not a coworkers relationship we've got going on here, and neither is this something that straight men do.

And even without the embellishments that can be excused as animators wanting to be Aesthetic and Extra without realizing that any higher thinking would deem these bitches as Fruits, the three of them didn't really have any excuses to be together in that tower in the first place, none that they could voice out loud, at least, if they weren't like, fucking.

There seemed to be no plot relevant reason for them to have a tower to stay in. If Draconia was a manifestation of Shibusawa's ability, they didn't have to purchase a building to store it in. And if Dazai and Fyodor didn't need to stay up there to stay away from the effects of the fog (another major thing I'll get to) why did they even meet up to begin with? God, I know you movie makers only have so much you can fit in, but this is pretty basic stuff.

Neither Fyodor or Dazai needed to be around Shibusawa at all for the plan they had pretended to agree on to work.

Fyodor had been aligned with Shibusawa because he was giving the dude inside information on the city. That really,,, has no relevancy to the actual event, even if Fyodor helped him get into the city or something, which wasn't really touched upon. He certainly didn't have any official excuse to hang around other than to watch.

And what did Dazai even do at all? What did he do to get into the cool kids club?? All Dazai did was propose the idea, according to canon... just. Contacted the dude and said hey bro wanna Destroy My City For Funsies? Sounds good, I'm not suspicious at all. Anyway mind if I hang out in your house while you do it? Cool? No reason, I just wanted to watch.

Because Fyodor and Dazai both Somehow are randomly immune to the fog, it's not like they needed protection of any sort. They're just...... there.

Like, that just doesn't hold up. What were they there to do other than have gay sex??? Of course, all three of them have ulterior motives that make it necessary for them to be in the same place, as well as separate different alliances within the alliance that are also lies.

Fyodor agreed to help Dazai touchie the crystals in order to stop the fog, but they both knew it was a lie.

Shibusawa agreed with Fyodor to kill Dazai because they knew he wanted to betray them, but at least Fyodor knew that was a lie.

Dazai on his own really didn't have any clear motive, as I can tell. He seemed to have known touching the crystals wouldn't fix shit, and he seemed to have known Atsushi was the only real determining factor in the outcome, so I'm not sure what he was trying to achieve there other than having a grand old time.

And Fyodor..... well, he says he wanted to kill both Dazai and Shibusawa so he could take the fog to spread out and go across the entire earth, but. No he didn't.

Legitimately. No he did not. He was in Yokohama to look for the book, yet he plays this whole "I'm going to kill everyone right now with my Secret Evil Plan" card and is so incredibly unsurprised when that doesn't end up happening that it doesn't even feel like he meant it to begin with. He tells us this grand plan over the span of TEN YEARS where he gets Shibusawa killed and resurrected and amnesia'd and killed again and then resurrected and killed again. But even though he's spent that much of his life invested in this, when it doesn't work out, literally, he doesn't care???? He fucks off and laughs the second his entire plan falls apart, and this isn't how he we've seen him act when he's been actually bested by Dazai. (yknow, he was clearly very amused when it happened in the third season, like he probably got off on it, but he was still incredibly inconvenienced by the fact. Yknow.)

He also... was in the tower when it fucking. Exploded. And then showed up utterly unscathed in season three. Like. Sure, ok, horror movie physics. He just comes back. But genuinely he must have known beforehand a general idea of what was going to happen even though he apparently "hadn't considered that"? Because otherwise he would like. Not be alive sorry Fyodor getting crushed by a giant building kind of isn't survivable.

Bestie really spend ten years investing in a night of fun.

So genuinely, I don't think it makes sense at all unless the three of them had to some degree agreed on all this beforehand. Because if they were genuinely trying to fight against each other, and they each all had their own comprehensive spiderweb of plans and lies, and they're all really that smart, what would they say to each other when they were all together that any of them would believe? Even if they all knew the others were lying to them and they had to go along to get what they wanted, that wouldn't fix the problem, because what are they lying to say? What would their front be when they have no plot relevant reason to lounge around in a tower together listening to classical music and getting drunk?

If you just accept that they were there to paint each others nails and have crazy gay sex, that pretty much clears that all up. I mean. Why do they need a tower? Gay sex tower. Why do they need to be together? They're gay. Why does Dazai say "i knew your Special Knife would deal me a Nasty Blow" while moaning? I hate the gays. /j (they took that out of the novel and it makes me laugh like. they knew how awful that sounded)

The thing is though, because like I said earlier with how it all ended up playing out, it seemed almost scripted between the three of them. (haha, this is a movie.) But even if you assume these three are in a queer polyamorous relationship as a FRONT, because they're just That Extra, that doesn't really work either.

The way Dazai reacted to their betrayal, the way Fyodor reacted to Dazai's backup plan, the way Shibusawa reacted to Fyodor's plan- none of them seemed unhappy with it, none of them seemed surprised at the fact they were being betrayed, just the specific way in which it happened.

So that's really the only reasonable explanation of what they were doing dhfgdfhgfjfdl. All of them had to have gotten together at least months beforehand and set this up, the way it went. In the end, Fyodor and Dazai just wanted to give Shibusawa a good time before he got to be too much of a problem for their own motives. (dazai's being, existing in yokohama and finding a good way to either die or live, and fyodor's being to find a book in yokohama to murder everyone in his Own Way(??)) Shibusawa genuinely did want to destroy the city tbh I don't think anyone's doubting that, and to some extent, Dazai wanted to see the city Not Destroyed, but Fyodor's utter lack of actual motive here kind of breaks a scenario where they all went into it for that reason.

The only normal reason why I'd believe Fyodor inserted himself into this plan was because he'd have a chance to kill Dazai. Seriously, I still can't see what was wrong with going along with Shibusawa... isn't "i can help all ability users Fucking Die" literally just what Fyodor wants? He can still get the book afterwards too, assumedly once all the competition is gone it would be significantly easier.

The only reason I can give is that it was a fake piece of entertainment for their amusement.

Again at this point it's all just a funny idea, but genuinely, nothing contradicts this, and it certainly would make a lot of things make sense. So get this:

Dazai knows Shibusawa is going to be some level of threat to Yokohama no matter what he does, so he brings together the three of them and goes, hey you know what would be fun? We have a little bet. A little game of among us if you will. So here's the deal. One night, three of us, two knives, one murder. We let you into Yokohama to start up your funny apocalypse thing you wanted to do, and I'll get this cool tower and we'll have a good time. We all get drunk, put on some atmospheric music.... Now here's the catch, MY role is I'm going to try to STOP the fog from killing everyone. Shibusawa, YOU have to try to stop ME from stopping YOU, and FYODOR, you're here because, idk, we like you and you want to kill us, I don't know, surprise us, come up with something insane, and the two of us will have to figure out what YOU'RE doing without spoiling it! We have a few months to all come up with our own plans and try to figure everyone else's out. Let's make this as insane as possible guys. We all have plenty of reasons to benefit from the other being dead, so, Winner gets to homoerotically murder the loser, but we're all suicidal here anyway, so it's really a win win situation no matter how you look at it. Does that sound good? And of course they both say yes and they start making plans and it's like, half a year before this thing happens.

It really means that they had to have all been in on every level of betrayal and decided to go in on it anyway, they had to agree to this stuff and then planned it all in their heads so some of it would be a surprise.

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ANYWAY MORE DUMB INCONSISTENCIES THAT I COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO ACTUALLY PUT INTO A COHERENT ORDER

There's a significant amount of other things about this candy colored piece of nonsense though, specifically just, how absolutely batshit stupid the storyline itself is.

Like, Dazai, straight up fucking died. He passed away!! He, unalived, if you will!! He got stabbed by a poison knife and died! His ability stopped working and separated from his body which specifically said in the narrative would only happen if he Actually Died!

But then??????? Chuuya slaps him?????? And there's a pill in his mouth that he's somehow kept there for the whole night???? And he just!! Resurrects from the goddamn dead!

Yeah, I know it's supposed to be like that because blah blah snow white but SNOW WHITE IS THE MOST ILLOGICAL FAIRY TALE EVER and to convert that to anime is just. Wow the anti death pill that heals Stab Wounds, great job. It didn't even actually get swallowed by dazai, when Chuuya punched him! The pill CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH. It popped ! Outside of his mouth! So he didn't swallow it either!

What the fuck happened then? Chuuya simply slapped him right out of hell. Man climbed back up eeby deeby screaming. I swear to fucking god.

It seemed that the pill which exploded several feet from his mouth also healed his stab wound, considering that the knife fucking disappeared from Dazai's back, along with all the blood.

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ON THE WORKINGS OF ABILITIES- another batshit theory

Ok, so, the whole workings of the fog regarding different abilities and stuff is also rather inconsistent.

It's stated Chuuya's ability works even in the fog because it's artificial, which makes fine sense if you've read stormbringer, yeah. But ok. If Chuuya doesn't need protection from the fog, then why when Dazai and Chuuya fall to the ground, Dazai is like "oh no you have to stay touching me because the fog isn't gone yet!!" DAZAI HE WAS FINE BEFORE YOU JUST WANT AN EXCUSE TO GO HOLD STILL GIRLIE *SHOVES YOU AGAINST MY CROTCH*

Also, why is atsushi's ability super fucking powerful? We still have not solved this. Still no one goddamn knows. He is an ability but he's also the antithesis of all abilities.... why did this have to be Atsushi, he's literally a fucking tiger? It actually makes no sense. If I was gonna choose someone to be the "antithesis of all abilities" it would be Dazai? I feel like that makes significantly more sense to be dazai here like seriously what's more "antithesis of all abilities" than an ACTUAL ABILITY THAT NULLIFIES ABILITIES? And it would have like. Actually made the movie make sense then. But no??

It's not only that that makes no sense, the whole premise of Shibusawa himself existing and the way the fog works is also, paradoxical in nature. It makes a little sense with stormbringer and the idea of these singularities, but. I'm sorry, if Dazai's ability doesn't work when he's dead, or like, apparently "really really close to dead but also Totally Fine after getting punched" according to 55 minutes logic (like. hi) then Shibusawa's ability can't work after his death either.

How shibusawa's ability works is that it separates someone from their ability, and when the original person dies, the ability becomes a crystal. Not like. A sentient ghost who forgets it died with a skull completely separate from his body. Like. Show me where that makes sense.

Fyodor's ability somehow makes even less sense. Ofc, we don't know a lot about his ability, and that's somewhat of the point. But like, without dead apple Existing, no one would question what Fyodor's ability was. Oh yeah, crime and punishment, he kills people that he judges guilty with a touch of his hand, ok. The specifics are a little hazy, maybe he controls the blood, maybe he controls the soul, maybe both. But you watch this goddamn fucking movie and somehow, his ability is its own singularity as well as Dazai's and Shibusawa's, and that is why they're all immune to the fog?

The question here then is... what is the singularity? What is the paradox of his ability, how are "crime" and "punishment" different yet something that would completely cancel each other out and make the fog not work?

Well. I have an idea. It is. Certainly not to be taken super seriously, but I think it would clear up a bit of what's going on in this shit show.

Personally, I think that Fyodor controls life- that he has the ability to resurrect people as well as kill them. Resurrecting is the "crime", killing is the "punishment". They go hand in hand, they cancel each other out, they tie into Fyodor's whole religious metaphor junk.

Ok, that makes sense right? Shibusawa issue solved, weird semantics with ability singularities and Shibusawa being like. The remnant of an ability just continuing to exist after death for no fucking particular reason solved. Dazai literally dying fr and then coming back to life with the most stupid reasoning ever solved.

Also, per my last essay, they're gay. So that's why he'd ressurect them over and over again.

Again, this is a very non-serious answer, however it does make a lot of sense somehow.

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The Aftermath TM (or lack thereof)

One of the funniest things about this movie is how nonsensical the whole premise of its existence within the bsd canonical universe is. They shoved it in the middle of season 2 and 3, but it was released after season three, so things got weird.

First of all, since season three was written first, obviously Fyodor's real introduction comes in season three. This is all fine and dandy out of universe (except if you watch it in chronological order and then you're just like? They're introducing this russian dude in dead apple as if I know who he is already? When this is... clearly his first appearance in Yokohama.) But in universe, after the events of dead apple, these people would know who Fyodor was already.

So, Dazai never informed anyone of Fyodor's existence or involvement in dead apple. Ok. Of course he wouldn't. They want to keep their relationship private. Alright.

Even though it happens canonically and chronologically before season three, it's only ever mentioned in season 3 literally twice (introducing fyodor as "that guy from the shibusawa incident" and just. literally. Dazai eating an apple when he sees Fyodor in the alley. Which is so subtext-ey as to barely even count.) But other than that it seems to be an event that like... just... no one talks about. At all. We don't know the aftermath of this event and it makes no sense how thing could have gone back to normal after this.

So yeah, that means he didn't open up and explain what happened. No one seemed to question Dazai's motives at all.

Ango knew Dazai was working with Shibusawa and presumably got kind of fucked up by them, yet. We get nothing about that. He never denied working with them, and yet, he just goes back to the ADA and no one fucking wonders whY THE SHIT HE DID THAT? They're literally like oh wow. Well that happened. I don't know what Dazai did and he doesn't care to tell us. Anyway haha don't do it again and you're fine lol

Second of all... literally 90% of the city FUCKING POPPED OUT OF EXISTENCE FOR A DAY. That is not a thing that can go unnoticed.

Imagine you're fucking? Just a normal dude in Yokohama. And you just. Don't exist for a bit. Or maybe you were hanging out in the backrooms and thought it was a dream or something. But imagine you pop back where you were and a whole calendar day has passed. There's crashed cars everywhere, evidence of many battles and lots of destroyed buildings, half of downtown is destroyed, that Weird Ass Tower fell down, there are at least a hundred Fucking Dead Bodies killed by mysterious means just, fucking, hanging out in really ridiculous places... and almost nobody remembers what happened.

This wasn't just a few people who disappeared, this was EVERYBODY. Are they just gonna pop back in their cars? Or the spot where they had disappeared? And just go? This is fine where did all these corpses come from? Half the buildings have been leveled by Dragon Shaped Footprints ah godzilla moment lol

How did they cover this up? How could Ango And The Government possibly fucking manage to contain something this size? Yokohama would look like it had just been through the fucking owari no seraph catastrophe. And yet. Somehow this isnt a problem.

Even the ability users seemed not to really bring this up at all after. Yknow. Ok. They treat it like a fever dream and never mention it again because that's what it was.

I think something that sums this up perfectly is the part at the end where the fourth wall kinda breaks a little and the writers apologize for all of their motives and actions being a hot mess. Tsujimura is like "hey ango lol... What TM" and Ango just turns around like "yeah you wouldn't understand... dazai and fyodor and shibusawa are just... you can't understand them... they're a lot like joker from the movie joker."

essay complete go about your days and contemplate my word vomit 👍

#rowan screams into the void #rowan's hyperfixation essays #bungou stray dogs #I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS ENTIRE THING #but it is. somewhat bsd analysis