#but like a partner best friend kinda thing

[unrealisticlea]

also you wanna know another great reason Tommy is great for Buck??? Because he’s not a fan. Every single one of Buck’s previous girlfriend kinda idolized him for a reason or another. Ali and Taylor were victims he rescued. Natalia was a huge fan of him dying. Abby saw him on the news first.

Being your partner’s fan is actually a good thing, except for the fact that Buck always equates love=usefulness and the fact that his girlfriends were fans made him feel like he had some standards to maintain. There was extra pressure in the relationships because they had expectations and he desperately wanted to meet their expectations. So the relationship always started with Buck trying to impress them but he never knew when to stop.

but with Tommy there’s no pressure whatsoever. Tommy obviously likes him but he likes him because Buck shouted that their motto (as people who save lives for a living) should be “who cares!”. He likes him after Buck accidentally maimed his best friend in a dumb basketball game. He likes him after Buck made a fool out of himself during their date and then invited him to his sister wedding and an 80-themed bachelor party and he likes him after he pouted because Tommy wasn’t wearing a costume.

and Tommy doesn’t make fun of him in the same way his family does but he still jokes about how ridiculous he is (“mhmmm so not like that” and “they had Henleys in the 80s”) and Buck needs someone like that, someone who will lift him up when he’s down (“Evan, I think you’re adorable” and “you already know I’m interested” and “it’s not like I could ever replace you. Chris would have something to say”) but will also ground him when Buck gets a big head and starts having unrealistic expectations about himself.

so Tommy likes Buck because he’s Buck. Even better, he likes Buck because he’s Evan.

#bucktommy #i’m having so many feels

[martian-astro]

D9/ Navamsa chart observations

Jupiter in 9th is a great placement, even better if it's the 7th lord or darakaraka in d1. Your spouse will be intelligent. there's also a chance that you may do your master's or PhD after marriage. Your spouse can also have a job related to spirituality (one of my mom's friends has this placement and his wife is a reiki healer and also teaches meditation and hypnosis)

Jupiter in 10th is another really good placement. You and your spouse could start a business together, or you may meet them in your workplace. This is one of the placements that indicate that you'll earn more after marriage or once you start working WITH them (okay, so this example is interesting, i dont know how many of you know this, but there's an Indian company, dabur, and one of my relatives got married to the daughter of the brother of the guy who currently owns the company and let me tell you something, they are RICH RICH RICH, and like they helped my relative set up his own company and whenever we visit them, they give us such expensive gifts, you won't even find them anywhere, like custom made stuff) so if other factors support this, then you can get married into a super rich household

Venus conjunct ketu in 4th is a super common placement but I've noticed that it gives different results depending on what the ascendant is. A common prediction would be, that you guys will not get along with your spouse's family, you're gonna think that they waste too much money when they already have less of it. This is especially true for mother in law (I know a girl with this placement whose mother in law spends a lot on shopping and then asks for money from her, and she has to give in because divorce is not an option) i would recommend you guys to marry someone who doesn't have a mother 🥲

I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WITH MERCURY IN 8TH and it's so fascinating how it has the same exact effect on everyone. Okay, so this placement gives you 2 things, first, you'll gain a lot of money through joint accounts with your spouse, this could also be a marriage where you guys stay together just for money, a lot of celebrities have this placement. Second, your spouse is gonna hide things from you, like their salary (i know a woman with this placement and her husband was promoted and he told his wife that he was still doing the low pay job and he opened another account where he saved that extra money, while their family was having financial difficulties and stuff, it was a BIG deal)

Mercury in 11th is a nice placement, this could indicate a friends to lover type of story with your spouse. They could also be an extrovert, especially if mercury is in gemini. You guys will be focused on earning money but your whole focus won't be on money, like in 2nd or 8th house, it's gonna be more like "oh, this looks like a good idea, should we invest in this" kinda thing, i would say this is more like, both practical and romantic relationship

Moon in 8th..... Not exactly the best placement. Almost all the people that i know with this placement have been cheated on by their spouse, and again your spouse could hide things from you, but this time it's more emotional. Also, i have noticed that a lot of people with this placement marry someone who's in the closet, so their partner isn't affectionate and loving towards them and they think it's their fault but it's not, but it still ends up hurting them. You, yourself, could hide your feelings as well, and your spouse can see that and that's why they hide THEIR emotions, it's like a cycle. (if you have this, i would recommend you guys to go to therapy, heal your trauma and only then get into a serious relationship and sometimes you push your feelings down and you think you're over it, but you're not)

Mars in 8th can give very different results, but it does give you a spouse who is very sexual (and believe me, it's not always a good thing). If Mars is strong then it gives extremely good results, the ability to defeat your enemies and win, i know a person with this placement and she's a woman and people around her have always tried to ruin her life and she still managed to get up and is now living a great life. But if Mars is weak or worse, debilitated, then it can give an aggressive spouse, i know a person but i dont think i should share her story with you all, but if Mars is weak then... Don't marry. BUT if 7th lord and darakaraka of d1 is SUPER STRONG in d9 then go ahead.

Venus in 2nd is like okay okay, not bad but not good. I feel like this placement works better when it's in the cart of a man rather than a woman. The spouse will be good but will be more focused on earning money, even if they're already rich. From what I've seen, men are okay with wives like that, but women aren't, they need emotional security so being with a man who is focused on money makes them sad and lonely, whereas, men with this placement are more than happy to get wives like that, In MY opinion.

Sun conjunct ketu in 11th is another placement that is common, I know a lot of people with this. So, you will gain wealth but it's going to come very slowly, the type to MAKE generational wealth but not able to enjoy it. Also, i have noticed that these people always end up marrying someone who is in a lower position than them, career wise and so they support their spouse and at the same time take most of the financial responsibility of the family.

Ketu in 8th is SUCH a strong indicator of having a kid before marriage, or atleast getting pregnant. All the celebrities who've had a kid before marriage have this placement, Angelina Jolie and Shakira are two that i currently remember but I've seen it in the charts of a lot more. And listen, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS, OKAY.

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

#astrology #vedic astrology #astroblr #astrology content #astrology community #navamsa chart #d9 chart #navamsa

[rainysofsunshineao3]

It's officially 2 Weeks until Jurassic World Chaos Theory drops so I'm making an overcomplicated really long analysis of:

*THIS* scene because I love them the normal amount :)

SOOOO... Lets start off with this vvv

First off, GOD THE ANIMATION. Screaming, crying, sobbing right now. That hesitant pause, the eyes movement as right before + as she says "Fallen". Our girl is so scared, I'm sure her heart is beating like, 1000 times ber minute. Her eyebrows scrunching together as she finally gets the words out, then raising like a weight is lifted off her shoulders? Goddamn, these animators got me sobbing at a fictional character.

The worry in her expression as she waits to hear what Sammy has to say and as soon as she figures out that it's a positive response, she just gets this look of absolute ADORATION. Look at that full-on open-mouthed smile she gives. She just looks so happy. You can also notice she's taking full, deep breaths again. It isn't really shown in the previous GIF, but girlie was definitely holding her breath. Convince me otherwise.

And then we have this MASTERPIECE vvv

There's so many things in this. She still has that like, half-dazed happy puppy smile and then Sammy kinda just launches herself towards her and you can visibly see the confused "oh shit, wat" widening of the eyes.

And I mean, to be fair, this girl is not the best at romantic cues. Like look at these...

Like, even in the beginning seasons, the way this woman looks at you and you can't tell? And she puts up with your dramatic ass? This is not normal heterosexual behaviour people. I know maybe 1 pair of friends who are straight as a ruler but are a little too comfortable with each other, but that's a minority.

Going back on track...

Yeah, Yaz isn't the best with romantic cues, and also, Damn, Sammy, I can't really blame her. You freaking yeeted yourself at her mouth, of course she wasn't going to kiss you back immediately. Like, y'all, especially for a first kiss, please ask your partner? This actually was my one problem with this scene, and I don't know why it doesn't get talked about more...

Anyway, Yaz closes her eyes the second Sammy touches her (like, fr, girlie was expecting atomic impact) then slowly opens her eyes.

But you can see the good second and a half that Yaz' brain just can't catch up to what's happening and it's the best fucking thing ever. I'd post like, every single time we have a "Yaz Brain Buffer" but tumblr only allows 10 images per post :(

Then finally - actually this time - we have the continuation of the previous GIF (not including the sapphic yearning slides )

Yaz finally just, understands and kisses Sammy back (thank god) but the real focus of this gif is that when they pull away, YAZ IS STILL LOOKING AT SAMMY'S LIPS LIKE GIRL.

Another blink showing "Oh, ok. That just happened" and then we get the sweetest sapphic-yearning-fulfilled soft smile from both of them.

I'd scream with Brooklyn in the background but I CANT cause she's dead *sobs*

God I love these two so much. I need this representation when I was 10. They make me so happy I actually can't describe it. LORD, what a blessing and journey this was.

Hope these two had the same effect on you as they did me :)

TOODLES!!!

#Raine rambles for a bit #JWCC #JWCT #yasmina fadoula #sammy gutierrez #lgbtq #lgbtqia #sapphics #*SAPPHICS* #these two gay #very gay #lets go lesbians #yasammy #yaz x sammy #i will die on this hill #fight me #Yaz' Brain Buffers #XD

[fandomlurker333]

A lot of people are screaming throuple and just writing the porn (which I get! It’s fun!). But reading them come is not enough for me. lol Toxicity is hot until it’s just damaging and sad for everyone. I want real happiness for these three weirdos.

The end of the film was meant to be the very beginning of something. Just the spark of an idea of them coming back to one another. But the real work starts after. 

And I think it would probably be a step-by-step thing. 

I can see Patrick and Art working to draw closer, with that strong foundation of their childhoods to build off of. Obviously having to resolve the hurt that so much time and distance caused them, and both being willing to forgive. But it’s clear at the end of the film that the door is open for that. They grew up together. There’s a real root of knowing that I think could carry them through the toughest parts early on. Their relationship evolving feels possible.

And Tashi and Art’s marriage would find some breathing room and maybe even some renewed delight for having Patrick present and loving on them both. Kinda seeing each other again through his eyes type thing. Remembering they’re more than who they have been to each other for over a decade (both operating in one mode to survive, never quite enough for each other -- not totally fulfilled and not appreciated in their fullness).

I don’t think Patrick and Tashi would be having sex at this point, but I can see like….tennis dates where they bicker. Just them all learning how to be in each other’s space for extended periods of time and enjoy it.

And maybe Art wouldn’t resent Tashi so much for not being able to give him everything (so much has been taken from her — she just doesn’t have all that much left. She’s been doing her best.) and maybe Tashi would feel more at peace seeing them play each other and knowing Art is really loving tennis, not just playing for her. Connecting with them both in that space and finding joy in tennis again, so it’s not just routine and pain and loss for her.

With that healing happening concurrently (with therapists as support, of course), I think they’d get far. And then once those relationships are more secure, once Art and Tashi learn how they relate to each other when he isn’t winning for her (which would be something new. They don’t know what that looks like yet!) then Patrick and Tashi, having learned way more about themselves in relationship and how to communicate, might start working on their side of the triangle lol. 

I could see them all exploring and working out the intimacy over time — not just sex, but intimacy -- what do they each need and how do they need it? And kink too, the various ways they each want/need to give or receive so they all feel truly satisfied.

And of course they’ll be partners co-parenting. All of them.

I can see Tashi finally grieving her injury, the life she lost, and rediscovering her love of tennis, not to win, but for the joy of being on the court. Her sobs the first time she plays again and it’s not competitively, just a little volley, but it’s like she’s finally alive again. Reminding herself she’s a leader in tennis the space still, that she can build success in that world even without Art’s career, but maybe it looks different. I see a healed Tashi learning to enjoy teaching kids. Taking on more protege. And letting Art and Patrick come help at her tennis camps. 

Art retiring like he said he wanted, running the foundation as Tashi steps back. Realizing that he’s actually pretty good at this business thing and going back to school for a Master’s in nonprofit leadership. Meeting new people. Making friends (that aren’t Patrick). Getting invited to a pottery class and seeing he loves to work with his hands. Playing tennis with Patrick on the weekends.

And my heart for stay-at-home dad Patrick. Who always forgets to change over the laundry and leaves his keys everywhere and puts the babies' shoes on the wrong feet. But my god he loves those kids so goddamn much. Patrick learning to cook for the family and getting really good at it like he does anything he hyper-focuses on. Patrick finally having a home with the two people he loves most and figuring out how to create some routine and stability for himself within that container.

The love in that home. Ugh. I think it’s possible! I think they can do it! It just takes work. 

#challengers #a TRUE throuple #patrick zweig #tashi duncan #art donaldson #I need a fic that does THIS #Cause the fucking is the easy part #artrick #patrick x tashi #tashi x art #artashi #art x patrick x tashi #ot3 #if tashi and patrick could actually communicate #and if art and tashi figure out their shit furreal #musings

[devilsrecreation]

Skink personality headcanons

Inspired by/adding onto @spinnysocks ‘s post

Nyeusi:

-Along with being the stealthiest skink, he’s also the quietest of the bunch. While Ed and Neema don’t talk but still communicate through sounds, Nyeusi prefers to stay absolutely silent. When he does make noises like hissing or flicking his tongue, it’s only around the skinks (and Ushari when he was alive). Only time where he hisses or flicks his tongue at someone else is to insult them

-While he doesn’t have anger issues like Kenge does, it’s not that hard to piss him off. All you have to do is shove him aside and he’s already plotting revenge against you

-The skinks sometimes forget he’s there. They’ll be talking, Nyeusi suddenly flicks his tongue to comment on something, and Njano would be like “Have you been here the whole time?”

-Romance repulsed aroace; you can go do your thing with your partner, he’ll just he over by his favorite rock trying not to puke

Nyata:

-She’s one of the least likely to get mad other than Njano. She gets more amused if anything

-She’s very sassy and quick-witted. She can come up with the best comebacks on the spot and it never ceases to amuse Shupavu

-She’s definitely very smug, often mocking Nyeusi after beating him in a race. She’s competitive like that

-Honestly has a little respect for Kinyonga. Not everyone can outrun her. I like to think after Kinyonga escaped her and Nyeusi, she went “Huh…respect” before getting up to go after her. I’m not saying she likes being beaten, but she’s a good sport lol

Green female skink (who my friend has named Nyororo):

-I have a feeling she’s the flirty one, managing to sweet-talk her way into getting what she wants. All she has to do is bat her eyelashes, maybe tickle someone with her tail, and she’s getting her way no matter what. It’s only until after she’s long gone when you’d realize you’ve been tricked

-She always knows exactly what to say in every situation in order to trick someone, it’s actually kinda scary

-She’s actually known Shupavu for a while, about as long as Njano has. Maybe even longer. They’ll tell each other everything and it’s the one time Nyororo’s sweetness isn’t a trick. It’s why she sometimes joins Shupavu and Njano on missions

-You could definitely beat her at her own game by flirting with/complimenting her back. It’s not super easy though. You have to have a certain trick up your sleeve and that trick is being a girl. She can handle guys, but if it’s a girl flirting with her, she’ll get all flustered

Waza:

-Waza’s the mediator and the most chill of the group. When two skinks are arguing, he’s the one to step in and resolve it either by talking to them or by slapping them with his tail (whichever is easier at the moment lol)

-I like to think his keen eye is…inconvenient at times. He notices when someone tries to sneak away or catches someone doing weird stuff when they think they’re alone, yet he couldn’t see where Kinyonga went when the skinks were chasing her. Waza wasn’t paying attention when someone does something suspicious but somehow knows all the cutesy nicknames Reirei calls Goigoi when she thinks she’s alone

-He’s sometimes quick to assume

-Has a plan for everything cuz he comes up with all kinds of scenarios in his head

Orange skink, who that same friend has called Hasira (anger):

-You know those grumpy, sometimes old characters who get annoyed by just about everything the main character does? Yeah, that’s Hasira

-He’s definitely the eldest in the group, about middle-aged in skink years

-He’s seen it all, but not in a “wise mentor” kind of way. It’s more like “I’ve been through a lot of bullshit and I’m just done” lmao

-He’s also kind of a reluctant babysitter to everyone. Shupavu may be the leader, but he’s the one making sure no one actually dies hfhfgfg

#finally got around to doing this #i love making headcanons for background characters #it’s pretty fun #nyeusi’s my favorite background skink #but all of their designs are really great #skinks #tlg outlanders #the lion guard

[buddieisgoingcanon2024]

There is no way Eddie’s current storyline isn’t going to lead into a sexuality arc…

Like, aside from Ryan admitting Eddie has repressed feelings, it all makes sense.

With Shannon, she was his best friend and they formed a connection of sorts. They went into a relationship by force, she got pregnant and married because of it. Eddie was never bothered or interested in her apart from the ‘connection’ and ‘bond’ they had built. He went to war to get away from her and he never had her back in anything. He loved the idea of being married to her but never said he loved her, Michael said the same thing about Athena. He loved being married to Athena and having his children but he is gay and therefore never loved her in that way, as Tim Minear recently said, Eddie has this romantisised and idealised version of what their future could have been together and what their past was eventhough their past was unhealthy and they were barely a married couple and their future weren’t going to happen because she wanted a divorce.

From the perspective of the show, not actresses. Ana and Marisol come across as the perfect partners, they are both nice, beautiful and they both seemed to be very good with Christopher, I mean they kinda have to be if they are looking after him loads. So…why does he not want to be with either of them and he’s purposely messing up his relationships with them? Because they aren’t Shannon. He doesn’t have the same connection with them that he had with her, it’s always spoken about how he wants a mother-figure for christopher but never that he wants a partner. So, when he gets this ready-made family, he has panic attacks because he actually isn’t ready for it and messes it up. Breaking up with Ana because it’s got too serious and then moving Marisol out the same day she moves in. He has a habit of not spending time with his girlfriends but using them often to look after Christopher. A mother figure for Chris but not a partner for him.

As I said, they aren’t Shannon which is why he feels this way. But even then his relationship with Shannon wasn’t that great either so why is he trying to find it again? It’s the only ‘connection’ he’s ever known, or so he thinks, it’s the only thing that he’s experienced and had nothing to compare it to because he hasn’t formed any other connections like that since Shannon. From his perspective that is. He’s never been ‘in love’ and he doesn’t know what that feels like the only thing he thinks is that he was in love with Shannon and that is what love must be, ar least it’s the closest thing he’s ever had to being in love with someone that he’s doing everything he can to find that again which is why he was so quick to cheat on Marisol with Shannon’s lookalike. Delusion and Desperation.

I feel he’ll slowly start to realise that her lookalike may look like her but won’t end up being the ‘same’ as her. Devin said that the lookalike is going to meet Buck at some point who mentions that she isn’t Shannon in terms of her body language and personality etc and I feel like Eddie will end up realising that it’s true and once he ends up out of his state of delusion he’ll truely feel alone. He can’t have Shannon or her look-alike, he won’t have Marisol anymore because…he cheated amd he’ll realise he doesn’t need that mother figure for Chris…then what. He’ll struggle and push everyone away because everything that’s happened is all he’s ever known. He literally started a family from a young age. Then his sexuality arc will start and he’ll end up realising why all this has happened….because he never loved any of them in a way he was suppose to. But why?……

Ryan said s8 will a refresh button for him and will have a few bombshells and that Eddie will have a new lifestyles that will go into uncharted waters.

I love your thoughts anon. I wish I could right down mine as good as yours.

#buddie #oliver stark #ryan guzman #shannon diaz #Kim Shannon’s ghost

[jnnul]

first love chronicles

first love comes in all shapes and forms. and every single one of them is every as beautiful as the rest. i have poured my soul into each one of these so i hope that you find love in these, for each of these stories have been filled with it.

something about these mirrors

you and shotaro have always been friendly with each other. as in, you have to be friends with each other because you've been each others' dance partner for the past twelve years. it's as though no matter how old you grow, how many different styles you try, or even how far apart you move, the two of you always manage to find each other on the dance floor. it's a blessing and a curse but when a dance competition for charity brings the two of you together after years apart, something about the way your body moves with his makes shotaro rethink all your years of dancing together.

find love here: still searching for love

mr. brawn and ms. brain

you hate athletes. eunseok is an athlete. eunseok is in love with you. it doesn't take a genius to see that there's an issue with this equation. after a one-sided love for the past three years, eunseok is saved when the two of you are partnered to work on an english project together. which means that eunseok's first step of getting you to fall in love with him is done. next step: get you to give him the time of day...

find love here: coming soon!

why ares fell in love with aphrodite

sometimes first love doesn't come in the form of sandbox friendships or in shared popsicles under sweltering sun. sometimes, first love is the smell of diesel from revving engines. or the feeling of cool beer cans under your fingertips. or the look in someone's eyes when you know that you shouldn't be caught dead with them. sometimes, when first love is learning that ares fell in love with aphrodite because love can be just dangerous as war.

find love here: still searching for love

listening to the ocean with the seashell you brought from home

there's something about permanent fixtures in life. parents, best friends...siblings. and sometimes most importantly, siblings' best friends. park wonbin has always shone a little too bright. the kind of bright that gives you butterflies, even though you know that he's never meant it in that way. you've loved wonbin from the day your brother had brought him home. so why is it that thirteen years later, you still love him?

find love here: might have found love...

and i feel it now

seunghan sees his kid sister as just that: a kid. he's always been the overprotective type, chasing his sister around with sweatpants to go over the micros she preferred. and by proxy, as her best friend, you've kinda always been someone that seunghan has felt protective and somewhat overbearing towards. but when he sees you for the first time in years at college graduation, seunghan is forced to face the reality that all the boundaries he'd created in his head were just in his head and that maybe he'd never quite seen you as the kid he'd always thought you'd be.

find love here: still searching for love

slip away

sohee knows two things: he wants to be a singer and he wants to grow old with you. he doesn't quite care about in which form that he grows old with you but sohee can't even imagine a world where you don't exist. you're just as necessary to him as food or water. but as the two of you grow older and start to grow apart, sohee understands that distance only makes the heart grow fonder and that he's been in love with a long damn time with you.

find love here: still searching for love

i like me better

there are a few givens in life: birth, death, and the fact that neither you or anton will ever confess your feelings to each other. even though the two of you have been in the same friend group for years, and everyone around you know not to make a move on either of you because you were spoken for, those three words would never come out. but then the summer that changes everything comes and you find yourself realizing that matters of the heart never stay hidden for too long.

find love here: still searching for love

#jnnul #riize x reader #riize masterlist #riize fic #shotaro x reader #shotaro fic #shotaro fluff #eunseok x reader #eunseok fluff #eunseok fic #sungchan x reader #sungchan fluff #sungchan fic #wonbin x reader #wonbin fluff #wonbin fic #seunghan x reader #seunghan fluff #seunghan fic #sohee x reader #sohee fluff #sohee fic #anton x reader #anton fluff #anton fic #riize imagines #riize

[evature]

Seeing my friends all be like, theres someone i really like (romantically) in my life atm im so happy and i wanna share it w you!, WHICH IS SO SWEET BC I LOVE THAT THEY ARE EXPERIENCING LOVE BUt when is it my turn :(

#im sure its coming #.evature #i must have patience 😭🫶 #it will be good it will be good #it will be so so good #i love where I'm at with most of my friends atm and im so ready to continue nourishing and loving them #and I'll be fr going to uni soon so ill meet new ppl! #I'm not gonna obsess over it because that isnt going to make it go faster and will probably encoirage me to seek someone who isnt exactly #what i need #so imma just wait and do what i wanna do and it will come 🛌 #AAA #i reallly love this for my friends tho bc theyre all so cool and ambitious and hardworking and #I'm glad theybe found ppl who probably match that energy and even grow it #not saying i dont also 💀 #but like a partner best friend kinda thing

[trashbaget]

#wrote a fucking poem #because a bitch is fucking feeling things #cue venting in the tags because this is where i'm feeling comfortable to do it right now #a while back i caught the love bug for a friend and tbFCKNh it was the very second time i'd ever actually fallen In Love with someone and.. #the first time it didn't end well. long story short: i asked him out and he turned me down but we stayed friends and it actually made us.. #grow closer regardless. a little while later i'd realized my feelings were Different and it just came out one night when we were having a.. #really deep conversation. and i'm glad i told him because it helped me get over him and we got better and things weren't weird at all. we.. #stayed really good fucking friends. now i didn't get to see him for a summer and i definitely don't have feelings for him anymore and i'm.. #sincerely happy for him and his now partner. i consider him (and always have) my best friend. (among others but he's definitely Up There.. #like no. 2 probably) but way too soon after Talking was summer and we were both farthest from everybody and are both the kind of ppl who.. #pretty much don't text anyone except like 2 ppl and we are not one of each's 2. today i got to see him and a bunch of our friends for the.. #first time since fucking april and god have i missed them all. but seeing him again kinda fucked me up a second. threw me for a massive loop #i got Weird (neg) and i was NERVOUS as HELL at the start and for a few minutes i couldn't figure out what it even WAS because i hadn't felt. #that way in a long time. and i am not about to catch those feelings for him again because No. i chilled out after like 3 minutes bc i got.. #reacclimated to being around ppl My Damn Age again and things weren't Weird (neg) anymore. we talked we joked we sincerely said our I Miss.. #Yous and we hung out. with everyone and alone for a bit because ppl had gone out and come back and it was FINE it was NORMAL () and we.. #were GOOD. we ARE good. and i don't love him in that way anymore. i love him as a friend. and that love is definitely more intense than with #other friends because we have a deeper bond and yes because i Loved him. but the fact is i don't and it's ANNOYING to react like i still do. #and getting nervous like i still do. and i kept worrying that something i'd do might make it seem like i do and i don't and just UGH having. #feelings is annoying. i've never been able to stay friends with someone after having feelings for them at all let alone INTENSE IN LOVE FEEL #INGS!! like wtf!!! and this is sincerely one of the best friendships i've ever had and i don't want to and Won't. lose him especially for.. #this but god DAMN am i not having it right now. and my head's been spinning like a fucking tornado in the 5min ride home and i accidentally. #wrote it out in a poem because the words wouldn't go anywhere when i just tried to brain dump about it because Of Course They Did. because i #can't think about this man in anyway except poetically and i can't write a poem unless it's about love in some degree and just UGH love is #and i'm gonna leave it there because i'm running risk of repeatin myself. #if you read all this i positively adore you and also you need to touch some grass bc reading the vents of internet dwellers is for suckers #i am just kidding i really do sincerely appreciate you and love you very very much thank you for caring #please ignore the following organizational tags: #writing #poetry

[widevibratobitch]

is half past 6 pm too early to go to sleep for the night...???? honk shoo mimimimimimi????

#my eyes are falling close. ive slept for like. and hour or an hour and a half today and i feel it Badly lol #and my best friend is having relationship problems and im not sure how to tell her #that i think she's the one who's kinda wrong :/// #but then maybe thats my issues coming to the spotlight here. maybe its normal to like. EXPECT things from people #idk. i just know that if i were in her boyfriends place id be. pretty Overwhelmed #idk #girl he's supposed to be your partner. not your emotionwl support daddy who knows exactly when and what to say and ask

[camptw1nk]

.

#not 2 be like. negative but i just kinda got hit hard by the way my relationship w my best friend has changed #dont get me wrong i understand that her girlfriend will be super important to her esp bc she lives across the world and is only physically #here for another 2 or so weeks #but my best friend just got back from a trip to another city to see an artist she loves and as she came in i got up to go see her and ask hl #how it was but she was in her room w her gf before i could and thats fine i get it and like she hasnt done anything wrong i can not #emphasize that enough like i hold no bitter feelings to her she is excited to talk to her gf understandably #it just hit me that like. oh yeah. i have no one else that i go to about literally anything but she does #and its less ab her so much as its. its just hitting me that i dont really have? friends? #i have one or two people but like. i only have One Person thats my go to fave person always tell them everything #and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be #and that i think is just like a part of growing up #i dont have a partner i dont have someone my life is intrinsically linked to #like a best friend is great but its not. relationships are placed to a higher level you know like its jusy more important #and i just. ive nevr Had a partner really. unless u count a like 2 month thing when i was 12 which i dont count #not to be depresso but i am just not the kind of person that people want or desire #and thats been the case long before i came out as trans but its extra complicated now since i dont. Fully pass #idk not 2 sound sad i just wanna be loved #and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls #and then never actually get told anything myself. not just ab things shes excited for but just in general #we were meant to go to a house viewing together a few days ago and it was only half an hour before it was happening when no one else was #home that i messaged them to check in and they were like oh yeah we're not going we have this and this going on #which like. fine whatever but i dont drive and getting anywhere fast is hard so it just. was stressful #but it just seems like i am constantly out of the loop. everyone i live with is in a relationship w each other and i am just here #in every aspect of my life i am Just There and im tired of it #not to sound desperate or needy but i just would like to. be noticed? or feel prioritized? or even wanted #idk this is. i just needed to rant i think im emotional bc my hormones r a bit wack #im due for my testosterone shot in a few days but i dont have the money or time to go to the doctors lately so its being pushed back #a few weeks and its just. i think its messing w me a bit #i mean i feel this way literally all the time but just the like. the being upset and emotional and posting ab it i think is bc of that #idk i needed to get it out idk it this will stay up or not

[voiceshearingyouloud]

I’m always wary of saying my partner and I have good communication because since everyone talks about communication as the most important thing and saving grace of a relationship I’ve kind of mythologised it in my head and been like well, there’s no way we’re that good at this. But then I remember that communication is the process of continually talking about your feelings when you’re hurt or when you need something or when you’re happy, and talking about what your plans are for the future of your relationship and your thoughts on your past together and I’m like. Yeah we do kind of ace it on that

#I’ve seen so many ‘being long distance forces you to have good communication’ #and because I held communication up in my head as some fantastical concept that I could never hope to achieve I forget that we have #had several conversations on the future of our relationship and of course many more conversations when our feelings have been hurt or we #disagree on something #and that’s just what communication is #anyway. anne’s musings once more #good to have them written down anyway #also to remind myself that I’m kinda killing it at being in a relationship #both of us are pretty mature and were even when we were 17 because of various life events that forced us to grow up quickly #and I wish those events hadn’t happened but it did set us up to be every emotionally aware even at the start #which is handy :-) #my best friend said my partner and I are like a middle aged couple 😭 kinda insulting but I knew what she meant #lol #and that us breaking up would be like her parents divorcing all over again #that’s one lovely thing about being high school sweethearts cause all my friends know my partner and knew them since we got together #anyway. I will stop being sappy now #I’m on a bus home with nothing to do and I miss them so this is what happens

[watermellonpopsicle]

it’s to embarrassing when you wanna do things but nobody likes you and you don’t wanna go alone

#my one friend is always so busy because she’s everyone’s best friend kinda thing and she has a partner and a dog #my other friend has bpd too and she just really likes being with her bf allll the time so we rarely see each other #and everyone else I know only wants to have sex💀

[postmodernlover]

.

#tw self harm #i told my professor about my cutting and it was nice to talk to someone who could respond in an actually helpful way #i call him my professor because that is technically what he is but hes become a sort of real friend recently #which is good bc i dont have any nowadays really #a bit sad for him tho #anyway it was nice to actually get to talk to someone about it who was capable of being an adult about it is the best way to describe it? #like i told my then partner about it and they kinda just didnt say anything? like didnt even acknowledge that it was something i said #i told my best friend about it and hes sweet but he mostly just got upset and asked me to stop #its a resonable thing to get emotional about but that wasnt the response i needed #but my professor just asked me if i wanted to talk to him about it while he walked his dog #i said yeah because i wanted to meet his dog and we went on a walk and it was nice #he said he didnt find it that weird since he had a girlfriend who did it in college #he let me explain and didnt try to change my mind and just asked me what i thought about everything #and when i couldnt answer he just pointed out some ducks and we talked instead about the kinds of turtles living in the canal #ive been in therapy for a long time but that was probably the nicest conversation i ever had about my self harm #im really emotional and lonely typing this out but i wanted to at least document a little of what im feeling right now

[horrorwebs]

fUUUUUUUIIICCCCCKCKCKKKCKCKCKCKCK

#so. friend and i went to a fare (? feria . whatever. goth feria. everything normal 157 degrres celsius we dying out here but like #random girl sent out lITTLE BROTHER. (!) to ask for my friends ig and like ok thats fine sometimes happens to ppl but like #this is the friend i have a crush on [im in love] [shes aware] [not that im in love -i dont think so- but that i like her] #and ok sometimes it happens ppl have asked me as well in the past #but she just comented that the girl has already messaged her like disguised in like [? a joke ['we will never know if we won the raffle' #'maybe i should ask the girl which numbers won'] #but like. please. dont say this to me. please. youre torture #she keeps on doing shit like this #dont talk to me about it at least #because it feels just amazing to know that any random stranger [that looks kinda just like me] is a better potential partner than me [your #best friend who loves n cares about you and has done so much for you on the time weve known each other i dont think anyone ever has before #and who you connect with perfectly and have told unbelievable things [tinged in romantic] then left heartbroken bc ypure too fucking stupid #to take into account my feelings] #so ok. feels great. anyway.... #PLEASE someone make me forget about her i cant keep doing this #spikeposting #tw antiloveposting

[arthur-r]

actually so relieved to run into this weird vent art from like a week before my partner broke up with me and remember how i was actually profoundly unhappy when we were together. like i literally would have broken up with him within the next couple weeks probably. all it would have changed if he hadn’t broke up with me would be that a valentine’s day together would be a lasting painful memory. whereas our relationship is nearly managing to comfortably fade into background noise.

#this art is weird which is why i never posted it shdhdf but i figure it goes along with self-actualization/the silly stupid angel song #i remember the same time i drew this i had drawn a monster based off my now-ex (it’s in a notebook somewhere) #and i just kept drawing and giving it more evil attributes and thinking why am i doing this it’s supposed to be my partner #but like. my subconscious fucking knew. he was basically a demon feeding on my life force #anyway i’m a fan of the bloody keyhole in my chest cause that’s so real #i love when i write or draw something and then like. months later i finally get to the realization that i subconsciously clearly highlighte #like yeah he’s demanding symmetry from me (golden ratio) and fucking clawing to get to my secrets (keyhole) and expecting me to be this #idealized and appealing figure but also refusing to give me any actual affection in response like i’m just a fucking statue to stare at #and then idk i’m bleeding golden blood because WHY NOT shdhdf maybe there’s symbolism i figure out later but i think that part’s just rad #oh and of course a halo like from THAT ONE GUY WHAT IS HIS NAME paintings #i want to say like giorgio but that’s not right. WHO IS THE GUY WHO PAINTS THE GOLD HALOS #GIOTTO i looked it up it’s my best friend giotto!!!! i can’t believe i turned my back on him…. forgot his name…. anyway i love his halos #and i was halfheartedly emulating that while i was drawing shdhdf. so anyway that’s the story of this whole thing #but no it’s so good to notice that actually i was discontented and needed to break out of the pattern. cause like i don’t think i fully #understood that i’m ALLOWED to end something i’m not happy with. so even though i deserved to i wouldn’t have done it. so it’s a lesson now #i’m aware that it’s something i’m able to do and something that i should have done. and i’ll do it earlier next time. ANYWAY sorry for this #ex talk #vent cw #i’m so normal i promise. i’m actually getting really normal about it genuinely though. basically fine kinda sorta almost. shdhdhdf #anyway i hope everybody is doing well. sorry for just throwing stuff around every once in a while and being otherwise absent #lmk if you need anything anytime!!!! love and light /gen #me. my post. mine. #delete later #ask to tag