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peterman-spideyparker · 5 months

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Half-Wrong (College!Matt Murdock x college!fem!Reader)

Author’s Note: Howdy folks, ya girl somehow caught Covid during the worst week possible! I have a 102 fever and I don't really remember writing this cuz I've been taking a lot of naps, so if it doesn't make sense and has errors I'm sorry. I saw that Owen Sleater gifset (iykyk) and rolled with it. Enjoy :)

Summary: You have been attracted to Matt Murdock ever since the pair of you met at the coffee shop on campus on move-in day, but you knew he'd never feel the same way about you - this became especially true once you got insight on his romantic life. So when you find him waiting for you after you come back from a date, you take a chance.

Warnings: Sweet platonic fluff, close friendship vibes, kissing, smut (oral - f!receiving, sexy oral m!condom put on, protected sex, p in v sex), swearing

Other Characters: Foggy Nelson, ofc (Cassie)

Word Count: 2,844

“C’mon, just a little more,” you huff as you move your run to a jog on the sidewalk. “A little bit more, and then we’ll be back at the dorms.”

“I don’t get why you think this is the best way to exercise,” Matt huffs as he puts his hands up in a T shape.

“You like boxing, I like a good run. Potato, potahto. The thing you should be thinking about is why you repeatedly agree and continue to go on runs with me,” you pant as you untie the tether that you use while you run—with Matt being unable to see and just how hard you imagine running with a cane would be, a tether to your waist to guide him and gently keep him out of the path of obstacles seemed like a good option.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve figured that part out yet, either. I mean, you do agree to box with me which is nice. But I think I just like spending time with you. Although, being tied with you does kind of make me feel like a dog.”

“Ah, but you’re such a kind, pretty dog with soft hair,” you smirk, ruffling his sweaty hair. “Such a good boy.”

“Alright, alright,” he chuckles, his cheeks flushing beyond the rosiness from the run. “Help me get to the cafe in the student union and I’ll buy us some waters.”

You press a kiss to his warm cheek and place his hand on your forearm.

“Hey, are you still gonna join Foggy and I at Josie’s tonight?” he asks, his breathing sounding like it’s starting to return to normal as you both enter the nearby building.

“I thought that was tomorrow?” you return, navigating the pair of you through a small little self-serve concession area.

“No, tonight. You have plans?”

“Don’t sound too shocked.”

“I don’t mean it like that.”

“Okay. Then how did you mean it?”

“Well, just that you haven’t had plans in almost a year,” he exaggerates as he takes the waters you hand him.

“Excuse me, I have plans,” you say as you take the waters back and scan them, Matt rooting around in his shorts for his student ID.

“No, you have plans with your other friends semi-regularly. You never have date plans,” he clarifies as he swipes his ID to pay.

“I’m sorry all of us can’t be you with a new companion every few weeks.”

“I don’t have a ‘new companion’ every few weeks.”

“Oh, come on, Matt, don’t deny it,” you say as you drink your water. “Right now, it’s that girl from that IP law class, before that it was a dental student, then I think an international relations major? But let’s not forget about contract law girl, estate planning—.”

“Okay, fine, I’ve had a lot of short-term relationships.”

“Well, that’s great for you, but that’s not what I’m looking for,” you tell him. “I mean, I don’t expect anything right now to last forever, but, I don’t want it to be a four-week thing and then be done with it. If I’m gonna make plans with someone, it’s because I think I still might be making plans with them in five months.”

Matt nods and drinks some of his own water as you move back outside and in the direction of our dorms. “So, what’s this guy like? Where’d you meet?”

“Cassie actually set us up,” you say. “She said that he seemed like my type, like a really good guy.”

“Well, then, I’m happy you have plans tonight. I hope it goes well.”

“Thanks, Matt. I do, too. I mean, I have no reason to think they won’t. Just tell Foggy I’m sorry I’m gonna miss him tonight.”

“Of course.”

“Do I see a wild (Y/N) in one of her natural habitats?” you hear Foggy call from across the quad.

“Speak of the Nelson, and he shall appear!” you smile as he comes to wrap you in a hug.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages!”

“(Y/N) has a date tonight,” Matt says with a devilish grin.

“Matthew!” you say, giving him a swift whack. “This is exactly why I don’t tell you things.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m happy for you, really.”

“I am, too!” Foggy chimes in. “I’m bummed that it means you’ll miss drinks at Josie’s, but, it’s about time you get dicked down.”

“I need to hang out with more friends that are girls,” you sigh, taking a look at your watch. “I gotta go now if I want to take an everything shower.” Kissing each of their cheeks, you wave goodbye and run off to your dorm to get ready.

“I just don’t see it going anywhere,” you sigh as you enter the main lobby of your dorm building.

“Really?” Cassie asks over the phone.

“We work on paper, but there wasn’t any spark.”

“Maybe the spark is gonna take some time.”

“A spark shouldn’t take time, Cass. It should be right there I didn’t feel anything.”

“You can’t pin every guy against Matt, you know.”

“I’m not comparing everyone against Matt,” you scoff incredulously.

“Yes, you are. Ever since you met. I bet you felt a spark with him.”

“So what if I did? It’s clear he didn’t with me, but . . .” You sigh and shake the thought out of your head. “I’m not an option for him. He’s a good person, but more importantly, he’s my friend. I’m not gonna spend my time fantasizing about something that’s never gonna happen.”

“HA.”

“You are so mean.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just a funny concept—you, not fantasizing.”

“Rude.”

“I’m your oldest friend, it’s my job.”

“I appreciate it. Listen, I just got to my door, I’m gonna call it a night.”

“Okay, (Y/N). Sleep well.”

“You too.”

Hanging up, you sigh as you put your phone back into your bag, hiking the strap up over your shoulder, slipping out your keys and undoing the old locks. You toss your purse on the nearby table, but freeze in your tracks when you see someone sitting on your bed. Not any someone. Matt.

“You shouldn’t be in here this late,” you breathe.

“I shouldn’t be in here at all,” he says softly, folding his glasses and putting them on your nightstand. “But why do something half-wrong?”

You slowly start to close the gap between where he sits and where you stand. “Matt . . .”

“If you want me to go, I will. Just say the word.”

“. . . Why now?”

“I don’t know. I just . . . I realized tonight when I was at Josie’s with Foggy that if you’re going to be kissing anyone, I want it to be me.”

You don’t care what you just told Cassie. Honestly, you don’t care about anything or how this could complicate your friendship or any of the consequences. Instead, you move to your bed, climb into his lap, and kiss him. That spark you first felt with Matt when you met is a full-blown lightning bolt now, every last bit of you tingling with electricity; you know Matt feels it too from the way his hands slide up your back and how his fingers card through your hair. Matt leans back on the mattress, letting you take the lead as you make out. His kisses gradually grow more aggressive—the clashing of teeth, nipping, squeezing, and grinding. Matt rolls your bodies over on the bed, eagerly but carefully pulling off your shirt.

“Please tell me you were anticipating this and have condoms on you,” you pant as he peppers kisses all over your torso.

“Mmm,” he hums into my body. Oh my God, I think I just came. “Four.”

“We’re using all of them.” You feel how his lips curl into a smile against your body, making you writhe before you scream out when he starts to suck on the sweet spot on your neck.

“Ambitious,” he hums, licking and kissing at the stinging spot on my neck.

“Oh, well, you know me,” you grunt, your fingertips scratching his scalp. “I love to go above and beyond.”

“Let’s shoot for two,” he says into your collarbone.

“Don’t think I can handle using them all?”

He lifts his face up to be level with yours. “I’m saying that you won’t be walking straight after one. If we use more than two, I’ll be carrying you around campus for a week.”

“Sound like a challenge.”

“It’s a guarantee.”

You both smile brightly before you kiss, and you bunch up the cotton of his shirt exposing his soft skin and toned muscles something out of a romance novel.

“Like what you see?” he smirks.

“You’re too cocky for your own good,” you sigh as you run a hand down his exposed body. “But as a matter of fact, I really, really do.”

“Well, if you’re thinking of doing what I think you are, angel . . . Tonight is about you, and treating you right. How I should’ve treated you a long time ago.” He leans down and kisses your lips before moving the embraces along your cheek to just below your ear. “Sit back and relax, sweetheart. I’m gonna take good care of you.”

You sigh as he presses kisses down your chest, nipping at your cleavage and soothing the sting of any bite with his lips. You pant in excitement under his touch as his hands wrap around my back, unclasping your bra and sliding it painfully slow off of your body. You let out a sigh and toss your head to the side as his lips wrap around your nipple, one of his hands on your free breast while the other hand holds onto yours. Matt takes his time as if he’s trying to map out your body in his mind with his lips. Gazing down, you catch a glimpse of how happy Matt looks as he drags his lips further down your torso, pressing a long kiss on your belly button before unbuttoning your pants to shimmy them off your legs. Tossing them to the floor, he kisses all the way up your legs before spreading them apart to nestle his face against your covered core. You whine at his careful and deliberate movements, lifting your hips to help him slide the fabric off. Matt’s fingers gently spread you open, exposing yourself completely to him.

“Oh, fuck, you’re gonna be the death of me,” he breathes. “So perfect for me.”

Carefully, he lets out a soft breath on your pussy before leaning forward and wrapping his lips around your clit.

“Oh!” you cry out. “Fuck . . .”

Your toes curl as Matt works his magic, and your eyes flutter shut as you let your mind get caught up in all the things that Matt is making you feel. If you had known he could make you feel like this—if you knew he even felt an inkling of the same way toward your, you would’ve done something to let him know that you care about him more more than a friend.

“Matty,” you breathe, running your fingers through his hair. “Oh, Matt, just like that. So good.”

You watch as Matt tries to lift his gaze upward to meet yours, his beautiful hazel eyes sparkling with delight as he eats you out. You swallow hard, throwing your head back as you feel your orgasm quickly approach. You cry out when you feel him slide two fingers into you, curling them just right to throw you over the edge. Your body arches off of the mattress as you cry out, your thighs clenching around his head. Matt’s tongue cleans up every last drop of your arousal before kissing all the way back up your body.

“You taste so good, angel,” he murmurs into your lips. “You ready for me?”

“Please,” you breathe, kissing him deeply. “I need you.”

He grins, kissing you again before leaning back and undoing his pants, shimmying them down enough to free his cock from the fabric before he reaches in his pocket to grab a condom. He is absolutely huge—delightfully so, and I feel the space between my legs instantly flood at the sight of him. Now what he said about not walking straight makes total sense, and not Matt just being cocky.

“All the way off,” you demand with a smile.

“Your wish is my command, sweetheart.”

You bite your lip in excitement as he gets completely naked while you tear open the little foil package.

“C’mere,” you grin as you drink him in as he kneels on your bed, completely and utterly bare.

Matt licks his lips, doing as you ask, folding his arms behind his head. Fuck, he has to know what he’s doing when he rests like that. Carefully, you crawl over to him, putting the tip of the condom in your mouth before you wrap your hand around his base and bring your head down his length. Your jaw hurts as you go down his thick cock, but you manage to get it all the way down. When you get back up, you see how lust-blown Matt’s expression is, how flushed his cheeks and chest are.

“That was so fucking hot,” he hums. “Get over here, angel.”

With a smile, you move to meet him in a kiss, a new passion in the embrace that hand’t been there before.

“You ready for me?” he breathes.

“Yeah,” you nod eagerly as you dip down for a kiss.

With firm hands on your hips, he guides you down on his cock. You moan in harmony as he gets deeper and deeper in you, and it feels like you’re going to get split in two the further he goes. When you’re all the way down, he pulls you in for a deep kiss.

“Are you okay?” he breathes when your lips part.

“I’m okay,” you assure him. “You’re big."

“And you’re tight,” he smirks. “You good for me to move?”

“Oh, fuck, please.”

“Such good manners.”

With another kiss and a smile, Matt wraps his arms around you so your back is on the mattress and he’s hovering above you. You feel the sweet sting from the drag of his cock as he pulls out before pushing back in, testing and stretching you slowly as he starts to establish a rhythm. Your lips part as you feel more pleasure with each of Matt’s thrusts, one of your hands moving to his bicep and creating little crescent moons in his soft skin as he moves faster and faster.

“Right there,” you breathe. “Shit . . . Matt, yes, right there.”

“Good girl,” he hums. “So good taking my cock like that.”

“K-Kiss me,” you stutter, feeling your second orgasm approaching.

Looking at you tenderly, he leans down and kisses you long and slow, staying lower to keep little space between our bodies.

“You’re perfect,” he breathes, kissing your cheek. “So perfect.”

“Matt, ‘m close,” you whimper.

“Whenever you’re ready.” His hand cradles the side of your face, kissing you once more.

You bite your lip, stifling your moan as you come around Matt, your body clinging to his as he continues to move his hips, his skin flushing as he grunts, approaching his own release, spilling into the condom. He kisses you all over as your breathing steadies, pulling out and tossing the condom into the trash before wrapping you in his arms and kissing your wherever his lips can find skin.

“Matt,” you chuckle softly as he sucks marks into your collarbone.

“Shh,” he hums, kissing the marks to soothe them.

“Matt, it tickles!”

You feel his lips curl into a smile as he presses kisses up your neck. “I’ve always loved your laugh. This is just another way I can hear it.”

“And it’s another way I can see your smile.” You lean in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “You know, I bet if you give me enough time in between, we can use up all the condoms.”

“You think?”

“Nothing saying we can’t try.”

“Ambitious girl,” he smiles.

“It’s part of my charm. Why you like me. Why we work well together.”

“One of the reasons, yeah. There’s plenty of others, though.”

“Oh?”

“Mm.” He kisses your forehead. “I’ve got a whole list.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

You giggle at the silence and look at him. “Are you gonna tell me any?”

Matt’s fingers trace aimless patterns on your skin. “I think you already know them, angel. But I’ll tell you one every day. Today, it’s your ambition. Tomorrow . . .” He lets out a breath. “It’ll be whatever feels right for me to point out.”

“Well, I’ve got a list, too. And right at the top is how safe you make me feel. How special you make me feel. How loved." You kiss his chest. "Tomorrow’s something might have to do with your nose.”

Matt’s expression is filled with tenderness, closing the gap between you once more, holding onto you and letting you rest right above his heart.

Permanent Taglist: @majesticavenger @steampowerednightvaler @themusingsofmany @just-the-hiddles @toozmanykids @dangertoozmanykids101 @clints-worldavengers @theburningbookshop @itwasthereaminuteago @peter1ismybrother@hellskitchens-whore @dpaccione @catnip987

Matt Murdock Taglist: @two-unbeatable-beaters

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corazondebeskar-reads · 7 months

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all I did was what I had to - part one

all I did was what I had to miniseries

part one: all I did was what I had to

series masterlist | part one | part two | part three

dark!Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: A newcomer to Joel's group of raiders makes a pass at you. Joel reinforces his dominance.

Warnings: DARK. dead dove do not eat. raider!Joel is not a good man, dark!Joel Miller, mention of past assault (not by Joel), dub-con due to power imbalance and implied captivity, reader can have a little stockholm syndrome as a treat. watersports, piss drinking, canon-typical violence, gore, piv intercourse, unsafe sex, oral (m receiving), oral (f receiving), bit of both game and show joel, sorta d/s dynamics I guess, not RACK compliant

Originally written for Kinktober 2023 - Day 4 - Overstimulation / Human Urinal, inspired by this prompt list from @absurdthirst and this gifset from @a7estrellas. I did not come up with raider/hunter!Joel or dark!Joel and many great writers have built in this sandbox before me.

also on ao3

You’d like to say that six months ago, when the group of raiders “took you in,” you would have fought tooth and nail to avoid this situation. You wished you could say you ever really fought back at all.

But after Joel Miller had found you in a supply room during a raid, sobbing and struggling under a FEDRA officer, you had never even so much as told him no. Not after he pulled the man—your husband, who had been starving and abusing you since your wedding night three weeks ago—off your aching body and pummeled his face into the ground. When all that was left was pulp, he had helped you to your feet with bloodied hands.

“You okay?” he said. His furrowed brow and cold eyes told you he was dangerous more than the corpse on the ground, as his concern was for you alone, entirely barren of remorse or disgust.

You nodded, but the tremor of your hands betrayed you. He shucked off his jacket and helped you into it, numb as you were, and zipped it up. It was long enough to give you the illusion of modesty since your clothes were nowhere to be found.

He had led you down the stairs and outside, crowding you into the passenger seat of a dented, rusty pickup.

“Wait here,” he said, shutting the door.

And you had.

Now, you were knelt between Joel’s heavy boots in the living room of the main safe house. He was sprawled on the main sofa, beer in one hand and the other on the back of your head. The others were milling about, drinking shitty moonshine, and enjoying the spoils of today’s raid.

You had an old, soft flannel on and Joel’s thick cock in your throat. He was holding you there, motionless, while your eyes stung and watered. Every so often, he’d guide you to bob up and down or shove your face down to lick his balls. He was dragging it out, savoring it in a rare display of luxury.

Their haul today meant easy living for a couple months after striking an unfortunate band of Fireflies. After the slaughter, they had returned with crates and cases of supplies. You, however, had spent the last two days locked in your room upstairs.

The upper floor of the house was Joel’s. The door at the foot of the stairs locked from both directions, the sole key to which never left the chain around his neck. Your little room had a mattress and a door to a Jack and Jill bathroom. Joel’s room, where you actually spent most of your time, was on the other side. But it had been locked, and you had been left with plenty of food and water but absolutely nothing to do.

So when Joel came home in a better mood than you’d ever seen him, you jumped at the opportunity to go downstairs. He didn’t like you down there most of the time, didn’t like anyone seeing you but him, unless he was putting on a show of dominance.

Like now. Your quiet obedience on full display, a reminder that even in a time of prosperity, Joel Miller was still the king.

He took the last swig of his beer and handled the bottle off to a lackey (you didn't see them enough to tell them apart, or care enough to learn their names). He let go of your hair and gave your cheek two sharp pats, smirking when you scrambled to please him. Your hands had been clasped behind your back where they belonged, but he was ready to cum, so you wrapped one around the base of his cock and massaged his balls with the other, using your throat as roughly as he would.

This was second nature, now. The only days you went without his cock in your mouth were the days he was away on raids. When you had woken that morning without the ache in your jaw and throat, you had been sad. (Whatever that said about your life now wasn’t something you wanted to think about too hard.)

Saliva coated your fingers where they grasped the very root of him, smearing on your face as you buried him as deep within you as possible. Tears scorched your cheeks as you gagged and struggled to remember to breathe through your nose.

He snapped his fingers in your face, drawing not just your eyes to his but capturing the attention of everyone else in the room. He held your gaze and your head in place as hot ropes of cum shot down your throat.

Drained, he let you up, a lazy grin spreading as you coughed and sobbed for a moment.

“Shit,” said one of the newer recruits, too young and stupid to survive for long. “I call next.”

The tension in the room was immediate. One of Joel’s smarter lackeys stepped away from the splatter zone. He was, after all, sporting a new denim jacket from the haul.

Joel held your eyes for a moment before slowly looking up at the offender. He rose, forcing you to scramble back a few inches to make room. His flaccid cock was eye level with you now, but you didn’t dare look away from his face. The satisfied grin had sharpened, his dark eyes clear and dangerous.

“Yeah? You want her to suck you off?” Joel drawled.

How this man had lived to his mid-twenties astounded you. He was making eye contact with a predator with apparently zero awareness of the danger.

“Fuck yeah, man,” said the future corpse.

Joel dragged his eyes back down to you. “Open up, sweetheart.”

The other man made to move toward you, but Joel raised one finger and waited while you opened your mouth, tongue out. Your heart was racing. You didn’t believe he would actually let someone else touch you, but there was still a sharp jolt of fear.

Joel took himself in hand, lifting your chin up with the other. He cocked an eyebrow at you—not seeking permission, but granting a warning. You realized what he was about to do right before it happened, tensing every muscle to fight the instinct to snap your mouth shut.

It wasn’t the first time Joel had pissed in your mouth, but that didn’t make the acrid stream any more pleasant. It burned your raw throat on the way down. He didn’t look away from you, thumb stroking your jaw gently. When he finished, he held his cock out for you to lick the tip clean. You pressed a soft kiss, offering forgiveness he didn’t require, and sat back on your heels.

He looked up at the other man, waving a loose arm in your direction. “Ya still want her?”

“You’re fucked up,” the newcomer said, shaking his head. “That’s fucking disgusting.”

Joel laughed and pulled your head to his thigh, one ear pressed against it and his large palm over the other. You squeezed your eyes shut just in time as he drew his pistol and shot the man in the crotch in one fluid moment. The bang still jolted you, and you pressed your face harder into Joel’s rough jeans.

He took his hand off your ear to stroke your cheek. “Get him out of here,” he barked at one of the others, who immediately dragged the screaming, writhing man out of the house.

Joel squatted down, hands on your shoulders. “You okay?” He inspected you, brushing his hands over “your” shirt to make sure none of the viscera had reached you.

You nodded, though you were shaking a little and forcing slow, wavering breaths in and out.

“That’s my girl,” he said, brushing a thumb over your swollen lips. He stood up and helped you up, leading you upstairs without another glance at his men.

Your hand grasped tight in his rough, calloused palm, and he led you to his room, where you sat on the edge of the bed, eyes downcast.

He toed off his boots and slid his belt out of the loops of his jeans. “Don’t worry, baby. We’ll wash the taste outta your mouth.”

You looked up to watch him shuck off his gray t-shirt, captivated by the way it peeled off his biceps and fluttered to the floor. It was followed quickly by his jeans and boxers. His cock sprung free, hard again already after the thrilling turn of events.

You made to slide to your knees, but he clicked his tongue at you. “C’mon, I ain’t that mean. Lay back, sweetheart. You did so good out there for me.”

You obeyed, ass perched on the edge, knees bent and legs spread wide, braced against the footboard. He stepped between your legs, running a hand over your stomach.

“Look at you, princess, you’re soaked.” The crooked smirk returned as he lightly dragged a finger through your wet folds. “You liked that?”

A wretched flush overtook you from your face to your chest, ears burning. You looked away, but the sharp tsk brought your eyes back to him.

“Don’t hide from me,” his voice pitched low and dark, the drawl always thicker when he was stalking prey. “It’s a good thing, baby. Tell me why you’re dripping.”

“Felt safe,” you murmured, blushing harder. “I like bein’ yours.”

He grinned and pushed his thumb down on your clit, watching as you gasped and jerked.

“Good girl,” he said and sank to his knees.

He chuckled, watching your eyes grow wide. He didn’t want to spoil you, so this was a rare treat. He spread you with two fingers, licking a wide stripe from your cunt to your clit. Your hips jerked, and he lay an arm over them, pinning you down as you sobbed a long moan.

A rare treat, but a divine one. He ate you out like you were the first oasis in the desert. Licking and sucking, plunging three fingers deep into your pussy until you fell apart on his tongue. And he didn’t stop, teeth nipping at your clit until the aftershocks of your orgasm crested smoothly into another. And another. You were sobbing full out, thrashing to pull away from the suffocating pain and pleasure, but he held you in place until the sixth orgasm left you sprawled, loose-limbed, eyes dazed.

“That’s it, baby,” he crooned, standing up and raising your knees to your chest. You hadn’t the strength to move where he wanted, but he was more than happy to manhandle your pliant, soft body.

Your eyes fluttered open when he notched the fat head of his cock at your entrance, only to roll back and shut again when he pushed into the hilt in one smooth stroke. You were slick, and he had stretched you with his fingers (another luxury you weren’t always awarded), but the sheer size of him never failed to take your breath away.

There was no slow, gentle sex with Joel. Only the rough, demanding pace he set immediately, hands bruising your already mottled hips. It didn’t take long, him having already spent once that day and your body in no condition to handle a long session. When he began to flood your cunt with his warmth, he reached down and pinched your clit, twisting cruelly. Your scream was loud but broken, rough with overuse, as he ripped another orgasm from you.

He slipped out and crawled onto the mattress, gently moving you up to rest against the pillows with him. “Open,” he said, tapping at your jaw.

You let your mouth fall open, not a spare thought in your brain, as he made good on the promise to wash the taste of his piss out. Reaching between your legs, he scooped up a glob of your mixed juices, bringing them to your tongue. You automatically closed your lips around him, sucking and licking. He repeated the motion twice more until he was satisfied, then pulled you in for a deep kiss, chasing the taste of both your pleasures.

It wasn’t until after he lulled you to sleep, brushing the sweat from your brow, that he pulled his clothes back on and crept out of the room.

Outside, his men had tied the injured sonofabitch around the wrists and slung the rope over a solid branch, his feet just barely dragging on the mud below.

He jolted alert as Joel approached and began sobbing in fear. Joel spit at his feet.

“Shame you didn’t bleed out already,” Joel said, drawing his finger along the blade of his favorite knife. The blood pooled on Joel’s fingertip, dripping down to his wrist.

The other man watched, eyes wide with terror, and began screaming around the rag in his mouth.

“I mean, a shame for you,” Joel said, with a shrug and a quirk of his lips. “I’m gonna have a real good time, though.”

*title from "There's No 'I' in Team" by Taking Back Sunday.

#joel miller x reader #joel x reader #the last of us fic #raider!joel #dark!joel miller #dead dove do not eat #kinktober 2023 #raider!joel miller #dark joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #corazondebeskar-reads and writes

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userlando · 2 years

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✧･ﾟ 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 (𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐡)

billy hargrove x female!reader [4.6k] summary ⤍ all your friends had more or less gained more sexual experience over the summer. asking billy hargrove to help you out might not be the best idea, but you’re running out of options. warnings ⤍ 18+ (minors dni) petname use, explicit language, explicit smut, kissing, semi-public sex, oral (f receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, hair pulling. a/n ⤍ so i couldn’t resist writing more billy. again, this isn’t canon billy so keep that in mind. thank you for all your love on my last fic, please consider leaving feedback and lmk what you thought of this. also, here’s a gifset that sparked this idea :) i haven’t proof read this since it’s 4am now and i wrote this on my phone, sorry. ily <3

“Do you wanna have sex with me?” Isn’t what you ever expected to ask Billy Hargrove. Especially by the public pools that he was supposed to be guarding.

He’d been sitting high up in his lifeguard chair, smacking his chewing gum enticingly with his eyes alert on every kid in and around the pools and opening his mouth to bark at the occasional running kid. You’d been watching him from afar, sitting up in your chaise lounge with your book half forgotten in your lap as you half-listened to your friends close by.

It wasn’t that surprising that sex was the topic of conversation, as it had been for the most part these past few weeks of the summer. Two of your friend group consisting of five had lost their virginities, and the other’s had somehow managed to score boyfriends. It wasn’t unusual or even weird, seeing as you were all on the cheerleading squad and more popular than you’d like to think about.

It irked you a little bit though, because sex had never been a big issue in your life until this summer. You had focused all you had on your grades and your team seeing as you were the head cheerleader at school. Boys weren’t an issue, you’d had exactly one boyfriend (minus Josh from middle school) and you’d broken up with him after four months when you’d caught him cheating on you with another girl. He had been your first everything, but not your first orgasm.

The guys that did try to ask you out always got shot down, and you tried not to think too hard about why that was your first instinct. Maybe you were still feeling the after effects of being cheated on, or maybe dating in general didn’t excite you as the average high schooler. Your friends called you a prude, and somehow that was the reputation you’d gained in school. The pristine, virginal and sweet cheerleader whom could not be conquered.

They weren’t too far off.

The girls were still chattering as you zoned out, and you caught some words that definitely weren’t meant to be said out loud where kids could hear. Your eyes scanned the pool, eyes squinting in the harsh sunlight until they landed on the lifeguard chair. Or more specifically, Billy.

You didn’t know why your brain conjured the outrageous idea up so fast. Maybe it was because your friends were discussing their boyfriend’s lengthy dicks or maybe you were feeling fed up with being excluded from those conversations. But you found your legs standing and moving before you could think twice of it, throwing a mumbled be right back over your shoulder.

Billy and you had exchanged maybe a full on sentence in your entire lives. You’d see each other at school and you’d once caught him smoking a joint in the girls bathroom. It had flustered you so much so that you’d backed out with a whispered sorry, not even wondering twice about why he was even in the girls bathroom to begin with.

Maybe that’s why Billy had the reaction he did when you stopped right below him. His eyebrows jumped on his forehead as you looked at each other, and you couldn’t read his face more than that thanks to his sunglasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. But you imagined that he was quite surprised and a little lost.

“Hey, gorgeous.” He greeted you, voice like molten lava. It wasn’t hard to figure out why every girl and occasional boy were falling over their feet to get in his bed. He had quite the reputation.

You fought off the feeling of oh my god what in the world am I doing, raising your head to look him in the eye with more bravery than you felt.

“Can we talk?” You asked, sounding more nervous than you would’ve liked.

His interest was piqued though and you took a step back when he began climbing down the chair. You blinked slowly when he faced you, suddenly feeling tongue tied and ten times more jittery. He was a lot taller than you expected, smelling strongly of cologne and cigarette smoke as he pushed his hair back from his forehead. It was damp with perspiration, skin a little sun kissed from spending so many hours under the sun.

“So?” He trailed off, dragging out the vowel.

You let out a shuddered sigh, giving him a nervous smile that he returned with bewilderment. You didn’t blame him, the two of you had absolutely nothing to talk about. You ran in different circles and it was hard to believe you had anything in common.

“I know this is weird, it kinda is. I mean, we don’t know each other and —“ your rambling got cut off with a noise of thinly veiled annoyance.

Billy yanked his sunglasses off and you shut your mouth because holy shit. His eyes were strikingly blue up close, framed by long eyelashes that you couldn’t help but deeply admire. The sudden eye contact almost had your knees knocking together.

“Is there a reason you’re here?” He asked, not rudely. But it was clear he was losing patience. Or maybe he was losing interest.

So, you decided to bite the bullet and just come out with it, “Do you wanna have sex with me?”

The silence was deafening and the rest of the world fell off as your eyes darted between his. He didn’t give you anything, no twitch on his face nor did he laugh or scoff. You didn’t know what to expect, but the silence had you wishing the ground would open up and swallow you whole.

“Oh god,” you whispered, bringing your hands up to your face in mortification as the quiet dragged on for a beat too long and you’d gotten a moment to realise what you’d said. “I’m so sorry, I don’t— I don’t know why I asked that.”

You contemplated walking back and grabbing your things, just so you could get out and never set foot here again. It would be difficult to avoid him in the hallways and in classes, but your ego was too bruised to even care about the logistics. Hell, you had half a mind to drive straight back home and beg your parents to move to a different state.

“I’m gonna go,” you huffed out a laugh that sounded a lot like shame and tacked on, for good measure, “sorry.”

Before you could turn around and do your walk of shame, Billy had reached out and circled his fingers around your wrist. You looked down at his grip, too afraid to look at his face or any other part of him.

“Hold on,” Billy sounded neutral, voice a tad bit strained as he rocked back on his feet in contemplation. “Why are you asking me this?”

Not only did you just embarrass yourself, now he wanted an explanation. The thought of it made you screw your face up in a grimace, closing your eyes as if you could close them from the wave of shame you felt crashing into you like violent waves.

“I don’t know.” You replied finally, voice small. “I guess I’m tired of feeling like an outcast.”

Billy’s startled laugh had you whipping your head up, glaring at him and he reached both hands up to his side in apology. He didn’t look very apologetic though, just amused.

“Sorry, I just— outcast, you said? You’re the head cheerleader.”

You crossed your arms over your chest in defence, ignoring his eyes jumping to the movement before he glanced back at your face. “So? That doesn’t mean I jump into bed with everyone.”

His lips stretched into a slow smirk that almost made you squirm, but you stood your ground and tried to look as harsh as possible. It didn’t seem to work, judging by Billy’s face, but you didn’t let it deter you.

“Nah,” his tongue poked the inner side of his cheek. “I’ve heard the opposite. You’re quite a hard catch, sweetheart.”

It made you cringe, the apples of your cheeks burning and you tried to tell yourself it was because of the way he was indirectly calling you a prude and not because he’d just called you sweetheart. Who gave him the right to be so smooth and confident?

“My friends have all… gained more experience. And I feel a little left out.” You wrung your hands together as you offered your explanation, glancing around to check that no one was listening.

It didn’t seem like it, thankfully. Kids were still swimming and dunking each other under water. You imagined that if Billy had been paying more attention, he would’ve cussed them out. But alas...

Billy sighed, clearly a little agitated as he ran his fingers through his tousled hair. His eyes glanced around, settling on something over your shoulder and you didn’t have to look behind you to see that he was looking at your friends. You cringed internally at the thought of them, knowing they’d have a million questions as to why you were speaking to Billy Hargrove of all people. You were as different as two people possibly could be. At least in social status.

“Sorry, sweetheart. I don’t fuck virgins.” His words jarred you, and you took a step back in shock.

The way he said it so bluntly almost made you recoil entirely. This entire situation was starting to seem so laughable.

“What? No!” You frowned. “I’m not a virgin.”

Billy looked confused now, “Then what the fuck are you asking me?”

The absurdity of it all almost made you laugh.

“I just need…” you trailed off. “Experience, I guess.”

Billy looked around, eyes faraway as he contemplated what you were asking of him. You didn’t blame him, it was a bizarre thing to ask of someone you barely knew.

“Alright,” his eyes looked you up and down, smirk crawling onto his face. “I get off in thirty minutes, meet me in the lobby by then.”

That had you pausing, eyebrows almost touching your hairline as you opened your mouth and closed it. You hadn’t expected him to say yes, but you certainly didn’t expect him to also want to do it today. Now? You weren’t ready, had hardly thought it through when you propositioned him. And what were you going to tell your friends?

“Wait, you want to do it now?” You hated how inexperienced and innocent you sounded, but your nerves were alight.

Billy squinted his eyes, the blue of his eyes almost disappearing behind his lids as he sucked his pink bottom lip into his mouth before releasing it. “I’m sorry, did you wanna schedule a session?”

You felt heat crawl up your neck, managing a shake of the head as you took a step back.

“Thirty minutes.” You said breathlessly.

The walk back to your friends was on autopilot, but your mind was running a mile a minute and you were sure your legs were gonna collapse from underneath you. You didn’t know what to expect, or how to feel about it all.

“What the hell?” One of your friends exclaimed when you plopped down on your lounge chair. You almost nodded because, yeah, what the hell?

The thirty minutes felt like days, as you sat in your chair. Your legs were crossed, book open in your lap but you were too anxious to really read. The words were all jumbled and your eyes were flicking over to the other side of the pool area. Billy was in his usual element and if he felt even half of the anxiety you were feeling, then he was a damn good actor. His posture was too relaxed, and he looked calmer than you felt.

You pretended not to look as another lifeguard padded out to where Billy was climbing down the ladder. They exchanged a few words and then Billy was walking away. You couldn’t look away as he passed you, and when your eyes briefly met, you quickly averted your gaze with warmth creeping up your face.

He disappeared into the building, and you gave it exactly two minutes before you told your friends you’d hit the restrooms. You didn’t give them a chance to say anything, getting out of your chair and walking briskly the way Billy had gone.

It was empty in the lobby area, everyone outside basking in the sun instead of sitting indoors. Heather was manning the reception, head down as she scribbled in a notepad. She looked bored and you sidestepped out of her field of view in fear that she’d spot you and strike up a conversation.

You felt his presence before you saw him.

“Come with me.” Billy grabbed your hand, pulling you along as he began walking down a narrow hallway.

You silently followed him, trying not to think too hard about how warm his hand was as it engulfed yours or how nicely his back muscles moved beneath his black top. His hair was curly and frizzy, looking a little dry from all the chlorine water and sunshine. He smelled like chlorine too, but it was more pleasant than one would expect.

It took you a moment to realise that he had stopped outside a door the furthest away from the lobby and you felt your eyebrows scrunch in a frown when he unlocked the door and pushed it open; Revealing a supply closet. It was big, cluttered and smelt weird.

Billy didn’t seem to mind much though, pulling you inside and closing the door behind you. The darkness blanketed the room for a second before the boy flicked the switch. You blinked to get used to the dim light, turning around to look at Billy. Your heart was racing and the small sense of bravado you were feeling earlier had been extinguished as you stood in front of the unruly haired boy. He seemed to be contemplating you, eyes roaming your figure before he took a step forward.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, voice low enough that you felt it in the pit of your abdomen.

You almost shook your head, because kissing was romantic and intimate and this was anything but that. But you looked in his eyes, gaze dropping to his lips and you found yourself nodding your consent because they looked too inviting not to taste.

He didn’t waste time, fingers sliding over the sides of your throat and into your hair as he crowded your space. You stepped with him when he walked you backwards, pushing your body into a shelf. The impact had your mouth open in a gasp, but he swooped forward to swallow the sound. You moaned in surprise, eyes fluttering closed at the taste of minty gum and cigarette smoke.

Billy was a lot of things, and a good kisser was one of them. Sure, you didn’t have much experience but it didn’t take a genius to recognise a person who knew what he was doing. His lips moved with purpose, tilting your head with the help of his hands as he slowly explored your mouth. His nose pressed into your cheek, little puffs of breath escaping him. He pulled at your hair a little too hard and you unexpectedly moaned into his mouth at the pleasurable pain.

Your stomach was clenching and turning, heart beating so fast that you were afraid he’d be able to feel it when he pressed his chest against yours. If he did, he said nothing of it as he instead pried your mouth open wider for him to taste your tongue. He licked and sucked, his hands leaving your hair to explore your body. You were thankful to still be in your bikini, because it allowed you to feel the heat of his hands as they grabbed and pinched at the skin of your body.

“Good?” He asked breathlessly against your lips, pulling away a bit to look into your eyes.

He grinned wickedly at what he saw on your face; Eyes dazed and blown with lust, lips kissed raw. Billy didn’t know you, but it was clear that you were inexperienced and he intended to have your knees trembling and your voice hoarse before he let you walk out of the supply closet.

“Good.” You echoed, lips touching his when you nodded.

He couldn’t help but feel a small pang of endearment at the sight of you, hurrying to catch your lips in another filthy kiss before his mind strayed too far into unknown territory.

Your chest burned at the lack of oxygen you were getting, but you had no intention of slowing down because your bikini bottoms were getting damp with your slick and that was something new. A person had never had that effect on you. You didn’t even know it was possible to orgasm without the help of your hands and here you were now, turned on beyond belief just because someone was kissing you.

“Fuck, such a good girl,” Billy dragged his lips to your jaw, sucking and licking down your neck and between your tits. He paused a moment to pull back and reach his hands out to grab a handful of them. The action had you gasping, arching into his hold as he swiped his thumbs over your puckered nipples. “Oh baby, someone’s been neglecting you, hm?”

Your face burned at his words, a small whimper tumbling out of your mouth when he grabbed the flimsy material of your cups and pulled them down. Your hands automatically went up to hide your chest from him, but Billy tutted and grabbed both of your hands with a laugh.

“Billy—“ you turned your head up to stare at the ceiling in embarrassment.

“They’re so pretty, sweetheart, look at you.”

His voice had you squirming, pressing your thighs together and Billy almost groaned at the sight. His hands kneaded at your tits, sucking your right nipple into your mouth with a wet noise. His eyes were trained on your face, silently willing you to look back down so you could see how fucking starved he was for you.

The idea of fucking you was something that had passed his mind many times before. At those silly pep rallies, when you walked down the hallway with your friends in your uniform. Hell, he’d fantasise about bending you over and pulling at your ponytail in the classes he did attend. But those were fantasies, nothing more.

He could hardly believe that you were here, tits on display and his mouth suckling on you like a depraved man. He was quick to switch buds, giving it the same treatment before he kissed his way down your stomach. It was heaving, a clear indication that you were turned on beyond belief and something about that had Billy feeling absolutely feral. Fuck, he could smell you from where he was crouched in front of you.

His hands stroked your calves, up your legs before they stopped on your thighs. You whined into the room, bucking your hips a little when he stopped moving.

“Hey,” his voice broke the tense silence. “Look at me.”

You closed your mouth, swallowing as you glanced down at him. He was on his knees, pupils blown wide with lust and lips looking extra pink in the dim light. His cheeks were flushed, a light smattering of red and it looked way better on him than you wanted to admit.

“Tell me, sweetheart,” his voice was teasing, deliciously seductive. “Has anyone ever made you come?”

You rolled your hips at his words, feeling way too turned on to keep yourself together as you whined. It felt like you’d actually die if he didn’t touch you soon. Billy didn’t care though, he expected an answer and he pinched your thighs harshly in retaliation

“Answer me, pretty girl.” He coaxed. “Has anyone ever eaten this little pussy out?”

You felt like you were burning up from the inside when you looked down at him, shaking your head bashfully. “No.”

Billy frowned then, because fuck what a shame. And he voiced that out loud. “That’s a damn shame. You look so pretty like this, and you haven’t even come on my mouth yet.”

That got a moan out of you.

“Please, please,” your voice was small, needy. You were beyond caring about shame or anything other than his hands on you.

Billy danced his fingers up your thighs, touching your pussy over the material of your bikini bottoms. He felt a zap of arousal down his spine when he felt the bump of your swollen clit beneath his finger. You shuddered violently when he pressed the pad of his finger down against your nub, grin forming on his lips.

“Please, what?” He whispered, leaning forward to kiss your hip.

“Please, touch me.”

He didn’t waste anymore time, hooking his fingers into your bottoms and yanking them down your legs. He tapped your calf, urging you to step out of them and you were quick to obey. Billy grinned at your eagerness, fingers finding your center and spreading your lips open. You gasped at the sudden cool air on your slick pussy, rearing your hips back.

He grunted and grabbed a hold of your hip with one hand to pull you forward. You went willingly, mouth dropping open in a silent moan when he leaned forward and sealed his mouth on your cunt.

It was a new feeling, having someone’s mouth on you like this. Your ex-boyfriend had only ever fingered you before he fucked you, and you’d never managed to orgasm with him. Yet here you were, Billy’s mouth licking and sucking on your most sensitive area and your legs were trembling.

It felt like you were falling into the abyss, mind far away and mouth gapping open in silent moans and harsh intakes of breath. You tried to keep eye contact with the boy between your legs, but then he’d suck on or flick your clit with his tongue and you’d throw your head back.

The noises he was making were absolutely obscene, and it lit your nerves up like never before. He was moaning like a starved man, tongue digging into your hole and nose touching your clit so deliciously that you felt the telltale signs of an orgasm incoming.

You let go of the shelf with one hand to grip Billy’s hair, the softness of it grounding you for exactly two seconds before you were starting to make these needy, high pitched noises at the back of your throat. Billy loved it, but you were still in public and you were getting a little too loud. He pulled his mouth away from you, sliding a finger into you instead to keep you skating right on the edge of your orgasm.

“You need to be quiet sweetheart,” he whispered, mirroring your movement when you looked back down to nod at him. He wasn’t even sure you were fully listening to him, judging by the fucked out expression on your face. “Can you do that? Be quiet for me?”

You hummed, a dragged out mmm sound that went up in pitch when he crooked his finger up into the spongy spot, returning his mouth to solely focus on your clit. He ate you out eagerly, listening for sound cues and upping his speed when you bucked your hips into him. His scalp was on fire with how you were pulling at his hair, trying to get him as close to you as humanly possible, but he loved it. Billy was so hard in his shorts that he was sure he’d bust if he got a hand around himself.

He clasped a hand on one of your butt cheeks to pull you into him, and you don’t know why that did it for you. But your mouth opened into a silent scream as you shuddered through your orgasm; Pushing yourself into him as your vision blacked out.

Billy was humming into you, creating little vibrations against your clit that was rapidly growing more sensitive the longer he stayed licking on it. You moaned weakly, head lolling forward to find him staring at you.

“Mmm, hurts,” you rasped, jerking when he sucked on your sensitive bud. “Billy—“

“One more, sweetheart. Give me one more.” He begged you, sliding a second finger into your dripping core.

You almost buckled, grabbing the shelf behind you with both hands to keep yourself upright. The aftershocks faded the longer Billy licked and fucked you on his fingers, a familiar tingling returning as he started pickling up speed.

“Oh Billy,” you moaned, a touch too loud but you didn’t seem to care all to much as you started humping forwards.

Billy flushed, pleased with himself as he leaned back. His jaw was killing him so he replaced his tongue with his calloused thumb, rolling your clit underneath the pad of it like an expert.

“C’mon baby, let me see that pretty face.” He urged you on, fucking you harder and deeper with his fingers.

He didn’t expect you to buck your hips forward, throwing your head back and wail your orgasm out as you came on his hand. You were dripping, body trembling as it tilted forward as if to chase his relentless hand on your pussy. He was in awe, eyes not straying from your sweaty face as you came down from your high, slowing his fingers down before he eventually pulled them out.

You gave away a small hitched moan at the emptiness, and Billy couldn’t help but reach forward to give your clit a little kiss. Your hips jumped at the small touch to your sensitive bud, and you heaved a weak moan.

“Good?” He asked, feeling and sounding quite pleased with himself.

You didn’t reply, still a little lost in your recovery. But that was answer enough for the boy as he slowly reached for your bikini bottoms, pulling them up your legs and mournfully covering your pussy once again. He got to his feet, knees protesting and back aching.

You looked sinfully good, your tits still on display and sweaty all over. Your hands were still grasping onto the shelf as you struggled to hold your weight up, and Billy grinned at that. He silently pulled your cups up over your chest, covering it before he stroked a stray of sweaty hair from your face.

You blinked your eyes open then, and Billy almost lost his breath when they focused on him. You’d been so disarmed during the whole session, relaxed and shameless. So, it was almost endearing to watch how you came back to the present, stumbling upright on shaky legs and face morphing into that shy expression you often donned.

“I can—“ you trailed off weakly, reaching a hand out to grab at his shorts. Billy gathered all the strength in the world to stop you, fingers once again circling your wrist. You blinked up at him, confusion written all over your face.

Billy was still hard, aching to come, but you were in absolutely no shape to reciprocate and he was fine with that. He’d just wait until he got home to rub one out, probably.

“No need,” he gave you a smile when you frowned. “We’ll save that for next time.”

He had expected you to scoff, to roll your pretty little eyes and say that there was no next time. But all you did was give him a slow, shy smile. “Okay.”

Next time. You could work with that.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove x fem reader #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things imagine #stranger things smut #stranger things fic

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virtie333 · 2 months

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Paint It Black

Yovanna is starting a new life in Australia, but she would be happier if the man who helped her get there could share that life with her.

My first Triple Frontier fic, written in honor of the Netflix movie's 5th anniversary. It's just a simple love story, what I would have wished to see happen for Santiago and Yovanna.

@triplefrontier-anniversary

Rated NC-17 for Explicit Sexual Content (18+ Only!): Includes protected P in V and mirror sex.

Cross-posted on AO3

5.6k words (sorry, not sorry!)

Inspired by this gifset!

“Katia?”

It took almost two full seconds for Yovanna to respond to the teenage girl behind the counter; she was still not used to that name. Katia Hernàndez was who she was now, but despite living with that name for the last six months, she still had a hard time remembering to respond to it. She wondered if she would ever find it easy.

She turned toward the front of the delicatessen, where sixteen-year-old Maggie was looking at her expectantly, a plastic bag on the counter in front of her. The girl smiled when Yovanna looked her way, and Yovanna smiled back.

“Sorry, I was distracted.”

Maggie giggled. “Yeah, my mind likes to wander a lot, too.”

Yovanna walked over to the counter to take the bag with her purchases. “Gracias,” she told the girl.

“De nada,” Maggie responded. “Is that right?”

Yovanna smiled. “Si, that’s one way to say ‘thank you’.”

A woman came up behind Maggie, grinning. “You know, she had no interest in learning a foreign language until you started shopping here,” Lauren said. Blonde like her daughter, Lauren Oggelby owned and operated Oggelby Deli, one of the few delicatessens in Kiama, New South Wales. Seeing as it was just down the street from the apartment Yovanna shared with her little brother Emiliano – Ezra now, she reminded herself – it was the only deli she had been to in this town. The straightforward friendliness of Lauren and Maggie made it feel comfortable and safe.

Safe was not something Yovanna was used to.

“I want to learn it so well I can have a full conversation with you in Spanish,” Maggie said, responding to her mother’s comment.

Yovanna nodded. “Well, from what I understand, it’s a lot easier to learn Spanish than English, so be glad you already know the hard one.”

Maggie laughed while Lauren nodded. “You speak it fluently,” she observed.

“My mother was raised in the United States,” Yovanna said, making sure she didn’t say where in the U.S. “I grew up speaking both Spanish and English.”

“I want to visit Guatemala someday,” Maggie said dreamily. “It sounds beautiful.”

Yovanna smiled again. “It is.” She shrugged. “I better get going. I’ll see you both later!” She didn’t dare speak any more about the country she was from, especially since it wasn’t Guatemala. The two women waved at her and said their goodbyes as Yovanna left the store. She slipped on her sunglasses and headed down the sidewalk, away from the beach which was only a quarter of a mile away to the east. She would probably end up there later today; she usually did. She loved the ocean, though she had rarely seen it before coming to Australia six months ago. She would be content to live next to the sea for the rest of her life.

She arrived at the gate to the small complex she lived in. At the moment, it was only temporary, as she hoped to find a nice house in the near future, but odds were good Emiliano would stay here. He had started on-line classes just a few weeks ago, and Yovanna knew he wanted to become more independent; they had been in each other’s pockets since they had arrived, and they were both ready to start living their own lives now that things seemed to be settled.

Kiama was a beautiful, quiet place, and Yovanna was ready to call it home.

Yovanna climbed to the second floor of the complex, then walked to the third door down. She unlocked it, then nearly ran into her brother as he was heading out. “Where are you off to?” she asked in Spanish.

“I’m going to Ted’s,” he told her in English. He was determined to fit in to his new home by rarely speaking his native language. He wanted to rid himself of any accent other than Australian. “Then I have a date with Margo tonight, so I don’t know when I’ll be home.”

Yovanna felt a tug of anxiety and tried to ignore it. Emiliano had been doing well since they had arrived to this new country with new names and forged documents. His short jaunt in jail in Colombia, and the terror of having been in the discotech in Tarapacà when it was raided and almost destroyed by police, had set him back on a safer course. Money was not an issue for them anymore, and drugs had fortunately not become an addiction before his arrest. Their arrest, actually. Only she had gotten away.

With the help of one of those ‘cops.’

“Well, have fun,” she responded, also in English. “But not too much fun. Make sure you use protection.”

She couldn’t help but smile as her little brother, who stood taller than her and was very much a mature young man, blushed. “I will,” he mumbled before heading past her out of the apartment.

Sighing, Yovanna took the bag into the kitchen and began to put away the meats and cheeses and spreads she had purchased, her mind drifting, as it often did, to the ‘cop’ who had helped her and her brother get here. She wondered where he was. What he was doing. Had he made it out of Colombia safely? Had he and his friends gotten all that money over the mountains? Was he now lazing on some beach somewhere, some beautiful blonde in a bikini feeding him cholados?

She shook her head, chastising herself. She needed to stop thinking about him. He most likely had forgotten about her. Hell, she didn’t even know his name!

She finished putting away her purchases and leaned back against the counter, remembering the last day she had seen him, when she and Emiliano had started their journey to Australia with three million dollars. She remembered the question his friend, another former soldier, had asked her. “After you had sex…” She scoffed. She wished that had been the case. For the almost thirteen months she had known ‘Consejero,’ he had never once done anything improper or propositioned her in any way. She had often wondered why, as other ‘officials’ she had known, American or otherwise, had never been shy about requesting sex in exchange for protection and secrecy.

And Lord knows if he had requested that of her, she would not have refused.

But he never did. Though there were times… no. She was fooling herself, thinking she had often read more in his gaze than was most likely there. That he cared about her. That he worried about her.

That he loved her.

She groaned out loud and pushed herself away from the counter, moving toward the refrigerator, intent on getting something cold to drink. Though the AC in the apartment worked wonderfully, thinking about Consejero always made her heat up. She needed to follow her brother’s example and find someone here. Goodness knows she had already been asked out by enough people since her arrival. It didn’t matter that she was always comparing them to him. And always found them lacking.

There was a sharp, sudden knock on the door and it made her jump. She shook her head at her own nervousness and moved toward the door, wondering if it was her brother. Maybe he had forgotten something. She unlocked the door and pulled it open, then stood in silent shock as she saw who was on the other side.

As if she had conjured him with her thoughts, Consejero himself was here.

XXXXX

Yovanna stared at the man standing outside her doorway, her eyes quickly assessing him, noticing the changes from the last time she had seen him. His hair was longer, the grey a little less pronounced in the thicker curls. He had the familiar 5-o’clock-shadow, but his face seemed narrower, his cheekbones more pronounced, as if he had lost weight. His broad shoulders also seemed sharper under his dark grey button down, and as her gaze trailed down his body to his khaki cargo pants, she realized he was indeed skinny. Too skinny.

She brought her eyes back up to meet his. Chocolate brown and as intense as always, this was something that hadn’t changed. She opened her mouth to speak, but the shock of his appearance kept her silent.

“Hello, Yovanna,” he said softly, his heavy brows low as he watched her carefully.

“Katia,” she said automatically in reply.

He huffed slightly and the corner of his mouth curled up. “Katia.” He took a deep breath, then shook his head. “If you want me to leave and pretend I never saw you-“

“No!” she interrupted him. She stepped back. “Come in, please?”

He did as she asked, walking past her toward her living room. His cologne, subtle and alluring, caught her attention. That also hadn’t changed, she thought as she closed her eyes and breathed deep. Delicious. She opened her eyes and closed the door, locking it immediately as she had become accustomed to. She turned and followed him into the living room.

He turned to face her, his expression uncertain. “Where’s Duke?”

She rolled her eyes at her brother’s nickname. “Ezra is with friends.”

“He’s doing well?”

She nodded. “Yes.” She paused, and when he didn’t continue, she rushed ahead. “What are you doing here?” She didn’t bother asking how he had found her; he had been the one to have the fake passports and documents made. He knew more about her new persona than she did. The question that she needed answered was why he was here.

He bit his lip, and she tried not to think about what that action did to her physically, then he met her eyes with his own. There was a strange desolation in them, a sadness she didn’t remember seeing in his eyes before. She had witnessed him angry and concerned, and she had seen those eyes light up with laughter, but never had she seen him like this.

“What happened?” she whispered, knowing it wasn’t good.

He gave a heavy sigh and moved to sit down on one of the stools that sat along the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room. “Everything wrong,” he told her.

“You didn’t get the money out, did you?” she asked softly.

He shook his head. “Not much.”

“Did everyone make it?” she whispered, instinctively knowing that while losing all that money would be devastating, losing one of his friends would be worse.

His lips tightened and his eyes narrowed as he looked away from her, then he gave a sharp shake of his head. “Redfly didn’t,” he mumbled.

“Redfly?” she said. She hadn’t known the men he had brought to take down Lorea, but he had told her that she could trust them. That he trusted them with his life. And she had overheard them talking with each other. “He was the one that didn’t trust me, wasn’t he?”

He gave another sharp nod, then looked at her. “And I’m not going to deny how pleased I was to prove him wrong about you,” he said softly. “But he was off his game. We all were.”

“I’m sorry,” Yovanna said softly, and she meant it. While she might not have had a good experience with the man, he was still this man’s friend. And she cared about this man. Too much.

He shrugged. “What money we got out, we gave to his family,” he continued. “I’ve just been… wandering since. Can’t go back to Colombia. Can’t go back to the States.”

She nodded. “Diego and his men know your real name,” she said. And they had plenty of contacts in the States. She huffed a laugh. “So, you came to the one person you know who actually benefitted from your heist.”

He furrowed his brows for a moment, then his eyes widened as he realized what she was saying. “Oh, no! That’s not why I’m here,” he argued. “I may not be a millionaire, but I’ve still got plenty of my own money from investments keeping me afloat. I…”

She laughed at his defensiveness and moved to the refrigerator in the kitchen. Opening it, she pulled out a couple bottles of Schweppes lemonade and handed one to him. “It doesn’t matter,” she told him, trying to believe it herself. The idea that he had come for her and just her was too much to hope for. “It’s not like Emiliano… I mean Ezra and I are going to need all that money. It started out as yours, and you are welcome to a share.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s yours. I don’t care if you keep the majority in hiding or invest it or give it all away to charity, it’s yours.” His dark eyes were focused on her intently once more. “I came here because I missed you.”

Yovanna sat on the stool next to him, but couldn’t look at him. Instead, she focused on opening the bottle in her hand.

He continued. “I missed talking to you. I missed complaining about all those little things that annoy me to you, and getting your sympathy. You were the only person I really trusted in Tarapacà, dare I say my only friend there?” He paused, waiting for her to look at him. “I missed your smile. Your laugh. The way you glared at me when I teased you.”

She finally looked at him, searching his face, but she saw no duplicity there. Despite their official relationship, she believed he had never lied to her. And she had never lied to him, which is why he had been so angry with her after the discotech raid. “I wasn’t like any of your other informants, was I?” she asked, and she couldn’t help the bit of sarcasm in her voice.

Either he didn’t pick up on it or he chose to ignore it. “No, you weren’t. And you were my only one in the end. The only one I trusted.”

Yovanna took a sip of her drink, then shook her head again. “I always wondered why you treated me different,” she told him. “Carmen and Lucia had much different relations with you.” Carmen was one of the secretaries in the office she had worked at, the one where most of Lorea’s money was funneled through. And Lucia was her friend who worked as a housekeeper for several of Lorea’s men in Tarapacà. It was through them that this man had found her, a lowly accountant, who knew far more about the coming and going of all that dirty money than most of her coworkers.

He seemed to pull back at her words, knowing now what she was getting at. Carmen and Lucia had both commented more than once that he ‘paid them well,’ both in and out of bed.

He watched her silently for a long moment. “You’re wondering why I didn’t fuck you, aren’t you?”

She felt her face heat, which was crazy. Yovanna wasn’t an innocent, though it had been a very long time since she had been in a relationship with a man. Since before she met this one, in fact. She tried to shake her head to deny his question, but she couldn’t.

“There’s two very good reasons why I never asked you for that kind of arrangement,” he told her, his voice hardening. “One was that I knew you weren’t that kind of woman. Lucia and Carmen both used sex to control the men in their lives on a regular basis. It was an exchange as easy as money to them. I knew you were different.” He took a deep breath. “And two… I knew I could love you.”

Yovanna’s eyes shot up to his face. Had she heard him right? Had he actually used the word love? She was literally speechless at his comment, but as she searched his face, she once more found no evidence of deceit. If anything, he looked nervous, as if he wasn’t sure he should have admitted something so dangerous.

When her silence continued, he grimaced and nodded. Setting the unopened bottle of lemonade on the counter, he stood. “I just wanted to be sure you and your brother were doing okay. It looks like you found a perfect home, and I hope you are happy here. I don’t want to upset that peace. Goodbye, Yovanna.” He paused and smiled slightly. “I mean Katia.” He nodded and turned toward her door.

“I don’t even know your name,” she said, hating how desperate her voice sounded.

He stopped and turned back as he reached the door. “Santiago,” he told her. “Santiago Garcia.”

She slid off the stool and walked quickly toward him. “Don’t go, Santiago. Please, don’t leave.”

“Give me a reason to stay,” he responded, his voice rough.

She reached for his hand, taking it in both of hers and rubbing his calloused palm gently. She brought it up to her mouth and kissed his rough knuckles, then looked him in the eye. Slowly, deliberately, she turned and tugged on his hand, coaxing him to follow her to her bedroom.

He didn’t resist.

XXXXX

Santiago.

The name rolled around in her head like the lyrics to a favorite song. Santiago. It was perfect for him. It was strong and masculine, but caring and empathetic, like the stories of the saints she learned as a child. Santiago.

As soon as the door to her bedroom closed behind them, he had her pinned to the wall, her arms up with their fingers entwined, his mouth on hers. She reciprocated by writhing against him, meeting his tongue with her own in a sensuous dance. As his lips dropped to her neck, she pulled her hands free, reaching down to work on the buttons of his shirt. He responded by grabbing the hem of her t-shirt and pulling it up and over her head. She stepped away from him a bit so she could toe off her shoes and he moved to sit on the corner of her bed so he could remove his boots.

She followed him there, bending over to work on his shirt once more. He tried kissing her while they both worked, missing her mouth and connecting with her cheek or her ear over and over again until she was giggling. When she looked at him, the crow’s feet around his eyes grew as his smile widened. The darkness in his eyes had faded.

She straightened and reached behind her for the clasp of her bra, slowly letting it slide down her arms. His eyes became intense once more as he watched her, slowly taking off his now unbuttoned shirt. As he focused on her bare breasts, she ran her eyes over his chest. While he had indeed lost weight in the last few months, he was still beautiful. Muscled without looking like a body builder, his copper skin tantalizing. His chest was hairless, but the trail of hair that began under his navel and disappeared under his waistband was alluring.

“Wait!” he said suddenly, and she brought her eyes up to meet his. “I seriously wasn’t expecting this,” he told her with a slight shake of his head, his eyes huge. “I don’t have protection.”

Yovanna smiled slightly and walked over to the dresser next to the bed. She opened the top drawer and pulled out an unopened box of condoms, then brought them back to Santiago. “I bought them for my brother, but he assured me he had his own.” She tossed the box onto the bed next to him.

He looked at them, then looked at her, and the excitement she saw in his eyes sent a shot of electricity through her. He began to unbuckle his belt, and she started to work on the fly of her lightweight trousers, quickly sliding them off as he stood and removed his, boxers and all. He stepped into her before she could get a good look at his impressive erection, wrapping his arms tight around her and finding her mouth with his own once more. She let herself sink into his kiss, feeling her whole body shiver at the feel of his naked skin against hers.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, letting her hands sweep along his shoulders and the back of his neck. Her fingers found the scar there, and she gently massaged the area. She knew he had gotten surgery on his neck only a few months before the heist had taken place; he had returned home to the States for it, and she had missed him while he had been gone. His mouth once more dropped down to her neck, but then she felt him still. She pulled back slightly to look at him, and realized he was looking behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see what had caught his attention away from her.

It was their own reflection in the floor length mirror on her closet door. She felt her heart start to race as she watched his hands smooth down her naked back, cupping her almost-bare bottom; she was still wearing a pair of teal-colored panties.

Suddenly, he grabbed her shoulders and turned her around with a growl deep in his throat. As she faced their reflection, she caught sight of his cock, which looked even more massive than before now that he was fully aroused, and then she felt it pressed against the upper curve of her buttocks. His arms came around her once more, one hand cupping her breast and squeezing it lightly, the other dropping down between her legs, his fingers delving into her panties to burrow into her wet heat. She cried out, both the feel of him and the sight of them in the mirror shooting her arousal into orbit.

“So fucking wet,” he murmured roughly against her neck, his fingers playing with her sensitive folds. “So fucking wet for me.”

His words made her whimper, and she rocked her hips against his touch.

“Look at me!” His words were harsh and made her jump. She hadn’t realized she had closed her eyes. She opened them to look at him in the mirror, making eye contact through their reflection. “Tell me you want this!” he demanded. “Tell me now or I walk out of here.”

And he would, she knew. He would stop if she didn’t give him the okay. This man, a trained killer, would leave her alone if she asked, even as fully aroused as he was right now. Holding his powerful gaze, she nodded. “I want this.”

He brought his hand out from between her legs and plucked at her panties. “Off!” he told her as he backed toward the bed, grabbing the box she had put there and ripping it open. She slid her panties off as he removed a condom, preparing it and sliding it on. She had turned to watch him and didn’t hide that fact. ¡Dios mío! He was thick! She felt her pussy weep even more fluid at the thought of him inside of her. He finished and stepped toward her again. Briefly he made eye contact once more before grasping her shoulders and turning her away from him again. He pushed her forward gently, toward the mirror.

She realized what he was doing and she began to pant in excitement. When she was close, she leaned forward, her hands on the mirror. She looked up to see him move behind her and grasp her hip with one hand. She felt his cock come up between her legs, but he didn’t push in. Instead, he used his other hand to run it all over her dripping pussy, covering the condom with her juices. She moaned at the sensation, her hips moving counter to his actions. “¡Dios!” she cried, feeling an orgasm already threatening.

“Hermosa?” His throaty gasp caught her attention, and she looked up again, meeting his questioning gaze in the mirror.

She nodded quickly. “¡Ahora!”

Without any resistance, he slid into her. She cried out, smiling at the absolute pleasure his invasion brought her. “Yes!” she cried out in English.

“Fuck!” he responded. “You’re so tight! Please, tell me I’m not hurting you!” His voice was desperate.

“Santiago,” she said, her voice breathy as she continued to pant. “Santiago, please, fuck me!”

And he did, his hips immediately thrusting into her at a steady and solid pace. She dropped her head, unable to keep on watching their reflection in front of her, her sole focus on the feelings his body was creating in hers. She was so full, but she wanted more. She pushed back into him, encouraging him without words to move faster. He responded by quickening his pace, but he grumbled at her as he did so. “I’m trying to take this slow, Querida.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at his words. “I don’t want slow. We can go slow next time!”

“Fuck, yeah!” he said, his grip on her hips tightening. “Next time!” He began to pound into her harshly, and she laughed again in pure joy. Yes!!!!

“Oh, Dios!” she cried. She was almost there!

Suddenly, he dropped one of his hands down, reaching around in front of her to tease her clit. “Come on my fucking cock!” he hissed in her ear.

His touch combined with his words sent her over the edge and she squeezed her eyes shut, feeling her body convulse, her pussy squeezing him tight, her legs tremoring. She saw stars. Or maybe they were fireflies. She wasn’t sure and she really didn’t care. She was crying, tears of ecstasy rolling down her cheeks. Her legs began to give out and Santiago moved his arm up to wrap around her waist, holding her tight against him.

When she was able to focus again, she realized he wasn’t moving. His cock was still buried deep inside her, but he was simply holding her. She looked up at him in the mirror, afraid and embarrassed of her reaction. He was smiling softly at her, his eyes wide and almost black with passion and… dare she think it? Love?

“You are so fucking beautiful,” he whispered.

She gathered her strength and straightened her legs, standing on her own again. His grip loosened, then he let her go completely and backed away, sliding out of her.

“No!” she couldn’t help but gasp. He wasn’t done. Just because she had had the most amazing orgasm of her life didn’t mean they were done!

His smile got bigger as he took her hand and led her toward the bed.

He sat on it and pushed himself back, laying down with his head on her pillows. His smile had turned into a smirk. “Come on, Cariño. You know what I want you to do.”

Yovanna climbed onto the bed on her knees and shuffled over to him. She threw one leg over his hips and settled on his thighs, his still rock-hard cock in front of her, teasing her super sensitive clit. Taking a deep breath, she rose up on her knees and grabbed his cock, then carefully mounted him. She was still so wet, he slid in easily, and she closed her eyes as she absorbed the feeling of him filling her once again, this time touching places he hadn’t in their previous position.

“Oh, yeah,” he murmured. “Perfect.”

She opened her eyes to see him looking to where they were joined. She also looked down, rather amazed that she could take him all, then she looked back at him. He was watching her now, and as she made eye contact with him, he lifted his hands toward her, fingers outstretched, in invitation.

She accepted, meeting his hands with her own, palm to palm, fingers intertwined once more. She began to rock, back and forth, with her hips. She leaned down to kiss him, bringing their joined hands up to rest just above his head on the pillow. He moaned into her mouth, letting her take control this time around, and apparently loving it. Eventually, they let go of each other so they could take their time touching each other. Yovanna played with his hair, running her fingers through it as she had imagined doing so many times before. Santiago let his fingers toy with her breasts, thumbing her nipples, then massaging her curves. They never stopped kissing.

As her rocking became faster, his hands moved down her back to her buttocks, the tips of his finger straying down to where they were joined, then up to tease her asshole briefly, making her squeal in surprise. It hadn’t been uncomfortable, she realized, just nothing she had tried before. Interesting. She pushed herself up straight once more, using her strong thighs to push herself up and down on him now. He also sat up, diving in to lick and suck on first her breasts, then her neck. He found her pulse point and began to suck hard; she knew he was marking her and didn’t care. Her bouncing increased in speed and his grip on her ass tightened.

“Fuck, I can’t hold it anymore,” he groaned.

“Don’t!” she told him. “Let go! Come for me!”

She felt his hips raise up off the bed as he ejaculated, finally coming. Dios, his stamina was amazing! As he let himself fall back onto the bed, Yovanna felt her own body start to tremble once more. This orgasm wasn’t as strong as her first, but it was no less satisfying. Breathing hard, she let herself fall forward and a little to the side, letting him slide out of her. He winced, then sat up to take care of the condom, tossing it in the waste basket next to the dresser. Then he fell back onto the bed, looking at her, a soft smile on his face.

She scooted close to him, tentatively putting her head on his shoulder, not sure how he felt about post-coital cuddling, but his arm wrapped around her immediately and he began to kiss her hair. They lay like this for a long time, letting their breathing and their hearts come back to normal. Yovanna became sleepy, but her brain soon started working overtime, and she was wide awake once more.

“Where are you staying?” she asked him.

“A little bed and breakfast on the other side of town,” he told her.

“You’re welcome to stay here,” she said softly.

“For how long?”

She lifted her head to look at him. “For however long you want.”

“With you?”

She shrugged. “Well, for a while. I’m planning on buying a house of my own, soon, but Emi—I mean Ezra, will probably stay here. So,” she gave him a teasing smile. “You can be roommates with him, or you can come live with me.”

He snorted a laugh. “Yeah, I’m sure he’d love if I stayed with him,” he said sarcastically.

“Then stay with me,” she told him, her voice soft but firm. “As long as you want.”

He was silent for a moment. “I know where the money is.”

She frowned at him.

He licked his lips. “Ironhead gave me the coordinates where we dumped it. In the mountains.” He was looking at her expectantly.

“How dangerous would it be to go back for it?” she asked carefully.

“Very,” he told her. “Not just because there are still people looking for it, but because the location it’s in is… treacherous.”

She bolstered herself for her next question. “And how much do you want it?”

He took a deep breath and pulled away from her. He slid off the bed and looked around until he found where his trousers had ended up, then he went over to them and pulled his wallet out from the back pocket. He opened it and took out a slip of paper. He dropped the pants and walked back over to where she was still lying on the bed, leaning on her elbow, her head propped on her hand as she watched him. He showed her the paper and she could see the coordinates on it. Then he reached for the long-stemmed lighter that sat on the dresser next to one of her scented candles. He lit it, then touched it to the paper, setting it on fire. He held onto it while most of it burned, then placed it on the candle, the remaining flame lighting the candle as it burned the last of the paper. He looked at her.

She gave him a half smile. “That’s a beautiful gesture,” she told him. “But do you really expect me to believe you don’t already have those numbers saved in your phone? Or even memorized in your head?”

He laughed. “Oh, come on! Let me have this dramatic moment!”

She laughed along with him, but soon he became serious once more.

“Give me a reason to not go back for that money,” he told her, the darkness from earlier appearing in his eyes once more.

She looked at him for a long moment. Then, in a trembling voice, she said, “I love you.”

His expression softened and his mouth opened as if he was stunned. He blinked rapidly, and Yovanna felt tears forming in her own eyes in response to his obvious emotion. He cleared his throat and bit his lower lip, but didn’t seem to know what to say. So, she sat up and continued.

“Stay here with me,” she told him. “Start a new life with me, away from pain and fear and anxiety.” She paused. “You’ve done more than enough, dealing with demons both real and in your mind. Let your body and your soul rest the way you deserve.” As his expression turned hopeful, she added, “Let me love you while we take care of each other.”

Slowly, he moved to lie next to her on the bed once more. “Forever?” he asked, his expression still full of such hope.

“Forever,” she told him.

“I love you, Yov—Katia,” he smiled softly as he corrected himself.

“And I love you, Santiago.”

“Yes, I’ll stay.”

Forever.

THE END

#fanfiction #triple frontier #triple frontier anniversary #santiago garcia #yovanna #santiago x yovanna #smut #romance #fluff

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thefirst3chapters · 3 months

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There is so much going on with the parallels in this gifset (Rory and Jess's first kiss and Jess's infamous "I love you"). This got long so it's under the cut.

Both of these scenes happen after Rory or Jess's parent(s) announce a new relationship: For Rory, she just talked with Christopher and is happy about the prospect of her parents being together. This family reunion is seconds away from being over, but Rory is hopeful that it will last. For Jess, he just met TJ, was not impressed, and does not want to be a part of the situation at all. He is jaded from seeing Liz repeatedly getting involved in destructive relationships and is frustrated that Luke thinks they can change her mind. It is interesting that both Rory and Jess's history of abandonment is highlighted as they abandon each other. (Similar to how Jimmy showed up and ran out on Jess in the same episode that Jess left.)

Both of these scenes happen at an event that commemorates love: The kiss is at Sookie and Jackson's wedding, and the "I love you" is at the Firelight Festival, which celebrates a star-crossed love story from Stars Hollow's history. The wedding is joyful and marks a beginning while the festival has a more bittersweet undertone. This holiday is when Dean breaks up with Rory in S1 and when Rory is heartbroken by Logan's disinterest in S5, but the scene with Jess is the only one of the three that happens at the festival itself. (Rory really can't catch a break with this holiday.)

Both of these scenes have surrounding events that contrast their aesthetic: The scenery of Rory and Jess's first kiss is of course beautiful and is fit for an Austen-esque drama. It's springtime, and Rory and Jess are both wearing blue. The beauty is undercut by the impending Lorelai/Christopher fallout, Rory’s inner turmoil and disloyalty to Dean, and Jess’s pain as he moved back for Rory only to see her run away; the seeds of communication problems and abandonment that will plague their relationship have been sown among the blossoming flowers. The "I love you" scene happens on a cold, dark winter night. Rory and Jess are both wearing neutral colors, and it's clear from their facial expressions that despite what they both told Lorelai, they are emotionally torn up by their estrangement. The darkness is undercut by the Firelight Festival’s faith that love will eventually conquer its obstacles; among the twinkle lights, Luke and Lorelai find each other (it’s not their time, yet) and Liz tells Luke she is hopeful that Jess will be okay and TJ will be a good partner for her (the rest of the show proves that this faith was well-placed). Rory and Jess's obstacles of failed communication and abandonment remain, but so does hope.

Rory and Jess respectively reveal what they did to their parental figure when they return to town months later. The aesthetic contrast is interesting. Lorelai and Rory have this conversation in public and in broad daylight. Lorelai and Rory's "default setting" is being best friends, but this is something significant that Rory kept from her. Lorelai, who is still upset over what happened with Christopher, tells Rory that the situation isn't fair to Dean but ends up focusing more on Dean's feelings than anything else. Luke and Jess have this conversation alone and in the dark. It's their breakthrough moment where they realize how much they really care about each other, and Jess divulging something so personal is a big deal. Luke just had the revelation that he loves Lorelai, and his advice is more focused on trying to help Jess. The dialogue is so similar:

Lorelai and Rory in S3 E1: "Well, I thought it was over. I mean, you haven't talked with him since..." / "Sookie's wedding." / .... / "Okay, so he crashed Sookie's wedding, and..." / "And nothing. He told me he was back in town, that he'd moved back, and..." / "What, Rory? Come on." / "And we kissed, okay?"

Luke and Jess in S4 E21: "No. Rory, still? That's ancient history. You haven't seen her in a year." / "I saw her when I was here a few months ago." / "I didn't know that. So, what happened?" / "Nothing... I told her, uh..." / "What?" / "I told her I loved her."

Both of these reunions bookend a third Literati reunion (of sorts) at the End of Summer Madness Festival: In S3 E1, Rory just told Lorelai that she is joining her in not speaking with Christopher, which contrasts her talking with him at the wedding. Rory was surprised to find Jess under a tree at the wedding, and here she is surprised to find him under a tree kissing Shane. The setting here is also a stark contrast to the other two scenes. It is late summer, the music is loud and irritating, red is a prominent color, and lots of people are present. The body language of Jess and Rory's first kiss was so affectionate, but Jess and Shane appear far less emotionally invested. These contrasts all enrich the comparison of Rory’s clandestine enchantment at the wedding to her disappointed jealousy at the summer festival.

Looking at all three of these scenes together, there is this poetic sequence of Rory and Jess's relationship from a beautiful spring day to an overbearing summer afternoon to a bleak (but not entirely so) winter night, and it's really compelling.

It is notable that all three of these reunions happen outside, and so do a lot of their other scenes together. The idea that Rory and Jess find freedom to be themselves when they are together is brought up often, and the fact that so many of their scenes are outside could be reflective of that. Being outside gives them space to breathe and grow away from the confines of what other people expect of them, but it also leaves them more exposed to the elements and more at risk of being left out in the cold, which makes vulnerability frightening for both of them. They don't quite have the emotional skills to weather those challenges (yet).

#gilmore girls #gilmore girls meta #rory gilmore #jess mariano #literati #rory x jess

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maraschinomerry · 8 months

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True to form I'm a day late but happy 10th anniversary to The Screaming Staircase! (And thank you Linnie for your post which reminded me this is a thing and inspired me to post my own)

Lockwood & Co as a show had been on my radar pretty much since it launched - it must have popped up on my Netflix at some point, and I already had a couple of mutuals posting about it. I saw and liked the gifsets with the spirit of "I don't even go here but this looks cool", finally in March I went "wait, why don't I watch this? There's literally no barrier beyond my own stubbornness" and thank goodness I did.

I still cannot get over how deeply I connected with the show, and the way it taps into everything I'd have loved at 13 or 18 alike and is equally enjoyable now at 25. The unabashed love shown between the Iron Trio is so refreshing and sincere, and it gives me hope for my own place within the group I've chosen as my second family. The world that Jonathan Stroud has constructed is amazing and I would love it wherever it was set, but like my other favourite shows/universe (Morseverse) being so intrinsically linked with Oxford that I can spend days there just wandering between locations I love that Lockwood & Co has a deliberate and well-established base in London. A few months ago I passed through St Pancras alone and was so ecstatic to be sharing in a little of Lucy's journey, and just last week I excitedly pointed out Sidcup on a station departure board when I was down there with my brother.

Of course, I couldn't talk about Lockwood & Co's impact without expressing my eternal gratitude to the show and the fandom for reigniting my creativity. I haven't finished it yet, but I'm further into The Screaming Staircase than I have been in a book for years. I'd been in the most intense artistic slump, having barely done anything creative in months, but then I was able to dedicate a good 10 hours to my Lockwood portrait and close to that on my unfinished George one, which in turn gave me the energy for other projects. In 2020-2022 I published just under 10,000 words of fic across 2 fandoms, plus about 2500 words earlier this year of one I'm still undecided on posting. In the 6 months since I started watching Lockwood & Co, I have written a whopping 46,610 words of published fic, with about 750 words towards some of the 12 requests I have yet to finish (side note: thank you so much to everyone who has been patient with all these unfinished requests, I know it's been months for some but I promise they'll all get finished eventually!) I cannot even begin to fathom that number - that's nearly 50,000 words, written entirely of my own accord, when by comparison my 3 years of essays for my degree probably amounted to a very forced 30,000 words. All that fic I owe to the beautifully characters created by Jonathan Stroud & brought to life by Ruby, Cameron and Ali, but I also couldn't have done it without the overwhelming support of everyone who has read, liked, commented, reblogged and requested. There aren't enough words to tell you all how grateful I am, and this post would be a mile long if I named everyone personally, but I wanted to take the time to thank some of the people who have made my experience so special.

@ettadear @givemea-dam-break @honey-with-tea @ikeasupremacy @marinalor @neewtmas @oblivious-idiot @personinthepalace @reckless-enough-serenade @tangledinlove @wellgoslowly @wordsarelife

If I've missed anyone important I'm so sorry, but I love you all and am so glad to have had this time with you! Happy 10th birthday to The Screaming Staircase and the wonderful fandom it's led to 🫶

Just reckless enough.

Love, Merry ❤️ xx

#lockwood & co #save lockwood and co #locknation #long post #merry mumbles #the screaming staircase #jonathan stroud #just reckless enough

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bloodydeanwinchester · 1 month

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hi jenna gif questions for u 💜 what's your favorite part of making gifs? what's the most valuable thing/tip/trick you've learned? what's some of your favorite gif sets you've made?

hi ida!!!! sorry i took a couple days to answer this i wanted to wait until i had some time to think about it before i answer! i loooove these questions tho so thank you so much for sending them 💜💜

my favorite part about making gifs is probably coloring and like...that moment when i get the gif to look exactly how i want it to. i like to play around with coloring and try a lot of different things with it and that can be so fun! i think over the last like 6-8 months my coloring has really improved a lot and i've been having a lot of fun learning new ways to do things! but i actually had a really hard time coming up with an answer for this question because i mostly enjoy the entire process! the only part that i don't really enjoy is picking out the frames for each gif. i always start with way too many and then i have to cut stuff out and i hate that part. also it's reaaally hard sometimes to not end up with like 20 gifs cause there's so much i want to include!!!

okay im gonna cheat on this one and give a few things i've learned since i started that have been sooooo valuable to me. first is the importance of having a good quality download to start with. i think my gifs got significantly better when i finally downloaded all of the episodes in 1080p instead of using the screen recording on netflix like i had been before. second sharpening is so important! i did not do any sharpening on my first gifs i made! sharpening makes the gifs loook sooo sharp and crisp and pretty. third and kind of similar to sharpening was learning/figuring out how to use the camera raw filter. there's sooooo much you can do with camera raw filter (coloring sharpening lightening). and finally one thing i learned that i think made my coloring look significantly better was to try not to lighten the gif too much and/or to figure out ways to lighten darker gifs without it messing up the background too much (sometimes when they're lightened too much it will like pixelate the background and it looks awful)

and finally (in order of when they were made from oldest to newest) here are links to some of my favorite gifsets:

Bloody Dean Throughout the Seasons Set - this one actually came out really good considering the fact that it was made only a month after i first started making gifs! if i remember correctly it's the first set that i ever used sharpening on.

6x20 F+TM King Set - this one is a favorite mostly just because i love the song so much and tmwwbk is one of my favorite episodes. i think some of my favorite sets to make are the ones that i add lyrics to.

2022 Nov 5th Set - i was really happy with how this one came out! it's so hard to get gifs from episodes over different seasons to look the same! and this one had gifs from 12 different seasons! also i think this was the first set i ever made that got over 1000 notes which i remember being really excited about!

Laughing Dean Set - this one is a favorite purely based on the content of the set. it feels like injecting serotonin every time i look at it<3

1x12 Faith Set - another one based on the content of the set. i just love this episode so much.

Season 9 Dean Set - i LOVE the coloring in this set! and season 9 dean is so beloved to me. he is just so beautiful and bloody and sad.

2023 Cas Day Set - another f+tm lyric set! i love the space overlay that i added and the blue-pink of the coloring so much!

4x18 Destiel Every Episode Set - i loooove this scene so much! this gif series has by far been more popular than any of the other gifs that i post and this set is definitely the most popular in the series. no other set has ever even come close to getting 4k notes like this one did. also i really like the purple coloring a lot<3

#thank you so much for the questions ida ily<333 #jenna.ask #gif making things

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andoqin · 10 months

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List of dramas that I am watching or want to watch, just for personal record reasons:

Cdramas:

The ingenious one (36/36): this drama has blown me away so far with its incredibly nuanced and sharp writing, its love stories between all the major couples and the absolutely magnificent cinematography. FINISHED verdict: HIGHLIGHT drama of the year for me so far. Smart, engaging, complicated, peak romance of all sorts, just what the doctor ordered tbh (overly long review can be found in my tags). 9.5

Chang Feng Du (40/40): I did not realise how close to the end I was. This drama is very pleasant and I adore our mains, but sadly except for a few highlights (the early beating gjs put on himself, the destruction of the gu family and the aftermath, the battle for wangdu) the writing hasn’t been able to keep the narrative tension up which is sad. FINSHED verdict: Very pretty and engaging in the beginning kinda loses me in the second half and then fizzles out emotionally, doesn't crash and burn but doesn't exactly stick the landing either 6.5

Gone with the rain (10/30): adore the gremlin4gremlin couple and from the spoilers I’ve seen not gonna adore much else

An ancient love song (1/16): incredible first episode and with only 30 min per ep and 16 eps in total this is gonna be a short fun ride I hope ( with lots of angst and tears naturally).

Here we meet again (18/32): started this for Wu Qian playing to type and Zhang BinBin being pretty but oh boy I’m struggling I just don’t care about the conflicts and in s surprising twist, I like the flashbacks to high school much much more, which is very funny if you think about the fact that the reason I started liking wu qian in the first place was because of her show stealing performance in the flashbacks of My Sunshine. I’ve been promised kisses in the near future so I’m gonna hold out till then but this might end up another drop.

Hidden Love (5/25): this one promises to be v sweet and kinda short but oh my god I have so many dramas on my plate rn so this might end up the first drop.

Till the end of the moon (22/40): I think I watched ep 1 when it started but then I got busy and now I am just staring at gifsets and crying, it’s definitely on the list to watch tho.

Heroes (6?/38): I started this a while ago, was really into it and then got busy… dammit. I might just rewatch the beginning so I can remember most of the set up for sure but man the visuals on this were so good, aaaa liu yuning.

Blood of youth (0/40): the last 12 months really have spoiled us with interesting looking wuxia dramas and this one is definitely on the list, I have been gifbaited once again.

Ray of light (0/30): usually hs dramas are something I avoid, but because I will not be watching the longest promise, for reasons, and bc @storge is a gifmaking temptress, this has made it on the list.

The legend of anle (0/39): Lmao trust YOUKU to screw up the release with bad subs only 1 ep even for vips and no released schedule… but at least I can put this on the backburner for now. Lmao should have known not to trust a youku dilreba drama, the tl has soundingly spoken and I'm gonna avoid this.

Ancient Detective (0/24): I was recced this by a friend when I mentioned my love for wuxia dramas, and since it’s almost shockingly short for a cdrama it’s on the list. EDIT: this got @purplehanfus seal of approval so it is def going up the list and since it's complete I'll probably at least watch it before the ongoing ones.

Butterflied love (0/22): see I barely made this post and already forgot about the screencap that got me started on writing it, the screencapa look great, but the drama is on mango, so who knows when I’ll truly be able to watch this

When I fly towards you (0/24): Well, I wasn't interested bc modern youth drama, but then I heard it described as "updated It Started with a Kiss" and... I'm weak? ISWAK was pretty much my crack gateway into asian dramas and while IDK if i could rewatch it today, something in me will always love this kind of story. Maybe it's like a quick palate cleanser in between since apparently eps are only about 30 mins.

Mysterious Lotus Casebook(0/40): CHENG YIIIII, in a possibly bromantic role? Or maybe het romance, I'll take it all. Plus I've already seen he's bleeding copious amounts as per his contract, so that's most of the checklist done.

Lost You Forever (0/??): because nature abhors a vacuum I apparently must have?? A minimum to watch pile and this actually and genuinely looks good??? A Yang Zi drama in 2023??? The mind boggles. Anyway I've been reading the recaps with delight, and am def going to watch this when part two airs in a couple of months but until then I have a thankful reprieve...

Kdramas:

See you in my 19th life (4/12): since kdramas release so slowly this is on the backburner but it does have some great gifsets that keep enticing meee

King the land (2/16): I am watching this for junho but it is kinda hard bc I have so much else on my plate and while I don’t mind a classic romcom type story I feel I need a bit more of an emotional hook

Story of the nine-tailed 1938 (0/16): so so many gorgeous and hilarious gifsets so little time. I loved season one so so much and the fact that this focuses on the brotherly relationship?? Extremely smart writing decisions were made!

The red sleeve (0/16): I blame @dangermousie for this she keeps reblogging angsts junho on my dash and I am but god’s weakest warrior.

Love tractor (0/8): gay himbo farmboy falls in love?? You bet this is on the list

Lady durian (0/?): ok this is only on the list for crack reasons but, daughter in law is in love with mother in law and both women are like 40+ truly kdramas have entered a new era and I kinda wanna be here for that

EDIT: Revenant (0/12): Kim Tae Ri in a spooky drama? POSSIBLY POSSESSED KIM TAE RI??? how could i forget to put her on this list, plus it was written by the Kingdom writer and I adore that drama plus it's only 12 eps which is smart in this case so... let's hope i get to it at some point D:

My dearest (2/20): I checked this out because it's got pretty much everything going for it from a production standpoint and boy did the first two eps deliver. This has got 2 seasons though so I'll probably wait until the second season is airing, since it won't be too long till season 2 or so the internet tells me.

My lovely liar (0/16): minhyun learned to act and I wanna see it happen!!

Jdramas:

Our dining table (2/10): ok this category is gonna be a bit shorter bc I haven’t watched too much drama recently but omg the gifs for this I am just crying thinking about it they look so cute??

Jack o‘frost (0/6): people have recced it and it’s short so here it is.

Utsukushii kare s2 (0/4): Season 1 was an unexpected delight so I hope s2 works just as well.

She loves to cook and she loves to eat (0/10): the manga for this is amazing (and hungry making) so I hope this adaptation holds up.

Ok this list is in no way exhaustive (well except for me being exhausted just trying toward this down) and probably subject to change ( I haven’t even looked at thaidramas or twdramas I gotta stop for now) but hopefully this will keep me on the ball and maybe I can add to it whenever a new tempting gifset crosses my dash…

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callmearcturus · 11 months

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voice test: PT Benji AU

back when this AU was simpler (i.e. three days ago) I wrote a fast voice check for it. now the outline has, uh, evolved so this snippet might not be in the final product, but here.

this was directly inspired by that gifset I just reblogged.

It was a cool day in December, and the next session on Benjamin Dunn's calendar was tastefully redacted.

These appointments showed up on his digital calendar as blank blocks. No name, no information, just a colored square stretched out, taking up space and ensuring no one else booked him for the slot.

This was, in Benji's opinion, really stupid. These blank appointments only meant one thing; an agent of the Impossible Mission Force was on their way to see him. He understood that the IMF didn't legally exist in any way, so signs of its presence were always obscured. But since no one else used the same tactic on his calendar, it meant the implications were pretty damned obvious once you knew what they meant.

Sighing, Benji worked on finishing his notes on the rehab session he'd just completed.

There was a single knock at his door before it opened. "You're ten minutes early," Benji said, fingers still moving at decent 60 WPM clip as he summarized his last appointment.

"What, you haven't been waiting on bated breath for me? I'm hurt, Benji," Ethan Hunt said, shutting and locking the door behind him as he arrived.

"You're always hurt, Mr. Hunt," Benji pointed out, leaning to look around the monitor of his computer, taking in a cursory preview of what bullshit Ethan had put himself through this time. It had been almost six months since Ethan's last appointment, which was ample time for him to get into an impressive amount of trouble.

Also, point of fact: Ethan was never early to his appointments. This was an incident that defied precedent and thus made Benji nervous.

But at a glance, Ethan seemed fine, his hands in his jacket pockets, his head moving and turning with ease as he looked over Benji's office.

"Hey, you have initials on your name plate," Ethan said, picking up the little bronze stand at the corner of Benji's desk. "Did you wrap up your doctorate? Am I finally talking to the esteemed Doctor Benjamin Dunn?" He lifted his eyes to Benji's and grinned.

"I'm afraid so," Benji said sincerely. "Three more years of my life just thrown on the pyre of higher education."

"Congratulations. Sorry I missed the commencement."

"So did I, I was booked that afternoon." With a rueful shake of his head. "Thank you, really. But you're still early, so have a seat and I'll be over to poke at you in a bit."

As he continued to type, Benji slowly realized that Ethan didn't want to sit. He hovered around the sofa, leaning in to examine some of the playbills Benji had framed on his bookcase, killing time before finally dropping onto a cushion.

The moment he did, it was a mistake; Ethan pressed his fist down against the seat, pushing, his body moving. A long curve bent his spine, his head tipping over the back of the sofa, his tailbone rising right off the seat. "Christ," he muttered, teeth grit. Once he was suspended like that, a javelin's arch from his neck to his knees, he stopped, tensed, body humming.

Benji was on his feet in an instant, circling his desk and going to Ethan, taking hold of his other hand and hooking fingers under Ethan's belt. "For god's sake, Ethan, don't hurt yourself." With both anchors in hand, Benji pulled, helping Ethan back to his feet.

Steadying himself, Ethan gripped Benji's forearm. "Shit, I didn't expect it to hurt that much. I've been keeping mobile."

"I can see that," Benji said, waiting patiently for Ethan to relocate his footing. "What was it this time?"

"Had to climb a sheer wall, thirty foot."

"Ethan…"

"That was the easy part, actually. Falling down the other side, that's what got me. Landed awkwardly."

Benji wasn't sure there was a good way to land from a thirty foot drop. Guiding Ethan along, he drew him over to the table. "Can you lay on your back?"

"Probably," Ethan said, with enough uncertainty Benji understood why he'd arrived so early to his appointment. Helping him up, Benji untied and removed Ethan's shoes, bending his knees so his feet were planted, his legs forming shallow mountain peaks.

"I'm going to flip on the heating element and you're going to wait for me to finish up my notes," Benji prescribed firmly. "Then we'll see about what the hell you've done to your sciatica this time."

"Can't I have it removed at this point?" Ethan asked, breathing deep and even in a way that was more practiced than natural.

"Not how that works," Benji said. Lingering, he rested his palm on Ethan's forearm, watching the shape of his body, looking for any more signs of acute pain.

Rolling his head to the side, looking up at Benji, Ethan said, "I'm good. You can finish your notes, Dr. Dunn."

"Oh, now I get an honorific," Benji groused. "A simulacrum of respect."

"Nothing simulated about it, Benji," Ethan said a touching amount of sincerity.

Which was very kind, but did not last long. In fact, it landed exactly as long as it took for the session to start, when Benji folded Ethan's leg up to his chest.

Ethan cursed a blue streak.

"I have no idea," he ground out, word by word, "why I come here year after year. I'd been in barfights that don't beat me up like you."

Rolling his eyes, Benji boldly hooked Ethan's leg over his shoulder and patted his stomach. "Breathe."

He inhaled. Exhaled. "Ow."

"I don't know, Agent Hunt," Benji said, voice like vanilla, sweet and mild as he gave Ethan an approving pat. "This always happens, and yet you show up ten minutes early like a pain in the ass."

"I'm being a good patient," Ethan countered.

Benji released Ethan's leg, guiding it flat with firm hands as he watched for when the pain kicked in. As soon as the muscle corded, tensed, he helped brace it. "I don't know who's been fibbing to you, but you haven't been a good patient a single day of your life."

#mission impossible #benthan #pt benji au

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athousandbyeol · 4 months

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✨2023: A Summary✨

Post your most popular and/or favorite edit/gifset for each month (it’s okay to skip months!)

tagged by @daymork thanks, jessi :) this was really fun.

january

most popular — are you afraid of me? [palmnueng]

favourite(s) — can't i have you him now? [palmnueng]

february

most popular — i can't live without you. i want you to be with me forever. [palmnueng]

favourite(s) — i like your eyes. you... like... my eyes? [heartliming] // you make me feel normal. [heartliming]

march

most popular — (n.) boyfriends — heart and li ming. [heartliming]

favourite (s) — [same as above]

april

most popular — cher. you know what, boss? ever since i knew you, my life has been a big mess. it’s freaking exhausting, you know? i shouldn’t have known you. why did we have to meet? i’m freaking exhausted! cher. please don’t say that. my life has been so messed up. can you just let me go? i shouldn’t have known you! cher, don’t say that. can you just walk out of my life?! please don’t say that. [guncher]

favourite (s) — tun hasn’t told me his real name. you know his name, don’t you? of course. what’s his name? i think… he was trying to tell you. [puentalay] // i’m so happy that i’m scared this happiness will be gone. if your happiness is me, it won’t be gone. right. it won’t be gone. [guncher]

may

most popular — cher, promise me. yes, i promise. promise what? i promise, no matter how tough it is, no matter how hard i try, i will do anything to get back to you, boss. i love you, cher. [guncher]

favourite(s) — i’ll be your latest kiss then. people count their latest kiss too? i mean, your latest kiss and every kiss from now until forever. i’m the only one allowed to kiss you. [guncher] // whether you’re sleeping, awake, eating, or whatever you’re doing, you’ll always see me when you turn this way. how can you be so cute? oh. except when i’m using the bathroom. that’s my personal time. cher, you’re just— [guncher]

june

most popular — you already know it. so? [patpran]

favourite(s) — i didn't create much this month, but the patpran photoset was a favourite of mine :)

july

most popular — even when i knew what to do, i couldn’t do it in time. in the end, i still lost him. [pisaengkawi]

favourite(s) — a photoset inspired by hozier's cherry wine [guncher] // it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. [akktheo]

august

most popular — what are you laughing at, mew? i’m laughing at you. you’re going off-key. are you saying i’m toned deaf? no. you’re cute. why would i care if i’m toned deaf? i’m blinded by the love for you anyway. who would have thought a rich man could come up with this cheesy line? [topmew]

favourite(s) — are you sure? [pisaengkawi] // why do i have to learn about this shit on the day i already love you and gave you everything? [topmew]

september

most popular — if mew doesn’t get back together with me in the end, that’s okay. i just don’t want mew to screw up his life because of me. [topmew]

favourite(s) — that means i’m officially your boyfriend now? that’s not enough to consider it official yet? hey, thank you so much. stop feeling bad about it, my good boy. [kanghansailom] // i love you so much. then, why does the word love from top hurts me so damn much? [topmew]

october

most popular — topmew | hands. [topmew]

favourite(s) — but still, i want to live. will the lingering darkness still within me hurt you again? can i protect our love when i have no power left? [enhypen/kpop]

november

most popular — this is a love story witnessed by the last twilight sky. [morkday]

favourite(s) — people keep saying they understand. but in the end, you will never get how it feels, to look in the mirror and can’t see your old self. [morkday]

december

most popular — do you want it? i’ll buy it for you. it’s okay. even if you do, i can’t see it. let it be with someone with good vision. it should be happier. [morkday]

favourite(s) — same as the above // a ray of sunlight from the next day recreated mee’s shadow. in that split second, mee realised that the only way to break the curse was to keep chasing after the sunlight. [morkday]

tagging @hoppipolla and @forcebookish :) it's ok if you don't do it, though. no pressure hehe.

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sansloii · 5 months

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Name: Hollis! ( though, i go by Marshy as well and have for about 6 years )

Pronouns: she/they

Preferred comms: discord because tumblr ims are questionable at best. i also uninstalled the app because of how often it would just randomly crash for little to no reason so.... if you want to reach me, disco is the safest bet

Name of muse(s): I have eight wonderful creatures of varying temperament. Batch 1 was Mikah. Batch 2 was Penelope, Wynn, Evan, Dakota, and Joseph. Batch 3 was Roderick and Andris. I also am working on fleshing out Vega properly but he's not quite done yet.

Experience in RP: in about 2012-ish, i was into f.andomstuck and i had an oc for that until like.... 2014-ish? it was baby's first blog and i didn't really know what I was doing. I had fun, while it lasted, but i also knew some of the people in this community ( like they went to the same high school as me ) so any issue we had on tumblr would translate into lunchroom confrontations. I didn't enjoy that part so much and my interest for it fizzled out by the time i graduated. then, i jumped over to the fire emblem fandom and made an oc for fire emblem awakening! i think i stayed in that rpc until 2016/2017 and i had two ocs, a mother and her son from the future, that i still very much adore. there were ups and downs and i feel like i was taught.... multiple frustrating lessons during my tenure there. it did help me develop my writing a lot and i have to say that i'm honestly better off having taken the chance to do it.

lastly, i ended up here in 2017 and i'm not leaving. i also have another massive oc blog i'm slowly reworking but i'm trying not to stress myself out lol.

Best experiences: it's very difficult to put specific experiences into words because most of it, for me, is vibes. my best experiences have been interactions and plots with people that I not only get along with but like... you know--we understand each other. like if i decide that i'm not going to rp on tumbles for a month and maybe just stick to headcanons, i can do so without fear that you think i'm wasting your time. or that we can pick up where we left off and it's okay if you respond to the months old thread you had with me. or! we can just stay up until the wee hours of the morning talking about ideas or blorbos or getting really into a discord rps. like it's the vibes that i can come to you like a fart in the night with a gifset or image like "hey this is our muses" and, likewise, you can do the same with me.

to those of you who i vibrate at the speed of light towards at any given moment, you know who you are. thank you for being patient with me and giving me the space to vibe with you :)

Pet peeves / dealbreakers: i feel like every time i open my mouth about pet peeves i have, i sound like a crotchety old person that always has something negative to say deep down ... but w/e. it's my soap box.

i've noticed that since i've come back, it feels like i have to be the one that's chasing some people for interactions or plots more often. or like. right out the gate, they wanna jump from A to Z and be best buds and whatever so we can speedrun everything. or... i'm expected to or have to do most of the work because they're quite literally doing none of it after expressing interest. and like some of that isn't inherently bad! i'll be the first to admit that if we're friendly enough and progress something enough to where it's like... an established thing? we can have something going faster than the speed of sound after that. we can have multiple ships, a dedicated au, a whole slew of worldbuilding shit together and i won't care because i know said person on some level. and that took time + a whole slew of back and forths.

however, it doesn't feel great to express that "hey i want to plot something but it'll take time and like... if we're shipping on top of that, it'll take double that amount" and watch, in real time, as that person just... eventually leaves you on read. and/or just doesn't interact with your content anymore. and i can tell the difference between being preoccupied/ having not great week/taking a break from tumblr entirely/being slow and being put on a shelf/ barely acknowledged very clearly. i shouldn't have to feel like i'm competing for a slot or something, which is the vibes i got sometimes and ( as you would expect ) didn't like.

this isn't directed at anyone i'm currently following, ofc. i know i am not perfect but i also know that i am an extremely patient person, which is how I want to be treated. It's very frustrating to try and try and try again only to get the bare minimum from people i genuinely wanted to interact with. but c'est la vie--such is life--and i move on. i, like many others, have limited time to be on here and if something doesn't bring me joy after a month, two months, three months, I'm more than willing to part with it. there has to be effort on both ends in some way and if you want me to pat your ass, pat my ass too.

Muse preference ( fluff, angst, smut ): you cannot make me choose. now, does that mean that I write them all in equal amounts? certainly not. but it really depends on my mood. sometimes, all i wanna do is talk about soft moments. other times, i want to put my muses in a blender and watch them process what's happening to them. occasionally, i'll let them roam free and be as horny as they like. the key is to always cycle through the three so you don't get burnt out on any one of them.

Plot or memes: uuuuuhhhh it depends? plots are my fucking jam and i like having a general storyline to follow when writing and then figuring out the little details when we get to them. it's a long process but i enjoy the wait and the buildup more than i enjoy air so djsfdvdfvd--

buuuuuut i also think memes are a valueable, valueable springboard into interactions. and plotting straight outta the gate can be intimidating for some. plus, if you want to plot but your head is empty atm, finding and sending memes with the same vibe as the plot point you wanted to discuss is helpful! i'll admit that i'm not great at sending in memes but it's not for lack of wanting to. it's more not knowing what to send and picking a muse to send along with it that trips me up. Plus, not being here most of the day tends to mean i miss a lot of meme reblogs orz

Long or short replies: long replies but i do trim them shorter or rewrite portions of them. sometimes, i will write what i deem to be "too much" for a reply ( e.g: my partner has like 350 words and i'm sitting at like 625 words ) and i'll go back and edit it down to 450-500 if i find stuff that doesn't really move anything along or is just needless padding.

Best time to write: it used to be late night but i pass out too often for that to be effective anymore ( because of my sleep schedule for work ), so i tend to favor late mornings and early afternoon. if i'm writing late at night, it's because i didn't have time during the day to do so.

Are you like your muse(s): n...not really in most cases. like we share some traits here and there but for the most part, my personality, sense of style, and morality deviates from most of them.

tagged by: @rexpyre tagging: @arcxnumvitae @gunrising @royaletiquette @nezumivc103221 @bonesofchaos and anyone else that wants to.

#ツ ┊ ⧼ catwalk talk ⧽ ⇹ ( ooc. )#.does a little dance :)#.thank you for the tag!

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a-force-dyad-in-space · 11 days

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A Fanfic Update

Hey guys, I thought I should give you an update about what's going on Ongoing-WIPs-wise just in case you've had some worries.

The short of it is that the writing juices haven't flowed well for a while now and I'm trying to get them back but it is a struggle. I've worked a bit on this fic or other but haven't made significant progress in a few months. I absolutely hope that will change soon but I unfortunately can't force it. It doesn't help that I'm going through some stuff IRL right now that I have to take care of (I am unfortunately an adult who has to do adulting and pay bills and shit 🥲). I try not to be too stressed out about it, but the more time passes the more the anxiety sets in. Wish me luck. 💪🏻

Anyway, here's a fic-by-fic overview, split up by fandom.

THE UNTAMED

The Angsty SongXue Fic — I'll be honest, I've written a little bit since I last updated you guys but I still haven't finished the buffer chapter (at this point I'm thinking about posting chapter 51 even though 52 isn't done yet), so nothing really new here. I really want to get back into a writing flow but so far it hasn't really worked. I am still working on it, though, so don't worry, I'm not going to drop it.

The It Follows AU — I'm ashamed to say I didn't even realize I posted that fic almost two years ago and I still haven't written the second half. I'm so sorry it's taking so long! I definitely still want to finish it! I might rewatch the It Follows movie before I do that, though.

The Observer Series — Oh yeah, remember that smutfic series I started a few years ago of which I've only posted part 1 so far? Yeah, I still need to work on that. I did write chapter 1 of part 2 a while ago, so it's not like it's forgotten, I just need to get my ass up and write the rest of part 2 before I can post it. 🙈

The Color Rush AU — Okay, technically I haven't posted that one yet but I did share a snippet along with a gifset a few years ago, so you guys know it exists. I haven't worked on it in a long time, though, and I don't know yet when I will find the spoons to continue writing it but I'm still intrigued by the premise and want to give it a go. Thank you for your patience!

The Somewhat Sweet, Somewhat Angsty XuanXian Fic — Again, haven't posted that one yet but I've been posting about it, so you guys know it exists. Nothing new on this front. I did want to rewrite the whole thing because I wasn't really happy with the way I wrote it thus far, so I'll probably go back to it at some point and do that, I just don't know when yet.

WORD OF HONOR

The Xie'er Deserves the World Fic — Listen, guys, I love this fic so much, I just haven't worked on it in a while. I'll probably re-read what I've written so far and go on from there, I've just been struggling with the latest chapter ever since I started writing it years ago. It's not dropped, though, I will get back to it! Pinky swear!

SAILOR MOON

I've mentioned here and there that I'm working on part 1 of an epic that is based on a doujinshi I started when I was 13 or 14. Unlike my other WIPs, this one really is 100% self-indulgent to the point where I don't even care whether people will read/like it once I post it when it's completely done. I'll just put it out there to make my teenage self happy because this story has been simmering in my head for over 20 years, and so that my IRL friends can read it if they want to. So, this one will be a long way out, but it exists. I'm only really mentioning it because I've mentioned it a couple of times before and because it's the fic that's been on my mind the most lately.

STAR WARS

You didn't think I forgot about TROBS, did you????? I did work on several beginnings of a draft during NaNoWriMo last year and I'm getting more and more of a clear picture of how I want it to go. For those unfamiliar, TROBS (or The Rise of Ben Skywalker, though I already changed the name of the fic again) is my attempt at an Episode IX fix-it fic that essentially replaces TROS. This one has been simmering in my head since early 2020 and I really want to get it out of there and onto the page for catharsis. I've even held off on reading any other TROS fix-its because of it, even though I've heard there are some really amazing ones out there (and I can't wait to read them once I've gotten my own out of my damn head). I really need to finally finish that beast. Wish me luck. 🥲

UNPOSTED WIPs

I still have so many notes for other fics (mostly for The Untamed) that I want to write at some point. Will I be able to get them all on the page? I honestly don't know, but I'll see where they take.

Anyway, that's all!

#jen's ramblings #jengwrites

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hoodharlow · 2 years

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Nico’s Berry First Birthday

part 1

AN: idk what to say lol. This was supposed to be posted MONTHS ago and I never did lol. Gif from @calmfolklore from this gifset

Requested? No

Warnings: sad dad!Cal and mentions of abandonment, Mitchy Collins ruining our baby's birthday

Word Count: 3.1k words

“Nico, c’mon, go with grandma I’m not going to be long.” Calum said, trying to pry off his now one year old daughter.

But she wouldn’t budge. She tightened her grip around his neck, nearly choking him. He tried everything, even tickling her. But that only annoyed her, and the last thing he wanted to do was get her upset on her birthday. On the other hand he didn’t want to bring her to the interviews he had to do. One thing he learned from last week’s promo was that even Nico can get annoyed with watching Encanto ten times in a row. He also doesn’t want Nico anywhere near James Cordon because he knew that James would annoy his kid and ruin her mood for the rest of the day.

“Bring the little demon, we’re already late.” Ashton called from the driveway gate.

“Ah!” Nico frowned when she heard Ashton call her a demon. She leaned over and smacked the top of his head.

Calum rolled his eyes. “Shit like that is why she doesn’t like you mate.” He told Ashton as he unlocked the car to get Nico in. He buckled her in and whispered to her, “You know he doesn’t mean it.”

The one year old looked up at the sun roof, annoyed. It was her version of rolling her eyes since she hadn’t mastered her eye rolls yet. For Calum’s sake he hoped she didn’t until she was at least fifty.

He turned to his mom. “We’ll be back in a few. Think you can hold down the fort?” He asked her.

“Of course, darlin'." Joy said.

“I left a list of all the people that are gonna come by. If anything happens or something gets mixed up just call me. I also left—”

“Just go. We’ll be fine.”

Calum nodded and gave Joy a side hug. He rounded over to the driver’s side. He opened the gate and back out of the gate. He waved to his mom as he followed Micheal’s car to James’ studio. They lucked out and were able to push back recording because the guests had something else to do in the evening.

For which Calum was grateful because after the band’s appearance, they had to do another interview, and after that interview he had to rush home to get him and Nico ready for her birthday party. Though he silently cursed at the band’s management for getting them interviews on Nico’s birthday.

A familiar olive green Jeep was parked in the studio.

It was Alexis Ximena’s.

Calum rested his head on the steering wheel when he parked next to Michael. He wasn’t ready to see her. Last night ended on an awkward note. When they decided to take things to her bedroom, they didn’t go as far as they hoped. Dr. Manny walked in on them while Calum’s face was buried in between Alexis Ximena’s thighs. It was the most awkward moment of his life. And to make matters worse Dr. Manny was carrying Nico. Not only did his daughter’s pediatrician see him doing things with HIS daughter, but Calum managed to traumatize his own daughter.

Ashton knocked on his window, making him look up. He tapped his wrist, as if he had a watch, motioning Calum to hurry up. Calum flipped him off and begrudgingly got out of the car. He unbuckled Nico and handed her to Ashton, so he could get her things from the trunk.

They both shared an uncomfortable look, but Nico allowed Ashton to hold her. They watched Calum grab the stroller and place everything the one year old could need, stuffing it in the bottom basket of the stroller. Ashton passed Nico back to him so he could buckle her in her stroller.

He draped her blanket over the stroller, blocking the bright sun for Nico. He pushed the stroller and followed Ashton where Michael and Luke were. A backstage crew member approached them and guided them to their greenroom.

Calum had never been so happy to see goldfish snacks. He grabbed all of the packets and some of the snacks provided and stuffed them in Nico’s backpack because he didn’t pack any for her since she was supposed to stay with his parents and Mali. He also grabbed a few water bottles in case she got thirsty.

He unfastened Nico from her stroller and sat her down next to him. He dug in her backpack, thankful that he had packed her an extra pair of shoes because they left without putting on shoes on her. He pulled out a pair of white Nike Cortez with a pink swish that matched her pink Nike tracksuit.

“You have some fucking nerve showing you’re face here.” Calum heard Michael say.

He looked over his shoulder and found Alexis Ximena standing at the entrance wide eyed and confused.

“What did I do?” She asked, surprised.

“You were in The Batman!” Michael exclaimed.

“I never said I wasn’t.”

“But you never said you were.”

Alexis Ximena rolled her eyes and pushed past him, making her way to Nico. The one year excitedly made grabby hands at her. Alexis Ximena picked her up and kissed her cheeks.

“Happy birthday!” she sang to her. She turned to Calum. “Why is your daughter dressed like Ruth Rose?”

“Who?” He asked, taking Nico back in his arms because she took her shoe off.

“From the ‘A-Z Mysteries’, she’s one of the main characters and she always wore monochromatic outfits.” she explained.

Calum furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, not knowing what she was talking about.

“Forget it.” she waved him off. She looked down at Nico and giggled. “She took her other shoe off.”

Calum shook his head, “you’ve got to be shitting me Nico.”

By 2pm, Nico’s party was in full swing. Calum felt proud that the party came out pretty nicely. He had gone all out with strawberry decorations as it was Nico’s favorite fruit. From strawberry balloon arches to strawberry based desserts. There was a taquero stationed next to the makeshift bar and dessert table. Michael was in the backyard manning the DJ booth playing various genres of kids songs.

“No,” Calum told Nico sternly, pushing the fresas con crema out of her reach.

The one year old frowned. Nico bent sideways trying to get off her high chair. But she couldn’t. Out of anger, she leaned forward and swiped the plate of tacos Calum got for them to share on the ground. She clapped happily when Duke trotted over and ate the food. She stopped then looked at him, making pleading eyes and gesturing to the cup of fresas con crema.

"No." He repeated. He got up from the stool next to her and went to grab a beer.

"Has she eaten?" Joy asked him as she fixed the gift table when he passed her.

"No," he sighed. "She's being a little shit."

"Take one to know one, darling." She said nonchalantly.

"Oi!" He blinked at her, surprised at her comment.

"When you were her age all you wanted to eat was fairy bread and Tiny Teddies."

"Well you did make the best fairy bread."

“I’m aware.” She smiled proudly. She looked around, making sure no one was close.

Calum knew that look. She was about to have a serious talk with him or she was going to interrogate him about something Mali told her.

Her smile softened,“Mali mentioned Alexis was coming.”

Calum blinked in surprise, remembering when Aaliyah introduced them almost two years ago when they were at FireFight Australia. “You remember Alex?”

“Of course I do. She’s a nice girl. She was in Sydney a few months back and I ran into her and she invited me to lunch. So how serious is it?"

The doorbell rang before he could answer her.

"I'll get it." He announced, rushing over to the front door.

Calum got nervous hoping it was Alexis Ximena. He walked inside and did a quick u-turn to the kitchen and took the fresas con crema cup away in case Nico tried to make someone give her the cup. He quickly checked himself in the mirror by the front door. He smiled brightly when he opened the door but quickly dropped his smile when he saw it was just Ashton and Marina.

"Oh it's you." He said, stepping aside to let them in.

"Hello to you too." Ashton grumbled.

"Where's the birthday girl?" Marina asked Calum.

"In the kitchen." he answered

He took the present Marina had in her hand and led her and Ashton to the kitchen. Nico sat sadly on her high chair, but she smiled brightly at Marina. She made grabby hands at her.

“Hi birthday girl.” Marina said softly. She approached Nico and let her touch her growing belly. She giggled when Nico’s eyes widened when the baby kicked her hand. “The baby says happy birthday too.”

He eyed Marina's belly and felt nauseous. It was a reminder of what he missed. It was a part of Nico that he never got to see or experience since he never saw Loli pregnant. He never got to see Nico through the ultrasound or hear her heartbeat or feel her kick Loli's belly. It was almost a whole year that he missed. Part of him wished he could turn back time and be there for Loli, for his daughter, but it was impossible. At least he got to see her now and he wouldn't give that up.

Calum wandered out to the yard and got more food before joining his parents, Mali, Luke, and Elijah were. He fell into conversation, nodding along to whatever they were talking about while he ate. He would look over to the kitchen where Marina had.

"¡Feliz Cumple!" He heard Alexis Ximena tell Nico.

Before he could even turn around to head back inside, Luke pushed past him. He rolled his eyes as his best friend went over to greet Aaliyah's family as if he was the host of the party. He awkwardly waited for Luke to finish greeting Aaliyah’s family when he heard Nico’s giggles. He looked behind him and saw Alexis Ximena showing her a stuffed crocodile.

Nico kicked her feet excitedly as Alexis Ximena made the stuffed crocodile dance on the table of Nico’s high chair. Calum blinked in surprise hearing her speak a nearly perfect Australian accent as she talked to Nico. He smiled to himself when his one year old took the stuffed crocodile and hugged it tightly.

“Ah!” Nico motioned to Alexis Ximena to give her the cup of fresas con crema.

“No, Nico.” Calum said, grabbing the cup. “You haven’t eaten.”

Nico frowned and pushed the crocodile on the ground.

“Nico!” he said sternly, but in a hush tone so he wouldn’t draw attention to them.

Alexis Ximena picked up the stuffed crocodile and handed it back to Nico. She stood up giving Calum a chance to take her in. She was obviously overdressed, dressed to the nines in a short black dress and tall platform heels. She had a good three inches on him in those heels.

“Why is she dressed like Strawberry Shortcake?” She asked him, gesturing to Nico who babbled to her crocodile.

“She’s not dressed like cake?”

“No,” she shook her head. “The cartoon.”

“There’s a cartoon about cake?”

“No menso, hold on.” She pulled out her phone and quickly typed. “You have the worst wi—oh it loaded. Here.” She showed him her phone screen.

There were images of a cartoon little girl dressed in a strawberry hat, denim overalls with a striped pink and white long sleeve under and yellow shoes. Calum looked over to Nico and she wore almost the same thing except, “Nico’s wearing a bucket hat and a denim dress. Not to mention, she has gold Vans. Obviously it’s not the same. Maybe they copied Nico.”

“The show came out in 2003.”

“Oh, good to know they support the LGBTQ community.”

“You’re a fucking smart ass. You and that mouth of yours are a deadly weapon.”

“You would know.” Calum smirked at her.

Clearly flustered, Alexis Ximena announced. “I’m going to get food.”

She turned on her heel almost immediately and went out into the backyard to get in line for food. After she went up where Aaliyah was and greeted Fiona and Marina. They all looked at her with knowing grins.

“What?”

“What?” the three said in unison.

“What was that back there?” Fiona asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Where’s Ethan? You usually use him as an excuse to hang out with Michael.” Alexis Ximena smiled innocently.

“Isn’t that what you did with Nico?” Marina asked before dipping her taco in consomé.

Alexis Ximena turned to Aaliyah. “You told them?!”

“Of course I did.” Aaliyah said “Now don’t say anything about sitting on Cal’s face because your future mother in law is walking over.”

“I wasn’t si— Hi Mrs. Hood!”

***

Calum looked around for Alexis Ximena. He overheard Aaliyah tell Luke that she had a work dinner and he hoped that he hadn’t missed her before she left. He was also keeping an eye on Mitchy, who showed up tipsy and crashed Nico’s birthday party.

To say that Mitchy was Nico’s least favorite person was an understatement. The one year old would rather spend the day getting shots than be near him which was why Calum didn’t invite him to the party.

“You didn’t bring Nico a present.” Calum heard Ethan tell Mitchy.

“And what are you the fucking present police?” The grown man snapped at Ethan as he grabbed a beer from the cooler.

“Butthead.” Ethan muttered before grabbing a juicebox.

Calum sighed and walked over to Mitchy. “Mate, you can’t talk to a kid like that.”

“He’s a fucking dick!”

“He’s two!” He snapped, swiping his face in frustration. “This is why I didn’t invite you. You’re ruining my kid’s party. Nico doesn’t even like you.”

“What are you talking about? Nora likes me. Just watch,” Mitchy walked over to Alexis Ximena who was building a puzzle with Nico. “Ayo Nora!”

Mitchy staggered towards them with Calum calling him to stop. He pulled Nico away from Alexis Ximena and tried to pick her up, but he stumbled and fell, nearly falling on top of the one year old.

Calum couldn’t process anything other than Nico’s arms around his legs. She wailed. He picked her up, “Get him out of my fucking house.” he angrily told Luke and Ashton before ducking inside.

He brought them to the living room and sat on the one person couch. He rubbed Nico’s back, trying to calm her down as she cried inconsolably. He held her close, apologizing for not kicking Mitchy out sooner. He heard footsteps approaching them.

“Cal, I’m so sorry.” Alexis Ximena began sitting on the coffee table across from them. “I was caught off guard and next thing I knew that guy was on the ground and Nico ran to you. I should have been more vigilant. This is my—”

“Alex, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Calum said, wiping a few stray tears off Nico’s cheeks. He maneuvered her so she sat facing Alexis Ximena.

“I guess but I really do feel bad. I should have been quicker or… I don’t know. I could have done something.”

“You should have picked up a tree and swung it at him like in that show where you had a little brother who did that.”

“You watched Gone?”

“Yeah a while ago Aaliyah made us watch it. But Nico saw a banner of it and recognized you when I was looking for Sesame Street on HBO Max. So we started watching it.”

“Sure,” Alexis Ximena nodded, playfully rolling her eyes. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked around them. “Where’s Nico?”

Calum cursed and jumped from the couch. Nico’s giggles and Duke’s yips were heard from the study. Him and Alexis Ximena followed the sound and found Nico waddling toward Duke, who was behind the doggy door. She giggled and clapped her hands.

Calum’s hand found Alexis Ximena’s. “She’s walking.” He whispered, almost laughing. A few tears rolled down his cheeks. “My baby is walking.”

Due to their height difference, Alexis Ximena couldn't lean into him, but Calum wrapped his arm around her back as she placed her arm over his shoulders. They stood quietly watching Nico with Duke, but they were soon interrupted by Alexis Ximena’s phone.

“Shit” she said, pulling away from him to rummage through her bag. She pulled it out and answered.

Nico finally realized it wasn’t just her and Duke, so she motioned Calum to play with them. He sat down next to the door frame and reached for a soft ball for her to toss to Duke.

Calum watched Alexis Ximena pace around with an annoyed expression on her face as she listened to whoever was on the other end. She bid them goodbye and sighed frustratedly, shoving her phone back in her bag.

“Everything alright?” Calum asked, handing the ball to Nico, who went to hand it to Alexis Ximena.

“My realtor just called me to say that none of the places I was looking into allowed dogs. If they did, they would have to weigh less than forty pounds. Bernie weighs one-fifteen.” She said, sitting next to him.

“You know I was joking yesterday when I teased you about living with Dr. Manny.”

“I know, I’ve been looking for a place for a while now. Especially with now that Bernie is huge. We don’t fit with my dad. So I'm looking for a place so me and Aaliyah can finally live together like we planned our senior year when I booked ‘Gone.’”

“Or you could move in with us.” He offered. “Our dogs get along, my house is pretty big so you wouldn’t have to worry about Bernie feeling like he has no space.”

“I can’t accept,” she said, shaking her head. “Nico’s grandparents live next door. What would they think about someone that’s not their daughter around their granddaughter.”

“Me letting them near Nico is just a courtesy. Legally speaking, they’re not her grandparents.”

“What do you mean?”

“When Loli dropped off Nico, she signed off any right she had, including her parents claiming her as their grandkid. But I’m not an arsehole, so I let her parents see Nico. Sometimes they watch her when I go run an errand, but Loli is completely out of the picture, especially after what went down a few months back.”

“Oh…”

“So you have nothing to worry about.”

Alexis Ximena nodded. She sat quietly and watched Nico and Calum. She did like spending time with them. Yesterday gave her hope for her and Calum, but she knew better than to get her hopes up. Even more if she was going to live with them.

“Fine, but I’m going to need two rooms.”

“Why two?”

“Where do you think my clothes and shoes are gonna go?”

Taglist: @f-mu @calumscalm @karajaynetoday @wastelandcth @cherryxcreme @ashtonsunflower @calpops @idontneedanyone @findingliam-o @5-secondsofcolor @mulletcal @polycashton @sunshinebabycal-deactivated2021 @another-lonely-heart @fckingpernico @2fangirl4u @suchalonelysunflower @hoodhoran @aquarius-hood1996 @in-superbloom

Special guests: @twilightmomentswithyou @sensitivecth

#dad!cal #one day at a time #calum hood fluff #calum hood fanfic #calum hood imagine #calum hood one shot #calum hood one shots #calum hood fan fic #calum hood series #calum hood smut #calum hood fan fiction #calum hood imagines #calum hood fic

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wonderlandleighleigh · 1 year

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OKAY! So @lovepollution made a whole bunch of really excellent Midge/Lenny gifsets not too long ago, and told me to go ham on some fic based on them.

But they really did look like Midge was having the saddest Hanukkah ever.

So if you’re not ready for some angsty stuff, I’m sorry. But here’s some angsty stuff.

She’s not certain how things got so turned around.

Well, she knows, really, she just wishes things were different.

Her relationship with Gordon imploded a year in, not that she had any business dating him, but it ended badly.

So badly, that as of now, she can’t find stage or television work in New York.

If she thought Sophie’s reach had been broad, she wasn’t prepared for Gordon’s.

Midge has been nuked.

And so, she’d had choices to make.

She could have let her mother find her a husband, gone back to that life. Taken Joel back, gone back to that lie of a life.

She picks a third option: She leaves the kids with Joel and disappears to LA. She still can’t really find gigs, but there’s plenty of writing work. She doctors scripts for TV and films. She’s even helped out on a book or two.

It’s not what she wants, but it’s something.

And in the meantime, she goes to shows. Mort Sahl. Even Lenny, a few times, though she sits at the bar in the back, out of sight.

He looks good. Stable. And he’s so funny.

He has no interest in seeing her, she knows. He has a shiny new life out here. His daughter. His mother. A younger girlfriend.

Lenny has no use for Midge.

So she lets it be. She keeps her head down. Maybe Gordon will get over himself and end the blackball, but it’s possible she’ll never do stand-up again, despite the five full notebooks of material she’s generated in the last six months.

Hanukkah roles around, and she’s not going home. There’s too much writing to do, and from the last few times she’s spoken to her parents and Joel, it’s evident that no one wants to see her.

No one misses her.

Susie is still pissed, too, about Gordon. About how dumb Midge was. They still aren’t really speaking.

Sometimes she gets a postcard from Noah, but that’s rare.

She has made a couple of friends out here in LA, but Midge mostly keeps to herself, wary of hurting more people; ruining more relationships.

So on the first night of Hanukkah, she makes herself some latkes and she takes comfort in the candlelight of the Menorah, and decides on an early night.

Or she means to, before there’s a knock on her apartment door.

She frowns, no idea who it could be, and when she opens it, there stands Lenny, looking sheepishly with his hands shoved into his pockets.

Midge takes a breath, her whole body tensing up, ready for what will likely be some sort of argument. “Lenny.”

“Midge,” he responds, looking…

Worried. Mostly.

“Got a minute?” he asks.

She sighs softly, tugging her robe closer in, nodding reluctantly, letting him in.

She watches him look around at her small one bedroom apartment. It’s not much. It’s certainly not the Riverside Drive apartment, but it’s what she can afford, with most of her funds going back to New York to help pay for her parents and children to stay on the Upper West Side.

“I have some leftover latkes,” she offers hesitantly. “If you’re interested.”

Lenny shrugs in a “sure why not” kind of way, and soon, they’re sitting at her little table, and he’s eating. Midge isn’t.

She doesn’t feel like she’s been hungry in months.

“Rose called me,” Lenny tells her. His voice is soft, but conversational. “She’s worried about you.”

Midge doesn’t respond. Her mother is not worried about her. Her mother has no interest in her life, since she’s not actively searching for a husband.

“She was hoping you’d go home for Hanukkah,” Lenny goes on.

“Why would I?” Midge asks quietly. “No one wants me there.”

Lenny puts his fork down, narrowing his eyes at her. “Midge, this isn’t the first time you’ve been blackballed.”

She takes a breath. “What are you doing here, Lenny?” .

“I told you-”

“Why do you care?” Midge cuts him off. “You told me you wanted to be friends, and then you completely disappeared, until you heard I was dating Gordon. And then you yelled at me, and then disappeared again.”

“I was still right,” he snaps, pointing a finger at her. “Don’t fuck your boss. Don’t shit where you eat.”

“Thanks for the nugget of wisdom,” she snaps back. “Anything else to make me feel like crap about, while making yourself feel superior, or are you ready to leave?”

He deflates a little. “Midge…”

“I can’t work,” she tells him. “I can’t work anywhere. Not on television. Not in clubs. He completely burned me, so congratulations on being right. Again. I’m sure it feels great.”

“Actually, I feel like shit about it,” he admits. “I felt like shit about it after I yelled at you, I just- you had made up your mind, and I…didn’t want to watch.”

She stares at him, confused.

“I didn’t want to watch you with him,” he explains.

“You wanted to be friends.”

“I did.”

“And now you have a pretty young girlfriend,” Midge shrugs. “So you’re over it.”

He stares at her seriously, silently.

She shakes her head. “No. You don’t get to come here and try to save me, when you closed the door on us in the first place!”

Lenny blows out a breath and leans forward. “I’m not here to save you. I’m worried about you. No matter what we have or haven’t been to each other, you’re still my friend, Midge, even if you don’t believe that. I don’t want you to be so miserable.”

She closes her eyes and sighs. “I’m really okay, Lenny. I just- things are tough right now, but I’m okay.”

He lifts an eyebrow at her. “Then why are you here instead of back east with your family for the holidays.”

“Because no one wants me there!” Midge cries. “God knows Joel would rather I stay away. Susie still hates me. My only use to my parents and children is sending home a paycheck.” She looks him in the eyes. “No one. Wants me.”

He gazes at her sadly, reaching out to rest a hand on top of hers. “It’s not true.”

She pulls her hand away quickly. “You should go home.”

“Midge-”

“Go home, Lenny. You have a whole life. You don’t need me around to fuck it up.”

“Is that what this is?” he asks, getting to his feet as she gets to hers to start clearing the food away.

“What?” she scoffs.

“You’re convinced you’ll destroy everyone around you, so you’ve gone into self-imposed exile?” he asks.

She gives an exaggerated shoulder shrug. “Joel, you, Susie, Gordon, my parents, my children - all seem just fine without me - have always been just fine without me! Better, even! So yes, I stay away!”

“They all miss you, Midge,” Lenny says softly. “I miss you, too.”

“Go tell your girlfriend that,” she says, stacking the plates and carrying them into the kitchen.

“It’s over,” he calls after her. “It ended months ago, because she wasn’t you. And she knew it, and I knew it, and…anyway. It’s over.” He slowly follows her into the small kitchen. “And even if it wasn’t over, I’d still be here, because I still care.”

Her hands tremble as she starts washing the dishes, but she doesn’t reply.

Lenny stands behind her, resting his hands on her elbows gently. “I got us two plane tickets back to New York,” he tells her quietly. “Leaves in a few hours. I’ve got a bag packed in my car out front, and we can pack a couple for you. We’ll be in New York by sunrise.”

Midge remains quietly frozen, her eyes closing, letting herself enjoy how close he is for a moment.

“Please come with me, Midge,” he says quietly. “Please let me help you fix this shit.”

She lets out a strangled combination laugh-cry, and finds herself nodding in agreement.

#fic #au #tmmm #Midge Maisel #Fictional Lenny Bruce #nobody dies I promise #angst

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