#but it was something. now theres nothing left

[fathermolecule]

not to be uber dramatic and corny but i do think something in me died along with him when he passed last year

#i dont think its silly to mourn and grieve over a dog or any pet at all #theyre family. you spend years with them #but i do feel a bit silly that his death affected me the most out of anyone #weve had death follow us around since i was in 5th grade #family be it distant or close #and im admittedly anxious whos going next #but i havent been this affected before. i cried sure. ive been to more funerals than i would have liked #but i feel so changed on a fundamental level. and for the worse #its weird #maybe it was the circumstances and the family disconnectioj during that time too #and how he was ripped away from me within a 2 week stress induced hell #that was one of the last times i remember when i felt like our family was. united though #still sucked. we fought and i remember wanting to throw up everyday #but it was something. now theres nothing left #he died and he took the warmth with him

[scatterpatter]

Feeling normal again

#tl;dr its less about the shape itself and more about the response #theres a level of coolness associated with the response #most people dont ever have an answer ready to go. most never thought of it before so theyll have to think it through. #if they think ur weird for asking and/or dismiss you entirely their vibes likely arent so good #many people will stop and think for a bit. and will likely give a reason WHY they picked theirs #if thats the case their vibes are p normal and youve now opened up a conversation starter congrats #possibly broke up some awkward tension by asking something so obscure and out of left field #then you have the people who had their answers READY TO GO. most of the time these people are cool as hell. #passing the vibe check with flying colors because you just gave them a reason to explain why trapezoids are underrated #or infodump abt a shape uve never heard of #OR you'll get the occasional 'what do you have a favorite shape' incredulous ask #and then you can quickly drop your own favorite shape (parallelograms my beloved) #which opens up the hidden SECOND VIBE CHECK #if they react positively to you having a shape ready to go their vibes are likely good #if they immediately think ur weird for having a favorite shape ready to go their vibes are probably not so good #its full-proof /hj #socializing is a science and i aint in STEM for nothing #<- totally neurotypical haha whaaaat im normal mhm totally normal #this is normal people things to think about

[wormonastringtime]

reminder.

#hi i couldnt think of an awesome caption for all of this so um ill talk in the tags about my thought process #silhouette is forgetting herself. and she knows this. they reflect on this often. this time literally in a mirror. and their face... #its blurry. its obscured. they can see their own tired expression... but can they really see their face? #and the flames. once again burning away at their memories. sil can watch herself forget in real time if she wanted. she's so tired. #she could burn away everything if she wanted. they could keep burning until there's nothing left at all. and that self destructive tendency #is tempting. god it is so tempting to say fuck it and give up. but no they cant. they have a job to do. they usually remind themself to kee #going in the mirror. even when the reflection doesnt always look familiar. but now theres also something else. a new glimmer of hope in #silhouette's otherwise bleak life. a girl. she doesnt know if they can have that happy ending. but she will do anything to keep her safe. #and for now that is enough. sil doesnt know if she will remember her own face or her own name but my fucking god she will not forget lucy's #anyway hi im normal about my ocs 😁 teehee #my art #doodle #digital art #colored sketch #oc tag #silhouette #lucille

[popiplant]

hey did you guys notice the the uhm the lighting in these scenes. did you.

#stfu popi #something something half truth something something this is who i really am #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #u know when the first screenshot when the light panned on his face but still left a shadow #like. he didn't tell him but he knew mob knew #and now the truth is known and theres light on his face because there's nothing to hide anymore #anyway bye i am grasping at straws

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan #i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch #shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else #even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress #but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside #academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project #i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send #myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it #but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or #maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something #just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there #it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so #tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing #ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position #and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle #sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux #i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices #even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany. #and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it #unrelated

[dennisboobs]

talking to macdennis shippers makes me realize how much more i enjoy charden lmfao

#i love early seasons macden a lot but i think they sort of. fucked mcdn beyond repair in a lot of ways #where they Need to derail the show and do some genuine repairs #if theyd stayed the way they were in s5 itd be like oh yeah nbd theyre fucking lol #but now its. complicated #which isn't inherently bad but i think theres so much to unpack that its just like. if its not done right its going to be a disaster #charden have remained actual friends #it doesn't feel like a huge jump for them to be on good terms #but everyone immediately assumes something must have happened offscreen if macden are getting along #like. its overcomplicated! idk! i think dennis' entire character is overcomplicated #and it makes it really hard because he is So established to just have a fun plot #also i think theyve slowly fucked mac's character and have no intention of fixing it like they have with charlie and dennis' characters #like charlie was made Too Dumb and theyve been remedying that by making him a little more grounded and serious #dennis was Too Angry and they're remedying it by having him develop a way of burning off pressure without exploding #but everything theyve developed for mac has just sort of been left behind #if there was a moment to show how he'd changed it wouldve been post mfhp but it almost seemed like it was a complete reversal #he devolved lol #he was definitely like. better. in s16. but he's lost so much complexity while the others have gained more #and it feels incredibly unbalanced #dee is just a nothing character now too which (while i disagree with a lot of the complaints abt her in s16) can be seen clearly now #but mac is just. #okay im done rambling bye #ada speaks #idk how to explain but macden as a dynamic feels like it holds both of their characters back #and it rarely brings anything new or interesting to the table #dennis shows a different side of himself around charlie #but he is. mostly just angry or exasperated around mac

[rapidhighway]

i think i might just have to give up and leave this school

#like i dont really want to i dont #i have friends there and if i drop out i have no idea whats gonna happen #and i dont want to stop seeing everyone #but im just so bad at this #i just dont fit in this place i dont have a brain that can come up with this stuff #i cant do abstract thinking im not good at any philosophy or anything #im not even that good at drawing tbh #but i wanted it to work out so bad #but i dont think im just good enough to do this i cant do it i cant come up with stuff i cant make contemporary art or whatever they want #from me #i really wanted to be in this school #i have no other aspirations from art #like whats even left for me and now im bed even at that #i know everyone wonders how i even got in #someone in my group even suggested i should drop out hah #but i cant do it because i literally have nothing else i dont want to do anything else #i dont want to go to work yet i dont want to leave my friends at this school #but i cant even pass this year because i cant do these things they ask from me i im not good enough for it #i cant come up with anything ever #i guess i should just stick to drawing fanart as my hobby and do something else but theres nothing else im good at or im even willing to do #idk man i dont know what to do #i dont want to drop out #but i dont know how to push harder i dont think i can do it by just trying harder i think im just inherently bad at this #oh god okay im gonna shut up now i just needed to get this out bc im scared to talk about this to anyone #if i even mention this to my parents they either yell at me or react with just the worst apathy you can imagine #so i guess they dont really care they just want me gone or to do something with myself but im really just kind of useless #i feel like i dug a grave for myself here and its been like 13 years in the making you know #and none of them will help me they just tell me to do it and be done with it and i ask for help and they dont #ok now im really shutting up

[coridallasmultipass]

Going through my old blog posts again, and fUCK!!!!

Another fucking BroCal post that Tumblr bans have taken from me, it's just a broken link now. If anyone knows where to find the original post somewhere else, or has the images saved, please, PLEASE, LMK. God, I regret not saving everything before 2019. Tumblr has taken so much. Ugh. I just wanna live in the nostalgia!! Why did they have to remove all these old posts...

#why cant people just exist as adults on the internet any more im sick of this #i should check my old laptop if i saved any brocal on there ughh #like its like a whole chunk of history is missing from my tumblr/DIARY of things i liked #and im never gonna get that back bc of fucking purity culture removing all mature shit off this fucking site #like i cant even look at my own reblog of it to see if its something i even want on my blog #theres just this ghost of a thumbnail left in the mass post editor where ill never be able to see the context ever again #ppl are always like 'the internet is forever' lmao no its fucking not sites fuck shit up all the time #my whole life on the internet has been suffering as sites die or disappear without a trace #now its just social media and i cant even access the shit on my own blog bc the original post i shared got flagged and op probably deleted #so no chance of ever seeing it again #something something all these moments will be lost in time like tears in rain #or something poetic about the fleeting nature of humanity #NOTHING is forever #and it sucks #Cori.exe #Post.exe #brocal #vent #lil cal #puppets #idfk bro just trigger tagging #no one actually cares enough lmao

[martynsimp69]

Hello there martynsimp69 I hope you’re alive after the Events

im coping <- this is a lie

#limlife spoilers #limited life finale #limited life finale spoilers #limited life spoilers #ask #anon #i stood in the kitchen watching eggs boil on the stove thinking about a scenario where martyn ends up trapped in the end of limlife #no ghosts. nothing to strike him down. the timer paused indefinitely. forever stuck with the time he stole #extra hours and minutes sitting heavy in his chest stretching out impossibly long #i thought about so long spent alone in a server frozen in time that he dives down deep #because the sun stopped moving. the timer is paused and everything else is too. nothing new spawns and he's killed all the mobs #and its always daylight and hes sick of it. hes sick. so he dives #dives until the sea is dark and heavy and cool around him like twilight. and maybe down there when his lungs start to burn-- #--the kelp and coral start to look like reaching hands. and maybe theres something about forever carrying someone'e stolen time that-- #--starts to feel like hauling around a body. because thats all thats left of them isn't it? thats all there is. their corpses are gone. #keepinventory is something that can be so personal. or impersonal as it were bc unless you were skizz u took everything with u when u died #theres nothing to remember the dead by #except their time. and martyn's timer won't budge anymore. so he supposes he's carrying whatever little is left of them #barely an hour. all that's left of scott is 30 minutes of an hour that refuses to end. he'd wanted that time so bad. he's so sick of it now #anyways. the point of this was supposed to be something about martyn hallucinating scott at the bottom of the ocean and nearly drowning #this is the second au where ive drowned martyn. the first one came to me in a dream. sorry idk whats going on there #i severely lost the plot of these tags my ramen is getting cold #other notable events of the day is martyn answering an ask about his martitties. im coping with that badly as well

[toaster-selfships]

I normally don't make vent posts on this blog(even though no one really sees this blog anyways) but I'm going to completely spill in the tags ✌️JCJDJSJ

#i swear i used to be able to gush so much #and then a bunch of stuff happened and now i feel a weird feeling in my stomach every time i do it #it just feels like its a waste of time or no one really cares about what im saying #i talk with a selfshipping friend on discord and they gush all the time and i feel like i can never get a word in #i still gush a bunch but i just feel like im taking up space and time whenever i vocalize it #i feel like no one cares #like normally if youre friend is into something you care about that something as well a little or have some compassion for iy #cause its important to your friend so it has some value to you as well #i feel like there is zero value or care or compassion for what i say #but like...especially with gushing #i so wish i could describe the feeling or have words for it cause its such a unique feeling that i havent entirely felt before #i feel like theres never any room for me to talk. like theres only enough time for others to talk and nothing left over for me #or like im constantly interrupting every conversation even if its dead silent and we havent talked in an hour #or like i always bring it up at a bad time #i used to be able to gush so much and so freely but now i feel like i feel bad after every time i do it #even sometimes i feel bad gushing HERE. on MY blog that is for SELFSHIPPING and gushing and talking about my F/Os #sometimes i have trouvle even tryint to gush cause it feels like i dont even know what to say anymore cause i hardly ever get to do it #like everything is always about someone else and never about me

[syrasenturi]

what are people into lately

#everything is so dead all of the time now #im still not over amphibby but its over and i knew this would happen but it suckkssss theres nothing left! #i mightve missed the window on the journal hype cuz i was avoiding spoilers until i got mine but i feel like there was not a lot of discussi #on about it and the conversations around it ended pretty quickly #i dont even know whats coming out that id be excited for except for moon girl and devil dinosaur #and anime has been so lacking lately ive got like 2 on my list lol #maybe i'll catch up on boruto again #or rewatch something idk

[4giorno]

yeah rhinedottir sucks and thats why shes so sexy

#theres no art of her on here so tried pinterest also nothing on there so went to twitter #and well there is art but not worth it to scroll through the brainworms infested discourse #i didnt even know she fed one of her sons to durin but now that i know holy shit. thats amazing #'im raising a son. out of all my children hes the only one left' HOW IS SHE FOR REAL i love her #'*shoots her son* why are most of my kids dead?' #how did i know abt all the rifthound and wolflord stuff but not this? #was it told in the first dragonspine event or something? bc yea i wasnt playing back then #hhh anyway i always loved her ever since i learned abt her and i was hoping that the event story had #awakened some hype abt her on here but apparently not #i rlly wanna draw my own fandesign for her

[z0nic]

i know i JUST said zonic would be silver but. zonic and shadow . .. .. . theyre both mirrors of sonic who are basically nothing like sonic in the first place, the antithesis to sonic's character. serious and stoic 90% the time (aside from the occasional smile, usually around sonic) the enforcer of control in tandem to sonic's resistance of control. Shadow working for GUN and Zonic working for the Zone Cops, both orginizations working for peace/stability on a large scale, but going about it in an inherently flawed way, and then their star officers have to turn to sonic to save the day once again, essentially admitting sonic's superiority over them, even though they're the best at what they do. well. SECOND best.

#zonic #shadow #sonic #hmmm now im wondering what the hell would a zhadow be like?? #probably what i just said but the rare moments where zonic n shadow show a different side of themselves r just. gone #like he's been fully broken theres nothing left to rebuild with #something something zonic thinking hes above the narrative but still falling into the same old traps since hes still part of the story

[shunukitrash]

Ah, yes, time for a late night vent

#vent #i hate crowded places #today i went to the boardwalk with mom and my stepdad and i couldn't even enjoy it #because i kept noticing all the couples #all the happy young friend groups #im only 20 #an i feel like my youth has been completely wasted and theres nothing left for me #im 20 and i feel lonely in crowds because everyone has someone and im just a stranger #im 20 and i dont know whats wrong with my brain #i need praise all the time and im always tured and the slightest bit of affection makes me want to sob #theres something seriously wrong with me #i miss my friends #highschool was hell but at least we were together all the time #im so scared to bother them over the phone #and hanging out is hard cause im the only one who doesnt jave a liscence #amd now one of my friends lives all the way across the country #i also hold grudges for too long #im still mad about shit that happened 4-6 years ago #i hate thinking im over something and it pops back up #i hate being like this

[maddy-ferguson]

this being the only french right-wing student union

#and like i say: brf slt #this screenshot says it so i could actually be saying anything #it: uni: union nationale inter-universitaire. i didn't know that's what it stood for before i looked this up #i was listening to a podcast episode about ned ('Upon its founding the NED assumed some former activities of the CIA' third paragraph #on wikipedia LMFAO) and they were talking about a lot of random things they've done and they were talking about them funding #centrist/basically bullshit organizations in places where left-wing organizations were making things happen and then they talked about #french education and i was like DID THEY FUND SOMETHING IN MAY 68? but they actually weren't around for that neither ned (started in 83) no #uni (created actually as a response to may 68 to be like no we love you de gaulle see not every student's a communist or whatever) so it #was in 1984-1985. like the screenshot says. #me saying theyre the only right-wing student union is actually a lie they were for a really long time but now theres one thats even worse #that was created by uni people who seceded lmao who are like actually far-right and uni is like. not even that close to the center like #they're already very very right-wing like okay. this is on their wikipedia page. their national main guy said in 2022 that most of the #people in uni campaigned for not the historical nazi party but the NEW far-right party that's even more unapologetic in their racism? like #how racist and how much of a fascist do you have to be to need to part ways with this racist student organization and create your own #racist student organization #they're both flops like electorally #anyway #this is like nothing in the grand scheme of things but when you see the things the fbi the cia random 'NGOs' like ned and also things many #other countries (like france) do in other countries (or in their own countries) that you don't know about it's like. i'm split between #understanding conspiracy theorism and being like you actually don't even need to be a conspiracy theorist you can just look these things #up! #<- i've said exactly this before. in like november 2022 in a tumblr post. after listening to an episode of the same podcast lmao

[fortunately-bi]

...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈

#i just spent like an hour writing and rewriting a post trying to explain myself amd its just so hard to put into words #im bored here but not in a ew not enough content for the dopamine hit shit #in like a every time i scroll through I dont smile I dont see anything that makes me happy at all i dont get a laugh or anything #its just mindless brain rotting scrolling nothing wasting my time hoping maybe ill see a new artist to follow or something #and every time its nothing #so much nothing taking up so much of my time and space in my life and i already dont have a lot of time to begin with #ive made some awesome friends here ive had lovers from here ive had people who are no longer on this earth from here who ill never forget #i dont think ive really enjoyed anything on here in 7 years #ive left before for a really long time i think like a year or more or something #and i wont be totally unreachable of people message me ill respond but im so sick of this stupid app taking up my life #and all i ever get out of it is getting mad or getting depressed over shit that really is t worth my mental state over #all i ever feel on here is that the world fuckin sucks and theres not even anything here to make hanging around worth it #im not new to this site making me suicidal for an abundance of reasons and im luckily in a spot where i wont actually hurt myself #its just ideation and intrusive thoughts but its a pattern i cant keep ignoring #also im old tumblr im old tumblr and i think i will always be old tumblr im just not catching on to new shit anymore #the fact im even saying anything about a hiatus should show how pld tumblr i am no one does this anymore lol #i just don't want to be here anymore i dont really want to be anywhere online anymore tbh #its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life #my wife is having cancer removed on Tuesday im a lead teacher who has to take care of i think 8 babies now #i have problems i have actual problems that need me and need me to be as there as i can be #i cant be spiraling over stuff online on top of real world problems im in no position to do anything about on top of personal life problems #that are drastically affecting my life at home and hurting my family and loved ones #i have a mass in my thyroid which is so big i choke to the point i stop breathing if I dont have my meds i throw up all day #i have to see a neurologist because at best i have a pinched nerve at worst im having seizures and i might have to move states again #i dont have it in me to come on here and see stuff that makes me upset for the chance i might see something i like #and i can unfollow people and whatever but I dont have the energy or time to sift through people i follow on here #if you want to talk in dms or asks or you want to send me posts pls by all means continue to do so thats fine #but i think i need to take the app out of my line of sight again for a bit and just be in the moment again same with twitter #anyways i love yall i promise i am safe and not in harms way im just stressed af and i have got to start cutting things out that #arent doing anything other then making me miserable