#but it did make it really hard for me to sleep so idk

[strawberrysodaslut]

idk if you can do this but can you do a poly!marauders x gn!reader, and the boys’ reactions when yn wears a binder one day.

i'm not trans nor have i ever worn a binder, so i hope this is an accurate portrayal!! feel free to correct me on anything i've messed up.

Getting a binder was a long time coming. After months of research, hesitations and all the time spent waiting, going to the store and getting one, you never thought wearing something to bind would make you feel so damn free. Finally, understanding what people meant when you heard about gender euphoria.

You hadn’t told the boys about your latest purchase. In fact, you hadn’t brought up the concept to them. Not that they hadn’t been supportive of you, they really were. In a world of magic, pronouns were something that hardly needed grasping, and they would correct anyone who messed up politely, sending you a soft smile as they did. But- you couldn’t help but be anxious about them finding out. What if this was too much? What if they get freaked out?

So, you kept your binder to yourself.

At first, you didn’t think they had noticed. You wore looser clothes or sports bras earlier, so it probably wasn’t as big of a difference to others. It wasn’t until dinner that night where you noticed Sirius staring at you from across the table.

“What?” You said, chomping down on a bread roll to hide the way self conciousness ebbed in your chest.

Sirius squinted his eyes, looking like James when he tries to read without his glasses. “You look different.” He says. “Did you do something to your face?”

James laughs from next to you. “Did they do something to their face? What kind of question is that, Padfoot?”

“Well, I don’t know!” Sirius exclaims, “Admit it though Prongs, something about them is different!”

You find it hard to not instinctively crawl under the table to hide. So you curl in on yourself, pressing your chin to your chest to calm the heat across your cheeks. As if he can sense your anxiety, Remus places his hand on your shoulder.

“Guys stop.” He says, light concern lacing his voice, but he’s clearly trying to hide it. “Obviously they’re just relaxed now that the holidays are coming, isn’t that right?” He says to you, giving you a slight smirk and raise of his eyebrows that only happen during his most devious pranks. ‘go with this’, he silently urges you.

You smile, nodding your head. “Yeah, I’m glad classes are almost over.”

“Well,” Sirius starts, “We should have holidays more often then. Haven’t seen you this confident in- I don’t even know.”

“I’ll start the petition!” James pipes.

You smile, glad to be supported by your boys, but still relieved that your secret remains yours.

Little did you know later that night, the boys had a plan to throw a movie night with you in the common room. So at nighttime, when you had changed out of your binder so you wouldn’t sleep in it, James surprised you by barging into your room.

“Oi! It’s movie time- oh sorry.” James said, cutting himself off to cover his eyes as you put on your sweatshirt.

Remus followed him, quickly closing his eyes and turning around when he saw you, “Jeez Prongs! They’re changing!” He scolded.

“I know! That’s why I’m…” He trails off, gesturing to the hand that’s covering his eye- going completely unnoticed to Remus with his eyes shut tight.

You shake your head, a soft giggle escaping from your lips. God, they’re dramatic. “It’s okay guys, don’t stress.” You throw your sweatshirt over your head. “Nothing you haven’t seen before.”

James makes a soft grunt, before removing the hand from his eyes and taking you in. “Well, sorry again.” He says. His eyes slowly drift behind you to something on your bed, and tilts his head. “Hey what’s that?”

You almost jump, turning behind you to see your binder laid out on your bed, ready to be put away. You shudder a deep breath before trying your best to gesture nonchalantly. “It’s uh-” It’s hard not to cringe at how your voice trembles. Okay, nonchalant isn’t working. So you instead opt to be candid. “It’s my binder.”

James looks between you and the binder, his brows furrowed. “Binder…?” He questions before his eyes go wide. He paces towards you in a frenzy. “You’re not binding your magic, are you? Listen, you shoul-”

A giggle almost slips out again as you interrupt him before he explodes, “No Prongs! It’s for my chest. It binds my chest.”

Despite the reassurance that no, you were not binding your magic, James doesn’t look any less confused. If anything, he looked even more. “Why would you want to bind your chest?” He asks, his brows furrowing as he makes his way from you to the binder.

Candid, you remind yourself. You’re being candid. “So it would be flatter.” You say.

A beat passes before James replies, still looking down at the material.

“Oh.” “Oh?” You ask. Your heart thumping in your chest with anticipation.

He makes a small squeak as he turns back to you, “I-I just didn’t realise that was something you worried about.” He says, his voice sympathetic but laced with concern. “It’s not…” He pauses, “Is this where we’re supposed to say something to make you feel better? Because you don’t have to do that for other people you know...”

“No, I get that.” You say, a small smile making its way to your face. “This isn’t for other people, it’s for me. I’m more comfortable with myself when I wear it.” You gesture to the binder, as if it hasn’t been the subject of the past couple of minutes.

With that, James’ whole demeanour changes. The tension in his body disappears as he smiles wide. “Well then, we’re thrilled for you. Aren’t we moony?” He says, nudging Remus who has just been staring at you since the conversation started.

As if he has just awoken from a nap, Remus startles to attention. “Oh- uh yes! I’m supportive of whatever you choose as long as you're happy.” Remus replies, smiling at you before chuckling “Sorry it’s just- I knew that’s what was different.”

“You staring at their chest are you?” James teases Remus. “Perv.”

“No! I-” He exclaims, a red tint painting his face.

You smile at him, about to reassure the boy, when a crashing sound comes from downstairs before a yell echoes through the hallway. Remus mutters a small ‘fuck’s sake’ as the cause of the noise comes bounding towards your room.

“Sorry gentlemen- gender neutral, of course. The popcorn has burned.” Sirius announces before he’s entered the room, reeking of burnt popcorn with a few pieces lodged in his hair. Sharing James’ nosiness, his eyes quickly fixate on your binder. “Hey, what’s that?”

James scoffs before turning to Sirius. “It’s a binder, Padfoot, and they’re very happy.” He says with pride, his chin lifting. “Catch up.”

Remus’ attention, however, has drifted away from the binder and he asks the real important question, “How the hell do you burn magic popcorn?”

Sirius jumps to the defensive, “Hey! I’m the one who told you not to put me in charge of food!” He says, throwing his hands up. “I’m obviously more suited to the pillow gathering region.”

With a dictionary worth of swear words, Remus stomps down the hall to make some unburnt popcorn. James quickly following behind, arguing why him being the pillow gatherer was the best choice.

With Sirius and you alone, he turns to you. “Hey, it’s cool that you have that now. Reg used to use one a while ago.” He says, before grabbing your hand, “Now, let’s watch some movies on a subpar pillow arrangement.”

You laugh as you both go to follow the other two boys. “Sounds good.” You say, feeling more secure with them than ever. Your binder sitting blissfully on your bed, ready to be used again tomorrow.

poly marauders masterlist

#marauders #harry potter #poly!maraduers #marauders x reader #poly!marauders x reader #marauders fluff #marauders x y/n #marauder x you #marauders fanfic #sirius black x reader #james potter x reader #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin fluff #james potter fluff #sirius black fluff

[maliciousandmizerablevampirism]

︶꒷꒦︶𝔖𝔲𝔫𝔨𝔦𝔰𝔰𝔢𝔡︶꒦꒷︶

༺I Tags: one-shot, fem! reader x William James Moriarty, fluff, beach day idk, modern AU

༺I Warnings: barely any, just slightly suggestive at the end?? pretty short too

You noticed William had been overworking himself again. He wasn't sleeping nor eating well and you were getting worried because of it. So you had you negotiate with him, and it was no easy work. You wanted him to take at least a small break from everything else.

He complained and tried to make up an excuse for every idea you had to spend your vacations with him, but when he actually gazed at your endearing eyes he just had to submit to your enchantments and say yes.

"Only because you look at me like that."

"I'll go put my swimsuit on," you said once the two of you had finally arrived at your beach house.

He nodded and put his own swimsuit on. He was planning on wearing a modest one, yet he didn't want to get his skin damaged by the Sun in case he had totake his shirt off and that's why he needed your help to put sunscreen on his back.

You came out of the changing room with your new swimsuit and he tried not to pay attention to it.

"Could you please help me, darling?" he asked as he grinned.

"Of course, handsome."

The sunscreen made it quise easy for your fingers to softly slid against his back, nape and shoulders first. Then you continued with his chest and his slightly toned abs. Nonetheless, when your hands went up to his face you noticed how flustered he had grown.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, no, it's nothing, I can..." he muttered nervously, "I can do that by myself."

"You'll do your arms and legs. Let me finish with your face, alright?"

The blond tried to look away from your eyes. Letting you see him acting that shy would be a bit... embarrassing. And to make it worse, you kissed his jaw.

"Thank you, my love."

"It's your time to help me out though." You turned your back to him.

"Sure," he said. And he did what you asked him to with a bit of hesitation. Letting his fingertips caress your bare back and shoulders felt too good to be true.

Once he was done putting the sunscreen on you, you ran to the pool and when you came out of it your whole body was soaking wet. The Sun made your skin colour look more stunning if that's even possible in his eyes.

"What are you looking at?" you frowned rather playfully.

William walked towards you and placed his hands against your waist before pulling you into a deep, desired kiss.

"Gorgeous. You look gorgeous. Don't look this gorgeous if you don't want me to die from a heart attack or to kiss you until we never go back home," he spoke.

You threw your arms around his neck and immediately kissed him again. Yet you didn't realize how hard you pulled him, and both of you ended up falling into the pool.

Liam looked at you and started laughing when he saw how suprised you were. Soon you were both a laughing mess.

"Do I even have to tell you you look gorgeous as well?" You ran your fingers through his now wet hair, earning a smile from your dearest.

"Do I really, pretty woman?" He smirked.

"Yes, you do, precious man." Soon he was sitting on the stairs of the pool as you were almost pinning him against the wall of it. "Why are you blushing so hard though? Just calm down."

He could only manage to chuckle and bury his face into the crook of your neck, placing a few kisses here and there.

"You know why, (Name)," he whispered.

You teased him with more and more kisses all over his face.

"(Name)..." he softly moaned. "It tickles."

You didn't mind overwhelming him. In fact, that was pretty much your intention.

You two went to the sea many hours later and held each other's hands. It was already late at night, so you could see the moonlight stroking your boyfriend's soft skin, which was truly a sight to behold. This time he was the one who caught you staring at him, but instead of teasing you like you would've done, he just blushed and smiled innocently at you.

You gave him a little peck on the lips and noticed the subtle yet obvious salty taste on them. Were his cheeks pink because he had been sunkissed or because he was simply infatuated with you?

"It's too dark here, Liam. We should go back to our house and-"

He didn't even let you finish. He had felt the need to pull you closer to him.

"Can't you just... eat my heart, crawl into my skin and become one with me for once and for all? I need you."

Your eyes widened at his odd request and tried to utter at least one word despite having gone absolutely weak now.

"I need to feel your warmth to another level, (Name). Please, I don't know what to do." He was basically whimpering and you found that this was making you dizzy (in a strangely nice way).

"That's why we should go back home, my angel. I'll help you there. You'll find out how soon," you said as you grabbed his hand and took him to your house, to the heaven of your bed.

#william james moriarty #moriarty the patriot #yuukoku no moriarty #mtp william #ynm #yuumori #william james moriarty x reader #Spotify

[ibeblizzard3]

Tw ED

😭😭 so a couple months ago(before I relapsed again) I invited my friends over for a sleepover which is gonna be today💀that’s why I can’t fast today. The only reason I even invited them was just so I could talk to one of them. I think one of my friends also has an ed I’m not sure though.. maybe we all have EDs lol. We’re all thin. One of them is a small portion Queen💅 the other told me at are last sleep over that she actually feels guilty eating around other people and that so feels even more guilty if she doesn’t finish her plate if everyone else does. Also once I told friend A(guilty girl) that I was 89 lbs and she said she weighed less than me in a shocked voice. Could have been some way to make me feel bad but idk she might have been lying. But then again you probably don’t expect to see someone 19 inch waist and you weigh less then them. Anyway, at the last sleep over me and friend A stayed up all night and shit. And we had a somewhat deep conversation. I wanted to continue it tonight(I can’t do it during the day cuz friend B(small potion queen)will try to turn every deep conversation into a silly one)and since my parents don’t know friend A’s parents very well, she can’t sleep over(friend B can tho) friend A is just gonna stay over for a bit ig. It’s kinda annoying cuz I have more in common with friend A, but I’ll live as long as friend B doesn’t get to comfortable and start acting like a 5 year old all of the sudden for literally no reason. Otherwise friend B is somewhat pleasant to be around(sadly no deep convo’s tho☹️) but that’s not the real problem. Eating is… I got to choose the food cuz it was at my house duh, but my mom acted like I was trying to starve them when I made our meal 300cal so now it’s 500cal. It’s a lot more than I would like and my mom still wants to get them soda. If they do actually have EDs they’ll hate that. Plus they can also have bread(I don’t like bread) I’ll probably try to pick at my food and shit and not finish anything I eat. It’ll be hard but i really don’t want binge, and i try eating normally I will. I will also give options for the calories tho. I’ll let them choose what and how much they want(I hope it doesn’t cause to much stress) they can choose between a 200 or 300 cal ramen or just have bread or just fruit or whatever. I’m honestly scared that I’ll binge(when I eat in front of others I tend to get super nervous and binge which makes them think I have a super metabolism lol, I hate when they make jokes like “you’ll eat anything” or “wow that’s a lot” or “you eat a lot for your size” though) funny enough another friend of mine used to skinny shame me a lot like “your so skinny” or “that’s because your so skinny” or “you don’t eat(me literally eat ten buckets of candy I don’t even like)” that shit ya know? She stopped now, either she realized it was rude and pointless or I’m not skinny to her anymore(I did gain 10 lbs but also lost 3 inches of my waist) so idk. Anyway I just invited friends A and B to my sleepover. And I’m kinda dreading it, I didn’t lose enough weight so I’m dry fast until 3:30pm and eating at 5:30pm (which will mean a 24 hr water fast and a 22 hr dry fast). I really hope it helps me lose weight today 🤞also I can’t purge cuz one of them will be sleeping over💀💀😭😭😭

#tw ed implied #ana is my friend #ed dairy #tw ed sheeran #tw thinspi #tw ed but not sheeran #ed rant #ed relapse #ed recovery #ed relatable #ed recipes #tw bed #tw mia #tw eating issues #tw purge #i wanna be perfect #dill pickles #⭐️ ing motivation #⭐️vation goals #⭐️rving #⭐️ve #🌟ving #🌟ve #thinps0 #thigh g4p #thinspø #i need to lose this weight #thin legs #toothpick #weight loss motivation

[glitterghost]

There is something so special about delving into a new thing™️ on your own. Stewing with it, and soaking in everything it is. By yourself, with limited outside influence. It gives you this ability to discover it and get to know it in a familiar way that you can appreciate. It solidifies your love for it. So when you do eventually jump into fandom (if you decide to), you have a solid foundation of its worth. The value you gave it. And in a way, it's something no one else can touch because it's so close to your heart, wrapped in your protection and love.

Idk, I just think it's kind of important to experience that, to have something others can't take away from you. Because at the end if the day, it's the worth you gave it that matters most. 🥀

#bad omens #sleep token #i really did this with bad omens #i didnt know anyone really that listened to them and rant posted a lot on her about my feelings with it #thehalvesthathalveyou was my first friend in that space #i have a few more trusted ones bc they gave the casual safe space feeling for me and they were mutuals with my first friend also #fandom spaces can be so hard to navigate and i really feel like its important to sit with things if you can #idk it just makes you love whatever it is so much more #maybe that just me but who knows #nevermind me im just having feelings #here* curse not being able to edit a preexisting tag

[kohakhearts]

cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc

pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement

#taylor.txt #the extenuating circumstances point was not me btw. i know someone who had his degree delayed an entire year because of two weeks in psych #we’re in a co-op program or else maybe it wouldve just been one semester but. lol #i hate it here…i hate it #but hey…at least i have the world’s shittiest health insurance! #some of my classmates say they dont feel like working full-time is easier than going to school full-time but it so is #for me. anyway. even when i fumbled my time management bad on the field and make no mistake i was incredibly busy plus i chose a field #notorious for Unpaid Overtime and Taking Your Work Home. even then. it was still easier than this #i would never do undergrad again. i loved everything i learned. i took interesting and awesome classes #but i would never ever do it again. miserable overworked spent most of it friendless until i got on the field #i have a friend who keeps being like idk how you did 4 physics classes this sem and im like girl we are education students…thats an average #semester for a physics major. how must THEY feel #also i have to say just you know. generally. ive worked full-time while living with my parents #AND while living alone. and 50 hours a week was incredibly manageable in the former arrangement. i even wrote and edited an entire novel #in the beginning stages of a pandemic while working 50 hours a week of retail and fast food hell. 40 hours full-time with weekends off #while living alone though? thats hard. i still managed to go to the gym almost every day #currently? i cant get out of bed in the morning. i am putting in 12 hour days and then goinng to bed unable to sleep because im so stressed #i have dreams about school. tangentially theres a really good marxist poem i read last year about this phenomenon in workers #ANYWAY. i have just 8 more days 4 exams 1 research paper and video project #i think i can pass and then thats it. my next semester is hell but just because scheduling the actual classes will be easy #and then i get to go back on the field and actually want to wake up every day. lol #and 8 days from now i will have my christmas shopping done and my apartment will be clean and i will be a fanfic writing machine #also my friends and i booked a demolition room so im sure that will be beneficial kfldjfldndks

[peridots-pixiwolf]

hey guess who is actually and without exaggeration crying over ultrakill

#peridots-nonsense #ultrakill #ok so. i'm emotional right now. this has been stated. what also has been stated is the fact that this is my 2nd playthrough on a new device #first time i finished it was in november and while altars of apostasy does make me pretty sad that's about the limit to ultkill emotions. #it's really funny actually because i was so excited for heresy. i took longer to beat act 2 than i did the first time around cause i wanted #to improve on the levels (p-ranks and challenges and secrets. y'know. still haven't done 5-S yet though). so i had more time to anticipate #specifically. Gabe's rematch. i was THRILLED!!! i don't even know why!!!!! but i never stopped smiling the whole time i was fighting him!!! #it got so bad the first time i got to his second phase that i had to actually pause for the better part of a minute from stimming so hard!! #grinning like an idiot for five minutes straight!!! no fight or game has EVER made me feel that way before. #the hk collector is a fun fight for sure and i sometimes get happy going up against characters i like from any games. however #it fades as i get into the fight. it's never been nearly that grand. i was singing a lot too but sleeping family made it more of a whisper #i ended up spending 24 minutes on it with 58 restarts. and yet i was ECSTATIC the whole time. i can see what it felt like to him now lol #so. instantly on the verge of tears when i beat him. and when i got past the ending cutscene i broke. i love this game so so much... #idk. sure this could've been a text to my friends or something but i do not care you all will hear of this #cause this is the best thing ever actually. brb going to go tear up again though

[polaraffect]

nothing like the last 2 weeks of the semester to make you question every life decision you've ever made

#damien.txt #why did i major in history and english instead of.... idk. something that makes money. that has job prospects #that doesn't have to have a grad degree just to mean something #currently really evaluating if academia is for me lol but maybe it's just the time of the semester #but also.... fuckkk man i have no idea what i want to do with my life At All. in any way. #anyways its 4 am & my brain refuses to let me sleep bc i have So Much To Do tomorrow that it doesnt want the day to end #but also... fuck my life is going to be so hard in about 3 hours #wish me luck i guess. fml.

[genekies]

screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO #i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe #n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th #ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a #utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai #ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell #like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc #then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no #food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it #harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now. #the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats #fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS. #all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY #SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf #the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther #es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much. #i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the #bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and #no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh #it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression #i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat. #im so close to snapping on them at this point #i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT #everything has gone to shit #vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.

[todayisafridaynight]

Oh yeah also to be exact for stream purposes, average playtime from all 60 reviews is 10-12 hours, but total range is 8-15, double for a 100% playthrough. You do have to progress in the side content to progress in the main story (complete x missions/get x points/get to x rank type of deal), and you'll probably want to progress in the side content to level up since it's money-based and that's the fastest way to make money. I'm pretty sure the variance comes from getting sucked into the side content (probably not likely for your playstyle) or having trouble with the bosses at a lower level (they're apparently pretty hard this time).

It also looks like the Infinite Wealth demo is split into two (an adventure mode with the extra cutscenes and another one that's basically the demo we've seen around). Adventure mode Allegedly doesn't have proper saves at the time of writing (this was an annoyance for one reviewer so I assume it's long enough to warrant that), so it's worth taking that into account too. Anyway that's about it lol don't quote me on any of this because my brain just shut off after a certain point <3

OK BET TYSM CHAMP YOURE A LIFESAVER soooooo doing Quick Maths in my brain i might divide the stream up in two if i start playing at 4:30PM and i plan to marathon it.

ill take a break 3:45 - 5:45 saturday morning since that's a part of my regular routine and ill feel weird if i dip on it. I Dont Need Sleep but god forbid i skip out on all That apparently. plus it's a good break period to get exercise in and move around LMAO

going from 4:30PM -> 3:45AM's like.....10~11 hours... so that's about halfway through the game if i get entranced by side content... if we do somehow finish it all in one shot then we can just do the IW stuff after my routine.. epic.. it prob wont be any longer than an hour if that so stream- AUSPICIOUSLY THINKING- should wrap up around 7~9AM saturday.

#snap chats #and then when its all done ill take the longest nap of my life afterwards LMAOOOOO #jk. ill prob sleep for like. a minute. imagine if i did art stream later LMAOOO NONONO maybe sunday.. if im really ill bout it.. #some are wondering Snap Are You Physically Capable Of Doing Thaat and to that i say Yes. Yes I Am. #i didnt grind out buzzsaw mill raids on gaiaonline over night for nothing.. im a Gamer in my soul... a bad one but a gamer nonetheless.. #i did it for ishin i can def do it for gaiden- esp if theres an audience and i have people to chat with #also the Break Time will be a great cut off point for recording so people who can't/don't want to show up for the stream can watch it #see it's all going according to plan..... it's all going swimmingly..... #i like how generous im being with my gaiden time. girl we know im gonna suck and take longer LMAOOO WE AINT DOIN IT IN 8 HOURS #maybe ill 100% gaiden off stream or somn if the side stuff really ropes me in #also im late as balls answering this OOPS my friends came by the dining hall and we all chatted. and apparently im going to aldis tomorrow #DONT KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED but i needed something from the store #just one thing thats it.... i thought of buying snacks and the sort for gaiden but i aint gon subject people t me eating on stream #ill just go with my wack meal prep idea from before LMAO #anyway SIXTY REVIEWS THATS HEINOUS godspeed brother... thank you for your hard word ill do my best to make your work not go in vain #idk HOW but. i'll try not to be lame and low energy during stream I GUESS THATS ALL I CAN DO #boo about Money Aspect returning BUT ILL BE OPTIMISTIC. i wont let that sour me until i see it #i wonder how long the IW demo will be- what it'll HAVE if people are upset about the lack of saves #again i dont think it'll be terrible long- an hour is my min so id be surprised if it reaches two hours #it'd be epic if i could do all of gaiden before my routine since then i can cleanly divide the stream but we'll see

[eeunwoo]

.

#actually also #I was thinking abt this bc I can’t sleep and like. #u guys prolly remember my bestie m///ika and I’ve never talked abt it properly but like #we were best friends for abt 6y before she ghosted me bc of a new boyfriend (army guy which is already 🤢 but yeah) #and like before she ghosted officially she basically met another group of girls and a guy online and they all have regular meet-ups and #hang out. which is fine. but it’s such a slap in the face bc they’re like. all rich lol #like they say they’re not but if u can afford regular trips across the country. hotels and restaurants and parties. u are rich #and I already know she’s rich but yeah I thot our friendship kinda looked over class status lmao #but to see her make friends strictly w rich people and suddenly forget all her morals re other stuff has been. hard on me to deal w frankly #I unfollowed her on all socials bc it makes me sick to my stomach knowing that she ghosted me even tho I asked her a few times to just tell #me if she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. bc I saw it coming bc when she made other friends and got the new bf she started pulling #away. and I know ppl grow apart but we never really did. she just decided I wasn’t good enough. completely out of the blue decided to stop #answering my messages. idk #my trust issues skyrocketed since then #we were so close I was supposed to teach in the usa and we were gna move in together like it was that deep #and yeah idk. I think abt it every so often bc. it’s upsetting #like #I thought she cared abt me lmao but #I guess I’m basically only good to make ppl feel good abt themselves and then if anyone else comes along I immediately get ditched #it’s an awful existence to have #mrow.org

[yangjeongin]

man y’all the loving hyunjin hours are so intense rn i feel like i have s omuch to say but i don’t even know where to BEGIN i just feel like i’m gonna explode or something </3

#carly.txt #just thinking abt hiatus things as i ALWAYS DO when i listen to lovestay y'all already saw me talk about this #but it's like. idk. loving someone hits different when u go through the wringer u know?? #distance makes the heart grow fonder etc etc #it's just like. man. we really went thru it (hyunjin and stays as a collective) but we made it #and he's probably a better person for it even if it hurt at the time! and now we are in a more serious parasocial relationship <3 #the fact that some of y'all weren't here for all that is so crazy to me it's going to be two years ago since then soon?? #like time has gone by so fast #i remember crying so hard the first time i heard him LAUGH when he was back omg #it was in the song camp preview i remember this it was just such a relief #i remember i was doing his birthday countdown at the time of the scandal too i was going crazYYYY #i almost didn't continue it but i was like. u know what i'm still happy he was born. so let's do it #idk idk i'm honestly glad some of u didn't experience it but i'm also glad that some of us that did experience it are still here asdfsadsd #i think it's really good that he has fans that went through the hiatus period supporting him and that he has fans that came after that too #like!! he is just as lovable if not moreso than ever and i'm glad!! so many people agree with that #i'm just like idk. really proud of him?? and stays for making it through that time period #and for everyone growing in ways they wouldn't have if it didn't happen #i like to think good came out of it too in a lot of ways #i could talk about this forever and i probably will again next time i listen to the damn song but SDSDGSDDG #i need to go to sleep now #i can think of more to say actually but i'll STOP NOW #tl;dr i love him a lot and am really thankful to everyone that supports him today no matter how long you have #i hope he feels that love and can accept that he's worthy of it every day #more to say on this too but enough enough #ty for listening

[allthatdivides2]

every night i ask myself. do i watch a horror movie or do i play minecraft. and the decision is impossible every time

#this is a lie sometimes i play ace attorney instead #but still. i am in hell #i want to watch a horror movie i want to see BLOOD i want to see SCARY STUFF. but watching a horror movie requires watching a movie. #which i have NOT had the fucking attention span for recently #im like 25 minutes into evil dead army of darkness and the other day i started scream 2 #and i want to watch jennifers body so bad and also american psycho #and those are just the ones at the TOP of my list #like that new dracula movie??? the last voyage of the demeter??? that movie looks actually SCARY #which is GOOD i want to EXPERIENCE THAT. #most of the horror movies i want to watch arent really Scary or at least not the ones im planning on watching next #like i watched the conjuring and i was like... idk. like it FRIGHTENED me. i felt fear for sure and like it stuck with me for a WHILE and #i still cant think about it too too much before i go to sleep cause my brain will start convincing itself like ooooooh theres a person #behind the door oooooooh theres a woman on the ceiling or whatever #but very few times when watching it did i feel like. actively scared #but like i was in the theatre watching a different movie when i saw the TRAILER for the demeter. and i was scared. #and like idk if thats the type of horror movie i want?? but i want tp try it???? #and just. UGH #i hate making decisions about how i want to spend my time its so hard

[mrs-kelly]

Good morning ❤️❤️❤️ at some point yesterday like. When I woke up from my nap. My feelings for Charlie just. Suddenly got even stronger. And. I don’t even know what to do or say about it adfhjkl

#idk if it’s bc I’m leaning on him so much this week with starting school and still working #but I’m feeling soemthing for him that like. I’ve never experienced before #I already felt soemthing different for him than my other f/o’s but like. this is something else even than that #idek how to describe it. #I just. man. it’s like I love him EVEN MORE #and I didn’t know it was possible to love him more than I did #like he’s already on my mind 24/7 and I’ve already got the always Charlie sets and his shirt #and I watch the clips every day and imagine him with me all the time like #how is there even more love?? how do I feel even more love?? #usually going that hard would lead me to burning out but it’s only made me love him MORE #and it’s amazing like… it makes me really happy #but it’s also like. what do I DO with more of these feelings ahdjffl #am I just. gonna be even gushier than normal. I have so many more feelings in my hands and I dunno where to put them #like last night I fell asleep imagining I was sleeping on his chest… #and I woke up laying the same way like an hour later. just bc I was dreaming and suddenly thought about him #and it was like my brain activity shot up so high that I couldn’t stay asleep. I had to wake up and really think about him #so I laid there for awhile and thought about him until I passed back out ahfjfl #and then I didn’t dream of him but just. the feeling of him was permeated all throughout my dreams #I was dreaming of other things but just thinking about him in every spare moment #and then I woke up and I didn’t even feel annoyed about going to work like #I was just excited to be able to spend another day with Charlie. which. I mean that’s normal but #I feel literally unbothered by anything I have to do today. just bc I get to think about him today #and my power is back on so I get to make a set and write about him and… #man I’m like. getting ridiculously happy thinking about it ahfjfl #I just. man. I’m falling deeper and deeper in love with him I guess #idk he just. he makes me so happy. he brings me so much joy #having Charlie in my life has only brought me so much goodness and sunshine… #I’m so. aaaa 🥺 I’m so in love with him… #ren speaks #renlie

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sometimes i feel very normal and then i interact with ppl lol #i had an in person meeting with my boss for the 1st time in ages and i usually talk to ppl while theyre driving or were walking somewhere #so i forgot how much im like obviously not making eye contact when ppl talk to me while hunched over and fidgeting lol #and when im trying to explain ideas to ppl abt like data stuff im like: i dont understand how what im saying doesnt make sense??? #also with a healthy dose of wtf is this person trying to say to me? u r saying words and i dont kno what theyre directed at #we had a lab party and im like v awkward at those things. idk how to interact in groups #ppl r interacting and im watching like u r clearly getting something out of this that i am not #i did maybe secure a place as a patient for one of our undergrads who is in the dental school lol #she was like yea i need 8 patients and i was like lol u can look in my mouth and then proceeded to tell her all the weird teeth problems #ive had. maybe that was weird but she seemed interested so 🤷 #i hope she follows up bc i havent been to the dentist in like 3 years #and i still habe my wisdome teeth #lol me at any party: i am waiting patiently until i can leave. #like its weird bc those r the time when ppl bond and make memories and all that but everytime someone calls back to events that ive been #there fore it baffles me bc im like. yea that was a thing that happened. i dont really have any feelings abt it so idk y u r recalling it #fondly??? plus my ears r kinda fucked so it was hard to focus on individual conversations #ay im so scatterbrained. thats what happens when u get little sleep and dont allow ur self to chill. ill just crunch myself into a lil ball #at least my boss tried to reassure me that id get accepted somewhere phd wise. but i will not relax until its official so rip #i just really want 2 specific schools to work out bc one is close to home and the other i can prob get good classes and opportunities #ugh i need to sleep. but im not tired :-P #unrelated

[daz4i]

when ww said "this is not my life, I'm no survivor, i only happened to survive"

#he gets it he really does. #hate when ppl call me resilient or are proud of me for surviving shit. girl i did not do anything to be here now. in fact quite the contrary #i am permanently in survival mode and I'm trying so hard to turn it off. but mostly in 1 direction and not the one most ppl hope #sigh. I'm tired man 😐 i just started new mood stabilizers and I'm anxious as fuck #(well. not new. i was on them before when i was a teen. can't remember why i stopped tho) #the whole trying new pills is depressing bc well. there's p much nothing left for me to try #i had a call with her this week. i mentioned it i think. but most of it was trying to figure out if there's meds i never tried out there #the only other one we considered to maybe replace my current antidepressant is very new to the market aka she doesn't know what it does yet #so. instead of replacing. adding stabilizers and hope they don't make things even worse (but lbr they probably will) #I'm very close to giving up yet again. idk what there even is to give up on anymore. my life is nothing with a side of void #but giving up is the only thing i know how to do. I'm too anxious to do anything else. i don't know how to do anything else #hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh really wanna cut rn but i already have some wounds on my hands and arms + I'm in enough pain as is so what's the use #vent #i should sleep. idk if i can. I've been trying all day and failed. I'm so tired #i wish i didn't wake up man 😐 i wish i died. tonight #suicide // #not really but implied ig #self harm mention // #ask to tag

[turnaboutchaos]

my mother needs to play ace attorney i need her to play it

#she literally told me that friends dont exist and that i shouldnt bother getting anymore #bc past friends have only hurt the family and myself (not true) #and then asked why i was crying later on like LADY???? #LADY I HAVE PLAYED 8 AND A HALF GAMES CENTRED AROUND WHY YOURE WRONG #THE MOST IMPORTANT THING U GOTTA REMEMBER IS TO TRUST YOUR CLIENT NO MATTER WHAT TO THE BITTER END #OMFG PLEASE YOU CANT JUST GO OUT AND KILL MY SOCIAL LIFE LIKE THAT #i used to have the mentality of 'trust no-one' and im trying REALLY hard to heal myself of that bc its wrong and trying to open myself up #to ppl and actually thrive in a group but noooo u just hafta kill the drift huh... #ughhhh i feel sick #she also said that the only friend i could have was god. like. as if he doesnt want me dead for being trans #anyways time to sit her down and make her play dgs or something. i need to prove shes wrong #this is sort of a vent idk i need to yell into the void bc i am. very sad #im SO SAD MR NARUHODO. SO VERY UPSET AND RATHER DISHEVELED. I DID NOT GET A GOOD SLEEP LAST NIGHT #shutuplance🧡 #im sorry goodbye