#but i only ever posted about it on some dead blog of mine 6-8 years ago & it still looks good. would be a shame to leave it at that

[pivsketch]

picked up stardew valley again, i havent played it since 2018(!) so theres a lot of new stuff to experience. heres some shanes i was fiddling with while taking a break from working on something else. id like to say thanks to my friend synth for valuable input during this process

and just because i happen to have a work-in-progress screencap on hand, heres what this looked like three hours previous lol:

#yes... i know i draw shane and calhoun almost exactly the same... what can i say. the heart wants what the heart wants #stardew valley #stardew shane #pixel art #i didnt intend to make this look like im making a portrait mod (because im not) but man. it really does look like i should be huh lmao #no instead im doing something extremely more ambitious (picking up my fucking stardew overworld sprite overhaul project again) #i dont know how to post my progress on that without jinxing myself and/or getting everyone's hopes up... #but i only ever posted about it on some dead blog of mine 6-8 years ago & it still looks good. would be a shame to leave it at that

[choicesficwriterscreations]

CFWC Writer of the Month: missameliep

Each month CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers, and this month’s writer of the month is @missameliep ​! We hope you will enjoy learning more about her and her work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.

Quick Links: 

Tumblr blog: missameliep Tumblr Masterlist

1- When did you start playing Choices? What's the first book you played? 

I started playing Choices sometime around 2017. While playing another game on my phone, I got curious after seeing some strangely funny adds about the app. I remember that the first time I logged into the game it asked me the kind of story I wished to play and I think the first book it suggested was Rules of Engagement. So, I guess that was the first one… but I remember the first ones I really enjoyed playing were the LoveHacks series and HSS.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

For a while I had read fanfics on AO3 and then found out about Tumblr, I created my own account in October 2018 with the intention of reading fanfics. So, I officially joined the Choices fandom on Tumblr around October or November 2018, after spending a few times only reading fanfics, getting to know how Tumblr worked and following some of my favorite writers at the time and reading news and theories about the books, until I eventually posted my own fanfics and started interacting more with others fans and creators.

3- How did you pick your url name? 

My url name was inspired by one of my favorites movie characters: Amelie Poulain. 

4- Go back to your archive and tell us about the first post on your Choices blog. 

It was something totally unrelated to Choices lol I was still getting used to Tumblr and the first post was probably something about cats or a meme I think… (Tumblr app won't let me see my archive)

5- How long have you been writing fanfiction?

I started in late 2018. I had recently found out about fanfiction during many sleepless nights nursing my baby daughter and read a ton of fics from another fandom… and since I had stopped writing content for my best friend's maternity blog but was still excited about writing, the idea of writing one story of mine sounded appealing, and still does. Four years later, and I'm still here, even if real life has left me little time to write fanfic this past year ☺️

6- What is your favorite Choices book to write about?

My favorite book to write is definitely Desire & Decorum, though I enjoy writing for Blades and Wake the Dead too.

7- Share the first fanfic you wrote with us. Do you still like it or would you change anything about it? The first chapter of my series, The Pursuit of Happiness - was the first fanfic I ever wrote. I still like it and am proud of it. Of course, as a perfectionist, there are a ton of things I'd change (and I have fidgetted with it many times since it was originally posted, lol), but I like to think that as my first attempt at writing a fictional story after too many years of only writing academic and professional texts it was a good start and I'm happy I overcame my fears and posted and allowed people to read it even if it was not perfect. When I read those initial chapters now, I can see how much I have learned and developed my craft, and I'm happy about this. Besides, this first chapter was an opportunity to get in touch with other Desire & Decorum fans, and it was an amazing experience with how supportive and kind people can be in this fandom ❤️

8- What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

OMG! Asking me to pick one is like asking a mother to pick a favorite child lol I can't, so I'm cheating and picking two - one for each of my favorite books: Run to You, a Desire & Decorum one shot and Heart in a Cage, a Blades one shot.

9- Do you have a fic that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to be but could use a little more love?

Definitely, Like Poetry, this Blades one-shot is so out of my style and different from everything else I've posted on Tumblr. It has a lot of angst and deals with the dilemmas of a relationship between a human and an elf, and mortality is the main subject, and I have experienced a different kind of narrative, but the readers really enjoyed it, and I was happy I posted it. 

Well, I can't complain. I have a small blog and mostly write for a pairing that is not the most popular in the fandom; despite those facts, I have received so much support and love from readers, but if I could pick one fic that I'd like to receive more love would be the miniseries Is This Love? , because it was special to create a backstory for my Desire & Decorum MC Elizabeth before she became Lady Elizabeth and heiress of Edgewater, and address some subjects I really wanted to deal with but were mostly hinted at in The Pursuit of Happiness, and writing the relationship between Elizabeth and her mother Mary and the friendship with Briar was truly special to me. 

10- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

Fluff. No question. I love writing romantic tropes and happy endings, so fluff it is l, especially to my OTP Elizabeth and Hamid ☺️

11- Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

My MCs are not versions of myself, but I do recognize some traits and aspects of myself, specially in my Desire & Decorum OC Elizabeth Foredale, like myself, she's Brazilian, and sometimes there are references like in her speech pattern in informal situations and the use of slang or calling even the LI "dude" that are very me. There are some subjects and options, like Elizabeth being a law student, that echo my life and experience… 

12- What element of writing do you struggle with most?

It usually depends. But since English is not my first language, sometimes I struggle with descriptions and finding suitable vocabulary and metaphor and creating sentences with a structure that makes sense in English, and since my references are in another language some of my cultural references have no translation or make no sense outside my country. Also I tend to be too wordy and sometimes it's hard to keep the pace flowing as it should, and it takes some time and work during editing to correct that.

13- Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

Yes, I do have a lot of stories in my drafts and a long list of WIPs that I wish to finish, and alas, I had the time and motivation to finish them all. I will list three in particular that I have posted in the first chapter and are on my priority list to finish: Bonds of Sea and Fire, I love writing for Tyril and Arwen (f!elf!MC), and I have lots of drafts, but never found time and inspiration to continue the series; Love Thy Neighbour, it's an AU where Elizabeth and Hamid are neighbours at London, and it's a fluff story about destiny and falling in love when you least expect; and Desire & Decorum & Zombies, it's a gothic supernatural AU where zombies are real, and the MC, who is the heiress to Edgewater has to struggle to fit in this new world of nobility, uncover mysteries and literally fight for her life. Three are very different stories, but all have a place in my heart.

14- If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first? 

I don't know!! Maybe depending on who this person would be. 🫣 I am very self-conscious about my writing, and only my husband knows that I write fanfic and has read a few of my works… but if it was someone I trusted and was unfamiliar with Choices, I would recommend Like Poetry or the miniseries Safe, because not knowing the characters wouldn't be an obstacle and I'm proud of my writing in those stories.

15 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing? I think everything I've read in my life has made an impact on my writing, even if it taught me what or how I didn't want to write and tell my stories. I've read many Brazilian writers, and I love Machado de Assis and his sense of humor, and I know I've incorporated elements of his style into mine, especially when writing historical fics like my Desire & Decorum series; and there are so many other published authors like Jane Austen and Antoine de Saint-Exupéry who also influenced my storytelling. As for fanfic writers, there are definitely some who influenced me. In the Choices fandom, @lorirwritesfanfic was a huge influence. Her Desire and Decorum AU was the inspiration for my series Second Chances, without reading her fics I don't think I would have ventured into creating my own contemporary days AU; another inspiration was @/pixieferry. Her style was amazing and poetic and filled with references unfortunately, she's no longer active in the fandom, but I still think about her fics.

16- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

Second Chances! I can totally see it as a rom-com or a series, and I have my dream cast for it ❤️ 

17- Do you write original stories? 

I write original stories. I have written a couple of things when I was a teen, mostly short stories, and have in my drafts two stories I'd like to turn into novels that I started writing during the pandemics and world building for those truly excite me. 

18 -  What other hobbies do you have?

I'm an amateur photographer, but I haven't really dedicated myself to this for a while for lack of time, and I like drawing and doing all sorts of craft work with my daughter. 

19 - What’s your favorite emoji? 

This face ☺️ - I use it a lot! 

20: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

Writing fanfic has been a nice hobby and means to improve my skills, which is something great for anybody that would like to someday be a published author. But most importantly, I think are the people I got to befriend in the Choices fandom and how much I've learned along the way (which has been so much more than I thought I would gain from playing this silly game when I first started ☺️); each comment has meant so much either to help me improve or to encourage me to keep on writing. So, I just wanted to thank each and every one of you who has read my fics and taken a moment from your time to give me feedback, and my lovely friends who have beta read my fics and cheered me on when writer's block or imposter syndrome was in the way of writing, @princess-geek, @lorirwriesfanfic, and @noesapphic, you guys are amazing and have my gratitude ❤️

#choices fic writers creations #writer of the month #cfwc writer of the month #missameliep #desire and decorum #blades of light and shadow #wake the dead

[monarchetype]

ao3 questions meme

Stolen from @lurking-latinist​‘s post. Doing this on my main blog since the answers ended up being multifandom.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

55 works.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?  

171,997 words! That’s almost half a Sanderson novel!

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Ao3 says 19, but a lot of those have massive overlap. I’d group them into Metal Gear, Doctor Who (+spinoffs), Critical Role, Final Fantasy XIV, Xenoblade Chronicles, Monster Hunter, Wheel of Time, and Star Trek. That’s only 8. Doctor Who’s many fandom tags are doing the heavy lifting there, methinks.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

My Critical Role longfics definitely clear here.

#1: Angel With a Shotgun, an AU of the Briarwoods arc where Percy is an Aasimar and doesn’t have Orthax

#2: The Fallout of Falling Up, a one-shot follow-up to Angel With a Shotgun

#3: Harbinger of Change (For Better Or For Worse), a little canon-compliant one-shot about an episode of The Legend of Vox Machina, written the week said episode came out. Apparently relevancy does wonders for your kudos count- I wouldn’t know.

#4 Liquid Lives, a Metal Gear Solid AU where Liquid Snake, y’know, Lives. (Yes, I promise it WILL be updated.)

#5 Heart of Whitestone (Residue Animate), a post-Campaign 1 Critical Role fic where all the magic rock that Whitestone is built on becomes sentient. Shenanigans ensue. Also, not dead, I would like to wrap this one up as well.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. If I don’t have anything to say about the comment, then no, but if it’s a question I’ll gladly answer and if it’s a lengthy, high-effort comment then I will be sure to respond to show my appreciation.

6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Love Thy Fellow Man, easily, no competition. My only fic marked “Mature” and unrepentantly tragic.

Runner-up is a much tighter competition, including but not limited to Died With Him- the tag “Seventh Doctor gonna Seventh Doctor” says it all, really- In Too Deep (The Look On His Face) wherein I imagine the protagonists of Metal Gear erring just a little too much on the side of love, and Butterfly, which is pure Shalvis + Endless  Now angst (it’s a Xenoblade thing.)

7. Do you write crossovers?

Very rarely; both of my published crossovers are with Final Fantasy XIV. Vox Machina Plays FFXIV Online A Realm Reborn Plus Award-Winning Expansions is, of course, not a true crossover in that it’s the party of CR campaign 1 playing FFXIV. The Award-Winning Expansion of Rassilon is a bit more of a traditional crossover, with a setting fusion between FFXIV and Doctor Who.

FFXIV is a hyperfixation of mine that has been going nearly 2 years strong now, outlasting both Critical Role and Metal Gear Solid, so it’s not surprise that it’s the focal point of my crossings-over. (And before you ask: yes, there’s a page or so of a draft of the cast of Metal Gear Solid playing FFXIV somewhere in my writing folder.)

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

One time I had someone post “this sucks, kys” on some of my works, but I think it was splashover from my Twitter account, considering it was three unrelated works from two entirely different fandoms.

9, Do you write smut?

Absolutely not.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of. 

11. Ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Also nope. My motivation is very unreliable (cough cough unfinished longfics) so I wouldn’t want to put that on someone else.

13. All time fav ship?

I only started appreciating ships recently (more or less when I started my ao3 career) so it’s basically too early to tell. Otasune is probably the ship I understand the best, so let’s go with them.

14. WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Oof. I’d like to wrap up Liquid Lives and Heart of Whitestone at some point, and I think it’s doable (hey, I wrapped up AWAS!), so let’s be optimistic and not say those two. As for something I want to finish but think it beyond me: probably the idea I had for a sequel to Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance that I came up with before I even played the game and had a few on-and-off bursts of motivation to work on. 

15. Writing strengths?

Ouch, that’s a hard one. Definitely not character voice or finishing what I started. “Ideas” is also a terrible answer (everyone has good ideas). Looking at my ao3 works I struggle to find a common point of pride across individual fics... let’s just go with writing without caring that I’m writing about things that aren’t popular.

16. Writing weaknesses?

Confidence that I’m capturing characters voices, finishing what I started, setting a scene.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Write it in English, indicate it’s another language, stay constitent with how you indicate it.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Published a work for? Critical Role. Wrote down, in the physical world? Minecraft. Wrote in my head? Unknown- I’ve been writing stories in my head for as long as I’ve been conscious.

19. What’s your fav fic you’ve written so far?

Find Our Wings. My progression and growth alongside the Angel With a Shotgun series is very obvious in Find Our Wings, I think. It’s clear (to me, at least) how comfortable I am in the skin of the two POV characters. The emotions and ideas I explore in Find Our Wings are also much more robust than most of my other fics- who knew that could correspond to longer wordcount! It’s one of the few fics I can go back and read and not immediately jump on every little error or thing I can improve on... probably because I sat on it for a few months before publishing. Editing! Wow!

#ao3 q&a #writing q&a #critical role #metal gear solid #doctor who #xenoblade chronicles #multifandom

[organiclucid]

10 Zero Waste & Natural Beauty Hacks

Hey eco friendly friends! If you love simple natural products and are passionate for the environment like me, then you will love these 10 beauty hacks. Most products come in plastic or have lines of unpronounceable ingredients. So save your health and money with my tried and tested beauty hacks below!

1. Scrap your usual face toner and use apple cider vinegar instead

That’s right, apple cider vinegar is your friend! It balances the natural PH of your skin and breaks up the bond between dead skin cells- so it’s great for natural exfoliation! Plus it’s antibacterial so can help prevent pimples and improve skin tone. I like to dilute the ACV with 50% water into a small spray bottle. I then spray onto a reusable face wipe and apply all over my face and neck after washing my face. It leaves skin feeling clean and fresh!

2. Trade face wash in for Dermaklear acne sulphur soap

This amazing cleansing soap lasts for months and comes in a box (only a tiny bit of plastic around the bar). I use it to wash my face with a face cloth, the best way to remove makeup. I love that it lasts for a good 6 months, is natural and cleanses your skin so well.

3. Use a natural loofah exfoliating sponge over the plastic ones

I love my loofah sponges! I have a small one for my face and bigger one for my body. They are awesome because they are all natural and help scrub away dead skin on your body and face leaving you feeling fresh and smooth. Once you’re done with them you can simply compost them! Better for you and for the planet.

4. Ditch your dry shampoo and use corn flour instead

Fun fact- dry shampoo is basically corn flour with some other unnecessary fragrances and chemicals. Yep, don’t you just feel ripped off when you realise this? Talk about waste of money and resources! Plus all the waste in those little plastic bottles or spray cans that don’t last very long. Grab some corn flour (or if you have brown hair like me, cocoa powder works just as well!), put it into a reusable container and voila! I put mine in a reusable silicone bottle and empty some onto my hands before dispersing it into my hair roots. Brush through to blend it into your hair and absorb the oil. Look fresh and save having to wash your hair for another few days.

Corn flour in my reusable silicone bottle

5. Make your own moisturiser with just TWO ingredients!

This one is my favourite! After suffering from eczema my WHOLE life until about three years ago (yay me, blog post on that to come soon), I tried every moisturiser under the sun. Every. Single. ONE. Most of them left me itchier and worse off. After some research into the harmful effects of many ingredients in moisturisers, I realised the only way around this was to make my own. So all you need is 200g Cocoa butter and 200g Coconut oil! Melt them together then freeze to let it harden a little, around 20 minutes. Once firm (but not too solid), beat the mixture until soft peaks form. That’s it! Put it in a jar and you’ll have soft smooth skin that smells like chocolate! Absolutely divine!

Coconut oil & cocoa butter moisturiser

6. Use jojoba oil as a face moisturizer

Similar to the situation above, I found many face moisturisers with too many harmful ingredients and they would irritate my skin severely. After some research, I found jojoba oil to be the closest oil to our natural sebum and light enough for use on our face. So grab a bottle of jojoba oil and use as your regular moisturiser. I hardly ever get pimples and my skin is soft and smooth!

Jojoba Oil

7. Use olive oil to remove waterproof mascara

Don’t waste your money on expensive makeup remover, olive oil works just as well! To remove waterproof mascara, put a few drops of olive oil on a reusable makeup wipe, press against your lashes and hold for a minute then wipe off! Too easy right?

8. Use Bentonite Clay for face masks

If your skin is sensitive like mine then you probably can’t use regular face masks that have many unpronounceable ingredients. Bentonite Clay will be your new best friend! You can buy it in bulk so it will last forever as you only need a small amount once a week or two. The clay pulls all the oil out of your skin leaving is silky smooth! 

Bentonite Clay

9. Make your own deodorant with just five ingredients

Many deodorants (especially anti-perspirants) contain many harmful ingredients that get absorbed into our skin (such as aluminium and parabens which can mimic our hormones). Perfect solution- make your own with five ingredients! Combine two teaspoons of shea butter and two teaspoons of coconut oil in a pot. Gently melt together then combine this with four teaspoons of arrowroot powder, 1.5 teaspoons of baking soda and 1/4 teaspoon of the essential oil of your choice! I personally love bergamot & lime or geranium & lime. Put the mixture into a small glass jar and you have yourself your own deodorant paste. If this seems too hard, you can purchase deodorant paste too- my fave is a brand called Schmidt’s. They come in glass jars in a variety of scents or unscented. You can also collect the empty jars and reuse them or send them back to the company for a free deodorant!

10. Refill your bottles at your nearest zero waste store

A lot of people don’t realise that zero waste shops offer all sorts of things to refill! Generally soap, dishwashing liquid, laundry liquid, shampoo & conditioner can all be refilled at your local zero waste/green store! Save that plastic waste.

Did you enjoy my tips? What are your zero waste beauty hacks? Share them below!

#Beauty Hacks

[hannah-deactivated20220725]

2020 End of Year Friendship Post

Alright, you guys know that I love to make gushing posts about people I’ve grown fond of.

Well, I’ve decided to make a big one for the end of the year. Celebrate the friendships I’ve created and/or maintained in the last year. This is obviously not EVERYBODY as I have shit memory and some of my friends have left the site (T_T) but this list will be a bit long, so I’m gonna post everything under a cut so that it doesn’t bother people having to scroll past it. (: to the people not mentioned in this but that follow me: thank you so much for supporting me & my writing adventure. I know that my blog has been through ups and downs, has changed immensely in the course of the past year, but I hope that you guys still enjoy and do not regret following it.

If you do, feel free to unfollow. I understand that some of you probably followed me for my games or events, which I no longer post here. If you do follow for my games, don’t forget I have a blog centered around writer games now!! You can find it at mywritinggames. You don’t have to follow this blog if you just followed for games. You can follow that blog. I won’t be offended. <3

Alright, enough of that. Let’s get into some lovey-dovey mushy-gushy words of adoration for all a lot of my friends!

PS here’s a list of everyone I tagged on here with comments and the paragraph number in case you want to skip straight to your mush comments:

1. Toby 2. Franka 3. Szandra 4. Raev 5. Jade 6. Lynxxie 7. Ravage 8. Andy 9. Pax 10. Keena 11. Ariadne 12. Ellie 13. Katie 14. Etta 15. Jake 16. Aurelien 17. LJ 18. Fatal 19. Avery 20. Amanda 21. Ari  22. Galaxy 23. Elizabeth 24. Dawny 25. Cat 26. Kry 27. Eris 28. Vermont 29. Erin 30. Piya

The final paragraph is a general comment to everyone, so please make sure to read the final paragraph as well! Thank you all for existing, for staying alive through a rough year, for being here for me and for being my friends. You are all amazing and deserve everything, all the energy love and positivity you put into the world. <3 I love you guys!

1. @lordkingsmith - I’ve already beaten this dead horse, but you are SO INCREDIBLE and I have no idea what my entire mentality would be if not for you. You’ve saved me from giving up on my dreams multiple times by your positivity and always knowing how to help me!! Any time something happens, you’re right there with a solution and it’s mind boggling. You’re literally the only person that can be like “here, help yourself this way” and I won’t get upset about it because I trust you in a way I trust SO few people. You are my little brother and I am so, so happy Jason Zephyr and a stupid tomato guessing game brought us together ;)

2. @franky-ts - girl... you’ll always be my twinny. Always, always. I can’t imagine life without you in it. Even through me deleting my blogs what, 3-4 times now since we met? I always come back to you. You are always the top 2-3 people I search for when I come back because you are my twinny and if I don’t get to have a tumblr experience without you, I don’t want it! <3 I love everything about you and I’m so glad to know you. I’m so grateful to have friends like you that always reach out to me and try to cheer me up when I’m feeling down. I always want to share my ups and downs with you. If not for the damned timezone difference, I probably would. Love you, sis.

3. @catharticallysarcastic - probably my favorite person I rarely speak to ;) A friendship started with writer games and the beauty of her name (Szandra for those that don’t know)... you are a remarkable and beautiful person and you deserve the world and all of your dreams with it. I wish this world was perfect so you could live in a perfect world because you, my friend, are great. And sweet. And amazing! Thank you for being a good friend to me.

4. @raevenlywrites - I know we don’t talk much anymore. I don’t really bombard you with asks like I used to, but I do still cherish you, not only as a writer, but as a person. You have a beautiful heart and are such a caring individual. You will go out of your way for other people and this world needs MORE PEOPLE like that! You are incredible and I hope you reach the absolute apex of what you think life should be. That is my 2020 wish for you. <3

5. @jade-island-lives - Jade.... Jade, Jade. Another great friend that’s been here through my ups and downs of a couple of different blogs I’ve ended up remaking. Jeez, it’s been so long I can’t even remember how we met. But I’m so, so glad we did. You are beautiful. You are so caring and kind. Your writing is amazing and your characters are just... *chef kiss* But this isn’t about your writing, as amazing as it is. This is about you. This is about how amazing YOU, as a person, are. This is about how much I love and appreciate you as a person. This is about how much I am grateful to have friends like you in my life. This about how you’ve been here for me through so much and how I can’t imagine if I’d never met you. Even though we rarely talk like we used to, I still cherish you like we talk every freaking day. Life gets busy, especially as adults. Shit happens, life gets hard. But through everything, just know I love you and am always, no matter what, here for you. <3

6. @wyldlynxx - Lynxxieeee ~ my little Nane fangirl xDDDD you are amazing. You don’t give yourself near enough credit for how awesome you are. You make me laugh and so happy to be alive. We don’t chat like we used to, which... to be fair there are very few that I do still talk to regularly. But I still love you and our friendship. I wouldn’t trade it - for you - for anything. (: I hope one day we can catch up again and start chatting more again because our chats always, always put a smile on my face.

7. @mrs-raven-writes - Ravage! My savage little Ravage!! My buddy! Hey! Hi! You are awesome. Our conversations are so unique every time. We don’t just have the typical ‘hi how are you’ talks. I mean yes, sometimes we do if it’s been a while since we chatted, but for the most part, we’ve had all different kinds of talks. My favorite is when you randomly approached me saying you almost threw down with someone because of a game. xD And finding out that even through your absence you still keep track of me? T_T I was so flattered and still am. You are amazing and you also do not give yourself near enough credit for how amazing you are. I am so glad to know you and I hope that 2021 treats you better than 2020 did because I’d love more than anything for you to message me telling me how incredible you feel and how much life has improved. I freaking love you, girl, and I want nothing but happiness and love for you. (:

8. @violetcancerian - Andyyyyyyyy~ hi!!! omg what to say... I’m not even sure how to say what I want to say. xD A friendship forged by mutual love of King Arthur fiction... turned into what it is now. Even though we rarely ever talk anymore, I still feel so close to you... and I hope that you know that you’re still a very special friend to me. ^_^ you are so sweet and so ENTHUSIASTIC! You spread so much love to others and it just makes me smile! It makes me so happy to see you on my dash, not just for the fics, but for YOU. You, as a person, are worth so much, and I hope you get everything you ever wanted because I want nothing but the best for you, my friend! Happy new year and thank you so much for being my friend. <3

9. @magic-is-something-we-create - Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaxy!! One of my most enthusiastic friends! I always know that I can just chat your ear off about the things that have me excited because you just get so excited with me! You’re like my “pump me up” buddy because your excitement then causes me to get more excited! Instead of mocking my hyperfixations, you get enthralled with me, and I LOVE that!!! You are so encouraging and so increidbly sweet and thoughtful. You always put a smile on my face and even when it’s been weeks since we’ve chatted, our conversations are never stale. I always know if I message you, we’re about to have a fun, exciting conversation. I never get bored of our chats or of you because you’re just so FUN and put such a big smile on my face!!! I love the friendship we’ve built and I really, honestly hope it never ends because you’re amazing. <3

10. @keen2meecha - hey, buddy! We haven’t really chatted in a while but I wanted to include you because we used to chat a lot more. And it was so fun getting to know you and sharing my passions with you. I really hope that we get into touch more in 2021 because I never want to lose that bond we shared back when we chatted more! I enjoy so much talking with you and getting to know your works and sharing mine with you! I hope you have an phenomenal 2021, my friend.

11. @confundere - another buddy that I always look for when I restart my blog (which has happened an embarrassing amount of times). Ariadne is a passionate person with so much to offer this world and I cannot imagine ever restarting my blogs without contacting her. You are someone I think of frequently, even if we don’t chat as much as we used to, and I’m so glad to have met you. (: thank you for being such a great friend to me, and for being so supportive of me. I hope you have a terrific 2021. Happy new year, friend!

12. @howdy-writes - Ellieeee~ we have had many fun chats via our posts and I have massively enjoyed going from “oh what a cute blog” to “wow this girl is amazing!” I have enjoyed from going “aw how cute, she likes lesbian cowgirls” to “this girl IS a lesbian cowgirl!” You have so many incredible layers that are so fun to figure out and you are such a joy to get to know! I’m so glad I got the courage to reach out to you and talk to you because you are one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met on this site. You always have nothing but sweet things to say and I just.... I look up to you so much. Your kindness, your positivity, your love. You, all-in-all, are a role model I wish I’d grown up watching. I hope that all the youngesters following you realize that you are someone to look up to. ^_^

13. @abalonetea - you... oh, Katie, you. It still makes me laugh how long it took me to stop calling you Emily in my head xDDD you’re incredibly talented. But beyond that, you’re a great friend. Always supporting others. Always willing to be there for others. You’re a great person and deserve as much love and support, if not more, as you give. You are so kindhearted and just all around, the best kind of friend to have. Thank you for being one of mine. <3

14. @ettawritesnstudies - one of my newer friends from this year! It was so fun collabing on a positivity event with you! My hope is we can do something like that again because you were a joy to work with. ^_^ you are so kind though. So kind and so thoughtful and supportive. You are exactly the kind of friend I want in my real life. You are the kind of person I could see myself really opening up to and texting every day if I knew you irl. People like you are what make this world worth living in and people like you are what make the world a nicer, better place. I’m so grateful to know you and that you decided to join tumblr. Thank you for everything this year and I look forward to another year of friendship!

15. @homesteadchronicles - Jaaake!! Omg we don’t chat like we did when I was first recommended your blog, but I still cherish every conversation. I cherish every hi and am always sad when we have to part ways. I think about you frequently, even if we don’t always talk. I’m always wondering how you are, how your writing’s going, how your year’s going. You have been a joy to get to know and I really hope one day we can start chatting more again because our conversations always leave me with a smile on my face by the end, and I simply cannot say that about just anybody. Happy new year, friend, and I hope you have a terrific 2021.

16. @copperplatescript - Aurelien!!! I’ve probably said it before but I LOVE your name. It’s so unique compared to names I’ve heard in the past. But beyond that, there’s an amazing person attached to the name!! I love sharing things with you because interesting conversation always follows. You are so fun to chat with and you have so much interesting stuff to share! Your fascinations are so fascinating and it’s so much fun watching the progression of your projects!! I miss our chats but I know 2020 has been a hectic year for most. I just hope 2021 brings more fun and fascinating conversation and brings us closer as friends ^_^ thank you for several months of a wonderful friendship. (:

17. @ljscrawls - sheesh, I can’t believe it took me this long to get to LJ!!!! My buddy ol’ pal. Talented, sweet, fun, funny!!! Pretty much all the best traits in one amazing person. You always bring a smile to my face and leave me feeling so freaking special. There are very few that can make me laugh, cry, flattered and just so happy in one single conversation. You bring so much joy and love in my life and I just can’t imagine ever losing your friendship. And I hope I never have to because I don’t want to be without you in my life. ^_^ thank you for being such a great friend. I love ya!!

18. @fatal-blow - I know we’re not like SUPER close or anything. But I wanted to let you know that you are amazing. Not just because your talent is beyond anything I have the words to voice but... you are such a fun, passionate person to speak with and it’s fun watching you talk about things you love, especially your characters. The way that you make your characters feel so familiar when you talk about them, like you’re talking about an old friend. It’s simply inspiring. I’m so glad I found your blog and started commenting on your posts because the conversations that have ensued due to it have been so memorable. I’ll never forget you, even long after I stop being on tumblr, whenever that happens. Thank you for everything.

19. @just-a-little-bit-of-sugar - girrrrl. You’re someone that I really miss. You are so sweet, just like your name implies, and such an uplifting person to talk about. You’re so positive, and you know. I do really cherish that about you but that isn’t what makes you so special to me. Everyone has down days and I don’t ever want to make you feel like I’ll appreciate you any less for having them, like your positivity is the only thing that makes you worth friendship. Good or bad days, you are a great friend and I want to be here to celebrate the good and help you through the bad! You’ve been a great friend to me over the last year and I only hope you can say the same to me. <3 hope you’re doing well.

20. @amandahoyle - god, our friendship started with a mutual love of DARK writing. Started with my writing of Death Has a Face and other dark stories centered around death and your series I’m reading with DEFINITE darkness in it.... but it evolved into this beautiful thing it is now, that I wouldn’t trade for the world. You are a remarkable friend, always having nothing but nice words for me and I so appreciate how you lift me up during hard times. You’re always here for me and willing to help bring me out of my own personal darkness. And I love and appreciate that so much about you. You are a phenomenal friend and I just don’t want to imagine ever losing your friendship. Thank you for being so kind and so patient with me over the last several months. I’m so grateful to have you in my life, even if just virtually.

21. @leafgreen6 - Ariiiii!!!!!!! One of my earlier friends! I met you through Galaxy and our friendship kind of blossomed. The three of us together create quite a dynamic trio even if we don’t chat together like we used to. You are amazing. I hope you realize how incredible you are. You’re so beautiful, inside and out, and you are so caring toward your friends. You love and support those around you and have such a beautiful heart. You are talented af and a total badass. <3 I wouldn’t change a single thing about you. Thank you. Thank you.

22. @books-of-lunacy - Jesus! Girl, we literally never talk anymore! I hope you’re well. I miss you. We forged a great friendship that I will never, ever forget, even if it fades away. Because you’ve been amazing over the months and I’m so glad to have met you virtually. I used to imagine if we met in person many times xD and I think you’d be a fun person to like go on adventures with at midnight, when the world around us is asleep. (: I’m glad to know you and I hope that 2021 brings you joys that 2020 tried to take away. Miss you and again, I hope you’re well. Thank you for being a friend.

23. @incandescent-creativity - we used to chat sooo much when I discovered your blog, when I originally created this blog! You were one of the first people I sought out when I recreated it because you inspire me SO MUCH. Your passion for your writing and characters... your kindness when answering questions... your silliness and just overall personality and attitude, it all inspires me. Every. Damn. Day. I know I haven’t done my “ask spree” stuff I used to do frequently, which got you accustomed to my url (and was also the reason you apparently actually noticed my disappearance when I deleted my original blog) but just know that I think about you frequently. Not just as a writer and creator, but as a person. As an amazing, inspiring person that I strive to be more and more like. You are incredible. Thank you for showing the world who you are.

24. @dawnsplaceyt - I know you’ve been busy lately and life has gotten hectic but I just wanted to let you know I still think of you frequently and am grateful for the friendship we’ve built over the last year. You are such a warm person with so much passion and love and I’m so glad to have been one of the people that got to witness that. I am so thrilled that your relationship took the next step and I can’t wait to see you start the next chapter of your life. <3 I hope you’re doing well and that the end of 2020 and all of 2021 treat you well. Love ya girl.

25. @missionkitty - Jesus. I can’t believe you’re all the way down at 25. But either way, here we are. One of my favorite people that I met through the odds of an otome game we share a passion for. Your art is breathtaking. I love your style and you as a person are just as breathtaking. You are so free and passionate!! You have so much love for the things you care about and that is so admirable. I look up to you so much, especially as an artist! I strive to be more like you one day. <3 thank you for being so amazing! I look forward to another year of friendship.

26. @kryskakikomi - okay, we know each other more through games and events than we do through actual chats, but I’ve always WANTED to talk to you... and build a friendship? One of my goals for 2021 is to do more outreach toward people I have wanted to talk to but never quite got the nerve to reach out to and you’re one of the top on the list!! I’m thrilled we’ve had interactions at all but I’d be so happy if we could have more in the coming year! Hope your year goes well. (:

27. @leave-her-a-tome - uh, you’re awesome. Enough said, next! No, just kidding. xD but I wasn’t kidding when I said you’re awesome. Even just seeing you on my dash gives me a thrill. You have so much talent, yet are so humble about it and are so happy to support others. It’s quite inspiring to see someone that is so incredible be so down to earth and not full of themself. You are so fun to chat with too! Our chats are usually short but they still bring me such joy. To know that someone as amazing as you LIKES to chat with me? Humbling. And thrilling at the same time! I will never, ever forget you or the time we’ve spent talking and working together!! Thank you for everything and for the support and I hope you have a great 2021!

28. @vermontwrites​ - okay, I know we haven’t spoken much since the Prompt Pals days but I really enjoy your presence - both on my dash and my DMs. You have been through so much yet hold strong. Yes, I know some days are really hard for you but your strength and resilience are inspirational. I hope you know you’re not alone and that I’m here if you need someone to lean on, if you need someone to vent to. You aren’t alone. You don’t have to push through everything alone. You have friends that care and that want to be here for you. You are incredible and deserve love and friendship. I hope you recognize that. Thank you for sticking around and for being you. I hope 2021 goes better for you, my friend.

29. @rhikasa - okay. I know, we mostly communicate via games, but you have been such a positive force on my dash and notes in the last year. I know we don’t chat much but I do still appreciate you and want you to know that. I don’t know like if you think about me beyond the games, but I certainly do think about you and am always hoping you’re having a great day/night. You’re awesome and creative and kindhearted and I’m so appreciative to have you as a mutual. <3

30. @piyawrites - Piya!!! We haven’t really communicated in a long time but I still cherish the times we did chat. We have had so many good conversations with giggles and enthusiasm and support and I love your energy! You’re such a positive force and such a great person to know and chat with and I’m so so grateful for that. You’re wonderful and I hope you recognize the light that you shine on others lives because you do. And you deserve that same level of loving energy that you bring to others. Thank you for being a part of my online world.

Thank you everyone that is listed on this. You are are all so freaking wonderful and each and every one of you hs made a difference in my life. You all have played a big part in why I have stayed on this site and I cherish each and every one of you for all kinds of reasons. I hope you all know how loved and appreciated you are and I wish you all a very happy New Year. May 2021 show many improvements upon the last year <3

#mushy post #love #love for my friends #end of year appreciation post #my friends #lovey dovey post #30 tags of love #friendos #friendo love

[scribblesandsorcery]

Tagged by @celta-diabolica and @bedeliainwonderland 🖤 Thank you!

1. Why did you choose your url?

All the previous usernames I'd used had been based around fandoms I was in when I made them, so I was looking for something not fandom-specific that could encompass my current interests and whatever else I might get into. I chose "scribbles" because it covers both writing and art, and "sorcery" for the alliteration and because witch vibes have always been a thing with me.

2. Any side blogs?

No.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

I had an old Tumblr back in the day (2010-ish?) that I barely used, but I lost the login. I made this blog in 2019, but it didn't really get used until 2021.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

No, I still don't really understand Tumblr or its user interface (I miss the LJ/Dreamwidth system tbh), so I just reblog stuff as I feel like it.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Back in 2019 I was considering dipping my toe back into fandom for the first time in a few years, so I made a new Tumblr, but then I got busy with work and real life stuff so it sat inactive until lockdown. During lockdown I watched the first 6 seasons of The X-Files and became a fan of Gillian Anderson, and then I watched all of Hannibal on Netflix in like two days, and well...Bedelia is very much my type of character. And then fic ideas started happening, and that's when I started actually using this blog.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It's a stock image that I thought fit the vibe of my url.

7. Why did you choose your header?

It was big enough and the right colour scheme, mostly xD But also, Yuuko Ichihara has been a major influence in my life since my troubled teen years. She's one of my favourite characters, I RPed her on LJ back in the day, and she was the subject of the first fanfic I ever wrote, so it felt fitting. Also it's just nice artwork.

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

This shitpost about writing that I made in the middle of the night is the only post of mine to hit triple digits, and I gained four or five followers from it (doesn't sound like much, but I was new on here and had maybe six followers at the time).

9. How many mutuals do you have?

...something like 6? I don't know many people.

10. How many followers do you have?

About 25? And I think half of those are bots. I hang out in my little corner of fandom and I'm pretty shy, so I've only made a few new friends on here.

11. How many people do you follow?

82, apparently.

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

That's basically what my Tumblr is for. I get the shitposting out of my system on here rather than on social media that has my professional name attached. Well, mostly.

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

I check in regularly.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

No. I just hang out in my little corner, and most of my fandoms are dead enough that there's no one to argue with anyways.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

I mostly ignore them.

16. Do you like tag games?

Yes! I'm very shy, but I'm always happy when people tag me in things.

17. Do you like ask games?

I haven't posted any yet, but I have a bunch of fic/writing ones I'll get to at some point.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

I mean, I have maybe 12 people following me, so y'all are famous compared to me.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

If we've ever interacted at any point, I am still thinking about it and worrying that I said or did something stupid/weird, so uh...interpret that how you will.

I tag @the-girl-who-didnt-make-anysense @ohhalefire @boojums-snark and anyone else who wants to play 🖤

#tag game #get to know me

[writing-in-april]

Jinxed

A/n- this is the first time I’ve ever posted anything I’ve written! I finally worked up the courage!🤭 this is edited but not heavily just started writing once the idea popped into my head. also my other blog is April-14-blog where I do reposts. And sorry if the format is weird.

I think this is gender neutral but correct me if I’m wrong.

Warnings- pretty graphic (gunshot wounds, a really disturbing unsub, rape is mentioned) and some swearing. Fluff and angst. That’s all I can think of but let me know if I should add some more. Also the case is made up by me so the profiling bits are complete BS.

Masterlist

The team just bordered the jet onto our next case in Seattle. I was looking forward to the rainy weather it always made me feel cozy, which would probably help drive away the pit in my stomach that this case was already causing.

We see gruesome things every day, I had been working with the team since the aftermath of the Adrain bale case which caused the Bureau to lose six agents. It’s been 7 years now and I had never felt this way about a case before, the sense of disgust and dread infected my whole body.

I snapped out of my thoughts when Spencer came to quietly sit next to me on the couch, our normal routine cemented at this point. He paused opening the case files for review and looked at me curiously.

“Are you ok?” He barely whispers. He knows I almost never open up to anyone, himself included even though he was my best friend.

I turned my head abruptly away from him not wanting to make eye contact. Not wanting to admit that the guy who was eviscerating mothers and daughters was making bile rise up in my throat, making my heart sink into the floor, and sweating in anticipation of opening the case files again.

“I’m fine Spencie” I whispered back with a smile that definitely did not reach my eyes, using my cute nickname for him to hopefully quell any of the worry inside him. Still despite my efforts I could see he was not convinced.

“Ok Ace, just let me know. This case is getting to everyone already as well” He said smiling meekly and shooting back his own quirky nickname for me that I had achieved after I beat him in poker.

I shakily nodded at him opening the file with clammy hands, preparing myself for the team discussion.

Hotch finally boarded the plane and got right down to a heated discussion on this vile unsub’s violent hatred for women.

“Ok this is what I don’t get why does he take both mothers and daughters together? It’s an odd combination- he’s not a family annihilator otherwise he’d target whole families. He misses the dads, sons, and younger daughters” Derek chimes in quickly.

“Maybe it’s based off of some specific fantasy? Like his mother and sister or his wife and daughter? It’s more like a specific hatred towards a certain type of women and not just women in general” prentiss commented somberly , though I was part way listening. Reid then started rambling off statistics about female abusers and retaliation but it soared right over my head as my face paled looking at the crime scene photos.

They say Jack the Ripper was gruesome but this was on another playing field. After cutting the women up as precisely as possible to keep them alive he made the daughter shoot the mother (evidence from the gunshot residue on each set of daughters hands). Then he proceeded to rape the daughter repeatedly then shoot her as well, dumping them in the trash afterwards as a final insult to women’s bodies. The photo of the last set of 2 stared at me mockingly the daughters cold dead eyes and her entrails pierced into my very soul. I stood up abruptly shaking with a sheen of sweat over my forehead.

“Bella you ok?” Rossi asked in his concerned father tone. The whole team looked at me in concern ready to catch me if I suddenly fainted. I instead ran off as fast as I could in my heels to the airport bathroom ignoring the teams calls to me.

I emptied my guts into the toilet and suddenly started sobbing, I couldn’t banish the photos from my mind. The pictures of the 8 women dead never to see the light of day again.

I cleaned myself up but still didn’t leave the bathroom, planning on sitting out the rest of the 6 hour flight huddled in the corner.

I could hear the soft rap of Spencer’s fist on the door and even though he was the only one I’d ever consider talking to about this I ignored him instead bottling up my feelings like I’m used to.

At some point they decided to leave me alone until the plane landed, and as soon as it touched the ground I bolted out of their to avoid the questioning gazes. I found the nearest bureau SUV and shoved myself inside.

Luckily Spencer and jj were the ones to join me in the car, the ones who won’t push me to divulge why I was so affected by this case. It wasn’t some personal thing, just the brutality broke my mind into a bunch of little pieces.

Hotch thankfully let me stay with Spencer to do the geographical profile which gladly let me avoid the cork boards filled with photos as I stared at a map trying to pretend like I knew what I was doing.

The day dragged on slowly trying to pin the assailant down and thankfully tomorrow morning we were going to see a probable suspect. The team had all sat at the generous conference table at the Seattle field office as rain poured down while we ate some Chinese food. They mostly respected that I didn’t want to talk besides Derek who quickly learned his lesson when I chewed him out. I just wanted to talk about stupid shit with them not about the maniac with a knife and gun.

Somehow it became a competition of who had the most battle scars, Derek and Prentiss being the winners. I said nothing and only chuckled as they tried to count the amount of stitches in their head that they had gotten.

“What about you Y/N? You haven’t mentioned any of yours?” Prentiss chimed in teasingly trying to get me to join in as Hotch rolled his eyes not indulging in this dick measuring contest.

“Well I’ve never gotten stitches on a case or been shot not even in the vest to be honest. The worst I’ve gotten is a pistol whip which resulted in a bad concussion and like one broken rib” I quickly said.

“Oh you lucky duck, you must have a guardian angel” Derek slyly commented back. I shrugged my shoulders and quietly went back to picking at my food still feeling the eyes of the dead corpses on me.

As we headed back to our hotel for the night I started to feel the dread well back up again. We were probably going to apprehend this guy tomorrow, and even if this guy made me anxious without knowing him I was determined to be the one to cuff the sick fuck.

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I bounced down the hallway to my hotel room. I knew those hands, the long delicate fingers of Dr. Reid. I grabbed onto his soft palms and squeezed tightly, his calming presence always seemed to make me feel better. He finally spoke up softly almost inaudible.

“You don’t have to talk about what’s going on, I just want to be there for you.”

I nodded shyly and led him back to my hotel room. I sat on the bed with him and engulfed him in a hug needing to be close with someone. We sat there for what seemed like hours the clock seemingly stopped as time stood still.

I laid back, sighing as he spooned me, I always love spencer cuddles they made me feel so much warmer and happier even when it seems impossible. He slowly leaned forward and pressed a kiss into my hair, his comfort blurring the lines on what our relationship actually was. He then pressed a kiss on my shoulder but quickly pulled away as tensed up.

“No it’s ok I liked it you make me feel safe”

I said firmly, I then sighed feeling ready to open up to someone no matter how difficult it was for me.

“ it’s the eyes Spence, I can’t get them out of my head. I felt like I failed them and I didn’t even know them.” I started to sob quietly as Spencer pressed kisses into my collar bone and neck trying to get me to calm down.

“ I understand, I get the same way about some cases as well. Like every time I close my eyes they’re mocking me.” He commented softly into my ear, I sighed in relief, he understood my feelings. I reached up and stroked his cheek feeling the supple tan skin beneath my small fingers. He pressed another kiss, this time to my palm and my breath hitched. I never wanted him to stop kissing me everywhere, he made me feel safe a deep love one could only gain from years of trust. He looked at me with glossy eyes he had started crying as well at some point, I wiped away a tear from his eye and made a bold decision to pull his lips closer to mine.

I could tell he was shocked , I delicately placed my lips on his. I pulled back fearing he would grow uncomfortable, but he softly pushed his lips onto mine again slipping his tongue lightly. I didn’t fight the intrusion as it made me feel more enveloped and safe in his arms. We pulled away from each other though our lips were still so close that our hot breath was mingling with each others

“I-I don’t know what to-I say” he stuttered out softly palming my cheek.

“We can talk later about it right now I just want you to hold me and stay the night. Hopefully you’ll keep the nightmares away.” He nodded softly and returned to spooning me as I drifted off into sleep his presence making my dreams just a little better.

In the morning we both woke up softly next to one another, Spencer surprisingly kissed me one last time before quietly sneaking out of my room not wanting to hear the relentless teasing of our coworkers. I felt so much better about the case after the comfort from Spencer last night, I just wanted to catch the son of a bitch and make out with Spencer for the rest of my life.

I walked into the conference room this morning with an air of calm. the whole team could tell that something had changed my mood but they didn’t know what so they kept their mouths shut.

Hotch pulled me aside right as everyone left to find the suspect getting their Kevlar vests on just in case it went south.

“Will you be ok?” He questioned in his dad voice mirroring Rossi’s in a perfect rendition.

“I will be if you promise one thing.”

“What?” He asked curiously

“I get to take down the fucker and cuff him” Hotch nodded at my words understanding that something about this case affected me and that this would offer some comfort.

We all pulled up to the dingy warehouse that the suspect owned as it just started to pour again. The roof was so damaged that it seeped through in every room that we cleared. I rounded a corner with jj right next to me, we were down in the basement and the way my hair was standing on end I knew we were close.

We both suddenly heard a scream mixed with a sob of a women and bounded down faster to the source of the noise. I held my gun steady as I braced myself for the sight.

There was a girl around 16 holding a gun shakily in her hands as a tall brute of a man stood behind her with a glock at her temple. The mom was bleeding out cuts on every visible appendage, she looked as if she was about to pass out.

“Keith Portland, drop the weapon” I menacingly growled out as I approached him. Jj made her way over to the mom as I put myself between her and the guns.

“I guess you found me, took you guys long enough. I had to get more brutal so you would notice me.” My weapon faltered in my hands as the photos flashed before my eyes again, on top of this bastard mutilating women he was also an attention whore as well.

“Jj get her out of here!” I shouted as she got the women who was in critical condition untied. The man growled as I took away the object of his rage away from him.

“At least I still have the girl” he smirked out. I glanced towards the shaking teen trying to inspire confidence in my gaze towards her I would get her out of there.

“Drop the weapon or I’ll shoot you”

“Do you really think your quick enough to shoot me before the bullet gets lodged in her brain?” He mocked at me, Derek and Spencer suddenly creeped behind him being sent down by jj.

“No but three of us can take you down faster” Spencer boldly proclaimed

He tightened his grip on the girl trying to regain power. “I won’t go down without a fight!” He shouted almost choking her out, I could see his finger move towards the trigger and I prepared to fire. I wasn’t expecting him to pull the gun away from the girl’s temple as he fired off two rounds towards me.

“No!!” Spencer and Derek screamed as they both shot at the disgusting man known as Keith Portland.

At first I was confused why they were yelling I thought the bullets had missed me, but I suddenly felt a pain in my thigh and shoulder as I fell to the ground along with the unsub.

I slowly started to panic as blood started to pool into my mouth, I must’ve punctured a lung. I felt someone lift up my body into a lap.

“MORGAN-give me something to make a tourniquet with she has a punctured fem-femoral artery-y” Spencer quickly stuttered and shouted at Morgan. Derek shucked his jacked off and gave it to Spencer as they both put pressure on the wounds.

“We have an agent down, repeat we have an agent down I need medics in here right now!” Derek barked into the comms.

I wasn’t really sure what was going on- I couldn’t see anything everything was a blur. All I could focus was on the endless blood that seemed to be flowing out of my mouth and the intense pain that was ripping though me.

I screamed as Spencer tied the tourniquet around my thigh and he came up to cradle my head.

“Your going to be ok Ace, I promise.” He whimpered quietly as he wiped the blood from around my mouth.

I could only gasp as more pressure was placed on my shoulder by the medics that suddenly arrived. I faintly heard the team yelling and arguing in the background as I was loaded onto a stretcher with an oxygen mask over my mouth.

“Spencer stay with me please?” I rasped our at him.

He took my hand gently as we were both lead into the ambulance. “Spencer I love you” I coughed out as I thought this might be the only chance I could get to telling him.

I started to violently cough up blood and the medics started to intubate me, all I could hear was Spencer screaming back that he loved me as my world snapped black.

Pain. That’s all that I could feel, it felt like my whole body was on fire and I couldn’t breathe. I started choking at the intrusion that was in my mouth as I tried to blink open my eyes. The doctors finally took the tube out of my throat, and I gasped for breathe panicking.

“Y/N it’s me it’s Spencer you’re in a hospital you were shot!” He said trying to get me to understand.

I stopped thrashing and slowed my breathing as my eyes finally adjusted to the crisp whiteness of the hospital I was in.

“Hi I’m Dr. Grey” the doctor said gently “ you sustained a GSW to the upper right chest and right leg. Your right lung collapsed and you nicked your femoral artery. You’ve been on morphine and I can give you some more now that your up?” I nodded at her still a little delirious from waking up.

“How-how long was I asleep Spencer?” I said shifting my focus back to him. I got a good look at his short hair that looked as if he had been yanking on it, the purple bags under his eyes that were starting to water again in relief.

“God Y/N it’s been 2 1/2 weeks” he shakily said through blinking tears. “Had me so fucking worried” I snorted at his uncharacteristic swear.

“I have to almost die to get you to swear?” I chuckled out referencing an earlier ongoing argument. He laughed though you could tell his heart wasn’t in it.

“Did you mean what you said?” He questioned gently his hands in a fist together leaning on the bed.

I looked up at him with glossy eyes it all coming back to me, my deathbed confession to Spencer. “Of course I did Spencer” I reached up to stroke his cheek “I’ve loved you for a long time, though lately it has a deeper meaning” I looked at him through my glistening eyes.

We both didn’t need words as he leaned in to softly press his lips against mine.

“I love you” he quietly whispered against my lips

“I love you too” I answered in sincerity, I motioned first him to get up on the bed to cuddle with me. At first he objected but finally relented and spooned me in a similar way to the first night he kissed me. He pressed a soft lingering kiss to my head as I started to giggle.

“What?” He asked incredulously

“I just realized that I jinxed myself with that conversation with Morgan about not getting hurt” I giggled to myself quietly

“That’s not funny” he tried to say seriously staring at me “ok... maybe just a bit” he finally relented.

I started to close my eyes again feeling once again safe in Spencer’s arms. The enveloped warm feeling that I would never get over, even after we got married and had way too many kids all little geniuses of course. Though that was kind of far off. As they both fell into a deep sleep both relieved to be in each others arms again the team rounded the corner after hearing the news that you woke up. They stopped and smiled at the wholesome sight glad that something good came out of the shitty situation.

The End

🙌🏻 I actually did it 🤭

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid angst #spencer x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #spencer #jinxed

[integra1127]

About The Blogger

Thanks @naughtyneganjdm for the tag

1. How/why did you choose your url?

The Integra part is actually the name of a character I liked by the name of Integra Hellsing in one of my old favourite vampire themed amines called Hellsing. The 1127, is mine and my mom’s day of birth.

2. Any side blogs? If you have them, name them and explain why you have them

I started off on wattpad just for reading, decided to try my hand at writing then came across tumblr and I post on AO3 as well so that my stories have a further out reach. 

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

Not that long, about since the beginning of this year

4. Do you have a queue tag?

nope

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I just started writing and wanted see what people though about my overactive imagination but wattpad was as dead as a cemetery and I saw the option of sharing it on here so I gave it a go. 

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Because I found the picture of Jeffrey and Bandit absolutely adorable

7. Why did you choose your header?

Because I’ve been in love with Jeffrey Dean Morgan since I was 14 and saw him as Denny, and I find him absolutely handsome in it

8. What's your post with the most notes?

At the moment its, I Did It For You because everybody loves them some Negan, but before that it was You Just Don’t Know It Yet. 

9. How many mutuals do you have?

Here are a few that I’ve recently learnt are mutuals from TWD/ JDM twitter fandom. i kinda hid the fact that I write but they some sniffed me out because I go by the same url on their lol

10. How many followers do you have?

85 which is a lot for me because I’ve only been on here a few months 

11. How many people do you follow?

49 but always looking to expand it

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

Honestly I think all my posts are shitty but some people seem to like it lol

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

I try to post a new chapter as soon as have it done but sometimes writers block hits me and it lags but I’ll still be on but reading other bloggers stories

14. Have you ever had a fight/argument with another blog? Who won?

Nope, I’m here to enjoy myself and provide others with serves of having access to the products of my overactive imagination, not to go to war. But I will provide my support to others that are being bullied. 

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

If don’t wanna, I won’t, and that goes for everyone, but I like to be supportive where I can

16. Do you like tag games?

If they’re fun, yeah

17. Do you like ask games?

If you willing to listen to my crap sure why not

18. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

If you support me then I have the biggest crush on you😘

P.S  I won’t tag anyone because I’m not sure who to choose from😅 but this was fun😁

#about the blogger #tag game #personal #off topic

[twistinghearts]

Twisted Wonderland Tag Game: Post Release Version (template)

Rules: Answer the following questions, then tag 3 or more blogs to keep the game going. Have fun, and may the gotcha goblins seek favor upon you!

~Your twisted tale begins!~

1. Y(o/u)u just woke up in a coffin trapped with this talking rat thing that swears he isn’t a tanuki. How do you actually react?

-Freeze. Honestly I tense up when I get scared, so I would just close my eyes and pretend to be dead. If he go to annoying, or mean I’d try and kick him. 

2. Let’s pretend for a second that you’re not at the mercy of a magic mirror and incompetent bird dad, choose which dorm you would like to be a part of. Why, and do you think the mirror would agree?

-I know we don’t know much about them yet but Pomfiore. Not only would I fit in and feel safe in that dorm, I feel like they’d look out for me. Also I would probably improve myself a lot being in that dorm. I have good drive and determination I’m just bad at getting started. Jogging is still a no though

3. Going back to twst reality, where you don’t have magic and get sentenced to Ramshackle; what is your first thought upon seeing this safety hazard of a building? What’s the first thing you choose to fix there?

-Bed. That is the first thing I fix and then I can sleep and pretend that none of this is happening. As long as I have my one cozy safe space I will be okay

4. In an alternate reality where you don’t immediately get lumped together with Ace and Deuce, who in the school becomes your best friend(s)?

-So, I have recently found that I am bad at making friends, and am much better at getting ‘adopted’ by extroverts. So that would mean... i don’t know who ever takes and interest in me. I don’t like most of the extroverted character though. Maybe Ruggie, I’d baby him. Cater also seems chill, and I’d probably try and weasel into a friendship with Vil. 

5. Which existing club would you give a shot? Any particular reason why?

-Movie Appreciation club! I love movies, making them, making up things about them, also just sitting and watching movies doesn’t sound bad though I’m sure would make it way more serious. But it doesn’t involve running sooooo

6. Don’t be shy, we know there’s a certain someone who’s caught your eye! Who are they? How did you meet?

-Like half of them. Have you seen them! I keep mentioning Vil, also he is taller than I thought which yes. Hanging around the Pomefiore Dorm, is probably just how we met.  

7. Which of the events was the most exciting for you?

-Ghost bride? I really didn’t participate in the other events... I haven’t actually read all of any of the events. 

8. Ghosts: delightful dorm mates or unholy terrors?

-Unholy terrors. I wouldn’t mind them if it didn’t feel like they were evesdropping all the time. Like they just show up randomly but it’s not random they’re just always listening, always around.

9. Choose a champion (no further context, just pick).

-Vil. Whatever it is he will likely try his best, even if he fails. 

10. Would you rather (a) film a movie with Vil, (b) play a round of magic shift with Leona, or © go gargoyle sighting with Malleus?

- Flim a movie with Vil, as stated for reasons above. I like movies and I like being techy and movie things. 

11. Thoughts on fairies?

-I have always loved faries.

12. “Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” (Choose wisely now)

- All the boys over 6′ 

13. Would you rather (a) keep Azul from eating fried food, (b) be responsible for dragging Idia out from his lair, © break a rule with Riddle standing right in front of you, or (d) tell Kalim to his face that Jamil isn’t all that great (not true).

-B, because I feel like I could do it? I’m not all that interested in doing it, but I’ve dealt with people like that before myself included, so it feels do-able. Though D sounds kinda fun~ If it doesn’t just lead to a lecture on why Jamil is great. 

14. You stumble upon Rook stalking another student from inside the bushes. What do you do?

-Watch him. It would probably be an accident, just freezing up at suddenly finding him in a bush, staring at him to see what he does next. I wouldn’t stop him, or inform the other student. 

15. Which homeland (that we know of) would you like to learn more about?

-Hmm that’s difficult because I want to know more about most of them. The Idia world, because I want to know how they relate it to the underworld.

16. Thoughts on Grimm?

- I THINK HE’S GOING TO TURN IN TO A PRETTY ANIME BOY AND I DON’T LIKE THAT! His voice is fairly cute. 

17. If you had magic, what would be your unique magic?

-This is hard to answer when you can only think of negative traits about yourself for some reason. A rage mode? That doesn’t sound too bad. Uh... I have a pretty good memory so maybe the ability to recite an exact conversation word for word. 

18. Favorite ship? (oc ships are cool too)

-Probably Rook/Leona, and Leona/Malleus I’m not too into any ships with the game yet. I-ifocshipsarec-coolIlikeshippingsangoandrookbecausetsunderewithoverlyaffectionateannoyingiscute So by that logic, also the Writing-Raven and Jade~

19. Favorite theory?

- Can I say mine about Vil’s backstory and him being poor even though it was based entirely on a miss-translated line? 

20. The school year is coming to a close, how are you feeling? Any thoughts?

-What comes next? I’ve been freed. Don’t you know how hard it is to lead? I’m on my own. Oh no. Crap. I don’t have a clue, so guess I’ll nap. 

21. “Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight; I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.” What do you wish to see from the game in future stories?

-Honestly, outfits. I really like costumes. Also just in general exploring more of the magical parts of their world.

Tagging: I’m not tagging anyone since I’m answering so late, but please feel free to answer in your own post. It’s such a fun idea to think about!

Tagged by: @fluiditism @edda-blattfe

#dash game #about the blog #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland game #twstd ask game #twstd tag game #I feel honored for the original creator too have tagged me #these are really good questions #thank you truly for making it #long post #shut up sango

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Do you know of any fics where John and Sherlock are married and captured and tortured/hurt?

Hi Nonny!

Oh gosh you know, I don’t really recall if any of the fics I have with this premise is of them being married. Perhaps some of my Lovelies will be able to refresh my memory? Otherwise I do have a small number of fics with torture tagged in them, so I’ll give them to you in the meantime

CAPTURE AND TORTURE

See also:

Kidnapping, Hostage, & Stalking

Kidnapping, Hostage, & Stalking Pt. 2

The Hours Before Midnight by Lady Sam Mallory (T, 7,773 w, 1 Ch.. || TGG Fic, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Torture / John Whump, Kidnapping, Drugging, Alternating POV, Worried / Protective Sherlock) – Moriarty doesn’t play fair. John must deal with hours of torment from Moriarty before going to meet Sherlock at the Pool at the end of the Great Game and Sherlock must deal with the consequences of his boredom.

Victim, Bait, Hero, Friend by KimberlyTheOwl (T, 7,887 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TGG Epilogue, Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Past Kidnapping / Torture / Implied Rape, Panic Attacks, Worried / Possessive Sherlock, Lestrade is a Good Friend) – Some insights into why John was perfectly willing to throw everything away for a chance to kill Moriarty at the pool. Trauma, ugliness, and finally healing. Some nice supporting work by Lestrade as well.

Nightfall by CKLizzy (T, 8,001 w., 4 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Nightmares, Depictions of Violence/Torture/Injuries, Bed Sharing) – Awoken by nightmares, John and Sherlock seek each other’s company at night. They find more than either of them knew they were missing. Part 1 of Solace

We are all together alone by Mildredandbobbin (M, 10,461 w., 18 Ch. || Mutual Pining, Implied Torture, PTSD, Child Loss, Post-S3) – John is back at 221B but his relationship with Sherlock is not what it used to be.

White Blank Page by SarahCat1717 (M, 11,936 w., 7 Ch. || Post-TRF, Clever John, Reunion Fic, Pining Sherlock, Letters, Fantasies) – Post-fall, Sherlock is off eliminating Moriarty’s crime web. He finds he misses John. He can’t divulge that he still lives, but he placates his need to communicate with John and still feel a connection with him by sending him blank letters. But over time, this writing exercise lends itself to Sherlock exploring his feelings for his friend. What will happen when Sherlock returns to London and the man he has been “writing” to regularly for the past two years? NOT S3 compliant. Mary who?

When to Let Go by KendylGirl (M, 22,109 w, 8 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Reverse Reichenbach, Sacrifice, Forgiveness, Angst, Love, Implied Drug Use) – What if it were John who had to die to thwart Moriarty’s plans? John’s supposed death shatters Sherlock, and when he returns, it will challenge the pair to forge a path of forgiveness, to peace, and to find a way back to each other. Part 1 of When to Let Go

26 Pieces by Lanning (E, 28,236 w., 1 Ch. || H/C, Torture, First Time, Happy Ending, Schmoop, Past Abuse) – Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn’t simple.

Hellfire by testosterone_tea (E, 28,596 w., 9 Ch. || Fantasy / Magic / Mages / Elementals AU || Mage Sherlock, Elemental John, Developing Relationship, Torture, Powerful / BAMF John, POV Alternating, Dark / Blood Magic, UST, First Kiss) – Sherlock is a Mage that gets involved with a case involving Dark Summoning rituals, leading him to John Watson, a man with Berserker blood. The only thing is, Berserkers have been extinct for centuries. And of course, nothing involving Mycroft and his interfering ways is ever simple. This time, even Sherlock may have bitten off more than he can chew.

A Home for Us by sussexbound (M, 30,581 w., 12 Ch. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Heavy Emotions, Clingy Sherlock, Hallucinations, Disassociation, Emotional Turmoil) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.

Bloody But Unbowed by BeautifulFiction (E, 43,211 w., 8 Ch. || Abduction, John Whump, Mild Torture, Background Case Fic, Friends to Lovers, Post-TRF / S3 Rewrite, Hurt/Comfort) – When a familiar argument threatens to destroy the last remnants of John and Sherlock’s failing friendship, both men are left questioning their worth to one another. Before either of them has the chance to make amends, circumstance intervenes. John is left at the mercy of his abductors, and this time, he’s not sure Sherlock will bother coming to his rescue.

Inscrutable to the Last by DiscordantWords (M, 48,842 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, Alternate S3, John’s Blog/S3 is a Story By John, Divorce, Marital Difficulties, John is a Mess, Emotional Reunion, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Grief / Mourning, Pining John, First Kiss, Adorably Clueless Sherlock, Nostalgia, Love Confessions, Eventual Happy Ending) – He wasn’t Sherlock, he couldn’t work miracles. All he’d ever been able to do was write about them.

Lost Without My Blogger by starrysummernights (E, 52,155 w., 25 Ch. || Rev. Reich, PTSD, Hurt / Comfort, Fluff / Angst, Psychological Torture, Reunion Fic, Friends to Lovers) – John is abducted and declared dead. How will Sherlock cope without his blogger? How will he react when John comes back from the “dead?” Drama and angst with a healthy dose of romance. Part 1 of I’d Be Lost Without My Blogger

The Burning by SrebrnaFH (M, 60,658 w., 24 Ch. || Reverse Reichenbach, Suicide, Depression, Hurt Sherlock / John, Separation, BAMF John, Good Big Brother Mycroft, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Fake Character Death, Rescue Mission, Reconciliation / Reunion, Hospitalization, Marriage Proposal, Illnesses, Physical Therapy, Happily Ever After) – Something went very, very wrong. John had seemed, if not happy, then reasonably content with his life. Sherlock had never predicted something like THIS might have happened. Not in his worst nightmares. He was the lousiest friend ever, apparently. At least Mycroft found him something to occupy his mind with, so that he didn’t have to go back to 221B and stare at the walls and the chair, where John Watson would never sit again.

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock POV, Eventual Happy Ending) – “For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face.” Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more. 

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF JOHN WATSON by skyefullofstars (T, 110,758 w., 24 Ch. || H/C, Kidnapping, Angst, Violence, Whump, Nightmares, Murder, Drug Addiction, Torture) – While Sherlock grapples with his new-found feelings for John Watson, he faces a very real threat: John’s kidnapping and shooting at the hands of James Moriarty. And the knowledge that the love of his life is being used to test an addictive drug - at the risk of John’s sanity and life. Prequel to THE BOYS OF BAKER STREET. Part 1 of THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF JOHN WATSON

The Swan Triad Series by Pennin_Ink (T, 121,660 w. across 3 works || Swan Lake AU || Magical / Fairy Tale AU, Romance, Falling in Love, Pining, Psychological Torture, Transformation) – Sherlock and John grow up spending every summer together. Their mothers’ attempts to play matchmaker only fuel their mutual resentment and scorn. But then, one summer.

Ten Days by Engazed (E, 137,208 w., 31 Ch. || Rape/Non-Con, Post-TRF, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Torture, Case Fic) – Sherlock Holmes has been dead for forty months, and John is at last beginning to live his life again. But just when he believes he might be happy, his world crashes back down around him. John is named a missing person. Someone is pointing DI Lestrade in the wrong direction. And as the days pass, his situation only grows more dire. It seems like the disappearance of his best friend is the only thing that can bring Sherlock Holmes back from the dead. Part 1 of The Fallen

#steph replies #johnlock fic reqs #johnlock fic recs #torture fics #Anonymous #fic rec sunday #torture cw #kidnapping cw #e-rated fics

[let-it-raines]

Catch Me If You Can (11/?)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

A/N: I’ve been really working on this behind the scenes and have about 80% of the story finished now. With that being said, if I start posting twice a week (hopefully), do you guys prefer a posting schedule or my usual surprise?

Anyways, this chapter picks up where the last one took off! Thanks for reading, pals ❤️ @resident-of-storybrooke you’re the real MVP ❤️

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 

Tag list: @royalswan @shey-starsfury @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale  @karenfrommisthaven @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @wellhellotragic @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @ultraluckycatnd @cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81 @galaxyzxstark @qualitycoffeethings @thejollyroger-writer

-/-

Warmth radiates over Emma as her body starts to wake up, her senses slowly coming back to her while she thinks about how comfortable this bed is.

This bed.

That’s not her bed.

It’s a hotel bed.

And not her hotel bed either.

She tries to keep her body from going stiff, tries to keep herself from jumping and running away, but with the way that her heart is beating, it may very well power her into the hallway and up the elevator to her bedroom all on its own. Is she anxious or excited or every single feeling in the world all at once?

Probably that last one. Maybe exclude anger and grief and all of the emotions in whatever sector that is.

Right now, she’s got Killian’s body pressed into hers, cradling her really. She’s never known for people to actually sleep like this, most of them drifting apart to their own sides of the bed, but it seems like they’ve somehow drifted together.

(Her life is kind of resembling a romantic comedy right now, and she’s not sure how she feels about that continuously happening when she’s never been one to be a main character in her own story. Until these past few years, at least.)

A solid chest is molded into her back, a strong arm is wrapped around her stomach with its hand sitting under her sweater against the bare skin of her belly, and a leg that is very much not hers is stuck in between her thighs. That would be nothing if she couldn’t feel Killian’s erection pressing into the crease of her ass, and she can’t decide if that feels good or if she’s ready to get the hell out of Dodge.

(It feels really good.)

Woah. When did she start quoting things about Western movies? Has she ever even seen a Western movie? That’s probably completely beside the point. Her life is apparently a romantic comedy, not a Western.

And maybe a bit of a drama and horror film wrapped all up in one. A new genre altogether.

Killian’s breathing is so steady behind her, the warmth of his breath coming out onto her neck and making a shiver run down her spine, that she knows that he’s still asleep, that he doesn’t know what’s happening. It’s comfortable even if she’s still freaking out a bit, but she’s kind of coming into the idea of letting someone hold her, if only for a little while.

She likes him. They’re…dating, right? Sleeping over and spooning and sharing emotional backstories before making out is totally something that’s normal for people who are dating.

Emotional backstories.

Killian had an awful day yesterday. She thought maybe it was just his pitching, that he was simply having an off day out on the field, and while that was true, she had no idea he was harboring all of that about his parents, his father specifically. For as much information as there is out there on Killian, his family isn’t something many people know about. She didn’t. All she knew was that he had an older brother and these two adorable little nieces.

A dead mom and a deadbeat dad weren’t something she ever really considered.

She doesn’t…she doesn’t have parents, never had that support system, never knew what it was like to be loved by the two people who were supposed to love her more than anything, and as angry and upset and saddened as that makes her, at least she never had any other expectations other than to be let down by them.

With everything they failed at, they’ve always excelled in that particular category.

Suddenly, there’s movement behind her, fingers moving across her stomach and lips moving across her neck in such a soft way that she melts back into Killian so that she can be as physically close to him as possible. All of that fear and anxiousness dissipates, if only for a moment.

“I can practically hear you thinking,” he mumbles into her skin, his voice dark and gravely as heat curls between her thighs. “Do you always wake up and stiffen like a board?”

Do not make a morning wood joke, Emma. Do not.

“I am not stiff,” she weakly protests, trying to let some of the tenseness in her body release as she sinks down against Killian so that her foot runs over his calf. His hand is really warm. “I didn’t know that we fell asleep here last night.”

It’s Killian’s turn to stiffen, but only for a second, before he’s pulling back from her and encouraging her to roll over to face him with a tug of his hand on her stomach. She does, trying not to elbow him or do something else painful, and really hoping that her mascara didn’t run. Oh shit. She still has on her makeup from yesterday. Her skin is going to murder her.

Killian, of course, is unfairly attractive and sleep-rumpled, his hair sticking in several unnatural directions and his beard a little scruffier than usual, red pillow creases marking his face as he smiles at her, a soft little thing that doesn’t quite reach his squinted eyes.

Oh boy is she in trouble with this one.

“Judging by the fact that I didn’t wake up alone, I’m guessing you’re okay with that?”

“I mean, I don’t think I could have gotten out of the strangle hold you put me in without waking you up so…”

She trails off, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth and trying to decide what to say. She’s never been good at this morning after stuff. Neal didn’t care for showing affection outside of sex, and with Walsh it always felt…unnatural. And it doesn’t help that the little red mark on Killian’s cheek makes her want to spill her own secrets about her not-so-great family life.

“Swan, what’s going on in that mind of yours this morning?”

“I was,” she starts, her heart practically a jackhammer in her chest at this point. Killian can probably feel it. “I was thinking about how honored I was to have you share your past with me last night, and I was thinking maybe I should tell you about mine too.”

“You don’t have to do that. I didn’t share for you to feel like you have to as well.”

“I know, I know. I just – I want to.”

He nods his head at the same time that his hand flexes against her hip, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into the skin above her leggings. “If you want to, love.”

“Yeah, yeah, I do.” She takes a deep breath, knowing that it’s not enough and starts. “Well, I told you about Ruth and David and how I love them, but they’re not my biological family or anything. That shouldn’t give me any hang ups, but it does because…because I have trouble thinking of Ruth as my mom when I spent my entire childhood thinking of someone woman I don’t even know that way, which is really fucked up because I do think of David as being my brother and Leo my nephew.”

His brow quirks, “What do you mean?”

“I – I never imagined having any siblings, but when I was in foster care, I always thought about my parents and what they were doing or what they were like. I used to have these crazy dreams about them, you know?”

“Yeah?” Killian reaches over and tucks her hair behind her ear, his fingers light to the touch as her eyes close for one second simply to give herself some time. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. It’s just…I would make up stories for why they had to give me up. Maybe they were superheroes saving the world, so they gave me up for the greater good. Maybe they were doctors or lawyers or something else, and it just wouldn’t work out for them to have a baby. I just don’t know. It’s hard to think of now because in reality, I probably know that they were teenagers who couldn’t raise a baby or maybe a mom in a bad situation that wouldn’t let her keep me. So, it’s probably stupid to have ever thought that they were heroes when all they’ve done is break my heart.”

“Hey,” he soothes, his brows furrowed together, before wiping away the tear that’s fallen onto her cheek. Great. Now she’s crying. She probably looks really sane right now, especially if her mascara is already messed up. “That wasn’t stupid. I would have done the exact same thing. Emma, darling, I can’t pretend to know how it was for you growing up just like you can’t do the same for me, but, if I may be so bold, it’s our parents’ loss for not being in our lives the way they should. I know that I struggle with accepting this myself, but it had nothing to do with us. It had nothing to do with you.”

“Yeah, because I’m a real catch all the time.”

She sniffles, blinking away the new tears that she’s refusing to let fall. This is not at all how this was supposed to go, but she couldn’t not tell him when he’d already shared. She has so much baggage, so many things that she’s going to have to tell him if they keep doing this, and her issues with her parents and the foster system in general are only scratching the surface.

How in the world do people do this? How do they trust someone else to carefully protect the intimacies of their heart and their life, every scar mapped out on a piece of paper handed over in a fragile glass case that is already filled with cracks?

How is she doing some of that right now when sometimes she can’t even talk to David or Ruby, the two people who have been there for her more than anyone else?

What a piece of work.

Or Ruth. The woman who helped change everything for her and who she still sometimes treats like a stranger.

Killian smiles at her, his thumb still tracing her cheekbone so that every touch electrifies her. The soft cocoon that they were in last night, the darkness and blankets surrounding them, has extended until this morning with sunlight filtering through the window, and maybe it can last a little bit longer.

“I know I may be a little biased because you are in my bed and all.” He stops here to waggle his eyebrows across his forehead as she gently pushes him, the smallest of chuckles escaping her. “But I think you are quite the catch. I like that you’re real, that you’re messy. It makes me feel a hell of a lot more normal.”

She scoffs, her chest heaving the slightest bit. “I don’t think you’ll ever be normal.”

“Good. Life is boring that way.” And then he’s leaning forward and slowly, softly, reverently gliding his lips over hers in a caress of a kiss that sends the butterflies in her stomach on a migration path all the way down to her toes. How can she keep doing that for the rest of the day? She’d sign up in a minute No, a second. “We make quite the team, don’t we, love?”

“A couple of real winners, twenty-nine.” All of the sudden, Killian groans, rolling away from her and onto his back as his arm stretches up so that he can pinch the bridge of his nose. “What?” she laughs, propping herself up on her elbow to look down at him as her other hand traces his biceps. She really likes his biceps.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m really rather fond of the whole number nickname thing, but it just reminded me that we have to get our asses out of bed and go to work today.”

Work. She has work today. Killian has work today. Of course they do.

“Why you gotta bring me down like that?”

“Because the world sucks, and I’m evil.” His eyes flutter open, light blue contrasted against tan skin, and a smile stretches from the left side of his lips to the right. Here come those butterflies again. “But I do feel like we have a little bit of time left before I have to go meet the trainer and be at the fields.”

“I have less time than you do.”

“Pity that.”

In a swift movement, Killian twists to the side and moves around the bed until his knees are planted on either side of her thighs and his palms are splayed out next to her head. Every bit of their bodies are close to each other, heat still radiating off of Killian, and she tugs her bottom lip between her teeth, anticipation at what this position usually means humming through her body.

She definitely needs to get laid, but she’s not quite ready for that yet. It’s been a long damn time since sex for her involved feelings, and feelings would no doubt be involved here.

A lot of them.

So, making out like teenagers will have to do.

What a tragic life that she lives.

(And she’s definitely feeling a bit of whiplash for how quickly this situation flipped on its head.)

Killian drops his head down, his nose brushing against the dip in her collarbone before he’s biting down, hard, and then soothing his mark with his tongue all the while his scruff scratches against her skin. It took a while to get used to that, to not be irritated by the scratch of a beard instead of the smoothness of bare skin, but she can’t say she minds. Not at all.

What she does mind is that as her hips are arching up into Killian’s, he pulls back and removes his lips from her body.

(She also doesn’t love the whine that just passed through her lips, but that was feeling really damn good.)

“What are you doing?” she groans, looping her hands around the back of his neck and threading her fingers through his hair to pull his lips down closer to hers. “I was enjoying that.”

“As was I.” His voice is hoarse, a little darker than usual, and it reminds her so much of how it was when he woke up that heat curls between her thighs. But no, not ready. “I was simply thinking that maybe we should get breakfast.”

“I’m fine doing this.” Her stomach growls, rather loudly, and she wants to melt into the mattress, especially when Killian’s brow perks up. “Okay, maybe I’m a little hungry. I should probably also brush my teeth.”

“It is the most important meal of the day, and I do appreciate dental hygiene.”

“So, how can we get breakfast if it’s all a secret?”

“Room service, Swan.” He says it like it’s the most obvious statement in the world, and maybe it is, but then he’s lowering his head to briefly kiss her once more and thoughts fly out of her head. “Or we can get some more of your vending machine treats since Ariel pilfered some of them last night.”

“The thief.”

“Shameful.”

“I think I’m okay with room service.”

“Good.”

-/-

“Smile.” Emma holds up the camera to Will Scarlet’s face, a little alien covering his features even as he scowls. “Come on, you’ve got to smile. You guys are crushing it today, and we’re probably only going to be out here for another thirty minutes.”

“What filter do you have on me?”

“It’s an alien.” She snaps a picture and turns the phone around to show him. “See. It’s supposed to be fun, Scarlet. You’re twenty-seven, and you don’t use snapchat or Instagram filters? Are you secretly a grandpa? Come on. I know that Belle uses them.”

He raises a brow, and somehow, she swears it’s even more prominent than when Killian does it. “You follow Belle on Instagram?”

She shrugs her shoulders as there’s a ding of bat against ball and Forester hits a foul into the stands. That’s his third for the day. She should probably be focusing on that, but it’s the top of the ninth and 7-1. There likely aren’t going to be any big developments, and she’s currently trying to get some more fun behind the scenes stuff for her social media by hounding all of the guys in the dugout. Funny filters are a surprisingly big hit, especially when she can get the bigger names like Will and Robin or Eric to do it.

Robin made an adorable dog while Eric’s head went all twisty and his voice got high as she asked him questions about the game and how today differs from yesterday.

(The short answer: every day is different. The real answer: Robin was their starting pitcher instead of Killian.)

“Part of my job. I have to know what’s going on in your lives. Also, she followed me after that night we all hung out in California, and sometimes we comment on each other’s pictures. It’s obviously a true friendship in the making.”

“Obviously. What’s all this stuff for? I thought you just interviewed us and were, like, the super tough Emma Swan who doesn’t take shit from any of us.”

“Well, I am that,” she corrects, swiping through the filters with Will as several people walk by to get their cups of water. It smells horrible in here, and as much as she doesn’t want to admit it, she’s probably contributed to that with how much she’s sweating today. New York’s summer weather can be just awful (and the smell makes it so much worse), but they’re not quite there yet. Down here, though, May might as well be August. “Which is why I’m currently bugging you, but I’ve also been asked to do some of this stuff. You know, fun. You’re literally the funniest person on this team. I figured you’d be all for this. Come on. I’ll find Jones in the locker room afterwards and give him the most unflattering filter there is.”

Will smiles at that as a small bit of laughter passes through his lips. “Okay, but I want you to do the one that turns him into a baby.”

“Deal.”

-/-

“There is an entire plane full of people, and yet I find you sitting in the corner next to the bathroom all by yourself.”

She looks up from where she’s typing out all of her travel expenses (at least the ones she can charge to work anyways) in the form she fills out after every road series, only to see Killian standing above her with a cap pulled low on his forehead like that’s somehow going to disguise the fact that he’s over here talking to her. These guys see him wearing a hat more often than they see him without one, and they’re on a plane. There’s really no hiding away. She would know. That’s what she was trying to do to get some work done, and she’s been found.

“I had to fill out my travel expenses and then get some work done. They’re letting me help out with some of the intro clips for the next few home games.”

“Really? That’s great, love.”

“I know. I’m excited for it.”

He nods his head to the empty seat next to her. “Can I sit?”

Worry circles around in her stomach as she presses up in her seat to look around them. There’s no one for at least four rows, and most everyone seems to be sleeping or watching a movie.

Still. This likely isn’t the best idea. Sneaking away to his hotel room seems simple and innocent enough, but they almost got caught there when behind closed doors. This is right out in the open even if the lights are dimmed to almost blackness.

How in the world do people in all of those books and movies do this secret dating thing? It’s complicated.

Then again, when isn’t it? Ugh, she feels so much like Avril Lavigne right now.

“Is that a good idea?” she worries.

Killian raises his hands. “Just to sit and talk. There will be no funny business.”

“Well, that would require you to be funny to begin with.”

He rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling that million-dollar smile all at the same time. “I’ll have you know that I’m hysterical. Just today I did an entire interview with a filter on my face that made me look like I had a giant forehead and sound like an animated rodent.”

(She couldn’t find the baby filter Will wanted.)

“Just sit down, you weirdo.”

He does, picking up her carry-on bag and placing it in the empty row next to them, before settling down next to her and stretching his seatbelt across his stomach even though the light isn’t on. She bets he’s an insane stickler for rules. It would fit right in with everything she knows about him.

“So,” he murmurs, not-so-slyly looping his calf under hers so that she can feel the warmth of his calf against hers, “is work the only reason you’re hanging out back here alone?”

Does she hate that he already knows him so well, or does she secretly appreciate it?

Is there even an answer to that question?

“I just needed…I needed some time to do some work stuff and decompress. It’s been kind of a heavy few days, and believe it or not, I do have to spend a little time away from people every now and then.”

“What? No? You?” He taps his shoulder into hers, and she closes her laptop, knowing for a fact that she’s not going to get any work done like this. “I thought you were always a people person who always needed to be around others.”

“Ha ha,” she huffs, stretching her feet out as much as she can, “you’re so funny.”

“I thought you just said that I wasn’t funny.”

“Obviously that was sarcasm.”

“So I am funny?”

“No. Wait, what? How did I lose track of this conversation in so little words?”

“I find that my handsome face tends to make people lose their train of thought.”

She twists to the side and pinches the skin of his forearm, leaving it red and angry. The height of maturity. Always. Killian doesn’t even flinch.

“Honesty time?” she asks, leaning her head back and twisting it to the side so that she can look into Killian’s eyes. This is such a familiar sight, so similar to last night and this morning, but it’s all different now. Everything seems to be outside of the safe comfort of a hotel room.

“I like honesty. We seem to be very good at that.”

“Our track record is pretty good in the last twenty-four hours.”

“So,” he nudges, moving his foot underneath hers to move them the slightest bit closer to each other. Her hand itches to reach out for his, but she holds back. “Let’s talk about what’s on your mind.”

Why does the sound of his voice make her want to spill her secrets every single time? He’s like a freaking snake charmer, and she’s fully convinced that snakes should never be charmed. Everyone should stay far, far away from any and all snakes.

But not the charmers.

Not when they seem so genuine.

Her life doesn’t make sense anymore, but she doesn’t really care. Well, no, she does care. She cares a lot, and it’s why she’s about to spurt out some words that she would have never dared say in any other relationship. She never really had to.

“I, um,” she stutters, blinking at him several times as no features on Killian’s face change, his leg a heavy presence against hers, “what are we doing?”

“Talking, I think,” he laughs as a brow raises on his forehead and a smile stretches across his lips. “But I’m guessing you don’t mean at this current moment.”

“Perceptive.” “You’re an open book.”

“I’ve heard that one before. From you, actually.”

“It’s true. You’re a very fascinating book, though.”

“A regular Harry Potter.”

“Most definitely.” His hand finds hers, something she wanted to do earlier but didn’t, and her eyes do another scan around the plane to make sure no one is paying attention to them under the dimmed lights. She’d honestly be surprised if anyone could even see them, but she doesn’t want to take a lot of chances. “So, tell me, love. I’m all ears.”

“Yeah, little pointed ones.” His lips scowl at that, but she carries on with a sigh. “Okay, okay. I, um, I want to know what we’re doing relationship-wise. I know that seems dumb but I – ”

“It’s not dumb.”

“Can I just sprout all of this information out without you interrupting me because I am going to lose my courage?”

“Yeah, Swan, go.”

“I’m…I like you, okay? You obviously know that because I’ve said it before and I flirt with you and we have some pretty heavy make-out sessions, which are nice, by the way.” Killian nods his head in agreement, his lips twitching in the corners, but he doesn’t say anything. A man of his word. Or…non-word. “But there’s obviously an emotional connection too. We’re dating without anyone knowing, testing the waters or whatever, and we shared…a lot last night and this morning. A lot of stuff that I don’t talk about that often, and I have so much more shit in my life. I just – ”

How the hell does she say this?

“You want to know if we’re dating other people.”

“What a time to interrupt me.”

“You didn’t say anything for forty-seven seconds. And that’s only after I started counting.”

She chuckles, unable to help herself, and leans down to bury her face in his shoulder, breathing in the strong scent of his cologne and whatever detergent it is that he uses.

“I…trust you. I do, but I have to ask. I’ve been burned pretty badly in the past by other guys, and I know that you kind of have a…history of dating several women at once.”

She is an asshole for even bringing that up, but she had to. And he didn’t flinch away from her or untangle their fingers, so that has to be a good sign, right?

“I’m not that guy anymore, and I promise one day I’m going to explain it all to you. I need some time, though. As much as I love sharing all of this with you, we’re in the early stages of a relationship. I think we have all of the time in the world to get into the lives we’ve lived when all I’m really interested in is making you laugh or getting you on the big screen while you’re eating a hot dog.”

“No,” she groans, laughter bubbling up in her stomach. “Stop that. It’s not even funny. You’ve seen me eat. I’m not an attractive eater.”

“I think you’re pretty attractive when you’re eating a hot dog, if you catch my drift.”

“I hate you for making that joke.”

“Oh, come on, you don’t hate me for it. You’re probably hoping that my bedroom humor is a little bit better than that though.”

“Wasn’t even going to go there.”

“How could you not?”

“Good point,” she laughs, leaning her head against his shoulder and closing her eyes, the fatigue of the trip and the day finally starting to hit her. “I didn’t eat dinner, and a hot dog is actually sounding really good right now.”

“So many jokes I could make about that sentence.”

“I know. That’s why I said it.”

“I knew I liked you for a reason.” Killian sighs, and she can feel it in the movement of his chest. “I’ve got to move back to my spot up with the guys and Ariel, but I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Sounds good to me.”

There’s some shuffling around, the click of Killian’s seatbelt, and then warm lips against her temple as he gets up and she tries to calm the quick beat of her heart to fall asleep for the rest of the plane ride home.

-/-

It’s far past midnight when she gets back to her apartment, the wind howling and the rain coming down outside, and she very quietly tries to get inside so as not to wake up Graham and Ruby only to find Ruby sitting on the floor of their kitchen painting her toenails. What else would someone be doing on Sunday night…or really, Monday morning?

“Rubes? Why are you up?”

“I was waiting for you.”

“I’m a big girl. I can get home on my own.”

“I know, I know,” she sighs, twisting the cap on her red polish and standing up from the floor so that she can wrap her arms around Emma and completely and totally smothering her with her hug. “I have missed you. Do you know what it’s like to only live with a man?”

“Do you mean your boyfriend?”

“Yes,” Ruby groans, squeezing her more. “I love him so much and will probably marry him one day, but he does not enjoy my trashy TV shows or how much my period sucks.”

“You know for a fact that Graham loves your trashy TV shows. He always knows the latest gossip.”

“This is true. I’ve mostly just been bored at work.”

“There it is,” Emma laughs, pulling back from the hug and taking a step back so that she can breathe. “You want to catch me up on everything tonight or wait until we’re on the clock tomorrow?”

“Oh, on the clock. Who are you even kidding? Why talk for free when we can get paid for it?”

“My entire life philosophy.”

“So,” Ruby nudges, bending down to pick up her nail polish bottle, “anything interesting happen in Florida?”

Heat immediately rises to Emma’s cheeks, the red only hidden by the dim lighting in their kitchen (how was Ruby painting her nails in this?), and she has to get better at this whole blushing thing when Ruby doesn’t mean anything by her question. This is simply what they do when they’ve been apart. Texts can’t cover everything, not the way that an in-person conversation can.

“Nope. Not a thing.”

Everything, actually.

#catch me if you can #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

[samrosemodblog]

Looking back at my art from the 2010s. I went through and picked 1 piece I drew/wrote from each year that I felt either showed off my best art, my most iconic art, my best improvement, or was simply a personal favorite of mine.

There were a lot of possible choices and it was kind of difficult to narrow it down to 1 per year, since each piece tends to encapsulate so much more than just a single moment per year. Especially with stuff like Motherly Scootaloo or Aria’s Archives encapsulating so much history in a single picture. But under the Read More are my choices at the end of the decade:

     1.) My Old Drawn Blog # 53

Man, the years before MLP existed were really weird for me. I knew I liked drawing and telling stories, but I had no consistent direction on what I wanted to do with my art. I was still jumping between different comics and ideas, and in 2010 I was going through some of the worst depression I’d ever felt in my entire life. I hadn’t even had the experience of being kicked out of the first place I tried to move out of home to yet. It was wild.

As for the ‘joke’ that seems ‘so obvious’ in this post, I had a running gag back then of the face the Flower makes, known as the ‘screaming window’ face. I drew it whenever I needed to draw something screaming in pain or fear for maximum comedic effect. Maybe I’ll bring it back some day lol

     2.) Silent Ponyville

I couldn’t NOT put Silent Ponyville on this list. I was gonna have both 1 and 2 as different spots, but I wrote them both in the same year. That seems insane to me now?? Like WOW, I just WROTE those fics and then they became fandom-wide phenomenons. To the point where even in 2019 I’m still getting people drawing fanart of it, or people telling me “Yeah, I got into Fanfiction because I read Silent Ponyville”.

I don’t know if I’ll ever make a creative piece as universally known in a fandom as Silent Ponyville again, but I sure would love to make an original piece of art that is as beloved as Silent Ponyville one day, if not more so. It’s a testament to the fact that if I put my mind to it, I can create a really amazing horror experience, and I know I do plan to do so again some day.

     3.) Pirate Dash x Dead Rainbow Dash

Who doesn’t love shipping wars that get large numbers of people involved? This is probably the second most involved in the ‘community’ I got, though it was certainly the better experience of the two. And it was all just for silly fun at the end of the day.

And funnily enough I never ACTUALLY shipped these two, I just thought the reactions from the creators seeing them be shipped was hilarious, so it just kind of grew from there. It was all fun and games at the end of the day, and made for a good memory, and a pretty dang ambitiously drawn pic for the time!

     4.) If Twilight Wasn’t a Princess

2013 was surprisingly sparse as far as ambitious projects or art pieces go. I was in full swing with Motherly Scootaloo, and nothing really ‘amazing’ happened in 2013 for the blog. Which was surprising. But Season 4 of MLP DID happen! And it started with the Princesses going missing, and authority over Equestria being transferred to Twilight as the next closest Princess around. And with Cadance ruling the Crystal Empire, I thought, who did that leave to rule if Twilight HADN’T been able to temporarily take the role?

And judging by the length of the comments section on DA, a lot of people found the idea hilarious as well lol. Blue Blood NEVER showed up again for the entire run of the show, and it’s a shame because there was a lot of hilarious joke potential they could’ve done with him. But ya know, the show is what it is is, and this joke still makes me laugh.

     5.) My Time

My first original music video, with a song I had commissioned and everything! While it wasn’t my first video involving music and MLP, it was the first time everything was mine in one way or another. I wish I could write music, but the ambitiously talented AllLevelsAtOnce and Queen Mickey the Sass Master made this project well worth the time and effort put into making it!

And of course, it encapsulates the kind of futures I wish the CMC had acquired, with Sweetie Belle finally achieving her foreshadowed talent of singing. Apple Bloom built the stage, and Scootaloo likely would’ve ended up the choreographer if not for her baby. Sadly we shall only ever have fanon for that.

     6.) Demonloo

Love or hate the wedding arc of Motherly Scootaloo, this will always be one of, if not my top, favorite panel from the entire arc. Scootaloo looks just so appropriately menacing, and the effects placed on her are glorious. And then of course, I love the little twist of “That’s not just an audience visual effect, she actually looked that way in the comic” rofl

Motherly Scootaloo was a trip that got weird with my inclusion of magic and magical beings from the show, so much so to the point that if I were to ever remake the whole thing one day, a LOT of that would be toned down. Probably to the point Chronus wouldn’t exist. But hey, things are the way they are, but I will forever love the art of this arc.

     7.) A Motherly Scootaloo Christmas

If there ever was a picture that basically summarized the entirety of Motherly Scootaloo, it was this picture. Pretty much ever major character of the stories over the years was in the picture (minus Starlight) and showing their relations to everyone pretty much. I remember this picture basically killing me when I was drawing it, but was really proud at the time of how it came out. Of course, I could see how to improve it now, but I’m not gonna lol

It’s still crazy to me how many years Motherly went on for, and how much time and effort was put into it. But I’m still glad I did all of it over those years. It taught me so much about art, and about myself, and in the end, taught me the skills I needed to make art a true career for myself. And I’ll always love it for that. And introducing me to the best friends I’ve ever had, of course.

     8.) Twilight-Midnight is PISSED

Look. I recognize the Aero crossover had some convoluted issues with it, but god DAMN if I didn’t enjoy drawing that fight scene! I GENUINELY loved every panel of it! I can only hope that in the future the fight scenes I draw will be just as fun to draw as these were. And as visually impressive!

That’s ultimately why this won my pic over say, the time-glitch arc with her Mom. The explosions, the action lines, the visual foreshortening, I’ve never seen such visual improvements in a single update from me quite like I have these entire scenes. When I push myself to be amazing, I can pull off some fantastic art, and I need to do it more!

     9.) A StarTrix Christmas

2018 had a LOT of really good choices. Like. Too many choices. So many art pieces I was super proud of, so many pieces that showed growth as an artist, was a personal favorite, that people loved... So in the end, I went with the piece from the end of the year that is still a piece I hold up as truly a cultivation of how much effort I can put in to a picture.

Also it’s Christmas related. I LOVE Christmas. Never enough Christmas.

And as much as I hate FriendLight Glimmer, I still ADORE StarTrix content. It’s the good food for me, one of the rare things that the later era of G4 got right for me. And since I can make them be however I want in fanon, making them a GOOD loving couple was top priority for me, and I just adore them together. I truly do. And this picture is beautiful because of the love I put into it.

     10.) Fate of the Lost Princess

I couldn’t NOT put Fate of the Lost Princess on this list. It’s too important to me, means too much to me, and shows my growth as an artist the most. And of the pages of Fate of the Lost Princess I have done so far, the piece of Tina and Noah on a bus stands out the most for me because, I ACTUALLY managed to make it look and feel like they were on a bus! I was so worried about this page and I spent so long working on making it look right, and in the end, I succeeded in a way I never thought I could!

It feels good to end the decade on my original webcomic, showing just how much I’ve grown as an artist. Going from a successful fanartist, to a successful original artist, that still does fanart on the side, but I’ve grown into my own person now.

I’ve lost track of how many times I tried to start an original comic, only to stop working on it and let it fade into obscurity. Fate of the Lost Princess is the most effort and work I’ve put into an original comic before, and I’m so proud of myself for not only getting as far as I have, but proud of how much effort I plan to put into it in the future, and how much effort I’ll put into the comics beyond Fate of the Lost Princess.

It represents everything that is me from the last 10 years, and I hope it’ll be the fantastic start of the 2010s I want it to be. And I couldn’t have picked something to be more proud of to wrap this decade up with.

#Personal Art #Looking back at the decade #Art of the 2010s #Silent Ponyville #Motherly Scootaloo #Tumblrpon #Friendship is Magic #StarTrix #Fate of the Lost Princess

[entwinedmoon]

John Torrington: Reflections

(Previous posts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Today, January 1, 2020, is the 174th anniversary of John Torrington’s death. Him dying on New Year’s Day must have dampened whatever celebrations the crew were most likely enjoying, a dark day in a quite literally dark month, as the sun would not return for some time. He would have been buried in that endless night, during a snowstorm (a layer of snow was still preserved on top of his coffin), the first death in what had so far been a successful expedition. A death so soon may have worried the crew, but since it was due to an illness he’d brought with him, it may have just been considered a fluke. They may not have been concerned, still thinking they would make it through and discover the last piece of the Northwest Passage. If they had succeeded, Torrington would have been a minor footnote in the history of a triumphant journey, his grave a small curiosity for anyone who may pass by. But no one made it home from the Franklin Expedition, and Torrington is now seen as an early warning sign of the tragedy awaiting the rest of the men.

Why is it that, after all these years, anyone still talks about Torrington? What is the fascination with him and the other men buried on Beechey? I know what draws me to his story, and while I can’t speak for everyone, I think there are at least some people who share the same reasons.

So what intrigues me about John Torrington? Why did I write this series, spanning eleven blog posts and over 25,000 words (that’s half a book!), about a 174-years-dead Victorian sailor, spending my spare time researching and dedicating long hours to studying his life and death?

In trying to pin down just what fascinates me about Torrington, I went through some of my old writing, and I found this little snippet from an essay I never finished. It was written almost ten years ago, on January 13, 2010:

It was all John Torrington’s fault. I couldn’t sleep because of that frozen grimace, mouth and eyes both slightly open—eyes, intact, seriously, staring back at me. He just stares, cold, frozen, dead. I’m not likely to go on a polar expedition any time soon and possibly die from lead-tainted food or whatever killed him, but it’s not that idea that frightens me. He stares at me in the night, in the corners, in the reflections in the moonlit mirror on my closet door, in the folds of the dirty laundry on the floor, he’s there, staring at me. Going to the bathroom at night is the worst, walking through the dark hallway, knowing he’s following me, just behind me, out of sight, but still manages to jump ahead to stare at me in the split second before the bathroom light comes on, inches from my face in the thick darkness, but then he runs and hides again in the shadows of the hall, lurking, waiting to follow me back to my room.

Sometimes it’s Otzi or Jaunita or Ida Girl or Cherchen Man. Never King Tut or Ramses II for some reason though. But John has always stood above the rest, just the memory of a picture haunting me.

As you can see, I had a slightly different attitude toward Torrington back then. To explain this, let me start from the beginning.

When I was about seven or eight, my older brother brought home a copy of Buried in Ice from school, where he was learning about the Franklin Expedition. He of course shared the pictures in the book with me and my older sister because he thought they were creepy and that’s what you do when you’re a kid, you share creepy stuff to try to scare your siblings. I’m in my early thirties now, so the memory has faded over the years, but there’s still a lot that stands out even now. I remember eating a particular type of corn chip that to this day I associate the flavor of with lead poisoning. My brother told me about how the brains of the three mummies had turned into a yellow liquid—something we thought was gross but also cool for some reason. I remember that there was no way to just flip the book over to cover up the picture of Torrington on the front cover because—oh goodie—there was a picture of him on the back too. My brother and I commented on the golden color of Torrington’s discolored skin (I don’t know why we thought “golden” instead of yellow—it sounds more poetic to call it “golden” but that was certainly not our intention). I also remember that later, after my brother had returned the book to school but we were still haunted by the images, we couldn’t recall the names of Hartnell and Braine, so we called them Big Head and Snarl Face instead. But we remembered the name Torrington, probably because he was featured more prominently in the book. And due to that prominence, Torrington was the one I would think of when lying in bed at night, watching shadows in the closet morph into monsters.

To try to combat my fear, I used a trick I’d learned where I turn the scary thing into something ridiculous (this was before Harry Potter was published, but it’s the same theory as how to fight a Boggart). I put the three mummies into a long-running story that I’d made up in my head—and I made them undead idiots. Like zombie versions of Beavis and Butthead. Yeah, I did that. I made them weird funny sidekicks in my story, but it didn’t really stop me being afraid when I saw pictures of them again.

Remarkably, despite being terrified of Torrington, I became obsessed with mummies as a kid, an obsession that continues to this day. I would marvel over pictures of Tollund Man, Ötzi, and the Qilakitsoq mummies of Greenland.

But not John Torrington.

Whenever I would flip through a book about mummies, if I encountered a picture of Torrington, I would slam my hand over the page to cover it. I would be creeped out by other mummies, but it was never to the same level as it was with Torrington. And yet, I would still be compelled to peek, even after covering the page. I would regret it immediately, but there was something that made me want to look, even though looking at him was the last thing I wanted to do.

Over the years, Torrington would find his way into a few more stories of mine, in some form or another. In college, I wrote a short story for a fiction writing class where the picture of Torrington on the cover of Frozen in Time started talking to a young woman, representing her repressed thoughts and fears (he cracked a lot of jokes in that one). At that point in time, however, I hadn’t been able to bring myself to read Frozen in Time. I had bought a copy a while ago—the 2004 revised edition—and when it arrived from Amazon I flipped through it, telling myself that I was an adult and I loved mummies and I could bravely face the pictures of these boogeymen from my childhood.

That last part turned out to be incorrect. Several weeks of being too afraid to turn off the light at night ensued. I wouldn’t read the book for another eight or nine years.

But eventually I did read it, multiple times in fact, and I’m no longer terrified of pictures of Torrington, or Hartnell and Braine. That all started a little less than two years ago.

It began with another story idea I had that incorporated Torrington, one I have yet to write. I thought I should do some research into him first if I was going to include him. Around the same time, The Terror was airing on AMC. The exact timeline is a little hazy for me, because the story idea actually first came to me at the end of 2017, but The Terror first aired in March 2018. I can’t remember if I had the idea to add Torrington to my story before I started watching The Terror or not, but I think it was before.

Once I started researching Torrington and the Franklin Expedition, I quickly became obsessed. I had poked around Franklin research before, but my fear of Torrington would always hold me back. I would peer through my fingers at pictures and facts, but I could never do more than that. But now I was hooked.

My childhood nightmares were there at first, just out of the corner of my eye, but my research started to shift those in strange ways. I had always seen Torrington as this ancient, towering monster, but then I discovered that he was only twenty when he died and stood at only five-foot-four. I’m older than him. I’m taller than him. His desiccated body weighed less than ninety pounds, which I definitely weigh more than. Basically, if he came charging out of the closet, I could take him.

But what really drew me in was realizing that we knew so little about him. I could look at a picture of his face, frozen in time, but I couldn’t reach back into the past to ask him about himself. I’ve known about him almost my whole life, with him skulking in a corner of my brain, stepping out of the shadows every now and then, but I didn’t really know who he was as a person. The Franklin Expedition can drive people mad with the mystery of what happened to the men after they entered the Arctic, but suddenly I became obsessed with knowing what had happened before the expedition. Who was John Torrington? Who was this guy that has occupied my dreams and nightmares, who has taken up a permanent residence in my mind ever since I first laid eyes on him? Who was this young man who has somehow been a part of my life for so long, but whom I know so little about?

I know I’m not the only one who has been asking these questions, or who has been living with the Franklin ice mummies in their heads. I’ve met some amazing people online who are just as obsessed, if not more so. Thanks to this series, I’ve had people contact me about their own interest in Torrington and the Beechey Boys and how they understand my love for them.

Many times before, I’ve attempted to put in words just what draws me to mummies. In 2011 I even started a long-since-abandoned blog about mummies called Digging the Dead, where I tried to explain my interest. But I’m going to try my best now to pin down what has compelled me to study Torrington, and why he keeps popping up in my life.

I think part of the appeal of Torrington—and Hartnell and Braine—is the shockingly alive appearance of their preserved bodies, with some morbid curiosity over their undead vibe thrown in. The preservation of a body, preventing the natural process of decay, is fascinating. It’s a type of immortality, although one the mummy doesn’t get to enjoy. Torrington looks like he could get up and walk around—possibly in a zombie-like way, but still. He looks more like a real person than some mummies, like bog bodies that became too twisted by the weight of the peat or desert mummies that have a freeze-dried appearance. But a large part of the fascination with Torrington, and mummies in general, is that it’s like touching a piece of the past. When we see their pictures, we’re looking at something that is from a time long gone, but they seem so very present, so tangible in the here and now. They are time travelers, in a way, and this is our way of reaching out to them across the years.

And with the mystery of the Franklin Expedition, Torrington, Hartnell, and Braine add an extra layer of intrigue as well as reminding us that there were more than just officers on board. We have pictures of Franklin, Crozier, Fitzjames, and many of the lieutenants and mates, but the ordinary sailors and marines didn’t have the luxury of having their pictures taken. What they looked like has been lost to time, but the preserved remains of Torrington and the Beechey Boys literally puts a human face on the ordinary men of the expedition, the ones who never wrote memoirs or had journals that were preserved for posterity. Men who have been largely forgotten by history, who don’t get the same reverence we give the captains, who don’t get memorials or landmarks in their names. When thinking of the men of the Franklin Expedition setting sail for their destiny, it’s easy to see Torrington on deck—alive, his striped shirt billowing in the wind as they sail toward Lancaster Sound—and to imagine that these were working ships, fully manned with ordinary people who led regular lives and had dreams of what they would do when they returned home to double pay and the fame of having helped discover the Northwest Passage.

But on January 1, 1846, those dreams winked out for one of those men. On this day, I think not about how well Torrington’s body has defied time and decomposition, but about who sat with him as he passed. Was he alone? Did he have friends on the crew? And what of his family back home? Did they toast him and his journey, not knowing that he was gone?

Who said a prayer for John Torrington 174 years ago?

If it’s not too late, I think I’ll say one for him today.

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Torrington Series Masterlist

#john torrington #franklin expedition

[myshiki]

Hi guyyyyyys! I haven’t been on here in so long because I went to New York for a week to surprise @thispastiche <33 Crazy week but it honestly changed my life as cheesy as that sounds. 

One of the things I did while I was in New York was see one of Alexa’s friends who is a tarot card reader. One of the cards laid out for me was one of a person handing someone smaller than them a pot of lilies. (I looked it up..it’s Six of Cups card). She said, in lamest terms, that this means to her that I need to take my past experiences or idk..gained knowledge and share it with others. Just to share myself or help look after others is kind of what I got from that card. Alexa mentioned to the tarot reader that 1. I’m a nanny so it was kind of fitting and 2. I have a blog that I share my life on and that I’m very vulnerable on it and that “a lot of people respond to it.” I think Alexa was just being too sweet about that considering I only get like 3 notes per post, but I’m going to keep sharing myself on here anyhow. And if it helps anyone along the way, I’m so happy.

As soon as I got back to Texas my life became hell, because for only a couple of days now I have been in the beginning stages of one of the hardest times I will surely ever have in my life. Being with someone for around 3 years, not including the “talking” stages before that for like 2 years and then having that all change suddenly is terrifying- especially when your lives are so intertwined the way ours are. Her and her sister are who I have been closest to for YEARS now and their whole family became my family. We share an apartment. We share a car. I have so much to figure out. It would be easier if I could just focus on healing my heart and dealing with the emotional side of things, but having to figure out stupid details that have to do with having a roof over our heads and transportation at the same time is overwhelming to say the least. Also, it doesn’t help that their mom is angry with me for wanting to make mine and her daughter’s lives healthier so she’s being petty and really trying to make my life worse on purpose it feels like.

This is what I do know- I will be okay. Everyone involved will be okay. 

I am constantly shitting. (we’re all family here..) and I haven’t had much of an appetite for days now. Two days in a row I either threw up or dry heaved into the toilet from the nerves and anxiety. It has already been rough and it will probably get harder once we stop seeing each other as much, so here is a list of the things that have helped me get through shit so far.

1. During my hardest times- when my mom died, when Duy broke up with me, and now this- I struggle to feel like things are real. My anxiety and fear take over and I feel like I’m fucking floating, but not in a magical way. Yesterday I sat on my couch and thought to myself “I have legs. I have arms. I can move around. I got dressed today. I can drive my car.” and saying the most obvious things like that made me realize 1. I am existing and moving so I am going to be okay. There is no way I won’t be okay 2. I am grateful to be a human and to exist even if I get waves of thinking “I am going to die” and wishing I was dead because I definitely have gotten those.

2. Once I repeated to myself “it’s not that bad. It’s not that bad. It’s not that bad.” Idk what “it” is referring to, I guess the breakup or life but that was the first thing that came to my mind and I repeated it until I was a little more calm. I have also repeated to myself “it’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.”

3. Today I had a blunt wave of “stop feeling sorry for yourself” and that actually had me snap out of sadness really fast. Until 20 minutes passed and I was back to being sad again. haha. But honestly, a lot of the time my sadness is because I feel so sorry for myself and sometimes that’s just fucking dumb.

4. Driving calms my nerves better and faster than anything else. Almost to the point where they don’t exist. I crank music up and just drive and idk, the whole drive I’m just in a state of wanting to cry of gratefulness because I’m like “wow, okay. I’m going to truly be okay.” 

5. Listening to music!!!!!!!! Which like, duh..but Post Malone’s new album has and will continue to get me through this shitty period of time. It is just dance-y and happy enough to not make me wanna die but also angry enough to make me feel better? I might have to listen to Billie Eilish today even though that’s a much sadder approach. (I am nannying soon and have a 30 minute drive to work and I can’t wait for that drive).

6. Taking care of other things or people or animals. Nannying is therapeutic for me because I am taking care of other people and not myself. It is a huge relief to get out of my own mind and think “how can I best keep these kids alive (lol) and make them as happy as I can.” I don’t have any pets currently, but when I live with my dad for a couple months which will eventually happen, I will help take care of his hyper ass dog, his 2 cats, all of his chickens, his plants, etc. And I think that will really help me.

7. Hanging out with people who are 100% looking out for you and will let you be as emotional as you need to be without making you feel like you’re too much or being a baby. (But if anyone makes you feel like that anyway, you should drop them fast as fuck). It helps to be around people who love you. There are more of them than you realize. 

8. Drinking helps some nights. haha

But that is my list for now. Like I said, this is only the beginning and I’m probably going to be posting some sad as fuck posts on here, or I might eventually discover more things that are helpful getting through hard times like these ones. 

If you’re reading this, I love you. You are going to be okay. You are a bad bitch and don’t let anyone make you think you’re not. 

#breakup #nyc #sad

[arcanalogue]

Death and the Maiden, Cooking Edition: Pomegranate Tiramisu

Fahwad Khan, IMPERMANENT (THE POMEGRANATE SKULL) 2014

Pardon the long post, but I just don’t know where else to go with this. And even in terms of recipe posts it will be annoying because there’s the dreaded backstory — but I’m sharing in honor a friend who passed away, so I guess if you feel terrific about skimming past all that to get to a cake recipe one minute faster, no one can ever question your commitment to gastronomy. 

So here’s the deal. Back in 2011 I was hosting a monthly variety show that featured numerous components: film, live music, burlesque, PowerPoint presentations, arts & crafts, really ANYTHING. 

My friend Cas Marino wanted in on the action; he was a performer, but he was so much more than that. He was performing life, quite vividly; he was a cancer survivor who’d never stopped transforming. He played serious dramatic roles in productions all over New York City, he was happy to dive into a drag revue, he would host salons and get-togethers in his Midtown apartment, and on top of everything else, he was working on a blog called “The Food Daddy,” which was entertaining to read even if you couldn’t cook. As you’ll see below, everything he touched became infused with his humor and personality.

He’d appeared in a number of my shows, usually in drag inspired by that night’s theme. Here he is on the night we read excerpts from Elsa Lanchester’s then-out-of-print memoir. 

Here he is, drinking milk right out of the carton on the night we did a whole show about the trope in fiction about women who transform into cats. (I’m telling you, dear reader, I was truly living my best life as a producer!)

This was all in a lovely professional downtown establishment, so naturally I was interested in bending every possible rule past the breaking point. So when Cas asked if he could make food for my entire audience, I said YES... and then went to inform the venue so they could explain why it was completely against the rules. (In this instance, they had their own cafe on-site that was strictly kosher, and they could not risk confusion or contamination with outside food.) 

I don’t recall exactly how we pulled it off, but Cas began showing up at my events armed with enough food to serve 75 people (the theater’s capacity). Do you realize how incredible that is, reader? Sometimes we’d sell out, but sometimes we’d only have 15 folks in the audience, half of them comps. Cas believed in me so hard, he planned for a sold-out show every time. He would have been offended if we ran out of kibble with even one person left to feed.

The food was always on theme, so when I did a show about America’s First Ladies, he combined vintage recipes from Barbara Bush and Rosalynn Carter to make Bipartisan Buffalo Chicken Sliders, which he served dressed as Eve, the original “first lady,” mostly naked and covered in vines.

As you’ll read below, he agonized over the perfect thing to serve at our “Death and the Maiden” show.  At one point, it was going to be mini-eclairs filled with pomegranate cream and tipped with an almond fingernail. He finally settled on this original tiramisu recipe that knocked us all COMPLETELY OUT. And I ate the leftovers out of my fridge for days, because letting even one serving go to waste felt like a desecration.

Look, I’m telling you he could COOK. He once described his culinary style to me as “tragically indulgent.” His fantasy (like so many others at the time) was to parlay his food blog into an actual cookbook someday. 

Sadly, Cas did not live to fulfill this particular dream. In 2014 his cancer returned, and he faded away right before our eyes. From his hospital bed, he wrote me: “I have to survive this just to write about it and do a one-man show where I cook and feed and we all laugh and sob and go ‘Mmmmm that's fucking good’ and it just becomes a big audience/artist participation evening of sharing where I am the only one who gets to talk.”

That same year, I managed to recreate his Pomegranate Tiramisu and serve it to friends as my birthday cake; for a couple years afterward, I would look the recipe up on his website and fantasize about making it again. The ingredients weren’t cheap, and it required more kitchen space than I had in NYC. 

And then the worst thing happened: at some point after Cas’s death, the domain expired and his blog went 404, and ONLY THEN did I realize I hadn’t scribbled it down anywhere. People say “the internet is forever,” but hell... even Tumblr users know differently. 

I spent a few more years being very depressed about this, imagining the recipe was lost forever, but it turns out someone had managed to preserve the blog’s contents, and at long last it fell back into my hands. BACK FROM THE DEAD! Not unlike the Bride of Frankenstein herself.

So I’m going to let Cas take it from here, dear reader. Thank you for letting me bring him back to life for a just few minutes, performing for you, feeding you. Knowing that would’ve meant everything to him. From one of his last messages to me: “I have no designs on sainthood. But I know I still have shit to accomplish in this world, even if not a physical member of it.”

Knock ‘em dead, Cas!

“The Food Daddy” - Pomegranate Tiramisu

This recipe was created by me to fit the bill for the recent “Meet the Lady” performance (which, if you’ve not heard or read, is a monthly variety show that really rather defies description), titled “Death and the Maiden”.

I toiled with possible ideas that had to do with death and maidens, figuring most easily that a “death by chocolate” offering would at least use one of the title words. Then lady fingers came into the thought process because, well, if you dismembered a maiden you’d have two byproducts: death, most notably, and lady parts — including, but not limited to, her fingers.

Lady fingers naturally led to Tiramisu fantasies, but I didn’t want to go the traditional route. And after discussing it and brainstorming, I got smacked in the back of the head with the realization that the mythical Persephone — a maiden — kidnapped as she was by Hades — who, by way of his being the god of the underworld, was death its very self in semi-human form — ate nothing but pomegranate seeds during her detainment in hell.

If this doesn’t spell fucking dessert, I don’t know what does.

Herewith, my scaled-down recipe (in scope, not in structure or composition; I doubt you’ll need to serve 75 people with yours, though even at half-size this will serve a small army). You can pare it down even further if you feel such need, or instead of making it into one big sheet cake, assemble several smaller ones (I found this worked BEAUTIFULLY in loaf pans) and send them straight to the freezer for future enjoyment.

A few other flexible considerations: I made mine in a full-size deep steam table pan for presentation and food service purposes. These things measure roughly 20 x 10 x 3.5”, but you can use the smaller (12 x 9 x 2.5”) disposable aluminum half-pans for this recipe, or as stated above, any other configuration of sizes that suit your needs. If you want to unmold it and slice it after freezing, line your pans first with cellophane wrap. After just a minute or two out of the ice box, you’ll be able to lift it out of the pan (perhaps with the help of a hungry friend) by the ends of the cellophane, place it on a cutting board, and have at it. Tres artistique, even weighing in as mine did at about eight pounds. This last conclusion required me getting on the scale both with and without the final dessert in my arms and subtracting the first weight from the laden number, which could have been quite a site, as I generally refuse to step on a scale until I’ve removed every last stitch of clothing including my socks, and spit out any spare saliva and shaved every last facial hair so NOTHING will add even a bazillionth of an ounce to my readout, lest I suffer a deep fit of depression. And being depressed when you’re holding what turns out to be 8 pounds of really good cake is a recipe for emotion-eating disaster. But I staved off the need to feel slimmer than normal in light of the facts that (a) I was mid-movie shoot that week, and thus had to maintain a larger-than-usual mane of face-hair for my role; (b) spitting near food meant for others would be gross; (c) being naked around the same food would be even grosser; and (d) the tile floor in my bathroom could be a bit chilly, so why risk taking off my socks?

Socks, spitting, scanty clothing — nothing could have made this less enjoyable. The audience that night devoured what was served to them, and all but attacked the leftovers on the way out of the theater. I had sent samples of this creation to my usual team of taste-testers for input as part of the development process, and perhaps the most poignant and fitting critique came from my dear Mom who, just having started a new diet regimen, had the following to say during our brief check-in on the phone:

“Hello. This is your mother. Fuck Weight Watchers, and Fuck You.”

I love you, Mom. And not just because you loved this surprising new take on an old favorite.

60 Lady Finger cookies

4 Cups Pomegranate juice

1-½ Cups plus 2 Tbsp. sugar

1 Packet unflavored gelatin

4 Egg whites

1 tsp. Cream of Tartar

1 Cup Mascarpone cheese 

3 Cups Crème Fraiche 

1 Tbsp. Corn starch

¼ Cup water (or as needed) 

½ Cup sliced almonds

¼ Cup Pomegranate seeds (or dried sweetened cranberries) 

(Reserve 6 Lady Fingers for garnish.)

In a saucepan, mix pomegranate juice with 1-½ cups sugar, and sprinkle gelatin on top. Stir or whisk until gelatin is dissolved with no lumps remaining. Bring mixture to boil over medium-high heat, stirring constantly until sugar and gelatin are fully dissolved. Reduce heat to medium-low and continue to boil, stirring often, for 10 minutes. Remove from heat and set saucepan into a larger bowl filled with cold water. Stir frequently and change cold water bath often, allowing juice reduction to cool as close to room temperature as possible.

In the bowl of a stand mixer or with electric beaters, whip egg whites with cream of tartar until stiff. Remove to a separate, clean mixing bowl (preferably chilled in the freezer) and set aside.

In stand mixer or large mixing bowl with electric beaters, mix mascarpone with 1-½ cups of cooled juice reduction until well blended. Beat on medium-high for one minute. Add 1 cup of the crème fraiche and blend until smooth. Finally, fold in beaten egg whites, half at a time, just until fully incorporated.

Assembling the tiramisu: Here’s where Food Daddy starts getting anal (but this works easiest, so just shut up and do as I say. Love you!). On your prep surface, set your plate or bowl of unpackaged lady fingers (you don’t want to be messing with cellophane and plastic bags and such mid-project here); next to that, set your remaining juice reduction; and next to that, set your cake pan.

Working from left to right (or for my Hebrew or dyslexic foodies, right to left), dip a lady finger lightly in the juice by placing it on the liquid’s surface, flipping it over with your fingers, then removing it by hand and placing it in the cake pan. Working quickly, repeat this process, building a tightly packed layer of side-by-side, row-by-row, lightly soaked lady fingers on the bottom of the pan. Nobody will see the inside of the tiramisu in its entirety, so if to make a uniform layer with few gaps you need to rip a finger here or stuff a finger there, I won’t tell a soul if you have to be a bit forceful or creative.

Spoon half of the pomegranate mousse mixture over the bottom layer of lady fingers. Using the back of a spoon or a rubber spatula, spread the mixture evenly. Lift the pan and drop it gently a few times on your work surface, just to make sure all the gaps are filled and big air bubbles are removed.

Repeat with a second layer of dipped lady fingers, and then a second layer of pomegranate mousse, again tamping pan to release air bubbles and distribute the filling evenly. Top with one final layer of dipped lady fingers.

Spread the top with the remaining 2 cups of crème fraiche, tamp pan to settle the layers, and set aside.

Pour remaining juice mixture into a measuring cup, and add enough of the water, if needed, to make 1 cup of liquid. Return to saucepan, and stir in the corn starch and the remaining 2 Tbsp. of sugar until starch is dissolved. Place pan over medium-high heat, and bring to a boil to thicken. Remove from heat.

In a food processor or with a cutting board and knife, coarsely chop the almonds and the fruit, then add the reserved lady fingers and pulse (or chop and crumble) until the whole thing looks like somebody pawed at a poor helpless berry-nut muffin until there were no big chunks left.

Sprinkle the crumb mixture evenly over the top of the tiramisu. Drizzle with the pomegranate syrup mixture.

Chill tiramisu at least 2 hours in refrigerator before serving. For overnight storage or longer, cover with cellophane wrap gently pressed against the top surface.

This will “cure” and the flavors will blend and the whole combination really pull together if left refrigerated for two days. For storage beyond that or to deal with leftovers, this freezes BEAUTIFULLY. Just allow to come to room temperature before serving, or enjoy it “semi freddo” by removing from freezer and slicing wide, inch-thick slices, laying each on its side on individual serving plates and eating it cold and firm. A dollop of additional crème fraiche and a sprinkling of chopped almonds (did I hear someone say “mint sprig”?) sure would make this anything but a “leftover” dessert.

#death and the maiden #pomegranate #tiramisu #recipes #cooking #cas marino

[maxx-danziger]

From Set It Off's Blog: How I Became A Member of Set It Off

“Hi, my name is Maxx and I play drums for Set It Off. But, I haven't always played with this band. In fact, I've only known Zach, Austin, Cody, Dan, and Andrew for about six months now. So, I figured the best way to begin this series of blog posts by introducing myself and explaining how I ended up touring around the country with my new family.

My full name is Maxx Danziger. But, everyone in the band calls me Danger because they can’t pronounce my last name to save their life. I was born on February 22, 1990, and am one of the biggest 90’s kids you’ll ever meet (Talk to me about Legends of the Hidden Temple, Surge, or any other nostalgia and we will become fast friends).  I was born and raised in Orlando, Florida, which is the most magical place on earth (except Hogwarts). I started playing drums when I was 10, but I didn’t take it seriously until I was 14. It all started when I was 8 years old. I was carpooling to school with a friend of mine when “What’s My Age Again” by Blink 182 came on the radio. I had never heard anything like it and was immediately hooked. That night I came home and stole my sister’s Blink CD and have been playing it non-stop ever since. I loved the songs but what really got my attention was the drums and that’s how I ended up living in a van. I never played any sports when I was a kid, but I was the water boy for my middle school soccer team, which showed me the value of teamwork and fueled my hatred for soccer (If I wanted to watch people run for hours I’d watch Forrest Gump).  I’m pretty sure peanut butter is the worst food product ever created and I think mashed potatoes feel like they’ve already been pre-chewed. Sometimes I see girls that are so hot it makes me angry (Side note: Olivia Wilde, If you’re reading this, give me a chance. I promise you won’t regret it). I love hot showers, good conversation, high fives, and meeting new people. I love food. I really love food. If there was one thing I loved it would probably be food. On a scale of 1-10, I love food. My favorite holiday is Halloween, because It’s the one time of the year where I can wear a power rangers costume and not be judged. I really hate when people misuse you’re and your, even though I do it all the time. People tell I look like Macaulay Culkin all the time, but in reality everyone knows that it’s the other way around. And lastly, I can fly.

And now, we begin the magical tale of how I ended up playing drums for Set It Off… (Cue flashback music)

The band I was in previously had just broken up and I was looking for a new project. My friend Blake told me that this band Set It Off was looking for a drummer and that I should try out. I had never heard of them so I went on Youtube, watched the Pages and Paragraphs music video, and thought it was quacktastic. So, I sent in a video of me playing 143 (A Set It Off song), Anthem Part 2 (A Blink-182 song), a freestyle jam, and a video of me introducing myself (I put on an entire suit for 3 seconds of footage). I guess the guys liked it because they invited me to their practice place for a live audition. So I packed up my drums, drove 2 hours to Clearwater, Florida (yes, the water there is clear) and met up with the guys. They had me play through a set with them, and gave me 1 hour to learn a song I had never heard before (turned out to be @Reply).  After practice, they told that they had a show coming up with Stereo Skyline, The Audition, and Cady Groves and they wanted me to play. So I stayed in Clearwater for the show. That night I stayed at Dan’s house and as soon as I got there the very first thing he said to me is “Well, I don’t know what you want to do tonight but I just got Young People Fucking if you want to watch that.” After I found out that it wasn’t porn and Dan wasn’t (completely) crazy we became fast friends. After a couple more practices I was ready to play the show. It went super mega great. I got to meet some of the fans and got to watch a band I grew up listening to (The Audition) play some of my favorite songs. Set It Off had a tour coming up and they told me they’d let me know in a couple days if I was going to be joining them. But in the meantime, they had a music video shoot for their new single Hush Hush coming up and they needed a drummer so I agreed to help them out. Not only did I play drums for the video, but the dead body they kick in a ditch is actually just me wrapped in a blanket. At the video shoot Zach told me that they auditioned another drummer and that they were taking him on tour instead of me. Immediately after, he told me he was lying and asked me to go on the Hush Hush tour with them, and as most of you know, I said yes.

There were a lot of stories that happened on that tour. So much in fact that I’m going to save it for another blog post, but to make a long story short, on one of the last days of the tour we had a meeting and they told me that I was officially in the band. The only catch was that they wanted to wait until the new year to make it public so for the next three months I had to lie to everyone and say that I had no idea if I was in the band or not (sorry guys!). In the meantime, we played shows, had a photo shoot, and went to New York to shoot the music video for @Reply (it was freezing there). On January 1st, 2011 the announcement was made that I was the new drummer of Set It Off and now here I am, 6 months later, in a van on my second tour with Set It Off.

In conclusion, these people have become my family and this van has become my home. I’ll probably be stopping by your town soon, so if you see me come say hi! I love a good conversation.”

From the Set It Off Friends or Enemies blog.

#set it off #maxx danziger #sio #2011 #idk how 2 do a readmore sorry this is long #god bless the internet archive