#but fuck I’m so happy I stuck with it

[chickengeak]

“… well Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?”

#silence of the lambs #art #my art #artists on tumblr #digital artists #illustration #procreate #horror #horror movies #I’ve never been more proud of something I’ve made #like holy shit #it took an ungodly amount of time #but fuck I’m so happy I stuck with it #so therapeutic too #like I just genuinely loved creating this #art trade

[chrollohearttags]

meg baby, I promise we’ll all look the other way if you decide to strangle that chimera ant built bitch. I promise we won’t say nothing.

#nicki got to be one of the nastiest bitches I’ve ever seen in my life #you ain’t had a fucking hit in 10 yrs good enough to act the way you do #it’s crazy it took her being so vile to meg for ppl to get it #it’s always ‘protect blk women’ w/her until it’s somebody she don’t like lmao #and her only beef with her is that she collabed with cardi #the only one who stuck by her side mind you so ofc she #she’s been terrible and I remember back in 2017 when ppl jumped me for ‘defending a Latina woman’ over her #the same bitch that co opted a hashtag meant for missing and murdered blk women for her own bullshit #while cardi was using her platform to speak up for breonna Taylor and police brutality? oh okay #she’s a nasty witch and her karma will come #rap beef aside #‘how you got 3 Grammys and can’t stay on beat?’ #how are you the supposed queen and been rapping since Jesus was in Jerusalem but have zero? #bringing up her dead mother..you deserve to rot #cherry chats 🍒 #I’m so happy cardi no longer feeds into her bullshit and lets her stupid ass talk to the wall #all the new girls are outshining her and I’m so glad they don’t have to grovel to her #the fact that these girls just came out and are her competition says more abt nicki than it does Meg cardi latto or anybody else #her peers should be missy kim queen latifah etc #and yet she’s linking up with 23 year olds and beefing with girls 20 years her junior #guess that predator spirit run in the family huh

[lovelytech9902]

I know this is all very obvious but when rewatching 2.16 - Plan 99 just now and Hunter says “He made a sacrifice Omega, and we’re not going to waste it” the foreshadowing?? I didn’t even really think about it then, always expecting the worst/a Star Wars ending.

They really didn’t waste it. They had to jump through many obstacles to get it, but they really got there in the end. A happy, well deserved ending. Put being soldiers behind them, getting to do or be whatever they wanted.

And I’m never going to recover from that?? It’s so gut wrenchingly devasting to me and I’m still crying over this show ending

#i’m never going to emotionally recover from this #forever stuck on that ending #emotionally feel like tech after falling several thousand ft #happy tech tuesday #i miss tech hour #so fucking much #screaming crying throwing up #how can one person have this many tears #is it even truly a happy ending because we lost tech?? #😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #don’t mind me i’m just rambling #the bad batch #tbb season 3 #tbb tech #tbb hunter #tbb echo #tbb crosshair #tbb omega #tbb wrecker

[mochiwrites]

being so honest I don’t understand how people can expect you to be doing things constantly every single day. I’m supposed to be on summer break but my university expects me to send in 80 sources for my senior thesis by next week

the very thought of doing school work right now makes me want to cry. I can’t even open a blank document and start writing for my own fics. I can’t even engage in my own hobby right now because I’m so mentally exhausted. how can you expect me to do thesis work? I’ve hardly had a break since finals

my personal life has been an ongoing shitshow since last summer. and has only gotten worse in recent months. how can you expect someone to function in society when you throw one thing after another at them?

I’m so tired and done. but I have no choice other than pushing through it because that’s what’s expected of me! that’s exhausting

#delete later #sorry I’m really frustrated rn #and screaming into the void is a better solution than keeping it bottled up #I really want to disappear rn #I’m not finding enjoyment from the things I love any more #I physically can’t bring myself to write #I’ve been stuck in this survival state since winter #everything feels so bad and overwhelming #I think I need a break or something #I don’t know #I don’t know what’ll help anymore #I don’t know what’ll make me feel better #I just want to cry #all the time #I miss writing. I miss being proud of what I wrote #I miss when I would be able to post something and I was happy with it #when I didn’t feel like I had to rewrite it over and over #I miss feeling like myself #lately I’ve just… felt like a stranger in my own body #going through the motions of life #and y’know what fuck I miss feeling like I was cared for #and loved #but I’m Me so yknow. I don’t get that #maybe I should take a nap

[janiedean]

will get to all your lovely replies asap but for now let me get down the mood with my usual

fuck but i really do hate this month and everything it represents or better the fact that each single year it gets just more miserable

#i’m sorry fuck i wish i liked christmas i do #but i haven’t felt anything close to enjoyment of the period since what was it right ten exact years #every single fucking one of them it just got MORE fucking depressing #we dont talk about covid times because god i wish i could delete them from my existence #two years ago it was just depressing af #last year for a miracle it was halfway okay and hey managed to spend one with the grandmother for once #except she died three months later and this one it will be….. meh but the rest of the month has been a total nervewreck already #but of course EVERYWHERE around you is like JOYOUS TIME EVERYONE IS HAPPY SEASON OF MAGIC #as it is i’mma have to do half of the presents in january ffs #ah right forgot today was the anniversary of the other grandmother dying #and the entire first week is anniversary of 2020 nervous wreck of doom so hey that’s all fine #yeah that happened no i had no plans to mention it good luck to me wanting to move over that specific instance ig #i just wanna stop feeling stuck in being miserable until december 26th arrives and i can hope to get my shit under control the year after #yeah sorry for the pity party i’m just not feeling great whatsoever add feeling totally useless to the list and here we are #i’mma just go catch up on replies now just god now i feel like crap bc the moment i opened the app i just vomited out negativity g r e a t #personal for ts #janie rants

[01tsubomi]

8/15/2023!!

1) i put on the shirt bc it’s red and the dress bc i thought it’d be nicer than jean shorts and the pigtails bc i’ve been finally doing pigtails again this summer. unfortunately that all unintentionally culminates to “it’s giving hiyori”

2) i went to a cat cafe to celebrate and met this cat with the saddest face in the world

3) i also went to a dog cafe bc one just opened up in my city and dogs are also kagepro and had the time of my life. unfortunately the guy working register was clearly really flustered to be starting this job and so instead of 50 minutes he charged me for 250. so. provided tomorrow comes tomorrow i will go back

4) my friends and i were gonna go out for yakitori but the yakitori place was closed!! the place we went didn’t have negima but they did have chicken and negi so i simulated the experience

i only just happened to have the day off work today so i got to do lots of silly little kagepro celebrations (on top of the usual things like cracking open a coke and crossing the street at 12:30). that’s about all i have this year but it was fun working kagepro into my daily routine! happy 815 everyone!! ;-;

#one theme of 2023 has actually been me eating a lot of negima but every time i do i think of konoha #first negima of the night goes out to him #i really do think of kagepro sometimes and how just. so so good it is #a lot of the time it’s just something comes up on shuffle and then i’m stuck thinking about it for a sec #i go to the anime goods resale store a lot and always peek at the misc series section wondering if anything’s found its way there #not so far. but i do peek #ily kagepro ily yearly ritual about thinking about kagepro #Jin’s kagepro tweet this year was ‘blindfold engaged (32 years old)’ which is so fucking true #i feel like he’s always doing random little side projects these days #i don’t really know the situation on the custody battle but ​as long as he’s getting work and making stuff i’m happy for him #always very thankful too. of course #personal #815 daze it #kagepro

[salsflore]

i think i posted abt this before but anyways i found this old "progress update!" drawing of mine on a discord server i use for saving stuff.. so i was like let me redraw it in 2023, a whole 3-4 yrs later

#pen & tablet drawing are like 1-2 weeks apart but whatever anyways i havent finished a sketch w/ my tablet since i got it #happy i didn’t just give up and erase the entire thing like i usually do. it makes me oddly happy #i’m still incredibly far from where i want to be‚ clearly‚ but i think 11 yr old me would freak the FUCK out if she saw me now #i don’t save my old drawings (except this i guess) so i don’t see the progress and i felt like i was just stuck at the same level lol #so i'm happy to see i've improved a bit over time :) #💭 #edit: take a shot everytime i said the word happy

[buck-yyyy]

feeling like i’m experiencing twink death but instead of it being a young attractive guy aging it’s just a girl who might’ve been pretty sometimes turning out trans. i know it’s the internalized shit but fuck

#i hate this #its so fucking weird but i just. i found a hair from when my hair was still long and had texture and it was reddish in the light #and it’s making me so fucking sad #because it’s so much EASIER and i wish i was happy like that because i don’t like this i don’t like any of this #but there’s not shit i can do. i’m stuck. i can’t un-realize this not again #i’m in this awful in between where i MISS being a girl while also recognizing ‘hey i’m probably nonbinary and don’t want to go back’ and i #just don’t know what to do about it #tw vent #tw transphobia

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy #been feeling weird as hell these past few months #like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days #or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day #idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this #just thinking #meposting #I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying #I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult #I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad. #whatever #I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that #dissociation #me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though #she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety #and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’ #I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time #I’m so solid now #so stuck in the ruts of capitalism #fuck capitalism #I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled #sorry I love talking #and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn? #it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing #I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence. #like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5. #overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names. #can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school #bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude #I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time

[skhardwarevers1]

anyways “just don’t leave me alone wondering where you are” Program and “I am stronger than you give me credit for” Vista

#Could also be Moon & Tera they’re both equally as sad #But I’m gonna just. Let that sink in. #Even in the early phases (Hansel/Gretel) they were designed specifically to be a stronger more logical machine and a human-esque creation #Vista was never meant to be as strong mentally or physically as Program could #but they pushed through anyway. The perceived imbalance between them will always get me #Vista/Gretel thought Koeia liked Program/Hansel more because he served a purpose #Program/Hansel thought Koeia liked Vista/Gretel more because they were like her “daughter” #And later Program ends up putting aside their differences to look out for them #“For the greater good” my ass! He cared about their well being more because he knew they were supposedly “weaker” than him #but realizing there wasn’t much of a difference between them in Koeia’s eyes made him feel compelled to shield them from some things #He figured that they were meant to be like siblings #he wanted to be their sibling #They wanted to too but they didn’t want to be inferior #They felt that Program was better than them in every way. It was him that made the project possible after all! #Clearly he /must/ be better right? #So they’re stuck in a weird spot of not having known each other for years and only perceiving what they thin other was compared to themself #And then being thrown into a situation where they’re trying to make it out together #Even as early as before the incident Program was looking out for Vista #Program felt threatened by Clay sometimes and would try to tell Vista to get out #Him attacking Clay was his way of trying to help #Which only fucks up Moon a little more when Procyon starts taking that same “helping” role and gets Clay…you know…speared…. #And they feel so betrayed it sends them into an entire spiral of barely knowing who they are anymore #Anyways I didn’t meant to rant bye bye #S.K thinks #I hope this changes someone’s perception of Moon as a whole. Just one person I’ll be happy with that

[mayoiayasep]

god yea this is nayutalien’s work<3

#the instrumentals!!!! aughhhhhhh i’m so happy i love this song sm #trip album lb #enstars tag #this song is gonna get so fucking stuck in my head

[rosicheeks]

Honeybee: Name something positive you have done for yourself or someone else in the last two weeks.

I’ve been really trying to focus on bettering myself lately.

#starting to clean/organize my room so I can actually sleep and live in there #miss art so much so I’m desperately trying to get a desk area set up #trying to eat better #lol #that one is damn hard when you don’t have your own kitchen my dude #but I’m trying? #I JOGGED yesterday??????? #fucking mindblowing I know #don’t remember the last time I jogged #I went on a long walk with Maya puppy and we jogged a few times #you guys should have seen her smile 😭 #she also met this tiny senior dog named Murphy and she was SO excited and happy afterwards #it was the cutest thing I’ve seen in ages 🥹 #I wish I could say something I did for someone else #and I’ve done small things here and there sure #but when I’m drowning and trying to survive it’s so hard to help other people #like I’m trying to be myself and check in on people and make sure they’re doing good and being there to listen to them vent #but I can barely handle my day #like my sister vented to me the other day (and of course I was actually in a good mood at the start of the call) #and then by the end I was stuck in my depression like I spiraled BAD #so idk I’m trying super hard to focus on myself and get me back to my happy rosie self #so I can help other people #thanks for the ask 🫶 #ask #ask me shit

[incendiorum-arch]

woke up feeling salty

#ooc tbd. #I just don’t think we can have the female oc convo without also including nb muses getting put in the back burner for cis male muses too #bc I have had that unfortunate experience for fucking #six years now? #I have fought so hard for every bit of traction I’ve gained and it has barely added up #I’m so grateful to the people who’ve given me a chance and have stuck around #but it’s not the amount of people that would have if io wasn’t so explicitly NOT a man #the times that I DID have more attention interest was when I tried to be more lax about pronouns and shit #and that was miserable #how can you look at me exclusively using they then pronouns every day all day for every response #and still willfully misgender my muse #and every time I’ve made a point of going out of my way #to point at io with a neon sign that says NOT A FUCKING MAN followers would drop like flies #so I think I have every right to be salty about this #negative tw #misgendering tw #I’ve made a lot of mistakes with them in the past and was a pushover #and I’m happy where I’m at now #bc their gender is respected #but god I still think about my experiences here a lot #and I try not to be salty I really do but. #and I’ve written female ocs too I’m not trying to belittle that conversation I just think that nonbinary and trans muses need included #in that convo too #or should be talked about the same way

[ahalliance]

what is with the slight uprise in stupidly gendered memes lately . why are people trying to reinvent the binary boxes but quirky

#like . one meme on its own isn’t a big deal but i feel like it’s becoming a sort of trend #and it’s so ??? why are people SO eager to have a divide between men and women #people act like men and women are inherently different in fucking attitude and personality and it makes me want to scream #like i’m so glad that YOU as a man/woman never felt uncomfortable within your arbitarily assigned sociocultural box but not everyone wants #to be stuck in it with you . not everyone is content with that #idk it’s just . you run across these types of people sometimes who aren’t at all bigoted but who genuinely think men n women are Different #in some way #(and then theyre surprised that many trans people do end up abiding by gendered norms . but i digress) #and it’s just so tiring . like good for you if you are genuinely happy as you are thats great but that line of thinking does harm down the #line #jay rants

[realcowboysdrinkjuice]

barely anyone follows me so this will get zero notes but i do not care i am so excited and need to share this somewhere

I GOT MY FIRST COLLEGE ACCEPTANCE LETTER!!!!! FOR THE UK!!!!! SO NO MATTER WHAT THE OTHERS SAY I HAVE A YES!!! AND IM SO EXCITED HOLY SHIT!!!! ITS ALL I WANTED!!!!!!

and i was so fucking scared especially with covid making my gap year long and making everything scarier but i did it and no matter what happens i have a place to go and things are finally moving forward again and holy fuvk i’m going to study illustration overseas like i wanted to before shit went BAD because OOF CLASS OF 2021 NOT A GOOD YEAR especially not a good year in the united states of america where they didnt do jack all to try and prevent it DEAR GOD !!!! bUT OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

usually i’d yell to my family but everyone is asleep oops because it’s almost 6 am my sleep schedule is WRECKED RN so nobody is awake and i did. text anyway cause it was big enough to do it anyways but i was still just yelling into the void so i’m yelling into the void here too

#anyway that’s all now i’ll go back to not making my own posts ever #my post #i’m so fucking happy i opened my email cause ever since i applied in june i developed a subconscious habit of just opening my email and #refreshing it whenever i run out of things to do #so i just occasionally idly refresh my inbox without even thinking #and i did the same like thirty minutes ago not expecting anything cause i wasn’t even thinking #and i was like huh. an email from zoom. that’s annoying and oH MY GOD WHAT IS UNDERNEATH IT #but i know it’s imposter syndrome but i was genuinely so fucking terrified id get five nos and be stuck #because you can’t apply again on the website till the next school year #so if i got five nos i genuinely wouldn’t be able to apply again for the full year #and i already will be 21 when i start which feels fucked even though i know logically that’s okay like calm down aging isn’t bad it’s okay #it’s okay and it’s understandable there was a fucking pandemic ofc the gap year went off #still wild that my sister started college a year before me cause it’s her first year this year and my first will be next year #but yeah #but i know it was the imposter syndrome but i was still so fuckin scared #so getting my first response and it being a yes genuinely brought me to tears #i should have kept writing the post this is all just the same flavor as the post was just in the tags instead

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

#the longer it is that I don’t hear from him the more anxious I get and that’s so stupid and I hate it #I don’t know why so much of my happiness is tied to talking to him #especially because I have a girlfriend now and should probably be more inclined/excited to talk to her #which I am! really! I love talking to her too and wouldn’t have asked her out if I didn’t feel that way #but there’s something about him and this weird connection we have to each other #it’s like I just need to talk to him #my day isn’t complete and my mood gets all screwy if I don’t talk to him #and I know I say this same bullshit here so often but I’m just so fucked up about this all the time #because he’s still in my fucking head and I can’t get rid of him #so I’m stuck in this stupid headspace of wanting to give my all to my girlfriend and still subconsciously pining for him #I wish I could turn it off like he did because he makes it seem so easy to just shut off the temptation and the desire and all of that shit #but it’s just not that easy for me and now I’m so deep in this emotional pit that I feel like I can’t dig myself out #I don’t know what to do about all of this because I don’t have anyone to talk to about it #I used to just talk to him about it but it was hard for him to deal with so I promised I wouldn’t anymore #now I’m just worse for wear and spiraling constantly #personal