#but also because I'm sick of living with my shitty family

[thenerdcommander]

Really wish I didn’t have impulse control issues rn bc I promised myself I’d wait a couple months to really think through and thoroughly plan my move with the goal simply to be out of this state and working on my new state residency by the time the overturn of Roe gets voted on...but the urge to jump ship NOW after a mere week of research and planning is so fucking strong.  I want OUT.  I don’t even have any kind of ID anymore to make it feasible at this present moment in time but I need away from here ASAP.

#oversharing on main yet again? couldn't be me #I've just been hit with this strong feeling of being trapped and caged #it's suffocating #not only because this is a red state and I know I'm in danger #but also because I'm sick of living with my shitty family #they haven't even done anything today to make me want to run #I just hate it here #I want to be free with full autonomy over myself and I want to be able to go to therapy and I want to be out of the closet in REAL places #that aren't the internet and I want to wear binders and transition and I want to be able to have partners that I don't have to keep secret #and to love them openly and loudly where everyone around me can know I'm a simp without putting my mental health in jeopardy and I want to #be somewhere I don't have to abide by unnecessarily strict rules and schedules and don't have to perform to receive love from people who #expect me to be a perfect little lady that'll give them grandchildren and provide for a cishet white husband that I'll definitely have one #day and I want to wake up in the morning knowing I'm safe and that I won't be judged for merely existing #that's all I want #I can't stand it here

[spoopdeedoop]

hi i have some disorganized thoughts/hcs abt the found family human doctor au

(one of the thoughts being i should really give it a better name. another being YES this is only the nuwho doctors atm bc that's the only series i've watched so far apologies. if i ever get around to watching classic who i will add them trust)

BEHOLD my random, not at all in-depth headcanons

nine is the only one with a car out of all of them. they all keep bugging him to drive/pick them up from places -- he has mixed feelings about being the assigned taxi driver

both twelve and eleven are teachers -- college professor and preschool teacher respectively. twelve's students love them because he will say the most stupid, hilarious shit with a straight face without even knowing and eleven's students love him because he is the only teacher at the school that will dance with them during musical chairs (he doesn't even play the game. he just dances)

i want to make one of them an actual doctor but i don't think any of them could handle it unfortunately

they all share an an apartment flat on the same level -- nine, twelve and fifteen live in one room, ten, eleven and thirteen live in the one across from them. of course there are other people in the building too but they're all used to the strange loud hyperactivity of that particular flat. i think i'm using the right terminology here. yall know what im talking about

(i'm so tempted to make some companions be their neighbors)

nine and ten are the most insomniac of all of them, so they're used to bumping each other in the dead of night on their way to raid each other's respective fridges or something. very rarely thirteen will join them and they're like "WELL FANCY SEEING YOU HERE"

twelve does sleep, but like. he's nocturnal

eleven and ten hate each other in a sibling kind of way (see: day of the doctor). they are constantly sending each other death threats or tripping each other over. everyone is sick of it

sometimes when they're out shopping you'll hear ten yell "GET OUT OF THE FROZEN FOOD YOU NUMPTY WE ARE NOT BUYING FISH FINGERS" over the aisles and you'll hear eleven whine "WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH" back

(if you're lucky you'll be able to catch fifteen mumble "why did we put them in the same apartment. are we asking for an eviction notice")

eventually eleven will pick a random stray cat off the side of the road, take her home, and name her bowtie, which is a stupid name, so everyone just defaults to calling her kitty

kitty's favourite person is twelve, to eleven's absolute despair

(my original idea for this was to initially have ten hate the idea of living with a cat, since he's stated full on in the show that he doesn't like cats, but apparently there is some very obscure doctor who comic run in which he falls into a depressive spiral and adopts a cat whom he names rose-the-cat, so he might actually like cats idk?)

anyway ten hates her until he doesn't lmao. he vents to her when there's no one else home and she will Stare at him back and it is a very nice friendship

kitty and nine watch shitty romcom together

they have a joint groupchat together -- half of it is just thirteen and fifteen assigning everyone outfits they find on pinterest and the other half is eleven asking where everyone went (he keeps getting lost when they go out)

nine doesn't know how to download pictures off the internet and so resorts to manually editing memes together to send to the groupchat and everyone's like "girl that's so much more effort........."

(yes he doesn't know how to press save image to camera roll but he knows how to use a photo editor flawlessly. such is the logic of the idiocy of the doctors)

eleven and thirteen get along very well i think. they're the only two of the group to play video games and so they bond over that. they also have ridiculously similar clothing taste

sometimes they'll succeed in getting fifteen to play pokemon with them and then they'll proceed to not see him until the next day when he comes out of his room and goes "you didn't tell me plusle couldn't evolve i've been levelling it up all fucking night"

friday is assigned movie night (it's always big hero 6)

eleven is the only one to actively seek out physical affection, usually really abruptly like clinging to thirteen's back as she passes him in the hall or bapping ten with the palm of his hand until he sighs and gives him a hug. he does expect a platonic kiss on the forehead from anyone before he goes to bed and will complain if he doesn't get one

anyway thats it i'm sick in the head and really sad. if this keeps up i may be forced to actually write a fic

#doctor who #spoop speaks #if anyone has a name for this au i'm OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS #if anyone wants to write fic/draw art for this au YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO ASK. IM ACTIVELY BEGGING. PLEASE #might delete this post if i get too self conscious it is. just. words. ew

[wathanism]

the whole shitshow happening on twitter about the hijabi gal with a baby bump and muslim men's reaction to it seems to have inspired a massive conversation among muslim women about Why Are Muslim Men Like That and i really appreciate it. i've said before that i see myself as being in community with muslims despite being ex-muslim myself, but ik the feeling is not exactly mutual, so i don't really know how much i have to add to the conversation or what my positionality is here. i will say tho, i am always delighted to see these conversations Happening and i do hope that progressive muslims will make space for ex-muslims here because i really do think the question of "what pushed people so far away from islam" is a worthwhile one for everyone. in fact, i've seen people talk about it from the angle that "muslim men's sexism is pushing away women who are reverting," and i think there's space for "it's also pushing away women who were raised into islam."

i completely understand that in the global climate of extreme islamophobia, there's a sense that "any critiques of the islamic community must be done WITHIN the community to protect from outsiders who are operating from a place of hate." i entirely recognize that and i agree completely. but like i've said before, islamophobia doesn't actually stop when you no longer practice islam, and ex-muslims are also impacted by it. my argument is just that ex-muslims are, in a sense, part of the community because we're HERE. we live in these countries, we are part of your families, we're impacted by the same systems. it's a very weird positionality we occupy, but it would be inaccurate to say that ex-muslims are outsiders in the same sense that white christians are. i won't deny that there is a lot of islamophobia among ex-muslims, but it's a lot more nuanced than the kind of islamophobia that you'll see among white europeans and americans.

ex-muslims absolutely have a lot of fuckin Issues and i will always be the first to call it out, but we're really never gonna heal the mass religious trauma in the ex-muslim community until we are welcomed in these spaces where our traumas are validated and treated with the gravity they deserve. because a lot of these traumas we share are coming from the same place! muslim men being shitty to muslim women is entirely coming from the same place as them being shitty to non-muslim and ex-muslim women. there is of course more nuance there, but my point stands.

idk if i'm making sense but tldr, muslim women who are sick and tired of sexism from muslim men, i am holding your hand and i hope you hold mine too

#ex muslim #rambles #my thoughts here are completely scattered lmao who knows if im making any sense

[familyagrestefanblog]

If the woman at the pool really is Amilie then from S6 onwards we will have 2 orphans in the main narrative: Adrien and Lila

That fact that it's these two is honestly weirdly giving me hope

and yes, Adrien is an orphan. Just because he doesn't live alone and has legal guardian/s and a girlfriend doesn't it mean he isn't an orphan anymore. Marinette holding his hands and kissing him is not undoing the fact that Adrien's mother died harshly of illness almost 2 years ago and he thinks his father now died because Ladybug was partnerless and Gabriel as the only adult member of the Resistance and as Adrien's father - Adrien, who was thought to have been kidnapped - filled in Chat's place to defeat Monarque.

The amount of death surrounding Adrien's narrative right now - if the woman truly is Amilie - is beyond concerning.

Add Adrien blaming himself for Monarque having been cataclysmed in "Destruction" to the mix, plus depending on how Ladybug will go about Monarque's defeat she may use as a cover story towards the world in a panic reaction that Monarque crumbled to dust because of the cataclysm, which would indirectly but very directly include making Chat Noir responsible for Monarque's death in front of the whole world which in normal Miraculous fashion Marinette probably only accepts 20 episodes later to sweep it under the rug because *sighs; unfortunately insert random excuse for why she's blameless*

And let's not forget the fact that Adrien still had to wittness Nathalie having been sick like his mother (though Adrien never saw Nathalie in her worst state) and he also knows that Nathalie and his father were very close to the point where he has already given his blessing in season 3 and in s5 Nathalie has worn his mother's ring.

And now Adrien has every reason to blame himself for his father's death.

Take a damn guess if Nathalie being his legal guardian is enough for Adrien to not be or feel like an orphan anymore!

Then there is Amilie being around who looks like his dead mother and most likely can't stand either of his dead parents

Or Félix being around who gave ShadowMoth the 15 miraculous' which made Monarque as powerful and dangerous as he was (that's an objective fact) which for Adrien also would have lead into his father's death which is gonna be awful when Félix bad mouths Gabriel with Kagami, Marinette, Ladybug or in general.

Depending on what everyone else thinks and remembers, Adrien's friends may bad mouth Gabriel as Adrien's father too since that's what everything has lead up to by "Representation".

And let's not even get into Lila now.

The way Lila at this point would have such alarmingly easy game taking Adrien from Marinette and the rest of his friends and family, and also Chat Noir from Ladybug and her team that has barely ever been his anyway - especially now that there are 4 people in Ladybug's team who know her identity and he will continue not being allowed to be included in any of that, because I don't know how realistic it is to hold onto any hope regarding this - is ... insane. This is absolutely insane.

I know hoping that the new villain will latch onto everything bad and unfair is a shitty and biased thing to do, but Lila's villain narrative will be all about her being an orphan (right? That makes sense with the whole mothers thing and her extreme attention seeking behavior while not having a home. Just dialed up to the worst 11) and now Adrien is one too after.. all of THAT and how Adrinette and especially Ladynoir are at risk because of all the lies and secrets Lila is perfectly aware of.

For me there is a difference between wanting a new villain to latch onto the unfair treatment of a character because of one's own personal biase and just straight up refusing to get out of one's denial to acknowledge it when a new villain not only as an established character but story wise too has every reason in the book to do that now.

Do what you want, but I'm not putting my TRUST into LILA for her to not be as stupid as Gabriel because that's "mean to Marinette/Ladybug"

#ml spoilers #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #lila rossi #Ml season 6

[kindnessisweakness2]

Delusional - Part 27

"Thought I heard the bike." She spoke softly as she looked at Jax, completely missing a bloody Delaney stood behind him. There it was. The urge to smash her face to mushy red mess quickly rose in Delaney. Just the sight of her made her fists tingle. Sliding from behind Jax, Delaney pushed her foot against the brown wood door forcing it open. Without hesitation she made her way into Tara's boring beige living room and took a look around. "Hey! What the fuck do you think your doing?" Tara screeched from behind Delaney as she stood looking at the photos on her fireplace. "Aww how cute?" Picking up a photo of her and Jax sat on his old bike in a gold frame, Delaney turned to face the bitter ex girlfriend. Tara's eyes widened as she took in her appearance. Messy curly hair piled on her head in a bun, blood smeared across her face and neck, and all over her clothes. The hands that held the photo frame tightly were also red, making Tara feel sick instantly. Jax stood quietly by the now closed front door. Eyes flickering between the woman he thought he couldn't live without and the woman he knows he would lay down his life for. He was worried about Delaney, the baby, everything. "I'm gonna keep this simple, as you can see I've had a long fucking day." Delaney smiled sickly at a scared Tara. "We know about your little agreement with Alex. Get me out the way of Jax so you can take my place." Tara started to scramble for words, trying to plead her case Delaney assumed. "Oh don't start trying to make excuses now. We've heard it first hand. I'm sure you've already guessed, this blood ain't mine sweetie. Take a good look, because this is exactly how far i will go to protect my family." Tara's bitter face twisted at the threat. "Oh dont worry, i've already had the "Legacy Child" Speech. Jax Made it very clear where his priorities lie and who he's chosen. Not sure why, i mean we were good together before. And you? You dont exactly have anything going for you do you?" Delaney laughed in Tara's Face. "You left!" She couldnt help but scream in frustration. "You left him. You never respected his choices, his family, club. And when you sat in your shitty apartment in Chicago alone, you quicky realised what a good man you left behind. And so what? You came back expecting him to be sat waiting for you? Life moves on TarTar." Delaney smiled as she watched Tears fill her eyes. "You arent built for his life. You and your moral fucking high ground pulling him in 2 directions. Oh lovely Tara so high and fucking mighty. You love the man, you learn to love the club. If you loved him, leaving him and trying to pull him away from all he's ever known or wanted would have never crossed your mind. When you love someone you fucking commit to them. To love them through the good and the bad. But you? The first sign of anything bad and little TarTar packs her bags and runs. You are weak! And if you keep messing with my family, im going to show you exactly how fucking weak you are!" Delaney breathed heavy as she finished her rant. Her eyes never left an angry but scared looking Tara. Jax Still stood quiet, but pride bloomed in his chest at how protective his fiance was over their growing family already.

"Now you need to consider this your final firm warning. I dont want to see you around ANY of my family. Stay away, or i'll make you." Tara reluctantly nodded. Delaney turned around to face Jax with a smile. "Oh wait i forgot!" Raising her elbow she jerked it back hard and quick, connecting to Tara's nose. The scream of pain she let out made Delaney smile wide, as she swung back around to face her. "That was for ever thinking you could take my place, bitch." Quickly ploughing her fist into her mouth hard and harsh, she cut her knuckles on Tara's two front teeth. "And that? Well that was for almost getting me and my child killed!" Standing back, Delaney watched as the doctor fell back on to her cream sofa, her hand coming up to cover her bleeding nose and mouth. Turning to face Jax, she blew the fallen curls out of her eyes and placed her hands on her hips. "

"Take me home Teller. Its been a long day."

#jax teller x reader #sons of anarchy #jax teller #jax teller imagine #jax teller x oc #sons of anarchy imagine #sons of anarchy fanfiction

[wonderful-magician]

DAROACH HEAD CANNON RAMBLING???

More likely than you would think my friends.

Ok so I worked on the drawing above for maybe 10 hours and I'm very proud of it! And I felt like this post would be a good transition into elaborating MY VERY LONG LIST OF HEAD CANNONS for this rat.... Since he has very little backstory canonically similarly to most Kirby characters who have like a sentence of backstory. And unlike Meta knight or King DDD who have a general concept or idea. We know nothing about the silly rodents!! Nothing!!

( NOTICE THIS IS ONLY FOR MY GIJINKA VERSION OF HIM!! )

So I'm here to basically write a whole damn book for these guys. But specifically daroach because... I'm biased. Lmao. SO I decided to give him something! The life of a poor child from 1920!! ....woohoo?

I believe I've said this before, and I don't think it's that crazy- but I enjoy playing with the fact these characters are for the most part from different planets and have different cultures and experiences because of this. And I love to write little things about it. And just like many others. We have no idea where daroach is even from in the first place.

I like to think the original species of squeaks/squeakers originated from the forgotten land. But at some point they all moved to different planets and locations. You can find them on different planets, and they have a unique culture to each other. The only thing they all share is the bells! Which I shared on my post all about the bells!!

Anyway I figured I would have two bulletin lists about the fun head cannons of mine! But put both of them here for simplicity. And I hope this is coherent and doesn't come off too ... Wow! Tragedy! Daroach is really a chill, happy guy despite some of the things that happened to him in my personal canon...

Despite the events I list here, Daroach actually has a very positive attitude and outlook on life! Despite how his homworld has shitty living conditions and child labor.

Daroach lived with his father until he was ten, when his father was drunk and shot by an officer for being openly against the current mayor.

Daroach never met his mother. But he worries about it little. He cared about it more when he was younger. He also has no known extended family.

Daroach had to live in the streets for a while because of this. Working as a newspaper boy.

He met Storo during this time. The two quickly became good friends. As Daroach was fast and Storo was ... Big. Even as the two were only 10-12 year olds.

The boys became familiar with a lot of the adults in town. Knowing the baker or the locals well. Storo liked to speak to a specific man named doc, quite often.

One harsh winter. Daroach gets sick. And Storo starts to feel under the weather as well. Storo, worried for their well being. Begs doc for help one morning. Doc, after seeing the full conditions of the two boys. Let's them stay with him.

While this was originally temporary, doc ended up enjoying their company. And the three live together like a family. But none of them want to call it a family.

Daroach starts working at a factory and so does Storo. Doc trying to revive his career as a scientist. ( and failing.. miserably. ) around this time doc also takes in spinni. Who's only 7.

Daroach starts to become a more intense thief. While he was always good at it, he did live on the streets for two years after all. But he gets... Very good at theft. For he learns how to float and teleport.

As they all get older. They form a early version of the squeak squad. But it's more like a group formed against the current situations and political climate. As a civil war is occuring in the country and the city is very divided.

Daroach gets himself into a lot of fights. But is both loved and hated by the press. For his hatred to the government but attractive looks by squeak standard.

After daroach is wounded in a fight. They get money, and leave on their newly made airship. Never to return to this planet. As it's just miserable there.

Ok that was a basic outline of his story on my end! Time for more basic head cannons that can be applied much easier !!

Daroach has been smoking since he was like 13. This was normal for his planet. But nowadays he mostly understands his mistakes. But he still smokes, even if he's polite about it and smokes outside it matters little. Meta knight likes to absolutely mock him for this...

Daroach hates being hatless for an extended period of time. It's just ...weird...

Daroach is the only squeak/squeaker to stand on his tiptoes constantly.

Won the triple star in a bet with a certain wizard who plays star stacker.

Used to have a alcohol problem, as his father originally did. But he did actually recover from this.

Dated meta knight for a couple months before they broke up with no explanation.

Nobody but them and galaxia know why.

At the age of 11 he developed a limp and still to this day he doesn't even understand how he got this mysterious limp.

Owns like three of the same outfit and does his laundry often. Pure comfort

Hates not being formal. You won't find this man in public wearing slides and a T-shirt. Must be a poet shirt. Or something alike that.

Totally not weird that he dated meta knights reflection. When he broke up with the real thing.

Okay this better post correctly 🙂

#kirby #kirby gijinka #hoshi no kirby #hoshi no kaabii #daroach #implied metaroach #implied darkroach #cw alcohol

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Ooh, I got one. AITA for telling me sick, elderly dad "no" when he asked if I'd come help around the house?

So I think I know the answer to this already, but I'm curious about other people's opinions…. and I want to rant.

My dad and I (36, trans masc but I only figured that out about 5 years ago) have been butting heads for a while. Family situation is: I had cool hippy liberal parents but things went downhill with various addictions and depression. I lived with them until I was 30 (with me paying the bills for several years) and then finally moved out after I realized how unhealthy it was for me to be there.

Moving out coincided with me figuring out some things about myself, mainly the trans thing, probably because I felt more comfortable/safe and could focus on things other than that shitty living situation.

Another thing I'd finally realized, shortly before I moved out, was how messed up my relationship with my dad had been. Basically, I grew up with him doing this thing where he'd tell me I couldn't trust any of my friends (the implication being I could only trust him), or he'd tell me how smart I was because I saw things his way and talk about how people we knew were dumb because they didn't. He also taught me that I shouldn't show or admit to mental illness or neurodivergence because people (even my friends) would take advantage of me.

Once I'd gone, he repeatedly asking me to come visit, sending me messages about how sad he was and how much he missed me. I did visit a few times, but just being back in that house makes me feel real uncomfy.

At some point I share with him my observations about our past and how it negatively effected me. His response… is to say he doesn't think that's how it went. I keep trying to explain, asking him to acknowledge that these things did happen between us and, whether he meant it to or not, it did mess me up. He keeps dismissing it or redirecting the blame onto my mom or his shitty dad, or suggesting that my friends (who I'm living with now) have turned me against him.

But he also keeps pestering me to visit more, guilt-tripping me with how sad my old dog, Cavall, is after each time I do come by (I would have taken the dog with me, but he's a big fluffy malamute mix and the roommates have a small house + one is allergic. I didn't want to impose too much, so I'd limited myself to bringing only the one cat who I had the closest bond with and leaving the other pets with my parents).

All of this back-and-forth with my dad finally comes to a head a couple months ago when I ask for a specific item of mine that I left at my parents house. My dad responds with a little poem about how depressed he is because he misses me and I've abandoned him. I throw back some brusque line in which I call him "bro"…

… and that earns a response in which he mocks me about pronouns and gender identity.

I am shocked, because my parents were always super cool about queer stuff. I tell him so and then block him on facebook. He responds to that by scouring the house for everything I left behind, packing it up in cardboard boxes, and dumping it all in my roommate's driveway with zero notice.

I figure he's done with me at that point… but then, last week, he sent me an email which reads:

"I hope you're well. I hope your family is well. I miss you. I'm sick today. Weak. Dizzy. Queasy. Slept a lot, thankfully. I want to ask you, if I were to become too sick to do things for days, would you be someone I could ask to come make some soup, take out the trash, help and give comfort? I won't be surprised at a "no", but, a "yes" would be wonderful. I got the trash out and the dogs fed. Cavall is off his breakfast lately, but, usually eats supper. He used to eat better, but, he's really getting old and slow now. In the six years I've walked him he's gone from wanting to run a lot to slow walking and sniffing. I'm getting down some oatmeal with raisons and yogurt now. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow. I think so, but, the question arises at such times. Plz tel yes or no, so I can know for future reference."

And, well, I told him no. I hate the idea of abandoning sick elderly people who are already living in poverty, but after all the shit I described, I don't want to be around him. So, what's the vote?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[hamartia-grander]

I'm actually so sick and fucking tired of people who think covid is comparable to the flu. Just bc you or a family member got it and didn't die doesn't mean it's not super fucking serious and life threatening, ESPECIALLY for disabled people/people with health issues/autoimmune disorders. Every time my father sees me wearing a mask he rants about how covid is just like the flu and that everyone is over reacting and [insert shitty conspiracy theory here] and it makes me so upset every goddamn time. I got covid half a year ago, despite doing everything right, thanks to my parents' stupidity. I was sick for 13 days, entirely bedridden and feverish for 9 of those days. I physically couldn't get out of bed, not even to piss, the entire first day my mother had to half carry me everywhere. Same thing the second day, when she dragged me to the doctor where I tested positive. The first five days, I couldn't even look at an electronic device and had to keep the lights off all the time bc I'd actually vomit. I had a migraine that didn't go away no matter what medicine I took, for the entire the first week. My nose was constantly stuffy and my sinuses were so backed up I couldn't breathe through my nose, which made breathing in general so difficult and painful bc my asthma was also exacerbated. So my chest hurt too. All my normal chronic pain was magnified tenfold. I had a 103 fever for three days in a row, then it fluctuated between 98-100 the rest of the time. Thinking about it right now I still remember the pain and how it felt. I've had strep throat, a lot as a kid. I've had chicken pox, and the flu several times, because my parents never fucking vaccinated us. I have never been more sick in my goddamn life than I was with covid. And this is just me. Yes I'm disabled and yes I'm still being tested for possible autoimmune disorders (my mom and her whole side of the family have them) but even still I'm not nearly as at risk as a lot of people, and I was still more affected than anyone in my entire family, who have all also gotten covid because of their own stupidity. My taste and smell were never affected, but I'm still losing hair from it, which is apparently also a symptom I never knew about.

Wear. Your fucking. Masks. Covid is still around, it's still super fucking serious, it is NOT just like the flu, and you had fucking better take it seriously. Even if you don't care about getting it yourself, at least show some goddamn consideration for others whose health and lives are at risk.

#And despite how horribly sick I got my father literally doesn't believe me that I felt that bad #He actually thinks I faked it to make them take it more seriously. I always fake giving a shit about you dad I didn't fake covid #Covid #cw covid #coronavirus #Everytime I see someone not wearing a mask I get so angry and feel so fucking betrayed #Every maskless bitch who claims to be leftist or supportive of others or claims to care at all about other humans are fucking liars #If you can't even wear a harmless mask when you go in public how the fuck can you actually believe you care about others. #Note that I'm speaking from the perspective of an American tho. I understand there's places where covid doesn't even exist anymore #Or where there's no reported cases #But in America it's so fucking bad it's unbelievable #I couldn't even go to a hospital bc we were out of state when I got sick and no where took our insurance bc apparently being out of state #Voids your insurance or at least it did ours

[dahvampire]

I'll start this thing with the premise that I've only seen BNHA's anime, so I'm at the end of the events of season 6 and I don't know anything else from the manga. So, that's also a spoiler alert for anyone who isn't at my same point.

God I really, really despise Enji Todoroki.

Endeavor is a great hero, don't get me wrong: always on point, efficient with criminals, saves people and yada yada yada. Public interactions aren't his forte but anyone has his weaknesses, so it's fine.

But boy, boy if he's shitty. A shitty father, a shitty husband, a shitty person in general.

How can you beat your six year old son to the point of making him sick just because you're salty you're not at the same level of someone else? How can you try to erase your first son's suicide attempt that he did because you first indoctrinated him about being the n°1 hero since he was four and then discarded him at eleven because he couldn't keep up with your expectations? Enji told Touya his life was defined only by being a hero, and then he snutched the dream he put in his son's head from him when he was still a child. No wonders Touya didn't exactly take it well, his father just said he's actually worthless because of something Touya can't even control - the affinity that his body has for cold temperature.

And okay, maybe Enji wanted to keep him safe avoiding him to train, but the adult approached the situation wrongly from the start, since Touya's birth, for fuck's sake.

When Touya became useless, Enji focused his fixation on Shouto, feeding sibling rivalry to Touya and making him easily jealous of him because his younger brother became their father's focus of attention - and love, in his mind - .

Let's put the kids beside for a second.

Enji married Rei for her quirk, that's common knowledge, he even admitted it. After he finished using her for his convenience and after probably treating her just like he treated Shouto and Touya, he pushed her 'til the breaking point and then accused her of being unstable while the only reason for her unstableness has always been his presence in her life. We had a snippet of Rei before she married Enji, and she was a perfectly fine woman. Maybe reserved, but fine.

Then, Enji happened. She lost her rights on her body, the man married her just to breed a valuable heir after all. She lost her rights as a mother, because I think Enji hasn't ever allowed her to interfere with Touya and Shouto's education and lives in general, just think about how Touya treated her when she found out he was still training in secret. She lost her connections with the world, too, I guess, because I don't think she would be free to go and come at her will, considering how Enji thinks about his family members as his properties.

Then, she slowly started to lose her mind to the point of disfiguring her own child because his eye reminded her too much of the man she was forced to live with even though she clearly dreaded him, and she lost it. She crumbled under the pressure of what Enji did to her and to her children - that I guess she never actively tried to protect, maybe to save herself from the man's wrath, maybe because scared of aggravating things - and Enji took her out of the picture without even try to comprehend why she did what she did.

I'm not saying that she isn't guilty about the whole situation, I'm saying I can see her redemption arc. I can understand it. Now she's free of the shackles that held her down the whole time she was with Enji, and she wants to try and do something to make amends. I can see it, I can understand it.

What I cannot understand is the thing they're trying to do with Enji's redemption arc.

Like, are you kidding me?

He's an abuser, a manipulative man who hides himself behind a façade of ideals and stoicism, a person who looked his own kid in the eye at the age of eleven and told him he was not enough for his father and should get lost with his other two siblings, casted aside since birth because they too didn't meet his expectations.

Fuyumi is still hanging by the threads of hope that someday they will be an happy and functional family, but those threads started strangling her a long time ago, and I think she didn't even realized it yet.

And Touya.

God, Touya. He attempted suicide by the age of fourteen, being it consciously or not. Maybe he actually did it on purpose, maybe his emotions took the upper hand on him, but his mind couldn't accept the fact that his father's love was so conditional. Touya tried his best to satisfy the man, and Enji never acknowledged him beside to berate him for training without his permission. And Touya still tried, tried, tried to be seen by the man that put himself at the center of his child's universe since Touya was young enough to comprehend what heroes were.

No wonders Touya broke that night on Sekoto Peak, no wonder he died.

No wonder Dabi was born.

He's the incarnation of Touya's resentment after all, of the hate he feels towards Enji, towards the society that idolatries the hero without looking at the man, without understand that the monsters people fear aren't always the criminals and the villains on the streets, but hide themselves in plain sight, under a spotlight.

Touya was fourteen, he had all his life in front of him, and he still chose to trust the man he called father to care for him even without the incentive of his quirk, and his trust, his prayers fell on deaf ears.

I don't know yet what happened after Sekoto Peak, I guess what remained of Touya was find by someone - maybe Shigaraki's doctor himself -, put back together and brought back from the dead. And Touya didn't know what to do with the time that someone else borrowed him, so he set himself on the path of revenge to find some sort of justice for himself.

I'm not saying that Dabi's modus operandi is right. He's a murderer and his ways are almost always extreme, and his mind clearly isn't in the right place, but I can still understand him, his motives.

An hypothetical reception arc.

Before everything else he's a victim, after all, just like Rei.

Dabi wants to avenge what's remaining of Touya, of his inner child, and the only way he finds fitting is to take Enji's life to compensate the life Enji took from him.

Enji, on the other hand, doesn't deserve it.

He has seen that his ways were wrong only when everything came crushing down on him, and he cried on his hospital bed about being a terrible person after all the years he spent without questioning even one single time his actions.

How many times he made Touya cry? And Shouto? And Rei, Natsuo, Fuyumi? And his own fans, for God's sake? How many people he deluded without realising it, without even thinking it was an actual chance of him doing wrong?

Nope. Sorry, nope, I'm not fine with that. I don't think he deserves the pardon of all the victims of his actions, or surely he doesn't deserve to be forgiven so fast.

I don't approve the death of characters only because I don't like them, I know that's not how it works and it's simply stupid wanting someone dead just because, but fuck if i want him dead. Like, actually dead. Maybe it's because what he represents hit a little too close to home, maybe it's because I can't see a possible way to actually redeem him without stomping again on everyone he hurt, maybe I just can't stand him, I don't know.

I don't even know if I actually want Dabi to be still alive, at this point. I really like him, his character, his dramatics, but he's a dead man walking, literally. Maybe death would put an end to his suffering, maybe confronting Enji would be so cathartic to actually help him to recover the parts of his mind that he lost in the flames, in the walls of the house he grew up in, among the discouragements and the conditioned love he almost drown into.

The only thing I know is that I really hope Dabi lives long enough to see Enji's ashes scattering to the ground, being them the ashes of Endeavor's legacy or the ashes of his own body, cremated by Dabi himself.

#boku no hero acedamia #my hero academia #dabi #endeavor #anime #character analysis #bnha

[zooliminology]

Update/What's in the Future

[Hey guys, you probably have noticed that this is going to be likely the longest dry spell of real Zoolim content in a while. I apologize for this. Life has gotten in the way of a lot of things.

-I'm an art student in college, and last semester I didn't take any art classes so I was basically free to do whatever, but this semester I've taken three studio art classes, which are all very intensive and in honesty I would not recommend it! If you're a studio art student stick to 1-2 studio art classes a semester so you don't go insane please! I'm currently absolutely SWAMPED with work right now. -The Golbo video and the video that is imminently due this Tuesday (that i am writing this post about instead of working on) are the results of my New Media class. Considering the ten thousand million fucking art assets I have to draw for these it's been very time consuming (still want to do it though.) -A lot of life things have happened to me recently, not to be super personal but a family member of mine is sick and my living conditions are not the absolute Best, so it's been taking a heavy toll on my health.

All of these combined, especially the studio classes part because I've been bled dry of creativity energy relating to zoolim basically, has caused this dry spell basically. My hopes are that after the semester ends (which is soon) I'll be able to work on things more. I feel bad about not working on it more but I have to draw things other than zoolim to literally stay sane because it's a lot.

So I guess that leaves us with one question: what's in the future?

Well, a lot of things... maybe? I'm a little dry on entity ideas right now but i have a few, and I'd like to revisit some entities more and expand on them. And while I enjoy the videos and the non-entry ideas I have for material, I would also like to continue the 'traditional' paintings and entries. So I hope I can work on that alongside other things! I also have more ideas for videos, but considering how I have to do nearly all of the work, aside from the narration (thanks Darvinos) any video production will likely slow down dramatically after the semester is over. Until my next New Media class at least, but IDK if it will let me make the same shit.

I also have some deeper lore and a story semi-figured out, along with characters (you ever wonder who's taking the pictures? not the same person who's writing the captions!!!) but they would be hard to implement in this tumblr blog organically, so maybe they'll show up in some videos. I've thought of asking more people for help for this purpose, though I'd need to work out completely how that would work, and the moment that zoolim becomes more than some backrooms world i work on mostly by myself will become scary.

Sorry that this post is a big ramble, I hope yall understand and I swear the Longlegs video will come out pretty soon, it will be worked on again right after I post this lol. But please take care, and thank you for all the support you've shown me so far. It truly does mean a lot to me. I've said it several times but I'll say it again, I never imagined this shitty little art project about weird goobers in the backrooms would get so much attention lol.

ok end of post]

#ooc #zooliminology #update

[endlich-allein]

31 Days Idol Challenge : Till Lindemann

Day 16 — Most surprising fact

I'm sorry, but my answer is going to be rather short and not very detailed, I'm sick as fuck and I can't concentrate (perhaps I'll come back to it another day).

There are so many things that surprise me about Till.

For a start, I've always been surprised by the fact that he's always kept his feet on the ground. He's always been a simple person and treats everyone the same. Like the time he helped a fisherman who'd broken down in his village, or the times he helped the technical crew dismantle the stage instead of going to after parties. I think it's also due to the fact that he's stayed close to his origins: he's kept his childhood friends, he still lives where he grew up and he lives surrounded by his clan, having managed to keep his family life separate from his life as an artist. Talking about his life in Mecklenbug, his mother, Gitta, says: "He loves it, because it grounds him, he says. Of course he doesn't say that, but he says, 'I feel good here'. Now I can't walk around the lake anymore, and he said, 'I'll drive you'. In the meadow, between the lakes, he stops and says: "When I'm here, that's my happiness. I don't need anything else.'"

Secondly, I love the fact that the guy has so many talents. He can literally do anything: fly a helicopter or a plane ? No problem ! Woodcarving ? Eyes closed ! Drawing and writing ? Easy. Repairing a car? Finger in the nose ! I think Till is a very curious person, he has a huge general knowledge and loves to learn. I find that fascinating.

And finally, his shitty sense of humour ! Till has a very black and sometimes quite cruel sense of humour. I remember two anecdotes : the time he played a joke with the Rammstein guys on the opening act, Combichrist, making them believe that their plane was going to crash. And the time he made his girlfriend believe that his dog had been attacked by an eagle : "I like teasing people all the time. I really make some bad jokes. On April 1st I was in my country house with my huge dog, and I called my girlfriend to tell her that an enormous eagle attacked him. And she started crying over the phone (laughs). I let her stew with that message for an hour." The worst is that he laughs at his own jokes. He's always been mischievous, which is surprising for someone who only sees the dark side of life.

© Matthias Matthies

–––···–––

Rammstein Idol Challenge 2023 :

Oliver by @derwahnsinn

Flake by @anwiel13

Paul by @instillennachten

–––···–––

#31 days idol challenge 2023 #till is love 🖤 #till lindemann #rammstein #d 16 idol challenge 2023

[thekoopalingsandstuffs]

When was spewart diagnosed with cvs and ptsd?

When did hariet get her epilepsy and menstrual problems diagnosis?

And toppers oab/asthma?

Rango doesn't seem to have anything so uh...good job!

Spewart: "Good question... I got diagnosed with PTSD very recently by my therapist. It's not just from one event, but rather a collection of different traumatic things I've experienced in my life that continues to grow. Dr. Twila is not actually 100% sure I have it, though... "Fairly certain, but not absolute." I don't take meds for it, minus my antidepressants... And I've been to the psyche ward a couple of times throughout my life... Um... As for my CVS... That's more of a self-diagnosis that I got a doctor to agree with. I didn't puke that much when I was younger... Only on car rides n' stuff. But I'd say about four years ago, I started getting sick all the time. Once a week, I'd get out of school for a vomiting episode. If I ate something slightly too greasy, spicy, or with a little too much dairy, I'd vomit everything back up. And sometimes, I throw up, just, because. Not much is known about CVS, so there's not much I can do minus take a bunch of Pepto Bismol before I eat. Which, rarely does anything... All of us have TONS of medical issues, varying in severity. I assume you just picked the two we're most known for...? Well, thank you, Anon! We don't get to really talk about our issues often." :3

Hariet: "I don't remember it, but when I was in, maybe, the fourth grade... I sat down to watch a new TV show that had come out. Not sure what it was, but it had flashing lights and crazy sounds and things like that... Well, one of my brothers found me, on the floor, twitching, pupils dilated, frothing at the mouth, unresponsive... I got taken to the hospital, my family was informed that I had had a seizure, and later got diagnosed with epilepsy the same week, when I had another seizure, attempting to watch the show again. As for my menstrual stuff... For those who don't know, I got my first period when I was seven, which is... Not normal! And I get LOTS of pain, LOTS of blood, and it lasts for a LONG time. Still not normal!! I got a uterine scan in the seventh grade... I'm not sure exactly what was found, but I have some kind of deformity in my uterus that's causing abnormal periods. And also, I CAN get impregnated, but it's unlikely the fetus will survive... I am... Scared to try birth control, and I have hope that maybe this issue will go away on its own eventually, so I just have to DEAL WITH IT."

Topper: "I think I got diagnosed with asthma in the beginning of middle school... There's multiple potential causes for it—Living in foster homes with smokers, getting choked in fights a lot, allergies, air pollution, moldy rooms, simple genetics, etcetera. There was cause for concern when I suddenly started struggling to breathe and almost passed out in gym class one day. Been needing an inhaler on me at all times since. Okay, and I've always had OAB, ever since I was a baby but never got it officially diagnosed until VERY recently. As a kid, most of my foster parents assumed that my accidents were from me being irresponsible, not listening to my body, and intentionally holding until the last minute. It couldn't possibly be not my fault! And the ones that did know something was wrong with me never took me to the doctor; They gave me diapers and called it a day. Thankfully, my issues are WAY less bad than they used to be. But one day, I got curious, Googled my symptoms, took them to a doctor, and sure enough! I officially got an OverActive Bladder! Yay me?"

Rango: :D

Yeah, unless you count Rango's ADD and lack of arm, he has not much going on compared to his siblings. But, of course, there is that "mystery illness" he's dealing with~... I also headcanon that Rango had a shitty immune system & got sick a lot as a child to make up for his lack of serious problems.

[cinemaocd]

this is probably going to be long

OK, I lived through the AIDS crisis. I was a young person questioning my sexuality at arguably the worst possible time in American history. I discovered the word "bisexual" (hooray I have a label) only to read a few days later in mainstream news about how "bisexuals were responsible for spreading AIDS to the hetero community" which was a take that was tolerated on national news shows at the time. The only sex education I had in my entire public education was a film we were forced to watch about how you could get AIDS from french kissing (you can't) and heavy petting (which we didn't know what it was because it was outdated old people code for oral lol)...

The entire LGBTQIA plus community was not attacked as a monolith, the focus of hate came on gay men, because they were the most obviously effected and also the most visible and prominent in the community. The rest of the community did their best to embrace and protect them. (For example lesbian groups that were on the front lines of caring for people who were sick when no one else would...).

And there were people like myself who identified as allies but were in a place where they didn't feel safe to come out themselves. I did not come out at that time because even though I was in accepting local community at University and working at a feminist journal I knew I would lose friends and family and possibly future work opportunities. Being Bi it was easier to blend in for me and I took advantage of that. Part of the reason I hesitated so long about coming out was I felt a lot of guilt that I didn't come out in the 90s during the AIDS crisis. I felt like a coward who wasn't worthy to stand with such brave people.

It took me a long time to let go of that self-hate to the point where I could come out. A big part of it was acknowledging how fucked up the climate for LGBTQIA folks in the 80s and 90s. We had two family friends (which is how I knew I would probably be rejected by a lot of my family) who died of AIDS. Yes, these were brilliant, creative men who worked in theater. One of them was the props coordinator for Late Night with David Letterman (responsible for building Dave's velcro suit etc.). I also have a peer who died of AIDS in the early 2000s, long after the disease had supposedly been "not a death sentence" who also happened to be an actor.

Despite their lack of political involvement, they were be seen as radical just because they lived openly as gay men in a society that hated them and wanted them dead, and only tolerated them if they were the "fun gays" who weren't actually threatening the status quo...

Being in theater or the arts was a survival tactic for a lot of people ya know because it was a more accepting environment and because it wasn't considered important like politics, medicine, science etc. (Miss me with the gays can't do math jokes. A gay man invented the fucking computer).

The gay men I knew in long-term monogamous relationships survived the worst of the crisis and they automatically became "respectability queers" for having not died and wanting jobs with health insurance etc. Because one dude follows his dream of working in theater and the other quits theater and goes to work at the phone company and buys a house with his partner, one is fun and the other boring? One is a creative genius creating culture and the other is a consumer of cultural pap? Wow. Great take.

FUCK. I'm just getting so angry thinking about this. You want to know why it took me till I was FIFTY fucking years old to come out: AIDS. That's it. ONE Fucking word.

Sorry I have no idea WHY I fucking started this other than I saw a shitty post that said, our culture became boring because all the fun gays died and left only the boring gays who only care about marriage or whatever.

#Also: what the fuck is wrong with CATS and ghostbusters??? #both are great #both have their value #if you want to bitch about marvel or shitty broadway musicals then do it #please don't throw all the old gays under the bus for being boring while you do it #also there was that post yesterday about Anthony Perkins and I did not realize he died of AIDS #I don't know how I missed it...oh it happened in 1992 when I wasn't living at home and didn't have a tv... #sometimes the sex positive bubble of tumblr will prefer the LOLZ lifetime achievment of fucking take #over the he was conflicted because all of society hated him for being gay and many many shitty people rejoiced I'm sure when he died take #as they did when other prominent gay men died of AIDS #PS: those are the same people trying to pass legislation attacking trans people #the same fucking people

[papercherries]

I recently took a trip to my hometown to pick up my cat. I ended up staying for a couple days because my family was having a small dinner, nothing fancy. Usually when I go to my hometown, I'm very bored. There's not a whole lot to do in my hometown, especially since all my friends were away also. I should've brought my laptop or switch because I only brought two books, Don Quixote and Against Interpretation and I couldn't read for more than 3 hours at a time. I also wasn't in the mood to watch a film. So, usually I am very bored. I mostly play guitar or more recently banjo. I scream and shout at the top of my lungs, which I imagine must annoy the neighbours but they have never complained. Obviously, I perform these two acts together.

But I also spend a lot of time thinking, as I also cannot sleep in my hometown. It's too quiet and my pillows are too hard. So, I spend a lot of time thinking. Why am I the way I am? Why am I the queer one in my family? (besides certain exceptions). Why am I the empathetic one? Why am I so radically different from everyone else in my family? Not a single person in my family has ever pursued an art, besides wedding photography. I was raised in the same environment, went to the same schools, taught the same ideals. Mind you, I had different friends and I was definitely involved in different social spaces but even then I am quite different from my old friends.

I always realise, my hometown is full of cynicism and pessimism. I was also full of these qualities when I lived there. I wouldn't say people are unhappy there, (though some obviously are) I would say they're sick. It's reeks of post-Thatcherite depression, but unlike other areas where they've built up from this, the town has stagnated. People are born there, they move around a little, they move back, then they die in the same hospital they were born in. I can't imagine a more depressing fate. Everyone wants to escape, lots end up returning because it's all they know. Ironically, it's an migrant town. Everyone who lives there isn't from there, at least originally. Mostly Scottish people, but over the last twenty years, lots of people migrated from Eastern Europe. I wonder why they chose the town. I know why the Scots chose it originally, but what does it offer now.

It also doesn't help there's not a whole lot to do. Whilst I do admit, there's some things (a cinema, swimming pool, lots of green spaces), there's nowhere for you to discover yourself, by that I mean discover arts. There's plenty of sporting opportunities in the area. Besides the cinema (which I do admit is relatively cheap), there is one other arts space. There's an arts centre, hidden away in the towns centre. There's no advertising for it, nor is there much on. It's also difficult to find if you don't know where it already is. Most importantly, there is no music scene. Whilst there is a yearly music festival (though I'm not sure it still exists), there is no music. The best you will hear are old rockers still playing the shitty pubs they grew up in and the bellowing of the bagpipes behind the hearse. Now, I remember there used to be a venue in the town. It was an actual venue, people actually attended. Though it was shut down many years ago, I can't remember why but I think it was to do with costs. Which is crazy cause the venue rent shouldn't have been high due to the placement of it. Sometimes, there's still the one off gig in the building but it's once every couple years, for those who are nostalgic for it perhaps.

My point being, there's a little to do in the town. But no one can afford it. I couldn't afford it, I used to get free cinema tickets cause my friend worked there. I still do, at a different cinema. Same friend. People need to express themselves, I believe the town is improving in that regard but the town genuinely has an opportunity to become a cultural hub. The council is so incompetent and the mayor is a right twat. The people would have to do it. It also doesn't help that when local elections happen, the town always votes labour. But labour never wins because the surrounding villages are included in the votes. So conservative wins. I think if the town had a larger variety of things to do, it would be a much happier, empathetic place. But, perhaps I'm being naïve, perhaps an idealist. I suppose you always want the places you lived in to be better, I suppose only I can implement these ideas. Even if it's just be spreading them.

P.S. It also doesn't help that since leaving the EU most smaller towns have struggled due to the weak policies the British government has implemented to help the growth of these towns. Essentially, the way I understand it is, when we were in the EU. Money made in the bigger cities, a portion of it would be taken out and spread to smaller communities in the UK so the towns and villages wouldn't be crushed under the heel of the ever growing cities. Whereas now, that fund is significantly decreased. Hence small towns in Britain becoming more and more run down.

All we have time for is drinking, screwing and dancing. For it's all we can afford to do.

#creative writing #spilled thoughts #writing

[bloodyspade0000]

More Haikise headcanons or more like Kizaki headcanos

Note: this is like an updated version of the original

.....

• Enemies to lovers

• Angst. Angst. Angst.

• They hate each other but also love each other. It's very complicated

• They don't flirt. They insult each other

• They hate fuck after every argument

• Haizaki sucks at giving and receiving comfort. And Kise isn't. So, Kise often does the comforting.

• Haizaki is terrible at feelings because toxic masculinity. So, he only knows how to be angry.

• Kise teaches him it's okay to feel feelings other than anger

• Haizaki struggled alot to to comes to terms with his sexuality because of internalized homophobia and repression. And with his feelings for Kise.

• Haizaki hates physical contact but is touch starved and only willingly to let Kise touch him during sex. But, eventually lets Kise touch him without sex being involved.

• Haizaki's got alot of trauma cuz his family's shit (a theory) and doesn't trust people easily. It took alot of patience and effort for Kise to gain Haizaki's trust.

• Haizaki uses sex as a coping mechanism. So, whenever shit happens at home. He seeks out Kise and Kise always gives into him even though he knows its unhealthy for Haizaki.

• Haizaki bottoms because it's the only way he'll get his mind off of shit. He also just likes Kise's dick.

• Kise takes privilege in being the only person Haizaki will let touch him and is willing to be used as a chair.

• They're both protective & possessive. Kise is more protective because Haizaki keeps getting hurt.

• Haizaki gets hurt alot either by getting into fights or cuz of his family.

• Haizaki's terrible at taking care of himself and has a shitty immune system so he gets sick alot. So, Kise often has to take care of him.

• they eventually elope without telling anyone and live in nice apartment with a cat.

• Haizaki cooks. And they split the rest of the chores.

• Kise drags Haizaki to places ie the mall or hangouts with the Miracles because Kise believes Haizaki needs to spend time with people other than Haizaki's toxic family

• Haizaki just goes along with whatever Kise wants because Kise is stubbornly annoying. Definitely not because Haizaki has a huge soft spot for Kise.

• Haizaki loves horror movies and Kise hates them but watches them with Haizaki anyway. It's also an exuse to have Haizaki hold him.

• Kise strongly believes in aftercare after sex.

• Kise is the affectionate one. Haizaki struggles with it and is awkward.

• Kise thinks its cute

• Haizaki has abandonment issues because everyone in his life has left him and he thinks Kise will eventually get tired of him

• Kise reassures Haizaki he will never get tired of Haizaki or leave him.

• Kise is clingy and refuses to let Haizaki go

...

my ao3

the recent haikise wip I'm working on

and my ask box

#I love these two #Like they would have such a complex and dynamic relationship #Kise is golden retriever & Haizaki is the black cat #They love each other deeply #knb #kuroko no basket #kuroko's basketball #kise x haizaki #haikise #kihai #kise ryouta #kise knb #haizaki shogo #haizaki shougo #haizaki knb #sort of nsw

[doctorguilty]

Ugh

My grandma unloaded the whole dishwasher while coughing open mouth nonstop like she sounds sick, I pray it's just like allergies though, but it's not like this is a one off thing either both of my grandparents are like this like they don't cover their mouths for any reason ever, also yesterday my grandma was making some meal with raw chicken and it was like Texas chainsaw massacre on the counter and in the sink there was raw chicken pieces and juice everywhere including the "clean" dishes, my sister tried to clean everything the best she could, but it's just so stressful like I try really hard to keep my things separate, I like to think if they go through the dishwasher they're sanitary but that's not always guaranteed because, gestures to the above words, sometimes behind my back my grandpa will not put my cutlery (blatantly mine, is bright colored plastic for children) in the dishwasher at all and just rinse it and put it back and i don't even know why like forks don't take up so much space in the dishwasher, he does it with the regular silverware too sometimes which is gross but I keep begging him to stop "hand washing" anything of mine PLEASE just put it in the dishwasher, if I can't trust anything I use paper plates and plastic cutlery and solo cups, but it's exhausting, to keep up, and keep buying those things, and even then there's no guarantee I'm safe cause again like what can you even do when cough/sneeze shrapnel is all over the counters and fridge and everything, and it's still crazy to me that when I had strep everyone was suddenly more careful than ever to not get sick from me, when I'm the one most vulnerable, it feels like just days after I was done with the antibiotics I feel congested and shitty again like that's really just my default state, while I was taking them I felt pretty great, which I'm gonna mention to my doctor I think like uhhh that seems kinda weird to me

Anyway I just wish I could move cause like i barely get to leave the house yet I'm still not even getting the At Least I'm less exposed to pathogens, it's the opposite of having your cake and eating it too, but! I can't afford it and I'm not mentally willing to do any roommates anymore my ptsd from a million things is too strong and it doesn't help that when I visited my partner their sister triggered all of that and CONTINUES to be insane like lying to her family making up stories about things I allegedly did while my partner was at work like I'm so scary and the adults just believe it and I'm like,,, I was asleep, but that's very reminiscent of insane shit in the past like one of the people I lived it in real time messaging a mutual (their now ex) friend that I was yelling and throwing a fit and being crazy when I was actually in the living room with my headphones on watching tuca and bertie,, I just want to live alone or with my partner (and we're working on that but it's rough between their lease stuff and immigration things) but if I could just afford to live alone in a shitty apartment I'd be fine but these days even the cockroach and bedbug infested studios are like $900+ /mo no utilities included no washer dryer MUST make >2.5x rent to be approved

#seth speaks #neg