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aquickstart · 4 months

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ok sure i'll talk about farleigh start. i'll talk about his tragedy of never being enough as it were and then having to deal with fucking oliver. sure. disclaimer: it's about class (and race) and the horrible reality of the rich. the horrible reality of living as farleigh.

another disclaimer: i'm white! and poc definitely pick up on everything i'm talking about here as it is, and better. i was and am specifically interested in farleigh vs. oliver but it's impossible to examine without considering race. definitely let me know if anything abt this sucks!

farleigh and oliver are similar. it's annoying because every intruder that is not himself is annoying, partly because felix's attention swaying from farleigh is dangerous; there is always a threat of being discarded, even if no precedent existed. the potential is terrifying.

but you'd think he's seen this before, every summer (if venetia is telling the truth) or at least often enough to learn to recognize it fast, so he should know this will pass. part of it is i think still the deep anxiety, and i think he hated every boy that was there before, and it is sort of routine.

but definitely a huge factor in farleigh's annoyance is the fact that he's a biracial (black for cattons, that's all they see) man in a white rich household. he's alert and exhausted all the time. of course he's angry at oliver, regardless of whether he's the first to crash at saltburn for the summer or the fifty-first.

but the important thing is this.

farleigh is very jealous of and angry and pissed at oliver because farleigh sees all the similarities between them. outsider, in financial trouble, whatever it is, in need of cattons; and yet oliver is preferred. and farleigh seems to be the only one to really consider it. felix does not pick up on the hint when farleigh brings up the birthday party vs. his mother. felix's clumsy "different or... anything like that" is as much about race as it is about class, of course. the "we've done all that we can" bit is felix absolving himself of guilt because surely they had, surely the mysterious collective cattons that he's not really part of had tried all they could do. to him, farleigh is different from oliver, because farleigh has been helped. felix is rich and white and twofold uncomfortable with farleigh, even if he's nice about it, even if he genuinely enjoys his company; he doesn't look too close at farleigh because he feels too guilty to come too close. and farleigh can't do anything about it. he can't nice himself into it. the fucking tragedy of him is that he's never enough in the world of the ultra-rich white, even if (especially because!) he's born into it.

farleigh is very pissed at oliver because farleigh also sees all the differences between them. you know who can be nice poor white enough to fit in? fucking oliver. felix says "just be yourself, they'll love you" when oliver first moves in. farleigh was also probably told the same thing, and felix also probably believed that farleigh could just be himself, but even if the cattons were magically not racist at all (impossible), it wouldn't make a difference to farleigh. he would still self-censor, keep in check, be in dangerous waters (because racism is not just about the individual, but about the system). we see that he'd won himself leeway by years of trial and error by the way he speaks to the family, but it's still within the boundaries of acceptable, built by the cattons. he's part of them because they allow it, and farleigh is very, very aware.

the annoying thing is oliver can be himself. like, truly, genuinely, he can just be. and farleigh can't help but envy that.

as a side note, oliver is obviously jealous of farleigh in the beginning as well, because regardless of the reality of farleigh's situation, he was born into it, and hence, at least in oliver's mind, has his position solidified. oliver's whole thing is unquenchable thirst and hunger for whatever and everything the cattons have (including themselves!). he wishes to have been a catton from birth. to oliver, at first, there's nothing farleigh can really do to lose it. and until he figures out the cattons completely, he can't help but envy that.

but i think farleigh senses something different about oliver early on. at least on the level of the text, we have "you're almost passing [for] a real, human boy", which is so important because farleigh is the first to point out oliver's weirdness. the next to do so is venetia in the bath scene calling him a freak, but it's too late. farleigh is too early.

and i like to think he clocks oliver too early because he sees the jagged edges that he recognizes in himself. i think that one other thing that farleigh envies is oliver's freedom to let go. freedom to let go is very similar to freedom to be, but not quite the same.

to be is about perception: farleigh knows he cannot fall out of line, but would like to, and oliver does not have to worry about it at all (i mean, he does, because oliver also performs for felix, but farleigh doesn't know that).

to let go is about the self: farleigh is too scared to even want what oliver eventually does, to even consider the possibility. oliver can let himself want. oliver can let himself act. oliver just can do things and want things. i'm not sure farleigh can.

and so in this scene, when oliver's wants and actions have landed him nowhere with farleigh, felix, venetia, the cattons, of course farleigh gloats. he can let himself do that, because if the cattons are slowly discarding him, farleigh can allow himself this one small victory. he's relieved because despite the dangerous similarities, oliver is, thankfully, not really the same as farleigh, right?

but like. this movie is a love letter to all things gothic. oliver is a white man. he prevails. the brief performance that oliver put on did eventually end up more effective than farleigh's lifetime of constraint. my heart fucking breaks for him to be honest.

the issue that remains is the fact of farleigh's survival. i like to think that oliver came to respect him. oliver is smart, but farleigh is clever. he picks up on everything oliver does (to refer back to the karaoke scene, farleigh immediately retaliates in the cleverest way, in the moment), and he's the only one to do so consistently (venetia, again, for example, comes close, but too late; oliver doesn't like that, there's nothing to work with). hence, stay with me for a little longer, the paradox: farleigh survives because he was never enough for the cattons, but he is very worthy of oliver's attention. in his own freaky way, oliver wants him. look at that.

so. farleigh. farleigh might come back. he always comes back. and i think oliver wants to try harder next time.

#saltburn #farleigh start #i think someone mentioned how the race commentary was fleeting in that scene abt his mom but i disagree #it runs thru the whole movie #because oliver is white and because they're pitted against each other #im not saying its the best commentary ever and also like the movie is not about it at all #but it's there and it's pretty prominent #also on a completely different note can we talk about how oliver correctly assumed everyone at saltburn desires him carnally #dude pulled all the bitches by being strange and off-putting. i mean i completely get it. completely get it. i'd fold so fast you've no ide #also while i was writing i realized that yes indeed both farleigh and oliver perform for felix and its so fascinating #and it works for oliver because of course it does because hes white #anyway! again! let me know if this sucks #in like any way at all #i needed a masterpost of all and every thought i have about farleigh #i think this pretty much covers it so i'll let it go now #HES SO. like do you UNDERSTAND #the DEFINITION of doomed by the narrative but i LOVE that he survives #as he SHOULD #emerald is so right. he does come back and quickstart just torture each other in that house forever. besties for life #god im gonna shut up now this is so horrendously long #mine #saltburn journaling

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writeouswriter · 2 years

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The curse has lifted (finally wrote more than like 10 words on something)

#writing #writeblr #writer things #it's not my original fiction but i finished 1 chapter of a fanfic at 1041 words and like it's been so long #i've had lots of started projects and opening paragraphs for original stuff and junk #with like random scenes in half stages of completion over the last year #but this is a solid 1000 words for one thing in order and not like with blanks or nowhere to go #i haven't really written that much chronologically for one thing in a while #i think it'll be a 2 or 3 chapter fic hopefully i can keep this going #i have a complete chapter it's short but i'm happy it's something #i have half a chapter of another fic too and it's getting there #maybe i can write after all #just... maybe #now to bring this over to one of the projects i actually have been wanting to work on come on brain yip yip #thing is the fanfic i do is already like jumping into the middle and it's not the same for og work #where i have to establish things prior to the jumping in to the angst and all but hey #we'll figure it out #the curse may still come back but for now... you know

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bookinit02 · 9 months

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in honor of my s5 announcement this week, here’s one of the scenes from the first episode! hope you all like it🫶🏻

#if all goes well this will be releasing the last week of august btw #anyway i have never written a script before so pls don’t judge too hard😭#also i have a fic wip coming out this saturday (hopefully)#but it is a birthday present so i’m trying not to spoil anything #it was hard enough finding a script scene that wasn’t too spoilery😭#even tho. i love them all #this script is my baby okay #alright these tags are getting long #miwip wednesday #:)#rewrite #oh also if u missed the announcement i am writing a full s5 script with all plotlines and all episodes #that was the announcement.#ok bye💗#s5 script

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paranorahjones · 12 days

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i think women in media need to start describing the men they're in love with as "beautiful" more often. like way more often. i'm not kidding. it's not a gendered word. there's no way that society is going to give up the idea that it is anytime soon, but wow i want to tell men that they're beautiful. i think it would be good for society to see that on the tv.

#yeah this post was inspired by a scene from chuck #SUE ME #THAT MAN IS BEAUTIFUL IN LIKE SO MANY SENSES OF THE WORD #but anyways the general statement is still true #i actually remember arguing with a friend about this years ago #it makes me wonder about the differences in how i see men i love vs. how the average woman sees men she loves #i see the face of a man i love and i want to write poetry about it #i HAVE written poetry about that concept #men are beautiful and i think they would benefit from hearing that #anyways i love men #chuck bartowski most of all #i mean what #i've been awake for too long

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pop-punklouis · 2 months

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#if the rumors are true about hs4 #which im still just. vibing about i dont have an opinion here or there #BUT if they are #i really do hope he delves more into the rock scene #imo hs1 is his best record when it comes to seeing his long-term potential #and fine line features elements of rock that was prevalent in hs1 #i just think harry's stage persona and interests work so well under the rock umbrella #his voice and writing style would perform so well in the genre after having three other albums under his belt #like hes won the grammys hes won the brits #hes done residencies #hes done practically everything he can in the pop sphere #lets see him return to his roots since he has nothing to 'prove' anymore as a solo artist #he can just experiment and howl and write freaky lil lyrics and have killer guitar solos #give me all the glamrock elements #please

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brother-emperors · 4 months

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you know that post about how scholars talk shit about each other when they write the phrase 'one might be tempted to assume,' or however it went. the entirety of crassus scholarship is like this.

#thankfully all i do is make comics and i can do whatever i want as long as i can justify the narrative beat #otherwise id be. ough. id be tempted to write a 600 page biography on him attempting to unravel this #B.A. Marshall mentioning Rawson's article on Crassus that initially intrigued me about him and he counters her assertion #that pompey overshadowed him with the triumph in a footnote like in a way we have come full circle #everyone collectively agrees that pompey and crassus were not the rivals that a lot of people seem to think they were #so im glad that we're all shaking hands on that. and that the rivalry they did have was just. the usual kind expected from the political #scene. very fun! for narrative purposes i will continue to make them periodically bite each other #because every time someone goes 'oh yeah they were heirs to sulla' i think im going to lose my mind #it does in some ways make their repeated alliance a little unsettling tho. like. haha ha ehgh. now we have to contend with #other kinds of parallels

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lunarharp · 11 months

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into the deep end - 30k T orufrey fic, focusing on memory trauma, disability, and romance.

the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the other.

for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.

the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.

but they were never whole to begin with, were they?

qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.

olly says nothing.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #sorry i wanted to make a new post for my fic since the first illustration is new.#*stands in the middle of a desolate field in the pouring rain* Please Read My Tale...Blease..Oh god please..*collapses to the ground*#someone asked if there's spoilers in it. Um...yes. Sorry...it's about everything #maybe i should describe it more? it's about qifrey becoming more and more disabled - as i feel is his canon trajectory #and both of them processing the choices that have been made. it was necessary for me to explore this in order to fully understand orufrey #and for them to have the cathartic conclusion-that's why this is important to me for my witch hat fanwork making life. this connects it all #and having dived into qifrey's mind and lived through oru's feelings i was able to get to a place that is possible for them.#the hit/kudos ratio is so pathetic idek what happened. ppl opening it realising its long and saving it for later or just bailing lmfao #idek any more i hate advertising my writing i hate trying to get more ppl to read my long fics it's so hard 🥲#i'm so much prouder of this than my art...i was able to sink deeply into the orufrey feelings i had always wanted to fully explore #so. it's there lol.........i reread the date/kiss segment today after trying to forget about it thinking maybe the fic is just BAD lol #and like.....nope! i like it very much and this is what i was trying to get across. and it's always there to be read by anyone who wants to #and i will always remember the bliss i felt while writing when i was just lost in their world and living as them. dear GOD i love them.#i'm grateful to myself that i put in the work and love to make this so that i can always come back to it. i wanna illustrate scenes properly #but i'm never satisfied with drawing things i've written because i just can't capture the vivid experience in my mind. maybe one day.

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emry-stars-art · 1 year

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When the guy you’re desperately trying not to crush on even though he refuses to speak to you anymore tears into the homophobic pastor on campus and it is, against all your better judgement, kinda hot

(More modern college au floaty ideas)

#i dunno how necessary this scene actually is #but i had fun writing it #even though neil josten roasts are so hard to write bc im not actually witty #😭#its fine were fine #fan art #my art #aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #modern college au #how did i draw a neil that looks so little like neil #this is the least neil-looking neil ive drawn in so long #what is happening

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sapphire-weapon · 9 months

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Resident Evil 4 Remake's story is structured like the plot of a romance novel: master post

A few months ago, I wrote up a very quick and dirty outline/explanation of how Resident Evil 4 Remake's story had been restructured from the original game to follow the story beats of a romance novel. At the time, I didn't think it was all that important to explain it super in-depth, but now that more and more people are looking at it, I figured I should probably explain what I mean with each of these beats lmao

1) Call to Adventure / The Meet Cute

All that a meet-cute actually is is the scene in which the characters that the romance is centered around meet for the first time. The intention is to show an initial spark between the characters -- they meet under bizarre/unexpected circumstances and, at some point, both characters become aware of just how significant it is, even if neither says anything about it.

Leon and Ashley's meet-cute starts with her swinging a candelabra at his head and ends with Leon holding her in his arms out in the rain for a period of time that is absolutely too long to be normal for the circumstance. They lock eyes in this moment, and it's meant to be seen as Significant.

2) Refusal of the Call / Rejection of the Relationship

This is the "I'm just imagining things" reaction to the significance of the meet-cute. Both characters treat the spark as though it never happened -- and, usually, it's because there's other external factors influencing their ability or willingness to follow the trail of that spark and see where it goes. Instead of going "Hey, you're cute, can I get your number?" both characters just jump straight to "Well, anyway --" and go back to living their own independent lives apart from each other.

After they both snap out of that weird trance they were in after Leon caught Ashley out the window of the church, he goes right back to treating her like a mission objective, and she just has absolutely no idea what to make of him at all. Ashley spends the next few sections of gameplay in shock and disbelief with lines like "Seriously, this cannot be happening." and "I just wanna go home..." Leon ignores all of her complaints, keeps her moving even when she asks for a break, and doesn't really speak much to her at all other than to bark orders at her.

3) Acceptance of the Quest / Giving the relationship a chance

Something Happens that forces both characters back into each other's lives and/or personal attention, and they both find that they do Like each other, actually -- even if that feeling of "like" isn't anything super significant. It could be something as simple as realizing that they enjoy the other's company and wanting to see/talk to the other more often.

This arguably starts when Leon and Ashley first run into the cabin and Leon puts a comforting hand on her back that he absolutely did did not have to put there -- but it's definitely in full swing after the cabin sequence is over. Personally, I would say that it's the revelation about Ashley having a plaga in her that's the Something that Happens between them. The whole mission starts to become a whole lot more personal, because now it's not just about surviving and escaping -- now it's about making sure that Ashley stays Ashley.

She starts to open up to him more, and he suddenly becomes much warmer towards her, as well. He's quick to reassure her ("I won't let that happen. I promise.") and not only responds to her when she talks, but also begins talking to her unprompted as well.

This is also the first time Leon ever tries hitting on Ashley with the "Seems this isn't your first time running from creeps" line, and it fails spectacularly.

4) Trials and Temptations / Three Dates

This one is probably the one that needed the most explaining LMAO I shouldn't have let this one go. The "three dates" don't have to/usually aren't meant to be actual, literal dates in romance novels. They're just three significant events that happen between the couple that builds and then reinforces their bond. (It also doesn't necessarily have to be three -- some stories only do two, some do five, etc. The point is that Things Are Happening that strengthen the relationship.)

That is why I said that their three "dates" are:

1) Ashley busting the window open after the Mendez boss fight, helping brush the embers off of Leon, and helping to pull him to his feet. This is the first time the two of them actually smile at each other and the first time they start to act as a team.

2) Salazar's introduction ("The girl's just fine. With me."). Leon wants so badly to be that cool guy in an 80s movie who shows up out of nowhere and puts his arm around a beautiful girl and looks at some dickhead harassing her and goes "This guy giving you a hard time, babe?" This is the closest he's ever gotten to and will ever get to being that in his life. He's not cool enough to ever actually be that guy for real.

3) The road to the Water Hall (Leon jumping across the chandeliers + this is the first time the "knight and the princess" allegory is stated) (You could also include the Garrador here, because if you take Ashley down there after the fact, there's special dialogue that happens that's... God, Leon sucks at this whole flirting thing. He just sucks, dude.)

5) Midpoint Crisis / I-need-you-but-can’t-have-you

Everything is going so well... until it isn't anymore. The three dates have given the couple a glimpse of how special and important this relationship could be, which is great -- until it becomes a problem. One of the characters gets freaked out by the intensity of the relationship and pulls back out of fear, because there's something else happening in their life that's bigger than either character and more important to be addressed.

In Leon and Ashley's case, it's Ashley's plaga. Saddler takes control of her briefly and gets a hold of Leon's knife, stabs him, and then threatens to cut her own throat. When his hold over her breaks, she's terrified. She needs Leon now more than ever because of this, but she's more afraid of hurting him than losing herself, so she runs away from him in tears.

6) The Road Back / Pulling Back Together

Basically, the plot forces the couple back together, and -- due to the raw, open vulnerability caused by the Midpoint Crisis -- their bond is stronger than ever. The feelings change from "yeah, I like them" to "I want them." Real intimacy starts to form and build here, because the interest in and attraction to each other is allowed by both characters to be acknowledged. This is usually where the sexual tension starts to really kick into high gear, and the audience is just waiting for that moment when it all breaks open.

This starts with the pep talk that Leon gives Ashley when he finds her again -- which is romantically framed and coded with its imagery and cinematography. It continues through the entire Grand Hall segment, which includes the moment in the game in which Leon is at his boldest in terms of expressing his attraction to her. This is the point in the game in which their relationship is at its most playful. They tease each other and flirt and pass compliments back and forth -- and, for a while, it feels like the two of them are unstoppable and able to take on the world together.

7) The Fall

"The fall" is the shortened version of "The moment they actually fall in love." It's the "oh god, I think I love them" moment. The two characters do not necessarily have to admit to each other that they've experienced "the fall" -- and usually, at least one of them doesn't. But they both experience that moment where it hits them.

We see Ashley "fall" at the start of her gameplay segment, where she takes Leon's earlier words to heart and draws strength from them. ("I won't run. Wait for me, Leon.") He's inspired her to strive to be more than she is, and she embraces the way that he makes her feel, in that moment.

We see Leon "fall" as soon as he catches the key that she tosses down to him. He looks up at her with stars in his eyes and offers to catch her if she jumps down. An interesting detail to note is that this is the first and one of the only times in RE4make that Nick Apostolides reverts to using the tone/voice that he used for Leon in RE2make. It's soft and sweet and gentle as he makes her an offer that has no reason to be made, just for the sake of getting to hold her in his arms again.

And, in order to drive home the point, this all happens during a scene that was framed, shot, and directed to mirror/mimic the balcony scene in Romeo & Juliet.

8) Dark moment / The Break Up

Once again, Something Happens and comes between them -- and this one is way, way worse than the Midpoint Crisis. This isn't "I'm scared to be with you" -- it's "I can't be with you." Hope for the relationship is completely lost, and both characters become overwhelmed in their individual despair.

Verdugo breaks them up physically -- not once, but twice. And that second time involves Leon being forced to watch Ashley endure Salazar's weird "ritual" and be unable to stop it or do anything to help her. He just has to sit with that failure and suffer through it until he's literally thrown away and discarded while Ashley screams his name.

When Leon finally finds Ashley again, we see him confront the one moment in the game when he honestly, truly loses hope. He sits down on the floor at Ashley's bedside, and there's nothing more that he can do than wait for her to wake up. Some part of him has already become convinced that they won't make it out of there alive -- not both of them, at least. Not together. And he's ready to commit suicide as a contingency plan.

9) The Sacrifice

This is the "do or die" moment for the relationship in a romance novel. This is the moment where the decision is made to confront not just the external force keeping them apart, but also the internal flaws that are feeding into that avoidant urge. The couple decides that their desire to be together is stronger and more important than whatever fear or force is holding them back, and though it's terrifying to do it, they stand up for the relationship in the face of opposition.

In RE4make, we see this play out through the sequence in which Leon carries Ashley to Luis's lab and how the two of them, against all physical and mental odds, manage to remove each other's plagas. This is especially emotionally significant for Leon, who says the words out loud: "This time, it has to be different..." He's openly acknowledging that his trauma from Raccoon City is what made him so ready to pull the trigger on himself back in that holding cell. Here, now, he puts his foot down, confronts that trauma, and says "No. I have to beat this."

And he does, even at great physical cost to himself. But the sacrifice was worth it, because it was for her.

10) Declaration

In a very literal sense, it's the declaration of love. It's an outward, spoken confirmation of the bond they share, now that the trial from the Sacrifice has been overcome. Traditionally in romance novels, this happens with the actual words "I love you."

But RE4make isn't a traditional romance novel, and Capcom has an entire fanbase of angry nerds who take fictional relationships too seriously to navigate through. So, instead of an explicit "I love you" what we got instead was an explicit verbal confirmation of their bonded status as a team.

"Hey... We're a team, right?"

"Keep this up? I'll be out of a job."

11) The HEA

"HEA" stands for "Happily ever after."

While I could (and did) say that Leon and Ashley literally ride off into the sunrise together, that does feel disingenuous. Even though it's true and the imagery is there, they don't really have a happily ever after. Not really. This is the only part that's missing from RE4make.

And that's because RE4make isn't just a romance on its own -- it's a fairy tale set inside of a story that's self-aware and knows that fairy tales aren't real. And so both Leon and Ashley wake up from this shared dream of a romance they've been having, as reluctantly as they do, because it's time for them to come back to reality.

Fairy tales aren't real. Romance novels aren't real.

Their feelings are real. But life doesn't work that way. Not for them.

They may not have a happily ever after, but they do have this moment to be together -- and for them, it's enough.

Because it has to be.

#resident evil 4 #leon kennedy #ashley graham #eagleone #meta analysis #THIS TOOK ME AN EMBARRASSINGLY LONG TIME TO WRITE #i thought i'd just whip this up real fast after work #BRO SHIT TOOK ME LIKE FOUR HOURS NO FOOLIES #mostly because i had to take all my fantasy mods off and then go back and re-cap all of these scenes with the defaults on #pain in my ass #so i hope ppl fuckin appreciate this!!!!#the next time someone asks you why/how eagleone is canon #just light this son of a bitch on fire and throw it at their head

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spearxwind · 3 months

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Hi this is where I talk a bunch about ocs :D

I dont have a lot of time lately to talk abt lore but i still think abt my guys whenever i have some chill time to myself, so here's some patch notes. This is also just me thinking out loud haha

CD:

ive been playing w some changes for CD and seeing if they stick :] gonna make the story slightly more complex and the sides of the conflict also different (for example I am going to make hades and talas full on enemies at first along with connon, caval and silas >:3 (and I am also making silas and his monster form two separate characters so the lion (hal) is now a mount instead))

Specifically what I've been thinking about is making Hades either a ship captain or a first mate for a rogue ship. The deal with Hades is that he comes from a renowned family from Redbridge and is a disgrace to them. In previous versions of CD they were artisans but that never rly clicked for me, and recently I have been reworking Redbridge into a naval empire to add some 🤏spice 🤏to the world, which would mean Hades' family is actually a naval captain family putting him next in line to be one of them but since his thing is being a disgrace he takes off and becomes a rogue. And instead of hating leviathans he fucking hates hunters instead. Conversely, I think with these changes Talas would also NOT be inclined to kill hunters (or at least not as often as he currently does). He'd pick fights with the naval fleet and other similar factions instead which is more like his character.

I also wanna try and bring back an older concept I had where connon's ship was able to both become fully submerged (like the subs in sunless sea where her character originated from) and this other idea I had where a ship could split in half into two smaller ships. Like if a catamaran could split into two and flank a vessel on both sides. But we'll see if I can make this work x)

Dragons (broken horizon + extinction):

I vaguely mentioned this a while ago as well but I've also been thinking abt my dragons and how I kinda want them to all be in one world/setting, which includes both my broken horizon guys (cer, jarek, octane, etc) and my extinction guys (alex, c, orion, etc) but I dont know how to deal with all of the conflicting lore and themes.

Because for extinction the big theme is there are people who can turn into dragons, and technically all of the dragons' powers are based on energy (for lore reasons). Meanwhile for my other dragons I have a few different elements or other ways of using fire (eg instead of using straight up fire/energy, my oc Jarek can breathe out gas only and ignites it with his mandibles).

I miss all my dragons a lot so I kinda wanted to make a world for them where I could have them Vibe and do different stories in so I thought about having a dragon-only universe but unfortunately Extinction has a pretty huge human element that I cant just eliminate.

It feels counterintuitive, i know the first logical choice is 'just let them be different things' but I genuinely feel like the right choice is to put them both together so the characters can interact and the whole story can be deeper because as it is both are really shallow and I would really like for them to work together so that's what I've been picking at for some months now (it's um. been real slow)

For these two stories I do have two different vibes though that I've been wondering how to weave together nicely bc they overlap for some characters. For broken horizon I had flying and aerial racing as a big theme (and some of the chars in extinction would be rly into that) and for extinction I had dragon arena fights as a big theme (and some of the characters in bh would be rly into that) both of these is another of the reasons why I wanted to put them both together bc it feels like they can fit very well I just have to find the right idea for them to click and then itll be smooth sailing -w-

I also wanted to talk abt this in hopes that talking abt all the dragons gets me to think more about them as well

I wanted to make this post bc I've been really busy lately and rly absent from here in general and I don't have as much time to draw (or even think abt ocs) anymore but I still wanted to keep posted about what's been going on in my head and hopefully get some eyes on it and maybe even some feedback if anyone is so inclined

If u read this whole thing thank u i owe you my life fr I hope u enjoyed reading abt my patch notes :D and hopefully sometime in the future I can get back to drawing concepts and stuff or maybe even writing stuff

#thunderclap #oc ramble #challenger deep #broken horizon #long post #whew this took so long to write and i dont even know if its gonna make ANY sense to anyone auuggggg #ive been thinking a lot about CD in my off time recently I want to make it GOOD i wanna make it COMPLEX i have a lotta good insp lately #so im hoping to make some good and much needed changes #and i also think abt my dragons a lot they just like. float at random in my head in cool scenes and i have no way to bring it all together #AND THAT MAKES ME MAD!!! THIS IS MY HOUSE!! I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE IT FIT AUUUGGHGHHHH!!!!#i also think abt octane and alex being rivals a lot now it actually fits so much. radioactive bitches. fusion vs fission.#generation vs combustion. white and black. both still orange. please please i need this to work sooo bad #ALSO C AND ARC AND JAREK AND DIMA WOULD GET ALONG SO WELL I KNOW IT I DO AUGH

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tvckerwash · 6 months

Text

wash tormenting the reds in the most petty ways possible because he's still pissed off about them hitting him with a car and then blowing him up in s8 is so important to me you don't even understand

#I'm pretty sure I've said it on my old blog before but wash is the blues older brother but to the reds? he's the neighborhood bully lmao #that scene in s13 where wash gets all the chorus soldiers to turn on grif for refusing to attend the training sessions? 100% an act of #calculated cruelty on wash's part lmao #oh oh or in s11 when wash hooked up blue base to the ships power but not the reds? also calculated lol #wash stealing all of their stuff in s10 will also always be a fav petty wash moment of mine #he is out to make them suffer and they're not even aware of it lol #rvb #agent washington #mine #not t/oaru #if i ever write my ct lives au fic I'm going so hard on petty grudge holding wash #he is an absolute menace but he's so lowkey about it that in universe trying to convince ppl that wash is as petty as he is #is nearly impossible #the only ppl aware of wash's true nature are the counselor the director ct alpha and probably maine (and maybe florida)#everyone else sees him in a similar light as his fanon characterization #that's part of the reason why i think lina was so shock in s10 when he turned his gun on her bc to her wash was always so subordinate that #she just genuinely never saw it coming #anyway wash/ct/maine friendship is so important to me. i like to include south in there too sometimes but honestly south comes off as a #loner type. like she doesn't mind ppl but no one except north is really willing to tolerate her uh....personality for long periods of time #shes very....reactive and emotionally charged #but tbh id be that way too if i was stuck with north #north unironically reminds me of my dad but not in the good way lol #god my tags are all over the place #audhd brain goes brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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factorialsotherfandoms · 5 months

Text

TW: panic attack, non-graphic self harm, reckless behaviour, fear of drowning

This is like... a bit 5K of Pac and Philza actually bonding for once...

Fear claws into Pac's heart just as easily as his fingernails dig into his palms. There's nothing wrong, objectively there's nothing wrong, but he's been alone all day. It's not at all like working with Mike; he's been trying to decorate the Favela, but his breath keeps catching and his thoughts keep stopping.

He can hear the fountain beneath the warpstone, and he wants it to /stop/.

He knows anxiety now, he knows it, he knows this is what it is, and when Fit found the blood in Chume Labs and the empty graves he made him promise to call him if it happened again. It's happening now, Pac can feel it building, but there's nobody awake. He checks it again, and still it's only him.

So he does the thing he does next best. He holds his breath and he thinks of nothing and he builds. More trees, more ponds, more fountains - anything and everything he can think of. Give the Redeemer a sombrero, then think better of it half way through and take it down. Start returfing the football field, only to decide to put it back because making the goals muddy is just ugly. Hang up more banners, pull them down, add a bit to the fences, swap them for iron, then concrete.

Breathe in, breathe out, there's nothing wrong it's just anxiety.

(But it is wrong, everything is wrong, the back of his brain where Mike sits is empty, not just asleep but empty, torn away and - )

Mike's in the Order hospital, Pac reminds himself, and begins to walk that way.

( - and there are eyes at his back, ready to take him again and - )

Pac forgets to breathe. He drops to his knees in the middle of the street, and scrabbled his hands in the dirt.

Pac checks the communicator again. There's a few more people awake, but... No Fit, no Tubbo, no Mike, no Bagi or Forever... Of the handful of people, the one he knows best if Philza - and while he's happily looked after the man's children, and he's been quite happy to chat or fight together in the past... Philza Minecraft is a legend, and he's never really spoken much without Fit there as a buffer.

But the other option is staying here alone, and he promised Fit that if he started feeling like this again he'd ask someone for company.

He takes a deep breath, and sends a message.

You whisper to Ph1LzA: Can I visit?

As soon as he hits send, Pac slams it shut. He pushes it against his head, shuddering while curled up in a ball. He clings to the communicator, his link to the outside, so hard it leaves indents in his skin.

"It's okay," he whispers to himself. "It's okay, you're okay, there's nobody here to watch you."

It doesn't help; he tries it anyway.

The seconds drag on into minutes, and Pac's fears overwhelm even his attempts to comfort himself.

"You're okay, you're okay, you're safe," he promises himself, even as he claws at his knees, at his face, at his hair and at the floor - anything he can reach to force himself to remember his place.

He hums songs he loves, shuts his eyes and tries to dance along.

He slams hands over his mouth and freezes when he tries.

Too loud, too loud, they'll find you - quiet, quiet, quiet as a mouse and quieter still. Hide amongst the rats, and hope nobody spots you curled up there...

The communicator pings.

In a scramble Pac pulls the lid open, shaking fingers quickly clicking him through to the correct screen.

Ph1LzA whispers to you: sorry m8, missed the message

Ph1LzA whispers to you: still need something or you get it sorted?

What does Pac say? The loneliness is getting to him and the walls are caving in and he can feel something watching from inside his spine? That Mike is gone and he's remembering a /before/ he wants to forget, He can't say that, he really can't.

But what sounds like a normal response which might get him a conversation...

With shaking hands he types whatever comes to mind.

You whisper to Ph1LzA: I am just missing Fit

... Not that. That absolutely does not sound like a request for company.

This time Philza's reply does not take nearly as long, though still longer than anyone else Pac ever messages.

Ph1LzA whispers to you: yeah?

Ph1LzA whispers to you: you want some company? I can put down a sharestone

Pac's heart settles back into place - maybe slightly too high still, but far closer. He didn't mess it up too badly - maybe English is just like that - he didn't even have to ask again.

You whisper to Ph1LzA: please.

It's another minute or two for Pac's anxiety to build and him to cling to the communicator before he recieves a reply.

Ph1LzA whispers to you: red sharestone, name should be obvious

You whisper to Ph1LzA: obrigado

Ph1LzA whispers to you: you're good

There's definitely some emotion to reading those words; Pac pushes it aside, and grabs his warpstone. Moving to the main warpstone for the warehouse seems like too much, so he simply sends himself to spawn.

Only there does he pick himself up, activating the red sharestone. It takes a few scrolls to find the new option, but once he does it earns a small laugh. He selects it, and lets his body be pulled through space.

Where he arrives is cold, deep snow all around, and an icy ocean before him. Pac tugs his sleeves down over his hands, and looks around.

Whereever Philza is, he isn't immediately obvious.

"Philza?" he calls. "Felipe?"

There's a splash as Philza trident-jumps out of the ocean, his paraglider flipping open at the zenith and allowing him to drift safely down to the ice. Pac watches him drift down, the water dripping off him freezing as it falls.

"Hey," Philza calls, once back in voice range, arm moving as though to wave before suddenly remembering he needs to hold the paraglider. "Sorry about that; spotted another jelly and had to get it before it ran off."

Pac waves him off, "it's okay, it's okay, do you need any help?"

Philza squints at Pac a moment, and Pac squirms beneath it. After a moment, though, he just shrugs, "just hunting for rainbow jelly."

"Rainbow jelly?"

"Like the French use to make themselves all rainbow," Philza grins a bit. "You can use it to make glass like that, too. Chayanne wanted some, so..."

Pac thinks of the children, hurting and asleep and under the Federation's "care", the only guarantees of their safety the ability to visit, and the knowledge the Federation knows what is coming if harm comes for their children.

"For Chayanne?" He asks. "I'll help."

"Feel free to hang onto it - if you don't use it, he'll appreciate the gift when he wakes up."

When, not if, even if Pac can see Philza hesitates too.

With that confidence and the thought of their children, Pac doesn't even consider before throwing himself into the water. Behind him he hears the somewhat distorted sound of Philza laughing, and the man throwing himself in after.

Pac spots a couple of the comb jellies, and kicks off towards them. Philza seems to see another group, as he takes another route.

Hunting animals for their innards is one of the few times that sweeping edge is worth it on this island, and so Pac takes out his sword. It only takes a hit to take out the jellies, small as they are, and then Pac just has to scoop up their remains. From there he spots another - deeper - and swims after it. And another, and another - Pac loses himself to the chore, simply collecting jelly for the happiness of a child.

He thinks he's finally calmed down, when he spots another in a cave. Pac doesn't even think about it as he dives in after - but very quickly, it gets very dark.

Too dark.

He tries to ignore it, to push through and find the jelly even as memories start to loom and the dark closes in.

Breathe in, breathe out, remind yourself your helmet is in place and with that much Aqua Affinity you're fine.

It's not the underwater prison again, it's not, it's not.

Just find the jelly and get out...

On instinct he reaches out for Mike, and finds nothing.

Nothing.

Mike? What happened to Mike?

The most frustrating thing is always that he knows, he remembers, but in the dark and the wet and the unnatural silence it doesn't matter. His breathing picks up, and he twists and he turns, looking - screaming - for Mike.

Rationally, he knows he's lightheaded because hes hyperventilating. But in his heart, in his fear, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't change anything because he's alone in the wet and the dark and he /can't do this anyone/.

He wants Mike, he wants Mike, he wants Fit and he wants Mike.

Where is Mike, why can't he reach him, where is he where is he why can't he feel him in his mind?!

He's screaming for them, he thinks, even as tears stream down his face and he twists in the water. By now he's helplessly lost, not even able to find the exit he cane in by. Whatever light there was is gone, and he doesn't even quite remember why he's here.

He twists and he fights, trying to fend off hands that aren't there - only to get his leg twisted up in the seaweed and somehow everything is even worse and worse and worse. He tugs and tugs, but the seaweed grasps tighter - he sees dark prison walls overlaying dark, broken caves, and he sobs as he realises he is going to die here.

He screams again and wonders how he still has air; something responds this time, and he begs it for bitter, screaming help.

A small light he cannot focus on, and hands find their way to his leg. In a panic he twists, kicks, fights - nothing, nothing, nothing can touch him - it's worse than the seaweed, to be grabbed by a hand.

"Shit, Pac," a familiar voice calls, an odd quality to it. "Fuck, I'm just cutting you out, Jesus mate no need to break my nose."

The words don't make sense, not entirely, but seconds later Pac finds his leg free - still entangled, but the seaweed cut from the floor, and he does his best to swim away.

Right from the seaweed and slamming into the cave wall.

Hands grab him again, and say something, and he fights them all the same. Seconds later he's being dragged and pulled and - oh, god, this is how he's going to die.

He goes to fight before remembering, actually, dieing might not be so bad actually... At worst he'll respawns, at best he'll be with Mike again.

It's just as that thought crosses his mind that his head breaks the surface of the ocean. Pac gasps for air and, by the time he's processed that, he's being hoisted and yanked up onto the ice.

He's frozen, he's freezing, but he shakes off the worst of the water and shudders as sunlight presses into his skin.

He's crying - sobbing even - on his hands and his knees, blind terror all about him as he struggles to breathe.

"Aw, mate, you could have said no if it was gonna fuck you up."

There's someone else here; Pac's eyes glance around, only to find Philza there. He can't tell if the man is a friend or a foe or just an acquaintance to be embarrassed around, but the man shrugs off his bag and opens his arms in a familiar gesture.

Pac falls into them, and hides. A hand finds his hair, and another his back, and something very dark curls around to protect him from icy wind. He does not cling back, just cries to the sound of slightly awkward comfort, sucking it in.

"You're okay," the words sound so much more believable coming from someone else. "You got out, I've got you, you're safe, you're okay."

The words are whispered into his skin, and they're not quite a balm but they are a promise and a kindness none the less; he is promised safety, and he knows the man around him can provide.

He just... Did not expect that provision to include himself, only friends of friends as they are.

Pac breathes, and it comes easier now - the air is cold, but between the darkness and Philza's chest he is safe. Slowly, slowly, as he remembers what limbs are Pac reaches out a shaking hand to the void.

It finds feathers; the darkness tenses, and then relaxes to his touch.

Pac, in turn, relaxes with it.

"You good?" Philza eventually asks from above.

"Sim," Pac replies, gathering himself a little more, hiding himself in a laugh. "Sorry, sorry, that was embarrassing."

"We've all been there mate," Fit's friend says.

The wings peel away, and Pac can see them properly - tattered edges and all. Sees how they droop, and the strain in Philza's shoulders as he uses his hands to fold them, and his backpack to keep them in pace.

"Shall we get somewhere warmer?" he asks, before Pac can comment. "I've got a treasure map to somewhere near that mesa you and Fit showed me, if you've still got the warp?"

"Are you sure?" Pac's hands shake as he checks his things.

"Eh, I'm pretty sure it's an iron dungeon," Philza replies, pulling out a map and squinting at it. "I was saving it to troll Etoiles with, but I could actually do with more iron. And someone to deal with mobs while I mine it. You, me, and some skellies - sound good?"

Pac isn't sure; he doesn't want to think, though, he does know that. Dungeons are supposed to be his and Fit's /thing/, one half the time someone intrudes on. The offer almost feels insulting, but...

But when Philza felt bad, they offered him a dungeon - he so clearly means to offer the same. Like for like, not pity but a trade.

"I want the tracks and redstone," Pac tries to sound steady, and knows he fails. "I'll save it for Mike when he returns."

"Sure, I don't even know where to start with that shit," Philza takes Pac's hand, and leads him along a safe route over the ice. "If we go back to that haunted rock area, then glide back towards the mesa? I should be able to find us on the map from there."

Pac nods, placing his hand on the warpstone in advance. Philza's joins it, and together they warp away.

---

Thankfully it is dawn, and any monsters are gone this time - there's just the beautiful sunrise over the haunted sea. The sun is rising, not setting, but Pac waves to it anyway and hopes that, somewhere, Bobby can see.

Philza makes half a laugh as he finds his glider. Pac searches for his own, and tries not to remember the night on the cliff - him and Fit, him and Fit, but also Philza, laughing about cannons and resting in one another's arms, only for Philza to pull away first and let him and Fit be.

Pac instead thinks about friendship, and how Fit would abandon everything for Philza just as Pac would give it up for Mike, and how it seems that isn't limited to just them. Because Philza didn't send him home, just as Fit also kept close to an oddly behaving Mike. How it doesn't really matter, because in the end they both agree with where the other stands.

Pac instead thinks of nothing, and throws himself off a cliff after Philza.

For one glorious second he lets himself fall, before pulling out his own paraglider and following Philza down.

He lands on Philza's boat, and they drive it back to the mesa. It's filled with the sort of talk that means nothing, and with Philza humming tunes to the air. For a man who claims to be musically dead, he manages it well.

It's also noise, white noise to blur the absence in his mind.

"Here we are," Philza gets out first, and offers Pac a hand out. "We should be pretty close. These things are a bit of a nightmare to find, being underground, but I'm sure we'll manage."

To his surprise, Pac is passed the map while Philza puts away the boat. He has to turn it around to orientate himself, but once he has Philza gestures for him to lead the way. Philza puts himself on Pac's left - the side he holds the map, whilst his other has his scythe, shield turned out against the wild.

Pac tries to think of something to say, and what comes out is, "so did you go looking for a big cannon, or did you just stumble into it?"

The comment draws startled laughter from his companion as they walk, having to stop a moment to let him gather himself. "We knew we were going to see one, but we're exactly looking. You find them all over the coast in the UK, and I think some along the Thames too? A lot have been removed, but we like our old crap, so a couple of the old forts are still open."

"So you're saying you come from a land of many large cannons."

"Yes, Pac," Philza laughs again. "Yes, I do; don't you?"

"We have other large things instead," Pac tries to smile, but he knows it looks off. "Like diamonds."

"Diamonds?"

Pac can see Philza looking for the sex joke, and suddenly realises he doesn't actually want to explain what he meant. So instead he says, "quality over size. Even a big diamond is small."

That draws more laughter, "yeah okay mate; Fit's a lucky boy then."

That almost has Pac dropping the map he's holding as he chokes. Philza grabs him, holds him steady, gives him something to cling to with Mike and Fit and Richarlyson and Walter Bob all gone. Something there, some support, something to stop him choking on himself.

"Too much?" Philza's voice is gentler this time.

Pac nods, hiding his blush in his hands even as he leans on Philza.

"Alright," Philza says, handing him a bottle. "Drink some water, king, and we'll get this dungeon cleared. And no more dick jokes until Fit's also here to suffer. Maybe we could even come up with some new ones, just to tease him next time we all meet up."

Pac takes the bottle, hiding in his hood as he does as he's told. Philza takes the map and they continue to walk as he sips at it, hiding himself and his face in the bottle. Philza makes sure to stay in sight, keeping idle commentry going.

At this point, Pac is reasonably sure Philza knows something continues to be wrong - but then so did Fit and Pac when Philza had that strange... Maybe hallucination? Fit says it probably wasn't, and Pac trusts Fit, but whatever it was it was unsettling and strange.

Philza seems fine now, though; maybe one day Pac will be fine too.

It is about ten or fifteen minutes walk to the dungeon. There's nothing on the surface to mark it, just Philza squinting at the map, and passing it to Pac to check.

Once they agree, they dig; Philza calls 'race you!' and begins a staircase.

Pac lives for adrenaline; he starts digging straight down.

Somehow he doesn't hit lava.

He does end up falling from the top of the dungeon into a crevasse, fails to find either a water bucket or his paraglider, and breaks his leg. It's terrifying, and he's alone as he sees his death message flash up in chat but - maybe - it's okay. There's Aypierre laughing and Baghera offering help, and Philza on his black paraglider swooping in from the ceiling to assist.

"You good?" Philza asks as he pours a potion out over the wounds, his eyes almost glowing in the low light as Pac's bones knit together.

Pac leans forwards to check his prosthetic while his body heals, twitching only a little with the pain. The fall knocked a few screws loose and bent some of the metal out of shape, but it's an easy enough fix with a hammer and screwdriver. He'll check it over properly later, or maybe swap it for his spare until he has energy for it, but it'll hold for the day.

"All good," Pac confirms, as he pulls his jeans back down.

He can see Philza side-eyeing the prosthetic, and shifts; the man says nothing, however, just helps Pac up and types out an 'all good we're just dungeoning' to calm the global chat.

And then he looks at his map.

"You've got us near a corner," Philza turns his communicator to show Pac. "If we just start here and work around to the left, we shouldn't miss anything."

Pac nods, and pulls out his grapple. Together they pull themselves up and onto the ledge, and the dungeon begins.

It starts simple - Philza takes out a spawner, while Pac works on the skeletons, then they swap so Pac can loot the minetracks. Trading the mobs on and off, Pac cannot help but notice how Philza even when on mob duty prioritises looting, catching the attention of a swamp of skeletons and sending them on a chase over barrels as he smashes them open and grabs the contents. Only when he can carry no more does he start fighting, laughing as he does.

It's a nice laugh, that one.

He laughs too when Pac fights, hacking away at the iron blocks he claims to want. With every other hit there is a call of "good hit!" "nice one!" "you're doing good, Pac!", and Pac can feel himself starting to grin as well.

Together they dance in a dungeon much easier than the one Phil joined Pac and Fit for, able to let loose without worrying for the giant magma cube around the corner. They keep an eye on each other, and watch their backs, and Fit's deep voice is so clearly missing between them without feeling like a void.

By the time it is finished, they are both laughing, bone-dust covering their clothes and their tools and the world in their hands. Philza gives Pac some of the iron, and they take his staircase - not Pac's hole - out.

They don't talk about what comes next, but neither of them reach for their warpstones. Instead Pac picks a direction and walks. Philza follows.

They find a hill a little way out, surrounded by flower fields but empty of them itself. Philza lights it up with his slingshot, despite it still being around midday, and Pac makes hot chocolate for them both. Pulls out chairs, too - blue and green - and places a coffee table between them.

He sits on the blue and Philza looks at the green and says, "are you sure I'm okay to sit there? I don't wanna intrude."

Pac looks at the chair - it was just habit, just what he carries - and curls up his toes. "It's fine," he can hear the sadness in his own voice. "Mike isn't here, he wouldn't mind."

"Do you mind?"

"I got it out for you."

"Alright, king," Philza finally takes the seat and the hot chocolate, leaning back into the cushions. After a bit he adds, "these are good chairs. Maybe I should invest in something better than mine."

"They're not expensive," Pac replies. "And they're comfy! I have one instead of a bed."

He wonders if he should have admitted that - he knows people worry - but in the crash of the panic attack and the fighting it's hard to keep his mouth shut.

Philza just laughs though, "yeah? I've been using one of those wooden ones. You know? Basic ones, just in a fancy wood."

"How do you not have splinters?!"

"I'm good with my hands - what else can I say?"

They both laugh at that one, a joke which actually lands. There's something comfortable and comforting about it. The laughter drifts into giggles, drifts into sips of hot chocolate - quiet and together. Pac makes a point of not watching as Philza gets himself comfortable, untangling his wings and stretching them... Not to full width, but wide.

It's only when one brushes his arm that Pac dares to ask "what happened?"

"Hm?" Philza looks up.

"To your wings?"

"Feds fucked them up when I arrived," Philza says it like its nothing, but there's bitter pain in his words. "By purgatory they'd healed up just enough to fly, but then carrying Tubbo through meteor strikes and radiation... I can't regret it, I /won't/ regret it, but they're fucked again. I can hold them up so it seems better, but they hurt worse than before."

Pac wants to say he's sorry, but he doesn't think it would be appreciated. Instead he says "thank you for saving Tubbo."

"I couldn't just leave him," Philza says. "He's my friend too, you know?"

"I know," Pac fiddles with his cup. "You're a good man, Felipe Minecraft. I'm not sure I'd do it."

"I think you would," Philza says, with more faith in Pac than he's ever had in himself. "If it came to it. You're also a good man, Pac - if you weren't, I wouldn't let you have Fit."

It's an admission neither of them acknowledge. Instead Pac flops, exhausted, against his chair. "I'd do it for Mike. I miss him."

"I can't imagine," Philza's wings stretch a little further, stroking against Pac's cheek. "But, I'm sure he'll heal. And once he does hold him close, okay? Because you never know when you'll loose him."

It's obvious, of course Pac will try to, but there's pain in Philza's voice, and Pac thinks of a memorial on a wall and a child living in the footsteps of a ghost, and maybe Philza can imagine better than he thinks he can.

Or maybe Philza means he can't imagine, because he knows.

"Did you love him?" Pac asks instead.

"He was my best friend."

Philza's voice breaks on the word, and Pac knows both that he has to stop, and that Philza knows just what it is Pac fears. Even if he calls it different, even if they didn't share one mind... Pac should not have asked.

"I'm sorry."

"You did nothing wrong; it hurts, but in hurting I remember him, you know?"

There's a long silence, in which Pac tries to know what to say, and Philza stares absently at soft clouds on the horizon. Even in Portuguese he would struggle, and Philza is certainly not looking to his translator.

Maybe Philza and Fit are not as Pac and Mike; Philza has already lost his Mike. Or, perhaps, both are true, and even if Pac looses his best friend, someone will be there to keep him whole.

It's a nice fantasy; he knows Philza's wound bleeds open even now.

"I have never been without Mike before this island," Pac eventually admits. "At least... I was seven when we met, he was five. I've heard his thoughts since I was ten, and the first time he ever fell silent was when I was put in that water prison."

"Shit," Philza closes his eyes as he swears, leaning back. "Earlier, with the water... You should have said something, Pac, I wouldn't have judged you. Fuck knows there's shit I can't do anymore."

"I didn't know it'd be that bad," Pac hesitates after those words. "It hasn't been before. Today is just... bad? I already felt bad."

"And you came to me for company, and I made it worse," Philza says. "I am so, so sorry mate - I didn't mean to, I just- It was for Chayanne."

"It was still better than being alone," Pac replies. "The second time our connection broke was when he was taken - I haven't heard him since. Even asleep, even unconscious, even when I was in a coma... We could still feel each other. Not now. It's lonely no, and it's been so long..."

"Pac..." Philza's voice catches. "You shouldn't have to make those choices... You shouldn't have to put up with my whims just not to be alone, mate, you should have just said; we could have gone to the dungeon, or the favela, worked on the train tracks... You didn't have to swim."

"Fit is gone, Mike is gone, Richas is gone," Pac twists his hands. "You were helping me. I wanted to help you - I wanted to do something for Chayanne too! He is a good egg."

"He is," Philza smiles softly, taking the distraction for what it is. "The best. But, king, are you going to be okay?"

"When am I not?" Pac asks, as he thinks of happy pills and his own blood trailing the floors of Chume Labs.

Philza gives him a distinctly unimpressed expression and, yeah, fair, "I'm serious, Pac; I don't have plans today if you just wanna chill somewhere. Here, my place, your place, the Favela... if the karaoke's working, we could steal a room? Hell, we can just keep heading outwards and find some more dungeons if you fancy violence instead."

"... Are you sure?"

"We're friends, aren't we?" Philza asks. "We don't get to hang out as often as we should - if you'd rather get some rest, I won't stop you. Just thought I'd offer."

"Karaoke then?" Pac suggests, if only for some structure to keep the anxiety from seeping back in.

"Sure. No promises I won't fall asleep on the couch, though."

Pac laughs. It is weaker, but it is more real. "No promises, no promises here either."

In time they do, of course, fall asleep on the couch - and that is where Fit will find them in the morning.

#qsmp fanfic #qsmp philza #qsmp pac #mike and techno haunt the narrative #what is that conversation at the end idk they ran away from me #it was supposed to be about the shitty prison system #it very much is not #god this was a long one #I wanted to write it so bad #but christ 5k of continuous narrative is a lot #I've put scene breaks where they teleport #and summarised the fighting more than I meant to #but its still all one continuous scene really #and oh god was it hard to stitch together #multiple scenes so much easier for longer >.<#okay enough complaining about writing hope you enjoyed #I'll get it to ao3 when I can #but that means at least spellchecking #but oh god I'm tired after this #I've been writing it for... eight hours #on and off but without doing anything thinky between #just replying to occassional email or watching a video about a snake while I have lunch

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llumimoon · 5 months

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TFW ur shitty dad decides to prank ur whole school to teach you to be more chaotic but instead you just realize how attached you've become to certain people. This is the EAH AU's version of Spring Unsprung!!

Gotta give credit where credit is due, @silverlistenstothings really helped out with this arc !!! So many good Hermie thoughts as always ough <333

We decided this happens like right before the Big Plot Shit happens in the AU and instead of being a festival it's Hermie's Birthday !!! The cursed riddlebook is a gift from Scam that Hermie gives to Scary instead bc he doesn't rlly care about it, which . turns out to be a very bad idea. The curse quickly spreads throughout the school reversing everyone's personalities and causing Normal to try and pretty much end the world.

This arc is Hermie and Taylor focused !!! :D Although it is really fun to think about the reverse teens running rampant NWVEGWHAAHA reverse norm is a little treat for me <3 but reverse Link is SO INCREDIBLY FUNNY . shoutout to this message from @happi-tree bc it's been burned into my memory and I cant stop laughing about it

When it comes to the curse we decided that bonds and skills stay the same but the personalities are inverted, which means reverse Scary being sooo attached and clingy to Hermie is just her personality changing the way she decides to communicate her affection for who she sees as her best friend. Its cute <3

Herm is SUPER on edge due to being incredibly irritated with his dad and feeling insecure about his friendship with Taylor, who's having a bit of a crisis on his own about his feeling about Link. Toss in their shared homesickness for Wonderland, a realm they can't go back to, and Taylor panicking over a gift his mom left him going missing, well it's not good for anyone. How are they gonna figure things out enough to save Ever After from destruction?

(EAH AU is by me, @rindomness & @kaseyskat !!)

Image Description is under the cut

[ID: Image 1: Normal smirking evilly with a hand up to his chin and the other on his hip. His eyes are a light purple and he's saying "Hey." To his right is Scary happily waving while smiling, her eyes similarly a light purple. She's saying "OMG hiiii Herm!! <3"

Image 2: Hermie with a stunned and mad expression on their face and trying to pout tea from a teapot into a teacup but missing the cup by a lot. Their cat ears are turned downward and tucked against their head while their tail behind them is stuck straight up with fur sticking out in all directions. They have a thought bubble that says "I'm gonna KILL my dad." there's text in the bottom left that has an arrow pointing off the canvas and is labeled "Scam giggling off screen."

Image 3: Link doing the fuck boy expression, his eyes half lidded and biting the corner of his lip with a pointed hand on his chin, with his other hand with the thumb tucked into the top of his belt. His eyes are similarly a light purple and he's looking at Taylor. There's text with an arrow pointing at Link that says, "turned into a shitty fuck boi liar because of the curse" To his right stands Taylor who has his arms by his side in a dinosaur like pose and a grossed out and devastated expression on his face. His bunny ears are sticking straight up. There's an arrow pointing to him that says "Fucking Appalled" in all caps.

Image 4: Scary smiling with her eyes closed and hugging Hermie with one of her legs posed upward behind her. Hermie is standing still with their eyes obscured due to the shine of their glasses with a neutral expression on their face and their cat ears turned downward and their tail puffed up and sticking up. To their right stands Taylor with both his hands up to clutch his face and his bunny ears pointed downward. Scary is saying "Haha yaaaay besties forever after!!" with flowers and hearts drawn around her. There is an arrow pointed at her labeled "still cursed". Hermie has a thought bubble that says "MY DAD IS A DICK." and an arrow pointed at them that's labeled "so touch starved". Under that is an arrow pointing at Taylor that is labeled "having a gay crisis" and he is surrounded by question marks. He has a large thought bubble that says "Why am I so jealous that Link is flirting with everybody ohmygod do I have a crush on my best friend forever after holy shit what"

Image 5: Normal looking down with an evil smirk and light purple eyes with his hand out to hold something. Hermie looks up with a frustrated expression on their face and their pupil's sharpened and is clutching Normal's arm as his hand holds Hermie's chin. Normal is saying "Shame you've decided to get in my way kitten, I really did like you. Well whatever. It's not going to matter in a moment, nothing is. You're too late." the word "nothing" is underlined for emphasis.

Image 6: A discord screenshot of 'willy KILLER MAIMER DESTROYER' saying "Link: babe you’re being so fucking silly but hey at least you’re also hot. Wanna kiss maybe. That’s gotta fix you or whatever

Taylor: ???????????????? OK ACTUALLY I FORGOT I WAS GETTING LUNCH WITH HERMIE GOTTA GO under his breath wtf wtf wtf"/end ID]

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #dndads s2 #dungeons and daddies season 2 #cal draws #eah dndads au #normal oak #scary marlowe #hermie unworthy #lincoln li wilson #taylor swift dndads #THIS ARC IS SO VERY FUNNY TO ME IM NOT OVER IT LMAOOOOO #i could explain more but the post was getting too long #we've actually created a goofle doc timeline for the events that happen in the au #i gotta organize and add more to it but maybe we'll release that later to explain the plot LMAO #there's some writing going on behind the scenes that im eating upppp hehehehehehe #never recovering from reverse Link jusy being a fuck boi gaslighter it's ridiculously funny to me . Help.#also never recocering from normal calling eah au hermie kitten. points. gay .#Scam is the cheshire cat btw. thats the implication #lmk if i want me to explain all the reverse teens personalities btw . bc i will i thought abt them a lot #described

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