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runnning-outof-time · 1 year

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Birmingham | Tommy Shelby x Reader (Part 20)

Previous Part

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Summary: Plans of taking over the tracks get thwarted quickly for the Shelbys as trouble makes its way into Birmingham. Tommy tells (Y/N) to stay away, but of course she can't for too long. Everything gets laid out on the table after a scary experience shakes the both of them.

Warnings: drinking, series typical violence, canon death, injury, blood

Word Count: 4426

A/N: here it is everyone…the final chapter of Birmimgham! Thank you so much to those of you who have stuck with this story…through the break and the drawn out postings. I finished it for you. I’d love to know what you think of how it ended (since I went with the winner of the poll; which was giving a ending that felt finished). Enjoy! :)

A/N 2: the italicized dialogue is taken from the show. I’d also like to give a special thanks to @alicent-targaryen for making the amazing gifsets that helped me write this chapter so quickly — they gave me so much inspiration! :) also if you’d ever like to know what the original ending for this was…feel free to reach out to me…if I get enough interest, I may just write it as a short.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

The story is finished! — I hope you enjoyed!

"Is Tommy here, or has he left already?" (Y/N) asked Polly after she entered the Watery Lane home. She found the older woman working on cleaning the mantle in the living room, and she couldn't stop herself from blurting the question out.

"He should still be upstairs," Polly answered, not even bothering to turn and properly greet (Y/N). It seemed as though she was deep into working on something.

"Can I go up?" (Y/N) asked hesitantly, not wanting to cross any lines.

Her question made Polly turn and look at her. The older woman quirked an eyebrow, probably wondering why the question was even being asked. "If you wish to. His door is at the end of the hall," she answered (Y/N)'s question. (Y/N) nodded, saying a quick thank you before she made her way to the stairs of the home.

She walked down the hall, stopping at the last door and taking a pause before she knocked on it. "Come," his voice came from inside the room, making her twist the knob and open the door. She saw him standing at the dresser, finishing up shaving.

"Hi, Tommy," she said softly, making him stop what he was doing and turn to face her.

"It's early, (Y/N)," he commented, surprised by her presence.

"I know, but I was unable to stay away...ever since you told me today would be the day; my mind won't stop," she explained her reason for being there. She'd been worried about everything that would happen today and couldn't stop herself from going to see Tommy before he left for the races.

Tommy finished up what he was doing, grabbing a rag so that he could wipe his face off before he then gave his attention to (Y/N). He could see the slight bit of worry behind her eyes, and he hated that it was there. For a moment he felt bad that he'd been the one to create it, but worry or not, he knew that she understood what had to be done.

"When will you go?" she asked him, breaking the silence that had fallen in the room.

"In a few hours," he gave a vague estimation, "I need to touch base with my brothers. There'll be a family meeting at half ten; there we'll discuss what will be done. I'd say that we'll be leaving shortly after that," he explained what had been on his list to accomplish. "You can come to the meeting, if you'd like," he then extended an invitation.

"I'll come," (Y/N) nodded, making her decision rather quickly. She figured that hearing his plan in full might serve to give her some solace.

"Good," Tommy nodded, a ghost of a smile teetering on his lips, "we'll be set after this, (Y/N)," he said to her then, his words riddled with confidence. (Y/N) smiled upon hearing it. She loved how self-assured he was; it was almost contagious.

"I'm worried," she said then, retreating back to her own way of thinking. She was itching to reach out and take hold of him from the second she'd walked in, but she didn't know if that would be received well or not. The last thing she wanted was him upset with her as he embarked on this big scheme.

"You shouldn't be," he assured her, "we've got the Lees on our side thanks to John and Esme, and Kimber will think that we're going to fight that family instead of taking to the pitches. He won't expect what'll actually happen," he gave her the rundown of his plan, still holding a great deal of confidence in it. Things were going to go his way today; he could already feel it.

"Ok," (Y/N) nodded along, trying to switch her thinking for his, "and I'll stay here...with Pol to make sure everything runs well on this end," she addressed her part in the plan.

"Good," Tommy nodded. He paused then, pulling his timepiece out so that he could check it. "Love, I should go now," he said as he slipped the watch back into its pocket.

"Ok," she repeated what she'd just said, "I just wanted to see you before you left."

"Come to the meeting," he said to her, a slight smile on his face.

"I will," she assured him, smiling also as she nodded her head.

"Come on," he said then, moving forward and placing his hand to the small of her back as he led her out of the bedroom and over to the stairs. She descended them first with him following behind. "I'll see you at half ten," he told her, walking to the door as she decided she'd stay back and see if Polly needed any help before then. It wouldn't be long until the time for the meeting came anyway; she might as well stick around.

Polly did in fact need help with minor things, and the women quickly got busy with them, passing the time between the meeting like (Y/N) hoped they would. It wasn't long until everyone was gathered in the empty betting shop; all eyes focused on Tommy as he explained the plan (Y/N) had got a preview of in full detail.

"Any other questions?" Tommy asked once he was finished explaining the plans. He looked around the room, waiting for anyone to speak up.

"Yes," it was Polly who answered as she made her way to the door that separated the betting floor from the home, "does anyone object if I bring a newcomer to the meeting?" she asked, looking around the room. Silence came in response, making her move over to the door so that she could open it slightly and whisper "come on," to whoever it was on the other side. She then opened the door wider to show Ada, who had Karl in her arms. "I'd like to introduce the newest member of the Shelby clan," she announced, a smile on her face.

(Y/N)'s cheeks were hurting from the wideness of her smile as her friend took a step further into the room. It was so good to see her back with her family again. Arthur was the one to start the clapping, and soon the room was filled with applause as Ada walked into the room. She stopped where (Y/N) was standing and gave her a smile, to which (Y/N) sent one of her own back.

"Welcome home, Ada," Tommy said to his sister, a smile forming on his lips. It warmed (Y/N)'s heart to see the progress being made.

She then explained the baby's name, earning some laughs from the group that was gathered around her. Arthur then went over to see the baby, taking him from Ada's arms and placing his peaked cap on top of his head. (Y/N) laughed along with the rest of the group as John poked fun at his older brother. Ada sent (Y/N) a smile before Tommy addressed her, asking if he was forgiven. (Y/N) stayed behind and watched Ada move over to him, telling him he was. She felt her heart swell as they shared a hug.

"It's so good to see you back with your family," (Y/N) said to Ada once she'd come back to her side. Tommy and the other men had gotten together to talk finer details of what would be going down. (Y/N) decided to stay with the women instead of learning more of the plan, feeling more comfortable watching Esme make exaggerated faces at the baby than hearing about how they were going to take over the races.

—

After things were finished at the shop, Tommy and the men decided to go to the Garrison to have a drink before they hit the road for the races. (Y/N) offered to join and help out, knowing that things would go smoother if there was another set of hands - hands that knew what they were doing - behind the bar pouring drinks.

Things were going well. (Y/N) was pouring with Tommy and the two had slipped into a comfortable routine. She wasn't going to lie, she quite enjoyed working in these close quarters with him. All was well...until it wasn't.

Arthur entered the Garrison with Jeremiah trailing close behind him. Both men were walking like they were on a mission. "Tommy," Arthur called for his brother, his gruff voice making just about all of the celebrations stop. "I need to talk to you," he said, his seriousness holding as he nodded his head to the stockroom that was behind the bar. Tommy glanced at (Y/N), who was becoming more confused by the second, before he followed his brother and friend into the room.

They were only gone for a matter of seconds before coming back out. "(Y/N)..." he started, coming right over to her, a sense of urgency in his movements and vocal tone. "(Y/N), I need you to leave now, ok?" he said to her, his eyes wide as he spoke; a tell-tale sign that he was now under pressure and needed things to be done timely and in a certain way.

"Wha...why?" she asked, her brows furrowed in confusion.

"Billy Kimber and his men are coming this way," he told her, "I need you to stay clear of here, you understand me?" he searched her eyes then, his hands blindly searching for hers. It didn't take much to find them, and when he did, he squeezed them for added effect, "stay away from here," he told her again.

"Ok. Ok, I will," she nodded her head, sensing his urgency and falling in line with it, "I'll go and be with Pol and Ada, and I'll wait there for you," she then told him where he could find her.

"Good," Tommy nodded lightly, feeling relieved that she wasn't going to be mixed up in the middle of this developing plan. He was going to need to fight Kimber on his own turf now. It was something he could do, but he wanted to make sure that the people he cared for the most were out of harm's way. "Go on," he said then, dropping her hands so that he could let her leave.

(Y/N)'s heart dropped slightly at the abrupt loss of warmth his hands were giving her, but she didn't have much time to dwell on it as she was following his orders, exiting the Garrison at a hasty speed so that she could get to Watery Lane before all hell broke loose.

Tommy watched her as she went, keeping his eyes on her until she was out of his sight before he focused on the men that had gathered in front of him, waiting for their leader to give them direction.

—

(Y/N) was out of breath when she finally got to Watery Lane. She entered the house promptly, hoping that either one, or both, of the women that she was looking for would be present. To her relief, they both were sitting in the living room.

"Where have you run from?" Polly questioned her, a look of confusion forming on her face.

"I...I just came...Tommy told me to..." she stammered out, resting her hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath, hoping that doing so would allow her to get out a complete sentence.

"Come, sit down, love," Polly coaxed her over to the open chair and (Y/N) listened, moving over to sit and take a few more calming breaths. "Tell us when you're ready," she said to the younger woman, both her and Ada waiting intently for the news it seemed she had.

"I ran from the Garrison. The plans have changed...Billy Kimber's on his way here to make a stand. Tommy told me to stay away from the tavern. He thinks that it's going to happen there," (Y/N) explained once her breathing was normal again.

"Bloody hell," Polly hissed, exhaling a sigh as she heard the news, "they're going to get themselves killed."

"I don't know any of the finer details...I just know that they're going to fight them here now," (Y/N) stated, trying to push down the worry that was bubbling up inside of her.

"I've got to go," Ada finally spoke in the midst of her rushing to stand from the couch.

(Y/N)'s brows furrowed as she watched her friend move around the room, grabbing the carriage she'd brought with her so that she could transfer a sleeping Karl into it. "Ada, wait...what are you doing?" she asked, confusion present in her tone.

"I'm going to go make these bloody men see sense," Ada spoke through gritted teeth, making it apparent that anger and frustration were coursing through her. She moved over to the archway that led to the door before stopping and looking at the women, "because I know the finer details of the day, and I refuse to stand by and let this happen," she didn't wait for a response to her pointed statement after uttering it, instead turning and walking through the archway and out the door.

"What does she mean?" (Y/N) asked Polly as soon as the door shut. She was so confused right now. Polly just looked defeated.

"Freddie was to be broken out of his transport earlier today...he was going to come home and help with the effort at the races, and this was all to be done in accordance to Tommy's plan," Polly filled (Y/N) in on what Ada was getting at.

(Y/N) sighed as she heard what the older woman had to say. "She's going to go and confront them, isn't she?" she asked in a blank tone.

"She very well may," Polly didn't give a straightforward answer. Ada was a Shelby after all...Shelbys did what they wanted and rarely cared about the dangers that stood in their way.

(Y/N) knew this all too well. Ada was going to go and confront these two gangs of men. She stood from the chair with an exasperated sigh. Tommy's voice echoed in her mind as she stood; warning her not to go anywhere near the Garrison. She pushed it back, knowing that that was exactly where her friend was going. "I'm going to go and try to stop her, Pol," she informed the other woman as she walked towards the archway.

"Be careful, (Y/N)," Polly offered some words of advice, making (Y/N) nod before she walked through the archway and out of the Watery Lane home.

—

"I want you all to look at me!" (Y/N) heard Ada's voice echo through the empty streets as she ran as fast as she could to the Garrison. Upon turning the corner, she saw two lines of men, the groups facing each other. Ada was smack-dab in the middle, addressing both lines as they had their guns pointed at each other. She's going to get herself killed! (Y/N) thought to herself as she picked up her pace. "Who will be wearing black for you? Think about them. Think about them right now...and fight if you want to, but that baby ain't moving anywhere, and neither am I," she continued, her voice raw and full of emotion.

"Ada!" (Y/N) called to her friend as she made her way through the line of men whom she recognized to be the Peaky Blinders. "Ada, you can't be doing this!" she exclaimed, her eyes frantic as she rushed out into the middle of the standoff in hopes to get her friend to see some sense. "This isn't your war to get into the middle of. This isn't the place for you, or for your baby," she insisted, her eyes locked onto the other woman's as she tried to get her out of the middle of it all.

"I won't move, (Y/N)," Ada stayed persistent.

"If not for your own safety, do it for Karl," (Y/N) didn't back down, "this isn't your war to try to stop," she repeated her previous statement, trying to keep her voice steady as adrenaline started to fill her. She tried so hard not to think of what was standing on either side of her at the moment, putting her sole focus on her friend. "Come on...move for Karl," she said again, her voice softer now as she nodded to the carriage that was off to the side. They held each other's gaze before Ada just barely nodded her head. (Y/N) saw it though, and she moved Ada off to the side, hyper-aware of all of the eyes following her.

"She's right you know..." Billy Kimber was the first to speak up once the women were off to the side, "why should all you men die?" he asked the men surrounding him before looking forward, "it should just be them who've caused it," he accentuated his statement by brandishing his weapon and firing it twice.

(Y/N) squeezed her eyes shut and spun to shield both Ada and the carriage as best she could as pandemonium broke out in the street. Several men were screaming and Karl's cries had intensified before there was one more gunshot.

Tommy was the next person to speak. "Enough!" he yelled, causing everything to halt at once. (Y/N), even though her eyes were still closed, felt relieved that he was still speaking, because that meant he was still alive. "Kimber and me fought this battle one on one. It's over. Go home to your families!" he addressed the men standing across from him.

Nothing else was said as the sound of footsteps rang out, signaling to (Y/N) that people were walking away. She heard Tommy mumble something to someone, and more footsteps were heard then. She stayed by Ada and Karl, unable to really move as she took some steadying breaths.

"Ada..." a man's voice came from the women's left.

"Freddie," Ada breathed, moving from the carriage to go to the man who had approached them.

"Don't scare us like that," he said to her, allowing her to fall into his arms and cling to him. He closed his eyes and rested his chin on the top of her head as he held her tight against him.

(Y/N) smiled softly as she watched them reunite, feeling the emotion radiating off of them. She finally looked back at the street then, seeing that everyone else had cleared off of it. Worried about the rest of the men - especially one in particular - she left the couple's side and hurried to the doors of the Garrison.

She was met with agonizing screams as she opened the doors, and immediately realized that they were coming from Tommy. Hearing them made her heart drop to her stomach. Had he been shot? she wondered, worry immediately filling her body.

Arthur was the one to notice her presence amidst trying to help get the bullet out of his brother's shoulder, "go and wait in the stockroom, love, you don't want to be seein' this," he told her and she nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat and not asking any questions before she made a b-line to the stockroom behind the bar.

She waited there as time passed painstakingly slowly. Hearing Tommy scream out in pain was breaking her heart. She wished there was something, anything, she could do to help.

Then everything became quiet again. She heard some talking, but it was muffled by the door that she'd closed. She decided to stay in the room even though it seemed that the worst of it was over. A few more minutes passed before the door opened to reveal Tommy.

(Y/N) didn't wait for another second. She was walking over to him the second she saw him, her hands raising so that she could take his cheeks into them and bring his lips to hers. She kissed him passionately and with everything she had in her. Tommy's hands found the sides of her waist so that he could hold her against him, prolonging the kiss...as if she was going to pull away anyway.

"What was that for?" he breathed out once they'd pulled away.

"For scaring me," she answered him, an involuntary shudder coursing through her as she let her eyes drop to the bloody shirt that he was wearing. He's ok...he's standing in front of you, she told herself, her eyes finding his again.

Tommy chuckled at her statement, squeezing her waist slightly before he leaned in and kissed her again. (Y/N) happily accepted it, slipping her hands from his cheeks to the back of his neck as she reveled in the feeling of their lips moving together seamlessly. Nothing ever felt this good.

"And that was for?" she asked once she pulled away, breathless this time. She couldn't stop the smile from forming on her face as she looked at him again.

"An apology for scaring you," he told her, his words making her tip her head back slightly as she let out a laugh.

His eyes were still on her when she looked at him again. His gaze made butterflies dance around in her stomach, and she couldn't help but encircle her arms around his neck so that she could hug him; her head resting against the uninjured side of his chest as she did so. She brought one of her hands down from the back of his neck to gently lift his jacket where the blood was present on his shirt. She couldn't see much, but she still had to ask: "you're ok, are you?" Her voice was much softer now, worry creeping back after the excitement of the kisses faded.

"I'm fine, love," he answered her, his voice coming out in a similar tone. "Come on...have a drink with me," he said then, loosening his hold on her waist. She got the message, dropping her hands from his neck so that he could step away and lead her out of the stockroom and back into the bar area. "Under the bar should be a bottle of champagne..." he started off as he walked around to the opposite side of the bar so that he could stand across from her.

"Going for fancy today, are we?" (Y/N) couldn't help but grin as she grabbed the unopened bottle from one of the lower shelves.

"Figured we should...since we're celebrating," Tommy grinned right back at her, watching as she set the bottle on the bartop before going to grab two glasses. As she did that, he turned and rested his back against the bar, taking some of the weight off of his feet. He let out a sigh as he tipped his head back, reveling in a moment of peace after so much chaos.

"Is everything ok?" (Y/N) asked after she turned around and found him.

"Yeah," he breathed, pushing himself off of the bar and turning around to stand straight and face her again, nodding his head then for extra effect. (Y/N) nodded back at him before she uncorked the bottle and worked on pouring it into both of the cups. She tried her best not to mess up under his gaze. She smiled at him once she was finished, handing him a glass before she picked her own up and took a sip from it. "How is it?" he asked, his eyes not leaving hers.

"It's good," (Y/N) answered with a nod and a soft smile.

"You know..." he began then, pausing a moment before continuing, "someone I trust once told me, and I believe they told me here; in this very spot...that people fall for people that they know; people that they've been around and feel comfortable with..." he trailed off, and (Y/N) felt her throat go dry. Those words sounded all too familiar...like the words that she'd told him when he was grappling with Ada being with Freddie. He took a deep breath before continuing, "I want you to help me, (Y/N). With the business, the family, with the whole fucking thing. I want you, no, I need you in my life."

"Tommy this is, wow..." she couldn't finish her sentence, taken back by what he'd just proclaimed. All of the dancing around her feelings for him had led to this...the moment she'd been secretly hoping for for so long. But now that it was here, she was fumbling. "I'm not sure of what to say..." she blubbered out, her nervousness shining clear in her words. She'd never wanted something more in her life...why had she chosen this moment to be awkward?!

"Yes would be a good thing to say," he said, cracking a grin as he noticed her trying to fight back her nervousness, "it'd be a great thing to say, actually."

"Then yes," she breathed, a smile breaking onto her face.

"Then yes," he repeated what she'd said, smiling also as he leaned across the bar to kiss her. She caught his chin, holding him there and making the kiss longer than he intended...not that he was complaining.

"I think we'd ought to leave," (Y/N) said after they'd pulled away from each other, "we've had enough excitement for one day...you should get home," she suggested.

"And what will you do?" he asked her, wondering if they'd now be parting ways after all that just happened. He really didn't want that to be the case.

"I thought that maybe I'd come with you...someone's got to make sure that you keep clean bandages on your shoulder," she answered him, unable to stop the smile from creeping onto her lips.

Tommy caught that, knowing what else she could be thinking that would make such a smile form on her face. "I like the sound of that," he said to her, also grinning before she walked around the bar to come to his side.

The day had truly been won. Not only had Tommy defeated Billy Kimber, but he'd finally let (Y/N) know how he felt about her...and to his relief, she'd felt the same about him.

And for (Y/N)...she had a feeling that she wasn't leaving Birmingham any time soon. That was something she was perfectly ok with.

Tagged: @mgcldydrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @elenavampire21 @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @december16-1991 @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @midnightmagpiemama @cillmequick @l1-l4 @chlorrox @lostgirl219 @woofgocows @bdudette @mrkdvidal1989 @stephhevring @fictional-hooman @httyd-marauders @nataliewalker93 @rangerelik @thecraziestcrayon @cilliansangel @shaddixlife @tracysnook

SERIES MASTERLIST

#tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x y/n #tommy shelby series #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby fanfic #tommy shelby fanfiction #peaky blinders #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders x y/n #peaky blinders series #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic

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uhbasicallyjustmilex · 5 months

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happy new year everyone!! 🌟✨ it's been almost exactly a year since i first tentatively poked my head into this little space here on tumblr, and being part of the wonderful am/miles/tlsp community here with you all has truly been one of the highlights of my 2023 💗

as i'm sure is the case for most of us, it's been a year of ups and downs for me. i've been lucky enough to experience some amazing things (living in a new city, reconnecting with my creativity, getting my dream job, discovering music that speaks to my soul, making new friends, reading some amazing books) and human enough to experience some less incredible things (chronic pain, family difficulties, discovering my dream job is not in fact my dream job, getting long covid, the ever uphill battle of healing from trauma). through it all, this space has been a continued solace and source of joy, where i've met some truly special people and felt part of a little community where i get to have fun and flail and just be me. i can't even begin to express how grateful i am to be part of a space like this, or how grateful i am to everyone here who makes it what it is ✨

i also just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who has supported me with my writing over this past year, whether that's through kudos or comments or messages or amazing cheerleading/editing help. one of the absolute gifts of discovering this fandom has been the writing fic side of it. maybe it sounds silly, but writing four walls has genuinely been one of the highlights and biggest achievements of my year. writing has always been something incredibly close to my heart, but my degree left me totally sapped of inspiration and confidence, and i'd been struggling for a while to climb out of that after graduating. something about alex and miles just instantly sparked off inspiration in me that i hadn't felt for a long time, and getting to write about them over the past year has reminded me of the sheer joy of creating and the magic of getting to share that with people ✨

it's something that's finally given me the confidence to pick up my own original writing again too, and i couldn't be more grateful to alex and his wonderful lyrics (particularly the entirety of humbug) and to everyone who's supported my fic ventures for helping me reconnect to and explore my creativity. it's the best feeling in the world to finally feel like i'm coming home to that part of myself and carving out a proper space for it in my life 💗

2023 was far from perfect, but it was filled with so many brilliant moments of illumination and i feel i am leaving it with a deeper sense of myself and my path moving forward. i know it's going to be a rocky one at times, but i am excited for what 2024 holds in store for me - and i can't wait to continue flailing with you all over all things milex and to enjoy all the amazing fics/gifsets/posts/art to come!

wishing all of you a year ahead full of wonderful moments and new experiences and fulfilment 💫✨ i really am more grateful than i'll ever be able to adequately express for this space here, and to all the amazing people i've been lucky enough to get to know through it. here's to an amazing 2024 for all of us 💗💞🩷💓💖💕💝

(the photos above are just a random little collection of ones over the past year that i particularly associate with the various things i've talked about in this post)

#god this ended up being much longer and more sentimental than i realised 😅#happy new year!! 💜#also please excuse the photo of me lol #it’s not the best and i’ve blocked out my face for obvious reasons #but it was taken the morning after the am concert in my hotel room just before i left #and i was just feeling so utterly elated and swept up in the post gig high #so it captures one of my favourite moments and feelings of the whole year 🥰#i couldn’t not include it #anyway i’ll actually shut up now #i blame having an hour to myself for the first time all holiday for this degree of self indulgent rambling 😅#personal #lulu posts

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rachelchinouriris · 5 months

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2023 writing gif-making round up

Rules (adapted for fic, gifs, art, etc.): Share what you made this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you made or just the projects you're most excited about.

tagged by @victoriaspriing thank you!!!

2024 is just around the corner, so unbelievable to me. it feels like no time has passed since the beginning of 2023. i was thinking, hm it doesn’t feel like i’ve made many gifs this year, but then i went looking back at all my favorite gifsets i made and i was pleasantly surprised to see quite a significant amount. my goal for 2024 is to create more gifsets, to share with the fandom and most importantly to let the creativity flow. okay, but i’m here to reflect on my gifsets from this year, so let’s get into that shall we? i’ll share some fun statistics and then my top 5 gifsets from this year, and totally copying joana here but i’ll also give a shoutout to my favorite creators who not only inspire me but make this fandom wonderful with their creations <3

fun statistics

in total i made 188 gifsets in 2023

99 are about louis (*pretends to be shocked*)

50 are about harry

10 are larry

4 are ot5

1 about samia

1 about soyoon

the rest are 911 lone star, stranger things, only friends and first kill

28 (!!!) are elaborate gifsets

44 are or include purple

4 are about faith in the future

top 5 gifsets (in no particular order)

louis birthday gifset this has to be my favorite gifset i’ve made this year. i had so much fun making it, from trying a different color i’m not used to, to using new effects i hadn’t had the chance to try. everything came out as i had envisioned and it makes me so happy. i gotta say by the end of it i was tired. i think i spent a total of 10 hours on it, but it was so worth it

faith in the future anniversary gifset okay so this one was originally going to be blue and yellow, but the first gif (the one with the tv) wasn’t looking good, so i just did what i do best, make it purple and yellow. i’m glad i did, because not only do i love that combo, but i think it looks great. i had this vague concept of what i wanted to do. i knew i definitely wanted to include the spotify template. from there i just did what i felt in the moment. the edit with the tracklist was originally going to be in the form of a google search, but it looked so bad, so i just went for something more simple, which ended up looking so much better. the last edit was the second to last one. i was thinking, how can i include fitfwt into it? that’s when i realized i had a combination of one gifset, one edit, one gifset and one gifset, so i added one edit in the middle of the last two gifsets to create that pattern. i took my favorite louis picture from tour and just did a quick edit. with this one, less was better, and i’m very proud of how it came out

hlholidayexchange gifset i absolutely adore this one. the prompt was anything with 2014 larry. i had a very clear concept for this one. polaroids showing them together. while looking for videos i just gravitated towards their night changes performance, especially the prince and little one with the cheekbones, so that’s what i did. i was apprehensive about the blending, as it’s something i struggle with, but personally i think i did good. there’s always room for improvement, but i’m satisfied with it. the colors came to me right at the end, a combination of some of my favorite colors that are close together in the color wheel, so they look good together. it’s simple, but effective :)

louis tomlinson tinder this one was so fun to make. i especially loved coming up with hobbies and activities that describe louis. i knew i wanted to include numerology because this boy is obsessed with numbers and you can’t tell me he isn’t into numerology. as for the matches, i included his husband people who he’s potentially had a crush on based on interactions and interviews. i also love how the colors came out, i think it looks very pretty

harry’s house anniversary i love this one so much. i had a very clear concept of what i wanted to do. the cutout of the pictures plus the lyrics looked so much fun and i had a great time putting it together, and i just love the spotify template. i think everything about it is very pretty. the colors, the scenes, all of it. the only thing that makes me sad is how the video for daylight came out way later so i couldn’t include it, but other than that i love it so so much

bonus!!! this is louis tomlinson a very fun, very pleasant edit. i remember just wanting to do a gifset highlighting some aspects of louis and his career. i wanted something semi simple and visually appealing, so i did the google search overlay and from there just basic layouts. i had a lot of fun making it

shoutout to my faves!!!

@delicatepointofview @heroeddiemunson @wylanvannecks @505louis @anxiouspunk @ricky-olson @vinmauro @raypakorn @victoriaspriing @birthdaysentiment @robin-buckleys @perrieedwards @margarethcarter @neil-patrick @bobbiedebruyn @braverytattoos @justthinkingaboutlouis @loustyles @kiwikiwiandkiwi @finexbright @zourried @seatawinans @mcbride @jdeanmorgan @morgana-pendragon @niccolofares @sci-fi @benoitblanc @saw-x @binariesuns @oliviairodrigo @annacoleman @aliecenthightower @nelsonnicholas @curlyhairedprince @padme-amidala

sorry if i’m forgetting anyone. if you’re a gifmaker assume i love your gifs. tagging the people above and anyone else who happens to see this and wants to do it. no pressure!!!

#logan.txt #tag games

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star-labs-intern · 2 months

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Okay but what about domestic / living together ! Harrisco & Cisco being excited to surprise Harry with his new haircut but Harry reacting like Alexis when mutt shaved his beard

Cisco: are you... Crying?

Harry *sniffling*: no

Fic under the cut / not my gifs gifset linked

Harry was lazing in bed and snoozing. They had to fight a meta in the middle of the night the evening prior, so they had been pulled out of bed, just after midnight. They had a fight where Cisco hadn’t needed to suit up, he just needed to be on coms, while Barry sorted out this new, nocturnal meta.

They had gotten to sleep after that, but quite late. Earlier than Harry would have liked, Cisco had mumbled something in Harry’s ear about heading out to run some errands, and that Harry should keep sleeping. Sounded fine by him.

So when Harry felt the bed shift, he figured Cisco was crawling back into bed with him for some snuggles before they started their day. Cisco put a hand on Harry’s waist and spooned him from behind. He leaned up on his elbow, though, so he could sorta see Harry a little.

“Morning, Sunshine,” Harry turned, eyes still shut, and reached a hand up to bury in Cisco’s curls, to pull him in for a kiss. Blinking his eyes open, his hand met short hair, cropped close to the neck and he clocked a very Different looking boyfriend than the one he took to bed with him.

“Jeez Louise,” Harry was up and out of bed, tumbling awkwardly onto the floor first, then hopping up with impressive speed, grabbing the comforter around his waist. Harry was shirtless, in his boxers, so the comforter wrapped, toga-like across his midsection then flung over his shoulder, muscles peeking out from behind the blanket. “And what earth are YOU from?” Harry growled, eyeing the other side of the room, trying to gauge if he could make it to the pulse rifle that was propped up behind the bedroom door.

“It’s me, Har, it’s Cisco,” Cisco’s mouth slanted down in a half sad smile, half frustrated frown. “Not a doppelganger, I just got a haircut,” Cisco slowly got up from the bed.

Harry was looking on with soft, wide eyes. “Cisco? R-Ramon? Your… your hair,” Harry muttered, narrowing his eyes at Cisco.

Cisco cocked his head to the side. “Aw, Harry, I thought you were gonna like it. I wanted a change.”

Harry was nodding up and down, quickly but without moving his head all that much. “It’s a change.” Harry repeated.

“Babe, it’s still me. Promise.” Cisco reached a hand up to scratch at his ear. “You don’t.. You don’t like it?” he looked up with wide eyes of his own, and suddenly he looked much more like Cisco.

“No, no, I’m sure, I’m sure it’ll grow,” Harry muttered and Cisco’s eyes popped open wider, “Grow ON ME, I’m sure it’ll grow ON ME. I’m sure I’ll love it before I know it, I just.” Harry was feeling choked up all of a sudden. It was silly. It was just hair. “You just look. Different.”

“Harry, are you… are you crying?” Cisco had a sad smile that was making his dimples pop and Harry tried to take another hard look at Cisco. It was Cisco. It was his Cisco. He just had … less hair now.

“No,” Harry croaked. “I’m sorry. It’s just hair. It’s still you,”

Cisco cracked into a full smile then, “Harry Wells, be careful or I might start to think you care about me.”

Harry rolled his eyes, then swiped at them with quick fingers. “Everyone knows I care about you, Cisco.” Harry grumbled then, the banter returning to normal, the more he looked at Cisco, the sillier he was feeling. This was a good look for him. It would just take a little getting used to. “You owe me for such a scare so early in the morning.”

“It’s afternoon, silly goose,” Cisco rolled his eyes,

“Still early if you factor in what time we went to bed!” Harry argued. He took his third hard look at Cisco’s hair and decided that he liked it. “C’mere, Handsome,” Harry held open arms and Cisco fell into a nice big bear hug. Harry would get used to the new style. The hair was different, but Cisco was still the same.

#harrisco #harrisco drabbles

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anotherbluesunday · 3 months

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✨WIP Tag Game✨

I’m definitely checking you’re fic out @michiganstray because you got me hooked! Thank you for tagging me too! I’m super excited to share this teaser with everyone. 💜💜💜

Alrighty, first Tag Game of the new year and y’all picked a good time because I’m writing the epic close to my ficlet Myth. Like I’ve said before, this story was inspired by a string of prompts, the rain, and a song. The final chapter name “Myth” captures all the more intense lyrics of the Beach House song, namely these six lines: “If you built yourself a myth, you’d know just what to give?”, “Can’t keep hanging on, to what is dead and gone.”, and “Materialize, or let the ashes fly!” I don’t want to give away too much. I want this final chapter to be emotionally and mentally cathartic for all who read it because the goal is to make you feel. What that means to you is up to you and your heart. But I want it to be something that leaves you all feeling your humanness pulsing through you like a current.

Now, here’s the snippet.

I didn't want to remember but I would and this alone felt like a death sentence.

So I kept it to myself. Fell in this spiral that was less like a swan dive and more like the aftermath of a mid-air collision. I gave Wednesday bits here and there to keep her floating in calm waters because she had no place navigating this wasteland with me. It was dishonest especially considering how we had promised to always tell each other when something was wrong. But this was where I drew the line. If what I thought had happened was what had actually happened to me then there wasn't any way I could tell her. Not entirely. And even if entirely, not right now. Not while she had millions of other things stacking up on her plate that was already full.

Staring at the wall a moment longer, I could almost make out the form of another. The shape of my tormentor. My accuser. My devil in white. I distinctly remember the color and it being draped in some way on them because it made their red hair stand out. Red hair and red nails. Slowly, this creature was coming out from the shadowed rafters like a reaper and I was lying there in wait as if I were set to die that afternoon. But it wouldn't come and drag me by the throat to my grave just yet. There was too much of this show left for it to do that.

Another minute turned into two turned into thirty until I made myself get up.

Stomach growling and skin and bones feeling particularly exposed to this crippling sense of humanness, I washed up first. Begrudgingly stood under the hot water and rinsed off the perfect combination of Wednesday's sweat and faint traces of her rose body oil. My therapist was quick to warn me of the road this relationship could travel down during our session yesterday. Said that for now it sounded healthy and supportive but that it could devolve into a codependency if we weren't careful. And I understood where Dr. Kinbott was coming from. Could see where there may be mild concern with a watchful eye waiting for the first signs of smoke. But Wednesday and I were conscious of this too.

Okay, I’m tagging both writers and artists because I want to see some gifsets that are WIP’s or hear what ideas they got for upcoming ones so yeah. lol.

I’m tagging @tastethesetears @remusjohnslupin @mistressvera @wednesdayandherhyde @michiganstray (in the words of Kylo Ren, MORE!) @darling-gemini @broken-everlark @gardenoblues @thelovelybookworm (because I also need more of what you’re cooking)

Happy writing/giffing and tag away!

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writerswhy · 10 months

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On Alicent and religion

So, I came across this Midnight Mass gifset and these two quotes:

He doesn't understand yet that guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. -Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace

I would like to be found. I would like to see. Or to be seen. I wonder if, in the eye of God, it amounts to the same thing. As it says in the Bible, For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face. If it is face to face, there must be two looking. -Margaret Atwood, Alias Grace

And since then, I’ve been mulling over Alicent’s relationship with religion for the past few days because if there’s one thing that irks my soul, is when (western) writers write religious women as tradcath bitchy hypocrites (as opposed to religious men who use their religion as some sort of selfless sacrifice), especially when said woman is a victim of abuse.

Instead of exploring Alicent’s religiousness as a way to cope with the abuse she endures, as part of her socialization and the community and culture she comes from, as a way to validate her innate kindness in a world where she’s surrounded by Machiavellians and careless people who can get away with things she cannot, the show manages to victim blame her by the way they frame her religiousness. That it’s another chain in this patriarchy without ever engaging with the actual patriarchs who actively abuse her on-screen.

Something else that I want to highlight is that these systems that Alicent faces are faceless and abstract which makes the grief and anger and helplessness nearly impossible to work through. As a result, she ends up internalizing these roles - daughter, wife, mother - and when they contradict each other, or when external forces push and pull her, she ends up blaming and sacrificing herself. (As opposed to a man in Westeros like Aegon - her mirror - who can whore and drink and fight with little consequence, he may even be praised.)

One day I’m gonna sit down and actually take my time to write these thoughts down, but here are some quick notes that I’m trying to sort through. (Note that it’s difficult for me to reconcile some of these with the Alicent(s) we see onscreen. Cooke is one of the best actors on the show but the writing for her has not been my favorite. I feel like Carey’s Alicent was more cohesive and consistent, so some these points apply more to ep 1-5 Alicent than later on.):

1. The first instance we see of her religiousness comes from a place of love. She visits the sept to feel closer to her mother and shares this with Rhaenyra to help her grieve. She uses her religion to comfort herself and connect with loved ones - living and dead. (Aegon does the same when he hides in the sept under the mother. Did he learn this from her? Did he learn this while studying the Faith of the Seven?)

2. If this greater being meant to comfort her and guide her tells her through its teachings that the very behavior she’s punished for is actually holy and human (that’s it’s right), does it help Alicent feel less alone? And if she has someone to share this belief with, like Criston?

3. Does she channel the gods when she needs to compromise with who she is and who she needs to be? For example, Alicent was compassionate and loyal to Rhaneyra when defending her claim early on. After Rhaenyra’s betrayal, fearing for her children and honestly, it’s okay if she was offended and felt played by Rhaenyra, when she shows up to the wedding dressed in green, as a Hightower (no longer a dutiful wife), did she draw strength from the mother and father to seek justice for her and her children and to protect her family?

This third point is so interesting to me because that’s what many real people do in real life everyday. We have to find ways to cope with life and learn how to understand ourselves, our wants, and how we can make them fit in this world. Obviously you don’t need religion to do this, but many do and in my community, religion is what keeps us grounded yet hopeful. Some of us live lives where if it were not for their religion, they’d feel less human under the systems that dehumanize them.

#alicent hightower #hotd #There’s something about Father Paul using God to excuse his sins #And Riley feeling jealous because yeah #how can you not feel jealous when you give into this thing that comes from within you #Only for it to make you feel like you’re going straight to hell for giving in #It’s obviously very different when considering Alicent’s situation but #There’s something there that I’m trying to connect. I just need to stop procrastinating #There’s also this possession aspect that I’m still trying to understand why I think it applies here…but something tells me it does??

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hoolay-boobs · 6 months

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HELLO MY DEAR

So I watched red white and royal blue! It was GOOD! I loved it. I probably wouldn't have gotten around to reading the book any soon so I was glad that the movie exists. They used the word bisexual!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That felt very good to see. The B isn't silent in LGBTQ!!!!! Have you watched it? If not, do you plan on watching it? If yes, what were your thoughts?

I wish we had a sapphic movie like that too. Hopefully we'll get it soon 🤞

Also there was one part of the movie I didn't like, they called both of the men homosexual when one of them is obviously bisexual. I honestly don't like it when people call bisexuals homo because we are bi not half homo half het. But the movie was overall good

HELLOOOO MY DEAR!

It is so nice to hear from you and get this ask! My angel buddy and best friend of 13 years (my way to say pet dog lol) died last night, so this is a wonderful distraction, and your asks always bring a smile to my face.

I’ve heard such good things about Red White and Royal Blue! And I’ve seen the gifsets of it :) which is the tumblr way of watching adverts lol. I haven’t seen it yet, but I think I’m going to need to watch sometime it since you’ve recommended it! ❤️🤍💙

AKDKJSJWJD THEY SAY THE WORD BISEXUAL. Out loud. That’s amazing. I remember when I watching Helluva Boss (same universe as Hazbin Hotel) with @random-friendly-1ntrovert and in episode uhhhh is it season 1, episode 6? I don’t know. But the episode Exes and Oh’s, there’s this one part where a character says “I’m bisexual” out loud and I just. I had never heard a character say that before. I’m not joking. I just paused it to stare in awe at the screen for a moment lol.

Oooo a sapphic movie like that would be wonderful! Hopefully we will get a movie like that soon! 🤞 I know it would make so so many people, myself included, resonate with it and feel less alone 💝 and my dear Sana, I’ll let you know if I ever write one ;)

Quick question! Was it a protagonistic or deuteragonistic character, or an antagonistic character who called them both homosexuals? Like if it’s a character we’re supposed to look up to and is portrayed in a heroic light, yeah that’s upsetting to add in the movie, but if it’s a negative character, then the bi erasure would totally be in character.

Thank you for the movie review! 💝💝💝 and feel free to send me asks if you watch and have reviews for anymore queer movies! <3

#my dear sana <3 #mutuals #thank you for the ask! 💝#answered asks

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basilone · 3 months

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lemme be sappy for a min bc I’ve loved your blog for years when I discovered hbo war a while back, for some reason I haven’t been on tumblr the past year, so I decided to get a new blog and yours was the first I followed <3 seeing MOTA coming out in real time is so surreal and seeing your beautiful gifs just brought back the feeling of when I first watched hbo war bc of them being recommended to me. all this to say I really really appreciate all your hard work giffing the new episodes

Im so looking forward to seeing you gif Rosie because he grew on me so quick, same with Demarco tbh, I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if we had tumblr when BoB was coming out during that time lol

Ahhh, anon, this is SO sweet! 💚 Thank you so much, you've made my week with this message.

I love that you remember me from the early days of this blog, haha, and that you decided to come back and give me a follow! It's so heartening to hear that you enjoy what I create and want my presence on your dashboard. I was away from the fandom for a bit myself, too, and when I decided to come back I immediately felt welcomed again by everyone. The HBO War fandom is a nice, long, hot bath of fun and good vibes for me (and I hope to many others, too!) that really keeps feeding me creatively and personally.

Getting a new episode of MotA every week is so exciting! I love that they're giving us a weekly episode, so we have time to gif and talk and write and discuss and speculate! It's a mishmash of people who've read the book and people who haven't, and I'm already unreasonably excited about what we'll likely see this week because some non-book readers in my gifset notes are going to have a great time here very very soon. 😉 I can't imagine what it'd be like to get to see the other HBO War shows airing for the first time, but I imagine we'd have a wonderful time too!

It's also really rewarding for me to get to gif a show like MotA that allows me liberal use of my favorite type of gif coloring -- bright, colorful, popping -- because none of the other HBO War shows give me that option. (The color palettes are very different between each show!)

Rosie is my favorite of favorites, so I'm really happy that people like you share my love for him! And DeMarco, man, I don't know what it is about that guy -- my fandom friends say "he is a man with a dog and five minutes of screentime" like that fully explains why we have half the fandom making eyes at him 🤣 -- but I'm lovin' the vibe here!

#sweet asks #listen I know I overuse !!!! here but I'm very !!!!! about everything

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waitmyturtles · 1 year

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Turtles Catches Up with the Essential BLs: Kieta Hatsukoi Edition

Review of Kieta Hatsukoi (My Love Mix-Up), ready to serve! I’m going through various messages and comments to make sure I tag the right person who recommended that I watch this, and I believe it was my dearest wonderfriend @the-nihongo-adventure, but if I’m wrong, forgive me! (And if I’m right, then as ever, THANK YOU!)

I ate this up in my continued effort to catch up with essential BLs, and Kieta Hatsukoi was just DARLING DARLING DARLING. I was drawn to watch this in part because I’ve seen so many gifsets of the show, including wonderful comparisons to my beloved Cherry Magic, with which I did see quite a number of parallels. (As always, my apologetic caveat for reviewing a show that many of you have already seen! This ended up being a long post, heads up.)

As Teppachi! was a gluttonous showcase for members of the Love Dream Happiness/EXILE TRIBE agency in Japan, so Kieta Hatsukoi featured two gems of Johnny and Associates, Michieda Shunsuke and Meguro Ren, the latter of whom has had a smashing two years of acting, not only in KH, but now in Silent and the NHK morning dorama/asadora, Maiagare! (Meguro is absolutely FANTASTIC in Silent, and if you’re balancing your QL diet with a dose of cishet doramas, I really highly recommend watching it.)

Before I sing its praises, I’ll offer a couple quick criticisms of Kieta Hatsukoi, which is that I think some plot points were rushed at the end of the series, just to move the story along. I think Aoki breaking up with Ida so quickly while at Ida’s house seemed a little melodramatic and rushed. I think their awkward interactions at school right after that seemed a little stilted.

But these are small criticisms, and I bring them up to start this post because I actually think that some of the small melodramas actually served the plot very well. BECAUSE:

This dorama was clearly set up to be a dear and sincere school dorama between two classmates, and I just think that Michieda and Meguro handled that sincerity SO WELL.

Oh my god, Michieda’s Aoki. I literally was laughing OUT LOUD at his acting. His Aoki was SO sincere and wonderful! The way in which Aoki grew into his confidence to continue confessing to Ida throughout the show. The way in which Aoki continued to gain clarity into his feelings, while Ida was plugging away on sorting out his own feelings.

It seemed to me that Michieda acted this role with such a deep COMFORT to become Aoki, and played Aoki so beautifully with such a lovely balance of awkwardness and authenticity. When he pretended to be a rapper to Ida? I was dying. He HIT his coming to his feelings with awkwardness so beautifully, I felt like he transported me right back to my own teenagerhood.

[I’m playing around with the following idea, by the way, and may ask some of the expert commentators of QL here on Tumblr to comment in the near future, but I really wonder if BL-specific content pushes cishet actors -- especially more well-known actors, like your Meguros, Akasos, or Machidas -- to go well beyond their comfort zones and just NAIL their performances. Not that I’m biased -- I’m extremely biased on anything related to Cherry Magic -- but I feel that with all I’ve watched with my Akaso and Machida rabbitholes, that Cherry Magic is still the best show I’ve seen them in. Even with something like Kinou Nani Tabeta, which clearly drove two super-famous, legendary, and talented actors in Nishijima Hidetoshi and Uchino Seiyou, to go beyond their usual scopes to find and demonstrate intimacy between each other -- it seemed miraculous, even while they’ve both acted brilliantly in other projects (please watch Nishijima’s Drive My Car and Mozu, and Uchino’s Tonbi, if you can find them.) I think a lot of what’s in Machida’s repertoire just doesn’t serve his acting ability at all and leverages him just for the looks (ahem, Super Rich, Teppachi). I mean, with the kind of volume these actors need to maintain for relevancy in a hyper-competitive dorama environment, they’re gonna be acting in some shitshows anyway. But it always seems to me that these guys with tremendous potential just overwhelmingly EAT their QL roles. Anyway -- food for thought. I’d be curious to find out if there were analyses in Japanese media on this theory.]

Sorry for that tangent, but it helps me to wonder how Michieda and Meguro so perfectly nailed the chemistry between Aoki and Ida. Ida was really convincing as someone who was sorting out his feelings! I believed him. I believed that Ida had always been sympathetic to people who felt they needed him.

And while I thought it was slightly melodramatic that Aoki left Ida’s house in a huff when he felt like Ida was only treating Aoki as a friend -- I do think that melodrama served Aoki well. I think it contributed to a theme and commentary that Aoki was taking HIS OWN feelings very seriously.

I really loved that about this show. What I didn’t see happening was Aoki slagging on himself -- at least, after the first couple episodes, when dear Hashimoto and that camping instructor helped Aoki to feel confident to BE confident in his feelings. (I DID love that garbage bag scene, though. Whoever wrote that scene, I give you all your flowers.)

Aoki grew to be confident in his love for Ida, and it was a very simple and straightforward plotline that I think Michieda carried so lovingly and heartwarmingly throughout the series. I love how uncomplicated his love was for Ida. Aoki liked his guy, that was it! And he wanted his guy to be honest about his feelings, and was like, you know what, if Ida doesn’t know how he feels about me by now, it must be just friendship -- so I’m going to respect myself enough to get out of the relationship and stop pushing my feelings onto Ida.

That’s actually a pretty sophisticated emotional timeline -- a little rushed, yes, for a dorama, but that’s a lot of awakening for a high schooler.

And same for Ida. I like how brooding Meguro played his Ida at the end of the series, taking very seriously what Aoki was going through with Aoki’s need for a confirmation from Ida that Ida liked Aoki. Ida never, ever stopped taking Aoki’s feelings seriously. That was SO lovely! Never for a second did Ida take what was happening lightly, even while Aoki misread Ida.

It was so sincere. I loved that Ida needed that final push from Taniguchi-sensei. I believed the wonderful run (god, I love this trope!) that Ida took to meet Aoki back at the school festival. I believed it when Ida said, wholeheartedly, that he really loved Aoki (wish I could screenshot this, dang it, Viki).

It didn’t seem rushed that Ida needed the time of the series to come to his realizations about his feelings for Aoki. I loved that part of Ida’s sincerity was just not KNOWING what love felt like. It meant that Ida, himself, needed to come to this realization on his own, certainly with urging from his friends -- but that he wasn’t going to cop to anyone else’s definition of what love was. His love for Aoki was unique to Ida himself, alone. And I think that last line he said to Aoki at the festival -- “That’s alright. We don’t have to be like anyone else.” -- was apropos of that wonderful, singular, and honest mindset.

I honestly thought, going into this show, that it was going to be lighter than it actually was, and I always love being mistaken for that assumption. I’m definitely going to follow more of Michieda’s works (what an actor!), and I’m tremendously happy to have caught up with an important part of Meguro’s repertoire before I finish Silent.

#kieta hatsukoi #my love mix up #aoki x ida #ida x aoki #michieda shunsuke #meguro ren #turtles catches up with the essential BLs

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ilhoonftw · 4 months

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i had to reverse engineer where that gifset is from... they had name tags so it was not one of the group shows they did, set didn't look like strong heart, hosts didn't look like anyone who hosted the regular idol variety shows, i felt tooooo lazy to check their wiki page and go through each show they appeared in during that era (era i deducted from his hair). in the end i did a quick youtube search and found commentary clip from a 10 years old video where op said the name of the show. thankfully it was on the tubies. the eng sub upload didn't show up in top result but we make do. onionhaseyo. and then i had to scroll/fast forward through all 5 parts of 360p clips. twice. ok twice and a half. and i found it omg. is this what the guy who found rosetta stone felt. anyhow it was easier than i expected.

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kimtaegis · 1 month

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i'm a day late to this conversation but i just wanted to add something really quick. i also had a phase where i felt a little weird or uncomfortable about reblogging gifsets/posts which were dedicated to other people or ccs. even if i reblogged one or two posts, i was always a little wary of doing so because i thought it wasn't for me - even though logically i knew there was nothing wrong with me reblogging it, especially since tumblr had already been on a decline when i had these thoughts and ccs were getting less and less engagement.

and then one day i just realised that it was stupid of me to think this way. i saw people tag their posts as "please don't reblog unless you are a mutual" or variations of this and i realised that if someone doesn't want me to reblog something, i would know because they would let people know. and so i had this realisation and i was like: yeah, they are posting the gifsets for everyone to see and because they put in a lot and lot of hours to make it and it's really sad only 5 people are reblogging it.

i totally understand the other anons though, who still don't feel comfortable reblogging stuff, but i just wanted to say that i feel like everyone who doesn't want one of their posts to be reblogged, would somehow mark it either in the tags (like i mentioned) or in the caption or something :)

I’m so glad you came to realise that it’s absolutely okay to reblog!!! also! putting the general tags like btsgif, btsedit etc under the set so everyone sees it when searching these tags is always an indicator for me that’s it’s for everyone. and it’s really considerate of you to think of the hard work behind it (cause it really is 😭) – of course you especially want the person you tagged to like it, but if they’re even more lovely people who enjoy it too that’s honestly so amazing and you basically multiply the love that’s in the set by reblogging it too. thank you for sharing your experience!! 🤍

#anon #annie’s mail

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nataliescatorccio · 1 year

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Hi! I've always wondered about the users you tag when you make stuff and vice versa - I'm a creator, mainly for s&b and I've always felt like I see everyone tagging the same people (which I totally get!), so I feel like it's hard to break in, make genuine friends, especially when everyone knows each other and at times it can feel clique-y, at least to an outsider like me. I'm socially awkward and don't do anything super fancy like you do and other people do, which also makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I've made content for a while, but I don't feel seen (which I know is probably an issue to work on, but it's still a bummer). I just wanted to know what your thoughts are and see if other creators you're friends with have any thoughts about this as well, would love the input.

hello anon! it's a difficult one, as someone who is also socially awkward and struggles to speak to someone i'm not sure the advice i can give is necessarily the easiest to follow, but truly the way to make friends with other creators is to speak to them. from my own personal experience while it can seem from the outside to be cliquey, us creators are usually very open to speaking to others and sharing the joy of something we love!

i don't think you have to make the fanciest gifset in the world, but then to get noticed you do unfortunately have to reach out to people. and you can start with just small things: send a message that you love someone's work, reblog their stuff and leave nice tags, those are the things that make me notice other blogs at least. the people i tend to tag are mutuals who i know will reblog and often leave nice comments, because i love to see their opinion on a set. when i post it i go 'oh i'll tag this person because i think they'll like it and i want to see their thoughts on it!'. the tags don't have to be long, it can just be a quick comment, but i do think that engaging in content that way at least makes a difference for me as a content creator in noticing others. but, the biggest thing is to just talk to someone and tell them you're open to being tagged - i've had blogs do that for me before and i'll tag them, because honestly i never really know who to tag which is why i usually go back to a usual group who tag me in return. though i'd also say don't be sad if people aren't tagging you, there are a lot of blogs i would love to tag in some things but tumblr's 20 tag limit means i just can't, and it's not personal.

anyway, i don't know if this is helpful at all, because i think the hardest thing to do is reach out and make yourself known to someone but also, that's sort of what you have to do? like from my perspective right now, with the new season dropping my activity and tag are both crazy. i can't notice everyone because there's a lot going on. when things calm down a bit i can notice someone tagging me consistently and check out their blog, and that can also work as a way to get noticed. but ultimately the shortcut is to speak to someone, and i really do understand that is intimidating, but i promise that the majority of content creators are also just socially anxious people funneling their hyperfixations into their creations and they're happy to talk to people like them!

#Anonymous

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naturepointstheway · 2 years

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The Mute and the Maine (Cats the musical fanfic, based on the late ‘80s/early 90s Zurich Misto)

The following piece of Tuggoffelees fiction was inspired by a post I saw of a gifset of Lindsay Chambers’ Mistoffelees who was completely mute, and was pretty much an outcast among the Jellicles. In said gifset (and recording of the performance), Lindsay’s Mistoffelees points to himself while snuggling next to Old Deuteronomy when Munkustrap says “Jellicle choice” implying some dark thoughts. In the recording itself, it also looks like one of the other cats swats Misto’s hand away and ruffles his chest a little, and I’m assuming it was Demeter, though it may have been some other cat, but I’ll stick with Demeter as she’s coupled with Munkustrap. I’ve also combined Zurich’s mute Misto with that little bit of impish side we see in later Mistos, like Jacob Brent’s in 1998, but really only shows around Tugger. Zurich!Misto can have a mischievous side to him, as a treat. (I think Lindsay Chambers played him a little more like that in later productions anyway--definitely wasn’t mute in his later Misto years.)

This fic turned into a BEAST at over 5500 words, so therefore, more under the keep reading!

After seeing how Mistoffelees had used his powerful abilities to bring back their beloved Old Deuteronomy, Tugger naturally had assumed then that the other tribe members would treat Misto better, that they would open up more to him, that they would accept him more as a part of the Jellicle family. Tugger had always felt that, more than any other cat, Mistoffelees ought to have always deserved all the acceptance he could get--even though he himself had grown up with him all his life, not caring that he was mute (though his purrs could be loud), and just accepting the small black cat as he was. If Mistoffelees’ bringing back Old Deuteronomy was enough for even Munkustrap to fully accept him as part of the family, then surely it would be enough for most--if not everyone--else.

For the next while, it appeared that, indeed, everyone had fully accepted Misto into the family--with Munkustrap’s attitude changing the most from before. Munkustrap had always been a very firm-speaking leader around everyone, including Tugger himself, but he had always been especially stern, even harsh, toward Mistoffelees.

But ever since that night, Munkustrap’s attitude toward Misto improved for the better, much to Tugger’s happiness. Munkustrap, along with Demeter, was always somewhere nearby, as if to make sure Mistoffelees was safe, and he would be quick to chide any other cats--including Tugger--for startling Misto with sudden loud noises or high-pitched screeching.

“Tell your fans to tone down the screeching when Misto’s around, Tugger,” Munkustrap chided him at one point when Etcetera had spotted Tugger and screeched in excitement, causing Misto nearby to start spinning around in stressed circles. “Especially Etcetera.”

Tugger had doubted Etcetera would listen, and he was right: even after telling her a couple times, she still squealed at the sight of him even with Misto in the same room, causing the poor cat to stress stim again. Jemima wasn’t a screecher anyway, and Electra at least made sure she toned it down when needed, as did Victoria. He still showed off like the rockstar cat he was around them, but only if Misto and Etcetera weren’t in the same room together.

Speaking of Demeter, she was also never too far away either, and while Tugger chalked that up to it being mostly because she was Munk’s mate, he had a little inkling she was looking out for Misto too. If both Tugger and Munkustrap were apart from Misto, Demeter somehow magically appeared from around some corner to settle herself somewhere where she keep Misto company as he refined his magic. While Misto didn’t mind Munkustrap or Demeter hanging out nearby, it did not slip Tugger’s notice that whenever he was around, Misto’s magic always sparked brighter, happier, stronger, and his heart always skipped a beat or fluttered when they made eye contact, even for the briefest of a glance in the middle of a conjuring turn.

Nor did it slip Tugger’s notice that the moon had barely begun to reach its waning crescent phase before everyone, save for Munkustrap, Demeter, the kittens, and himself, began ignoring Mistoffelees again as they had before, the hype of his conjuring turns and magic now fading away as they focused on other things in their normal cat lives. It wasn’t like he didn’t expect things to eventually go back to normal (or as normal as one could after the trauma of Macavity’s attack), but still, it stung--really, really stung harder than he had thought, that most of the Jellicles eventually went back to ignoring Mistoffelees. All his hopes that finally, finally the others would fully accept Mistoffelees were mostly dashed--of course they only treated him nicely for a short while before moving on. Mistoffelees wasn’t impressing them anymore with giant feats of magic that wore him out so much he had slept from sunrise to sunset the next day (which had worried Tugger at the time), and because he couldn’t (or maybe he didn’t want to) speak, no one had the patience to get to try to know him better, learn how he communicated in other ways.

All his life, whenever he hadn’t been teasing or pushing Misto around, or off flirting with the other cats, Tugger had taken note of how the small cat would communicate. And communicate he could! His purr when content had a different timbre and tempo to when he was stressed. The way he would paw at his right ear when embarrassed, but at his left ear when plotting some impish scheme to hide the humans’ cutlery or make off with their balls of yarn when they weren’t looking (naturally, Tugger would join in when he could). Mistoffelees was not a touchy-feely type, which was fine by Tugger, who was not one for spontaneous cuddly sessions, not even with the humans (unless they were busy cooking or sewing or whatever). But he knew that if Misto sought him out for a nuzzle into his thick mane, it meant the other cat was deeply, deeply upset or distressed by something or other. Tugger would drop anything (and anyone) if it meant he could provide some comfort to Mistoffelees when the latter needed it. Nuzzly-mode Mistoffelees meant time to be there just for him, and let him have the physical comfort he needed. Except only a few times, back when they were full strangers and he had yet to learn anything about Mistoffelees’ communication style, Tugger never initiated any touching first, always letting Misto seek it on his own terms.

So it should have struck him as odd that from the time the Jellicle Moon had waned to its crescent phase, that there was nary a nuzzle, spin, or even any magical practice in sight. It wasn’t unusual for Misto to have a day where he just didn’t do any of that, but several days in a row?

His concern only increased when one morning, Demeter approached him, voice low in a near whisper as she asked to speak with him somewhere private. She didn’t even crack a smile when he joked didn’t she hate him, remembering her having swiped at him once or twice when he got a little too rowdy around her. But all ideas of light-hearted jokes and banter went out immediately when she immediately got to talking about something weighing on her about Mistoffelees--she only had to voice the first syllable of the magical cat’s name, and he was all ears, hanging on to her every word. When she made him swear to talk to Mistoffelees soon, Tugger’s promise was fierce in its sincerity.

Demeter’s right. I need to be the one to talk to him.

***

A couple evenings later, Demeter’s words still somewhere in the background of his thoughts, Tugger found himself looking around the house for Mistoffelees; knowing him, he would likely turn up right behind him out of nowhere, or be in the last place he’d looked. He perked his ears, trying to listen for purring, though he knew even that wasn’t always reliable. After all, a shadow of a purr could lilt by the fireplace or a bedside or inside an empty box for hours after he had long left.

Therefore, he wasn’t surprised when he finally spotted Mistoffelees resting on the rug next to the roaring fireplace, the sky already having grown fully dark with stars poking their studded eyes out into the night.

I swear, I circled back here three times! And he was here all along!

“Of course you’re right there, Mistoffelees!” Tugger marvelled in a booming voice, making the cat flinch, glaring at Tugger for a moment. “I’m sure I looked for you here several times in the last, what, ten minutes?”

Mistoffelees tilted his head back a little, nose in the air, giving an air of aloofness.

“Don’t mind if I sit down with you by the fire too,” Tugger said as he helped himself to a comfortable spot on the rug next to Mistoffelees. “Way warmer in here than outside.”

Mistoffelees gave no indication of a reaction, just turning his attention back to the fireplace, front paws crossed over each other on the rug. His eyes drew half-closed, as though being sent to slumber by the crackling warmth of the fireplace. Tugger wondered how he had never noticed the way his fur seemed to glow a soft amber as the light from the flames caressed him. Or how the firelight made the edges of Mistoffelees’ ears appear framed by a border of pale light. The lazy way his ears turned this way and that, flickering every so often perhaps with some thought or reflection.

He couldn’t help but smile, warmth in his voice, when he spoke again, much quieter this time.

“Misto, there’s so much I love about you.”

Mistoffelees tilted his head, ears swiveling in his direction, side-eyeing him like he didn’t quite believe what Tugger was saying.

“Yeah, yeah, look at me, the great Rum Tum Tugger, getting all soppy.”

A rattle of quiet amusement interrupted Mistoffelees’ purring, turning his head to fully look at him.

“But y’know, apparently one song wasn’t enough so...time to get soppy. So shut up and listen.” Tugger tossed a wry look in Misto’s direction to show he was saying the last part lightly. “At least you don’t think I’m a terrible bore, like Munk does, right?”

Another rattle of amusement,, one of Mistoffelees’ front paws reaching to Tugger’s face.

“What’s so funny? Is it the terrible bore thing?”

Mistoffelees bapped Tugger on the nose, a pleased smirk on his face.

“I’m not a terrible bore, c’mon!”

Another bap on his nose, before Mistoffelees withdrew his paw.

“Thanks for the support, Misto,” Tugger remarked with an eyeroll. “Glad to know I’m a giant bore.”

The small black cat rolled over on his side, front paws patting thin air before him, a cheeky glint still in his green eyes. Tugger stretched out his body on the rug, crossing his front paws over each other.

“Sooo...here it goes. The soppiest Tugger you saw--thank god only you are here.” Tugger looked around quickly. “At least...I hope so.”

Mistoffelees rolled over so he was sitting in a similar fashion to Tugger, paws crossed, nose tilted a little up in the air, eyes not quite meeting Tugger’s. The classic aloof Misto act. Tugger fought not to roll his eyes again.

Everlasting, I love you so much, Misto.

He didn’t want to think how different his life would be without this ridiculous magical cat. It meant more to him beyond words that Tugger was the only cat Mistoffelees was so relaxed and most like himself around, at least in private.

“Okay, get ready, because I’m probably gonna be here all night.”

Mistoffelees relaxed even more on the rug, head lowering to rest on his crossed paws, eyes never leaving Tugger.

“I could go on about your magic, the way your fur sparkles sometimes, the conjuring turns, everything, but...that’s a big thing. There’s lots of the small things I love, you know?”

A soft purr from Mistoffelees in response, as though telling him he was listening.

“Small things, it’s the small things!”

C’mon, Tugger, you can think of something! Don’t just repeat the same thing again like a Pollicle!

“Like...you know, when I sniff and sneer at my food bowl because I don’t like whatever the humans gave me...only to come back a few hours later to find someone who looks, acts, and sounds just like a certain Mistoffelees having cleaned my bowl already. In fact, I think I see that very cat before me now.”

Mistoffelees sat up on all fours, looking around the room as though searching for that very cat Tugger spoke of. Who could that cat be? After a few seconds of pretending to search the room for this mystery feline, Mistoffelees resumed his relaxed position, front paws tucked under, looking like the very picture of innocence.

“I think I seem to recall that cat’s name now too,” Tugger continued in his declaration, “Something that sounds a lot like...Mistoffelees. Isn’t that odd?”

An ear quirked, as though Mistoffelees was agreeing just how odd that really was, considering each Jellicle cat had a name no other cat had or would ever have.

“As a matter of fact, I can tell you from experience that this cat, so named Mr Mistoffelees, has also, on occasion, swiped a pawful of a second helping from my bowl while I was eating it.”

Mistoffelees’ left ear twitched, twice.

He knows what he did, alright.

Tugger couldn’t help a little grin. “And of course you’re not sorry about it at all, are you?”

The purr-laughter rattled loud from Mistoffelees’ ribcage.

“Just as I thought.”

Tugger tried to come up with something else.

“Your purrs? They’re a whole conversation sometimes, y’know? You’re a mute, but damn are you able to say a lot without saying a word. You have a purr for every emotion--angry, haughty, overjoyed, content, upset, scared--yeah a purr for everything.”

He was sure that the short purr from Misto now was one of surprise, with a hint of doubt.

“All your purrs!” Tugger waved a paw dramatically in the air. “Other cats who can’t be bothered to learn how you communicate? Not worth your time.”

Yep, that was definitely an unsure purr again.

“Sure, okay, I’ve been an ass at times, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t bothered to learn how you communicate.” Tugger lowered himself to the ground, head on his own crossed paws. “And y’know, now you’ve shown what you’re capable of, I’ll say even the kittens keep asking me about you.”

Misto raised his head quickly off his paws, blinking at Tugger.

“Yeah, Jemima? Victoria? Electra? Even Etcetera.”

He saw the grimace on Misto’s face, turning his head to paw at his right ear.

“Yeah, I know, but I think she’ll be willing to keep it down. But if you don’t feel comfortable around her...”

He saw Misto relax again a little at that.

“I’d say even Munkustrap would be willing to learn, and Demeter.”

Misto’s ears perked up in surprise.

“Yeah, Demeter was a surprise, but...”

Tugger hesitated.

Should I tell Mistoffelees what Demeter told me now?

A quirk of Misto’s head to one side told Tugger plain as day he was waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“Um...” Tugger quickly shook himself off. “Well, she is interested in learning too.”

Misto narrowed his eyes at him, clearly not fooled by his hurried ending to his sentence.

“You know what else I love about you?” Tugger declared, changing the subject. “You never fail to be amused by me getting stuck in bureau drawers--even though you can easily magic me out of them, you always just have to sit and pretend not to know what to do before helping. It never gets old.”

Tugger was definitely not telling him he sometimes deliberately got himself stuck in a drawer just to cheer up Mistoffelees if the black cat was having a low mood sort of day. It did not amuse the humans, but it certainly amused Mistoffelees, and that, for him, was enough.

“I know you’re about to cause mischief when you chitter and twitch your ears and whiskers.”

Mistoffelees lifted his chin as though to tell Tugger “Yeah I know. Next?”

“Then you lick your paws in a pretense of innocence when our humans find a plate or fork missing, or how did that fish paste manage to be taken out of its packaging and into your bowl without opening it. But you can’t hide that twitching ear or whiskers from me.”

Mistoffelees’ tail drew high up in the air, tip flickering, a smug acknowledgement of his sneaky little magical adventures.

He knows he’s an imp and he isn’t sorry, and just wants to have fun. And he wanted to be the Jellicle choice?!

“I swear, you’re more mischievous when you know I’m having a bad day, and your magic is that much more dramatic...” he sneaked in a cheeky little amused purr. “...than usual.”

Mistoffelees rolled his eyes, swiping a paw at Tugger, who dodged out of the way, unable to hide his mischievous smile.

“And I’ve seen you prank our humans at night by closing your eyes and moving to sit in their path, and then open your eyes, giving them a fright.”

Mistoffelees slow blinked, twice, before closing his own eyes, and if it wasn’t for the glow of the fireplace, even Tugger would not have been able to see him.

“Sometimes, Mr Mistoffelees, you even prank me by doing it to me too!” Tugger quickly added, “And no, that doesn’t count. The fireplace is lit.”

Mistoffelees opened one eye, then the other, looking disappointed--or at least, pretending to be so, if his amused purr hadn’t given him away.

“When you’re sleeping all curled up, sometimes your paws bat at your tail, and I swear every time that it’s the cutest thing I’ve seen.” Tugger shifted a little closer to the fireplace, and Mistoffelees did the same, lying back down on his belly next to him. “If it’s a really, really cold night, and the fire goes out, I’ll wake up to you just nuzzled all up in my mane, and then I can’t move.”

A hint of concern in Misto’s eyes, Tugger responding with a little assuring purr.

“...because I have the cutest magical cat sleeping on me, and I don’t want to disturb him. So I don’t move. And you know I don’t care for a cuddle--so that’s saying something.” Tugger paused for a moment. “Honestly? You’re the exception to my cuddle rule. I can’t say no to my Misto.”

The purring stopped a moment, and Mistoffelees’ expression lightened with hope, but an unsure one. He unsheathed a claw and pointed at Tugger, then at himself, then at his own heart.

“If you’re asking if I meant what I said with “my Misto”, yeah. I meant it. I mean, I mean it. Now, and forever.”

Mistoffelees batted at an ear with the same paw, claws sheathing and unsheathing. His face was turned away enough that Tugger couldn’t quite see what he was thinking, but it didn’t seem entirely happy either.

“I mean...”

Was that too much?

“I do mean it, but if that was too much for you to hear at once...”

Mistoffelees turned his eyes back on Tugger, with a little assuring purr.

“You’re okay that I said that?”

A little smile and nod, Mistoffelees tucking his front paws under his front again, looking toward the fireplace. To any other cat who hardly knew him, they would imagine he looked relaxed and content, eyes half-closed.

Only, Tugger knew better: the tell-tale flickering of the tip of his tail and twitching ears told him the other cat was not in an entirely happy mood. He batted at his ears, looking too tensed for a cat that would otherwise look relaxed to another feline who didn’t know him as well as Tugger. Which was virtually every other cat except Tugger, who suspected that even their humans knew Mistoffelees less well than he did.

He really didn’t want to dwell on that night of the Jellicle Ball again, and all that Macavity had done, but Tugger knew deep down he had to have this conversation with Mistoffelees. He didn’t want to do it, and he wouldn’t have had Demeter and Munkustrap not insisted. Demeter, who obviously had a soft spot for Mistoffelees despite only having known him since the Jellicle Ball, was especially insistent on Tugger doing it as soon as he could, no matter how hard it was. She feared Mistoffelees would try to do something and she didn’t want to live with the regret of wishing she’d done something. When Tugger had suggested she talk to Mistoffelees, she had said “No, you know him better than any of us, than all of us, even Munkustrap. Please do this, most of all for yourself. You really don’t want that regret. You can’t have back who you love once they’re off this earth for good.”

He’d pointed to himself. To himself. Demeter’s words echoed again in his head. He was asking to be the Jellicle choice.

“To himself...”

Only when Mistoffelees looked at him with a questioning purr did Tugger realise he’d said that aloud. Well, it seemed he had no other choice but to carry on. He hoped he wouldn’t mess it up. He’d never had to do this before, ever, for anyone, not least of all, Mistoffelees.

How do I even start?

Outside, Tugger maintained the pose of an adult, but on the inside, every bit of his being was curling into a kitten crawl, trying to hide away in the warm past when he had never thought anyone he loved could think this way.

“What a night it was, wasn’t it?”

Another questioning, confused blink and purr.

“The Jellicle Ball we just had a little time ago.”

A flicker of reproach in Mistoffelees’ eyes before he pointed at himself, then at Tugger, and made a shoving motion before pointing back at himself again.

“What? What are you talking about?”

He cringed--that came out a little too sassy sounding.

A sharp hiss of frustration before Mistoffelees stood up on all paws, now seeming to mimic someone coming in with a loud entrance before shoving something out of his way.

Oh. OH.

He had thought he’d only pushed Mistoffelees aside gently on entrance, but it seemed it had been much harsher than he’d meant for it to be. Now he could recall the spinning cat in a cockroach costume, and how he had shoved him out of his way.

“Hey, you know I can be like that sometimes, right?”

Mistoffelees tensed again, arching his back a little, but no hairs were standing along his spine and his tail was still its normal size.

“I didn’t hurt you--”

Claws unsheathed, and the hairs were definitely standing on his back, but the deep hurt in Mistoffelees’ eyes gave Tugger pause.

Okay, Tugger, maybe you did hurt him.

“Are...are you hurt?” Tugger looked along Mistoffelees’ body, as though he might see some damning evidence on his fur or something.

A long, tense moment passed as Mistoffelees just stared at him, but then, his back straightened out again, his fur less spiky along his spine, and claws slowly sheathed again. But then a paw went out to Tugger, then back to himself, a claw poking out as he held it over his heart, lowering his ears and bowing his head, tail drawing between his back legs.

Tugger didn’t need mind-reading powers to know what that meant.

How was it that knowing he’d hurt Mistoffelees emotionally more painful than if it had just been physical? Tugger was the last cat anyone could accuse of being overly affectionate, but right now, all he wanted to do was pull Mistoffelees into a hug, tell him he won’t do it again now he understood how much it had hurt whenever Tugger had been mean toward him. In the past, Tugger had usually teased or shoved Mistoffelees in jest, and he’d assumed that Mistoffelees didn’t mind because he showed no overt demand for him to stop. But now...he might as well have shouted “stop that!” despite being mute. And Mistoffelees was well within his right to do so.

“Hey, look, I’m sorry. I didn’t--I wasn’t thinking. But, it doesn’t mean I don’t care at all. I like to think you know I care. You know, right?”

Mistoffelees settled back on the rug again, curling up his back legs, eyes fixed on the fireplace. Tugger was about to speak again when the flames began to take the shape of a small cat spinning in what was clearly his signature Conjuring Turn. His heart skipped a beat when other flames took shape of a Maine Coon, obviously Tugger himself, looking on with admiration. It lasted a few short seconds, but it told him all that he needed to know. Even Mistoffelees seemed to understand that Tugger wouldn’t have encouraged and believed in him wholly, and with song, if he hadn’t cared, let alone believed Mistoffelees could bring back Old Deuteronomy.

Tugger swallowed, remembering the terror that was Macavity--he still haunted his dreams at night, not that he would ever tell anyone, except maybe Mistoffelees. The kittens, no doubt, were traumatised the worst on watching Macavity kidnap their beloved leader, before fighting and knocking out Munkustrap. That’s what Demeter had told him anyway, because of course the kittens wouldn’t confide in him--he was the handsomest tomcat in the tribe who wouldn’t care to listen to a scared kitten, apparently. Munkustrap was the one to go to if they needed a cuddle and reassuring words when scared, not Tugger.

He shook himself out of this train of thought, forcing himself back into the present, back into the same room as Mistoffelees, in front of a warm fireplace. Speaking of Mistoffelees...

“Macavity was terrifying that night--made my skin crawl. I still can’t believe he...did what he did--to Munkustrap, to Old Deuteronomy.” Tugger paused for a few seconds to compose himself. “And, Mistoffelees, few things terrify me more than him. I can think of two right now.” Tugger forced himself to take a deep breath, keeping a calm appearance before moving on. “You know what one of those are?”

Mistoffelees shook his head slightly.

“A world without Mistoffelees in it. Without you in it.” A shiver went through Tugger at the mere voicing of such a world. “That’s scarier to me than all the Macavities in the world. And not just because no one would have been able to bring Old Deuteronomy back.” Tugger picked at the rug with his front claws, sheathing and unsheathing and sheathing again. “It wouldn’t be the same without you around. Even if you agree with Munk I’m a terrible bore.”

He studied Misto’s expressions, trying to gauge what the other cat was feeling--but right now his face was unreadable, though his green eyes were fixed intent on him, hanging on to his every word.

“And we would have no magical Mister Mistoffelees, the original conjuring cat with his conjuring turns.” Tugger added, in an attempt to lighten the mood a little, “And who would get me unstuck from bureau drawers?” Tugger swept his tail around so it lay across his front paws. “Not Munkustrap I can tell you that much. He’d just roll his eyes and mutter “typical Tugger” and leave me to it.”

Mistoffelees stretched out his body on the floor, staring toward the fireplace now.

“But...”

I guess it’s now or never.

“The second scary thing? Knowing you believe the world would be better without you, knowing that you wished you were the Jellicle choice.”

The reaction from Misto was instantaneous: his whole body stiffened, claws digging into the rug, head still turned away, eyes staring more than ever at the fire. His tail whipped the rug a few times, nervous twitches and worried wags.

Here we go, Tugger. Don’t blow it.

“Demeter told me the other day she had seen you point at yourself when Munkustrap had explained to the kittens how Old Deuteronomy will make the Jellicle choice.”

Misto’s entire body was still tensed, not moving an inch, eyes staring into the fireplace.

“That’s...” Tugger tried and failed to find the words to say. Instead, he went to lay next to Mistoffelees, paws crossed before him. “Mistoffelees, have you...had you...”

Mistoffelees slowly turned an ear toward him, waiting for the question in its full form.

“Tell me you haven’t spent your whole life thinking this, Misto.”

Just voicing the idea of it broke his heart, wishing he could somehow shake sense into Mistoffelees, make him see that he deserved love, deserved to be here, deserved to show the world his magnificent magic and big heart. And then, another thought--one that made him dig his claws into the rug just to think about it.

“Did someone tell you this? That you...should be the choice?”

Tugger was relieved to see that the answer was a no.

“Good, because I would have given them a lot of hell. I sure wouldn’t be as diplomatic as Munk.” He paused, thinking back to when he had shown everyone in the junkyard what Mistoffelees could do with his magic, having faith all the way through that he could bring Old Deuteronomy back, even though neither had any idea if it would even work at all.

“When you brought back old Deuteronomy...did you believe it then? That you should be the...” he grimaced, steeling himself. “Jellicle choice?”

Mistoffelees pawed at the rug, ears flickering back and forth, along with the tip of his tail. It seemed to Tugger like he was torn between two answers, and it hit him how many things Mistoffelees must surely been longing to say in his brain but could not speak.

“Yes, but also no?”

Mistoffelees whipped his head to look at Tugger with a little start, eyes round. A few seconds passed before he nodded at Tugger. But, eventually, slowly, there was a nod of confirmation, ears flattening a little too in some mire of emotions Tugger could only mostly guess at: sadness, regret, guilt perhaps. Maybe even a little bit of grief in there too.

“Complicated, huh?”

Mistoffelees looked at Tugger as if to say “What do you think?”

“Well, I for one am glad you’re still here--and, yeah, this is gonna sound uncharacteristically sappy coming from me, but a world without you and your magic would feel way lonelier.”

Mistoffelees tilted his head, questioning.

“I know what you’re thinking--I have Bombalurina, Etcetera, Electra, Plato...you name ‘em. But none of them are you. None of them could replace you.”

Mistoffelees looked down at his own paws.

“Even if you didn’t have your magic powers, no one else can be you. Seriously, sometimes it’s great to come back to this house and know you’ll be here somewhere--purring away here at the fireplace, practicing your conjuring turns on the rooftop, or annoying our humans with some mischief. No one else can be Mister Mistoffelees except Mister Mistoffelees himself.”

A long silence interrupted by the crackling of the fireplace passed, Tugger losing himself in his own world, perhaps the one he feared, the one where Mistoffelees didn’t exist. No conjouring turns, no mischievous cat nipping forks and helping him out of dresser drawers, no purring black ball of fluff next to the fireplace, no dancing on the rooftops, no-one to bring back their beloved Old Deuteronomy.

To think of a world without Mistoffelees...it hurt.

It hurt.

He must have lost himself in his thoughts more than he realised, as he nearly flinched when he felt a nuzzling under one of his front paws, looking down in time to see Mistoffelees lying down with his back pressed against Tugger’s belly, purring fiercely. He couldn’t help but stare down at Mistoffelees snuggling up against him, with no tension in him at all.

He never does that. Ever!

He hesitated to wrap his paw closer around Mistoffelees or curl his own body around him, lest he triggered the cat’s sensitivity to touch. Tugger never tried to touch Mistoffelees, only letting him come to him when he needed a little nuzzle or paw bap of encouragement.

But this. Snuggling with his back pressed up against him?

Well, that was a first, and it wasn’t like Mistoffelees was tense either--on the contrary. And his purring! Tugger would not be surprised if Mistoffelees’ purring could be heard on the roof right now. He ached to pull Mistoffelees to him, but kept his paw steady, knowing full well to ask first.

“Misto?” he whispered. “Is...is it okay if I hug you with my paw? And curl myself around you?”

One of Mistoffelees paws wriggled free enough to bap at his larger paw, pulling it down as though to confirm that yes, it was fine for Tugger to pull him into a cuddle. Consent granted, Tugger wrapped his free front paw around Mistoffelees, curling his body around him too, so they fit together like two spoons. It was a strange feeling, having Mistoffelees so close to him, snug and warm, and without feeling any tension in the other cat’s body.

Then, to Tugger’s utter surprise, he had the sensation of a small tongue licking his paw--was Misto grooming him? He had never groomed Tugger before! What a curious night this was turning out to be, not that Tugger was complaining. He’d privately always hoped that one day Mistoffelees would be comfortable enough to come to him for a close cuddle session, but he wasn’t expecting this either.

“Are...are you...?”

The grooming stopped quickly, and Misto tensed as though waiting for a rebuke.

“Don’t stop. I just--you’ve never groomed me before. It just took me by surprise, that’s all.”

Mistoffelees resumed a hesitant lick or two on Tugger’s paw, and regained confidence when assured it was okay. Tugger’s heart was sure to burst, and he wasn’t sure now whose purrs were louder: his, or Misto’s. Either way, combined, surely they could be heard on the roof above the fireplace now.

“I love you, Misto, more than you think you know or believe, and I’ll keep telling you this until you believe it. And even after you believe it, I’ll say it anyway.”

Misto’s response was a little headbutt against his paw.

“Aaand that’s enough of soppy Tugger for the night,” he declared, trying to sound as Tugger-ish as he could, but his eyes were starting to feel drowsy. It was so warm sitting by the fireplace, with Mistoffelees huddled up against him. And grooming him too! He’d never done that before! He knew this meant there was a significant shift in their relationship, and for the better, and Tugger wouldn’t have it any other way. Now the room was quiet again, except for the crackle of wood, whispers of flames, and their loud purring. He couldn’t keep his eyes open much longer, not with the deep feeling of drowsiness and warmth surrounding him. He bent down his head to very gently nuzzle Mistoffelees before resting his head back on the floor, eyes closed.

“Goodnight, Misto...”

END

#Cats the musical #Cats fanfiction #Tuggoffelees #the rum tum tugger #mr mistoffelees

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