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buddhagunz365 · 5 years

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The Beauty Of Nobody Watching

I have been going through a lot in the past couple of years. I lost my career because of my addiction to food eventually led to complications like type 2 diabetes. I then broke up with the one person in the world to not cringe when I speak my mind. Then I relapsed on alcohol and drugs, and went from upstanding citizen to violent homeless veteran in the blink of an eye. Then reclaiming my sobriety, losing several friends, a father figure, then the one girl I knew would always love me but I could never quite love back. Then travelling the south west chasing death, depressed, until after I shit you not, hitting a fucking mountain lion in the dead of night with my sports car, then going back home to New York City. Losing my mind in sobriety. Ending up sharing a room with a serial killer. Losing my dog then getting back the true love of my life, and my dog. Through all of this also reconnecting with my core group of family and friend support. The list of the roller coaster twists and turns are endless. The whole time me trying to share all my struggles on Social Media to my following hoping to help, connect, or provide myself or another veteran, survivor or artist relief if they are going through the same until a lawyer used all of the things I shared to try and destroy me in court. The crushing feeling of being exposed, jugular vein severed by another sociopath for sport. I felt crushed. Have tried to regain a semblance of my life and struggle forward since then but to no real avail. The people that hurt me used their sanctimonious disapproval of my person and my opinions shared publicly to belittle, and degrade me, to paint me in the negativities of bad choices instead of the lessons learned from them. The worse part is one of these people are a family member I trusted who hid his feelings for years. The other, the lawyer, just a well trained out side source doing their job. Either way the results were the same. It made me want to hide. To cover my light, that I may too cover my darkness. To no longer share my passionate struggle with my demons for even though I have tamed and learned to love most of my legion, others would take pleasure in awakening them to destroy my self worth. So I pulled away. Closed shop, hiding behind the positive message. I would no longer really share my pain.

This lack of communication and true expression crippled me. Pushed away other friends, and allies. I wasn't born a sociopath, but I became one early on because of the vile violent behavior and neglectof an alcoholic parent and the wandering touches of a nearby predatory pedophile. I shut ever emotion out, became comfortable with masks, and hid my self behind a wall that crushed empathy and love. Then I met my daughter, I immediately understood if I ever wanted to love

her, that wall of learned behavior had to come down. So I sought help, faced my demons, tried my hand several times at sobriety, at exposing my wounds so that they may heal. It worked. I learned to love. Then I learned the horrible truth that if you want to keep love you must give it away. You must share it with those in your circumstances. Your pain is your purpose. You suffer in order to free those that also suffer. If you do not you run the risk of recommitting to your suffering with the newly acquired knowledge that you could be free. You have to become immune to the pain of others that would hurt you if you are to save others that were hurt like you. This is truly difficult. Especially when you are conditioned to not caring about anyone but yourself. So I stopped sharing, stopped painting, stopped creating anything that revealed my inner pain, my inner wounded child, in order to protect what I had amassed. Only to see it crumble in the depths of the depression that ensued. I am in pain right now, sitting in the rubble of my weight and crumbled empire. I want to share it. I need to share it. I need release to purge myself of this anchor around my neck, but I also need the comfort I had before everyone start watching. The anonymous pleasure of being a shadow is something I miss. The Beauty of not being watched is missed. So today I am posting this here, because nobody reads this blog. Nobody follows me here. I am a voice shouting into a dark room releasing my painful sorrow. Praying that the darkness will consume my pain do that I may one day again share my light.

Thanks for this.

I needed this...

#Buddhagunz365

#TryingToNotBeHeardToday

#buddhagunz365 #haveyoubeenblessed #inspirelove #therapy #social media #society #suicdal #sociopath #poetry #poets on tumblr #poetic #blogger #ask blog #blog

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gbothepro · 6 years

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rofawn · 4 years

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 3 years

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#NOSTRESS . . 😳 What do you think 🤔? FOLLOWME 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #Motivated #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #StartUpLife #Marketing #Motivation _______________________ (at Brooklyn, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/CK388nPFEBI/?igshid=35si28pj6811

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 4 years

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#Facts #RacismIsUgly . . 😳 What do you think 🤔? FOLLOWME 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #Motivated #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Ambition #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #Motivation _______________________ (at Brooklyn, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAzgqiZpNqW/?igshid=ootg64z5pemq

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 5 years

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We go back and forth between being time’s master and its victim. -James Gleick . . . . 😳 What do you think 🤔? FOLLOWME 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #Motivated #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Ambition #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #StartUpLife #Marketing #Motivation _______________________ (at Brooklyn, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2UDpH4pqV0/?igshid=1da67r90o38rw

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 5 years

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My mentor said, ‘Let’s go do it,’ not ‘You go do it.’ How powerful when someone says, ‘Let’s!’” — @jimrohndailymotivation . .. . 😳 What do you think 🤔? FOLLOWME 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #Motivated #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Ambition #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #StartUpLife #Marketing #Motivation _______________________ (at Flatbush, Brooklyn) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2uCVUApKpB/?igshid=181cc89lmw9fu

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 5 years

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A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life. - Charles Darwin . . 😳 What do you think 🤔? FOLLOWME 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #Motivated #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Ambition #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #StartUpLife #Marketing #Motivation _______________________ (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2O-uuzpt8q/?igshid=rltivm3qknhi

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 5 years

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Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get. -W. P. Kinsella 😳 What do you think 🤔? FOLLOWME 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #Motivated #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Ambition #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #StartUpLife #Marketing #Motivation _______________________ (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/buddhagunz365/p/BySe0GWpSj3/?igshid=7nvsw3xi9hn7

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 5 years

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For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. -Ralph Waldo Emerson 😳 What do you think 🤔? FOLLOWME 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #Motivated #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Ambition #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #StartUpLife #Marketing #Motivation _______________________ (at Flatbush, Brooklyn) https://www.instagram.com/buddhagunz365/p/BySep_CJvjn/?igshid=xfhdshas3z2o

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 5 years

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😳 What do you think 🤔? FOLLOWME 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #Motivated #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Ambition #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #StartUpLife #Marketing #Motivation _______________________ (at Brooklyn, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx77ojhJmhl/?igshid=1t9c6fh9x5ha4

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 6 years

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Follow Him . @wallo267 @wallo267 @wallo267 . . LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWME @BUDDHAGUNZ365 @BUDDHAGUNZ365 @BUDDHAGUNZ365 FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #Motivated #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Ambition #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #StartUpLife #Marketing #Motivation _______________________ (at Brooklyn, New York)

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 5 years

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😳 What do you think 🤔? FOLLOWME 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #Motivated #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Ambition #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #StartUpLife #Marketing #Motivation _______________________ (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuXM-v0BscC/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ftiojq2m5j0y

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 5 years

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Needed to hear this again... 😳 What do you think 🤔? FOLLOWME 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #Motivated #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Ambition #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #StartUpLife #Marketing #Motivation _______________________ (at Flatbush, Brooklyn) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuTS75jB7oL/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=x68dbl8cwzo6

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 5 years

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"Learn to love yourself to win! - BUDDHAGUNZ365 😳 What do you think 🤔? FOLLOWME 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ ✅@BUDDHAGUNZ365❤️ 👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆 LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #Motivated #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Ambition #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #StartUpLife #Marketing #Motivation _______________________ (at Flatbush, Brooklyn) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuG6XT8hoqI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1xinein1hwtcd

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365stepsintothemindofbuddhagunz · 6 years

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Follow Him . @evancarmichael @evancarmichael @evancarmichael . - Planners need to do more and doers need to plan more. It's about execution! You getting your execution on today? #Believe . . LET US ADD VALUE, WEALTH AND WISDOM TO YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND BUSINESS. FOLLOWME @BUDDHAGUNZ365 @BUDDHAGUNZ365 @BUDDHAGUNZ365 FOLLOWUS @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA @DESIGNNIRVANA #BUDDHAGUNZ365 #ENLIGHTENMENTTHRUSUPERIORFIREPOWER #HAVEYOUBEENBLESSED #BEAGOD365 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _______________________________________ #Inspiration #SuccessQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #AlwaysLearning #Grind #Dedication #Ambition #Money #Hustle #BuildYourEmpire #Leadership #SelfMade #DreamBig #MillionaireLifestyle #GoodLife #Mindset #KeepGoing #DailyGrind #NeverGiveUp #Entrepreneur #LifeQuotes #StartUpLife #Marketing #Motivation _______________________ (at Brooklyn, New York)

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