TW for internalized homophobia and related bad decisions
Steve is 12 and he thinks about finding his soulmate all the time.
You're supposed to find them through touch; your life together will flash in front of your eyes. They're rare, though, soulmates. So rare that most people never find theirs. So rare that some people say they're made up.
Steve wants to be one of the lucky few. He wants it to be a true, unbreakable bond, a love he gets to have forever.
He wonders if he'll find his soulmate at school. He's popular, he thinks. Tommy would say they were popular. But Tommy's definition of popular mostly has to do with the number of kids he can get away with being mean to, and that's not really Steve's deal. Tommy is like a prey animal, the way he can find weaknesses.
There's a new boy at school. Steve doesn't know his name, but they have English together. He's too thin, with huge brown eyes, and all his clothes are too big. His head's been inexpertly shaved and he never looks anybody in the eye. It's only a matter of time before he catches Tommy's interest, and Steve wishes he could stop it somehow, but he's never been good at going against Tommy.
The day comes, of course. They're standing in the hall, the new boy walking towards them, head down, as always. Tommy nudges Steve says, "What a loser."
And Steve shrugs, starts to ask Tommy about football, if the Colts can make the Super Bowl, but the boy is nearing and Tommy is cackling.
"Watch this." Tommy sticks his foot out.
The boy doesn't react fast enough. He falls forward with a bitten off yelp, and Steve moves without really thinking, only knows he can't stand to see him fall. He catches the new kid beneath his armpits, Steve's thumbs brushing the soft skin his arms.
The world around him falls away at the touch.
---
He's sitting on the floor in the band room, Eddie--the boy's name is Eddie--next to him. Eddie's hair is a little longer and Steve's in a green polo he doesn't recognize, and he's never been in the band room in his life. They're leaning into each other and laughing and Eddie's so beautiful.
---
They're in the woods--Skull Rock, Steve thinks. Eddie's hair is curled and frizzed around his chin, and he's laughing, his cheeks pink, his dimples prominent. He tries to pull his hair in front of his face, but it's not long enough yet to reach. Steve is overwhelmed, wants to kiss him so bad. He's never had to wait to kiss someone, or been unsure, or--
He wants to kiss Eddie.
So, he does.
It's hard, desperate, not the first kiss Steve expected, but then they've been waiting for so long.
---
Steve stands in the hallway of Hawkins High. He's wearing a striped, beige short-sleeved polo, and flirting with Nancy Wheeler.
He likes Nancy, she's pretty and smart and fun. And it's easy. He can hold her hand. Can introduce her to his parents. Can take her on dates and kiss her in public.
She bats her big blue eyes at him, and he can't help but kiss her.
He pulls away gently, brushing his thumb against her cheek, and when he looks down the hall, Eddie is there, frozen. His mouth is wide, his eyes glassy.
Steve thinks the way his heart stutters must be what dying feels like.
---
He's sitting on his diving board, facing away from the pool. He smokes a cigarette and there's a bat studded with nails at his feet, what the fuck. Music thuds, shrieks and laughter seep into the cool night air.
He should be playing the gracious host. He should be having a good time. Instead, his eyes search the woods and he taps another smoke out of the pack.
"Harrington?" The voice makes him jump, hand flexing around the bat handle. "It's freezing out. What are you doing?"
He recognizes the voice now, doesn't turn, doesn't respond, can't stand to see another person he let down; another person who could call him bullshit and be 100% correct.
"Do you not have a jacket? C'mon, man."
Something warm settles over his shoulders, and he inadvertently breathes in weed and leather and cedar. He squeezes his eyes shut, like that will make the comforting, familiar scent go away. He'll have to move to shrug off the jacket, though, which would mean acknowledging Eddie's presence.
"Can you at least say something, Harrington? You're freaking me out."
"I'm fine, Ed--Eddie." The nickname falls from his lips too easily. He doesn't miss how Eddie flinches.
His hair is long now, down to his shoulders, brittle looking in the cold. He's wearing a t-shirt and worn flannel, arms wrapped around his chest for warmth now that his jacket is draped over Steve's shoulders.
Steve is an idiot. He's such an idiot. Chasing after Nancy when Eddie is--
"I'm sorry," he says. He turns to face his soulmate, then. "I'm sorry about Nancy, I--"
Eddie jerks back like he's been hit. "Fuck you, Harrington," he snarls.
---
He sits in the back of an ambulance, eyes swollen shut, face throbbing. He's wearing a sailor suit for inexplicable reasons, which is almost more upsetting than the ambulance. He smells like puke and something toxically sweet.
A girl is with him, one he doesn't recognize, but he feels deeply, instinctively protective of her. He holds her shaking shoulders tight, tries to whisper comfort to her through his busted and bleeding mouth.
He's pretty sure he has a concussion.
"Steve!" Someone screams over the sounds of the EMTs and firefighters, of the building burning and collapsing behind them.
Eddie bursts through the gathered onlookers and past the ring of police cars enclosing them. He's falling into the ambulance before Steve has a chance to react.
"Sweetheart," Eddie sobs. He tries to cup Steve's face, but his fingers flutter around the damage. "Sweetheart, oh my god. I came as soon as I heard. Are you--what can I--"
Steve stares at him--his hair falling from its messy bun, his cutoff Metallica tee, concern and love leaking from those brown, brown eyes--and bursts into tears.
---
They sit on the roof of his house, sharing a joint back and forth. It's chilly, bordering on cold, winter just on the horizon. They're laughing, leaning into each other, and Steve is--he's happy. Elated. Could float away with it.
Robin--Robin-- is in the bathroom, or maybe in the kitchen for snacks, and it's just them for now. They're looking at each other, smiles wide, eyes bright.
They're taking it slow. Steve knows it's important, after what he did. They talked about it, his abandoning of Eddie for Nancy, chasing what his dad told him was normal and expected.
He doesn't want to cross any boundaries, wants to do this right. How Eddie deserves. But they're leaning into each other and they're smiling, and he's so in love. Intoxicated with it, lost.
In the end, he doesn't know who makes the first move, just that they're kissing and it's like coming home.
---
He's in a building, a shed or something. It's musty and dirty, smells like oil and gasoline and a building left closed up too long. Eddie's in his arms and he's talking through hiccuping sobs.
"I didn't save her, Steve. I didn't help. I just left her there! She was broken in pieces and I--I--"
Steve holds him close, tight, squeezes his eyes closed to stop his own tears from falling. He never wanted this for Eddie, never wanted him involved. Thought he could protect him from all of Hawkins's terrible things.
They aren't alone. Robin is there, coming up to hold Eddie too, plus a redheaded girl and curly haired boy he doesn't recognize.
"We'll figure this out, Eddie." The boy promises.
"We won't let anyone hurt you. We know you didn't murder Chrissy," the girl says.
---
Steve is in a world he doesn't understand, and Eddie is his arms. Eddie is in his arms, and there's blood everywhere. He's not awake, he's not--his heart beat is soft and slow, too slow, and his breathing stutters, and Steve can't--
"Baby, stay with me." He begs as he runs across the dead and rotting landscape. "Eddie, please. Wake up, okay? Wake up for me. I need to--I need to know that you're alright."
Eddie stays limp in his arms.
"Please," he begs. "You can't leave me. We promised, remember? We promised we'd be together forever. The rest of our lives. Me and You. Our six little nuggets. You promised."
The portal back to Hawkins is less than a dozen feet away, he's so close. Eddie gasps to consciousness, but his eyes are still hazy.
"Hi, sweetheart," he mumbles.
"Hey, hi, you're doing so good. We're almost out, okay? We're almost out and we'll get you to the hospital."
Eddie reaches out a weak hand, touches the edge of Steve's jaw. "Love you, Stevie," he whispers. "Glad you were mine."
He goes still in Steve's hold.
---
The images come faster now--
A hospital room at Hawkins General, Eddie hooked to machines. Steve holds hands with an older man. They wait in terrified silence
Eddie propped in a bed, a bunch of kids around him, Steve and Robin at his side. His eyes keep sliding to Steve, like he's making sure Steve's real, that he's still there
Their bodies tangled together in a bedroom Steve doesn't recognize
Steve down on one knee in a marble room lit only by black and red candles, Eddie standing in front of him
Hand-in-hand on a cliffside overlooking the ocean. The Chief of Police, Jim Hopper, stands in front of them with tears in his eyes and a beaming smile on his face
In a big, green yard behind a cozy little house. A little boy with Eddie's eyes and curls riding on his shoulders. Eddie sprinting around with a tiny girl giggling after him, perfect imitation of the King Steve hair-do on her tiny head
In a park, surrounded by family and friends. Steve has a little bit of a paunch and wears glasses. Eddie's hair streams around his shoulders, going grey at the temples. There's a banner strung between trees proclaiming 'Happy 20th Steve and Eddie!' They're surrounded by everyone they love and it's perfect
---
The images flash too fast for Steve to catalog after that, seconds-long glimpses of a shared future, and then he's back in his body in the hallway of Hawkins Middle, still holding too tight onto Eddie's arms.
Eddie rears back, face pale and terrified, and Steve is too shocked to do anything but let him go.
Tommy's yelling, but Steve only has eyes for his soulmate, who scrambles to his feet and throws himself down the hall away from them.
"What the hell, Harrington? Why'd you catch him? That was about to be funny as hell! I bet he'd have broken his nose--you ruined it!"
Steve isn't listening. He's trying to hold on to the memories of their life together, the ones that are already fading.
The last thing he remembers is that, sometime in the not-too-distant future, he'll find his way to the band room, Eddie Munson, and the rest of their lives.
804 notes
·
View notes
Eddie grew up as a creature of the night. It was to no one’s surprise really. The day was exhausting but the night was always full of this chaotic energy that he loved. The night was mysterious and other, the wonders of it still unexplored.
Eddie felt one with the night. He made friends with the moon and the stars. And although there were times that would pass where he could not see them, where there was nothing but the inky abyss, he knew they were still there. Hidden but never gone.
It started when he was young, his love of night. Eddie thought it had probably started when he was just a boy. Dumped his Uncle Wayne’s doorstep. He had been terrified, whisked away by a father on the run just as dusk brushed against the horizon. They had made it to Wayne’s trailer precisely as the evening settled into its peak. Eddie’s father hadn’t even bothered knocking. Just left Eddie on the porch with one backpack and a buzzed head. And Eddie waited there for a moment, looked up at the sky and thought it wasn’t that lonely with stars out.
His wondering mind was interrupted by Wayne pulling the door open and yanking Eddie inside no questions asked. The night was when Wayne had given Eddie a home.
As the years past, his fascination with night only grew stronger. It helped bring people closer to him. Eddie interpreted the night into campaigns, songs and even advice for the kids (lots of night metaphors for failed dating lives). He got most of his work done at this time. His mind coming alive and bursting with ideas. Wayne’s schedule was at night too. So when he worked, Eddie shared odd meals with his old man. And when Wayne was off, his brain like Eddie’s ran with the schedule of the moon.
The night also helped Eddie learn to be okay with being alone. Late night drives. Walks in the woods. Stargazing from a picnic bench. All things he had learned to enjoy his own company while doing.
It wasn’t that he didn’t like they day per say, or the sun. It’s just that Eddie had found the day boring. There was no wonder, no lust, no mystery. There was no appeal. The world was too bright, too open. There was no exploring and there was no comfort. Just exposure.
Then Eddie met Steve Harrington officially. Well, officially for the first time after everything. After the High School bullshit. After the wild adventures of the (please god never again) Upside down. When Eddie met Steve officially, in his hospital room, he is baffled to find him awake at 6 am, with a smile on his face.
And all Steve said was, “Glad you made it to actually see another sunrise.”
Like it was nothing. Like at of all the things that had blown Eddie’s mind the past week, or even more specifically out of all the things Eddie had learned about Steve Harrington, the thing that absolutely floored Eddie was the fact the Steve Harrington was a morning person.
It shouldn’t had bothered him so much. It wasn’t like he had been planning on become friends with the guy. But then he did, and Eddie couldn’t help but spiral.
Because no one should like the day as much as Steve did. Sure, Eddie was most definitely being a hypocrite. Like he had proclaimed himself as the goblin king of night once (although very drunk on Nancy’s whiskey), and Eddie prided himself on being a freak and accepting of everyone. So it was probably unfair of him to judge but this was excessive.
The day was everywhere when it came to Steve. He woke up early. He laid out in the backyard against the pavement. Steve would ask Eddie to go chase dawn with him on an early morning drive. It was in Steve’s wardrobe for Christ sake. That yellow sweater haunted his dreams, and Steve looked so good in it, and Eddie can’t help but stare—
The day was everywhere when it came to Steve Harrington.
And Eddie was damn fool who fell in love with him.
Eddie had fallen for the unattainable. The straight boy. His best friend. The guy who picked him up from a bad date in Indie no questions asked. The guy who shared a bed with him after plenty of nightmares. The guy who listened. The guy who cared.
The King and the Freak. The day to his night. The absolutely, infuriatingly opposite of what Eddie is allowed to like, allowed to have.
It had gotten so bad, that Eddie, when he couldn’t sleep and Steve wasn’t around, found himself whispering to the night about him. Told it how although Steve and the night didn’t meet very often, Eddie was certain it would love him anyway.
Eddie knew Steve was just as baffled by Eddie’s love of the darkness.He had asked once how he could stand it.
“Don’t the nightmares make you hate it? The lack of sleep alone makes me hate it, and that’s not even when I remember what the upside down looked like. No light, only hazy red darkness? Not for me man. Never again.” Steve had said while they passed a joint.
“I don’t know man, it’s not the nights fault really. Like it doesn’t matter the time of day, I still get nightmares. It’s not the night’s fault the Upside Down exists, and what it looks like. I guess I feel a solidarity with the night now. Even more than I did before. Something being blamed for simply being there. A scapegoat.” Eddie leaned into Steve’s side as he sunk further into the couch. He kinda feared he had said the word night too much in his speech.
Steve stared at Eddie for a moment, something of understanding passed on his face. “Actually, that kind of makes sense. I kinda expected you to talk in weird metaphors to explain it—“
“I still got stars wars analogy up my sleeve.”
Steve pushed on and ignored Eddie, “—but I get it. Like the night, you’re a reminder to people of the bad things that happen even if you’re just there, just existing…It’s complicated, and beautiful and very weird. Just like you”
Eddie didn’t hold back the smile when he said “Steve Harrington, are you calling me beautiful?”
“Yes I am.”
They stared at each other for awhile, no words spoken. It should had unsettled Eddie, or even spark useless hope in him. It didn’t though.
It just made him feel content. Good. Home.
He never felt the need to explain the night to Steve again.
Weeks later, Eddie learned why the day was good too. It was another night spent in Steve’s bed when the nightmares built up for days, with no end in sight. For once Eddie had woken up first. Steve’s head on Eddie’s bare chest. Eddie’s fingers combed through his soft hair, and he hummed softly to nothing but the dawn. The sunrise had started to slowly peak into Steve’s room. Because of course, even the day started towards Steve.
Steve’s eyes had fluttered open unhurriedly. Then he tilted his head up towards Eddie and did something that changed him forever.
Eddie expected him to freak out. For Steve to push him away in horror. To scream, and hit Eddie even. They had shared a bed before but it had never been that intimate. And Eddie knew his face wasn’t hiding any of his feelings either. Eddie, like the night, was only a mystery to those who didn’t know what to look for. And Steve always knew what to look for.
Steve did none of that though. Instead, Steve reached up slowly, brushed his lips across Eddie’s cheek and said, “Good morning, darling.”
Eddie felt his whole body stop and revive back to life in that instant. He died and became a new person. And then Steve, Steve took it even further when he laid back down on Eddie’s chest, without breaking eye contact, and beamed up at him.
Eddie now understands why Steve loved the day. It was because Steve loved the sun. And when Steve smiles at him, Eddie can’t help but think that Steve was the sun. And how Eddie loved the sun too.
Eddie couldn’t be stopped from kissing him in that movement.
Eddie kissed Steve like the morning. Slow, warm, and just as meaningful. There was no rush. It was waking up in comfort. Eddie had always imagined that if he ever got to kiss Steve it would be as chaotic and harsh as the night.
Eddie couldn’t find it in himself to want it in any other way in that moment. It made Eddie ache. It was sincere. It was sweet. It was devout.
Eddie leaned back to take a breath as he said, “Good morning, sunshine.”
———
this is my first stab at writing something eddie centric, so sorry if it’s rough, but it did come straight from the heart. I had fun writing it (as usual at 2 am, which is really in line with this narrative i now realize). It was fun to kinda project my own feelings do the day v night debate. I’m a night owl, and I love all things that come with it. But there is something so comforting about daylight and the warmth of the sun. <3
send me something to write next. :)
596 notes
·
View notes