How many toadies do you have? May we see them?
Currently I have three toads!! Their names are Graham (Crackhead), UFO MacBook Pro, and Brayden.
Here’s today’s soaking party- they all enjoyed the warm water!
Graham in the spotlight!
Brayden! (He was found with one eye and super skinny- he still hunts great though!)
And UFO praying at Beeftank’s statue!
I’ll reblog this post with more images of them in a bit!
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Brain Curd #40
Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please enjoy.
Brayden took a pained swig of his black coffee, which he drank purely for aesthetic reasons, and rubbed his head. “Let me get this straight…”
“You?” said Alice. “Never.”
“You want me to fuck that virgin, blindfolded, to settle a bet?”
“Yeah.”
“How is it that you so easily,” he fluttered his hands like a butterfly, “let things like this exit your mouth?”
Alice took another sip of her matcha. “I like to have a variety of things in my mouth. Something has to leave eventually.”
“And you,” he pointed at Sarah. “Aren’t you supposed to be homophobic?”
“I’m trans.” She replied.
“But you’re religious.”
“It’s not my soul on God’s chopping block. You were going to have sex anyway.”
Brayden paused. “I can’t argue with that.”
“Look, it’s simple.” Alice put her hand on his shoulder. “We flip a coin - heads he gets vag, tails he gets tail. Then we ask him which hole he thinks he was in.”
Brayden smirked. “What about heads he gets head?”
“That’s not part of the bet.” Alice shook her head.
“Wait!” Sarah daintily slammed her hands onto the table. “We have to do it in the butt first!”
“What does the poophole loophole have to do with our bet?” Alice replied. “It’s like you said, you aren’t going to hell for his sluttery.”
“You’re forgetting the whole point! If you start the virgin in the front hole, he’ll know immediately that something is different when you move to the back!”
“So you admit he’ll be able to tell.”
“Yeah, we’re going back-to-back here!”
“Back to front.”
“Front to back.” Brayden added. “Stink to pink is how you get an infection.”
“Stay out of this.” Alice put her hand to his face. “You can’t just change the terms of the bet willy-nilly, Sarah.”
��That was my nickname in high school,” Brayden replied.
“What we’re really trying to determine,” Sarah said, exasperated, “is whether a guy can tell he’s not in the intended hole. You always hear guys say they missed! That they didn’t know they went the wrong way! What we need to do is have him go in the back and tell him he’s going in the front.”
“Is that ethical?” Brayden asked.
“That completely demolishes the integrity of this experiment!” Alice crossed her arms. “Forget it!”
The three sat in silence for a moment. Brayden took another sip of bitter coffee and looked at the test subject, mopping behind the counter. “He’s kinda cute, though.”
Lily, the fourth member of the group (though first if you’d asked her), entered the cafe and saw her friends sitting at their usual table. She rushed over and sat down.
“Guys, guys, guys! You won’t believe what just happened to me on the train!”
“If it were me,” Brayden replied, “I’d say the answer was hidden in the question. ‘Guys, guys, guys’ running a train.”
“In public?” Sarah asked, shocked.
“No, but there would be cameras.”
“It wasn’t anything like that,” Lily blushed. “I saw this cute trans girl sitting alone, so I sat next to her…”
Alice rolled her eyes. “You always do fall for the clocky ones.”
“Anyway, we got talking and we have a lot in common. She gave me her Insta.”
“Are you going on a date?” Sarah took a sip of her melting frappe. “That’s so cute. Love at first sight is adorable.”
“Well, yeah, I did ask her out actually, to a kink club. She said yes.”
“For the first date?!?”
“You just don’t understand T4T lesbian culture, Sarah. Of course for the first date. You can’t go to dinner with someone until you know you can hold a conversation.”
Alice nodded. “It’s true.”
“But there’s a problem! I looked at her Instagram, and…” Lily put her hands on her cheeks. “She’s cis!”
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