Playing "4 Big Guys" around the slashers
Shitpost idea has been made, so here XD
This will include:
Michael Myers {OG & RZ}, Brahms Heelshire, Jason Voorhees, Billy Lenz, Freddy Krueger, Stu Macher, Billy Loomis, Thomas Hewitt, Bubba Sawyer, Harry Warden, Tiffany Valentine
Feel free to request any shitpost writing prompt ideas you can think of in my asks, I love silly non-serious ideas XD
Given the music is VERY adult related, this is 18+ ONLY
OG Michael Myers
Ain't gonna lie, the second you play that song he's probably staring at you instantly. Anger? Disappointment? Cursing your entire family and possible future children? Who knows! It's Michael-Fucking-Myers baby!!!
He's not used to anything sexual overall so hearing a song openly sing about gay sex, and in such a detailed way, would worry him. Not for the singer, no- more on your taste in music.
And don't even get me started on when he hears about shit being involved. The second he hears that being mentioned he's turning off the music entirely, patting your head, and dragging you away so you'll listen to something he likes instead to cleanse that weird mind of yours. Like... Kate Bush or something.
He'd like Kate Bush right? He looks like a Kate Bush enjoyer.
RZ Michael Myers
Judging you, hard. Though he ain't saying it. His aura is practically smellable he's judging you so hard.
Does he like it? No. It's loud, obnoxious, and profound filled. Ignoring the obvious "gay sex and other weirdness" part, the volume of the music reminds him of his childhood.
He's smashing the device the music is coming from. He doesn't care if it's your MP3 all the way to a damn TV or Alexa, he's smashing that shit to pieces if it means he doesn't need to hear it anymore.
What would he put on instead? Calming ambient noises that play for hours on end on YouTube. It's the exact opposite of whatever hellscape you just played. It's better.
Brahms Heelshire
Well first of all it ain't classical, so that's a point on the "I Hate This" list.
Second it's not a piano.
Third it's literally "4 Big Guys"-
Not only is this poor man confused about everything the singer is saying, I highly doubt his parents explained LGBTQ+ to him, he's also hating how loud it is.
"Who puts things up their ass?" - Brahms Heelshire 2024
You turn off the music yourself when he practically begs you to.
You're probably tryna hold in your laughter while he's sitting on the floor trying to figure out what the fuck he just heard.
Jason Voorhees
Is there a bigger word for "traumatized"? Because that man earns it.
You're lucky af, if his mom was live she'd hit you with a crowbar so fast- Not kill you tho, she wouldn't dare hurt her boy.
But yeah, he's not saying anything, nor moving. Bro's too traumatized. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE-
You better give him his teddy he fucking deserves it TmT
Laughing his ass off until the shit is mentioned, even this horny gremlin has his limits.
Can you tell I hate shit kinks? XD
He'd want an apology for you blasting that song so far to that section. But no music! He hates Christmas songs, they're so repetitive and they all sound the same anyway.
Bake him a cake, the more unique the better. His favourite so far is red velvet with cream cheese frosting!
Then when he's finished eating you're getting railed by him not longer after, man's not changed. Not now, not ever.
Freddy Krueger
You can play this entire song with this man on REPEAT and he'd be fine with it.
I'd be surprised if he didn't given his track record and.... slicing open his skin to reveal green "blood" and maggots crawling out.
Would he laugh the first time? ABSOLUTELY!
Would he jokingly sing along, probably.
But he would TOTALLY play this song when going after his victims sometimes. Imagine dying and the last thing you hear is:
"4 BIG GUYS AND THEY GRAB ON MY THIGHS-"
Stu Macher & Billy Loomis
Billy is concerned for your wellbeing. Especially when you start singing it at full force with Stu joining in not long after.
Yeah Stu is enjoying this to the max!
Finds it hilarious, who the fuck wouldn't when you've got humour more broken than Brahms' doll-
But seeing you enjoying yourself to this.... absurdity, at least makes Billy calm down from worry. Now he's just concerned your taste in music may infiltrate your taste in movies.
I doubt the man's used to hearing music.... imagine this being his first time hearing it-
OMG he'd probably think this is normal for music.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? XD
If it's not his first time hearing music though? No concern, laughter, nothing. He's neutral, given that this is something that makes you a little chaotic gremlin.
He's happy seeing you comfortable enough around to be a "gremlin" as you call it.
Bubba Sawyer
Don't traumatize him more than he's been already!!
Sure he doesn't realise it, or the fact he's used to it, but the poor guy's already traumatized-
Though he's probably more confused in the whole scheme of things. I mean, he knows what sex is. But just the surface of it.
So he's probably just learnt way too much in such a short period of time.
Oh lord what have you done-
Harry Warden
Okay first of all, why is there no GIF of this man? WTF????
Second; man's from the mines, man's old fashioned, you've probably just thrown way too much modern shit in his face way too quickly that he's just staring at you, the music video, and then the floor.
Poor miner is so confused, especially when the "cum starts spraying".
Oh god he'll probably think it's like dust from the mines spraying everywhere.
Fucking hell that's a vision-
Tiffany Valentine
Finds it amusing? Yes.
Judging? Not as much as you'd expect.
Girl's been through a wild ride, hearing you blast out "4 Big Guys" from your phone wouldn't be the most shocking thing in the world.
Hell. she'd probably encourage you to start singing along to it XD
Oh she's gonna use that song to torture someone with it. She doesn't know how yet, but she's got the idea in her head now
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The BG3 Beef I wanna see shitpost
While I do love the idea of Tav/Astarion/Karlach/whoever getting more unique mean dialogue with Ulder Ravengard, especially when he has the audacity to take up space in your camp like that instead of someone cooler like Barcus or that one bullied hyena, I want very specific flavor text that you'd only get in the epilogue party if you pick a specific ending even more.
I think if you romance Wyll as Gale or Gale as Wyll and then you don't go to Avernus, I think it would be totally galaxy brain to have dialogue in the epilogue that reveals Ulder Ravengard and Morena Dekarios fucking DESPISE one another. Because they absolutely would.
We never get to meet Morena in game but you can tell from what Gale and Tara say about her and Gale's... Galeness that she is at least a part time passenger on the "Fuck you my child is fine" train. Her sweet little boy? Commit evil deeds? Never! There has obviously been a mistake. I mean she indulged that "Gale Of Waterdeep" nonsense and when Gale summoned a full on Tressym after being explicitly denied a kitten as a child, she just let him keep her. No repercussions.
And then her sweet boy brings home another sweet boy who is probably EXACTLY what she pictured Gale's partner should be like.(Because Wyll is the damn blueprint for "Guy you could bring home to mom") Wyll is ridiculously sweet to Gale, he's the perfect gentleman, he's very open to the idea of giving Morena the grandchildren she's been nagging Gale about in the very near future. Pinch her, she must be dreaming!
I cannot imagine her reacting to Wyll's backstory with any amount of empathy towards Ulder, obviously that man is a cruel psychopath to throw poor Wyll out like that after "a tiny misunderstanding" and Wyll is just too good of a son not to see it. Which is partially true, Wyll is definitely still in some kind of denial stage over what his father did but that's not the point of the post.
Then there's Ulder who probably thinks Gale is... Fine. He's not someone he ever would have pictured for Wyll. Gale is a babbling oddball, he has chronic foot-in-mouth disease and has only ever met the pointy end of a sword. But he can't say anything because Gale saved him, his son, and Bulder's gate, and a small army of tieflings, and apparently a bunch of mushroom people and blah blah more reasons he can never have the moral high ground blah. He's undeniably stuck with this fucking wizard, and his nightmare of a mother.
Morena firmly believes that since the Ravengard manor is technically Wyll's now, then it's also Gale's and thus is now hers as well. When I say she would walk through the doors like she owned the place I mean it very literally. Where did Ulder's old helmet display go? "They were rusty and it was ruining the wooden shelves, besides these enchanted swords go better with the new drapes we had to get, I don't know how you didn't notice how moth eaten they were getting." Everyday he wakes up and something about his own damn home has been changed to make it look more like a wizard tower. She doesn't even live here most of the time!
And it doesn't stop there, not at all. No this women has to make sure his son doesn't live there full time either. Every holiday and birthday she has to send Gale a letter about how much she misses him and you should visit so you can take a break from all that(Very important!) work and how she already has the venison just for Wyll.
And every time he's forced to interact with this harpy she looks at him with a sweet smile on her face, honey in her voice and the burning hatred of a thousand suns in her eyes then somehow managed to insult him five times in one sentence without ever explicitly insulting him. This women is a devil from Avernus sent to punish him for his sins and she's even won over the grandkids. Obviously that women is a manipulative psychopath for using her control over Gale to manipulate his son. Which, yeah Gale not being able to say no to his mom has contributed greatly to this and if Wyll knew what healthy boundaries looked like he probably wouldn't have put up with it but he doesn't so here we are.
Let these two be the Tom and Jerry style B plot to BG4 is what I'm saying.
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Hey I've always wanted to know, is our follower count ever going to be visible to everyone or not or like are we going to get options who to show it to like followers, only people that follow me, people I follow and my followers etc
Howdy, @why-dont-anime-boys-exist.
Thanks for this question, which is a good one. And thus deserves a good answer.
Maybe someday—but probably not. We would need to think of an interesting way to do it without copying some of the toxicity of other social media platforms. So far, we haven’t been able to do this.
After all, not showing peoples’ follower counts is one of the unique things about Tumblr that may seem counter-intuitive but is actually deliberate. By not showing a follower count, we’re preventing an easy way to identify a blog’s supposed popularity. This way, we sidestep some of the toxicity you find on other social media platforms. We would much rather have a blog judged by its content, theme, energy, or whatever, other than simply a number. Or even better, not judged at all—just happily existing on Tumblr: browsing, blogging, posting, shitposting, and quite happily doing its own thing. That is the spirit of our good hellsite.
But we appreciate this question, particularly as this is something that does frequently surprise folk, particularly new users. It’s good to give you a little insight into our thought process.
Love,
—Cyle (Tumblr Engineering)
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heart-shaped sunglasses.
pairing(s); matthew lillard!william afton x reader
fandom; five nights at freddy’s [movie]
w/c; 592
trigger/content warnings; slightly unholy thoughts from william about you in your uniform, fem!reader, (reader wears lipstick, has boobs, is called 'girl' by william and has medium-length hair), heavy lana del rey influences (diet mountain dew), mentioned that reader smokes cigarettes, age gap (william is late 40s, reader is mid 20s), no explicit romance but it's heavily implied there's mutual pining, written from william's pov, reader knows his real name, not proof-read, NO use of y/n, lmk if i missed anything.
stella speaks! at this point someone reblogs/tags me in a shitpost about this man, i add tags while my brain is inconsolably horny, and then all of a sudden i'm writing a new draft. and yes, ik lana wasn't really a thing in 1990s, but for now let's pretend he's still a silver fox in the 2020s.
tags; @truecobblepot bc ofc🫶🏽🫶🏽
inspired by this post and the shenanigans that ensued.
“I just wanted to know how much I appreciate you staying late these past couple weeks.”
William’s voice is smooth, he’s demeanor calm, the slight tilt of his head and the casual clasp of his hands in front of him giving no hint to the turmoil in his brain.
You’re his employee. His best employee, no less. He can’t afford to lose you, to drive you away. So he’ll make sure you’re not looking him in the eye when his roam your body.
The words that come from your mouth are sincere. He knows this. He doesn’t much care in this moment however. That red vest is pulled across your breasts, and the top button of your shirt is undone, your tie looser now that the building is empty.
It’s his fault, how tight your uniform is on you. He has your size on file, but he always orders a size down, just for him. He doesn’t pay mind to the way teenage pizza boys and older brothers here with siblings watch you, because he knows he’s miles better than they are.
His eyes linger in the plastic heart-shaped sunglasses hanging from your collar, and he nods towards them. “And those? I do hope you haven’t been wearing those all day.”
It’s a gentle correction. No matter how much William favors you, he still must keep his image up. You shake your head. “No, I just got them out of my locker when I closed up with Robyn.”
“Where did you get them?” He asks, leaning forward. The movement is subtle, but he knows you catch it.
“It was a gag gift from some party,” you answer, taking them off your vest and sliding them on. William's breath barely catches in his throat. The frames are the same shade as the blood red lipstick you love wearing.
It’s your signature. It’s how he knows you’ve been in the break room, paper coffee and water cups stamped with your lips in the trash, lipstick printed cigarette buts in the back alleyway that he’s convinced himself are prettier than anyone else’s.
William's brain is rapid firing all kinds of signals, ranging from you're nearly 20 years younger than him, to why have I never felt this was about my ex-wife?
Everything about you seems to catered to William's preferences. You hold eye contact with him and customers, you're great with kids (including his!), and you actually appreciate the care he takes of his animatronics.
He chuckles as you look around his dim office with your heart-shaped sunglasses. "Well, now, look at you. Never was there ever a girl so pretty."
You giggle, tugging on a strand of hair and sliding them up into your hair. "That's so sweet, Mr. Afton!"
William chuckles. You're picture perfect and William is damn well aware that he's no good for you. "Please, call me William. It's only fitting that we remain on first name basis...as of your promotion to assistant manager."
Your eyes widen, and you let out a little gasp. "Do you really mean that, Mr. Af-- William?"
God, the way your lips form his name is intoxicating. He nods, his demeanor wavering slightly as you beam at him, thanking him.
It’s a power move, he knows. A selfish one, no less. But he can’t risk losing the one competent employee. And besides, the assistant manager’s uniform is closer to his, the pale purple shirt and darker tie, black slacks and black shoes (of your choosing, of course).
And who is he to deny himself that view?
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