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flannelepicurean · 5 months

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A Hannigram, a Lawrusso, and a Kakavege walk into a bar...

Okay so I was over on reddit going HAM in a thread about what would happen if your three fave OTPs were stuck in a room together for 24 hours. And I had SO MUCH FUN thinking about it, and writing up an absolutely crack-tastical summary, and I wanna share it with you mellifluous organisms.

The dynamic duos are Johnny Lawrence/Danny LaRusso (Lawrusso), of Cobra Kai; Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham (Hannigram), of NBC's Hannibal; and Goku/Vegeta (Kakavege) of Dragon Ball Z.

The room itself is... I'm picturing like, not quite a middle-school gymnasium, not quite a "this is definitely not a psychological experiment, just trust us on this," vibe.

Anyway, here's how it goes down:

Johnny and Goku become best friends almost immediately. Johnny offers him some slightly-expired sandwich meats from a random pocket while they're chillin' on some folding chairs, and Goku is like BOY HOWDY, WOULD I EVER!!!

Hannibal is disgusted by this. Danny is disgusted by this. Vegeta is just generally annoyed. They become The Mean Girls, they are a clique, now.

Will gets jealous and pouts in the corner. And starts scheming.

Johnny and Goku are insufferable. Two class clowns with "Wanna go ride bikes?!" energy, except middle-aged men who do martial arts. They CANNOT calm down. They CANNOT be tamed.

Will wanders by the Mean Girls table and suggests that Hannibal could easily outdo that fucking pocket ham, that's not even food, Hannibal knows food. And then he wanders away.

Hannibal preps a dinner party. Don't ask me how he got all this stuff. He probably just...found it in a closet. Don't anyone ask too many questions. Shh.

Danny's a teensy bit put off; for all his pretense to being almost high-society now, this is...really avant-garde. He's really boxed macaroni at heart, regardless of his quinoa. Before Johnny can even get a full, "WHAT THE FUCK," out, Goku and Vegeta are horfing down fish jello and unsavory Bostonians and the floral arrangements and everything like they've never been fed once in their entire lives.

Hannibal's pupils shrink. His stabbin' hand gets a little tense. Will smugs into his wine glass. Danny and Johnny hold very still. Then exchange a glance. Then hold very still some more.

The Saiyans, however, are fairly complimentary of the food, and Hannibal is a little torn. Goku’s like, “DO YOU HAVE MORE? IS THERE GONNA BE DINNER?” Hannibal sneaks a glance at Johnny, at the very edge of his peripheral vision, and gives a polite smile. Will sips wine.

Hannibal does his best to get Johnny alone so he can turn him into the main course. But he’s always running wild with Goku or hanging all over Danny when Goku decides to go bother Vegeta.

Goku keeps randomly asking about dinner. Not necessarily to Hannibal, just generally like, “Boy, I wonder when dinner’s gonna be,” and, “Man, I can’t wait for dinner!” and, “I wonder where he got the jiggly fish. I hope there’s jiggly fish again. The jiggly fish was good. Man, I hope we have dinner soon.”

Eventually Hannibal deputizes Will to try and get Johnny away from Danny, which Will agrees to with full spousal support appropriate of a murder husband.

Will asks if the Lawrussos can help them with the wine selection? They’re gonna need a really sophisticated palate to properly pair the beverages for the evening, with the many intricate courses, and they’re not serving beer, can’t get it for some reason, so if they can go over a very detailed list of notes on the flavor profiles of— And Johnny’s like NOT IT. But Danny gladly follows Will to the cellar (other corner of the room) for the Amontillado. There's a wine rack there, now.

Hannibal asks Vegeta if he could kindly guide Goku in setting the table, in preparation for dinner? Goku just about does a backflip. Hannibal provides an EXTREMELY complex diagram for the table setting that includes some entirely made-up utensils that he assures them are somewhere in the very extensive utensil kit. Or the credenza. Or several other pieces of cabinetry which now reside in the room.

Finally isolated with Johnny, Hannibal attempts some banter before going in for the kill. Johnny rags on him for being a nerd who dresses like a weirdo and talks like a book with no pictures on the cover and doesn’t even serve beer at a dinner party. Hannibal makes one packaged ham/long pig quip and leaps into action.

Johnny, however, is not exactly a stranger to knife fights, and he knows KARATE. So they have an instantaneous realization about each other, and one full-chested, “HEY, FUCK YOU, PAL!!!” later, we’ve got a Situation.

Danny and Will both immediately assess the Situation and rush in; Danny goes classic feral purse chihuahua, and Will goes rabid mongoose.

Goku and Vegeta turn away from their imminent crime of passion about where the goddamn ostrich spoons are, and fly over and hover above the situation for like… two seconds. They exchange a perplexed glance.

The Saiyans land on the periphery of the melee, and Vegeta fires one good blast into the ceiling, and everything screeches to a halt.

Goku starts making an impassioned speech in the “Have you forgotten the true meaning of Christmas?” genre. Except the point is that they were all supposed to be MAKING DINNER TOGETHER.

Hannibal’s pocket square nearly ignites from pure Had Enough of This Shit, but at the first twitch of that chef’s knife, Vegeta raises a hand like, “Bitch, don’t even try me.”

Goku summons a figurative Spirit Bomb onto the conflict to ask if they can please, please stop fighting…and just make dinner. He’s really hungry.

Danny realizes that, hey…he’s actually really hungry, too. And sometimes he gets a little hot-headed when he’s—

Will finally snaps and says, okay, enough is enough. You all think you’re so cute and adorable and interesting, but he does NOT find you that interesting, you are LOUD, and RUDE, and WEIRD, and he just wants to go home and spend some quality time with his HUSBAND. And his dogs!

Hannibal has a breakthrough realization, because Will didn’t say “dogs” first, and is like, Babe, I would never, I love you so much, OMG, you’re right, I’ll spend less time with my weird new friends and pay more attention to you. GASP! HOLY SHIT, WAS THIS A SCHEME, DID YOU SCHEME ME?! That's so romantic, I LOVE YOU, MONGOOSE!!!

Everyone kinda stares at them in horror. Danny’s like, “…Okay, that’s toxic.” And Johnny’s like, “Wait, were you gonna eat me?!” But Hannibal’s like, “Gentlemen, who here can say that we have not done something banana-butter-bonkersauce for the man we love?” And everybody just kinda looks away from each other extremely uncomfortably for a second. But then they grin at their partner a little.

And Danny’s like, “…You know, I bet I could make a mac and cheese in here…” And Hannibal’s like, “I think I saw some white truffles…”

✨And it’s a dinnertime miracle.✨

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jadewritesficshere · 11 months

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Wrecked

Eddie Munson x Reader

Content: oral (male receiving) slight sub!Eddie. Listen I just really wanna suck him

18+ only

Your eyes snapped open, adjusting to the darkness in the room as the VHS shut off with a click. The light from the TV seemed harsh, jarring you from the quietness surrounding you. It woke you up from your sleepy state, heart thumping wildly as you realized you had fallen asleep against Eddie. Eddie, who talked a mile a minute and told you interesting facts while watching movies, who had gone silent almost an hour ago as you started to drift off. Eddie, who had an arm wrapped around your shoulder, hand lazily drawing patterns on your arm where it rested. Your head against his chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart. "Sorry," you yawned as you sat up," Did I fall asleep?"

Eddie blinked slowly before smiling," Don't worry 'bout it. You need to rest." You lazily smile at him as he stands up. He stretches slowly, joints popping that remind you that neither of you are near your teens anymore. He reaches his arms above his head in a stretch, shirt traveling up just enough to give you a sneak peak of his stomach. Pale skin that showed the stark colors of the dragon curled over the top of his belly button. The dragon that had it's mouth open as if it was blowing fire, fire that actually was pink scars courtesy of the demobats. The scars that he always had a different story for when people saw ("I got attacked by a bear." "A witch cursed me." "I didn't eat my vegetables." "I used to defuse bombs").

Your eyes caught on his belly button, the stupid piercing he got claiming "a dragon had to have a hoard". The blue light from the tv causing the jewelry to glint, showing a kaleidoscope of rainbows in the opal gemstones. Your breath caught at the smattering of hair that trailed down from his belly button. Down to the band of his sweatpants that hung low on his hips. Plaid boxers peeking over the hem of his pants obscured your view of the slight v shape of his hips. The TV light providing the perfect amount of light and shadow to show the slight definition of his abs he had gained from long hours as a mechanic.

The sting from biting your lip pulled you from your casual perusal of Eddie's frame. Eddie who hadn't even noticed and was waving his hands around talking as he stared off at the wall,"- but those are just rumors. I mean if they do make a movie, it better be close to the book. No creative liberties. I want to see the book come to life, ya know? I want the dwarves to have full beards, especially the women and-"

You stand up abruptly," Shut the fuck up." Eddie pauses at your abrupt words and movement. Silence spans a few seconds as he notices the glimmer in your eyes," Excuse you?" You hum, running your eyes up and down his frame. Eddie was definitely a man, no longer the boy you had met in high school. He had filled out more, had some scruff on his jawline. His sweatpants had a hole in his knee and there was a stain on his shirt, but he had never looked more beautiful to you. And you had never wanted to fuck him more.

Eddie tilted his head slightly, untamed and frizzy curls bouncing as he tried to decipher the look in your eye. "I will gladly listen to this conversation, but I can't pay attention right now. Not when you're," you wave your hand gesturing to him," that!" Eddie scoffs," Excuse you? That?." One step is all it takes to get in his space, Eddie instinctively taking a step back.

You push on his chest, firm beneath your open palms, causing him to stumble back into the couch. He lands with a grunt and looks up at you with a look of exasperation. He goes to open his mouth to say what you're sure is a snarky remark, but all thoughts leave his head as you grab his knees spreading them open and kneeling in front of him. His jaw drops as he stares at you between his legs. You bat your lashes at him in what you hope is a seductive look, but let's be honest, both you and Eddie suck at flirting. You trail one hand up from his knee, barely touching as your fingers dance their way up his thigh. His cheeks flush, a beautiful dusty pink that spreads down his neck towards his chest. You wonder how far that blush goes as you lift the hem of his shirt.

Eddie is staring at you, frozen in time. You clearing your throat as you tug on his shirt knocks him from his reverie. "Yeah, okay, fuck uh yea." He leans forward enough to pull the shirt over his head. You lick your lips at the expanse of tattooed skin you see. You lean in, trying to decide where to start. You look up through your eyelids at him, slowly licking the happy trail, that definitely made you happy. The image of you licking his skin, peering up at him through your lashes, was burned into Eddie's retinas. Eddie's knuckles were white as he gripped the couch cushions. His stomach flexed unintentionally at the warmth of your tongue. The small whimper he let out fueled your desire, heat pooling low in your stomach. You nip and suck at his hips, one hand resting on his thigh, the other curled around his back to bring him closer to you. You pulled back after adding a lovely red mark that you know will fade to a bruise.

You can't believe you had fallen asleep next to this man, now the only thoughts involving a bed also involved cardio. You lightly trail a finger over the prominent bulge in his pants, earning a sharply inhaled breath and a buck of his hips. "Jesus fucking Christ," he groans, voice lower then you've ever heard. You lick your lips as your hands reach for the hem of his pants and-

"Wait!" Eddie startles you, and you glance up at his wrecked face. "Huh?" You blink a few times starting to pull back," Do you not..?" "No! No I do!" Eddie clears his throat and grabs the pillow next to him," I just...you should be comfortable..." His face flushes as he holds the pillow between you two, causing you to chuckle. You grab the pillow and put it under your knees, even if you don't need it. "Thanks baby. You're so thoughtful." Eddie preens under the praise, looking smug. Your hands return to his waist band, tugging his pants and boxers down. He lifts his hips to help and-

You've never thought a dick to be pretty before. Sure, you've seen some good ones but this? He's long, curved slightly to the right. Precum beading at the top of a head that is flushed so red it's almost purple. A prominent vein trailing the underside of his dick that you want to lick up. Curls around the base that were trimmed but still unruly. The tension is thick as you stare at his dick, wondering where to start. He twitches under your heavy gaze. "C'mon, don't make me wait.." Eddie mumbles. "You'll take what I give you, and you'll be thankful." You snap back, watching the man pout slightly. For all his bravado and extroverted demeanor, he has no power here and he knows it.

But you decide to have mercy on him as you flatten your tongue against his dick, deciding to follow the vein from his base to his tip. Eddie lets out a high-pitched whine followed by a "thank you", but you don't really care. Yes, it feels good for him, but this is also for your pleasure. You swirl your tongue around his leaking tip, tasting the salty essence. Eddie's hand finds the back of your head instinctively, not using any real force or grip. When you fully envelope his tip with your warm mouth and suck, all coherent thoughts of his are gone. He barely can remember his own name. One of your hands holding his hips back so he can't thrust up, the other wrapped around his dick slowly moving up and down.

Eddie sits there babbling nonsense, he never could stay quiet for long. And you wouldn't want him to, his moans and groans like music to your ears. You pull off of him earning a whine. Eddie's face is flushed, bangs stuck to his forehead, a slight sweat broken out on him. He looks down at you with those big brown eyes like you just kicked a dog. "Please? Fuck, please baby? Don't stop."

You smile up at the wrecked man, the man begging for you to continue. You can feel the light pressure of his hand against your head trying to push you closer to his groin. You could make him beg. Make him wait. But he looks so good like this, you want to see him completely blissed out. You inhale deeply before lightly putting the tip back in your mouth. Eddie has no time to mutter a thank you before you fully sink down on him. Your nose coming flush with the hair you admired earlier, taking him deep in your throat without gagging. "Oh fuckfuckfuck," Eddie pants above you, lost in the feeling of you. You hollow out your cheeks and suck, bobbing up and down along his length. He was a twitching writhing mess beneath you. You lightly palm at his balls, adding enough pressure to have Eddie moan. It didn't take him long before he came with a loud groan, hips bucking without a pattern. You swallowed it to the best of your ability, some leaking out and dripping down your chin.

When he was done, you pulled off him with a pop. Eddie's chest heaved as he panted above you. Eddie looked down from the ceiling, not sure when he had thrown his head back in ecstasy. You swipe the cum off your chin before licking your fingers, eyes locked with his. "Jesus Christ," he runs a hand through his hair and lets out a chuckle. You hum and smile up at him. Eddie lightly grasps your biceps, tugging you to get up,"Not sure what brought that on, but I think its time for me to return the favor. Get up here."

#Listen Eddie deserves to have his entire world view changed through a good bj #Blow him so good you blow his mind #Also idc if he is older that man cannot flirt #He is just a funky lil dude who is a terrible flirt he gets like 0 bitches #BUT even tho he is terrible at flirting I would still suck him off like any day #like call me a succubus the way I'm gonna succ your buss- okay no that...no #Unless.... 👀#Eddie Munson x y/n #Eddie Munson x you #Eddie Munson x reader #Eddie Munson/you #Eddie Munson/Reader #Eddie Munson smut #Eddie Munson #Stranger Things #Stranger Things smut #Gonna post this a SECOND time as uh not even my mutual saw it so...idk why but let's try this again #If yall let this flop you don't even deserve him 😤#Jade is Talking

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chaos0pikachu · 8 months

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where's my crackfic where sanji and zoro are constantly bickering and fighting over luffy until nami finally snaps and is like "you can both fuck him, he's rubber"

#one piece #one piece live action #sanlu #zolu #this is not a zosan safe space don't even try it wit me #this is zoro being hella jealous that sanji thought for half a second he knew what luffy needed #and sanji snapping back with don't hate a hot bitch who can cook i can be luffy's malewife #tell me it wouldn't be hilarious that zoro does wild ass crazy sword moves bc he knows luffy will be hella impressed #and then sanji cooks like an entire sea king to one up him #luffy getting spoiled is all i want for my twink pirate son okay #chaos pikachu speaks

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zebratimw · 11 months

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Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

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docholligay · 1 month

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It is so hard for me to just let go of tasks I've delegated and I am being so so brave right now.

#I did end up making two extra cakes because no one had planned dessert #I already let go of the dinner aspect even though it is absolutely not what I would have done at all #(they are just getting sams club pizzas and I am so courageous)#also I'm worried they won't bring enough punch #and I don't know if anyone is making a non-spiked punch #gritting my teeth and trying NOT to make extra punches #'Doc I wonder if this is why you sometimes get stressed out have tried letting things go' FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU #dear mother I cannot delegate #some dumb greek bitch has overcome me with longinbg for everything to be perfect or at least my fault

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front-facing-pokemon · 10 months

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#barboach #their mouth is so tiny… like… i know they're a fish and all but. it's so small. how do they get anything in there #barboach is that one “4x weakness to grass my beloved” bitch who always threw me off as a kid when i was trying to beat it #because i would be like. ah yes. this is a Fish. i will use an electric-type move. wah-wah #unfortunately that tendency persisted quite a while for me. i think i did it even in legends arceus to be quite honest. but i know now #i have it memorized. this bitch and whiscash are ground-types. for. no reason. i guess it's because they live in swamps or whatever #and so. ground? but also whiscash's pond doesn't really look like a swamp. wouldn't lend itself to being a ground-type zone #i dunnoooo. i think there's a lot of passion for barboach out there tbqh. i don't think i've seen it with my eyes but it just Feels like a #'mon people would be passionate about. any barboach out there please let me know how the hell you are using tumblr with no arms #and from underwater. do you have special water computers. and also why are you a ground-type. thanks

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pa-pa-plasma · 2 years

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bro you are on the FANDOM WEBSITE why are you NOT supporting your fandom creators????? do you WANT us to stop??? do you want there to be no more art & fic?? because that’s what happens when you don’t reblog our stuff. this isn’t a threat, this is a reality. if there is no one here wanting to see our stuff we won’t post it. I’m not trying to guilt trip here, none of us are, we’re literally just saying that if there is no motivation to spend 10+ hours making fanart or 5 years writing a multichapter fic for free then we won’t fucking do it

^this shit? ridiculous. I LOVE EVERYONE WHO REBLOGGED & INTERACTED WITH MY ART! I LOVE EVERYONE WHO ASKED QUESTIONS & COMMENTED!! but so many of these people just liked it & left. this has been getting worse over the years, too. the reblogs to likes ratio has been getting crazier. I create because I love it, but if I have no reason to post, I won’t. fandoms dry up because of this. creators quit because of this.

we just need to stop acting like this is instagram, or that anyone cares what your blog looks like. people don’t see your likes, they see your reblogs. you want that favourite content creator to post more art? you want that writer to post the next chapter of your fav fic?? reblog it. share it. show them you care, because otherwise they won’t. this is a hobby we do for free. you consume our stuff for free. you aren’t entitled to it, so please just reblog, it isn’t hard.

#we aren't asking for money we're asking for you to hit a button #stop being a little bitch #this is tumblr. no one gives a shit about your ''aesthetic'' or whatever #no one even looks at who reblogs what on here #i'm sick of seeing people not sharing works out of spite & acting like wanting attention for our labour is bad #I SPEND 15 HOURS DRAWING YOU BETTER FUCKING REBLOG IT. I'M POSTING IT SO I CAN FEEL BETTER #AFTER SPENDING 15 HOURS HUNCHED IN A SHITTY CHAIR WITH MY WRIST ALL FUCKED UP & MY LAPTOP TRYING TO KILL ITSELF & ME #im not asking to be PAID im asking for you to share artist's & writers' works. we are 99% of the fandom's content #you want more content? fucking motivate us to make it. you are getting it for free. stop being an asshole & fucking reblog it #i'm so fucking tired of people with their cold ass takes #if i EVER like anyone's art & don't reblog it THAT WAS A MISTAKE. I MEANT TO REBLOG BUT TUMBLR GLITCHED OR I RAN OUT OF REBLOGS #i KNOW how hard it is to spend hours days YEARS on something & for no one to care #i am literally just asking for everyone to have some sympathy #like imagine if your employer started complaining about how selfish it is you work for free? that's this #you'd quit that job #YOU CAN'T COME TO THE FANDOM WEBSITE & COMPLAIN THAT FANDOM CREATORS WANT ATTENTION FOR THEIR WORK #EVERYONE WANTS ATTENTION YOU STUPID MANTHING IT CAME FREE WITH YOUR FUCKING HUMAN BRAIN

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