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pallasperilous · 4 years

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Boneless Wings

{AO3 version}

So, blah blah blah, it’s their standard-issue disaster: pack of dumbass witches (always with the dumbass witches. Where do they find the time for this shit? Somebody get these women signed up for a Peloton subscription or a macramé class or a vibrator of the month club, seriously, whatever it takes—), ancient curse, Castiel being the actual angel of stepping in it, nobody cares.

The point is, two hundred and forty-one hours of binge-worthy drama later, Dean and Cas are living in a semi-detached just a short thirty-minute commute to somewhere equally lame, Castiel has two literal-ass wings, and yes, Susan, they kiss now.

The neighbors are weirdly cool with it.

For those of you perving along at home, Dean could absolutely provide a list of the hundred or so ways that having a boyfriend* with giant fucking actual wings is super hot and/or awesome.

This is not that list.

(*you can just shut right the fuck up , Sam, because it’s either this or Dean will start saying lover. And nobody needs that. Nobody wants that.)

1. Bird mites. Holy shit.

2. Sharing a bathroom. The shower curtain rod, and consequently the security deposit, are early casualties. The medicine cabinet follows swiftly behind. Shower hijinks are not even an option.

3. Dean comes home one day from a gig and there is a giant plastic green turtle in the backyard. A closer inspection reveals that the turtle is actually a mule for about half a truck bed of industrial dust ‘n grit. It is, in fact, a kiddie sandbox. Dean points out that they do not, in fact, have a small child (FINGERS CROSSED), so...?

Cas then earnestly shows him an entire playlist of exotic birdy dust bath videos on Youtube.

Dean then earnestly shows him the garden hose.

4. The down just gets, like...everywhere. EVERYWHERE. How many times have Sam and Dean practically sold their kidneys for a single angel feather for some dumb spell to solve some pointless Occult McProblem? And now Dean is picking them out of his damn teeth every morning. (No, gross, not because of... Jesus, no, that is not a thing.)

On the upside of this one, Dean finally has an excuse to buy a Dyson, which he’s secretly always thought looked awesome. It is.

5. When Dean is scraping out the umpteenth canister of fluff he jokingly suggests they use some of it to supplement the tragically flaccid down comforter currently shaming their bed, and Castiel pitches an existential fucking sulk. Dean wants to experience happiness again, so he does not point out that it get ass-bitingly cold here this time of year, and decent bedding is not exactly inexpensive, and the Dyson kind of maxed them out on household purchases.

But whatever.

6. Castiel is indulging in what Dean thinks of as a sky pout when he flies right into a head-on with li’l Timmy NextDoor’s new Christmas surveillance drone. It dings the shit out of one of Cas’s left primary feathers (the scientific term is “those big motherfuckers”), which apparently hurts like a bitch. Cas is grounded for a few weeks after that and is cutely pathetic about it and at first Dean is absolutely down to kiss it better. By the end, Dean is almost ready to strangle Cas with his own necktie, but he has learned a lot of surprisingly interesting stuff about ancient Mesopotamia, like that it was super horny.

7. After the snow melts, Dean starts finding shit on the front step with the morning paper. It’s not even a good newspaper; Cas signed them up for the local fish-wrapper (or maybe it was Sam, before he fled for the hills— he occasionally breaks out in a “support local journalism” rash). The crossword puzzle is insulting, but the paper does at least syndicate Carolyn Hax, whom Dean secretly suspects of being an absolute wildcat in the sack, so he grudgingly expends the calories to bring it in every morning.

Anyway, at first the stuff he discovers crapping up the welcome mat is just shiny bits of trash — couple granola wrappers, some MGD pull-tabs, a few field-stripped twisty-ties. Probably just windblown, and he tosses it in the garbage can.

Then a couple weeks in, things start getting...grisly? It escalates real slowly, from a variety platter of mouse bits to squirrel à la power line and then half of a dry-aged raccoon and an opossum that has recently graduated from playing dead to professional dead-being. The neighborhood crows obviously love that their front step is now a roadkill café; Dean has to bat increasing numbers of them away with the kitchen broom in order to relocate their horrible snack to the edge of the nearest storm drain.

Then one morning there are like twenty crows and they’re in just the cutest little football huddle-up around what turns out to be a human fucking finger with a retro-fun mood ring still on the knuckle (it’s feeling: Sad) and Dean fully loses his shit.

Cas hears him freaking out and comes whomping out of the garage ready to, whatever, flap somebody to death maybe, but as soon as he establishes that Dean doesn’t need anything more than a fresh pair of boxers, he de-poofs a bit and assesses the whole human finger/crows situation in his usual infuriatingly unrushed way. The crows had mostly bounced up to the cable line over the house, safely out of brooming range, but one by one they start to drop down and hippity-hop back towards the world’s tiniest crime scene.

If Dean were five percent less freaked he’d be tempted to go inside and find out how much of a dent he can make in a six-pack before Castiel finally dings and spits out his results, but he isn’t, so he just stands there in silence clutching the broom like it’s a shotgun.

Eventually Cas says “hm,” and then he looks at the crows and makes some noises that sound like a spoon caught in a garbage disposal, and the crows make some scrawps and chuks back, and then one of them delicately noodges the tip of dead finger with its beak and then hippity hops back a foot or two, bows, and then they all fly away over the shitty little beige duplex across the street like they’re running ten minutes late to an important bird appointment.

Castiel stands up (Dean reflexively backs up into the doorway, as this involves Cas bomfing out his wings a bit for ballast and Dean has caught a blow to the nuts on more than one occasion), dusts off his goddamn slacks, pulls a plastic evidence baggie out of thin goddamn air or maybe his socks, and casually bags the finger like they’re doing a standard FBI wheeze. “So what,” Dean says, as Cas diligently zips the baggie, “the fuck?”

“Oh,” Cas says, blinking in surprise that Dean is still there and interested, “they think I’m their god.”

Dean kind of stares back at him, the six feet of dude and like sixteen feet of bird, and thinks sure, okay, but his face must still be stuck on “Tippi Hedren attic scene” because Cas puts a reassuring hand on Dean’s shoulder and adds “Don’t worry. I’ve told them I don’t require further offerings, and I reassured them that you’re my consort and were simply jealous of other potential mates.”

It takes Dean two weeks to come up with a response to that, but by then it’s become evident that no bird is ever going to shit on the Impala again, so he decides to just chalk it up in the win column and move on.

You know. The family business.

8. No matter how tightly he folds them, Cas can’t fit his wings through the definitely-not-up-to-code doorway of the wood-paneled family rec room in the basement, so Dean claims it as his man cave and dubs it the “No Fly Zone.”

Castiel doesn’t find this funny, but Dean really only uses it to fold laundry.

9. Transpo is an obvious issue. Cas can almost stuff himself into the Impala if he sort of reverse-cowgirls the back seat, but then the wingtips smoosh up against the windshield and Dean’s visibility is approximately zip. And, sure, Cas could fly himself anywhere they really needed to go, he’s basically a Chevy Of The Air, but sometimes it’s raining, and the seraph Castiel — Shield of God, Heavenly Soldier of the Lord, multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent, will smell like a wet fucking chicken for days afterward. Febreze does not help.

Dean spends a few nauseating weeks contemplating the purchase of — and here he learns that the human gag reflex can be conditioned, but never truly eradicated — a convertible. Once Cas brings up the possibility of a minivan or perhaps a station wagon (he’s taken to studying family motor vehicles with all the intensity of a birder with a life list) and Dean makes him sleep on the couch.

Dean gets his own living room rotation after he shows Cas a Craigslist posting for a very reasonably priced horse trailer. Castiel points out that it’s used and Dean notes that neither of them is exactly mint in original packaging either. Castiel points out that he’s not a horse, and after a few necessary but admittedly unoriginal jokes, Dean pulls up a website with an exhaustive photographic tutorial on how to convert a horse trailer “for the safe and sanitary transport of ostriches, emus, and/or cassowaries.” Cas points out that he’s not an ostrich, emu, and/or cassowary, and Dean counters that he clearly isn’t, because an emu would probably show a little more gratitude, and that’s how Dean learns that the couch has a broken spring under the left cushion. The transpo issue remains unresolved.

10. Dean keeps a pair of shop-grade safety goggles by his side of the bed. It’s not the sexiest look, but it turns out feathers are stabby as hell when encountered at a particular angle. Cas can do the healy thing, of course, but they learn the hard way that cornea perforation is not really a mood enhancer. On the bright side, Castiel accidentally corrects Dean’s incipient presbyopia, which means Dean doesn’t have to hold the newspaper at arm’s length anymore when he’s idly speculating what Carolyn Hax looks like below the neck. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

11. You’d think that, when you’re coming down from a time-limited but incurable curse that makes you feel like every cell of your body has its own cute little individual headcold — because you missed a hex bag due to the fact that you were preparing your legal response to Sam turning up to the hunt wearing a goddamn hair scrunchy, as if he were fresh off the set of a very special episode of Clarissa Explains It All — anyway, you’d think that being wrapped in the warm embrace of an angel’s wings would be nice.

But you would be wrong, because apparently your boyfriend has been out communing with the bees again, and those feathers pick up ragweed pollen like it’s their goddamn job, and guess what else angels can’t cure? Dean will take Motherfucking Seasonal Allergies for 600, Alex.

12a. One of the neighbors has that homesteading hippie brain disease that drives an otherwise normal-seeming person to brew their own beer and raise a bunch of chickens despite living within five hundred yards of a fully functioning Hy-Vee. There’s a week where one of the wee little velociraptors seems to be processing some kind of trauma because it starts yelling at dawn and keeps going until well past the hour that swearing is allowed on network TV.

When Dean finally hammers on the front door the next afternoon the neighbor apologizes with some extremely nasty home-brew (HIPPIES) and some absolutely devastating weed (HIPPIES!) and explains that “Ginger is going through a rough molt” and then he kind of nods his head towards Dean’s side of the fence where Cas is futzing around in the squash plants and stage whispers (this is a direct quote) “You know how they get.”

Dean is about to rip the dude a new one for comparing his immortal space-kaiju lover to a fucking Australorp yard pullet when Castiel pops his head up over the white pickets and breezily contributes “Bad molt, yes, those are terrible, Dean can tell you all about how insufferable I am those weeks,” and sometimes Dean just doesn’t know why he even tries.

12b. The less said about angel molt, the better.

Seriously, the freakin’ eyes-on-his-hands naked mole rat dude from, whatsit, Pan’s Labyrinth of Subtitles, would run screaming from this shit.

13. There’s a 4th of July BBQ Potluck Block Party and Dean’s inability to stand idly by while good meat is abused ( shut up Sam ) means he winds up manning the grill and dismissing the pretenders to set some strictly inedible things on fire. Cas hangs out next to him and uses his flappers to kinda whupf the smoke away from Dean’s eyes now and then, which rules. It’s actually a pretty chill event until Sharon and Don From Number 4267, The Green House With The White Trim, turn up with a giant Pyrex full of naked, still-marinating teriyaki wings.

Sharon And Don look down at their wings and then up at Castiel and then down at the wings and then up at Castiel and they are clearly teetering on the edge of a Midwestern politeness failure-based nervous breakdown. But then Cas, smooth as a margarine commercial, gently takes the dish from Sharon’s frozen hands, examines the contents for a silent moment, and says “it’s alright. They weren’t personal friends.”

He gets an extra burger for that one.

14. Cas keeps absent-mindedly trying to groom Dean — who, in case it still needs to be said at this point, possesses zero-point-zero feathers of his own — so he goes after Dean’s hair, instead. Dean has to stop him after his second hour of trying to straighten out a cowlick. “I don’t understand how you can steer properly with this deformity,” Cas says, as if it’s a genuine miracle that Dean isn’t constantly careening over ottomans like Dick Van Dyke. He’s even more horrified by Dean’s (frankly minimal) use of hair gel. “Jesus, Cas, it’s not like I’m drinking it,” he says, but then one time they have an epic make-out session shortly after Dean performs his masculine beauty rituals and there’s some smearage of various types of Product (tm) on the flappy areas.

And, sonuvabitch, for the next six hours Cas is spirographing around the house like he has a heavenly inner ear infection, and he only stops veering into the doorframes after Dean wipes down every. Single. Feather. With mineral oil and about eighteen clean shop cloths. Dean switches to something called hair wax, which costs thirty zillion times more per ounce and makes him smell vaguely like church, but is a lot less gloppy. The things we do for love.

15. Seating inside the house is a bit of a conundrum, too. Cas can kind of flop his wings out to the sides if he sits in the middle of the couch, but then Dean’s stuck on the recliner, which is basically in the next county. Bar stools are disastrously tippy, Dean’s lower back and hips have not endured mumble-mumble years of hunting just to be subjected to a damn beanbag chair, and, after a brief flurry of optimistic excitement, Dean determines that they’d have to take the front door off to get a massage chair in. He finds a swing online that if, he can get the hardware properly installed in the crossbeam, is rated for up to 500 pounds, so he texts Cas the URL so he can check out the specs. After half an hour he writes back —

CASTIEL: Dean

CASTIEL: I believe this swing is intended for sexual congress.

DEAN: ...

CASTIEL: I can infer from the ellipsis that you have spent several minutes attempting to draft a response.

DEAN: ...

CASTIEL: Dean

DEAN: it’s multipurpose

16 . On the plus side, though, big-ass wings make for a pretty good drying rack. He can get every sock in the house laid out on those suckers in a single round and, one episode of Dr. Sexy later, they’re perfectly dry and toasty warm, without any of the pair-busting casualties Dean has learned to expect from the apparently socknivorous dryer in the basement.

Dean assumes it’s just the product of good air circulation and body heat until he realizes that he hasn’t had to toss a pair for being too worn out in...maybe six months? So he asks Cas “Are your wings... healing the socks” and after an entire Abbott and Costello routine centering around heal versus heel, Dean determines that the answer is: yes, his boyfriend’s wings are channeling the almighty power of Heaven to magically repair the socks Dean buys at Target in twelve-pack bags. On sale.

This is actually kind of sexy, if Dean is being perfectly honest, so, you know what? It doesn’t belong on this list.

16. So nobody really freaks out or bursts into tears or calls the news or the FBI or anything when Cas goes out in public with him, which Dean is secretly a little disappointed about, because come on. (Maybe giant wings just reads as a gay thing? Was there an episode of Will and Grace about this that Dean missed back when he was ass deep in wendigos or something?)

But no. Dudes tend to just glance at them across the Home Depot parking lot, throw them the Mutual Dude Acknowledgement Nod, and say some shit like “Comic-con,” or “nice anime” in a knowing tone. Then they go back to rolling their carts full of gaskets or hammers or whatever back to their mom’s station wagon.

Little girls tend to go googly-eyed — Castiel seems to fall into the same category as a Disney princess, despite the stubble and the drabcore wardrobe, and Dean can’t count the number of times some mom has approached Dean at the grocery store (like he’s Castiel’s manager?? Which, okay...yeah, actually) and asked if they do birthday parties. The money would actually be pretty tempting if Dean weren’t five thousand percent sure that Cas would get them both arrested by launching into an anatomy lesson about duck sex or how God is a loser who favors relaxed fit jeans and Wild Turkey.

The worst is white ladies of a Certain Age, and it always seems to happen in the pudding aisle, for some reason. They either go cross-eyed with horniness and become indiscriminately handsy (Dean can’t blame them for the impulse, but also back off, Karen), or ask Cas for prayers for their cat’s chronic asshole problems (which Castiel WILL take seriously).

Worst of all is when some hippie spinster clocks them. This woman inevitably reaches right for the feathers and asks in a willowy voice if they’d ever consider turning some of them into dreamcatchers to sell at her studio, which is literally always named The Faerie’s Glen. Then Cas gets confused about why, exactly, a sixty year-old WASP in a peasant skirt would need to call on the infant-protection powers of an Ojibwe spider goddess, while Dean just wants to bite the lady’s fingers off.

Either way, it’s always a bad scene, and many fully loaded grocery carts have been lost to the fallout.

17. For some metaphysical reason Dean is too dumb to suss out but also too smart to question, lugging a pair of Cessna-sized flappers around this mortal dimension actually seems to tucker Cas out. He doesn’t need to zonk out every night, but he semi-regularly throws in the towel and actually crawls in with Dean for the duration.

This would be swell in theory, but the guy absolutely cannot settle the fuck down in less than three (3) human hours, which is the exact amount of sleep Dean requires to maintain his famously sunny demeanor. It’s not just ye olde tossing and turning — Dean can handle that, sharing a bed with Sam is like sleeping next to a kangaroo with restless leg syndrome — no, it’s a nonstop parade of little flippy-flappies and shiffle-shuffles and spontaneous outbursts of preening.

So Dean makes him a Baby Sleep Sack.

This is something Dean knows about due solely to one super dumb hunt involving a banishing sigil that had to be drawn in — he still feels like this had to be a misprint — human breastmilk, and that was obviously not happening. But the monster of the week wasn’t going to banish itself, so they wound up at the nearest Walmart, at 4am, picking up what turned about to be an unnecessarily generous supply of baby formula, along with a fresh box of shotgun shells because God bless America*. It doesn’t work, although “lots of stabbing” turns out to be a solid fallback plan, but the point is that while Sam was debating between Digestion Support or Neurological Development, Dean acquired an unprecedented familiarity with some of the products currently available to the sleep-deprived parent. So Dean finds some DIY Baby Sleep Sack knockoff patterns online and determines he can replicate and scale up the concept with some beach towels and duct tape, and the next morning he presents the lumpy but totally functional prototype to Castiel.

Initially Cas thinks it’s a sex thing (reasonable, it probably is), but once they clear up that misunderstanding, he’s obviously a little peeved by the concept of being swaddled as if he were a gassy baby instead of a deathless sky monster in a sexy dude-shaped can. But Dean must be giving off some serious man on the edge vibes because Cas grudgingly agrees to let Dean tape him up the next time he’s feeling dozy.

It’s real awkward and takes forever to get Cas bundled up right, and then he’s just kind of lying there on top of the sheets, like an enormous, grumpy baked potato.

“I could easily break out of these restraints,” he says in a pissy tone after Dean has crawled in and turned off the light, and Dean rolls over to tell him “no shit”, but then he has to stop himself because the guy is already asleep.

Eventually they upgrade to a version made out of some of those trendy weighted blanket things, a few yards of parachute silk, and a whole lot of velcro. The dude looks so damn peaceful that Dean is honestly a little jealous.

*he doesn’t, actually.

18. There’s a sunny afternoon that isn’t the usual Kansas is trying to murder you level of humid so Dean rolls the Impala out into the street for a wash. Cas helps him out a bit initially, although tragically not in a way that involves removing any unnecessary articles of clothing, but Deans sends him to grab a new tub of wax from the shed and he never comes back. After half an hour Dean needs a beer break and goes looking for him, expecting to find Cas lost in thought over whether Turtle Wax is made of actual turtles, or is made to put on actual turtles. Instead he finds Cas crouched on the shimmering pavement at the back of the driveway, sun beating down on him like it has a personal vendetta, and he’s got both wings stretched out real low above the ground. Dean kind of flips out because it’s the type of pose that just screams “stabbed in gut by angel blade” or “migraine from Hell, literally.”

Then Cas looks up, which pulls his wings up a smidge too, which in turn reveals that fully half a dozen neighborhood cats are lounging in the shady patch beneath his wings, spread out on the concrete like blobs of furry peanut butter. No, it’s actually eight cats. There are eight cats.

“Ling-Ling was feeling a little overheated,” Cas says, as if this explains everything.

And, you know what, at this point, it does.

19. Dean has faith that eventually Sam or Cas or the third demon from the left in the second row will turn up a solution for the whole business. Castiel will get to tuck those bad boys back into the secret wing-closet dimension and he won’t have to worry about getting stuck in stairwells anymore, or being reported to the FAA (again). Then they can finally pack up the house, plaster over the more egregious spots of drywall damage, and go back to killing things outside of the tri-county area. The whole thing has been a pretty embarrassing interlude for a couple of dudes who’ve kicked Satan’s ass multiple times — Sam is probably telling other hunters that they’ve been deep undercover to take out a nest of suburban vampires, or a pack of ghouls with mortgages, instead of vacuuming angel down out of the AC unit and considering a Costco membership.

And sure, there have been some...serious pluses to the situation (see: the other list), but, in his weaker moments, Dean has to admit that he’s kind of going to miss some of the goofy, irritating shit, too — like finding a six-inch feather in the veggie crisper (how? why?), or watching Cas fwap his wings out just in time to accidentally clothesline a jogger, or even the strangely compelling, sorta cheesy smell that starts to float around the house if Cas goes a little too long between hosedowns.

He has actually grown fond of this shit. Which is 100% the least sexy thing on earth, it’s some genuinely, seriously pathetic goo goo crap, and that’s why nobody will ever hear a fucking word about it. People will ask “so what’s it like, with the wings” and Dean will waggle his eyebrows suggestively and review the highlight reel over an inadvisable amount of rail whiskey. His secret’s safe with, well. Him.

20. Seriously though, the bird mites.

Gross.

#deancas #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #wingfic #or maybe...#wingsquick #spn fanfic #spn fanart #spn crack #sorry everybody #now with pictures!#pallasperilous art #pallasperilous fic #pallasperilous crack

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nostringsonmefanfic · 4 years

Text

Chapter 1: Say Goodbye

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24347017/chapters/58709482

It had been a long day, and I was exhausted. It was a day full of stress and annoying people, but it was finally over. After dinner, I popped myself a bowl of popcorn and got cozy in my bed, then took up my laptop and earbuds and settled down for a long YouTube binge-watching session.

I had fallen behind on all of the content from my favorite YouTubers since I was so busy, but I began by pulling up the latest videos from my favorite: Jacksepticeye. There were a lot of videos I hadn’t seen yet, and I was the most interested in his most recent videos. All of the fan blogs on Tumblr had been buzzing with theories and excitement because Jack’s videos had been strange recently. There were occasional glitches in the footage and Jack spoke and acted differently. He was cold, he spoke menacingly, saying mean things and mocking the audience, saying things like, “He can’t see you anymore,” at the end of his videos. Naturally, the fans thought an egopocalypse was afoot, and I was as excited to see some new ego content as anyone else.

The videos I watched were all as everyone described: eerie, glitchy, with Anti making some appearances here and there whenever Jack acted weird or complained about his eyes twitching. What I didn’t expect was how cold and mean Jack was. He always would tease his viewers in his “Meme Time” and “Funniest Home Videos” series’, but it was always playful and never serious. For the first time, he didn’t react to any of the content. He’d watch a funny video or look at a meme, but he wouldn’t laugh. He barely cracked a smile at the ones that made fun of him, but any that made fun of Anti would make him angry and he’d start belittling the viewers. It didn’t seem normal. I knew that Jack probably had some plan and was trying to set something up with that behavior, considering that the glitches were happening more frequently as I went along and watched more videos, but it still was different. There were some things that he said that made me feel uneasy and hurt, but I tried not to take it too seriously. This was Jack, after all.

I had been subscribed to his channel for years, ever since his Undertale playthrough. I liked that game a lot and his playthrough was my favorite, so I explored the rest of his content and found a community in his fanbase that I loved and wanted to be a part of. The main thing I stayed for was Jack, though, because he had a funny way of always uploading a video that was exactly what I needed. Whenever I felt down, he’d be there with a message of encouragement. Whenever I was stressed, he’d always be good for a laugh to release tension. Whenever I was scared, the cheerful optimism in his voice and messages would always comfort me. It was no wonder that there were so many people in the fanbase that suffered from anxiety or depression who would use his videos to cope and cheer themselves up.

I even remember waking from a nightmare in the middle of the night when I had left a playlist running, and the video on at the time was him making a pizza with playdough. Even though he was just talking and being goofy, hearing something familiar was enough to calm me down so I could go back to sleep. I woke up again early that morning to him screaming, “Ding, ding, ding! Top of morning!” at the beginning of a Minecraft video, and I laughed to myself and said, “He even makes sure I don’t oversleep.

I felt like I had known him for years, even though we never met in person. I believed I knew a lot about him, and that if we met in person we could become friends. I was attached to this internet personality that had become a part of my everyday life and always made it a little brighter. That was why this new content made me feel uncomfortable.

I was beginning to get drowsy at around 2 o’clock in the morning. The day’s video was ending, and I was about to wind down for the night and sleep late into the next morning. I started to close the browser when I got another notification on my subscription page. Jack had just uploaded another video. It was weird. I wondered if something bad happened. The thumbnail was just him looking blankly at the camera with no text or effects, and the title was, “What’s a King without His Crown?”

I suddenly found new energy and wasn’t tired anymore. The skin on the back of my neck prickled, and my palms started sweating. Something was wrong. I don’t know how I knew that, I just did. It seemed like an ordinary video, but the timing was strange. The timestamp was a minute and 25 seconds. I told myself that it might have been an automatic upload that got the time wrong, but I still hesitated to play the video.

I clicked on it.

The video loaded.

Jack was sitting at his desk, staring at the camera, and he said nothing for ten seconds. There was a glitch, and he grinned.

“Hello,” he said. “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? Since you’ve seen me. I’ve been very busy, and I guess you all have been, too. Busy watching. That’s all you do, isn’t it? Watch. You knew I was coming. You all did. But none of you did anything. You could have helped him. You could have stopped me, but all you did was watch to see what happened next. Some of you even rooted for my return. Isn’t that funny? Well, I’m back, and this time things are going to be different.”

He had said those things before. I thought, this is it. This is what everyone was waiting for.

Jack giggled wickedly, and I leaned forward. “You don’t get to watch, this time. We’re going to switch roles, now. This time, you play the games, and I watch. And I hope to get a brand new puppet when it’s all over. It’s going to be so much fun.”

I wondered if this meant he was doing a choose-your-own-adventure style of video series this time, like Markiplier did. I held my breath.

There was a flash, and Jack reappeared, this time with the green, glitchy filter and a cut across his throat. Anti. I felt my shoulders tense. He laughed and reached toward the camera, just like in his first video.

His hand reached closer to the camera, then out of my screen. I yelped and shoved my laptop away from me and watched in horror as Anti crawled out of my laptop and onto my bed like a scene from The Ring. His eyes gleamed with madness. I scrambled, kicking my blankets off, reaching for something on my bedside table to use as a weapon. I grabbed a book and threw it at him, and he batted it out of the air and laughed. I jumped out of bed and made for the door, but Anti grabbed hold of my shirt collar and yanked. I fell backward and he drug me across the bed, toward the laptop. He disappeared into the screen. My face pressed against it, I tried to push away, then the screen gave way and I fell inside.

It was dark, and I could hear Anti’s voice surrounding me as he laughed and sang a strange song. I was falling. I couldn’t stop falling.

#jacksepticeye #fanfic #egos #jacksepticegos #antisepticeye #jse anti #fanfiction

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yogpetshame · 5 years

Note

Regarding your notes about parasocial etc: I've been watching the yogs and others for over a decade now. How would one would wean oneself from this affliction? How can I stop obsessively watching the channels daily?

Let’s play a little armchair psycholo.. psychiatrist? I don’t know the difference which is why I don’t get paid to do this.

First: your problems are probably not that severe. I want to start this from a realistic perspective. YouTube is, to some, the new TV, and watching videos every day is not by nature unhealthy.

Some signs that your YouTube habit is unhealthy:

When you fall behind on YouTube videos, you’re not just disappointed - you’re mad. Irritable. Anxious. You even feel guilty.

Watching videos has reduced your interest in other hobbies. Video games don’t count as a hobby here, I mean you’ve passed on going out, seeing people, cleaning, cooking, because you were on a binge.

You rely on the videos to ease your anxiety or guilt. If you have a bad day, you feel you must watch. It’s your painkiller.

If someone comes between you and the Yogs - if Ted tells you he doesn’t like the videos, or that Rooster Teeth is better, or that you should stop watching because he doesn’t agree with the Yogscast’s morals - and it’s enough to endanger your entire relationship with that person.

If you recognize yourself in these, yeah, you should definitely knock it off.

If you just want to stop even though you’re not exactly addicted, that’s still great, you run your life. It’s just important to put it out there that some people may have problem and there is an objective way to tell.

Anyway, on to your actual question: weaning yourself.

I’ve (this shouldn’t be a surprise) dipped in and out of this issue myself with a lot of different channels over time. I’ve never been too far gone but I’ve occasionally looked at my interest in a channel and thought “this gives me no joy, and yet I come back every day for more. Why?”

I don’t exactly have a set of steps for how I’ve broken off from a channel, but here’s some things in a random order that’ve helped before:

Break the habit… for three days.

The goal here, fundamentally, is to stop watching the Yogscast for a period of time. In your case, forever, but let’s start with a chunk of time. I’m not saying that step one is “if you want to stop watching the Yogscast, stop watching them,” but if you have something to hand already that would fill the hole for a few days, try that first. Pick up Outer Worlds. Begin your detox the day you leave on a vacation. Initiate a break in the habit and then continue to reinforce the broken habit as you go along.

Get Hooked on Something Else

This one’s… kind of stupid. And obvious. But if you start watching some other YouTuber whose content is really fresh and engaging, and they have a big backlog, it’s easier than may you think to just start watching them instead and let your older subscriptions gather dust.

It helps if the category of video is also wildly different to what you’re used to watching. If you’re watching the Yogscast, and you just move to watching Rooster Teeth play the same games the Yogscast plays, you’re just going to compare them to the Yogscast and want to go back. The joy of discovering a totally new person and a totally different hobby will disengage you from their whole orbit.

I did this once with the late StobetheHobo. He was a train-hopper who filmed himself traveling illegally on freight trains. Watching a strange man who uses terms you don’t understand doing something you know nothing about is really, really, really refreshing. What’s a “bull”? Why are we in Montana? Where are these piano covers coming from? Not comparable at all to the Yogscast, and will hook you with the mystery.

Kitboga is another good option. Especially because, like Stobe, you likely know nothing about what he does. You will never have seen the Yogscast make a video where they connect a virtual machine with a tech support scammer and analyze the things they do to brick the fake computer. Plus his sense of humor is pretty similar to theirs, and he’s very deliberate about putting on a good show.

There’s also just Netflix. Or real TV. If you get caught up on something you’ve been passing up for the Yogscast during the times you normally watch them, you can avoid them for a while.

Build up a backlog

If you can muster a couple days deliberately not watching the Yogscast, and a couple more days distracting yourself with something, you’re going to build up a major backlog in no time at all. If you subscribe to just two different Yogscast members, you could have as much as five hours of backlog after passing them up for just a week. If you try to catch up over the next few days, you’ll be pushing the ball uphill as more content keeps coming out.

This has a cascading impact. Suddenly memes on the Reddit don’t make sense. Why read the posts there if you don’t know what people are talking about?

Why spend time looking at Yogscast stuff if you’re so behind? You need to catch up or else you won’t get it.

When are you going to make time to catch up? You’re still four hours behind. Oh, you were really busy today huh? Now you’re back to being five hours behind. Oh no, now it’s seven. Twelve hours. Twenty hours.

Finally, you break. Fuck those videos. Let’s skip ahead. What came out today?

Oh. Now the videos themselves aren’t funny because you’re so far behind on the references.

Congratulations. You’ve made it harder to get back in than it is to get out.

#Anonymous #parasocial relationships

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talkthattae · 6 years

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Rainy Days with BTS

Request(s)- “Do you mind doing what rainy days with BTS members would be like? Thank you🤗 “

“hi there! hopefully no one else suggested this but can you do a bts reaction of spending a rainy day together please! BTW I really love your fics!!”

masterlist

Seokjin

“Ugh” you complained as you stood up from the couch after you had paused the netflix show you and Jin were binging.

The sound of pitter patters could be heard against the windows. It was cold and rainy outside and the only thing you and Jin could think to do was to naturally, watch netflix.

“Wait! Y/N! You can’t just pause it at that part! I need to know what happens! Hello!” Jin protested.

“Can you wait like two seconds? I need more popcorn!” you replied back.

Jin sank into the couch and pouted like a three year old. You laughed to yourself as you watched your boyfriend’s behavior unfold.Once you had popped your popcorn and crawled your way back to the couch, Jin immediately pulled you back into his lap, also taking the popcorn out of your grasp.

“Come on! Press play!” he yelled as he started to stuff his face with the freshly popped popcorn.

After you got comfortable and situated in Jin’s cuddles, you pressed play. All that could be heard was the sound from your show, and the relaxing sound of rain.

Yoongi

You woke up to the sound of rain and thunder outside. You groaned to yourself. You had plans today. Plans that kinda depended on the weather being nice.

“What’s wrong?” Yoongi asked in a deep voice as he stirred awake and rubbed his eyes.

“It’s raining” you replied as you snuggled back into Yoongi’s chest.

Yoongi wrapped his arms around you. He rubbed his hand up and down your arm giving you goosebumps.

“I was supposed to go to the studio today but if you have to cancel your plans, I’ll stay home with you.” he suggested.

“I’m gonna cancel but you should still do to the studio. I don’t wanna stop you from working” you said.

“No, I wanna stay home with you more than I want to work. And plus, I still have equipment I can use to record here.” Yoongi replied back to you.

Suddenly Yoongi’s eyes went big and a smile spread across his face. He jumped out of bed before you could even ask what he was doing. He came back into the bedroom with his laptop and a mic.

“Will you sing for me?” Yoongi asked.

“Right now?” you asked, “Won’t you be able to hear the rain in the recording?”

“Yeah but, it might sound cool.” he replied back as he was setting up his little at home studio.

You two spent the rest of the day recording and singing together with the sound of the rain behind you.

Hoseok

“Please just this once?” Hobi pleaded.

You gave him a glare as you thought about giving into his begging. Did you really want to ruin the comfort you had found on the couch under a bunch of blankets with your boyfriend? No, but the puppy dog eyes he was giving you and that adorable pout that disrupted the smile on his face was more than enough to make you give in.

“Fine Hobi.” you said as you stood up from the couch and started walking to your front door.

“But once we come back in you have to make me hot chocolate” you negotiated.

Hobi jumped up from the couch and ran to the front door. He got to the door before you did.

“Anything for the love of my life” he said with a cheeky smile as he opened the door for you

You rolled your eyes as you walked out the door. Cold drops of rain meeting your once warm skin. Your clothes and hair were immediately sopping wet. Hobi walked up beside you and grabbed your hand, pulling you into the grass. He snaked his arms around your waist and your hands naturally wrapped around his neck. He started to lead a slow dance. You were mad that he made you come outside when the weather was so dreadful but somehow a smile formed upon your face as you saw how happy Hoseok was to be dancing with you in the rain. Hobi smiled back and pulled your body closer to his, and gave you a sweet, warming kiss.

Namjoon

“Wanna hear what I’ve been working on?” Namjoon asked you.

“Of course babe!” you replied back.

You and Namjoon had spent the day basically doing nothing but just enjoying eachothers company. Namjoon had been reading some books and writing songs lyrics. You had been scrolling through your phone and occasionally reading some of the lyrics Namjoon had written. He jumped up from the couch to go grab his phone. When he came back he started to play a song titled “forever rain”. You listened to the song closely and tears started to form in your eyes.

“Joonie, thi-this is amazing.” you said as the song came to a finish.

The mixture of the rain outside and the emotion he had put into this song was enough to just make you feel some type of way.

“I’m so proud of you.” you said was you caressed his face.

He wiped your tears away and gave you a kiss on the cheek.

“I haven’t let anyone listen to it but you.” he confessed.

“I can’t wait to hear the rest of it” you said as you smiled at him.

Jimin

“Let’s go for a walk” Jimin said randomly.

“Why would you want to do that when it’s raining cats and dogs outside?” you asked.

“We have umbrellas you know.”

“You’re insane Park Jimin” you said as you stood up, “but so am i, let’s go”

Jimin grabbed your hand and an umbrella and was out the door. You two found yourself in a city park. The umbrella barely did it’s job of protecting you two from the rain as you both were soaked. Jimin looked at you sympathetically. He started to look around from some shelter. The rain seemed to be pouring harder and harder every second. Finally he spotted a coffee shop. He pulled you in the direction of the coffee shop and you both started running. Once you were inside the warmth and smell of coffee grounds surrounded your body. You both sat down in the same booth. Jimin pulled your body close to his in hopes it would help warm you up but he was just as cold as you were. A worker came up to your table and took your orders. Once your drinks arrived and you felt the warmth fall down your throat, you were a little relieved.

“Park Jimin, if i get a cold because of you, you better take care of me” you said jokingly.

Jimin smiled and kissed the tip of your nose before he placed a kiss on your lips.

“Thanks for going on a walk with me even if you were miserable.” he said.

You couldn’t help but smile at how adorable he was.

Taehyung

You and Taehyung had been waiting so long for a rainy day. You both planned to drop everything the second it started to rain and go take pictures. You were both obsessed with how the water reflected things and thought it would be so fun to see what photos you could take. You walked hand and hand down a busy street trying to find something to take pictures of. It was dark out so all the lights were on. The water in the street reflected all different colors. You couldn’t wait to see how the pictures would turn out. Taehyung took hundreds of pictures of you dancing in the streets when no cars were coming. After you both had taken enough pictures, you both ended up just playing in the rain. You were running away from Tae as he chased you through a park. He eventually caught you and tackled you to the ground.

“Tae, mud” you said in a sad voice.

He just laughed at your cute tone of voice and pressed his lips to yours. While he kissed you, you grabbed a handful of mud and threw it onto his back. He flew up from pinning you to the ground.

“Hey! Not funny!” he yelled as you quickly got up off the ground and ran away from him again.

He laughed to himself before he stood up and ran towards you again.

Jungkook

“Baaabbe” jungkook cried.

“What?” you asked as you were scrolling through your phone.

“I’m bored” he said with a pout.

When you didn’t give him a reply he moved his body behind yours in the bed and snaked his hand around you and moved his warm hands under your shirt and rested them on your stomach. He nestled his head into the crook of your neck so he could see what you were doing on your phone.

“Can we watch youtube?” he asked.

You turned your head so you were face to face with him.

“You are worse than a child sometimes i swear” you said as you raised your head to meet your lips with his.

He smiled shyly. You rested your body back into its previous position against Jungkooks body. You clicked your youtube app and scrolled through your subscriptions until you found one that you knew both yourself and Jungkook would enjoy.

“I love you” Jungkook said softly into your ear.

“I love you more Kookie” you replied as you both started to focus on the youtube video playing on your phone.

#bts reaction #bts reactions #bts scenario #bts x reader #bts fluff

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singingwordwright · 6 years

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Trying to break the cancellation issue down: Week 2

Okay, so tonight I posted an entirely-too-long tweet thread on this issue, in which I recapped a lot of what I laid out in my post last week, as well some things I mentioned in response to an ask yesterday, and also new questions, information, and supposition. I thought I would try to lay it out here in a slightly more coherent issue.

First, however, I’m going to put it behind a cut. Because then if I have to edit any of this information, all the reblogs will link to the edited version instead of reblogging the incorrect/out-of-date version. Then I won’t have to make any future new posts on this subject.

Please keep in mind that this is all educated guessing. None of us know what’s really going on.

To recap what I laid out last week:

@freeform doesn’t own Shadowhunters. Freeform merely “leases” the domestic distribution rights from Constantin Film, who holds the adaptation rights.

(ETA 6/16/18) Freeform, however, has exclusive rights to this show indefinitely and it goes no where unless Freeform chooses to give them up. (this is a correction as I was mistaken before in believing the distribution rights would revert to Constantin after Freeform turned down Season 4)

@netflix doesn’t own Shadowhunters either. Netflix “leases” the international distribution rights from Freeform.

The money Netflix and Freeform pay Constantin for those rights funds production of the show.

Itunes, Amazon Video and Hulu all have domestic streaming of the show as well as Freeform.

Hulu likely acquires its streaming arrangement from Freeform, as the show carries the Freeform logo on Hulu. This makes sense; Disney owns part Hulu and all of Freeform.

I don’t know if Amazon and Itunes carry SH internationally, and I don’t know if they have their domestic streaming agreement from Freeform or from Constantin. I DO know they have a different streaming format than Freeform; you buy the episodes individually or the season entirely, rather than paying for a subscription service (I don’t think the show is on Amazon Prime as part of their subscription package, but I could be wrong.)

Something to keep in mind going forward:

Freeform is a business, and it’s going to be more helpful to us to regard this stance on the issue in terms of cost/benefit analysis, rather than assuming pettiness or malice or vindictiveness. I know having a villain in this scenario fires us up and keeps us raring for the fight, and we need that energy, but ultimately it’s not helpful in drilling down to the core issues and finding solutions.

Stupidity and tone-deafness are definitely sins we could probably fairly lay at their door, however. They have clearly underestimate both the passion of their audience and the importance of this show on a societal level, and those are tragic, foolish mistakes.

Shadowhunters and Freeform: A History:

As anyone who has ever looked at leasing versus buying a car or apartment will tell you, there are certain benefits to both arrangements, but usually in the long run it costs less to own something rather than to lease it. Which means that Freeform isn’t making as much money off SH as it is off the shows that are actually Freeform originals.

Why did Freeform acquire the distribution rights, then?

Well, ABC Family was intending to rebrand as Freeform and go after the millennial crowd, and it needed some new, edgier, more adult, more diverse, less family-oriented shows than The Fosters or whatever.

They also wanted to break into the streaming market instead of going with a live-airing-only model.

A show like Shadowhunters, based off a series of books their target audience enjoyed growing up, was obviously a good bet. Especially since that audience is largely comprised of binge-watching cord-cutters.

The goal, then, was to use Shadowhunters to draw the new audience in and to have it “shepherd” less established, Freeform-original franchises by hoping the SH viewers would stick around to watch whatever was in the 9pm time slot. And that worked well for them.

But once Freeform had a number of other, original shows doing somewhat well, the “benefit” side of the cost/benefit ratio began to decrease. It’s an expensive show to produce that isn’t performing well in live ratings and whatever money they’re making off it, they have to give a hefty portion of that to Constantin Film.

The cost (at least in terms of lost potential revenue) was further compounded by the fact that Shadowhunters was occupying a very coveted time-slot, 8PM, for 20 weeks of the year. That is a massive piece of prime-time real estate to give to a show that is no longer really needed to perform the functions they once required from it.

Malec_Immortal over on Twitter posted a pretty astute (if somewhat vitriolic) series of tweets about how you can identify the timeframe when Freeform made the decision to stop investing so heavily in Shadowhunters. YouTuber Trini did a side-by-side comparison of the effort the Freeform Twitter put into promoting s2 and the effort they put into promoting s3 and it couldn’t really be more blatant.) Now, maybe they might have continued with the show had season 3 performed better in the live ratings, but it’s obvious they were all about reducing their cost while trying to glean what dwindling benefit they could from it.

I think it’s clear that Freeform was still promoting the show up through August, at least, because the cast’s appearance at SDCC was an obvious investment that doesn’t appear to have been used to promote any other Freeform properties (though perhaps a few Disney ones) but by NYCC in October, it’s obvious that they had slotted SH into the role of mentor/veteran show whose primary purpose was to pull in viewers for Freeform’s other, wholly owned properties.

Perhaps if SH had performed well enough in live-airing views to justify a continued investment, Freeform wouldn’t have wanted to reduce their episode order for season 4, but that didn’t happen. At that point, the cost of continuing with a full 20-episode season outweighed the benefit. They tried to negotiate for a reduced season order, Netflix wasn’t happy with that, and now here we are.

Where does that leave us?

Freeform got the drop on everyone in terms of setting the narrative for this whole thing. They blamed it on Netflix for yanking out of their distribution deal and leaving Freeform holding the bag. In truth, however, it appears the only reason Netflix pulled out is because Freeform violated an agreement by demanding a shorter season for s4.

Which makes sense. Of course Netflix would want more and Freeform would want less; this show has always performed better on streaming and internationally than it has on live television.

I think it’s clear that somewhere along the way, Freeform (while not abandoning its streaming emphasis) has reverted to considering live-viewing ratings in its considerations. An obvious example is Beyond. Beyond performed well enough in its first season (shepherded, as it were, by Shadowhunters) to get a second season, but a large part of its success was the fact that it was dropped all at once for streaming-on-demand. For whatever reason, Freeform decided that wasn’t profitable and went to a different model for season 2, and Beyond performed abysmally and got the axe.

Unfortunately for us, they’ve been applying the Beyond-season2 model all along, which means Shadowhunters hasn’t been performing as well either by their calculations (though a great deal of that is down to reduced marketing and just using the show as a vehicle to promote other, Freeform-original properties.

For all that they claimed it wasn’t about the ratings and was “purely economical” you can’t divorce the economics of a show from the ratings if you’re using a live-air-viewing model. They needed that coveted 8pm timeslot for something that would be more profitable. They could have moved SH to a less valuable time slot, but then it wouldn’t make them enough money to earn back what they were spending on the distribution license (which funds production.)

Yeah yeah yeah, but what does this mean for the show getting picked up?

To put it frankly, our biggest obstacle here on multiple fronts is season 3b. Specifically, it’s the fact that Freeform has pushed 3b back to Spring of 2019. That is screwing our efforts over, big time.

These are episodes that are already in the can. The final cut of 3x20 has been produced, according to Todd Slavkin. And these are episodes that Freeform owns and still hasn’t aired.

No one is going to want to acquire this show until 3b has aired. (Assuming Freeform is willing to let anyone acquire it.) Which means no one is going to want to acquire it until Summer of 2019. And we probably wouldn’t get season 4 until spring of 2020 at the earliest.

I can’t think of a single other show that has been canceled with half the season still month away from being aired like this. And if it has happened, it probably wasn’t picked up by anyone else (if at all) until after the season was done.

Look at it this way. It’s obvious from their CEO’s tweets that Constantin would love to see the distribution rights pass to someone else (probably Netflix.) Netflix may even be willing to pick them up (if Freeform is willing to sell,) considering that who Constantin’s CEO tagged in his tweets.

But what happens to those 10 episodes that are in the can? Whoever picks the show up has to wait until Freeform is done airing those eps before they can begin marketing, and probably even filming.

Maybe someone would be willing to pay Freeform for those eps, but that’s highly unlikely. What new network wants to start a show mid-season like that? And would they even be willing to pay enough for Freeform to recoup their losses on production AND potential losses on advertising? A new network will want the story to be in a place where new viewers who have never seen it before will be able to tune in and quickly pick up on what is going on, and considering the cliffhanger S3a left off on, that’s...not something anyone EXCEPT Netflix (or maybe Hulu or Amazon, who already have the previous episodes in their libraries) would want to pick up. That pretty much rules out...every other network.

Furthermore, again, the show has always done best streaming. Odds are good that ONLY a streaming service is going to want the show.

Some questions we need to ask:

Will whoever acquires the show be paying Freeform to “adopt” their distribution license, or will Freeform’s distribution license lapse and a new license need to be negotiated with Constantin? (ETA 6/16/18: we appear to have an answer on that.)

Also, CAN Freeform even get out of the plan to film/air the 2-hour finale at this point? The contract has probably already been negotiated. Unless they somehow have an option to back out of it, they’re committed.

So, it may be that they HAVE to make that episode. Which probably won’t begin filming until season 4 would have begun filming, probably around August. Which probably means the earliest they could air the season/episode is in January and we would HAVE to wait until spring/summer of 2019 before anyone else can pick up this show. IF they’re willing to pick up this show. If potential buyers see interest has waned because of the long wait and general frustration and disgust, they’re not going to want the show.

Will potential buyers even be interested if the show has run out of book-based material? The 2-hour finale is supposed to wrap up the final book of the series, and while our main concern is that 2 hours won’t be enough to do all that material justice (especially with any non-book-based plotlines also needing to be resolved.) Any future seasons would, in essence, be a spin-off using the same characters. Can Constantin even do that with the adaptation rights?

So what do we do?

I’m not saying we should stop fighting, not at all, but I’m saying we need to conserve our energy because this is going to be a very long haul. It’s a situation that is messy and complicated beyond any other show that I’ve ever heard of being cancelled and picked up by another network. We very likely won’t see any fruit from our labors until after 3b and the finale air, whenever that may happen. I think with the negative publicity we’re generating, Freeform may find it useful to get us out of their hair sooner rather than later, but the time required to produce the finale ep is an issue there.

We really need more answers to know how to most effectively apply pressure to get the show renewed. Our best bet for getting those answers is the same place we’ve gotten the information we have so far; interviews and articles. Some media outlets are already latching onto this story (and largely supporting us, or reporting that we’re not going away) but we need to keep making this A STORY in order to get them to report on it (and hopefully use their access to get more answers than we have.)

HOWEVER I could be wrong about any or all of this. OUR BEST BET IS TO CONTINUE BEING LOUD. DO NOT STOP TRYING TO GET THE SHOW PICKED UP.

#shadowhunters #SaveShadowhunters

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jeremy-ken-anderson · 3 years

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Unsubscribe

Sometimes I struggle with unsubscribing from a channel on Youtube.

The faulty logic is something like this: I think their content is good, therefore I should be subscribed to it.

The reality is I should only subscribe to a channel if I think it’ll be useful to have their content appearing in my subscriptions feed. That is a VERY different thing.

Recently I’m going through and culling a lot of shows. Looking at a few, and the logic:

Sarah Z: I like Sarah as a person and as a content creator. I think her takes are accurate and her videos are well-researched, well-produced, and insightful. Unfortunately most of her stuff of late is about some form of fan drama. And while it’s cool to look at cultural impact of things, and I think she’s fairly respectful of these communities, it’s more just...I don’t need that drama in my life.

Mother’s Basement: This is one of the hardest to drop. These are beautifully edited and deeply knowledgeable videos about anime, which is of course one of my favorite topics. It’s just that 9 times out of 10 the videos are extraordinarily well-made shitposts, and he produces at a sufficient pace that another 10-minute funny shitpost every couple days will really start to add up to a lot of lost time.

If I weren’t culling entertainment shows because I want to stop treating Youtube as an entertainment site in general, I probably wouldn’t be getting rid of MB.

Noah Caldwell-Gervais: Slightly easier to drop but still kind of rough. Noah’s games journalism is top-tier and he writes about things he really cares about and has obviously thought through for a long time. What it comes down to is a (time : game dev insights) ratio. He’s got good insights, but his videos are upwards of 3 hours long and that’s just too big a commitment.

Penny Arcade TV: I put this on my subscriptions because I thought I was going to binge C Team and catch up to now and continue watching it live. That didn’t happen, C Team has now ended as a show, and also PATV has a bunch of other videos they put out that hold no interest for me and thus are just subscription-page clutter. Easy drop.

Patrick (H) Willems: They’re neat video essays about movies. If you want cool movie insights or care about weird stuff behind the scenes of films you might have seen? It’s pretty good. Right now that’s not what feeds me. (Also, a personal taste thing; I’m not a fan of sketches in the midst of film reviews, and that’s a stylistic thing he’s been leaning into more and more)

Lord Ravenscraft: Again, a review channel.

This is a general theme of this culling. I think part of the issue that led to this culling is just that I noticed that I spent more hours a week consuming thoughtful opinions about media than I did consuming media. And I feel like maybe experiencing more art for myself would be better for me than listening to experts tell me what to think of a thing I’ve never seen.

MFPallytime: This hurts not because the channel is good content - which it is - but because the dude is so cool. I like Walter aka Pally, and the parasocial feeling of Youtube makes it so this feels like if I were taking an acquaintance out of my friends list in FB. That weird sense of “Is he going to hate me now?” No, he won’t, he doesn’t know who I am. But it feels that way. It feels like cutting off a friend. But his channel is all him playing video games and - again with the “primary sources” thing, if I’ve got that kind of time I should either play video games or, if I don’t have energy for that, watch shows or read a book. Or take a nap, or a walk!

Markiplier: And another one.

Game Grumps: And another one.

For the sake of positivity, let me mention some of the things that I’m keeping and why!

WeskAlber: This is one of the best sets of guides to FFXIV that exists. As new patches come out that change how the numbers work he updates them. I play FFXIV. Also he doesn’t update super often, so he’s not clogging my feed.

Gaijin Hunter, SDShepard: Similarly, really useful guides if you play Monster Hunter games. I do. Gaijin Hunter has a few more opinion pieces that I don’t care about but they aren’t quite frequent enough to warrant unsubscribing.

Jess Jackdaw: Process porn of an excellent artist creating original works on the fly - “What if we crossed a silver dragon from D&D with the pokemon Absol?” or “What if we drew a displacer beast in the art style of Katamari Damacy?” Like, my complaint with a lot of the “watching someone playing a video game” stuff is that there’s some better way of injecting this media into my life. Not so, here. Jess’ channel is an absolutely original experience and leaves me feeling inspired for my own D&D games and my game development work.

Sharp Accent, Blackthornprod, Infallible Code, quill18creates, Coding with Unity, Jason Weimann: These are all purely for educational purposes, and by and large they’re pretty decent at it.

GMTK, Errant Signal, Extra Credits, Design Doc: These are a little more edutainment and theoretical, but I find enough insights into good game design (and they’re short enough relative to the number of insights gleaned) that they get to stick around.

Matthew Colville, Dungeon Craft, Zee Bashew: Useful insights for anyone who wants to run a D&D game. Sometimes rules, sometimes variants, sometimes opinions on why a rule should be houseruled away. I don’t always agree but the talks do get me thinking and I think they help make me a better dungeon master. Also when Zee does sketch comedy in the middle of his education/opinion bits it’s an original animated short, so that always gets a pass.

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greyjoy-archer-blog · 7 years

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One Comment

Robb Stark decided to leave a comment on a review video. Theon Greyjoy’s video.

Pairing(s): Throbb, Thramsay

Trigger warning: Physical abuse, Ramsay Bolton being himself.

Words: 2059

Robb wasn’t exactly used to using technology. He was always one of those people who used his phone all the time but never really logged into anything apart from his emails. He just sort of found it a weird concept.

So when Sansa came in and saw his intently watching something she was intrigued. “What are you watching?” Sansa asked as she saw her brother clearly focused in on a video with his head phones in.

His sister’s sudden appearance made him nearly drop the phone and it took him a couple of attempts not to let it come crashing down to the floor. Once it was safely in his grasp he turned to her about to yell about how she shouldn’t sneak up on him like that.

“You gave me a heart attack Sansa.” He said with a slight breathlessness.

“I’m sorry brother I couldn’t help myself.” She said playfully while ruffling his hair as a sign of a peace offering. Robb rolled his eyes but accepted.

“So what is it really?” She pondered. If she knew her brother it would be a scene from an action movie or something strategic related as those were a couple of Robb’s main passions.

Robb took a moment to answer her because in all honestly he was slightly embarrassed of what she would think of him afterwards. In a small voice but still loud enough for hear he said “Oh it’s a film review by this one dude. He reviews them but he makes it funny.”

“Let me see.” Before Robb could protest she snatched the phone from his hand and looked at who the internet star was. She would have suspected someone popular with a big name and at least one million subscribers.

She didn’t expect to see the title of the channel as SquidReviews with a grand total of one subscriber, and that subscriber had a Bloodied X as his icon so she rolled her eyes at the legitimacy of this but when the video started to play and she heard the guy’s voice she knew exactly what was going on.

Sansa laughed and gave the phone back to him. Robb was confused and before he could say what was going on she said exactly the precise reason why Robb was binge watching these highly low budget videos with the odd lighting.

“You just watch it because he’s cute.” Robb was a book and Sansa could read into him like a book. If he had been drinking he would have spewed it all over the table. How she had been able to pin point the exact reason always astounded him but he supposed all the Stark/Tully women had that trait.

“Errr… I do not. Watch his full review. I like his comedy style.” Robb tried to justify but Sansa gave him the eye roll, the same one that Catelyn would give him when she knew what was going through his mind.

“I don’t see how you can make a review of John Wick 2 funny.” She said in all honesty. Then again she wasn’t one for review videos, she was defiantly more of a beauty vlogger watcher. There was one channel she simply adored which went by the name of High Garden beauty tips. She adored both Margaery and her brother.

“Well he does and it’s good. He liked it better than the first one for some reason.” He said in an attempt to convince her. She did not look the way he hoped. There was no way to hide his crush on him, it was too obvious and if young naïve Sansa noticed it then surly everyone else would. He couldn’t help it if he talked about the things he loved.

“You are hopeless Robb. Have you even liked it yet? Left a comment.” She was quite an observant girl and had noted despite how he was logged into his youtube account he had no subscriptions to anything and had nothing in his liked videos. Sans around it appalling how she had let this to happen to her brothers account.

“Errrrrrmmmmm….” Robb failed to function for a moment. He was normally a really confident guy but unfortunately when it came to romance he wasn’t exactly the best at it. He always went with his heart and he rarely used his head. This of course meant his heart was in the right place but it meant a lot of trouble for others.

The orange haired girl grabbed him by the shoulders suddenly and shook him. “Come on do it!” She was going to get him into social media and this was going to be the way to do it.

“I can’t do it.” Robb told her as he tried to pry her hands off him.

“Come on he’ll appreciate it. He only seems to have dislikes.” Her eyes glanced to the dislike bar and there seemed to be sever dislikes. Honestly she saw the first couple of minutes and he was pretty decent, more decent than most starting youtubers and she could see him potentially growing. Potentially.

Robb’s finger hovered over the like button for a second. He was nervous about doing such a simple thing. He wasn’t really one for liking things and the whole concept was weird for him. The uneasy feeling in his get left when he thought what the worst case scenario would be. He thought it through and there was no real downside to writing a comment.

He planned it out in his head as he often chose his words carefully. He never wanted to say anything wrong in case he made the wrong impression on people.

He pushed down on the small thumbs up and made the bar turn from completely grey to about one eighth blue while the other seven eighths remained grey. He had honestly expected more to happen and was slightly disappointed that nothing had really happened.

He gave a small smile to himself not expecting that about a day’s drive away he made someone else smile even more.

It was about seven thirty in the morning when Theon woke up. He wasn’t really a morning person and he didn’t really have anything to look forward to. Every morning he would wake up and hope that there would be a new notification or email about how someone had made a comment or had shared his video. Of course no such morning ever came. Except for today.

He moved away from the arm that was around his ever thinning waist and motioned towards his phone with the squid phone case. When he unlocked the screen he shut his eyes to avoid being blinded by the brightness gleaming from it. When his weary, tired looking eyes adjusted to the screen he saw one notification. A notification about his channel.

“What the hell is this?” He said under his breath as to not wake up his bigger significant other. If he was being honest with himself he assumed that he had breached some kind of bullshit copyright law and the company was sending him his second warning.

Lazily, his eyes scrolled through the jumble of words and picked out the key parts. Due to it being very early in the morning his mind was definitely not thinking straight. It wasn’t until his brain was able to pick up on the word ‘comment’ and ‘left on video’ that he began to wake up fully and see what was going on.

His eyes scrolled over the review on his video and then the small amount of blue that appeared on the like bar. He muffled the small gasp that escaped his mouth as to not wake the sleeping giant beside him.

He couldn’t believe the nice words someone had actually written about him and his content. He felt a small burning sensation in his stomach. Not the normal one that Ramsay gave him but a nice warm one. This was his first ever comment and he honestly didn’t know what to do with it.

Smirking was something that he only did in front of the camera but now in this moment he was doing it like an idiot. It almost hurt to do it. He place the phone back down onto the dresser and rolled back onto his side with happiness. What he had not expected was for Ramsay to be looking right into his eyes with that dangerous look he got.

Whatever happy feeling he had in his body had left him as soon as Ramsay began smiling. “What are you smiling about?”

“Oh I got a like on one of my review videos.” It was always better to tell Ramsay the truth rather than lying to his face. His was a lot like his bitches in the fact that he too could smell fear and it was delicious to him. Theon feared lying so a half truth was good enough.

“Don’t lie to me Theon. Why would anyone like your content?” Ramsay said while his hands worked their way up to Theon’s neck. They didn’t do anything but just rested below the place where he could find his pulse and Theon knew all too well that this was what Ramsay did when he was annoyed with him so the Greyjoy knew how to deescalate the situation.

Theon was tempted to tell him about the review but he was terrified that Ramsay would block the kind and brave soul who left it. He made sure that he looked Ramsay in the eyes so that his focus was taken of the phone.

“You’re right. They probably missed the like bar.” He said of the top of his head. He knew that from experience and him telling Ramsay he often mis-clicked and disliked videos instead of liking them so he knew Ramsay was likely to believe it the most. By the toothy smile and sudden scent of the Bolton’s morning breath he knew that he had said the right words.

“See! My teachings are rubbing off on you. Good pet.” A thick hand collided lightly with Theon’s cheek. Theon hated being degraded like this but it was in private and he assumed it was just Ramsay’s way of saying how much he cared for him.

“I know Ramsay.” He let his own chapped lips meet Ramsay almost perfect ones and gave Ramsay the sense of ownership he was looking for. He smiled but it wasn’t because of Ramsay, it was because of his mysterious commenter who had made his day.

“Now go get me some breakfast. Then we can go out with my friends later.” Ramsay said almost instantly putting the whole thing behind him and wanting to get on with the day.

“Do I have to go?”

Ramsay turned icy cold and before Theon could even get a moment to apologize Ramsay had him pinned underneath his weight and had decided to make good and push down on his throat and restrict him of precious air. “You are mine and you do your little web shows underneath my roof. You do what I say understand?”

Theon couldn’t speak back partially because he was terrified and partially because Ramsay still had his dirty hand around his neck and he could snap it like a twig at any given moment. It would be a lie if he said Ramsay had never acted this way before. Theon knew he meant well and that he loved him but with every bruise he gained he began to wonder if he really meant it. It didn’t matter what he thought now. If he left Ramsay would find him or rather his dogs would.

He knew at least someone out there appreciated him. Someone who actually shared a same passion for something that he liked.

It was like that one small sentence from “NorthWolfKing” to make his day and give him something Ramsay hadn’t. A motivation. A passion. A joy for something.

It was at this point that Theon knew he had to continue making his content. He wouldn’t let Ramsay’s verbal comments put him down or dishearten the virtual one he got. He took a screenshot of the comment he got as he still was paranoid that Ramsay would find it but also so he could look at it anytime he wanted.

All of this from one comment.

Thank you for reading and if you want to see more in the Youtuber series like and/or reblog. Thank you again.

#Game of thrones #GOT #Theon Greyjoy #Robb Stark #Ramsay Bolton #Throbb #Minor Thramsay #fluff and angst #Hope you enjoy this weird little fic #Youtuber au #Seriously leave comments on fics when reading cause it helps a lot of writers

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undefeatednils · 7 years

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Just 13 YouTubers I Love

Internet videos: certainly the dominant kind of content I currently consume, and it’s one which allows for very diverse voices on different issues. So I wanted to showcase some YouTube channels which I watch, all of which are relatively unknown (all of them are below 200k subs, and only six of which are above 100k subs). Now please note that I can’t watch everything, so keep that in mind please. Anyways, I’m gonna sort them based on the subscriber count in ascending order. Enjoy!

#1: Laura Kate (aka Laura K Buzz)

Laura Kate’s channel isn’t super popular, but this video game journalist isn’t a complete unknown. She’s host or co-host on several podcasts, including The jimquisition Podcast, and has written for both gaming and general outlets such as Destructoid, Kotaku UK, and The Guardian. Her channel consists mainly of gameplay, though my favorites are her opinion pieces and news coverage. Oh and she recently started a podcast with the two girls from Geek Remix (you’ll hear more about them later; spoilers) talking about videogame-inspired pornography, which is super unique, tasteful, and fun. Bonus point: she’s an very out and proud transwoman in a cismale dominated landscape, so her presence is doubly welcome. And to be honest this is really just a big shout-out to her work overall and not only her YouTube channel, so... Check out her stuff.

#2: Jackson Bird (jackisnotabird)

Jackson Bird is a YouTube icon, despite his criminally low subscription count. He’s been active on YouTube over six years, mostly as a vlogger and both in front and behind the camera at the Harry Potter Alliance, but he has two other claims to fame: first of all there is his Grade A “why isn’t this a trend?” show Will it Waffle, where he tests if certain food items (and occasionally non-toxic non-food items) work if put into a waffle iron, and secondly he is an LGBTQ rights and education advocate for as long as he’s been on YouTube... Which makes a lot of sense for a bisexual transguy who’s been very open about his gender identity and transition. Overall his content (outside of his vlogs on his side channel) are a bit sporadic but definitely worth a look.

#3: rantasmo Three words: Needs. More. Gay. Rantasmo has been creating his little show on LGBT culture for over seven years now and it’s delightful and educational. In his videos, where he for instance covers topics like Game of Thrones, beards, Undertale, and The Wizard of Oz, he examines how LGBT people are portrayed and treated, what queerbating is, and lots more stuff. None of his videos are super long, like rarely do his videos last longer than 9 minutes, but they are still very entertaining and educational, so I highly recommend binging on a few of his more recent episodes to get you started.

#4: No Small Parts Productions I love watching movies and I presume you do, too. And occasionally you just notice either certain actors who you swear you’ve seen before but don’t know their name, or they just stand out in general but you have never heard of them. No Small Parts is a YouTube video essay series which covers exactly that. Run by bit-part actor Brandon Hardesty, No Small Parts provides lovingly crafted retrospectives on the lives and works on character actors. Thus far Hardesty has covered people like Crispin Glover, André the Giant, Darlene Cates, Scatman Crothers, and several others. It’s super fascinating, and all episodes are over 20 minutes long. He also has started to expand the channel to talk more about underrated movies and other related stuff, so it’s gonna be interesting to see how this channel develops.

#5: rewboss

Andrew Bossom is a British man living in Germany... And as a German who is very much entrenched in the culture of the “traditional anglosphere”, that alone makes his videos appealing to me. Rewboss is a culture guy, and it shows. The German language, customs, travel destinations... He talks about it all and has been doing so for years. He originally even did half of his videos in German, but eventually dropped the habit because his German viewership didn’t really need it anymore. But anyways, Rewboss has been a YouTube educator for ages now, and he has even dabbled in helping other YouTubers, so a bunch of his older stuff might be of interest to you if you wanna get some basics in regarding the topic of online video. I’ve been a fan of his work for years and I think he deserves your attention, too.

#6: KyleKallgrenBHH (Brows Held High) My love for cinema is shining through again, this time with professional movie critic Kyle Kallgren, host of Brows Held High. Brows Held High looks primarily at arthaus movies, the avantgarde, the artistically noteworthy entries into the cinematic canon, though occasionally you also get William Shakespeare (basically every June), as well as yearly retrospectives and thematic analysis of both movies and occasionally other media like video games or theater. So if you are looking for very “high brow” stuff, Kyle is your man. Just be warned that some of the material he covers can be a bit NSFW visually and audibly, so keep that in mind once you tune into his work.

#7: Innuendo Studios

And we’re back at video games again, at least for the most part. Innuendo Studios, run by Ian Danskin, is definitely part of the more intellectual portion of this list but his videos are still very much approachable. Theories on authorship, genre death, the nature of coolness, and narrative are all explored here in a bunch of wonderful video essays ranging from short-ish to over an hour long, with that particular example being a series of videos about the psychology and history of Gamergate from a feminist point of view. The videos might be scarce but they are super smart and well-sourced. Dive in, you’ll definitely enjoy Ian’s work.

#8: Stop Skeletons From Fighting (formerly The Happy Video Game Nerd)

We all need positivity in our lives and SSFF is definitely the kind of positivity I think the video game crowd should try to emulate. SSFF is an examination of videos from a very critical but also loving point of view, looking at forgotten or maligned games and looking for what they can teach and what they did right and wrong; looking at certain aspects of video gaming history, including behind the scenes information... All that and more has been part of Derek Alexander’s work for several years now. If you wanna learn more about what makes good video games good and you do already watch Extra Credits, then do yourself a favor and check out Derek’s videos. I can also recommend his pre-SSFF stuff, back when he called himself the Happy Video Game Nerd, a character he created as a response to the negativity-focused reviewer culture during YouTube’s early days as exemplified by the Angry Video Game Nerd and the Nostalgia Critic, though of course those videos are relatively ancient. #9: Jenny Nicholson Confession time: about seven years or so ago I was quite into My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It was a good show back then and I was always a sucker for fun musical numbers, so it was a nice fit (plus I didn’t know how toxic the brony subculture was becoming so that didn’t hamper my enjoyment of it). But anyways, I actually stumbled across Nicholson for the first time during that time period because she was making an abridged series of MLP: FIM called Friendship is Witchcraft, which was and IMO still is hilarious. She voiced all of the female characters (except Celestia), and when Hasbro was putting an end to it via copyright strikes, I lost sight of Nicholson... But earlier this year I rediscovered her and her wonderful, wonderful snark. If you enjoy nitpicking apart blockbusters, especially Star Wars, then Jenny is your gal. She could give screenwriting classes, her stuff is that good and funny. She’s also recently been hired by ScreenJunkies to host the Star Wars-centered Millenial Falcon, which I also recommend if you love the old SW like myself. Also we have officially passed the 100k subscriber threshold, so we’re talking about the popular kids now! #10: hbomberguy British people are inherently funny- and smart-sounding, even though most aren’t (I’m sorry British people; feel free to make as many Germany-bashing jokes as you’d like). But hbomberguy definitely is both smart and funny. Whether he is talking about (British) politics, responding to YouTube “skeptics” or MRAs, or ranting about media for hours, he’s always a joy to watch and hear. Probably one of my favorite videos of his is his almost two hour long masterpiece “Sherlock is Garbage, And Here’s Why”, in which he finally managed to put into words why Sherlock’s fourth season was the worst and why Moffat is just a horrible, horrible showrunner including on Doctor Who, which is something that has hampered by enjoyment of Doctor Who and I was’t even fully aware of it and can finally express myself on this topic the way I’ve been wanting to for ages, and that should be enough of an endorsement from my end.

#11: Folding Ideas Dan, the Foldable Human, is an expert on editing, working behind the scenes in the movie industry, how YouTube works, and how culture shapes media. I honestly can’t even summarize this channel even further because I’ve hit the nail on the head and just want to you watch this Canadian guy and hear him talk about mostly movies. “The Art of Editing and Suicide Squad” is a very good starting point in his videography, close to 1 million views, and it is everything you need to know about this channel in a 35 minute long package. Just check out at least that video and if you like what you’ve seen, dig deeper. You most likely won’t regret it.

#12: Lindsay Ellis (The Nostalgia Chick) We have reached “the big ones”! Lindsay Ellis has been in online video for almost a decade now and she has mastered the art of the video essay. She’s been looking at media from a feminist perspective for ages now and her body of work speaks for herself. 90-ish episodes of The Nostalgia Chick, 23 episodes and counting for Loose Canon, where she examines how different characters have been portrayed throughout the years, thus far nine long-form video essays, and her recent series The Whole Plate, where she covers the basics of film studies by looking at Michael Bay’s Transformers. Check out her stuff, I implore you. You will spend hours watching her content and learn so, so much!

#13: Geek Remix (Mari and Stacy)

You love fun let’s plays hosted by several people but think that there should be more women doing so, too? Me, too! And that means you’ll probably enjoy Geek Remix, aka Mari and Stacy, who are two lovely ladies playing so many games! Night in the Woods, Dragon Age Inquisition, Resident Evil 7, Life is Strange, Contradiction: Spot the Liar, and so many more. Otherwise you can also expect theory videos, conversations about human sexuality, easter egg listings, and a lot of other fun stuff on their channel, which with about 147k subs is definitely the most popular channel on this list. Special shoutout to my friend @hella-flawless-amythyst who introduced me to them, so if you get sucked in by Mari and Stacy’s charm, you can “blame” her, too (if you actually blame her I will hunt you down though). So... That was my list. Lots of stuff on there, sadly nothing music-related if you were looking for that (but if you speak/understand German, I highly recommend Bina Bianca, who is just adorable and is an honorable mention), but I hope that you’ve found a channel or two that might interest you. This took ages to write, by the way xD

#long post #YouTube #listicle #YouTubers #top list #top 13 #top13

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sturlsons · 7 years

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do you have any content that you regularly keep up with? like fics/comics/shows/blogs? i want to start consuming more content and be more knowledgeable/wellread in general but i don't really know where to start :(

i saw this ask like an hour ago and promptly got distracted catching up on my youtube subscriptions so thank u for the reminder but apologies for the delay,,

LONG reply coming up, discussions of depression.

(if u’d rather skip my sob story just scroll down to the picture of the upset dude with the cigarette)

before i get to your specific question, just a little something, because you’ve unknowingly shed light on one of my B I G G E S T struggles: i’m actually real shit at consuming content myself. i have a horrible concentration span and focus issues in general, and i tend to have tunnel vision for academia and hence spend nine months of the year memorising vocab blindly and watching like three episodes of anime. i regularly try to get myself out of this habit but It’s Hard™, so instead i try to make academic choices which will automatically bring new content to the table. choosing essay topics that i’m not familiar with, using the mandatory individual reading requirements to check out books i’ve been meaning to read, trying to do more than the required reading while i’m at it, etc etc. i also try to make lists of things to watch/read every summer, but usually end up being distracted with my writing projects.

however, kinda good AND bad news. i only started getting stuck re: content consumption after moving to france and starting uni. in india my consumption was OFF THE CHARTS. eating through books and shows, doing research about all sorts of things, you name it. the good aspect of this is that as a child/teenager i already took in a way-above-average amount of information that still keeps me Smart and Cool™ in conversations to this day, but the bad aspect is that most of this was a form of escapism, a way to feed my insomnia back in the day, and then a horrible tangle with my depression which all ended in a huge mess. result: i was a pretentious fuckwit with an enormous amount of trivia in my head, but i was a manically depressed pretentious fuckwit with an enormous amount of trivia in my head, and what’s more-- the most hilarious-- i was actually terrified of moving out of my comfort zone in certain aspects. i used to read new things all the time, sure, watch new shows. but i’d also watch the same shows over and over until i memorised them, read the same books and poems out loud to myself, write the same kinds of fics, listen to the same artists. yeah, that one was weird as shit-- i couldn’t listen to new music, i just didn’t have the courage. the FIRST ever thing my therapist told me to do was check out a new artist by the time we had our second session. that’s when i discovered the national, one of the two most important bands of my life, and since that day i’ve made it a point to listen to at least one new artist a month.

anyway.

so then i moved to france, which was the best thing that could happen to me ever. however, as i quickly discovered (and sometimes still reel from), whether i like perpetuating this mindset or not (i don’t) the truth is at least for me, it seemed for a while that it was my very depression that kept me so Creative and Hungry For Knowledge and Pretentious Fuckwit. the happier i got, the “lazier” i got. i stopped writing for a year straight because i didn’t feel the urge to create anymore, i stopped consuming content because Who Cares I’m Living In The Moment I’m Finally Happy I Don’t Need To Hide Behind A Book. etcetera. most importantly: i was INSANELY focused on learning french and getting into the university of my choice, and since i kept seeing results in that department, i was happy with what my brain was doing.

then this dude broke my heart. if you’re from the jaywalkers readership, that’s when i started writing jaywalkers. you see how that doesn’t help the whole “no no, i’m only intelligent when i’m SAAAD” thing. i wrote jaywalkers, i wrote other fics, i wrote poetry, i sang songs and watched anime and read books and i used my brain more than i’d used it in the entirety of the year before this happened, and i was like, this is it. if i want to be great, i’ve got to be miserable.

two years later, i’m here to tell you that it’s bullshit. bullshit, you’ve gotta be sad to learn things. it’s the best thing for being sad is to learn something, NOT the best thing for learning something is to be sad. i let my habit of seeking comfort by reading/writing make me believe that i could only do that when i was heartbroken. it took me two years to understand that i was wrong. i could’ve been doing all sorts of bullshit in those two years. i could’ve watched all the james bond films! i haven’t watched all the james bond films!

does that mean i’m magically feeding myself knowledge again? nope. because it’s not all about feelings. it’s also about how much time i have, how much energy (physical and mental) i have. i still have a shitty concentration span and can barely make it through a movie without getting the creepy-crawlies over my skin. i still have to do three different things simultaneously or i’ll never get any of them done. i gotta skype someone while doing the dishes. i gotta skype someone while eating. i can’t just eat. i can’t JUST read. i SURE as hell can’t just watch something. but you know what? the only reason i figured (am still figuring) all of this out is because i got rid of the initial block that said i don’t want to. i had to realise that it was up to me whether i consumed content or not, and once i did, THEN i could get to solving the practical problems that came with it.

it’s still a work in progress. a very, VERY fresh work in progress, because i’ve only started implementing big changes this spring/summer. it’s a lot of trial and error, but there’s a lot of solutions. turns out i’m better at keeping up with shows if i make it a regular date night thing with my boyfriend. i’m better at reading things on my kindle since it throws me back to my bookworm days when i had physical books. i’m actually better at listening to content sometimes, which was a huge surprise since i’ve always staunchly believed that my auditory comprehension is utter shit. but i’m still working it out u know? i’ll make it. i don’t want to stagnate anymore.

NOW. ONTO YOUR ACTUAL QUESTION.

here’s the thing, i’m REALLY shitty at keeping up with ongoing content. my preferred m.o. is waiting for whatever ongoing thing interested me to not be ongoing anymore, and then i binge. it’s a concentration/stamina/fucks thing. hence what i do is subscribe to anything i like and save it for later.

like i like knowing what my favourite authors are up to, so i subscribe to them. if an ongoing fic’s summary seems interesting i subscribe to the writer, that way if they write something shorter/complete i can check out their writing style, and i’ll still get updates if the main fic is completed. then i save those update notifs until a time that i can get to them, so that they’re little reminders in my inbox:

i also keep lists of everything that i want to check out at some point. i try not to give myself deadlines (anymore) because i literally never stick to them when it comes to consuming content and i end up feeling like shit. i used to have like, “SUMMER 2016″ lists and shit with like seven movies and three shows and i’d never do any of it completely and that sad little list would just lie there. so instead now i try to just make lists, period. it’s like a humongous queue of things that i want to check out, and whenever i have the time/willingness for it, i refer to it.

and then i keep a list where i keep track of what i checked out.

i find that it’s less pressurising to make a separate list of what i accomplished as opposed to having a to-do list where you check things off. because like, get this. so you have a to-do that isn’t urgent, right? not like, groceries, dinner, dishes. for those it’s totally important to have a reminder right in front of you, like do your dishes brah. but for things like this, especially for someone like me who’s a flake and will say “i’m gonna watch this movie tonight” and then will literally stare in your face without a word the entire evening and not watch the movie, it’s really shit to have a “TO DO: THINGS TO READ” which just lies untouched for a month straight.

instead, i keep a reference list. and then, when i do something, i note it down. that way i satisfy my inner list monster like “i did a thing today!” and at the same time avoid the disappointment of staring at a pileup of titles that don’t have a strikethrough. this helps with everything that isn’t urgent tbh. if you can afford it practically, don’t make a “what i have to do” list. make a “what i did today” list. it actually helps you to stay positive.

NEXT. i also always, always, always invite recs from my friends. this part involves having exceptionally patient friends, because i always ask for recs. and then i never check them out. literally me checking out a rec is a once in a blue moon thing, so my friends ( @fyolette in particular, may the lord bless her) really have a calm mind because they still always send me things they think i’ll like. i’m eternally grateful for this, ETERNALLY.

so then i make a list of those. recs most commonly involve fics and music. i try to check out music recs within the day/week, and fic recs get tabbed on my favourite chrome extension ever: onetab.

boom. beautiful.

NEXT. how to retain all that Good Content™ that you binge? there’s no easy way, you have to figure it out on your own. before my depression hit i had an incredible memory and grasping power, basically reading through something once was enough to memorise it. this ability took a major hit in high school (which i nearly failed by the way, despite being one of the TOP students of my school), and i’ve never really come back to my full form. most days i fear that i never will, but i still have faith. it’s a long life. and hey, even if i don’t, i don’t shy from hard work. i’m willing to replace what was once natural intelligence with hours of manual labour if i have to. that’s a choice i’ll make.

personally, saying things out loud helps me lots. making flashcards for everything too. i like anki, it’s pretty clean and friendly, but i also struggle with screens when it comes to learning. for me the best way to learn something is to write it out by hand. there’s something about the motion of writing that permanently inks things in my head, so i try to do it whenever i can. i’m trying to shift to digital methods more, though, to save time/money/resources. i like having a split-view. i’ll open whatever i’m reading on one half of the screen, and a notepad on the other, and constantly paraphrase. paraphrasing really helps me. another fantastic thing is to highlight anything unfamiliar (technical jargon, unfamiliar names, cited works, even pop culture references that you don’t get) and make it a rule to google all of it at the end of your reading session. not immediately-- you’ll get sucked into the black hole that is wikipedia and leave your novel aside. do the reading first unless your highlighted term is essential to understanding, and then check out whatever you set aside. that way you understand your current content better, and also branch out into related topics.

i can go on about these tips for ages so if you have any specific questions/would like me to elaborate, hmu.

NEXT. your...actual...question...what content i keep up with...

so firstly, fic, because fic is life. i’m subscribed to: gentlestars, mindheist, porridgemilk, potter, retox, and rix. i’m also subscribed to a bunch of fics/series but would prefer to keep them private, so hmu off-anon if u’d like to know which ones!

i also kept up with OMGCP for an astonishingly long amount of time (for me) and then dropped off, but i do hope to catch up this summer. i adore OMGCP. i also started on WTNV the moment i realised that i’m good with audio stuff now, but i deliberately don’t binge it because its episodic narrative allows me to be sporadic, and WTNV is not something u binge. it’s something u feel in ur heart.

for music, i’m a mainstream hoe so spotify’s global top 50 is always great, i also love their daily mixes. spotify in general is fantastic, sometimes i like setting up a song radio and listening to similar music, it’s great. my cousin/best friend abhi always hits me up with fantastic music recs, he really knows my taste and knows when to insist that i listen to something. always ends up in my library.

the only thing i do on youtube is watch cooking videos and vine compilations honestly (btw nathan/ayitspnayo is the prince of my heart so i’m very much subscribed to him on snapchat, along with vice magazine and lemonde) but my favourites are sortedfood and peaceful cuisine. apart from those two the only channel i really keep up with on youtube is med school insiders. i love this dude. this dude is like my clip art older brother.

for shows i’m currently crawling through weightlifting fairy kim bokjoo, and waiting for narcos S3 and GOT S7. i want to binge either brooklyn 99 or it’s always sunny in philadelphia, or parks and recreation. i don’t know, something funny, u know. we’ll see.

of course it’s incomplete without a tumblr shoutout. i love lolmythesis, wizzard890, pyrrhiccomedy, fyolette, saintjoan and some others that i don’t follow but keep bookmarked to check regularly. also, pretty random, but reddit is fantastic for trivia and more-than-trivia. the todayilearned sub is gold.

so there u go! i’m sure i’ve missed out on some stuff (it’s 4 AM how did this happen i started answering this at 2) and maybe none of this is useful as opposed to half of it being useful, but i sincerely hope that there’s a miracle and ALL of it is useful to u. it’s never too late to start learning things, and i know that it’s overwhelming when u feel like u don’t have any kind of base so u don’t know where to start. like where does one start learning the history of everything. what does one do to get to the point where u know some obscure detail about nikola tesla’s life? i feel u! i feel u! but u gotta start somewhere. pick something that interests u and branch out from it. u can’t know Everything about Everything Ever anyway, so why not accept that from the get-go and spend ur time wisely learning about what u really want to learn about!

and it’s such a big world. i’m sure there’s so much you want to learn about.

youtube

#teesta talks for ts #this is...long #anons #replies

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johnmuffus · 4 years

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ClickBank University 2.0 Review

ClickBank University 2.0 Review: A Different Affiliate Marketing Course

Today’ we’ll go on a rather lengthy review of CBU 2.0. Today, we’ll decide whether or not this course by Matt Hulett, Adam Howitz, and Justin Atlan is worth the $47 monthly subscription.

At that price, it’s definitely not the most expensive monthly subscription, and there seems to be enough content to make up for it. However, does the value meet the expectations created by the marketing department?

Let’s find out.

Reviewing Elite Affiliate Pro

This course isn’t like most affiliate marketing course, because it’s more of a ClickBank course than strictly affiliate marketing.

As such, you have to training programs: becoming a vendor, creating and selling your products, or becoming an affiliate, selling and promoting other people’s offers.

You can choose to do the 2 programs if you want, but I’d recommend starting with the first one, selling others’ products. It’s probably why you’re here, anyways, and if you’re interested in becoming a vendor, then you can fund that venture with the money from affiliate marketing.

Having your own products requires time and money, a lot of both. Besides, you also need to sell them, so the affiliate marketing training will benefit you anyways.

Let’s get the upsells out of the way

If you find upsells annoying, then I have bad news for you: there’s a couple here, and they aren’t particularly good.

The first one is a landing page software called the ClickBank Builder 2.0. It’s priced at a whopping $594 when you can use better software for less money. For example, Thrive Architect is my favorite builder, and it’s just $67 for a single license.

The other upsell is “advanced” training with extra content for $97. Now, I’d understand if you were paying a one-off course. However, your $47 are charged monthly, if you stay here for a year, that’s over $480. Why can’t they offer the extra training since you’re paying for it anyways?

I mean, a lot of people will likely just cancel their subscription after finishing the course they wanted, so adding the extra content would make them stay for at least another month (or 2, depending on how busy they are) and pay for it longer.

It’s even smarter. One could finish both programs in a single month if they really get into it, so adding the content means at least an extra subscription. That’s $94 in 2 months. By upselling it, they’re just pissing me off and they’re stuck with just $47.

OK, I let it all out. Let’s move on.

The members’ area

After you get to the course’s main page, you’re welcomed by Adam and Justin in a video detailing how to navigate the course, getting started, etc.

It’s at this point where you decide if you want to be an affiliate or vendor. Adam covers affiliate marketing and Justin teaches you how to be a vendor.

You also have a few menu options. Besides the 2 main sections, there’s also sections on traffic, recommended tools, webinars, and the forum.

The affiliate training

This section is an 8-week program conducted by Adam. You need to enter your email and name into a form if you want access to all weeks at once (you should be prepared for email promotions, just in case). Otherwise, each module unlocks weekly.

Marketing on ClickBank

The first week is fairly short, just 3 videos totaling around 18 minutes. It goes through how to plan your business, preparing yourself, and how to set specific goals and mindset (of course).

Affiliate marketing overview

Week 2 is about 25 minutes long. It’s also a redundant section if you already have some knowledge on affiliate marketing, ClickBank, or both.

You have an intro to the business, the basics, how to navigate Cb, and “secrets” to find products, which is just combining your passions with what’s selling.

Finding what you like

Week 3 builds on that foundation. It explains why it’s good to promote products you can feel passionate about.

You learn about product research and selection. It mentions health and fitness among the niche, but these niches are usually extremely competitive. In that case, you should find a niche’s niche; for instance, find items to fix posture issues on older adults or weight loss products for women over 40.

Affiliate funnel

This week lasts 25 minutes again, and it’s about moving traffic through sales funnels. Adam explains that you should send your traffic to a landing page that collects their emails so that you can market to them repeatedly. This is a good strategy for the long-term, and you should avoid sending your traffic straight to the offer.

There’s an affiliate funnel 101 video that talks about offering free value for their emails, which is also what you should be doing. The next video about squeeze pages goes into how to build them, but Adam recommends their ClickBank Builder, so try not to fall for it.

Overdelivering

Week 5 covers what the title suggests; it’s basically providing lots of free value.

There’s a video about how you can interact and build relationships with the emails in your list. If you skip that step, you’ll need a lot of luck to get a sale from them.

There’s a video on how you can deliver this free content, and you learn about PDFs, videos, broadcast, tips, etc. The last video builds on this concept by teaching you how to outsource that task.

Here, you’ll probably noticed something off: Adam talks about Elance. Elance became Upwork several years ago, so it makes you wonder when was the last time this training got any updates.

Swipe writing

This is yet another week you’ll finish in 20 minutes. You’re starting to see why I said you could finish the entire thing in less than a month, aren’t you?

You learn about what are email swipes, and Adam touches on how to increase your chances of customers opening your email and clicking the link. You learn about trigger words that move your customers towards wanting to click. However, this is still very random.

While you can increase the possibility of someone clicking, there’s really no way to ensure it. Some niches offer higher chances, but there isn’t a 100% surefire technique, so this module is more theory than anything else.

Nevertheless, the biggest issue is that Adam suggest you use clickbait text on your links that, instead of increasing the chance of them clicking, increases your chances of ending in a spam box.

Email blueprint

Week 6 lasts a bit more than 25 minutes, and it’s about making your emails. Adam recommends you use AWeber here, but I can’t really give you my insight on it since I prefer Getresponse.

The longest video is an over-the-shoulder walkthrough of how Adam sends broadcast emails to his subscribers. However, that’s a very old method for automating your emails. Adam also talks about how you can use autoresponders to send emails at set intervals, which is also really old.

Today, most affiliate marketers use workflows for tracking the actions of their customers and use commands to follow those specific actions. For instance, you can resend an email after a couple of hours if it wasn’t opened the first time with another headline; if a customer does click into one, you can offer them more products based on the original click.

Adam falls back into revealing how outdated this course is by teaching a technique that’s been used practically since the creation of emailing.

Scaling

It starts off with a brief intro into traffic and focusing in a single method. After that, Adam invites you to go to the traffic section, and that’s pretty much the entire content in this module.

There are other videos briefly touching on how to get traffic, but the most substantial content here is Adam mentioning you can use different channels for your Traffic like Facebook and YouTube.

The last video is titled “creating a product”, but again, it’s just an invitation to the vendors’ side of CBU.

Affiliate training summarized

If you read the weeks’ summary, you already know what I’m going to say here. The content is too light and shallow for you to learn something useful. It’s also a lot more theory than training, which is pretty much non-existent.

However, the real shocker here was how mind-numbingly outdated the content in this course is right now. You can see other reviewers talk about how amazing the content here is, but you can finish the entire section in a day if you binge-watch everything.

You know what? You don’t even have to binge-watch it. You can watch an hour in the morning, an hour in the afternoon, and an hour before going to bed, and you’ll probably be done with it.

You’ll soon see that’s the case with most of the course.

Vendors section

At least I can give CBU props for being original by adding this. This section goes into how you can sell products you created instead of promoting others’. Let’s see if it’s actually worth the subscription or if it replicates the errors of the previous section.

Here, you’ll learn how you can create digital products building on your passions. It won’t be too complex, more about recipe books, guides, etc. You’ll basically work on providing educational resources based on what you know.

Now, if you have no experience as an affiliate marketing, you shouldn’t start this. You want to learn how to sell before spending more money, and selling someone else’s work gives you more of a sandbox environment to try out new things.

You can also build an audience around your affiliate marketing, which you can then integrate into your own business as a vendor. Even Adam recommends you to that. You can also keep all profits since you know how to market it, but you can always have other affiliates behind you to scale even further.

Fundamentals

The first week works as an intro, talking about why creating your products is a good idea. The second video is about mindset, and while it’s often filler content, the video is just 6-and-a-half minutes and about creating personal habits and methods, so it’s a nice watch. It’s also a good way to start taking action towards your business.

There’s another video about planning your product, and it combines 3 important elements: what you like, real profitability, and your own experience. It’s a good triad to have as a principle, and it requires thinking.

The week closes with how to set goals, and it’s more about mindset. It’s not bad, but it could’ve been merged with the other mindset video to save time.

Finding products

Week 2 goes into how to materialize the 3 elements from week 1 into a product: one that you like and understand completely, but which you also know will sell.

There’s a video on how to discover what’s your passion, and Justin takes you through different ClickBank lists. It’s a nice way to find something you didn’t know interested you or could make you money.

There’s another video about analyzing potential markets to find out whether you should plunge into it. There are also 3 elements that you want to ensure from your product: an emotional need, (if that fails) solutions to a problem several people have, and a reason to buy it from you instead of others. It’s a 25-minute video, which also explains how to create additional value for the 3rd factor.

The last video goes into how you can study your competition to come up with a successful formula.

Creating an avatar

Now, this isn’t really about creating an avatar to represent yourself; it’s about creating an avatar of your audience. In other words, it’s the archetype of your customer: who they are, their preference, their needs, habits, etc. Justin explains how you make your product match that avatar.

The 2nd video is about discovering your avatar’s demographics: gender, age, language, income, level of education, etc. It’ll help you form a marketing approach that catches them.

The 3rd video is about a method Justin calls “elevator pitch”, and it’s just a single-minute pitch to entice your customers to buy from you.

The longest video is the last one, and you learn how to find a good domain and name for your offer. He uses GoDaddy on the videos, but you should look for other options to find the one that suits you best.

Content creation/outsourcing

Week 4 finally shows you how to put all the theory and ideas you’ve formed into a tangible product. That content you’re going to create will be your product.

You have a video on how to you can break down your offer, from start to end, so that your buyers will feel satisfied and achieved after going through your product.

The 3rd video goes into the different formats you can use for your product. Basically, after outlining your product, you’ll learn how to decide which format fits it best. You can go with audio, text, video, or combine the 3.

The last video is a blueprint for structuring your content. It’s the same formula that Justin uses for delivering his content.

Upsells

This is the module where you’ll understand why people use upsells and why they’re OK. You’ll learn how to create upsells of your own to increase the money you make from each purchase from your product.

You first learn how you can even triple how much money you make over time thanks to using upsells. Basically, upsells are smaller products that compliment your main offer and add more value. You also learn how to improve your upsells and make the easier with a formula from Justin.

Finally, you learn how to write good copy for your upsells and pricing them properly

Sales copy

Week 6 comes from Matt O’Connor, and since it seems he worked on the copywriting for CBU, he’s in charge of giving you the copywriting week of the course.

You learn about how to make VSL (video sales letters), writing effective copy, targeting your audiences, coming up with ideas, how to structure your sales letter, etc.

It’s an important module since good copywriting can make or break your business, and Matt doesn’t really do a bad job at explaining it.

Video sales letter

Justin comes back to teach a week focused solely on VSL’s, which is an element presented in most ClickBank products, so you shouldn’t leave them out.

You learn how to make a text VSL; it’s basically a narrated video with moving text, so you don’t have to worry about practicing in front on a camera or getting nervous.

The setup here is PowerPoint and editing with Camtasia. As with Adam’s content, this is a really outdated way to make VSL. First off, Camtasia is a great platform, but it’s expensive and not the best solution for VSL. Also, PowerPoint is unnecessarily old for this section. You have far better tools for making presentations like Prezi and dozens others you can find just by typing on Google.

Don’t worry, not everything is lost. You can still apply the same concepts and format you learned here. You just want to find better tools to make the process easier and the results better.

There’s a final video on how you can outsource all this process.

Finishing your product with the ClickBank Builder, “etc.”

This week closes with how to finalize your offer. Of course, Justin promotes the ClickBank Builder, but you can use a program of your choice.

You’ll see how to shape your customers’ experience so that they’re prone to buying from you, and it’s a method that requires you to wear their shoes, think like them, and merging all these elements into an experience that guarantees sales.

The entire module focuses on this flow, and the last 2 videos are just how to create your sales and product pages with this principle in mind.

ClickBank setup

Week 9 teaches you how to create your account and get ready for the platform’s marketplace.

You also have some lessons about setting up your website and products as well as integrating both with your ClickBank profile. Finally, you learn how to make a test purchase for ensuring everything works the way it should.

Managing JV’s

This is a pretty entertaining section on how to get your own JV’s and affiliate marketers to promote your stuff. ClickBank offers over 100,000 marketers waiting to sell products, so you definitely want to profit from that. Justin goes to the right approach to expose your product to your future partners.

He goes into the right mindset when you’re trying to find affiliates to market your product, which is a different type of mindset video. There’s another video about “affiliate tools” that tells you how you can employ your ClickBank Builder to make things easier for your affiliates. However, it’s just a 4-minute video, and you can use the same knowledge with another tool, so nothing’s lost here.

The last video talks about how you can get into the affiliates’ circle. Basically, there are several groups of affiliates who know each other and often share strategies, methods, and products to promote as a group. If you can get into them, you’re pretty much set yourself for a good while. However, Justin does clarify that you need to work quite a bit, but if you came all the way here, you’re probably ready for that.

A/B testing

Week 11 covers how to split test your different pages requiring any interaction. It’s a strategy that helps you find the best-performing pages for your website.

There’s a video with a blueprint breaking down Justin’s strategy. One of his suggestions is to not rush these tests; you want to get some sales and generate sufficient data if you want accuracy.

He then goes into different tools you can use for this task. He recommends VWO.com, but my favorite is Thrive through WordPress. VWO costs $149 every month, and Thrive is just $19 monthly, and you get far more tools than just split testing.

The final video is quite cool: it’s a case study about a previous version of the CBU website where they performed an A/B test with the current one to give you an idea.

Scaling

The final week teaches you how to scale your business. Obviously, one of the paths is to increase your traffic, and Justin invites you to the traffic content of the course. Don’t worry, we’ll get to it.

The strategy he discuses is to use your customers to promote other products related to your offer. He recommends a funnel combined with an email marketing approach that helps you generate more in the long-term. He also recommends you scale by creating other product lines.

The week (and main course) closes with Justin talking about coaching, consulting, and speaking at events. This is a nice approach you can use with webinars to promote higher-tier products. I know some of you might not enjoy this approach, but Justin does give a good explanation of how you do it.

Bonuses

While technically an extra module, it still expands on the concepts you’ve already been taught. You’ll learn how to create your webinars, basically. You can use them for selling live to your audience, and a huge amount of marketers are using them, so it’s definitely working.

You have a 13-minute lesson from another guy explaining how to do your webinars. You also learn about different sales funnels you can use and how to carry out a successful webinar.

Again, this approach definitely isn’t for everyone, but I’d definitely recommend you do it if you feel confident when speaking. If you’re not sure, then just record mock webinars and watch them by yourself; it’s a great way to spot your strengths and what you need to improve.

Conclusion on vendors’ section

It’s funny how I came to this course looking for solid affiliate marketing, but I discovered instead that the section opposite to what I expected completely blew it away. If you’re interested (and have the funds) in creating your products, then you’ll definitely find more success with this section. It’s good training, and all the relevant aspects were covered.

While it’s ClickBank-focused, you can still apply the same concepts in other platforms. Even with the VSL week offering outdated tools, you can still apply the same knowledge with better programs.

The only issue with this training is how it’s more theory than practice. I’ll always advocate for over-the-shoulder training instead of just people talking.

The problem here is that you’re left on your own to figure out how to actually apply the knowledge. Still, creating your own product does include the phrase “your own product”, so you still have to work by yourself. In that sense, you can definitely execute the lessons taught to you.

Sure, you should do some additional research, especially if you don’t know where to start with your pages, but you can find that content for free. This training covers the fundamentals you need.

This was a nice way to forget about the affiliate marketing section. It does contain all the knowledge you’ll need to launch a product.

Traffic section

This section is supposed to show you the most successful methods used by the course’s authors. The problem here is how they say they don’t really list all the methods they know, and they focus solely on the ones they work for them to prevent overwhelming their students.

That just a cheap way to skip work in my opinion. Getting traffic is the toughest part of any type of online business, so you definitely want to learn as many methods as you can. Besides, this is called “University”, not “Blueprint”. You’re not following their methods; you’re supposed to learn a holistic approach to the business.

Compare it with courses like Savage Affiliates, which is a single $197 payment and has dozens of traffic methods, both free and paid.

To make themselves look even lazier, they outsourced the entire training to other marketers. If they don’t have to do this work themselves, and you’re supposed to pay a monthly fee, then why not add more methods? You’re still going to improve and want to learn more as you keep paying for the “University”.

YouTube Ads

Will Flynn introduces you to YouTube Ads. There really isn’t much to say about this lesson; you just learn how you set up your YouTube channel and use paid ads to move traffic towards your video.

Intro to Facebook Ads

This module is just hilarious. J.R. Fisher is supposed to give you the intro to Facebook Ads, yet he jumps straight into mindset concepts like how to move yourself to do things, how your brain is your first enemy, and, read here, how you must convince it that everything is OK.

You then learn how to set goals before going into FB Ads. He explains why you should use it, comments on how to set up your budgets, and hits you with another curveball by talking about dropshipping.

This module was a wild ride.

Facebook Ads setup

Robby Blanchard is the man in charge of how to set up your FB Ads, and it’s nice to see him since he’s one of the best sellers on the platform. He even has his own course!

No, wait, that’s never a good sign.

Anyways, here, you learn how you set up an account on the platform as well as your pixel, create your ads, using adsets, etc. It’s a single video, and honestly, it looks like a recorded webinar from the guy. It’s about an hour and a half, but still doesn’t make up for the training in other courses like, again, Savage Affiliates.

Search Ads

This one comes from a serial course creator named Fred Lam, and we’ve gone through his work before, so you probably know the man.

He takes care of explaining how to run paid ads with Google and Bing. Not only it’s another recorded webinar, but it’s also really outdated, and even members call that out in the comments. I wonder if it’s already updated.

IG Shoutouts

Finally, you go back to Adam, explaining how you can use Instagram influencers to shout out your offers.

It’s a nice way to capitalize on the huge followings behind many of these guys, and you can even find influencers focused on your niche, so your targeting is also taken care off.

Basically, the approach here is creating a squeeze page to collect emails for your list. Adam also teaches you how you should contact influencers and what to do after they reply. However, keep in mind that you have to pay them for each post, and the prices can quickly escalate to hundreds of dollars per post depending on what you want and how famous they are.

Conclusion on traffic section

The methods are good, and they can definitely work, but the webinars are noticeably outdated, and watching hours of videos can put off beginners.

Besides, it’s really limited. It doesn’t even mention how to get traffic from SEO, which is by far the best approach for affiliate marketers, especially when combined with a solid content marketing plan.

It’s also, again, lazy as all hell: they just recorded webinars and left them there. Speaking of lazy, I’ll call them out again on copping out by saying that they didn’t want to overwhelm you by overstuffing a course in which you’re paying a monthly subscription anyways!

Tools

Well, it recommends GoDaddy, but that isn’t really a tool, so I don’t know why it’s so recommended over other domain sellers that work pretty much the same. Also from their course, they recommend Camtasia for editing your videos; you already know it’s definitely not cheap.

They recommend for your split testing Visual Website Optimizer one more time. And one more time, it’s an unnecessarily expensive platform, especially when you can get the full Thrive suite for WordPress at $19, which includes A/B testing. Finally, they give another mention to AWeber, but I can’t really comment on whether or not it’s good since I don’t really need anything other than Getresponse.

Now, into the new mentions.

They offer APowersoft as an option if you can’t pay for Camtasia, but you can only use it to record your screens, but I guess you can make do with it for your VSL. You can also use the free version of Jing if you’re fine with 5-minute videos tops.

They also recommend Canva, and it’s one of the few times I can agree with them. The platform has a free version, and while it also has a paid membership, the free features will be enough for you for a good while.

The last tool they mention is HootSuite for running your accounts on social media and keep your activity going. It’s a good enough platform, so I have nothing to complaint about here; it has both free and paid versions.

Conclusion on tools

As you can see, it’s not a tool kit from the course developers but just some recommended tools for you.

They offer a quick intro to each mention, and while some are useful, they have some needlessly expensive recommendations.

Final Verdict

I really liked the section on how to become a vendor. It has enough training for you to release your own product into the market, and it’s by far the only section I can say it’s worth paying a month in this course.

The rest of the training is just… a mess. It’s filled with outdated information, which is still pure theory and really shallow. You’ll definitely won’t become a successful affiliate marketer with just the content in this course.

In other words, this is a course for aspiring vendors.

Best Alternative

Let me give you 2 options that will give you more success. I’ll be quick:

Savage Affiliates

For just $197, you’ll gain access to over 150 different videos covering dozens of marketing methods. It covers the same ones from CBU with more depth (and relevancy) as well as SEO and content marketing, which is the meat of the business.

You can read my review here

The Authority Site System

If you want to learn how to run an authority site, then this is your best bet. It’s a bit more expensive than Savage Affiliate, but it requires a bit less work in the long-term, so it evens out. They have a free webinar you can check out if you’re interested.

If you’re OK with the content and price, then go for it, as you’ll probably learn at least a couple new tips.

I hope you found this review useful and if you have any questions, please comment down below. I’ll be more than happy to assist you.

Once again, thanks for reading my ClickBank University 2.0 Review and I wish you the best of luck.

The post ClickBank University 2.0 Review appeared first on Only Genuine Reviews.

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littlemarketingproject · 6 years

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6 Inspiring Talks to Binge Watch, as Recommended by Expert Marketers

You know how word of mouth is like the Holy Grail of marketing? There’s nothing quite as powerful as someone whose opinion you trust simply saying, “hey, check this out.”

Well, the other day my colleagues and I were talking about talks: conference talks, TED Talks, university lectures, a few candid post-dinner nuggets of wisdom from a tipsy aunt. We were recommending ones we’ve found helpful or inspiring as marketers (whether the topics focused on marketing directly, or were more broadly about professional development and personal growth). Surely other marketers want to know what’s worth watching too, we thought. And nobody wants to sift through an endless YouTube haystack of “find your passion, move to Bali, start a blog, now I’m a millionaire”-style videos to find those shiny needles, right?

Luckily we have a whole list of trusted someones coming to speak at Call to Action Conference August 28-29, and gift bags to hold for ransom if they don’t answer our emails. So we went straight to the source to ask our marketing experts about their favourite talks.

Ranging from strategy to copywriting to user experience to CRO, our speakers for this August know their stuff and have made it to the top of their fields. They’re smart cookies who can suss out what’s worth listening to, and below are some of their sage suggestions. Give ‘em a look and if you have some of your own must-watch recommendations for talks you’ve loved and quote to this day, let us know in the comments!

Want to see the marketing pros featured below talk the talk? Use the code “CTAConfTalks” at checkout for 35% off all ticket prices for Unbounce’s annual conference this August.

Ross Simmonds, Digital Marketing Strategist and Founder of Hustle & Grind

Find him on Twitter:@TheCoolestCool

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Beyond Google: How to Attract Relevant Traffic Through Diverse Channels

Recommends: Conversion Copywriting and the Death of Guesswork by Joanna Wiebe

“The biggest insight I took from Joanna’s talk was the process you take people through when it comes to conversion optimization. Specifically, the importance of not leading with the project but instead leading with the pain. Start by talking about the problem and the agitations, then reveal the solution.”

Runner-up: The Surprising Power of Small Habits by James Clear

“This is a great rundown of mental models and techniques that can help people be more productive. It shows marketers, professionals, and any entrepreneur the value of the little things. The story around compounding efforts leading to expertise is a message I think more people need to understand and embrace. No one starts as an expert. No one starts as the best of all time. It’s persistence and a layer of consistency around small things that compound to make up the skills that differentiate the best from the rest.”

youtube

Veronica Romney, Founder and President of SoLoMo Inc.

Find her on Twitter:@vromney

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Going Beyond the Basics of Facebook Advertising

Recommends: Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Action by Simon Sinek

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“This talk came to my mind instantly. It’s by far my favourite, and I think the most inspiring, TED Talk for those in marketing and entrepreneurs in general. The points Simon makes can benefit a broad audience of businessmen and women who, like me, can get discouraged by comparisons.

In a nutshell, he describes how the values of a company represent the core of that company and why they have chosen to do business. His “Golden Circle” idea is simple, working from the why of the company to how the company will achieve the why, and what that company will produce. Focusing first on the why of business rather than the how is key in marketing, keeping a client base, and gaining new customers. Because people don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.”

Love recommendations from marketing pros? Don’t miss our interviews with CTAConf speakers April Dunford, Rob Bucci, and Cyrus Shepard for solid advice on product positioning, SEO strategy, and local search.

Momoko Price, Conversion Copywriter and Interaction Designer for Kantan Designs

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Data-Driven Copywriting for Brand-Spanking New Products

Recommends: Growth is Good but Retention is 4+Ever by Brian Balfour

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“I absolutely love Brian Balfour’s talk on the importance and impact of optimizing customer retention. It does a fantastic job of summarizing the metrics that really matter when it comes to growing a subscription-based business. This is so easy to ignore when you’re a marketer, since most of us are expected to spend 90% of our time on acquiring new customers and getting the word out about the product.

What’s the point of doing all that work if those new customers never stick around? It’s the equivalent of trying to fill a bucket with a giant hole in it, yet we as marketers rarely think about finding and plugging the hole before adding more water. Brian’s talk clearly maps out and visualizes these metrics in an almost diagnostic way, to give guidance on evaluating your own business’ growth and underscore the power and impact good data has.”

Becky Davis, Director of UX and CRO for Tranzact

Find her on Twitter:@barelyremarkabl

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Conversion Rate Optimization: The Art and Science of Guiding the Drunk

Recommends: The Science and Art of Self Assurance: An interview with The Confidence Code co-author Katty Kay

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“My vote is for Adam Grant’s interview with Katty Kay, one of the authors of The Confidence Code. Her book spends time examining the confidence gap between men and women, the reasons behind it, and its effects. It’s really interesting, but that’s not the only reason I’ve chosen it as a favourite.

I chose it because hearing from successful people, men and women alike, who struggle with confidence the way I often do, was comforting for me. That they also over-prepare and stress about tiny mistakes was reassuring. But the biggest impact to me was hearing that if I spoke out, if I asked for things, if I took action, then the results would likely be positive. That pushed me to do so even when I was uncomfortable. I can’t tell you how many times that attitude has opened doors for me because I pushed when I wanted to hold back. If I hadn’t, I would have lost those chances. And every time I did, my own confidence grew and any fears I had became less demotivating.”

Lisa Pierson, The Conversion Copywriter

Find her on Twitter:@piersonlisaj

CTAConf 2018 Talk: I Joined Match.com and Didn’t Get the Love I Expected: Where Was the Onboarding Help When I Needed It?

Recommends: I Got There: How I Overcame Racism, Poverty, and Abuse to Achieve the American Dream by JT McCormick

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“I saw a presentation by JT McCormick this year that really moved me. It has nothing to do with marketing or copywriting, but was very inspiring.

There isn’t a video of the talk itself, but I’d highly recommend reading his book I Got There: How I Overcame Racism, Poverty, and Abuse to Achieve the American Dream. In it, he speaks about his difficult childhood and the many hardships he endured. These are not the typical hardships people go through—his were unbelievably difficult. Yet, despite being knocked down over and over again, he managed to not only make something of himself professionally but to not let those events define who he is.

In my own life as an entrepreneur and single mom, almost everything starts and ends with me. There’s no safety net or backup plan. Things can get difficult and they can wear on you. But my life is so much more privileged than JT’s was, and watching his presentation helped me realize that we’re all so much stronger than we think we can be. External events don’t define who we are. And day-to-day life is what you decide it is.”

Unbounce’s list of must-watch talks by brilliant speakers (the above experts included) takes place August 28-29th on Vancouver’s Queen Elizabeth Theatre stage. Check out the full agenda and use the code “CTAConfTalks” at checkout to get 35% off the most actionable marketing event and best experiences you’ll have at a conference this year.

6 Inspiring Talks to Binge Watch, as Recommended by Expert Marketers syndicated from https://unbounce.com

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berthastover · 6 years

Text

6 Inspiring Talks to Binge Watch, as Recommended by Expert Marketers

You know how word of mouth is like the Holy Grail of marketing? There’s nothing quite as powerful as someone whose opinion you trust simply saying, “hey, check this out.”

Want to see the marketing pros featured below talk the talk? Use the code “CTAConfTalks” at checkout for 35% off all ticket prices for Unbounce’s annual conference this August.

Ross Simmonds, Digital Marketing Strategist and Founder of Hustle & Grind

Find him on Twitter:@TheCoolestCool

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Beyond Google: How to Attract Relevant Traffic Through Diverse Channels

Recommends: Conversion Copywriting and the Death of Guesswork by Joanna Wiebe

Runner-up: The Surprising Power of Small Habits by James Clear

youtube

Veronica Romney, Founder and President of SoLoMo Inc.

Find her on Twitter:@vromney

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Going Beyond the Basics of Facebook Advertising

Recommends: Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Action by Simon Sinek

youtube

Momoko Price, Conversion Copywriter and Interaction Designer for Kantan Designs

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Data-Driven Copywriting for Brand-Spanking New Products

Recommends: Growth is Good but Retention is 4+Ever by Brian Balfour

youtube

Becky Davis, Director of UX and CRO for Tranzact

Find her on Twitter:@barelyremarkabl

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Conversion Rate Optimization: The Art and Science of Guiding the Drunk

Recommends: The Science and Art of Self Assurance: An interview with The Confidence Code co-author Katty Kay

youtube

Lisa Pierson, The Conversion Copywriter

Find her on Twitter:@piersonlisaj

CTAConf 2018 Talk: I Joined Match.com and Didn’t Get the Love I Expected: Where Was the Onboarding Help When I Needed It?

Recommends: I Got There: How I Overcame Racism, Poverty, and Abuse to Achieve the American Dream by JT McCormick

youtube

“I saw a presentation by JT McCormick this year that really moved me. It has nothing to do with marketing or copywriting, but was very inspiring.

Original Source: 6 Inspiring Talks to Binge Watch, as Recommended by Expert Marketers

0 notes

zacdhaenkeau · 6 years

Text

6 Inspiring Talks to Binge Watch, as Recommended by Expert Marketers

You know how word of mouth is like the Holy Grail of marketing? There’s nothing quite as powerful as someone whose opinion you trust simply saying, “hey, check this out.”

Want to see the marketing pros featured below talk the talk? Use the code “CTAConfTalks” at checkout for 35% off all ticket prices for Unbounce’s annual conference this August.

Ross Simmonds, Digital Marketing Strategist and Founder of Hustle & Grind

Find him on Twitter:@TheCoolestCool

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Beyond Google: How to Attract Relevant Traffic Through Diverse Channels

Recommends: Conversion Copywriting and the Death of Guesswork by Joanna Wiebe

Runner-up: The Surprising Power of Small Habits by James Clear

youtube

Veronica Romney, Founder and President of SoLoMo Inc.

Find her on Twitter:@vromney

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Going Beyond the Basics of Facebook Advertising

Recommends: Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Action by Simon Sinek

youtube

Momoko Price, Conversion Copywriter and Interaction Designer for Kantan Designs

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Data-Driven Copywriting for Brand-Spanking New Products

Recommends: Growth is Good but Retention is 4+Ever by Brian Balfour

youtube

Becky Davis, Director of UX and CRO for Tranzact

Find her on Twitter:@barelyremarkabl

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Conversion Rate Optimization: The Art and Science of Guiding the Drunk

Recommends: The Science and Art of Self Assurance: An interview with The Confidence Code co-author Katty Kay

youtube

Lisa Pierson, The Conversion Copywriter

Find her on Twitter:@piersonlisaj

CTAConf 2018 Talk: I Joined Match.com and Didn’t Get the Love I Expected: Where Was the Onboarding Help When I Needed It?

Recommends: I Got There: How I Overcame Racism, Poverty, and Abuse to Achieve the American Dream by JT McCormick

youtube

“I saw a presentation by JT McCormick this year that really moved me. It has nothing to do with marketing or copywriting, but was very inspiring.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8217493 https://unbounce.com/call-to-action/6-inspiring-marketing-talks/

0 notes

racheltgibsau · 6 years

Text

6 Inspiring Talks to Binge Watch, as Recommended by Expert Marketers

You know how word of mouth is like the Holy Grail of marketing? There’s nothing quite as powerful as someone whose opinion you trust simply saying, “hey, check this out.”

Want to see the marketing pros featured below talk the talk? Use the code “CTAConfTalks” at checkout for 35% off all ticket prices for Unbounce’s annual conference this August.

Ross Simmonds, Digital Marketing Strategist and Founder of Hustle & Grind

Find him on Twitter:@TheCoolestCool

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Beyond Google: How to Attract Relevant Traffic Through Diverse Channels

Recommends: Conversion Copywriting and the Death of Guesswork by Joanna Wiebe

Runner-up: The Surprising Power of Small Habits by James Clear

youtube

Veronica Romney, Founder and President of SoLoMo Inc.

Find her on Twitter:@vromney

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Going Beyond the Basics of Facebook Advertising

Recommends: Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Action by Simon Sinek

youtube

Momoko Price, Conversion Copywriter and Interaction Designer for Kantan Designs

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Data-Driven Copywriting for Brand-Spanking New Products

Recommends: Growth is Good but Retention is 4+Ever by Brian Balfour

youtube

Becky Davis, Director of UX and CRO for Tranzact

Find her on Twitter:@barelyremarkabl

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Conversion Rate Optimization: The Art and Science of Guiding the Drunk

Recommends: The Science and Art of Self Assurance: An interview with The Confidence Code co-author Katty Kay

youtube

Lisa Pierson, The Conversion Copywriter

Find her on Twitter:@piersonlisaj

CTAConf 2018 Talk: I Joined Match.com and Didn’t Get the Love I Expected: Where Was the Onboarding Help When I Needed It?

Recommends: I Got There: How I Overcame Racism, Poverty, and Abuse to Achieve the American Dream by JT McCormick

youtube

“I saw a presentation by JT McCormick this year that really moved me. It has nothing to do with marketing or copywriting, but was very inspiring.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8217493 https://unbounce.com/call-to-action/6-inspiring-marketing-talks/

0 notes

maxslogic25 · 6 years

Text

6 Inspiring Talks to Binge Watch, as Recommended by Expert Marketers

You know how word of mouth is like the Holy Grail of marketing? There’s nothing quite as powerful as someone whose opinion you trust simply saying, “hey, check this out.”

Want to see the marketing pros featured below talk the talk? Use the code “CTAConfTalks” at checkout for 35% off all ticket prices for Unbounce’s annual conference this August.

Ross Simmonds, Digital Marketing Strategist and Founder of Hustle & Grind

Find him on Twitter:@TheCoolestCool

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Beyond Google: How to Attract Relevant Traffic Through Diverse Channels

Recommends: Conversion Copywriting and the Death of Guesswork by Joanna Wiebe

Runner-up: The Surprising Power of Small Habits by James Clear

youtube

Veronica Romney, Founder and President of SoLoMo Inc.

Find her on Twitter:@vromney

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Going Beyond the Basics of Facebook Advertising

Recommends: Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Action by Simon Sinek

youtube

Momoko Price, Conversion Copywriter and Interaction Designer for Kantan Designs

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Data-Driven Copywriting for Brand-Spanking New Products

Recommends: Growth is Good but Retention is 4+Ever by Brian Balfour

youtube

Becky Davis, Director of UX and CRO for Tranzact

Find her on Twitter:@barelyremarkabl

CTAConf 2018 Talk: Conversion Rate Optimization: The Art and Science of Guiding the Drunk

Recommends: The Science and Art of Self Assurance: An interview with The Confidence Code co-author Katty Kay

youtube

Lisa Pierson, The Conversion Copywriter

Find her on Twitter:@piersonlisaj

CTAConf 2018 Talk: I Joined Match.com and Didn’t Get the Love I Expected: Where Was the Onboarding Help When I Needed It?

Recommends: I Got There: How I Overcame Racism, Poverty, and Abuse to Achieve the American Dream by JT McCormick

youtube

“I saw a presentation by JT McCormick this year that really moved me. It has nothing to do with marketing or copywriting, but was very inspiring.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8217493 https://unbounce.com/call-to-action/6-inspiring-marketing-talks/

0 notes